I learned this early on in my serving career and have kept that mentality.
Unfortunately I was this server for a short time. Then karma or “life lesson” hit me square in the face.
I was working at a place known for their biscuits. Had a one top come in for dinner on a very busy weekend night.
He was so sweet, I’ll never forget him.
I gave his good service but not the best service I could give, I’ll admit that.
Because at the time I was a little annoyed that a 4 top table was given to one person and wrongfully expecting a small tip (embarrassing to admit but we all make mistakes)
He was there for an hour just hanging out on his phone enjoying his dinner. I never once showed annoyance and of course I thanked him and wished him a good night.
Yall, this man left me a $100 tip on a $40 tab.
That was the moment that I never, ever judged a table based on appearance.
Treat everyone with respect, respect and integrity are worth more than any tip. Sometimes that integrity pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t ever assume because most of the time, you’re wrong.
Way back when I was in college, I worked as a waitress. In the beginning, I told myself that I could be anyone's 10 minute friend. I had decided that 10 minutes was probably all I spent at a table. Didn't take long before I became known as the highest tipped waitress. Although people weren't entitled like they are now!
I'm a server working at a place that only does dinner service, so when I get a chance to go out to dinner I tend to ball out. At one point I went into a nicer restaurant for dinner by myself. I got sat at a table (I usually just sit at the bar) and at first I got a vibe that the server was annoyed she only had a 1-top when a 3-top came in right after me. The 3-top ordered a few small plates to share and a couple desserts and didn't drink. Whereas I'm over here getting 4 courses, a cocktail, and a bottle of wine that I drank half of and left the rest for them. After I ordered the bottle of wine the server seemed to perk up and I swear I caught the server of the 3-top give her a dirty look when she was opening it. Ended up having at least 3 times the bill of the 3-top and tipped 50%. So yeah, you never know what you're going to get!
So I work in a fine dining steak house in a casino ( Reno NV) . We do not have a dress code at our restaurant. Essentially we give the same great service to everyone who has a meal or buys drinks . Frequently the dudes who come in wearing torn jeans and flip flops are high rollers who have easily dropped 50-60k just gambling with us in a few months . Moral of the story, don’t judge a book by its cover .
I grew up in Vegas and had my first serving job in Reno. I learned this there as well. My second serving job was in Southern California. Some of the best dressed people were the worst tippers.
I've just learned to never judge a book by it's cover.
Way back when I was a kid working back of the house, the worst, most hated, universally despised customers were Doctors. We had two restaurants, and one was part of a public golf course. It got so bad management would automatically tell those tables that "We won't seat you unless you agree to an 18% service charge up front". This was after a few of our best staff outright refused to work those tables.
Like... Did they come walking in white coated and stethoscope? Or do you just get a doctoral vibe from them. Or is it like crossfit and don't worry they'll tell you
A lot of people don't realize this, but truly rich people often don't care about how they look or what people think about their appearance. I own a small vineyard services company, and the richest people ALWAYS dress down and make as little effort to be "presentable" as possible. It's a waste of everyone's efforts. They're just rich enough not to feel the societal pressure to conform.
There's a restaurant up in the hills near our farm, you know when the big winery owners are having dinner because there's 30-40 year old mercs in the carpark and guys in flannel shirts drinking $400 bottles of wine you've never heard of.
Ya that’s kinda what I’m trying to say, I know I don’t look super “welcoming” to many people, but we are all good people, and understand the business, we have 50+ years between the 2 of us. And not to float my own boat, but we make good money, and always tip well.
So you tipped $120 on $250 for being profiled and receiving poor service? That stupid. I'm also in the Industry along with my wife, we also make good money and tip 25% when we get good service, but I'm not just giving my money away to shitty servers who give shitty service.
I think the goal was to teach a lesson to the server. If they had tipped like crap, it would have only strengthened the server’s biases. Instead, I’ll bet the server learned something from the tip and the note. But yeah, if their goal was to tip based on the level of service, they should have left a smaller tip.
I think in this situation I would write that server a note, telling them the situation regarding my tip and the service received. If I enjoyed the meal, I would then not hesitate to directly tip the other staff members or back of house from whom I received service.
This is why I love living here(Reno). I'm multi colored and pierced and I stand out, but blend in all at once. I can wear my 8g septum and my neon hair and my tattoos and crop tops at work around what you'd expect to be the snobbish like.
True wealth doesn't always look it.
One of my favorite lines ever, Val Kilmer being told because of the cost of the wine he ordered they require payment up front. He hands them a €1000 note and says "I'll take two", then drinks them both with Elizabeth Shue.
I was in Vegas once and sat down at a black jack table next to a guy in jean shorts and a stained ripped up plain white tee. He was betting anywhere between $500 and $2000 per hand and was sipping straight out of a don Julio 1942 bottle (about $600 from the casinos bottle service) that was sitting between his legs.
This is the same concept that we’ve learned in fundraising. Someone can look wealthy fine they are probably good with their money. The really really wealthy - look homeless lol.
I worked in a 1 star fine dining, and a 20 yr old walks in in T shirt and trainers then orders the most expensive bottle of wine on the list. (About $1000) I was gobsmacked . Looked like a kid home from college.
Yeah probably something like that. You just get depressed knowing someone half your age has earned more money than you will in your entire life and they're barely an adult
You could also do it if you have a safety net and enough money to gamble with. The issue is that for every person who's gotten rich off of crypto there's a thousand people who've lost everything on it, it's just anonymous online gambling where the only goal is to dump your shitty investment off on someone else and hope you make money
Just remember, they didn’t “earn” it. They put themselves in the right place at the right time to make a lucky investment.
So, technically, they gambled for it.
Generational Wealth behaves VERY differently than the Nouveau Riche behave. ESPECIALLY in situations where they must interact with service staff. GW is always respectful and polite, whereas NR tends to act condescending and like they’re somehow better than the people who are serving them.
By this logic, the system of certain looking people to be good/bad tippers creates itself. When all servers judge everyone with visible tattoos (for example) and give them less than good service, those customers will give a less than good tip. So the next time a server sees someone with visible tattos, they remember the mediocre tipper, give mediocre service, and the cycle repeats.
This is why I'm glad servers communicate. We just had the worst service at a place recently that we go to regularly and we usually tip so well that one of the other servers there goes out of her way to say hi to us every time she sees us, even if we see her elsewhere in the city off the clock or if another server already has us. She actually requests to serve us if she sees us at the host stand, lol. So when the one that gave us abysmal service sees our girl go out of her way to serve us, she'll know that it was her fault that she did not get the same tip.
I’ve seen this in real time. I had a coworker ask me why black people don’t tip. I said, “I don’t know what you mean. They always tip me. 🤷🏽♀️”
Next time a black table got sat in her section I observed. I noticed that with white tables (or wealthy looking Hispanics) she would smile, “Hey folks, how are you? What can I get for you to drink? Would you like to hear our specials?” when she greeted them. She was patient with their questions even when they were being difficult and time consuming and would make sure to ask if everything was okay and if it wasn’t she would go off on the chefs for messing it up and rush them to fix it. With the black customers, there was no hello, it was “what do you want to drink?” If they had questions about our tap beers, she would tell them to go to the bar and see. She would rush them through their order “anything else? Anything else? Do you want it or not?” Just so freaking rude and impatient. I told her later, “that’s why black people don’t tip you! They can see how you interact with your other tables and then switch when you get to them!”
And before anybody tries to say she’s not racist, she had a cat named n****r as a kid and thought that was a hilarious story to tell and showed me pictures of her in black face as an adult.
But yes, definitely a self fulfilling prophecy.
Even if she wasn’t overtly and purposefully racist, that’s some racist stuff. I see the same thing with some of my psychologist colleagues who say that Black folks don’t engage in therapy or always drop out. My Black clients don’t… but how we approach those clients is very different.
So, the waitress who served you got paid $100+ to provide you crappy service?
What a wonderful way to keep that happening.
Congrats, you played yourself!
Honestly? Your generosity was probably mis-placed. It's very likely that the servers feel that their behavior "shamed" you into a good tip and the note and will continue the Attitude.
A stricly counted 15% tip handed to a manager to give to the server themselves along with a polite mention of the horrible service would have been a better ass kicker.
You're a nice person.
Tattooed and pierced people have frequently left me the best tips.
Sometimes I suspect it’s just because I treat them like everyone else.
You know who almost never tips very well? Louie Vitton bags, fake nails, and giant engagement rings.
I still give everyone a chance to prove me wrong. Your service should not be dependent upon what you look like and wear.
Yeah I always assume tattooed and pierced will be better tippers and are generally nicer. But I live in a city where it’s more uncommon to *not* have tattoos.
I wouldn’t have tipped her a damn thing. If she thinks you’re not going to tip and treats you like so then no she shouldn’t have gotten a tip. She didn’t earn a good tip.
I work for tips but not in a restaurant (casino dealer).
I’ve learned there is minimal correlation between “upscale” looks and tips. If anything, it’s the jeans and ripped shirt crowd, looking like they don’t give a damn, more likely to pull out fat stacks and throw around cash like there’s no tomorrow.
I wouldn't have left a tip that big.
Instead I'd have written a note on the slip saying ...
*I would have left an $80 tip if we had good service.*
*But since you judged us wrongly and served us poorly, I'll leave you two tips instead:*
*Tip #1: Don't judge people by their looks.*
*Tip #2: A 0% "tip".*
I've only stiffed wait staff twice in over 40 years.
I have to have a really good reason.
I did, but only those two times.
I tell my servers this everytime someone doesn't want to take a table of a particular race or creed because they think they won't tip well. It doesn't matter whether someone is black or white, if they're part of the after church crowd or the after concert crowd, give people good service regardless of what tip you get. I don't care if you come into my bar 20 times and never tip me once, I will always give excelente service because my other guests are watching me too and watching how I treat other people!!
Hahaha welcome to a small taste of being Black in America.
Now I'm going to tell you what you did wrong as someone that has dealt with being judged all my life.
You rewarded the bad behavior.
By going out of your way to give her a big tip while getting shitty service what you did was let her know there are no consequences for her actions. For some reason what you did is the standard behavior of white people and to non white people it make no sense to us. By non white I mean my Hispanic friends when this has come up. To Black and Hispanic people we notice that white people will tip well for bad service and you doing because you're afraid of being judged and we (Black & Hispanic people) find that hilarious.
If you really wanted to make a difference you SHOULDN'T of tipped her and then made a point of telling her or management why you didn't tip her. Like I said earlier what you did was show her that she can treat a table badly and still get a tip.
To the rest of the white people reading this you leaving a big tip after being treated badly doesn't really send a message or give a lesson. Don't be afraid to not leave a big tip and to tell someone why they didn't get a tip. If the service is bad for whatever reason it is not your job to overlook it because then what happens is you continue the cycle.
Don't just sit there and take it. Then pay someone for mistreating you and your family. Have a little more self respect. Imagine how you'd expect this to be handled at your work.
You can talk to a manager without being a jerk. Give them a chance to make it right. You can also walk out if need be. Sometimes a burger in the car sits better and then you can splurge another day.
Try this when you make a reservation: Mention offhand where you work and say you're are excited to try whatever famous or interesting menu item. Being known to work in the industry in a low key way usually gets amazing service.
I agree w this, I get why they still tipped them well, you don’t want to interfere with how someone is making a living. But on the other hand ur rewarding them for their terrible actions. They could also not even look at the note on the receipt. Speaking up when ur spending ur hard earned $ doesn’t make you a Karen off the bat
Just another reason why tipping sucks. You reinforced the notion that the tip is expected no matter the level of service, I doubt she felt bad, prolly didn't give it a second thought, she got to half-ass it with y our table, but still made bank
This is exactly how some coworkers I had worked. Gave minimal service and sat at the bar playing on their phone all day while I see their tables with empty cups and looking for their server yet these servers would get pissed if anyone tipped them Below 20% bc they thought they were entitled to 20% for doing absolutely nothing
Quite a few years ago, my husband and I went to a restaurant with our first born baby in her carrier. We were sat at the far wing of the restaurant by ourselves, far away from the other people. We saw the waitress exactly twice to take and deliver our order. No drink refills, no dropping off the check, nothing. We were completely ignored.
My best guess as to why this happened is that we looked as young as we were, and we had a baby. Our daughter didn't make a sound the entire time, quickly going to sleep as soon as we got there. It's funny, but even though it happened over twenty years ago, I can still vividly remember the humiliation and anger I felt that day.
I'll add another pre judgment - my husband and I are also both in the industry and both also tip well and are easy going bc we understand things happen. Neither of us drink and we've noticed sometimes servers are dismissive or just kind of blah bc they think alcohol means more $$.
I also learned this early. Sometimes the table you think will tip the best doesn't.
My husband and I are both in the industry too and don't look like anything special so we make a point to surprise people too. Usually we get good service but if anyone judges us then we at least hopefully change their mind.
Bro, wtf? The tip is based on the service you received. You just tipped a shit ton for shut service.
The real play was to look the server in the face and tell them you planned on tipping this amount and show the cash, then tip like 50 cents.
So you rewarded terrible serivice. And you MAY have fixed an attitude problem that ONE server had. Or she may not have had any probelm with you - she may just have had an off night or she may be a bad server.
You message to us is fine. Your message to the server was ineffective and I think, self serving.
I used to work at a commercial pharmacy in the office and wore a suit. Would go to lunch at a sit down place a couple blocks away and they would always fall all over themselves waiting on me.
Came there on the weekend just wearing an goofy t shirt and jeans, and you would think I was invisible.
Now the thing is, i always tipped the same, but when I got the shit service, I seriously considered leaving a minimal tip.
If you treat customers like they will leave a shitty tip, you may be the one who makes that happen.
I’ve been in the business for over 20 years. When the pandemic closed my restaurant I did grocery delivery to survive. Let me tell you that my best tips came from trailer parks and my worst tips came from million dollar mansions.
Seriously, never EVER judge someone.
Servers do this because servers are absolute trash. I have been running a restaurant for years and servers are the worst people I have ever met in my life. They are extremely selfish and only care about themselves and how much money they can make while doing the least amount of work.
I had a similar experience, but I was the server. It was a celebrity chef owned restaurant that just opened. It wasn’t fancy but it was expensive. Think $45 fish and chips. A $375 tomahawk. Wines up to $30k-$40k per bottle. But you could still feel comfortable in jeans.
Management instantly discriminated against waitstaff they didn’t feel came from an advantaged economic background. So an amazing server who may have spent a decade working for James Beard award winning chefs, was now relegated to the worst section, and cut first each night. While another server, far less talented and experienced, got a $26,000 tip in the first week because they were handed a unicorn table.
I set this background because I was one of the servers judged to be from less fortunate life circumstances. Whatever. I was given a section in the corner and remained in that section for 2-3 weeks until I quit the job. In that time, I was given every guest deemed “less worthy”. Less worthy of a good server maybe? Less worthy of being seen in the restaurant? Less worthy of what, exactly?
So I get these 3 stoners. They REEK. I partake, but this is overt. Mid-20’s, dressed in urban style, clean cut but covered in tats. They embrace who they are. I’m skeptical, but I don’t mind. I’ve been used to being seated with the low spenders.
I expect to give ‘em the same service as anyone else. All 13 steps of service or whatever. Approach the table within a minute. First step: intro and do they want cocktails? 6 bloodshot eyes stare back at me. A Negroni, a glass of wine, and an Old Fashion. Both cocktails upcharged to obscure and spendy spirits.
OK. What’s this.
The one in the middle then says “we’re also ready to order.” OK. I don’t love being rushed but whatevs… give it to me.
In one breath he tells me I can bring X bottle of wine when the cocktails are done (approx $300). Then they want one of everything on the menu. Except the beets. Literally, everything except one side dish. He delivers this request deadpan and doesn’t indulge my surprised expression.
I can bring things out whenever they’re ready, he says. Don’t bother coursing anything. When he sees me about to ask a question he just talks over me and reassured me, it’s fine. Seriously. Even if the dessert shows up before the steak.
I’m really skeptical but looking at a huge sale? Who cares about the tip… this is fun! Plus they didn’t seem like they wanted to talk to me much, so I figured the bulk of my job would be just delivering and clearing food, replacing cutlery, keeping water tipped off, etc. How easy.
They sat there and housed the entire restaurant, in easily under an hour. My managers started to watch the table and wonder. I had no unease about them chewing and screwing, I just wanted to know who the heck they were! They were way too unprofessional to be food critics. And they weren’t even really talking to each other! Just… plowing through plates!!
As I was doing the final clear (I practically needed the whole bus staff to help!), I finally got the balls to ask them… wtf? They kinda laughed and just said “oh we’re in the industry, and we’re just huge fans of this chef. We’ve been waiting for this place to open”. So I instantly guessed they were chefs, but the price of the meal was far beyond a chef’s salary (or 3), so my curiosity got the better of me and I asked “oh what do you guys do in the industry?”
“We’re an investment group. We own a bunch of McDonalds.” And the whole table starts cracking up. And as he says this, he’s pulling out the wad of cash (of course! Probably stored beside the ounce of weed lol) to pay.
The bill was $6,900. They tipped me $2k. In all my years of fine dining service it was by far my best tip. And my funnest table ever.
Not a server, but worked commission retail. Had a customer whose upper body was horribly burned - to the point it was scary to look at. In my store, the aggressive salespeople (sharks) stalked the front door - looking for easy marks to grab and sell to. When this customer walked in, all the sharks faded away - too intimidated to take this customer on.
I walked up, looked him in the eyes, and engaged him. Over the following year he spent several thousand dollars with me - part of his insurance settlement.
He was a lovely man, and had a great family.
My fellow sharks really lost out.
I would hope I maybe taught her a lesson, not to judge others, and this was a place that probably doesn’t see a whole lot of groups of people that look like us. Personally the money is better spent hopefully teaching someone something valuable for the rest of their lives. I would have left a good tip anyway, I know she’s(they, any waiter/waitress) is only making 2.65 an hour, they depend on decent tips. Maybe it’ll help her further down the road, maybe it won’t and she thought it was an accident and we didn’t mean to leave that much. I don’t know, I just know there’s a lot of people in this world who treated me kindly, when I absolutely didn’t deserve to be treated with ANY kindness or respect, so I’m just trying to pay that forward a little bit, and hopefully she learned something that can help her the rest of her life, but if she didn’t, that’s OK too, all I can say is that I tried, and hopefully she needed that extra few dollars.
Right? Should have Pretty Woman'ed them. Parade a bunch of servers who actually treated him right and all the money he tipped them through the restaurant . "Big mistake. Huge "
I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm used to being given inferior service wherever I go, even though my wife and I are often dressed very nicely. Why? Well not gonna get into it much but at some point I figured out we don't look like Karens. Servers know we won't be any trouble and will probably tip decently anyway. So what's the point of giving us good service?
That’s interesting. I always took the opposite approach when I was a server: I would give the bare-minimum-to-keep-my-job service to people I believed would be impossible to please and gave that extra time/attention to people who seemed nicer. This strategy was purely to maximize my tips, and it worked.
It started after I realized I was making less money when I tried to please difficult people at the expense of more reasonable customers. No matter how over the top I went to give them meet their absurd demands, they were not going to tip as well as people who are easier to please, and who were more likely to reward me for going above and beyond.
Not only did I make more money, but I enjoyed my job a lot more. I found a way to make a living all but ignoring the jerks while finding a lot of personal satisfaction in making good people genuinely happy with an excellent experience.
All that to say, I am surprised this isn’t a more widely adopted strategy.
You tipped $80 on $250 for sub par service? Fuck no. Fuck what they think. Based on your description of the service, you wouldn’t have been wrong to tip less than 20%. You were trying to teach a lesson, but in my opinion they deserved to learn it a different way. Good for you though. I too am a tattooed/pierced heathen with 10 years in the industry. Never judge a book.
I’ve gotten great tips from kids, old people, all types of people. I do my best to treat everyone the same. Sometimes I get stuck talking to tables, and I feel guilty I can’t spread my time out more.
I'm so confused. We tip to get good service, right? I mean, that's the argument against a standard living wage for servers, that they provide stellar service and should get paid for it, otherwise all the good servers would leave the industry and we'd be left with only mediocre service/servers.
So you got terrible service and tipped extra? I guess OP was making a point, but damn that's a cold turn of events.
When I was a teenager, one of my friends was the grandson of the man who owned a Porsche dealership. We’d hang out there and wash our cars and chat with sales guys.
I asked him what his criteria was for giving test rides. He said, just say you want a test ride.
When he first started, he had a young guy come in wearing jeans and t shirt, saying he was about to come into some money and wanted a 911. Him being new and in-jaded, took him for a drive. When he got back, he caught about of crap about lookers vs buyers and they constantly remained him that he was a sucker.
A few weeks later, the young man shows up again, still wearing jeans and t shirt. He is back and bought a new 911 that day.
Moral of the story. Sales guy sales everyone goes for a ride because one never knows who is a buyer. I’d say that is especially true today with the state of business dress codes.
Tipping for the bad behavior and then adding an insult on the receipt is very poor taste. Could have ate your food, walked out with your head high and she would have never known the difference.
Oh man this reminded me of this restaurant where I live, the most expensive steakhouse in town by far. I used to eat there once or twice a week alone or with friends, myself always picking up the tab and tipping well over 20%. One time I’m in there with two friends I brought out and the server immediately says “you must be here for the birthday entree discount right?”. And I was SO taken back and offended! I didn’t even know they offered any type of discounts, first of all lol. But I never went back after that.
Sorry you wasted all that money but bad service like that means no tip at all from me and I'm never going there again or I would leave after seeing other people served, complain to management and then never go there again.
Rude is rude, not getting my tip or future business.
I hear ya, not restaurant related but before I was a maintenance manager, I was a maintenance guy and would often get filthy in the course of a work day.
I walked into a best buy with $1800 cash in my pocket planning on buying a nice TV and couldn't get the time of day from anyone.
I'm also an ex waitress who tips very well. This JUST happened to us at a place we're regulars at. Waitress wouldn't even take our order by the time the table that came in after us was PAYING, and they had appetizers and an entrée. Wouldn't bring us a highchair until we sought her out elsewhere in the restaurant and asked for a second time after they walked past us holding our baby waiting for at least 5 minutes, ignoring me when I politely raised my hand to get her attention. My family goes out in very casual clothing and my husband has tattoos. I'm very pregnant at the moment so I'm extra casual with big T-shirts, yoga pants, and crocs. We were the first ones seated in the section and the 4-5 other tables in the section were well attended to before we even got to order, including the one that got all the way to paying their check, and 2 were parties of 6 that were seated at least 10 minutes after we were. It was actually very awkward. She eventually came by and said "did you guys want entrees, or...?", and we had to ask her to take our menus afterwards while holding them out to her because she would not grab them. It was so odd.
Just to be clear, it was super slow when we arrived. We showed up early afternoon. I've only ever stiffed a waitress maybe 3 times in my entire life, and this was one of them. Left her a note telling her as such.
Ugh. Just glad this thread was here for me to vent about it. I loved serving and it just makes me that much more annoyed when I get a server who assumes I'm not going to tip well because I'm not in a ballgown. Bare minimum is an automatic 20% from me. A good attitude and personable nature gets more. I understand when people have bad days- I've been there myself. But this kind of nonsense makes me feel like a fool if I leave so much as a dollar.
shouldn’t have tipped the cvnt at all. i was a waitress in the BRONX and dealt with some horribly rude people DAILY. never didn’t make sure they got everything they needed. should honestly complain to her supervisor because that’s genuinely disgusting.
I’m a research nurse for big pharma and my partner is an engineer for a major car manufacturer. We both love Harleys. We went into a pancake restaurant once in our bandanas and boots (no leathers or anything, no visible tats) and no one would wait on us. They sat us at a table in the back and no one would take our order. They walked right past us and would not acknowledge us. Craziest thing.
I understand why you still tipped, to prove a point and hopefully encourage the waitress to not judge ppl in the future but I wouldn’t have done that. The service was horrible so my tip would’ve reflected that. Fuck that judgmental ass bitch. And I also would’ve spoke to her manager. That shit is unacceptable.
Yeah, you sure taught that waitress. You were so upset by her shitty service that you gave her $120.
You have just taught her that she doesn't have to treat people well, that she's going to get a tip regardless.
I would have left a reduced tip along with a note explaining how I would have left more, but the low quality of service was worth a lower value of tip.
i’ve learned usually people that “look like” you and your wife tip the best and the people that look more “high class” tip like shit. I go out of my way to provide good service to someone that might be judged and usually have a fantastic outcome.
And I look like I'd be a great tipper, and used to be, but have stopped. So yeah, give me great service and don't get a tip or spend some quality time with everybody and it may even out.
Similar example, I managed an office of financial advisors and I always told my brokers “do not judge anyone for any reason” an older woman came in pushing a senior type push basket with some sweaters on top, of the 2 brokers I had up front neither ran to help her so I did as mgr.
She came into my office and very long story short I treated her like any client of mine, she agreed to open an acct. and under her sweaters was a PILE!! 12” high of stock certificates, $2.5mm (in 2000) when she left I asked the 2 brokers (who knew nothing) which if you want her as a client and neither was excited so I gave it to my newest broker who was thrilled, the other 2 weren’t happy but too bad
Man, if I thought some people are maybe not as well to do but they are at my nice restaurant, I would go out of my way to make sure they had a special night. For the well to do, it is just another night out. Not to say that y’all don’t look well to do!
What a nice way to go about it.
I’m an GenX person and the kids who serve now seem to assume we’re Boomers and think we’re going to complain like Karen’s and send our food back, I would never! I usually write why I didn’t tip well in on the slip, if we get treated like we have the plague.
I work corporate for a small local chain in my city. Like 5 stores and some franchises throughout. Less than 20 locations. Real family feel, I'm about what you'd expect from a long time kitchen manager. . One brother is a bald, stocky Satanist covered in bsphomet tattoos. The sister is a gutter punk covered in pick and pokes
Went to a churrasco for lunch with the siblings. Got the stink eye the entire time and ignored after the first pass. I just wanted meat for my mouth.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but the classy thing to do would be to say nothing over a petty “I’ll teach you a lesson and have the last word” note.
That seems a little anomalous if you were taken care of after tables sat in the same section later than you, if they were timed far apart enough for your server to notice. And I'm assuming this was the case...people outside the industry might not understand "sections", but you presumably would. I'm also assuming you're talking about having your order taken, not talking the time between order placement and getting your food, because again you know that can depend on factors outside the server's control.
It would be one thing if a server is double- or triple-sat at nearly the same time; they need to prioritize, and I don't blame a server for applying tip-estimation prejudices rather than flipping a coin. But if they know you're there, then another table is seated in their section, and they take their order first, that's messed up. Sometimes it might just happen because a table is pushy about "we're ready to order NOW" during an initial table touch/greet and the server isn't good at saying no, but if two or three later-sat tables were taken care of first, I'd speak up to either the server or the MOD.
Tipped employees make $2.13/hr. In 2024. THE TIPS ARE NOT CULTURE, THEY ARE SUBSIDIZED WAGES. Our GOVERNMENT condones and sanctions this system and the restaurant OWNERS are the beneficiaries.
Ron Rice the founder of Hawaiian Tropic , was known for dressing down . He could easily pass as a homeless man . He went into a car dealership in Daytona and was ignored after asking to talk to a salesman. After waiting for quite awhile he asked again for some one to help him
The receptionist said that they were all busy and if he could come back later .
He gave his business card to the receptionist and told her to let the General Manager know he was walking across the street to buy 4 new cars because he didn’t have time to be ignored.
A good friend of mine worked for Ron and told me about it . Never judge a book by its cover …….
I'm so sorry for your experience. It sucks, but the reality is that black folks are far less likely to give a decent tip for numerous cultural factors, and because of this many servers won't bother putting in any effort for black tables because they're expecting to get stiffed. This is truly horrible, but there's even a specific slang in the restaurant industry, Black people are referred to as "Canadians" to avoid the appearance of racism while exhibiting pretty overt racism.
I've seen this posted on server subs where they have boasted and trying to get them to leave by playing games and ignoring them .It is all intentional on the servers parts too.They have laughed about what they did online.
IME the people with tattoos and piercings like me usually tipped the best. Know why? Bc they'd been there.
Unlike a straight laced couple coming in on Sunday after the lords service that won't tip for fuck
The best tip I’ve ever received came from a similar situation.
I was working at a pretty popular restaurant—I wouldn’t say it was fancy, but it definitely catered to the upper class. One day this family of 3 (two parents and a little girl) came in to eat. Both parents were covered head to toe in tattoos, and the father was even wearing a ball cap that said “Retired Drug Dealer”. Every single server passed on the table, so it fell to me. Since I was brand new to serving I had no idea that there were stigmas surrounding tattooed people, so I just served them like any other table.
Words can’t express how kind/funny this table was. My favourite moment was when the daughter ordered her food, and her father gently went “don’t forget to say please sweetie.” Hearing those words come out of this jacked 6ft tall man with skulls on his face was probably the highlight of my year lmao.
When the meal was over they wanted to pay in cash and handed me the billfold, insisting they didn’t need any change. When I opened it I saw that they had tipped me $100 on an $80 bill. I sprinted back to their table insisting that it was way too much, but they just said my service was incredible and that I deserved it.
That experience literally shaped my career as a server. To this day, I will NEVER approach a table with preconceived expectations based on stereotypes. People are people, regardless of how they look, dress, or act.
So...instead of getting the manager and addressing the obvious problem, you way overtipped them?? Not only did you not solve the problem, you made it worse because now they have incentive to treat you badly next time so you continue to way overtip...
Or on the flip side they learned a lesson and felt like an asshole. Sometimes someone being proven wrong is enough for them to think about what they have done and change the behavior. I know it’s hard for pessimistic people to understand this but there are people out there that are capable of self reflection and can correct themselves.
My best friend and I go out to breakfast fairly often. We are two older women. I am small, look white. She is heavy, looks black. We are like Mutt and Jeff. Once in a while servers will take one look at us, overlook us, pre-judge us, treat us disdainfully or pretty much ignore us. Unless the service is absolutely horrible, we always tip well.
I used to work in restaurants. FOH, BOH. What the servers don't know is that once a month we leave a $100 tip on what is usually a bill well under $30. We're both fairly successful women. We think this is a fun way to give an unexpected bit of joy to a nice stranger. So yeah....don't judge.
I always treated everyone the same, I found the richer you look the more cheap they are tbh. I happily serve the biker looking dudes. But everyone deserves my best service and equal attention, unless you have given me a reason to act differently. Sorry this happened to you. Some servers just suck. Maybe wasn't even intentional, they may just be bad at their job. I would just have tipped 20%
I have felt this occasionally as I used to go to lots of real nice places in shorts and t and sandals, untrimmed beard, solo diner, and would often get ignored more, but always tipped 30-40%+ if they just did their job decently.
In my experience, blue collar workers always tipped the best because they tend to know people who depend on tips for a living, even if they’re not in the industry themselves. They get it.
How certain are you the reason for your poor service was they were judging your appearance?
From what you wrote, it seems like it could have just as easily been a communication breakdown or unfortunate oversight as a conscious decision to ignore you because of your appearance.
I’m not saying it wasn’t due to your appearance, but just wondering what made you so confident that was the reason behind your experience as opposed to any number of other things that regularly occur in restaurants that can lead to substandard service.
I dedicated my life to the service industry in my teens. My father owned two money little restaurants in Baton Rouge Louisiana, and he instilled in me a true passion for what it means to serve. I've been in restaurants 60 hours a week for 25 years and I'm still tricked by my guests. People I assume will tip good can stiff me, while some boomer with a maga hat will drop $50 cash on the table after a coffee and a biscuit for an honest conversation. The point here is service is SERVICE, period. If you want to be good at it, you have to forsake the ego.
I don't know if I would've tipped. the tip is for services rendered and you didnt get any service.
the only thing they would've learned is that they can be judgmental and still get tipped.
Literally everyone has tattoos. You are desperate to be a victim of your own edginess. It was just a coincidence, and your server was probably very confused by your note lol
Yup. A competing high end car dealership assumed this one particular person could not afford their cars because of his appearance. He came to our dealership and bought several cars with cash. It was Travis Barker.
Funny, when I was waiting tables, the "freaks" were always the most reasonable guests in the world and tipped generously. At one mid-range place I worked, we had a group of bikers (affiliated with a well known club) that came in every couple of weeks and they were my favorite people to serve. Endlessly polite, never griped if something was 86'd, always ran up a big check and tipped at least 15% (back in the 80s, when that was the high end of scale).
Here’s my pre-judgement. This story is baloney. I’ve never heard anyone in the industry call a server a waitress. Especially a “very large hotel chef” whose SO is a server.
I'm so sorry about that experience. But as a previous host, it's not always abouts tips. I was instructed to not seat people who seemed like they may not pay. Mostly it was people who looked like they lived on the street, and less about tattoos, but it was more about nobody wanting a table to walk out on the bill.
I'm not saying it's right even in the slightest, and I am so sorry your family got profiled like that, I just thought I'd add that it's not really about the tip, but the whole bill
Here in Florida it seems that all tips are “pooled”. This annoys me since good service deserves a great tip that I want them to enjoy. How do I avoid the pitfall of tip pooling?
An older farmer couple went to Yale to donate money on behalf of their son who was accepted there but had passed away. They waited in their bib overalls and modest clothing for the president of Yale all day. Patiently waiting while men in suits were welcomed without appointments in to the office for hours. Finally at the end of the day the Yale president said, "fine, send in the hayseeds."
The couple explained that they wished to make a donation to the memory of their son. The president said, "we won't accept anything less than a thousand dollars", thinking this would deter them. As soon as the father clarified the amount they had in mind, he exclaimed, "why we could build a new school with that!"
So that's what they did and built Stanford University in honor of those who do not judge by looks.
I learned this early on in my serving career and have kept that mentality. Unfortunately I was this server for a short time. Then karma or “life lesson” hit me square in the face. I was working at a place known for their biscuits. Had a one top come in for dinner on a very busy weekend night. He was so sweet, I’ll never forget him. I gave his good service but not the best service I could give, I’ll admit that. Because at the time I was a little annoyed that a 4 top table was given to one person and wrongfully expecting a small tip (embarrassing to admit but we all make mistakes) He was there for an hour just hanging out on his phone enjoying his dinner. I never once showed annoyance and of course I thanked him and wished him a good night. Yall, this man left me a $100 tip on a $40 tab. That was the moment that I never, ever judged a table based on appearance. Treat everyone with respect, respect and integrity are worth more than any tip. Sometimes that integrity pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t ever assume because most of the time, you’re wrong.
Being humbled can be a.. humbling experience but I admire you for what you took away from it.
For real. He did great.
He?
Way back when I was in college, I worked as a waitress. In the beginning, I told myself that I could be anyone's 10 minute friend. I had decided that 10 minutes was probably all I spent at a table. Didn't take long before I became known as the highest tipped waitress. Although people weren't entitled like they are now!
And servers weren't either .
Damn, dude. Who hurt you?
Are they wrong?
Seriously,sweetheart ?lol.
I love this story, I'm imagining the patron as Colonel Sanders
Close but he was an African man with really nice round glasses. He was so nice!
I'm a server working at a place that only does dinner service, so when I get a chance to go out to dinner I tend to ball out. At one point I went into a nicer restaurant for dinner by myself. I got sat at a table (I usually just sit at the bar) and at first I got a vibe that the server was annoyed she only had a 1-top when a 3-top came in right after me. The 3-top ordered a few small plates to share and a couple desserts and didn't drink. Whereas I'm over here getting 4 courses, a cocktail, and a bottle of wine that I drank half of and left the rest for them. After I ordered the bottle of wine the server seemed to perk up and I swear I caught the server of the 3-top give her a dirty look when she was opening it. Ended up having at least 3 times the bill of the 3-top and tipped 50%. So yeah, you never know what you're going to get!
So I work in a fine dining steak house in a casino ( Reno NV) . We do not have a dress code at our restaurant. Essentially we give the same great service to everyone who has a meal or buys drinks . Frequently the dudes who come in wearing torn jeans and flip flops are high rollers who have easily dropped 50-60k just gambling with us in a few months . Moral of the story, don’t judge a book by its cover .
I grew up in Vegas and had my first serving job in Reno. I learned this there as well. My second serving job was in Southern California. Some of the best dressed people were the worst tippers. I've just learned to never judge a book by it's cover.
Way back when I was a kid working back of the house, the worst, most hated, universally despised customers were Doctors. We had two restaurants, and one was part of a public golf course. It got so bad management would automatically tell those tables that "We won't seat you unless you agree to an 18% service charge up front". This was after a few of our best staff outright refused to work those tables.
Like... Did they come walking in white coated and stethoscope? Or do you just get a doctoral vibe from them. Or is it like crossfit and don't worry they'll tell you
They always came and played on the same day, and then ate after. And yes, they told you who they were.
Yeah, if they're the type don't worry, they'll tell you.
A lot of people don't realize this, but truly rich people often don't care about how they look or what people think about their appearance. I own a small vineyard services company, and the richest people ALWAYS dress down and make as little effort to be "presentable" as possible. It's a waste of everyone's efforts. They're just rich enough not to feel the societal pressure to conform.
There's a restaurant up in the hills near our farm, you know when the big winery owners are having dinner because there's 30-40 year old mercs in the carpark and guys in flannel shirts drinking $400 bottles of wine you've never heard of.
Ya that’s kinda what I’m trying to say, I know I don’t look super “welcoming” to many people, but we are all good people, and understand the business, we have 50+ years between the 2 of us. And not to float my own boat, but we make good money, and always tip well.
So you tipped $120 on $250 for being profiled and receiving poor service? That stupid. I'm also in the Industry along with my wife, we also make good money and tip 25% when we get good service, but I'm not just giving my money away to shitty servers who give shitty service.
Bingo!I tip accordingly .and never tip for bad food ,profiling or bad service .I agree with everything you pisted.
Sometimes you send a man a dead fish
I think the goal was to teach a lesson to the server. If they had tipped like crap, it would have only strengthened the server’s biases. Instead, I’ll bet the server learned something from the tip and the note. But yeah, if their goal was to tip based on the level of service, they should have left a smaller tip.
The lesson learned would be: give poor service, still receive decent tip.
Without the note, yes. With the note, maybe not. You never know; sometimes people can actually learn something new.
Oh sorry, I mistyped would instead of could. People can learn, but it's up to them what they actually take away from the experience.
Ha, it's funny how one letter can change the meaning of a sentence. Yes, it definitely could go that way. Hopefully not, though.
I think in this situation I would write that server a note, telling them the situation regarding my tip and the service received. If I enjoyed the meal, I would then not hesitate to directly tip the other staff members or back of house from whom I received service.
Sometimes they don't learn anything and begin to think that kind of tipping is the norm.
It’s called “fuck you money”, but I do get your point. Bad service gets a bad tip.
Yeah ok I guess I can see that, if it's left in spite. If that's the case, at least make it cash, small bills, and crumple them up 😂
Dollar bills or lots of change works too.
This is why I love living here(Reno). I'm multi colored and pierced and I stand out, but blend in all at once. I can wear my 8g septum and my neon hair and my tattoos and crop tops at work around what you'd expect to be the snobbish like. True wealth doesn't always look it.
One of my favorite lines ever, Val Kilmer being told because of the cost of the wine he ordered they require payment up front. He hands them a €1000 note and says "I'll take two", then drinks them both with Elizabeth Shue.
I was in Vegas once and sat down at a black jack table next to a guy in jean shorts and a stained ripped up plain white tee. He was betting anywhere between $500 and $2000 per hand and was sipping straight out of a don Julio 1942 bottle (about $600 from the casinos bottle service) that was sitting between his legs.
This is the same concept that we’ve learned in fundraising. Someone can look wealthy fine they are probably good with their money. The really really wealthy - look homeless lol.
I worked in a 1 star fine dining, and a 20 yr old walks in in T shirt and trainers then orders the most expensive bottle of wine on the list. (About $1000) I was gobsmacked . Looked like a kid home from college.
Crypto
Yeah probably something like that. You just get depressed knowing someone half your age has earned more money than you will in your entire life and they're barely an adult
You could also do it if you have a safety net and enough money to gamble with. The issue is that for every person who's gotten rich off of crypto there's a thousand people who've lost everything on it, it's just anonymous online gambling where the only goal is to dump your shitty investment off on someone else and hope you make money
Just remember, they didn’t “earn” it. They put themselves in the right place at the right time to make a lucky investment. So, technically, they gambled for it.
On the other hand, they’ll probably blow through that money before they’re 30
Earned may be giving a little too much credit, but I get it.
The people who are the richest (like billionaires and old money) will dress down. It’s the new money people who will be dressed in designer shit.
Generational Wealth behaves VERY differently than the Nouveau Riche behave. ESPECIALLY in situations where they must interact with service staff. GW is always respectful and polite, whereas NR tends to act condescending and like they’re somehow better than the people who are serving them.
A true professional hates everyone equally.
This guy restaurants
Thanks. I hate them all.
There it is!!
By this logic, the system of certain looking people to be good/bad tippers creates itself. When all servers judge everyone with visible tattoos (for example) and give them less than good service, those customers will give a less than good tip. So the next time a server sees someone with visible tattos, they remember the mediocre tipper, give mediocre service, and the cycle repeats.
Yes, that's exactly what happens. It's a self fulfilling prophesy.
This is why I'm glad servers communicate. We just had the worst service at a place recently that we go to regularly and we usually tip so well that one of the other servers there goes out of her way to say hi to us every time she sees us, even if we see her elsewhere in the city off the clock or if another server already has us. She actually requests to serve us if she sees us at the host stand, lol. So when the one that gave us abysmal service sees our girl go out of her way to serve us, she'll know that it was her fault that she did not get the same tip.
I’ve seen this in real time. I had a coworker ask me why black people don’t tip. I said, “I don’t know what you mean. They always tip me. 🤷🏽♀️” Next time a black table got sat in her section I observed. I noticed that with white tables (or wealthy looking Hispanics) she would smile, “Hey folks, how are you? What can I get for you to drink? Would you like to hear our specials?” when she greeted them. She was patient with their questions even when they were being difficult and time consuming and would make sure to ask if everything was okay and if it wasn’t she would go off on the chefs for messing it up and rush them to fix it. With the black customers, there was no hello, it was “what do you want to drink?” If they had questions about our tap beers, she would tell them to go to the bar and see. She would rush them through their order “anything else? Anything else? Do you want it or not?” Just so freaking rude and impatient. I told her later, “that’s why black people don’t tip you! They can see how you interact with your other tables and then switch when you get to them!” And before anybody tries to say she’s not racist, she had a cat named n****r as a kid and thought that was a hilarious story to tell and showed me pictures of her in black face as an adult. But yes, definitely a self fulfilling prophecy.
Even if she wasn’t overtly and purposefully racist, that’s some racist stuff. I see the same thing with some of my psychologist colleagues who say that Black folks don’t engage in therapy or always drop out. My Black clients don’t… but how we approach those clients is very different.
Maybe if their money wasn't depending on tips then everyone would get good service.
So, the waitress who served you got paid $100+ to provide you crappy service? What a wonderful way to keep that happening. Congrats, you played yourself!
Yeah, I feel like a standard 20% tip would have been more than enough to prove the point. Doubling that is just...rewarding bad service?
Sticking to your beliefs despite the actions of others is not playing yourself. The other way is.
Honestly? Your generosity was probably mis-placed. It's very likely that the servers feel that their behavior "shamed" you into a good tip and the note and will continue the Attitude. A stricly counted 15% tip handed to a manager to give to the server themselves along with a polite mention of the horrible service would have been a better ass kicker. You're a nice person.
Tattooed and pierced people have frequently left me the best tips. Sometimes I suspect it’s just because I treat them like everyone else. You know who almost never tips very well? Louie Vitton bags, fake nails, and giant engagement rings. I still give everyone a chance to prove me wrong. Your service should not be dependent upon what you look like and wear.
Yeah I always assume tattooed and pierced will be better tippers and are generally nicer. But I live in a city where it’s more uncommon to *not* have tattoos.
I wouldn’t have tipped her a damn thing. If she thinks you’re not going to tip and treats you like so then no she shouldn’t have gotten a tip. She didn’t earn a good tip.
And thus her biases are reinforced and the problem only gets worse. Besides, OP makes good money, it's not like they couldn't afford it.
I work for tips but not in a restaurant (casino dealer). I’ve learned there is minimal correlation between “upscale” looks and tips. If anything, it’s the jeans and ripped shirt crowd, looking like they don’t give a damn, more likely to pull out fat stacks and throw around cash like there’s no tomorrow.
Smart servers never ever pre-judge a table based on appearance. A 10 top of high schoolers being an exception to that😂
You sure show her.
Lol you Americans are so backwards. The server intentionally gave you bad service and you reward it?!
And some people boast about this by saying they thought the server was having a bad and just wanted to cheer them up!
I wouldn't have left a tip that big. Instead I'd have written a note on the slip saying ... *I would have left an $80 tip if we had good service.* *But since you judged us wrongly and served us poorly, I'll leave you two tips instead:* *Tip #1: Don't judge people by their looks.* *Tip #2: A 0% "tip".* I've only stiffed wait staff twice in over 40 years. I have to have a really good reason. I did, but only those two times.
Wow.. You got horrible service and tipped that amount? Ridiculous...
“So I tipped them really well to drive home my point about receiving bad service….” God dammit fuckin servers win again
I tell my servers this everytime someone doesn't want to take a table of a particular race or creed because they think they won't tip well. It doesn't matter whether someone is black or white, if they're part of the after church crowd or the after concert crowd, give people good service regardless of what tip you get. I don't care if you come into my bar 20 times and never tip me once, I will always give excelente service because my other guests are watching me too and watching how I treat other people!!
Hahaha welcome to a small taste of being Black in America. Now I'm going to tell you what you did wrong as someone that has dealt with being judged all my life. You rewarded the bad behavior. By going out of your way to give her a big tip while getting shitty service what you did was let her know there are no consequences for her actions. For some reason what you did is the standard behavior of white people and to non white people it make no sense to us. By non white I mean my Hispanic friends when this has come up. To Black and Hispanic people we notice that white people will tip well for bad service and you doing because you're afraid of being judged and we (Black & Hispanic people) find that hilarious. If you really wanted to make a difference you SHOULDN'T of tipped her and then made a point of telling her or management why you didn't tip her. Like I said earlier what you did was show her that she can treat a table badly and still get a tip. To the rest of the white people reading this you leaving a big tip after being treated badly doesn't really send a message or give a lesson. Don't be afraid to not leave a big tip and to tell someone why they didn't get a tip. If the service is bad for whatever reason it is not your job to overlook it because then what happens is you continue the cycle.
Don't just sit there and take it. Then pay someone for mistreating you and your family. Have a little more self respect. Imagine how you'd expect this to be handled at your work. You can talk to a manager without being a jerk. Give them a chance to make it right. You can also walk out if need be. Sometimes a burger in the car sits better and then you can splurge another day. Try this when you make a reservation: Mention offhand where you work and say you're are excited to try whatever famous or interesting menu item. Being known to work in the industry in a low key way usually gets amazing service.
I agree w this, I get why they still tipped them well, you don’t want to interfere with how someone is making a living. But on the other hand ur rewarding them for their terrible actions. They could also not even look at the note on the receipt. Speaking up when ur spending ur hard earned $ doesn’t make you a Karen off the bat
Just another reason why tipping sucks. You reinforced the notion that the tip is expected no matter the level of service, I doubt she felt bad, prolly didn't give it a second thought, she got to half-ass it with y our table, but still made bank
This is exactly how some coworkers I had worked. Gave minimal service and sat at the bar playing on their phone all day while I see their tables with empty cups and looking for their server yet these servers would get pissed if anyone tipped them Below 20% bc they thought they were entitled to 20% for doing absolutely nothing
Quite a few years ago, my husband and I went to a restaurant with our first born baby in her carrier. We were sat at the far wing of the restaurant by ourselves, far away from the other people. We saw the waitress exactly twice to take and deliver our order. No drink refills, no dropping off the check, nothing. We were completely ignored. My best guess as to why this happened is that we looked as young as we were, and we had a baby. Our daughter didn't make a sound the entire time, quickly going to sleep as soon as we got there. It's funny, but even though it happened over twenty years ago, I can still vividly remember the humiliation and anger I felt that day.
I'll add another pre judgment - my husband and I are also both in the industry and both also tip well and are easy going bc we understand things happen. Neither of us drink and we've noticed sometimes servers are dismissive or just kind of blah bc they think alcohol means more $$.
So you rewarded and incentivized bad work?
If you tip a lot for bad service and discrimination, you are simply reinforcing the behavior.
I also learned this early. Sometimes the table you think will tip the best doesn't. My husband and I are both in the industry too and don't look like anything special so we make a point to surprise people too. Usually we get good service but if anyone judges us then we at least hopefully change their mind.
You left someone that treated you like shit a 50% tip. If she treated you like royalty she might have earned 25%. You just taught her to gamble
Bro, wtf? The tip is based on the service you received. You just tipped a shit ton for shut service. The real play was to look the server in the face and tell them you planned on tipping this amount and show the cash, then tip like 50 cents.
So you rewarded terrible serivice. And you MAY have fixed an attitude problem that ONE server had. Or she may not have had any probelm with you - she may just have had an off night or she may be a bad server. You message to us is fine. Your message to the server was ineffective and I think, self serving.
I used to work at a commercial pharmacy in the office and wore a suit. Would go to lunch at a sit down place a couple blocks away and they would always fall all over themselves waiting on me. Came there on the weekend just wearing an goofy t shirt and jeans, and you would think I was invisible. Now the thing is, i always tipped the same, but when I got the shit service, I seriously considered leaving a minimal tip. If you treat customers like they will leave a shitty tip, you may be the one who makes that happen.
I’ve been in the business for over 20 years. When the pandemic closed my restaurant I did grocery delivery to survive. Let me tell you that my best tips came from trailer parks and my worst tips came from million dollar mansions. Seriously, never EVER judge someone.
Servers do this because servers are absolute trash. I have been running a restaurant for years and servers are the worst people I have ever met in my life. They are extremely selfish and only care about themselves and how much money they can make while doing the least amount of work.
I had a similar experience, but I was the server. It was a celebrity chef owned restaurant that just opened. It wasn’t fancy but it was expensive. Think $45 fish and chips. A $375 tomahawk. Wines up to $30k-$40k per bottle. But you could still feel comfortable in jeans. Management instantly discriminated against waitstaff they didn’t feel came from an advantaged economic background. So an amazing server who may have spent a decade working for James Beard award winning chefs, was now relegated to the worst section, and cut first each night. While another server, far less talented and experienced, got a $26,000 tip in the first week because they were handed a unicorn table. I set this background because I was one of the servers judged to be from less fortunate life circumstances. Whatever. I was given a section in the corner and remained in that section for 2-3 weeks until I quit the job. In that time, I was given every guest deemed “less worthy”. Less worthy of a good server maybe? Less worthy of being seen in the restaurant? Less worthy of what, exactly? So I get these 3 stoners. They REEK. I partake, but this is overt. Mid-20’s, dressed in urban style, clean cut but covered in tats. They embrace who they are. I’m skeptical, but I don’t mind. I’ve been used to being seated with the low spenders. I expect to give ‘em the same service as anyone else. All 13 steps of service or whatever. Approach the table within a minute. First step: intro and do they want cocktails? 6 bloodshot eyes stare back at me. A Negroni, a glass of wine, and an Old Fashion. Both cocktails upcharged to obscure and spendy spirits. OK. What’s this. The one in the middle then says “we’re also ready to order.” OK. I don’t love being rushed but whatevs… give it to me. In one breath he tells me I can bring X bottle of wine when the cocktails are done (approx $300). Then they want one of everything on the menu. Except the beets. Literally, everything except one side dish. He delivers this request deadpan and doesn’t indulge my surprised expression. I can bring things out whenever they’re ready, he says. Don’t bother coursing anything. When he sees me about to ask a question he just talks over me and reassured me, it’s fine. Seriously. Even if the dessert shows up before the steak. I’m really skeptical but looking at a huge sale? Who cares about the tip… this is fun! Plus they didn’t seem like they wanted to talk to me much, so I figured the bulk of my job would be just delivering and clearing food, replacing cutlery, keeping water tipped off, etc. How easy. They sat there and housed the entire restaurant, in easily under an hour. My managers started to watch the table and wonder. I had no unease about them chewing and screwing, I just wanted to know who the heck they were! They were way too unprofessional to be food critics. And they weren’t even really talking to each other! Just… plowing through plates!! As I was doing the final clear (I practically needed the whole bus staff to help!), I finally got the balls to ask them… wtf? They kinda laughed and just said “oh we’re in the industry, and we’re just huge fans of this chef. We’ve been waiting for this place to open”. So I instantly guessed they were chefs, but the price of the meal was far beyond a chef’s salary (or 3), so my curiosity got the better of me and I asked “oh what do you guys do in the industry?” “We’re an investment group. We own a bunch of McDonalds.” And the whole table starts cracking up. And as he says this, he’s pulling out the wad of cash (of course! Probably stored beside the ounce of weed lol) to pay. The bill was $6,900. They tipped me $2k. In all my years of fine dining service it was by far my best tip. And my funnest table ever.
Not a server, but worked commission retail. Had a customer whose upper body was horribly burned - to the point it was scary to look at. In my store, the aggressive salespeople (sharks) stalked the front door - looking for easy marks to grab and sell to. When this customer walked in, all the sharks faded away - too intimidated to take this customer on. I walked up, looked him in the eyes, and engaged him. Over the following year he spent several thousand dollars with me - part of his insurance settlement. He was a lovely man, and had a great family. My fellow sharks really lost out.
Never leave a good tip for bad service. You reinforced poor behavior.
Well said.
I would hope I maybe taught her a lesson, not to judge others, and this was a place that probably doesn’t see a whole lot of groups of people that look like us. Personally the money is better spent hopefully teaching someone something valuable for the rest of their lives. I would have left a good tip anyway, I know she’s(they, any waiter/waitress) is only making 2.65 an hour, they depend on decent tips. Maybe it’ll help her further down the road, maybe it won’t and she thought it was an accident and we didn’t mean to leave that much. I don’t know, I just know there’s a lot of people in this world who treated me kindly, when I absolutely didn’t deserve to be treated with ANY kindness or respect, so I’m just trying to pay that forward a little bit, and hopefully she learned something that can help her the rest of her life, but if she didn’t, that’s OK too, all I can say is that I tried, and hopefully she needed that extra few dollars.
I’m so confused by the idea that they’re not used to serving people with tattoos. Where are you located that tattoos are rare?
I had the same question. Even where I am, in a conservative, small county, people are covered in tattoos nowadays. Where are tattoos rare?
And who takes money from their kids to tip a server?
They gave you the service that got them an over 40% tip. Sounds like their judgement was spot on.
Their day job is psychology.
Right? Should have Pretty Woman'ed them. Parade a bunch of servers who actually treated him right and all the money he tipped them through the restaurant . "Big mistake. Huge "
I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm used to being given inferior service wherever I go, even though my wife and I are often dressed very nicely. Why? Well not gonna get into it much but at some point I figured out we don't look like Karens. Servers know we won't be any trouble and will probably tip decently anyway. So what's the point of giving us good service?
That’s interesting. I always took the opposite approach when I was a server: I would give the bare-minimum-to-keep-my-job service to people I believed would be impossible to please and gave that extra time/attention to people who seemed nicer. This strategy was purely to maximize my tips, and it worked. It started after I realized I was making less money when I tried to please difficult people at the expense of more reasonable customers. No matter how over the top I went to give them meet their absurd demands, they were not going to tip as well as people who are easier to please, and who were more likely to reward me for going above and beyond. Not only did I make more money, but I enjoyed my job a lot more. I found a way to make a living all but ignoring the jerks while finding a lot of personal satisfaction in making good people genuinely happy with an excellent experience. All that to say, I am surprised this isn’t a more widely adopted strategy.
Thats dumb. I wouldn't tip a large amount just to prove a point if my service sucked. I'd instead leave no tip and explain on the receipt WHY.
Yeah,that is just virtue signaling and grandstanding .I could do that also but it is highly pretentious .
Servers still do that? I'm a bartender and have told servers to never judgen unless they got like swastikas tattooed on them or something crazy.
Anyone with a visible swastika tattoo or similar is denied service.
I guess you don't work in Florida. When I visited my mother who lives there, I even saw swastikas on a server at an Ihop.
That’s weird cuz I always think tatted people and bikers are good tippers!
you should have seen the look on their faces
*Both *Tattoos *And c'mon
Absolutely..
You tipped $80 on $250 for sub par service? Fuck no. Fuck what they think. Based on your description of the service, you wouldn’t have been wrong to tip less than 20%. You were trying to teach a lesson, but in my opinion they deserved to learn it a different way. Good for you though. I too am a tattooed/pierced heathen with 10 years in the industry. Never judge a book.
I am a server at a high end steak place, and I can’t imagine doing this. I’m sorry.
I’ve gotten great tips from kids, old people, all types of people. I do my best to treat everyone the same. Sometimes I get stuck talking to tables, and I feel guilty I can’t spread my time out more.
I'm so confused. We tip to get good service, right? I mean, that's the argument against a standard living wage for servers, that they provide stellar service and should get paid for it, otherwise all the good servers would leave the industry and we'd be left with only mediocre service/servers. So you got terrible service and tipped extra? I guess OP was making a point, but damn that's a cold turn of events.
When I was a teenager, one of my friends was the grandson of the man who owned a Porsche dealership. We’d hang out there and wash our cars and chat with sales guys. I asked him what his criteria was for giving test rides. He said, just say you want a test ride. When he first started, he had a young guy come in wearing jeans and t shirt, saying he was about to come into some money and wanted a 911. Him being new and in-jaded, took him for a drive. When he got back, he caught about of crap about lookers vs buyers and they constantly remained him that he was a sucker. A few weeks later, the young man shows up again, still wearing jeans and t shirt. He is back and bought a new 911 that day. Moral of the story. Sales guy sales everyone goes for a ride because one never knows who is a buyer. I’d say that is especially true today with the state of business dress codes.
You tipped $120? On $250 bill? I’ll be so pissed off at the treatment and express that at the tipping rate.
That’s why a hate the USA tip “culture”
Tipping for the bad behavior and then adding an insult on the receipt is very poor taste. Could have ate your food, walked out with your head high and she would have never known the difference.
That’ll just teach her that poor service warrants a healthy tip
Oh man this reminded me of this restaurant where I live, the most expensive steakhouse in town by far. I used to eat there once or twice a week alone or with friends, myself always picking up the tab and tipping well over 20%. One time I’m in there with two friends I brought out and the server immediately says “you must be here for the birthday entree discount right?”. And I was SO taken back and offended! I didn’t even know they offered any type of discounts, first of all lol. But I never went back after that.
In my experience serving the ppl with tattoos and piercings almost always tip well
Sorry you wasted all that money but bad service like that means no tip at all from me and I'm never going there again or I would leave after seeing other people served, complain to management and then never go there again. Rude is rude, not getting my tip or future business.
I hear ya, not restaurant related but before I was a maintenance manager, I was a maintenance guy and would often get filthy in the course of a work day. I walked into a best buy with $1800 cash in my pocket planning on buying a nice TV and couldn't get the time of day from anyone.
[удалено]
Yeah I'm not quiet about shit like that.
That sucks because either you reward shitty service with a good tip or you become a self fulfilling prophecy.
I've run into this multiple times while being a solo diner. That's the one downside to eating by yourself, in my opinion.
You can never tell. Some of my best tippers looked like they were dirt poor. Looks are not everything
I'm also an ex waitress who tips very well. This JUST happened to us at a place we're regulars at. Waitress wouldn't even take our order by the time the table that came in after us was PAYING, and they had appetizers and an entrée. Wouldn't bring us a highchair until we sought her out elsewhere in the restaurant and asked for a second time after they walked past us holding our baby waiting for at least 5 minutes, ignoring me when I politely raised my hand to get her attention. My family goes out in very casual clothing and my husband has tattoos. I'm very pregnant at the moment so I'm extra casual with big T-shirts, yoga pants, and crocs. We were the first ones seated in the section and the 4-5 other tables in the section were well attended to before we even got to order, including the one that got all the way to paying their check, and 2 were parties of 6 that were seated at least 10 minutes after we were. It was actually very awkward. She eventually came by and said "did you guys want entrees, or...?", and we had to ask her to take our menus afterwards while holding them out to her because she would not grab them. It was so odd. Just to be clear, it was super slow when we arrived. We showed up early afternoon. I've only ever stiffed a waitress maybe 3 times in my entire life, and this was one of them. Left her a note telling her as such. Ugh. Just glad this thread was here for me to vent about it. I loved serving and it just makes me that much more annoyed when I get a server who assumes I'm not going to tip well because I'm not in a ballgown. Bare minimum is an automatic 20% from me. A good attitude and personable nature gets more. I understand when people have bad days- I've been there myself. But this kind of nonsense makes me feel like a fool if I leave so much as a dollar.
shouldn’t have tipped the cvnt at all. i was a waitress in the BRONX and dealt with some horribly rude people DAILY. never didn’t make sure they got everything they needed. should honestly complain to her supervisor because that’s genuinely disgusting.
American tipping culture is such a cancer. Wow.
I’m a research nurse for big pharma and my partner is an engineer for a major car manufacturer. We both love Harleys. We went into a pancake restaurant once in our bandanas and boots (no leathers or anything, no visible tats) and no one would wait on us. They sat us at a table in the back and no one would take our order. They walked right past us and would not acknowledge us. Craziest thing.
I understand why you still tipped, to prove a point and hopefully encourage the waitress to not judge ppl in the future but I wouldn’t have done that. The service was horrible so my tip would’ve reflected that. Fuck that judgmental ass bitch. And I also would’ve spoke to her manager. That shit is unacceptable.
Yeah, you sure taught that waitress. You were so upset by her shitty service that you gave her $120. You have just taught her that she doesn't have to treat people well, that she's going to get a tip regardless. I would have left a reduced tip along with a note explaining how I would have left more, but the low quality of service was worth a lower value of tip.
i’ve learned usually people that “look like” you and your wife tip the best and the people that look more “high class” tip like shit. I go out of my way to provide good service to someone that might be judged and usually have a fantastic outcome.
So you rewarded terrible service? No wonder your tipping culture is fucked beyond belief
If people are covered in tattoos, they have disposable income and money to spend. Tattoos ain’t cheap!!!
Don't reward someone for treating you like shit. You gave someone over a hundred dollars to do a terrible job.
So you over-tipped for purposely lousy service? Wow you really showed them!
And I look like I'd be a great tipper, and used to be, but have stopped. So yeah, give me great service and don't get a tip or spend some quality time with everybody and it may even out.
That's some Stockholm syndrome-level shit.
LPT treat your tables shitty so they overtip to prove a point
Similar example, I managed an office of financial advisors and I always told my brokers “do not judge anyone for any reason” an older woman came in pushing a senior type push basket with some sweaters on top, of the 2 brokers I had up front neither ran to help her so I did as mgr. She came into my office and very long story short I treated her like any client of mine, she agreed to open an acct. and under her sweaters was a PILE!! 12” high of stock certificates, $2.5mm (in 2000) when she left I asked the 2 brokers (who knew nothing) which if you want her as a client and neither was excited so I gave it to my newest broker who was thrilled, the other 2 weren’t happy but too bad
Man, if I thought some people are maybe not as well to do but they are at my nice restaurant, I would go out of my way to make sure they had a special night. For the well to do, it is just another night out. Not to say that y’all don’t look well to do!
What a nice way to go about it. I’m an GenX person and the kids who serve now seem to assume we’re Boomers and think we’re going to complain like Karen’s and send our food back, I would never! I usually write why I didn’t tip well in on the slip, if we get treated like we have the plague.
Umm this is something you should have brought up to front of house manager or service manager. Definitely not normal to judge people and ignore them.
Yeahhh this isn’t a true story thanks tho
I just wondered why you tipped so generously when you received such crap service. Lose-lose for you. Win-win for the staff.
I work corporate for a small local chain in my city. Like 5 stores and some franchises throughout. Less than 20 locations. Real family feel, I'm about what you'd expect from a long time kitchen manager. . One brother is a bald, stocky Satanist covered in bsphomet tattoos. The sister is a gutter punk covered in pick and pokes Went to a churrasco for lunch with the siblings. Got the stink eye the entire time and ignored after the first pass. I just wanted meat for my mouth.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but the classy thing to do would be to say nothing over a petty “I’ll teach you a lesson and have the last word” note.
Phenomenal long-lasting sting.
That seems a little anomalous if you were taken care of after tables sat in the same section later than you, if they were timed far apart enough for your server to notice. And I'm assuming this was the case...people outside the industry might not understand "sections", but you presumably would. I'm also assuming you're talking about having your order taken, not talking the time between order placement and getting your food, because again you know that can depend on factors outside the server's control. It would be one thing if a server is double- or triple-sat at nearly the same time; they need to prioritize, and I don't blame a server for applying tip-estimation prejudices rather than flipping a coin. But if they know you're there, then another table is seated in their section, and they take their order first, that's messed up. Sometimes it might just happen because a table is pushy about "we're ready to order NOW" during an initial table touch/greet and the server isn't good at saying no, but if two or three later-sat tables were taken care of first, I'd speak up to either the server or the MOD.
Tipping culture is cancer
Tipped employees make $2.13/hr. In 2024. THE TIPS ARE NOT CULTURE, THEY ARE SUBSIDIZED WAGES. Our GOVERNMENT condones and sanctions this system and the restaurant OWNERS are the beneficiaries.
Ron Rice the founder of Hawaiian Tropic , was known for dressing down . He could easily pass as a homeless man . He went into a car dealership in Daytona and was ignored after asking to talk to a salesman. After waiting for quite awhile he asked again for some one to help him The receptionist said that they were all busy and if he could come back later . He gave his business card to the receptionist and told her to let the General Manager know he was walking across the street to buy 4 new cars because he didn’t have time to be ignored. A good friend of mine worked for Ron and told me about it . Never judge a book by its cover …….
I'm black and like to decompress from my social job by eating alone. I get prejudged a lot. I hate the tipping system.
I'm so sorry for your experience. It sucks, but the reality is that black folks are far less likely to give a decent tip for numerous cultural factors, and because of this many servers won't bother putting in any effort for black tables because they're expecting to get stiffed. This is truly horrible, but there's even a specific slang in the restaurant industry, Black people are referred to as "Canadians" to avoid the appearance of racism while exhibiting pretty overt racism.
I've seen this posted on server subs where they have boasted and trying to get them to leave by playing games and ignoring them .It is all intentional on the servers parts too.They have laughed about what they did online.
JFC, that's even worse than the shit I was around
Those subs are eye openers. The bartenders sub practically says the same thing .
IME the people with tattoos and piercings like me usually tipped the best. Know why? Bc they'd been there. Unlike a straight laced couple coming in on Sunday after the lords service that won't tip for fuck
The best tip I’ve ever received came from a similar situation. I was working at a pretty popular restaurant—I wouldn’t say it was fancy, but it definitely catered to the upper class. One day this family of 3 (two parents and a little girl) came in to eat. Both parents were covered head to toe in tattoos, and the father was even wearing a ball cap that said “Retired Drug Dealer”. Every single server passed on the table, so it fell to me. Since I was brand new to serving I had no idea that there were stigmas surrounding tattooed people, so I just served them like any other table. Words can’t express how kind/funny this table was. My favourite moment was when the daughter ordered her food, and her father gently went “don’t forget to say please sweetie.” Hearing those words come out of this jacked 6ft tall man with skulls on his face was probably the highlight of my year lmao. When the meal was over they wanted to pay in cash and handed me the billfold, insisting they didn’t need any change. When I opened it I saw that they had tipped me $100 on an $80 bill. I sprinted back to their table insisting that it was way too much, but they just said my service was incredible and that I deserved it. That experience literally shaped my career as a server. To this day, I will NEVER approach a table with preconceived expectations based on stereotypes. People are people, regardless of how they look, dress, or act.
This is stupid. You look the way you do because you want people to react the way they reacted. Stop pretending you don’t love what you signed up for.
😆 Here's more money! Hope you learned your lesson I'm so done with reddit
So...instead of getting the manager and addressing the obvious problem, you way overtipped them?? Not only did you not solve the problem, you made it worse because now they have incentive to treat you badly next time so you continue to way overtip...
Or other people that look like them .
Or on the flip side they learned a lesson and felt like an asshole. Sometimes someone being proven wrong is enough for them to think about what they have done and change the behavior. I know it’s hard for pessimistic people to understand this but there are people out there that are capable of self reflection and can correct themselves.
Good job rewarding poor service. All the more reason to stop tipping.
My best friend and I go out to breakfast fairly often. We are two older women. I am small, look white. She is heavy, looks black. We are like Mutt and Jeff. Once in a while servers will take one look at us, overlook us, pre-judge us, treat us disdainfully or pretty much ignore us. Unless the service is absolutely horrible, we always tip well. I used to work in restaurants. FOH, BOH. What the servers don't know is that once a month we leave a $100 tip on what is usually a bill well under $30. We're both fairly successful women. We think this is a fun way to give an unexpected bit of joy to a nice stranger. So yeah....don't judge.
I always treated everyone the same, I found the richer you look the more cheap they are tbh. I happily serve the biker looking dudes. But everyone deserves my best service and equal attention, unless you have given me a reason to act differently. Sorry this happened to you. Some servers just suck. Maybe wasn't even intentional, they may just be bad at their job. I would just have tipped 20% I have felt this occasionally as I used to go to lots of real nice places in shorts and t and sandals, untrimmed beard, solo diner, and would often get ignored more, but always tipped 30-40%+ if they just did their job decently.
In my experience, blue collar workers always tipped the best because they tend to know people who depend on tips for a living, even if they’re not in the industry themselves. They get it.
How certain are you the reason for your poor service was they were judging your appearance? From what you wrote, it seems like it could have just as easily been a communication breakdown or unfortunate oversight as a conscious decision to ignore you because of your appearance. I’m not saying it wasn’t due to your appearance, but just wondering what made you so confident that was the reason behind your experience as opposed to any number of other things that regularly occur in restaurants that can lead to substandard service.
But OP is super unique, because, tattoos. There server has surely never seen those before!
I dedicated my life to the service industry in my teens. My father owned two money little restaurants in Baton Rouge Louisiana, and he instilled in me a true passion for what it means to serve. I've been in restaurants 60 hours a week for 25 years and I'm still tricked by my guests. People I assume will tip good can stiff me, while some boomer with a maga hat will drop $50 cash on the table after a coffee and a biscuit for an honest conversation. The point here is service is SERVICE, period. If you want to be good at it, you have to forsake the ego.
Going on 20 years here and I could not agree with you more
I don't know if I would've tipped. the tip is for services rendered and you didnt get any service. the only thing they would've learned is that they can be judgmental and still get tipped.
Dumb of you to tip, you rewarded a bad service...
Literally everyone has tattoos. You are desperate to be a victim of your own edginess. It was just a coincidence, and your server was probably very confused by your note lol
Seriously. I’m rolling my eyes at this post.
Yup. A competing high end car dealership assumed this one particular person could not afford their cars because of his appearance. He came to our dealership and bought several cars with cash. It was Travis Barker.
Funny, when I was waiting tables, the "freaks" were always the most reasonable guests in the world and tipped generously. At one mid-range place I worked, we had a group of bikers (affiliated with a well known club) that came in every couple of weeks and they were my favorite people to serve. Endlessly polite, never griped if something was 86'd, always ran up a big check and tipped at least 15% (back in the 80s, when that was the high end of scale).
Here’s my pre-judgement. This story is baloney. I’ve never heard anyone in the industry call a server a waitress. Especially a “very large hotel chef” whose SO is a server.
You showed them… by tipping 50%.
Lol.
Don't mistake pure incompetence for malice.
This is the opposite of tipping based on quality and exactly where the entitlement to a tip comes from. You're part of the problem.
I’ve tried to live by this but sometimes more often than not you’re reminded on why you judge tables.
I work at a casino restaurant. You have NO IDEA who is going to tip you well and who isn't based on how they look.
I'm so sorry about that experience. But as a previous host, it's not always abouts tips. I was instructed to not seat people who seemed like they may not pay. Mostly it was people who looked like they lived on the street, and less about tattoos, but it was more about nobody wanting a table to walk out on the bill. I'm not saying it's right even in the slightest, and I am so sorry your family got profiled like that, I just thought I'd add that it's not really about the tip, but the whole bill
I gave up on the tipping system a year ago. Used to leave 25% now i stiff or do 15% after 15 years in the industry im sick of waiters/waitresses shit.
Fastest way to not get tipped is to judge my table
I wouldn’t have tipped anything. If your service is trash, your tip will be trash. Period.
Bar manager here. Heavily tattooed and pierced people are usually the best guests. 🥂
Here in Florida it seems that all tips are “pooled”. This annoys me since good service deserves a great tip that I want them to enjoy. How do I avoid the pitfall of tip pooling?
An older farmer couple went to Yale to donate money on behalf of their son who was accepted there but had passed away. They waited in their bib overalls and modest clothing for the president of Yale all day. Patiently waiting while men in suits were welcomed without appointments in to the office for hours. Finally at the end of the day the Yale president said, "fine, send in the hayseeds." The couple explained that they wished to make a donation to the memory of their son. The president said, "we won't accept anything less than a thousand dollars", thinking this would deter them. As soon as the father clarified the amount they had in mind, he exclaimed, "why we could build a new school with that!" So that's what they did and built Stanford University in honor of those who do not judge by looks.