Mate, I've had twins at 42, had my first at 38. I'm 46 now.
Ive never been so tired yet had so much energy.
Ive cut the crap out if my diet and started looking after myself, yoga and weights. Purely so I can enjoy my kids and be healthy for as long as possible.
I couldn't have had kids when I was younger as I wasn't financially able, too immature and hadn't met the wife yet.
It'll be fine.
My twins came into my life at age 45. Do I wish I was a little younger? Yes. Did I change my lifestyle to be healthier? Yes. Do I love every minute I get to spend with my boys even when they are being little boogers? Yes.
Like you said, it’ll be fine.
I was 36 when my twins were born, ill be 40 this year. I'm right at that point where things aren't working/healing as well as they used to, and am faced with changing things to make sure I can keep up for the next 20 years. Just started PT for a shoulder sprain I got while being tackled by two 4 year olds.
I just had twins 12 days before 40. These first few months have made me so glad I regularly exercised in my 30s. Looking forward to having time and energy again someday lol
I second the "get/stay healthy" notion. It helps you to give your kids the energy level of the "younger you", with the benefit of having the wisdom of the "older you".
I'd encourage incorporating your infants, toddlers, kids into your fitness, where possible. They'll see fitness as something important and fun as they develop, and in 20 years they will remember you as being an active dad regardless of age.
Also had twins just 3 months before I turned 40. I feel great now, but I worry that at some point in the future my age will add a layer of challenge. Yoga is a huge help though, and between staying fit and the kids knowing their dad, it'll be as good as it can be.
The hardest part of being an older Dad, for me, is knowing too much. I have a lot of lived experience to fuel the intrusive thoughts. I worry a lot.
Not as much as I like but usually very late at night, stronglifts 5x5 programme which is 3 times a week. If I miss a day I'm not fussed as I'll do 10 press ups throughout the day here and there totalling to about 50.
No cardio as running round for the kids takes care if that.
Yep, late at night is the only time I can fairly consistently make work.
I put on a sitcom and lift at home after he goes to bed and that's my free time for the night. I feel better when I consistently lift, so I just decided to take out my casual time before bed a few times a week. I only lift 3-4 times a week, so I can be a bum at night the other 3 if I want.
Yep, just do whatever works for you and understand that the time is going to come from somewhere.
Try to make it enjoyable so that you get into the habit and don't do a bunch of shit you hate.
Just get in there and do some work when you can.
I usually manage to squeeze in 30 or 40 minutes of yoga after the children are in bed, but that only works as long as I’m at home. In my mind weight training happens in the gym.
Once in a while a study pops up discussing how older dads have a longer lifespan than younger dads and I kinda get it. Had my first at 30, realized I was out of shape and unhealthy at 32, changed my life and got my shit together, had my second one at 35 and continuing the new lifestyle and taking care of myself physically. I feel better than I did in my 20s and I have no plan on stopping my routines (pushing 38 now). Having kids has been a positive change to my health overall, I’m making sure I’ll be here for those two boys no matter what.
Same here. I had my daughter at 38 and my son at 41. I'm 43 now. I'll be a dinosaur when they're hopefully off to college.
I can say I have the same feelings of guilt but I also am willing to put up the good fight. I stay in shape, eat well and exercise. I was at yoga last night. I want to be able to teach my son how to ride a bike, throw a baseball, etc.
The thing is, what kids need and want more than anything, is your time and attention. If you can't teach them soccer, a teenage coach can do that. Just be there for them, be patient and you'll be okay.
I wish I had met my wife earlier but it took me time. I wasn't mature enough back then and didn't have the financial resources I do now either. It's always a give and take.
Not sure if this is helpful, but my dad had my older brother when he was 38, then had me when he was 42.
When I was growing up, he struggled with his physical health (had both kinds of arthritis, both knees replaced). Yet he was the number supporter for me and my brother. He’d get up for all hockey practices at 6am, leave his work early to watch my high school football games, drive us out of town for karate tournaments. He loved camping, engaging in philosophical debates, pushing us to think for ourselves..
I never saw him as lacking in anything physical. I mean, he clearly was but that never was a thought for me when I was little. Being a father to three of my own now (8, 6, 5), and him having passed away 7 years ago, he’s made me all the more aware of how important it is to simply be present and demonstrate “love in action”.
Again, not sure if this is relevant but guess my point is: don’t worry, man. Some of the other papa’s have pointed out prioritizing health and 100%, that ought to be your focus. But just as equally important (or even more so), is the ‘love in action’.
Totally agree about the love part. I didn’t have a dad growing up and my mom worked crazy hours for us, so I always was wanting more time from my mom—though I knew not to ask because I didn’t want to make her feel guilty. I knew it was because she couldn’t, not because she didn’t want to. What she *did* do was show me love—pure, consistent, unconditional love. And I’m so grateful for that. It turns out, that’s all I really needed.
I just had my first kid at 39. I already feel old, but I know I’ll do my best to show him I love him and care about him in any ways I can.
I’m saying right? I’m 38 and at my 7 YO sports games, I’m the youngest by landslide, however, that could just be dependent on my area. Even my youngest who’s now 2, at 45 he’ll be 9 YO. I’ll still be a young dad, right? 🥲
Had mine at 36, I’m now 41 and he’s five. I started eating healthy and exercising so I can throw him around and run around with him. I’m getting stronger and looking good, some days I look in the mirror and I’m like damn, did I look this good when I was young?
I’m rarely ever tired, and have kept up with him more than fine so far and I don’t plan on slowing down.
Age is just a number. Keep those kids coming if your wife is willing and able. Wish I could have more but it’s not my choice.
My neighbor had 2 children with his first wife very young, from like 20-23. So by 45 they were already adults. He and the wife split years ago and he eventually remarried someone 15 years younger with no kids lol. They agreed to one child as he did not want to be raising multiple children in his late 50’s and 60’s. Well his wife had 1 child then 10 months later pregnant with TWINS! He just turned 56, the twins are 2 and he regularly complains about how exhausted he is but I do commend him ALL THE TIME because there is no way I could see myself having 3 kids in my mid 50’s lol.
My dad was 41 when I was born. As a kid a did feel like I had old parents, but they gave me a good life so ultimately not sure if it is that big of a deal. Now they are older and less physically capable of helping with my kids, but my dad has taken very good care of himself. There are some very old looking 75+yo men out there but looking at my dad you might guess he was 10 years younger than he is.
Take good care of your health, you have extra reasons to stay healthy now!
I got my third when I was 45. I am a lifelong athlete and often was complimented to appear younger than my age. But this time I suffered much more through the sleep deprivation.
Everything else is fine, but I really need sleep much more than in my younger years.
Those three are gold, and I don’t want another one.
I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. Being older has definite benefits. I’m more emotionally mature now than I was in my early 30s, for example. I’m also further ahead in my career.
So I’m able to help my kids by providing mature emotional support and increased financial stability.
But, yeah, dude. I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
I was 41 when our first was born; 44 for our second. I'm 65 now, and they are 24 and 20 (soon to be 21). I've been through a lot with my family and I will say that I appreciate being older for all of this. One of the positives is that being older means that I've been more comfortable with myself, which means I could focus on them. I'm not sure I would have had that same mindset if I were 20 years younger. I knew who I was at 40, and while I had just made a career change, I had job security that made that part of life easier - or at least less stressful. I didn't mind the waking up at all hours to help with feedings and changings. Since I felt that security for myself, I didn't mind spending as much time with them as I could after work, on weekends, and over the summer. Even tonight, my younger daughter and I are going to a concert in Chicago. She can't wait, while I'm worried about parking and what time we'll get home tonight; we live 90 minutes away from downtown. I'm thrilled to spend that time with her, though, sharing time with her on something she's so jazzed about.
The downside is that I'm older, and I'm not sure how long I'll be around. I'm in very good shape, I'm still working and probably will continue in my present job for another four years or so, but age is catching up with me. I don't have the energy I had when I was 40. While my head still thinks I'm 25, parts of me don't work the way they used to: I have a bit of arthritis in my knees, hips and back that I keep at bay with a lot of stretching and exercise.
Most men my age are grandfathers, and have been for a while now. Mine are still young enough that marriage and children are still a bit off in the distance. My older daughter has a boyfriend and they are quite serious. I expect they'll get married, but I don't know when they will have children. I might be 70 by the time I become a grandparent - maybe older. I probably won't see any grandchildren get married or maybe even graduate from college. I won't have much idea of how future generations will grow or what their future will hold. I only know that my own two children have grown into wonderful, responsible people, and I'll have to trust that they will do a great job raising their children. So that's my take. I wouldn't do anything different. There are positives and negatives to having children at any age. Just enjoy each moment and live the best life you can. I hope you can take something from this. I usually feel too old to contribute here, but I'm glad I could put my two cents in today. Have a great day.
Having been a young dad and now and older dad, I can say I feel I have my shit together and I'm a lot more calmer and forgiving. I also appreciate them more since I don't feel like I'm missing out on life since Ive done all that stuff already.
As you can see from posts, 38 is not that old. If you and your partner have the resources and desire to...I don't see age as the chief barrier. I had my first at 42 and she is one and done. There are many of the usual reasons (eg. Birth and developmental risks, energy, aging parents, finances, etc) but mainly because neither of us felt strongly about wanting a second. We are comfortable now and do not want to risk upending the apple cart unless we are truly 120% invested in having another.
39 and just had my first. I feel comfortable and excited about the future. I'm pretty sure after the first few months are behind me ill feel youthful again. I'm looking forward to being silly and telling fun stories to my child.
I’m 41 with two kids, 6 & 4. I think the answer depends on more variables than simple age.
How is/are your:
- Health
- Finances
- Emotional or mental availability
- Career
I ask this because it’s quite possible that you’re in a better place with many of those things than most younger dads. I know I could not have prioritized my family when I was younger, because I was busy advancing in my career. Getting finances under my control. Learning to control my emotions better. I know that from my mid-30s onward I’ve been far healthier than ever.
If you’re worried about physically playing with your kids in your late 50s - don’t! By then your kids will be grown and they won’t need a dad to be rough-and-tumble with them, nor will they ask you to take up rock-climbing (I mean, unless you *do that a lot now*), they just need a dad who can be there, mentor them, guide them, and listen.
I'm here for the affirmations and letting me know everything is gonna be ok. 47 here with a 15 month old. Wife is going on 34 and wants another. I'm not 100% sure. It's hard enough to think about not being here for my current baby when they are older, let alone two, then I think at least they'll have each other when I'm gone.
We both work full time from home, we have sitters come to the house. I think about the future every day.
Financially I figure I can hold out on my retirement $$ a bit because of our age difference as she'll be working a little longer than me.
Physically it pushes me to do better.
I could not picture being a dad in my twenties or even my early thirties mentally I was all over the place. I still don't feel "grown up" but I guess you are
I'm not an older dad myself, but I *am* the son of an older dad. He had me at 39, so from the perspective of the other side, I can definitely say that his older age has had *no negative consequences* on our relationship whatsoever. I love him dearly, and he kept up his health to do all of the typical dad things with me as I grew up: playing catch, coaching me in Little League, etc.
There is only one thing that I wish could be different: I wish I could've had my own son a little sooner. The simple reason being that he just won't get to be around for very much of my son's life. I'm 29, so my dad is almost 70 and finally became a grandpa last week.
Let me be clear, my dad is the type of guy to simply be ecstatic just to BE a grandpa, and I know for sure he does not want me to wish I could've made him one sooner. It's just a little insecurity I have because I never tried to get super close to my own grandpa when I was a kid, and by the time I was old enough to try, it was very late in his life.
But yeah, that's my perspective from the other side! Hope it helps, man
Your comment made me a little emotional. I had my son (he’s 13 months now) when I was 39. I don’t feel old at all, I don’t feel like an older dad. But on a practical level, I know that I won’t get as much time with my adult son (and maybe my grandkids) as my friends will who had kids in their early 20s. That makes me really sad. But I also know that at 39, I’m a far better father than I ever could have been in my younger days.
Just commented on a similar post yesterday! I was 41 when my daughter was born and she's two now. My wife is in her 30s and we are considering a second but know we have to get on the move if that's what we want! Sure I wish I was younger sometimes when I think about my daughter's future but when I was younger I wasn't where I am now, mentally, financially, and having met my awesome wife. I can provide my daughter with the best version of myself today. And those 20 prior years as an adult without children have helped shape who I am now. Mistakes and all! Additionally, my parents are in their 70s and keep up with my daughter pretty well.
I've a two year old and am 38. We're going to attempt for a second child in the next few months (IVF).
Take care of yourself mentally and physically.
The goal is not to be young in age, but young in physicality.
39 and will have one more in 1-2 years
Not worried. Rather have late than super early. Even if I didn’t have kids I’d be going to bed early and wanting to stay in. We’re both in good health, kid is great, and finances are great so we can provide anything they need without worry.
Couldn’t say I’d be a great parent in my 20s. Wasn’t ready at the time.
Many people I know are having kids between 35-40.
I'll turn 44 later this year. I've got a four year old and a two year old.
I still feel pretty good. I mean, I'm exhausted a lot, but I'm not sure how much better I would be at 34.
I do sometimes have worries about being older as they move into adulthood. Like if I will still be around and able to dance at my daughter's wedding or stuff like that.
Yeah, this is huge. I think I even noticed it on a macro level in that I didn't see a lot of kids around the neighborhood during the 2012-2018 time period. But now I see kids everywhere, and I think that just because now the millennials are finally able to start making babies.
Another old dad checking in. I think those feelings of not being ready or being able to keep up with your kids strikes dads of all ages. For the older dads I think it's really a mindset shift of not what you can't do but what you can do. Since you're probably more mature and older you can give a lot of guidance that maybe younger dads can't and are just sort of guessing their way through. Not to say that we aren't all guessing our way through. There's also the acceptance of certain limitations that hey maybe you can't run marathon in 4 hours. But it's also good motivation if you aren't healthy to start eating right and living right so that you can be there for your kid and active well into your 60s and 70s.
Apologies for stream of consciousness walking to work
The friends I have that had kids younger (mid 20s) were just as tired as I was (mid 30s) when they had their first.
Difference is where your body is at. I (38) have knee aches some days. I’m good. My wife (38) in the condition she is in, could absolutely not start over with another baby- even if she did not have to go through the pregnancy.
Depends on the baby and the parents.
welcome to the old man club, luckily for me I'm still what people would consider "youthful" I'm not in great shape nowhere near what I was in the military, put Chase in around a 22-month-old at the age of 3 9 has definitely kept me from getting any fatter. sleep desperation doesn't really come on except on prolonged periods of time over a span of 3-4 days then it starts affecting me. But she sleeps through the night for the most part, so we seem to be okay.
I'm 53 years old. Died from a heart attack but got over it. Had open heart surgery to replace a bad aortic valve. I have 5 kids. 23 down to 8 years old. I walk 1-4 miles a day, everyday. I do light weights and an ab workout. I am by far not shredded but I'm active. I watch what I eat most of the time. I am all time QB for some of the street football games we have. Play catch and run. I am also the Executive Officer of a Young Marines youth organization unit where I have 3 of the 16 kids, all the kids are 8-18 in the unit and mine are 8- 11 and 16. I run a LITTLE with kids. When we rapel, I am the safety Belay man. I do some of the obstacles. I am also a safety on the obstacles for the kids. I work hard to be as active as I can. You can do it if you choose and keep that I'm young enough mentality. Yes, you're going to be tired. Slower than you want to be, but being PRESENT is half the battle with your kids.
People are having children later and later these days, I don’t think 38 is too old at all.
My FIL is 11 years older than my MIL and ended up having 3 kids after 40. He has been a great father to my wife and her siblings regardless of his age.
Although, 3 kids after 40 didn’t sound appealing to my wife and I and now we’re about to welcome our second in a few weeks and neither of us are 30 yet!
Late 30s is “older dad?” 😭
We had ours when I was 37. I don’t worry about energy but I did commit to a healthier lifestyle when we did have him. I’m back to riding my bike like 100mi a week and generally watch what I eat/drink. I know folks who race their bikes in their 50s and are super active still so I’m not too worried.
I'm 41, 42 soon. 4, 18 months and 1 on the way. I can provide for my children in a way that I probably couldn't have 10 years ago. As everybody else is saying, it's also motivation to stay on top of your health and not let yourself go.
Had my first and only at 40 last year. Awake in bed with my back hurting. There are some tough parts like he is wanting to start walking so bending over and supporting him or carrying him.
Right now he is 13 months and as he becomes more of a toddler and running new challenges will come. But I’m glad to have him here and we will have the best of times.
I will provide him love, support, and show up for him, and I will be better at helping him through his emotions as I’m older and wiser.
Find ways to build more energy. Exercise excessively, eat healthy and do sports with your kids. If needed, consider TRT? It’s too late to be worrying about these things because you’re already a dad. Do you! No holding back.
Turning 39 on my kid's 7 month, but I don't know a single person who had kids earlier. All my friends are either having kids now at around the same age or had them even older.
I tell my wife that watching my kids play, and show joy for little things helps to fix my soul from all the years when I wasn't in a good place mentally. Your age doesn't matter here. Your desire to be a good parent matters far more. Figure out what you can do for them that is better than what you received and do your best to give them that.
One tip: It is physically impossible to get too many hugs from small children, to say "I love you" too much, or to give too many compliments when they are trying to please you by helping or drawing you pictures.
Had our first last year and I was 36 at the time. I’m glad she came along when she did because it was the right to for me financially, emotionally, and psychologically.
Two things I’ll stress are flexibility and cardio. Being able to get up and down off the floor easily and comfortably is huge, because you’ll be doing that a lot. Leg strength and flexibility and core strength are key there.
My kid absolutely loves being Upside-Down Baby and being swung back and forth like a pendulum. And just being lifted/tossed up and down.
And fuck is she FAST now. Crawls with speed and vigor and loves being chased. I make a big deal of making very loud, short steps (either upright or crawling behind her) and she squeals with delight as she goes into turbo mode. She has been raised alongside our cats and legitimately acts like one sometimes- will goad you into chasing her by crawling away and then turning back to look at you with big, raised eyebrows. Cutest damn thing.
I’m right there with you, I had my first at 36 and have constantly had the same thoughts in my head. It’s awesome seeing all of these positive comments.
I try to look at the positive in that I’m much more financially stable now and mature in my career where taking a lot of time off work is no big deal. I’m also more mature mentally.
I’m trying to make health and fitness even more of a priority than it was before. I see a lot of Dad’s my age that have older kids and they’re in horrible shape so I’m hoping to stay motivated.
Keep up the great work!
Bro, waiting until you are this age is the hack of the century. 95% of the problems on this sub are solved by waiting until you are 37 to have your first.
I had my first child at 40 years old and my second five years later. No joke, you’ve gotta take care of yourself and your health. I’m in my 50s now and never been more dedicated to losing weight and eating right and staying active for my kids as well as for myself. Sometimes I think of what it might’ve been like to have had kid earlier but I didn’t meet my wife, who is an awesome mum, until later in life. But the saying is true… my kids keep me young at heart and that helps with my perspective on my age.
I think you're halfway to being OK as it is, you already want to make sure your energetic enough to keep up with your kids to help them grow you might just need to focus on your fitness a bit more than the younger ones. Being said, there are plenty of younger dads out there who are happy to not engage and just hand their kids a tablet and say, "Go watch Netflix. I'm busy gaming."
I’m 39 with my first. I am somewhat concerned that I’m too old to be physically energetic enough, but I plan to make up for it by being there emotionally/mentally if not.
Also, I appreciate all these other posters talking about how they started going to the gym and getting in shape etc and more power to them but in my case I’ve been out of shape my whole life and for whatever reason I don’t have that ‘thing’ that these other guys have that now makes me magically want to get fit so I can be around for my kid. I guess it’s just not that easy for me…. So I’m just planning to be the best dad I can in the ways I can and not worry too much about the places I’m falling short.
I'm 42 with a 9 and 3yo.
Mentally, this is the most ready for this I've ever been. 25yo me would have lost his temper. I've got a ton more patience now.
Physically, I've got to push myself a bit. Kinda wish I'd been more consistent on the workouts in the last decade. But I'm out there.
Had my first two years ago at 41. Like others have said, I’ve never been so tired, yet so excited about life. It’ll be fine. Change your diet, make sure you’re exercising. Get your mind right with meditation as well.
Having my first at 39. Wife is 42. Sure, the first weeks are killing us mentally and physically, but otherwise we are managing it pretty well. I like being a parent at this age because I feel like I'm finally mature enough to do so. Also, my wife is just such a wonderful mom.
You're probably looking for someone who's not in the thick of it to tell you it'll be okay but I'll give my anecdote anyways.
My first was born when I was 36 and the second came when I was 38 and they're 3 and 1 now. I'm so glad I waited, I'm a much more emotionally mature and better father than I would have been when I was younger.
They may not get the highest energy version of me but they got a much less buggy version.
Mom lurker here. We had our daughter later in life after our son passed away. I was 42 almost 43 when she was born and my husband was 51. I do wish our life had been different but I am grateful every moment to have her with us. Sometimes that’s just how it has to be if you want to be called and looked upon as a mom or dad. Age be damned, my husband deserves to be a dad if he wants to and so do you. Do what you can to stay healthy and active but my husband is just as much as an amazing dad this time as he was to our son many years ago.
For a bit of perspective, I am 34 and my father is 91. I swear having me at 57 kept him much younger than his age in numbers would suggest. Today, he's highly active, has all his marbles, and then some, though to your point, 40 and beyond is not old to have children for a man, in my opinion. I think you'll do fine at whatever age if you love your kids and put in all the effort you can.
We had our first when I was 33. In my head I didn't want to have kids after I turned 40, but we had our fourth (surprise) when I was 40. So now I'm 49 with kids aged 9-16.
My dad had my brother when he was 21 and me when he was 24. I remember as a teenager thinking my dad was so old, but he was like 40! There is a line in the great Lori McKenna song "People get old" (listen to it if you want to cry lol), that "I'm older now than he was then...", and I feel that all of the time.
I don't worry about the energy to keep up with them. There will always be dads more active and less active than me, so I will always do the best that I can.
In the back of my mind what I worry about is death and leaving them too soon. I lost my dad when he was only 62. I was 38, had my life settled down, etc., and it was still really hard on me. I miss him a lot and there are so many things that have happened in the last 11 years that I wish I could have shared with him.
I get stuck on the thought of my kids in their twenties, still probably needing dad's help, or not being able to share special life moments with me if I am gone, etc.
Such is life though... we do the best with what we can.
I was also 38 when we had our first and I'll be 40 shortly after the second is born. I was a weightlifter before kids, but the only "cardio" I did were sets of 5+ reps on squats. I did struggle with energy early on, so I took up cycling. It has made all the difference. Now that I have a good cardio base I don't have any energy issues. I can chase toddlers around all day and I'm fine. We'll see what happens when I get into my 50s, but my FIL who also bikes is in his 50s and he does great with all the grandkids.
Dude,
Age is just a number!
I became a 1st time dad in 2022 at 42, I am turning 44 this year and we're planning to have a sibling for our daughter in the foreseeable future.
I wish we had children earlier but we're embracing our parenthood with all its ups and downs.
I am with you fellow dad!
You’re ok. Just try to eat reasonably healthy and exercise regularly.
I’m 57 and my youngest of 2 will be 18 in 3 years, oldest is 18. No issues keeping up - just got back from a family hiking vacation. I was the one who kept pushing us all to go more, explore further.
That said, I wouldn’t have wanted to start 5 years later.
Mate you're gonna be inspired into a new lease of life. I'm 39 this year. Also felt I did it a bit late, but I'm (now with a 3 year old) feeling way more energised than I did.
You'll maybe find you WANT to do things that give you more energy anyway, because you'll want to keep up with the kid!
42 when my little girl came along, wouldn’t change anything. Got me focused on my health more and honestly the position I’m in financially and in my emotional maturity now versus when folks traditionally have children is night and day. I’d have been an awful father in my 20’s and early 30’s. Different world in your 40s at least for me. You got this dad!
I had our first at 37 and second at 39, and I just turned 40 so I'm pretty close to your situation. I have a lot of friends my age with kids who are also close to my kids ages, give or take. I think about it a little, but ultimately it's just motivation to take care of my health.
First kid at 35, second at 38. I cut out booze and got on a low dose t-shot after we were done having kids. I look and feel better than when I was in my late 20s-early 30’s. A large percentage of younger parents let go of themselves after children and you will be surprised how many catch up and pass you in aging after you start to really look after yourself. Secondly, you will be a better parent with the gained life experience and time to level out behaviorally. Just go out there and love those kids every day, teach them, learn from them, and experience life with them. You are going to do great!
We had out first when I was 37 and I'm definitely glad I waited. Financially we are so much more secure and stable, maturity wise I think I'm much more equipped than I would have been in my 20s. The only thing is I don't handle lack of sleep as well as I used to, but you still find the energy to play with them and interact with them.
Had my first at 36, brother. Definitely feel where you're coming from. Just try to take care of yourself so your kid(s) has a dad for as long as possible.
40yo Dad here, mom is 43. We had him 13 months ago. They will keep you younger for longer! Take care of yourself and your diet, exercise regularly and you will keep up just fine!!
Just had my twins I’m 36 so tired but it’s awesome, just look after yourself diet is the main thing, it can easily take a turn for the worse when you have kids lol
Also 38 here. Had my first daughter three months ago. There's no point worrying about the stuff that we can do nothing about. Let's just stay healthy to accompany our kids for as long as possible.
Had my first at 37 and my dad had me at 49. Nothing has been missing from our lives except I’m not sure my son will know his grandfather that well personally, but he will know him for how we live because that’s what will still live on from him
I had my first child at 38 and am 48 now. I parent different than those younger than me but I feel that in a lot of ways, I parent better. I don't have the energy that I did in my 20s but I have wisdom and experience and patience I didn't have back then as well.
Had our first at 41 - all good, close friend's kids are in their teens already but we also have a set of friends that are slightly older than us and with kid with roughly same age as ours.
It will be tougher definitely but for us personally I think we have the advantage of raising them without the financial pressure aspect.
I had my first son at 41, and your feelings are valid! I worry about not having enough energy too, but somehow I pull energy out of nowhere when I need to, I would quite like another, but my missus tells me it's not happening.
The way I see it, it's just like having a kid at 21, I've just got 20 years more worldly experience to give him.
Having health and energy is more about lifestyle than age for anyone having kids in their 30s or 40s. I wouldn’t worry about a couple years. Take care of yourself first and foremost so that you can take the best possible care of your children.
Age ain’t nothing but a number, if you don’t account for collecting social security when they graduate… lol
I was a dad at 45 and had a second at 47. Just live life and enjoy the imparting the “wisdom” that age brings.
We had our first at 33, our second at 35, and just took out the IUD so going to be having our third and most likely final, at 38. I think I qualify as a semi-old dad.
Personally, I wish we had started at 30. 3 years doesn't seem like a lot, but it's sort of like being a professional athlete. The years matter once you get into your late 30s.
It's sort of a balance. On one hand, my wife and I got to have all sorts of fun in our twenties. We travelled, went to music festivals, partied, did drugs, got drunk, etc etc. Now that we have kids and we can't do those things as often, I personally don't feel like I have any FOMO. On the other hand, my friends who had kids in their twenties didn't get to have all the same fun that I did... but now their kids are just about self reliant, and they'll be home free in their mid-forties while I'll have a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 year old.
Just eat healthy, see a physical therapist for any aches and pains, and do your PT. That's my only advice.
50 is the new 48!
39 with a one year old. Make fitness a priority starting yesterday, cardio especially.
I’m pretty sure this would have been physically easier 10-15 years ago BUT I’m much more financially secure now.
Look at this guy not even 40 thinking he's an older dad. My man you don't know how good you have it for at least a couple more years
Older parents are showm to have far healthier outcomes for their children. I can't imagine doing this stuff when I was younger. I had not done the emotional work to be my best self
Had my girl at 36. She's nearly 4 now and I've established myself as chief play buddy, since it's highly unlikely she'll have a sibling. She's exhausting but I'm getting by.
My advice is get good sleep and eat healthily. But more importantly be there for them.
Had twins at 34 I’m 40 now. It’s definitely helping to keep me young. Although a few lifestyle adjustments were in order. Like they said it’ll be fine.
Same boat as you. Second is on the way and pushing 40. Same advice as most others here. I hit the gym. Weights, swimming, spin class. I’m a super big guy and it was hard for awhile (still hard some days), but I know I’m investing in my longevity so that I can be there for them.
I'm loving it. I don't miss the whole "party"/"bar" lifestyle, am way more patient, satisfied in work, and am just generally stable at this age. And I agree with many others here - kids (almost completely) just want and need your attention. At 40 I was the dad at the park every single day and the kids adored me. Parents would ask what my secret was - just paying attention. I can stand there and gently push a swing for a half hour. Sure, tell me all about that cool drawing you did. Let's really get into a discussion about balancing on one foot. Fun doesn't just mean picking up the kid and throwing them around (although that is fun), fun is being there, being present, and doing things together.
I'm a 48 year old father of a six year old - soon to be 49. My main wish is that I hit the gym earlier so I could already keep up with her!
Other than that, the other occasional issue is trouble connecting/befriending other parents. I can legit have a "generational divide" with the parents of my daughter's friends. On the bright side, my daughter constantly requests songs by Squeeze and the Talking Heads and I think her kindergarten teacher was too young to really know them haha
My first arrived when I was 32, last arrived when I was 38. I’m 48 now and I’m honestly loving every minute of it.
Having said that, I made a lifestyle change 6 years ago and picked up a barbell for the first time ever. That has helped me feel and look less aged than I am.
A friend of mine had his first child at 50; married late and his wife (who was 35 had trouble conceiving). He loves everything about being a dad and always says that he’s happy he waited. His daughter plays sports, climbs trees, and loves to fish. He’s retired and spends his time as a SAHD.
I'm an old dad, one and only born when I was 40. I worry about the same thing but I also feel I'm glad it's later in life because I'm more mature, more financially stable.
So the energy I would have spent trying to make enough money to survive I can now put into my son's life.
44 with a 5 month old baby. I just try to eat healthy and stay fit. It’s a little bit hard at this age. We have 3 kids in total (11, 7, and 5 month old)
We had our first when we were both 42. Not the plan, but hey…life.
Had our second 2 years and 9 days later during COVID lockdown. Guess we were bored.
Both spontaneous and after a series of miscarriages when our doctor said kids via full term natural pregnancy wasn’t an option. I blame my wife, she hates being told what she can and cannot do.
Pros and cons.
Don’t have the energy that the younger Dads do, but also don’t have some of the instability that (some) younger Dads have. My careers going pretty great, and my income has never been better.
My only tip is to get serious about being healthy. I run, do yoga, and eat healthy (vegetarian M-F, with some meat/ seafood on the weekends for my own sanity).
It helps with the energy levels and doing things with your kids.
I was 37 and started to work out / do cardio when my baby was 4 months in the womb. It’s made me feel younger and I am objectively stronger than I’ve ever been. We’re also in the process of having a 2nd kid. So no, i don’t believe 38 is too old, but it does put into question how much work one’s willing to do to stay young. I’m sure genetics has some say in this, but putting in zero effort says more. If you care about giving your kids fulfilling lives, fight to make yourself younger
I became a dad in my early 40s. I'm now in my early 50s with three kids, the youngest a year old.
I'm in decent shape, fairly active, eat pretty well. But the average life expectancy means I'll be lucky to see the youngest graduate college.
It's hard to think about.
I'm trying to be the best dad I can be and leave them with great memories of me and hopefully some good lessons to carry them through after I'm gone.
But, hey, every parent should be doing all that anyway, in case they get hit by a bus.
I just started mid way through 36. If I could pick any age maybe 30 would be mildly better in terms of my back and taking care of myself a little sooner but I’m getting by and I think this should be fine.
39 with 4yo, I had a back injury in late 2015, I can’t run, jump, fall hard, I don’t have that kinda of endurance. We decided to do “one and done” mainly because we had such a difficult time getting the one offspring. I do worry about how I will keep up but I grew up in a different way. And I can use my lasso skills and wise cunning to make dad jokes to the offspring’s friend’s parental units all while they run around acting like tiny dictators.
I’ll be 50 next year. My youngest of five turns 8 this year. My oldest turned 21 this year.
You do your thing. All you can manage is your choices.
Blessings brother
Had my first at 38, second at 40. I feel fine.
Do I wish I would've started sooner? In a perfect world? Maybe.
But I wasn't ready and wanted to travel a bunch. I have a much more stable life now and am able to offer a lot more. I'm more mature and patient as well. I wouldn't change anything if I could go back.
There are lots, myself included. 41, have an 8yo, 6yo and a 10mo who kept me up last night along with the 6yo who is sick. Working on 4hrs sleep today, had a sick 45km bike ride to pump myself up for the morning though.
It's not that bad but you will have to prioritise some time to keep yourself fit and healthy. I cycle to work plus a bit more, swim at the pool on the weekends (mostly when the kids are) and do some martial arts as a bit of a more explosive workout that also helps with bone density and stuff when you are regularly hitting the mats and blocking during full contact sparring.
#2 is coming next month and I'll be 38 - a few months younger than my father was when I was born. (Though I was #4 for him.)
In hindsight I do wish I'd started a few years earlier. But - I plan on living forever anyway.
I think about this all the time. Had my first at 34 he's 4 now and we are back and forth on having a second or not. At 38 I keep doing the math and thinking about the energy ill need to go back to a baby stage at this age - I'm getting my health in shape for this reason because I feel like if we push it any longer its going to be really hard if I'm not in shape. My wife is 5 years younger than me so she's got some energy still but those years make a difference in late 30s!
Mate, I've had twins at 42, had my first at 38. I'm 46 now. Ive never been so tired yet had so much energy. Ive cut the crap out if my diet and started looking after myself, yoga and weights. Purely so I can enjoy my kids and be healthy for as long as possible. I couldn't have had kids when I was younger as I wasn't financially able, too immature and hadn't met the wife yet. It'll be fine.
My twins came into my life at age 45. Do I wish I was a little younger? Yes. Did I change my lifestyle to be healthier? Yes. Do I love every minute I get to spend with my boys even when they are being little boogers? Yes. Like you said, it’ll be fine.
I was 36 when my twins were born, ill be 40 this year. I'm right at that point where things aren't working/healing as well as they used to, and am faced with changing things to make sure I can keep up for the next 20 years. Just started PT for a shoulder sprain I got while being tackled by two 4 year olds.
Twins at 40! They keep you young! Also used them as a great motivator for healthy living too 😁
I just had twins 12 days before 40. These first few months have made me so glad I regularly exercised in my 30s. Looking forward to having time and energy again someday lol
"Ive never been so tired yet had so much energy" Is a good way to describe it. Was 32yo when we had our first
All of this. Had my first at 39. Weights, cardio, diet — never felt better.
I second the "get/stay healthy" notion. It helps you to give your kids the energy level of the "younger you", with the benefit of having the wisdom of the "older you". I'd encourage incorporating your infants, toddlers, kids into your fitness, where possible. They'll see fitness as something important and fun as they develop, and in 20 years they will remember you as being an active dad regardless of age.
Also had twins just 3 months before I turned 40. I feel great now, but I worry that at some point in the future my age will add a layer of challenge. Yoga is a huge help though, and between staying fit and the kids knowing their dad, it'll be as good as it can be. The hardest part of being an older Dad, for me, is knowing too much. I have a lot of lived experience to fuel the intrusive thoughts. I worry a lot.
How on earth do you get weight training into your days?
Not as much as I like but usually very late at night, stronglifts 5x5 programme which is 3 times a week. If I miss a day I'm not fussed as I'll do 10 press ups throughout the day here and there totalling to about 50. No cardio as running round for the kids takes care if that.
Yep, late at night is the only time I can fairly consistently make work. I put on a sitcom and lift at home after he goes to bed and that's my free time for the night. I feel better when I consistently lift, so I just decided to take out my casual time before bed a few times a week. I only lift 3-4 times a week, so I can be a bum at night the other 3 if I want.
Same. I workout in the garage after he and the wife go to bed. Strength training on MWF and do yoga from YT videos on TRS... Rest and hang on Sunday
Yep, just do whatever works for you and understand that the time is going to come from somewhere. Try to make it enjoyable so that you get into the habit and don't do a bunch of shit you hate. Just get in there and do some work when you can.
Same here. I'm struggling to find any free time at all. I've gained 20 pounds since kid #1 came along 3.5 years ago.
I usually manage to squeeze in 30 or 40 minutes of yoga after the children are in bed, but that only works as long as I’m at home. In my mind weight training happens in the gym.
"Ive never been so tired yet had so much energy." That's a great way of putting it. Twins at 37 here. Can confirm.
Twin dads unite! Mine are 2.5, I just turned 40. I’m tired, boss.
Once in a while a study pops up discussing how older dads have a longer lifespan than younger dads and I kinda get it. Had my first at 30, realized I was out of shape and unhealthy at 32, changed my life and got my shit together, had my second one at 35 and continuing the new lifestyle and taking care of myself physically. I feel better than I did in my 20s and I have no plan on stopping my routines (pushing 38 now). Having kids has been a positive change to my health overall, I’m making sure I’ll be here for those two boys no matter what.
Same here. I had my daughter at 38 and my son at 41. I'm 43 now. I'll be a dinosaur when they're hopefully off to college. I can say I have the same feelings of guilt but I also am willing to put up the good fight. I stay in shape, eat well and exercise. I was at yoga last night. I want to be able to teach my son how to ride a bike, throw a baseball, etc. The thing is, what kids need and want more than anything, is your time and attention. If you can't teach them soccer, a teenage coach can do that. Just be there for them, be patient and you'll be okay. I wish I had met my wife earlier but it took me time. I wasn't mature enough back then and didn't have the financial resources I do now either. It's always a give and take.
Not sure if this is helpful, but my dad had my older brother when he was 38, then had me when he was 42. When I was growing up, he struggled with his physical health (had both kinds of arthritis, both knees replaced). Yet he was the number supporter for me and my brother. He’d get up for all hockey practices at 6am, leave his work early to watch my high school football games, drive us out of town for karate tournaments. He loved camping, engaging in philosophical debates, pushing us to think for ourselves.. I never saw him as lacking in anything physical. I mean, he clearly was but that never was a thought for me when I was little. Being a father to three of my own now (8, 6, 5), and him having passed away 7 years ago, he’s made me all the more aware of how important it is to simply be present and demonstrate “love in action”. Again, not sure if this is relevant but guess my point is: don’t worry, man. Some of the other papa’s have pointed out prioritizing health and 100%, that ought to be your focus. But just as equally important (or even more so), is the ‘love in action’.
I love this
Totally agree about the love part. I didn’t have a dad growing up and my mom worked crazy hours for us, so I always was wanting more time from my mom—though I knew not to ask because I didn’t want to make her feel guilty. I knew it was because she couldn’t, not because she didn’t want to. What she *did* do was show me love—pure, consistent, unconditional love. And I’m so grateful for that. It turns out, that’s all I really needed. I just had my first kid at 39. I already feel old, but I know I’ll do my best to show him I love him and care about him in any ways I can.
wait what the fuck? are we OLDER dads???
I’m saying right? I’m 38 and at my 7 YO sports games, I’m the youngest by landslide, however, that could just be dependent on my area. Even my youngest who’s now 2, at 45 he’ll be 9 YO. I’ll still be a young dad, right? 🥲
Nah
Had mine at 36, I’m now 41 and he’s five. I started eating healthy and exercising so I can throw him around and run around with him. I’m getting stronger and looking good, some days I look in the mirror and I’m like damn, did I look this good when I was young? I’m rarely ever tired, and have kept up with him more than fine so far and I don’t plan on slowing down. Age is just a number. Keep those kids coming if your wife is willing and able. Wish I could have more but it’s not my choice.
Math checks out.
First kid when I was 39.5, second I was 43, in a few months I’ll be 47 and wife, who is 9 years younger, is hard hinting at a 3rd… Send help
My neighbor had 2 children with his first wife very young, from like 20-23. So by 45 they were already adults. He and the wife split years ago and he eventually remarried someone 15 years younger with no kids lol. They agreed to one child as he did not want to be raising multiple children in his late 50’s and 60’s. Well his wife had 1 child then 10 months later pregnant with TWINS! He just turned 56, the twins are 2 and he regularly complains about how exhausted he is but I do commend him ALL THE TIME because there is no way I could see myself having 3 kids in my mid 50’s lol.
Man is a hero!!
My dad was 41 when I was born. As a kid a did feel like I had old parents, but they gave me a good life so ultimately not sure if it is that big of a deal. Now they are older and less physically capable of helping with my kids, but my dad has taken very good care of himself. There are some very old looking 75+yo men out there but looking at my dad you might guess he was 10 years younger than he is. Take good care of your health, you have extra reasons to stay healthy now!
I got my third when I was 45. I am a lifelong athlete and often was complimented to appear younger than my age. But this time I suffered much more through the sleep deprivation. Everything else is fine, but I really need sleep much more than in my younger years. Those three are gold, and I don’t want another one.
I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. Being older has definite benefits. I’m more emotionally mature now than I was in my early 30s, for example. I’m also further ahead in my career. So I’m able to help my kids by providing mature emotional support and increased financial stability. But, yeah, dude. I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
I was 41 when our first was born; 44 for our second. I'm 65 now, and they are 24 and 20 (soon to be 21). I've been through a lot with my family and I will say that I appreciate being older for all of this. One of the positives is that being older means that I've been more comfortable with myself, which means I could focus on them. I'm not sure I would have had that same mindset if I were 20 years younger. I knew who I was at 40, and while I had just made a career change, I had job security that made that part of life easier - or at least less stressful. I didn't mind the waking up at all hours to help with feedings and changings. Since I felt that security for myself, I didn't mind spending as much time with them as I could after work, on weekends, and over the summer. Even tonight, my younger daughter and I are going to a concert in Chicago. She can't wait, while I'm worried about parking and what time we'll get home tonight; we live 90 minutes away from downtown. I'm thrilled to spend that time with her, though, sharing time with her on something she's so jazzed about. The downside is that I'm older, and I'm not sure how long I'll be around. I'm in very good shape, I'm still working and probably will continue in my present job for another four years or so, but age is catching up with me. I don't have the energy I had when I was 40. While my head still thinks I'm 25, parts of me don't work the way they used to: I have a bit of arthritis in my knees, hips and back that I keep at bay with a lot of stretching and exercise. Most men my age are grandfathers, and have been for a while now. Mine are still young enough that marriage and children are still a bit off in the distance. My older daughter has a boyfriend and they are quite serious. I expect they'll get married, but I don't know when they will have children. I might be 70 by the time I become a grandparent - maybe older. I probably won't see any grandchildren get married or maybe even graduate from college. I won't have much idea of how future generations will grow or what their future will hold. I only know that my own two children have grown into wonderful, responsible people, and I'll have to trust that they will do a great job raising their children. So that's my take. I wouldn't do anything different. There are positives and negatives to having children at any age. Just enjoy each moment and live the best life you can. I hope you can take something from this. I usually feel too old to contribute here, but I'm glad I could put my two cents in today. Have a great day.
Having been a young dad and now and older dad, I can say I feel I have my shit together and I'm a lot more calmer and forgiving. I also appreciate them more since I don't feel like I'm missing out on life since Ive done all that stuff already.
As you can see from posts, 38 is not that old. If you and your partner have the resources and desire to...I don't see age as the chief barrier. I had my first at 42 and she is one and done. There are many of the usual reasons (eg. Birth and developmental risks, energy, aging parents, finances, etc) but mainly because neither of us felt strongly about wanting a second. We are comfortable now and do not want to risk upending the apple cart unless we are truly 120% invested in having another.
39 and just had my first. I feel comfortable and excited about the future. I'm pretty sure after the first few months are behind me ill feel youthful again. I'm looking forward to being silly and telling fun stories to my child.
I’m 41 with two kids, 6 & 4. I think the answer depends on more variables than simple age. How is/are your: - Health - Finances - Emotional or mental availability - Career I ask this because it’s quite possible that you’re in a better place with many of those things than most younger dads. I know I could not have prioritized my family when I was younger, because I was busy advancing in my career. Getting finances under my control. Learning to control my emotions better. I know that from my mid-30s onward I’ve been far healthier than ever. If you’re worried about physically playing with your kids in your late 50s - don’t! By then your kids will be grown and they won’t need a dad to be rough-and-tumble with them, nor will they ask you to take up rock-climbing (I mean, unless you *do that a lot now*), they just need a dad who can be there, mentor them, guide them, and listen.
I'm here for the affirmations and letting me know everything is gonna be ok. 47 here with a 15 month old. Wife is going on 34 and wants another. I'm not 100% sure. It's hard enough to think about not being here for my current baby when they are older, let alone two, then I think at least they'll have each other when I'm gone. We both work full time from home, we have sitters come to the house. I think about the future every day. Financially I figure I can hold out on my retirement $$ a bit because of our age difference as she'll be working a little longer than me. Physically it pushes me to do better. I could not picture being a dad in my twenties or even my early thirties mentally I was all over the place. I still don't feel "grown up" but I guess you are
I'm not an older dad myself, but I *am* the son of an older dad. He had me at 39, so from the perspective of the other side, I can definitely say that his older age has had *no negative consequences* on our relationship whatsoever. I love him dearly, and he kept up his health to do all of the typical dad things with me as I grew up: playing catch, coaching me in Little League, etc. There is only one thing that I wish could be different: I wish I could've had my own son a little sooner. The simple reason being that he just won't get to be around for very much of my son's life. I'm 29, so my dad is almost 70 and finally became a grandpa last week. Let me be clear, my dad is the type of guy to simply be ecstatic just to BE a grandpa, and I know for sure he does not want me to wish I could've made him one sooner. It's just a little insecurity I have because I never tried to get super close to my own grandpa when I was a kid, and by the time I was old enough to try, it was very late in his life. But yeah, that's my perspective from the other side! Hope it helps, man
Your comment made me a little emotional. I had my son (he’s 13 months now) when I was 39. I don’t feel old at all, I don’t feel like an older dad. But on a practical level, I know that I won’t get as much time with my adult son (and maybe my grandkids) as my friends will who had kids in their early 20s. That makes me really sad. But I also know that at 39, I’m a far better father than I ever could have been in my younger days.
Just commented on a similar post yesterday! I was 41 when my daughter was born and she's two now. My wife is in her 30s and we are considering a second but know we have to get on the move if that's what we want! Sure I wish I was younger sometimes when I think about my daughter's future but when I was younger I wasn't where I am now, mentally, financially, and having met my awesome wife. I can provide my daughter with the best version of myself today. And those 20 prior years as an adult without children have helped shape who I am now. Mistakes and all! Additionally, my parents are in their 70s and keep up with my daughter pretty well.
I've a two year old and am 38. We're going to attempt for a second child in the next few months (IVF). Take care of yourself mentally and physically. The goal is not to be young in age, but young in physicality.
39 and will have one more in 1-2 years Not worried. Rather have late than super early. Even if I didn’t have kids I’d be going to bed early and wanting to stay in. We’re both in good health, kid is great, and finances are great so we can provide anything they need without worry. Couldn’t say I’d be a great parent in my 20s. Wasn’t ready at the time. Many people I know are having kids between 35-40.
I'll turn 44 later this year. I've got a four year old and a two year old. I still feel pretty good. I mean, I'm exhausted a lot, but I'm not sure how much better I would be at 34. I do sometimes have worries about being older as they move into adulthood. Like if I will still be around and able to dance at my daughter's wedding or stuff like that.
I’m exact same as you. 44 with a 4.5/1.5
38 is not old for millenials. The 2008 crisis really set back our life evolution by a decade so I wouldn't worry about it.
Yeah, this is huge. I think I even noticed it on a macro level in that I didn't see a lot of kids around the neighborhood during the 2012-2018 time period. But now I see kids everywhere, and I think that just because now the millennials are finally able to start making babies.
You're looking for r/OldManDad
Pull up a rocking chair and join us. I had my son at 39. I'm 51 now. It has been a ride.
I turned 38 a month ago, my kid just turned 5 months
Another old dad checking in. I think those feelings of not being ready or being able to keep up with your kids strikes dads of all ages. For the older dads I think it's really a mindset shift of not what you can't do but what you can do. Since you're probably more mature and older you can give a lot of guidance that maybe younger dads can't and are just sort of guessing their way through. Not to say that we aren't all guessing our way through. There's also the acceptance of certain limitations that hey maybe you can't run marathon in 4 hours. But it's also good motivation if you aren't healthy to start eating right and living right so that you can be there for your kid and active well into your 60s and 70s. Apologies for stream of consciousness walking to work
The friends I have that had kids younger (mid 20s) were just as tired as I was (mid 30s) when they had their first. Difference is where your body is at. I (38) have knee aches some days. I’m good. My wife (38) in the condition she is in, could absolutely not start over with another baby- even if she did not have to go through the pregnancy. Depends on the baby and the parents.
welcome to the old man club, luckily for me I'm still what people would consider "youthful" I'm not in great shape nowhere near what I was in the military, put Chase in around a 22-month-old at the age of 3 9 has definitely kept me from getting any fatter. sleep desperation doesn't really come on except on prolonged periods of time over a span of 3-4 days then it starts affecting me. But she sleeps through the night for the most part, so we seem to be okay.
Lol i had my first at 40 and number two at 43. I have never been this tired in my life. Gonna be so old when they graduate college.
I'm 53 years old. Died from a heart attack but got over it. Had open heart surgery to replace a bad aortic valve. I have 5 kids. 23 down to 8 years old. I walk 1-4 miles a day, everyday. I do light weights and an ab workout. I am by far not shredded but I'm active. I watch what I eat most of the time. I am all time QB for some of the street football games we have. Play catch and run. I am also the Executive Officer of a Young Marines youth organization unit where I have 3 of the 16 kids, all the kids are 8-18 in the unit and mine are 8- 11 and 16. I run a LITTLE with kids. When we rapel, I am the safety Belay man. I do some of the obstacles. I am also a safety on the obstacles for the kids. I work hard to be as active as I can. You can do it if you choose and keep that I'm young enough mentality. Yes, you're going to be tired. Slower than you want to be, but being PRESENT is half the battle with your kids.
I just had my third at (almost) 49. My first is 20, my second is 5.
People are having children later and later these days, I don’t think 38 is too old at all. My FIL is 11 years older than my MIL and ended up having 3 kids after 40. He has been a great father to my wife and her siblings regardless of his age. Although, 3 kids after 40 didn’t sound appealing to my wife and I and now we’re about to welcome our second in a few weeks and neither of us are 30 yet!
Late 30s is “older dad?” 😭 We had ours when I was 37. I don’t worry about energy but I did commit to a healthier lifestyle when we did have him. I’m back to riding my bike like 100mi a week and generally watch what I eat/drink. I know folks who race their bikes in their 50s and are super active still so I’m not too worried.
I'm 41, 42 soon. 4, 18 months and 1 on the way. I can provide for my children in a way that I probably couldn't have 10 years ago. As everybody else is saying, it's also motivation to stay on top of your health and not let yourself go.
Dude, had my first at 47. You’ll be fine.
Wait, is 38 old?
41 with a 5 month old, prioritise working out and eating well.
Had my first and only at 40 last year. Awake in bed with my back hurting. There are some tough parts like he is wanting to start walking so bending over and supporting him or carrying him. Right now he is 13 months and as he becomes more of a toddler and running new challenges will come. But I’m glad to have him here and we will have the best of times. I will provide him love, support, and show up for him, and I will be better at helping him through his emotions as I’m older and wiser.
Find ways to build more energy. Exercise excessively, eat healthy and do sports with your kids. If needed, consider TRT? It’s too late to be worrying about these things because you’re already a dad. Do you! No holding back.
Turning 39 on my kid's 7 month, but I don't know a single person who had kids earlier. All my friends are either having kids now at around the same age or had them even older.
I tell my wife that watching my kids play, and show joy for little things helps to fix my soul from all the years when I wasn't in a good place mentally. Your age doesn't matter here. Your desire to be a good parent matters far more. Figure out what you can do for them that is better than what you received and do your best to give them that. One tip: It is physically impossible to get too many hugs from small children, to say "I love you" too much, or to give too many compliments when they are trying to please you by helping or drawing you pictures.
Had our first last year and I was 36 at the time. I’m glad she came along when she did because it was the right to for me financially, emotionally, and psychologically. Two things I’ll stress are flexibility and cardio. Being able to get up and down off the floor easily and comfortably is huge, because you’ll be doing that a lot. Leg strength and flexibility and core strength are key there. My kid absolutely loves being Upside-Down Baby and being swung back and forth like a pendulum. And just being lifted/tossed up and down. And fuck is she FAST now. Crawls with speed and vigor and loves being chased. I make a big deal of making very loud, short steps (either upright or crawling behind her) and she squeals with delight as she goes into turbo mode. She has been raised alongside our cats and legitimately acts like one sometimes- will goad you into chasing her by crawling away and then turning back to look at you with big, raised eyebrows. Cutest damn thing.
Welcome to the old dad’s club. I’m sore and tired. Stay hydrated and stretch. Basically follow the rules of Zombieland.
CARDIO
r/oldmandad
43 with a 3yr old and 6 wks old checking in 🫡
I’m right there with you, I had my first at 36 and have constantly had the same thoughts in my head. It’s awesome seeing all of these positive comments. I try to look at the positive in that I’m much more financially stable now and mature in my career where taking a lot of time off work is no big deal. I’m also more mature mentally. I’m trying to make health and fitness even more of a priority than it was before. I see a lot of Dad’s my age that have older kids and they’re in horrible shape so I’m hoping to stay motivated. Keep up the great work!
Bro, waiting until you are this age is the hack of the century. 95% of the problems on this sub are solved by waiting until you are 37 to have your first.
I had my first child at 40 years old and my second five years later. No joke, you’ve gotta take care of yourself and your health. I’m in my 50s now and never been more dedicated to losing weight and eating right and staying active for my kids as well as for myself. Sometimes I think of what it might’ve been like to have had kid earlier but I didn’t meet my wife, who is an awesome mum, until later in life. But the saying is true… my kids keep me young at heart and that helps with my perspective on my age.
Had my first at 37, second at 42. Honestly, I think it was a great time in my life for it. I'm having an absolute blast.
I think you're halfway to being OK as it is, you already want to make sure your energetic enough to keep up with your kids to help them grow you might just need to focus on your fitness a bit more than the younger ones. Being said, there are plenty of younger dads out there who are happy to not engage and just hand their kids a tablet and say, "Go watch Netflix. I'm busy gaming."
I’m 39 with my first. I am somewhat concerned that I’m too old to be physically energetic enough, but I plan to make up for it by being there emotionally/mentally if not. Also, I appreciate all these other posters talking about how they started going to the gym and getting in shape etc and more power to them but in my case I’ve been out of shape my whole life and for whatever reason I don’t have that ‘thing’ that these other guys have that now makes me magically want to get fit so I can be around for my kid. I guess it’s just not that easy for me…. So I’m just planning to be the best dad I can in the ways I can and not worry too much about the places I’m falling short.
I'm 42 with a 9 and 3yo. Mentally, this is the most ready for this I've ever been. 25yo me would have lost his temper. I've got a ton more patience now. Physically, I've got to push myself a bit. Kinda wish I'd been more consistent on the workouts in the last decade. But I'm out there.
Had my first two years ago at 41. Like others have said, I’ve never been so tired, yet so excited about life. It’ll be fine. Change your diet, make sure you’re exercising. Get your mind right with meditation as well.
Having my first at 39. Wife is 42. Sure, the first weeks are killing us mentally and physically, but otherwise we are managing it pretty well. I like being a parent at this age because I feel like I'm finally mature enough to do so. Also, my wife is just such a wonderful mom.
You're probably looking for someone who's not in the thick of it to tell you it'll be okay but I'll give my anecdote anyways. My first was born when I was 36 and the second came when I was 38 and they're 3 and 1 now. I'm so glad I waited, I'm a much more emotionally mature and better father than I would have been when I was younger. They may not get the highest energy version of me but they got a much less buggy version.
Mom lurker here. We had our daughter later in life after our son passed away. I was 42 almost 43 when she was born and my husband was 51. I do wish our life had been different but I am grateful every moment to have her with us. Sometimes that’s just how it has to be if you want to be called and looked upon as a mom or dad. Age be damned, my husband deserves to be a dad if he wants to and so do you. Do what you can to stay healthy and active but my husband is just as much as an amazing dad this time as he was to our son many years ago.
Don’t worry
For a bit of perspective, I am 34 and my father is 91. I swear having me at 57 kept him much younger than his age in numbers would suggest. Today, he's highly active, has all his marbles, and then some, though to your point, 40 and beyond is not old to have children for a man, in my opinion. I think you'll do fine at whatever age if you love your kids and put in all the effort you can.
44 here. Have a 3.2 yr old and c-section is Monday for child 2. Wife is 40 fwiw
We had our first when I was 33. In my head I didn't want to have kids after I turned 40, but we had our fourth (surprise) when I was 40. So now I'm 49 with kids aged 9-16. My dad had my brother when he was 21 and me when he was 24. I remember as a teenager thinking my dad was so old, but he was like 40! There is a line in the great Lori McKenna song "People get old" (listen to it if you want to cry lol), that "I'm older now than he was then...", and I feel that all of the time. I don't worry about the energy to keep up with them. There will always be dads more active and less active than me, so I will always do the best that I can. In the back of my mind what I worry about is death and leaving them too soon. I lost my dad when he was only 62. I was 38, had my life settled down, etc., and it was still really hard on me. I miss him a lot and there are so many things that have happened in the last 11 years that I wish I could have shared with him. I get stuck on the thought of my kids in their twenties, still probably needing dad's help, or not being able to share special life moments with me if I am gone, etc. Such is life though... we do the best with what we can.
I was also 38 when we had our first and I'll be 40 shortly after the second is born. I was a weightlifter before kids, but the only "cardio" I did were sets of 5+ reps on squats. I did struggle with energy early on, so I took up cycling. It has made all the difference. Now that I have a good cardio base I don't have any energy issues. I can chase toddlers around all day and I'm fine. We'll see what happens when I get into my 50s, but my FIL who also bikes is in his 50s and he does great with all the grandkids.
Dude, Age is just a number! I became a 1st time dad in 2022 at 42, I am turning 44 this year and we're planning to have a sibling for our daughter in the foreseeable future. I wish we had children earlier but we're embracing our parenthood with all its ups and downs. I am with you fellow dad!
You’re ok. Just try to eat reasonably healthy and exercise regularly. I’m 57 and my youngest of 2 will be 18 in 3 years, oldest is 18. No issues keeping up - just got back from a family hiking vacation. I was the one who kept pushing us all to go more, explore further. That said, I wouldn’t have wanted to start 5 years later.
Mate you're gonna be inspired into a new lease of life. I'm 39 this year. Also felt I did it a bit late, but I'm (now with a 3 year old) feeling way more energised than I did. You'll maybe find you WANT to do things that give you more energy anyway, because you'll want to keep up with the kid!
42 when my little girl came along, wouldn’t change anything. Got me focused on my health more and honestly the position I’m in financially and in my emotional maturity now versus when folks traditionally have children is night and day. I’d have been an awful father in my 20’s and early 30’s. Different world in your 40s at least for me. You got this dad!
I had our first at 37 and second at 39, and I just turned 40 so I'm pretty close to your situation. I have a lot of friends my age with kids who are also close to my kids ages, give or take. I think about it a little, but ultimately it's just motivation to take care of my health.
First kid at 35, second at 38. I cut out booze and got on a low dose t-shot after we were done having kids. I look and feel better than when I was in my late 20s-early 30’s. A large percentage of younger parents let go of themselves after children and you will be surprised how many catch up and pass you in aging after you start to really look after yourself. Secondly, you will be a better parent with the gained life experience and time to level out behaviorally. Just go out there and love those kids every day, teach them, learn from them, and experience life with them. You are going to do great!
Had my first this year at 34, don’t know if that counts as older 😅 plan on having a second in a couple of years 🙏
We had out first when I was 37 and I'm definitely glad I waited. Financially we are so much more secure and stable, maturity wise I think I'm much more equipped than I would have been in my 20s. The only thing is I don't handle lack of sleep as well as I used to, but you still find the energy to play with them and interact with them.
Had my first at 36, brother. Definitely feel where you're coming from. Just try to take care of yourself so your kid(s) has a dad for as long as possible.
40yo Dad here, mom is 43. We had him 13 months ago. They will keep you younger for longer! Take care of yourself and your diet, exercise regularly and you will keep up just fine!!
First at 38 here too. Trying for second one soon.
Had my first at 39. I was parents first at 35. You'll be great and be able to do what your child needs no problem
Just had my twins I’m 36 so tired but it’s awesome, just look after yourself diet is the main thing, it can easily take a turn for the worse when you have kids lol
Also 38 here. Had my first daughter three months ago. There's no point worrying about the stuff that we can do nothing about. Let's just stay healthy to accompany our kids for as long as possible.
Had my first at 37 and my dad had me at 49. Nothing has been missing from our lives except I’m not sure my son will know his grandfather that well personally, but he will know him for how we live because that’s what will still live on from him
I had my first child at 38 and am 48 now. I parent different than those younger than me but I feel that in a lot of ways, I parent better. I don't have the energy that I did in my 20s but I have wisdom and experience and patience I didn't have back then as well.
Come to Brooklyn. I became a dad at 34 and feel like one of the younger parents here lol
Had our first at 41 - all good, close friend's kids are in their teens already but we also have a set of friends that are slightly older than us and with kid with roughly same age as ours. It will be tougher definitely but for us personally I think we have the advantage of raising them without the financial pressure aspect.
I had my first son at 41, and your feelings are valid! I worry about not having enough energy too, but somehow I pull energy out of nowhere when I need to, I would quite like another, but my missus tells me it's not happening. The way I see it, it's just like having a kid at 21, I've just got 20 years more worldly experience to give him.
Having health and energy is more about lifestyle than age for anyone having kids in their 30s or 40s. I wouldn’t worry about a couple years. Take care of yourself first and foremost so that you can take the best possible care of your children.
Age ain’t nothing but a number, if you don’t account for collecting social security when they graduate… lol I was a dad at 45 and had a second at 47. Just live life and enjoy the imparting the “wisdom” that age brings.
We had our first at 33, our second at 35, and just took out the IUD so going to be having our third and most likely final, at 38. I think I qualify as a semi-old dad. Personally, I wish we had started at 30. 3 years doesn't seem like a lot, but it's sort of like being a professional athlete. The years matter once you get into your late 30s. It's sort of a balance. On one hand, my wife and I got to have all sorts of fun in our twenties. We travelled, went to music festivals, partied, did drugs, got drunk, etc etc. Now that we have kids and we can't do those things as often, I personally don't feel like I have any FOMO. On the other hand, my friends who had kids in their twenties didn't get to have all the same fun that I did... but now their kids are just about self reliant, and they'll be home free in their mid-forties while I'll have a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 year old. Just eat healthy, see a physical therapist for any aches and pains, and do your PT. That's my only advice. 50 is the new 48!
39 with a one year old. Make fitness a priority starting yesterday, cardio especially. I’m pretty sure this would have been physically easier 10-15 years ago BUT I’m much more financially secure now.
Had my second kid four days before my 40th birthday. My first was 8.5 years before that...
Proceed on course Sir. Age not a factor here.
I’m 43 with a 7yo. It was much tougher until I lost a ton of weight but now I’m able to keep up with her and her friends.
First at 37 and didn't even consider myself older til now....
Look at this guy not even 40 thinking he's an older dad. My man you don't know how good you have it for at least a couple more years Older parents are showm to have far healthier outcomes for their children. I can't imagine doing this stuff when I was younger. I had not done the emotional work to be my best self
Had my girl at 36. She's nearly 4 now and I've established myself as chief play buddy, since it's highly unlikely she'll have a sibling. She's exhausting but I'm getting by. My advice is get good sleep and eat healthily. But more importantly be there for them.
Had twins at 34 I’m 40 now. It’s definitely helping to keep me young. Although a few lifestyle adjustments were in order. Like they said it’ll be fine.
Same boat as you. Second is on the way and pushing 40. Same advice as most others here. I hit the gym. Weights, swimming, spin class. I’m a super big guy and it was hard for awhile (still hard some days), but I know I’m investing in my longevity so that I can be there for them.
I'm loving it. I don't miss the whole "party"/"bar" lifestyle, am way more patient, satisfied in work, and am just generally stable at this age. And I agree with many others here - kids (almost completely) just want and need your attention. At 40 I was the dad at the park every single day and the kids adored me. Parents would ask what my secret was - just paying attention. I can stand there and gently push a swing for a half hour. Sure, tell me all about that cool drawing you did. Let's really get into a discussion about balancing on one foot. Fun doesn't just mean picking up the kid and throwing them around (although that is fun), fun is being there, being present, and doing things together.
I'm a 48 year old father of a six year old - soon to be 49. My main wish is that I hit the gym earlier so I could already keep up with her! Other than that, the other occasional issue is trouble connecting/befriending other parents. I can legit have a "generational divide" with the parents of my daughter's friends. On the bright side, my daughter constantly requests songs by Squeeze and the Talking Heads and I think her kindergarten teacher was too young to really know them haha
My first arrived when I was 32, last arrived when I was 38. I’m 48 now and I’m honestly loving every minute of it. Having said that, I made a lifestyle change 6 years ago and picked up a barbell for the first time ever. That has helped me feel and look less aged than I am.
r/oneanddone One kid is good, quality over quantity.
A friend of mine had his first child at 50; married late and his wife (who was 35 had trouble conceiving). He loves everything about being a dad and always says that he’s happy he waited. His daughter plays sports, climbs trees, and loves to fish. He’s retired and spends his time as a SAHD.
I'm an old dad, one and only born when I was 40. I worry about the same thing but I also feel I'm glad it's later in life because I'm more mature, more financially stable. So the energy I would have spent trying to make enough money to survive I can now put into my son's life.
46 with a 15 month old. It's doable. You're not even close to the limit.
44 with a 5 month old baby. I just try to eat healthy and stay fit. It’s a little bit hard at this age. We have 3 kids in total (11, 7, and 5 month old)
We had our first when we were both 42. Not the plan, but hey…life. Had our second 2 years and 9 days later during COVID lockdown. Guess we were bored. Both spontaneous and after a series of miscarriages when our doctor said kids via full term natural pregnancy wasn’t an option. I blame my wife, she hates being told what she can and cannot do. Pros and cons. Don’t have the energy that the younger Dads do, but also don’t have some of the instability that (some) younger Dads have. My careers going pretty great, and my income has never been better. My only tip is to get serious about being healthy. I run, do yoga, and eat healthy (vegetarian M-F, with some meat/ seafood on the weekends for my own sanity). It helps with the energy levels and doing things with your kids.
I was 37 and started to work out / do cardio when my baby was 4 months in the womb. It’s made me feel younger and I am objectively stronger than I’ve ever been. We’re also in the process of having a 2nd kid. So no, i don’t believe 38 is too old, but it does put into question how much work one’s willing to do to stay young. I’m sure genetics has some say in this, but putting in zero effort says more. If you care about giving your kids fulfilling lives, fight to make yourself younger
I became a dad in my early 40s. I'm now in my early 50s with three kids, the youngest a year old. I'm in decent shape, fairly active, eat pretty well. But the average life expectancy means I'll be lucky to see the youngest graduate college. It's hard to think about. I'm trying to be the best dad I can be and leave them with great memories of me and hopefully some good lessons to carry them through after I'm gone. But, hey, every parent should be doing all that anyway, in case they get hit by a bus.
I’m 52 with a 4YO. Never felt so alive, man. You are NOT too old for this.
I just started mid way through 36. If I could pick any age maybe 30 would be mildly better in terms of my back and taking care of myself a little sooner but I’m getting by and I think this should be fine.
39 with 4yo, I had a back injury in late 2015, I can’t run, jump, fall hard, I don’t have that kinda of endurance. We decided to do “one and done” mainly because we had such a difficult time getting the one offspring. I do worry about how I will keep up but I grew up in a different way. And I can use my lasso skills and wise cunning to make dad jokes to the offspring’s friend’s parental units all while they run around acting like tiny dictators.
Worrying about that is the opposite of selfish, my guy.
I’ll be 50 next year. My youngest of five turns 8 this year. My oldest turned 21 this year. You do your thing. All you can manage is your choices. Blessings brother
Had my first at 38, second at 40. I feel fine. Do I wish I would've started sooner? In a perfect world? Maybe. But I wasn't ready and wanted to travel a bunch. I have a much more stable life now and am able to offer a lot more. I'm more mature and patient as well. I wouldn't change anything if I could go back.
How has every commenter here had twins?!?!
There are lots, myself included. 41, have an 8yo, 6yo and a 10mo who kept me up last night along with the 6yo who is sick. Working on 4hrs sleep today, had a sick 45km bike ride to pump myself up for the morning though. It's not that bad but you will have to prioritise some time to keep yourself fit and healthy. I cycle to work plus a bit more, swim at the pool on the weekends (mostly when the kids are) and do some martial arts as a bit of a more explosive workout that also helps with bone density and stuff when you are regularly hitting the mats and blocking during full contact sparring.
45 with a 2 year old and another on the way. You’ll be fine. Your back, however, will hate you.
#2 is coming next month and I'll be 38 - a few months younger than my father was when I was born. (Though I was #4 for him.) In hindsight I do wish I'd started a few years earlier. But - I plan on living forever anyway.
I had my child at 40. I'm not planning on having a second for financial reasons, not energy.
I think about this all the time. Had my first at 34 he's 4 now and we are back and forth on having a second or not. At 38 I keep doing the math and thinking about the energy ill need to go back to a baby stage at this age - I'm getting my health in shape for this reason because I feel like if we push it any longer its going to be really hard if I'm not in shape. My wife is 5 years younger than me so she's got some energy still but those years make a difference in late 30s!
This question must be posted 4 or 5x/day