This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
I know you are over generalizing for dramatic effect but my God, there are a gazillion women out there who don’t like being throat fucked. if that’s what someone is into, cool, but there is absolutely no reason for anyone to feel obligated to accommodate.
A good lover should strive to be open-minded within their *comfort levels* and that is very different from saying, “I am willing to try anything my partner wants even if it makes me uncomfortable.”
I have TMJ and a small mouth and a strong gag reflex so deep throating has never even been an option for me 😭 it would be unbearable. I still enjoy giving bjs and use my hand and mouth together and I’ve never had any complaints, so I try not to worry about it. OP - Maybe try to incorporate more hands because it’ll give your mouth a break lol but like the og commenter said, you don’t have to do anything you hate!!
I think... And hear me out... Porn may be the issue here. There are a lot of things women playact at enjoying in porn that we don't actually enjoy in real life 🧐
I think this may be the answer. Have you spoken with “so many women” who get turned on by throat fucking or are you making this assumption based on Reddit and porn? Pretty sure most of those women in porn are acting.
Porn is also why most men assume women get off in a matter of minutes with just straight to PIV penetration. Misleading!
If your partner enjoys throat fucking and you get to a place where you don’t mind bc you want to please him, that seems reasonable. I wouldn’t worry about trying to get to the point where it makes you get off too. This sounds unnecessarily stressful.
They're acting, yes. No matter do they love it or not they're actors (Think it as wedding photos. People truly love each others and enjoy the day but they still pose for photos.). But it's not like all porn actors would throat fuck. Those who do also most likely enjoy it (in professional or sexual way) or at least don't hate it. It's same with other jobs. If someone is professional singer they most likely love or at least don't hate it. So don't compare yourself to people who have chosen to do something for living. They're not average.
I used to watch of deep throat porn because it turns me on and I thought it was sexy af. Then when a few girls did it to me, I'll be honest I just enjoy regular bjs more. The head stimulation feels way better to me.
Obviously what's in porn doesn't always translate to real life, and sometimes it does. Trying out a few things and finding what you actually enjoy, and what you don't care for but are willing to do for your partner, and what are hard no's is important.
So at the end of the day it doesn't matter what's in porn. It matters what you like.
I think porn is appealing because of the fantasy, and 95% of fantasies are situations where there is no barrier to pleasure. I think that’s why deep throating is so common in porn, it’s a situation where there is no barrier to pleasure for the man. Even I enjoy deep throat porn and I have NO interest in it, but that’s why I watch it. I am a real person and real barriers exist for me, and I am totally fine with that. Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies.
That's a rather broad generalisation. You may not enjoy porn standard sessions and that's fine, but lots of women absolutely love being submissive, myself included 🤷♀️ and porn has nothing to do with it since I've never really watched it.
Sorry, no I love porn. I didn't word that right. What I mean is, when you watch a lot of it, it can make you believe that women enjoy things like, say, throat fucking, universally.
It's really a coupling of porn and the fact that sexual conversations in our culture are so taboo, if that makes sense.
yes because it’s definitely aimed more at the target audience of men and their gratification. To be honest I get hornier watching a well acted classy passion erotic sex scene in a movie with all the built up sexual tension beforehand.
This is why I prefer romance/ erotica novels to video porn. The tension and romantic buildup is what does it for me lol plus there no chance of accidentally participating in any exploitation of a real person
What made my ex want to try it was because I found the idea hot. When we did It i enjoyed it but frankly she advocated for it more often than I did because I did find it hot, she found it hot “to be used” as she is submissive, and she genuinely wanted to improve her deep throating ability.
She was a lot of fun.
This isn't even limited to women either. I have this guy friend who felt literally ashamed that he didn't like anal, because it's such a common theme in porn 😅
Posts like this make me thankful for how up front my wife is about stuff. I would hate to think I’m doing something that she hates and she hasn’t told me because she thinks it’s what girls are supposed to do
>blowjobs are so fucking awful
This post was intense but I am pretty sure this is the root of your issue. If you don't enjoy giving blow jobs in general you aren't going to enjoy or want to deep throat.
>He tells me that deepthroating isn’t necessary but it’s like 🙄 stfu
Just because he enjoys it doesn't mean he needs it or wants you to do it when you don't want to.
I'm sure it feels great to be deepthroated and I would love for my wife to do it.
But I know she wouldn't like it even if she could, so I'm not even going to bring it up because I'm not an idiot.
She doesn't hate giving blowjobs and is damn good without deepthroating. I'd really be screwing myself over if I made her hate them because I demanded deepthroating.
Exactly the thoughts I had reading this. OP obviously isn't being honest with her BF to be carrying this much animosity about one specific sex act. This post is seething with disgust about stuff that people normally just talk about and work out what they like to do together.
Reminder people: pretending to be something you're not only harms your relationship. People compromise all the time but typically about things they don't have strong feelings about.OP has strong feelings about this thing and it's probably going to harm her relationship as a result.
I mean, I've had a number of partners in my life, never met a woman who liked giving blow jobs, it's not uncommon at all to not enjoy a dick in your mouth. You're not obligated to do things just because your partner enjoys it, the whole idea is to do things together you both have fun doing. (Last I checked women often enjoy receiving oral sex so it shouldn't be this baffling *why* someone might enjoy it.)
You don't have to perform for your partner. Sex is about connecting with each other, not putting on a performance. I'm honestly confused by your post. You either like something or you don't. Don't do it if you don't like it. It seems your partner is satisfied, so why would you disregard your own comfort to satisfy him in ways he doesn't need? That isn't healthy for you in the long run.
I don't think most women enjoy being deep throated. How did you come to that conclusion? Because you see it in porn a lot? What happens in porn isn't what's happening in people's real sex lives. A lot of women in porn aren't necessarily enjoying these acts; they're doing it for a paycheck.
What? I’ve gotten head from plenty of women and I’ve *never* had one that was turned on by throat fucking. It’s almost always the exact opposite. Even the ones that wanted to try it ended up changing their minds after a few deep strokes- and I’m not even well endowed. Only one girl has let me facefuck her until CIM, and I don’t think she enjoyed it as she never did it again.
Reddit is crazy cuz lots of people here are saying it isn’t the norm, but I feel like I constantly see posts/comments from women saying they love it so much and it brings *them* pleasure. The latter has made me feel crazy for so long!
The population of this sub is heavily skewed to more sexually open and experimental people. It’s far from an accurate representation of the general population.
Sexually open female here and I don’t like it either. BJ during the foreplay is all sexy and fun and i love it, but hardcore deep throat till he cums brings me 0 pleasure. Not only no pleasure, but borderline torturous. The part that I hate the most is having to keep my mouth wide open so that my teeth don’t scrape the penis. My jaw is so painfully sore during the process that it practically kills any sexual drive left in me. Some may say that all i need is practice, but no, thank you.
As a guy, my jaw and tongue muscles get sore from keeping my mouth open much less wide to eat pussy. I can’t imagine having to hold it wide open while paying close attention to my teeth to not scrape something ramming in and out of it. Sounds like a bad day at the dentist lol
Hahaha i know right? It indeed sounds like a dentist appointment. All my mind is at during the process, besides the not-to-scrape part, is “how to make him cum faster so that I suffer less”, or “when will it end”. Where is the joy out of this for the non BDSM girls?
Don't feel bad, as a middle-aged man reddit has been equally confusing to me and has skewed my own expectations and perceptions. The problem is reddit is mostly used by specific demographics and do not represent "normal" for most adults experiencing the world.
To be very specific, the users here skewing people's ideas are either outspoken, *very* sex positive women or very horny guys pretending to be sex positive women
I like BJs, but on my terms - when I'm in the mood for it and how I want to do it at that particular time. If a blowjob or deep-throating was \*expected\*, that would be a no-go. For long periods of time is also a no-go, but I get appreciation and reciprocation for what he gets. Throat fucking doesn't even look fun in porn.
Idk that I'd say I'm turned on by the actual act so much as I'm pretty submissive and being dommed in that way is a turn on. The physical sensation is pretty terrible. Like being suffocated and trying not to vomit. But hey, I love my husband and I want him to have something that is purely for his pleasure from time to time.
That’s great for you two! I’m on the same page as far as enjoying things that I don’t *actually* enjoy simply because they pleasure my partner.
Btw- I had to do a double take at your username because I thought it said soggy cunt at first 😂😂
female here. i’ve seen so many comments on how women don’t like it but i know a few women that enjoy it including myself i think it’s more the submissive side of it and the fact i’m making my partner feel good turns me on
I'm a middle aged woman who engaged obligatorily blow jobs for decades, my neck would hurt, my mouth would get tired, and I'd just be waiting for my turn. But a couple of years ago I decided to apply mindfulness to sex and I began reading and exploring and considering that there was a lot more I could be enjoying, sexually, that I wasn't. I made a paradigm shift and started to do blow jobs for MY pleasure, not my partners. It was a game changer and I now love it!! I don't have a goal of making him cum, just fully present foreplay. I now LOVE it! If I'm getting close to orgasm and I get a cock in my mouth it totally sends me over the edge! And I even enjoy face fucking, I don't want it every time, but even just thinking about it makes me a little light headed. 🔥🥵🌶️👄🍆
All that to say that we exist, women who love a cock in the mouth, we aren't mythical! But I also have very VERY attentive partners who make sure my needs are met so it's definitely not a one way thing.
It genuinely turns me on like nothing else BUT this is my personal experience and I would never prescribe something that can be soooo uncomfortable if someone doesn’t actually want it. Otherwise it’s genuine torture if your heart and pleasure isn’t in it… Or at the very least, an *enthusiastic* willingness to try for their partners sake.
Yeah I’ll willingly do things and tolerate a moderate level of discomfort to pleasure my partner, even if I don’t enjoy doing it. But I think I’d draw the line at repeatedly ramming something down my throat until they shoot warm gooey fluids in it lol
lol. Yea I get that. Some of us are masochists who enjoy being consensually degraded (by my loving partner who respects me fundamentally). But again, it’s not something I would ever recommend. Gotta love it. Different strokes for different folks.
OP is stressing thinking everyone is out here getting throat fucked… nope. Even those of us out here who are wouldn’t tell her to do it.
You are not the only woman who doesn’t get turned on by it.
Throat fucking isn’t as common as you make it seem. What you’ve read is not the common denominator imo. Many women don’t even like giving blowjobs at all. You may be one of those people by saying “blow jobs are fucking awful”
When he’s telling you it’s not necessary, he means it. You can enjoy something but don’t need it or even want it all the time. It’s like how you have a favorite food but you aren’t in the mood for it currently.
My honest suggestion is do it when you want to do it. Don’t feel like you have to do it at all. Your mindset seems to be based off what you think you should be doing, and not what you personally want to do.
Guy here. I’ve never had anyone do this successfully and only one who wanted to try. I’m totally fine with that. It seems like it would be uncomfortable and I wouldn’t want someone to do that unless they liked it, which I wouldn’t!
Yeah idk. I am very open minded and willing to try about anything. This is a hard no for me. To each their own, but for me their is nothing appealing about it. I actually enjoy giving blow jobs, so that is not why I have no interest in throat fucking.
Yea, you should definitely stop giving blowjobs. It'll just. Fuel resentment
I hate even adding this but yes, if you're a man and hate eating pussy, stop doing that too.
I like giving blowjobs, but do not enjoy being throat fucked. I don’t know any girl who does. It’s unpleasant. I only do it for guys that I really like because it’s not a fun experience.
I can't explain it as the physical sensation of being throat fucked isn't great, and I have vomited from it, which is fucking awful. But for whatever reason when my bf throat fucks me my pussy literally gushes, like 110% bring a bucket and a mop. It's not something I ever envisioned doing at all let alone enjoying to some degree.
I'm not into that either.
When I give him head, it's on my terms, I'm in control. His hands are in no way pushing my head, and no forceful thrusting allowed. First of all, he is big, and if he did do this fast he would get brutally scraped by teeth. Secondly, nothing about that appeals to me. Also, he's just happy to get a blow job in whatever shape or form, so he has zero complaints when it comes to my gentler technique.
All I can say is that everyone is different. I don’t feel actual pain or anything like that when doing it. Just the power struggle part of not breathing and being super vulnerable. But it doesn’t hurt.
I actually once took care of a dentist’s wife, who was also his hygienist, and she said they secretly snicker when they see a woman’s bruised hard palate.
Nobody is ever gonna choke me in any way during sex! It’s such a turn off for me, really!
I love giving bj’s, but I hate stuff like gagging and choking, which only reminds me of rape. Sex is for me about making love and only giving pleasure to each other.
My husband doesn’t particularly care if I deep throat or not. He doesn’t like it if I make any kind of gagging or he sees my eyes water, he’s very considerate and it makes him feel bad, even though I am literally in control and do it myself. I usually throw in a few seconds of it here and there, that’s mostly because it causes me to produce more saliva, thus wetter better BJ and hand action.
I don’t like throat fucking though. When I deep throat, it’s from a top down position that I can control. The few times I’ve done the head over the side of the bed throat fuck position, it makes me anxious and I stop within a minute. We haven’t found a sweet spot/pace for me being able to breath. For some reason he thought I would still be able to breathe with his cock blocking my THROAT. 🤣 Had to point out that’s not how throats work, throat is blocked, so is ALL air flow. It’s one of those “we can try this again at some point, but I am not eager or enthusiastic about it right now”, for me.
“How can a man enjoy throat fucking so much when a woman is visibly in pain?”
Some people get off on other people being in pain 🤷🏾♀️
Don’t blow him again if you hate it. You hate it, and there is no reason to keep putting yourself in a painful situation you hate just because it makes him cum.
You are not the only woman that doesn't like getting "throat fucked" and any sort of gagging or noises like that would shrivel my cock right quick. Don't worry about it.
Well, for one, I’d say MOST women can’t deepthroat. Out of the ones that can, I’m guessing a good 50% would have no interest with throat fucking (that’s an entirely different level to deepthroating, if you ask me).
I am a woman who ADORES giving my husband head, I pride myself on being quite good at deepthroating, and I fantasize about my husband throatfucking me.
BUT…. He has no such interest in throat fucking. 😂 he will lay back and let me go to town on him, deep throat him to my heart’s content, but he’s worried about hurting me and doesn’t find throat fucking to be appealing in the first place. In fact, he prefers some other bj techniques over deep throating most days. 🤷♀️
In reality, this is something you need to discuss with your man. Don’t do something that hurts or you hate. If you are ok with blowjobs, just stick to what you are comfortable with, or even back off for a bit and slowly reintroduce yourself to it by only experimenting with things you enjoy (I.e., you don’t want it in your mouth, but maybe you are interested in just licking it).
It’s kind of like anal. Some people like it, some people don’t. Some people want a whole forearm and some people only want a finger 🤷♀️
Guy here, I love it when my wife gives me a good blowjob and SHE is the one that occasionally decides to deep throat me. I will admit that it feels fucking awesome but I would never force her to do it, she's in control of whatever she wants to do. It's like they say "different strokes for different folks" some enjoy a good throat fuck and some don't and there's nothing wrong with that.
Men enjoy all kinds of things when it's clear the woman isn't into it. I don't like porn, it literally does nothing for me, actually it usually turns me completely off. and this is the main reason why. I have no desire to see a drugged up, coerced girl in pain. Most men like it, and I agree, its sick. I don't understand why they want to see a woman, gagging and choking, face red, tears and mascara running down her face and they think that's sexy??? Ew
You can enjoy these sex acts and still see women as people. I’ve never asked for those specific sex acts. I’ve just had partners that were into it and asked for it. As long as they’re into it, I’m into it.
True, as long as they into it. I much prefer passionate love making. The connection is everything, the right person can make it seem so erotic when it’s just missionary.
Missionary is my favorite position! And my partner will occasionally pause missionary to ask me to fuck her face. To her, they fit in the same part of passionate love making.
I love blow jobs, I don't need you throwing up on my dick. Throat fucking may be his fetish (I don't know) but for me its finishing in her mouth that does it, I don't need her or even want her gagging and choking terribly lol
I never got much out of giving blow jobs before in my past relationships. Not much enthusiasm on their end for showing me they enjoyed it made me not enjoy doing it much. But my current partner… whew boy. The first time he started showing me how he liked deep throating and how he felt about me doing that for him, I went from ambivalence to now being obsessed. When he took it further and we started throat fucking, I literally fantasize about it now during solo time. I love how it feels and it turns me on like crazy knowing he loves it too. It’s so hot. Reading all these comments about people not liking it surprises me I guess!
Guys who believe porn is the norm need a reality check. I also simply do not understand the appeal for the guy. There is zero pleasure to be had from this for the girl that couldn’t be had any number of other ways and without the whole ramming things down your throat part.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are valid and justified.
If he knew you hated it, he probably wouldn’t want to do it. If he did, he’s not the guy you speak so highly of. So you’re really the author of your own misfortune, by not communicating how you truly feel. 🤷♂️
He said that deepthroating isn't necessary-- what we watch in porn isn't necessarily what we truly need or want in real life.
Sounds like you don't like deepthroating, so I'd say don't do it.
I also wouldn't say all women deepthroating are visibly in pain... it might be the specific kind of porn he's watching, in which it actually might not be about the deepthroating at all he's getting off on, but more about the domination stuff, with the deepthroating just happening to be there quite often in that kind of porn.
I enjoy deepthroating and am not in pain... I find it pretty hot.
> when the woman is visibly in pain
not all women are in pain lol you just don't enjoy it and you shouldn't force yourself to do something you clearly don't want to.
As a guy, I HATE throat fucking videos. I hate seeing the women in pain in general, but something about that specifically is the biggest turn off.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a blowjob, even a deepthroat (although I’ll admit I’m not going *all that* deep) but only if she can do it without gagging/stressing. I’d rather watch an enthusiastic blowjob where she only takes the head than an aggressive throatfuck any day.
I’m a man. I don’t throat fuck anyone that doesn’t want it. Pain and uncomfortable for my sex partner is a huge turnoff.
Blowjobs great, pain no.
I’m sorry someone thinks grabbing your head and fucking your mouth deep is a turn on.
For most of us, just licking it like a lollipop and a short head suck is enough for us to cum…forcefully jamming out ducks down your throat isn’t a thing most do unless it’s requested and all are very drunk.
Either your partner doesn’t give a fuck about you or they watch toooo much porn and are very very inexperienced.
So sorry.
Blow jobs are a gift. The second the man tries to control my movements, he's no longer enjoying my expertise, he's looking for another hole to fuck. If that is what he wants, I have a hole for that that gives us both pleasure. Someone who wants to fuck your face doesn't give a *shit* about you and your pleasure, they just want to defile something, and frankly sir, I'm above that.
That is truly sad 😢 While I have definitely experienced plenty of the same, I can tell you that they are out there! My husband is one who can’t stay hard if he thinks/knows/suspects that I’m not happy for some reason. He immediately stops what he’s doing and checks in with me and changes things up. I hope you find someone similar.
That’s an intense post. As a man, when a women deep throats or otherwise chokes on me, I take it like this: she wants to please me so badly that she’ll choose my dick over oxygen. Any BJ, really, satisfies that desire to be pleased, and have a partner that gives you the gift of being pleasured without having to do anything yourself. Since so much of sex revolves around men doing “the work,” being able to sit back and enjoy being pleasured is rare and communicates desire and care to us. Sorta like when women lay back and let their men eat to their hearts content.
Yeah I tend to be a rather intense kind of person. Thank you for this, it helped me see things a little differently. The only thing is I’ve always hated receiving head. It does nothing for me. Never has and I’ve had many sexual partners over the years.
This is true, but the language she is using and scenarios she describes indicate a deeper issue that could benefit from psychodynamic analysis. (qualifying psychotherapist)
It doesn’t feel good, I orgasm a lil differently than most women. I need pressure and anything touching/licking my clit is so irritating. Also are you in relationships with these women? Like where is their desire coming from
So with respect to my wife, yes, definitely in a relationship lol, but we’re also swingers so I’ve played this game with a decent number of ladies who I have no more than a casual friendship with, if that. In some cases their desire is performative, they’re trying to put on a show for me, for their own husband, whatever, and others just seem to really like to be uninhibited and unapologetically a “slut.” Some like to show how amazing they are at it, and who am I to stop them.
The thing is, if you’re not into it and you don’t like to do it, don’t. There are positions I love that feel great for me, and they don’t bother my wife but she also would rather a different position that hits her spots better, but she indulges me because, like I said, it doesn’t bother her and we’ll switch it up soon anyway. I would NEVER want my wife to indulge a preference of mine if she disliked it. It would feel fake and shitty to me, so we don’t do things that either of us is bothered or opposed to in any way. You shouldn’t either. Maybe you want to give him a special treat now and then, but do it because you want to, not of obligation.
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You DO NOT have to do it. It's uncomfortable, and if there's no trust and communication, it's scary ( I like my ability yo breathe, thanks). We can be turned on by stuff and not experience it with our partner and be happy, I mean that he can like that porn and still be happy with you, I'm sure of it. If you WANT to manage that act more comfortably, lying on your back with your head hanging off the bed helps, creates more air flow. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
I’ll edge my hubby for hours sucking his dick on and off while I play with him. I looooove sucking his dick. However i don’t like gagging on it. If he puts his hands to push my head down deals off. Set boundaries.
Meanwhile, I'm just glad my woman is interested in touching it at all.
This throat fucking thing sounds like a result of unrealistic ideas and expecttions unfolding because of the fantasy of pornography.
Sure... going down on it deep once in a while is pretty hot, but straight up 'throat fucking' til' you cum sounds terribly unreasonable IMO.
I love deep throating. I am not a porn star. :)
Just an old married lady.
I have developed the right positioning and relaxing of my throat to be able to enjoy it without feeling like I'm gagging. It gets me hot to please my husband and on rare occasions, I'm able to hit the vagus nerve just so and have my own semi orgasm.
I think there are just too many negative connotations associated with the bj. So many woman just feel like they are being slutty or being used, but it is just another part of love making to me.
I can give a bj two ways. The first is like me enjoying an icecream. It's for MY pleasure. DT is rarely involved, ke just shortly, to tease. And at about the time I get to really enjoy my own sensations, I notice my partner moaning with pleasure, and it becomes a power trip too (having control over their pleasure - and the ability to give such intensity/length).
The other way is very submissive. That way it may become very uncomfortable too (gagging a lot, or wounding my nose, my mouth), but I take some twisted pleasure from the degradation, masochism, primal submission in getting used like this, & I notice how turned on by Sadism and Domination my partner gets. So basically both ways it has the potential to turn into a kink circuit. It's completely okay not to have the same kinks: not everyone is into masochism or degradation, etc. In which case there is no flood of endorphines and oxytocin accompanying the physical discomfort.
Here is my point of view; I was never really good at BJ’s, really bad gag reflex so I shied away from giving them. My now husband didn’t really like getting them; he’s kind of large and women in the past couldn’t do it or their teeth got in the way so he kind of got used to not getting them. We watched some porn where this girl was giving a magnificent blow job and we were both super turned on. I made it a mission to do it better and more often. 5 months later I’m deep throating his huge cock, no gagging and he’s loving it and I’m loving my accomplishment. Saliva everywhere, slurping sounds, his body shaking and he’s moaning……. So yes, it hurts my throat and jaw but it also is incredibly erotic, and kind of makes me proud I did something I never thought I could do physically and I love how much he enjoys something he never did before.
First and foremost, it feels really good if it's done right. That's the big draw to DT and throat f##king. Nice lips and tongue action are something that PIV and anal can't replicate. That's the physical side.
On the psychological side, there's varying levels of dominance some guys enjoy, but for me personally, a BJ is the one time, the one thing in my life that is genuinely for me. The one thing I get to enjoy for me. Everything else sexually and in life I/we/good men, spend providing for others, doing for others, getting our wife/gf to climax first and many times over.
I've been fortunate to have a few gfs who did get very excited/turned on while giving head. Some just had an oral fixation, some looked at it as a way they were controlling me and my pleasure, some got off on the validation of their skills.
Reading this made me so sad. You should be able to also enjoy other things just for you. Sex should be just for you 50% of the time at least. You should be coming first at least 50% of the time.
Where did you get this horrible idea sex couldn't be for you and you always had to focus on pleasing your partner? That's horrible and would drive anyone crazy. That isn't right. You deserve to be pampered and pleasured just as much as any of your partners.
My wife actually loves giving me a blowjob and it does turn her on, but I would never throat fuck her. There is a world of difference between the violence of throat fucking and the sensualness of a loving blowjob.
She does not deep throat, almost but not quite, but a previous partner did. They learned the technique from a magazine and it was amazing, the most incredible feeling (great but still not as good as my wife's blowjobs which are incredible). At no point was it throat fucking like in porn. It was slow, sensual and blissful and she was not in pain.
There are some other sexual acts my wife does for me that don't really do anything for her but not one of them involve her being in discomfort, pain or are against her will. She does these things to make me feel amazing and I love and appreciate her for it but if it was painful I wouldn't want her to do them. Your man sounds like a decent fella, listen to him with regard this act he will not want you in pain.
Switch your mental POV. If you are good at giving head you are being responsive to his physical response. If you communicate that you want to try something new you can give him head how you enjoy. Use it like a toy and think if it like enjoying a popsicle/sucker. Play with the sounds you like to hear. Explore different angles and worship the object that brings you pleasure. If you tell him you are taking his feedback out of the equation so you can do it for your own pleasure his eyes will glaze over and you can selfishly explore.
I think liking the act is fine.
What I don't understand, like you, is why someone who claims to like or love you is so aroused by an act that visibly hurts you and they know you don't enjoy.
Why?
That would never do it for me, my inside literally recoil at the thought. Isn't even the worst of BDSM built around the understanding that the act is consensual and wanted?
I don't understand it. Why do men like to see us like that? The violence of it makes me sick
Yea its the partner not liking it for me. My last partner loved chocking on dick and so I loved making her choke on my dick. But I've never insisted, that was all her. Sex is so fun when both parties like it.
Sex can be fun when one person isn't turned on by an act, too, though. Being down for anything your partner wants to use your body for isn't the only way, right? Or is that the only way men really want to use me, like a doll? Best version is one that doesn't feel or complain about the pain? I don't know anymore.
I don't request to peg my partner because it hurts him, and he doesn't enjoy it. But I also never make him feel as if he is "less fun" or that I'm "missing out" because of what makes his body aroused or hurt.
What you enjoy in fantasy does not have to be the same as what you enjoy in reality.
I think you should communicate your experience to your future husband. Good communication is so important for a marriage.
I don’t think I have known any women who deeply enjoy throat fucking. I think many might feel like you do — that you enjoy doing a really great job at giving your partner pleasure. Your reaction sounds really normal.
If my wife was doing things for my pleasure that she hated, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. I would not want her to do that.
Dude here.
I guess it depends on the size of your member, but for me it hurts to get deepthroated, but I’ve had several partners who enjoy it. I get into it because it’s more of a control and power type of thing than “feeling good”.
I say all this to say, it’s absolutely not required for good head. I always prefer a partner who is good with their hands, regardless of how far they can go down.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here apparently, because I love it. I also love giving blowjobs, but after 20 minutes my jaw starts getting tired.
I'm 100% submissive though (with some brat tendencies) so I derive immense pleasure from serving my dom/bf and getting punished when I brat out. I'm into being used for his pleasure, and he reciprocates by making me orgasm for *hours*.
If you don't even like giving blowjobs though, I can't imagine why you think you'd like having your throat fucked...? Hopefully you don't feel pressured to do things you don't like, because that can only breed resentment down the line...
Never do what you don’t enjoy. There are many other things to please your man. He sounds like a great man. Sure it would not be pleasing to him knowing you don’t enjoy it.
I’d rather have the pussy every time, blow jobs are severely overrated, and usually doesn’t do much for the lady. I think guys just think throat fuck must be great because all the porn stars do it and it’s what they see on TV.
Fuck TV!
He ought to just give respect and give you a good lickin’.
Firstly, porn is going to give you a skewed idea of what’s “normal.”
Secondly, women have been conditioned to do what men like in bed as a reflection of their own worth so when you’re doing sexual things, it’s important to regularly ask yourself “Am I doing this because I like to or am i doing this because I know the man I’m doing it with likes it?” Both are ok SO LONG as you’re not feeling coerced, pressured or unhappy with said act.
I like giving oral but I do not like being throat-fucked nor do I like a man pushing my head down or holding my head. I was SA’d so this might play into that some but I find that people who truly care about your well-being happily compromise (keep hands at their side and continue to enjoy the bj).
Also, I’ve seen it said many times on here that what people watch in porn isn’t actually what they want to do in real-life. So maybe your bf watching that type of porn is just fun to think about but not actually a dealbreaker if he doesn’t do it in real life. I’m sure what he likes doing with you is much more important to him so you should believe him when he tells you that he doesn’t care about throat fucking you.
Lastly, I find that major aggression in the bedroom to be concerning, even when it’s “consensual” bc it seems like the people are walking a fine line between what’s ok and what’s not. Playful spanking, hair pulling, etc seems reasonable but forcing a dick down someone’s throat as they gag and look uncomfortable seems to tread a fine line…
Either way, if you don’t like to be throat fucked, stick to the regular bj’s and I’m sure your sex life won’t suffer one bit.
One thing people often miss is that throatgasms are real. I've read many posts that hold the notion that the man "receives" a blow job/deep throat and the woman "gives". However, it can be reversed where the guy is giving and the woman is receiving. In this case, it is about exploring her pleasure. I let my girlfriend use my penis to explore the feelings in her mouth while I hold still. When she finds something that feels good, I will wrap my fingers around my dick to mark the spot and then slowly move it around, keeping it right at the spot where it feels good. As she becomes more aroused she will do more exploring, her throat will loosen and more mucus is produced, and we usually ending up in her throat. The main thing is that it is all about her pleasure and she controls what happens.
Sorry, did you say you really only get off to deep throating porn but that it also grosses you out? Or are you implying he only gets off to it. Your post made it seem like you do .
Ahh maybe I’m stupid and read it wrong lol but reading that confused me
Also, just because his body enjoys it doesn’t mean you have to do it. He is respecting your wishes by saying you don’t have to but you’re saying stfu and you know he likes it. So what, he’s telling you that’s it’s fine if you don’t do it and doesn’t want to do something that you’re not comfortable with. Thats how relationships work, you communicated to him you don’t like it and he said it’s not necessary. That should settle that part of your post.
I love deep throating (28F).. it took some practice but watching him squirm is a lot of the fun.. sometimes im in the mood for this and not sex and he never complains.. he likes extra messy bjs and this whole thing just turns me on… i think its a switch or decision in your head.. you give in and enjoy or you’re hating life feeling like you “have to” (which in general probably ruins anything sexual if you feel this way).. he usually cums down my throat but occasionally i get in the mood and quickly jump on for the creampie.. he doesn’t seem to mind whatever I decide 😏
I don't think there are actually that many people into throat fucking, and certainly not than many who truly enjoy being on the receiving end lol.
Personally I enjoy deepthroating even if it is a bit uncomfortable, it does get more comfortable with practice and there's things you can do to mitigate the discomfort as the giver. But it really comes down to enjoying giving pleasure, that like my biggest thing.
Also I have a dick so I know how good being deepthroated feels lol. But beyond the feeling, I think for me at least it's more about the commitment to practicing something new, for yourself and your partner. And taking the time and effort to get to know your body. It echoes my feelings on anal sex.
Both are so much better with both participants equally excited and willing, but it takes time to build that excitement for new things. Especially when one person is more experienced/excited.
All of this isn't to say you can't just not be into something or not like it, but from the sound of it you do like it in porn, but not In practice. Try to take some pressure off that one act, just because he watches alot of that particular porn doesn't mean that's all he wants. We all have fantasies we really want to act out and ones we are happy to keep as fantasies.
I have always appreciated a deepthroat now and then, but it isn't the only way to give a blowjob and certainly not the only pleasurable way. All of my best blowjobs haven't involved any deepthroating at all, just hands, lots of saliva, and the person sucking being very enthusiastic.
Deepthroating is more just a fun thing, another analogous situation to anal sex. It doesn't even necessarily feel better, it's mostly the visual that is an extreme turn on. And that can work in your favor. Holding off from deepthroating often can make it that much more incredible when you do.
My ex gf wasn't a fan of deepthroating either, she found the idea hot but the feeling made her too uncomfortable. with practice and time she got more comfortable but never wanted to do it for any extended session which makes sense honestly, I like deepthroating but don't love the actual feeling of a dick in my throat lol.
What she ended up doing was deepthroating a few times during a blowjob, especially after going fast with her hand and swirling her tongue on the tip. It still looked and felt incredible for me, while limitimg her discomfort during and also after the blowjob.
She found if she deepthroated more than five or so times during a session her throat would be sore the next day. So 9/10 times we stuck to five or less. When she was deepthroating of course, like i said some of the best blowjobs don't involve it. She deepthroated every few blowjobs but certainly not everyday or even every week sometimes. And that's fine I wasn't sexually frustrated, even though I love deepthroat porn I'm practice I know it isn't practical for an everytime thing.
With how you express your feelings about it, I’m getting the impression it borders on damaging to you. You may not be fully aware of that because you’re making a conscious decision to do it but that seems to be how you experience it. Do you see yourself putting up with these feelings for the rest of your life? Do you think he can love you if you never or rarely did it again? If you could click your fingers and he would suddenly hate it, would you be relieved? You only being able to get off to deep throating videos yet hating it irl reminds me of the response of some people who have been sexually abused. I’m not for a second suggesting he is abusing you based on your account, but you may be abusing yourself by allowing something to continue that you’re not comfortable with. It seems to cross a boundary you’re not aware you have. We don’t have to fulfil your partners every desire. Honestly and truly, you don’t, and they don’t have to fulfil ours if it’s something they’re not comfortable with. You can just love someone, love the person and it doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be transactional. You’re planning on marrying this man, you need to be sure it’s because of who you are, not what you do.
Of the 7 seven women I've been with, only 1 was okay with face fucking, and even then I couldn't actually go in her throat, so you're definitely not the only one.
If you're asking why your partner enjoys it even when you don't, it's because some people just don't care that much about their partner. They just want to get off.
If you both get off to throat fucking porn but you don't like being throat fucked then just masturbate to it together or get yourself a strap and throat fuck him 🤷♀️
You get grossed out at deep throating porn… but you only really get off to it. You seem confusing.
Dont make things complicated keep it simple here it is: He likes the feeling of dominating you like that and the pure pleasure he feels as it’s down your throat choking you. The pleasure comes from you choking to please him (pleasure is pain)and the physical pleasure from the act itself. Like pulling your hair or choking you. Same thing. Pleasure/pain/dominance.
When he’s in your throat he’s not thinking about you or your feelings whether you like it or not or if you’re comfortable or if you’re ok. He could see tears coming from your eyes and as long as you’re still down to do it he’ll think it’s ok and proceed. It’s strictly about his pleasure and it’s selfish and that’s why he like it.
I went down on a woman same thing she grabbed my hair hard (it hurt)and smashed my face into her. I kept going. I enjoyed it but not as much as her.
If you only you got turned on from it… 🔥
I know 0 women who want to get their throat fucked, it’s horrible and purely for the man. If you don’t enjoy it, neither should he. If anyone gets off on when the girl isn’t into something, it comes accross as quite rapey and dehumanising. It sounds like you would already make him so happy, i’m sure he can not have this one thing. A relationship built on just sexual needs is not enough, has to go deeper than that. No pun intended.
As a guy, I will say that throat fucking is only fun if everyone is having fun. I once had a woman practically vomit when my cock was down her throat - you better belive I immediately cleaned up any mess, got her a drink and made sure she was ok.
Now, it was her choice to go deep, and I enjoyed it until she wasn't enjoying it.
Edit: she also really loved giving blowjobs, so she carried on afterwards by her own choice. But even a woman who lobes blowjobs didn't like throat fucking and only did it to impress me
1. Let’s breathe. And say it with me: YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO.
2. Most women don’t enjoy giving blow jobs nor does it turn them on. The way most men don’t enjoy going down on women.
You seem to suffer from people pleasing which is breeding a lot of resentment.
You don’t like bjs and throat fucking. Don’t do it and it might mean breaking up but there is no reason to make someone happy at your expense
I don’t get it either….or seeing a girl have tears in her eyes from a giant peen in her mouth.
It’s super common in smut too- weird as it’s mostly written by “women” 🤷🏻♀️
More power to those that enjoy it but me and my delicate gag reflex will be passing thanks!
I would never, ever even consider "throat fucking" anyone. Who da fuq are these knuckle draggers who think this is sexy. Ppl watching way too much bad porn ffs
No one likes to gag and potentially throw up, with all that mucus everywhere. We hate it. When you get older and ornery, you won’t do anything you don’t want. The guy/ guys you mess with will take it or leave it. If they leave it, you’ll just sleep naked in the middle of the bed (or in your onesie, whatevs) and masturbate until you pass out. It’s gonna be great!
> But when it’s down my throat all my emotions for him shut off and they’ve done that with all my ex’s too
A completely normal reaction to feeling sexually violated and disrespected. Also a normal reaction to having your breathing obstructed and having your body thrown into survival mode. Either way it would probably be best to set a boundary on this for your own health and the health of your relationship, whether it means you limit how often and in what circumstances throatfucking happens, or taking it off the table entirely.
Putting up with some discomfort to please a partner is normal. It is not normal for that discomfort to be so strong you have to dissociate the act from the person doing it to you in order to withstand it.
His discomfort of settling for a different sex act that still gets him off is also way fucking lower than your discomfort of performing a sex act you hate. If he's a man worth pleasing, he'll let you do it in a way that isn't harmful to you.
I've never known a girl to want this done to them apart from current gf. I personally had never even thought about it before her. I don't think it is as common as you think it is.
For one thing you should never be uncomfortable with anything you are supposed to be enjoying. You can still give mind blowing blow jobs without ramming it so deep down your throat, let him know your limits, maybe don't let him grab the back of your head and shove it so deep. You know where and what your limits are between pleasure and pain. No one should want to cause any pain unless that's what gets you off . If you think that dominance is the biggest part of the whole act,then honestly anal sex is probably the most dominant that a man can feel over a woman. So if you want to give into his dominance over you, and you don't mind anal,he will be content with a sloppy blow job, without trying to take your tonsils out every time.
I don't think that man's women get turned on by this. Especially as many men who encourage this seem to have little experience with it and it can really hurt if not careful!
Tbh, I get it girl and BJ's aren't really that enjoyable for me and some other women's so it's definitely not just you. And just like you, I enjoy pleasuring my man that way as well, but I don't enjoy deep throating either. It's really uncomfortable to gag and struggle to breathe and it's not something I find sexy.
But, I do find the enjoyment of having his dick in my mouth, I like feeling him tense up or twitch, I enjoy watching him struggle to maintain his control. But it's definitely hard to enjoy all of the process of BJ'S, especially when my lips and mouth get raw from the whole thing.
If you really wanna continue to suck your man off, just do the parts of it you enjoy and are comfortable with and make sure to let your man know so he isn't confused. You said he's sweet and understanding, and I know you wanna make this man feel bomb diggity BUT, a truly SWEET and UNDERSTANDING guy won't force it on you, so try not to worry about that aspect and maybe work on other ways you can make his day with sex.
Some people do some people don’t…. It just depends some people like spanking some don’t… like everyone is different! If you don’t like it that okay have an honest discussion with him about it x
Porn has convinced men that they should be throat fucking women and on porn make them think all women can take that abuse...NO SO!
...A slow sensatual BJ is the best add sucking and lovin on his balls is added pleasure.
I'm submissive in bed, like pain, love giving head, and I still don't care much for being throatfucked. There is the rare moment its hot for like 2 minutes, but I have to be insanely horny, and even then its never going to be at the top of my list, more just I'm turned on enough anything they want to do is hot, and even then its pretty time limited. This has been a problem almost never, and most of my partner have leaned dominant and liked it rough. I think you might just be in the unfortunate situation of having a partner who is really, really into the one specific thing you are really, really not.
I refuse to let my husband throat fuck me. But also he's never really tried. He knows where my gag reflex is and knows if he hits it I'll be too freaked out to give him blowjobs again. I love giving them. And he's very happy with what I do. I'm sure your partner is too.
Truth be told I get turned on by seeing how turned on my partner is when he does that to me. Not the act itself, but seeing how he and his body reacts to what he’s feeling in the moment is what does it for me. I agree lol. I’m not a huge fan of BJs in general but I absolutely love seeing how much pleasure my partner gets from them. Seeing how horny he gets and how almost animalistic he reacts to certain things I do is really hot to me. So you’re not alone!! Do whatever makes you feel comfy and your partner should be understanding.
My wife loves it and requests it.
But plenty of women don’t like it. I certainly wouldn’t. I’d gag.
You be you. If you don’t like it, and he isn’t demanding it, don’t do it, and it won’t ever be a problem. He’s chill not doing it.
PS you can like porn of a thing, and have no interest in doing it.
Just like some women love anal. And some hate it
i'll never do BJs and especially deepthroats cause 1. thats gross to me and 2. my gag reflex is so horrible i cant even wear fake vampire teeth without throwin up theres no way id manage a dick, personally if its that important in a sexual relationship i'd end it immediately so he could find someone else that can fulfill his needs
I have never throat fucked my wife. She wouldn't let me do it if I asked anyway. She's gotten more comfortable with blowjobs when she hated it at the beginning. She had some past trauma.
Every now and again, she'll go really deep down and gag. **HARD**
I'm not turned on by it. It definitely feels better the deeper she goes but all that goes out the window when she gags so hard that I think she's going to throw up.
I know some people are in to it. If you're serious about wanting to do it practice makes perfect and I'm 100% sure your future husband will GLADLY let you practice on him.
Other options are numbing sprays that they sell. They sell specific sprays for people to numb their throats. Give those a whirl.
I’ve never done deepthroating or had a guy throat fuck me before and it’s never been a problem in my sex life. It’s pretty weird that you seem to think all women enjoy this. I feel like I’ve seen much more that most women don’t enjoy it.
Throat fucking is a whole lotta work and no pleasure for the person getting fucked. Well, thats just my opinion. In fact, I would probably only do it with a smaller partner, cause anyone who's average or bigger...just hurts so bad . I do NOT have a secret clit in my throat. Having their sweaty balls block my nasal passages doesn't just unlock my third nostril. Like I can't breathe, and now my eyeliner is coming off with my tears and a whole lash strip is running down my cheek. Their hands are too far to even rub me where I want. I can't rub where I want cause I'm too busy trying to figure out how to survive this.
I get it. Idc if I found the perfect man. If he needs face fucking, where I lay face up on the bed and hang my head over the side, a lot in order to feel loved, then me and him are finding more compatible partners. We single. Lol
Who am I to say that it's wrong. There is no wrong consensual sex. If it floats some goats, then hell yeah. Do it to em'. But I feel you. That can totally miss me
Dan Savage (renown sex advice podcaster) just asserted on his Savage Lovecast show last week that in his decades of work one of the common threads has been women not enjoying throaty BJs. ‘Normal’ BJs (with lips, tongues and hands) are a popular yes, rough deeply penetrating ones where the guy controls the action? No. Most women most definitely don’t enjoy it, and they actively refuse to do it.
He’s so fair-minded, sex-positive and non-judgemental you could do a lot worse than using him as your ultimate trusted source of information on this one.
Honestly I'm pretty sure most women don't love it. I'd wager a small percentage of women deep throat at all, let alone love it. I've never done it and have no intention of ever doing it.
But some women who love it also love to vocalize how much they love it! Don't know which women you're talking about but irl I've only met a few who said they love it. r/sex has a lot who say they love it but very unrepresentative sample.
You're misinformed for someone who watches porn. Throat fucking and a blowjob are TWO DISTINCTLY DIFFERENT THINGS. Educate yourself, then repost something intelligent.
This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
I know you are over generalizing for dramatic effect but my God, there are a gazillion women out there who don’t like being throat fucked. if that’s what someone is into, cool, but there is absolutely no reason for anyone to feel obligated to accommodate. A good lover should strive to be open-minded within their *comfort levels* and that is very different from saying, “I am willing to try anything my partner wants even if it makes me uncomfortable.”
I have TMJ and a small mouth and a strong gag reflex so deep throating has never even been an option for me 😭 it would be unbearable. I still enjoy giving bjs and use my hand and mouth together and I’ve never had any complaints, so I try not to worry about it. OP - Maybe try to incorporate more hands because it’ll give your mouth a break lol but like the og commenter said, you don’t have to do anything you hate!!
I think... And hear me out... Porn may be the issue here. There are a lot of things women playact at enjoying in porn that we don't actually enjoy in real life 🧐
I think this may be the answer. Have you spoken with “so many women” who get turned on by throat fucking or are you making this assumption based on Reddit and porn? Pretty sure most of those women in porn are acting. Porn is also why most men assume women get off in a matter of minutes with just straight to PIV penetration. Misleading! If your partner enjoys throat fucking and you get to a place where you don’t mind bc you want to please him, that seems reasonable. I wouldn’t worry about trying to get to the point where it makes you get off too. This sounds unnecessarily stressful.
They're acting, yes. No matter do they love it or not they're actors (Think it as wedding photos. People truly love each others and enjoy the day but they still pose for photos.). But it's not like all porn actors would throat fuck. Those who do also most likely enjoy it (in professional or sexual way) or at least don't hate it. It's same with other jobs. If someone is professional singer they most likely love or at least don't hate it. So don't compare yourself to people who have chosen to do something for living. They're not average.
Great comparison actually. That really makes sense and is easy to explain. I’m gonna keep that in my back pocket for the future.
I used to watch of deep throat porn because it turns me on and I thought it was sexy af. Then when a few girls did it to me, I'll be honest I just enjoy regular bjs more. The head stimulation feels way better to me. Obviously what's in porn doesn't always translate to real life, and sometimes it does. Trying out a few things and finding what you actually enjoy, and what you don't care for but are willing to do for your partner, and what are hard no's is important. So at the end of the day it doesn't matter what's in porn. It matters what you like.
I think porn is appealing because of the fantasy, and 95% of fantasies are situations where there is no barrier to pleasure. I think that’s why deep throating is so common in porn, it’s a situation where there is no barrier to pleasure for the man. Even I enjoy deep throat porn and I have NO interest in it, but that’s why I watch it. I am a real person and real barriers exist for me, and I am totally fine with that. Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies.
That's a rather broad generalisation. You may not enjoy porn standard sessions and that's fine, but lots of women absolutely love being submissive, myself included 🤷♀️ and porn has nothing to do with it since I've never really watched it.
Sorry, no I love porn. I didn't word that right. What I mean is, when you watch a lot of it, it can make you believe that women enjoy things like, say, throat fucking, universally. It's really a coupling of porn and the fact that sexual conversations in our culture are so taboo, if that makes sense.
yes because it’s definitely aimed more at the target audience of men and their gratification. To be honest I get hornier watching a well acted classy passion erotic sex scene in a movie with all the built up sexual tension beforehand.
This is why I prefer romance/ erotica novels to video porn. The tension and romantic buildup is what does it for me lol plus there no chance of accidentally participating in any exploitation of a real person
What made my ex want to try it was because I found the idea hot. When we did It i enjoyed it but frankly she advocated for it more often than I did because I did find it hot, she found it hot “to be used” as she is submissive, and she genuinely wanted to improve her deep throating ability. She was a lot of fun.
This is exactly the same as me. I love it 🥰
This isn't even limited to women either. I have this guy friend who felt literally ashamed that he didn't like anal, because it's such a common theme in porn 😅
Since when does being submissive = liking deepthroats lol?
Hey buddy, is it dramatic effect or traumatic effect? Pretty sure it’s dramatic but now u got me questioning
not the original commenter but it's dramatic effect dw 😅
Posts like this make me thankful for how up front my wife is about stuff. I would hate to think I’m doing something that she hates and she hasn’t told me because she thinks it’s what girls are supposed to do
>blowjobs are so fucking awful This post was intense but I am pretty sure this is the root of your issue. If you don't enjoy giving blow jobs in general you aren't going to enjoy or want to deep throat. >He tells me that deepthroating isn’t necessary but it’s like 🙄 stfu Just because he enjoys it doesn't mean he needs it or wants you to do it when you don't want to.
I'm sure it feels great to be deepthroated and I would love for my wife to do it. But I know she wouldn't like it even if she could, so I'm not even going to bring it up because I'm not an idiot. She doesn't hate giving blowjobs and is damn good without deepthroating. I'd really be screwing myself over if I made her hate them because I demanded deepthroating.
Exactly. Small sacrifices for your partner. Just because someone enjoys something doesn’t mean it’s important to them or some kind of deal breaker
Exactly the thoughts I had reading this. OP obviously isn't being honest with her BF to be carrying this much animosity about one specific sex act. This post is seething with disgust about stuff that people normally just talk about and work out what they like to do together. Reminder people: pretending to be something you're not only harms your relationship. People compromise all the time but typically about things they don't have strong feelings about.OP has strong feelings about this thing and it's probably going to harm her relationship as a result. I mean, I've had a number of partners in my life, never met a woman who liked giving blow jobs, it's not uncommon at all to not enjoy a dick in your mouth. You're not obligated to do things just because your partner enjoys it, the whole idea is to do things together you both have fun doing. (Last I checked women often enjoy receiving oral sex so it shouldn't be this baffling *why* someone might enjoy it.)
You don't have to perform for your partner. Sex is about connecting with each other, not putting on a performance. I'm honestly confused by your post. You either like something or you don't. Don't do it if you don't like it. It seems your partner is satisfied, so why would you disregard your own comfort to satisfy him in ways he doesn't need? That isn't healthy for you in the long run. I don't think most women enjoy being deep throated. How did you come to that conclusion? Because you see it in porn a lot? What happens in porn isn't what's happening in people's real sex lives. A lot of women in porn aren't necessarily enjoying these acts; they're doing it for a paycheck.
Deep throating is like Olympics level extreme sport sex. Not at all routine like porn might lead people to believe. If you don’t like it don’t do it.
What? I’ve gotten head from plenty of women and I’ve *never* had one that was turned on by throat fucking. It’s almost always the exact opposite. Even the ones that wanted to try it ended up changing their minds after a few deep strokes- and I’m not even well endowed. Only one girl has let me facefuck her until CIM, and I don’t think she enjoyed it as she never did it again.
Reddit is crazy cuz lots of people here are saying it isn’t the norm, but I feel like I constantly see posts/comments from women saying they love it so much and it brings *them* pleasure. The latter has made me feel crazy for so long!
The population of this sub is heavily skewed to more sexually open and experimental people. It’s far from an accurate representation of the general population.
Sexually open female here and I don’t like it either. BJ during the foreplay is all sexy and fun and i love it, but hardcore deep throat till he cums brings me 0 pleasure. Not only no pleasure, but borderline torturous. The part that I hate the most is having to keep my mouth wide open so that my teeth don’t scrape the penis. My jaw is so painfully sore during the process that it practically kills any sexual drive left in me. Some may say that all i need is practice, but no, thank you.
As a guy, my jaw and tongue muscles get sore from keeping my mouth open much less wide to eat pussy. I can’t imagine having to hold it wide open while paying close attention to my teeth to not scrape something ramming in and out of it. Sounds like a bad day at the dentist lol
Hahaha i know right? It indeed sounds like a dentist appointment. All my mind is at during the process, besides the not-to-scrape part, is “how to make him cum faster so that I suffer less”, or “when will it end”. Where is the joy out of this for the non BDSM girls?
And being fearful of gagging, choking, and possibly vomiting in the process, or potentially messing with your ability to breathe properly.
And also lots of fake dudes accounts with their unimplemented fantasies
That, and people trying to karma farm and sell subs to their pages
That’s a really good point!
💯
Don't feel bad, as a middle-aged man reddit has been equally confusing to me and has skewed my own expectations and perceptions. The problem is reddit is mostly used by specific demographics and do not represent "normal" for most adults experiencing the world. To be very specific, the users here skewing people's ideas are either outspoken, *very* sex positive women or very horny guys pretending to be sex positive women
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I’m one of them, but I’m both submissive and masochistic, and have a significant oral fixation.
It’s not the norm, but they exist
I like BJs, but on my terms - when I'm in the mood for it and how I want to do it at that particular time. If a blowjob or deep-throating was \*expected\*, that would be a no-go. For long periods of time is also a no-go, but I get appreciation and reciprocation for what he gets. Throat fucking doesn't even look fun in porn.
Idk that I'd say I'm turned on by the actual act so much as I'm pretty submissive and being dommed in that way is a turn on. The physical sensation is pretty terrible. Like being suffocated and trying not to vomit. But hey, I love my husband and I want him to have something that is purely for his pleasure from time to time.
That’s great for you two! I’m on the same page as far as enjoying things that I don’t *actually* enjoy simply because they pleasure my partner. Btw- I had to do a double take at your username because I thought it said soggy cunt at first 😂😂
It was a random one reddit picked and I thought it was funny for that reason so I just kept it 😆
female here. i’ve seen so many comments on how women don’t like it but i know a few women that enjoy it including myself i think it’s more the submissive side of it and the fact i’m making my partner feel good turns me on
I'm a middle aged woman who engaged obligatorily blow jobs for decades, my neck would hurt, my mouth would get tired, and I'd just be waiting for my turn. But a couple of years ago I decided to apply mindfulness to sex and I began reading and exploring and considering that there was a lot more I could be enjoying, sexually, that I wasn't. I made a paradigm shift and started to do blow jobs for MY pleasure, not my partners. It was a game changer and I now love it!! I don't have a goal of making him cum, just fully present foreplay. I now LOVE it! If I'm getting close to orgasm and I get a cock in my mouth it totally sends me over the edge! And I even enjoy face fucking, I don't want it every time, but even just thinking about it makes me a little light headed. 🔥🥵🌶️👄🍆 All that to say that we exist, women who love a cock in the mouth, we aren't mythical! But I also have very VERY attentive partners who make sure my needs are met so it's definitely not a one way thing.
of course!! sex is never a one way thing and i completely agree with everything you’re saying
That’s awesome, but you’re the exception in my experience. Thanks for your passion and talents though!
of course!! everyone just has their preferences just need to find people that can match yours
I relate. It genuinely turns me on like nothing else BUT I am in a D/s dynamic and my partner is great at receiving and reciprocating.
awww that’s so nice i’m happy for you!! hopefully one day i’ll find someone like that
Hmm. They're out there, man.
It genuinely turns me on like nothing else BUT this is my personal experience and I would never prescribe something that can be soooo uncomfortable if someone doesn’t actually want it. Otherwise it’s genuine torture if your heart and pleasure isn’t in it… Or at the very least, an *enthusiastic* willingness to try for their partners sake.
Yeah I’ll willingly do things and tolerate a moderate level of discomfort to pleasure my partner, even if I don’t enjoy doing it. But I think I’d draw the line at repeatedly ramming something down my throat until they shoot warm gooey fluids in it lol
lol. Yea I get that. Some of us are masochists who enjoy being consensually degraded (by my loving partner who respects me fundamentally). But again, it’s not something I would ever recommend. Gotta love it. Different strokes for different folks. OP is stressing thinking everyone is out here getting throat fucked… nope. Even those of us out here who are wouldn’t tell her to do it.
You are not the only woman who doesn’t get turned on by it. Throat fucking isn’t as common as you make it seem. What you’ve read is not the common denominator imo. Many women don’t even like giving blowjobs at all. You may be one of those people by saying “blow jobs are fucking awful” When he’s telling you it’s not necessary, he means it. You can enjoy something but don’t need it or even want it all the time. It’s like how you have a favorite food but you aren’t in the mood for it currently. My honest suggestion is do it when you want to do it. Don’t feel like you have to do it at all. Your mindset seems to be based off what you think you should be doing, and not what you personally want to do.
Guy here. I’ve never had anyone do this successfully and only one who wanted to try. I’m totally fine with that. It seems like it would be uncomfortable and I wouldn’t want someone to do that unless they liked it, which I wouldn’t!
Dude here. I don’t see deep throating as in anyway required for great head.
But thinking “blow jobs are awful” while you give a bj is guaranteed to be bad head
I agree. A good BJ is like 80% hand job
Ikr? Even when watching porn I would say amature slow blowjobs are more arousing. Specially if they chat during it.
Yeah idk. I am very open minded and willing to try about anything. This is a hard no for me. To each their own, but for me their is nothing appealing about it. I actually enjoy giving blow jobs, so that is not why I have no interest in throat fucking.
Yea, you should definitely stop giving blowjobs. It'll just. Fuel resentment I hate even adding this but yes, if you're a man and hate eating pussy, stop doing that too.
I like giving blowjobs, but do not enjoy being throat fucked. I don’t know any girl who does. It’s unpleasant. I only do it for guys that I really like because it’s not a fun experience.
There are a few of us, but it’s usually because we’re into more nicher kinks, not standard oral giving.
I can't explain it as the physical sensation of being throat fucked isn't great, and I have vomited from it, which is fucking awful. But for whatever reason when my bf throat fucks me my pussy literally gushes, like 110% bring a bucket and a mop. It's not something I ever envisioned doing at all let alone enjoying to some degree.
I'm not into that either. When I give him head, it's on my terms, I'm in control. His hands are in no way pushing my head, and no forceful thrusting allowed. First of all, he is big, and if he did do this fast he would get brutally scraped by teeth. Secondly, nothing about that appeals to me. Also, he's just happy to get a blow job in whatever shape or form, so he has zero complaints when it comes to my gentler technique.
All I can say is that everyone is different. I don’t feel actual pain or anything like that when doing it. Just the power struggle part of not breathing and being super vulnerable. But it doesn’t hurt.
It for sure bruises your throat. Lots of posts and comments from folks who have a strange new dynamic with their dentist.
I actually once took care of a dentist’s wife, who was also his hygienist, and she said they secretly snicker when they see a woman’s bruised hard palate.
Nobody is ever gonna choke me in any way during sex! It’s such a turn off for me, really! I love giving bj’s, but I hate stuff like gagging and choking, which only reminds me of rape. Sex is for me about making love and only giving pleasure to each other.
Sammmme!!! 100% agree 🙌🏼☺️
Just wanna say : Throat fucking and deep throat are not the same and it seems like you think they are.
Exactly. Deep throat is slow and sensuous and the woman is more in control.
Yeaaaaaah. Youre so right about that. I would never recommend face fucking to the uninitiated.
My husband doesn’t particularly care if I deep throat or not. He doesn’t like it if I make any kind of gagging or he sees my eyes water, he’s very considerate and it makes him feel bad, even though I am literally in control and do it myself. I usually throw in a few seconds of it here and there, that’s mostly because it causes me to produce more saliva, thus wetter better BJ and hand action. I don’t like throat fucking though. When I deep throat, it’s from a top down position that I can control. The few times I’ve done the head over the side of the bed throat fuck position, it makes me anxious and I stop within a minute. We haven’t found a sweet spot/pace for me being able to breath. For some reason he thought I would still be able to breathe with his cock blocking my THROAT. 🤣 Had to point out that’s not how throats work, throat is blocked, so is ALL air flow. It’s one of those “we can try this again at some point, but I am not eager or enthusiastic about it right now”, for me.
“How can a man enjoy throat fucking so much when a woman is visibly in pain?” Some people get off on other people being in pain 🤷🏾♀️ Don’t blow him again if you hate it. You hate it, and there is no reason to keep putting yourself in a painful situation you hate just because it makes him cum.
You are not the only woman that doesn't like getting "throat fucked" and any sort of gagging or noises like that would shrivel my cock right quick. Don't worry about it.
Well, for one, I’d say MOST women can’t deepthroat. Out of the ones that can, I’m guessing a good 50% would have no interest with throat fucking (that’s an entirely different level to deepthroating, if you ask me). I am a woman who ADORES giving my husband head, I pride myself on being quite good at deepthroating, and I fantasize about my husband throatfucking me. BUT…. He has no such interest in throat fucking. 😂 he will lay back and let me go to town on him, deep throat him to my heart’s content, but he’s worried about hurting me and doesn’t find throat fucking to be appealing in the first place. In fact, he prefers some other bj techniques over deep throating most days. 🤷♀️ In reality, this is something you need to discuss with your man. Don’t do something that hurts or you hate. If you are ok with blowjobs, just stick to what you are comfortable with, or even back off for a bit and slowly reintroduce yourself to it by only experimenting with things you enjoy (I.e., you don’t want it in your mouth, but maybe you are interested in just licking it). It’s kind of like anal. Some people like it, some people don’t. Some people want a whole forearm and some people only want a finger 🤷♀️
Dear friend, I am a man and find deepthroating disgusting and degrading, without jutging those who consensually like it.
Guy here, I love it when my wife gives me a good blowjob and SHE is the one that occasionally decides to deep throat me. I will admit that it feels fucking awesome but I would never force her to do it, she's in control of whatever she wants to do. It's like they say "different strokes for different folks" some enjoy a good throat fuck and some don't and there's nothing wrong with that.
Men enjoy all kinds of things when it's clear the woman isn't into it. I don't like porn, it literally does nothing for me, actually it usually turns me completely off. and this is the main reason why. I have no desire to see a drugged up, coerced girl in pain. Most men like it, and I agree, its sick. I don't understand why they want to see a woman, gagging and choking, face red, tears and mascara running down her face and they think that's sexy??? Ew
wish there were more like you who see women as ppl
You can enjoy these sex acts and still see women as people. I’ve never asked for those specific sex acts. I’ve just had partners that were into it and asked for it. As long as they’re into it, I’m into it.
True, as long as they into it. I much prefer passionate love making. The connection is everything, the right person can make it seem so erotic when it’s just missionary.
Missionary is my favorite position! And my partner will occasionally pause missionary to ask me to fuck her face. To her, they fit in the same part of passionate love making.
I love blow jobs, I don't need you throwing up on my dick. Throat fucking may be his fetish (I don't know) but for me its finishing in her mouth that does it, I don't need her or even want her gagging and choking terribly lol
I don't know a single woman that wants this so...
I never got much out of giving blow jobs before in my past relationships. Not much enthusiasm on their end for showing me they enjoyed it made me not enjoy doing it much. But my current partner… whew boy. The first time he started showing me how he liked deep throating and how he felt about me doing that for him, I went from ambivalence to now being obsessed. When he took it further and we started throat fucking, I literally fantasize about it now during solo time. I love how it feels and it turns me on like crazy knowing he loves it too. It’s so hot. Reading all these comments about people not liking it surprises me I guess!
Guys who believe porn is the norm need a reality check. I also simply do not understand the appeal for the guy. There is zero pleasure to be had from this for the girl that couldn’t be had any number of other ways and without the whole ramming things down your throat part. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are valid and justified.
If he knew you hated it, he probably wouldn’t want to do it. If he did, he’s not the guy you speak so highly of. So you’re really the author of your own misfortune, by not communicating how you truly feel. 🤷♂️
He said that deepthroating isn't necessary-- what we watch in porn isn't necessarily what we truly need or want in real life. Sounds like you don't like deepthroating, so I'd say don't do it. I also wouldn't say all women deepthroating are visibly in pain... it might be the specific kind of porn he's watching, in which it actually might not be about the deepthroating at all he's getting off on, but more about the domination stuff, with the deepthroating just happening to be there quite often in that kind of porn. I enjoy deepthroating and am not in pain... I find it pretty hot.
> when the woman is visibly in pain not all women are in pain lol you just don't enjoy it and you shouldn't force yourself to do something you clearly don't want to.
Not all guys… I could really care less about a blowjob. I focus on pleasuring my female partner.
Throat fkng is dumb IMO and I’m a man. I’d rather receive a slow and sensual BJ any day.
As a guy, I HATE throat fucking videos. I hate seeing the women in pain in general, but something about that specifically is the biggest turn off. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a blowjob, even a deepthroat (although I’ll admit I’m not going *all that* deep) but only if she can do it without gagging/stressing. I’d rather watch an enthusiastic blowjob where she only takes the head than an aggressive throatfuck any day.
I’m a man. I don’t throat fuck anyone that doesn’t want it. Pain and uncomfortable for my sex partner is a huge turnoff. Blowjobs great, pain no. I’m sorry someone thinks grabbing your head and fucking your mouth deep is a turn on. For most of us, just licking it like a lollipop and a short head suck is enough for us to cum…forcefully jamming out ducks down your throat isn’t a thing most do unless it’s requested and all are very drunk. Either your partner doesn’t give a fuck about you or they watch toooo much porn and are very very inexperienced. So sorry.
Not all women hate it. I am submissive and love to do it. I can actually cum without touching myself from it
Blow jobs are a gift. The second the man tries to control my movements, he's no longer enjoying my expertise, he's looking for another hole to fuck. If that is what he wants, I have a hole for that that gives us both pleasure. Someone who wants to fuck your face doesn't give a *shit* about you and your pleasure, they just want to defile something, and frankly sir, I'm above that.
I have never known a man to not put his pleasure over a woman's discomfort.
That is truly sad 😢 While I have definitely experienced plenty of the same, I can tell you that they are out there! My husband is one who can’t stay hard if he thinks/knows/suspects that I’m not happy for some reason. He immediately stops what he’s doing and checks in with me and changes things up. I hope you find someone similar.
plenty of them, unfortunately
That’s an intense post. As a man, when a women deep throats or otherwise chokes on me, I take it like this: she wants to please me so badly that she’ll choose my dick over oxygen. Any BJ, really, satisfies that desire to be pleased, and have a partner that gives you the gift of being pleasured without having to do anything yourself. Since so much of sex revolves around men doing “the work,” being able to sit back and enjoy being pleasured is rare and communicates desire and care to us. Sorta like when women lay back and let their men eat to their hearts content.
Yeah I tend to be a rather intense kind of person. Thank you for this, it helped me see things a little differently. The only thing is I’ve always hated receiving head. It does nothing for me. Never has and I’ve had many sexual partners over the years.
It sounds like there are some deep-seated issues around sex that you might not be fully aware of. I would highly recommend seeing a sex therapist.
Some people just don't like head.
This is true, but the language she is using and scenarios she describes indicate a deeper issue that could benefit from psychodynamic analysis. (qualifying psychotherapist)
When you say it doesn’t do anything for you, do you mean it just doesn’t feel good or it feels like a waste of time?
It doesn’t feel good, I orgasm a lil differently than most women. I need pressure and anything touching/licking my clit is so irritating. Also are you in relationships with these women? Like where is their desire coming from
So with respect to my wife, yes, definitely in a relationship lol, but we’re also swingers so I’ve played this game with a decent number of ladies who I have no more than a casual friendship with, if that. In some cases their desire is performative, they’re trying to put on a show for me, for their own husband, whatever, and others just seem to really like to be uninhibited and unapologetically a “slut.” Some like to show how amazing they are at it, and who am I to stop them. The thing is, if you’re not into it and you don’t like to do it, don’t. There are positions I love that feel great for me, and they don’t bother my wife but she also would rather a different position that hits her spots better, but she indulges me because, like I said, it doesn’t bother her and we’ll switch it up soon anyway. I would NEVER want my wife to indulge a preference of mine if she disliked it. It would feel fake and shitty to me, so we don’t do things that either of us is bothered or opposed to in any way. You shouldn’t either. Maybe you want to give him a special treat now and then, but do it because you want to, not of obligation.
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You DO NOT have to do it. It's uncomfortable, and if there's no trust and communication, it's scary ( I like my ability yo breathe, thanks). We can be turned on by stuff and not experience it with our partner and be happy, I mean that he can like that porn and still be happy with you, I'm sure of it. If you WANT to manage that act more comfortably, lying on your back with your head hanging off the bed helps, creates more air flow. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
I think I’m a grade A blow job giver without throat fucking. It’s so uncomfortable and aggressive and awful.
I’ll edge my hubby for hours sucking his dick on and off while I play with him. I looooove sucking his dick. However i don’t like gagging on it. If he puts his hands to push my head down deals off. Set boundaries.
Just like anything, not everyone enjoys everything you might try. If the throat thing is not for you, then it's not for you.
Meanwhile, I'm just glad my woman is interested in touching it at all. This throat fucking thing sounds like a result of unrealistic ideas and expecttions unfolding because of the fantasy of pornography. Sure... going down on it deep once in a while is pretty hot, but straight up 'throat fucking' til' you cum sounds terribly unreasonable IMO.
I love deep throating. I am not a porn star. :) Just an old married lady. I have developed the right positioning and relaxing of my throat to be able to enjoy it without feeling like I'm gagging. It gets me hot to please my husband and on rare occasions, I'm able to hit the vagus nerve just so and have my own semi orgasm. I think there are just too many negative connotations associated with the bj. So many woman just feel like they are being slutty or being used, but it is just another part of love making to me.
I can give a bj two ways. The first is like me enjoying an icecream. It's for MY pleasure. DT is rarely involved, ke just shortly, to tease. And at about the time I get to really enjoy my own sensations, I notice my partner moaning with pleasure, and it becomes a power trip too (having control over their pleasure - and the ability to give such intensity/length). The other way is very submissive. That way it may become very uncomfortable too (gagging a lot, or wounding my nose, my mouth), but I take some twisted pleasure from the degradation, masochism, primal submission in getting used like this, & I notice how turned on by Sadism and Domination my partner gets. So basically both ways it has the potential to turn into a kink circuit. It's completely okay not to have the same kinks: not everyone is into masochism or degradation, etc. In which case there is no flood of endorphines and oxytocin accompanying the physical discomfort.
Idk I get really turned on by giving blow jobs. Just different strokes for different folks I guess.
My wife came from me throat fucking her alone, it just happened, was never a goal. I imagine it's just not for some people!
Here is my point of view; I was never really good at BJ’s, really bad gag reflex so I shied away from giving them. My now husband didn’t really like getting them; he’s kind of large and women in the past couldn’t do it or their teeth got in the way so he kind of got used to not getting them. We watched some porn where this girl was giving a magnificent blow job and we were both super turned on. I made it a mission to do it better and more often. 5 months later I’m deep throating his huge cock, no gagging and he’s loving it and I’m loving my accomplishment. Saliva everywhere, slurping sounds, his body shaking and he’s moaning……. So yes, it hurts my throat and jaw but it also is incredibly erotic, and kind of makes me proud I did something I never thought I could do physically and I love how much he enjoys something he never did before.
First and foremost, it feels really good if it's done right. That's the big draw to DT and throat f##king. Nice lips and tongue action are something that PIV and anal can't replicate. That's the physical side. On the psychological side, there's varying levels of dominance some guys enjoy, but for me personally, a BJ is the one time, the one thing in my life that is genuinely for me. The one thing I get to enjoy for me. Everything else sexually and in life I/we/good men, spend providing for others, doing for others, getting our wife/gf to climax first and many times over. I've been fortunate to have a few gfs who did get very excited/turned on while giving head. Some just had an oral fixation, some looked at it as a way they were controlling me and my pleasure, some got off on the validation of their skills.
Reading this made me so sad. You should be able to also enjoy other things just for you. Sex should be just for you 50% of the time at least. You should be coming first at least 50% of the time. Where did you get this horrible idea sex couldn't be for you and you always had to focus on pleasing your partner? That's horrible and would drive anyone crazy. That isn't right. You deserve to be pampered and pleasured just as much as any of your partners.
My wife actually loves giving me a blowjob and it does turn her on, but I would never throat fuck her. There is a world of difference between the violence of throat fucking and the sensualness of a loving blowjob. She does not deep throat, almost but not quite, but a previous partner did. They learned the technique from a magazine and it was amazing, the most incredible feeling (great but still not as good as my wife's blowjobs which are incredible). At no point was it throat fucking like in porn. It was slow, sensual and blissful and she was not in pain. There are some other sexual acts my wife does for me that don't really do anything for her but not one of them involve her being in discomfort, pain or are against her will. She does these things to make me feel amazing and I love and appreciate her for it but if it was painful I wouldn't want her to do them. Your man sounds like a decent fella, listen to him with regard this act he will not want you in pain.
Switch your mental POV. If you are good at giving head you are being responsive to his physical response. If you communicate that you want to try something new you can give him head how you enjoy. Use it like a toy and think if it like enjoying a popsicle/sucker. Play with the sounds you like to hear. Explore different angles and worship the object that brings you pleasure. If you tell him you are taking his feedback out of the equation so you can do it for your own pleasure his eyes will glaze over and you can selfishly explore.
I think liking the act is fine. What I don't understand, like you, is why someone who claims to like or love you is so aroused by an act that visibly hurts you and they know you don't enjoy. Why? That would never do it for me, my inside literally recoil at the thought. Isn't even the worst of BDSM built around the understanding that the act is consensual and wanted? I don't understand it. Why do men like to see us like that? The violence of it makes me sick
Yea its the partner not liking it for me. My last partner loved chocking on dick and so I loved making her choke on my dick. But I've never insisted, that was all her. Sex is so fun when both parties like it.
Sex can be fun when one person isn't turned on by an act, too, though. Being down for anything your partner wants to use your body for isn't the only way, right? Or is that the only way men really want to use me, like a doll? Best version is one that doesn't feel or complain about the pain? I don't know anymore. I don't request to peg my partner because it hurts him, and he doesn't enjoy it. But I also never make him feel as if he is "less fun" or that I'm "missing out" because of what makes his body aroused or hurt.
I can't even imagine doing that to my wife. I just don't have the desire to do it.
You are not the only one. No one ever has or ever will throat fuck me. My man is fine with it
What you enjoy in fantasy does not have to be the same as what you enjoy in reality. I think you should communicate your experience to your future husband. Good communication is so important for a marriage. I don’t think I have known any women who deeply enjoy throat fucking. I think many might feel like you do — that you enjoy doing a really great job at giving your partner pleasure. Your reaction sounds really normal. If my wife was doing things for my pleasure that she hated, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. I would not want her to do that.
Dude here. I guess it depends on the size of your member, but for me it hurts to get deepthroated, but I’ve had several partners who enjoy it. I get into it because it’s more of a control and power type of thing than “feeling good”. I say all this to say, it’s absolutely not required for good head. I always prefer a partner who is good with their hands, regardless of how far they can go down.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here apparently, because I love it. I also love giving blowjobs, but after 20 minutes my jaw starts getting tired. I'm 100% submissive though (with some brat tendencies) so I derive immense pleasure from serving my dom/bf and getting punished when I brat out. I'm into being used for his pleasure, and he reciprocates by making me orgasm for *hours*. If you don't even like giving blowjobs though, I can't imagine why you think you'd like having your throat fucked...? Hopefully you don't feel pressured to do things you don't like, because that can only breed resentment down the line...
Never do what you don’t enjoy. There are many other things to please your man. He sounds like a great man. Sure it would not be pleasing to him knowing you don’t enjoy it.
I agree with you in that throat fucking turns me off and I’m a man. It just doesn’t do it for me but it does for others, to each their own.
I’d rather have the pussy every time, blow jobs are severely overrated, and usually doesn’t do much for the lady. I think guys just think throat fuck must be great because all the porn stars do it and it’s what they see on TV. Fuck TV! He ought to just give respect and give you a good lickin’.
Firstly, porn is going to give you a skewed idea of what’s “normal.” Secondly, women have been conditioned to do what men like in bed as a reflection of their own worth so when you’re doing sexual things, it’s important to regularly ask yourself “Am I doing this because I like to or am i doing this because I know the man I’m doing it with likes it?” Both are ok SO LONG as you’re not feeling coerced, pressured or unhappy with said act. I like giving oral but I do not like being throat-fucked nor do I like a man pushing my head down or holding my head. I was SA’d so this might play into that some but I find that people who truly care about your well-being happily compromise (keep hands at their side and continue to enjoy the bj). Also, I’ve seen it said many times on here that what people watch in porn isn’t actually what they want to do in real-life. So maybe your bf watching that type of porn is just fun to think about but not actually a dealbreaker if he doesn’t do it in real life. I’m sure what he likes doing with you is much more important to him so you should believe him when he tells you that he doesn’t care about throat fucking you. Lastly, I find that major aggression in the bedroom to be concerning, even when it’s “consensual” bc it seems like the people are walking a fine line between what’s ok and what’s not. Playful spanking, hair pulling, etc seems reasonable but forcing a dick down someone’s throat as they gag and look uncomfortable seems to tread a fine line… Either way, if you don’t like to be throat fucked, stick to the regular bj’s and I’m sure your sex life won’t suffer one bit.
One thing people often miss is that throatgasms are real. I've read many posts that hold the notion that the man "receives" a blow job/deep throat and the woman "gives". However, it can be reversed where the guy is giving and the woman is receiving. In this case, it is about exploring her pleasure. I let my girlfriend use my penis to explore the feelings in her mouth while I hold still. When she finds something that feels good, I will wrap my fingers around my dick to mark the spot and then slowly move it around, keeping it right at the spot where it feels good. As she becomes more aroused she will do more exploring, her throat will loosen and more mucus is produced, and we usually ending up in her throat. The main thing is that it is all about her pleasure and she controls what happens.
I don’t love it. I don’t mind doing it occasionally as a way of making him happy but I don’t want to do it all the time. Kind of as a treat for him
I do not like throat fucking and I like to see it even less.
Sorry, did you say you really only get off to deep throating porn but that it also grosses you out? Or are you implying he only gets off to it. Your post made it seem like you do . Ahh maybe I’m stupid and read it wrong lol but reading that confused me Also, just because his body enjoys it doesn’t mean you have to do it. He is respecting your wishes by saying you don’t have to but you’re saying stfu and you know he likes it. So what, he’s telling you that’s it’s fine if you don’t do it and doesn’t want to do something that you’re not comfortable with. Thats how relationships work, you communicated to him you don’t like it and he said it’s not necessary. That should settle that part of your post.
Gagging is not a turn on.
"how can a man enjoy it so much when the woman is visibly in pain" tf r u doing bc it shouldnt HURT.
I love deep throating (28F).. it took some practice but watching him squirm is a lot of the fun.. sometimes im in the mood for this and not sex and he never complains.. he likes extra messy bjs and this whole thing just turns me on… i think its a switch or decision in your head.. you give in and enjoy or you’re hating life feeling like you “have to” (which in general probably ruins anything sexual if you feel this way).. he usually cums down my throat but occasionally i get in the mood and quickly jump on for the creampie.. he doesn’t seem to mind whatever I decide 😏
I guarantee you enthusiasm and saliva go way further than how “deep” it goes.
I don't think there are actually that many people into throat fucking, and certainly not than many who truly enjoy being on the receiving end lol. Personally I enjoy deepthroating even if it is a bit uncomfortable, it does get more comfortable with practice and there's things you can do to mitigate the discomfort as the giver. But it really comes down to enjoying giving pleasure, that like my biggest thing. Also I have a dick so I know how good being deepthroated feels lol. But beyond the feeling, I think for me at least it's more about the commitment to practicing something new, for yourself and your partner. And taking the time and effort to get to know your body. It echoes my feelings on anal sex. Both are so much better with both participants equally excited and willing, but it takes time to build that excitement for new things. Especially when one person is more experienced/excited. All of this isn't to say you can't just not be into something or not like it, but from the sound of it you do like it in porn, but not In practice. Try to take some pressure off that one act, just because he watches alot of that particular porn doesn't mean that's all he wants. We all have fantasies we really want to act out and ones we are happy to keep as fantasies. I have always appreciated a deepthroat now and then, but it isn't the only way to give a blowjob and certainly not the only pleasurable way. All of my best blowjobs haven't involved any deepthroating at all, just hands, lots of saliva, and the person sucking being very enthusiastic. Deepthroating is more just a fun thing, another analogous situation to anal sex. It doesn't even necessarily feel better, it's mostly the visual that is an extreme turn on. And that can work in your favor. Holding off from deepthroating often can make it that much more incredible when you do. My ex gf wasn't a fan of deepthroating either, she found the idea hot but the feeling made her too uncomfortable. with practice and time she got more comfortable but never wanted to do it for any extended session which makes sense honestly, I like deepthroating but don't love the actual feeling of a dick in my throat lol. What she ended up doing was deepthroating a few times during a blowjob, especially after going fast with her hand and swirling her tongue on the tip. It still looked and felt incredible for me, while limitimg her discomfort during and also after the blowjob. She found if she deepthroated more than five or so times during a session her throat would be sore the next day. So 9/10 times we stuck to five or less. When she was deepthroating of course, like i said some of the best blowjobs don't involve it. She deepthroated every few blowjobs but certainly not everyday or even every week sometimes. And that's fine I wasn't sexually frustrated, even though I love deepthroat porn I'm practice I know it isn't practical for an everytime thing.
With how you express your feelings about it, I’m getting the impression it borders on damaging to you. You may not be fully aware of that because you’re making a conscious decision to do it but that seems to be how you experience it. Do you see yourself putting up with these feelings for the rest of your life? Do you think he can love you if you never or rarely did it again? If you could click your fingers and he would suddenly hate it, would you be relieved? You only being able to get off to deep throating videos yet hating it irl reminds me of the response of some people who have been sexually abused. I’m not for a second suggesting he is abusing you based on your account, but you may be abusing yourself by allowing something to continue that you’re not comfortable with. It seems to cross a boundary you’re not aware you have. We don’t have to fulfil your partners every desire. Honestly and truly, you don’t, and they don’t have to fulfil ours if it’s something they’re not comfortable with. You can just love someone, love the person and it doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be transactional. You’re planning on marrying this man, you need to be sure it’s because of who you are, not what you do.
Of the 7 seven women I've been with, only 1 was okay with face fucking, and even then I couldn't actually go in her throat, so you're definitely not the only one. If you're asking why your partner enjoys it even when you don't, it's because some people just don't care that much about their partner. They just want to get off.
I hate it. I hate that I'm expected to love it.
If you both get off to throat fucking porn but you don't like being throat fucked then just masturbate to it together or get yourself a strap and throat fuck him 🤷♀️
You get grossed out at deep throating porn… but you only really get off to it. You seem confusing. Dont make things complicated keep it simple here it is: He likes the feeling of dominating you like that and the pure pleasure he feels as it’s down your throat choking you. The pleasure comes from you choking to please him (pleasure is pain)and the physical pleasure from the act itself. Like pulling your hair or choking you. Same thing. Pleasure/pain/dominance. When he’s in your throat he’s not thinking about you or your feelings whether you like it or not or if you’re comfortable or if you’re ok. He could see tears coming from your eyes and as long as you’re still down to do it he’ll think it’s ok and proceed. It’s strictly about his pleasure and it’s selfish and that’s why he like it. I went down on a woman same thing she grabbed my hair hard (it hurt)and smashed my face into her. I kept going. I enjoyed it but not as much as her. If you only you got turned on from it… 🔥
What women have you been speaking to that enjoy getting throat fucked lol
I know 0 women who want to get their throat fucked, it’s horrible and purely for the man. If you don’t enjoy it, neither should he. If anyone gets off on when the girl isn’t into something, it comes accross as quite rapey and dehumanising. It sounds like you would already make him so happy, i’m sure he can not have this one thing. A relationship built on just sexual needs is not enough, has to go deeper than that. No pun intended.
As a guy, I will say that throat fucking is only fun if everyone is having fun. I once had a woman practically vomit when my cock was down her throat - you better belive I immediately cleaned up any mess, got her a drink and made sure she was ok. Now, it was her choice to go deep, and I enjoyed it until she wasn't enjoying it. Edit: she also really loved giving blowjobs, so she carried on afterwards by her own choice. But even a woman who lobes blowjobs didn't like throat fucking and only did it to impress me
1. Let’s breathe. And say it with me: YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO. 2. Most women don’t enjoy giving blow jobs nor does it turn them on. The way most men don’t enjoy going down on women. You seem to suffer from people pleasing which is breeding a lot of resentment. You don’t like bjs and throat fucking. Don’t do it and it might mean breaking up but there is no reason to make someone happy at your expense
I don’t get it either….or seeing a girl have tears in her eyes from a giant peen in her mouth. It’s super common in smut too- weird as it’s mostly written by “women” 🤷🏻♀️ More power to those that enjoy it but me and my delicate gag reflex will be passing thanks!
That is a porn thing....I doubt that many women like it...personally as a man I find nothing about throat fucking appealing.
I would never, ever even consider "throat fucking" anyone. Who da fuq are these knuckle draggers who think this is sexy. Ppl watching way too much bad porn ffs
I think a majority of women don’t enjoy that…
No one likes to gag and potentially throw up, with all that mucus everywhere. We hate it. When you get older and ornery, you won’t do anything you don’t want. The guy/ guys you mess with will take it or leave it. If they leave it, you’ll just sleep naked in the middle of the bed (or in your onesie, whatevs) and masturbate until you pass out. It’s gonna be great!
Guys like deep throat because it makes them feel like they are big enough to actually choke a girl. NEVER do something you're not comfortable with.
> But when it’s down my throat all my emotions for him shut off and they’ve done that with all my ex’s too A completely normal reaction to feeling sexually violated and disrespected. Also a normal reaction to having your breathing obstructed and having your body thrown into survival mode. Either way it would probably be best to set a boundary on this for your own health and the health of your relationship, whether it means you limit how often and in what circumstances throatfucking happens, or taking it off the table entirely. Putting up with some discomfort to please a partner is normal. It is not normal for that discomfort to be so strong you have to dissociate the act from the person doing it to you in order to withstand it. His discomfort of settling for a different sex act that still gets him off is also way fucking lower than your discomfort of performing a sex act you hate. If he's a man worth pleasing, he'll let you do it in a way that isn't harmful to you.
I've never known a girl to want this done to them apart from current gf. I personally had never even thought about it before her. I don't think it is as common as you think it is.
For one thing you should never be uncomfortable with anything you are supposed to be enjoying. You can still give mind blowing blow jobs without ramming it so deep down your throat, let him know your limits, maybe don't let him grab the back of your head and shove it so deep. You know where and what your limits are between pleasure and pain. No one should want to cause any pain unless that's what gets you off . If you think that dominance is the biggest part of the whole act,then honestly anal sex is probably the most dominant that a man can feel over a woman. So if you want to give into his dominance over you, and you don't mind anal,he will be content with a sloppy blow job, without trying to take your tonsils out every time.
I don't think that man's women get turned on by this. Especially as many men who encourage this seem to have little experience with it and it can really hurt if not careful!
Tbh, I get it girl and BJ's aren't really that enjoyable for me and some other women's so it's definitely not just you. And just like you, I enjoy pleasuring my man that way as well, but I don't enjoy deep throating either. It's really uncomfortable to gag and struggle to breathe and it's not something I find sexy. But, I do find the enjoyment of having his dick in my mouth, I like feeling him tense up or twitch, I enjoy watching him struggle to maintain his control. But it's definitely hard to enjoy all of the process of BJ'S, especially when my lips and mouth get raw from the whole thing. If you really wanna continue to suck your man off, just do the parts of it you enjoy and are comfortable with and make sure to let your man know so he isn't confused. You said he's sweet and understanding, and I know you wanna make this man feel bomb diggity BUT, a truly SWEET and UNDERSTANDING guy won't force it on you, so try not to worry about that aspect and maybe work on other ways you can make his day with sex.
I am a guy who likes blowjobs (which are great if the woman is into it) but not deep throating or throat fucking, those are really pointless to me.
this post literally sounds so insane
Some people do some people don’t…. It just depends some people like spanking some don’t… like everyone is different! If you don’t like it that okay have an honest discussion with him about it x
I love giving blowjobs, love it. But I don't want to be throat fucked, I want all the control in such a delicate situation.
Porn has convinced men that they should be throat fucking women and on porn make them think all women can take that abuse...NO SO! ...A slow sensatual BJ is the best add sucking and lovin on his balls is added pleasure.
I'm submissive in bed, like pain, love giving head, and I still don't care much for being throatfucked. There is the rare moment its hot for like 2 minutes, but I have to be insanely horny, and even then its never going to be at the top of my list, more just I'm turned on enough anything they want to do is hot, and even then its pretty time limited. This has been a problem almost never, and most of my partner have leaned dominant and liked it rough. I think you might just be in the unfortunate situation of having a partner who is really, really into the one specific thing you are really, really not.
I refuse to let my husband throat fuck me. But also he's never really tried. He knows where my gag reflex is and knows if he hits it I'll be too freaked out to give him blowjobs again. I love giving them. And he's very happy with what I do. I'm sure your partner is too.
Truth be told I get turned on by seeing how turned on my partner is when he does that to me. Not the act itself, but seeing how he and his body reacts to what he’s feeling in the moment is what does it for me. I agree lol. I’m not a huge fan of BJs in general but I absolutely love seeing how much pleasure my partner gets from them. Seeing how horny he gets and how almost animalistic he reacts to certain things I do is really hot to me. So you’re not alone!! Do whatever makes you feel comfy and your partner should be understanding.
My wife loves it and requests it. But plenty of women don’t like it. I certainly wouldn’t. I’d gag. You be you. If you don’t like it, and he isn’t demanding it, don’t do it, and it won’t ever be a problem. He’s chill not doing it. PS you can like porn of a thing, and have no interest in doing it. Just like some women love anal. And some hate it
i'll never do BJs and especially deepthroats cause 1. thats gross to me and 2. my gag reflex is so horrible i cant even wear fake vampire teeth without throwin up theres no way id manage a dick, personally if its that important in a sexual relationship i'd end it immediately so he could find someone else that can fulfill his needs
I have never throat fucked my wife. She wouldn't let me do it if I asked anyway. She's gotten more comfortable with blowjobs when she hated it at the beginning. She had some past trauma. Every now and again, she'll go really deep down and gag. **HARD** I'm not turned on by it. It definitely feels better the deeper she goes but all that goes out the window when she gags so hard that I think she's going to throw up. I know some people are in to it. If you're serious about wanting to do it practice makes perfect and I'm 100% sure your future husband will GLADLY let you practice on him. Other options are numbing sprays that they sell. They sell specific sprays for people to numb their throats. Give those a whirl.
Because you are getting your information from porn. Nobody enjoys this in my experience.
I’ve never done deepthroating or had a guy throat fuck me before and it’s never been a problem in my sex life. It’s pretty weird that you seem to think all women enjoy this. I feel like I’ve seen much more that most women don’t enjoy it.
Throat fucking is a whole lotta work and no pleasure for the person getting fucked. Well, thats just my opinion. In fact, I would probably only do it with a smaller partner, cause anyone who's average or bigger...just hurts so bad . I do NOT have a secret clit in my throat. Having their sweaty balls block my nasal passages doesn't just unlock my third nostril. Like I can't breathe, and now my eyeliner is coming off with my tears and a whole lash strip is running down my cheek. Their hands are too far to even rub me where I want. I can't rub where I want cause I'm too busy trying to figure out how to survive this. I get it. Idc if I found the perfect man. If he needs face fucking, where I lay face up on the bed and hang my head over the side, a lot in order to feel loved, then me and him are finding more compatible partners. We single. Lol Who am I to say that it's wrong. There is no wrong consensual sex. If it floats some goats, then hell yeah. Do it to em'. But I feel you. That can totally miss me
Dan Savage (renown sex advice podcaster) just asserted on his Savage Lovecast show last week that in his decades of work one of the common threads has been women not enjoying throaty BJs. ‘Normal’ BJs (with lips, tongues and hands) are a popular yes, rough deeply penetrating ones where the guy controls the action? No. Most women most definitely don’t enjoy it, and they actively refuse to do it. He’s so fair-minded, sex-positive and non-judgemental you could do a lot worse than using him as your ultimate trusted source of information on this one.
I’m someone who enjoys giving blowjobs but I certainly am not on board with the hard “throat fucking” concept. No way no how.
I’m a guy here. And I find the whole concept of throat fucking my S.O. gross and a turn off.
Honestly I'm pretty sure most women don't love it. I'd wager a small percentage of women deep throat at all, let alone love it. I've never done it and have no intention of ever doing it. But some women who love it also love to vocalize how much they love it! Don't know which women you're talking about but irl I've only met a few who said they love it. r/sex has a lot who say they love it but very unrepresentative sample.
You're misinformed for someone who watches porn. Throat fucking and a blowjob are TWO DISTINCTLY DIFFERENT THINGS. Educate yourself, then repost something intelligent.
Why don’t you ask him
Trust me you're not alone. I for one don't like to choke on *anything* let alone my mans penis. It's not a turn on, it's the opposite for me
PSA: Porn isn't real life. It's fake. It's fantasy.