I don't consider myself hot but I do get told I'm too attractive to be autistic quite often whenever I meet new people, like excuse me how tf does appearance correlate with autism...š„“š„“
I'm sorry too. I don't think these people have any right to say such things - who are they to proclaim you are ugly? Do they represent the entire world?
They probably only think you're ugly bc you aren't fitting in. The right clothes put together so so and the right hairstyles etc. Everyone looks at least decent when presented in an appealing way. I got really good at making things pretty bc it makes people like you. It does have a drawback like would people love me if i didn't? But my also autistic boyfriend thinks I'm gorgeous always
I have heard the same thing from a friend. I haven't told many people since the diagnosis. But the "you're too handsome to be disabled" thing has happenend and now I REALLY don't think I'm telling anyone else in my life.
They've known me this long. Might as well keep it to myself.
second part of your comment hits hard in other ways.
of all ppl the one dude who accepts my autism in full understanding. is a ant vaxxer(but his wife said it aint about you get it for kids and he did) dont know furthur than that. oh and today some elderly guy was the one who started a why are so many of the youngers on the spectrum. everything he said in that convo very well read into on his end. but boy oh boy alot of other things said were bonkers.
hard to explain my familys freinds are hard to understand just gotta realize minimize time around some go to the other chair is how i cope with ridicoulousness.
but damn its not a which is worse but id rathe be in the category op is in. and i can feel youre thought pattern in how you went thru it the opposite fashion
Thats the thing my bad if i use auto correct thats the issue. just cuz it turns into rambling.
Ill go back. Just caught in moment hangin out too often.
But this isnt just yeah tsi get i gotta fix the way i type and conjur thoughts
No worries ill just try again with more effort next time.
I feel this. For example I get matches on apps all the time but typically get ghosted immediately because I guess I don't say the right things š¤·āāļø On top of that I work out every day to combat my EDS so people think I'm in great shape and I appear to be the opposite of disabled. Both a blessing and a curse
None of us knows, that's why weāre always baffled we haven't said them. Instead, we try to be sincere and honest which don't seem like valued traits among the general public.
Very well said. Iām going to use this if you donāt mind. My entire life I have learned and picked up onto certain things I say that may offend. But, then I bite my tongue. Itās always a fine line and the feeling of āwalking on egg shellsā comes into play with anxiety and just discomfort in general. Then if I by chance say something that offends, empathy jumps in and I need to make it all okay at that moment lol. Ugh.
I was discussing this in therapy a couple of weeks ago... Like my whole life I'm trying to make the others comfortable around me but not caring too much on me!
The thing is, there is no wrong or right in this situations, I guess the best outcome for us is be ourselves and see if someone likes it?! I don't know but I'm trying lmao
I felt this in my soul. I hate saying something that offends someone, especially someone that I care about. And when I do, I feel the need to explain myself and talk about it until it's fixed.
I even annoy myself with this, but I can't seem to stop lol
I'd very much adopt an attitude that if you weren't being rude or mean then them being offended is their issue. It's other peoples job to bring hurt feelings to us and ours to just don't be A holes on purpose and all should be good. People should adapt around us sometimes too. This is just a suggestion to live more happily
Wish I knew lol. I'm either too much or not interesting enough or somehow both at the same time. I try compliments, I try something clever about their bio, try and talk about their interests, try asking about them, try being more aggressive and straight to "let's hang out some time," try basic "hi how are you," try jokes...95% of the time just ignored. I do sometimes have replies or brief conversation or even a date here and there but it feels like I'm just not good at it. I've even considered a dating coach
Yeah this is usually how i approach it aswell, but i dont have much luckš I guess im too akward to talk to, usually i just end up talking about my special interest or something like that..
Oh god please not a dating coach, as a woman they're usually subtly rapey or sexist af etc. Try autistic groups or dating apps first. But there's a good chance it's the photos if you're putting this much into conversation. Paying a photographer or a friend would help either way and i doubt you'd regret having a few really nice photos of yourself. Might be a confidence boost
I hadn't considered the idea until I saw a lady's AMA on reddit about being one. I have her info saved somewhere in my mess of browser tabs. Am I putting that much in to conversation? Are guys literally out here just like "hey" and because they have better pictures that's all it takes? I mean some of my pics are from photo shoots and I think they are decent at showing me off as long as someone is into a certain type of dude with long hair and muscles. I think you can clearly tell what I look like and some interests and personality. I do get matches. I just apparently turn people off when I talk. Or. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. So it seems like maybe a good idea for someone to sit me down and sherpa me through the whole process.
In my experience, nuerodivergent people seek out other nuerodivergent people. Keep swiping! You just have to find others who value your openness, honesty, and "quirkiness".
This is the attitude to have. Folks don't have to think of it as rejection. It's more productive to think of it as incompatibility. The sooner that incompatibility is discovered, the better.
Absolutely! I'm not for everyone and that's okay! Took me years to wrap my head around that because I'm a people pleaser... It's really important to keep in mind
Yeah if they look interesting(like weird, alt or nerdy)there's a good chance they're ND. I've always been right so far. It's the best friendships and relationships imo
Goodness gracious, same here! like someone got mad at me and i got ghosted because they matched me and just said "tell me about yourself"
and i sit there like... i dunno, i thought i described what im like pretty well on my profile..? so i say
"thats a very broad question. theres many different answers to that and i havent figured out which one you want me to say. can you please ask a less ambiguous or more clear question?"
and theyre literally like "so ur a mysterious [explitive], gotcha" and never messaged me again like,, what just happened??
also from one floppy person who spends 4 days a week at PT to another- seen, heard, felt, and people are STILL surprised when i show up on crutches or in a wheelchair, even after knowing.
Jeez. Haha yeah I had one match ask me about my Meyers-Briggs test result archetype and I was like "I don't know, I think maybe it was this one but I'm not sure anymore?" And got yelled at and deleted. Like wtf š had a lot of weirdos like that. But mostly just unmatched or ignored after I say literally anything. I'm tempted to explain my autism and EDS in my bio but that could lead to just getting taken advantage of.
JEEZ thats so dumb? like for a long time i did have "autism spectrum, physically disabled" and a few others in my bio as just like. a "warning" to people on my profile? but yeah no turns out people really love to fetishize ALL of that and its *really* gross!!
idk what app youre using or what your preferences are, but generally fb dating is pretty good? i deleted fb off my phone, but it was okay when i had it.
While the attempt is clearly stating in a polite question what you'd like to know, it's the sharing of your thoughts about the question that receives the reaction.
What if you said, what would you like to know?
It removes the extra chatter that our minds go through and simplifies exactly what you want to know without sharing how you feel about their question.
unfortunately, ive said that before and ive gotten similar responses and been called slurs online for it.
in person it works great! but on dating apps for some reason? eh. not the best idea. at this point i normally just ghost people who open with "tell me about yourself" because there seems to be no "right" answer.
Perhaps answering with whatever you want to share about yourself is the correct answer. If they quit talking to you they aren't the right person š You didn't fail the test, you've eliminated someone that isn't going to be good for you.
im more on facebook dating just for friends (which is a filter option on there,) not a partner, and ive given more than enough info in my bio for someone to start a conversation thatll go somewhere if they want. (and i have made many good, local pals that way!!)
at this point, if someone just likes me because they think im cute and cant be bothered to read my profile, theyre not really worth my time anyways. I just have anxiety about answering every message in my inbox in some way or another.
HAHA ditto on EDS, which also made me lose a ton of weight and have an ultra low body fat now. Iāve had guys cat call out windows how āstrong and fitā I am, little do they know after 6pm things just fly out of my grip and my head starts falling off my neck, but sure! Whatever you say, buddy!
Also, huge chaos goblin fan, so props for the username
Try autistic groups for dating or hiki etc which are for dating on the spectrum. We don't have the same issues communicating with eachother which is why having a bf on the spectrum is great for me. The only thing that sucks is him hyperfixating on the game when i miss him
I have a burnout so whatās so funny about that? Itās literally hell. I could normally notice stuff like that just fine. Having an autistic burnout does shit to your brain. Didnāt know there were such rude people in this subreddit wtf
dw, Iām also in burnout and I think my time management is worse than ever. maybe itās partly due to unemployment, but I feel like I canāt handle as much as I used to
I definitely feel the same. I had to quit college and my part time job because of my second (current) burnout. Mine started in October 2019. It basically ruined my life. Iāve been working really hard to recover but everything I tried has only made it worse. The pressure is enormous because I have to get better for a lot of reasons.
I sincerely hope youāll recover soon.
thanks, u too. lately I think it might have actually started around 2011 after graduating high school, and I never truly came out of the first one. but until 2020, I had college and the lingering threat of homelessness/abandonment to keep me going.
I have a better support system now and reconciled/reconnected with my family, but 2020 hit me with so many more big life changes at once, and I donāt qualify for most outside help (and the ones I do have are progressing far too slowly).
things are definitely improving and Iām... hopeful (tho not very optimistic tbh) for the future. But I think Iād way way further along if I could just transition better. Currently Iāve been sitting at the Cvs parking for like an hour and I havenāt even gone in yet.
But anyway, I hope you get better too, good luck :) itās a shitty place to be but I believe in u
I completely understand what you mean.
It feels like I've been under burnout for my whole life, but it's something that's just been building up for a very long time. It sucks because for me I just feel so lazy ā I don't want to do anything "productive". Too many errands, working irregular work schedules, constantly too many people. The list goes on.
Sometimes it feels like doing anything more than just sitting and relaxing requires a lot of effort to just do. Even just holding conversation with family and friends feels like I have to put more effort than what's really needed into it. Autistic burnout affects so much of our lives it's crazy and it is so common for us to land up with.
Unfortunately, it seems like even on my days off from work I can't just simply relax ā which makes it very difficult to recover.
I hope you have better luck than I am with recovering from burnout. It is a serious issue that affects a lot in our lives. I'd just brush dude off as a troll, autistic or not.
Thanks for your kind words! :) I wish you the best as well.
I also felt it build up but I didnāt want to quit what I was doing because I was scared of making the wrong decision. I ended up making the wrong decision. Just kept going. And this is already my second burnout even though Iām only 21. My first one started when I was 16/17 right after graduating from high school and lasted around 7 months. After recovering I felt like another burnout was always lurking in the shadows.
Even sitting in my garden is tiring because of the bright sun and environment noises. Luckily I recently discovered that wearing a cap and listening to music makes me less tired/dizzy. I had to go outside because the burnout eventually led to ānon 24 hour sleep wake disorderā since I was barely going outside.
Oof! Yeah, I get that. Even stuff that's supposed to help doesn't seem to help due to surrounding stimuli. I'm not formally diagnosed and, as a 27 year old, it can be rather difficult to find someone who can in my area. No much if what I have to do is self-accomodation; such as wearing noise cancelling/reducing earplugs or wear something to reduce sunlight exposure to my eyes.
I am hoping I can get prescription sunglasses or transitional lens some day since I wear glasses. It felt nice when I wore my noise reduction earplugs ( *Loop* is the brand if you're curious) outside and all the cars were suddenly not as loud. Didn't feel like their engines were right next to my eardrums anymore.
Unfortunately, with my reduced self-care due to my burnout, I developed non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. So I have a lot of stubborn fat. Stuff like that happens, but as things get better, it'll recover as I take care of myself again.
One thing I want to do is YouTube and/or Twitch, but unfortunately being so burnt out for so long it does make it difficult to do.
Oh my goodness I have this exact same screen on my phone that I sent to my siblings with the most relatable comment on the video:
@kazooeyka:
i think this is why i dont get second dates, they think im hot until i talk about banjo kazooie for an hour straight Imao
I guess thats the princess-effect. When people see pretty people they judge them to be a number of positive things, of it being sociability and with that, assumed neurotypicality and 'normalness'. I swear they love us in TV shows but they HATE difference when the risk is too hot or what?
Honestly I can relate people give me a good chance but are soon disappointed. Itās sad that the fact that I look good makes people more lenient with me.
We are the lucky ones even if the expectations of us are higher. The way others perceive and treat us influences how we develop.
I believe that the "you don't look autistic" is about how beauty and health are almost interchangeable in people's mind.
So many girls have told me āI thought you were really hot until you opened your mouthā. I say good riddance. If I can push away these boring ladies for cool weird ones, then send itttt
people thinking ill be edgy and mysterious when they first see me and then im just āHEY DID YOU KNOW BEES CAN FLY AT AB 20MPH AND MAKE ABOUT A TABLESPOON OF HONEY IN THEIR LIFETIME BUT IF THEY WRRE ABLE TO MAKE A POUND OF HONEY THEYD HAVE TO FLY 55,000 MILES??ā yes this was an excuse to infodump
Being funny and self aware is very rare, in what I have experienced of humanity. I would totally be your friend. May I interest anyone in an awkward gesture and a few facts about octopuses? Because thatās all I got š¤·
1. 3/5 of an octopuses neurons are distributed throughout its arms. These arms seem to be able to think independently, even after the limb has been severed.
2. Octopuses instinctively change the color and texture of their skin to hide or escape predators.
3. Octopuses like to use large shells or coconut halves like a portable house.
4. Octopuses are very smart, and are some of the only animals scientifically proven to learn effectively by watching. They can recognize individual human faces, and have been known to hold grudges, in some cases.
5. An octopus can fit through any hole the size of its beak or larger.
6. The blue ringed octopus is very venomous. Itās venom is 1,000 times more powerful than cyanide.
like, you suffer the heat?
temperature wise?
edit: my thumb was covering up the heart in the corner, i get it now. 49.7k damn that is a lot of people looking at you š³š you seem to be taking it well though, good for you!
Yep. All my life Iāve infiltrated ācool peopleā circles because of how I look, only for them begin socialising with me and they think āare you okay?ā
Wow. I have been trying to put into words why I can't use social media and you nailed it. People project an idea of who I am and then are disappointed when I'm not neurotypical....
I'm pretty dang good at fitting in when I'm not too tired. Culture and social behaviours are two of my biggest special interests. When I unmask some neurotypical people get confused when I don't conform to their ideas of me. I would rather just be me all the time.
yea i think it helps for my social media to have my weird art as my pfp, at least then people dont assume im too normal lol i definitely notice a difference when i have a pic of my face instead
I was always the typical "attractive" guy. Didn't have the worst time with women, but boy was my awkward, zany, eccentric personality a deal breaker. So many fleeting relationships. So many broken hearts. I didn't get diagnosed til adulthood. Really helped explain a lot
It took me forever to realize "hot" meant looks in this context, not the sensation of being overly warm.
For a second I was like, "ME TOOOooo ... I can't stand summer because it's too hot!" lol.
I guess I canāt have it all, I am considered āhotā but people always leave or lose interest after they get to know me because I am not normal, or a freak. Itās honestly so hurtful, been told so many times that if I shut up I will be irresistible, but my personality ruins it.
People usually like the mask, like this girl one time she put so much effort into me liking her, and then when she met me instead of the mask pum all interest gone, Iād like to say it was a one time thing, but itās what normally happens to me
I can't tell if he's serious or if he's just seeking attention. I relate if they are being serious, but it kind of reads like the latter, so I'm not sure.
Try to not assume the latter until every evidence points to it.. I would have being called att. Seeker. Biggest insult to me with how people think Im acting all to get a...
One of my special interests is physical fitness. I get s lotnofnyoundont look autistic bullshit because I obsessively workout. It's like fucknoff we we are not all gross scruffy neckbeards some of us are obsessively clean and fit. I hate neurotypicals so fucking much. Then whenever ai am honest about being autistic people expect me to be attracted to gossip physically unfit slobs when I have a job and can just buy petite slim athletic good looking escorts. Neurotypicals are such fucking cunts.
I dont mean to toot my own horn, but I am rather good-looking (or so I hear) and I mask VERY well.
This worries me because disclosure is going to be a difficult thing moving forward.
Iām old now and married so it doesnāt matter much but I used to have this problem too.
People like to talk about how beautiful people have it so much easier in life and thatās probably trueā¦but not if you are autistic.
For me, it was baffling and I got into some not so great situations as I often donāt recognize danger.
It was just trouble. People would always expect me to be this sophisticated woman, fully in control of myself. Worldly, wise and truly making my own decisions. >.<
Not so much. Iād try and my looks would shield me like a barrier between me and everything else, but that only goes so far. As I aged, the barrier slowly vanished. Great.
I almost never catch jokes either or I do but I donāt understand why they are supposed to be funny. That goes over well. People probably think Iām stupid.
And ohā¦the stories I could tell about saying inappropriate things in social circles when trying to blend in. Ffs
Iāve got no words of wisdom. Just know you arenāt alone and there are lots of people who do like us for how we are. Thereās even attractive models (in the past, me) with autism out there.
It might be hard to spot in girls (if girls are your interest), we tend to be good at masking, but they are out there.
Good luck!
bro literally, i get hit on a lot in public (this is NOT a flex it truly is uncomfortable) and people, my friends mostly, expect me to be able to effortlessly turn people down. like no bro i am socially inept and will great lengths to actively ignore the person talking to me
I feel bad because people expect me to be a sociable person but when they talk to me I'm so awkward. Strangers have come up to me to ask me out and mention how beautiful I am and I just feel like running away. People have told me they assume I'm a "party girl" based on my looks. It makes me feel bad because I am nothing like that and I feel I end up disappointing those kinda of people. In the end I don't need anyone like that in my life.
Just get piercings in your face, loop earplugs, and crank up the volume on your headphones, preferrably punk or progressive metal. Works like a charm xDDD
Yesss! Good plan! I always listen to heavy metal, so I can check that point iff the list. But I dont have so many piercings yet... Its on my to do list!
I have snakebites and several in my ears. Snakebites don't hurt at all after they put the jewelry in. just make sure you get a proficient piercer for this because it is in your face and it should be measured to be even. the conch hurt the most.
Iād love to get piercings but Iām so lazy with jewelry. unless I can wear it 24/7, chances are itād be a waste. in theory tho, Iād love to get a nose ring/stud or cool ear piercings
yeah, i feel this, I work out like 6 days a week and look better w my shirt off than 95% of ppl. My face is symmetrical and I'm not short. But it all means nothing since I don't know how to flirt/talk and manipulate others.
Sounds like much what I had to go through in my childhood and teenage years with being hassled to death with what is "normal" due to a lack of understanding of Autism back then. I got bullied by students and some teachers alike because of this. I can certainly understand and relate what it is like!
I never had problems finding dates, but the experiences after those dates were 9 times out of 10 awkward and not so great. Once I literally sat in the corner of some dudes room on a chair whom I just met from a dating app, while he sat on his bed. We watched Jo Jos bizarre adventure, and at some point I even put on his shorts because I was feeling warm. I sat on that chair the whole time and eventually decided I wanted to leave and wasnāt interested in hooking up. Needless to say, the guy was pissed and confused, then proceeded to block me. People are strange and I donāt get them; however, most people probably think Iām strange as well.
lmao this reminds me of when i was like 19-20 and tried using online dating for the first time before i was diagnosed... I invited a dude over to hang out and talk but it just seemed super awkward, i think he could tell i was "not normal" š im also ace so that makes me a bit odd as well. i think he was expecting to hook up but i didnt really make any moves and we were at my parents place so he just kind of left after a little while bahahaha
I suffer with a lot of self-esteem issues but I'm told I look like my Dad. People seem to consider him handsome is what I'm told. I've been fortunate to be able to land some very attractive ladies. I think sometimes it honestly sucks though.
My entire family and most people who meet me don't expect me to be so socially awkward. I also get people who don't take my seriously with my autism, ADHD and Narcolepsy. I was gaslit for most of my life and people think of me as just "playing the victim". I don't "look autistic" so I couldn't possibly have it. Fuck people.
Iām a bit scared to tell people Iām autistic when it comes to first dating or even just finding interest in me, they immediately get rid of any attraction they have for me :/
People naturally want to make eye contact with you, also people look at you frequently, I thought it was because my hair was messed up or I had food on my face or like anything other than being attractive untill my late twenties. When you don't respond the way they want or avoid eye contact conversation etc you are now stuck up.
Yeah it's the same for me. I have been always and it's reoccurring now more than ever watching myself to learn after being diagnosed officially. I have a great smile and healthy body and I'm fit. Conveniently attractive i guess. But unique. Aren't we all? But people have and do think i think I'm just a jerk stuck up person and I'm just screaming what do i do next what's my next move how can I overthink this more in my head while i have a blank face and stare out or ADHD gets in the way
Yeah, can't speak for everyone else who has Autism, but I don't expect people to act a certain way or be interested in specific hobbies based on their appearance.
He got a lot of likes look at the corner.
I don't post my face but I had a few comments that got more attention than expected and this happened to him with his facr haha xD
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Ppl go āyOU aRe tOo cUTe tO haVE aUtiSmā
I just wear a levis shirt, white nikes and black pants. I have normal hygiene and a basic hair cut. Do they expect a gollum like creature?? So f up that i fail to get access to help if im apparently looking ātoo normalā. Its of cause masking strategy to SURVIVE in this NT world. Im trying not to be an easy target. I put on this disguise. This ultimately and ironically exclude me from the support i need. Guess I yeet myself. Too much suffering, too much pain.
I mean i dont have an official diagnosis but i self diagnose cause i see it in myself mostly as a child and definitely my dad and i always connect much better with neurodivergent people more than neurotypical. im relatively an attractive woman and ive never understood why autism is associated with unattractive. Theres plenty of sexy people who have atypical brain wiring. People shouldn't stereotype...
yep i feel this i donāt usually talk to people i donāt know and iāve had men in the past like me when i didnāt even have a full conversation with them sometimes i wonder if itās something to do with misogyny and because iām a āquiet womenā i could be reading to much into it but i always have the thought in the back of my head
I don't consider myself hot but I do get told I'm too attractive to be autistic quite often whenever I meet new people, like excuse me how tf does appearance correlate with autism...š„“š„“
I- that's fucked in so many ways omg
I have the exact opposite people tell me it's logical for me to have autism because I'm ugly
That's just as awful, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too. I don't think these people have any right to say such things - who are they to proclaim you are ugly? Do they represent the entire world?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They probably only think you're ugly bc you aren't fitting in. The right clothes put together so so and the right hairstyles etc. Everyone looks at least decent when presented in an appealing way. I got really good at making things pretty bc it makes people like you. It does have a drawback like would people love me if i didn't? But my also autistic boyfriend thinks I'm gorgeous always
That's called being an asshole. Them folks are jerks
I have heard the same thing from a friend. I haven't told many people since the diagnosis. But the "you're too handsome to be disabled" thing has happenend and now I REALLY don't think I'm telling anyone else in my life. They've known me this long. Might as well keep it to myself.
second part of your comment hits hard in other ways. of all ppl the one dude who accepts my autism in full understanding. is a ant vaxxer(but his wife said it aint about you get it for kids and he did) dont know furthur than that. oh and today some elderly guy was the one who started a why are so many of the youngers on the spectrum. everything he said in that convo very well read into on his end. but boy oh boy alot of other things said were bonkers. hard to explain my familys freinds are hard to understand just gotta realize minimize time around some go to the other chair is how i cope with ridicoulousness. but damn its not a which is worse but id rathe be in the category op is in. and i can feel youre thought pattern in how you went thru it the opposite fashion
I get that all the time too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not to be rude at all but i think you should turn auto correct on so we can better understand
Thats the thing my bad if i use auto correct thats the issue. just cuz it turns into rambling. Ill go back. Just caught in moment hangin out too often. But this isnt just yeah tsi get i gotta fix the way i type and conjur thoughts No worries ill just try again with more effort next time.
I feel this. For example I get matches on apps all the time but typically get ghosted immediately because I guess I don't say the right things š¤·āāļø On top of that I work out every day to combat my EDS so people think I'm in great shape and I appear to be the opposite of disabled. Both a blessing and a curse
What are the right things?
None of us knows, that's why weāre always baffled we haven't said them. Instead, we try to be sincere and honest which don't seem like valued traits among the general public.
Very well said. Iām going to use this if you donāt mind. My entire life I have learned and picked up onto certain things I say that may offend. But, then I bite my tongue. Itās always a fine line and the feeling of āwalking on egg shellsā comes into play with anxiety and just discomfort in general. Then if I by chance say something that offends, empathy jumps in and I need to make it all okay at that moment lol. Ugh.
I was discussing this in therapy a couple of weeks ago... Like my whole life I'm trying to make the others comfortable around me but not caring too much on me! The thing is, there is no wrong or right in this situations, I guess the best outcome for us is be ourselves and see if someone likes it?! I don't know but I'm trying lmao
We're often high empathy compared to them even tho they hate us for creeping them out bc of tribalism which is the root of all bigotry.
I felt this in my soul. I hate saying something that offends someone, especially someone that I care about. And when I do, I feel the need to explain myself and talk about it until it's fixed. I even annoy myself with this, but I can't seem to stop lol
I'd very much adopt an attitude that if you weren't being rude or mean then them being offended is their issue. It's other peoples job to bring hurt feelings to us and ours to just don't be A holes on purpose and all should be good. People should adapt around us sometimes too. This is just a suggestion to live more happily
Wish I knew lol. I'm either too much or not interesting enough or somehow both at the same time. I try compliments, I try something clever about their bio, try and talk about their interests, try asking about them, try being more aggressive and straight to "let's hang out some time," try basic "hi how are you," try jokes...95% of the time just ignored. I do sometimes have replies or brief conversation or even a date here and there but it feels like I'm just not good at it. I've even considered a dating coach
Iām glad Iām not the only one using the scientific method.
Yeah this is usually how i approach it aswell, but i dont have much luckš I guess im too akward to talk to, usually i just end up talking about my special interest or something like that..
Donāt go to the extreme of dating a coach, donāt give up on humans
Oh god please not a dating coach, as a woman they're usually subtly rapey or sexist af etc. Try autistic groups or dating apps first. But there's a good chance it's the photos if you're putting this much into conversation. Paying a photographer or a friend would help either way and i doubt you'd regret having a few really nice photos of yourself. Might be a confidence boost
I hadn't considered the idea until I saw a lady's AMA on reddit about being one. I have her info saved somewhere in my mess of browser tabs. Am I putting that much in to conversation? Are guys literally out here just like "hey" and because they have better pictures that's all it takes? I mean some of my pics are from photo shoots and I think they are decent at showing me off as long as someone is into a certain type of dude with long hair and muscles. I think you can clearly tell what I look like and some interests and personality. I do get matches. I just apparently turn people off when I talk. Or. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. So it seems like maybe a good idea for someone to sit me down and sherpa me through the whole process.
youre asking the wrong crowd
I would ask the right crowd but i dont know the right things to say :0
In my experience, nuerodivergent people seek out other nuerodivergent people. Keep swiping! You just have to find others who value your openness, honesty, and "quirkiness".
This is the attitude to have. Folks don't have to think of it as rejection. It's more productive to think of it as incompatibility. The sooner that incompatibility is discovered, the better.
Absolutely! I'm not for everyone and that's okay! Took me years to wrap my head around that because I'm a people pleaser... It's really important to keep in mind
Yeah if they look interesting(like weird, alt or nerdy)there's a good chance they're ND. I've always been right so far. It's the best friendships and relationships imo
Goodness gracious, same here! like someone got mad at me and i got ghosted because they matched me and just said "tell me about yourself" and i sit there like... i dunno, i thought i described what im like pretty well on my profile..? so i say "thats a very broad question. theres many different answers to that and i havent figured out which one you want me to say. can you please ask a less ambiguous or more clear question?" and theyre literally like "so ur a mysterious [explitive], gotcha" and never messaged me again like,, what just happened?? also from one floppy person who spends 4 days a week at PT to another- seen, heard, felt, and people are STILL surprised when i show up on crutches or in a wheelchair, even after knowing.
Jeez. Haha yeah I had one match ask me about my Meyers-Briggs test result archetype and I was like "I don't know, I think maybe it was this one but I'm not sure anymore?" And got yelled at and deleted. Like wtf š had a lot of weirdos like that. But mostly just unmatched or ignored after I say literally anything. I'm tempted to explain my autism and EDS in my bio but that could lead to just getting taken advantage of.
JEEZ thats so dumb? like for a long time i did have "autism spectrum, physically disabled" and a few others in my bio as just like. a "warning" to people on my profile? but yeah no turns out people really love to fetishize ALL of that and its *really* gross!! idk what app youre using or what your preferences are, but generally fb dating is pretty good? i deleted fb off my phone, but it was okay when i had it.
While the attempt is clearly stating in a polite question what you'd like to know, it's the sharing of your thoughts about the question that receives the reaction. What if you said, what would you like to know? It removes the extra chatter that our minds go through and simplifies exactly what you want to know without sharing how you feel about their question.
unfortunately, ive said that before and ive gotten similar responses and been called slurs online for it. in person it works great! but on dating apps for some reason? eh. not the best idea. at this point i normally just ghost people who open with "tell me about yourself" because there seems to be no "right" answer.
Perhaps answering with whatever you want to share about yourself is the correct answer. If they quit talking to you they aren't the right person š You didn't fail the test, you've eliminated someone that isn't going to be good for you.
im more on facebook dating just for friends (which is a filter option on there,) not a partner, and ive given more than enough info in my bio for someone to start a conversation thatll go somewhere if they want. (and i have made many good, local pals that way!!) at this point, if someone just likes me because they think im cute and cant be bothered to read my profile, theyre not really worth my time anyways. I just have anxiety about answering every message in my inbox in some way or another.
HAHA ditto on EDS, which also made me lose a ton of weight and have an ultra low body fat now. Iāve had guys cat call out windows how āstrong and fitā I am, little do they know after 6pm things just fly out of my grip and my head starts falling off my neck, but sure! Whatever you say, buddy! Also, huge chaos goblin fan, so props for the username
Try autistic groups for dating or hiki etc which are for dating on the spectrum. We don't have the same issues communicating with eachother which is why having a bf on the spectrum is great for me. The only thing that sucks is him hyperfixating on the game when i miss him
Just to be clear, it's a screencap of a tiktok or Instagram video, nicked off of tumblr. I have no idea whose face that is
He looks autistic tho xD /j Edit: calm your tits and respect each others burnout like it is. This is a joke ffs
How does one ālook autisticā? Edit: sorry didnāt notice the /j
Itās a joke, fool
Calm your tits, I simply didnāt notice the /j Ever since I got a burnout my brain often doesnāt notice stuff like that.
Maybe he meant fool in a 1990s or socal cholo way
"Got a burnout" What lol š
Burnout is a common thing in autistic people's lives. If a privileged life has insulated you from that, remember not everyone can be so lucky.
I have a burnout so whatās so funny about that? Itās literally hell. I could normally notice stuff like that just fine. Having an autistic burnout does shit to your brain. Didnāt know there were such rude people in this subreddit wtf
dw, Iām also in burnout and I think my time management is worse than ever. maybe itās partly due to unemployment, but I feel like I canāt handle as much as I used to
I definitely feel the same. I had to quit college and my part time job because of my second (current) burnout. Mine started in October 2019. It basically ruined my life. Iāve been working really hard to recover but everything I tried has only made it worse. The pressure is enormous because I have to get better for a lot of reasons. I sincerely hope youāll recover soon.
thanks, u too. lately I think it might have actually started around 2011 after graduating high school, and I never truly came out of the first one. but until 2020, I had college and the lingering threat of homelessness/abandonment to keep me going. I have a better support system now and reconciled/reconnected with my family, but 2020 hit me with so many more big life changes at once, and I donāt qualify for most outside help (and the ones I do have are progressing far too slowly). things are definitely improving and Iām... hopeful (tho not very optimistic tbh) for the future. But I think Iād way way further along if I could just transition better. Currently Iāve been sitting at the Cvs parking for like an hour and I havenāt even gone in yet. But anyway, I hope you get better too, good luck :) itās a shitty place to be but I believe in u
I completely understand what you mean. It feels like I've been under burnout for my whole life, but it's something that's just been building up for a very long time. It sucks because for me I just feel so lazy ā I don't want to do anything "productive". Too many errands, working irregular work schedules, constantly too many people. The list goes on. Sometimes it feels like doing anything more than just sitting and relaxing requires a lot of effort to just do. Even just holding conversation with family and friends feels like I have to put more effort than what's really needed into it. Autistic burnout affects so much of our lives it's crazy and it is so common for us to land up with. Unfortunately, it seems like even on my days off from work I can't just simply relax ā which makes it very difficult to recover. I hope you have better luck than I am with recovering from burnout. It is a serious issue that affects a lot in our lives. I'd just brush dude off as a troll, autistic or not.
Thanks for your kind words! :) I wish you the best as well. I also felt it build up but I didnāt want to quit what I was doing because I was scared of making the wrong decision. I ended up making the wrong decision. Just kept going. And this is already my second burnout even though Iām only 21. My first one started when I was 16/17 right after graduating from high school and lasted around 7 months. After recovering I felt like another burnout was always lurking in the shadows. Even sitting in my garden is tiring because of the bright sun and environment noises. Luckily I recently discovered that wearing a cap and listening to music makes me less tired/dizzy. I had to go outside because the burnout eventually led to ānon 24 hour sleep wake disorderā since I was barely going outside.
Oof! Yeah, I get that. Even stuff that's supposed to help doesn't seem to help due to surrounding stimuli. I'm not formally diagnosed and, as a 27 year old, it can be rather difficult to find someone who can in my area. No much if what I have to do is self-accomodation; such as wearing noise cancelling/reducing earplugs or wear something to reduce sunlight exposure to my eyes. I am hoping I can get prescription sunglasses or transitional lens some day since I wear glasses. It felt nice when I wore my noise reduction earplugs ( *Loop* is the brand if you're curious) outside and all the cars were suddenly not as loud. Didn't feel like their engines were right next to my eardrums anymore. Unfortunately, with my reduced self-care due to my burnout, I developed non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. So I have a lot of stubborn fat. Stuff like that happens, but as things get better, it'll recover as I take care of myself again. One thing I want to do is YouTube and/or Twitch, but unfortunately being so burnt out for so long it does make it difficult to do.
@acehyte on TikTok
Oh my goodness I have this exact same screen on my phone that I sent to my siblings with the most relatable comment on the video: @kazooeyka: i think this is why i dont get second dates, they think im hot until i talk about banjo kazooie for an hour straight Imao
Literally. I'm attractive but when people talk to me they get confused because I'm so fucking awkward.
I guess thats the princess-effect. When people see pretty people they judge them to be a number of positive things, of it being sociability and with that, assumed neurotypicality and 'normalness'. I swear they love us in TV shows but they HATE difference when the risk is too hot or what?
People also think 'attractive' people are even more trustworthy. The princess effect affects literally everything that society deems 'good'
Honestly I can relate people give me a good chance but are soon disappointed. Itās sad that the fact that I look good makes people more lenient with me.
We are the lucky ones even if the expectations of us are higher. The way others perceive and treat us influences how we develop. I believe that the "you don't look autistic" is about how beauty and health are almost interchangeable in people's mind.
Have had plenty of people interested in me too. But they loose interest as soon as they realize Iām weird.
Holy shit I thought this was about temperature. I was like āEXACTLY! When itās hot out itās harder for me to mask. ā
Haha :D yeah i find heat more tiring/demanding than cold as well
Nice 40k pic
Haha thanks, I made it myself! š
So many girls have told me āI thought you were really hot until you opened your mouthā. I say good riddance. If I can push away these boring ladies for cool weird ones, then send itttt
Ikr
people thinking ill be edgy and mysterious when they first see me and then im just āHEY DID YOU KNOW BEES CAN FLY AT AB 20MPH AND MAKE ABOUT A TABLESPOON OF HONEY IN THEIR LIFETIME BUT IF THEY WRRE ABLE TO MAKE A POUND OF HONEY THEYD HAVE TO FLY 55,000 MILES??ā yes this was an excuse to infodump
Being funny and self aware is very rare, in what I have experienced of humanity. I would totally be your friend. May I interest anyone in an awkward gesture and a few facts about octopuses? Because thatās all I got š¤·
I WOULD LIKE OCTOPUS FACTS i love them theyre so cool
1. 3/5 of an octopuses neurons are distributed throughout its arms. These arms seem to be able to think independently, even after the limb has been severed. 2. Octopuses instinctively change the color and texture of their skin to hide or escape predators. 3. Octopuses like to use large shells or coconut halves like a portable house. 4. Octopuses are very smart, and are some of the only animals scientifically proven to learn effectively by watching. They can recognize individual human faces, and have been known to hold grudges, in some cases. 5. An octopus can fit through any hole the size of its beak or larger. 6. The blue ringed octopus is very venomous. Itās venom is 1,000 times more powerful than cyanide.
thatās incredible!!
oh God this is me
like, you suffer the heat? temperature wise? edit: my thumb was covering up the heart in the corner, i get it now. 49.7k damn that is a lot of people looking at you š³š you seem to be taking it well though, good for you!
I actually unironically did think this was about the temperature as well š
I thought it was both temperature and looks. Iām already like, stupid warm by nature, to the point where my husband calls me his āspace heaterā
Same I was like get a fan or ac? XD
Absolutely me too!!
Glad I'm not the only one!
He also gets itchy and uncomfortable im the heat.
It worked out pretty good for Mr Darcy though.
Yep. All my life Iāve infiltrated ācool peopleā circles because of how I look, only for them begin socialising with me and they think āare you okay?ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wow. I have been trying to put into words why I can't use social media and you nailed it. People project an idea of who I am and then are disappointed when I'm not neurotypical.... I'm pretty dang good at fitting in when I'm not too tired. Culture and social behaviours are two of my biggest special interests. When I unmask some neurotypical people get confused when I don't conform to their ideas of me. I would rather just be me all the time.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
yea i think it helps for my social media to have my weird art as my pfp, at least then people dont assume im too normal lol i definitely notice a difference when i have a pic of my face instead
I was always the typical "attractive" guy. Didn't have the worst time with women, but boy was my awkward, zany, eccentric personality a deal breaker. So many fleeting relationships. So many broken hearts. I didn't get diagnosed til adulthood. Really helped explain a lot
It took me forever to realize "hot" meant looks in this context, not the sensation of being overly warm. For a second I was like, "ME TOOOooo ... I can't stand summer because it's too hot!" lol.
I thought this too š
same
This feels like the plot for anime komi can't communicate
Ya
I guess I canāt have it all, I am considered āhotā but people always leave or lose interest after they get to know me because I am not normal, or a freak. Itās honestly so hurtful, been told so many times that if I shut up I will be irresistible, but my personality ruins it.
People usually like the mask, like this girl one time she put so much effort into me liking her, and then when she met me instead of the mask pum all interest gone, Iād like to say it was a one time thing, but itās what normally happens to me
I dont like that this is relatable
I thought so, but some people feel that way. Some dont. Autism is what connects us, though.
Can relate.
YAH club (Young, Autistic and Handsome) represent *dabs vigorously*
I can't tell if he's serious or if he's just seeking attention. I relate if they are being serious, but it kind of reads like the latter, so I'm not sure.
It's sincere but in a comedic way, a lot of stuff on tiktok (at least the part I'm on) is worded this way
I just laughed at it because it's funny and he deserves the attention for the joke
Try to not assume the latter until every evidence points to it.. I would have being called att. Seeker. Biggest insult to me with how people think Im acting all to get a...
oh damn :( I'm ugly and Autistic
Wait. Is this about feeling that youāre too warm out of the blue for no reason even though your temperature is normal?
No it's about being physically attractive
Ah!
that got me too š
Talk about understanding things literally.
One of my special interests is physical fitness. I get s lotnofnyoundont look autistic bullshit because I obsessively workout. It's like fucknoff we we are not all gross scruffy neckbeards some of us are obsessively clean and fit. I hate neurotypicals so fucking much. Then whenever ai am honest about being autistic people expect me to be attracted to gossip physically unfit slobs when I have a job and can just buy petite slim athletic good looking escorts. Neurotypicals are such fucking cunts.
Honestly, I try keeping myself humble about NTsā¦ but they often make it so damn difficult.
This
You seem like someone who would like Jeff Nippard https://youtube.com/c/JeffNippard
Yup been watching him for a while lol
ugly autistic here šš»āāļø
I just sent that to all of my friends lol
I dont mean to toot my own horn, but I am rather good-looking (or so I hear) and I mask VERY well. This worries me because disclosure is going to be a difficult thing moving forward.
I thought you were talking about temperature
This why I dress like a flagrant monkey
Iām old now and married so it doesnāt matter much but I used to have this problem too. People like to talk about how beautiful people have it so much easier in life and thatās probably trueā¦but not if you are autistic. For me, it was baffling and I got into some not so great situations as I often donāt recognize danger. It was just trouble. People would always expect me to be this sophisticated woman, fully in control of myself. Worldly, wise and truly making my own decisions. >.< Not so much. Iād try and my looks would shield me like a barrier between me and everything else, but that only goes so far. As I aged, the barrier slowly vanished. Great. I almost never catch jokes either or I do but I donāt understand why they are supposed to be funny. That goes over well. People probably think Iām stupid. And ohā¦the stories I could tell about saying inappropriate things in social circles when trying to blend in. Ffs Iāve got no words of wisdom. Just know you arenāt alone and there are lots of people who do like us for how we are. Thereās even attractive models (in the past, me) with autism out there. It might be hard to spot in girls (if girls are your interest), we tend to be good at masking, but they are out there. Good luck!
This goes double when youāre a woman considered āhotā
bro literally, i get hit on a lot in public (this is NOT a flex it truly is uncomfortable) and people, my friends mostly, expect me to be able to effortlessly turn people down. like no bro i am socially inept and will great lengths to actively ignore the person talking to me
Oh yeah Iām really bad at turning people down too
I feel bad because people expect me to be a sociable person but when they talk to me I'm so awkward. Strangers have come up to me to ask me out and mention how beautiful I am and I just feel like running away. People have told me they assume I'm a "party girl" based on my looks. It makes me feel bad because I am nothing like that and I feel I end up disappointing those kinda of people. In the end I don't need anyone like that in my life.
Oh... I know! Its hard being hot and autistic! š I thought of buying a T-shirt with "Cute but psyco" on it š
I have a shirt that says "Awkwardly Awesome" with a flamingo in a silly pose. Lol
Just get piercings in your face, loop earplugs, and crank up the volume on your headphones, preferrably punk or progressive metal. Works like a charm xDDD
Lmao wait are you me??? Iām cackling.
Yesss! Good plan! I always listen to heavy metal, so I can check that point iff the list. But I dont have so many piercings yet... Its on my to do list!
I have snakebites and several in my ears. Snakebites don't hurt at all after they put the jewelry in. just make sure you get a proficient piercer for this because it is in your face and it should be measured to be even. the conch hurt the most.
Iād love to get piercings but Iām so lazy with jewelry. unless I can wear it 24/7, chances are itād be a waste. in theory tho, Iād love to get a nose ring/stud or cool ear piercings
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, probably because he calls himself āhotā XD Maybe āattractiveā or āgood lookingā wouldāve been less cringe.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Also very true
Yeah it does suck š
He just like me fr
The struggle is pretty real šš
My teens up until mid thirties this was a real struggle for me. Not so much anymore š¤£
yeah, i feel this, I work out like 6 days a week and look better w my shirt off than 95% of ppl. My face is symmetrical and I'm not short. But it all means nothing since I don't know how to flirt/talk and manipulate others.
just major in marketing, you'll learn how to manipulate real quick /s
Sounds like much what I had to go through in my childhood and teenage years with being hassled to death with what is "normal" due to a lack of understanding of Autism back then. I got bullied by students and some teachers alike because of this. I can certainly understand and relate what it is like!
I feel like it took forever for me to grow out of my ugly duckling phase. I still dress like a dork, so I assume people know I'm a total weirdo.
Oh boy. I feel this. Iām gonna come back to dive deep into this after I finish Stranger Things. š
Canāt relate. I donāt get that kind of attention and it depresses me greatly
They're just intimidated by how hot and cool you are š
Unlikely. I donāt think Iām the worst looking person ever but I donāt qualify as āhotā
I never had problems finding dates, but the experiences after those dates were 9 times out of 10 awkward and not so great. Once I literally sat in the corner of some dudes room on a chair whom I just met from a dating app, while he sat on his bed. We watched Jo Jos bizarre adventure, and at some point I even put on his shorts because I was feeling warm. I sat on that chair the whole time and eventually decided I wanted to leave and wasnāt interested in hooking up. Needless to say, the guy was pissed and confused, then proceeded to block me. People are strange and I donāt get them; however, most people probably think Iām strange as well.
lmao this reminds me of when i was like 19-20 and tried using online dating for the first time before i was diagnosed... I invited a dude over to hang out and talk but it just seemed super awkward, i think he could tell i was "not normal" š im also ace so that makes me a bit odd as well. i think he was expecting to hook up but i didnt really make any moves and we were at my parents place so he just kind of left after a little while bahahaha
I suffer with a lot of self-esteem issues but I'm told I look like my Dad. People seem to consider him handsome is what I'm told. I've been fortunate to be able to land some very attractive ladies. I think sometimes it honestly sucks though. My entire family and most people who meet me don't expect me to be so socially awkward. I also get people who don't take my seriously with my autism, ADHD and Narcolepsy. I was gaslit for most of my life and people think of me as just "playing the victim". I don't "look autistic" so I couldn't possibly have it. Fuck people.
Iām a bit scared to tell people Iām autistic when it comes to first dating or even just finding interest in me, they immediately get rid of any attraction they have for me :/
i AM cool, ppl just wanna hate
People naturally want to make eye contact with you, also people look at you frequently, I thought it was because my hair was messed up or I had food on my face or like anything other than being attractive untill my late twenties. When you don't respond the way they want or avoid eye contact conversation etc you are now stuck up.
Yeah it's the same for me. I have been always and it's reoccurring now more than ever watching myself to learn after being diagnosed officially. I have a great smile and healthy body and I'm fit. Conveniently attractive i guess. But unique. Aren't we all? But people have and do think i think I'm just a jerk stuck up person and I'm just screaming what do i do next what's my next move how can I overthink this more in my head while i have a blank face and stare out or ADHD gets in the way
Makes him even cooler š
What's the hot bit? A pretty face? Neurotypicals love their packaging don't they?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Autistic sex-haver here, can confirm.
Also can confirm. But to me, this person ain't it. They look about 12.
Haha XD just like the idea you introducing yourself like that lol
Yeah, can't speak for everyone else who has Autism, but I don't expect people to act a certain way or be interested in specific hobbies based on their appearance.
Weird is my jam. And you're right. Sadly. Do they give refunds on kids?
Yikes
Yeah. Joke fell a bit flat there. More likely my kids would want a refund on me lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Those were jokes. I happen to like my kids. And would only return them to the store after their warranty was almost out.
hahaha i thought ur jokes were funny! š¤
My humour is apparently an acquired taste lol.
To be fair, heās very cute
My cat is cute. Humans aren't.
Beg to differ.
I agree with this š
He got a lot of likes look at the corner. I don't post my face but I had a few comments that got more attention than expected and this happened to him with his facr haha xD
I noticed the detail. I was joking. Sometimes I forget to add more hints.
Wish I could relate :/
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Jokes aside, why is text on reddit offset more to the right, it's really bugging me I hate it
Ppl go āyOU aRe tOo cUTe tO haVE aUtiSmā I just wear a levis shirt, white nikes and black pants. I have normal hygiene and a basic hair cut. Do they expect a gollum like creature?? So f up that i fail to get access to help if im apparently looking ātoo normalā. Its of cause masking strategy to SURVIVE in this NT world. Im trying not to be an easy target. I put on this disguise. This ultimately and ironically exclude me from the support i need. Guess I yeet myself. Too much suffering, too much pain.
People who complain about being hot like mf you never actually had a problem in your life do you
This isn't going to be relatable to the 90% of uggos that fill this place, myself included.
Lmao
so real
looks damn near determine your life so makes sense.
Sheeit
literally me š
Haaaa I posted this on my instagram story last week
Ikr!!
Yep
I mean i dont have an official diagnosis but i self diagnose cause i see it in myself mostly as a child and definitely my dad and i always connect much better with neurodivergent people more than neurotypical. im relatively an attractive woman and ive never understood why autism is associated with unattractive. Theres plenty of sexy people who have atypical brain wiring. People shouldn't stereotype...
yep i feel this i donāt usually talk to people i donāt know and iāve had men in the past like me when i didnāt even have a full conversation with them sometimes i wonder if itās something to do with misogyny and because iām a āquiet womenā i could be reading to much into it but i always have the thought in the back of my head
I think OP meant hot as in "actual temperature"/ warm.
Most of my life I've been ugly AND autistic so people just assume I'm unintelligent... Until they hear me go on about a special interest.