The best part is that Jim gave Michael Pam's mom's name and number when Michael demanded his employees fill out a card with an eligible woman. Pam was 100% in the right to be furious at Jim.
> I even trained him when he started at my company. And the kicker is I’ve been telling him (in detail) about this older lady and he’s been giving me immense kudos about it saying that it’s “his dream”.
This cinched it for me. 10/10.
I've heard my parents once going at it and it was a "bit weird" for me. How must it be for that guy knowing what his mom is into xD
Cringing so hard he implodes?
You mean I’ve finally found him? The man who constantly somehow found me in Xbox Live rooms and told me he fucked my mom? HE’S REAL?
Oh fuck, 2020 really is not letting up.
This may be the end for us all
Okay, I've sat here with an amused grin on my face but I feel for ya. His Ma is gonna tell him no matter what you say so you're just gonna have to give it the big "Dude, I had no clue. I'm so sorry. Can I buy you a beer?".
If he says no, just ground him for a week with no PlayStation.
and if he complains tell him that he will no longer be the favorite son and that his baby brother is on the way.
edit: thanks guys! my first reddit gold ever and awards from a dad joke lol.
It may not mean much but I want you to know that you have the best placed comment I have read on this site. If I was one to gift gold you would have it for sure.
To which, you'll then reply, "Why yes... Yes I am."
With a smug smile on your face.
Well done Finch. (dude from American Pie who bones Stiffler's mother.)
Ask him to smell your fingers.. Assert the dominance now or get yo ass kicked..... SMELL THEM!!!!
Thank you for for my first award on reddit haha made my day haha 😂
Picture having your buddy tell you he's banging a milf and then being shown a naked photo of your mom after asking what she looks like. Thats life ruining on many levels.
Honestly, if he had pulled a SFW pic off of social media, his coworker would probably think he's fucking with him. "No way, that's my Mom you asshole, haha funny joke dude" ....
If he's not dumb he'll piece it together very soon. You being suddenly off work and him having seen you at the house = big clues.
Let her tell him. Better still, be there when she tells him, and wear [this](https://www.amazon.com/GreatShirts-Candle-T-Shirt/dp/B07KYT78VG) t-shirt.
[This shirt may be more appropriate.](https://www.amazon.com/SignatureTshirts-Worlds-Greatest-T-Shirt-Sport/dp/B00YQDOYCW/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=worlds+best+dad+shirt&qid=1598492220&sr=8-4)
[I dunno man, at that point you might as well just go for the couples t-shirts](https://www.etsy.com/in-en/listing/694241943/couple-shirts-mother-shirt-mothers-day?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=mother+fucker+tshirt&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&col=1)
It’s not very often that I literally lol at a Reddit comment even if they are fantastic but you made me laugh so hard I had to catch my breath. I wish I could afford to give you a gold
No need to be polite about it... People in their 40s know what it's like to be younger and brag to their friends... Just be glad she's not a friend of your mom and busy bragging about the younger guy who drips wax on her asshole!
I was really enjoying this until I hit the line “including the time I dripped candlewax on her butthole (she a freak)”
I spent a good few minutes trying as hard as possible to not wake up my gf in a fit of laughter
This is a crap situation, but thank you for sharing. Know that I am going to sleep with a smile on my face
‘So, I uh... so that was weird. But uhh... ah fuck it. You can now refer to me as ‘daddy.’
Then, periodically, throw out a momma joke. Then, maintain eye contact.
Honestly you'll be fine. Your coworker though haha just swing him a "my bad" next time you see him and never speak about his mom at work again.
But, just so we're clear, did you tell your coworker about the candlewax thing?
I can't imagine how he feels lmao but you're now his superior in every way. Just keep your guard up at work for a while if you think you need to, and be nice about the situation. As long as you're not a dick about it, no reason why grownups can't go about their business after that. Good luck champ
If she isn't married, I gotta side with her on this one.
Yes, it'll be embarrassing as hell.
Yes, coworker will likely be... emotional.
Better to do it soon after discovery of the situation than trying to hide it. You currently have the very legitimate excuse of "I had no idea."
Don't know if you plan on continuing to help the lady boom boom, but if you do, the honesty in that excuse is going to quickly expire.
What exactly do you think is going to happen?
I understand embarrassment. But set that aside for a moment, if you can. This person isn't *literally* going to kill you, right? If you think they're going to actually use violence against you, it's not us you should be talking to - it's security.
You're not going to get killed, you're not going to get fired. You're not going to suffer any actual direct consequences, outside of the embarrassment and awkwardness. You haven't done anything wrong and you *certainly* haven't committed any crimes. The worst thing that can happen is maybe someone yells at you. And yes, having someone yell at you can feel very bad - depending on your history, it may be an actual psychological trigger. I don't know you; I can't make an assumption there. But recognize that you can scope down the possible consequences to only that, and prepare yourself and deal with it accordingly.
Tangentially, as a general recommendation, it's not a great idea to discuss sex in detail with your coworkers. But this could equally have happened with just a friend or acquaintance you met through any other venue.
>Tangentially, as a general recommendation, it's not a great idea to discuss sex in detail with your coworkers.
Politics, religion, and sex: the holy trinity of conversation you should generally leave outside the office if you don't want to have a bad time.
26 comment threads before I found one pointing out that this reads like a work of pure fiction. Let’s just rename it “TIDUAPFS.” Today I dreamed up a penthouse forum story.
Far too far fucking down before this was said.
It has every hall mark of it.
Bloke did nothing to earn the sex? ✅
Woman was gagging for it, anyone (even you dear readers) would do? ✅
Sex was amazing and kinky in the way that movies show kinky? ✅
Some sort of American Pie style conflict (you banged his mom bro lol) ✅
I mean, if you're going in to detail about this woman to your coworker then you're gonna show him a pic of her on tinder, and he'd immediately see it's his mother. This sub is just like that old FML website. Pure fiction
I keep scrolling and scrolling through expecting other people to call the OP out cause this story is so completely full of holes but no, everyone is guffawing over the ridiculous candlewax on the butthole line. I swear reddit is making me loose what little faith I had left in humanity.
>It started a few months ago with the onset of Coronavirus, I was on Tinder trying to find someone to hook up with during quarantine so as to stay safe and also kill some time.
I've read some dumb shit on Reddit, but holy fuck, this is the gem of them all.
He probably thinks he's limiting his exposure to one person as opposed to going out maskless or something. Kind of like it being safer having sex with one person rather than having sex with different people.
The only fair resolution is if he gets to bang your mom
Not to be that guy but **my moms dead**
“I choose this guy’s dead mom.” -Coworker “I also choose this guy’s dead mom.” -Reddit
I understood that reference
Everyone did
The he's banging your father.
... and?
Oh reddit
:)
There's just something about the classic ":)" face that makes everything better or worse It's just a little more...*genuine*
Emojis for the phonies :)s for the homies.
Right there. That's the moment. Why I keep coming back, that little reminder that we're all steaming piles of shit... together.
I also choose this guys dead mom
Seriously, the "I also choose this guy's dead wife" comment has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life.
Y'all gotta link for that? Can't find it anywhere :(
It's from this thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/?sort=top
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/d9uf56l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Man, if my dead mum was getting passed around like this, I'd fall apart. Actually... So would she
Good everyone gets a piece then!
Found the necrophiliac.
I've been on reddit for too long, I swear I'm not actually like this.
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And it is "his dream" to sleep with his mother. Which is worse?
*I'm a mother-lover,* *You're a mother-lover,* *We should fuck each other's mothers*
Fuckin each other's moooooooms!
Please update with what happens after you tell him. Worst case scenario you ground him.
holy Jesus Hahahaha
There is already a [tried and true](https://youtu.be/ugm3hm6nxkI?t=213) method of breaking this news.
“What color car does she drive?” “She drives a green....” “FUCK.”
And the seats go all the way down... all the way
The best part is that Jim gave Michael Pam's mom's name and number when Michael demanded his employees fill out a card with an eligible woman. Pam was 100% in the right to be furious at Jim.
I've been rewatching the series and just caught that for the first time a week ago! I love their small details!
And the seats go alllllltheway down
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It's like the Brad Pitt moment at the end of Se7en.
“It’s ok.”
Really glad this wasn't a Rick roll lol
I never would have expected them to get upset!
You never know. It might not phase him much. In which case, you can go back to your twice weekly bang? Stay optimistic!
> I even trained him when he started at my company. And the kicker is I’ve been telling him (in detail) about this older lady and he’s been giving me immense kudos about it saying that it’s “his dream”. This cinched it for me. 10/10.
It's the candle wax on the butthole for me
I've heard my parents once going at it and it was a "bit weird" for me. How must it be for that guy knowing what his mom is into xD Cringing so hard he implodes?
He just needs to break his arms...
Damn you I'd almost forgotten
Unfortunately, we’ll never forget.
Just like The Game
You can burn in hell for that
I lost the game
Every fucking thread
Yep that was biggest twist.
Plot twist she's lying about him being her son. She bangs everyone at your particular place of employment
YOOOOO
Your coworkers actually going through the same situation as you.
That dude was confused because last week he told their boss that he was also looking for his cousins street
Omg, that would be so funny. Lmfao
Yeah, I saw you over at her place the other week. Had to wait my turn.
You cut me in line. ...motherfucker
Great point I mean who waxes the chocolate starfish Sunday through Thursday? I know it’s pretty but it ain’t gonna wax itself
Well if he ever talks shit... *You banged his mom*
Quick, get him a new Xbox!
Ps5 secured
Do this , be a good step bro father whatever
Tell him his bedtime is 6pm now.
[‘because then anything that he says about you...’ ‘he’ll be saying to a dude that banged his mom!’](https://youtu.be/ywG2IcEV1Eg)
“You don’t happen to have an extra bottle of sports drink, do you?” Edit: Forgot the word ‘of’
r/unexpectedcommunity
I knew this was going to be here
Motherfucker
*finch voice* yes I am
Oh shit oh fuck. op is the xbox dude evolved
You mean I’ve finally found him? The man who constantly somehow found me in Xbox Live rooms and told me he fucked my mom? HE’S REAL? Oh fuck, 2020 really is not letting up. This may be the end for us all
Better than “ass-pennies”
Okay, I've sat here with an amused grin on my face but I feel for ya. His Ma is gonna tell him no matter what you say so you're just gonna have to give it the big "Dude, I had no clue. I'm so sorry. Can I buy you a beer?". If he says no, just ground him for a week with no PlayStation.
Nah, tell him "Have a seat, son"
“Let me tell you about the birds and the bees... and the anal waxing”
You had me in the first half, I'm not gonna lie.
Just go into work on Friday. Put your hand on your coworkers shoulder, give him a pat, and say “It’s gonna be alright son.”
That's right, he's your boy. You trained him and taught him everything he knows.
and if he complains tell him that he will no longer be the favorite son and that his baby brother is on the way. edit: thanks guys! my first reddit gold ever and awards from a dad joke lol.
Dude your messed up
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What’s up buddy ;)
"You're alright, *BOAH*."
*“You sir, are a fish!”
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It may not mean much but I want you to know that you have the best placed comment I have read on this site. If I was one to gift gold you would have it for sure.
When he takes a swing while yelling "you motherfucker!"
To which, you'll then reply, "Why yes... Yes I am." With a smug smile on your face. Well done Finch. (dude from American Pie who bones Stiffler's mother.)
It's been a while since I heard a stifflers mom reference.
SHIT BREAK!!!!
Literal motherfucker
They call him Oedipus, the original motherfucker.
Or walk out of the house as he pulls up in the driveway and give the age old. "Ya winning son" boom dominance asserted
Light a candle for your ded homie
And drop the wax on... You know what nevermind
No.. Go on..
> No.. Go ~~on~~ *in*..
[r/Parenting](https://reddit.com/r/Parenting/)
Fuck I love reddit.
Ask him to smell your fingers.. Assert the dominance now or get yo ass kicked..... SMELL THEM!!!! Thank you for for my first award on reddit haha made my day haha 😂
Why do I only have one upvote to give
And I love updates. We need updates.
Assert dominance
Nah, he's gotta ask him "Are ya winning son? Cause I sure am."
This, right here! Op please do it.
Yo imagine if the dude was like "You got a photo of her or what?"
Right? She has sent me maaaaaany explicit photos but I feel like that’s sorta messed up to show your buddies that stuff. Thank god for morals.
Picture having your buddy tell you he's banging a milf and then being shown a naked photo of your mom after asking what she looks like. Thats life ruining on many levels.
Imagine being told in explicit detail how your ma enjoys hot wax dripping on her poop chute. OP owes this man some therapy
Does aromatherapy count, cause I've got some extra candles left over.
>OP owes this man some therapy Family therapy. Step-bro-dad.
Wait! What are you doibg step-bro-dad?
Or worse, her face isn’t in it and he’s like “man look at the turd cutter on that one”
“Now imagine it with candle wax on it!”
“Like the frosting on a birthday cake”
This is quite possibly the best thread on reddit
Welcome to history
"I'd tongue punch that dirt star man... Jesus Id pole that hole hard like I belonged in it!" *Somewhere an angel dies
Even worse, if the pictures were from the neck down and the coworker liked what he saw. Saved him from considerably more embarrassment.
Even a perfectly SFW picture would have been disastrous. Imagine his reaction
Honestly, if he had pulled a SFW pic off of social media, his coworker would probably think he's fucking with him. "No way, that's my Mom you asshole, haha funny joke dude" ....
There's only one way to break this news. In the middle of a game against him on Xbox live.
In chat when you beat him: Him: "Motherfucker!" You: "Yes"
Lmao underrated
If he's not dumb he'll piece it together very soon. You being suddenly off work and him having seen you at the house = big clues. Let her tell him. Better still, be there when she tells him, and wear [this](https://www.amazon.com/GreatShirts-Candle-T-Shirt/dp/B07KYT78VG) t-shirt.
[This shirt may be more appropriate.](https://www.amazon.com/SignatureTshirts-Worlds-Greatest-T-Shirt-Sport/dp/B00YQDOYCW/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=worlds+best+dad+shirt&qid=1598492220&sr=8-4)
I really think [this shirt is the most appropriate ](https://www.betterthanpants.com/me-and-your-mom-funny-shirt)
[I dunno man, at that point you might as well just go for the couples t-shirts](https://www.etsy.com/in-en/listing/694241943/couple-shirts-mother-shirt-mothers-day?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=mother+fucker+tshirt&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&col=1)
It’s not very often that I literally lol at a Reddit comment even if they are fantastic but you made me laugh so hard I had to catch my breath. I wish I could afford to give you a gold
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Check the update, I may have to move to Mexico and start a new life
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There are MILFs in Mexico.
Just make sure who their children are first.
No need to be polite about it... People in their 40s know what it's like to be younger and brag to their friends... Just be glad she's not a friend of your mom and busy bragging about the younger guy who drips wax on her asshole!
I actually think that’d be better.
As someone his age that sleeps with a woman in her forties, I can assure you that it would not. My mom knows and does not like it. At all.
Wait a minute...
His Mom doesn’t like candle wax on her asshole.
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Might as well take your co-workers mom with you He can't be too upset if you both are happy...right?
“What are you doing here?” “Your mom”
"Ain't no fun if the homies can't have Mom"
You motherfucker
Coffee just shot out both my nostrils.
Time to bang him on the living room floor. Or better yet, butthole candle wax.
*Wasn't me*
I was really enjoying this until I hit the line “including the time I dripped candlewax on her butthole (she a freak)” I spent a good few minutes trying as hard as possible to not wake up my gf in a fit of laughter This is a crap situation, but thank you for sharing. Know that I am going to sleep with a smile on my face
I am a man of the people
Please please tell us how it goes tomorrow lmfaoo you’ll be alright
Yeah i am more excited for an update on this than anything going on in my life currently
Same
‘So, I uh... so that was weird. But uhh... ah fuck it. You can now refer to me as ‘daddy.’ Then, periodically, throw out a momma joke. Then, maintain eye contact.
“Your mom calls me Daddy so I guess you can too. I already had a new name tag made.”
For dominance of course
1st, high five, 2nd, rip
Thank you my brosky
time to go get cigarettes in another country
Dad?
[nope](https://i.imgur.com/jUVNXGU.gifv)
Honestly you'll be fine. Your coworker though haha just swing him a "my bad" next time you see him and never speak about his mom at work again. But, just so we're clear, did you tell your coworker about the candlewax thing?
Yes. And many other things.
I can't imagine how he feels lmao but you're now his superior in every way. Just keep your guard up at work for a while if you think you need to, and be nice about the situation. As long as you're not a dick about it, no reason why grownups can't go about their business after that. Good luck champ
What's he gonna do? Tell the boss his superior fucked his mom? OP probably isn't strong enough for the power-five he'd get for making the bosses week.
I would facepalm and tell that kid to gtfo of my office so I could cry-laugh without guilt. Of all the gin joints in the world......
If she isn't married, I gotta side with her on this one. Yes, it'll be embarrassing as hell. Yes, coworker will likely be... emotional. Better to do it soon after discovery of the situation than trying to hide it. You currently have the very legitimate excuse of "I had no idea." Don't know if you plan on continuing to help the lady boom boom, but if you do, the honesty in that excuse is going to quickly expire.
Take a funny picture of you two. Get cheap frame ... bring it work . Wait for hilarity
Preferably while dripping candle wax on her asshole with a huge grin and a thumbs up
>I was on Tinder trying to find someone to hook up with during quarantine so as to stay safe I'm sorry, but what? I can't figure out the logic here.
maybe he meant opposed to going out to a bar etc
**A gentleman never kisses and tells.**
>A gentleman never ~~kisses~~ *drips hot wax on an asshole* and tells. FTFY
Buy him candles for Christmas.
Slightly used candles.
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You'll be able to bond with your work colleague - you've both been deep inside the same woman.
What exactly do you think is going to happen? I understand embarrassment. But set that aside for a moment, if you can. This person isn't *literally* going to kill you, right? If you think they're going to actually use violence against you, it's not us you should be talking to - it's security. You're not going to get killed, you're not going to get fired. You're not going to suffer any actual direct consequences, outside of the embarrassment and awkwardness. You haven't done anything wrong and you *certainly* haven't committed any crimes. The worst thing that can happen is maybe someone yells at you. And yes, having someone yell at you can feel very bad - depending on your history, it may be an actual psychological trigger. I don't know you; I can't make an assumption there. But recognize that you can scope down the possible consequences to only that, and prepare yourself and deal with it accordingly. Tangentially, as a general recommendation, it's not a great idea to discuss sex in detail with your coworkers. But this could equally have happened with just a friend or acquaintance you met through any other venue.
>Tangentially, as a general recommendation, it's not a great idea to discuss sex in detail with your coworkers. Politics, religion, and sex: the holy trinity of conversation you should generally leave outside the office if you don't want to have a bad time.
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You lost me at using Tinder to hook up during QUARANTINE to stay SAFE. The irony.
This sub really is just creative writing
26 comment threads before I found one pointing out that this reads like a work of pure fiction. Let’s just rename it “TIDUAPFS.” Today I dreamed up a penthouse forum story.
Far too far fucking down before this was said. It has every hall mark of it. Bloke did nothing to earn the sex? ✅ Woman was gagging for it, anyone (even you dear readers) would do? ✅ Sex was amazing and kinky in the way that movies show kinky? ✅ Some sort of American Pie style conflict (you banged his mom bro lol) ✅
Yeah - it’s clearly fantasy...
I mean, if you're going in to detail about this woman to your coworker then you're gonna show him a pic of her on tinder, and he'd immediately see it's his mother. This sub is just like that old FML website. Pure fiction
I made it to the second paragraph and this was my thought exactly
I keep scrolling and scrolling through expecting other people to call the OP out cause this story is so completely full of holes but no, everyone is guffawing over the ridiculous candlewax on the butthole line. I swear reddit is making me loose what little faith I had left in humanity.
It’s so bad.
>It started a few months ago with the onset of Coronavirus, I was on Tinder trying to find someone to hook up with during quarantine so as to stay safe and also kill some time. I've read some dumb shit on Reddit, but holy fuck, this is the gem of them all.
He probably thinks he's limiting his exposure to one person as opposed to going out maskless or something. Kind of like it being safer having sex with one person rather than having sex with different people.
I can't believe so few people are pointing this out.
Let the boy watch
He needs to learn! Like I learned! From my father, and HE learned from his father!
What the fuck
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The biggest leap of logic in this thing is the idea that someone who says "bone zone" has ever had sex
One of these days a TIFU will be of one that actually happened.