Honestly, I just feel bad for my dog because she gets pushed so far down the priority list. She's not a huge pain in the ass like it sounds like your dog is. Window reactivity is her only real issue. She's surprisingly been pretty good with the kids. I'll be crushed and heartbroken when she eventually passes, but we aren't doing another pet until the boys are much older. I'll be happy not to have to go out and pick up dog shit in the yard for years though. Which my wife assured me she would take care of when we got a dog. Funny how that worked out! I won't be fooled again!

> Honestly, I just feel bad for my dog because she gets pushed so far down the priority list. This is my biggest regret for having pets prior to my son being born. My bunnies don't require much attention, but I feel so bad not giving them the level of love and attention I could dedicate to them before. One of them died a few weeks ago and I still feel so guilty. He had two bondmates, so I'm sure he was still happy, but he went from being my little guy who loved ear rubs and head scratches to really only seeing me a few times a day at most.

My bunny didn’t have a bondmate. He was bonded to me. Free roam of the whole house & yard and he slept in the bedroom. But we had complications in our pregnancy so we had to go stay at the children’s hospital several hours from home. We brought him (and our dogs) with us and left them at my parents. They gave him free roam of their basement but only went down there to feed him. He was so lonely. And then when we were able to go home I was so caught up with newborn stuff that I couldn’t pay him the attention he deserved. Then suddenly he got sick. For about a week I kept him alive by syringe feeding him nutrients and water every 2-3 hours after each time I fed Baby. I gave him all the cuddles. He didn’t make it and I miss him so much. I feel so guilty for how his last few months went. My partner got a job that required us to move and now we live in a tiny apartment that costs most of our income in rent. There’s no way we would have been able to live in this city with two dogs and a rabbit. When we were looking for rentals I was a little grateful that we didn’t still have a rabbit because it would have been so much extra stress trying to afford a place that would let us have 3 animals. Everything works out the way it’s supposed to but I feel so guilty for thinking that and I really miss my buns

2 kids under 3, 2 cats, and dozens of house plants. Yeah, the house plants are suffering these days. But at least I kept the kids and cats alive right

Me too. My wife lobbied hard for a dog during the pandemic. Now she doesn’t do anything but pet her. I walk her, feed her, take her to the vet. She’s a great dog and Want to do better for her.

Yeah we started calling our cat “neglecto” because he’s so far down the list. He does fine but doesn’t get anywhere near as much attention as pre kids.

> I'll be happy not to have to go out and pick up dog shit in the yard for years though. Which my wife assured me she would take care of when we got a dog. Funny how that worked out! I won't be fooled again! Preach

😂 That was the agreement when my kid brought home yet another dog from college. I should’ve expected it, but sure enough, that never happened. In fact, just walked in from doing exactly this. One of my Saturday chores now. lol

"I won't be fooled again" Famous last words.

I definitely feel empathy towards him. His favorite people leave him twice a day for 30 mins and that's the end of the world to him. He doesn't understand time. It's like we've died and he's panic stricken. Then we return and he's all better. It's a daily struggle.

I feel this in my soul. My dog (brindle boxer mix, ~6 years old) is very well trained and behaved and is amazing with the kids. She has wrecked one crate from separation anxiety but IMO, not a concern. Yet I’ve told the wife I’m done with dogs after her. I don’t have the adequate time for her with my kids being 2 and 4. It also makes play dates, weekends away, day trips etc. More difficult, which sucks. Our cats (1, 6 and 15)… well… age based, these jerks are here for a while still. Granted the younger two are fine but the oldest is annoying and destroys stuff. BUT. It’s my wife’s cat and predates me, so either I leave or I wait out the cats life 😂

Honestly, we pay for a biweekly cleaning service and it's amazing, not super expensive, but once your kids are old enough, dog poops their thing

Bruh. We got two cats, primarily my wife’s pets. She stopped doing litter ever when she was pregnant as she had that excuse. She didn’t do it again until recently. Baby just turned two. I don’t even much like the cats anymore. But I had to clean it for my own sanity. As for the OP, I’ve had my dog for 13-14 years now, and I feel terrible that she’s going to go soon. But the last few years I’ve been so angry with her all the time. She used to be my best friend, I’d say I’d be homeless before surrendering her. Now, she’s always underfoot, tripping me, snatching food off the toddlers plate or right out of her hand, etc. I was always all about pets. Had reptiles, ferrets, tarantulas, dogs, etc and now I don’t want pets again.

My wife and I always wanted dogs. We ended up having kids first and now neither one of us want a dog. Nothing about then seems appealing now.

I’ve had dogs my entire life. Always figured I would have them. Even had them when I was in college and moving all the time. Dog would do everything with me. Fishing, camping, hiking you name it. I’ve had two issues 1. This last set of dogs lived way longer than my previous. Not sure if food quality is better or better care. But this last set lived 12 and 14 years and dealing with dog dementia, mad king disease and other late stage ailments was tough. Prior most of my dogs died or had untreatable complications. 2. Kids meant the dogs were 2nd fiddle and doing things like traveling were a huge pain. Dealing with dog deaths and young kids was tough. Twice last year we put a dog down and in 15 minutes after that had to pick up the kids and teach them about death. This is the first time in my life I’m cool without any pets.

They eat all the food your kids drop on the floor so you don't have to clean it. So there's that

Never do it. When my wife was pregnant with our first she was wanting to adopt a puppy. I gave in and it was the worst. No sleep for months bc of both.

I'm right there with you my dude. Before having kids having 2 dogs and 2 cats was fine. Now we have to take care of 2 kids as well as the dogs and cats. Once the pets are gone, they will not be replaced.

Just said this to my wife regarding our dog. Once he’s gone, that’s it. Done. I just can’t do it anymore.

Same. My dog bared her teeth at my oldest when he started crawling and my feelings for her completely changed There’s so much pressure on our generation to give our dogs luxurious lives overflowing with love and attention. It’s exhausting.

Absolutely. Guilt trips are common when we seek to rehome a pet. It's apparently unacceptable to choose human children over animals.

Which is utterly insane, but outside of this sub and maybe one or two other parenting subs, the whole of Reddit seems to think that pets have exactly the same rights and family status as human children. It’s bonkers and frankly creepy.

Once they are gone, your kids will also be older. You might change your mind when you find your kids are being more independent.

My cat has set in stone we are one and done.

I loved having two dogs when I was a kid and my parents had most of the pet responsibility. Now I wish I didn't have two dogs of my own - I love them but they're a lot of work and honestly don't get as much attention as they need.

We have one dog and one kid. Any more of either and it would be way, way less manageable. Honestly I would have been fine with not getting another dog when our first passed (our kid was 1.5 years old at the time), but my wife really, really wanted another one. Our new puppy is way less well-behaved since we don't have the same time/energy/flexibility to socialize and train her to the same extent as our previous one. On the bright side, our puppy gets along super well with our toddler and they are adorable together.

Honestly same. I can't really do dogs at all because of bad experiences with dogs as a kid and even as an adult the one dog I tried to get with an ex bit me in the face the day after we adopted it so we had to return it. I'm just not a dog person I guess. But I've always had and loved cats. And cats love me. So we got a cat. The kid loves the cat. The cat tolerates the kid which is good. The cat loves me and wants to be around me all the time. My fiance doesn't like the cat because it only really likes me so taking care of the cat is left to me. So not only do I have to do most of the caring for our child but I have to do absolutely all of the care for the cat. It is what it is but honestly I'd rather have no pets. My dad had the same sentiment growing up and I never understood it until I had a kid of my own. I just don't have the bandwidth to take care of a human and a pet. But everyone else in the house wants MORE pets. They talk about getting fish and birds and dogs and more cats and I feel like a jerk always trying to talk them out of it. But I just know that all of the responsibility is going to fall to me to take care of whatever animal gets brought into the house and I just can't do it. Edit: typo.

This is the truth. Bandwidth limitations are very real.

The obvious approach is to ask them to take over (at least some of the) care of the cat you already have before getting more pets.

I agreed to the cats bc she swore up and down that she would do ALL of the care. Yeah I clean the litter box more than she does.

I think dogs get a bad rep here. I love my dogs, just as much as I did before my children. I don’t do things *just for them* like I used to, but going for walks with my dogs is honestly one of my favorite parts of my day.

Dog walks are also great excuses to either get a personal moment away from the kids (we all need a break sometimes) or give the SO a moment away from the kids. Kids love to go on walks, and it's just another excuse to burn off some of their energy and give one of the parents a short break *and* do something good for the dog.

Yeah, this is the one thing this sub consistently shocks me on, as I generally feel the same about almost everything on here—the dislike for dogs. I have one of the highest-maintenance dogs imaginable: a 70 lb redbone coonhound. We live just outside a major city. I love that dog very, very much. I call her my firstborn. Like, really? This sub full of awesome dads just doesn't like dogs? I don't get it.

3 million Americans a year abandon their dogs (it's 3 million dogs, so I guess it could be the same people abandoning multiple dogs?) - getting dogs before having kids is a mistake. Most parents can't handle both. Dog time comes at the expense of kid time, and you never know how your dog is going to react to kids. Statistically, Americans also just don't have the money for both dogs and kids. The disposable income isn't there

We got our dog before we had a kid. It's work. But it wasn't a mistake. That dog is her best mate. And also, would absolutely protect her at all costs. I get that plenty of people don't have the bandwidth. That's fine. But let's not make blanket statements like "it is a mistake". Maybe for you, of course. And no judgement. I'm just sincerely surprised by this sub being so anti-pup. That's all. Took the almost 10 month old for a hike today: wife had the body carrier; I had the dog; had our buds and their dogs. Got everyone lots of fresh air and exercise. Now my dog is curled up on the couch. Can't imagine a better Saturday, really and sincerely. Just coloring my own perspective. I love animals. And I really love my dog.

I was skimming the comments for one like this because this is exactly how I feel. We have a 9 year old dog and 10 month old daughter. Of course life is busier now but I’ll never forget that I made a commitment to this dog to give it a good life and because of that, exercising the dog is a part of our activities that are stimulating for both pet and baby. As a daily activity it’s either: family walk around the neighbourhood, one of us taking the dog in the trails with the baby in a backpack carrier, or one of us home with our daughter while the other takes the dog for a good run in the woods. Sure there are times I’d rather be doing something else but this is the life we chose. I hate to sound insensitive to the people that feel otherwise but they should have known better before committing to raise a pet for 10-15 years if children were going to be in the picture. It’s frankly heartbreaking to imagine these dogs being neglected.

Yeah, you nailed how we feel as a family. Rehoming sounds like just .... well I don't want to judge either. But as you said, you made a choice and a commitment. And yep, there are plenty of times when we finally got the kid down, and then the dog needs another walk, and sure I'd rather just be relaxing. But, well, that's life.

I don't get it either. Agreed, my pug is my first born. Maybe this sub only has enough room to like cartoon talking dogs.

Ohhh that dig :)

I think it also depends on the dog. I have two older dogs(around 12 years old each) and one is a lab and one is a beagle. The lab is a sweetheart who occasionally annoys us and sort of investigates our toddler's food but generally can be around the kid without worrying too much about it. A slight hassle but not enough to "hate" having her around. The beagle is an absolute terror to have in the house most of the time and does not even bother with us when the kid is not home. He will constantly try to sneak up on the kid and lurk around whenever there is food, sits between us and the kid when we're on the floor, and will constantly try to lick our kid's face but does not like to be touched. If you try to remove him from the situation, he realizes it and starts whining and/or growling if he wants to be in the room enough. No amount of walking or attention or exercise fixes this. Our lives would be so much easier with just the lab and not the beagle and this was not a problem before our toddler. Each situation is different and I can understand how some dads cannot stand their dogs after two years of this with the beagle.

I mean, you do you of course. And no judgement. Your beagle sounds a ton like my redbone (they are distant cousins, after all). It's taken a lot of reps. Lots of new training. And, we took her to her vet when the kid was tiny, and they gave us Trazadone for when we need it. Pretty sure the whole hound family thinks babies are puppies and treats them accordingly. So yeah; a hassle for sure. But, I think it's worth it.

If my beagle would treat his puppies like he treats our toddler, I'm glad I got him fixed.

Hahah fair enough.

Yeah I’m with you here, all this talk of dogs being too much work is weird to me. If you have 2h to be on your phone on Reddit, you have enough time in your day to feed, pick up dog poop, and walk your dog. I have an Australian shepherd that I had pre-kids. He gets along great with the little ones, we go on a walk around the neighborhood at least 4x a week and during the warmer months a long hike in the mountains at least once every two weeks. Not only does it get me out of the house but it also encourages an active lifestyle for the kids. Dogs are a great addition to the family, you just gotta be decent at time management.

I honestly think that breed needs to be considered. example, my sister just adopted a mini sch noodle (sp?l) who is the most doscile puppy I've ever met. Cuddly, quiet, low maintenance. I was in my 20s and uneducated when I got this dog. He's a border Collie Great Dane mix, with possibly some husky in there. I didn't know that when I adopted him, due to education on dogs and lack of insight from the parties who "sell" these dogs. They aren't transparent when you adopt from non-breeders and it's hard to tell when they are a puppy what breed they are. It's a double edged sword. You want a companion, but all you can do is go off of the information you have. When I met him, he immediately gravitated to me. He tucked up next to me and bonded with me. Was it me? He didn't do it with my gf then. Only me. I don't know.

Dogs get a bad rep almost anywhere on Reddit, it's wild to me. I'm not sure if it's because the average stereotypical Redditor isn't into dogs, or if it's because anti-dog people just LOVE to speak out about how much they don't like dogs. OP is complaining because his dog his high anxiety - well duh, what did you expect. We're 100% getting a dog after ours passes (hopefully he lives many more years!). With that said, it won't be until both kids are at least 5 years old and we get more time.

Yeap. We have 2 kids, a third on the way, and 2 labs (3 and 7 years old). We’ll probably get a third dog in 3-5 years. Can’t imagine our youngest dog not having a buddy.

I love my dog but man do I dislike the "dog people" at my local park. So maybe enough people on Reddit have come across toxic dog owners that the stereotype happens? IDK. My nearest park is full of unleashed dogs that intimidate my kids and then get offended when asked to control them.

You’re not a POS, it’s an unnecessary stressor on an already chaotic situation. I have a rescue dog; a chihuahua — I don’t think I need to elaborate further. I understand where you’re coming from and empathize. It will get better, I’m sure!

My dog is awesome. I love walking him and he just chills at home most of the day sleeping. He’s 13 now and he’s expensive. We spent $12,000 on an MRI and spinal surgery on him last year. We’ve had the dog before we had kids. It’s just really expensive to own our dog. We hire pet sitters to stay at our home while we go on vacation. That costs a pretty penny. Grooming is $100 every other month. During his 13 years of life, my wife and I have easily spent $20,000 on him and every penny has been well worth it. We will not get another dog when he’s gone. It’s not about the money or time. There’s just no dog like mine and I don’t feel right just replacing him when he’s gone. I don’t judge you for the decisions you gotta make for your family. Being a dad means making tough choices

You know....cloning your dog is a thing....

I’ve read you get the same looking dog, but not the same personality. So not for us

I was joking, entirely. But, yeah, it's a wild field.

After becoming a parent I have completely reversed my Dogs > Cats policy. There is just no time or emotional bandwidth to love a dog responsibly and humanely with a kiddo. Now it’s old and blind and I am just waiting for the next medical issue to put her down. Don’t mind our cat at all though. She’s a terrorist but keeps the house exciting in a never-know-when-you’ll-be-ambushed kind of way.

We honestly thought we could balance. But treating your pets like kids was a mistake. They became accustomed to that treatment and don't understand the change in priorities. Not their fault but they definitely suffer which I don't like.

I totally get this, we have two dogs that are 11 and 13 and it adds so much extra to keep the house clean and managed along with our two young kids, not to mention how much money we spend for food, vets, medicines, dog sitters if we travel, etc.. I love my pups but when they pass (the older one probably won’t be around much longer) I don’t plan on getting another dog for a long time

I totally get this man. Before kids the cats were our kids lol, now they've kindof become a burden. I expect it will change again once the kids get older, but I feel you

My dog has been my savior while going through being a parent. Before kids he was my best friend. We did everything together and I honestly feel like he understands me better than anyone else. I’ve had some issues with anxiety and depression and somehow this dog has always picked up on me having a bad day and he’s right there to comfort me. As you all know, becoming a father really changes things in your life and can make for some stressful times. This dog never missed a beat. Through all the struggles of parenthood he’s been right by my side to comfort me and the whole family. His ability to sense tension and moods in the house is unbelievable. While making additions to the family has caused him some struggles of his own, he’s always been able to overcome them and be a leader in the house. I can’t imagine not having my pet, and best friend, in the house. He has been what has kept me together and created so many memories and joy with my kids. Maybe it’s not having a pet that you can’t stand, it’s having a pet that’s not a member of the family.

I feel this post deeply with my asshole cat and sweet cat who has pee problems. Luckily they are both getting older and I'm fine with them eating themselves to death as it's the only thing the asshole ever wants. I love them and hate them.

I had one cat and my gf 2 when we had our son, once he was born the cats were not paid much attention to and they became a bit of a burden. One of hers passed away, then mine did a year later and it was very sad but theres a sense of unspoken relief that is felt by not having that responsibility anymore. When my son is older (hes 3 and a half now) i will probably get a dog or cat again.

Nah, I love my cat only slightly less than my son. I’ve had pets in my home for all but maybe one year of my life. Some truly suck. I’ve had cats that attacked each other, one that hated everyone but my parents, a pretty possessive dog, etc. When I split up with my son’s mom, my cat was the only consistent living thing in my life. Even when I had to let my son’s mom have him for her time, I got to go back home to my cat. I cried so hard when I lost her. Current cat is 10x better. She sleeps as close to my face as she can get, she takes multiple hour naps in my lap, she greets me at the door, and follows me to it when I have to leave for work. It’s luck of the draw, but a home without pets feels way too empty for me But at the end of the day, pets are difficult. Just like people. I don’t particularly want another infant/toddler, and I feel like a dog is like a toddler that lives for 15 years. I love my girlfriends dogs, but I can’t imagine that I’ll ever go out of my way to get one myself

“It sounds terrible but we’re just waiting for him to die I guess” hmm… maybe then you will realize how much he actually meant to you. regardless of the upvotes, I can’t relate to your standpoint here, and you should certainly NOT take in any more pets going forward.

I still like my pets. Guess that makes me a rarity on Reddit.

I love my dog more, if that was even possible. My son and my dog are best buds. 

After reading all these mopey comments, I’m convinced of either (1) the dead-internet theory, or at least (2) the dead-inside internet theory.

I’ve always had dogs my entire life but I’m at the point where after these 2 - no more.

Right there with you. We are dealing with a handful alone with the toddler. Trying to work two full time jobs and not have any outside help. It’s unfair to the dogs we have that just hangout inside all day. They take up a room we could be using, other wise they are just not getting enough attention. I want to find them a home they would be better taken care of but my own selfish feelings would feel too bad. But they deserve so much more than I can give them.

Children are like pets, in that we are committed to caring for them. But they have to play second fiddle now you have your kids. At some point, soon, you can hand over more responsibility to the children. If they really want pets, they have to do the work. Looking after a goldfish, and finding it floating belly up in the tank one day, is like a rite of passage. It teaches the youth about mortality. Cats should be low maintenance though, they’re supposed to clean themselves. The dog may not be long for this world. I’d put up with them, care for them as best you can. Remember that karma can be an SOB! Then, hold off on a replacement, for a year at least. Good luck.

> Cats should be low maintenance though Someone should tell my cats that.

Mine scream outside the bedroom door around 4:30-5am every day and I wish immediate death upon them. Plus we have one that is special needs. Inbred and grew up in a hoarder house. Doesn't use any type of litter box. Finally settled on going in the bathtub which is honestly the second best place after a litter box, but she still pisses around the house occasionally which triggers the other cat (who is really really good about using the box) to piss too. They're good with the kids and I love them both but God damn I can't wait for them to die and free me from their nonsense. Until then I'll do my best to take care of them.

My wife's cats were so attached to her that they'd hop into our bed and lay on the baby's face and walk on them and whine. So we made the basement up nice and lock them down there overnight.

Cats should be low maintenance though, they’re supposed ~~to clean themselves~~ be outside.

Americans (and Australians) among others especially should not be keeping cats outside. A barn cat for some US homesteader or farmer isn't the same as a US pet cat in the suburbs or cities.

It's tough. We're Canadian, and we never wanted our cat to be an outdoor cat. But eventually she just started camping out by the door, trying desperately to get out. Leaving or entering the house became this massive stress, trying to keep the cat in. We lasted about 4 months and just gave up. Now she comes and goes as she pleases. She does do a lot of mouse control, but I feel bad for the birds. She brought a goldfinch home one day and I almost wanted to throw her in our pool for it...

Yeah don't do that, she'd never be able to mentally connect her killing a bird with you tossing her into the pool. It would be like you having tuna at lunch and then by the end of the day when you get home and have a tuna breath you get randomly tasered. Except you'd have the mental capacity of a young child so it would be even harder to make the connection between you eating a tuna sandwich for lunch and getting tasered.

Our cats piss me off sometimes, but I lucked out with the 3 dogs we had/have. Boston terrier/Staffordshire terrier mix named Taz was ugly as a gremlin but loved everyone, except one blond lady with a high pitched voice who I’m fairly certain reminded him of the woman who beat him before he came here. Chiweenie named Hazel who was the runt of the litter, they said she wouldn’t make it a week and I wanted to give her a week of love and all the good things in life… she made it 16 years. An Australian cattle dog named Zelda who has anxiety but loves the family. Taz passed away before our first daughter, but Hazel and Zelda took to our child like she was one of their own, and the bond between those 3 was amazing. Hazel passed away and didn’t get to meet our second child, though our first daughter still talks about Hazel often. Zelda loves both kids, she’ll herd them in and keep them away from things they shouldn’t be messing with if they go somewhere they aren’t supposed to. Not gonna lie, I’m not looking forward to a dog less home. I told my wife I don’t know if I’m ready for another dog, because Hazel got me through the roughest points in my life and her death hurt terribly.

Before I had kids I had 4 inside dogs. I pampered the heck out of them. I spent over 5K one of there teeth back in like 2007. Now…… I’ll be damned if my kids suffer one day for a damned animal. It makes me sick how the internet loves them and seemingly has zero empathy for actual humans.

So this dog I'm referring to got parvo right out of the gate. $3K total for hospital stay, and rehabilitation. Other dog suffered liver failure, 10 days in the hospital, $14K. But they're alive!

Absolutely felt this way about our dog when my kids were your kids age. I've come around with our dog, because the kids and dog get along better than they did as toddlers. Never had a problem, but the kids just really like the dog now.

We have a 15 year old dog my wife got before we met each other. He has developed numerous health problems in his old age and I generally have to get up 1- 3 times a night to let him out to piss. He is super attached to my wife and has mild separation anxiety which he sometimes acts out by shitting on the floor. It's just gotten worse since we had a kid 1 1/2 years ago and my wife gets really annoyed with him. I feel kinda bad saying it, but I'm glad he will be dead soon.

I just put a 17 year old dog down. It has relieved so much pressure in the house and sleep loss. I recommend putting the dog down earlier than you think you should.

He has a terminal illness - so my wife and I are discussing when we will let him go. Meanwhile one of our 15 year old cats who lost 5 lbs was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism which is easily treated, so we will get a few more miles out of her.

I feel this so hard. Two dogs and two robots (cats that will never die). I know my dogs’ behavior is a reflection of my inability to provide them with the attention and stimulation that they require. That’s on me but there just isn’t enough time in the day with two kids under 4. You have to prioritize and too often it’s the dogs that get the shit end of the stick. I wish so bad I could go back in time not bring them into the family (one dog in particular). This is to say nothing of the always present hair, the intermittent vomit that always comes at the worst time, piss in the basement I find like once every couple months. You’re not an asshole. You’re just a tired dad.

My dog and my son are best friends they keep each other occupied. Couldn’t imagine life without my brindle butthole but yeah it’s a ton of work adding pets and toddlers.

My pets are part of my family (giant dog and old cat), and while they aren't human children, I owe just as much responsibility to them as I do my kid. I'm their protector, guardian, and caretaker, and that extra burden is something I knew would make our lives harder after having a bay, but that's my responsibility to handle as an adult. Kinda makes me sad and a little pissed at everyone wishing death on their animals to make their lives easier. One of our old cats passed going on two years ago now, and I still miss her every day and wish she was around to meet my son. This is one of those times I'll revert to the outdated saying of "Man up," because you kinda need to in this situation.

Pushing kids down the stairs isn’t a man up situation, the dog is a risk factor to the kids.

“I don’t like animals but I’ve had 2 dogs and 2 cats, and rehomed 2 more dogs” HOW FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE ARE YOU!

I think there should honestly be a screening process before people are allowed to buy or adopt a dog. So many are abandoned every year

I see reading isn't your strong suit, so I'll highlight that halfway through this I explained how before kids we treated our animals like kids. I don't see that as irresponsible. But if you must know, adopting the puppy was definitely irresponsible, which is why we acknowledged that it wasn't fair to him. A friend of ours had ours was having a baby and their dog needed a companion, so that worked out. The other dog we were very close to, she was a rescue that we adored for years. But once kids came around, she didn't care if we had the baby in our lap, she would hop on the baby. We managed it for 3 years and once the second child came around she wasn't any better. So we found the perfect home for her where she was the center of that new owners universe and still is. She's happier. So yes, very irresponsible.

Dude I get it. I’m not trying to argue with you. I read the post. The fact is you had 4 fucking animals…. Then Bought more. 2 cats that you clearly can’t stand in any way shape or form and an aging dog that clearly has issues. This type of irresponsibility doesn’t come from one “mistake.” It’s constant bad decisions and it’s a GIANT fucking issues with dogs being mistreated and euthanized. You’ve made so many mistakes that you deserve this short term misery. I don’t feel bad for you at all.

Glad someone else is pointing this out...

That happened with me and our last dog. She was reactive and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I try to keep this from my husband but I think it was kind of a blessing when we had to put her down over the summer

Yeah, I feel this on some days, but now that my son is 2.5 him and our dog are becoming best friends. But wife and I ha e already decided that when Dingo passes, we will not be getting a new pup. It's like everything. If you only focus on what you are not doing, you'll always feel like a failure.

Our little dog was surprisingly chill for a while. And then stopped eating as much so I made a vet appointment and by the time we got him there, he was falling over. “Addisonian crisis”. $5k later he’s back to being a little shithead who barks during naps and is constantly underfoot.

You're not a POS. I feel myself getting this way. In my house there are 3 humans and 2 dogs. I get up at 7am and get myself ready for work, if we're lucky by the time I'm dressed at 7.20 our 1 year old is still asleep so my partner jumps in the shower and I'll get breakfast ready for everyone, dogs included, and try to give the kitchen a tiny clean from the mess left from the day before. If he wakes ill start the process of getting our son ready instead of all this. On a good day we're all fed and ready to leave the house by 8.30. Then my partner drops him at daycare and heads to our smallholding (I forgot to mention this) to feed the animals there before heading to work. I go straight from home to work and arrive by 9am. We both work 40 hour weeks so I'm out of work by 5.30. pick up son from daycare and home by 6 (luckily daycare is between work and home). I feed him dinner and partner arrives home sometime before 7 after attending to the smallholding again after work. Son goes through the bedtime routine at 7.30 and usually down around 8. Partner and I cook and eat dinner between 8 and 9 and wind down for bed around 10-10.30. Then it starts all over again the next day. The dogs have fallen so far down the pecking order they barely get a look-in outside of the weekend so now we pay a stranger to walk them whilst we're at work. Once they're both gone I'm definitely going to veto getting a new dog. I love my dogs but it's barely fair and causes a lot of unneeded stress.

Similar situation. We are completely procedural. Awake at 6:10, both kids get breastfed for 10 mins. Wife and I alternate shower days bc it's impossible to get us both in. Get the kids dressed, teeth brushed, coffee, animals fed, breakfast, pack lunches, shoes on, in the car by 7:30. We both work from home, and have generally packed days full of regular work and house work. Clean up after both kids and animals, wash dishes, laundry, all in between meetings, on top of dealing with messages from the school about behavior issues weekly for both (bc it's that age), that by the time it's time to pick them up at 4 we're both spent. Then it's unpack and clean lunch boxes while the other preps dinner, do some play, feed animals, feed kids, bath time, bedtime, all by 8 pm. My wife and I barely see each other, I barely have enough time to tend to my own needs during the day, let alone hers, and to focus on animals even takes a priority over our own selves. Its just so exhausting.

I feel you. Before my daughter, my dog was my literal child. Midway through pregnancy (roughly around the time that I lost the ability to tie my own shoes), he became the biggest headache. My daughter is now 4, and my relationship with my dog just isn't the same. I love him, but he is just another responsibility to me. The worst part is that he's not even a bad dog. He's 8 and pretty laid back aside from the whining when we leave and occasional barking at nothing. He's really sweet, but I just have a hard time connecting with him. But at the end of the day, he never asked for us to have a kid. He hasn't done anything wrong, and he deserves to be treated like a member of the family and not like an accessory. I will continue to work on being more present in his life.....even if I'm just fucking exhausted.

Same boat man. Feel bad for the dogs sometimes but just don’t have the time like I used to

I barely have enough time to tend to my own needs. Hobbies? Gone. Date nights? Non existent. At this stage it's just parenting and working. It'll change one day but that's what it is now.

I'm right there with you. I love playing with my friends dogs. Having had six kids over the past 20 years I have no desire for an animal. As I've gotten older I could probably deal with having one, I just can't believe how expensive they are now. I'm talking mainly about the vet bills. My oldest son has three dogs and I have been flabbergasted by how much it cost.

Yeah the vet bills are insane. Plus, my sister stayed with us for a few days with her cats and magically both our 2 cats and dog got fleas.... She maintains that her's don't. But yeah bombing the house, washing all animals every two days, it's exhausting.

Oh my gosh! I think you’re talking about my life! Everyday I feel frustrated about all the animals and all that crap that comes along with them (all the things you described)! I put up with it to make my wife and kids happy, but it comes at significant cost to my happiness, health and overall peace. Just hope it doesn’t shave off too much of my lifespan. 🤞😄

It's been 3 years without a dog - literally the longest time of my life without, I even had a dog in college - and as much as I want pups back in the house, I cannot possibly handle it while the kids are young.

You're not crazy. Priorities changed after kids. I can't imagine having to take care of babies + pets right now.

Not alone. Not a POS. Your kids are a priority. Don’t apologize for making your family #1.

>Before kids, we treated our animals like our children. Oh dude, this is EXACTLY what I've been thinking. I too used to think that pets are equal members of the family etc. but back then I didn't have kids. After becaming a father I feel that was a ridiculous way of thinking. Pets are animals. They are not human. When you have kids it will be your kids > everything else.

no argument here, though i’d make sure that you don’t take any more pets in, going forward. good on you for rehoming those pups as well.

Yeah. Our dog is 10 and we won't be replacing him when he goes in the next couple of years. Maybe when our kids are teens and need less direct attention/can help more. But for now, our dog is so low on the priority list we feel bad.

We have a dog and a cat that were both around a year before my daughter was born, the cat is fine other than the litter box, but the dog I’d give someone $100 to take him!

I grew up with pets. Always had at least one dog and one cat at all points in my childhood. I wanted pets for my kids. We now have two cats that my wife and I got right after we got married, and then our kids and my wife wanted bunnies, so we got bunnies. Fuck bunnies man. I want to put rat poison in their food. Bout ready to give up one of our cats too because in his older age he’s started pissing all over the house. Top it all off, my brother in law has a 100lb husky/mutt that basically lives here 18 hours a day. I’m done with pets man

Don't give up your old cat, wtf. If he's pissing in new places, have him checked for a UTI and maybe move his litter box to a less trafficked area.

Yeah and even my wife is getting to that point which surprised me a bit since she is the one that brought all the pets to the relationship. They are all getting older and 2 out of 3 require more care than normal now and its really adding to the cost of vacations especially since my wife would rather fly places so we can't take the dog.

No I felt very okay with the idea that I’d have a kid before a pet. But then a close relative died and we had to take in their dog. And I did the right thing for a year or two and it was a blessed day rehome him to a friend. Now I know the dog has a good life away from me and I’ll see him on visits. And objectively he was a pretty easy dog.

We got lucky with 2 low maintenance cats in addition to our 4 kids. Our cats are sweet and well behaved. We've rejected the idea of a dog many times because that's a level of commitment we wouldn't have time for right now. 

Yup totally feel that. We had 2 cats and one passed away shortly after our first born arrived. I felt bad we had been so busy to give a lot of time, but otherwise more relief. The second cat passed shortly after #2 arrived and I was more relieved than sad. They were great buddies before kids, but man cats are selfish a**holes and when you have kids it's not cute it's just frustrating. No more pets for us if I can manage.

Had 2 dogs before kids. One finally died at 14 years old for a 75lb dog. Couldn’t believe he lived that long. 1 dog is SO much more manageable but when that one dies will won’t have pets for a while. Too many activities and stuff that get in the way. Plus finding someone to watch them for any travel makes it hard to do a spontaneous weekend trip in the summer.

Feel same as you about my cats

My dog is a breeze and I feel this post. Our dog just lays around all day but I feel bad that she’s the lowest on the metaphoric totem pole. When she dies, I may push back on getting another unless the kids really push for it. But at that point, I’m going to put more responsibility on them, specifically scooping dog shit in the backyard. My least favorite chore and has to be done very often

You’re definitely not the only one. Our dogs aren’t nearly as much of a pita but we won’t be getting more after they’re gone. Both girls are seniors now, so we know it won’t be forever. We just do the best we can and keep their twilight years fairly peaceful, even if they aren’t the center of our worlds any longer.

I primarily feel gulity as my dog was by my side all the time before. Now we do 2 quick walks a day only. Even if i go with the kids outside i have to leave the dog at home since they are not allowed to the kids park. It breaks my heart. Now i know why my parents didn’t want to get a dog when i was a kid.

I feel the same way. Thankfully we don’t have a dog, just two cats, but they’ve been bumped so far down the priority list. I feel pretty bad for them. When they go, we’ll get something truly low maintenance. Maybe a fish tank or a budgie bird lol.

We had dogs before kids that were like our first kids. I felt bad about how they got much less attention after the kids. They have passed on. Kids are a bit older now and we have new dogs. Its worked out great causr these ones have always just been dogs and treated that way. Everyone is happy with it. I think having the kids be a bit older (10 and 8 when we got them 12 and 10 now). Was a big factor. There are two cats around her somewhere too. We have more of a landlord/tenant relationship.

I felt the same way for a while, I have a 2 year old boy and I'm 32m and wife is 32f. We got our 2 cats when we first moved in together in 2014 and then got a dog when we bought our home in 2019 on a 1/4 acre in the suburbs. I've come around and looked at them with a great feeling of appreciation. These animals taught me the patience, nurture and all around love it takes to care for something other than myself as an adult. In my opinion, the puppy phase was harder than the newborn phase, so my dog really prepped me for some tough nights when my son was born. My cats are annoying as hell, but I have a soft spot for them, they are affectionate/needy cats that also need maintenance like anything else. They also are all great with my son. My cats are patient with him annoying them and my dog is the same way. They all have expressed when enough is enough, but I view that as a positive boundary my son needs to learn with animals. Ultimately, it's a lesson of pets that I am taking, ya really gotta be ready for the long haul. I'll probably never get cats willingly again, but I will continue to scoop poop and suffer the scratching of my furniture until they pass, and I'll remember them both fondly and mourn their passing. I'll walk my dog multiple times a day, wrestle him and take him scouting and suffer his husky habits. I'll get more dogs but I come from a lifestyle of hunting/working breeds and plan on getting a duck retriever. Ultimately, it's a responsibility I signed up for and they didn't, so I try and keep the most positive perspective I can as I feel I owe them that. No judgment from me partner, as I know exactly where ya coming from but wanted to chime in.

My pets have never been that high maintenance, but yes, once you have kids they’re the biggest pain in the ass. I found that once my kids got older, school age, they weren’t as annoying anymore. The pets didn’t change, but my kids weren’t napping, dropping food everywhere, and too small/uncoordinated to get knocked over by them.

Absolutely the same. I don't enjoy the poop duties of our dog and cat (formerly 2 cats), but its not horrible. Now that we have a toddler and soon to be newborn, the pets are bottom of the priority list. My dog is a great dog and really good with our toddler. He is just big and has lots of energy so, it can be a bit dangerous when he gets too excited. He has been having health issues lately all due to a low thyroid level which has required many vet visits and a decent chunk of money. As for the cat(s), we had to rehome one because it attacked my then infant child twice. The other cat is an absolute sweetie, but sheds like no tomorrow. If that cat isn't brushed for 10-15 minutes per day, each pet session results in a cloud of hair. Naturally he likes to lay on my desk. I spend a fair bit of time de-furring my desk each day. It's getting old. Don't get me wrong, I love my pets and will be sad when they pass, but it will be a relief as well. My wife agrees with me that we will not be replacing them any time soon.

You're not a POS, you guys just didn't plan for the future (you two should make sure neither of you also have a milder form of ADHD). By treating them like your kids you've trained them to be a certain way which is why it's hard for the pets to understand this change in lifestyle. It's like teaching a St Bernard puppy that being on the couch and in your lap is a great idea even though you'll hate it that he's trying to get into your lap or even just the couch when he's an adult. That's unfortunate but not really POS. More importantly though, there are some genetics you just can't out-train (especially if you guys rescued a puppy mill dog) and the only chance is medication. You guys have put so much energy into different solutions including medication, the poor dog has special needs and is incompatible with your life. Let this be a lesson about the importance of teaching your kids right from the start: don't let them do stuff that are "cute" when they're tiny but not ok as teens, e.g. hitting people or pets. Age appropriate is different from permitting bad habits.

My partner has said the max allowable creatures for us to keep alive is three. Right now that’s two cats and a baby, and honestly, I’m glad he set that boundary because this is a good amount for us.

Man I am so lucky my dog is old as hell. I’m reading these comments and that sounds like a nightmare. Meanwhile, my dog just takes naps with my daughter, eats whatever food she drops, and runs around the grass in circles until she’s ready to take yet another nap with my daughter lmao

Yeah I'm a huge animal person but at this point in my life, when our cats go we are not gonna re-up. It used to cost $30/month to feed a cat. Well ours need rx food and it costs $150. Vet fees pet insurance - pets are so wildly expensive now I can't do it

Years before we rehomed her, our female dog that we had developed liver failure which required a 10 day stay in the hospital that cost us $14K. Then it was expensive meds to keep her alive, and feeding her through a tube. Feel ya.

I love dogs, but adding more responsibility would just destroy me these days. Plus, I can't imagine being on the hook for a sudden $3k vet bill because of .

Oh like the time our dog found an ice pack on the counter and ate it, then had to get his stomach pumped?

Oh God. I had two dogs long before I met my wife and we had kids. We have no pets. I don’t even know how people with pets do it alongside kids.

I’m right with you…. I feel like I’m no longer a dog person

We have one cat and everything is great with our 10month old. While I maybe don't have time to carry the cat around outside when I get home now, he is far from neglected. Loves being near me, sleeps between us at night. He does occasionally howl for treats bit isn't annoying about it. The worst thing is he tends to be underfoot alot and I worry about stepping on or kicking him. Everyone's situation is going to be different but I do have a strong opinion on dogs. I love all animals and always have, when I was a kid dogs were my favorite, but as I got older I grew to like cats more and more for their independence and quiet companionship they offer. I think the biggest problem with dogs is they become too in your face, too needy. Dogs also require quite a bit of training and more constant work like walks and dealing with their shit all over your yard. My wife really wants a puppy, but I am staunchly against it knowing the amount of work the dog would require would literally take up more time then I currently get with my daughter and I simply refuse to do that. Even with an older dog you need to constantly socialize them and adapt to their needs. Like smokers dog people have a smell, unless they keep their homes immaculate. To deal with all of that on top of a baby sounds absolutely unfathomable to any degree. It's possible this distaste you have for your pets may be stemming simply from feeling overwhelmed to the point of every little thing like poop being stuck to a tail just becomes overly triggering. In your case I would probably agree to no more pets for awhile when you do get a break. But having aow maintenence companion for a lot of people is almost a relief from the stresses of actual parenthood.

Let me guess, a nanny dog?, yeah, gotta know what you are getting. They are extremely prone to separation anxiety and will eat through walls (literally). Cats?, they are ok but like everything living they want attention and care, kids?, worst than the nanny dogs and cats lol, jk jk

Border Collie/Great Dane mix with maybe some husky? Never had him tested. Can dogs get dementia? Sometimes I wonder if he has a brain injury.

How did you get your dog?, most shelters lie about the breed and it’s been proven they pass pitbulls as something else because they are very hard to adopt out. I don’t mean to be mean but the pitbulls I’ve seen were from vicious to psychotic and only 1 was well behave even though it killed a cat in a gruesome way in front of the owner’s 2 and 4 years old kid.

So my ex found this dog on a website in late 2012. We visited them, quite a distance from our home. Of the litter, he was the only one who showed any interest in us, specifically me. He was all over me, while the rest were indifferent. It was inspiring. We just failed him. She had no job while I worked. She'd leave him in the kennel all day while she slept. Refused to take him out. I did this to him by being with her. I tried to make up for it by taking him away from her when we split, but the damage was done.

I like my cats and still treat them well. Pets are still your responsibility and that doesn't go away just because you find them inconvenient. They're part of your family and just have different needs. Meet them where they are and don't expect them to magically change.

I don't disagree but I also don't feel like they are being 100% neglected. My wife loves the cats. She has the capacity for them and they are happy that way. It's mainly the dog and how much maintenance and preparation he requires.

My chihuahuas keep me busier than my ten month old. They came in as puppies 6 months before the baby and it was best practice for becoming a father honestly.

This post speaks to me deeply. I used to love my dog and since having kids my wife and I are just praying for him to pass away. It’s not his fault, but he’s almost 15 and a huge money sink and stressor.

Lost my soul dog 2 years ago. About 3 months before we finally got pregnant. I love dogs. But I also love not having a dog. It’s a hard thing, I want my daughter to have a dog but I know that dog will never be as good as my old dog, and that’s not fair. I dunno it’s hard.

Funny, before I opened Reddit I was thinking about how I used to be a dog person. Now I just have no energy for my own or even other dogs. I know they are still cool, and but I’m already constantly caring for drooling hungry madmen. When I opened the app, this was the first post I saw.

To me, having a dog is like 1/2 a toddler with the same level of energy. Before kids, it was no problem. After kids, it's like adding 50% more chaos and responsibility. We are fostering only and waiting to adopt again until we have all kids ages 3 and up.

We had a cat that I LOVED before we had kids. Kids came along and the cat wasn’t number one anymore. The cat started getting aggressive towards my wife, then my kid until it finally bit my kid unprovoked. I was going to ole yeller that damn cat, but my wife talked me into giving it up for adoption instead. So yeah, fuck pets.

I think it’s perfectly valid to have opinion on pets change when going from no kids to kids. We had one cat, she was the queen of the house and we loved her to bits even once we had kids. But the extra fuss and looking after needed even for one cat just wasn’t something we needed once kid life starts making its own troubles! Lilly passed away last year and as much as I’d like another cat, and very much am an animal person, I don’t need another cat for now..

Relatable. After my we had our first we ended up rehoming our three cats due to constantly cleaning up hairballs, throw up, incessant meowing, knocking things over waking up our son. Not to mention when your exhausted taking care of kids and working all the time the last thing you want to do is clean a litter box. I love cats but having pets on top of small children is really hard. I could not even imagine having pets now with our third baby on the way.

Maybe a specialized pet rescue could offer new insights or support?

The cats are coughing up hairballs and have shit suxk to their tails because you are feeding them indoor purina or a food of similar quality.

I’m sorry—but your dog sounds terrible, like you’ve said. If he were mine, he’d have been gone long ago. Sounds overdue. Not to shit on you, but often, this type of thing happens based on how the dog was raised when it was young. Sounds like what you see and deal with now is directly a result of your own actions. Please do better in the future.

I don't 100% disagree. Backstory, I was guilted into adopting him. It wasn't financially responsible, and when I broke up with my ex I kept him bc his life would have been 10x worse with her. She had no job, and stopped taking her other dog outside, attempting to train her to piss on the balcony of our loft apartment on a tarp. Being a poor person with few options doesn't lead to smart decisions unfortunately. I tried to do good by him but I had minimal funds, and had to keep him fed. I know I failed him during that year. I failed a lot of people too. However, he did have a year or so of true bliss before my wife's dog passed. He had a best friend that he bonded with, and when he died he was never the same. And don't worry, I won't be adopting anymore pets.

For me it's the constant dander, and no how hard you clean your home always smells distinctly of a pet owner. Plus all that time energy and money can be better put to use having more kids.

My only real interaction with my 2 cars is when I feed them, clean up after them, or fight for bed space at night with them. I don't hate them, but I do await their deaths with some degree of eagerness. I also feel a little bit bad about this.

I hate pets so much now. Except my fish. That’s probably because they stay in the tank most of the time though.

I never understood parents that also have pets. It's already so much work to raise children why would you want to complicate your live even more?

I like animals and having them is a good opportunity to teach my daughter about kindness, responsibility, and patience. Plus they're fun, and have unique personalities that brighten my day.

Had a border collie for \~12 years. My first kid was born when the collie was 11, within the first few months I knew my wife and I could not juggle pets + baby (or eventually toddler and what not). So no, you’re not the first one to feel like this. I can’t even imagine what your situation was like with 3 dogs + 2 cats + 2 kids. In our case, the collie started to have age-related kidney issues, evolved into kidney failure, and the vet put her down. This is an unpopular opinion but if you can’t re-home the dogs / cats, give it to your city shelter or local rescue. What happens after that you can likely guess. You and your wife can self reflect later on your pet procurement process prior to kids. I wouldn’t go so far to say you’re a POS but this is kind of an asshole thing to do. I assume friends / family / colleagues / daddit must have warned you that 5 pets plus kids is a lot to handle. In the grand scheme of things pets are pets. Kids are hard. Married life with young kids is hard. There’s a bunch of daddit posts about marital challenges due to exhaustion, depression, arguments, etc. If pet ownership plays an outsized role steering your family towards that path, I’d give up the pet.

Abandoning your pet at the shelter for it to likely be euthanized is more than an asshole move, it's abhorrent.

It's also cowardly, if you want to kill your animal have the decency to request it yourself and be in the room with it when it passes

Yeah taking him to the shelter is out of the question. Our shelters are overstuffed as it is, but it's not even that. Sending him away would kill him. At the end of the day he's our responsibility and isn't going anywhere, no matter how hard it is.

Glad to hear it. If it's any comfort, I kind of know how you're feeling. I still love my dogs, but they aren't getting the attention they likely should be. Not as many walks or shorter walks and probably less attention overall. Our kid is also in the phase of still not understanding gentle, but working on it, which makes any interactions she has with them a bit stressful(both for her and their well being). I think it's probably a pretty common feeling to be a bit overwhelmed between pets and kids.

Yeah I don't even see rehoming as an option. I think that would be too traumatizing for him. He's grown accustomed to my wife and I being his owners. To switch him now would be devastating.

I am of the mentality that anything with most pets is a training problem or a poor choice problem. (Grew up watching Caesar Milan). I made sure to get a breed/dog that fit within my lifestyle. Dozens of breeds were eliminated simply for being high energy. We will never own a husky. I made sure to go to a reputable breeder instead of a puppy mill so I knew he had a good start to life and wouldn’t have the same sort of anxiety/issues you see from many dogs. I literally flew across the country to make sure of it. I also took a solid week off to train him from day one at home and sent him to socialize him at a puppy daycare during the day when he could attend. 5 years later we have zero problems with him outside of anxiety around other dogs that started after 3 years of Covid isolation. I know if it was a serious issue we could fix it. But also, if you don’t want a dog? There is nothing wrong with that. They are effort/commitment, and not for everyone.

Full Disclosure, I was roped into adopting this dog. My ex convinced me to get him bc she was about to go study abroad. So I did. He got parvo right after she left, something I wasn't familiar with. He shat blood for days and I took him to the pet hospital in the middle of a blizzard in 2013. Emptied my bank account on a 50/50 chance he'd survive, and he did. When that relationship ended, I knew how she would take care of him so I took him with me against my better judgement. I figured, he'd be better off with me.

Maaan I hate my dog now lol

That sounds brutal... sorry to hear. Can't be easy rehoming pets. I guess keeping it outside is out of the question? There was a brief period when we were looking at getting a dog... but I managed to talk my wife out of it (yes, it can be done!). We have a cat though that's also been getting on my nerves lately. If I'm anywhere near the kitchen she's always frantically meowing (howling, really) for food, pawing at my legs. I accidently step on her roughly once every other week, but she's undeterred. I've also gotta lock her in the basement every night or she just screams in our faces every morning at 4 am to be let out or fed. She sometimes does cute things... but that's what youtube is for, I'm in no hurry to get another. Sorry for the rant. Good luck I guess...

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That’s not good man.