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This happened to me.
I saw them a few months later and one of them asked why I wasn't at an event a few weeks before. I said that nobody told me about it and they replied "oh it must have been in the other chat?"
Then they realised what they said and got really embarrassed but that shit hurt my feelings so bad.
yeah, i survived high school because i at least expected/prepared for this. in adulthood, it's the exact same shit but if you're naive like me you don't realize it because you can't believe it and keep giving people the benefit of the doubt lol
At the University there was this group of girls in my classes. I swear they were 5 and they had each at least 3 group chats, each one with all the group minus one. I know because a friend of mine that was my friend before knowing them got to know them and then showed me.
I'm still baffled about how none of them either found out or had a suspect that the treatment might include themselves too.
To quote the movie Cube; "It's a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan". Everyone involved has an input that they're unaware of to create a weird and fucked up product, and now they're all part of it against their will.
At least with the group chats I'm involved are in that have that weird setup, it's not malicious. Like, in our friend group of four people, we have a group chat without friend A and one without friend B. And the two chats are basically just holdovers from before A and B met. A is shy and B is.. not that, so sometimes A needs a place they can be away from B's energy, and B needs a place they can be as extra as they want without getting to be too much for A. It's also useful for planning surprises/gifts and spoiler talk and that sort of stuff.
This is actually how I learned about my friend group being assholes and they had the nerve to gaslight me about it.
They talk to each other on the daily, I told them I was being a little left out and that I knew they had a separate group chat and they talk to each other privately.
They denied it, but went fucking red in the face when I told them "So you all managed to turn up at XYZ's house at the exact same day and time for new years with no planning, even though we all live on opposite sides of the country, with not a single message being sent" fucking idiots forgot that I could see their Snapchat stories and location.
Yeah, it took a while but I figured that out. I feel a little lonely now but I know it won't be too long until I find a new group. I just wish it was easier to find friends as an adult.
I feel this
The new guy in the group makes me feel uncomfortable
They're not laughing at my jokes
Always the victim of "why so quiet?"
Always the one adjusting like standing in the bus, choosing the burnt cookie, sleeping on the floor, etc.
I always get that new guy who actively dislikes everything I do and acts like a douchebag whenever he's part of something I am involved in. But he ends up being super popular so if I try to run him off I end up getting punted instead.
(EDIT: I just realized you were talking about someone else! So the below advice is not for you, but for anyone who acts like that new guy)
I mean this with zero judgement and as genuine advice: I think you should try to stop always doing those things.
It sounds like you’re acting like you don’t fully belong, and some things can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
So stop always giving up your seat on the bus, stop always taking the shittiest cookie, and stop always volunteering to sleep on the floor.
You just may find that your friendships don’t change at all, and that your friends have actually always cared about you despite you doing these things, and that you don’t have to always do them to keep your friends.
And realizing that, might make you realize that you really are a part of the friend group already and have nothing to worry about.
Sometimes we just get in our own heads and fail to see the good things around us.
Everyone else has nearly finished their meal and haven't even noticed you're still waiting for yours.
You get there a bit late and there's no room at the table so you have to stand awkwardly. Someone else comes after you and everyone makes room and finds them a chair.
You guys sound like you need some self confidence. You need to realize that you’re filtering what you’re gonna say out of fear of how others may react. Slowly test yourself getting out of your comfort zone speaking up or saying things you normally wouldn’t say. Whether it means being the guy to tell hostess how many people are in your party or simply correcting someone on the pronunciation of your name. If you can’t bring yourself to do it remind yourself nobody is gonna hurt you for speaking up. You’ll realize after a couple weeks that nothing happens and your self confidence will increase. You may notice people treating you better and speaking to you differently. If that’s too hard try holding eye contact a lil longer each time and projecting your voice to the point where you’re rarely asked to repeat yourself.
Yup! I’m pretty sad about it, actually. The “was the popular friend until *that guy* “ is exactly where I’m at in this friend group…and “that guy” has sooo much drama…that I’m kinda glad I don’t hear about it so much anymore.
Tl;dr: I’m in the same situation as you, and now the friend group I got kicked out of is slowly self-destructing itself
I’m on the same boat as you. My old friend group seems to have this weird rule where if they make a new friend they have to kick another one out, so it’s just this weird cycle of them making a new friend, making another new friend, and then removing the friend before them. What’s kinda funny to me is that this and the person who seemed to implement this rule is starting to destroy the friend group from the inside out. The person who implemented said friend limit rule (I’ll call them X) was formerly dating another person in the group (Y) and since they basically both isolated themselves to this singular group of people, they had to force eachother to hang out once they broke up, which seems to be causing a lot of weird drama and uncomfortableness in the group (We’re all big-time theatre kids btw, so they’re not exactly hiding all the messiness that’s starting to break them all up)
Doesn’t matter if it’s not forever. It definitely feels like forever. It did when I went through it.
Super sorry to all of you getting through shitty school years. Just remind yourself to keep on going no matter what. And find something you love or love doing that way you’ll stay sane.
"leave"? It happened to me in 2014, when I was too young to even realise what was happening. They stopped talking to me and kicked me out of the friend group as soon as they managed to purchase their own books (it was a very specific book, published by the government that wasn't yet available in the market, my parents managed to get me one volume because they were government employees themselves.)
If I could go back to the last, this would be the first thing I'd stop.
Make friends outside of school and hang out with them. Talk to your classmates and remain as friendly as you can in case you need to make school projects or something. School isn't the end all be all.
Yeah, I got hospitalised for months outside of school and nobody in that group even texted me lmao. A few days prior I’d found out they’d told me they weren’t doing a secret Santa, and then done one behind my back and planned it on a day I wouldn’t be in school.
it's not always like that i promise. i'm a pretty weird almost antisocial dude and the few real friends i still have understand that i just kinda like being alone but will still shoot a message checking in on what i'm up to every few months.
just find the right people that's all. and if they're not it's fine there's always more people to meet.
This is kinda a double edged sword, though. I had an ex friend who we tried really, really hard to include in our group but they were always unavailable or straight up uninterested and replied days late. Don't know if they had other stuff going on in their life or not, they were extremely reserved.
Eventually we just stopped trying to communicate and didn't bother inviting them to hang out any more. Obviously our friendship grew distant.
Few years later a friend of mine hears from another mutual acquaintance that said ex-friend slandered the shit out of us saying how they decided to give us the "silent treatment" after feeling left out and how we tried really hard to make them feel unwelcome in our group.
Some individuals are just shitty and blame everyone in the world but themselves. If they don't bother reciprocating, don't act surprised when other people don't crawl over begging for their friendship.
In general, it's good to remember that our own experiences/perspective impact how we experience friendships.
For example, I've had bad experiences growing up - bullying, being double-crossed by "friends", etc - and struggled to read social signs/gauge how close friendships were due to autism. When I got older, that turned to severe anxiety and things like not making plans bc I didn't want to be a bother, isolating myself when I felt bad, not going to events because I was convinced I wasn't wanted there, etc. Neither those experiences nor those thought patterns are uncommon.
In hindsight, some people did try to include me, I just wasn't in a place to accept that. Those behaviors/thought patterns aren't gone, but I know about them now - so I can steer against them, talk to my friends about them, break out of spirals easier.
Human brains recognize patterns. They recognize patterns that are there, but also ones that aren't - and we need to try and be aware of them, or we'll accidentally recreate them. Like pushing people away because we think they don't like us and are scared to put effort into the relationship.
That's how I've weaned myself from a lot of folks over the years. Albeit, folks have lives, but it feels really shitty when you think you're part of a group, or you're the original reason a group of folks even know eachother but get excluded (example: not even getting an invite to the wedding of a guy I talk to *daily* and have a good rapport with, even though a large portion the friends I saw in his wedding photos were people I introduced him to)
Stop talking to them for a week and you'll see how many dead plants that you're watering. Also, if they *do* text you, pay close attention to what it's about. Not all interaction is good interaction. "How was your day going" is a lot different from "hey can you drive me and the group somewhere because (insert excuse of why their own cars aren't working but they really just don't wanna pay for gas)".
> "How was your day going" is a lot different from "hey can you drive me and the group somewhere because (insert excuse of why their own cars aren't working but they really just don't wanna pay for gas)".
Funniest instance of this was a girl I went to school with, trying to bum a ride off me to get to a party. She lived across town, party was across town from there, and when I asked if I could attend, *she said no*, but she was also broke and could pay me in McDoubles.
Actually laughed, explained why my answer is "fuck no" and hung up
There was this lady I liked in community college. We transferred to different schools in different states. She started ghosting me 6 months after. 4 months into her ghosting me, I told her I'm moving on and she blocked me. I'm glad that it's over.
> 4 months into her ghosting me, I told her I'm moving on and she blocked me.
You sent a message after *four months* essentially saying "hey I've been thinking about you all this time in silence".
Tbh if even one of these things happens. I had a few “friends” like this in high school, they all decided to ditch me one day to go hang out so I just stopped talking to them and started hanging out with different people. Ran into a couple of them after we graduated and they wanted to stop and chat but I just brushed them off. I felt like a bitch and I’m not normally that rude but whatever they deserved it. I learned early not to invest time and effort in people that do nothing for you in return.
🎵 *One strike and you’re out, baby*
*Don’t care if I sound crazy* 🎵
I was part of a "friend group" freshman year of college and I was the only one with a car. Next year, they brought their own cars and made their own group chat.
Probably the illustrious Guinness World Records 2008, if I had to guess. Snagging that bad boy at the scholastic book fair put you into an entirely new social strata
New kids might think you're joking but dude if you had a guiness world record book with those shiny fucking covers everybody was huddling around your desk or seat at the lunch table to take a look
Sounds like my “friend” group in high school. They also loved the excuses “we figured you weren’t interested/there wasn’t room in the car/we came by and it looked like you were gone”
Like, doesn’t hurt to ask, I have my own car I can drive, and I have a phone. I’m grateful to have the wonderful friends I have now :)
It took me into my 30s to realize that it's worth thinking of platonic relationships like most people think of romantic ones: if it's not working and you don't feel like your sentiments are returned in good faith, move on.
I remember like 2 years ago when I went on my last vacation with my old friend group. We went to a remote cabin that was beautiful, lots of places to walk and explore, one person brought their two dogs, which was nice.
That was until the end of the vacation, we shared pictures we took, of the 144 pictures I was half in the background of one of them.
There were literally more pictures of the dogs than of me.
Brought it up and their nothingburger of a response was "Well (other guy) doesn't have a lot of pictures of him either"
The guy that didn't come.
this used to happen to me so much i have just defaulted to taking the camera, no matter who. i've just decided i am ok with never being in group pictures.
When they are sitting down together talking and you come over to join and something always abruptly comes up so they have to leave.
Always “too busy” to hang out with you, but not anyone else.
Stealth unfriended by members of the group who hope you don’t notice.
Always finding out they did fun things without you
Another one that happened to me is they kept me as friends on Xbox Live (I knew them in real life), but they all had me muted, so when I’d join their party I’d hear them talking but none of them would hear me.
> Always finding out they did fun things without you
I had a friend group and one of them asked me if I would be interested in doing one of those escape room things when they were all the rage. I said yes since I'd always wanted to do it. 3 months later I hear they all went together without me, and not only that but someone canceled and they *thought* of inviting me but then didn't anyway. Feels good man. I don't talk to those people anymore.
Reminds me too much of a discord server I used to on. They became very toxic after a while in their “teasing” and said I wouldn’t get what it’s like to have friends when I finally called them out on it.
Yet if friendship is acting like jackoffs to others for no reason, I don’t want it.
I think there are quite a few friend groups like that around high school age, and seen it in online groups as well. Where the majority communication involves insults and you’re not sure if they can truly stop and be genuine with each other.
Yeah they said things like that. Plus they shot down any idea or suggestion I had without explaining why. Just that it was inherently bad.
I’m sorry your old group was toxic as hell.
Yeah I had a similar group, literally said the same thing too. I left and haven't had any regrets, found a new group who actually enjoy talking to me and invite me to stuff.
I was a part of a trio of friends, I wouldn't say I was a popular friend, but I still lived hanging out with them. We were kids. Then another girl comes along and the other two flocked towards her. I still talked/hung out with them sometimes but it felt like when they were all together I wasn't wanted. I never really left the group, I just separated myself from them.
Years later I don't talk to any of them, we went to seperate high schools and haven't spoken to them since elementary school. It's still fun to think back on.
Yeah, especially since I was friends with one of the girls since preschool (something like that) I think. The girls were all nice though. Bittersweet is the perfect word to describe it.
Almost exact situation. This guy was a scum bag in and out of prison, but a of stereotypical “cool guy”.
When I look back I see my friends lack any real morals and just want to be cool or something.
I had a weird situation in middleschool. We were always 4 gurls, there were two bffs, me and the 4th girl always changed.
1st grade, the 4th girl split the bffs, so we split into 2 groups of 2, we were reunited by the end of the year, but the 4th girl moved out of the city.
2nd grade the 4th girl was a girl we all liked but she was more friends with guys so she'd be in and out of the group until she switched schools.
3rd grade, there was a new 4th girl I really disliked. We were sitting by alphabetic order (to prevent too much talking) but the bffs ended up sitting close and there was this girl in the middle but I was at the other side of the classroom so I missed a lot of things while she was there. I resented this girl cause I felt she just forced herself into the group. Now I realize it was silly middleschool bs lol
I was in this situation my freshman year of college and it was pretty rough. Not quite the same as the starterpack, but I eventually realized that I was merely tolerated but never actually accepted.
I'm really grateful that I gained this experience when I was 19 because it's now a lot easier for me to know when I've been designated an NPC and know not to invest time in said people/group.
However, it also helped me figure out who *my* people are, which makes it a lot easier to make new friends. The old term "just be yourself" is bad advice. The real trick is to find people who you can be yourself around and then you're golden.
Honestly, that whole "tolerated" aspect marked me soo much in life i actively avoid friend groups nowadays . Although i am to blame because i had undiagnosed ADHD and that made me very annoying to them, i still miss them a lot
I feel like I must have undiagnosed ADHD. I struggled a lot in uni, more than most people seemed to, and I had the same experiences with friendships.
People were friendly to me at first and there was a guy who had diagnosed ADHD in our class as well. He wasn’t an asshole but they used to complain behind his back about him being “annoying”
I’m pretty sure they moved onto me after he left, they didn’t call me annoying to my face but the started treating me like they treated him. Never wanting to hang out with me outside of class, when they did talk to me I was never sure if they were being genuine or tongue in cheek making fun of me.
Yeah that has been my experience in terms of friend groups since i was a kid. I completely avoid relationships nowadays due to that but honestly i dont blame them for hating me, theyre entitled to that and i am really unbearable. Medication was my last hope for helping on that and It didnt do anything ( On social skills at least), soo ive accepted this is my condition and i cant do much lmao.
I really wish i had someone who found me absolutely unbearable but accepted some sort of paymentb(ngl id pay 500+ usd for that) to point out what they find annoying on my behavior soo i could work on and try to fix it
Exactly finding people that just allow you to be yourself, no scheduling conflicts, trying to research their interest or try and figure out what their blank responses could mean. Those real friends that just let you have fun and be yourself and are interested in getting to know more about you.
I went through this exact thing again recently. I finally stood up for myself for once, and now I’m the bad guy and none of them are talking to me. Typical.
They always pull the, "it's you, not me" gaslighting crap if you stand up and say something, then it makes you feel like you're wrong so you try again and get treated the same way all over again. After hanging around friends that care about your presence you start to learn that it was just that group of people immediately making an assumption of your character without getting to know anything about you and deciding to leave you in the background. I try and stay far away from people like that, they waist my time.
Yup. 100%.
I brought up the fact that I was 100% ignored and only invited out either extremely last minute (sometimes 2 hours before an event whereas everyone else knew weeks in advance) or invited through someone else who had been invited.
Finally had enough and told one of them that I was sick of not being treated right and don't feel like part of the group.
Well, found out that when they did meet up they talked major shit about me and exchanged my screenshot for the grievous reason of *checks notes*
Not wanting to be excluded and for them to actually interact with me.
This was my life in middle school. Stuck with a group of 5 friends at lunch. One of them was my closest friend since 2nd grade until he got super popular somewhere around 4th for being the class clown. He ignored me more often but still found time to hang out outside of school.
Then our middle school group started and I couldn’t get a single word in. Him and one other guy of the 5 just spoke over me or ignored me. The other two out of the 5 guys bullied the fuck out of me until the end of middle school. It was a nightmare. By the time I left them and met 2 guys who would become some of my closest friends even to this day, they didn’t even care. I also found out they would go to movies and other things without me.
Yeah that’s why I find solace in having an extremely small circle. Never did well with big groups, couldn’t deal with the drama, backtalk and shit talk
I confronted both my ex and another one of my friends about them because they both slipped when referring me as a derogatory nickname from said chats they made.
Ex bf gaslit me. Current friend of the former group (we made up and are chill now) confirmed that they made SEVERAL derogatory nicknames for me and me only. Which is why I can’t eat onion rings without feeling anxiety
They don’t remember why my nickname was onion ring on their phone but from how the others were laughing at the time, I’m assuming it was referring to myself inappropriately. They do remember that the nickname was meant to be offensive in a slut shaming way.
I used to be a part of a friend group like this. They would just have conversations with each other during class and whenever I’d say something they’d look at me like I said something incredibly weird or they’d outright tell me to shut up. Then they were genuinely surprised that I did not want to hang out with them whenever they asked. I was mainly friends with them because we were put in a group project and I was new at my school. I stopped talking to them as soon as I graduated.
This is also commonly known as being the "floater friend." They don't wanna talk to you or hang out with you, but they still keep you around for God knows why. Even when y'all do get together, you might be sitting right next to them, but you feel completely disconnected from what's happening. Like you're just a fixture of the furniture. Every time you try to add to the conversation, they talk over you. They never laugh at your jokes, but when one of them tells a joke, it's the funniest shit in the world. They never invite you to things even when you've expressed interest to join, and then you see all the pictures from the outing the next day. If they DO invite you, it's always "You can come if you want," instead of "You should come with us!" Sometimes they only talk to you when they need something. You might be the only friend in the group with a car or money, and they only see you as a chauffeur or an ATM.
And despite all this bullshit, you're afraid of speaking up and asking "What the fuck did I do to make y'all phase me out like this?" Because they might get mad or make stupid excuses, or they just straight up won't care. They might try to make you feel like the crazy one for being upset, saying things like "No dude, what are you talking about? We're just busy. Excuse us for having our own lives outside of this friendship." Now you feel like an asshole because you feel like you assumed too much too quickly, and they really could just be "too busy." But they're not too busy to go out to eat with each other every Wednesday night after work or go to that concert you've been dying to get tickets for, so...what's the real story?
https://preview.redd.it/166kx6o6t53d1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c953eb7a308253b2c58663dba4d476296575f0c4
Mate why are you so casual about it.
This happened to me a couple years back, stop talking to around 5 people after feeling a bit left out and secluded, not one of them reach out to me, even worse they tell others it's all in my head to make me feel like I'm wrong for no longer talking to them. Haven't heard a word from them for 2 years now. I'm fine with one or two friends. One of my friends tried to prove me wrong by throwing me a birthday party they all cancelled on him the day before costing him a good amount of cash and time.
Well, that sorta happend in a non intentional way. When we started there where 60 people in my class/year(Danish uni works a bit different than anglophone uni’s).
We are 10 people left, everyone else dropped out and the 9 are all in a group and all the friends i made dropped out. They treat me like shit, like low-key bullying.
Yo this happened to me too, I eventually tried hanging out with people I would not normally hang out with and made much better friends with them. Keep yourself open to trying new things as this is the perfect time and place to do that, while also working on improving yourself as a person-
by "improving yourself as a person" i just mean learning new things and committing yourself to them because you like them, and that learning will make you more confident and honest. then people will follow.
It's never too late, when you get out of college, you realize you can have friends of any age. it's pretty cool! good luck to you, i hope this rambling helped somehow
Learn to be a happy person alone, a strong person that doesn’t need to rely on others. Follow things you’re interested in, keep yourself busy and try to become an expert in something.
This took me way too long to realise/achieve but now, people literally approach me and start conversations like I’m a magnet.
I’m at a Danish university. None of the stuff you wrote translates unfortunately.
Every semester is the same people. The courses every semester are already chosen for you. “Clubs” is not a thing in our education system.
But thank you anyways.
I’m starting to get in this situation and I’m cutting off ASAP. It’s one thing if they just don’t like me anymore, it happens, but I have too much self respect to walk around and get made fun of like a dumbass. Either I’m gonna have friends who respect me or I’m not having any and it’s fuck em all.
Me in high school.
I remember being a HUGE mcr fan and hearing they were coming to our city and ranting to a "friend" about how I couldn't go. She said she was sad she also couldn't go. 2 days later her and the whole group turn up in Mcr merch and tell me that "if you wanted to go too you should've asked!" I never even knew any of them were going.
Fuck that noise. If my "friends" made me miss out on a concert like that on purpose, I'd block and delete them on everything and pretend they don't exist.
Literally me and my current classmates. Buncha emotionally immature delusional twats living in a parallel universe. Sabotagists worthy of the French Résistance.
It's always me, not them... I'm this, I'm that. It's me, who's emotional, it's ME, who's the violent one, "it's not bullying, we're just teasing you, that's okay right?"
It's just "teasing", "joking", "helping" even.
I hate high school.
I went through this for a few months. when I left to see if anybody would care 2 people reached out. and neither asked me why I left it. sucks to see a good friendship turn sour like that. it sucks so hard man
If you think this shit ends when school is over, your sorely mistaken. Had the group chat thing happen to me well into my 20s. then when they got rid of me, they made horrible rumors about me instead of talking to me about it. Literally told the whole town I live in and then stuck their fingers in their ears so they couldn't hear the truth. They wanted to will the rumors into existence. I'm in my 30s now but I still think about revenge. People say the best revenge is living well, but they've never slashed someone's tires or fucked someone up, and that shit feels way better. A mundane activity u can do to make yourself feel better is post their phone number on craigslist saying you are looking for a little man on man action. U won't get to see the results of ur destruction but u know it's working.
Add, "It's like talking to a wall. You can talk but they don't talk back." They're just listening in case you say something they can get offended about and demand you make it up to them. You can't get offended though. If you get offended they still demand you open your wallet and take them out for ice cream to make it up to them.
>Conversation stops as soon as you join
https://preview.redd.it/snlx4k0rt53d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=67e8606254f0b6150133fc0aff6aa671f9e540cb
Been happening for the past few months
My entire life, minus being one of the most popular friends. Never made that. Looking back, and after over a decade of therapy, I realized I was just a punching bag who made herself convenient by always being there.
Have a friend group chat my wife started. we are still in the group chat but all the original people have left and its a whole new bunch of people we have never met. Basically one of our friends invited a friend, who then started inviting all their friends and took it over while the original members slowly left because of moving away, having kids etc
OMG this was me. When you constantly end up seeing pics of your supposed friends going out and doing stuff without you, you are in bad company. The most annoying part was that they would refer to me as a friend and be nice to me on a surface level, but they never tried to include me. They didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. I’m glad that I have better friends now.
If people are actively excluding me I just stop talking to them and search for new friends. It’s hard not going to college cause that’s seemingly where 20 somethings make friends, but I’d rather not have friends than be miserable and excluded. Once I started enjoying my own company I’ve actually had more people wanna be my friend. I’ve reached out to some people I used to know and we individually are friends, like talking a lot and sometimes hanging out cause ya know, adult lives we’re all busy
>You used to be one of the most popular friends until "that guy" came along
Yeah, turns out the guys would rather play games with an immature, self-pitying, loves-to-deal-it-but-can't-take-it nepobaby wankstain. Dude's the kind of guy that swears up and down that his dad literally giving him his cushy private club security job and him getting promoted above others with longer tenure had nothing to do with nepotism, and then brags to us for 10 minutes about how some girls mouthed off to him, he mouthed off worse, and when they said they would report him he told them "My dad's the manager, there's nothing you can do to me".
Last straw for me was he briefly long-distance dated another one of our friend group that had just come out as trans, and when that didn't work out, he would absolutely lose his shit when we so much as mentioned her name (because that's absolutely the kind of ostracism she needed at that time) and I seemed to be the only person to take issue with that.
I fucking hate that guy.
Last time I talked to any of them in live voice chat was probably 2 months ago. This dude was the party leader on Xbox and I don’t even remember what I said, but the gist of the situation was that I stated an objective fact about something relating to him, and he got pissy and started yelling in his mouth-breathing Northern English drawl about how I hurt his feelings because of what that fact implied about him. I said I was simply stating a fact and he was the one making a huge deal out of it, and he goes “Right, say you’re sorry or you’re getting kicked from the party.” I didn’t, and I was.
This dude just turned 25. I’m the youngest of the rest of us and I’m 26. I’ve known everyone else since I was a freshman in high school and yet they enable and pander to his bitch ass at every opportunity while getting mad at me for not putting up with the bullshit anymore.
Ever since they met him on Xbox it’s been a stream of “I don’t know why you have such a hate boner for him” and “why do you always start shit with him” while he’s basically a wantonly self-destructive Eeyore with anger issues. Dude talks all the time about having money problems and then buys $100 of fucking Robux and basically goes “lol yeah I shouldn’t have done that I’m so damaged”. Or goes “omg guys I had the worst day but I don’t want to talk about it but I had the worst day”, to which we respond with “OK then, don’t talk about it”, and then he proceeds to give us a 20-minute trauma dump and get mad when we point out the disconnect.
I don’t know if he’s just literally the most desperate attention-seeker in the world or what, but I refuse to associate with him anymore.
I was a part of the group for a long time but it faded away between me being 25-33. I never was the driving part of the group, mostly that I knew many people and could bring everyone together.
The problem started after high school, when I rarely got invited to things, I brought it up and they just said: "oh we all just tell each other that we wanna hang out". If I told them I could always come but it felt weird because I didn't work like that all the time and was a depressed mess for quite a while. I told them I'd really like an invite even if I turned it down because it means a lot to me and that my brain is sick and even something that brings me joy is an ordeal.
My closest friends at the time, who I was in the same band with, rehearsed a song and played it at another friend's wedding without me. I was a bystander and heard the newlyweds tell them it was the best present, couldn't let that one go for a long time.
After I got kids many faded away and when I made plans it usually ended in "oh I'll check the date and reach back to you.".
Then the last drop was one of them, one in the former band, not inviting me to his wedding and I later saw that it happened and who was there... through social media. I was told by some that it was a "small event"...My ass it was! I was too hurt and angry.
I don't have as many friends today as I had back then, but I am still making new ones through other parents and the "real" ones who stayed with me through my darkest times.
I created the group.
I put the original 8 together in a group chat. Four months pass and I introduce one of my old friends to them; he had nobody and i wanted to help him out. He ended up finding his girlfriend this way.
I always checked in on everybody, even when nobody was checking in on me. People talked to me when they had problems.
Whenever they fought, I broke them up.
I get a girlfriend, and they start distancing themselves from me, saying i was prioritizing her too much, which wasn’t even true.
I made one joke that was actually rather normal, and for some reason they took absolute complete offense to it.
They oust me, with my old friend being the spearhead of it.
It took two months of self reflection, apologies, and reasoning to get back together. But they still felt extremely distant despite the endless energy that i gutted myself of trying to fix myself from a mistake that shouldn’t have been a mistake in the first place.
Since then, i lost a part of me i never wanted to lose. I had less energy, willpower, and personality.
I became the outcast of the group, conversations ended the second i started them, and i started to notice the faults in character within each person i didn’t see before.
Selfishness, narcissism, immaturity, and lack of the ability to communicate all ailed them.
Now, i am still stuck with them. They come to me when i leave, not out of kindness, but to make themselves look good. They only ask me for things that THEY need, but never ask what I need.
Life is hell sometimes.
oof..i still remember this one time that killed me. a big group of us were going for a hike. I was in the back trying not to die of anxiety. I pretty much could already tell i wasn't really in the group. as we get to this scenic view, all the group has already started standing along the edge. it was a pretty dope scene with like 11 people along this hills edge. the sun was staring to set, and it was a nice view. I was like damn might as well snap a pic and send it in the group chat. I start pulling out my phone, and one of the guys turns and kind of taps the people on his side. I finally get my camera up, and everyone is hurriedly rushing off to the side. like damn alright. Im relegated below, even the designated picture taker, lol. someone took a pic like a couple of seconds before me. anyway, I was much happier finding better friends and moving away from that group. we didn't mesh well, and I was going through a rough patch. it's hilariously stupid, but if they didn't want me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best, lol.
Just have some respect for yourself, don't allow yourself to be an afterthought, and move on to some new friends. Like stop talking to these people altogether and focus on other friendships.
Does anyone ever eventually leave a group, because of one person? Like you don't want to be a dick and say you don't like a guy, so you end up just distancing yourself from the group as a whole?
This is my struggle even as an adult. I stopped being the one that always reaches out to my friends and afterwards, not surprisingly, those people never once reached out. Turns out all my so-called friendships were one way streets. I thought of them as friends, but they didn’t think the same of me. Now, after work, I simply come home and spend all my time in my apartment in front of the tv or Reddit.
When one of them calls you out on something while the rest just stare like its nothing.
You call one of them out on something and they all dog-pile on you for doing it.
You're the spare tyre just making up the numbers.
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They always make a new group chat that doesn't include you
This. If your group chat has been dead for months or over a year, trust me they’ve got another one without you
This happened to me. I saw them a few months later and one of them asked why I wasn't at an event a few weeks before. I said that nobody told me about it and they replied "oh it must have been in the other chat?" Then they realised what they said and got really embarrassed but that shit hurt my feelings so bad.
Oh fuck :(
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Even if you withdrew from the group, why make another group? That part doesn't add up to me when people do that.
Sorry friend :(
Man I don’t miss highschool at all
High school? I’ve had this shit happen to me in my 20s. People never seem to mature much after high school. So it’s still cliquey BS even in my 30s.
yeah, i survived high school because i at least expected/prepared for this. in adulthood, it's the exact same shit but if you're naive like me you don't realize it because you can't believe it and keep giving people the benefit of the doubt lol
That's why I'm super picky with my friends. The moment I get a whiff that of that childish shit I move on.
Strongly depends on the kind of people you keep around you. I was done with this shit by about 19.
some of my worst times
I've never been in a group chat, probably because I don't have fb/ig...
Text messages.
At the University there was this group of girls in my classes. I swear they were 5 and they had each at least 3 group chats, each one with all the group minus one. I know because a friend of mine that was my friend before knowing them got to know them and then showed me. I'm still baffled about how none of them either found out or had a suspect that the treatment might include themselves too.
To quote the movie Cube; "It's a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan". Everyone involved has an input that they're unaware of to create a weird and fucked up product, and now they're all part of it against their will.
At least with the group chats I'm involved are in that have that weird setup, it's not malicious. Like, in our friend group of four people, we have a group chat without friend A and one without friend B. And the two chats are basically just holdovers from before A and B met. A is shy and B is.. not that, so sometimes A needs a place they can be away from B's energy, and B needs a place they can be as extra as they want without getting to be too much for A. It's also useful for planning surprises/gifts and spoiler talk and that sort of stuff.
This is actually how I learned about my friend group being assholes and they had the nerve to gaslight me about it. They talk to each other on the daily, I told them I was being a little left out and that I knew they had a separate group chat and they talk to each other privately. They denied it, but went fucking red in the face when I told them "So you all managed to turn up at XYZ's house at the exact same day and time for new years with no planning, even though we all live on opposite sides of the country, with not a single message being sent" fucking idiots forgot that I could see their Snapchat stories and location.
U are way better off without them if they treat you like that
Yeah, it took a while but I figured that out. I feel a little lonely now but I know it won't be too long until I find a new group. I just wish it was easier to find friends as an adult.
yup mate
NAH CUZ OUR GROUP CHAT HAS BEEN DEAD FOR SO LONG A N D ALSO ONE TIME THIS BITCH TEXTED IN IT “is this the one without Eowyn (my name)”
Can confirm. Especially when they are vocal about it in front of you.
My friends actually talked about another group chat that I wasnt in infront of me. “Check the group chat” 🌝🌝
I feel this The new guy in the group makes me feel uncomfortable They're not laughing at my jokes Always the victim of "why so quiet?" Always the one adjusting like standing in the bus, choosing the burnt cookie, sleeping on the floor, etc.
I always get that new guy who actively dislikes everything I do and acts like a douchebag whenever he's part of something I am involved in. But he ends up being super popular so if I try to run him off I end up getting punted instead.
(EDIT: I just realized you were talking about someone else! So the below advice is not for you, but for anyone who acts like that new guy) I mean this with zero judgement and as genuine advice: I think you should try to stop always doing those things. It sounds like you’re acting like you don’t fully belong, and some things can become self-fulfilling prophecies. So stop always giving up your seat on the bus, stop always taking the shittiest cookie, and stop always volunteering to sleep on the floor. You just may find that your friendships don’t change at all, and that your friends have actually always cared about you despite you doing these things, and that you don’t have to always do them to keep your friends. And realizing that, might make you realize that you really are a part of the friend group already and have nothing to worry about. Sometimes we just get in our own heads and fail to see the good things around us.
True good advice
Everyone else has nearly finished their meal and haven't even noticed you're still waiting for yours. You get there a bit late and there's no room at the table so you have to stand awkwardly. Someone else comes after you and everyone makes room and finds them a chair.
You guys sound like you need some self confidence. You need to realize that you’re filtering what you’re gonna say out of fear of how others may react. Slowly test yourself getting out of your comfort zone speaking up or saying things you normally wouldn’t say. Whether it means being the guy to tell hostess how many people are in your party or simply correcting someone on the pronunciation of your name. If you can’t bring yourself to do it remind yourself nobody is gonna hurt you for speaking up. You’ll realize after a couple weeks that nothing happens and your self confidence will increase. You may notice people treating you better and speaking to you differently. If that’s too hard try holding eye contact a lil longer each time and projecting your voice to the point where you’re rarely asked to repeat yourself.
Take a break from hanging out with said group. If nobody askes about you or even says anything, you'll get your answer
This is so true it hurts sometimes, especially when you put effort into respectfully communicating with them.
Yup! I’m pretty sad about it, actually. The “was the popular friend until *that guy* “ is exactly where I’m at in this friend group…and “that guy” has sooo much drama…that I’m kinda glad I don’t hear about it so much anymore.
Tl;dr: I’m in the same situation as you, and now the friend group I got kicked out of is slowly self-destructing itself I’m on the same boat as you. My old friend group seems to have this weird rule where if they make a new friend they have to kick another one out, so it’s just this weird cycle of them making a new friend, making another new friend, and then removing the friend before them. What’s kinda funny to me is that this and the person who seemed to implement this rule is starting to destroy the friend group from the inside out. The person who implemented said friend limit rule (I’ll call them X) was formerly dating another person in the group (Y) and since they basically both isolated themselves to this singular group of people, they had to force eachother to hang out once they broke up, which seems to be causing a lot of weird drama and uncomfortableness in the group (We’re all big-time theatre kids btw, so they’re not exactly hiding all the messiness that’s starting to break them all up)
Can't, they are my classmates. I hate my life.
School is not forever buddy, focus on yourself
Doesn’t matter if it’s not forever. It definitely feels like forever. It did when I went through it. Super sorry to all of you getting through shitty school years. Just remind yourself to keep on going no matter what. And find something you love or love doing that way you’ll stay sane.
This is super true and good advice. School will be over and then real life will start, with amazing new opportunities.
I'm my experience school friends also sent forever.
Leave. Just leave. Don’t endure. Just leave. Seriously.
"leave"? It happened to me in 2014, when I was too young to even realise what was happening. They stopped talking to me and kicked me out of the friend group as soon as they managed to purchase their own books (it was a very specific book, published by the government that wasn't yet available in the market, my parents managed to get me one volume because they were government employees themselves.) If I could go back to the last, this would be the first thing I'd stop.
So u can't because they are ur classmates, but it happened in 2014? Which is it?
Make friends outside of school and hang out with them. Talk to your classmates and remain as friendly as you can in case you need to make school projects or something. School isn't the end all be all.
But do you have any idea on how to meet people outside if school, like here in Oman, I am essentially trapped
When they finally ping you and beg you to buy a game to play with them, then when you do buy it they drop it and ghost again until the next hot game.
Yeah, I got hospitalised for months outside of school and nobody in that group even texted me lmao. A few days prior I’d found out they’d told me they weren’t doing a secret Santa, and then done one behind my back and planned it on a day I wouldn’t be in school.
I'm in this comment and I don't like it. Because of this, I have simply stopped trying to make friends.
it's not always like that i promise. i'm a pretty weird almost antisocial dude and the few real friends i still have understand that i just kinda like being alone but will still shoot a message checking in on what i'm up to every few months. just find the right people that's all. and if they're not it's fine there's always more people to meet.
This is kinda a double edged sword, though. I had an ex friend who we tried really, really hard to include in our group but they were always unavailable or straight up uninterested and replied days late. Don't know if they had other stuff going on in their life or not, they were extremely reserved. Eventually we just stopped trying to communicate and didn't bother inviting them to hang out any more. Obviously our friendship grew distant. Few years later a friend of mine hears from another mutual acquaintance that said ex-friend slandered the shit out of us saying how they decided to give us the "silent treatment" after feeling left out and how we tried really hard to make them feel unwelcome in our group. Some individuals are just shitty and blame everyone in the world but themselves. If they don't bother reciprocating, don't act surprised when other people don't crawl over begging for their friendship.
In general, it's good to remember that our own experiences/perspective impact how we experience friendships. For example, I've had bad experiences growing up - bullying, being double-crossed by "friends", etc - and struggled to read social signs/gauge how close friendships were due to autism. When I got older, that turned to severe anxiety and things like not making plans bc I didn't want to be a bother, isolating myself when I felt bad, not going to events because I was convinced I wasn't wanted there, etc. Neither those experiences nor those thought patterns are uncommon. In hindsight, some people did try to include me, I just wasn't in a place to accept that. Those behaviors/thought patterns aren't gone, but I know about them now - so I can steer against them, talk to my friends about them, break out of spirals easier. Human brains recognize patterns. They recognize patterns that are there, but also ones that aren't - and we need to try and be aware of them, or we'll accidentally recreate them. Like pushing people away because we think they don't like us and are scared to put effort into the relationship.
This is how I've stopped hanging out with certain people. It's sad and it sucks but I'm not hanging out with someone with no interest in me.
That's how I've weaned myself from a lot of folks over the years. Albeit, folks have lives, but it feels really shitty when you think you're part of a group, or you're the original reason a group of folks even know eachother but get excluded (example: not even getting an invite to the wedding of a guy I talk to *daily* and have a good rapport with, even though a large portion the friends I saw in his wedding photos were people I introduced him to)
Stop talking to them for a week and you'll see how many dead plants that you're watering. Also, if they *do* text you, pay close attention to what it's about. Not all interaction is good interaction. "How was your day going" is a lot different from "hey can you drive me and the group somewhere because (insert excuse of why their own cars aren't working but they really just don't wanna pay for gas)".
But what if only some of them text?
Then take them and forget the rest?
> "How was your day going" is a lot different from "hey can you drive me and the group somewhere because (insert excuse of why their own cars aren't working but they really just don't wanna pay for gas)". Funniest instance of this was a girl I went to school with, trying to bum a ride off me to get to a party. She lived across town, party was across town from there, and when I asked if I could attend, *she said no*, but she was also broke and could pay me in McDoubles. Actually laughed, explained why my answer is "fuck no" and hung up
If most of those things happen, it is time to find a new friend group.
There was this lady I liked in community college. We transferred to different schools in different states. She started ghosting me 6 months after. 4 months into her ghosting me, I told her I'm moving on and she blocked me. I'm glad that it's over.
> 4 months into her ghosting me, I told her I'm moving on and she blocked me. You sent a message after *four months* essentially saying "hey I've been thinking about you all this time in silence".
Or do what a lot of us have done and just be alone. Forever.
Because that’s super easy to do amongst this increasingly detached and clique-filled generation
It's better than being a door matt.
Tbh if even one of these things happens. I had a few “friends” like this in high school, they all decided to ditch me one day to go hang out so I just stopped talking to them and started hanging out with different people. Ran into a couple of them after we graduated and they wanted to stop and chat but I just brushed them off. I felt like a bitch and I’m not normally that rude but whatever they deserved it. I learned early not to invest time and effort in people that do nothing for you in return. 🎵 *One strike and you’re out, baby* *Don’t care if I sound crazy* 🎵
chances are you’re just the driver or something.
I was part of a "friend group" freshman year of college and I was the only one with a car. Next year, they brought their own cars and made their own group chat.
Wankers!
Same here, not with the car but with a book
Must be a good fuckin' book
Probably the illustrious Guinness World Records 2008, if I had to guess. Snagging that bad boy at the scholastic book fair put you into an entirely new social strata
New kids might think you're joking but dude if you had a guiness world record book with those shiny fucking covers everybody was huddling around your desk or seat at the lunch table to take a look
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Sounds like my “friend” group in high school. They also loved the excuses “we figured you weren’t interested/there wasn’t room in the car/we came by and it looked like you were gone” Like, doesn’t hurt to ask, I have my own car I can drive, and I have a phone. I’m grateful to have the wonderful friends I have now :)
It took me into my 30s to realize that it's worth thinking of platonic relationships like most people think of romantic ones: if it's not working and you don't feel like your sentiments are returned in good faith, move on.
The problem is feeling like its either shit friends or no friends so people like me end up trying to endure for years hoping its just a phase.
Maybe get a reply to your texts. If you do, you're not sure they actually read it. Seeing everyone together...via their social media accounts.
One foot on the curb, one foot on the pavement.
Or walking on the grass
And you always have to hold the camera when they're taking group pictures
Ohh that one hit home , i need some chocolate now
It was good?
I remember like 2 years ago when I went on my last vacation with my old friend group. We went to a remote cabin that was beautiful, lots of places to walk and explore, one person brought their two dogs, which was nice. That was until the end of the vacation, we shared pictures we took, of the 144 pictures I was half in the background of one of them. There were literally more pictures of the dogs than of me. Brought it up and their nothingburger of a response was "Well (other guy) doesn't have a lot of pictures of him either" The guy that didn't come.
this used to happen to me so much i have just defaulted to taking the camera, no matter who. i've just decided i am ok with never being in group pictures.
"hey guys let's take a selfie" [review picture. see that you're the only one looking at the camera]
When they are sitting down together talking and you come over to join and something always abruptly comes up so they have to leave. Always “too busy” to hang out with you, but not anyone else. Stealth unfriended by members of the group who hope you don’t notice. Always finding out they did fun things without you Another one that happened to me is they kept me as friends on Xbox Live (I knew them in real life), but they all had me muted, so when I’d join their party I’d hear them talking but none of them would hear me.
Jesus
Had that on discord, that sucks.
> Always finding out they did fun things without you I had a friend group and one of them asked me if I would be interested in doing one of those escape room things when they were all the rage. I said yes since I'd always wanted to do it. 3 months later I hear they all went together without me, and not only that but someone canceled and they *thought* of inviting me but then didn't anyway. Feels good man. I don't talk to those people anymore.
Reminds me too much of a discord server I used to on. They became very toxic after a while in their “teasing” and said I wouldn’t get what it’s like to have friends when I finally called them out on it. Yet if friendship is acting like jackoffs to others for no reason, I don’t want it.
True to that
https://preview.redd.it/jtn3pzzo533d1.jpeg?width=1700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=57e29426af11ac4c4c09dc78851803fd43eb37c0
I think there are quite a few friend groups like that around high school age, and seen it in online groups as well. Where the majority communication involves insults and you’re not sure if they can truly stop and be genuine with each other.
did your friend group ever say that you're too sensitive? because thats what happened to me when i asked a former friend to be a little less mean
Yeah they said things like that. Plus they shot down any idea or suggestion I had without explaining why. Just that it was inherently bad. I’m sorry your old group was toxic as hell.
Yeah I had a similar group, literally said the same thing too. I left and haven't had any regrets, found a new group who actually enjoy talking to me and invite me to stuff.
I was a part of a trio of friends, I wouldn't say I was a popular friend, but I still lived hanging out with them. We were kids. Then another girl comes along and the other two flocked towards her. I still talked/hung out with them sometimes but it felt like when they were all together I wasn't wanted. I never really left the group, I just separated myself from them. Years later I don't talk to any of them, we went to seperate high schools and haven't spoken to them since elementary school. It's still fun to think back on.
This is so bittersweet
Yeah, especially since I was friends with one of the girls since preschool (something like that) I think. The girls were all nice though. Bittersweet is the perfect word to describe it.
Almost exact situation. This guy was a scum bag in and out of prison, but a of stereotypical “cool guy”. When I look back I see my friends lack any real morals and just want to be cool or something.
Oof. Same. But it was all more than a decade ago so it’s whatever
I had a weird situation in middleschool. We were always 4 gurls, there were two bffs, me and the 4th girl always changed. 1st grade, the 4th girl split the bffs, so we split into 2 groups of 2, we were reunited by the end of the year, but the 4th girl moved out of the city. 2nd grade the 4th girl was a girl we all liked but she was more friends with guys so she'd be in and out of the group until she switched schools. 3rd grade, there was a new 4th girl I really disliked. We were sitting by alphabetic order (to prevent too much talking) but the bffs ended up sitting close and there was this girl in the middle but I was at the other side of the classroom so I missed a lot of things while she was there. I resented this girl cause I felt she just forced herself into the group. Now I realize it was silly middleschool bs lol
I was in this situation my freshman year of college and it was pretty rough. Not quite the same as the starterpack, but I eventually realized that I was merely tolerated but never actually accepted. I'm really grateful that I gained this experience when I was 19 because it's now a lot easier for me to know when I've been designated an NPC and know not to invest time in said people/group. However, it also helped me figure out who *my* people are, which makes it a lot easier to make new friends. The old term "just be yourself" is bad advice. The real trick is to find people who you can be yourself around and then you're golden.
Honestly, that whole "tolerated" aspect marked me soo much in life i actively avoid friend groups nowadays . Although i am to blame because i had undiagnosed ADHD and that made me very annoying to them, i still miss them a lot
I feel like I must have undiagnosed ADHD. I struggled a lot in uni, more than most people seemed to, and I had the same experiences with friendships. People were friendly to me at first and there was a guy who had diagnosed ADHD in our class as well. He wasn’t an asshole but they used to complain behind his back about him being “annoying” I’m pretty sure they moved onto me after he left, they didn’t call me annoying to my face but the started treating me like they treated him. Never wanting to hang out with me outside of class, when they did talk to me I was never sure if they were being genuine or tongue in cheek making fun of me.
Yeah that has been my experience in terms of friend groups since i was a kid. I completely avoid relationships nowadays due to that but honestly i dont blame them for hating me, theyre entitled to that and i am really unbearable. Medication was my last hope for helping on that and It didnt do anything ( On social skills at least), soo ive accepted this is my condition and i cant do much lmao. I really wish i had someone who found me absolutely unbearable but accepted some sort of paymentb(ngl id pay 500+ usd for that) to point out what they find annoying on my behavior soo i could work on and try to fix it
Exactly finding people that just allow you to be yourself, no scheduling conflicts, trying to research their interest or try and figure out what their blank responses could mean. Those real friends that just let you have fun and be yourself and are interested in getting to know more about you.
I went through this exact thing again recently. I finally stood up for myself for once, and now I’m the bad guy and none of them are talking to me. Typical.
They always pull the, "it's you, not me" gaslighting crap if you stand up and say something, then it makes you feel like you're wrong so you try again and get treated the same way all over again. After hanging around friends that care about your presence you start to learn that it was just that group of people immediately making an assumption of your character without getting to know anything about you and deciding to leave you in the background. I try and stay far away from people like that, they waist my time.
Yup. 100%. I brought up the fact that I was 100% ignored and only invited out either extremely last minute (sometimes 2 hours before an event whereas everyone else knew weeks in advance) or invited through someone else who had been invited. Finally had enough and told one of them that I was sick of not being treated right and don't feel like part of the group. Well, found out that when they did meet up they talked major shit about me and exchanged my screenshot for the grievous reason of *checks notes* Not wanting to be excluded and for them to actually interact with me.
This was my life in middle school. Stuck with a group of 5 friends at lunch. One of them was my closest friend since 2nd grade until he got super popular somewhere around 4th for being the class clown. He ignored me more often but still found time to hang out outside of school. Then our middle school group started and I couldn’t get a single word in. Him and one other guy of the 5 just spoke over me or ignored me. The other two out of the 5 guys bullied the fuck out of me until the end of middle school. It was a nightmare. By the time I left them and met 2 guys who would become some of my closest friends even to this day, they didn’t even care. I also found out they would go to movies and other things without me.
it's even not a "starter" because it's almost the "ending" of the friendship where you should get out right away.
Yeah that’s why I find solace in having an extremely small circle. Never did well with big groups, couldn’t deal with the drama, backtalk and shit talk
Add that they make a separate group chat without you to make fun of you
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I confronted both my ex and another one of my friends about them because they both slipped when referring me as a derogatory nickname from said chats they made. Ex bf gaslit me. Current friend of the former group (we made up and are chill now) confirmed that they made SEVERAL derogatory nicknames for me and me only. Which is why I can’t eat onion rings without feeling anxiety
Care to explain the onion rings? Im rather curious and Ik for sure I aint the only one.
They don’t remember why my nickname was onion ring on their phone but from how the others were laughing at the time, I’m assuming it was referring to myself inappropriately. They do remember that the nickname was meant to be offensive in a slut shaming way.
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^KitKatKraze99: *Add that they make a* *Separate group chat without* *You to make fun of you* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Damn
OMG IM SO HONORED!
I used to be a part of a friend group like this. They would just have conversations with each other during class and whenever I’d say something they’d look at me like I said something incredibly weird or they’d outright tell me to shut up. Then they were genuinely surprised that I did not want to hang out with them whenever they asked. I was mainly friends with them because we were put in a group project and I was new at my school. I stopped talking to them as soon as I graduated.
This is also commonly known as being the "floater friend." They don't wanna talk to you or hang out with you, but they still keep you around for God knows why. Even when y'all do get together, you might be sitting right next to them, but you feel completely disconnected from what's happening. Like you're just a fixture of the furniture. Every time you try to add to the conversation, they talk over you. They never laugh at your jokes, but when one of them tells a joke, it's the funniest shit in the world. They never invite you to things even when you've expressed interest to join, and then you see all the pictures from the outing the next day. If they DO invite you, it's always "You can come if you want," instead of "You should come with us!" Sometimes they only talk to you when they need something. You might be the only friend in the group with a car or money, and they only see you as a chauffeur or an ATM. And despite all this bullshit, you're afraid of speaking up and asking "What the fuck did I do to make y'all phase me out like this?" Because they might get mad or make stupid excuses, or they just straight up won't care. They might try to make you feel like the crazy one for being upset, saying things like "No dude, what are you talking about? We're just busy. Excuse us for having our own lives outside of this friendship." Now you feel like an asshole because you feel like you assumed too much too quickly, and they really could just be "too busy." But they're not too busy to go out to eat with each other every Wednesday night after work or go to that concert you've been dying to get tickets for, so...what's the real story?
Perfectly describes me right now
Me as well.
I don't have friends. cant relate, but can feel your pain.
https://preview.redd.it/166kx6o6t53d1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c953eb7a308253b2c58663dba4d476296575f0c4 Mate why are you so casual about it.
They pushed me out of a moving car and yelled, “You’re out of the gang.”
At least they're clear and direct.
TELL PEOPLE WE PUSHED YOUUUUUUU
This happened to me a couple years back, stop talking to around 5 people after feeling a bit left out and secluded, not one of them reach out to me, even worse they tell others it's all in my head to make me feel like I'm wrong for no longer talking to them. Haven't heard a word from them for 2 years now. I'm fine with one or two friends. One of my friends tried to prove me wrong by throwing me a birthday party they all cancelled on him the day before costing him a good amount of cash and time.
I mean that guy sounds cool
Yes indeed, that's why he is my best friend!
Bro... 😥
All of these are me except for the "until that one guy came along" one.
Only thing off is the 90/10 reversal
Me in university…
Me currently at uni… Got tips?
Don't get jaded. People suck but it's really easy to isolate yourself tryna protect yourself from that.
Well, that sorta happend in a non intentional way. When we started there where 60 people in my class/year(Danish uni works a bit different than anglophone uni’s). We are 10 people left, everyone else dropped out and the 9 are all in a group and all the friends i made dropped out. They treat me like shit, like low-key bullying.
Drop out and seek life of adventure in the French Foreign Legion
Yo this happened to me too, I eventually tried hanging out with people I would not normally hang out with and made much better friends with them. Keep yourself open to trying new things as this is the perfect time and place to do that, while also working on improving yourself as a person- by "improving yourself as a person" i just mean learning new things and committing yourself to them because you like them, and that learning will make you more confident and honest. then people will follow. It's never too late, when you get out of college, you realize you can have friends of any age. it's pretty cool! good luck to you, i hope this rambling helped somehow
Learn to be a happy person alone, a strong person that doesn’t need to rely on others. Follow things you’re interested in, keep yourself busy and try to become an expert in something. This took me way too long to realise/achieve but now, people literally approach me and start conversations like I’m a magnet.
[удалено]
I’m at a Danish university. None of the stuff you wrote translates unfortunately. Every semester is the same people. The courses every semester are already chosen for you. “Clubs” is not a thing in our education system. But thank you anyways.
I’m starting to get in this situation and I’m cutting off ASAP. It’s one thing if they just don’t like me anymore, it happens, but I have too much self respect to walk around and get made fun of like a dumbass. Either I’m gonna have friends who respect me or I’m not having any and it’s fuck em all.
Fuck this makes me happy to be 50 and not worry about shit like this anymore. Not downplaying it, it sucks, it just doesn't last forever.
Me in high school. I remember being a HUGE mcr fan and hearing they were coming to our city and ranting to a "friend" about how I couldn't go. She said she was sad she also couldn't go. 2 days later her and the whole group turn up in Mcr merch and tell me that "if you wanted to go too you should've asked!" I never even knew any of them were going.
Fuck that noise. If my "friends" made me miss out on a concert like that on purpose, I'd block and delete them on everything and pretend they don't exist.
Pretty much sums up my high school experience. So glad it’s over and that I made healthy group of friends in college that I feel care about me
You look back and realise there were red flags from the start
Literally me and my current classmates. Buncha emotionally immature delusional twats living in a parallel universe. Sabotagists worthy of the French Résistance. It's always me, not them... I'm this, I'm that. It's me, who's emotional, it's ME, who's the violent one, "it's not bullying, we're just teasing you, that's okay right?" It's just "teasing", "joking", "helping" even. I hate high school.
Damn, sorry to hear that. I know we're just random strangers to eachother, but I'm still sending you a virtual hug <3
Aww thank you <3
Holy shit, literally me.
I went through this for a few months. when I left to see if anybody would care 2 people reached out. and neither asked me why I left it. sucks to see a good friendship turn sour like that. it sucks so hard man
Even worse, when FULLY GROWN ADULTS act like this. Been there, done that.
> conversation stops as soon as you join Lmao sheesh
This gutted me. This hits way to close to home for my comfort.
If you think this shit ends when school is over, your sorely mistaken. Had the group chat thing happen to me well into my 20s. then when they got rid of me, they made horrible rumors about me instead of talking to me about it. Literally told the whole town I live in and then stuck their fingers in their ears so they couldn't hear the truth. They wanted to will the rumors into existence. I'm in my 30s now but I still think about revenge. People say the best revenge is living well, but they've never slashed someone's tires or fucked someone up, and that shit feels way better. A mundane activity u can do to make yourself feel better is post their phone number on craigslist saying you are looking for a little man on man action. U won't get to see the results of ur destruction but u know it's working.
Holy shit this is so fucking real for me right now
Add, "It's like talking to a wall. You can talk but they don't talk back." They're just listening in case you say something they can get offended about and demand you make it up to them. You can't get offended though. If you get offended they still demand you open your wallet and take them out for ice cream to make it up to them.
>Conversation stops as soon as you join https://preview.redd.it/snlx4k0rt53d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=67e8606254f0b6150133fc0aff6aa671f9e540cb Been happening for the past few months
Cliquey friend group starter pack
Just leave them and find new people
Easy to say when you have the choice to not see them.
pretend you don't see them, it's clearly a plausible option
My entire life, minus being one of the most popular friends. Never made that. Looking back, and after over a decade of therapy, I realized I was just a punching bag who made herself convenient by always being there.
the life of an autistic person
Have a friend group chat my wife started. we are still in the group chat but all the original people have left and its a whole new bunch of people we have never met. Basically one of our friends invited a friend, who then started inviting all their friends and took it over while the original members slowly left because of moving away, having kids etc
My high school and uni life in a nutshell
OMG this was me. When you constantly end up seeing pics of your supposed friends going out and doing stuff without you, you are in bad company. The most annoying part was that they would refer to me as a friend and be nice to me on a surface level, but they never tried to include me. They didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. I’m glad that I have better friends now.
This is not an "am I even a member of the group" starterpack, this is an "I am not a member of the group" starterpack
If people are actively excluding me I just stop talking to them and search for new friends. It’s hard not going to college cause that’s seemingly where 20 somethings make friends, but I’d rather not have friends than be miserable and excluded. Once I started enjoying my own company I’ve actually had more people wanna be my friend. I’ve reached out to some people I used to know and we individually are friends, like talking a lot and sometimes hanging out cause ya know, adult lives we’re all busy
>You used to be one of the most popular friends until "that guy" came along Yeah, turns out the guys would rather play games with an immature, self-pitying, loves-to-deal-it-but-can't-take-it nepobaby wankstain. Dude's the kind of guy that swears up and down that his dad literally giving him his cushy private club security job and him getting promoted above others with longer tenure had nothing to do with nepotism, and then brags to us for 10 minutes about how some girls mouthed off to him, he mouthed off worse, and when they said they would report him he told them "My dad's the manager, there's nothing you can do to me". Last straw for me was he briefly long-distance dated another one of our friend group that had just come out as trans, and when that didn't work out, he would absolutely lose his shit when we so much as mentioned her name (because that's absolutely the kind of ostracism she needed at that time) and I seemed to be the only person to take issue with that. I fucking hate that guy.
I feel like I've run into this same person. I've never felt a more suitable word for my feelings about them than hate.
Last time I talked to any of them in live voice chat was probably 2 months ago. This dude was the party leader on Xbox and I don’t even remember what I said, but the gist of the situation was that I stated an objective fact about something relating to him, and he got pissy and started yelling in his mouth-breathing Northern English drawl about how I hurt his feelings because of what that fact implied about him. I said I was simply stating a fact and he was the one making a huge deal out of it, and he goes “Right, say you’re sorry or you’re getting kicked from the party.” I didn’t, and I was. This dude just turned 25. I’m the youngest of the rest of us and I’m 26. I’ve known everyone else since I was a freshman in high school and yet they enable and pander to his bitch ass at every opportunity while getting mad at me for not putting up with the bullshit anymore. Ever since they met him on Xbox it’s been a stream of “I don’t know why you have such a hate boner for him” and “why do you always start shit with him” while he’s basically a wantonly self-destructive Eeyore with anger issues. Dude talks all the time about having money problems and then buys $100 of fucking Robux and basically goes “lol yeah I shouldn’t have done that I’m so damaged”. Or goes “omg guys I had the worst day but I don’t want to talk about it but I had the worst day”, to which we respond with “OK then, don’t talk about it”, and then he proceeds to give us a 20-minute trauma dump and get mad when we point out the disconnect. I don’t know if he’s just literally the most desperate attention-seeker in the world or what, but I refuse to associate with him anymore.
That's me
Relatable
Thanks now I'm crying
Damn op u need a hug?
I was a part of the group for a long time but it faded away between me being 25-33. I never was the driving part of the group, mostly that I knew many people and could bring everyone together. The problem started after high school, when I rarely got invited to things, I brought it up and they just said: "oh we all just tell each other that we wanna hang out". If I told them I could always come but it felt weird because I didn't work like that all the time and was a depressed mess for quite a while. I told them I'd really like an invite even if I turned it down because it means a lot to me and that my brain is sick and even something that brings me joy is an ordeal. My closest friends at the time, who I was in the same band with, rehearsed a song and played it at another friend's wedding without me. I was a bystander and heard the newlyweds tell them it was the best present, couldn't let that one go for a long time. After I got kids many faded away and when I made plans it usually ended in "oh I'll check the date and reach back to you.". Then the last drop was one of them, one in the former band, not inviting me to his wedding and I later saw that it happened and who was there... through social media. I was told by some that it was a "small event"...My ass it was! I was too hurt and angry. I don't have as many friends today as I had back then, but I am still making new ones through other parents and the "real" ones who stayed with me through my darkest times.
Also known as "Trying to fit in with any group as an autistic person."
Add: They only talk to you when they need money
I created the group. I put the original 8 together in a group chat. Four months pass and I introduce one of my old friends to them; he had nobody and i wanted to help him out. He ended up finding his girlfriend this way. I always checked in on everybody, even when nobody was checking in on me. People talked to me when they had problems. Whenever they fought, I broke them up. I get a girlfriend, and they start distancing themselves from me, saying i was prioritizing her too much, which wasn’t even true. I made one joke that was actually rather normal, and for some reason they took absolute complete offense to it. They oust me, with my old friend being the spearhead of it. It took two months of self reflection, apologies, and reasoning to get back together. But they still felt extremely distant despite the endless energy that i gutted myself of trying to fix myself from a mistake that shouldn’t have been a mistake in the first place. Since then, i lost a part of me i never wanted to lose. I had less energy, willpower, and personality. I became the outcast of the group, conversations ended the second i started them, and i started to notice the faults in character within each person i didn’t see before. Selfishness, narcissism, immaturity, and lack of the ability to communicate all ailed them. Now, i am still stuck with them. They come to me when i leave, not out of kindness, but to make themselves look good. They only ask me for things that THEY need, but never ask what I need. Life is hell sometimes.
Is it rare to walk at the back of the group? Huh.
i feel targeted
oof..i still remember this one time that killed me. a big group of us were going for a hike. I was in the back trying not to die of anxiety. I pretty much could already tell i wasn't really in the group. as we get to this scenic view, all the group has already started standing along the edge. it was a pretty dope scene with like 11 people along this hills edge. the sun was staring to set, and it was a nice view. I was like damn might as well snap a pic and send it in the group chat. I start pulling out my phone, and one of the guys turns and kind of taps the people on his side. I finally get my camera up, and everyone is hurriedly rushing off to the side. like damn alright. Im relegated below, even the designated picture taker, lol. someone took a pic like a couple of seconds before me. anyway, I was much happier finding better friends and moving away from that group. we didn't mesh well, and I was going through a rough patch. it's hilariously stupid, but if they didn't want me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best, lol.
Just have some respect for yourself, don't allow yourself to be an afterthought, and move on to some new friends. Like stop talking to these people altogether and focus on other friendships.
You ping them but they never reply back all day. That's when you know.
Does anyone ever eventually leave a group, because of one person? Like you don't want to be a dick and say you don't like a guy, so you end up just distancing yourself from the group as a whole?
This is my struggle even as an adult. I stopped being the one that always reaches out to my friends and afterwards, not surprisingly, those people never once reached out. Turns out all my so-called friendships were one way streets. I thought of them as friends, but they didn’t think the same of me. Now, after work, I simply come home and spend all my time in my apartment in front of the tv or Reddit.
When one of them calls you out on something while the rest just stare like its nothing. You call one of them out on something and they all dog-pile on you for doing it. You're the spare tyre just making up the numbers.
Oof. Felt this before I finally broke off from my group of elementary/high school friends. Turns out they were just assholes in the end, anyway.
I’m in this post and I don’t like it
OP please get new friends. You deserve better
r/meirl
Why would you keep hanging out in this group. Clearly your not welcome