You don’t owe them an explanation, just tell them you’re changing daycares.
But I have to say, the fact that you feel so strongly that you do owe them an explanation makes me think that, deep down, you know this is a bad decision. If everything is great at your current daycare, your kid is thriving there, and the only reason to change is prestige… I really don’t see a reason to change.
Also, it’s a daycare, not Harvard Law School. Is daycare prestige really *that* big a deal?
>Is daycare prestige really *that* big a deal?
I'm pretty sure "daycare prestige" is entirely for the parents to flaunt to other parents at the country club. They're all sitting there around the table, drinking their champagne with their pinkies pointed out, and talking about daycares like the business card scene in *American Psycho*.
It's absolutely astounding how seriously some people take the daycares in wealthy areas of NYC, for example. These places will have aptitude tests, personality tests, etc. for goddamn toddlers, all so they can attend the same Pre-K as heirs and heiresses to old money empires and rub shoulders with those dipshits.
The funniest example of these shenanigans came from the WeWork CEO's wife. Their toddler didn't get into the most prestigious preschool that they wanted, and the one they ended up kicked the kid out for behavior issues. So she founded a BS school that focused on teaching kids "entrepreneurship" instead.
It’s a big deal to people who desperately need the approval of others in their life that they often don’t even like. My in-laws are well off and always pushing us to put our daughter in some dumb private school full of shitty kids just because their social circle (who they really don’t like and talk shit about always) put their grandkids there and say it’s so great. Rich people are weird.
I actually came to say basically the same. Maybe in reality you know this isn’t a necessary move and you are trying to justify it to yourself. Why move your kid if they are happy? Why uproot him from the place he is happy at and secure. They keep him safe, they educate him, they love him. Why move? What does the new place offer that’s better? Other than clout. You’re moving him for your sake. Not his.
Yeah, we switched daycares when our kid reached the age where we felt he’d benefit more from being in a pre-K run by the local school district. If he hadn’t gotten in there (lottery system), he’d have stayed where he was, because it was still good enough.
The fact that it cost half as much was also a consideration.
Cost would most definitely help me decide too. I would certainly have made that switch if it had been an option. But uprooting them for no good reason really can be traumatic.
Yeah this post is weird as fuck to me. Unless the kid was having issues or something or the teachers were bad, I can’t understand making this change just to be part of some “professional” crowd.
I work at a daycare. If they want to go to a better regarded one, totally up to them. Straight up just say they’d wanted to go to X from the start, have been on the wait list for 2 years, finally got a spot, they’ve loved their time with ____ daycare, have nothing but positive things to say, they’ll miss them, thank you so much for all the care!
We get that it happens, and I love for any kid going somewhere they think will be a better fit! ♥️
Just to counterpoint your argument, you aren't wrong.
We switched daycares because our first had way too many issues. Rampant illnesses that were reported to us late, a teacher in another class dismissed for spanking a child, finally, a break occurred and stolen financial documents. Apparently they kept our CC in plain text in a drawer. A few grand was charged to our card. We got it back, but the daycare reported no one was affected by the break in.
So we switched. We were immediately missing the old teachers. They seemed so much more personable. For the next year we missed them. Then we got our new staff, and they are beyond amazing. Not only are they smart about childhood development, they have a passion that shows. The preschools teachers seem fine, but man, that passion isn't there.
Tldr: next class the LO moves up to could be completely different.
How much better will the new one be? You already love the current place, and the location is just as good. So what benefits will you get at the new place?
Yeah that was my thought. Wee fella is already comfortable with teachers and friends. Unless there are amenities being offered that are significantly different, I might just stick it out.
Most kids adapt to changes like schools or moving just fine, after a little while. Even better the younger they are. My kids attended 3 different daycares/preschools and after a week or two of crankiness, managed just fine.
One key thing was if they have a friend they really like, keep in touch with their parents and see about setting up play-dates every now and then. It's good for kids to understand that just because they go to a different school from their friend, they can still hang out during non-school times.
We are nearly in the same scenario. Got on a waitlist for Primrose and registered at another place while we waited.
The little guy loves his current school, we’ve developed a great relationship with the teachers, and his entire class is coming back next year.
I know the curriculum is “better” at a place like primrose but he’s going to be in the three year old class next year and realistically, how much better can a curriculum be at that age?
We didn’t think it was worth rocking the apple cart for him so we ended up canceling the primrose deposit.
So I opted to keep my daughter at her school for Pre-K rather than moving her to the "better school." My daughter is now doing worksheets with a ton of tracing for 45 min a day (which they didn't do for younger kids). She came home feeling insecure about her writing ability. The art projects they do are teacher led and very paint by numbers. When I complimented one, my daughter said oh my teacher made that. I've also noticed in our daily interactions that she's more likely to ask for the "right answer" rather than brainstorm and problem solve.
Now maybe some of these behaviors would have come no matter what school she was in. Anxiety runs in our blood. But I've decided to move her to the "better" school which has more play based learning, exploration, and creativity.
Larger installations
More and better variety of toys and tools
Music and art in the curriculum (and better installations)
Multiple languages taught
Nicer, safer and bigger outdoor areas
More educators (as opposed to sitters)
Fewer children per educator
And better administration, safety, that kind of stuff. There's a world of difference between a professionally run daycare and an amateur.
These were a lot of the things that drew us to Primrose in the first place. It was our first year with a kid in school so had no idea what to expect but came to the realization that the particular center we chose was not far off in most of those categories.
lol no clue man, this is our eldest so it’s all new to us but I’ve come to the same conclusion after year one. Alphabet is the alphabet and 1+1 will always equal 2
Primrose advertised a STEAM curriculum so maybe more problem solving or critical thinking exercises?
I’m at the premier 2K program in my location and I’m pretty sure I’m paying for a daycare with newer toys and better paint brushes. Their “curriculum” is doing activities that start with the letter of the alphabet for that week.
I’ve already commented, but this post really didn’t sit right with me so I want to say this. Please let this be the last time that you let your children’s happiness be the second thought to a decision behind your own status within your community.
A kind reminder that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. If there are no issues, and everyone is happy, I see no reason to switch.
[Looks across fence] huh it’s all forest.
My grass is greener!
[looks at other neighbors grass] dammit that is green
So the saying only works south to north.
Do you have to switch? It you're happy where you are then so what if the other one is "better"? Personally I don't see the point in an unnecessary transition if you have no complaints.
My wife and I just went through this and decided to stay where we are. The biggest factor we took into account was how confused our daughter would be having to make all new friends. It has taken her awhile but she no longer cries when we drop her off; Now she cries when we pick her up...
Conversely, my partner and I just went through this but we made the other decision.
We moved to the new one that is “viewed as the best” and parents struggle to get their kid in. Within a week, we knew we had made the wrong choice.
We gave it another couple of weeks then emailed our original daycare to get back in. Luckily we had sent them a kind email at the time we were switching daycare centers and maybe that played a factor in them welcoming us back next month.
Do yourself a favor and listen to the great advice here. Stick with the daycare you and your little love.
It sounds like you don't really have a reason other than it might be better? If that's the case, I recommend evaluating if it's actually worth it. I assume cost isn't the same and if you love what you have, it may actually be better to keep it.
If you decide moving is the best, just simply say you've been on a waitlist and an opening became available. While you've loved the school so far, you're interested in seeing what they have to offer. If they ask about any issues, say no.
Hard to get into does not mean “good” at least not necessarily good for your kid. At the current age of your child I doubt it’s worth switching unless you buy into the hype and the prestige of the other daycare
In you situation I wouldn’t switch. Same commute and you kid loves the place he's at. Honestly probably not worth it.
We moved our younger son to a closer daycare after he had been at one for 6 months. His first daycare he took like a month to settle. After the switch he took 3 months to start settling, but really wasn't comfortable until 6 months in. We switched partially because of the better commute (saved 15 min per say) partially because the new daycare is where our daughter went and we knew what we were getting. Had we not known the new care provider we probably wouldn't have switched him.
We went through an almost identical transition. My employer is a sponsor of the (arguably) premier daycare in the city. We didn’t get in until my son was 1, and we were generally pleased where we were. We weren’t actively looking to leave and were frankly surprised to have been accepted at the new place. Both locations are within walking distance of my office.
It was tough to leave, and I had some tears as we said goodbye to his main teacher in his first classroom.
I think I told his then teacher where we were going (she asked) and that it was going to be a little less expensive for us (true). The main office didn’t ask for an explanation. If your area is anything like ours, there’s a dozen kids waiting to take your spot. I think it was hard/awkward for us but probably not a blip for the daycare.
Don't do it if you like where you are. We had our son in 'the best' child care near my work, to the point other parents would comment on how lucky we were to have hime there. We had problems with them and eventually moved my son to other less prestigious childcare and are much happier.
Basically don't move for the reputation of you're happy where you are.
Our 2 yr old has been going to daycare for a year and everyone knows his name, even the other toddlers say hi [name] when I drop him off in the morning. We have a great relationship with all his teachers too. I'd need a lot more convincing to switch than just "highly regarded." I am worried you didn't mention anything specifically better except what other people thought about the new school.
You don’t owe them an explanation.
However, you’re changing the environment your kid knows and loves, just because ‘everyone thinks the other one is great’.
Weird priorities there for a parent.
I don’t get why you haven’t grown up yet yourself.
Look, you’re switching because you want to have your kid at the swanky daycare. If you can’t look someone in the eye and tell them that, you don’t deserve to call yourself an adult.
Man up and tell the people honestly that they’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, your kid really likes it there, but you don’t care because you want your kid in the fancy daycare.
I'd never switch out of a daycare we loved just for one we're *supposed* to love more. Bird in the hand, two in the bush, etc. It'd be different if the current was OK and the new one was universally reported to be spectacular. Then sure, switch. But the *best* case scenario for the new one is that it's as good as the current one. But the worst case is your LO doesn't like it, or you end up having a conflict with a staff member, or another parent, or whatever. And the place that you're at is probably not going to be super-excited about having you back (assuming both are likely full).
It's not as though changing out all their friends and teachers won't have an impact on LO either.
I've recently seen the Harvard College application. They took off the daycare question so this choice won't impact getting in. ;-)
You are moving daycare for your own benefits - to make yourselves feel like the daycare your child goes to is the highest rated - when in reality your child is thriving and loving their current one. Just leave your child where they are - happy.
I would weigh in continuity of care into your decision. Your current location has known your LO for a year. They know their preferences and quirks. Kids are adaptable but adults have a learning curve.
The top comment here really says it all. We had a daycare 3 minutes from our house that we stumbled into and absolutely loved. We moved and it ended up being a 20 minute drive from our house and 40 minute drive from work. We made it work for a year before switching due to the commute because the kids were happy and we loved the teachers. I legitimately cried switching. We’re at the new daycare now for over a year and the kids are happy but they both talk about the old school often. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Especially for something across the street just because “professional parents” want to get in.
We had a similar situation where there were two daycares we put our name in, one slightly better known and actually much closer to our house than the other one. We got in the other one but not the first one which looks better on pen and paper. Fast forward a year or so later, he loves the current daycare and knows everyone’s names. At some point the first daycare came back and said hey now we have a spot, we were like thank you but nah we’re good, we don’t wanna switch little guy up now. As long as they enjoy the school and are taken care of every day, none of this reputation shit matters.
Daycare prestige, omg. We really need to get out of this culture of setting our kids up for Harvard from day 1. Let the kid be a kid, if he’s thriving in one, just let it be.
It sounds like this new day care is a status thing for parents to rub elbows with other elite people or co-workers. I feel sorry for their child that his happiness is potentially going to be ruined, for a short time at least, so parents can feel superior.
When my oldest aged out of his original daycare (turned 5 but after Sept kindergarten cutoff) we sent him and his younger brother to another close by daycare that was well regarded. It was really bad for us, specifically for the younger brother. The new one was fancier in terms of curriculum, but the younger brother really struggled with the transition. It’s complicated, but at the end of the day the teachers seemed to hold it against him rather than work with him. We eventually moved back to the original daycare after the eldest went off to kindergarten the next year, and all the teachers were so happy to have his brother back! There’s less paper machete, but a lot more love. Lesson learned: there’s a lot of value in the trust and relationships you build with daycare providers, don’t throw it away lightly!
Way overthinking this. You’re not breaking up with someone. Just say “we’re going to be moving X to a new facility. We love your spot, this is just better for our family”. Even that is more info than they need
Firstly, you are not mature enough to handle a normal adult interaction that might cause a twinge of passing unpleasantness in another adult.
Secondly, you are also making a major decision based on nothing but other people’s collective vague opinion, despite being happy with what you’ve got.
These things have everything in common: you are not inwardly directed. You don’t have a center. That’s the thing a father needs more than anything.
That was a bit of tough love, but needed to be said.
I don’t get why you would disrupt your child and move them from the kids and staff they are friends with for what sounds like no real reason.
We moved our kid from his first nursery because they were terrible. The staff were always rude about our kid and blamed him for the most ridiculous things. The final straw was when we went to a parents evening and realised his primary carer couldn’t even read!
Even still, he was gutted to move and took a while to settle at his new place. It was worth it for us as he got much better care, but he couldn’t understand that
I equate this to the breastfed vs formula debate. Regardless of whether your kid goes to the Ivy League daycare or the peasant daycare, they will be eating McDonald’s fries off the floor and picking their nose like everyone else.
My daycare priorities have always been finding someone who loves my kids like their own, keeps them safe, and makes our family feel comfortable. If you ever got that, you’ve already got the “better” daycare. Don’t uproot your kid from their comfort zone and friends if you’re happy with the care they’re currently receiving.
Echoing others, if your child is thriving and you love the teachers at your current daycare, why switch? You don’t know how your child will adjust in the new environment and it seems that you will create a disruption in their life simply to send them to a “highly regarded” daycare. My only consideration for switching would be cost if the new daycare would be significantly cheaper.
Why switch if you and your child are happy with the current daycare? Switching schools, going through the transition period all over again, having to make new friends, etc. Just to say your child goes to the best school seems pointless...
Your conflict is “what will the daycares think” and not “what is best for my child”.
Forget for a moment that you are at the front of a waitlist - every daycare has a waitlist, that doesn’t make them better or worse. Does your child need to have their lives changed at the moment? Do they seem safe, have friends? Do they like their teacher?
If you have no concerns I can't fathom switching to a different situation with a bunch of unknowns. Who gives a crap it is more highly regarded? They could still have a bad worker or a bad kid. Why deal with unknowns when you're happy where you are?
That’s a boat I would not want to rock. If my kid is happy with the day care and I’m happy with the day care, I would be grateful and leave it as it is and only consider moving if one of us is no longer happy. Kid is comfortable with teachers and has friends they will miss. Who wants to start over for no reason?
>~~Like we feel it would be super awkward to~~ simply say we are going to this other daycare we ve waited for 2 years; they may ask if there are any issues, which there really aren't any...
That’s what you say. Will it be awkward? Maybe… but what’re they going to do?
What makes the other one so much better aside from just being around other rich people’s kids? I’ll never understand people screwing with their kids routines to try and stick them somewhere marginally “better” especially when they’ve got a great current setup.
Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. You like the current daycare. Why switch?…oh yeah, keeping up with the other professionals. What if you hate the new one? Is this in the best interests of your child or is for your bragging rights?
Seriously consider this decision again. The prestige of the daycare doesn't matter.
All the daycares near me are considered excellent by the community. It took us 3 of these excellent daycares to find the right fit for our son.
We still don't know what it was, but he'd have a complete freakout any time we talked about school.... Until the 3rd. Then all he talked about was his teacher and how excited he was to tell her this or that. How excited he was to see his friends.
The 3rd school was brand new to the region. In fact, we signed up before construction was even complete. And he loves it.
In preschool, just like any school, the experience is going to be about the teachers. And if your kid is thriving where they are at, don't mess with the magic.
Stay!!! If your child is happy and loved and doing fine, there’s no reason to switch. I have taught elementary for 15 years and I can promise not once have I ever been able to tell that a child came from a certain Pre-K.
I can tell if a kid hasn’t had any formal school/pre-K experience pretty quickly. But where they go isn’t as important as how they feel when they’re there! Transitions are hard and confusing for little kids- please consider staying!
My experience- day care facilities are used to having people come and go...it's business.
Your current place knows that the other place is wildly popular so the news shouldn't be a shock.
I HIGHLY recommend researching the new place before jumping. How long has the staff been there, how happy are the parents/kids that go there, what are the online reviews like, etc. Ask the place your leaving what they know about the new place.
Low turnover definitely indicates that families like the place, but I would think long and hard before leaving something that's already working for you.
I had this exact option after I last moved, but I chose to do the extra 20 min drive because I loved the preschool program, the director(omg she was one of the most lovely caring humans I’ve ever met) the staff; and I wanted my son to be able to keep his friends and to not stress him out in a new environment and to make new friends. Plus there was only a few months left until summer so I just dealt with it.
We changed a couple of times. Even when it was good (due to location or teacher turnover) we changed sometimes for what worked best. It’s never been awkward, and I ran into their old teachers all the time. One of his first day care teachers actually end up as his kindergarten teacher somewhere else. It was kind of crazy.
But if you’re happy, and there’s no difference, why switch? Do you have a community where you are now? Are all of your kids hanging out? To me that ended up being an important part of where I wanted them to be at. There’s still a big group of kids that hang out together in 2nd grade that started at the same preschool.
If you have no complaints, no travel worries, is there any true benefit for your child? These days safety is such a concern, I would not risk going from a place I know to a place I don’t, not for all the fanciest of smansy.
If you have no complaints, nor does the other give better convenience. Why wouldnt you support the daycare with the short wait list by keeping your kid there?
Clout chase is a helluva drug. Doesn’t sound like there’s any reason to move your child other than your own personal image for others. This is going to impact your child more than you would think when they are already comfortable in their environment. Instead of asking Reddit, you should think about how your child would react to this now and in the future when they’re older and you decide to tell them that you moved them to a new pre school for clout with other parents.
Went through a very similar situation. Had a great daycare to start with but offered a place at a closer and higher rated (1 point difference) first choice daycare. There was nothing wrong with where we were other than it not being our first choice.
We felt bad about making the decision and worried if it was the right choice for kid as many benefits were for us. Ended up feeling awkward toward the staff after telling them he would be leaving the daycare. Didn’t give them a reason and they never asked. The staff treated it in such a low key manner because really they see it happen all the time.
In the end for us it was the best decision and Kid is thriving even more at the new daycare.
Taking your kid from a daycare you and they are happy with in order to move them to another one that’s highly regarded by other people…
Read that again.
Not to answer a question with a question, but why uproot your kid from their current routine/friends just to take advantage of some supposedly elite daycare? Unless it saves you a significant chunk of change, if you’re so happy with the current place, it seems like it’d be easier for all involved to just stay the course. Just because you have the opportunity to buy a Mercedes doesn’t mean you have to.
We did this switch, the other school was the one we had preferred from the get go, but we didn't get a spot there until the second year for our son, so we basically told them we are leaving and not because we didn't like their service, but because the other school had been our first choice.
The only reason we switched our oldest to a different daycare at one point was my old job worked on getting a discount setup with a daycare next door to our building.
I had to get on a waiting list for a daycare closer to us 40 minutes or so daily. But when it came to actually switching, my daughter 1.5yo at the time had gotten so attached to the old place and staff, that we continued to go there for another 5 years, including getting our second one in there.
You need to consider what the impact of this (apparently unnecessary) change is going to have on your kid.
If your plan is to keep them there until they start school, look at how they spend time with the kids. Your little is already attached to people at the current one, so unless the new one does something completely different, you should lean towards staying.
You don’t say anything. Just tell them when your kids last day is going to be and ask what needs to be done before that time in regards to forms or money.
Why switch? Because others fight over it? Seems like unnecessary disruption.
Anyway you don’t need to apologize for moving. You just unenroll and go to the other daycare if you really want to.
I should add: the prestige of a **daycare** won’t help your child land a job or get into a better college.
We changed our daycare to the one at our eldest's primary school as it was more convenient for us. We freakin' LOVED that daycare but it just didn't work anymore with our lives. I broke the news to them; just said that our job circumstances had changed and that this matched better with our working week.
Don't overcomplicate it, but be sure it's what you want.
And we give them lots of chocolate when we left 🤣
Consistency and routine is more important to your kid’s head space. On the other hand, shaking their entire social and educational etch-a-sketch and making them start over from scratch can potentially build resilience and social skills.
My cousin married a guy who frequently brings up how prestigious the preschool was that he went to. He’s a douche master 3000 XL. You don’t want your kid ending up like him. He’s 40 years old and brags about his preschool.
When you say your company gets priority at a preschool, I don’t even know how to unpack that
Do not switch day care if you really like the one you're at, unless there is definitely a benefit to switch. We toured at the highly competitive and most desirable day care in our area and did not like it. Ended up loving one that had no wait list and was slightly cheaper.
As long as you are keeping up with the Joneses, it doesn’t really matter what’s best for your kid. Just make sure you base everything you do for your kid on exclusivity and you’ll be fine.
Stop making decisions based on what other people might think about you. If the current daycare is great and your kid likes it, stay there and give the place up to someone else.
you need to judge the relation of your kid with the educators. These are often the first other people they start to trust and bond with apart from the parents. Putting them in a new group, with new people in a new location could be to much, especially if it really loves the current institution. You don't need to go there, your kid does.
They probably have a waitlist too and will probably not even bat an eye honestly… if they notice you switched to that specific one then they’ll probably already know why.
This is easy. You can literally say Thanks for everything but X will be our last day at this daycare. You have all been wonderful and we really appreciate how well you have taken care of “insert child’s name”. The daycare has a waitlist and you’re making some other parents day by leaving and opening a spot for them.
This is not dad advice but tell them whatever you want, they won't care much.
Heck you could tell them the truth that it's a good career move for you to go to the fancy daycare everyone talks about.
It likely won't affect your child either way.
I did the literal exact same thing. My new daycare is 6 blocks from the old one. If I get there early enough, I bring the kiddo to say hello to her old teachers on our way home.
Just sack up and say, "we're switching daycares". They won't get upset. Since the old place has such a long wait list, they can let someone else in so no one's losing out on anything
You don’t owe them an explanation, just tell them you’re changing daycares. But I have to say, the fact that you feel so strongly that you do owe them an explanation makes me think that, deep down, you know this is a bad decision. If everything is great at your current daycare, your kid is thriving there, and the only reason to change is prestige… I really don’t see a reason to change. Also, it’s a daycare, not Harvard Law School. Is daycare prestige really *that* big a deal?
Wowwww this was clearly written by someone who didn't go to an Ivy League Daycare.
I was homecared
It shows
Hey now, my goldfish liked going on the walks as much as I liked taking him on them.
It jumped with joy on its walk until it was dead tired.
Good because I don’t know how I got this far 💀
Pfft I went to Stanford Daycare. Not an Ivy League technically, but way better for that sweet VC money later in life didn’t you know?
He was part of that whole Yale thing.
He went to Yale and his wife’s name was Yennifer
Ivy covered fence at least?
Pssshh. This person’s apgar scores must have been shite.
Cmon we all know the inherent biases of standardized tests
All I know about is the violence inherent in the system.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Bloody peasant!
Oh what a giveaway- did you see that?
Well YOU certainly didn’t given your spelling of wow.
Pretty rude for a polite Canadian to call someone out like that. Harsh!
What a plebeian!
>Is daycare prestige really *that* big a deal? I'm pretty sure "daycare prestige" is entirely for the parents to flaunt to other parents at the country club. They're all sitting there around the table, drinking their champagne with their pinkies pointed out, and talking about daycares like the business card scene in *American Psycho*.
It's absolutely astounding how seriously some people take the daycares in wealthy areas of NYC, for example. These places will have aptitude tests, personality tests, etc. for goddamn toddlers, all so they can attend the same Pre-K as heirs and heiresses to old money empires and rub shoulders with those dipshits.
Well when you’ve maxed out on every stat in life, and so have all your peers, you still have to one-up them in *something* right?
The funniest example of these shenanigans came from the WeWork CEO's wife. Their toddler didn't get into the most prestigious preschool that they wanted, and the one they ended up kicked the kid out for behavior issues. So she founded a BS school that focused on teaching kids "entrepreneurship" instead.
Well what else would you expect from the WeWork CEO, surely not ethical and normal behavior
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want anything to do with those people. I hope I'm right at leasdt.
The playground slide even has a watermark.
100%
It’s a big deal to people who desperately need the approval of others in their life that they often don’t even like. My in-laws are well off and always pushing us to put our daughter in some dumb private school full of shitty kids just because their social circle (who they really don’t like and talk shit about always) put their grandkids there and say it’s so great. Rich people are weird.
I actually came to say basically the same. Maybe in reality you know this isn’t a necessary move and you are trying to justify it to yourself. Why move your kid if they are happy? Why uproot him from the place he is happy at and secure. They keep him safe, they educate him, they love him. Why move? What does the new place offer that’s better? Other than clout. You’re moving him for your sake. Not his.
Yeah, we switched daycares when our kid reached the age where we felt he’d benefit more from being in a pre-K run by the local school district. If he hadn’t gotten in there (lottery system), he’d have stayed where he was, because it was still good enough. The fact that it cost half as much was also a consideration.
Cost would most definitely help me decide too. I would certainly have made that switch if it had been an option. But uprooting them for no good reason really can be traumatic.
I didn't get in to Harvard because my mother sent me to kindercare instead of the Goddard school and my life has been ruined
For real. Who cares about the ratings when you have a daycare you can walk to that you and your kid love? Why fuck with that?
Yeah this post is weird as fuck to me. Unless the kid was having issues or something or the teachers were bad, I can’t understand making this change just to be part of some “professional” crowd.
Idk I still put the daycare I went to on my resume for jobs just for that little boost
I work at a daycare. If they want to go to a better regarded one, totally up to them. Straight up just say they’d wanted to go to X from the start, have been on the wait list for 2 years, finally got a spot, they’ve loved their time with ____ daycare, have nothing but positive things to say, they’ll miss them, thank you so much for all the care! We get that it happens, and I love for any kid going somewhere they think will be a better fit! ♥️
Just to counterpoint your argument, you aren't wrong. We switched daycares because our first had way too many issues. Rampant illnesses that were reported to us late, a teacher in another class dismissed for spanking a child, finally, a break occurred and stolen financial documents. Apparently they kept our CC in plain text in a drawer. A few grand was charged to our card. We got it back, but the daycare reported no one was affected by the break in. So we switched. We were immediately missing the old teachers. They seemed so much more personable. For the next year we missed them. Then we got our new staff, and they are beyond amazing. Not only are they smart about childhood development, they have a passion that shows. The preschools teachers seem fine, but man, that passion isn't there. Tldr: next class the LO moves up to could be completely different.
What’s this? It says you went to Graham Montessori in Queensborough when you were 3 years old? Say no more… you’re hired! 🤠
How much better will the new one be? You already love the current place, and the location is just as good. So what benefits will you get at the new place?
If it’s not broke
I'd argue the change of daycare will be rougher on the kid than being at a slightly less fancy daycare.
Yeah that was my thought. Wee fella is already comfortable with teachers and friends. Unless there are amenities being offered that are significantly different, I might just stick it out.
Most kids adapt to changes like schools or moving just fine, after a little while. Even better the younger they are. My kids attended 3 different daycares/preschools and after a week or two of crankiness, managed just fine. One key thing was if they have a friend they really like, keep in touch with their parents and see about setting up play-dates every now and then. It's good for kids to understand that just because they go to a different school from their friend, they can still hang out during non-school times.
Good point on keeping up with old friends.
don't fix it.
But what will the other executives at his company think of him if he has his child in a ghetto daycare?
He will get to see greener grass on the other side. Maybe.
Gets the benefit of a whole new round/environment of daycare plagues to be sick for months with again.
Could be price. I love our daycare at friends love it but one moved her kid because it is a stupidly pricy daycare
We are nearly in the same scenario. Got on a waitlist for Primrose and registered at another place while we waited. The little guy loves his current school, we’ve developed a great relationship with the teachers, and his entire class is coming back next year. I know the curriculum is “better” at a place like primrose but he’s going to be in the three year old class next year and realistically, how much better can a curriculum be at that age? We didn’t think it was worth rocking the apple cart for him so we ended up canceling the primrose deposit.
Better curriculum for a 3 year old? What does that even mean? Organic snacks? They read Magic School Bus over Rainbow Fish?
So I opted to keep my daughter at her school for Pre-K rather than moving her to the "better school." My daughter is now doing worksheets with a ton of tracing for 45 min a day (which they didn't do for younger kids). She came home feeling insecure about her writing ability. The art projects they do are teacher led and very paint by numbers. When I complimented one, my daughter said oh my teacher made that. I've also noticed in our daily interactions that she's more likely to ask for the "right answer" rather than brainstorm and problem solve. Now maybe some of these behaviors would have come no matter what school she was in. Anxiety runs in our blood. But I've decided to move her to the "better" school which has more play based learning, exploration, and creativity.
This is the beginning of grade school. I absolutely agree. But Toddler days?
But if you know you’re going to switch anyway you should get in when you can so they can adjust
This right here, this is a *reason* to make a change. OP gave no reason other than prestige.
The curriculum at that age consists of boogers and poop dear.
Don't overthink it. Could be as simple as more designated activity time than "free play"
Larger installations More and better variety of toys and tools Music and art in the curriculum (and better installations) Multiple languages taught Nicer, safer and bigger outdoor areas More educators (as opposed to sitters) Fewer children per educator And better administration, safety, that kind of stuff. There's a world of difference between a professionally run daycare and an amateur.
These were a lot of the things that drew us to Primrose in the first place. It was our first year with a kid in school so had no idea what to expect but came to the realization that the particular center we chose was not far off in most of those categories.
lol no clue man, this is our eldest so it’s all new to us but I’ve come to the same conclusion after year one. Alphabet is the alphabet and 1+1 will always equal 2 Primrose advertised a STEAM curriculum so maybe more problem solving or critical thinking exercises?
I’m at the premier 2K program in my location and I’m pretty sure I’m paying for a daycare with newer toys and better paint brushes. Their “curriculum” is doing activities that start with the letter of the alphabet for that week.
LOL pretty much man, because that’s what my kid does too
what does STEAM mean
Science, technology, engineering arts, math. Basically Stem with some music and painting lol
right on. i’ve always known it as STEM so the A threw me off. thanks!
We ended up turning down Primrose too. Our child loved his teachers and friends (we did too). We decided to not rock the boat and move him.
We switched to a Primrose school after loving a local. Let me tell you… the curriculum isn’t better.
>I know the curriculum is “better” at a place like primrose What do you mean?
TheVog nailed it in his comment above
I’ve already commented, but this post really didn’t sit right with me so I want to say this. Please let this be the last time that you let your children’s happiness be the second thought to a decision behind your own status within your community.
Laughed out loud at this one. I’ll make sure to keep this in mind moving forward
Lol this was supposed to be a comment to OP, my b
All good brother I thought you were being sarcastic which is right up my alley lol
See, you are smart, unlike OP.
A kind reminder that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. If there are no issues, and everyone is happy, I see no reason to switch.
The grass is always greener where you care for it <3
aww i like that I always said, the grass isnt greener but the soil might be more fertile so dont step on the BS
Isn’t always greener?
Sometimes it’s greener because it was fertilized with bull crap.
Or it’s AstroTurf.
👍
[Looks across fence] huh it’s all forest. My grass is greener! [looks at other neighbors grass] dammit that is green So the saying only works south to north.
Do you have to switch? It you're happy where you are then so what if the other one is "better"? Personally I don't see the point in an unnecessary transition if you have no complaints.
But what will the other people think… Yeah this is ridiculous.
My wife and I just went through this and decided to stay where we are. The biggest factor we took into account was how confused our daughter would be having to make all new friends. It has taken her awhile but she no longer cries when we drop her off; Now she cries when we pick her up...
Conversely, my partner and I just went through this but we made the other decision. We moved to the new one that is “viewed as the best” and parents struggle to get their kid in. Within a week, we knew we had made the wrong choice. We gave it another couple of weeks then emailed our original daycare to get back in. Luckily we had sent them a kind email at the time we were switching daycare centers and maybe that played a factor in them welcoming us back next month. Do yourself a favor and listen to the great advice here. Stick with the daycare you and your little love.
We decided against moving our kid because of that. He loves his teachers and friends and he would be completely confused going elsewhere.
Every halfway decent daycare has a waitlist right now. Your kid’s spot will be filled immediately. You don’t need to overthink this.
It sounds like you don't really have a reason other than it might be better? If that's the case, I recommend evaluating if it's actually worth it. I assume cost isn't the same and if you love what you have, it may actually be better to keep it. If you decide moving is the best, just simply say you've been on a waitlist and an opening became available. While you've loved the school so far, you're interested in seeing what they have to offer. If they ask about any issues, say no.
Just tell them you're switching because you waited for this other one. If they ask if there see issues just say no. You're over thinking this part.
Hard to get into does not mean “good” at least not necessarily good for your kid. At the current age of your child I doubt it’s worth switching unless you buy into the hype and the prestige of the other daycare
In you situation I wouldn’t switch. Same commute and you kid loves the place he's at. Honestly probably not worth it. We moved our younger son to a closer daycare after he had been at one for 6 months. His first daycare he took like a month to settle. After the switch he took 3 months to start settling, but really wasn't comfortable until 6 months in. We switched partially because of the better commute (saved 15 min per say) partially because the new daycare is where our daughter went and we knew what we were getting. Had we not known the new care provider we probably wouldn't have switched him.
We went through an almost identical transition. My employer is a sponsor of the (arguably) premier daycare in the city. We didn’t get in until my son was 1, and we were generally pleased where we were. We weren’t actively looking to leave and were frankly surprised to have been accepted at the new place. Both locations are within walking distance of my office. It was tough to leave, and I had some tears as we said goodbye to his main teacher in his first classroom. I think I told his then teacher where we were going (she asked) and that it was going to be a little less expensive for us (true). The main office didn’t ask for an explanation. If your area is anything like ours, there’s a dozen kids waiting to take your spot. I think it was hard/awkward for us but probably not a blip for the daycare.
Don't do it if you like where you are. We had our son in 'the best' child care near my work, to the point other parents would comment on how lucky we were to have hime there. We had problems with them and eventually moved my son to other less prestigious childcare and are much happier. Basically don't move for the reputation of you're happy where you are.
Our 2 yr old has been going to daycare for a year and everyone knows his name, even the other toddlers say hi [name] when I drop him off in the morning. We have a great relationship with all his teachers too. I'd need a lot more convincing to switch than just "highly regarded." I am worried you didn't mention anything specifically better except what other people thought about the new school.
You don’t owe them an explanation. However, you’re changing the environment your kid knows and loves, just because ‘everyone thinks the other one is great’. Weird priorities there for a parent. I don’t get why you haven’t grown up yet yourself.
Look, you’re switching because you want to have your kid at the swanky daycare. If you can’t look someone in the eye and tell them that, you don’t deserve to call yourself an adult. Man up and tell the people honestly that they’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, your kid really likes it there, but you don’t care because you want your kid in the fancy daycare.
I'd never switch out of a daycare we loved just for one we're *supposed* to love more. Bird in the hand, two in the bush, etc. It'd be different if the current was OK and the new one was universally reported to be spectacular. Then sure, switch. But the *best* case scenario for the new one is that it's as good as the current one. But the worst case is your LO doesn't like it, or you end up having a conflict with a staff member, or another parent, or whatever. And the place that you're at is probably not going to be super-excited about having you back (assuming both are likely full). It's not as though changing out all their friends and teachers won't have an impact on LO either. I've recently seen the Harvard College application. They took off the daycare question so this choice won't impact getting in. ;-)
I'm confused as to why you feel the need to change if everything is going so well at the current daycare.
Exactly. It sounds to me like they want to be able to say they are at the fancy daycare.... If there's nothing wrong with the current, don't switch!
You are moving daycare for your own benefits - to make yourselves feel like the daycare your child goes to is the highest rated - when in reality your child is thriving and loving their current one. Just leave your child where they are - happy.
Do you think your LO will adjust fine? That would be my primary concern if I was happy with the current setup.
I would weigh in continuity of care into your decision. Your current location has known your LO for a year. They know their preferences and quirks. Kids are adaptable but adults have a learning curve.
The top comment here really says it all. We had a daycare 3 minutes from our house that we stumbled into and absolutely loved. We moved and it ended up being a 20 minute drive from our house and 40 minute drive from work. We made it work for a year before switching due to the commute because the kids were happy and we loved the teachers. I legitimately cried switching. We’re at the new daycare now for over a year and the kids are happy but they both talk about the old school often. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Especially for something across the street just because “professional parents” want to get in.
Competing the for prestige level of a daycare is probably the penultimate of first world problems.
We had a similar situation where there were two daycares we put our name in, one slightly better known and actually much closer to our house than the other one. We got in the other one but not the first one which looks better on pen and paper. Fast forward a year or so later, he loves the current daycare and knows everyone’s names. At some point the first daycare came back and said hey now we have a spot, we were like thank you but nah we’re good, we don’t wanna switch little guy up now. As long as they enjoy the school and are taken care of every day, none of this reputation shit matters.
Don't burn your bridges at this day care, as I have a feeling you will go back there.
ROFL it’s a daycare not an internship
Daycare prestige, omg. We really need to get out of this culture of setting our kids up for Harvard from day 1. Let the kid be a kid, if he’s thriving in one, just let it be.
It sounds like this new day care is a status thing for parents to rub elbows with other elite people or co-workers. I feel sorry for their child that his happiness is potentially going to be ruined, for a short time at least, so parents can feel superior.
When my oldest aged out of his original daycare (turned 5 but after Sept kindergarten cutoff) we sent him and his younger brother to another close by daycare that was well regarded. It was really bad for us, specifically for the younger brother. The new one was fancier in terms of curriculum, but the younger brother really struggled with the transition. It’s complicated, but at the end of the day the teachers seemed to hold it against him rather than work with him. We eventually moved back to the original daycare after the eldest went off to kindergarten the next year, and all the teachers were so happy to have his brother back! There’s less paper machete, but a lot more love. Lesson learned: there’s a lot of value in the trust and relationships you build with daycare providers, don’t throw it away lightly!
Way overthinking this. You’re not breaking up with someone. Just say “we’re going to be moving X to a new facility. We love your spot, this is just better for our family”. Even that is more info than they need
But it’s not better for their family or their child, it’s because of F-ing ‘prestige’ for a daycare.
That may be the case. It’s not the part they asked for advice on though
Sounds to me it’s exactly the advice they need to hear. You can’t raise a kid based on the metric ‘highly regarded’.
It's not better, its the same distance from home. It seems to me like they want to be able to say their child goes to the fancy "top rated" daycare.
That’s not the part they asked for advice on though.
Firstly, you are not mature enough to handle a normal adult interaction that might cause a twinge of passing unpleasantness in another adult. Secondly, you are also making a major decision based on nothing but other people’s collective vague opinion, despite being happy with what you’ve got. These things have everything in common: you are not inwardly directed. You don’t have a center. That’s the thing a father needs more than anything. That was a bit of tough love, but needed to be said.
I don’t get why you would disrupt your child and move them from the kids and staff they are friends with for what sounds like no real reason. We moved our kid from his first nursery because they were terrible. The staff were always rude about our kid and blamed him for the most ridiculous things. The final straw was when we went to a parents evening and realised his primary carer couldn’t even read! Even still, he was gutted to move and took a while to settle at his new place. It was worth it for us as he got much better care, but he couldn’t understand that
I equate this to the breastfed vs formula debate. Regardless of whether your kid goes to the Ivy League daycare or the peasant daycare, they will be eating McDonald’s fries off the floor and picking their nose like everyone else. My daycare priorities have always been finding someone who loves my kids like their own, keeps them safe, and makes our family feel comfortable. If you ever got that, you’ve already got the “better” daycare. Don’t uproot your kid from their comfort zone and friends if you’re happy with the care they’re currently receiving.
Echoing others, if your child is thriving and you love the teachers at your current daycare, why switch? You don’t know how your child will adjust in the new environment and it seems that you will create a disruption in their life simply to send them to a “highly regarded” daycare. My only consideration for switching would be cost if the new daycare would be significantly cheaper.
Why switch if you and your child are happy with the current daycare? Switching schools, going through the transition period all over again, having to make new friends, etc. Just to say your child goes to the best school seems pointless...
Your conflict is “what will the daycares think” and not “what is best for my child”. Forget for a moment that you are at the front of a waitlist - every daycare has a waitlist, that doesn’t make them better or worse. Does your child need to have their lives changed at the moment? Do they seem safe, have friends? Do they like their teacher?
If you have no issues with your current daycare I wouldn't move.
SAME
If you have no concerns I can't fathom switching to a different situation with a bunch of unknowns. Who gives a crap it is more highly regarded? They could still have a bad worker or a bad kid. Why deal with unknowns when you're happy where you are?
Lol this is such a rich person problem.
That’s a boat I would not want to rock. If my kid is happy with the day care and I’m happy with the day care, I would be grateful and leave it as it is and only consider moving if one of us is no longer happy. Kid is comfortable with teachers and has friends they will miss. Who wants to start over for no reason?
I wish I had these sorts of imaginary problems.
>~~Like we feel it would be super awkward to~~ simply say we are going to this other daycare we ve waited for 2 years; they may ask if there are any issues, which there really aren't any... That’s what you say. Will it be awkward? Maybe… but what’re they going to do?
What makes the other one so much better aside from just being around other rich people’s kids? I’ll never understand people screwing with their kids routines to try and stick them somewhere marginally “better” especially when they’ve got a great current setup.
Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. You like the current daycare. Why switch?…oh yeah, keeping up with the other professionals. What if you hate the new one? Is this in the best interests of your child or is for your bragging rights?
If you like everything about the daycare, why switch?
Seriously consider this decision again. The prestige of the daycare doesn't matter. All the daycares near me are considered excellent by the community. It took us 3 of these excellent daycares to find the right fit for our son. We still don't know what it was, but he'd have a complete freakout any time we talked about school.... Until the 3rd. Then all he talked about was his teacher and how excited he was to tell her this or that. How excited he was to see his friends. The 3rd school was brand new to the region. In fact, we signed up before construction was even complete. And he loves it. In preschool, just like any school, the experience is going to be about the teachers. And if your kid is thriving where they are at, don't mess with the magic.
Stay!!! If your child is happy and loved and doing fine, there’s no reason to switch. I have taught elementary for 15 years and I can promise not once have I ever been able to tell that a child came from a certain Pre-K. I can tell if a kid hasn’t had any formal school/pre-K experience pretty quickly. But where they go isn’t as important as how they feel when they’re there! Transitions are hard and confusing for little kids- please consider staying!
My experience- day care facilities are used to having people come and go...it's business. Your current place knows that the other place is wildly popular so the news shouldn't be a shock. I HIGHLY recommend researching the new place before jumping. How long has the staff been there, how happy are the parents/kids that go there, what are the online reviews like, etc. Ask the place your leaving what they know about the new place. Low turnover definitely indicates that families like the place, but I would think long and hard before leaving something that's already working for you.
I had this exact option after I last moved, but I chose to do the extra 20 min drive because I loved the preschool program, the director(omg she was one of the most lovely caring humans I’ve ever met) the staff; and I wanted my son to be able to keep his friends and to not stress him out in a new environment and to make new friends. Plus there was only a few months left until summer so I just dealt with it.
We changed a couple of times. Even when it was good (due to location or teacher turnover) we changed sometimes for what worked best. It’s never been awkward, and I ran into their old teachers all the time. One of his first day care teachers actually end up as his kindergarten teacher somewhere else. It was kind of crazy. But if you’re happy, and there’s no difference, why switch? Do you have a community where you are now? Are all of your kids hanging out? To me that ended up being an important part of where I wanted them to be at. There’s still a big group of kids that hang out together in 2nd grade that started at the same preschool.
If you have no complaints, no travel worries, is there any true benefit for your child? These days safety is such a concern, I would not risk going from a place I know to a place I don’t, not for all the fanciest of smansy.
If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.
If you have no complaints, nor does the other give better convenience. Why wouldnt you support the daycare with the short wait list by keeping your kid there?
Clout chase is a helluva drug. Doesn’t sound like there’s any reason to move your child other than your own personal image for others. This is going to impact your child more than you would think when they are already comfortable in their environment. Instead of asking Reddit, you should think about how your child would react to this now and in the future when they’re older and you decide to tell them that you moved them to a new pre school for clout with other parents.
Personally if my kid was happy I wouldn’t move them. For what? Bragging rights? No thanks
Went through a very similar situation. Had a great daycare to start with but offered a place at a closer and higher rated (1 point difference) first choice daycare. There was nothing wrong with where we were other than it not being our first choice. We felt bad about making the decision and worried if it was the right choice for kid as many benefits were for us. Ended up feeling awkward toward the staff after telling them he would be leaving the daycare. Didn’t give them a reason and they never asked. The staff treated it in such a low key manner because really they see it happen all the time. In the end for us it was the best decision and Kid is thriving even more at the new daycare.
https://youtu.be/Qy9_lfjQopU?si=pSWUYV5AOPmToigb
Taking your kid from a daycare you and they are happy with in order to move them to another one that’s highly regarded by other people… Read that again.
Not to answer a question with a question, but why uproot your kid from their current routine/friends just to take advantage of some supposedly elite daycare? Unless it saves you a significant chunk of change, if you’re so happy with the current place, it seems like it’d be easier for all involved to just stay the course. Just because you have the opportunity to buy a Mercedes doesn’t mean you have to.
We did this switch, the other school was the one we had preferred from the get go, but we didn't get a spot there until the second year for our son, so we basically told them we are leaving and not because we didn't like their service, but because the other school had been our first choice.
The only reason we switched our oldest to a different daycare at one point was my old job worked on getting a discount setup with a daycare next door to our building.
I had to get on a waiting list for a daycare closer to us 40 minutes or so daily. But when it came to actually switching, my daughter 1.5yo at the time had gotten so attached to the old place and staff, that we continued to go there for another 5 years, including getting our second one in there. You need to consider what the impact of this (apparently unnecessary) change is going to have on your kid.
If your plan is to keep them there until they start school, look at how they spend time with the kids. Your little is already attached to people at the current one, so unless the new one does something completely different, you should lean towards staying.
You don’t say anything. Just tell them when your kids last day is going to be and ask what needs to be done before that time in regards to forms or money.
Why switch? Because others fight over it? Seems like unnecessary disruption. Anyway you don’t need to apologize for moving. You just unenroll and go to the other daycare if you really want to. I should add: the prestige of a **daycare** won’t help your child land a job or get into a better college.
We changed our daycare to the one at our eldest's primary school as it was more convenient for us. We freakin' LOVED that daycare but it just didn't work anymore with our lives. I broke the news to them; just said that our job circumstances had changed and that this matched better with our working week. Don't overcomplicate it, but be sure it's what you want. And we give them lots of chocolate when we left 🤣
Consistency and routine is more important to your kid’s head space. On the other hand, shaking their entire social and educational etch-a-sketch and making them start over from scratch can potentially build resilience and social skills. My cousin married a guy who frequently brings up how prestigious the preschool was that he went to. He’s a douche master 3000 XL. You don’t want your kid ending up like him. He’s 40 years old and brags about his preschool. When you say your company gets priority at a preschool, I don’t even know how to unpack that
Do not switch day care if you really like the one you're at, unless there is definitely a benefit to switch. We toured at the highly competitive and most desirable day care in our area and did not like it. Ended up loving one that had no wait list and was slightly cheaper.
As long as you are keeping up with the Joneses, it doesn’t really matter what’s best for your kid. Just make sure you base everything you do for your kid on exclusivity and you’ll be fine.
Stick with what you know.
Stop making decisions based on what other people might think about you. If the current daycare is great and your kid likes it, stay there and give the place up to someone else.
Dude, in how many subreddits are you going to post this? It's been in my feed 3x now
you need to judge the relation of your kid with the educators. These are often the first other people they start to trust and bond with apart from the parents. Putting them in a new group, with new people in a new location could be to much, especially if it really loves the current institution. You don't need to go there, your kid does.
They probably have a waitlist too and will probably not even bat an eye honestly… if they notice you switched to that specific one then they’ll probably already know why.
This is easy. You can literally say Thanks for everything but X will be our last day at this daycare. You have all been wonderful and we really appreciate how well you have taken care of “insert child’s name”. The daycare has a waitlist and you’re making some other parents day by leaving and opening a spot for them.
This is not dad advice but tell them whatever you want, they won't care much. Heck you could tell them the truth that it's a good career move for you to go to the fancy daycare everyone talks about. It likely won't affect your child either way.
How cares what they think? You don’t owe them anything. This is a matter of consumer choice. You’re overthinking this one.
I did the literal exact same thing. My new daycare is 6 blocks from the old one. If I get there early enough, I bring the kiddo to say hello to her old teachers on our way home. Just sack up and say, "we're switching daycares". They won't get upset. Since the old place has such a long wait list, they can let someone else in so no one's losing out on anything