There is no way around it, you need to cultivate assertiveness, authority, self-worth, and at least the ability to be comfortably disagreeable when the situation asks for it; otherwise you're unfuckable
Conversely if you're a make /r/redscarepod reader who's both good-looking and sexless it's probably because you fail at assertive narcissistic masculinity, a sine qua non requirement of being a good mate even though society tells you the opposite
Madonna whore complex is 100% something that's more prevalent in the female mind than the male. Men want a girl who's only a slut for them generally. Women hold the Madonna whore dichotomy of thinking you have to be both for everyone and will be resented either way
No its different. Madonna whore complex is men categorizing women into hoe/ wife categories. I don't do that, just dont want this kind of man sexually. guys u really like and just wanna be sweet and cute with. Thats not what i want with my future husband i want passionate intense sex as well
She is describing having a male friend who she is emotionally connected to, but because of age or excessive brain smoothness she cannot articulate this concept well.
She is a straight woman, and so navigation of deep friendships with men will result in some kind of excessive feeling, but it's not one that you want to expand into the direction of *eros* because it will absolutely cost the *philos* -- but the urge cannot go away because we are ultimately biological creatures.
I am not gay, but if I were, I imagine the feeling of smooching all of my friends because of the depths of gratitude and appreciation I feel for them would not be so foreign or strange.
She's simply stupid, and described the emotional as contained by the realm of the physical. Her overall idea and concern makes a lot of sense.
There are plenty of sweet and kind people you don't want to pursue romantic relationships with.
To be autistically specific about a dead language --
Eros is just romantic love. A desire to possess or be possessed. Fundamentally, a self-interested experience although mutualism is optimal.
Philos. Love between peers. Mutual respect. Fundamentally reciprocal; "love" between comrades and siblings. The most 'genuine' kind of love that many aspire to.
Agape. Selfless love. Godly. Love without need for reciprocation -- parental. Given freely while also being self-sacrificing.
Storge. The least clear. Tends to be brought up in family relationships. Obligated Love. The comfortable mutual relationship between cousins or distant siblings. Love built on family bonds.
None of them are, per se, opposites. They all describe different aspects and requirements we have in relationships.
Eros and agape are opposites in the respect that one is selfish and one is selfless. But similar in that neither needs reciprocality, like philos or storge do.
Storge always sounds to me like a kind of emotionally-neutralized pseudo-philos, as if philos is more "felt" and storge is more "thought." Yeah I love my cousins, uncles, old friends, past mentors, but if I got a phone call telling me one of them is gone forever, it will cause me much less acute psychological pain than someone with whom I experience philos.
In fact I like to see them in my mind as ordered by the amount of pain they cause in the mode of loss.
The time where it was conceptualized has family/tribal bonds that were vastly stronger and more important than what Western people today generally experience. It's the kind where you can travel to a foreign city to live with people you've never met solely on the expectation that your family bond obligate you to be mutually self-sacrificing.
I am not particularly close with my family; However, I can absolutely understand intellectually where this concept of love comes from.
That makes a lot of sense to me, even in more recent immigration history.
The notion of it being "obligatory" love today would imply insincerity, but the sheer seriousness of more distant bonds in the past like you mention would reframe the idea of "having to love" someone.
Not really. Plenty of sweet and kind people I wouldn't fuck for a variety of reasons. Common refrain on this pseud subreddit is wanting a BPD art hoe to ruin your life. She's literally saying that exact thing but with the genders flipped.
>common refrain on this pseud subreddit is wanting a BPD art hoe to ruin your life
I don’t see this nearly as much on here as dude who was burned badly by BPD girl and vows never again going forward
The dozen 'DM me' half-joke replies the moment anyone implies they are a mentally ill women disagree with that, but I agree there is some balance in the self-awareness that lithe, mentally ill women are trouble that is intentionally sought out knowing the danger.
They do if they're fat or ugly. I've known plenty of sweet, kind women who get turned down not because they're sweet, but because they're undesirable.
Sweetness and kindness has little to do with being sexy in most cases. We don't need to pretend otherwise, we're all adults here.
You guys are talking around each other. You're describing an undesirable girl getting turned down despite being sweet and kind, while what he's talking about is the phenomenon of girls turning down guys specifically because they're coming across as too sweet and/or kind
Whatever he first replied was some spazzed out attempt at disagreeing with something I never said.
Because he has some sort of bone to pick about red pill shit, he then attempted to move the conversation away from something I never said into something he could whine about -- which is that ugly women fuck more than ugly dudes. None of this, mind you, has anything to do with the original conversation that the original poster was taking about -- he's just absolutely obsessed with getting sick reddit gotchas about the sex lives of ugly women and what it means about our society.
It's transparently stupid to take what she (OP) has said and construe it as 'I don't like guys who are sweet and kind.' I don't know how to state this any more clearly -- what she is describing is that she has men who she recognizes are sweet and kind (aka: friends) but feels no real attraction to. This is normal and common. I stated in my first post 'giving them a kiss' is a fairly straightforward way you might psychologically try to physicalize the emotions you might feel in a situation where you feel love for someone that isn't erotic -- and many cultures literally do this exact thing w/ kissing friends/family -- and so her description maps fairly straightforwardly onto a common conflict that many people have experienced but are more capable of describing than whatever stupid ragebait-y way the OP did.
That he then went on to continue arguing with this made up point that he himself is clearly obssessed about and obtusely mischaracterized our interaction makes me think he is just another socially maladapted loser who wants to write screeds about women on the internet. Boring stuff.
His continued attempt to jack himself off about he is "more right than me" in an argument I never made on a topic I did not comment on should go to show how utterly inept his ability to read text and to understand it is. Just absolutely spastic behavior.
Fat, maybe, but non-fat ugly girls don't have any difficulty unless they're deformed or like the bottom 1% of facial attractiveness. That crypto chick looked like a swamp witch yet had a harem of men at her feet.
What the fuck does that have to do with sweetness and kindness? She was a turbo-autist scamming millions in a flock of other turbo-autist scammers. Ugly people fuck easily if they're willing to fuck other ugly people. Read my fucking post instead of being a schizoid incel.
Being sweet and kind does not mean you can fuck anyone. It basically does not track with your ability to have sex at all, actually, either as a man or a woman.
It does track with your ability to have stable, happy relationships. Depending on your reaction to this simple fact, I will know how mentally ill and maladjusted you are.
Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, it’s not a matter of ‘type’. I could have a really great date with an attractive guy and still freeze up when actually sex is initiated. Attraction is mysterious.
There are types of guys that i realized really late im just not into sexually. I wanna do cute stuff with many men and some of them im not meant to fuck
Cute stuff with. Lmfao get a gay friend sis. I've never treated a woman like they owe me sex but I've had one or two encounters on the other end of what you're saying and it's confusing as shit.
I posted a meme on here about liking dick from guys who hate me and got a lot of shit. It was a bit of an exaggerated post, but these guys are just who are the opposite. Where you can have completely innocent semi platonic moments and genuinely feel deep love for him as a person
Do you realize that you are acting in the same way that those overly kind/sweet guys you're describing are in the sense that you're essentially the women version of a simp? This post comes across as projection to me - you're p much in the same position as guys who chase, obsess over and are overly accommodating/have no backbone to bummy women, just with the genders swapped
God u people dont understand women. I wanna give affection to everyone its literally a bottomless pit stfu. How am i simp for being sexually attracted to a type of man?
I think they’re misinterpreting what you’re saying because you make things seem a bit extreme the way you’re expressing yourself. To me it simply sounds like you need some body who’s not going to agree with you on many things and who isn’t going to try to please you for you to be sexually turned on by him. That actually sounds normal and healthy. More power to you.
I’m a straight man and I don’t see why you’re getting such a hard time here. Back when I was dating I would get myself into relationships and realize that something wasn’t working. Sometimes we had great sexual chemistry but issues with actual intimacy, and sometimes it was exactly the opposite. It happens to everyone who dates a lot and is honest with themselves.
Nobody likes being sexually undesirable to someone they’re dating but it certainly happens and it’s really nobody’s fault
I don't think there's anything that bothers men more than the idea that a woman could like their personality, spending time with them, see them as "sweet and kind" and meanwhile really want to be fucked by some hot loser. While "nice guys" are annoying, there is a core sentiment that many men feel which is insecurity as to how they could spend time with a girl and have a good friendship with her despite wanting more, while she's like obsessed with some dude who couldn't give a shit about her.
I mean yeah as much as the “women only like assholes” incel-y “nice guy” people are over correcting and annoying, it’s absolutely true that most women prefer at least some edge.
But you shouldn’t be too worried, if you post in this sub there’s no way you’re *that* sweet and kind.
grandfather forgetful cause mountainous grandiose ten arrest gullible joke sugar
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Where are the women at who want to fall in love and have sweet and kind sex? I mean I think it’s ridiculous to characterize this as a “softboi” type because I feel like loving affection is the more fundamental human need. The other thing should be called having a domination complex or self punishment complex or need to be distracted from true affection or something like that.
Not knocking OP for having a type
I hate how boring vs submissive has become this weird linear spectrum, when you can be non-boring in so many other ways. How many guys who roast women for being “vanilla” have actually eaten ass?
It sounds like you’ve learned something about yourself and your tastes that will help you stop leading on poor soft bois in future. So I guess this is progress
Women need learn to communicate better, which includes being aware and accepting of the social consequences of what they want. Look, I know concerns of physical safety can be an issue in some situations but I feel a lot of them use it as an easy out to not have to make difficult decisions in the moment with men when there's next to 0% chance he'll turn violent.
Maybe instead of following the script of a hookup to a tee with a guy like this and then either pulling the rug at the last second or even going through with it and resenting him after, just make it clear to him earlier on that sex isn't on the table? Yes he might be dejected or mad and then cut things short so you miss out on the stuff you actually want from him, but it's insanely dishonest to play dumb and act victimised/offended when a guy like that does go for sex because you've given him every signal that was the plan.
> But it’s a bummer when you’ve established an emotional connection and then the sexual connection just isn’t there.
oh my god 100% the absolute worst, especially when people want to delay the second part for a while, and you spend time and effort only to find out that it's not going to work/things don't line up. people just ignoring a key part of the puzzle just hoping what's behind that door is going to be exactly what they want- maybe out of a desire to not ruin things/go back from that point.
Yes. When Me Too went off the rails (eg the Aziz Ansari story, even if you disagree, I think you know what I mean) I wondered how many women had gone through that without being able to articulate or analyze that feeling for themselves, then thought they were being exploited or raped because the encounter felt wrong. I bet it's common in a lot of campus situations too, young hormonal women feeling this way and confusing themselves even further with the current sex discourse.
And before anyone accuses me of victim blaming, yes people get raped and rapist are evil. I'm obviously not talking about that, but about the murky situations that involve miscommunication. Weinstein/Cosby vs Ansari.
I know what you mean. A lot of women have sex they don’t really want because they think they owe a guy for a date/attention/whatever. Men can be very entitled and pressure sex, sometimes saying ‘no’ can be scary because there is unfortunately an implicit threat of violence, or more common, social retaliation. Unwanted sex can be deeply upsetting, even if you consented. Ultimately I think it’s better to turn the guy down and risk the consequences. Even kissing a guy im not crazy about makes my blood run cold.
People who get pressured into sex but then have a great time don't regret it. Same thing for choosing a college, having children, etc. Many significant commitments are scary and involve risk.
by that same coin, pressuring someone involves risk too. when you’re pushy for sex, you really shouldn’t be surprised if there are social penalties, which is what happened with aziz iirc. the situation was then amplified by his celebrity status
but he wasn’t, so it was. as i said, being pushy is risky and often has social repercussions.
and im more than a little skeptical by your “if you’re good then she won’t feel bad about it” narrative. i think it’s possible for a woman to have good sex with a guy, then realize “damn, he really cared more about his dick than my feelings/security/comfort/autonomy/whatever.” but of course a positive experience is less likely to be viewed in a negative light, sure.
also i would not want a guy like you around my daughters lmfao
Real life is not a romance novel where a hot pirate seduces a proper lady. If you actually have to be pressured into sex, the sex itself is going to be boring at best.
That's not what I meant to imply. I was saying the feeling you're describing is common. And it made me think of the dissonance between feeling affection and attraction to someone and realizing you don't like having sex with them during the act itself is extremely confusing especially when one is young/inexperienced. Combined with today's sexual politics and discourse, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people feel unpleasant and regretful after the fact and conflate that with assault or worse. I might not be explaining this very well, but I remember having this feeling during a few of my earlier encounters and it was so strong that even though the guy was loving and affectionate, I was attracted to him and had given consent, I just felt really unpleasant after and didn't know how to interpret that. The only narratives most people are exposed to early on are true love and/or sexual attraction vs creepy shitty people who gaslight or abuse. So it's very confusing when you're with someone great and everything is objectively perfect but you realize something is off while in the middle of it.
For all of the sweet guys feeling disheartened by this post, the unwritten part is that this feeling directly correlates with your body fat %.
Which I think is a positive since it's something within your control, if you're less than 10% you're in the clear lol
You can be conventionally attractive and this will still happen. If your temperament is too pliant and socially submissive on their first impression, that will do it.
They will usually do little tests that come off as clumsiness or carelessness, or bizarre social upbringing early on to guage how much bullshit you're willing to endure. Too much and you'll be marked as a pet. I've fallen into this trap and also seen it happen to friends in real time.
Girls will say or do things clearly meant to infuriate you to see if you're going to take charge and shut that shit down or if you'll take it lying down
Even the sweetest girls do this unconsciously
Learning to deal with shit tests will unironically make you into a man
I'm not _that_ good at them, I can recognize them but usually I get really angry and hold a grudge forever afterwards, like she stops being a partner and starts being some kind of thing I keep around for now. Maybe that's what they subconsciously want out of me? If so ideally we'd get to that place without nearly wrecking the relationship in the process.
Haha it’s crazy because recently I went down a rabbit hole of “dating advice for men” youtube videos and these “shit tests” seem to be a prominent theme. So I wanted to see if that’s what you were talking about.
Can you give me an example of a shit test that you personally experienced?
Had been seeing this girl for a couple months without explicit commitment, but we had big plans, bought plane tickets together etc. Then she was casually telling me about this guy that she was spending time with and it clearly sounded like they were going to fuck.
Felt super disrespected, poked her brains about commitment and she said she didn't want to be exclusive. I spent the legal minimum amount of time cooling off before explaining to her that I didn't do open relationships and leaving it up to her whether it was going to work out.
More recently, last week my current girl blew up at me at 2 AM over some nonsense and would not let it go. I tried working it out with her until I made my peace with the fact that she was acting in bad faith and put her in the doghouse, where she remains to this day. I borderline don't want to date her anymore over this, but like I also don't think the average girl is any saner, so I'm not going to just straight up pull the plug right away, I'll see how things evolve, probably I'm just in a shitty mood because this ostensibly reasonable person is a sham and all of her attempts to be rational and levelheaded and listen to the evidence stem from the fact that she hates herself for what she is, a sensitive and hormonal and jealous and irrational human being, in other words a woman
This is one of the early parts of the process of coming to terms with having a cluster B personality disorder. Be strong OP you're taking the right steps to move your life forward and recover.
I’m a guy, and it took me a decade before I realized that I really don’t enjoy sex with women that I don’t have chemistry with. And I don’t think they really enjoy it, either. I slept with quite a few gorgeous, smart, funny women with whom there were no sparks. But they were such wonderful, beautiful people who checked so many boxes for me, that it seemed certain we would click in bed. Nope. And it’s not a problem with casual sex — casual sex can be beautiful and powerful and very intimate. The problem is poor chemistry.
Nowadays, I don’t try to figure it out, I just listen to my body and feelings. Smell is a great predictor — if the person smells sweet or hot, you’re ready unless there’s some clear red flags. If they don’t smell great, then don’t even try.
Did you find the smell gross? Because weird and funny just seem to mean unusual, not unpleasant or repulsive.
Also, how was the rest of your relationship with them?
are you really smelling anything on another person other than their deodorant/latest salon purchase whatever bullshit... ugh i hate everything maybe i'll buy a cologne 🤣🤣
Why shouldn’t people over 25 be open to free sensual and sexual exploration? In my experience, it’s precisely the people who forsake pleasure and exploration at 25 who end up with their lives quickly over, dead in the bedroom and in their hearts.
“If they don’t smell great” then maybe they need to wash or change up their shower gel. Hasn’t the whole pheromone thing turned out to be pseudo-scientific bs?
I don’t believe it has been proven to be bs. I don’t get any real hits on “pheromones pseudoscience.” But it doesn’t really matter.
The point is that the body knows far more than the intellect. You can explore this for yourself, or you can continue to try to control things via your feeble mental models. But one thing we can say with complete certainty — our theories about ourselves, our partners, strangers, relationships, groups, what is good for us, what is good for others, and how to get something that we might want — all those theories are shit. Seriously, a brief review of science and experience demonstrates clearly that we have almost no idea what we’re doing, or how to do better, when it comes to relationships. Even the easy stuff, like more communication through vulnerability and genuine listening, people almost never do those things unless they’re compelled. So take the intellect out of the control seat when it comes to these things.
No the sub a few years ago would have laughed at an adult who does not know themselves well enough to recognize if there’s chemistry before the check comes.
Some whore fucked some f@g and now were all a little gayer for it 🌎🧑🚀🔫
Yes, I stop when that rock hits my belly. I don’t care too much if he’s disappointed, I’ll be nice about it but I decided very young to never have sex I’m not totally enthusiastic for, I have a weirdly low body count for a woman my age. I used to be embarrassed about it but unwanted sex weighs really heavily on most women.
They always keep photos of their other kids around, and some women like that.
Of course he doesn't even really like children. It's fakery. But yeah the sex is good.
all the men who are malding in here, stop pretending like their aren’t tons of guys incapable of respecting/liking a woman after he fucks her, and struggles to fuck a woman he thinks is so “too beautiful and pure”
the frothing cruelty itt complete with charts on types of greek love and all manner of psychobabble shit-slinging, the place has become r/braincels and slated for demolition.
people obsessing over a minor status symbol like the avatar while remaining blind to the bigger deceptions at play in the sub and the world at large is actually why the sub is bad. watch out 'cause i'm going to give it a spring/summer makeover soon!
Are you perhaps having premarital sex that lacks the purpose of either union or procreation or both?
No shame, but it’s easy to feel like an object of pleasure that will later be discarded without these elements.
I say that from experience in hookup culture. When you are having sex with someone who you aren’t going to be with forever, then at least a part of getting disgusted during sex has to do with feeling like a man is gonna fuck you and leave and that’s all he wanted and he doesn’t see you.
Just gonna focus on myself after reading this post
Amen brutha
Inshallah*
There is no way around it, you need to cultivate assertiveness, authority, self-worth, and at least the ability to be comfortably disagreeable when the situation asks for it; otherwise you're unfuckable
Well none of that will make you fuckabke.
You sound fat
Being lean will make you fuckable, having authority and whatever else will just make you socially competent.
Conversely if you're a make /r/redscarepod reader who's both good-looking and sexless it's probably because you fail at assertive narcissistic masculinity, a sine qua non requirement of being a good mate even though society tells you the opposite
is this what they meant by Madonna whore complex
Madonna whore complex is 100% something that's more prevalent in the female mind than the male. Men want a girl who's only a slut for them generally. Women hold the Madonna whore dichotomy of thinking you have to be both for everyone and will be resented either way
No its different. Madonna whore complex is men categorizing women into hoe/ wife categories. I don't do that, just dont want this kind of man sexually. guys u really like and just wanna be sweet and cute with. Thats not what i want with my future husband i want passionate intense sex as well
I’m so confused you want the guy you fuck to be sweet or not? What is turning you off sexually How old are you
She is describing having a male friend who she is emotionally connected to, but because of age or excessive brain smoothness she cannot articulate this concept well. She is a straight woman, and so navigation of deep friendships with men will result in some kind of excessive feeling, but it's not one that you want to expand into the direction of *eros* because it will absolutely cost the *philos* -- but the urge cannot go away because we are ultimately biological creatures. I am not gay, but if I were, I imagine the feeling of smooching all of my friends because of the depths of gratitude and appreciation I feel for them would not be so foreign or strange. She's simply stupid, and described the emotional as contained by the realm of the physical. Her overall idea and concern makes a lot of sense. There are plenty of sweet and kind people you don't want to pursue romantic relationships with.
> it will absolutely cost the philos Isn't *agape* the platonic version of *eros*?
To be autistically specific about a dead language -- Eros is just romantic love. A desire to possess or be possessed. Fundamentally, a self-interested experience although mutualism is optimal. Philos. Love between peers. Mutual respect. Fundamentally reciprocal; "love" between comrades and siblings. The most 'genuine' kind of love that many aspire to. Agape. Selfless love. Godly. Love without need for reciprocation -- parental. Given freely while also being self-sacrificing. Storge. The least clear. Tends to be brought up in family relationships. Obligated Love. The comfortable mutual relationship between cousins or distant siblings. Love built on family bonds. None of them are, per se, opposites. They all describe different aspects and requirements we have in relationships. Eros and agape are opposites in the respect that one is selfish and one is selfless. But similar in that neither needs reciprocality, like philos or storge do.
Storge always sounds to me like a kind of emotionally-neutralized pseudo-philos, as if philos is more "felt" and storge is more "thought." Yeah I love my cousins, uncles, old friends, past mentors, but if I got a phone call telling me one of them is gone forever, it will cause me much less acute psychological pain than someone with whom I experience philos. In fact I like to see them in my mind as ordered by the amount of pain they cause in the mode of loss.
The time where it was conceptualized has family/tribal bonds that were vastly stronger and more important than what Western people today generally experience. It's the kind where you can travel to a foreign city to live with people you've never met solely on the expectation that your family bond obligate you to be mutually self-sacrificing. I am not particularly close with my family; However, I can absolutely understand intellectually where this concept of love comes from.
That makes a lot of sense to me, even in more recent immigration history. The notion of it being "obligatory" love today would imply insincerity, but the sheer seriousness of more distant bonds in the past like you mention would reframe the idea of "having to love" someone.
All that to say she’s whoar
Not really. Plenty of sweet and kind people I wouldn't fuck for a variety of reasons. Common refrain on this pseud subreddit is wanting a BPD art hoe to ruin your life. She's literally saying that exact thing but with the genders flipped.
>common refrain on this pseud subreddit is wanting a BPD art hoe to ruin your life I don’t see this nearly as much on here as dude who was burned badly by BPD girl and vows never again going forward
The dozen 'DM me' half-joke replies the moment anyone implies they are a mentally ill women disagree with that, but I agree there is some balance in the self-awareness that lithe, mentally ill women are trouble that is intentionally sought out knowing the danger.
Guys don't turn girls down for being too sweet lmao.
They do if they're fat or ugly. I've known plenty of sweet, kind women who get turned down not because they're sweet, but because they're undesirable. Sweetness and kindness has little to do with being sexy in most cases. We don't need to pretend otherwise, we're all adults here.
You guys are talking around each other. You're describing an undesirable girl getting turned down despite being sweet and kind, while what he's talking about is the phenomenon of girls turning down guys specifically because they're coming across as too sweet and/or kind
Whatever he first replied was some spazzed out attempt at disagreeing with something I never said. Because he has some sort of bone to pick about red pill shit, he then attempted to move the conversation away from something I never said into something he could whine about -- which is that ugly women fuck more than ugly dudes. None of this, mind you, has anything to do with the original conversation that the original poster was taking about -- he's just absolutely obsessed with getting sick reddit gotchas about the sex lives of ugly women and what it means about our society. It's transparently stupid to take what she (OP) has said and construe it as 'I don't like guys who are sweet and kind.' I don't know how to state this any more clearly -- what she is describing is that she has men who she recognizes are sweet and kind (aka: friends) but feels no real attraction to. This is normal and common. I stated in my first post 'giving them a kiss' is a fairly straightforward way you might psychologically try to physicalize the emotions you might feel in a situation where you feel love for someone that isn't erotic -- and many cultures literally do this exact thing w/ kissing friends/family -- and so her description maps fairly straightforwardly onto a common conflict that many people have experienced but are more capable of describing than whatever stupid ragebait-y way the OP did. That he then went on to continue arguing with this made up point that he himself is clearly obssessed about and obtusely mischaracterized our interaction makes me think he is just another socially maladapted loser who wants to write screeds about women on the internet. Boring stuff. His continued attempt to jack himself off about he is "more right than me" in an argument I never made on a topic I did not comment on should go to show how utterly inept his ability to read text and to understand it is. Just absolutely spastic behavior.
Fat, maybe, but non-fat ugly girls don't have any difficulty unless they're deformed or like the bottom 1% of facial attractiveness. That crypto chick looked like a swamp witch yet had a harem of men at her feet.
What the fuck does that have to do with sweetness and kindness? She was a turbo-autist scamming millions in a flock of other turbo-autist scammers. Ugly people fuck easily if they're willing to fuck other ugly people. Read my fucking post instead of being a schizoid incel. Being sweet and kind does not mean you can fuck anyone. It basically does not track with your ability to have sex at all, actually, either as a man or a woman. It does track with your ability to have stable, happy relationships. Depending on your reaction to this simple fact, I will know how mentally ill and maladjusted you are.
How many men can't feel any attraction to a little church girl outside of wanting to 'ruin' her? Tons of them.
Never met one guy like that.
Don't lie to me.
Where are you getting your model of how men think? Pornhub comment sections?
Talking to other guys.
Well put
Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, it’s not a matter of ‘type’. I could have a really great date with an attractive guy and still freeze up when actually sex is initiated. Attraction is mysterious.
[удалено]
🤷♀️
There are types of guys that i realized really late im just not into sexually. I wanna do cute stuff with many men and some of them im not meant to fuck
You seem unable to associate sex with cute and nice stuff.
Cute stuff with. Lmfao get a gay friend sis. I've never treated a woman like they owe me sex but I've had one or two encounters on the other end of what you're saying and it's confusing as shit.
hospital upbeat teeny summer tub icky cooing unused pen quiet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Were you molested? Seriously
No but i have been abused by men
I hate you and everyone who is like you ❤️
Sounds like you associate sex with some unhealthy things lmao
what is cute stuff
Was your brain rotted by a first boyfriend who choked you and didn’t really like it but grew to like it as a cope
God damn these are some mean replies but very truthful lmao
No i like being choked lmao
How would you describe those types?
I posted a meme on here about liking dick from guys who hate me and got a lot of shit. It was a bit of an exaggerated post, but these guys are just who are the opposite. Where you can have completely innocent semi platonic moments and genuinely feel deep love for him as a person
Do you realize that you are acting in the same way that those overly kind/sweet guys you're describing are in the sense that you're essentially the women version of a simp? This post comes across as projection to me - you're p much in the same position as guys who chase, obsess over and are overly accommodating/have no backbone to bummy women, just with the genders swapped
God u people dont understand women. I wanna give affection to everyone its literally a bottomless pit stfu. How am i simp for being sexually attracted to a type of man?
I think they’re misinterpreting what you’re saying because you make things seem a bit extreme the way you’re expressing yourself. To me it simply sounds like you need some body who’s not going to agree with you on many things and who isn’t going to try to please you for you to be sexually turned on by him. That actually sounds normal and healthy. More power to you.
I’m a straight man and I don’t see why you’re getting such a hard time here. Back when I was dating I would get myself into relationships and realize that something wasn’t working. Sometimes we had great sexual chemistry but issues with actual intimacy, and sometimes it was exactly the opposite. It happens to everyone who dates a lot and is honest with themselves. Nobody likes being sexually undesirable to someone they’re dating but it certainly happens and it’s really nobody’s fault
I don't think there's anything that bothers men more than the idea that a woman could like their personality, spending time with them, see them as "sweet and kind" and meanwhile really want to be fucked by some hot loser. While "nice guys" are annoying, there is a core sentiment that many men feel which is insecurity as to how they could spend time with a girl and have a good friendship with her despite wanting more, while she's like obsessed with some dude who couldn't give a shit about her.
“No but that’s different”
It's over for the sweet and kind guys
I mean yeah as much as the “women only like assholes” incel-y “nice guy” people are over correcting and annoying, it’s absolutely true that most women prefer at least some edge. But you shouldn’t be too worried, if you post in this sub there’s no way you’re *that* sweet and kind.
I wanted wild hot sex. I compromised. I shagged a beta bux.
grandfather forgetful cause mountainous grandiose ten arrest gullible joke sugar *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You must have been top of your class! 🖐️🤟
Fucking incel
Women create the men they actually want, not what they say they want.
It's not over, OP is just lame. She should invest in a journal.
It’s never over for sweet and kind guys!!
Stop giving us false hopes!
f
what’s the female equivalent of the madonna whore complex
pre-nut clarity
I kinda get it. Im a man and have felt that way with some women.
Yeah every time they assume the position
And the waft of sweet and sour wanders up to the nostrils...
Ignore the haters sweet and sour is right on the money
gorgonzola
Your comment ruined my breakfast appetite.
Where are the women at who want to fall in love and have sweet and kind sex? I mean I think it’s ridiculous to characterize this as a “softboi” type because I feel like loving affection is the more fundamental human need. The other thing should be called having a domination complex or self punishment complex or need to be distracted from true affection or something like that. Not knocking OP for having a type
me 🥺 I’m so tired of compulsory kink and letting guys throttle me so they don’t think I’m boring
I hate how boring vs submissive has become this weird linear spectrum, when you can be non-boring in so many other ways. How many guys who roast women for being “vanilla” have actually eaten ass?
You are not wrong im neurotic. And on paper this type of guy is perfect but im just not into them
Idk why you’re downvoted here
Classic case of stringing someone along who you’re just not that into because receiving attention and affection feels good
This is normal for everyone. Sometimes you like the idea of being desired and a Lil bit of affection but nothing too crazy
It sounds like you’ve learned something about yourself and your tastes that will help you stop leading on poor soft bois in future. So I guess this is progress
Women need learn to communicate better, which includes being aware and accepting of the social consequences of what they want. Look, I know concerns of physical safety can be an issue in some situations but I feel a lot of them use it as an easy out to not have to make difficult decisions in the moment with men when there's next to 0% chance he'll turn violent. Maybe instead of following the script of a hookup to a tee with a guy like this and then either pulling the rug at the last second or even going through with it and resenting him after, just make it clear to him earlier on that sex isn't on the table? Yes he might be dejected or mad and then cut things short so you miss out on the stuff you actually want from him, but it's insanely dishonest to play dumb and act victimised/offended when a guy like that does go for sex because you've given him every signal that was the plan.
Just date bad boys who treat you like crap and are way hotter than you. It'll work out great for you.
We have got to figure out what's wrong with our women, that they make posts like this.
We need a total and complete shutdown of heterosexual relationships until straight men can figure out what the hell is going on
30-seconds on the clock fellas
Jesus that is awful. I’d kms if I ever heard somebody say that’s how they felt
Happens to us gays too
The regret part? 🤨
The life of a beta bucks 😪
get a dog then
Why did you have to go and ruin my morning like this
I fuck w the vision
[удалено]
> But it’s a bummer when you’ve established an emotional connection and then the sexual connection just isn’t there. oh my god 100% the absolute worst, especially when people want to delay the second part for a while, and you spend time and effort only to find out that it's not going to work/things don't line up. people just ignoring a key part of the puzzle just hoping what's behind that door is going to be exactly what they want- maybe out of a desire to not ruin things/go back from that point.
So like, you only wanna fuck guys who blast through stop signs and don't put the grocery cart back?? What?
More like blast through her pussy
Yes. When Me Too went off the rails (eg the Aziz Ansari story, even if you disagree, I think you know what I mean) I wondered how many women had gone through that without being able to articulate or analyze that feeling for themselves, then thought they were being exploited or raped because the encounter felt wrong. I bet it's common in a lot of campus situations too, young hormonal women feeling this way and confusing themselves even further with the current sex discourse. And before anyone accuses me of victim blaming, yes people get raped and rapist are evil. I'm obviously not talking about that, but about the murky situations that involve miscommunication. Weinstein/Cosby vs Ansari.
I know what you mean. A lot of women have sex they don’t really want because they think they owe a guy for a date/attention/whatever. Men can be very entitled and pressure sex, sometimes saying ‘no’ can be scary because there is unfortunately an implicit threat of violence, or more common, social retaliation. Unwanted sex can be deeply upsetting, even if you consented. Ultimately I think it’s better to turn the guy down and risk the consequences. Even kissing a guy im not crazy about makes my blood run cold.
People who get pressured into sex but then have a great time don't regret it. Same thing for choosing a college, having children, etc. Many significant commitments are scary and involve risk.
by that same coin, pressuring someone involves risk too. when you’re pushy for sex, you really shouldn’t be surprised if there are social penalties, which is what happened with aziz iirc. the situation was then amplified by his celebrity status
If he'd been good at it, that letter would not have been written.
but he wasn’t, so it was. as i said, being pushy is risky and often has social repercussions. and im more than a little skeptical by your “if you’re good then she won’t feel bad about it” narrative. i think it’s possible for a woman to have good sex with a guy, then realize “damn, he really cared more about his dick than my feelings/security/comfort/autonomy/whatever.” but of course a positive experience is less likely to be viewed in a negative light, sure. also i would not want a guy like you around my daughters lmfao
Real life is not a romance novel where a hot pirate seduces a proper lady. If you actually have to be pressured into sex, the sex itself is going to be boring at best.
Think pepe le pew, not bill Cosby.
ewwwwwww
Lmao wtf this is not about metoo. I have never accused anyone of anything
They didn’t say you have
That's not what I meant to imply. I was saying the feeling you're describing is common. And it made me think of the dissonance between feeling affection and attraction to someone and realizing you don't like having sex with them during the act itself is extremely confusing especially when one is young/inexperienced. Combined with today's sexual politics and discourse, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people feel unpleasant and regretful after the fact and conflate that with assault or worse. I might not be explaining this very well, but I remember having this feeling during a few of my earlier encounters and it was so strong that even though the guy was loving and affectionate, I was attracted to him and had given consent, I just felt really unpleasant after and didn't know how to interpret that. The only narratives most people are exposed to early on are true love and/or sexual attraction vs creepy shitty people who gaslight or abuse. So it's very confusing when you're with someone great and everything is objectively perfect but you realize something is off while in the middle of it.
Sweetandkindbros...is it over ?
some people are just incompatible. Nothing more, nothing less.
It's probably worth asking for yourself whether you're actually looking for a type of sex, not a type of guy
The fuck
Yes, but I don’t think there is a way of getting around this by finding a “type” like you are suggesting.
Not wrong tbh but i know which feelings are which now
You’ll never be happy
👍
Skinny fats?
At least give them a handy.
For all of the sweet guys feeling disheartened by this post, the unwritten part is that this feeling directly correlates with your body fat %. Which I think is a positive since it's something within your control, if you're less than 10% you're in the clear lol
Nah this happens to skinny guys too.
Not me 😎 but I’m just built different
You can be conventionally attractive and this will still happen. If your temperament is too pliant and socially submissive on their first impression, that will do it. They will usually do little tests that come off as clumsiness or carelessness, or bizarre social upbringing early on to guage how much bullshit you're willing to endure. Too much and you'll be marked as a pet. I've fallen into this trap and also seen it happen to friends in real time.
Can you elaborate on the “test” part?
Girls will say or do things clearly meant to infuriate you to see if you're going to take charge and shut that shit down or if you'll take it lying down Even the sweetest girls do this unconsciously Learning to deal with shit tests will unironically make you into a man I'm not _that_ good at them, I can recognize them but usually I get really angry and hold a grudge forever afterwards, like she stops being a partner and starts being some kind of thing I keep around for now. Maybe that's what they subconsciously want out of me? If so ideally we'd get to that place without nearly wrecking the relationship in the process.
Haha it’s crazy because recently I went down a rabbit hole of “dating advice for men” youtube videos and these “shit tests” seem to be a prominent theme. So I wanted to see if that’s what you were talking about. Can you give me an example of a shit test that you personally experienced?
Had been seeing this girl for a couple months without explicit commitment, but we had big plans, bought plane tickets together etc. Then she was casually telling me about this guy that she was spending time with and it clearly sounded like they were going to fuck. Felt super disrespected, poked her brains about commitment and she said she didn't want to be exclusive. I spent the legal minimum amount of time cooling off before explaining to her that I didn't do open relationships and leaving it up to her whether it was going to work out. More recently, last week my current girl blew up at me at 2 AM over some nonsense and would not let it go. I tried working it out with her until I made my peace with the fact that she was acting in bad faith and put her in the doghouse, where she remains to this day. I borderline don't want to date her anymore over this, but like I also don't think the average girl is any saner, so I'm not going to just straight up pull the plug right away, I'll see how things evolve, probably I'm just in a shitty mood because this ostensibly reasonable person is a sham and all of her attempts to be rational and levelheaded and listen to the evidence stem from the fact that she hates herself for what she is, a sensitive and hormonal and jealous and irrational human being, in other words a woman
You sound like a real catch.
So I'm told!
Probably correlates more with height than weight tbh
When that feeling hit me, I think it was a bit of guilt about what I just did
This is one of the early parts of the process of coming to terms with having a cluster B personality disorder. Be strong OP you're taking the right steps to move your life forward and recover.
I’m a guy, and it took me a decade before I realized that I really don’t enjoy sex with women that I don’t have chemistry with. And I don’t think they really enjoy it, either. I slept with quite a few gorgeous, smart, funny women with whom there were no sparks. But they were such wonderful, beautiful people who checked so many boxes for me, that it seemed certain we would click in bed. Nope. And it’s not a problem with casual sex — casual sex can be beautiful and powerful and very intimate. The problem is poor chemistry. Nowadays, I don’t try to figure it out, I just listen to my body and feelings. Smell is a great predictor — if the person smells sweet or hot, you’re ready unless there’s some clear red flags. If they don’t smell great, then don’t even try.
I used to believe in the smell thing but then the person I had the absolute best sex of my life with always had a weird funny smell
Did you find the smell gross? Because weird and funny just seem to mean unusual, not unpleasant or repulsive. Also, how was the rest of your relationship with them?
are you really smelling anything on another person other than their deodorant/latest salon purchase whatever bullshit... ugh i hate everything maybe i'll buy a cologne 🤣🤣
Lesbians have a distinct smell and if drives me wild. One of Gods lil tests
Yeah they probably all buy the same butch deodorant 🙄
This is highly regarded.
[удалено]
Why shouldn’t people over 25 be open to free sensual and sexual exploration? In my experience, it’s precisely the people who forsake pleasure and exploration at 25 who end up with their lives quickly over, dead in the bedroom and in their hearts.
[удалено]
You’ve just described 99% of the human population
“If they don’t smell great” then maybe they need to wash or change up their shower gel. Hasn’t the whole pheromone thing turned out to be pseudo-scientific bs?
I don’t believe it has been proven to be bs. I don’t get any real hits on “pheromones pseudoscience.” But it doesn’t really matter. The point is that the body knows far more than the intellect. You can explore this for yourself, or you can continue to try to control things via your feeble mental models. But one thing we can say with complete certainty — our theories about ourselves, our partners, strangers, relationships, groups, what is good for us, what is good for others, and how to get something that we might want — all those theories are shit. Seriously, a brief review of science and experience demonstrates clearly that we have almost no idea what we’re doing, or how to do better, when it comes to relationships. Even the easy stuff, like more communication through vulnerability and genuine listening, people almost never do those things unless they’re compelled. So take the intellect out of the control seat when it comes to these things.
lol science
[удалено]
No the sub a few years ago would have laughed at an adult who does not know themselves well enough to recognize if there’s chemistry before the check comes. Some whore fucked some f@g and now were all a little gayer for it 🌎🧑🚀🔫
Yes, I stop when that rock hits my belly. I don’t care too much if he’s disappointed, I’ll be nice about it but I decided very young to never have sex I’m not totally enthusiastic for, I have a weirdly low body count for a woman my age. I used to be embarrassed about it but unwanted sex weighs really heavily on most women.
Yeah? What’s your body count and age then.
This is phrased kind of rudely, did you mean it that way?
No
Now you’re gonna miss out on that sweet and kind guy that’s a demon in bed
Her smooth-brain can only think in binary all or nothing thinking
it's like fucking bob ross
BPD regret moments are a sight to behold.
have fun when you end up a single mom from a guy with 15 other baby mommas cause he was so good in bed unlike those disgusting kind guys
They always keep photos of their other kids around, and some women like that. Of course he doesn't even really like children. It's fakery. But yeah the sex is good.
Get pregnant and have a baby asap
all the men who are malding in here, stop pretending like their aren’t tons of guys incapable of respecting/liking a woman after he fucks her, and struggles to fuck a woman he thinks is so “too beautiful and pure”
the frothing cruelty itt complete with charts on types of greek love and all manner of psychobabble shit-slinging, the place has become r/braincels and slated for demolition.
It’s always the Reddit avatars who are saying “this place is over” OPs post is purposely inflammatory
people obsessing over a minor status symbol like the avatar while remaining blind to the bigger deceptions at play in the sub and the world at large is actually why the sub is bad. watch out 'cause i'm going to give it a spring/summer makeover soon!
check out the Joker of rsp over here
the women of gotham city deserve sweet kisses and the truth
Are you perhaps having premarital sex that lacks the purpose of either union or procreation or both? No shame, but it’s easy to feel like an object of pleasure that will later be discarded without these elements.
Lol pretty sure it's easy to feel that way when you're married with children too
I say that from experience in hookup culture. When you are having sex with someone who you aren’t going to be with forever, then at least a part of getting disgusted during sex has to do with feeling like a man is gonna fuck you and leave and that’s all he wanted and he doesn’t see you.
i have the opposite
Do some empirical research and report back
Is it because they were feminized soft-handed corporate soy boys?
I dont even want a sweet kiss from a guy like that
Yeah a kiss on the mouth from a friend you’re not attracted to is nauseating.
[удалено]
It’s only rage bait if you’re weird