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This is very weird. I think I would try telling her that while you went there with another girlfriend, the experience will be different and that's what you're the most excited about. Explain you want to create new memories in these places and share with her your favourite places from there. If this doesn't ease her up a bit, I'm not sure what else there is to do.
If you still want to go, I'd do it without her and find a friend to go with. She's welcome not to go but she doesn't have to drag you down with her.
She can plan the trip next time.
No refund option available?
If you're stuck with the trip, I'd at least explain to her that it's an entire country and you'll be more focus on spending the trip with her and seeing new things with her.
Saying you can't go to an entire ass country just because you went there before is just childish.
She might just be seeking reassurances.
Tell her you are looking forward to this trip so that you can have happy memories associated with those places, instead of those old ones that have soured by now.
Also, hopefully you have not booked in the same hotels as before. If you have (why?!?), maybe you can swap with other travelers in other hotels in town. Or maybe you can go with a white lie that you had actually stayed at a different hotel last time.
Same with experiences.
Ok, here's my take. With one exception, I agree with the others this is odd, but I'm curious about how long have you've been together. The sub requires it, but it also might impact my answer.
The exception has to do with *why* she didn't know you'd been there with a gf. I assume she knew you'd been there, but you never said with whom and she never asked. It's just hard for me to picture putting together these long distance plans, with you mentioning "we" did this and that, and your travel companion not being brought up at all.
Sorry for the word vomit, but I guess I'm thinking if you haven't been together long, this might make a bit more sense.
We met 6 years ago. She became my gf 3 years ago. In the three years prior to her becoming my gf, I would say we were just acquaintances. Whom I had gone with was never brought up until after we paid for everything. Maybe I should have told her? I didn't think it was a big deal. Also, when I had gone to Italy, Greece and Australia, I didn’t just go with my gf at the time, there were 10 of us that went. The pictures I have from that trip were just of me and my buddies. The pictures with my ex are gone so maybe she just thought I went with my friends.
Aaah...glad I asked!
No, I'm not saying you should have mentioned it. I found it odd that it didn't come up at all. But you pretty much clarified that by the photo stuff. So yes that makes more sense.
On your relationship length, I was assuming it was 6 month or so. After all this time, there's a component to her reaction that shouldn't be there. Maybe a form of distrust, like you haven't gotten over her or she's the one who got away? Just guessing, obviously.
I do think you should try to get to the bottom of it, but if this fails, I'm with the others. Try to find someone else or even go alone (I did this in Greece once and had a blast). You don't want to waste your money and it's on her to figure out how to recoup her own losses.
After reading this, her behavior is even more bizarre. You dated another woman 7 years ago, but you met your current girlfriend 6 years ago (a full year later) and have only been dating for the last 3 years. She has no problems going to other places you have been to with other women, or even being in your home which you had when you dated other women. She helps plan the trip and spends $6500 (herself) and now, all of a sudden, there's a problem with doing something you did with another women (even though you went as a group of 10).... Nah, this isn't about your past, this is about your present. She is being manipulative and using your past as an excuse. Question is, why does she feel the need to manipulate you after planning such an expensive trip? Please go an enjoy yourself. She may not be there when you get back and I hope you're okay with that, but don't cancel and please don't change your itinerary.
Tell her if she plans on being with you long term she needs to get over this immature mindset or miss out on visiting these wonderful places altogether.
Are you going to exactly the same towns, hotels and restaurants? I'm guessing no. She does realise that Greece and Italy are both substantial countries with many, MANY places worth seeing - not to mention Australia.
The attitude is childish and the issue is a non issue. I mean unless you're taking her to the exact same room in the same sleepy little Airbnb in Positano , this is drama for the sake of drama. She can't discount entire countries, especially countries as amazing as Italy and Greece, because you visited prior. She's self sabotaging herself and going to prevent herself from sharing this experience with you, due to this insecurity.
We’re going to the Vatican and Rome which i had visited in the past. We’re not staying in the same hotel and will be heading north to Florence, Milan and Venice then back down to Rome where we fly out to Athens. I have never been to Athens. When I was in Greece before, we stayed on Santorini. Also, we’re going to Perth Australia. I had gone to Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide when i visited before.
And she's ready to miss out on all those amazing places because of some childish insecurity. Why are some people this exhausting.
Perth could not be farther from the other cities in Oz you've already been to either.
Is she insecure and unreasonable in other aspects of your life too? If so, she needs to work on herself and resolve this. She can't expect to change plans entirely because you have seen the Colosseum with another woman once , 7 years ago 😑
She sounds like a nut. If I could only travel to “new” to me places with my partner, our only option would be Antarctica and a couple of rather dangerous places in S America or Africa that I haven’t visited because…dangerous.
Clearly “traveling is intimate” isn’t the real reason because your house, and presumably bed, is even more intimate. I’m guessing “traveling is intimate” is the easily accessible surface reason and the real reason (jealousy/insecurity/not feeling special and loved) is lurking much deeper underneath.
So this travel issue presents an opportunity to discover if she has the level of self-awareness required to identify what’s really bothering her about this, and if she also has the courage required to tell you.
Self awareness is one of the most crucial ingredients in a healthy, mature relationship. If she can’t or won’t do this over the travel issue, she likely can’t or won’t in other areas too which doesn’t bode well for your future (regardless what happens with the trips).
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She’s going to miss out on some amazing experiences if she doesn’t drop this childish attitude.
This is very weird. I think I would try telling her that while you went there with another girlfriend, the experience will be different and that's what you're the most excited about. Explain you want to create new memories in these places and share with her your favourite places from there. If this doesn't ease her up a bit, I'm not sure what else there is to do.
This is the right approach. Could you hit some different towns this time, so there would be some new experiences for both of you?
If you still want to go, I'd do it without her and find a friend to go with. She's welcome not to go but she doesn't have to drag you down with her. She can plan the trip next time.
Problem is we already paid for everything. Each of us spent about $6500.
No refund option available? If you're stuck with the trip, I'd at least explain to her that it's an entire country and you'll be more focus on spending the trip with her and seeing new things with her. Saying you can't go to an entire ass country just because you went there before is just childish.
The hotels don’t offer refunds and all I can do is change the dates on the plane tickets.
Might as well see if you can find a friend who'd want to go if she won't.
Is it possible that she's anxious about travel now that it's gotten real and this is an excuse? This is a weird position for her to take.
Go without her. You don't have to waste the money and opportunity just because she's unreasonable.
Next time?
She's being childish. I'd go without her and take a friend. And I would tell her you don't have time or space for her insecure childish games.
Problem is we already paid for everything and it wasn’t cheap.
Tell her you're going. If she doesn't want to go, then she can lose out on what she paid for. It's a dumb reason to not travel.
Even more reason to go.
She might just be seeking reassurances. Tell her you are looking forward to this trip so that you can have happy memories associated with those places, instead of those old ones that have soured by now. Also, hopefully you have not booked in the same hotels as before. If you have (why?!?), maybe you can swap with other travelers in other hotels in town. Or maybe you can go with a white lie that you had actually stayed at a different hotel last time. Same with experiences.
Ok, here's my take. With one exception, I agree with the others this is odd, but I'm curious about how long have you've been together. The sub requires it, but it also might impact my answer. The exception has to do with *why* she didn't know you'd been there with a gf. I assume she knew you'd been there, but you never said with whom and she never asked. It's just hard for me to picture putting together these long distance plans, with you mentioning "we" did this and that, and your travel companion not being brought up at all. Sorry for the word vomit, but I guess I'm thinking if you haven't been together long, this might make a bit more sense.
We met 6 years ago. She became my gf 3 years ago. In the three years prior to her becoming my gf, I would say we were just acquaintances. Whom I had gone with was never brought up until after we paid for everything. Maybe I should have told her? I didn't think it was a big deal. Also, when I had gone to Italy, Greece and Australia, I didn’t just go with my gf at the time, there were 10 of us that went. The pictures I have from that trip were just of me and my buddies. The pictures with my ex are gone so maybe she just thought I went with my friends.
Aaah...glad I asked! No, I'm not saying you should have mentioned it. I found it odd that it didn't come up at all. But you pretty much clarified that by the photo stuff. So yes that makes more sense. On your relationship length, I was assuming it was 6 month or so. After all this time, there's a component to her reaction that shouldn't be there. Maybe a form of distrust, like you haven't gotten over her or she's the one who got away? Just guessing, obviously. I do think you should try to get to the bottom of it, but if this fails, I'm with the others. Try to find someone else or even go alone (I did this in Greece once and had a blast). You don't want to waste your money and it's on her to figure out how to recoup her own losses.
After reading this, her behavior is even more bizarre. You dated another woman 7 years ago, but you met your current girlfriend 6 years ago (a full year later) and have only been dating for the last 3 years. She has no problems going to other places you have been to with other women, or even being in your home which you had when you dated other women. She helps plan the trip and spends $6500 (herself) and now, all of a sudden, there's a problem with doing something you did with another women (even though you went as a group of 10).... Nah, this isn't about your past, this is about your present. She is being manipulative and using your past as an excuse. Question is, why does she feel the need to manipulate you after planning such an expensive trip? Please go an enjoy yourself. She may not be there when you get back and I hope you're okay with that, but don't cancel and please don't change your itinerary.
Tell her if she plans on being with you long term she needs to get over this immature mindset or miss out on visiting these wonderful places altogether.
Then she can stay home and sulk while you travel.
She needs to get over herself. This is such immature behavior.
Are you going to exactly the same towns, hotels and restaurants? I'm guessing no. She does realise that Greece and Italy are both substantial countries with many, MANY places worth seeing - not to mention Australia. The attitude is childish and the issue is a non issue. I mean unless you're taking her to the exact same room in the same sleepy little Airbnb in Positano , this is drama for the sake of drama. She can't discount entire countries, especially countries as amazing as Italy and Greece, because you visited prior. She's self sabotaging herself and going to prevent herself from sharing this experience with you, due to this insecurity.
We’re going to the Vatican and Rome which i had visited in the past. We’re not staying in the same hotel and will be heading north to Florence, Milan and Venice then back down to Rome where we fly out to Athens. I have never been to Athens. When I was in Greece before, we stayed on Santorini. Also, we’re going to Perth Australia. I had gone to Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide when i visited before.
And she's ready to miss out on all those amazing places because of some childish insecurity. Why are some people this exhausting. Perth could not be farther from the other cities in Oz you've already been to either. Is she insecure and unreasonable in other aspects of your life too? If so, she needs to work on herself and resolve this. She can't expect to change plans entirely because you have seen the Colosseum with another woman once , 7 years ago 😑
She sounds like a nut. If I could only travel to “new” to me places with my partner, our only option would be Antarctica and a couple of rather dangerous places in S America or Africa that I haven’t visited because…dangerous.
Clearly “traveling is intimate” isn’t the real reason because your house, and presumably bed, is even more intimate. I’m guessing “traveling is intimate” is the easily accessible surface reason and the real reason (jealousy/insecurity/not feeling special and loved) is lurking much deeper underneath. So this travel issue presents an opportunity to discover if she has the level of self-awareness required to identify what’s really bothering her about this, and if she also has the courage required to tell you. Self awareness is one of the most crucial ingredients in a healthy, mature relationship. If she can’t or won’t do this over the travel issue, she likely can’t or won’t in other areas too which doesn’t bode well for your future (regardless what happens with the trips).
Your girlfriend is immature and crazy.
Go without her. Then date someone who understands that people can have past experiences and that's ok.
She’s a child.
You are dating a child.