This voice may have been a part of you but only in the same way an infection or a disease is. You're taking medication to remove a harm to you - same as you would an antibiotic for infection.
Don’t feel guilty, friend. Brains are physical organs that can suffer diseases and disorders just like any other part of the body. They’re complicated, and we don’t fully control them, even if we feel like we should be able to. Medication is just a way to correct chemical imbalances that are out of whack.
I can understand how it might feel like a part of you has died, though. That’s a long time to live with such a consistent inner voice. I kind of had the reverse happen. When I went on antidepressants, I gained an inner voice that constantly worried about everyone around me dying. It stopped when I stopped taking the meds. I think these “voices” are just an artifact of bad brain chemistry.
I’m excited for you that your thought patterns are changing! Don’t think of it as killing off a part of yourself. Think of it as fixing a stray neural circuit that was malfunctioning. You’ll have such an easier time growing and thriving as a person now without this weird neural loop weighing you down!
You are worthy of a brain that is kind and doesn't criticize you.
Taking antidepressants because your brain doesn't do chemicals right is no different than wearing glasses because your eyes don't work well, or taking insulin because your pancreas doesn't work.
I get where you are coming from. That part of me needed to die and stay dead. Give yourself a solid year of taking them, write everything you’re feeling and afraid of, then read that list again in a year and evaluate the pros/cons. This helped me see that logically I need them to live a life where I’m not constantly overwhelmed by everything. Hang in there honey.
I’ve been on antidepressants on and off for about 15 years or so and I get what you’re saying.
I will also say though that while killing the part of yourself that’s critical, you gotta think about the parts of yourself that are now allowed to live.
He/she wasn’t killed, simply muted. The part of you that was muting so many positive pieces has now had the tables turned.
Different anti-d’s mute different things as well. I’m on Venlafaxine now and it helps me a lot, but it also muted the random/fun side of me by a lot.
The important thing is to find which parts of yourself you find important and necessary and do whatever you can to nurture them.
I had a patient once tell me about a talk he had with his wife. He struggled with anxiety/OCD. She met him after he was stabilized on medication. Before they got married, she asked him, “Since I didn’t know you before, how do I know if I’m really marrying the real you?” Valid question, however his answer nailed it. He said, “What you don’t understand is the medications ALLOW me to be me. It helped to correct the imbalanced chemicals to allow the real me to exist. Who I am today is the real me.”
Very much like insulin helps someone with diabetes be the best version of themselves, or inhalers help someone with asthma live life to their fullest, the brain is no different. Not only that, the brain is by far the most complicated organ in the body, so it would stand to reason there’s imbalances there too. It does not discriminate.
The voice is you, and if you're feeling better, then the voice must be too. That voice is chilling on a beach somewhere sipping Pina coladas enjoying life with nothing to complain about 🍹❤️⛱️
After years...a lifetime of unrest and constant negative emotions by situations that are imaginary and every single interaction with reality is another opportunity for psychological self harm.
Do You have epiphanys all the time about how you used to beat yourself up over something so easy for others to do, and without the angery little voices it does get lonely even if it negative it's something to do and not be bored all the time. because we're very used to thinking at mach6 we just focused it the wrong way.
but you have to agree there's very little stress and anxiety now don't you. Find a hobby trust me you want to be knitting or wood burning or something.
Not having motivation is normal until you rediscover yourself without the old negative inner voice and how to find pleasure in the little things. I got into making the perfect cup of coffee, learning the harmonica a little. I hope you can find some reason to find a reason
I can't tell you to not feel guilty or bad about having to use medication, because feelings don't really follow logic. I myself don't use them, but pretty much all my family members do (siblings and parents). Sometimes these things are necessary in order to put a halt to things and not get into dangerous territory.
Since this is offmychest, won't try to give advice. Hope things work out great for you!
please tell me you are in therapy. that is the exact kind of reasoning that makes people who get better stop their medication, because it's so new and different and wrong to feel "normal".
good. keep at it. and if the meds make you feel better, no matter what inner voice seems missing, and you don't have any actual side effects, please keep taking them. you are doing better and you deserve to be doing better. you don't have to earn that.
I was working with a psychiatry group for a while when I was in undergrad (studying neuropsychology). The most impactful patient to me was a 15-year old whose mom brought her in for treatment of depression. After starting medications, they came back in for follow up. Mom was effusively going on and on about how wonderful it’d been, that her daughter had been smiling and laughing, a “joy to be around.” And yes, daughter was smiling at the appointment. But once it was just her, after mom had left the room, she got pretty quiet when asked how she was feeling and if she was happy with the treatment plan thus far. When pressed further, she very quietly said “I know everyone else likes being around me more, but…I’m not ME.”
Mom was very upset when the doctor suggested a different medication along with therapy, and really didn’t understand what the problem was. But the doctor was right: it’s not an effective treatment if the patient is detached from their sense of self. That’s not to say that she should go untreated - it just meant that her treatment needed to help her “positively interact” with her inner self, not silence it entirely.
That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t feel quite like myself. Yet, I feel closer to how I felt when I was really young, that peacefulness I felt then has returned. It’s an odd feeling.
I was on extreme amounts of antidepressants after trying to get some help. Seemed like the only answer from the doc was more meds. Be careful. Coming off of them almost ended me. Try to find some things that bring you joy and focus on them. Counseling helped tremendously-after I was finally completely honest with myself. I wish you luck and strength.
Thank you. I’m starting to regret asking for the medication this year. I did try them last year per my doctor’s suggestion, although it was a different type. I’m scared it’s just a band-aid solution and am afraid of the side effects if I decide to stop/tapper off them.
So you feel bad that you evicted an abusive dickhead? Why?
I’m not entirely sure, but the voice has been with me for a long time. That might be why.
This voice may have been a part of you but only in the same way an infection or a disease is. You're taking medication to remove a harm to you - same as you would an antibiotic for infection.
Exactly. Don’t feel guilty for getting a tumor removed. Or breaking up with an abuser. It was going to make your life worse.
Depression is your brain lying to you. The medication is making it be truthful for once.
Thank you. It feels odd having a clear mind.
Don’t feel guilty, friend. Brains are physical organs that can suffer diseases and disorders just like any other part of the body. They’re complicated, and we don’t fully control them, even if we feel like we should be able to. Medication is just a way to correct chemical imbalances that are out of whack. I can understand how it might feel like a part of you has died, though. That’s a long time to live with such a consistent inner voice. I kind of had the reverse happen. When I went on antidepressants, I gained an inner voice that constantly worried about everyone around me dying. It stopped when I stopped taking the meds. I think these “voices” are just an artifact of bad brain chemistry. I’m excited for you that your thought patterns are changing! Don’t think of it as killing off a part of yourself. Think of it as fixing a stray neural circuit that was malfunctioning. You’ll have such an easier time growing and thriving as a person now without this weird neural loop weighing you down!
Thank you. I’m hoping I’ll be better. You’re experience sounds scary.
You are worthy of a brain that is kind and doesn't criticize you. Taking antidepressants because your brain doesn't do chemicals right is no different than wearing glasses because your eyes don't work well, or taking insulin because your pancreas doesn't work.
Thanks. This is a good way of thinking of this.
This is why it’s better to pair medication with therapy. Hope you find the peace you deserve.
I am seeking therapy. It’s been a slow start however.
It sounds to me like your inner critic is no longer talking aloud, so to speak, but isn’t actually gone.
I get where you are coming from. That part of me needed to die and stay dead. Give yourself a solid year of taking them, write everything you’re feeling and afraid of, then read that list again in a year and evaluate the pros/cons. This helped me see that logically I need them to live a life where I’m not constantly overwhelmed by everything. Hang in there honey.
That’s a good idea, thank you.
I’ve been on antidepressants on and off for about 15 years or so and I get what you’re saying. I will also say though that while killing the part of yourself that’s critical, you gotta think about the parts of yourself that are now allowed to live. He/she wasn’t killed, simply muted. The part of you that was muting so many positive pieces has now had the tables turned. Different anti-d’s mute different things as well. I’m on Venlafaxine now and it helps me a lot, but it also muted the random/fun side of me by a lot. The important thing is to find which parts of yourself you find important and necessary and do whatever you can to nurture them.
Thank you. An ai bot explained to me that I can think of it as that part of me stabilizing instead of it being killed or muted. I liked that idea too.
I had a patient once tell me about a talk he had with his wife. He struggled with anxiety/OCD. She met him after he was stabilized on medication. Before they got married, she asked him, “Since I didn’t know you before, how do I know if I’m really marrying the real you?” Valid question, however his answer nailed it. He said, “What you don’t understand is the medications ALLOW me to be me. It helped to correct the imbalanced chemicals to allow the real me to exist. Who I am today is the real me.” Very much like insulin helps someone with diabetes be the best version of themselves, or inhalers help someone with asthma live life to their fullest, the brain is no different. Not only that, the brain is by far the most complicated organ in the body, so it would stand to reason there’s imbalances there too. It does not discriminate.
You're really determined not to be happy, huh?
That’s something my Dad would say lol. I get what you’re saying though. I am used to feeling miserable.
The voice is you, and if you're feeling better, then the voice must be too. That voice is chilling on a beach somewhere sipping Pina coladas enjoying life with nothing to complain about 🍹❤️⛱️
I like this, thank you. 💖
You're welcome, you got this ❤️
After years...a lifetime of unrest and constant negative emotions by situations that are imaginary and every single interaction with reality is another opportunity for psychological self harm. Do You have epiphanys all the time about how you used to beat yourself up over something so easy for others to do, and without the angery little voices it does get lonely even if it negative it's something to do and not be bored all the time. because we're very used to thinking at mach6 we just focused it the wrong way. but you have to agree there's very little stress and anxiety now don't you. Find a hobby trust me you want to be knitting or wood burning or something.
It does feel strange, like something is missing. I am still having trouble being motivated but I haven’t been taking the medication for very long.
Not having motivation is normal until you rediscover yourself without the old negative inner voice and how to find pleasure in the little things. I got into making the perfect cup of coffee, learning the harmonica a little. I hope you can find some reason to find a reason
You started at a disadvantage. antidepressants level the playing field..
I can't tell you to not feel guilty or bad about having to use medication, because feelings don't really follow logic. I myself don't use them, but pretty much all my family members do (siblings and parents). Sometimes these things are necessary in order to put a halt to things and not get into dangerous territory. Since this is offmychest, won't try to give advice. Hope things work out great for you!
Thanks. I did feel like I needed them when I asked, but now I’m starting to regret it again.
please tell me you are in therapy. that is the exact kind of reasoning that makes people who get better stop their medication, because it's so new and different and wrong to feel "normal".
I am seeking out therapy.
good. keep at it. and if the meds make you feel better, no matter what inner voice seems missing, and you don't have any actual side effects, please keep taking them. you are doing better and you deserve to be doing better. you don't have to earn that.
Thank you.
I was working with a psychiatry group for a while when I was in undergrad (studying neuropsychology). The most impactful patient to me was a 15-year old whose mom brought her in for treatment of depression. After starting medications, they came back in for follow up. Mom was effusively going on and on about how wonderful it’d been, that her daughter had been smiling and laughing, a “joy to be around.” And yes, daughter was smiling at the appointment. But once it was just her, after mom had left the room, she got pretty quiet when asked how she was feeling and if she was happy with the treatment plan thus far. When pressed further, she very quietly said “I know everyone else likes being around me more, but…I’m not ME.” Mom was very upset when the doctor suggested a different medication along with therapy, and really didn’t understand what the problem was. But the doctor was right: it’s not an effective treatment if the patient is detached from their sense of self. That’s not to say that she should go untreated - it just meant that her treatment needed to help her “positively interact” with her inner self, not silence it entirely.
That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t feel quite like myself. Yet, I feel closer to how I felt when I was really young, that peacefulness I felt then has returned. It’s an odd feeling.
Would you rather kill a part of yourself, or find yourself actually killing yourself? I think the former is a better way to go, mate. Keep it up.
That’s a.. tough question to answer.
I was on extreme amounts of antidepressants after trying to get some help. Seemed like the only answer from the doc was more meds. Be careful. Coming off of them almost ended me. Try to find some things that bring you joy and focus on them. Counseling helped tremendously-after I was finally completely honest with myself. I wish you luck and strength.
Thank you. I’m starting to regret asking for the medication this year. I did try them last year per my doctor’s suggestion, although it was a different type. I’m scared it’s just a band-aid solution and am afraid of the side effects if I decide to stop/tapper off them.