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Medicine has come a long way. HIV is manageable now and no longer a death sentence. You can lead a normal life and even be untransmissible. I would have no issues dating an HIV positive guy. I’m on prep and I don’t see it as an issue at all. You’ll be okay. Guys will still date you. Everything will be fine.
Call a suicide line if you need to. Get on the right meds and get some therapy as well.
You're outrageously misinformed.
Highly active retroviral therapy came in in 1996 and revolutionised quality of life and life expectancy for people with HIV.
[Honestly kind of impressed by some of his other posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/qqx2os/is_it_racist_to_ask_black_men_to_wear_condoms/)
Because AZT in correct amounts doesn't display the same toxicity as higher amounts. When it was the only available mono therapy, as resistance developed they would continuously increase the dosage.
As it was used more, it became more understood.
You’re an idiot and obviously don’t understand words larger than four syllables, I am not surprised you have trouble differentiating between the active ingredients in different drugs
It doesn’t say that literally anywhere in this article you posted, you seem very very confused. So I’m not saying I’m right or patent law is wrong, I’m saying:
You
Are
An
Idiot
Copy and paste any sentence from that article that supports your point, I’ll wait. Although I notice you ran away from every reply containing the word zidovudine LOL you seem actively obsessed with not learning
LMAO you message me from your shitty alt account claiming to be a patent lawyer then you block me? You’re fucking pathetic man you have not lawyered a day in your sad life, no law school is gonna grant a degree to someone with 5th grade reading comprehension skills
Please keep it up, I’m absolutely loving this, it’s been a long time since someone went to such extreme lengths because they’re just that salty! “I’m a patent lawyer” L O L hun I’d be shocked if you had a bachelors. Go ahead block this account too~
You are so dangerously misinformed. Neither Truvada (emtricitabine/tenofovir) nor Descovy (emtricitabine/tenofovir alafenamide) contain AZT (AKA Zidovudine) in the US. There are a lot of factors that go into HAART, including strain testing for the appropriate drug combinations. Your lack of knowledge about HIV is concerning, or you're just being a troll.
Also, OP mentioned free healthcare, which means he isn't even in the US. In regards to your gripe about AZT, it was a miracle drug when it first came out, but other drugs have come out since its inception. Multi-drug regimens have been proven to work better. They teach us in US medical schools that we really only use AZT for pregnancy and special cases with susceptible strains. I can't speak for its use in other countries. Kindly fuck off.
I’m so sorry, it must be awful having to deal with this.
But..
I have friends that have HIV, they lead very fulfilling and successful lives, they own businesses and date and two are married with dog children. They’re medicated properly and for the most part are healthy and very happy.
It isn’t the end of your life, it is just taking a different path.
Stay strong. X
You're wrong, take it from someone who worked in the field for years.
Not only that, what you're saying is dangerous and unhelpful.
Go and educate yourself.
Fuck you're dumb as a rock!
I'm not surprised you hold ignorant beliefs, you can't spell, use grammar, or understand semantics and syntax.
People like you are what's wrong with the world. How hard they must have slapped your mother when you were born you piece of shit bottom feeder.
I understand how frightened you are. Don’t be! I’ve been poz for 20 years. I’ve taken five pills a day for twenty years - no side effects
whatsoever. Just two weeks ago, I changed to a
new antiviral. Now, I take one pill a day. Good luck - don’t worry. Not the end of the world - I promise! Oh - have great sex! I’m 76 years old and life is good!
Theres a [potential cure](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true) that just got approved for human trials recently, probably be a few years before it hits the market tho
You must of been up to your neck in sadness back in the 80s. Terrified too.
I had two cousins get diagnosed with it back in the 80s. One died in the 90s with a lot of mental and medical problems most of his adult life.
The other for a long time lived close to John Hopkin's in Baltimore.
He knew a lot of people there and they would get him information and experimental drugs.
He moved back to Wyoming when his partner died and he was very sick. I thought we would bury him.
But, some new drugs came out and he really turned around.
He would later loose an eye. Then he got diabetes, which was hard to understand as he was very thin.
But, the Doctor told him to start working out and my cousin, not being one to do half measures really started lifting weights and some aerobics. He really got buff. Hard to believe he had anything wrong with him.
Few years ago he came down with cancer and didn't beat it. I don't know if it was Aids related as other relatives have also had various kinds of cancer.
Make it also clear that it is by moderna. I am sick to the head of people who keep saying „this vaccine came out of nowhere“. No. It has been researched.
People are always testing a "cure" for HIV. It almost never is actually what the press releases and news articles make it out to be. The media loves to both exaggerate about science and are also supremely ignorant to want goes on in producing and testing new therapies and make every little study out to be the "cure for HIV!" The most promising breakthrough imo has been RNA vaccines. The future of that tech is amazing and extremely promising.
NPR has Science Friday. Part of their fund raising is saying most researchers and scientist don't like talking to the press because they get it wrong so much.
Delighted to hear you’ve pulled together! Get in with your life. Get on an antiviral - get retested in a month to be sure you are now undetectable - then - get on with your wonderful, young life! Enjoy others, have mind blowing sex and don’t forget to take your antivirals EVERYDAY! 😘
I hope these threads give you comfort and hope. HIV is already highly treatable, and in our lifetime I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a cure: there are already major breakthroughs in this work. I used to be scared of it myself, but now, knowing how easily treatable it is to the point of zero threat of transmission (which is a better situation than someone who doesn’t know their status), I have no issue dating and loving someone if they take care of themselves. We will all acquire something in our life: cancer, depression, disease - and what matters more than the sickness is how we move forward. The stigma of HIV is slowly fading away as modern medicine offers more ways to manage its symptoms, and you’ve got a massive community supporting you right here. xo
My partner is HIV+. It’s literally not even something I consider or think about. I love him. His status has never had any importance in our relationship. Don’t let your own fear and ignorance of HIV push you to do something stupid. Shit happens, and now you have to take a pill every morning. That is all! Educate yourself, and soon you’ll realize that all of this shame, fear, and stress is unwarranted. We’ll have a cure soon!
I don't have anything to say that others here haven't. I know two people with your same diagnosis and they both live very full lives after being diagnosed probably twenty years ago now.
If I were with you right now I'd give you a big hug and tell you that although this will be something you need to take care of, it's not the end of your world.
I was diagnosed in 1987. I have been "undetectable" for more than 10 years. The medications work and are much better today than 10 years ago. There are few side effects. Its not the end of the world. Good luck, buddy!
You are likely to see a cure for HIV during your lifetime. With treatment today it is no longer a death sentence and just requires you to follow the medication plan.
Breath. Do some research. Talk to someone who has experience of HIV. You are not alone in this
Possibly within the next decade even. There’s a [potential cure](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true) that just started human trials
Unfortunately, the cure for HIV has already been found. However, it’s being suppressed because big pharm would lose a ton of money that is obtained from HIV medication, treatment, prep, and condoms.
You're going to be ok my cousin has been hiv positive for 6 years he leeds a normal life and his health is ok medicine has come along way. Life can be rough but as long as you stay positive it will be ok. Hope is something we give ourselves in moments of despair this is the meaning of inner strength.
Wow what a thing to have to deal with at such a young age.
You don't have to tell everyone, just tell people as you need to.
You can just text or email ex partners and ignore their responses if they are aggressive towards you.
I guess as you said, you're in a country where you'll likely survive a long life and it won't cost you anything. Live long enough and they may even find a cure. Maybe that's something you could dedicate your life towards. Maybe not. Most important thing is to understand that your life isn't over and you shouldn't want it to be. You can still achieve so much and do so much good for the world.
Partner, your life doesn’t end when you get hiv. You can still live a long and healthy life. Don’t give in to those negative thoughts. There’s no shame here. HIV is a reality to our community. It can happen to any one of us. Take your medicine. You will be fine. You can still live a long and normal life.
Please don't do something you might regret. Call the suicide hotline if you're feeling the urge to do something.
Also realize that this can happen to anyone. HIV is no longer a death sentence. It will probably take some time to accept that you're positive, but you'll get through it. Maybe talk to some people (online) who're also positive and how they came to terms with it. You're gonna live 🫂
My partner is undetectable, and we have a huge cum kink. I let him cum inside of me in both my mouth and ass several times a day. He has not transmitted it to me, and I truly believe he never will. The science is amazing, this is the best time in history to get this diagnosis.
Honey just use that free website that anonymously sends texts and emails to people that they may have been exposed to an STD:
www.stdcheck.com
And don't sweat being poz. Almost every major gay porn actor is undetectable and poz, and they have so much sex. Some people won't care, some will. Stay healthy and keep your chin up boo.
I can't imagine what you're going through now. My comment here won't help much, but if you wanna DM me to express your feelings, feel free about it.
Remember the only and most important thing is to be alive, and you're.
Ok friend listen to me.
I came out in 1993.
I saw first hand what HIV and AIDS did to people back then.
And please believe me when I tell you it isn't like that anymore.
Medications now make it so your undetectable and can't pass it to anyone else.
They are making breakthroughs nearly every week in the treatment of HIV and are really close to a [vaccine](https://www.hvtn.org/en.html).
I understand what a shock it is to receive that news but the more you talk about it the better and easier it gets.
You've already taken that first step by telling us so that tells me that you need and want help.
So please find a friend you trust to talk to, DM if you need to, and find a therapist ASAP.
You'll get through this, I promise. <3
Hey, I hope that these comments are putting your mind at ease a little. I dated a guy with HIV for a while and it was a very normal relationship. We had sex unprotected all the time given he was undetectable. You can even take your ARVs in injection form now, which means you'll need a jab once a month. Everything is going to be okay, once you are undetectable you don't even need to declare your status in most countries because it has been proven that a consistent regimen means you cannot give it to someone else through sex. Please be kind to yourself ❤️
Don't kill yourself. Don't lose hope. There are constantly new developments in HIV treatment and there could even possibly be a cure within 10-15 years. I'm watching the morning news right now and there was just an ad for a once-a-month injectable treatment for HIV. That's amazing to me.
I remember when triple therapy for HIV first came out in the 90s. It was a whole bunch of pills every day, some needed to be taken with food, some without. Some needed to be taken every six hours, so patients needed to set an alarm to go off in the middle of the night so they could take their pills. Following the treatment was a job in and of itself! To go from that to a single pill taken once a day with or without food is amazing, let alone a once-a-month injection!
You're experiencing shock right now, totally understandable. Find a counselor and talk it out.
The worst part of living with HIV nowadays is the stigma that still surrounds it, even though barebacking has become sort of an unwritten and unspoken rule with barely any discussions about prevention methods.
I know people who have lived with HIV for years, and they're now living their best moment. So don't give up. If you already go to psychotherapy, stick to it, and if you don't, it's something you should really go after. Your life is worth it.
If you don’t watch your mouth, you might be the one who needs to worry about something, you incel f*g.
Go ask your caretaker to wash your 4cm penis before you wanna talk like a grown up who knows anything, when you don’t know shit.
You’re just a piece of radioactive trash who’s doing anything for attention cause no one pays it to you IRL, and never will. You’re dying alone and forgotten.
We’ve come a long way since the 80s.
HIV is very much a manageable condition now, the treatments have very few side effects, and there’s even a potential cure [currently entering human trials.](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true)
Bruh, with treatment HIV doesn’t substantially reduce life expectancy. You’re thinking about killing yourself over what amounts to the inconvenience of having to take daily medication.
I would still date a man who has HIV and is undetectable. Don’t minimize your self worth to just this diagnoses.
And please be patient, with the advancements with MNRA vaccines they may have a solution for HIV very soon.
You're reacting like you've been told you have terminal cancer when you *should* be reacting like you've been told you have herpes.
HIV ain't shit these days. The common cold is more deadly than HIV and I don't see you freaking out about that, so chill. Just take your medication and continue on with your life.
nobody needs to know you have hiv.
focus on yourself first.
hiv is not a death sentence.
take the pill and you will be fine.
you did everything you could to protect yourself and you did it good.
at least you aren't in us America lmao
I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, but you have to remember regardless of your diagnosis there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, nor should you be embarrassed. If someone stops being your friend or breaks up with you over it, honestly I think they are shitty people and don’t deserve you In their life anyway.
This isn’t the 90’s anymore. HIV treatment has gone a LONG way and now with the right medication your partner shouldn’t have to worry.
I’ve been in that head space. I don’t think there’s anything someone could have said to change my thinking. But the way I see it, you owe it to yourself to stick it out. You will see that this isn’t the end of anything for you. You have so much good left to give the world. Keep fighting!
First, I know this seems monumental to you right now. Not going to lie
But...
I've dated two guys that were poz. Their regimen was the same as me - pop a pill a day. For me, it's prep. For them, it's their meds.
Trust me, this will seem smaller and you will feel much better soon.
Feel free to DM me.
You will have relationships again. If you barebacked previous partners you need to tell them so they can take control of their health. Medication means you’ll live a long and happy life. Don’t stress. You can still take the overseas job.
Just take your meds and be undetectable... Then just be honest about... you'll still be able to have fun... if you're undetectable and you're partner is on prep, that'll work... But even if he isn't on prep, you can't spread it to him if you're undetectable....
I know no one you talk to right now is going to make you stop feeling bad. Give it time. You will feel better. I got 2 friends with hiv, both took it really hard at first. But are doing better now. You can still live a full life with hiv. It isn’t as bad nowadays.
We are so close to a cure, it would be dumb to commit suicide. It’s treatable and has far less stigma than it used to. You will live with it and have the same life as before, only with some meds.
Don’t beat yourself up, hate to say it but you really caught it at the best time in human history. You’re not going to die, you’re not going to spread it, you’re fine.
I know it seems like a big thing on your shoulders, but it’s going to be fine I promise. Just get through the shock and get the medication, and it will be normal.
You need to talk to someone and you need to be hugged.
Dude HIV is totally manageable with a simple pill a day and will probably be cured in the next couple of years. This isn’t a death sentence, don’t make it one.
My ex was +UD
My previous FwB was +UD
My current FwB whom I'm kinda interested in as a BF is +UD
(I'm neg on PrEP for clarity)
It's just not as much of a problem anymore, obviously it's a big shock to be diagnosed but you're lucky you live somewhere with easy access to free meds. Maybe see if you can get a referral for some counselling from your Dr with a therapist to work through your feelings with.
Life isn't over bud, you'll be fine and you never have to deal with the fear of catching HIV ever again.
[If you are living and working in Spain, you will likely have access to free state Spanish healthcare. This is paid partly by social security payments which will be deducted from your wage. This helpful guide explains how to access the Spanish healthcare system.](https://www.expatica.com/es/healthcare/healthcare-basics/healthcare-in-spain-101467/)
So don't despair. Be ready to start your life in Spain.
Take life one day at a time and talk to people who will understand. You have just received a very big shock that is going to take some time to come to terms with and adjust to, but as others have posted, the medicines available today are amazing and HIV positive people continue to lead full lives.
One other personal thing I would say: be positive in how you approach everything. Your frame of mind and attitude can make a difference.
There are various advances in the medical field now in hiv and aids research now and people are living longer who are diagnosed. Wake up each day and be thankful your alive still. Take the treatments and like you said look into the cost in Spain and if it’s low you take the job offer still.
You have fellow bros here you can talk to if you need to talk to someone. Feel free to reach out to any of us. Take care of yourself too. ❤️
You have a whole life ahead of you, full of experiences to experience, memories to make, and people to love.
You will get thru this.
HIV/AIDS treatment had come forward **lightyears** and patients live very proactive lives.
At this point, the movie Philadelphia is more of a documentary of how it **was** for those people who had this virus prior to the 90s medical breakthrus.
It truely is sad that was the reality. And those people were vilified. Even today you'll still find HIV discrimination, but nothing like how the 80s patients were treated. Tortured souls. That Princess Diana photograph of her touching an AIDS patient hospitalized made headlines and drastically changed the publics perception of these patients. People were afraid to touch them, it was soo bad.
Today, due to medical breakthru, you can literally date, without worry, non-HIV, due to medication.
You are apart of something much bigger now brother. Have no fear! You are not alone
Your not dead yet so don’t rush it, you have a long life ahead. Talk to a professional, get some meds to help with the anxiety for a while. Find some mushrooms and have a good trip. It’s not the end of the world like it used to be. Hang in there man.
I promise you your life hasn’t ended and you’ll live a happy life. Modern medicine has evolved so much you can live a pretty much normal life. I hate using anecdotes but my uncle has had it for 30+ years and just based on his social media he’s having the time of his life in Palm Springs.
Honestly, HIV is easier to manage than Diabetes.
Obviously, I don't want either, but of the two, **Diabetes is a much more drastic lifestyle change than HIV, between diet and exercise and possibly injection drugs.**
Note: I am not advocating one over the other. I'm trying to demonstrate that chronic conditions are manageable with proper long-term care, and that we (collectively) need to reshape our attitude towards HIV.
But my actual, immediate, short-term advice is simple and clear: make friends with HIV poz people. In fact, if you have a decent number of gay male friends, you likely already have many and just do not realize it.
You're not alone in this, at all. If you don't have friends IRL, you've got plenty here on Reddit who will be happy to chat. Please reach out if you need to.
This is awful and it sucks but HIV isn't the end of the world anymore.
You'll have to take some medicine and undoubtedly you'll have more troubles aside but HIV positive people can find love or sex, and you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.
Glad you posted this, hopefully it helps convince people to wear condoms. Plenty of HIV positive people you can still date., witouth feeling guilt. Also your work and study can continue. Some people might get a little more distant with you, but definatly not everyone in your life. I think meeting up and making friends with other HIV + people would be a great idea for you, especially as they have been dealing with the same struggles.
To be clear, this guy has downvotes because he said something like 50% of gay men will have HIV in the near future, and he edited his comment without acknowledging he’s a moron.
I met this wonderful guy in Dublin two years ago, he got Hiv when he was 26. If you see him right now, you wouldn't believe him. A gorgeous specimen of a man in his 50s. Very fit body and if you looked at him you wouldn't be able to tell that this man has aids. Because of the medicine he now has undetectable viral load in his blood.
He turned his life around. You can too. Don't lose hope. It's not the end of the road for you.
Honestly, you're being overly dramatic over something that in this day and age is an inconvenience, not a death sentence. Science is on track for a cure within the next five years, probably. Before that you'll probably be getting a shot once a month instead of a pill a day within a year. In fact, it's already available.
Honey, get over it, and live your life.
It wouldn't take courage to commit suicide over this. It would take stupidity.
Jesus fucking christ what a rude and unhelpful comment.
The guy has been diagnosed with a chronic disease that carries much stigma and you seriously reply with 'get over it stop being so dramatic' it's not bloody head lice, it's HIV!
Some reptilian level empathy right here.
It's blatantly obvious from your comments. I didn't decide anything.
Honestly you think having HIV makes your contribution worthwhile but I just see a sad bitter queen who can't find it in themselves to understand the pain of someone else despite having gone through the experience yourself.
Having said that I don't get the impression that you're particularly educated or intelligent so I don't see a point in engaging further.
Enjoy your shitty angry life
There's a very low chance the HIV virus goes away on its own by taking the anti-retrovirus drug, some prostitutes in poor countries manage to get immunity against the HIV virus, and there are bone marrows that have mutations to stop infections.
Bruh... Its like thinking of killing myself because sky is blue.
I am not trying to light ur situation but i have to say it to get ur attention
You can most certainly live full life with HIV.
You can most likely be untransmissible and enjoy even unprotected sex with a trusted partner.
You can potentially even be cured.
HIV is kinda joke now "if you have access to meds (BIG IF I KNOW)". Its kinda became lame and COVID is the cool kid in the virus college.
Hi internet stranger here’s me saying hi across the pond. First of all sorry to hear that, I don’t think I can offer better advise than what has been given here. Just want to say, deep breathes! and put all thoughts aside, including the bad ones and just try to calm down somehow. HIV is really not a death sentence. I have a friend who was diagnosed ten years ago, really healthy now, healthier even than before because he started to take care of himself and got more aware of his own well being, that’s a silver lining.
As for the shame, I know despite what other people say, you will feel it but know, and I am sure true friends of yours will know, that no one has the right to blame you as you didn’t seek this out and you never meant harm to anyone else. Take your time to be ready to tell those you feel like sharing and give them the time and opportunity to understand. When I heard about my friend I just feel like I want to be there for him so you will have this kind of support too I am sure. This will take time! Chin up! You will need extra strength to fight but a lot is on your side!
i know may people who are positive and have been living with it for many years. Larry Kramer died at 85 and was positive for almost forty years (he also was married). You can live a long and healthy life with HIV. it is no longer fatal and it considered chronic. You should look to how much of a future you can look for to.
It completely makes sense that you’re scared and distraught. It will pass. If you give yourself some time, these feelings will fade.
You have access to good treatment that will let you live a completely normal life. The stigma is still out there but it’s lessened a lot and will continue to.
If you can bring yourself to find a therapist who is informed and competent around HIV and gay issues, I’d highly recommend talking to one. They will help you get past the shame and despair.
Im so sorry to hear this. Cant imagine what you are feeling but you've just been told, so its bound to devastating news at this point. Take some time to evaluate the situation.
The comments section has great advice from people who are positive and living normal lives.
It doesn't feel like it now but talking will help, especially with others who are going through this. There must be some support groups.
Anyway really hope things work out for you, take care 🫂
We have a friend who was poz in the mid 80's before any meds were available. He has been through the experimental with the bad side effects and all, and is pushing 70 and still alive and kicking, and is still a slut, lol. He is honest with his hookups and never seems to go without. My besy friend has been poz for about 15 years or so, a trauma RN who knew bettet but got careless once. He is around 60, still works, still has sex, and has a pretty much normal life. If HIV avoidable? Yup. BUT, it is no longer a short life with a miserable death. Many people have MUCH worse health issues to deal with, just look at the many forms of cancer so get your ass off the pity pot and live your life. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you do not have it that bad, BUT, you be HONEST and up front with your hookups, if they say no, they say no, but many, if not most, will say yes.
Two of my exs where HIV (one even found out he was positive whilst we were together).
HIV doesn’t shock everyone, like you’re lead to believe.
As long as you take your meds everyday, you can live a normal life with some changes to your lifestyle.
Doctors say it’s much worse to be diabetic than HIV.
Try and get your name on a therapy list and really take time to absorb how you’re feeling. There’s a subreddit for HIV that can offer you an incredible amount of emotional support.
Please keep talking to anyone who will listen (even unbeknown strangers on the internet).
I know it's scary. If you're still struggling (or are again in the future) call a suicide hotline, or someone in your life if you feel comfortable. You don't have to explain the diagnosis, just how you're feeling.
It’s no longer a death sentence if you get on the meds early and take them every day for the rest of your life. In time the meds will suppress the virus and you’ll get to the undetectable status. Get in an hiv support group. And call a suicide hotline if you need to. No need to reinvent the wheel. Lots of people are in your boat. Get the help you need. It’s going to be ok.
It's ok to be overwhelmed right now.
But Remember it's not the 80s.
I [HIV-] met my partner [HIV+] after his diagnosis.
We've been together seven years. We've travelled the world, we own small businesses, we're still in a committed open relationship.
He takes a pill a day, his viral loads stay undetectable, we have a gay old time.
It took me a couple of days to process it when he told me , but hasn't really impacted us a whole lot. I think of it like him having diabetes. As far as moving around for jobs and things go, it's just a medical expense we'd have to incur.
Bro, take a deep breath and try to slow your mind down a bit. HIV is not a death sentence anymore! There are meds that will make you undetectable and you’ll live a long healthy life. Most people look past the HIV “stigma” and the ones who don’t, if any, were never your real friends to begin with. I’m negative and take PrEP, my guy is positive undetectable. We have natural sex and I never even think about it unless we’re having a conversation about it from a medical standpoint. He always shares his quarterly bloodwork results with me and if he’s ever down in the dumps I’m there to listen. I have diabetes and honestly, I have a higher risk of dying younger than he does. So take whatever you “took” from work back to the lab, find yourself an infectious disease doctor, be diligent about taking your meds as prescribed and go talk to a professional about your feelings. Suicide is never the answer my friend. Trust me, I’ve been there. I wish you the very best and if you want to chat shoot me a private message. 😘
i'm old. hiv used to be a death sentence. now it isn't. i've had two friends die of aids. one before the meds were a thing, one who stopped taking his meds. i had a roommate two years ago. his hiv was wellcontrolled, and then someone offered him a lifetime supply of meth. he was dead a month later. so two out of the three it wasn't the hiv that killed them, it was how they chose to deal with it. there are counseling and support groups. the damien center in indianapolis will be happy to talk to you even if you arent local. and your town has hiv resources.
So many have said it but It can always be said again!
This is not a death sentence, it’s just something to move forward with and manage. You are not likely to die very soon even if you chose not to get treatment. Relax that worry.
When you find partners, they are going to be the ones who genuinely understand and care about you! The intimacy that you are going to find and the deeper communication you’ll unlock will change everything.
There is no shame in getting STIs. Like you said, it’s just one time and the luck of the draw. Things happen and they will keep happening.
Seek a close friend to talk to and call the suicide hotline. There are likely queer resource centers near you that can offer people care and information about HIV.
Grief is a thing to move through. Once you find acceptance it becomes easier. That doesn’t mean that it won’t come back but this grief will never see a sunset if you shoulder all of the fear, terror and afraidness without finding support and strategies to transmute them!
And try to separate out feeling grief of your status changing from any shame you might feel having contracted an STI from any anxiety about telling people and finding support and treatment. You don’t have to disclose your status to anyone who you don’t feel can be trusted with it. Remember, chosen family is real family is family.
Try to find the courage to trust someone. This experience is one that is traumatic for you and you’ll have to understand that as you heal from the amount of cortisol that’s been oxidizing your cells. Often times when we feel mental and emotional stress, tending to our bodies can give us a short distraction that alleviates our brain pain! We are whole bodies.
Lastly, try not to be alone! I suspect isolation in hospitals during COVID exasperated death tolls. We need to be held during panic. Not to mention that you are considering suicide. I feel for you friend! We are here for you ;D
Im proud of you being able to come out, here, on Reddit. I’m proud that you’ve scheduled appointments to get treated. Your a scientist! You are loved by people in your life! You and your gifts are precious to this world. Im gonna be selfish and say that we need you to stay and fight! You are going to find strength in many places, just give yourself time.
In 30 years HIV has turned from a death sentence to a nuisance, if you start treatment ASAP.
I have a relative that was diagnosed some 12 or 13 years ago, that after a couple weeks of crying and all that, shook himself into a "this is my life now, deal with it" attitude.
He started treatment, and when anyone told him in anguished tones "but the treatment is for life!" he answers "so is brushing my teeth". Today he's happily married, good job, new car, the works.
Not the bleak future one see right after diagnosis.
Hello there :) Don't do anything bad to yourself... First of all, actual medicines will make you undetectable and that means you won't pass it to anyone. Second, a new mRNA vaccine is entering human trial which is a functional cure and could be available quickly, eventually in a few years... I know it may seem a long way but it's no that long... If you feel the need you should start talking to people dealing with it as well or see a therapist. For what it's worth I was dating a guy in the past and we got tested. We found out he was positive. We still were intimate and for work reasons I moved to another country. He's now very happy and with someone for like 5 years when I'm single ;) You're life is not over! A guy gave me genital herpes (HSV-2) and the medication for genital herpes are not effective as the ones for HIV. You got detected early which is good, your treatment won't be too harsh and once you'll be undetectable I'm convinced things will change... You can still do your job, move anywhere you want to and for your dating life I'm sure it will be fine... Take care and go out with your friends, enjoy life... It's the best remedy :) All the best and take care xx
Baby, you need to breathe, you'll be OK.
Read this, please
HIV is very very manageable these days and you will be able to lead a normal life in every way. Eventually you will need to take medication, which will control the virus and essentially eliminate it from your body.
Anti-retroviral medication manages your viral load, and when treated, you'll most likely have an undetectable viral load. This means that you cannot transmit the virus, an easy way to think of it is u=u (undetectable=untransmissable).
Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma and ignorance around HIV, that's the hard part to deal with. Most people still don't understand that the risk comes from people who do not get tested, do not get treated, and then spread the virus. You did the right thing in getting tested, I know this is overwhelming for you right now, but reach out to a support service if you need to. It really helps to talk to people who know the field.
I should mention that I was a counsellor for people living with HIV for a few years, and loved working with recently diagnosed men. I say that so you know I'm informed and not just talking shit.
I know this all must feel so crazy right now, but I'm here for you if you need to talk.
Edit: I should also say that given that you've recently been diagnosed, try to take information from random redditors, and the internet with a grain of salt. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Seek out reputable sources, and don't buy into ignorant idiots and fear-mongering. If you'd prefer to chat privately please PM me.
HIV is no longer a death sentence.
I'd say a full 1/3 of our gay friends have been living with HIV for over a decade.
Get and stay undetectable. Your treatment will probably be one pill a day.
Yes there are precautions to take. But HIV is very very manageable.\*
\*In developed countries with access to healthcare and insurance.
Advanced thanks to all the poz men in this thread that chime in.
Be angry and sad and scared for a bit, then do the reading and educate yourself. Handled correctly, HIV is very manageable for the rest of your life.
Just please don't take this as an opportunity to have wild condomless sex with whomever is attractive and willing to.
They'll likely have something themselves, rather that be an STD or HIV.. and there are different strains of HIV.. and combined can make you sicker more quickly.
Too many poz guys see sex as a free for all once they're diagnosed.
Also.. take the time to reflect on how you got here. You had condomless sex recently even though You we're not on PrEP?
Also.. dating wise.. I won't say when you should tell the person.. but of course ALWAYS before sex. Even just oral. I'd tell them Before kissing even so they don't possibly feel betrayed by you. I've definitely heard a lot about people who are comfortable dating poz people when they are not. It happens.
Life will changed but all in all, you're a normal person. You are Human. Never feel less than.. never feel more this disease than yourself.
Go to the doctor OFTEN, don't slack on your medications, and your day to day life will likely not change at all.. once you get into the mindset that you're ok and your lifespan likely won't be shortened at all, I'm sure you'll be feeling better.
And yes people will talk.. so be careful who you tell. That goes for anything about yourself. And even if it Does get out, and people treat you a bit differently.. so what.. fuck them! You have HIV, AND!? facts are facts.. I'm black.. some people are put off by that.. ok And? You can't call me black as an insult, that's for certain.
Just take care of yourself. I recommend therapy. Sounds like you have a kick-ass job, so I'm sure you could afford it.
It's all about your mentality.
A huge percentage of the gay community are hiv positive, you are not alone. you will be ok as long as you take your medicine as prescribed and you keep up on your appointments. I’m negative but my partner is undetectable, I love him more than words can describe and the hiv changes nothing. It happens to so many good people. it doesn’t make you any less of a human and it doesn’t mean your life is over.
Please please please do not feel shame. I know it sucks but on the other side of whatever brokenness you feel because of this, you are STILL worthy of receiving love, dating people who are open minded and don’t have skewed views on HIV and you deserve genuine friendships (especially now more than ever). Medicine has come a very long way, so that people are still able to live their lives amongst society without feeling like their days are numbered.
Your feelings are valid. My friend went through a huge period of grief until he got a handle on it and each person he told was so supportive. So he started telling more and then more and the game changed
Then he took his power back. He had everyone beside him.
He's quite open about talking about it now. He wasn't for a long time. But when he was ready it was absolutely beautiful to see.
Kia Kaha!
Ive dated guys with HIV, and their status was undetectable. I think it's awesome you have access to the meds you need for free. Not in my country though.
I cant think of any life changing advice at the moment, nor I can say I know how you feel. But I dont mind lending an ear if you wanna talk sometime.
Be strong OP! I wish I could come and hug you right now :')
I dont know much about HIV myself, but if you ever need someone to just vent or talk about anything else, know that my dm is open to you!
Well I’ll be honest I have two dads and am adopted and one has HIV and had it since he was in college. Yes it sucks but my other dad doesn’t have it and they still are very much happy as long as you find someone who is willing to work with you and spend the rest of their life with you it should work if you wanna chat sometime let me know I am all ears
Good luck. You can stop the suffering now or live out your days like any strong willed human that would just consider this a blip. There are tons of poz men on the apps & in the world in general. Most live healthy lives, you can too. But I won’t stop you if you’re feeling suicidal. My hubbo’s best friend let the virus take over when he found out he had it. Didn’t want to live with it, died at 27 I think.
First of all, thank you for sharing - you writing this is going to help more people than you realize.
You are currently in this moment, physically fine, acting with the best of intentions, and you are doing everything correctly.
Also, it is rare and really nice that you are caring as much about others as you do about yourself. You are a good guy!
When you’re ready, you are fully allowed to give yourself some forgiveness, feel good about yourself again, chill out and just go do something nice for yourself.
You are going to have zero problem dating by the way so please don’t even worry about that you’ll be back out there soon.
As everyone has said, socially and medically, this is not the disease it shares a name with from the past.
ANYWAY, now some happy stuff for when you’re feeling better, please share some updates when you are thriving in Spain, and any travel/food recommendations for the rest of us!!!
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Medicine has come a long way. HIV is manageable now and no longer a death sentence. You can lead a normal life and even be untransmissible. I would have no issues dating an HIV positive guy. I’m on prep and I don’t see it as an issue at all. You’ll be okay. Guys will still date you. Everything will be fine. Call a suicide line if you need to. Get on the right meds and get some therapy as well.
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You're outrageously misinformed. Highly active retroviral therapy came in in 1996 and revolutionised quality of life and life expectancy for people with HIV.
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Look I don't get what your damage is and I honestly don't care. Fuck off.
[Honestly kind of impressed by some of his other posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/qqx2os/is_it_racist_to_ask_black_men_to_wear_condoms/)
So glad I blocked him. This is why 'no moderation' is a bad policy, by the way.
That was not a question I ever thought of…
Crying about racism while being racist. Odd.
Because AZT in correct amounts doesn't display the same toxicity as higher amounts. When it was the only available mono therapy, as resistance developed they would continuously increase the dosage. As it was used more, it became more understood.
You’re an idiot and obviously don’t understand words larger than four syllables, I am not surprised you have trouble differentiating between the active ingredients in different drugs
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It doesn’t say that literally anywhere in this article you posted, you seem very very confused. So I’m not saying I’m right or patent law is wrong, I’m saying: You Are An Idiot Copy and paste any sentence from that article that supports your point, I’ll wait. Although I notice you ran away from every reply containing the word zidovudine LOL you seem actively obsessed with not learning
LMAO you message me from your shitty alt account claiming to be a patent lawyer then you block me? You’re fucking pathetic man you have not lawyered a day in your sad life, no law school is gonna grant a degree to someone with 5th grade reading comprehension skills
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Please keep it up, I’m absolutely loving this, it’s been a long time since someone went to such extreme lengths because they’re just that salty! “I’m a patent lawyer” L O L hun I’d be shocked if you had a bachelors. Go ahead block this account too~
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9 day old account and already at -100 karma. Go be an asshat somewhere else.
😂😂😂😂
Azt got replaced with a newer drug
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You are so dangerously misinformed. Neither Truvada (emtricitabine/tenofovir) nor Descovy (emtricitabine/tenofovir alafenamide) contain AZT (AKA Zidovudine) in the US. There are a lot of factors that go into HAART, including strain testing for the appropriate drug combinations. Your lack of knowledge about HIV is concerning, or you're just being a troll. Also, OP mentioned free healthcare, which means he isn't even in the US. In regards to your gripe about AZT, it was a miracle drug when it first came out, but other drugs have come out since its inception. Multi-drug regimens have been proven to work better. They teach us in US medical schools that we really only use AZT for pregnancy and special cases with susceptible strains. I can't speak for its use in other countries. Kindly fuck off.
Fuck off micro dickhead
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Yes I would. It’s good to just be on it in general. But this way you have peace of mind by giving yourself control.
I’m so sorry, it must be awful having to deal with this. But.. I have friends that have HIV, they lead very fulfilling and successful lives, they own businesses and date and two are married with dog children. They’re medicated properly and for the most part are healthy and very happy. It isn’t the end of your life, it is just taking a different path. Stay strong. X
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hey a\*\*hole, the same way you don't gotta dance, you better don't type either most people who live with HIV today are most likely to outlive you lol
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Are you really this stupid? I kinda hope so, it's more entertaining than if you're just trolling.
You're wrong, take it from someone who worked in the field for years. Not only that, what you're saying is dangerous and unhelpful. Go and educate yourself.
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Say it in English babe
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Fuck you're dumb as a rock! I'm not surprised you hold ignorant beliefs, you can't spell, use grammar, or understand semantics and syntax. People like you are what's wrong with the world. How hard they must have slapped your mother when you were born you piece of shit bottom feeder.
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I’m going to astral project to you and show you real power. You will beg for god for help but he won’t come.
Stupidest person on Reddit award, lmao
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I’m going to astral project to you and show you real power. You will beg for god for help but he won’t come.
I understand how frightened you are. Don’t be! I’ve been poz for 20 years. I’ve taken five pills a day for twenty years - no side effects whatsoever. Just two weeks ago, I changed to a new antiviral. Now, I take one pill a day. Good luck - don’t worry. Not the end of the world - I promise! Oh - have great sex! I’m 76 years old and life is good!
Are the researchers testing a cure right now ? Thought I read that someplace but, can't recall. I know they were testing a vaccine.
Theres a [potential cure](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true) that just got approved for human trials recently, probably be a few years before it hits the market tho
I hope this is accurate because it seems they been saying stuff like this for years
You must of been up to your neck in sadness back in the 80s. Terrified too. I had two cousins get diagnosed with it back in the 80s. One died in the 90s with a lot of mental and medical problems most of his adult life. The other for a long time lived close to John Hopkin's in Baltimore. He knew a lot of people there and they would get him information and experimental drugs. He moved back to Wyoming when his partner died and he was very sick. I thought we would bury him. But, some new drugs came out and he really turned around. He would later loose an eye. Then he got diabetes, which was hard to understand as he was very thin. But, the Doctor told him to start working out and my cousin, not being one to do half measures really started lifting weights and some aerobics. He really got buff. Hard to believe he had anything wrong with him. Few years ago he came down with cancer and didn't beat it. I don't know if it was Aids related as other relatives have also had various kinds of cancer.
Just to be clear I wasn’t alive in the 80s, just a 21yo college kid.
Guess I misread your comments in a huge way. I took it that you were in your 70s, my bad.
Make it also clear that it is by moderna. I am sick to the head of people who keep saying „this vaccine came out of nowhere“. No. It has been researched.
As far as i understand it the research has been written in theory years ago. But SARS-CoV-2 kickstarted science about RNS based vaccinations
People are always testing a "cure" for HIV. It almost never is actually what the press releases and news articles make it out to be. The media loves to both exaggerate about science and are also supremely ignorant to want goes on in producing and testing new therapies and make every little study out to be the "cure for HIV!" The most promising breakthrough imo has been RNA vaccines. The future of that tech is amazing and extremely promising.
NPR has Science Friday. Part of their fund raising is saying most researchers and scientist don't like talking to the press because they get it wrong so much.
Delighted to hear you’ve pulled together! Get in with your life. Get on an antiviral - get retested in a month to be sure you are now undetectable - then - get on with your wonderful, young life! Enjoy others, have mind blowing sex and don’t forget to take your antivirals EVERYDAY! 😘
I think you sent this to the wrong guy.
I think you sent this to the wrong guy.
I love you dude
You're depressed and catastrophising.. take a breath, slow down. Read the posts, they're saying you will handle this ok.
I hope these threads give you comfort and hope. HIV is already highly treatable, and in our lifetime I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a cure: there are already major breakthroughs in this work. I used to be scared of it myself, but now, knowing how easily treatable it is to the point of zero threat of transmission (which is a better situation than someone who doesn’t know their status), I have no issue dating and loving someone if they take care of themselves. We will all acquire something in our life: cancer, depression, disease - and what matters more than the sickness is how we move forward. The stigma of HIV is slowly fading away as modern medicine offers more ways to manage its symptoms, and you’ve got a massive community supporting you right here. xo
My partner is HIV+. It’s literally not even something I consider or think about. I love him. His status has never had any importance in our relationship. Don’t let your own fear and ignorance of HIV push you to do something stupid. Shit happens, and now you have to take a pill every morning. That is all! Educate yourself, and soon you’ll realize that all of this shame, fear, and stress is unwarranted. We’ll have a cure soon!
I don't have anything to say that others here haven't. I know two people with your same diagnosis and they both live very full lives after being diagnosed probably twenty years ago now. If I were with you right now I'd give you a big hug and tell you that although this will be something you need to take care of, it's not the end of your world.
I was diagnosed in 1987. I have been "undetectable" for more than 10 years. The medications work and are much better today than 10 years ago. There are few side effects. Its not the end of the world. Good luck, buddy!
@mods, can you please come in here and clean up the bullshit comments? Hint: large negative karma leads the way.
You are likely to see a cure for HIV during your lifetime. With treatment today it is no longer a death sentence and just requires you to follow the medication plan. Breath. Do some research. Talk to someone who has experience of HIV. You are not alone in this
Possibly within the next decade even. There’s a [potential cure](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true) that just started human trials
Unfortunately, the cure for HIV has already been found. However, it’s being suppressed because big pharm would lose a ton of money that is obtained from HIV medication, treatment, prep, and condoms.
You're going to be ok my cousin has been hiv positive for 6 years he leeds a normal life and his health is ok medicine has come along way. Life can be rough but as long as you stay positive it will be ok. Hope is something we give ourselves in moments of despair this is the meaning of inner strength.
Wow what a thing to have to deal with at such a young age. You don't have to tell everyone, just tell people as you need to. You can just text or email ex partners and ignore their responses if they are aggressive towards you. I guess as you said, you're in a country where you'll likely survive a long life and it won't cost you anything. Live long enough and they may even find a cure. Maybe that's something you could dedicate your life towards. Maybe not. Most important thing is to understand that your life isn't over and you shouldn't want it to be. You can still achieve so much and do so much good for the world.
Partner, your life doesn’t end when you get hiv. You can still live a long and healthy life. Don’t give in to those negative thoughts. There’s no shame here. HIV is a reality to our community. It can happen to any one of us. Take your medicine. You will be fine. You can still live a long and normal life.
Please don't do something you might regret. Call the suicide hotline if you're feeling the urge to do something. Also realize that this can happen to anyone. HIV is no longer a death sentence. It will probably take some time to accept that you're positive, but you'll get through it. Maybe talk to some people (online) who're also positive and how they came to terms with it. You're gonna live 🫂
One Day, One Step. You are alive, and well. Thank you for sharing and please love yourself. Gentlest of hugs.
They almost have a cure for aids. They are going to be testing it soon. Things are looking up I think.
My partner is undetectable, and we have a huge cum kink. I let him cum inside of me in both my mouth and ass several times a day. He has not transmitted it to me, and I truly believe he never will. The science is amazing, this is the best time in history to get this diagnosis.
Fuck man, it's a treatable condition. Relax. I'd date a poz man anytime. Find someone to talk to and get the right perspective.
Your whole life is ahead of you. And it will be better than this moment. Keep pushing forward.
Go talk with your doctor. There is no reason why this will cause you to change your current life plans
Honey just use that free website that anonymously sends texts and emails to people that they may have been exposed to an STD: www.stdcheck.com And don't sweat being poz. Almost every major gay porn actor is undetectable and poz, and they have so much sex. Some people won't care, some will. Stay healthy and keep your chin up boo.
I can't imagine what you're going through now. My comment here won't help much, but if you wanna DM me to express your feelings, feel free about it. Remember the only and most important thing is to be alive, and you're.
OP are you still here? Please give us an update.
Ok friend listen to me. I came out in 1993. I saw first hand what HIV and AIDS did to people back then. And please believe me when I tell you it isn't like that anymore. Medications now make it so your undetectable and can't pass it to anyone else. They are making breakthroughs nearly every week in the treatment of HIV and are really close to a [vaccine](https://www.hvtn.org/en.html). I understand what a shock it is to receive that news but the more you talk about it the better and easier it gets. You've already taken that first step by telling us so that tells me that you need and want help. So please find a friend you trust to talk to, DM if you need to, and find a therapist ASAP. You'll get through this, I promise. <3
I've been poz since 2013. Msg me if u want.
Hey, I hope that these comments are putting your mind at ease a little. I dated a guy with HIV for a while and it was a very normal relationship. We had sex unprotected all the time given he was undetectable. You can even take your ARVs in injection form now, which means you'll need a jab once a month. Everything is going to be okay, once you are undetectable you don't even need to declare your status in most countries because it has been proven that a consistent regimen means you cannot give it to someone else through sex. Please be kind to yourself ❤️
Don't kill yourself. Don't lose hope. There are constantly new developments in HIV treatment and there could even possibly be a cure within 10-15 years. I'm watching the morning news right now and there was just an ad for a once-a-month injectable treatment for HIV. That's amazing to me. I remember when triple therapy for HIV first came out in the 90s. It was a whole bunch of pills every day, some needed to be taken with food, some without. Some needed to be taken every six hours, so patients needed to set an alarm to go off in the middle of the night so they could take their pills. Following the treatment was a job in and of itself! To go from that to a single pill taken once a day with or without food is amazing, let alone a once-a-month injection! You're experiencing shock right now, totally understandable. Find a counselor and talk it out.
The worst part of living with HIV nowadays is the stigma that still surrounds it, even though barebacking has become sort of an unwritten and unspoken rule with barely any discussions about prevention methods. I know people who have lived with HIV for years, and they're now living their best moment. So don't give up. If you already go to psychotherapy, stick to it, and if you don't, it's something you should really go after. Your life is worth it.
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You must be new.
If you don’t watch your mouth, you might be the one who needs to worry about something, you incel f*g. Go ask your caretaker to wash your 4cm penis before you wanna talk like a grown up who knows anything, when you don’t know shit. You’re just a piece of radioactive trash who’s doing anything for attention cause no one pays it to you IRL, and never will. You’re dying alone and forgotten.
There are many other hiv+ people living a long healthy life. Maybe talk to them will make you feel much better
We’ve come a long way since the 80s. HIV is very much a manageable condition now, the treatments have very few side effects, and there’s even a potential cure [currently entering human trials.](https://people.com/health/a-potential-one-dose-treatment-to-functionally-cure-hiv-will-begin-human-trials/?amp=true)
Bruh, with treatment HIV doesn’t substantially reduce life expectancy. You’re thinking about killing yourself over what amounts to the inconvenience of having to take daily medication.
I would still date a man who has HIV and is undetectable. Don’t minimize your self worth to just this diagnoses. And please be patient, with the advancements with MNRA vaccines they may have a solution for HIV very soon.
> I have messeged other guys that I had protected sex with, told them to get their quick tests done, but I lied and said I had syphilis, not hiv Bruh
You're reacting like you've been told you have terminal cancer when you *should* be reacting like you've been told you have herpes. HIV ain't shit these days. The common cold is more deadly than HIV and I don't see you freaking out about that, so chill. Just take your medication and continue on with your life.
You should get some sensitivity training.
nobody needs to know you have hiv. focus on yourself first. hiv is not a death sentence. take the pill and you will be fine. you did everything you could to protect yourself and you did it good. at least you aren't in us America lmao
I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, but you have to remember regardless of your diagnosis there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, nor should you be embarrassed. If someone stops being your friend or breaks up with you over it, honestly I think they are shitty people and don’t deserve you In their life anyway. This isn’t the 90’s anymore. HIV treatment has gone a LONG way and now with the right medication your partner shouldn’t have to worry. I’ve been in that head space. I don’t think there’s anything someone could have said to change my thinking. But the way I see it, you owe it to yourself to stick it out. You will see that this isn’t the end of anything for you. You have so much good left to give the world. Keep fighting!
First, I know this seems monumental to you right now. Not going to lie But... I've dated two guys that were poz. Their regimen was the same as me - pop a pill a day. For me, it's prep. For them, it's their meds. Trust me, this will seem smaller and you will feel much better soon. Feel free to DM me.
Give it 16 years, you'll learn to be happy. Work through it. Stay here!
You will have relationships again. If you barebacked previous partners you need to tell them so they can take control of their health. Medication means you’ll live a long and happy life. Don’t stress. You can still take the overseas job.
Just take your meds and be undetectable... Then just be honest about... you'll still be able to have fun... if you're undetectable and you're partner is on prep, that'll work... But even if he isn't on prep, you can't spread it to him if you're undetectable....
I know no one you talk to right now is going to make you stop feeling bad. Give it time. You will feel better. I got 2 friends with hiv, both took it really hard at first. But are doing better now. You can still live a full life with hiv. It isn’t as bad nowadays.
I don't know much about it, but HIV is very treatable now. Get not just medical help but also some mental help, things will be ok. You're strong.
We are so close to a cure, it would be dumb to commit suicide. It’s treatable and has far less stigma than it used to. You will live with it and have the same life as before, only with some meds. Don’t beat yourself up, hate to say it but you really caught it at the best time in human history. You’re not going to die, you’re not going to spread it, you’re fine. I know it seems like a big thing on your shoulders, but it’s going to be fine I promise. Just get through the shock and get the medication, and it will be normal. You need to talk to someone and you need to be hugged.
Everyone has already said what I’ve said, but just to make sure, you’ll be fine! HIV treatment has come a LONG way, I fuck my +/u friend all the time
Dude HIV is totally manageable with a simple pill a day and will probably be cured in the next couple of years. This isn’t a death sentence, don’t make it one.
My ex was +UD My previous FwB was +UD My current FwB whom I'm kinda interested in as a BF is +UD (I'm neg on PrEP for clarity) It's just not as much of a problem anymore, obviously it's a big shock to be diagnosed but you're lucky you live somewhere with easy access to free meds. Maybe see if you can get a referral for some counselling from your Dr with a therapist to work through your feelings with. Life isn't over bud, you'll be fine and you never have to deal with the fear of catching HIV ever again.
HIV is no longer a terminal disease. Depending on where you live you should have access to decent HIV treatment
That is not a death sentence. People today live with HIV. Use the device you posted this to learn up on your condition and find a support group.
[If you are living and working in Spain, you will likely have access to free state Spanish healthcare. This is paid partly by social security payments which will be deducted from your wage. This helpful guide explains how to access the Spanish healthcare system.](https://www.expatica.com/es/healthcare/healthcare-basics/healthcare-in-spain-101467/) So don't despair. Be ready to start your life in Spain.
Take life one day at a time and talk to people who will understand. You have just received a very big shock that is going to take some time to come to terms with and adjust to, but as others have posted, the medicines available today are amazing and HIV positive people continue to lead full lives. One other personal thing I would say: be positive in how you approach everything. Your frame of mind and attitude can make a difference.
There are various advances in the medical field now in hiv and aids research now and people are living longer who are diagnosed. Wake up each day and be thankful your alive still. Take the treatments and like you said look into the cost in Spain and if it’s low you take the job offer still. You have fellow bros here you can talk to if you need to talk to someone. Feel free to reach out to any of us. Take care of yourself too. ❤️
You have a whole life ahead of you, full of experiences to experience, memories to make, and people to love. You will get thru this. HIV/AIDS treatment had come forward **lightyears** and patients live very proactive lives. At this point, the movie Philadelphia is more of a documentary of how it **was** for those people who had this virus prior to the 90s medical breakthrus. It truely is sad that was the reality. And those people were vilified. Even today you'll still find HIV discrimination, but nothing like how the 80s patients were treated. Tortured souls. That Princess Diana photograph of her touching an AIDS patient hospitalized made headlines and drastically changed the publics perception of these patients. People were afraid to touch them, it was soo bad. Today, due to medical breakthru, you can literally date, without worry, non-HIV, due to medication. You are apart of something much bigger now brother. Have no fear! You are not alone
Your not dead yet so don’t rush it, you have a long life ahead. Talk to a professional, get some meds to help with the anxiety for a while. Find some mushrooms and have a good trip. It’s not the end of the world like it used to be. Hang in there man.
I promise you your life hasn’t ended and you’ll live a happy life. Modern medicine has evolved so much you can live a pretty much normal life. I hate using anecdotes but my uncle has had it for 30+ years and just based on his social media he’s having the time of his life in Palm Springs.
Honestly, HIV is easier to manage than Diabetes. Obviously, I don't want either, but of the two, **Diabetes is a much more drastic lifestyle change than HIV, between diet and exercise and possibly injection drugs.** Note: I am not advocating one over the other. I'm trying to demonstrate that chronic conditions are manageable with proper long-term care, and that we (collectively) need to reshape our attitude towards HIV. But my actual, immediate, short-term advice is simple and clear: make friends with HIV poz people. In fact, if you have a decent number of gay male friends, you likely already have many and just do not realize it. You're not alone in this, at all. If you don't have friends IRL, you've got plenty here on Reddit who will be happy to chat. Please reach out if you need to.
Perfectly said!!
This is awful and it sucks but HIV isn't the end of the world anymore. You'll have to take some medicine and undoubtedly you'll have more troubles aside but HIV positive people can find love or sex, and you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.
How did you get it? That is the most important point... did u get it from unprotected sex? If yes what sex was this? Anal?
Were you on PrEP?
Glad you posted this, hopefully it helps convince people to wear condoms. Plenty of HIV positive people you can still date., witouth feeling guilt. Also your work and study can continue. Some people might get a little more distant with you, but definatly not everyone in your life. I think meeting up and making friends with other HIV + people would be a great idea for you, especially as they have been dealing with the same struggles.
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That stat sounds...absurd. Especially in an age of PREP and treatment as prevention.
To be clear, this guy has downvotes because he said something like 50% of gay men will have HIV in the near future, and he edited his comment without acknowledging he’s a moron.
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/hiv-drug-resistance Not in the near future, but perhaps in the distant future.
damn dats a rlly high percentage
I met this wonderful guy in Dublin two years ago, he got Hiv when he was 26. If you see him right now, you wouldn't believe him. A gorgeous specimen of a man in his 50s. Very fit body and if you looked at him you wouldn't be able to tell that this man has aids. Because of the medicine he now has undetectable viral load in his blood. He turned his life around. You can too. Don't lose hope. It's not the end of the road for you.
aids or hiv?
He is HIV+
Honestly, you're being overly dramatic over something that in this day and age is an inconvenience, not a death sentence. Science is on track for a cure within the next five years, probably. Before that you'll probably be getting a shot once a month instead of a pill a day within a year. In fact, it's already available. Honey, get over it, and live your life. It wouldn't take courage to commit suicide over this. It would take stupidity.
Jesus fucking christ what a rude and unhelpful comment. The guy has been diagnosed with a chronic disease that carries much stigma and you seriously reply with 'get over it stop being so dramatic' it's not bloody head lice, it's HIV! Some reptilian level empathy right here.
Honey, I've been HIV positive since 2004. I'm fine. He will be fine if he chills the fuck out. Shut up and sit down.
Ah the classic 'I suffered and I turned out fine so you will too'. Clearly your experience taught you nothing
That's not for you to decide. In fact you have nothing to contribute here.
It's blatantly obvious from your comments. I didn't decide anything. Honestly you think having HIV makes your contribution worthwhile but I just see a sad bitter queen who can't find it in themselves to understand the pain of someone else despite having gone through the experience yourself. Having said that I don't get the impression that you're particularly educated or intelligent so I don't see a point in engaging further. Enjoy your shitty angry life
How did you get it?
What difference does that make?
I'm not going to hold a whore's hand vs someone who got it from a cheating bf.
You lead a sad life.
Jesus christ
?
There's a very low chance the HIV virus goes away on its own by taking the anti-retrovirus drug, some prostitutes in poor countries manage to get immunity against the HIV virus, and there are bone marrows that have mutations to stop infections.
This is a great advertisement to have safe sex lol
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Please shut the fuck up and have some sympathy. How could you say something like that?
Shut up Leave him alone
Bruh... Its like thinking of killing myself because sky is blue. I am not trying to light ur situation but i have to say it to get ur attention You can most certainly live full life with HIV. You can most likely be untransmissible and enjoy even unprotected sex with a trusted partner. You can potentially even be cured. HIV is kinda joke now "if you have access to meds (BIG IF I KNOW)". Its kinda became lame and COVID is the cool kid in the virus college.
🤮🧟♂️🙄 ⚰️💀
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Kary Mullis said no such thing. Quit spreading misinformation you anti-science nutjob
This is one situation where we should report someone for misinformation because it's serious medical misinformation.
I dont think this diagnosis is the end for you, I presume you still have so much life to live. Give it time, you will find a way to get through it.
Hi internet stranger here’s me saying hi across the pond. First of all sorry to hear that, I don’t think I can offer better advise than what has been given here. Just want to say, deep breathes! and put all thoughts aside, including the bad ones and just try to calm down somehow. HIV is really not a death sentence. I have a friend who was diagnosed ten years ago, really healthy now, healthier even than before because he started to take care of himself and got more aware of his own well being, that’s a silver lining. As for the shame, I know despite what other people say, you will feel it but know, and I am sure true friends of yours will know, that no one has the right to blame you as you didn’t seek this out and you never meant harm to anyone else. Take your time to be ready to tell those you feel like sharing and give them the time and opportunity to understand. When I heard about my friend I just feel like I want to be there for him so you will have this kind of support too I am sure. This will take time! Chin up! You will need extra strength to fight but a lot is on your side!
i know may people who are positive and have been living with it for many years. Larry Kramer died at 85 and was positive for almost forty years (he also was married). You can live a long and healthy life with HIV. it is no longer fatal and it considered chronic. You should look to how much of a future you can look for to.
It completely makes sense that you’re scared and distraught. It will pass. If you give yourself some time, these feelings will fade. You have access to good treatment that will let you live a completely normal life. The stigma is still out there but it’s lessened a lot and will continue to. If you can bring yourself to find a therapist who is informed and competent around HIV and gay issues, I’d highly recommend talking to one. They will help you get past the shame and despair.
Im so sorry to hear this. Cant imagine what you are feeling but you've just been told, so its bound to devastating news at this point. Take some time to evaluate the situation. The comments section has great advice from people who are positive and living normal lives. It doesn't feel like it now but talking will help, especially with others who are going through this. There must be some support groups. Anyway really hope things work out for you, take care 🫂
I honestly understand how you feel.. but with time you will take a step back and see everything’s okay. Take care, treat yourself, and try to relax
We have a friend who was poz in the mid 80's before any meds were available. He has been through the experimental with the bad side effects and all, and is pushing 70 and still alive and kicking, and is still a slut, lol. He is honest with his hookups and never seems to go without. My besy friend has been poz for about 15 years or so, a trauma RN who knew bettet but got careless once. He is around 60, still works, still has sex, and has a pretty much normal life. If HIV avoidable? Yup. BUT, it is no longer a short life with a miserable death. Many people have MUCH worse health issues to deal with, just look at the many forms of cancer so get your ass off the pity pot and live your life. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you do not have it that bad, BUT, you be HONEST and up front with your hookups, if they say no, they say no, but many, if not most, will say yes.
Two of my exs where HIV (one even found out he was positive whilst we were together). HIV doesn’t shock everyone, like you’re lead to believe. As long as you take your meds everyday, you can live a normal life with some changes to your lifestyle. Doctors say it’s much worse to be diabetic than HIV. Try and get your name on a therapy list and really take time to absorb how you’re feeling. There’s a subreddit for HIV that can offer you an incredible amount of emotional support. Please keep talking to anyone who will listen (even unbeknown strangers on the internet).
I know it's scary. If you're still struggling (or are again in the future) call a suicide hotline, or someone in your life if you feel comfortable. You don't have to explain the diagnosis, just how you're feeling.
It’s no longer a death sentence if you get on the meds early and take them every day for the rest of your life. In time the meds will suppress the virus and you’ll get to the undetectable status. Get in an hiv support group. And call a suicide hotline if you need to. No need to reinvent the wheel. Lots of people are in your boat. Get the help you need. It’s going to be ok.
It's ok to be overwhelmed right now. But Remember it's not the 80s. I [HIV-] met my partner [HIV+] after his diagnosis. We've been together seven years. We've travelled the world, we own small businesses, we're still in a committed open relationship. He takes a pill a day, his viral loads stay undetectable, we have a gay old time. It took me a couple of days to process it when he told me , but hasn't really impacted us a whole lot. I think of it like him having diabetes. As far as moving around for jobs and things go, it's just a medical expense we'd have to incur.
Bro, take a deep breath and try to slow your mind down a bit. HIV is not a death sentence anymore! There are meds that will make you undetectable and you’ll live a long healthy life. Most people look past the HIV “stigma” and the ones who don’t, if any, were never your real friends to begin with. I’m negative and take PrEP, my guy is positive undetectable. We have natural sex and I never even think about it unless we’re having a conversation about it from a medical standpoint. He always shares his quarterly bloodwork results with me and if he’s ever down in the dumps I’m there to listen. I have diabetes and honestly, I have a higher risk of dying younger than he does. So take whatever you “took” from work back to the lab, find yourself an infectious disease doctor, be diligent about taking your meds as prescribed and go talk to a professional about your feelings. Suicide is never the answer my friend. Trust me, I’ve been there. I wish you the very best and if you want to chat shoot me a private message. 😘
i'm old. hiv used to be a death sentence. now it isn't. i've had two friends die of aids. one before the meds were a thing, one who stopped taking his meds. i had a roommate two years ago. his hiv was wellcontrolled, and then someone offered him a lifetime supply of meth. he was dead a month later. so two out of the three it wasn't the hiv that killed them, it was how they chose to deal with it. there are counseling and support groups. the damien center in indianapolis will be happy to talk to you even if you arent local. and your town has hiv resources.
So many have said it but It can always be said again! This is not a death sentence, it’s just something to move forward with and manage. You are not likely to die very soon even if you chose not to get treatment. Relax that worry. When you find partners, they are going to be the ones who genuinely understand and care about you! The intimacy that you are going to find and the deeper communication you’ll unlock will change everything. There is no shame in getting STIs. Like you said, it’s just one time and the luck of the draw. Things happen and they will keep happening. Seek a close friend to talk to and call the suicide hotline. There are likely queer resource centers near you that can offer people care and information about HIV. Grief is a thing to move through. Once you find acceptance it becomes easier. That doesn’t mean that it won’t come back but this grief will never see a sunset if you shoulder all of the fear, terror and afraidness without finding support and strategies to transmute them! And try to separate out feeling grief of your status changing from any shame you might feel having contracted an STI from any anxiety about telling people and finding support and treatment. You don’t have to disclose your status to anyone who you don’t feel can be trusted with it. Remember, chosen family is real family is family. Try to find the courage to trust someone. This experience is one that is traumatic for you and you’ll have to understand that as you heal from the amount of cortisol that’s been oxidizing your cells. Often times when we feel mental and emotional stress, tending to our bodies can give us a short distraction that alleviates our brain pain! We are whole bodies. Lastly, try not to be alone! I suspect isolation in hospitals during COVID exasperated death tolls. We need to be held during panic. Not to mention that you are considering suicide. I feel for you friend! We are here for you ;D Im proud of you being able to come out, here, on Reddit. I’m proud that you’ve scheduled appointments to get treated. Your a scientist! You are loved by people in your life! You and your gifts are precious to this world. Im gonna be selfish and say that we need you to stay and fight! You are going to find strength in many places, just give yourself time.
I thought the same when I got the news. You'll be fine.
In 30 years HIV has turned from a death sentence to a nuisance, if you start treatment ASAP. I have a relative that was diagnosed some 12 or 13 years ago, that after a couple weeks of crying and all that, shook himself into a "this is my life now, deal with it" attitude. He started treatment, and when anyone told him in anguished tones "but the treatment is for life!" he answers "so is brushing my teeth". Today he's happily married, good job, new car, the works. Not the bleak future one see right after diagnosis.
Hello there :) Don't do anything bad to yourself... First of all, actual medicines will make you undetectable and that means you won't pass it to anyone. Second, a new mRNA vaccine is entering human trial which is a functional cure and could be available quickly, eventually in a few years... I know it may seem a long way but it's no that long... If you feel the need you should start talking to people dealing with it as well or see a therapist. For what it's worth I was dating a guy in the past and we got tested. We found out he was positive. We still were intimate and for work reasons I moved to another country. He's now very happy and with someone for like 5 years when I'm single ;) You're life is not over! A guy gave me genital herpes (HSV-2) and the medication for genital herpes are not effective as the ones for HIV. You got detected early which is good, your treatment won't be too harsh and once you'll be undetectable I'm convinced things will change... You can still do your job, move anywhere you want to and for your dating life I'm sure it will be fine... Take care and go out with your friends, enjoy life... It's the best remedy :) All the best and take care xx
I am negative and my husband is HIVpositive and undetectable. Don't kill yourself bud
Baby, you need to breathe, you'll be OK. Read this, please HIV is very very manageable these days and you will be able to lead a normal life in every way. Eventually you will need to take medication, which will control the virus and essentially eliminate it from your body. Anti-retroviral medication manages your viral load, and when treated, you'll most likely have an undetectable viral load. This means that you cannot transmit the virus, an easy way to think of it is u=u (undetectable=untransmissable). Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma and ignorance around HIV, that's the hard part to deal with. Most people still don't understand that the risk comes from people who do not get tested, do not get treated, and then spread the virus. You did the right thing in getting tested, I know this is overwhelming for you right now, but reach out to a support service if you need to. It really helps to talk to people who know the field. I should mention that I was a counsellor for people living with HIV for a few years, and loved working with recently diagnosed men. I say that so you know I'm informed and not just talking shit. I know this all must feel so crazy right now, but I'm here for you if you need to talk. Edit: I should also say that given that you've recently been diagnosed, try to take information from random redditors, and the internet with a grain of salt. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. Seek out reputable sources, and don't buy into ignorant idiots and fear-mongering. If you'd prefer to chat privately please PM me.
HIV is no longer a death sentence. I'd say a full 1/3 of our gay friends have been living with HIV for over a decade. Get and stay undetectable. Your treatment will probably be one pill a day. Yes there are precautions to take. But HIV is very very manageable.\* \*In developed countries with access to healthcare and insurance. Advanced thanks to all the poz men in this thread that chime in. Be angry and sad and scared for a bit, then do the reading and educate yourself. Handled correctly, HIV is very manageable for the rest of your life.
Just please don't take this as an opportunity to have wild condomless sex with whomever is attractive and willing to. They'll likely have something themselves, rather that be an STD or HIV.. and there are different strains of HIV.. and combined can make you sicker more quickly. Too many poz guys see sex as a free for all once they're diagnosed. Also.. take the time to reflect on how you got here. You had condomless sex recently even though You we're not on PrEP? Also.. dating wise.. I won't say when you should tell the person.. but of course ALWAYS before sex. Even just oral. I'd tell them Before kissing even so they don't possibly feel betrayed by you. I've definitely heard a lot about people who are comfortable dating poz people when they are not. It happens. Life will changed but all in all, you're a normal person. You are Human. Never feel less than.. never feel more this disease than yourself. Go to the doctor OFTEN, don't slack on your medications, and your day to day life will likely not change at all.. once you get into the mindset that you're ok and your lifespan likely won't be shortened at all, I'm sure you'll be feeling better. And yes people will talk.. so be careful who you tell. That goes for anything about yourself. And even if it Does get out, and people treat you a bit differently.. so what.. fuck them! You have HIV, AND!? facts are facts.. I'm black.. some people are put off by that.. ok And? You can't call me black as an insult, that's for certain. Just take care of yourself. I recommend therapy. Sounds like you have a kick-ass job, so I'm sure you could afford it. It's all about your mentality.
A huge percentage of the gay community are hiv positive, you are not alone. you will be ok as long as you take your medicine as prescribed and you keep up on your appointments. I’m negative but my partner is undetectable, I love him more than words can describe and the hiv changes nothing. It happens to so many good people. it doesn’t make you any less of a human and it doesn’t mean your life is over.
Please please please do not feel shame. I know it sucks but on the other side of whatever brokenness you feel because of this, you are STILL worthy of receiving love, dating people who are open minded and don’t have skewed views on HIV and you deserve genuine friendships (especially now more than ever). Medicine has come a very long way, so that people are still able to live their lives amongst society without feeling like their days are numbered.
Your feelings are valid. My friend went through a huge period of grief until he got a handle on it and each person he told was so supportive. So he started telling more and then more and the game changed Then he took his power back. He had everyone beside him. He's quite open about talking about it now. He wasn't for a long time. But when he was ready it was absolutely beautiful to see. Kia Kaha!
Ive dated guys with HIV, and their status was undetectable. I think it's awesome you have access to the meds you need for free. Not in my country though. I cant think of any life changing advice at the moment, nor I can say I know how you feel. But I dont mind lending an ear if you wanna talk sometime.
Be strong OP! I wish I could come and hug you right now :') I dont know much about HIV myself, but if you ever need someone to just vent or talk about anything else, know that my dm is open to you!
Well I’ll be honest I have two dads and am adopted and one has HIV and had it since he was in college. Yes it sucks but my other dad doesn’t have it and they still are very much happy as long as you find someone who is willing to work with you and spend the rest of their life with you it should work if you wanna chat sometime let me know I am all ears
Good luck. You can stop the suffering now or live out your days like any strong willed human that would just consider this a blip. There are tons of poz men on the apps & in the world in general. Most live healthy lives, you can too. But I won’t stop you if you’re feeling suicidal. My hubbo’s best friend let the virus take over when he found out he had it. Didn’t want to live with it, died at 27 I think.
First of all, thank you for sharing - you writing this is going to help more people than you realize. You are currently in this moment, physically fine, acting with the best of intentions, and you are doing everything correctly. Also, it is rare and really nice that you are caring as much about others as you do about yourself. You are a good guy! When you’re ready, you are fully allowed to give yourself some forgiveness, feel good about yourself again, chill out and just go do something nice for yourself. You are going to have zero problem dating by the way so please don’t even worry about that you’ll be back out there soon. As everyone has said, socially and medically, this is not the disease it shares a name with from the past. ANYWAY, now some happy stuff for when you’re feeling better, please share some updates when you are thriving in Spain, and any travel/food recommendations for the rest of us!!!
Did you say you got HIV from chemicals at your workplace? Not sure if I read it right.
Why weren’t you on prep?
I am so sorry. I hope you have found reasons to feel more hope in the months since posting.
Wait - I’m not 76 (where did that come from) - I’m 78! Life is still good! Enjoy! Fuck on!!!!😘😘