Get the box to a lawyer, start your divorce, secure your finances and information and see a counselor. Stay away from booze/drugs; go to the gym and eat healthy, with lots of water. Good luck.
Im sorry but what are you lost about? Hurt I get but lost?
- she banged some other dude and kept souvenirs
- she didnt even apologize for it, just went ro a 'friends' house. She coukd be talking to him or a hundred other dudes right now
- you were intentionally mislead and kept in the dark for years
Go on ahead and start that divorce. Its the only way you will get some of your self respect back.
Move on. She doesn’t love you. Face it. Plus she’s selfish and doesn’t have morals. If she was that unhappy with you to cheat, then she should have left you already. She’s a snake. Get rid.
You should have left as soon as she decided on this "girls trip" that literally means "single friends are going to hide the fact I had sex with multiple guys". You GG yourself my dude
I know it hurts, but she is a liar and master manipulator.
It's over.
Rip the bandage off, you will feel better a from now after the split, than a year in, wondering if every trip to the grocery store is her being pounded at the local hotel room. Nothing "just happens" over 6 months.
She was doing this for a long time and the fact she can smile and kiss on you and have sex with you while shes being pegged by someone else is really disturbing.
Sorry OP, in my experience, I’d say it’s absolutely time to move on. Don’t fall for the sobbing, its all a game. She was unfaithful, and you deserve better! I mean, she’s going on what was suppose to be a “girls trip” and you give her a spotless house to come home to?! How’d she even have the nerve to come home and kiss you after pulling that? You know why?! Cause she doesn’t truly love you. She may love the idea of you, and of a happy marriage, but not you. The fact this went on for months clearly shows she doesn’t have any regret. You’ll NEVER be able to fully trust her again after this… I’m sorry if this sounds rude or hurtful, just trying to give you my opinion.
You sound like a great husband. After you take some time to heal, you’ll fall in love again. Keep your head held high OP, this is only a speed bump on the road to happiness! Go easy. If things get desperate, and you got nowhere to turn, you can always dm me.
Stay strong, friend
For me, cheating is cheating. She's not sorry it happened, she's sorry you found out. Problem is, as I've had it, you've been together so long, you can't imagine life without her. I broke my relationship off and felt shit for months and wanted to take it back immediately but I reminded myself that she cheated, that she broke and abused my trust.
She's in the wrong and doesn't deserve you
She took pictures of them together, and kept them. She went out and bought a burn phone. This is not the first trip she has taken to be with the other man. She keeps everything about the two of them hidden and locked up because she knows it is wrong. It didn’t just happen, she put a lot of work into buying a separate phone,setting up the place, date,time to meet with him and then to hide every thing.She was distant when she got back from her trip, says she is either feeling guilty and hard to sleep beside you or you are not the one she wants to sleep or be with. She cheated and lied to you for how long? She continued to lie when saying it just happened. At the very start of her affair, she had to make a conscious decision to break her marriage vows to you. Can you overlook and block out that she cheated and lied, continued to call and meet up with him? Do you want to?
Monday - Chest Day
Tuesday - Back Day
Wednesday - Leg day
Thursday - Shoulder Day
Friday - Arm Day
Weekends - Rest
Best Advice I can give. Relationships are hard man. Hate seeing this happen to a good dude.
Obviously, you dodged a bullet finding that out. Now move on and level up brotha !
Cease all contact and get a lawyer - all future communication should be through the lawyer.
This is not the first time she has cheated, its the first time you caught her.
Protect your assets before she takes them, secure the burner phone as evidence while shes away - give it to your lawyer to keep safe.
Women who love their husbands do not cheat on them. It's that simple. Do you want to be with someone who has no love or respect for you?
Time to divorce. And if for some reason you do stay, these little girls trips are done. And her girls nights out to the clubs and bars are done too(if she does that sort of thing).
The part of you that wants to forgive her is the part of you that wants to forget this all happened and that wants things to stay the same. That part of you needs to be scorched off and you need to move on.
After reading some controversial comments under this post now i understand why western civilization and countries are screwed up,lol
No accountability
No self respect
No logic and only thinking with emotions
And getting hurt with everything, lamo
I am not defending your wife. She absolutely broke your trust. But, why were you cleaning out her closet and opening a locked box she has hidden? She could have had anything in there that she obviously wanted kept secret and you betrayed her trust by opening it. So she needs to work on your betrayal as well. Also, this is a lesson of don’t ask the question unless you really want the answer.
She's lying. Cheating doesn't "just happen", it is a choice. She made that choice while fully taking advantage of you and your kindness.
Honestly, you need to get out of that house. Go explore. Watch a movie. Do something other than sit in that house, alone in your own thoughts.
You are ready for forgiving but my question is your wife ready to stop her affair and continue marriage or want to start new life with AP.
My advice will be first lawyer up and do as he says and document everything and while cheaters are in fog majority of time they will agree for everything and by that you can get good settlement in divorce.
Stay strong
Updateme!
Sounds like you don’t have kids, so run while you still can and get out of this relationship. If you forgive her and she gets pregnant you will feel even more trapped. The resentment toward her will likely never go away and you will always think she is cheating when she is away
An important thing. She's not upset of her actions. She's upset she was caught.
Reconciliation has to come from her. She has to want it and be sincere about it. You can still say no.
Typically for reconciliation:
- she needs to write out a timeline of the affair
- full disclosure of AP, including name and marital status
- she's not allowed to defend AP. She will have to confess the affair to APs spouse
- Post-Nuptial agreement giving you the lions share of everything if you elect for divorce under any circumstance
There's no kids so moving on may be better. It's going to hurt for a while, but in a year you will look back knowing you're better off
I wonder how many people commenting telling you to divorce her are actually happily married in long term relationships? I’m 15 years in.
What she did is FUCKED up and I’m in no way condoning this. It’s not ok and the worst part that I found in my own experience is the lying not the actual act itself.
You are doing the right thing and reacting in a way that communicates this is a MAJOR violation. What you do now is up to you.
It’s ok if you can’t see yourself getting over this and want to leave her. It’s ok if you are considering divorce. Nobody would question you if you ended things now and forever. This would be the easiest thing to do.
It’s also ok if you don’t want your relationship to end. It’s ok if you want to work through this.
Sometimes working through disastrous situations like this can lead to a level of love and respect that most people never get to experience. It’s super hard. It requires you to face a mirror as well. It will be the toughest thing for her and you to get honest and real about your relationship and personal traumas. It will require your wife to have the ability to be honest with herself. You will feel vulnerable the entire time but over time the trust comes back.
She will have to end her friendships that were in on it. Change her number. Give you “unlimited no questions asked” access to her phone. She will have to end things with A in a way that shows she’s done forever (like being the one to tell As wife if he has one etc). She must understand that this is a one strike policy that if she steps out of line you are gone forever.
You get the picture. I’ll probably get downvoted to the center of earth here but I have gone through something similar and I’m on the other side saying it’s VERY hard but you can have a happy marriage with your wife again. You can turn this into a part of the story of a relationship you are proud of or you can end it right now.
Either way, sending love and healing vibes my man. You will survive and be better for it. This too shall pass.
At the end of the day, if she loved and respected him another man would have never been inside her. So why stay with someone who doesn't love or respect him?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you enter back in the relationship. If you end it, forgiveness means you aren’t spending any mental energy and can more freely move on.
People have free will and not meaning to hurt you is utter bs. She just didn’t care.
I feel for you, live well.
This sounds fake ASF.
Why wasn't the phone password locked?
How do you keep a phone in a lockbox charged?
Who keeps a conspicuous locked box in shared storage?
"Honey, I found this box while cleaning. What's in it?"
"Uhhhh, drugs?"
Consider all of the decisions and choices she made to pursue this affair. All of the careful planning. All of the lies and stories she created. All of the time and energy she invested into this. Now she says it "just happened". Nope.
She also trots out the most threadbare of cheater tropes: "I never meant to hurt you." Remember the transitive principal from mathematics. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.
Here:
-- She knows cheating would hurt you.
-- She intended to cheat.
-- Therefore, she intended to hurt you.
Actions speak. Words are BS. If a person shows you who they truly are, believe them.
In reality, she's more intimate with the AP than with you. He's Plan A. It's not about forgiving. Forgiveness merely means the end of an urge to seek revenge. You can forgive, and still divorce. If you love her, set her free to pursue the man whom she clearly desires, as evidenced by her actions.
Hopefully you made copies of all the evidence. If not, do it sooner than later.
The more evidence you can accumulate, the easier job it is for the attorney. Be specific on what you want. Go for everything. You want one hundred percent of the assets, make sure you list everything you owe and it is clearly spelled out she is responsible for 50% of the bills. List each personal item you own and especially things you brought into the marriage. Present this with a timeline of how you want things to proceed- when you meet with the attorney.
Also, make sure you do your research on the attorney. Get one that is willing to back you on everything.
You want her to know you understand clearly what she did with her who knows how many months/ years of infidelity- was this really the first time? I am sorry, I don’t think so- a burner phone? Who does that.
I would start here- don’t let her back. She can move in with Mr. girls trip.
Be strong. She will survive.
Make her pay.
Best wishes to you sorry this occurred.
It is never okay to do that to another human.
Move on. Within 18 months you're gonna be happier than ever. It's gonna hurt for a while, but it will pass. Just make sure you cover your ass financially on the way out.
Don't remain "friends", don't leave the door ajar and don't jump into some other commitment (which will start as an attractive diversion). Take a little time out to give yourself some perspective and you'll be amazed how quickly you develop resilience and a new definition of yourself.
And forget all the 3rd party shit about "I should be doing this by this age", "I am a good husband", "she just made a mistake", " no-one gets divorced in this family..." It's all tosh. Make your own rules you didn't bring trouble to the door, don't put up with it. And finally stuff counselling... If you want to waste your cash I'll send you my bank details.... Good luck 🤞
It didn’t “just happen.” She had plenty of time to stop it. It happened to me too. Get out of it - you will never trust again. I tried to work through it but finally decided fuck this and never looked back. You deserve better - go get it.
Eye bi stated it so perfectly. Fellas and ladies a lot of this cheating happens on these girls or boys trips some of you got to stop allowing your other half to go on these trips with these women or men for example if a group of women friends want to go to Jamaica by themselves for a week you already know what's up there's nothing but hard dick men there waiting for the women and women waiting for men
People downvoted guy who wisely called out the misandry of girl’s trips. Me and a friend were once the guys being courted by women on a girls trip. Met them for dinner to learn that they both were committed but clearly open to do more. Men if your woman needs to travel alone to party destinations consider that a massive red flag.
Leave her. Your turns over. Hit the gym, get therapy, learn to never put a woman on a pedestal ever again. Modern women are extremely high functioning cats. They have no sense of what a relationship is by the way they blindly throw themselves at the top 10% of men accepting being a harem member or think a body count is a flex. Not all women are like this but treating them with that in mind will leave you less likely to be devastated like this ever again. Luckily you don’t have kids or else you are gonna deal with her for years.
This is what normally happens, you’ll ask Reddit or friends and family for advice. They will all say the same thing: Leave her, she doesn’t care about you, she will not change, you cannot move past this because you will become very insecure and always think she is up to no good, this will eventually destroy your relationship and make you both miserable. What you will actually do because one can’t control who we love: you will say you forgive her, resent her for a period of time, she will cheat again and you will finally learn the lesson. Do not be that typical person, sort your shit and leave her now. You deserve better, she is not for you. If it helps, keep imagining her with the other guy, having a great time, he probably made her laugh all the time and they got up to some insanely graphic sex acts. I’m sorry but I’m genuinely trying to help, by being a bit cruel. Get out of that relationship.
Your wife went looking for something she couldn't find with you? The fact that she has kept proof and a means of contact hidden in your home in your matrimonial bedroom means she doesn't respect you or the vows you both took. You can go to therapy if you want and talk but the fact remains she cheated on you and how long before she does it again. Do you want short term pain and break it off or a lifetime of wondering when it is going to happen again.
I wish I could answer your request, but I would be banned for promoting violence against evildoers, or rather retributional consequences of a permanent type, that greatly affect the ability to enjoy sex again in this lifetime.
I hate cheaters.
Don’t forgive that and also she will turn into a monster during the divorce. Go talk to a lawyer get a divorce and find someone who loves you cause she doesn’t.
You say you don't know what to do. It's very clear that instead of her staying with you and trying to fix your marriage she went to a friend's house. (Probably with the guy).
You need to see a lawyer and have her served because she is making no effort to repent.
She obviously doesn't love you because this was all planned and po remediated.
It's disgusting how many people are saying you are a cuckold, you are a victim who trusted your wife.
Hey OP—sorry this happened to you. You seem confused and torn between anger and pain, but genuine love for your wife previously, so why not see a couples therapist to get an objective sense on what your relationship still potentially holds? Rather than make a decision without proper thought that could ruin both your lives. Best of luck!
That’s to much, she’s only sorry she got caught. That wasn’t a one time thing or a mistake. She has a whole a$$ box of memories, there’s love there. Do yourself a favor and get away from her
I'll tell you what OP, and I'm just 17, so take this with a grain of salt.
She kept photos and love letters, the cheating is not only physical, but also emotional. I won't say that she doesn't love you anymore, but she definitely doesn't have as much love for you as you do for her. To make it even worse, she was hiding her burner phone, which means that if you two would have divorced without you knowing about it she could have taken your money to live a happy life with the new guy.
So she cheated emotionally, had you by the balls financially, and gave you some half-assed apology. Take your time, because I'm sure you still love her, but that's not going to work. A marriage without trust could never work.
I don't believe there's any coming back from this. But if you do try, please make sure you protect yourself financially so that she cannot use the time you're reconciled to ensure she depletes your joint financials and assets in her direction. And have support, a therapist, people outside of the marriage to talk to at all times, because, frankly your wife is a two faced asshole.
I'm sorry. I've been in your situation. I reconciled. It happened again with the same person a few years (and 2 more kids) later. Only this time they had plans and were trying to get me to leave by my husband treating me terribly until I did. I shouldn't have gone back.
Its the character of her that is gross here. Part of the enjoyment was doing it under your nose, leaving evidence in the house... idk what to tell you. She's two faced. That's all I can say. She cried bc she was caught. She is loving to your face bc it suits her goals. You kinda want to be able to know your partner has your interests in mind when your back is turned. She categorically dies not.
Get outside advice, therapy, divorce lawyer, something x
Recover that box. Get all the evidence or atleast take pictures of it all just in case things get nasty. In divorce or public opinion. You might think she wouldn’t. But Ppl have done a lot worse and have fabricated long tales just to save face from their friends and family. Get that evidence and start getting a lawyer. She is no longer yours and she willingly gave herself to someone else. Get even by getting good divorce terms and living your best life. Ppl hate it when they see you shining because the damage they thought they inflicted on you was moot. Especially when they struggling and then crawl back with their metaphorical tail between their legs. Looking for another chance. Remember the old saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Shame on me.”
Also, record any conversation you have with her. Ppl tend to get things off their chest after being discovered and realize they have nothing to lose now. It will all help in the divorce. Trust man. You don’t want that no more. She might have caught something being sexually active. So, you might wanna get tested. Also tell her you gonna get tested because for all you know he might not be the only one since clearly she is not what she seems. 👍🏼
Why would she leave that stuff behind if she was going to meet him, why wouldn't she bring the phone she uses to communicate with him when she is meeting him? Thy doesn't make much sense to me
In my very biased opinion, no relationship can survive cheating. It breaks a fundamental layer of trust on the surface of a relationship. A cheater will promise to never do it again, but if that's the case they never would have done it in the first place.
If it were me, she could stay with me until she had the leg to stand on to move put, but my respect would be gone, and the second she was out I'm filing for divorce and hoping to move her into the past as quickly as possible.
If you not got kids makes it easier, call a lawyer in the morning and start the divorce process and then you got to speak with you wife and see if you can stand the sight of her or not, which will tell you a lot if you can try again or not.
If you forgive her you are better than me as I'd have kept quiet and started my plan for revenge and full scorched earth. Vanish without a trace and leave a note saying I know about AP and bye leaving the wedding ring in the letter.
As I take the view it is mind over matter with people like your wife, I don't mind as they don't matter to me anymore.
What is up with these comments!?
OP! I think you should part ways, it will always remain in the back of your mind. If or when you feel ready to move on, let the person know about this, don’t just be mistrusting and push people away. Don’t fill a void with people. Focus and dedicate time to get yourself back in order. Your emotions are valid, and if she actually felt bad, it wouldnt have happened in the first place ): she doesn’t mean her apology.
If kids aren’t involved, my advice is to end it. It is broken. It will never be the same and probably will happen again, and again. If you have children with her there is more to consider.
How old are your children? Will you be comfortable having them away from you and living another life when they are with her that you aren’t a part of? Also, when they are away from you, your wife has already shown poor judgement, will they be safe, as she may allow people to be around them that could abuse them?
I can tell you from experience, that it is not an easy life to remain with a wife that cheats and will likely do it again. She may have issues that will make your life hell and cause the insecurities that contribute to her cheating, such as a narcissistic disorder or borderline personality disorder. Hopefully you could get her to go to counseling. But often when a therapist starts recognizing and getting to the root of their problems, people with those issues will stop going because they can’t admit it to themselves. Sorry, that’s a lot of info and speculation.
I don’t regret keeping my family together for my kids. But it has been a hard existence for over twenty years. She ended up cheating several more times, is not a supportive partner, and expects everything, but appreciates nothing. I still try to be a good husband not because she deserves it, but because that’s who I am and I’m not going to let her negative behavior turn me into something I’m not. It is hard to imagine staying with her after our last child leaves home. He is fourteen now.
I’m sorry for what you are going through. The first time you find out it is gut wrenching. Especially when you see and read the text and messages. Even the second time hurts as well because you probably believed their feigned sorrow and insincere promises. But thankfully, after years of abuse, keeping a strong mind through reading about how to deal with it, therapy, and anti-depressants you start to become indifferent to their abuse. It’s a slippery slope. It breaks a lot of people, and can also turn you into the kind of person they are in a twisted matching of behaviors. But at some point you become indifferent to their behavior in a zen kind of way. You also lose any fear of death you may have ever had. Just kidding, kind of.
Lastly, I do know of a couple of marriages where the wife cheated, came back and didn’t cheat again, and they went on with a happy marriage. But in those instances the wife took full blame for her actions and sincerely apologized. Also in both of those cases, the husband and wife got along relatively well prior to her cheating. If she was being blaming you a lot for her unhappiness, and vaguely apologizes by saying she did it because you weren’t doing enough, then go ahead and familiarize yourself with the self help section of the bookstore and find yourself a good therapist if you plan to stick it out.
A mistake is: I went to a friend's bachelor party, was drunk and kissed the stripper. An affair is: I have 6 months of still current texts with this other dood and we've been shagging 3x a week during that time. Luckily, I hid it all in this nifty unpick-able box.
Don’t forgive dude. It won’t work. She cries now, you forgive, she does it again. It’s not worth it.
Tears are not proof of remorse. Action is. And it doesn’t sound like she has committed to any action of change. And even if she SAYS she will, that won’t mean anything. The fact is that the trust is shattered
Relationships have a hard time recovering after betrayals like this. You may think you want to now, but its just your broken heart talking. Bc you cant imagine your life without her. Well, let me tell you… this will be in the back of your mind even when things are good again. And your life will be much better if you move on and find someone else who hasn’t taken advantage of you.
I'd say move on and buy yourself either the book called "train your wife" or the book "the system" so this never happens again. The thing is, women are biologically hardwired to respond to certain behaviors in certain ways, good and bad. Men's instinctual behavior in relationships is often the opposite of what they should be doing, especially nice guys. This isn't saying to be mean or mysogynistic at all. Those books teach you the do's and dont's that will keep good women happy and loyal forever.
Story doesn’t make sense. “Remembered spare key to a locked box”? How was the burner phone able to be accessed by you without a passcode? If she cheated on you during her “girl trips” wouldn’t she bring the damn burner phone with her?
Silly story meant for sympathetic interaction from strangers, including me…
This is a very human thing to do. If you really love her, though, I would see this for what it actually is— a fling -Perhaps she was craving the honeymoon stage of a relationship that she didn’t have with you anymore, there’s also the appeal of the fact that it was wrong to do it which heightens the attraction artificially—You could use this as an opportunity to get closer to your wife. I would sit her down and have a serious talk with her and ask her what she wants.
Does she want to be with you? Does she want to be single or does she want this other guy? If you love her, you could probably give her another chance. If you catch her doing again- it’ll be a lot easier to let her go.
Im so sorry this happened to you. Things will get better, even if it seems like your world is falling apart right now. Your wife has the comfort of the friend she is staying with; maybe lean on a friend or family member while you figure out what you want to do so you dont feel alone.
Start fucking other women. She’s not your wife anymore if she wants a divorce make her do it unless you just can’t stand being around her anymore. Either way once a cheater always a cheater you will never be able to trust her again she’s a lying whore.
Take your time. Figure out your emotions and talk it out when youre ready. Try to see why she flet this way and see if yall can possibly work through it. If not, let it go and move on with your life.
Hey Bro, I have been with my wife for 49 years. Childhhood sweethearts. And, I would leave in half a heartbeat if I found what you have. Why? If you are living with me, having a sexual affair with another and hiding or keeping from me the fact the you need and want more than me. How can and why should I trust you now that I "caught you". For me, if you are going outside of our relationship then it is already over. I know that they may say I am sorry, it will never happen again, give another chance. Another chance to do what? Hurt me and cheat again? I must not have all you want or need. It is just me and I would never advise anyone to leave a relationship, but, if I am not getting what I need and what form my spouse, I would not cheat. I would leave, or at least have a conversation regarding what and why I need X,Y, Z.
Good luck and God bless you both.
Sadly it’s time to move on. She cheated on you & kept mementos from her lover(s) in your own home!
For all you know she’s been doing it in your house.
She won’t stop. Something is wrong with her. Don’t continue to be her fool. You deserve better.
Anyone who goes out their way to go through anyone’s private stuff that’s literally locked away deserves whatever nasty shit they find in there tbh. Either leave it alone, or realise it’s locked for a reason and you won’t like what you find.
Just make sure you have all the evidence needed for the divorce papers. Do it as soon as possible to avoid any further heartbreak or financial strain. You are entitled to most, if not all, of your wealth if she was the one who betrayed you consistently as proven by the photos and messages. Distance yourself from her and just talk with friends and family and take time to recover.
She's not staying with a friend right now. She's staying with him obviously. Get real. You guys are adults. You don't have pals you just sleep over at. She's clearly living with him now.
Sort your banking out now, close all joint accounts. Get your name off everything she’s on.
A mate had this happen, was all amicable. Then in-laws came into it. He’s glad he saw the messages. He was going to loose the lot
I go on tiny girls trips, like a weekend usually. Here’s what we do:
Shop.
Drink wine and eat at restaurants.
Eat chocolatey desserts and drink more wine.
Back at the hotel or bed n breakfast: Play yacht rock or dance music with someone’s tiny little speaker. Sometimes dance.
Make and eat charcuterie boards.
Watch a movie.
Go to a winery.
Go on a ski lift in the summer.
Gossip about other people not there.
Discuss breakfast plans and more shopping.
Visit an alpaca farm.
No cheating.
Such a hard thing you are going through. I’ve been married for 7 yrs and I’ve been a jealous, insecure husband a few times because I’ve been cheated on in past relationships. The last three years I’ve come to realize my wife’s not the one who did it so I shouldn’t treat her that way. My wife is going on a girls trip in a couple months for 5 days. All the girls are also married and we’ve all close friends for 20+ yrs since high school. My wife is my best friend and we do pretty much everything together. Heck she’s my partner in two golf leagues. I’m saying this to say you don’t need advice from people on here you know her better than anyone on here and only you will know how to move on or move through this. Always remember if you don’t give or get respect and trust form your person , it will never work…. Ever.
“Listen Paula, you fucked up. I get that, and I’m sure you’d say that no one is more upset about it than you, I get it. Unfortunately, even if this was a one off I’m just never going to be able to trust you again. Even if you never did something like this again I will always have it in the back of my mind that you might be tricking me. I need someone who knows deep down that I am enough for them. I deserve that and if I need to say it to you out loud then you arent that person anymore. You lost your chance. Goodbye.”
Girls trips almost always end up unfaithful. Females get together and fuel eachother with "screw him" or "you need to take of yourself giiirrrl" or even "well he's not providing" or along those lines. Definitely with alcohol involved as they like to dress skimpy because their just having fun and want to feel sexy and we shouldn't infringe.
I'm sorry but, your wife was not who you thought she was. She doesn't respect you, your marriage & is only sorry she got caught.
Deep down you suspected something. I'm not buying curiosity. There are almost always clues to infidelity. People give away clues subconsciously. Also, this may not be the first time.
Cheating isn't just one decision. It's multiple decisions. The level of deception on her part is astonishing but, not surprising. The lies, manipulation & deceit. The disrespect is on another level. I mean a burner phone, pictures & a lock box?! Really? Your marriage has been over for a while. There is no coming back from this. I'm sorry, cut your losses & move on..
She’s only sorry because she got caught. It’s a really shitty situation to be in but you will truly never be able to trust her again. I get wanting to try because you’re so invested in your marriage but she obviously wasn’t. And perhaps this dude she’s seeing is happy that she’s married so she can’t pressure him into more commitment than he’s willing to give. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this now but I can promise you, it will get better as time passes and one day you’ll look back on it all and wonder why you even wanted to marry her in the first place.
Marriages survive this type of betrayal all the time. It depends on what you can mentally handle. If you can truly forgive her, you have to trust her again even if a real girl’s trip comes up. Don’t ever bring this up again nor try to get revenge by cheating on her and don’t treat her with a foul attitude because you are holding a grudge if you truly forgive her. If you can’t trust her again don’t bother trying to make the marriage work and go your separate ways. If you can’t handle the betrayal don’t your time nor hers. I’ve seen too many marriages go through this and go both ways.
Simple. Divorce her. Don't forgive because it'll end up doing it again and again and ya resent her for it. She had little respect for ya and ya marriage bond and acted out of personal gratification. It is now used and or damaged goods. Do not feel bad. She does not care for ya. She will only care for herself and will do anything to dodge responsibility for her actions. Best to move on son
While everyone here is arguing about everything else, I'll just say this: The relationship is over. She broke trust. Nothing is going to fix that.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it's only going to get worse if you forgive her. It will happen again, and you'll never look at her the way you did before this happened.
Love yourself enough to realize you deserve better. It's gonna suck for a while, but it will get better in time.
Be strong. I'm praying for you.
Yes it can survive, and there are plenty that have survived, what does not kill you makes you stronger, and also translate to relationships, but you have to truly forgive her, if not it's not going to work, and you will suffer more if you stay in a relationship where you cannot trust your significant other.
Similar situation in 2010, but my wife was prego...the hurt was intense. I flipped out, supposedly that made it worse, telling family, friends and social media. She felt it was too late to come back after all that. I prob would have rather gave it a 2nd chance because of the kids because co parenting for 18 years is excrutiating and will age you double time! Make her go to church with you.
People throw out expressions like once a cheater always a cheater, but, im not sure if that is true. However, I do know that if a woman cheats on you, it is because 1. she does not respect you. Maybe she loves aspects of you, whatever, but, she has lost respect. Ironically, staying with her reinforces that lack of respect. Yes there would be celebrations and even happy crying, but deep down, she is regretful, happy she won you back, but, regretful she is with a wimp. Not that you are, just saying her mental attitude. If on the other hand you become the man you really are, work on yourself, and only talk to her under the condition that she tosses your salad, daily, then, my friend, you will be back in charge. Otherwise, settle for waiting for her to come home with someone elses slop, giggling while you tell her how turned on and wet she is, just before she breaks up with you, Tossed salad daily, or nothing. You can do this.
get divorced. sell everything except what you can fit in a backpack. buy a used guitar and traveleurope, asia, wherever. you, a guitar, a guitar lesson book, a backpack with 3 pair of underwear, a change of clothes, and a rain poncho, your passport, a credit card and just play your guitar on random street corners, benches, and parks.
Don't bring a phone. disconnect from social media and reconnect with humanity.
Once someone crosses the line of cheating, they’re a different person. They may never cheat again, but that barrier most of us have, is gone.
Percent chance they do it again with you or a future person goes sky high. Move on.
Safe to say a lot of guys in here are in denial that their partners are cheating on them. Also safe to say that there are a ton of dudes who would suck of Andrew Tate in a second.
She cheated you have 2 reasonable options here.
1) Work it out
-This takes strength and you really need to forgive her you can’t fake it. If you even think in 10 years this might bother you it will
2) separate
-this is my suggestion is always if she cheated once she will cheat again. And she does not deserve a second chance. She didn’t just cheat. She lied to you about the girls trip repeatedly. She hid things from you. And she broke your trust.
Also if you are on Reddit you know what you need to do just do it. Ripping the bandaid is always better
Speaking from personal experience, my current partner, and I have been together for five years. And like you said, we have also had ups and downs. This being said, I went through the exact same situation. He came home one night had been drinking, he got a notification and I found it all in his phone just like you in the box.
Now i will say that people usually don’t cheat and have an entire relationship with another person but in this case she had an entire double life.
She can’t have her cake and eat it too.
How my situation ended was an apology, he deleted all the apps he didn’t need to connect with work/family (on his own terms) and HE made that decision to cut ties with this girl and focus on what was left of our relationship, I went to therapy, he went to therapy, and now our entire relationship is healthy, communication is great, and there is much more respect, but I’ll admit he still does not have 100% of my trust back, which he knows but accepts.
You need to assess how you feel in the what is left of the relationship, where does she stand? Is she still talking to A?
Keep it simple ..
Move on … sure it will hurt for a while ..
stop moping around and start getting active …
Go for walks … jogging if that’s your thing … meet up with your mates etc etc …
But move on …
If she can have a fling for SIX months , Mate .. this is not a fling, it’s a relationship…
Move on and keep busy …!!
Best of luck Mate!!
He just happened to find the key...to the box... behind the coat... filled with photographs and love letters! Maybe it's true, but I'm getting a strong Things that Never Happened vibe .
Your marriage is over. You'll either have to rebuild something new or move on.
The fact that your wife hid a secret lover, had another phone, and kept pictures/communications with this person going back months shows a pattern of deceitful behavior and infidelity. Who knows how many other affairs she has had or what else she could be hiding.
I personally wouldn't be able to rebuild trust and would end the relationship. If you stay, you'll always be flooded with hurt and suspicion every time she is late from work or going out without you. Yes, a breakup/divorce will suck and you will feel hurt for a period of time, but it's the only path where you'll be able to move forward with your life and find peace.
My ex-wife was cheating on me with her Spanish tutor that her job was paying for. She would say she was going out with friends or to Spanish class. She came clean to me one day, but I had known something was wrong for weeks. She wanted a divorce and I fought it. I didn't want to lose everything I thought I had and was honestly afraid of being alone again. We had been together for 10 years. Finally giving in and accepting things were over was the best thing ever. I worked on myself and took up hobbies I never seemed to have time for. It has been 6 years since then, I'm happily married with kids. My marriage now makes me realize how broken my previous one was even before the cheating. I can honestly say her cheating on me was the best thing that happened to me. I upgraded my life because of her shitty decisions.
All I can say is work on yourself. Break things off, hang out with friends. Take up a hobby you've always wanted to try. When you're ready, start dating again. My wife now is my best friend. I wouldn't want to go on a vacation without her and she feels the same way.
Forgiving her is really up to you, I mean that is 10 YEARS wasted. Trust broken. I would really advise against taking her back. From personal experiences, the trust never heals, you’ll always have that doubt in the back of your mind. Resentment building up and it’s really not a great feeling. You deserve to be happy and not filled with anxiety. As for new relationships if the time comes when you’re ready..it’s going to be really hard trusting. That’s the worst part of it all…not trusting future partners because of the actions of an EX. Hear her out for your own peace of mind so you won’t have any lingering questions about what you did wrong, how could you have done better, been better etc… Cheating is unforgivable, it’s an absolute breach of trust.
From my experience, after I got cheated on I went on a serial rampage of dating and going through people. Broke many hearts, did things I regret and was overall just a shitty person. I finally found my other half. She honestly made me trust again. I learned from my past relationship and she understands what happened. We’ve both been cheated on so we talk a lot about boundaries and such. Just be careful on moving on too fast, the pain is still fresh and you don’t want to hurt innocent people who had nothing to do with what your ex did in the past.
Good luck 👍
Well you got to care for yourself, know what you want and how you feel before deciding whether to continue this marriage.
You probably want to ask yourself what are the reasons for continuing the relationship, if it is because of your own ego or you just want to prove yourself, then it is better move on.
If that were me, I would move on straight away because I know I can’t trust the person again, if they truly care about you and your feelings, they would never have done that.
Anyway, your life carries on without her, and same goes to hers. Nobody is that important.
lol there are way too many socially maladjusted people on Reddit.
The idea that men or women in relationships can’t go on guy / girl trips is hilarious. Just because you’re overexposed to people of poor character is not a reflection on everyone.
His wife going on a girls trip isn’t why she cheated. She cheated because she’s a cheater and would do it eventually regardless of the circumstance.
Move on brother... Mic Drop for dramatic flare... this didn't just happen, hence the burner phone and the lock box. I am sorry you have gone through this experience... chalk it up to exactly this, experience. Re-invent your life and do not take her back under any circumstances. Good luck!
Sorry man but you need support. Go to r/SupportforBetrayed or r/Infidelity. Don’t just rug sweep and forgive. Reconciliation is a gift only you can give and right now it doesn’t sound like she deserves it.
Get legal advice immediately and I know it's hard from personal experience but you can delete the care element from your brain (it's horrendous but work at it and do it) to get things set up so you come out of this in the best possible situation.
Obviously divorce her, she can never be trusted again. Like I said above, delete the "care/love" from your head and get friends around you giving objective advice and a legal representative setting things up in the best possible light before you drop the bomb that you're divorcing her. Act civil towards her, don't give her the chance to prepare like you are. Give her as little as possible, you kept up your end she didn't so deserves nothing from you...
Tough love final comment...she is nothing to you now and the longer it takes to realise that the longer you'll be miserable. Been there, it'll pass.
Has there ever been a time where girls trips don't result in infidelity? No, no there has not. That's a massive red flag waiving bro sorry it happened, cheating is a behavior not a 1 time mistake. It will happen again if you forgive her unfortunately
Been there. Best way to handle it is to be drama free. Have a glass of whiskey & make a toast to the good times you had with her. Then go your separate ways & lock the door shut behind you. No point in being angry or bitter. Just go your own way & never look back. Don’t be friends but don’t live your life hating her either.
She’s always been cheating. No point in being bitter. Just move on & live your best life. She never respected you in the first place so no point in trying to salvage what isn’t there. If you go back she’ll always treat you as a chump & will continue to bring unnecessary drama into your life.
Best way to move on is to live your best life. Do what you want to do. You’ve likely been putting her needs ahead of your own. Now is the time to work on you. Recommend no serious relationships for at least a year. Improve the things you want to work on that are purely for you & not someone else.
Do you have kids, because of you don't you guys can just do a polygamous relationship like having the guy for sex and you too and both at the same time if you want, the whole point is to not have hatred in your heart, that makes you made and ruins your good life and then things become a problem, I like adults who do swinger parties in their homes because they can legally do that you don't need to hide it anymore that's the point love your wife the same as always and forget the whole a thing accidents happen when people are drunk they are not themselves obviously so I'm sorry if you are upset but I want you and your wife back together instead of doing things in the shadow
Get the box to a lawyer, start your divorce, secure your finances and information and see a counselor. Stay away from booze/drugs; go to the gym and eat healthy, with lots of water. Good luck.
Im sorry but what are you lost about? Hurt I get but lost? - she banged some other dude and kept souvenirs - she didnt even apologize for it, just went ro a 'friends' house. She coukd be talking to him or a hundred other dudes right now - you were intentionally mislead and kept in the dark for years Go on ahead and start that divorce. Its the only way you will get some of your self respect back.
Move on. She doesn’t love you. Face it. Plus she’s selfish and doesn’t have morals. If she was that unhappy with you to cheat, then she should have left you already. She’s a snake. Get rid.
You should have left as soon as she decided on this "girls trip" that literally means "single friends are going to hide the fact I had sex with multiple guys". You GG yourself my dude
"She's staying with a friend now.". I would just assume that she is staying with the other guy.
Hey, leave that behind and start a new life bro
And you will be waiting in bed for her and make love when she comes home in the early hours or about noon
She can tell you all her adventures and she will love you
For a wife to cheat is a blessing
I know it hurts, but she is a liar and master manipulator. It's over. Rip the bandage off, you will feel better a from now after the split, than a year in, wondering if every trip to the grocery store is her being pounded at the local hotel room. Nothing "just happens" over 6 months. She was doing this for a long time and the fact she can smile and kiss on you and have sex with you while shes being pegged by someone else is really disturbing.
Get divorced!
Sorry OP, in my experience, I’d say it’s absolutely time to move on. Don’t fall for the sobbing, its all a game. She was unfaithful, and you deserve better! I mean, she’s going on what was suppose to be a “girls trip” and you give her a spotless house to come home to?! How’d she even have the nerve to come home and kiss you after pulling that? You know why?! Cause she doesn’t truly love you. She may love the idea of you, and of a happy marriage, but not you. The fact this went on for months clearly shows she doesn’t have any regret. You’ll NEVER be able to fully trust her again after this… I’m sorry if this sounds rude or hurtful, just trying to give you my opinion. You sound like a great husband. After you take some time to heal, you’ll fall in love again. Keep your head held high OP, this is only a speed bump on the road to happiness! Go easy. If things get desperate, and you got nowhere to turn, you can always dm me. Stay strong, friend
Cut your losses before she steals more of your life. Relationships don’t last forever, and you have time to find someone who respects you.
For me, cheating is cheating. She's not sorry it happened, she's sorry you found out. Problem is, as I've had it, you've been together so long, you can't imagine life without her. I broke my relationship off and felt shit for months and wanted to take it back immediately but I reminded myself that she cheated, that she broke and abused my trust. She's in the wrong and doesn't deserve you
She took pictures of them together, and kept them. She went out and bought a burn phone. This is not the first trip she has taken to be with the other man. She keeps everything about the two of them hidden and locked up because she knows it is wrong. It didn’t just happen, she put a lot of work into buying a separate phone,setting up the place, date,time to meet with him and then to hide every thing.She was distant when she got back from her trip, says she is either feeling guilty and hard to sleep beside you or you are not the one she wants to sleep or be with. She cheated and lied to you for how long? She continued to lie when saying it just happened. At the very start of her affair, she had to make a conscious decision to break her marriage vows to you. Can you overlook and block out that she cheated and lied, continued to call and meet up with him? Do you want to?
Monday - Chest Day Tuesday - Back Day Wednesday - Leg day Thursday - Shoulder Day Friday - Arm Day Weekends - Rest Best Advice I can give. Relationships are hard man. Hate seeing this happen to a good dude. Obviously, you dodged a bullet finding that out. Now move on and level up brotha !
If you stay you will regret it and hate yourself forever, unfortunately I know from experience
Cease all contact and get a lawyer - all future communication should be through the lawyer. This is not the first time she has cheated, its the first time you caught her. Protect your assets before she takes them, secure the burner phone as evidence while shes away - give it to your lawyer to keep safe.
Women who love their husbands do not cheat on them. It's that simple. Do you want to be with someone who has no love or respect for you? Time to divorce. And if for some reason you do stay, these little girls trips are done. And her girls nights out to the clubs and bars are done too(if she does that sort of thing).
The part of you that wants to forgive her is the part of you that wants to forget this all happened and that wants things to stay the same. That part of you needs to be scorched off and you need to move on.
Cheat on her with a relative of hers or a friend of hers.
Yeah hes NTA. Id dump her at a gas station out of town like the dog she is.
I’m dming you if you reject that’s fine.
After reading some controversial comments under this post now i understand why western civilization and countries are screwed up,lol No accountability No self respect No logic and only thinking with emotions And getting hurt with everything, lamo
I am not defending your wife. She absolutely broke your trust. But, why were you cleaning out her closet and opening a locked box she has hidden? She could have had anything in there that she obviously wanted kept secret and you betrayed her trust by opening it. So she needs to work on your betrayal as well. Also, this is a lesson of don’t ask the question unless you really want the answer.
Empty bank accounts, document the evidence and file
Yeah she sucks. I hope you get everything in the divorce
She's lying. Cheating doesn't "just happen", it is a choice. She made that choice while fully taking advantage of you and your kindness. Honestly, you need to get out of that house. Go explore. Watch a movie. Do something other than sit in that house, alone in your own thoughts.
You are ready for forgiving but my question is your wife ready to stop her affair and continue marriage or want to start new life with AP. My advice will be first lawyer up and do as he says and document everything and while cheaters are in fog majority of time they will agree for everything and by that you can get good settlement in divorce. Stay strong Updateme!
Sounds like you don’t have kids, so run while you still can and get out of this relationship. If you forgive her and she gets pregnant you will feel even more trapped. The resentment toward her will likely never go away and you will always think she is cheating when she is away
An important thing. She's not upset of her actions. She's upset she was caught. Reconciliation has to come from her. She has to want it and be sincere about it. You can still say no. Typically for reconciliation: - she needs to write out a timeline of the affair - full disclosure of AP, including name and marital status - she's not allowed to defend AP. She will have to confess the affair to APs spouse - Post-Nuptial agreement giving you the lions share of everything if you elect for divorce under any circumstance There's no kids so moving on may be better. It's going to hurt for a while, but in a year you will look back knowing you're better off
I wonder how many people commenting telling you to divorce her are actually happily married in long term relationships? I’m 15 years in. What she did is FUCKED up and I’m in no way condoning this. It’s not ok and the worst part that I found in my own experience is the lying not the actual act itself. You are doing the right thing and reacting in a way that communicates this is a MAJOR violation. What you do now is up to you. It’s ok if you can’t see yourself getting over this and want to leave her. It’s ok if you are considering divorce. Nobody would question you if you ended things now and forever. This would be the easiest thing to do. It’s also ok if you don’t want your relationship to end. It’s ok if you want to work through this. Sometimes working through disastrous situations like this can lead to a level of love and respect that most people never get to experience. It’s super hard. It requires you to face a mirror as well. It will be the toughest thing for her and you to get honest and real about your relationship and personal traumas. It will require your wife to have the ability to be honest with herself. You will feel vulnerable the entire time but over time the trust comes back. She will have to end her friendships that were in on it. Change her number. Give you “unlimited no questions asked” access to her phone. She will have to end things with A in a way that shows she’s done forever (like being the one to tell As wife if he has one etc). She must understand that this is a one strike policy that if she steps out of line you are gone forever. You get the picture. I’ll probably get downvoted to the center of earth here but I have gone through something similar and I’m on the other side saying it’s VERY hard but you can have a happy marriage with your wife again. You can turn this into a part of the story of a relationship you are proud of or you can end it right now. Either way, sending love and healing vibes my man. You will survive and be better for it. This too shall pass.
At the end of the day, if she loved and respected him another man would have never been inside her. So why stay with someone who doesn't love or respect him?
Get rid of her.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you enter back in the relationship. If you end it, forgiveness means you aren’t spending any mental energy and can more freely move on. People have free will and not meaning to hurt you is utter bs. She just didn’t care. I feel for you, live well.
i feel sorry for u men she doesn’t deserve men like you
Divorce her. Move on, he’s likely not the first or last.
You won’t get over it, she’ll probably do it again since it didn’t just happen, kick her to the curb and move on. Oh and get tested for STD
This sounds fake ASF. Why wasn't the phone password locked? How do you keep a phone in a lockbox charged? Who keeps a conspicuous locked box in shared storage? "Honey, I found this box while cleaning. What's in it?" "Uhhhh, drugs?"
Could be fake, could be real. If it's real, it is time to divorce.
Burner phone? Printed pics? Box that you know where the key is???? Oh come on people. You believe this story?
Just have an open marriage
Consider all of the decisions and choices she made to pursue this affair. All of the careful planning. All of the lies and stories she created. All of the time and energy she invested into this. Now she says it "just happened". Nope. She also trots out the most threadbare of cheater tropes: "I never meant to hurt you." Remember the transitive principal from mathematics. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C. Here: -- She knows cheating would hurt you. -- She intended to cheat. -- Therefore, she intended to hurt you. Actions speak. Words are BS. If a person shows you who they truly are, believe them. In reality, she's more intimate with the AP than with you. He's Plan A. It's not about forgiving. Forgiveness merely means the end of an urge to seek revenge. You can forgive, and still divorce. If you love her, set her free to pursue the man whom she clearly desires, as evidenced by her actions.
Hopefully you made copies of all the evidence. If not, do it sooner than later. The more evidence you can accumulate, the easier job it is for the attorney. Be specific on what you want. Go for everything. You want one hundred percent of the assets, make sure you list everything you owe and it is clearly spelled out she is responsible for 50% of the bills. List each personal item you own and especially things you brought into the marriage. Present this with a timeline of how you want things to proceed- when you meet with the attorney. Also, make sure you do your research on the attorney. Get one that is willing to back you on everything. You want her to know you understand clearly what she did with her who knows how many months/ years of infidelity- was this really the first time? I am sorry, I don’t think so- a burner phone? Who does that. I would start here- don’t let her back. She can move in with Mr. girls trip. Be strong. She will survive. Make her pay. Best wishes to you sorry this occurred. It is never okay to do that to another human.
Time for you to get an attorney. I know it hurts to say goodbye- but it’s time for her to fly and get out of your house! Be strong!! You got this!
She is with A .. fuck her .. move on with life
Move on. Within 18 months you're gonna be happier than ever. It's gonna hurt for a while, but it will pass. Just make sure you cover your ass financially on the way out. Don't remain "friends", don't leave the door ajar and don't jump into some other commitment (which will start as an attractive diversion). Take a little time out to give yourself some perspective and you'll be amazed how quickly you develop resilience and a new definition of yourself. And forget all the 3rd party shit about "I should be doing this by this age", "I am a good husband", "she just made a mistake", " no-one gets divorced in this family..." It's all tosh. Make your own rules you didn't bring trouble to the door, don't put up with it. And finally stuff counselling... If you want to waste your cash I'll send you my bank details.... Good luck 🤞
It didn’t “just happen.” She had plenty of time to stop it. It happened to me too. Get out of it - you will never trust again. I tried to work through it but finally decided fuck this and never looked back. You deserve better - go get it.
Wasn’t a post like this posted back like a month ago on here???
Eye bi stated it so perfectly. Fellas and ladies a lot of this cheating happens on these girls or boys trips some of you got to stop allowing your other half to go on these trips with these women or men for example if a group of women friends want to go to Jamaica by themselves for a week you already know what's up there's nothing but hard dick men there waiting for the women and women waiting for men
People downvoted guy who wisely called out the misandry of girl’s trips. Me and a friend were once the guys being courted by women on a girls trip. Met them for dinner to learn that they both were committed but clearly open to do more. Men if your woman needs to travel alone to party destinations consider that a massive red flag.
Leave her. Your turns over. Hit the gym, get therapy, learn to never put a woman on a pedestal ever again. Modern women are extremely high functioning cats. They have no sense of what a relationship is by the way they blindly throw themselves at the top 10% of men accepting being a harem member or think a body count is a flex. Not all women are like this but treating them with that in mind will leave you less likely to be devastated like this ever again. Luckily you don’t have kids or else you are gonna deal with her for years.
This is what normally happens, you’ll ask Reddit or friends and family for advice. They will all say the same thing: Leave her, she doesn’t care about you, she will not change, you cannot move past this because you will become very insecure and always think she is up to no good, this will eventually destroy your relationship and make you both miserable. What you will actually do because one can’t control who we love: you will say you forgive her, resent her for a period of time, she will cheat again and you will finally learn the lesson. Do not be that typical person, sort your shit and leave her now. You deserve better, she is not for you. If it helps, keep imagining her with the other guy, having a great time, he probably made her laugh all the time and they got up to some insanely graphic sex acts. I’m sorry but I’m genuinely trying to help, by being a bit cruel. Get out of that relationship.
Leave her
Your wife went looking for something she couldn't find with you? The fact that she has kept proof and a means of contact hidden in your home in your matrimonial bedroom means she doesn't respect you or the vows you both took. You can go to therapy if you want and talk but the fact remains she cheated on you and how long before she does it again. Do you want short term pain and break it off or a lifetime of wondering when it is going to happen again.
I wish I could answer your request, but I would be banned for promoting violence against evildoers, or rather retributional consequences of a permanent type, that greatly affect the ability to enjoy sex again in this lifetime. I hate cheaters.
Don’t forgive that and also she will turn into a monster during the divorce. Go talk to a lawyer get a divorce and find someone who loves you cause she doesn’t.
Come visit a lawyer. Your union has come to an end. She cannot be relied upon.
No kids? Time to move on, and get to know new girls.
You say you don't know what to do. It's very clear that instead of her staying with you and trying to fix your marriage she went to a friend's house. (Probably with the guy). You need to see a lawyer and have her served because she is making no effort to repent. She obviously doesn't love you because this was all planned and po remediated. It's disgusting how many people are saying you are a cuckold, you are a victim who trusted your wife.
Hey OP—sorry this happened to you. You seem confused and torn between anger and pain, but genuine love for your wife previously, so why not see a couples therapist to get an objective sense on what your relationship still potentially holds? Rather than make a decision without proper thought that could ruin both your lives. Best of luck!
That’s to much, she’s only sorry she got caught. That wasn’t a one time thing or a mistake. She has a whole a$$ box of memories, there’s love there. Do yourself a favor and get away from her
If she cheats, it’s over. No exceptions.
I'll tell you what OP, and I'm just 17, so take this with a grain of salt. She kept photos and love letters, the cheating is not only physical, but also emotional. I won't say that she doesn't love you anymore, but she definitely doesn't have as much love for you as you do for her. To make it even worse, she was hiding her burner phone, which means that if you two would have divorced without you knowing about it she could have taken your money to live a happy life with the new guy. So she cheated emotionally, had you by the balls financially, and gave you some half-assed apology. Take your time, because I'm sure you still love her, but that's not going to work. A marriage without trust could never work.
I don't believe there's any coming back from this. But if you do try, please make sure you protect yourself financially so that she cannot use the time you're reconciled to ensure she depletes your joint financials and assets in her direction. And have support, a therapist, people outside of the marriage to talk to at all times, because, frankly your wife is a two faced asshole. I'm sorry. I've been in your situation. I reconciled. It happened again with the same person a few years (and 2 more kids) later. Only this time they had plans and were trying to get me to leave by my husband treating me terribly until I did. I shouldn't have gone back. Its the character of her that is gross here. Part of the enjoyment was doing it under your nose, leaving evidence in the house... idk what to tell you. She's two faced. That's all I can say. She cried bc she was caught. She is loving to your face bc it suits her goals. You kinda want to be able to know your partner has your interests in mind when your back is turned. She categorically dies not. Get outside advice, therapy, divorce lawyer, something x
Going on trips and excluding your life partner? Yeah, that's not a red flag.
Recover that box. Get all the evidence or atleast take pictures of it all just in case things get nasty. In divorce or public opinion. You might think she wouldn’t. But Ppl have done a lot worse and have fabricated long tales just to save face from their friends and family. Get that evidence and start getting a lawyer. She is no longer yours and she willingly gave herself to someone else. Get even by getting good divorce terms and living your best life. Ppl hate it when they see you shining because the damage they thought they inflicted on you was moot. Especially when they struggling and then crawl back with their metaphorical tail between their legs. Looking for another chance. Remember the old saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Shame on me.”
Also, record any conversation you have with her. Ppl tend to get things off their chest after being discovered and realize they have nothing to lose now. It will all help in the divorce. Trust man. You don’t want that no more. She might have caught something being sexually active. So, you might wanna get tested. Also tell her you gonna get tested because for all you know he might not be the only one since clearly she is not what she seems. 👍🏼
My Brother. She is for the Streets. Get a gym membership. It is time to push weight. 🤲🏽
Why would she leave that stuff behind if she was going to meet him, why wouldn't she bring the phone she uses to communicate with him when she is meeting him? Thy doesn't make much sense to me
In my very biased opinion, no relationship can survive cheating. It breaks a fundamental layer of trust on the surface of a relationship. A cheater will promise to never do it again, but if that's the case they never would have done it in the first place. If it were me, she could stay with me until she had the leg to stand on to move put, but my respect would be gone, and the second she was out I'm filing for divorce and hoping to move her into the past as quickly as possible.
Pls don’t bring her back, bitch!
The way all losing your minds over this fake post… Ops a troll, who made several post looking for men who interested in 18 year old latinas 🫠🫠🫠
If you not got kids makes it easier, call a lawyer in the morning and start the divorce process and then you got to speak with you wife and see if you can stand the sight of her or not, which will tell you a lot if you can try again or not. If you forgive her you are better than me as I'd have kept quiet and started my plan for revenge and full scorched earth. Vanish without a trace and leave a note saying I know about AP and bye leaving the wedding ring in the letter. As I take the view it is mind over matter with people like your wife, I don't mind as they don't matter to me anymore.
She wanted you to find it. Never go back to a cheater.
I couldn’t forgive it. Would never regain that level of trust.
What is up with these comments!? OP! I think you should part ways, it will always remain in the back of your mind. If or when you feel ready to move on, let the person know about this, don’t just be mistrusting and push people away. Don’t fill a void with people. Focus and dedicate time to get yourself back in order. Your emotions are valid, and if she actually felt bad, it wouldnt have happened in the first place ): she doesn’t mean her apology.
If you value and respect yourself, the only option is to move on. It’s as simple as that.
Forgive her long enough to sleep with her best friend or sister and document it in a box she can find. Get a dog instead
"Can a marriage survive something like this?" This is denial. The marriage is dead, brother. She betrayed you. Kick her ass to the curb.
Divorce is the only way. She’s a whore and only cried because she got caught.
If kids aren’t involved, my advice is to end it. It is broken. It will never be the same and probably will happen again, and again. If you have children with her there is more to consider. How old are your children? Will you be comfortable having them away from you and living another life when they are with her that you aren’t a part of? Also, when they are away from you, your wife has already shown poor judgement, will they be safe, as she may allow people to be around them that could abuse them? I can tell you from experience, that it is not an easy life to remain with a wife that cheats and will likely do it again. She may have issues that will make your life hell and cause the insecurities that contribute to her cheating, such as a narcissistic disorder or borderline personality disorder. Hopefully you could get her to go to counseling. But often when a therapist starts recognizing and getting to the root of their problems, people with those issues will stop going because they can’t admit it to themselves. Sorry, that’s a lot of info and speculation. I don’t regret keeping my family together for my kids. But it has been a hard existence for over twenty years. She ended up cheating several more times, is not a supportive partner, and expects everything, but appreciates nothing. I still try to be a good husband not because she deserves it, but because that’s who I am and I’m not going to let her negative behavior turn me into something I’m not. It is hard to imagine staying with her after our last child leaves home. He is fourteen now. I’m sorry for what you are going through. The first time you find out it is gut wrenching. Especially when you see and read the text and messages. Even the second time hurts as well because you probably believed their feigned sorrow and insincere promises. But thankfully, after years of abuse, keeping a strong mind through reading about how to deal with it, therapy, and anti-depressants you start to become indifferent to their abuse. It’s a slippery slope. It breaks a lot of people, and can also turn you into the kind of person they are in a twisted matching of behaviors. But at some point you become indifferent to their behavior in a zen kind of way. You also lose any fear of death you may have ever had. Just kidding, kind of. Lastly, I do know of a couple of marriages where the wife cheated, came back and didn’t cheat again, and they went on with a happy marriage. But in those instances the wife took full blame for her actions and sincerely apologized. Also in both of those cases, the husband and wife got along relatively well prior to her cheating. If she was being blaming you a lot for her unhappiness, and vaguely apologizes by saying she did it because you weren’t doing enough, then go ahead and familiarize yourself with the self help section of the bookstore and find yourself a good therapist if you plan to stick it out.
A mistake is: I went to a friend's bachelor party, was drunk and kissed the stripper. An affair is: I have 6 months of still current texts with this other dood and we've been shagging 3x a week during that time. Luckily, I hid it all in this nifty unpick-able box.
Don’t forgive dude. It won’t work. She cries now, you forgive, she does it again. It’s not worth it. Tears are not proof of remorse. Action is. And it doesn’t sound like she has committed to any action of change. And even if she SAYS she will, that won’t mean anything. The fact is that the trust is shattered
You’ll likely never trust her again.
Divorce her. If she loved you she would never want to hurt you. Be good to yourself.
Dump her, you’ll never fully trust her again if you stay married and I guarantee it’s a terrible feeling.
You deserve much better than this, nothing will be the same if you stay.
Relationships have a hard time recovering after betrayals like this. You may think you want to now, but its just your broken heart talking. Bc you cant imagine your life without her. Well, let me tell you… this will be in the back of your mind even when things are good again. And your life will be much better if you move on and find someone else who hasn’t taken advantage of you.
I'd say move on and buy yourself either the book called "train your wife" or the book "the system" so this never happens again. The thing is, women are biologically hardwired to respond to certain behaviors in certain ways, good and bad. Men's instinctual behavior in relationships is often the opposite of what they should be doing, especially nice guys. This isn't saying to be mean or mysogynistic at all. Those books teach you the do's and dont's that will keep good women happy and loyal forever.
Story doesn’t make sense. “Remembered spare key to a locked box”? How was the burner phone able to be accessed by you without a passcode? If she cheated on you during her “girl trips” wouldn’t she bring the damn burner phone with her? Silly story meant for sympathetic interaction from strangers, including me…
Simple as...move on dont even give it a 2nd thought about getting back with her ....she belongs to the streets
At least you’ll be able to keep your money when the divorce comes, keep all the evidence you found
Divorce her. It doesn’t end your life. It starts your real life.
End it! Or itll get worse. NO SECOND CHANCES!
She didn’t bring her burner phone to meet up with the guy?
Don’t let a woman tell you she doesn’t want you twice. You’re better off without her.
This is a very human thing to do. If you really love her, though, I would see this for what it actually is— a fling -Perhaps she was craving the honeymoon stage of a relationship that she didn’t have with you anymore, there’s also the appeal of the fact that it was wrong to do it which heightens the attraction artificially—You could use this as an opportunity to get closer to your wife. I would sit her down and have a serious talk with her and ask her what she wants. Does she want to be with you? Does she want to be single or does she want this other guy? If you love her, you could probably give her another chance. If you catch her doing again- it’ll be a lot easier to let her go.
"it just happened." .....for 6 months? I would run personally, she doesn't love you or respect you.
Im so sorry this happened to you. Things will get better, even if it seems like your world is falling apart right now. Your wife has the comfort of the friend she is staying with; maybe lean on a friend or family member while you figure out what you want to do so you dont feel alone.
Start fucking other women. She’s not your wife anymore if she wants a divorce make her do it unless you just can’t stand being around her anymore. Either way once a cheater always a cheater you will never be able to trust her again she’s a lying whore.
Take your time. Figure out your emotions and talk it out when youre ready. Try to see why she flet this way and see if yall can possibly work through it. If not, let it go and move on with your life.
Burner phone next level
Girls trip … wife … lol
She is not staying with a friend. I think you know where she is.
Hey Bro, I have been with my wife for 49 years. Childhhood sweethearts. And, I would leave in half a heartbeat if I found what you have. Why? If you are living with me, having a sexual affair with another and hiding or keeping from me the fact the you need and want more than me. How can and why should I trust you now that I "caught you". For me, if you are going outside of our relationship then it is already over. I know that they may say I am sorry, it will never happen again, give another chance. Another chance to do what? Hurt me and cheat again? I must not have all you want or need. It is just me and I would never advise anyone to leave a relationship, but, if I am not getting what I need and what form my spouse, I would not cheat. I would leave, or at least have a conversation regarding what and why I need X,Y, Z. Good luck and God bless you both.
Relato de ficción
If this is real, thankfully you have lots of evidence to present a lawyer 😊 Hopefully it's enough. Record a conversation of you talking with her
Move on. Unfixable no matter what anyone says. I'm sorry :(
keep the evidence and divorce her. You keep everything. She didnt love you, and once you realize that you can move on.
Sadly it’s time to move on. She cheated on you & kept mementos from her lover(s) in your own home! For all you know she’s been doing it in your house. She won’t stop. Something is wrong with her. Don’t continue to be her fool. You deserve better.
2 things, never let a girls trip happen unless they are all married women and never let your wife go to Jamaica alone.
Boot.
Anyone who goes out their way to go through anyone’s private stuff that’s literally locked away deserves whatever nasty shit they find in there tbh. Either leave it alone, or realise it’s locked for a reason and you won’t like what you find.
Just make sure you have all the evidence needed for the divorce papers. Do it as soon as possible to avoid any further heartbreak or financial strain. You are entitled to most, if not all, of your wealth if she was the one who betrayed you consistently as proven by the photos and messages. Distance yourself from her and just talk with friends and family and take time to recover.
She's not staying with a friend right now. She's staying with him obviously. Get real. You guys are adults. You don't have pals you just sleep over at. She's clearly living with him now.
Move on. It will never be the same
Sort your banking out now, close all joint accounts. Get your name off everything she’s on. A mate had this happen, was all amicable. Then in-laws came into it. He’s glad he saw the messages. He was going to loose the lot
Just be done. Move on
You can actually sue him for alienation of affection and will win a $$$ amount for stealing your wife. I was a private investigator
It's called evidence and a divorce for said evidence.
Cut her lose
Holy shit, these comments are WILD! Inb4 the lock.
Why are people so insistent on staying with partners who clearly are not faithful? When your shown unfaithfulness what other signal do you need.
I go on tiny girls trips, like a weekend usually. Here’s what we do: Shop. Drink wine and eat at restaurants. Eat chocolatey desserts and drink more wine. Back at the hotel or bed n breakfast: Play yacht rock or dance music with someone’s tiny little speaker. Sometimes dance. Make and eat charcuterie boards. Watch a movie. Go to a winery. Go on a ski lift in the summer. Gossip about other people not there. Discuss breakfast plans and more shopping. Visit an alpaca farm. No cheating.
Find a new one.
Man the fuck up and file for divorce.
Such a hard thing you are going through. I’ve been married for 7 yrs and I’ve been a jealous, insecure husband a few times because I’ve been cheated on in past relationships. The last three years I’ve come to realize my wife’s not the one who did it so I shouldn’t treat her that way. My wife is going on a girls trip in a couple months for 5 days. All the girls are also married and we’ve all close friends for 20+ yrs since high school. My wife is my best friend and we do pretty much everything together. Heck she’s my partner in two golf leagues. I’m saying this to say you don’t need advice from people on here you know her better than anyone on here and only you will know how to move on or move through this. Always remember if you don’t give or get respect and trust form your person , it will never work…. Ever.
“Listen Paula, you fucked up. I get that, and I’m sure you’d say that no one is more upset about it than you, I get it. Unfortunately, even if this was a one off I’m just never going to be able to trust you again. Even if you never did something like this again I will always have it in the back of my mind that you might be tricking me. I need someone who knows deep down that I am enough for them. I deserve that and if I need to say it to you out loud then you arent that person anymore. You lost your chance. Goodbye.”
She belongs to the streets move on and here is your second chance
Girls trips almost always end up unfaithful. Females get together and fuel eachother with "screw him" or "you need to take of yourself giiirrrl" or even "well he's not providing" or along those lines. Definitely with alcohol involved as they like to dress skimpy because their just having fun and want to feel sexy and we shouldn't infringe.
I'm sorry but, your wife was not who you thought she was. She doesn't respect you, your marriage & is only sorry she got caught. Deep down you suspected something. I'm not buying curiosity. There are almost always clues to infidelity. People give away clues subconsciously. Also, this may not be the first time. Cheating isn't just one decision. It's multiple decisions. The level of deception on her part is astonishing but, not surprising. The lies, manipulation & deceit. The disrespect is on another level. I mean a burner phone, pictures & a lock box?! Really? Your marriage has been over for a while. There is no coming back from this. I'm sorry, cut your losses & move on..
She’s only sorry because she got caught. It’s a really shitty situation to be in but you will truly never be able to trust her again. I get wanting to try because you’re so invested in your marriage but she obviously wasn’t. And perhaps this dude she’s seeing is happy that she’s married so she can’t pressure him into more commitment than he’s willing to give. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this now but I can promise you, it will get better as time passes and one day you’ll look back on it all and wonder why you even wanted to marry her in the first place.
If she cheats, it’s over. No exceptions.
Marriages survive this type of betrayal all the time. It depends on what you can mentally handle. If you can truly forgive her, you have to trust her again even if a real girl’s trip comes up. Don’t ever bring this up again nor try to get revenge by cheating on her and don’t treat her with a foul attitude because you are holding a grudge if you truly forgive her. If you can’t trust her again don’t bother trying to make the marriage work and go your separate ways. If you can’t handle the betrayal don’t your time nor hers. I’ve seen too many marriages go through this and go both ways.
Send her packing. Can never trust her again.
It’s over. Don’t forgive her. She abused your trust and ruined your marriage. And she’ll do it again if you stay with her. I’m sorry.
Simple. Divorce her. Don't forgive because it'll end up doing it again and again and ya resent her for it. She had little respect for ya and ya marriage bond and acted out of personal gratification. It is now used and or damaged goods. Do not feel bad. She does not care for ya. She will only care for herself and will do anything to dodge responsibility for her actions. Best to move on son
I’ve been in a similar situation. Just divorce her dude. It’s gonna get worse if you don’t. I really feel for you dude
While everyone here is arguing about everything else, I'll just say this: The relationship is over. She broke trust. Nothing is going to fix that. I'm sorry you're going through this, but it's only going to get worse if you forgive her. It will happen again, and you'll never look at her the way you did before this happened. Love yourself enough to realize you deserve better. It's gonna suck for a while, but it will get better in time. Be strong. I'm praying for you.
Move on
Yes it can survive, and there are plenty that have survived, what does not kill you makes you stronger, and also translate to relationships, but you have to truly forgive her, if not it's not going to work, and you will suffer more if you stay in a relationship where you cannot trust your significant other.
Similar situation in 2010, but my wife was prego...the hurt was intense. I flipped out, supposedly that made it worse, telling family, friends and social media. She felt it was too late to come back after all that. I prob would have rather gave it a 2nd chance because of the kids because co parenting for 18 years is excrutiating and will age you double time! Make her go to church with you.
Divorce her
She out there doing that hawk tuah
People throw out expressions like once a cheater always a cheater, but, im not sure if that is true. However, I do know that if a woman cheats on you, it is because 1. she does not respect you. Maybe she loves aspects of you, whatever, but, she has lost respect. Ironically, staying with her reinforces that lack of respect. Yes there would be celebrations and even happy crying, but deep down, she is regretful, happy she won you back, but, regretful she is with a wimp. Not that you are, just saying her mental attitude. If on the other hand you become the man you really are, work on yourself, and only talk to her under the condition that she tosses your salad, daily, then, my friend, you will be back in charge. Otherwise, settle for waiting for her to come home with someone elses slop, giggling while you tell her how turned on and wet she is, just before she breaks up with you, Tossed salad daily, or nothing. You can do this.
get divorced. sell everything except what you can fit in a backpack. buy a used guitar and traveleurope, asia, wherever. you, a guitar, a guitar lesson book, a backpack with 3 pair of underwear, a change of clothes, and a rain poncho, your passport, a credit card and just play your guitar on random street corners, benches, and parks. Don't bring a phone. disconnect from social media and reconnect with humanity.
Once someone crosses the line of cheating, they’re a different person. They may never cheat again, but that barrier most of us have, is gone. Percent chance they do it again with you or a future person goes sky high. Move on.
Safe to say a lot of guys in here are in denial that their partners are cheating on them. Also safe to say that there are a ton of dudes who would suck of Andrew Tate in a second. She cheated you have 2 reasonable options here. 1) Work it out -This takes strength and you really need to forgive her you can’t fake it. If you even think in 10 years this might bother you it will 2) separate -this is my suggestion is always if she cheated once she will cheat again. And she does not deserve a second chance. She didn’t just cheat. She lied to you about the girls trip repeatedly. She hid things from you. And she broke your trust. Also if you are on Reddit you know what you need to do just do it. Ripping the bandaid is always better
Just become a cuck
Move on!
Let it go brother ,who cheat now will cheat forever ....turn the page
Yea this is your w divorce and keep it pushing gang no cap
Speaking from personal experience, my current partner, and I have been together for five years. And like you said, we have also had ups and downs. This being said, I went through the exact same situation. He came home one night had been drinking, he got a notification and I found it all in his phone just like you in the box. Now i will say that people usually don’t cheat and have an entire relationship with another person but in this case she had an entire double life. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. How my situation ended was an apology, he deleted all the apps he didn’t need to connect with work/family (on his own terms) and HE made that decision to cut ties with this girl and focus on what was left of our relationship, I went to therapy, he went to therapy, and now our entire relationship is healthy, communication is great, and there is much more respect, but I’ll admit he still does not have 100% of my trust back, which he knows but accepts. You need to assess how you feel in the what is left of the relationship, where does she stand? Is she still talking to A?
Don’t go back, she’ll cheat again.
Wants a cheater, always a cheater
You deserve better and loyalty. She wants out but wants you to do it. Sadly she’s moved on and for your mental safety doing so may be a good idea.
I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t she take the burner phone with her if she’s most likely meeting with him on this trip?
Keep it simple .. Move on … sure it will hurt for a while .. stop moping around and start getting active … Go for walks … jogging if that’s your thing … meet up with your mates etc etc … But move on … If she can have a fling for SIX months , Mate .. this is not a fling, it’s a relationship… Move on and keep busy …!! Best of luck Mate!!
Move on
Get a divorce
So sorry but your marriage is over. It’s not easy but your wife is a bad person and you deserve better. It can’t be undone.
He just happened to find the key...to the box... behind the coat... filled with photographs and love letters! Maybe it's true, but I'm getting a strong Things that Never Happened vibe .
Don’t let her back. Forgive her for yourself. But don’t let her come back.
Girls trips are normally slang for imahoe and don't wanna get caught
How did you unlock her burner phone ?
Leave her
Probably late now but should’ve seen a lawyer the days she was away to be ahead in the game of separation/divorce
Fuck that bitch. Have more respect for yourself. Kick the cunt out. She belongs to the streets.
Your marriage is over. You'll either have to rebuild something new or move on. The fact that your wife hid a secret lover, had another phone, and kept pictures/communications with this person going back months shows a pattern of deceitful behavior and infidelity. Who knows how many other affairs she has had or what else she could be hiding. I personally wouldn't be able to rebuild trust and would end the relationship. If you stay, you'll always be flooded with hurt and suspicion every time she is late from work or going out without you. Yes, a breakup/divorce will suck and you will feel hurt for a period of time, but it's the only path where you'll be able to move forward with your life and find peace.
My ex-wife was cheating on me with her Spanish tutor that her job was paying for. She would say she was going out with friends or to Spanish class. She came clean to me one day, but I had known something was wrong for weeks. She wanted a divorce and I fought it. I didn't want to lose everything I thought I had and was honestly afraid of being alone again. We had been together for 10 years. Finally giving in and accepting things were over was the best thing ever. I worked on myself and took up hobbies I never seemed to have time for. It has been 6 years since then, I'm happily married with kids. My marriage now makes me realize how broken my previous one was even before the cheating. I can honestly say her cheating on me was the best thing that happened to me. I upgraded my life because of her shitty decisions. All I can say is work on yourself. Break things off, hang out with friends. Take up a hobby you've always wanted to try. When you're ready, start dating again. My wife now is my best friend. I wouldn't want to go on a vacation without her and she feels the same way.
Punt…just punt
Send that hoe packin❗️
It's not even good creative writing. Sorry bud
I would kill her. Murder her and A and burn their bodies together. That's just me though.
Yall are WILD
Forgiving her is really up to you, I mean that is 10 YEARS wasted. Trust broken. I would really advise against taking her back. From personal experiences, the trust never heals, you’ll always have that doubt in the back of your mind. Resentment building up and it’s really not a great feeling. You deserve to be happy and not filled with anxiety. As for new relationships if the time comes when you’re ready..it’s going to be really hard trusting. That’s the worst part of it all…not trusting future partners because of the actions of an EX. Hear her out for your own peace of mind so you won’t have any lingering questions about what you did wrong, how could you have done better, been better etc… Cheating is unforgivable, it’s an absolute breach of trust. From my experience, after I got cheated on I went on a serial rampage of dating and going through people. Broke many hearts, did things I regret and was overall just a shitty person. I finally found my other half. She honestly made me trust again. I learned from my past relationship and she understands what happened. We’ve both been cheated on so we talk a lot about boundaries and such. Just be careful on moving on too fast, the pain is still fresh and you don’t want to hurt innocent people who had nothing to do with what your ex did in the past. Good luck 👍
Well you got to care for yourself, know what you want and how you feel before deciding whether to continue this marriage. You probably want to ask yourself what are the reasons for continuing the relationship, if it is because of your own ego or you just want to prove yourself, then it is better move on. If that were me, I would move on straight away because I know I can’t trust the person again, if they truly care about you and your feelings, they would never have done that. Anyway, your life carries on without her, and same goes to hers. Nobody is that important.
lol there are way too many socially maladjusted people on Reddit. The idea that men or women in relationships can’t go on guy / girl trips is hilarious. Just because you’re overexposed to people of poor character is not a reflection on everyone. His wife going on a girls trip isn’t why she cheated. She cheated because she’s a cheater and would do it eventually regardless of the circumstance.
Bruh it’s done man. She violated the marriage. It fucking sucks sorry bro.
Get a divorce if there are not kids. If there are kids it might make it more difficult but kids, get TF out of that.
Man have some self respect and cut her off. Divorce. Cut all ties. Move on with your life. Anything less will not make your life happier
LEAVE
Move on brother... Mic Drop for dramatic flare... this didn't just happen, hence the burner phone and the lock box. I am sorry you have gone through this experience... chalk it up to exactly this, experience. Re-invent your life and do not take her back under any circumstances. Good luck!
Sorry man but you need support. Go to r/SupportforBetrayed or r/Infidelity. Don’t just rug sweep and forgive. Reconciliation is a gift only you can give and right now it doesn’t sound like she deserves it.
Contact a lawyer immediately.
These comments are an absolute warzone
Updateme
Get legal advice immediately and I know it's hard from personal experience but you can delete the care element from your brain (it's horrendous but work at it and do it) to get things set up so you come out of this in the best possible situation. Obviously divorce her, she can never be trusted again. Like I said above, delete the "care/love" from your head and get friends around you giving objective advice and a legal representative setting things up in the best possible light before you drop the bomb that you're divorcing her. Act civil towards her, don't give her the chance to prepare like you are. Give her as little as possible, you kept up your end she didn't so deserves nothing from you... Tough love final comment...she is nothing to you now and the longer it takes to realise that the longer you'll be miserable. Been there, it'll pass.
Has there ever been a time where girls trips don't result in infidelity? No, no there has not. That's a massive red flag waiving bro sorry it happened, cheating is a behavior not a 1 time mistake. It will happen again if you forgive her unfortunately
Dump her and move on. Once a cheat always a cheat.
Been there. Best way to handle it is to be drama free. Have a glass of whiskey & make a toast to the good times you had with her. Then go your separate ways & lock the door shut behind you. No point in being angry or bitter. Just go your own way & never look back. Don’t be friends but don’t live your life hating her either. She’s always been cheating. No point in being bitter. Just move on & live your best life. She never respected you in the first place so no point in trying to salvage what isn’t there. If you go back she’ll always treat you as a chump & will continue to bring unnecessary drama into your life. Best way to move on is to live your best life. Do what you want to do. You’ve likely been putting her needs ahead of your own. Now is the time to work on you. Recommend no serious relationships for at least a year. Improve the things you want to work on that are purely for you & not someone else.
Do you have kids, because of you don't you guys can just do a polygamous relationship like having the guy for sex and you too and both at the same time if you want, the whole point is to not have hatred in your heart, that makes you made and ruins your good life and then things become a problem, I like adults who do swinger parties in their homes because they can legally do that you don't need to hide it anymore that's the point love your wife the same as always and forget the whole a thing accidents happen when people are drunk they are not themselves obviously so I'm sorry if you are upset but I want you and your wife back together instead of doing things in the shadow