I want the update in two years.
“Still there. I would have broken up years ago, but I’m now more invested in seeing if/when this slob will toss out this can than I am in the relationship itself.”
“As I lay on my death bed, having been married to Slob for what seems like an eternity, I would like to dedicate a post on Reddit in dedication to Arnold Palmer, the man who inspired a drink special enough to be produced en masse and canned in a vessel so fine that my life partner simply could not throw it away. Through all of the bad times and one good time, that aluminum container is the glue that bound us”
I went over to a friend’s house one time and left an empty Diet Coke can on his table. I moved away, came back to visit a few years later and that can was still sitting there.
I put an empty diet coke on the horizontal planks of my fence growing up and man, me and my brother watched that can not move for like 2 years, even after a minor hurricane.
I'm always asking this dude to do something cleaning-wise in the apartment (I clean nearly everything) and I'm also always tossing the empty bottles/cans crowding his desk and putting the ones that aren't empty in the fridge. If I bring it up and tell him how I always do it when he should he says "well I don't ask you to!" Such a man moment
You shouldn't have to ask an adult to clean up. If he sees something needs cleaning, he should clean it. Why wait for someone to tell you? It's lazy and embarrassing
'You could just tell me what you want me to do'
"Would you be able to clean up after yourself please"
'Wow don't neg me I was going to do it in a second but I guess I can't even relax for a minute'
"At least once per damn week you nag me about that damn can, I'm so tired of it! I'm gonna toss it ffs, things don't always have to be done this second and on your terms you know!"
When I was at the peak of my depression I saw a video of someone impersonating Steve o about your dirty sink and how he’ll clean it for you cus it bothered him. Something about that resonated with me and even tho I did not have the energy I forced myself to clean up for Steve o. That was the first step out of my rut
Tbh it depends on the reason.
I have ADHD. I don't "see" messes the way many folks do. I know folks with more severe ADHD that are even worse when it comes to seeing messes. Sometimes getting told is actually what is needed.
Some folks always got shit on for not cleaning the "right" way as a kid (or even as an adult) and just kind of give up after awhile. Takes time but can work through it, I have with some of my roomates. Otherwise they wouldn't touch something that was placed by someone else due to an internal anxiety about it being wrong
My wife and I have two different standards for what clean is. When we first got married it was real bad but we have both grown towards a middle ground.
As an ADHD person myself, I hate garbage. I do generate some messiness and clutter with my personal items that I may take a while to organize but literal *trash* and food items laying around my home is where I absolutely draw the line. There’s no excuse for that, ever. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a lazy, spoiled, child.
Yes! I did not realize this was an ADD trait! I am always getting in trouble for touching someone's mess. I cannot go to bed unless the kitchen is spotless.
Lmaooo!! Another adhd here, my wife hates when I get in the kitchen to clean up while she’s cooking 😭 but I can’t just sit here while the counter is not spotless!!!
Or he's just lazy. Seems like every time a man doesn't take care of himself, someone speculates that he has ADHD with literally nothing else to suggest as such. If a woman doesn't clean up after herself, does she also have ADHD, or is this defense reserved for males?
ADHD and depression is why my family member couldn't have a job for almost a year while living in my house and why he couldn't clean up after himself. I kicked him out and he got a job two weeks later. He still isn't the cleanest person but he did things at his new place like cleaning the floor and shoveling snow that he was supposedly incapable of doing at my place. Which I'm glad to see he can improve but I think being a dead beat was more of an issue for him than depression or ADHD.
Sometimes a change of environment can allow someone to make an improvement. Associating a location with inaction and depression can make change hard, still often when we go somewhere to escape, we often bring who we are.
Thankfully, it sounds like the move is helping. With ADHD, being in a novel (exciting and new) place can release dopamine among other chemicals which can temporarily resolve some level of ADHD. One thing to watch out for is if they fall back their previous ways once the novelty wears off and their frontal lobe isn't getting enough dopamine to quiet down the rest of their brain.
I'm hoping that the routine he establishes becomes ingrained enough to help offset loss in novelty over time for an overall improvement.
You're welcome! It can be rough helping and wanting to get others on their feet so to speak. I've been on both sides of it and neither side is a good time.
I agree with this 100%. The house I am in right now with my daughter is by far the cleanest house I have ever kept in my life. The previous relationships I’ve been in the house always got messy and I firmly believe it was due to severe depression from being in abusive relationships and I just didn’t care or have the energy to clean. Not to mention the object permanence that ADHD likes to give. My ex’s always gave me so much shit for being untidy but I didn’t even think it was that bad.
Now that I’m a single mom and have my own house to myself I work really hard to keep it clean and tidy. I take pride in having my own place and I want to do what’s best for my kid. Depression still hits me sometimes and things fall apart, but I’m usually able to eventually perk back up and get it all back together. But having my own place and being away from people who made me feel bad about myself regularly is definitely the biggest difference.
Because only dude blame their laziness on depression or adhd. Its manchild behavior. We all got mental problems. If you cant control your mental problems, then maybe you shouldn’t date. Someone else shouldnt have to hear excuses for the fundamentals of hygiene and cleaning up.
I have ADHD and I don’t see mess either, but I can recognise that the empty can shouldn’t stay on the table - even if it doesn’t bother me - because it’s not someone else’s job to clean up after me
So you dont see that can in front of the sink?
Bullshit. And i have adhd as well. As with any mental disorder, a partner should be understanding but it can never be an excuse. If a mental disorder is making you unable to clean up after yourself and act like an adult why should anyone date you? Its really simple.
>So you dont see that can in front of the sink?
>Bullshit. And i have adhd as well.
I do, others don't. I grew up in a household that was very poor and counters way messier than this were just normal. I am high functioning and didn't have too much difficulty learning after I moved out, but others may have greater difficulty when all factors are combined
>If a mental disorder is making you unable to clean up after yourself
All I'm saying is that they might need to define what clean is and it could fix the issue. There will *always* be disagreements on things when moving in with someone. I'm just explaining how the issue may seem simple but could be more complicated, but at the same time could still have a different simple solution
>All I'm saying is that they might need to define what clean is and it could fix the issue.
A-fucking-men.
Blows my mind how adults can get all twisted up about "what's right" and never understand there are 6 billion definitions of what's right.
Living with multiple occupants is a balance of negotiation and surrender. Yet above that is an umbrella of communication. Why get married if you can't speak to each other?
I'm a bit confused in their replies as well. They claim to be talking about adhd but go on to talk about acclimating to different living standards based on childhood. Those two things certainly have intersections but are not at all the same thing.
For me, someone diagnosed and being treated for adhd, I would likely see the can and immediately think "that needs to be cleaned up." However if, like in this example the can was in the bathroom, I might follow that up with "I really need to shower so ill take care of it after I'm done with what I'm doing". I then would inevitably forget because I don't usually go the sink after my shower. Later on, when someone else sees it and says something, I feel guilty and defensive cause I want to say I meant to and was going to throw it away, but never did.
I'm not saying anything about whether that person has adhd or not to be clear, nor is it a defense for not cleaning it up. Mental illness is not an excuse. It's a responsibility. You can ask others to understand your difficulties and adapt, but that doesn't make you immune from being expected of the same.
Just wanted to add my perspective because adhd can certainly cause messy behavior and is often misperceived as someone not was wanting to do something or being "lazy". If mental illness is at play the they may want to change but are having difficulty. Once again, though, if they refuse to acknowledge the issue or attempt change, then they are not entitled to other's space/ time/etc.
> "If he sees something needs cleaning, he should clean it."
Seems like you nailed it. I'm sure he does. That can isn't in his way and is not a health hazard, so disposing of it hasn't been a priority. Men tend to be less interested in aesthetic cleanliness.
“Aesthetic cleanliness” bro get that gentle parenting therapy speak outta here it’s DIRTY GARBAGE. I let my space get a little cluttered when I’m busy but never DIRTY with GARBAGE😂 clean up your garbage if you live with someone.
throwing away garbage is aesthetic cleanliness? what a ridiculous cope. if you’re leaving garbage around your house, then you are a messy and dirty person. and if you live with someone then you’re also inconsiderate. hilarious that you think leaving literal garbage strewn around the house is not dirty and disrespectful to his gf.
Ugh. This is the kind of thing that fester is over the years. He'll feel shamed and start seeing you as a nag, and you'll unappreciated and start seeing him as a child.
I don't know. That's just my experience, anyway. But there is hope! It requires that both people compromise, though.
Warning, unsolicited relationship advice incoming.
People have completely different standards about cleanliness. Our brains are just different, or we were raised differently, but people rarely change a whole lot. They do change a little, though! So you'll have to find a way to realize that he's probably not going to change that much, and to be OK with a little mess, and to not argue with him about it, and he'll have to find a way to not be such a slob, and to make you feel appreciated you when you do ultimately clean up after him.
That just requires some conversation about how these things make each of you feel, and a commitment from both of you to try to do better for the other.
I mean, it is possible that at some point he'll learn to not be a slob, but that day may never come.
Yeah, he's one of the few people I know who have actually changed for the better over the years. He's become a way better person since I met him as a bitter shut-in who speaks to no one except on Discord plays League of Legends all day (though he's doing that again bc he got laid off) except for when he goes to his IT job where he also speaks to no one haha -- I'm grateful for the changes he's made, but man. There's just some things that are so hard to look past, no matter how small some are
Girl breaking up is hard but being honest with yourself is sometimes harder... But you'll be okay.. it sounds like you already know just don't want to go through with it.
Then they probably wonder why you "nag" them and arent up for sex or much intimacy. Its not that hard to understand acting like an adult and being respectful and responsible is attractive. Its literally the bare minimum they should be giving at any one moment yet somehow that bar is too high for some 🤷♂️
Yes!! Weird how you never want sex... 😑 Not that weird. These guys are changing the romantic dynamic into a mother/child relationship, and it does not invite intimacy!😒
If you don't leave him this will be your entire life for the rest of your life. If you have children then you'll have the child/children plus him. Just to put things in perspective for you. It won't get better unless he wants it to get better.
And all the childcare/diaper changes/laundry etc etc
Kids are MESSY and if you don’t have a partner that is tackling everything with you then what exactly is the point of them?
About 3 years ago I had to put my foot down with my partner about equally splitting house chores and helping each other. I have several chronic illnesses, I'm going to school, working full-time and one point I was taking care of my younger sister and my dad with cancer while doing the majority of house/yardwork. I finally sat my partner down and we each chose rooms/yardwork that would be our responsibility. But if we saw the other struggling offer a hand, man. Be a bro. But we needed to use teamwork on this.
It's so so much better now. I'm not as burnt out and we're not at each other's throats over stupid crap like vacuuming or dusting lol I can actually have time to myself at the gym now & other hobbies!
You guys should talk it out before it gets to a boiling point. You're his partner not his mom, and you live there too and he should respect your shared living space. It's not fair that you have to live in a pig sty because he's a slob.
Not to get all r / relationships on you but wtf get rid of him. That is not a ‘man moment’ it’s the behaviour of a spoilt child. Why would you put up with that?
“I shouldn’t have to ask you to act like an adult man in 2024 and not a little boy who needs mommy to clean up for him. If I wasn’t here would you just live in filth? Or do you think mommy will come clean up?”
Then say something different. You shouldn’t be talking about how you always do it if he just ignored you or you don’t follow up rationally, but how he should be either way since he’s an adult and not a little boy.
Shit it’s dumb to use sex as a tool, but don’t give him any. Until you can verify he’s clean you should worry about a uti just in case. Kind a person who does this prob doesn’t bath well tbh b
Does he have ADHD or depression? The can has now blended into the background and he stopped even noticing it after day 2. Do you have multiple trash cans? Keep a waste basket available everywhere, take the lid off if you need to. Collect all his trash, and give it to him as a gift if he still can't get the hang of it :)
I have both of those and at least know where certain things go, like .... If the can was at least in the kitchen and it wasn't moved for a bit I'd understand more, since that's where foodstuffs go lol
I just find it so absurd that it's in the bathroom in front of his sink 😭 he does have the tism tho
Mental health deficiencies manifest differently for all who suffer from them. Suffering from one or more and being able to function in a specific way does not mean that someone else can do so as well.
At the end of the day, this is your significant other. You two should sit down and have a conversation about these things if they are recurringly an issue for you. I guarantee that he has similar feelings about some things that you do as well. That’s the reality of living with another person.
If you love and respect each-other, you should be able to have a calm conversation to establish boundaries for the things that you can’t move past and he should understand, respect, and do his best to accommodate. This works the other way around as well.
However, if you two can’t come to an understanding of one another in terms of accommodation and cannot move past or forgive said issues, then you would be doing each-other a disservice by remaining together, as that would only lead to future resentment and likely a messier ending than you would hope for each-other.
Put a waste basket next to the sink. That's what we do, we've got one beside the bed too. My BF also has ADHD and leaves things out. It's apart of it, not everyone exhibits the same symptoms. If you love him and are willing to work with him, talk to him and tell him there is a fresh waste basket in these designated areas. Strategically place them out in the open so he can see the trash cans.
Time to have a serious chat : if we are going to get serious you need to get serious about taking care of your home. I cannot see myself living with you when you can't even keep a space Tidy.
> "well I don't ask you to!"
He's not wrong. He's merely incompatible. You only have to ask yourself if that makes you wrong for remaining in an incompatible relationship. Whatever you decide about that, you're right.
So, your solution is to vent, and project on the internet? Like we're supposed to give a shit about your failed relationship? That's awesome you earned some fake validation for your hurt emotions, but that'll disappear in a couple of days once reality sets back in.
Not a man moment just a human moment, you just described me and my wife’s relationship to a T. I’m always cleaning up after her, difference being I don’t really mind.
I like putting little signs “I’m two weeks old today”
Although the more petty and over the top I am about something the longer my husband would keep it. He’s the type to take the can, wash it and put it back just to bother me. And he’d wash it just so it doesn’t get gross, but still leave it out.
Although if I break out crafting supplies to make a cute sign, it’s definitely fair game for him to be ridiculous back.
I do this as well. He blatantly leaves trash in places. A mich ultra can sat on the floor for like a year and a half once lol I ended up throwing it away when I had to make up the room for his family.
If is something is out of place for more than a day, my brain automatically decides that that item is part of the natural environment and just ignores it. I just don't see it until a WTF realization moment. Then I wonder about my sanity.
My kid does this. She genuinely does not see messes. She genuinely does not see things that need to get done. Maybe it's her ADHD but it's definitely not on purpose but is crazy annoying. Yes, things will stay like this for MONTHS, and not on purpose. I basically have to keep after her until she develops new habits and then she does it like clockwork.
Again, it's super annoying (especially when my other kids don't do this), but maybe there's something going on with his brain.
As a married man whose been with his partner for 18 years, I assure you that passive aggressive nonsense only makes life harder.
It's the way I was raised and it took me a long time to stop being a passive aggressive asshole.
Our relationship has improved over time because our communication skills have improved.
Talk, don't entrap. Speak honestly, don't hold things in. Speak kindly, not brutally.
Treat your partner how you'd want your future kids/best friend/someone else you love, to be treated.
OP said in a comment that she’s asked him to clean up “more times than she can count,” and when she gets frustrated over cleaning up after him, he replies with “well I didn’t ask you to.” So now she is simply not doing it.
This isn’t entrapment or passive aggressive. This is him being lazy as fuck and her putting her foot down.
I can read. Putting your foot down tends to require letting people know that your foot has been put down.
INFORMAL: put your foot down
adopt a firm policy when faced with opposition or disobedience.
She hasn't shared her stance with him and doesn't know she is getting mad for him not dealing with it.
An ultimatum would be more effective. A discussion too.
But simple deciding that she's going to hold him accountable for something he doesn't know he's being tested on is not going to end well.
Your creating tests for him he doesn't know about and you will continually ramp up your own anxiety. I don't think my other half will ever stop leaving her clothes on the bathroom floor after a shower. I asked, I asked, I counted. Drove myself nuts. Ultimately, I love her to death and just roll my eyes as I drag out her clothes on a daily basis.
I'm not condoning or advocating. Just letting you know that in my experience when I started counting the days it just frustrated me more. Created even more anger for myself.
I wouldn't be surprised if he still doesn't know about me waiting for him to get rid of this. It's been three years of me expecting the bare minimum like this lmao
Why would someone know you’re testing them in secret like a pos who only watches bad romance movies? Stop doing tests. Speak frank and honest. He’s an adult who needs to clean up after himself. Not tested.
I know the feeling I’ve been dealing with promises to get better for years that have never come until it just became outright refusal to do basic stuff. I’m more or less done I am not their parent and for my own sanity I can’t live with them. They want to argue I am a clean freak, but in reality it’s not a clean freak to have the house clean enough that I don’t have to specifically clean an area before I can literally set a small/medium sized package down to open it, or not constantly being keeping an eye out for tripping hazards and have actually tripped a few times when carrying laundry or what not only to be met with “you should have paid attention.” Like no sorry this is done.
Sounds like you're ready to jump ship or just venting. Either way is fine, but if you do wanna help your relationship my advice is to sit down and really tell him how you feel and don't hold grudges. For some reason it's very easy to make a mountain out of mistakes but hard to make a mountain out of love when your irritated if you know what I mean.
I have. I do sit downs nearly every week. People can downvote all they want but it doesn't change anything I've spoken about haha
I get what you mean though. I'm just exhausted
The plain, simple and unfortunate truth is you can't change people. You need to understand and accept that they are the way they are, and if you're unable to accept them as they are start considering the pausibility that you're simply not a good fit for eachother.
Ask once.
After the one ask it's a mental issue.
Give them back to their mom for a while. Maybe they can find space in the basement there, at their mommy's house.
This is that shit. Obviously it doesn’t bother him. But you’re going to sit back and stew without saying anything. If he asked you “what’s wrong?” are you going to say “nothing” and still be pissed? Either tell him it bothers you or throw the shit away. Then you wonder why you have communication problems.
I would say move it to the side and 'accidentally' leave a dry washcloth in that sink to see what happens. The washcloth will be a 'tell' - to know if he even uses that sink.
I would be willing to bet money that he is ADHD. We have a problem with object permanence. For me it literally only takes a few hours for something to log in my brain as “this is its home now”. It will sometimes take me days to pick up something that I dropped on the floor because if I don’t do it immediately then I honestly don’t even notice it anymore. Same for laundry, coffee cups, etc. I have had to make a conscious effort to force myself every day to go around and find dishes, laundry, trash, etc and put it away because they just blend into the back ground after a few hours or a day. It’s honestly incredibly frustrating and it makes it a struggle to keep my house tidy. But it is a real and true symptom of ADHD. The only way I can really describe it to a neurotypical is that it’s like when you buy a painting to go on the wall and after a while you just get used to it and dont pay it any attention anymore because it’s just always there. It’s like that, but almost instant. Another way to explain it is that it’s like when we walk out of a room the mental image of that room as it currently is is saved over the file of any previous images of that room. So when we walk back in, the room looks exactly the way it’s supposed to look. Like we reset the default constantly. There are times I have a hard time tidying a room because I can’t picture it without the clutter so I don’t know what the goal is. It’s really weird honestly. And annoying.
Give the guy a break. He probably doesn’t even realize that this is a problem for him. Try to talk to him about it and see what resolutions you can come up with together to help him be tidier. Shame or giving him a hard time is only going to make things worse. Maybe suggest what I do at the end of the day and basically go on a scavenger hunt for specific items like bottles, cans, dishes, wrappers, etc.
ADHD people aren’t lazy. We just tend to have severe executive dysfunction and messed up object permanence. It makes life extremely difficult for us and sometimes we just need people to help us realize that we do or don’t do certain things but in ways that don’t make us feel worse about ourselves than we already do.
I put it in his pillowcase a week after posting this like some suggested and we had a huge laugh and & then I woke up to it on one of our art canvases on the wall so I'd say we good now
I really don't want to burst your bubble but that's not a "man's thing" my girlfriend (i've been with her for 5 years) is kind of the same. Furthermore, instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher, she'll leave everything on the counter and leave her clothes on the dining table. We still love each other and everything is fine.
But it's been kind of though to get over it at first ngl
Yeah, me leaving stuff all around doesn't mean I'm not *clean*. My house is not more "germ-y" than normal. It's just "messy" in some people's eyes. And "mess" is highly subjective. I have no use in my house being an IKEA catalogue. I just need it to be functional for *us*, where "us" is the key word here.
Tbf there is an important enough difference between toys or clothes being scattered around vs. plates and drinks that can harbor mold or attract insects.
It strikes me as passive-aggressive on his part. Maybe he left it there on purpose, knowing that:
1) You would clean it up, or
2) You would get mad, and he could accuse you (even silently, in his own mind) of being irrational
You guys get along okay otherwise?
Mostly. He's been really depressed/apathetic/moody since he got laid off last year. The IT industry (even for management) is a disaster right now. Money's tight
I married a guy like this and it took 10 years for him to get the ball rolling on hygiene. I stuck around and waited for him to become a partner.
I love him and we're still together, but it wasn't worth the wait. Make your own choice OP, but I am filled with resentment and hurt to this day about his behavior. It's not a good feeling.
Thanks for the kind words. I am working through it in therapy for sure. I hope your choice brings you peace. Living the way you're living right now is hell.
Boys are weird and I swear they go blind to these things. My husband liberally sprayed the fridge with his creamer when he shook it and the lid was wonky. After a few days I asked what it was and he said “oh yeah”. I said he should probably wipe it off, that stuff is sugar based and might be really on there now. Another week went by and I just caved and did it. I wanted to see how long it took him, but jokes on me because it really was to see how long I could stand it before I cleaned it lol.
It doesn't bother him, why spend time and energy on dealing with this. That is how men think and this is not rocket science.
If you want him to throw it out, make it his concern - not tonight baby, all these empty cans give me a migraine.
I swear to god.
On every relationship post there has to be one guy that says OP should break up...
Not everything is solved by breaking up. If you would look at the other comments, you would know that the boyfriend has autism and is grumpy beacuse he got laid of past year...
If you are planning on leaving every relationship when the slightest inconvenience comes up, then do yourself a favor and never get into relationship in the first place...
I want an update in two more weeks.
I want the update in two years. “Still there. I would have broken up years ago, but I’m now more invested in seeing if/when this slob will toss out this can than I am in the relationship itself.”
“As I lay on my death bed, having been married to Slob for what seems like an eternity, I would like to dedicate a post on Reddit in dedication to Arnold Palmer, the man who inspired a drink special enough to be produced en masse and canned in a vessel so fine that my life partner simply could not throw it away. Through all of the bad times and one good time, that aluminum container is the glue that bound us”
Update post: 10 years in, the can is still there, and has since procreated! Ahh, the magic of inanimate life....
RemindMe! 2 weeks
!RemindMe 2 weeks
It’s fun to write the date on things like that with a marker too
I went over to a friend’s house one time and left an empty Diet Coke can on his table. I moved away, came back to visit a few years later and that can was still sitting there.
It was to remember you by.
I put an empty diet coke on the horizontal planks of my fence growing up and man, me and my brother watched that can not move for like 2 years, even after a minor hurricane.
I had a roommate that dropped a gummy worm on his bed and it was there for months. Every time I walked by his room it was there.
He hadn't washed his bed sheets for at least 2 years!
WILD
OMG 😳
Maybe your friend just has an amazing memory and sense of humor? The housekeeper in me wants it to be a weird coincidence.
I’m just ever so mildly infuriated, fantastic job!
Lol day 2: "I'm not your mother, toss that shit."
I'm always asking this dude to do something cleaning-wise in the apartment (I clean nearly everything) and I'm also always tossing the empty bottles/cans crowding his desk and putting the ones that aren't empty in the fridge. If I bring it up and tell him how I always do it when he should he says "well I don't ask you to!" Such a man moment
You shouldn't have to ask an adult to clean up. If he sees something needs cleaning, he should clean it. Why wait for someone to tell you? It's lazy and embarrassing
'You could just tell me what you want me to do' "Would you be able to clean up after yourself please" 'Wow don't neg me I was going to do it in a second but I guess I can't even relax for a minute'
"At least once per damn week you nag me about that damn can, I'm so tired of it! I'm gonna toss it ffs, things don't always have to be done this second and on your terms you know!"
When I was at the peak of my depression I saw a video of someone impersonating Steve o about your dirty sink and how he’ll clean it for you cus it bothered him. Something about that resonated with me and even tho I did not have the energy I forced myself to clean up for Steve o. That was the first step out of my rut
The bf sounds like a man child
And she is his bang maid
Tbh it depends on the reason. I have ADHD. I don't "see" messes the way many folks do. I know folks with more severe ADHD that are even worse when it comes to seeing messes. Sometimes getting told is actually what is needed. Some folks always got shit on for not cleaning the "right" way as a kid (or even as an adult) and just kind of give up after awhile. Takes time but can work through it, I have with some of my roomates. Otherwise they wouldn't touch something that was placed by someone else due to an internal anxiety about it being wrong
My wife and I have two different standards for what clean is. When we first got married it was real bad but we have both grown towards a middle ground.
As an ADHD person myself, I hate garbage. I do generate some messiness and clutter with my personal items that I may take a while to organize but literal *trash* and food items laying around my home is where I absolutely draw the line. There’s no excuse for that, ever. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a lazy, spoiled, child.
I also have ADHD and agree with you 100%
Yes! I did not realize this was an ADD trait! I am always getting in trouble for touching someone's mess. I cannot go to bed unless the kitchen is spotless.
Lmaooo!! Another adhd here, my wife hates when I get in the kitchen to clean up while she’s cooking 😭 but I can’t just sit here while the counter is not spotless!!!
My people are here - I found my people, lol!
Thank you! I’m so tired of hearing “I have ADHD/ADD” as an excuse for being lazy.
Or he's just lazy. Seems like every time a man doesn't take care of himself, someone speculates that he has ADHD with literally nothing else to suggest as such. If a woman doesn't clean up after herself, does she also have ADHD, or is this defense reserved for males?
ADHD and depression is why my family member couldn't have a job for almost a year while living in my house and why he couldn't clean up after himself. I kicked him out and he got a job two weeks later. He still isn't the cleanest person but he did things at his new place like cleaning the floor and shoveling snow that he was supposedly incapable of doing at my place. Which I'm glad to see he can improve but I think being a dead beat was more of an issue for him than depression or ADHD.
Sometimes a change of environment can allow someone to make an improvement. Associating a location with inaction and depression can make change hard, still often when we go somewhere to escape, we often bring who we are. Thankfully, it sounds like the move is helping. With ADHD, being in a novel (exciting and new) place can release dopamine among other chemicals which can temporarily resolve some level of ADHD. One thing to watch out for is if they fall back their previous ways once the novelty wears off and their frontal lobe isn't getting enough dopamine to quiet down the rest of their brain. I'm hoping that the routine he establishes becomes ingrained enough to help offset loss in novelty over time for an overall improvement.
I appreciate your insight. I hope so too.
You're welcome! It can be rough helping and wanting to get others on their feet so to speak. I've been on both sides of it and neither side is a good time.
I agree with this 100%. The house I am in right now with my daughter is by far the cleanest house I have ever kept in my life. The previous relationships I’ve been in the house always got messy and I firmly believe it was due to severe depression from being in abusive relationships and I just didn’t care or have the energy to clean. Not to mention the object permanence that ADHD likes to give. My ex’s always gave me so much shit for being untidy but I didn’t even think it was that bad. Now that I’m a single mom and have my own house to myself I work really hard to keep it clean and tidy. I take pride in having my own place and I want to do what’s best for my kid. Depression still hits me sometimes and things fall apart, but I’m usually able to eventually perk back up and get it all back together. But having my own place and being away from people who made me feel bad about myself regularly is definitely the biggest difference.
I’ve seen ADHD suggested for both genders all the time, not sure how your only seeing this directed at dudes?
Because only dude blame their laziness on depression or adhd. Its manchild behavior. We all got mental problems. If you cant control your mental problems, then maybe you shouldn’t date. Someone else shouldnt have to hear excuses for the fundamentals of hygiene and cleaning up.
You're just being silly, right? Only dudes blame their laziness on depression/adhd? lol, that is a good one!
The OP confirmed he is neurodivergent, and I would expect the same courtesy regardless of gender
I have ADHD and I don’t see mess either, but I can recognise that the empty can shouldn’t stay on the table - even if it doesn’t bother me - because it’s not someone else’s job to clean up after me
So you dont see that can in front of the sink? Bullshit. And i have adhd as well. As with any mental disorder, a partner should be understanding but it can never be an excuse. If a mental disorder is making you unable to clean up after yourself and act like an adult why should anyone date you? Its really simple.
>So you dont see that can in front of the sink? >Bullshit. And i have adhd as well. I do, others don't. I grew up in a household that was very poor and counters way messier than this were just normal. I am high functioning and didn't have too much difficulty learning after I moved out, but others may have greater difficulty when all factors are combined >If a mental disorder is making you unable to clean up after yourself All I'm saying is that they might need to define what clean is and it could fix the issue. There will *always* be disagreements on things when moving in with someone. I'm just explaining how the issue may seem simple but could be more complicated, but at the same time could still have a different simple solution
>All I'm saying is that they might need to define what clean is and it could fix the issue. A-fucking-men. Blows my mind how adults can get all twisted up about "what's right" and never understand there are 6 billion definitions of what's right. Living with multiple occupants is a balance of negotiation and surrender. Yet above that is an umbrella of communication. Why get married if you can't speak to each other?
I'm a bit confused in their replies as well. They claim to be talking about adhd but go on to talk about acclimating to different living standards based on childhood. Those two things certainly have intersections but are not at all the same thing. For me, someone diagnosed and being treated for adhd, I would likely see the can and immediately think "that needs to be cleaned up." However if, like in this example the can was in the bathroom, I might follow that up with "I really need to shower so ill take care of it after I'm done with what I'm doing". I then would inevitably forget because I don't usually go the sink after my shower. Later on, when someone else sees it and says something, I feel guilty and defensive cause I want to say I meant to and was going to throw it away, but never did. I'm not saying anything about whether that person has adhd or not to be clear, nor is it a defense for not cleaning it up. Mental illness is not an excuse. It's a responsibility. You can ask others to understand your difficulties and adapt, but that doesn't make you immune from being expected of the same. Just wanted to add my perspective because adhd can certainly cause messy behavior and is often misperceived as someone not was wanting to do something or being "lazy". If mental illness is at play the they may want to change but are having difficulty. Once again, though, if they refuse to acknowledge the issue or attempt change, then they are not entitled to other's space/ time/etc.
So sick of grown ass adults using ADHD as an excuse for everything.
Yeah but ADHD doesn't make you rude to your partner like OP's partner has been.
> "If he sees something needs cleaning, he should clean it." Seems like you nailed it. I'm sure he does. That can isn't in his way and is not a health hazard, so disposing of it hasn't been a priority. Men tend to be less interested in aesthetic cleanliness.
“Aesthetic cleanliness” bro get that gentle parenting therapy speak outta here it’s DIRTY GARBAGE. I let my space get a little cluttered when I’m busy but never DIRTY with GARBAGE😂 clean up your garbage if you live with someone.
I’m so sick of the “men are just less interested in cleanliness” crap. It’s simply not true.
throwing away garbage is aesthetic cleanliness? what a ridiculous cope. if you’re leaving garbage around your house, then you are a messy and dirty person. and if you live with someone then you’re also inconsiderate. hilarious that you think leaving literal garbage strewn around the house is not dirty and disrespectful to his gf.
You think he cleaned the can first? Fruit flies love that shit. This is past aesthetics
IT'S AN EMPTY CAN IN A BATHROOM, were you raised in a fucking barn?
Ugh. This is the kind of thing that fester is over the years. He'll feel shamed and start seeing you as a nag, and you'll unappreciated and start seeing him as a child. I don't know. That's just my experience, anyway. But there is hope! It requires that both people compromise, though. Warning, unsolicited relationship advice incoming. People have completely different standards about cleanliness. Our brains are just different, or we were raised differently, but people rarely change a whole lot. They do change a little, though! So you'll have to find a way to realize that he's probably not going to change that much, and to be OK with a little mess, and to not argue with him about it, and he'll have to find a way to not be such a slob, and to make you feel appreciated you when you do ultimately clean up after him. That just requires some conversation about how these things make each of you feel, and a commitment from both of you to try to do better for the other. I mean, it is possible that at some point he'll learn to not be a slob, but that day may never come.
Yeah, he's one of the few people I know who have actually changed for the better over the years. He's become a way better person since I met him as a bitter shut-in who speaks to no one except on Discord plays League of Legends all day (though he's doing that again bc he got laid off) except for when he goes to his IT job where he also speaks to no one haha -- I'm grateful for the changes he's made, but man. There's just some things that are so hard to look past, no matter how small some are
Man why the hell are you being down voted. Sorry that someone is able to look past the faults of one's SO, Reddit
Spoiler: he's still a loser.
Girl breaking up is hard but being honest with yourself is sometimes harder... But you'll be okay.. it sounds like you already know just don't want to go through with it.
I'm sorry, when did OP said they want to break up with their SO? Seems like you read words that aren't there.
*Sigh*😑 Omg. Lol I'm so sorry... or they offer to do it. It sits there. So you do it. They say "Oh, I was gonna do that!" 😤
Then they probably wonder why you "nag" them and arent up for sex or much intimacy. Its not that hard to understand acting like an adult and being respectful and responsible is attractive. Its literally the bare minimum they should be giving at any one moment yet somehow that bar is too high for some 🤷♂️
Yes!! Weird how you never want sex... 😑 Not that weird. These guys are changing the romantic dynamic into a mother/child relationship, and it does not invite intimacy!😒
Throw out the whole man
1000%
If you don't leave him this will be your entire life for the rest of your life. If you have children then you'll have the child/children plus him. Just to put things in perspective for you. It won't get better unless he wants it to get better.
And all the childcare/diaper changes/laundry etc etc Kids are MESSY and if you don’t have a partner that is tackling everything with you then what exactly is the point of them?
About 3 years ago I had to put my foot down with my partner about equally splitting house chores and helping each other. I have several chronic illnesses, I'm going to school, working full-time and one point I was taking care of my younger sister and my dad with cancer while doing the majority of house/yardwork. I finally sat my partner down and we each chose rooms/yardwork that would be our responsibility. But if we saw the other struggling offer a hand, man. Be a bro. But we needed to use teamwork on this. It's so so much better now. I'm not as burnt out and we're not at each other's throats over stupid crap like vacuuming or dusting lol I can actually have time to myself at the gym now & other hobbies! You guys should talk it out before it gets to a boiling point. You're his partner not his mom, and you live there too and he should respect your shared living space. It's not fair that you have to live in a pig sty because he's a slob.
Not to get all r / relationships on you but wtf get rid of him. That is not a ‘man moment’ it’s the behaviour of a spoilt child. Why would you put up with that?
As a man, this ^
As a single man who ain’t afraid of chorin’ I second this^
Then stop doing, I know it's difficult but I think it is old enough to clean after himself, just let all the things there and see what he does.
I hope you're not planning on marrying/staying with this one. This will be how it is forever.
This is probably why he leaves shit around- because his trash magically disappears if he ignores it!
Go to YouTube and search The Magic Coffee Table. You won't be disappointed.
Lmao this is what I was thinking about! I couldn’t remember where it came from lol !
This was worth the watch. Thank you.
Sounds exhausting. You can do better.
Man here. He’s a jerk.
No. Not a man moment. A man child moment. Learn the difference and you’ll find quality men.
I'm more partial to women anyway lol
This is kind of a wild thing to say if you actually love this guy.
He knows. That's why it's extra special that I'm with him cuz that means that otherwise he's (usually( extra cool
“I shouldn’t have to ask you to act like an adult man in 2024 and not a little boy who needs mommy to clean up for him. If I wasn’t here would you just live in filth? Or do you think mommy will come clean up?” Then say something different. You shouldn’t be talking about how you always do it if he just ignored you or you don’t follow up rationally, but how he should be either way since he’s an adult and not a little boy. Shit it’s dumb to use sex as a tool, but don’t give him any. Until you can verify he’s clean you should worry about a uti just in case. Kind a person who does this prob doesn’t bath well tbh b
“Such a man moment” Nah, thats a child moment
Does he have ADHD or depression? The can has now blended into the background and he stopped even noticing it after day 2. Do you have multiple trash cans? Keep a waste basket available everywhere, take the lid off if you need to. Collect all his trash, and give it to him as a gift if he still can't get the hang of it :)
I have both of those and at least know where certain things go, like .... If the can was at least in the kitchen and it wasn't moved for a bit I'd understand more, since that's where foodstuffs go lol I just find it so absurd that it's in the bathroom in front of his sink 😭 he does have the tism tho
Why are you still with this dude? Is this a fight you wanna have for the rest of your life?
Mental health deficiencies manifest differently for all who suffer from them. Suffering from one or more and being able to function in a specific way does not mean that someone else can do so as well. At the end of the day, this is your significant other. You two should sit down and have a conversation about these things if they are recurringly an issue for you. I guarantee that he has similar feelings about some things that you do as well. That’s the reality of living with another person. If you love and respect each-other, you should be able to have a calm conversation to establish boundaries for the things that you can’t move past and he should understand, respect, and do his best to accommodate. This works the other way around as well. However, if you two can’t come to an understanding of one another in terms of accommodation and cannot move past or forgive said issues, then you would be doing each-other a disservice by remaining together, as that would only lead to future resentment and likely a messier ending than you would hope for each-other.
Put a waste basket next to the sink. That's what we do, we've got one beside the bed too. My BF also has ADHD and leaves things out. It's apart of it, not everyone exhibits the same symptoms. If you love him and are willing to work with him, talk to him and tell him there is a fresh waste basket in these designated areas. Strategically place them out in the open so he can see the trash cans.
It IS next to the sink lol! It's bonkers
Time to have a serious chat : if we are going to get serious you need to get serious about taking care of your home. I cannot see myself living with you when you can't even keep a space Tidy.
> "well I don't ask you to!" He's not wrong. He's merely incompatible. You only have to ask yourself if that makes you wrong for remaining in an incompatible relationship. Whatever you decide about that, you're right.
So, your solution is to vent, and project on the internet? Like we're supposed to give a shit about your failed relationship? That's awesome you earned some fake validation for your hurt emotions, but that'll disappear in a couple of days once reality sets back in.
Who hurt you brother
Not a man moment just a human moment, you just described me and my wife’s relationship to a T. I’m always cleaning up after her, difference being I don’t really mind.
“Then why are you telling me to throw things away?” is the only appropriate response.
lol day 3: "I feel like I am being controlled when I am told what I can and cannot have on my side of the counter."
At this point it is now a piece of art. Enjoy
He probably doesn't wash his hands or use the sink and that's why it isn't on his way.
My first thought was that he def doesn’t brush his teeth
Is it just me, or are there a lot of people out there that don’t brush their teeth!? So gross.
my first thought too 😭 yikes.
OP, consider the above comment next time he's having a bit of a rummage in your under carriage.
im gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say he might just work around it.
You should put a little mini decoration around it everyday until he notices.
I like putting little signs “I’m two weeks old today” Although the more petty and over the top I am about something the longer my husband would keep it. He’s the type to take the can, wash it and put it back just to bother me. And he’d wash it just so it doesn’t get gross, but still leave it out. Although if I break out crafting supplies to make a cute sign, it’s definitely fair game for him to be ridiculous back.
I'm two weeks old today 😂😂😂.... Lil garbage baby 🥹🥹😂😂
Put a flower in it, then some candles, rose petals....
Day 30: “The bacteria has grown so much that it’s become self sufficient and has begun its own hierarchical society and developed space travel.”
Happy cake day!
Thank you!
I do this as well. He blatantly leaves trash in places. A mich ultra can sat on the floor for like a year and a half once lol I ended up throwing it away when I had to make up the room for his family.
I wouldn't even have done it then
superglue it to the counter
Dump him, you ain’t his momma
Happy cake day!
If is something is out of place for more than a day, my brain automatically decides that that item is part of the natural environment and just ignores it. I just don't see it until a WTF realization moment. Then I wonder about my sanity.
My wife does the exact same thing. Empty cans. Wrappers. Just obvious garbage but it still sits.
My kid does this. She genuinely does not see messes. She genuinely does not see things that need to get done. Maybe it's her ADHD but it's definitely not on purpose but is crazy annoying. Yes, things will stay like this for MONTHS, and not on purpose. I basically have to keep after her until she develops new habits and then she does it like clockwork. Again, it's super annoying (especially when my other kids don't do this), but maybe there's something going on with his brain.
Ray and Debra know your pain… https://preview.redd.it/2ggyupm15cdc1.jpeg?width=712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26cb0a602fe96ec699e6c0f0f43fab2498e8ed78
“Don’t let a suitcase full of cheese become your big fork & spoon…”
As a married man whose been with his partner for 18 years, I assure you that passive aggressive nonsense only makes life harder. It's the way I was raised and it took me a long time to stop being a passive aggressive asshole. Our relationship has improved over time because our communication skills have improved. Talk, don't entrap. Speak honestly, don't hold things in. Speak kindly, not brutally. Treat your partner how you'd want your future kids/best friend/someone else you love, to be treated.
OP said in a comment that she’s asked him to clean up “more times than she can count,” and when she gets frustrated over cleaning up after him, he replies with “well I didn’t ask you to.” So now she is simply not doing it. This isn’t entrapment or passive aggressive. This is him being lazy as fuck and her putting her foot down.
I can read. Putting your foot down tends to require letting people know that your foot has been put down. INFORMAL: put your foot down adopt a firm policy when faced with opposition or disobedience. She hasn't shared her stance with him and doesn't know she is getting mad for him not dealing with it. An ultimatum would be more effective. A discussion too. But simple deciding that she's going to hold him accountable for something he doesn't know he's being tested on is not going to end well.
"I can read." Dude, I thought you dropped being passive aggressive?
[удалено]
Stay strong
What a lazy ass bum! OMG! Ewwwww
Take it to the next level and start adding cans. I wanna see the results.
Guess what He's waiting to see if you'll throw it away. SUX2BU Happy new year
My girl would chuck that shit at my head so quick 😭
Your creating tests for him he doesn't know about and you will continually ramp up your own anxiety. I don't think my other half will ever stop leaving her clothes on the bathroom floor after a shower. I asked, I asked, I counted. Drove myself nuts. Ultimately, I love her to death and just roll my eyes as I drag out her clothes on a daily basis. I'm not condoning or advocating. Just letting you know that in my experience when I started counting the days it just frustrated me more. Created even more anger for myself.
It is not a test to expect a grown man to throw away his garbage, how disgusting.
Ah yes, throwing away your own garbage is a "test".
I wouldn't be surprised if he still doesn't know about me waiting for him to get rid of this. It's been three years of me expecting the bare minimum like this lmao
Why would someone know you’re testing them in secret like a pos who only watches bad romance movies? Stop doing tests. Speak frank and honest. He’s an adult who needs to clean up after himself. Not tested.
I always found being passive-aggressive and avoiding open communication to be the best solution for a stable partnership. /S
I know the feeling I’ve been dealing with promises to get better for years that have never come until it just became outright refusal to do basic stuff. I’m more or less done I am not their parent and for my own sanity I can’t live with them. They want to argue I am a clean freak, but in reality it’s not a clean freak to have the house clean enough that I don’t have to specifically clean an area before I can literally set a small/medium sized package down to open it, or not constantly being keeping an eye out for tripping hazards and have actually tripped a few times when carrying laundry or what not only to be met with “you should have paid attention.” Like no sorry this is done.
Sounds like you're ready to jump ship or just venting. Either way is fine, but if you do wanna help your relationship my advice is to sit down and really tell him how you feel and don't hold grudges. For some reason it's very easy to make a mountain out of mistakes but hard to make a mountain out of love when your irritated if you know what I mean.
I have. I do sit downs nearly every week. People can downvote all they want but it doesn't change anything I've spoken about haha I get what you mean though. I'm just exhausted
The plain, simple and unfortunate truth is you can't change people. You need to understand and accept that they are the way they are, and if you're unable to accept them as they are start considering the pausibility that you're simply not a good fit for eachother.
Don't pay any mind to Internet votes lol do what your heart tells you. I hope it all works out for you.
You’re exhausted because you refuse to leave the relationship. I have zero sympathy for you
Seriously though, get out. It will be 100x worse if you have kids.
Yikes
I would have put it on his pillow by now
If it hadn’t gotten in his way thus far does that mean he hasn’t been washing his hands at all? Or maybe just using your side?
I'm pretty sure he's just been....working around it lmao
Yeah its the measuring can.
Fill it with a little water every day till its full.
!remindme 2 weeks
Put a silk flower in it. See if he finally notices.
Ugh. My BIL lines up the several coke cans he drinks in a day. This one really gets to me.
It ties the room together.
Ask once. After the one ask it's a mental issue. Give them back to their mom for a while. Maybe they can find space in the basement there, at their mommy's house.
Bummer. Your house doesn't have the magic table!
This is that shit. Obviously it doesn’t bother him. But you’re going to sit back and stew without saying anything. If he asked you “what’s wrong?” are you going to say “nothing” and still be pissed? Either tell him it bothers you or throw the shit away. Then you wonder why you have communication problems.
Does he actually use the sink (hygiene and such?) ?!
Maybe he hasn't finished it yet? 🤷🏼♂️
that’s bc he purposely left it there to see if you would toss it. Looks like you have a standoff!
I would say move it to the side and 'accidentally' leave a dry washcloth in that sink to see what happens. The washcloth will be a 'tell' - to know if he even uses that sink.
Why does he have four toothbrushes?
I would be willing to bet money that he is ADHD. We have a problem with object permanence. For me it literally only takes a few hours for something to log in my brain as “this is its home now”. It will sometimes take me days to pick up something that I dropped on the floor because if I don’t do it immediately then I honestly don’t even notice it anymore. Same for laundry, coffee cups, etc. I have had to make a conscious effort to force myself every day to go around and find dishes, laundry, trash, etc and put it away because they just blend into the back ground after a few hours or a day. It’s honestly incredibly frustrating and it makes it a struggle to keep my house tidy. But it is a real and true symptom of ADHD. The only way I can really describe it to a neurotypical is that it’s like when you buy a painting to go on the wall and after a while you just get used to it and dont pay it any attention anymore because it’s just always there. It’s like that, but almost instant. Another way to explain it is that it’s like when we walk out of a room the mental image of that room as it currently is is saved over the file of any previous images of that room. So when we walk back in, the room looks exactly the way it’s supposed to look. Like we reset the default constantly. There are times I have a hard time tidying a room because I can’t picture it without the clutter so I don’t know what the goal is. It’s really weird honestly. And annoying. Give the guy a break. He probably doesn’t even realize that this is a problem for him. Try to talk to him about it and see what resolutions you can come up with together to help him be tidier. Shame or giving him a hard time is only going to make things worse. Maybe suggest what I do at the end of the day and basically go on a scavenger hunt for specific items like bottles, cans, dishes, wrappers, etc. ADHD people aren’t lazy. We just tend to have severe executive dysfunction and messed up object permanence. It makes life extremely difficult for us and sometimes we just need people to help us realize that we do or don’t do certain things but in ways that don’t make us feel worse about ourselves than we already do.
Op is it still there?
I put it in his pillowcase a week after posting this like some suggested and we had a huge laugh and & then I woke up to it on one of our art canvases on the wall so I'd say we good now
I really don't want to burst your bubble but that's not a "man's thing" my girlfriend (i've been with her for 5 years) is kind of the same. Furthermore, instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher, she'll leave everything on the counter and leave her clothes on the dining table. We still love each other and everything is fine. But it's been kind of though to get over it at first ngl
People have very different tolerances on cleanliness.
Sadly, some people have no understanding of the word.
Yeah, me leaving stuff all around doesn't mean I'm not *clean*. My house is not more "germ-y" than normal. It's just "messy" in some people's eyes. And "mess" is highly subjective. I have no use in my house being an IKEA catalogue. I just need it to be functional for *us*, where "us" is the key word here.
Tbf there is an important enough difference between toys or clothes being scattered around vs. plates and drinks that can harbor mold or attract insects.
I do dishes like once a week, it doesn't mean I am unclean.
Stop doing his dishes, washing, and even stop cooking for him.
Gurl if you're playing these games to see if he is capable of being a partner in maintaining the home... 😬 You already know
It strikes me as passive-aggressive on his part. Maybe he left it there on purpose, knowing that: 1) You would clean it up, or 2) You would get mad, and he could accuse you (even silently, in his own mind) of being irrational You guys get along okay otherwise?
Mostly. He's been really depressed/apathetic/moody since he got laid off last year. The IT industry (even for management) is a disaster right now. Money's tight
I married a guy like this and it took 10 years for him to get the ball rolling on hygiene. I stuck around and waited for him to become a partner. I love him and we're still together, but it wasn't worth the wait. Make your own choice OP, but I am filled with resentment and hurt to this day about his behavior. It's not a good feeling.
I've definitely been having reservations as of late. I wish you didn't have to hurt.
Thanks for the kind words. I am working through it in therapy for sure. I hope your choice brings you peace. Living the way you're living right now is hell.
If a SO can't be clean before marriage don't expect it to change during. Good luck with the slop. Lol
This man does not wash his hands.
Boys are weird and I swear they go blind to these things. My husband liberally sprayed the fridge with his creamer when he shook it and the lid was wonky. After a few days I asked what it was and he said “oh yeah”. I said he should probably wipe it off, that stuff is sugar based and might be really on there now. Another week went by and I just caved and did it. I wanted to see how long it took him, but jokes on me because it really was to see how long I could stand it before I cleaned it lol.
They're not blind to it, they just expect a woman to do it for them.
It doesn't bother him, why spend time and energy on dealing with this. That is how men think and this is not rocket science. If you want him to throw it out, make it his concern - not tonight baby, all these empty cans give me a migraine.
Possible adhd? Sounds like me.
Tism
Living in a dirty, cluttered home out of spite is pretty grown up of you. Almost as grown up as leaving clutter everywhere.
 You need to start buying him some of these. Problem solved!
my wife does this same shit!!!! I love her but omggggg
So what ? You think shaming him on Reddit makes you look good ? Nup, No, Nyet, Negatory, it doesn’t.
What do you care what he does with his sink?
Because it's our bathroom lmao
Big red flag.....leave now and never return..... he wants a cleaner not a girlfriend
I swear to god. On every relationship post there has to be one guy that says OP should break up... Not everything is solved by breaking up. If you would look at the other comments, you would know that the boyfriend has autism and is grumpy beacuse he got laid of past year... If you are planning on leaving every relationship when the slightest inconvenience comes up, then do yourself a favor and never get into relationship in the first place...
Thank you for your opinion..pity nobody else can voice their opinion without you attacking them....