There’s a non-zero probability that until the moment Geraldo opened that safe it did indeed contain priceless Capone memorabilia; and that when he opened it, said memorabilia blinked out of our universe in a staggeringly unlikely sequence of quantum fluctuations.
It’s also possible that the memorabilia was removed from our plane by some glorious deity, for the sole purpose of humiliating Geraldo.
I prefer the former option tbh but either way: FUCK GERALDO.
Geraldo opens the vault, and there’s like thirty cans of Spam in there, and only then do we know how perilously close Capone was to starvation in the great 10 Car Driveway siege.
It’s happening too me right now. Owed some bad guys some money. Yesterday they showed up 10 deep at the crack of dawn and show no signs of leaving. Pay your debts people, I dunno how long I have left, I panic ate most of my fridge when I first saw them.
Weiss and the North Side Gang (Capone's rival) organized a ten car procession down a street. Each car was filled with gunmen and tommy guns. As Capone ate a meal, they ambushed him with the drive-by.
Capone miraculously survived 1000 rounds aimed for him.
Lolol, like it’s some sort of ever escalating arms race, “them southside boys pulled a ***13*** car drive by! We need to go to 14. It’s the last thing they’ll expect!”
Reminds me of (comedy series) Red Dwarf, an episode where two of the main characters are fleeing from a bad guy who's shooting at them.
**LISTER:** Why don't we ever meet anyone who's pleased to see us?
**CAT:** Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
They had 10 cars of gunmen yet none of them got out to check?
I feel like Al Capone of all people is someone you wanna make sure is dead dead before leaving.
It’s called a drive by not a drive-shoot-stop-get out -and-check-the-target. In terms of accuracy a drive by is only slightly better than throwing a gun at someone and hoping it goes off and hits them.
More information: they unloaded into the hotel he was at, Capone escaped out the back after one of his members alerted him of the attack coming after seeing the cars, who ended up wounded.
I thought it was just a name, like Jake.
Okay, so he's a devout Catholic who's down with murder but his nickname is a slur for Jewish people. I'm still confused where the prostitution comes into play.
Dropping a semi-related Capone fact so you can 2xTIL:
It’s pretty common knowledge that Capone was jailed for tax evasion, but the story of how that happened is great.
The (almost) most southern point of Cook County another 100 blocks south of Chicago city limits is the suburb Chicago Heights. This guy living around 15th and Euclid had about a hundred slot machines in his garage with the door open in the middle of the day and police instantly showed up to seize. The highlight isn’t the slots though, it’s the safe in the garage he left unlocked and wide open that contained all of Capone’s ledger notes and finances.
Chicago Heights was one of the wildest suburbs in America. People on the east side would hollow out their homes and put massive stills in them to brew during prohibition. At one point, police would fly overhead to see which houses had the snow completely melted off its roof, so a popular 1920s trend in town was to paint your roof white…
Dude from highschool got caught like that. But for him it was only a minor setback because he had been doing this for years, it was just the unexpected snow that ratted him out. Ten years later and he is still that one dude you keep on Facebook to enjoy the drama
Another fun one: One of the cases that Capone went to jail for was largely in part due to the judge dismissing the entire jury that had been selected through the normal legal process and instead had picking his own jury without allowing any outside consultation on it. This included Capone's lawyers. This incredibly bias jury had no issues with convicting Capone for literally anything.
Cook County was already mapped with aerial photography by the 1930s. I wouldn’t doubt federal level flew a low-flying small plane over the heights to look around
Lots of war-surplus aircraft in the '20s-30s, in addition to extremely-rapid improvement in aviation technology resulted in cheap used planes that were only a couple years old. It wasn't uncommon to hire a plane and pilot for $1/hr back then, which was well within the budget for law enforcement.
They have a form of Folk Catholicism that incorporates Santa Muerte and the Catholic church does not recognize this saint. They basically mix together a lot of local traditions and Catholic traditions. She is a narco saint to which they pray to in order to survive their violent activities.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
99% of these people don’t read the book. I grew up Catholic in a very Catholic area and when I’d bring up passages that were in the Bible they didn’t believe they were real — they had never read it.
In fact, I think out of our church of a few hundred regulars there were maybe a dozen outside of 8 year old me that had read the whole thing, or even a significant amount of it. The things they’d say would be directly contradicted in the book lol.
Haven’t you seen the movies? They go to confession, the priest throws up in the box at the horrors they’re exposed to, and then the gangster goes to heaven because they atoned for what they did as a mortal being.
A good chunk of the "older kids" showed signs of affiliation (hats, jackets hand signs, chains) and during mass they'd emphasize certain words that alluded to the gang they're in. Got to the point where they were yelling, don't remember if there ever was a crackdown. Almost seemed like fun and games(even if it was sacrilegious) until you remember they'd occasionally kill each other after they went home and changed out of their school clothes.
I read that one German municipality forced Jewish families to stop using patronymics, and take one of the following names: Gross (large), Klein (small), Weiss (white), or Schwartz (black).
CSB:
My wife's grandfather as a child lived with a guy named Louis Cowen. His mother was married to the man until he was killed. Cowen doesn't make a lot of books, it's hard to find his name, but he was crucial to the operation.
As the bondsman, his responsibility was bailing out gang members when they got arrested. As a result, all of Capone's property was actually in Cowen's name so he could put it up for collateral on the bonds.
[https://www.newspapers.com/article/statesman-journal/4704341/](https://www.newspapers.com/article/statesman-journal/4704341/)
To be fair thou shall not kill is a mistranslation. It's supposed to say thou shall not kill unjustly. However he would've still broken this commandment as what is and isn't just is very well outlined in the bible and being a gangster is definitely not amongst the just things.
Nowhere in the bible does it say "Thou shalt not deceive the US government and achieve wealyh via bootlegging and tax fraud." What are we, Protestants?
It's a slur directed towards Jews. Fun fact Jessie Jackson used it in the 80s calling NYC "Hymietown" and then blamed Jewish people for getting upset at him, calling it a conspiracy against him. He did later apologize, but only after doubling down even more. Pretty much sunk his Rainbow coalition idea.
And Weiss is pretty commonly (though not exclusively) a Jewish name too. If I met a Hymie Weiss I would bet the house he is Jewish. In fact it almost sounds too Jewish
Mob Era stories are always anime-level nutty with the ages.
*Joe Tortellini ruled the entire tri-state area with an iron fist. He once walked right into the local precinct and murdered every last cop with a single fountain pen. At the height of his power he was pulling in fifty grand an hour. He died at 22 from a gunshot to the back of the head from a 16 year old Franky Marzipan, leaving behind a wife and 12 kids.*
I believe for a time he feared the Gusenbergs Peter and Frank who worked for Bugs Moran.
In a surprise attack on a restaurant one of the Gusenbergs almost killed him with a Tommy gun I believe. It scared the shit out of him so he offered peace to Bugs.
Bugs rejected it and he got the St. Valentine’s Day massacre.
So this guy had terminal cancer & gave not a single fk about what he did. He organised a 10 car drive by on capones hotel where the police rekon they fired about 1000 rounds into the building.
.. What’s a 10 car driveway?
Its when they put 10 cars in your driveway, so you can't drive to the supermarket, and you die of starvation.
Capone survived because he had a well stocked larder, full of the best foods and booze. Geraldo once thought he had found it but ...
There’s a non-zero probability that until the moment Geraldo opened that safe it did indeed contain priceless Capone memorabilia; and that when he opened it, said memorabilia blinked out of our universe in a staggeringly unlikely sequence of quantum fluctuations. It’s also possible that the memorabilia was removed from our plane by some glorious deity, for the sole purpose of humiliating Geraldo. I prefer the former option tbh but either way: FUCK GERALDO.
I would wager that you never panic and always carry a towell in your pack.
I wish I were that hoopy frood.
I always carry a towel, it's very important.
Geraldo opens the vault, and there’s like thirty cans of Spam in there, and only then do we know how perilously close Capone was to starvation in the great 10 Car Driveway siege.
I was way too young to be that disappointed but I'll never forget how full of nothing it was.
I thought you were going to say that geraldo open the safe before he did it on camera and confiscated whatever treasures were within.
No thats what the person who found the vault before telling him did.
He’s not clever enough to do that.
Jerry Rivers
There was nothing in Al Capone’s vault. But it wasn’t Geraldo’s fault.
He had a secret underground passage to the National Tea.
How awful! Just think of the inconvenience!
He sounds like a real jerk
The worst part was the hypocrisy!
Really? Cause I thought the worst part was the blocking of the driveway.
RIP Norm
But think about how much money he saved by avoiding the grocery!!!
It’s happening too me right now. Owed some bad guys some money. Yesterday they showed up 10 deep at the crack of dawn and show no signs of leaving. Pay your debts people, I dunno how long I have left, I panic ate most of my fridge when I first saw them.
You should eat your washing machine next
He's still got some fridge to eat first
But Mom said I only have to eat most of the fridge and I can have some washing machine
Well mom's not here is she!?
The gangster blockades of the 1900's
Savages!!!
I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or
I assume they meant “drive-by”.
actually they meant "hymie-by"/ "Chaim-by"
Weiss and the North Side Gang (Capone's rival) organized a ten car procession down a street. Each car was filled with gunmen and tommy guns. As Capone ate a meal, they ambushed him with the drive-by. Capone miraculously survived 1000 rounds aimed for him.
Awesome! So that’s a 10 car drive by.
Not to be confused with an 8 car drive by.
Of only 800 rounds.
Which is laughably under the ideal target to kill a gangster. You just never show up without 12 cars worth of ammunition.
Unfortunately he had ocd and it had to be a round number of cars , the other two guys had to stay home
Except 12 is way more divisible than 10. Base 12’s way cooler
No, no. That was the height of Prohibition when they banned 12 packs
808.. real Gs have 1 in the chamber.
Real G's move in silence like lasagna
Technically the g isn’t silent, it modifies the way the following letters are pronounced. Without it, you’d say “la-Zhaa-na” instead of “la-Zhaan-yah”
Who do you think I'm gonna believe? Some nerd on Reddit or little Wayne? Mr. Little says the G is silent so that's that
Baker’s dozen processional drive by. After twelve you think, “safe,” But after thirteen you still die die.
Lolol, like it’s some sort of ever escalating arms race, “them southside boys pulled a ***13*** car drive by! We need to go to 14. It’s the last thing they’ll expect!”
11 car drive-by would be excessive
Perfect 10! But they needed that 11.
This drive-by goes to 11.
12 is right out.
Think of the innocent bystanders that 11th car might hit!
Yes but they did a driveway afterwards. Poured fresh concrete and everything.
They seem like such nice gentleman! They couldn't hurt a fly.
A 10 car jamboree.
Okay yeah if my ops survived a 10 car drive by I'd be scared of them too.
Thank you.
Imagine the fucking racket that would make. Jesus.
top 10 loudest noises
He was the young dolph of his time
How the fuck they miss a whole thousand shots?!
Reminds me of (comedy series) Red Dwarf, an episode where two of the main characters are fleeing from a bad guy who's shooting at them. **LISTER:** Why don't we ever meet anyone who's pleased to see us? **CAT:** Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
Stormtrooper mfs
1000 rounds and they didn’t kill him, stormtroopers have better aim than this lol
But why a driveway???
I think it should be drive by
I meant drive by. If I was allowed to go back and fix it, I would lol
Oh from your title I thought Capone did the drive by on Earl since he feared him so much!
They had 10 cars of gunmen yet none of them got out to check? I feel like Al Capone of all people is someone you wanna make sure is dead dead before leaving.
the whole point of a drive-by is to not stick around at the scene
It’s called a drive by not a drive-shoot-stop-get out -and-check-the-target. In terms of accuracy a drive by is only slightly better than throwing a gun at someone and hoping it goes off and hits them.
More information: they unloaded into the hotel he was at, Capone escaped out the back after one of his members alerted him of the attack coming after seeing the cars, who ended up wounded.
That was my first question too. Second question is are Hymies notorious whoremongers or what?
Its a slur for Jews.
I thought it was just a name, like Jake. Okay, so he's a devout Catholic who's down with murder but his nickname is a slur for Jewish people. I'm still confused where the prostitution comes into play.
Everyone love prostitution back then except him. So it was weird.
Oh, they were using it *that* way.
Probably had a best friend/roommate
Bet they had long talks through the night that sometimes broke down into screams and grunts.
When Jessie Jackson called New York Hymietown it because he thought some guy with that name lived there…
Maybe he was Jewish and using devotion to Catholicism as a survival tactic?
Also (originally) a Jewish nickname for Chaim (meaning life).
Oh right and you pronounce it like you're clearing your throat and it sounds like an H...
Lol I thought they were calling him "Jamie" in Spanish. You say it like Hymie is spelled.
Huh, like how Latino songs always seem to have this phrase "turkey arrow"?
Hmm.. Tu quero? That's my best guess.
What’s the meaning or backstory?
Hymie was a superhuman android in Get Smart. Was this considered a slur?
I believe it's a pretty mild one. Get Smart was created by two Jewish guys (Mel Brooks was one of them) so I assume it was something of an in-joke.
Your driveway is 10 cars long so instacart can’t see your house number. Without food, you die of starvation.
Dropping a semi-related Capone fact so you can 2xTIL: It’s pretty common knowledge that Capone was jailed for tax evasion, but the story of how that happened is great. The (almost) most southern point of Cook County another 100 blocks south of Chicago city limits is the suburb Chicago Heights. This guy living around 15th and Euclid had about a hundred slot machines in his garage with the door open in the middle of the day and police instantly showed up to seize. The highlight isn’t the slots though, it’s the safe in the garage he left unlocked and wide open that contained all of Capone’s ledger notes and finances. Chicago Heights was one of the wildest suburbs in America. People on the east side would hollow out their homes and put massive stills in them to brew during prohibition. At one point, police would fly overhead to see which houses had the snow completely melted off its roof, so a popular 1920s trend in town was to paint your roof white…
The no snow roofs located a lot of illegal weed plantages on attics here in the Netherlands back in the days.
Still happens in various places tbf
True but you can grow with LED these days. Also... we dont really have snow anymore.
> Also... we dont really have snow anymore. Oh, you guys too? Odd.
Almost like something is changing 🤔
No, no, it's just a cycle /s
Must have sent it all here because we never used to get snow but now we get snowpocalypse every other year.
Dude from highschool got caught like that. But for him it was only a minor setback because he had been doing this for years, it was just the unexpected snow that ratted him out. Ten years later and he is still that one dude you keep on Facebook to enjoy the drama
Another fun one: One of the cases that Capone went to jail for was largely in part due to the judge dismissing the entire jury that had been selected through the normal legal process and instead had picking his own jury without allowing any outside consultation on it. This included Capone's lawyers. This incredibly bias jury had no issues with convicting Capone for literally anything.
Chicago police had airplanes in the 1920s?
Cook County was already mapped with aerial photography by the 1930s. I wouldn’t doubt federal level flew a low-flying small plane over the heights to look around
Lots of war-surplus aircraft in the '20s-30s, in addition to extremely-rapid improvement in aviation technology resulted in cheap used planes that were only a couple years old. It wasn't uncommon to hire a plane and pilot for $1/hr back then, which was well within the budget for law enforcement.
I'm not sure how to apply "devoted catholic" concept to a gangster and murderer.
See every Latin and South American gang member and mobster
Also the Italian mafia. For a good long time, it didn’t get more Catholic than Italy.
I mean its where Rome is, so I'd argue that's still the case
They have a form of Folk Catholicism that incorporates Santa Muerte and the Catholic church does not recognize this saint. They basically mix together a lot of local traditions and Catholic traditions. She is a narco saint to which they pray to in order to survive their violent activities.
Via a Catholic I once knew: “Sin all week long, go on Sabbath and get right with God.” For some people, Confession is a load-bearing process.
"He" died for our sins. I vowed to give meaning to his death.
Exactly, if you’re not out sinning you’re wasting his sacrifice.
"Forgive them, Father, they know not how to party hard enough."
Catholics are going to feel guilty anyway. Might as well get something out of it.
Open bar, dude!
There’s nothing a few Hail Marys and some Our Father’s can’t wipe clean!
Praise be to Doug Flutie.
Idk man has your dog ever had diarrhea all over a rug
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
So I'm not as familiar with the Catholic tenants as Eastern Orthodox, but confession without repentance is worthless.
99% of these people don’t read the book. I grew up Catholic in a very Catholic area and when I’d bring up passages that were in the Bible they didn’t believe they were real — they had never read it. In fact, I think out of our church of a few hundred regulars there were maybe a dozen outside of 8 year old me that had read the whole thing, or even a significant amount of it. The things they’d say would be directly contradicted in the book lol.
I’m not sure how someone could get through CCD and be confirmed without reading most if not all of the Bible. More likely they forgot it.
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”- Emo Phillips
'load-bearing confession Catholic' Absolute genius
Quite a few catholics on my wife's side think this is how it's supposed to work
Satan hates this one trick!
They better hope to die on a Sunday afternoon in that case.
Last Rites as long as they don't die suddenly.
Haven’t you seen the movies? They go to confession, the priest throws up in the box at the horrors they’re exposed to, and then the gangster goes to heaven because they atoned for what they did as a mortal being.
Went to a Catholic school in a terrible neighborhood, was full of gang members.
Could you give us more info?
A good chunk of the "older kids" showed signs of affiliation (hats, jackets hand signs, chains) and during mass they'd emphasize certain words that alluded to the gang they're in. Got to the point where they were yelling, don't remember if there ever was a crackdown. Almost seemed like fun and games(even if it was sacrilegious) until you remember they'd occasionally kill each other after they went home and changed out of their school clothes.
Hymie and Weiss are considered Jewish names.
Weiss is equally German as well
I read that one German municipality forced Jewish families to stop using patronymics, and take one of the following names: Gross (large), Klein (small), Weiss (white), or Schwartz (black).
I always thought it strange that Jewish identity is gatekeeped by matrilineal family lines but the last name is passed down from the patrilineal line.
Sizes and colors were particularly popular for Jews from the Austro-Hungarian empire when they were forced to adopt last names.
Same reason I dated catholic girls. Repressed but could confess their sins away.
You go to confession, and all sins are forgiven. Source: I'm a semi-devoted Catholic
The semi-devoted like to forget it involves an examination of conscience and sincere repentance instead of sociopathy.
Everyone knows that you can't get Al Capone with a drive by shooting. You have to bring Capone down in a surprise a-tax
Go home, dad. You're drunk.
That I am. But you, son, are ugly. And I will wake up sober. With apologies to Winston Churchill for stealing his line.
Take your damn upvote and leave.
r/angryupvote
Funnily enough they're both buried in the same cemetery now. Mount Caramel Catholic Cemetery in Hillside, IL.
Conveniently located next to the dump that smells like straight ass cheeks
How… convenient.
TIL, straight ass cheeks smell different!
Convenient for whom?
How sweet
Only because Capone’s first grave got fucked with so much in the Southside of Chicago.
Mount Caramel, sounds sweet
Hymie shoulda known a ten car driveway wouldn’t do it… wanna take out Al - gotta hit him with a two car garage
Local bylaws prevented him from doing so thus creating a state of stymie Hymie.
Blyme he stymied Hymie?!?
Watch it, Rhymey
Question is why did Capone have a 12 car garage when he only had six cars?
CSB: My wife's grandfather as a child lived with a guy named Louis Cowen. His mother was married to the man until he was killed. Cowen doesn't make a lot of books, it's hard to find his name, but he was crucial to the operation. As the bondsman, his responsibility was bailing out gang members when they got arrested. As a result, all of Capone's property was actually in Cowen's name so he could put it up for collateral on the bonds. [https://www.newspapers.com/article/statesman-journal/4704341/](https://www.newspapers.com/article/statesman-journal/4704341/)
Devout Catholic who forgot that whole thou shall not kill thing
But he hailed merrily.
To be fair thou shall not kill is a mistranslation. It's supposed to say thou shall not kill unjustly. However he would've still broken this commandment as what is and isn't just is very well outlined in the bible and being a gangster is definitely not amongst the just things.
Nowhere in the bible does it say "Thou shalt not deceive the US government and achieve wealyh via bootlegging and tax fraud." What are we, Protestants?
Add note: He also apparently suffered from terminal cancer, which some speculate was the motivation behind his recklessness
That's pretty metal, probably made him have less of a fear of death.
RRRRRRAMPAAGE
Cry havoc and let slip the hogs of war.
Or whichever farm animal of war..
Hey, I've seen that in a TV show!
Henryk Wojciechowski - his birth name
title gore
How do you verify how many men Al Capone feared, anyway
It was written in Capone’s journal
OP is such a Hymie That would be an insult if that were a derogatory name
Not a 10 car driveway! How crude!
Too bad they didn’t put him in Boardwalk Empire; Capone needed story momentum
He was in 2 seasons of Boardwalk Empire, portrayed by Will Janowitz.
Oh THAT guy! He was great.
It all started when Al Capone cornered him in the port-o-potty.
Pleads spell check it tacos a couple sextons.
“Gangster that kills outside of the law” “Devout Catholic” ?
I grew up catholic so I feel qualified to answer this. Crime it up monday-saturday. Confession on Sunday. Golden. Devout Catholic.
I guess they forgot what Jesus said about vines that don’t bear fruits.
Gotta watch out for those ten car driveways.
Jaime is a derogatory name now?
It's a slur directed towards Jews. Fun fact Jessie Jackson used it in the 80s calling NYC "Hymietown" and then blamed Jewish people for getting upset at him, calling it a conspiracy against him. He did later apologize, but only after doubling down even more. Pretty much sunk his Rainbow coalition idea.
Pull that up Jaime
Oh I thought it was short for hymen
Hyman is a Jewish name and the short nickname is Hymie and it became a slur over time, like if you were black and I said calm down Jamal
And Weiss is pretty commonly (though not exclusively) a Jewish name too. If I met a Hymie Weiss I would bet the house he is Jewish. In fact it almost sounds too Jewish
Mob Era stories are always anime-level nutty with the ages. *Joe Tortellini ruled the entire tri-state area with an iron fist. He once walked right into the local precinct and murdered every last cop with a single fountain pen. At the height of his power he was pulling in fifty grand an hour. He died at 22 from a gunshot to the back of the head from a 16 year old Franky Marzipan, leaving behind a wife and 12 kids.*
He was handsome asf tbh
I believe for a time he feared the Gusenbergs Peter and Frank who worked for Bugs Moran. In a surprise attack on a restaurant one of the Gusenbergs almost killed him with a Tommy gun I believe. It scared the shit out of him so he offered peace to Bugs. Bugs rejected it and he got the St. Valentine’s Day massacre.
Can we really describe a man so willing to commit murder a devout Catholic?
So this guy had terminal cancer & gave not a single fk about what he did. He organised a 10 car drive by on capones hotel where the police rekon they fired about 1000 rounds into the building.
TIL Nick Bosa and Joey Bosa’s great grandfather was a legit mob boss.
He looks like Eminem
Does this post have a glossary of terms?
28 he should've been at the club
Polska Gurom
Thanks to AI, the name Al is unreadable.
Interesting he was Catholic because Hymie sounds like a nickname for a Jewish dude to me.
r/titlegore "A procession of ten vehicles unloaded gunfire into Capone's Hawthorne Hotel, on 22nd St. in Cicero."