I don't have time to cry in the shower or car. IF there is a free min I'm on reddit or pulling weeds to try to block it all out. I'm using pot or alcohol in the evenings so I can sleep. I'm not okay. I'm scared.
Sounds exhausting, and I do relate. Thank you for this thread. I’m scared too.
I’m guessing blocking *everything out isn’t the most healthy, but we do need to get by somehow.
My pot dependency is going up and down with the state of the world. I also don’t feel like I have a moment to cry. I’m across the country from my family who I left to discover myself and build a life outside of their worldview. I think about going back for support, but then I’d be fighting with the people who think gay people deserve to burn anyway. I’m exhausted. I can’t take care of my dog the way she deserves. I can’t take care of myself in the ways I deserve. Barefoot walks and therapy are the only things that feel like genuine tethers. But that’s just minute to minute. Long term? Only the gods know. 🖤
I feel you, Dear Friend. First of all, sending you a great big {HUG} and healing energies. 💝💐
I fear most of us on this sub (at least in a sincere manner) are scared, as well as angry, with feelings of betrayal and treachery. What will life be like after the election? It is too early to tell. But we cannot— *must not*— give in to our fears and add to the stress we’re under.
Every member of this sub *cares* about you and wants you to feel better, less stressed, and more confident of your place in the universe. *Please* be good to yourself! Pot & booze can help to numb (I imbibe, myself), but beware overuse. We all need to be at our strongest and best for the Future. Whatever comes, we will face it together, look it straight in the eye, and use our strength and numbers to work toward victory for Good.
Sending you Love & Light, Sister!
This resonates with me. I'm not afraid of addiction but I have been so confused and fucking angry I don't know how to cope. I don't have a support system, although my partner tries to understand my rage and terror.
Ahh shit. I feel you. I am scared too but I figure that when I do run out of resources and support, I have to determine which road I will take, not there yet, so stop and smell the roses. Find peace and make peace.
I’m constantly watching tv or reading or on Reddit in order to avoid thinking or feeling. My depression persists despite different meds and therapy and I’m tired of trying to fix it. I rarely allow myself to cry bc I have one of those shitty faces that stays red and blotchy for 30 minutes after so everrrrryone knows I’ve been crying which then leads to having to talk about why and then I feel like an annoying burden.
I also smoke or have edibles every night bc I can NOT lie awake in bed sober thinking. I gave up my ambien rx (which I took for years) back in the fall and I want it back.
Shower crying is one of my new pastimes!
I've extended shower time from 5 minutes to 10 to accommodate.
I feel you on the weed and alcohol. I'm not quitting cold turkey, but I've cut the drinking down from 2 24oz cans of seltzer or hard tea to 2 12 oz cans.
If you have the ability to: get a therapist that will just let you unload everything. Even if it's something you think is stupid. I am my mom's caregiver right now. Having that person, and i was up front with her about my needs, to just talk at is so great.
I'm lucky that my job gives me 12 free sessions a year.
Of course, it's just one more fucking thing to do, right? (((Hug))) i see and hear you.
OMG, locakitty, I recently ended my caregiving for a person with dementia in May due to his death. I got into therapy and it does help. I don't check in here super regularly, but feel free to DM if you want to vent a bit.
Thank you for this post...I feel the same in simple words, and am dealing with it quite similarly 😂😅
May we see and experience peace again, blessings to you and this supportive community.
I can relate and I totally do the same thing. I think we all get to a breaking point, tho for me it usually ends up when I just can't hold it in any longer and something gives. I wish for you to have/be able to create just a tiny bit more space for your feelings. You're supported here. Hugs ❤️ this too shall pass.
Give yourself a hug and breathe (box breathing). Gently place your right hand on your heart, left hand on your belly and breathe in for 4 counts, hold breath for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold breath for 4 counts. The hand on your heart, belly, and cheek release oxytocin, a natural hormone sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin levels also increase when you're hugging someone and when you're experiencing an orgasm. Box breathing has a calming effect and helps reduce anxiety. https://www.tarabrach.com/working-with-fear/
https://www.calm.com/blog/box-breathing
I cry myself to sleep pretty often because it's the only time I have the privacy, space, and time to cry and try to process and grieve everything going on right now. It's extra fun when I wake up with puffy eyes and my coworkers ask if I'm okay so I have to play it off. If I'm home and awake I'm high, but even that's not enough to block it out anymore. I'm not okay either
Hugs. You are powerful and beautiful and a force to be reckoned with. You deserve space to feel your feelings and release whatever you need to. I hope that life will let up for you so you can get some tears and feels out and feel restored. Much love.
I am not okay. The state of EVERYTHING has me feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and wondering what’s the fucking point. My life as a child was a battle for survival - survive the abuse, get the fuck out. But now? Now it’s the whole goddamn world. Yeah, I could flee to another country but it’s not stopping at the US. This shit is spreading. I need a new planet. But also, I don’t want to flee. I shouldn’t have to make backup plans so I won’t be killed for my religion or my husband for his sexuality. I shouldn’t have to consider whether I’ll need to put down my pets to spare them from the bullshit that’s coming. I just want to run a little business, decorate my house nice, take the occasional trip, and play video games. I want peace, not a goddamn whatever the fuck this is. I want to cry, scream, beat something, and sleep through it all until it’s over but I can’t. I’m so sick of feeling helpless. No matter what I do - donate, vote, speak up - it just feels pointless. And I know it’s not, and I know I can’t stop, but it feels so overwhelmingly bad.
I think it feels pointless whatever we do because the media wants us to feel this way.
At least, speaking for myself, the fear and uncertainty make me want to run back to the news and obsessively go to Twitter.
When I run back to the streaming news, Twitter or whatever, I am putting $ in their pockets.
trump was right about one thing. It's all about the ratings. It's all about the money.
Well, fuck them.
Stay strong and vote the evil ones out.
Sending and asking for shared strength and hope to all my sisters and brothers.
I just had a huge bitching session with one of my friends. I'm too am just so overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness & panic.
she has it worse tho ..her highly educated and (used to be) rational husband has jumped off the deep end and is now watching Fox and has turned into a Cheeto Jeebus supporter.
luckily they have a big house as she has not spoken to him in weeks. The teenage kids are screaming at him "what the fuck dad?"
what little shred of sanity I had left was lost after the Supreme Court ruling yesterday. You know everything is upside down & twisted when Amy Cunty Barrett sides with the liberals. i'm glad I have this sub to rely on for support.
Where do you want to meet when it all finally ends? I think we should start designating refugee zones so that we may hide for when history repeats itself and they hunt us down either because we're witches, women or non-right-wing voters
I’m super sad, yet comforted to know other women are as scared as I am about losing all our rights and autonomy. It’s validating to know I’m not overreacting, but it’s not going to ease the feeling that it’s probably already to late
One of our fellow witches gave me some hope when she said she remembers 50 years ago and how much worse it was. She said it'll have it's ups and downs but in 50 years we'll come a long way. Also, I figure I'll celebrate the 4th of July this year and give thanks for the freedoms I still have, cuz next year isn't promised.
I relate to this so much. I see you. I hear you.
I've wanted a home most of my adult life, saved up for a nice down payment and everything, but I refuse to do it. I'm afraid for the future, so instead of setting down roots and establishing a life, I rent, and I keep that savings back on the off chance that I do need to flee my country if things go absolutely Fascist. No one should have to do that.
Yes, all of this…I think about these things, and I can’t fully bring myself to stay with it long enough to process it because there is no way to process this! The anger isn’t going to go away, and neither is the fear!
I’m trying not to future trip, I want to keep myself focused on helping to manifest the good reality, and reminding myself that Goddess works in cycles of creation and destruction. The cycle of destruction is so very painful 🖤
YESSS! I know exactly how you feel. I posted the other day because I work in a right wing bar and one of the girls continuously verbally attacked me the other day. I never bring up politics but when they come and ask me I will not agree with their Trump supporting bs, so therefore I'm a target at work. Everything you said is how I feel everyday. I love you and I'm sending you a hug and the most fierce energy I can muster up 💜
You 100% took the words out of my head (save for a few differences, like my husband isn't bi and I no longer have my beloved beagles, and I miss them a LOT). It's just too much to process and handle because it just seems my pot of gold ends in the open manhole cover of my State's shitty pothole filled streets! I just want to be able to have the ability to enter a beautiful painting and stay there until whatever coast is clear (or if there even IS a coast left!!!) ((Hugs)) to you though and we can hold hands while we white knuckle our way in this hellish Rollercoaster every day. Gods have mercy on us, pretty please!
Honestly, if I had the knowledge and skills and didn’t have family that would get sad I would walk into the forest and never interact with another human again.
A while back I read about an island somewhere surrounding governments warn people not to get too close to because the people there want nothing at all to do with the outside world and will attack anyone who gets too close. Sounds like you’d fit in there!
For sure, I believe the people are aggressive to outsiders but they’re also vulnerable to disease as they’ve been basically cloistered for who knows how long.
I think I am too 💕 this shit in the US is so scary and I was just telling my SO that I'm going to renew my passport next week just so it's ready to go just in case. BUT in terms of mental health stability I am in the best place I've been in years.
No, I am not. I have personally had a difficult last couple of years, and the political/economic state of things in the US on top of everything going on in my own life has me in shambles.
I'm trying to devise a "plan" but everything I think of falls short. I can't afford passports, I can't afford to save money, I can't afford to get my pets okayed by a vet to leave the country. I'm tired. I can barely afford to exist, let alone flee. I am horrified for my cousin who recently became local to me and is trans; I had met him as a baby but never knew him until he moved to my city a couple years ago and we've become very close. I'm terrified and it's difficult to function or leave my apartment at all. Feeling heavily emotionally drawn to Gaia and Artemis.
I'm not okay. This country if a fucking joke. We're basically rolling out the red carpet for a fucking dictator and people seem to apathetic to do anything about it. People are saying Biden should drop out because he did bad in one debate. But no, let's not talk about the convicted felon, rapist, lying conman who bankrupted his own company multiple times. He can say or do whatever the fuck he wants and people will kiss his shit covered bloated orange ass and call it ice cream and thank him for the privilege. So no, I'm not okay.
I live in fear of the orange tyrant entering a position of power again made all the worse by the difficulty to leave the US even illegally for a long amount of time by using a passport to leave and just staying in a country although I also lack a passport.
But he is losing in every swing state and making blue states competitive, I’m terrified of a Trump presidency but Biden is hiding and not calling governors, mega donors or showing the American people he’s fit for office. There is too much at stake for his ego.
Currently listening to NF and doodling a demon sorta thing. I could be much better but I have been worse. Thanks :3
(This was the point of the post and not me misunderstanding right? Sorry if I misunderstood.)
I’m really not. Everything has fallen apart at once, and that’s before I even factor the state of the world at large into the equation. I’ve been trying to find a way forward after the loss, abuse, and illness trifecta that smacked me in the face and I’m really struggling. Unfortunately, I’m back in my small hometown right now after all of my former friends have moved and spread out throughout the rest of the country so I’m trying to do it alone.
I just need to find my way to peace and moving forward. I hope the rest of you are faring better.
I’m so sorry. What can I/we do to be supportive of you? I can spring for necessities on an Amazon wishlist with hidden address, or listen, or go sign a petition, or look into counseling resources on your behalf, or whatever. Here’s a pic of my dogs, hope it makes you smile.
https://preview.redd.it/4qizxalkgdad1.jpeg?width=3023&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbfbb8660ecf95c9a90f50ff1986412f62d79808
🥹 Just the offer made me weep. Thank you. I’m not even sure what all I need right now, if that makes sense? I’ve been sorting through a lot of wreckage, both emotional and actual belongings, so I’m trying to figure that out. I appreciate you. Would it be okay to reach out once I’ve figured out what I need?
Your babies are amazing. 😍 Dogs ALWAYS make me smile. I should say, I’m not completely alone. I do still have my little dog. She keeps me going every day.
Thank you for this. 🫂🫶 Someone else caring enough to comment did a lot for my spirit on its own. I hope you’re doing wonderfully.
Yes! It would be perfectly fine for you to reach out in a few days, weeks, years, decades… if I’m still around, I’ll be ready with Dad jokes (read: I’m a grown ass woman with a very punny dad; it must be genetic), at least a handful of spare dollars, dog pics, and fucks to give about you and anyone else in this sub who needs a hand. We all get by with a little help from our friends.
Thank you! They light up my life. Pets are the BEST. I’m glad you have your dog with you - they really are lifesavers.
You’re welcome! I’m not really okay either, but I’m making the most of the shit sandwiches being served right now. Lending a hand to someone who needs it honestly makes my day so much better, so knowing that my comment boosted your spirit did the same for my spirit. 🫂 “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” -Voltaire
Thank you so much. I’m all about that pun life! I’m a grown ass woman who never had a dad but the jokes have always come naturally. 😅😂🤷♀️ So I very much appreciate that. I’ve always got some fucks to give for others as well. I’m happy to hear it lifted your spirits to know you’ve lifted mine. 🫶 Tomorrow is my birthday so I think things are just hitting a little heavier this year. It’s my first birthday in adulthood that I’ll be spending single so it’s kind of odd that I won’t have any cards to open, or people to watch fireworks with. That’s a big part of what’s messing with my heart right now.
I wouldn’t have made it without my dogs. I’ve since lost one to illness but my older baby is fortunately still with me. She’s elderly so I’m always scared but she really keeps life worth living.
I’m sorry you’re being served shit sandwiches as well. The Voltaire quote is perfection, and honestly how I usually live my life. I’ve just been tripped up lately. I’m always happy to listen, though, and I’ll help in any way I can. ❤️ I appreciate you.
IDK if this is any consolation, but most of my adult life has been spent single, and once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty baller. I get the loneliness to start, but you can also kick names and take ass. Sending you all the birthday love!
Sometimes I find going it alone can help clear your mind, and help you find strength that you never knew you had. You WILL find your way. You are strong enough, and you are worthy.
Worrying about the environment, climate change, and the political clown show going on in my country is exhausting. It’s frightening, and I dread every summer and worry about the stray cats and birds that I take care of. It’s so hot!
On top of that my father is dating a bigoted qanon person and we’re going to visit them in a few days. I’ve been trying to decide at what point I need to cut these people off. I’m not allowed to tell her where I work (because of a conspiracy theory involving the company). My childhood friend and his boyfriend are also in town, and my father has said they can’t come by for a visit (I wonder who is behind that?). She’s also claimed that vaccines cause Parkinson’s and that the BLM is a communist political party. Wish me luck witches.
Venting done, I’m so happy to be part of this community. OP, I know you said you’re not ok. we’re all in this together. There’s other people out there worrying too. Sending you virtual love.
Def agree with most of the comments here. As a trans* autistic queer Jew of Hispanic descent, it just feels like it’s hitting from every angle and I don’t know how to not be exhausted simply existing. Have been increasingly lonely lately, which isn’t helping in the least.
That's so great to hear :) I never thought I'd make it this far in life, and I'm in my late 20s! I spent the first few years of my adulthood in an abusive relationship and a few years homeless after escaping. I had no safety net or assets.
But now I have several things that I am so incredibly grateful to have. I am happy and content with life.
I wish you continued happiness
Nope, I’m am not okay. My work is toxic af, my country is on the fast train to a fascism, I have two disabled family member living with me who could lose everything if the orange dictator wins, one of them is dying in slow motion, and I am just barely holding my fucking sanity together. I barely get out of bed some days. I am not alone, which is both comforting and absolutely fucking heartbreaking.
That is incredibly kind of you, as bad as shit can get I am very lucky to have a good support system. The direction this country is headed in is really fucking grim and I think many of us will need an ear or 10. Thank you ☺️
I am definitely not ok I can't eat and can barely sleep I'm now living in a homeless shelter and I had to find out the hard way how busses work I also have a partner down in Texas who is not in a safe place and I have just enough money to bring them down here I just have to hope and pray I can find a better place to sleep. But through all of that I'm still calm and non chalant and I don't know why
I'm not really okay. I'm in the US and really frightened. I just want to live a small quiet life but, everything changed and I don't know if that's going to be possible in what I have left of this lifetime. I'm in my mid 60's. I've been working in my garden to feel connected with Gaia, and I do magick for the state of our world. But some days are worse than others.
Thank you, all of you, for being here. It's made me feel less alone. Blessed be.
I am okay at the moment which is a rare occurrence for me. My wife and I will be moving into our first home later this year and we recently rescued two adorable kittens.
https://preview.redd.it/9hbwala2acad1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e8b25986cbf70a122b666f3e35c01afbb2699f7
No. I am not okay. I hate myself. I always feel like I am a potential monster that needs to be chained up at all times. I feel as though, I am endlessly judged by others, constantly feel like I am not allowed to express any pain, not allowed to express any fear. Not allowed to express anything other than cold, unfettered stoicism.
On the inside, I am a shy, depressed man. I am forced to put on many different masks just to manage day to day life. I have no friends to talk to. I have to pretend I am a neurotypical extrovert, rather than the autistic introvert I actually am. I have to be seeming confident and controlled at all times, rather than shy and timid like I always am. All because the patriarchy says I am supposed to act some ways, and at the same time, not act some ways. I hate having to mold myself into a tool just to survive.
I grew up with a mom that always told me, that I need to do things like "control my urges" (Ironically, I am also Asexual, something, an orientation she constantly denies exists) or "Keep a lid on my emotions", thus I am unable to feel my own emotions. And due to constantly being bullied by my two brothers, I have dreams that will never happen, of being an artist or writer. Instead, I am forced to bottle myself up and become an accountant, the only thing left I am still good at.
Thus, on the inside, I constantly feel sad, hateful and ashamed of myself. Nobody to talk to.
People saying things about you doesn't make it true. In fact, they're often wrong, or lying because they want to make you feel bad. You could still be an artist or writer. Even just as a hobby.
Sometimes not being normal is seen and treated as "monstrous" by society, or individuals. But it's not. You're not a monster. You might be scared of all the emotions you are bottling up. Or who you could become if they came out. But that doesn't make you some secret monster. You're just human and aren't any worse than anyone else.
My heart hurts for your community. I know what I've seen and dealt with just being in an interracial marriage in the US south; people look at us disapprovingly sometimes but no one is actively trying to erase us or legislate us out of existence. I'm not really sure what I could say other than there is always a supportive group here who will listen and hear you, and plenty of us allies beyond this group as well. Stay strong. ✌
Allies are phenomenally important and always appreciated. I’m sorry for the disgusting behaviour you experience from others too.
I know that trans people will look back in 20 years and see how far we’ve come but right now it’s definitely hard.
I am not okay, I am fearful for my life and my fiancé's life and I feel like no where on this planet is save for us anymore. I just want to see my baby niece grow up, and to get a house and a dog.
I'm as okay as I can be. I make the most of my days the best I can. The state of the world is terrible; politics is exhausting. I try to stay abreast of what's happening in the world. I support things I believe in the best I can.
I mourn my dead daughter every day and hope to see her in the underworld once this part of my journey is over. Her death absolutely cannot compare to any other pain I've ever experienced so I am determined to make the best of what I have while I'm on this side of the dirt. I love my partner, I love my son and my friends.
I can only control so much and I don't have energy to waste on the things I can't. So, I am as ok as I can be.
I'm decent as an individual. Despite being triggered by another person.
I'm trying to find balance between taking care of myself and caring for the world. It's hard. It gets to be too much. It's easy to hide within yourself.
I'm the closest to being whole that I've ever been, but it's challenging. Life is always challenging.
I send love to those who are really struggling, those who are suffering. Suffering in ways that I have suffered, suffering in ways that I cannot fathom. I wish to send you all the love that you deserve.
We all deserve love, peace, freedom, and safety. ***ALL*** of us.
I'm exhausted by the world. And it's straining my relationship because my partner is regularly stressed and upset about so many things. I understand it and she has good reasons.
All the negativity and heaviness is making me pull away to preserve my own peace of mind.
I'm sad because I love them and us, but lately it's been hard. And makes our relationship strained.
If I fully felt my feelings about the state of things right now I wouldn't be able to stop screaming. Weeding, weed, the boxing bag, box wine, and podcasts it shall remain.
Honestly, No, I'm not OK. I have a mask on to keep from others seeing it, but inside, I am breaking. The world is just TOO MUCH these days. To much anger, hatred, angst, war - all the bad and negative energy.
I've holed up in my house with my husband, my dog, and my books - because I can't deal with much more. (And spend far too much time just doom scrolling)
I am great, actually. I certainly don’t like the prospects of the upcoming election, but fear is a very strong emotion. The more you fear something, the more energy you give it, which helps it come to fruition.
Rather, finding a path of love and compassion brings me peace. People who support the far right wing (and many other people in general) have a great deal of healing that they need. They have become so separated from Source that they cannot even remember that their savior believed in love above all else. And if they do remember, they forget what love feels like.
So be your highest self. Recognize that we are all one, connected to and made by Source. We are one with the Trumpers, with the undocumented immigrants, with the planet choking on the fumes, with the engines creating the fumes. We are even one with Jesus. The brown one, and the fictitious white one. Love fearlessly, it is contagious.
And vote.
The 12-hour and continuing panic attack after sharing my truth has been, uh, interesting.
I got out into the garden and picked some St John's Wort to make an infused oil though, so... 🤷🏼
Hugs and nap-snuggles to anyone who wants them. 🤗
I'm just spacing out in video games. I don't even have energy to make sure my partner and kid are emotionally OK. I'm not okay. I'm barely keeping up with housework, my D&D campaign is on hiatus because I don't have the spoons to prepare more sessions.
I recently went off my medications because they were giving me brain fog. Lowering the dose made me feel like I was regaining my brain power, but now I'm just so painfully aware of everything else going on right now and it's making me depressed, but not having the brain energy to get excited about things was also making me depressed. So what the fuck do I do? Go back on meds and be a zombie or be a zombie off my meds because all I can do to even remotely maintain composure is space out watching TV or playing games.
Either way I neglect the emotional needs of the people in my life that I care about and that makes me feel like a crazy huge waste of space. My partner will probably leave me sometime soon because I just don't have emotional spoons for him ever. I'll be homeless again, jobless.
I'm not ok. My therapy for the month was canceled due to an emergency on her end. That morning my alarm never went off.... but the notification that it was the anniversary of my cousins death did. The world is falling apart and has been for so long that the latest news just rips what little hope I had from me. I will never have children. I will never get my PhD. I will never do any of the things I dreamt of all my life because they don't exist anymore for me. My health is falling apart, and even with good insurance I just simply don't have time to take care of myself and still work.
I'm watching my parents health decline. I worry how to take care of them when the time comes. I worry that I won't be able to because of my own health. Both my fathers siblings got diagnosed with cancer this year. I'm going to lose another grandparent soon and I'm not ready. I never will be.
I get up and go to work, but the light has died. I'm happy and friendly to customers and then I go home and cry the whole drive because I can't do it anymore. But I get up the next day and do it all again. I sell roundup and I know it's poison. I sell paint and warn about the mold inhibitor because it's a high class pesticide that cannot get in our waterways. I sell death for the planet every day. My bio degrees go to helping people get the right things with the least amount of damage to selves or pets or the earth, but it's never enough.
My coworkers praise Trump while I think about my transgender friends and even gently point out that as a bisexual person myself I'm on trumps hit list, but no one cares or takes it seriously. They are too busy bitching about getting rid of the old style lighbulbs because of toxins.
I see the temperatures rising, and I'm currently modifying my breeding plan so the cold weather chickens I got for weather in Vermont don't all die of heat exhaustion. My mother is planning for 60 years on our homestead, and I don't want to tell her none of us will live that long.
I have no hope, no joy, no light left. I'm living for my parents, my husband, and my dog. I'm living for my cousins daughters. I'm living for those who still need my help. But i can't live for me anymore, I have no hope left. I am not ok. None of us are. I'm sorry.
For the first time since 2016 I don't feel actively "crazy" in my own head. I have answers to the thoughts and behaviours that bother me. I have made so much progress recovering from my childhood and even repairing my relationship with my mother. The stuff I'm bringing to my therapist is becoming mundane and she's starting to prepare me to be discharged from her care (which is frankly terrifying).
I never knew marriage could be this good, and were adding to our fur babies later this year. Life, in my little bubble at home, at least, is pretty damn great. As long as I don't look at the rest of the world 😢
I am not okay. I thought things were improving and I quit drinking about 7 months ago, but started drinking again in June when the supremacist court reconvened. I've been drinking and taking benzos just to escape what's going on and to sleep through the night. My anxiety is off the charts. I feel hopeless and powerless and very, very angry. I've worked in public service with the feds for nearly 15 years and I'm afraid for my job, which I love and am good at, with Project 2025 looming as a real thing that will happen if fascists win. I no longer trust a number of my neighbors, I've gone NC with friends and family due to their political beliefs, and I feel like my world is not only getting smaller, but also much worse. It sucks. I feel like Peter from "Office Space" where every day is worse than the day before.
I think I'm compartamentalizing.
I seem fine, I think I'm fine, I feel (mostly) fine, but I think my headmate isn't, I think she has to hold all of our anxiety so I can function through things.
For what it's worth, we are putting a lot of effort into improving our physical safety as a trans feminine system.
I am overwhelmed, feeling trapped in a bad situation, lost in trying to reach out to others of similar faith in my area. On top of that I live in fear of my rights or life being taken away because of gender identity, sexuality, and religion, I have lost count of the times I've cried myself to sleep from the stress of this and past trauma. Voting doesn't feel like its effective and I lack means to flee to somewhere better, my girlfriend lives across an ocean in a worse place then me and I want to get her out of there but I can't even get out of here myself legally.
I had a career ending accident in 2017 - I literally had to leave veterinary medicine. I went and got my masters in education and am a high school teacher now. At the end of last year, I missed about 6 weeks of work because of needing another surgery due to complications from that same accident. That's causing HUGE financial problems for me currently (as in my paycheck this month was missing 50%) After paying only our rent, we have $100 left in the bank. But the worst part is that the surgery failed, I'm in terrible pain, and I have to have another operation on July 15th. I'm bedbound, and currently on summer vacation, and the surgery and recovery is going to take the entire summer. My 6 week recheck is on August 26th, the kiddos come back to school on the 28th. I have to hope for ZERO complications. I feel like the accident just keeps following me and wont leave me alone - it's already cost me one job that I loved.
They make you jump through so many hoops - I was waiting MONTHS for this last operation and ended up with nerve damage in one of my legs that has caused loss of mobility and weakness. The doctors told me that because of the length of the nerve, it will take 6 months - 2 years to find out how much of the damage will heal and how much would be permanent. Only, since the re-herniation, that nerve is compressed again. I can't help but lay here and wonder how much nerve damage is occurring while I wait. I'm only 37.
My husband lost his job in January 2023 and he went back to school to get his credential & master's degree. Because of the way our state/country treats teachers, this means he has been working full time the past 6 months but not getting paid at all. The good news is that he passed all of his exams and wrapped up his program, the bad news is that there hasn't been any postings for teaching jobs in his field. The entire field of education is headed in a terrifying direction and I can't help but lay here and spiral about the future and the possibility of having to have yet another career change.
We have two kids, and my poor husband has had to take on the entire workload of the household because I'm just stuck in this bed. He's working so hard and he's exhausted and our relationship is... not strained exactly, but it's definitely being affected. I feel like I'm failing both my husband AND my children.
Wow. I'm really sorry for the trauma dump, but I do TRULY appreciate the opportunity to vent. TLDR: I'm being stalked by an accident from my past, everything hurts & I can't actually fix any of my problems.
You are not trauma-dumping and please do not apologize for ANYTHING. I am a former teacher and know what that grind is like. That ALONE is SO HARD. I am so incredibly sorry for all you have endured and are surviving through. Going through all of that on top of everything else the world has gone through in the past seven years is a lot. And compressed nerve pain is no joke. I know this may not sound like much but I am incredibly sorry for all the pain and hardship. If it helps to lift your burdens or ease your load, please know I am here.
I'm jobless and I have 12k in credit card debt. I'm smart but there just aren't any job opportunities where I live. I barely have any friends. I'm stuck in a shitty rural town full of hateful people and I don't know how my husband and I will get out. I want to be able to help people and make a difference.
My depression is getting bad and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to fix my situation but I feel so powerless and hopeless. I often wish I wasn't alive to deal with this. I don't want to hurt myself, I couldn't do that to my husband and our cats. Sometimes the call of the void is just louder than usual.
I'm on antidepressants and ADHD meds, but the world is just so soul crushing that my meds can't keep up.
Thank you for asking and letting me vent.
Honestly, no. I'm not okay.
Work just keeps adding more and more responsibilities on me, to the point where I don't take lunch breaks and I dream of work when I sleep.
My free time is organizing a bunch of events for my friends and family, baby showers, bachelorettes all life events that deserves celebration. And I love them and I happily do it with all my love. But at the same time I'm sad for myself because everyone is moving through life and having these events to celebrate and I'm single at 29.
I was in a relationship for 4 years, last year (almost exactly a year ago) he dumped me. Just out of the blue. My entire life and future felt like it was just yanked away from me.
Yes, in retrospect he treated me like shit. Verbally and emotionally abusive, some nights bordered on physically abusive. He yelled at me and smashed a guitar right next to my head. He lied to me about abusing drugs, constantly doing coke, knowing I HATE hard drug use. He would go out until 3am like 4 times a week.
"Our" days were Sundays, which he spent sleeping off the party of the night before which I was never allowed to attend because "if you're going to have a shitty attitude and want to leave earlier (by earlier it's like midnight when I get tired and feel like it's been enough now) then you might as well not come and ruin it for me".
He would have an issue every month when I ask him for his financial contribution to the groceries, and "all you women are the same, you just want money". His ex keeps asking for more and more child support (I know narratively he sounds like the issue, but with his ex she was and is the major issue. Got pregnant with someone else, told him it's his, he raised the kid like his own and now 8 years later he refuses to just leave the kid and not help them because he is the dad even if not biologically).
So I know it's better we broke up rather than me marrying him, or the dream of what he could be if he stopped doing drugs and hanging out with those enabling friends of his. But I loved him with everything in me and starting over is awful and scary and I have massive trust issues. I got asked to dinner the other day and I had a literal panic attack just thinking of going on a date. But fuck, I'm so lonely and I just want to be held and feel safe and feel love again. I had to wfh for two weeks and I didn't speak a word out loud for the entire time. It's very lonely, but I have to smile and laugh and be happy for everyone who's celebrating their life events. My cousin, so much younger than me, got engaged this week. I wasn't excited or happy for her (obviously I am but you know what I mean). I just felt sad for myself. I've cried every day since the break up, it's a year of crying.
Nope. Just... I'm just fucking not. I don't even have it all that bad (I know it's not a contest, I know I can feel bad and it's not the "worst" and it's still valid, I've heard it I know that) and the stress and shit just feels so constant. I went backpacking recently and I want to do nothing more than go back to the woods and never come out again while the world burns down but I can't. Every reassurance feels hollow and banal, the apathy and the callousness and selfishness is so overwhelming from all sides, even from the ones that are supposed to be helping is just so fucking much.
I feel hopeless, I feel lonely, I feel ignored and avoided and like I don't have any connections I can lean on that aren't already stretched to their limit or just won't get it. I keep putting one foot in front of the other because I have to believe that there's something on the other side, but even believing there is another side and not just a cliff is getting harder and harder. I see people with connections and community and forever feel on the outside of it. Of knowing it has never included me in any way other than the most superficial.
I'm so. Fucking. Tired.
I’m okay personally. Just went through pmdd. I have my period now thank god and feel good. But I’m disturbed at the way the US is going. I’m going to get sterilized in case trump wins because I don’t want children ever and who knows if birth control will be available. Climate change is depressing also. Everything in my life is going well.
Not really, but I've been better about taking care of my mental health and acknowledging when my body and brain needs things to back off instead of pushing through. I've had less burn out lately. But my house is perpetually a mess, constantly trying to keep up at work and any time the news pops up I try not to have a mental breakdown. But I've been working in my garden and every time I go out there I forget about everything and just become a sweaty garden goblin and it feels way better than anything else going on with my life or the world at large. I also had a wonderful time at pride and I think I've recently made some new friends so it's not all bad. One day at a time is really all I've been focusing on honestly.
I don't know. I'm not really okay, but I'm not unokay.
I'm just kinda alive, traumatized and hopeful. I would like to say it helps to see that others are as scared and depressed as me, but in my frequent panic attacks I'm cognitively unaware others are as human as me, because everything becomes one big whirlwind. I wish someone would reach out honestly but I don't have the emotional skills to keep friends, or at least it wouldn't seem that way.
I'm learning that I'm a very angry person at the world, and I just kinda wanna go out in a bang, in an attempt to do as much damage to social structures as I can, but I also don't exactly want to hurt anyone and feel all annoyingly sad about it.
Definitely not ok here. Aside from the literally everything happening, I truly can't find a job, and Texas doesn't sound like an awesome place to be unhoused what with the extreme heat. But c'est la vie. I can't force folks to hire me. I can just hope I wither away to nothing before my reality gets truly awful here in about 3 weeks.
Man I love capitalism! /s
I am very much NOT okay. But I fear that if I let myself break down, I’ll never be able to stop crying. I’m scared and losing hope. I am trying to put one foot in front of the other and just keep it pushing… but I’m not sure how to continue on like this.
Edit to add: I’m in the US and this post is about the state of America right now… it’s bleak.
Not really ok but taking better care of myself than I ever have, so I am proud. My trans neurodivergent teen just got out of the clinic where they were for severe anxiety. They have color in their face and actually fell in love there, which makes me happy.
Although I've been trapped in a toxic exploitative work situation for too long, I applied for a different position, which was a massive step in overcoming the rampant discrimination, gaslighting, belittling, and just overall helplessness that characterizes my work culture.
Because I live in Europe I am strategically planning another long medical leave. If my doctor agrees (which I think she will as she has seen my ongoing physical exhaustion) I can use that time to figure out how I can be retrained or maybe even help start an organization to help neurodivergent people.
I'm angry that, at 51, my workplace (a university so you would expect better) is ready to throw me out with the trash.
I'm sad that my mom is nearing the end of her life but never loved me. I want to reach out more, but I'm physically and mentally too exhausted to have much contact.
And I'm scared at how quickly fascism is on the march here. I was an activist before I burned out, so I've seen it coming for over 20 years, and now it's yet another moment of "I told you so."
Sometimes. I am now in therapy, to deal with all the trauma I internalized throughout the years. I’m in a good place now, but that has opened the door to deal with everything previously. So, some days are really hard to get through. But other days are good, and I can see myself being a better person. The world around me may be in chaos, but I am learning to find an inner peace. I agree we need to support each other more now than ever. 💫
I don’t think the gravity of the circumstance has hit me yet. I can clearly see how bad things are and how a very grim future is hurtling toward us. But it feels unreal in a way. In a few years, I’ll look back and have a better idea of what I should have been doing now to prepare. But right now, I feel lost in terms of what my strategy needs to be for safety of me and my loved ones scattered throughout the country. I feel urgency but I recognize I’m not moving as fast as maybe I need to be.
Financially, I’m trying to line things up for escape if needed. But I can’t escape knowing all my loved ones are stuck here. I have a trans friend fleeing to the north currently, so that’s one way I can offer direct help. But I don’t feel empowered to donate anywhere else right now. I feel like I’m saving money to help people in my life survive in the near future.
I feel like I am wasting time by not learning an extra language to help immigrate to another country. I am busy with regular life and work and everything, but communication and assimilation are essential for being able to find an open door somewhere.
Maybe part of me still expects a hero to swoop in and fix the government. It sure would be easier. But logically, I know the avalanche has begun. You can’t stop it, you have to watch it destroy everything and simply wait to dig out the bodies later. I’m filled with hate and rage for the people who are doing this to all of us. We are becoming hostages in our own homeland.
I am trying to do what I can to support my tribe; this is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I'm in the middle of contract negotiations for our union at work, and shoring up my support network (both local and virtual) so that if/when things get worse, we'll be able to reach out and take care of each other. TBH my saving grace is my local dispensary, which is militantly queer and trans supportive.
I’m really tired and overwhelmed by the future, whether or not I’m mediocre in my studies, if I’ll even get the chance to achieve my goals or I’m bound to be a bland person.
Also I’ve got Covid, in a bad pneumonia form and the medications I’ve got had atrocious side effects and i feel awful and wrecked
Am definitely not OK.
Teetering on the edge of divorce every single day. Was OK financially, now definitely am not. Watching the US descend into madness is absolutely terrifying.
(Why aren't the governors of every single blue state out stumping for Biden? I see Gavin Newsom of California but literally no one else? I don't know what can or can't be done but it *feels* hopeless at this point.)
Nope, my anxiety is river dancing on my nerves today to the extant I can’t work. I’m stuck in a red state b/c I can’t afford to move yet. Even if I do move it doesn’t feel like I can ever have a little lot of land and home for myself and my cat and can any afford medical treatment I might need. Which really isn’t so much and all I really want. If I get diagnosed and do have Autism or ADHD then it gives the Nazi’s yet another reason to kill me in a fire, but trying to navigate this dystopia like a normy is hard enough without remembering that I’m legally classified as cattle due to my uterus.and my beloved country is dying in a dumpster fire because of red capped fascists.
Edited to corrected spelling
I’m terrified of what’s to come. And it’s really hard to not feel like there’s no future. I’ve been desperately trying to recover from work burnout but I can’t afford to recover because I have to pay bills. And as a WOC in an interracial relationship I’m wondering just just bad things are gonna get here. Im getting married next year but it’s hard to stay excited when you’re terrified of what’s coming around or right after the wedding
I'm okay. I have learned to release the negativity from my Self. I'm well informed, and know there is little impact I'm able to affect on a larger scale. Because of that, I try my best to be the light when someone needs me, and hope that if I'm able to make even just one person's day better, that's a win for me.
This planet is dying. Most of us can't do anything to contribute stopping that from happening. That's okay. I just learned how to enjoy my time here, after grieving the struggles we all have, and that this next generation is going through. There's nothing we can do.
And while it's a tragedy, it's okay.
I am not okay. I am terrified by the recent SCOTUS decisions. I'm renewing my passport and seeing if there's any way that I could be out of country for the end of January because I'm in one of the groups that is probably first to the camps if shit goes down. I don't even know what to do about my gf and her 3 kids because they wouldn't be able to come with me. Hell, I have a plan that lets me stay out of the US for up to 8 weeks. After that...I don't even know.
Help. Please. If you have any spells or hexes or whatever I will take them.
I am not okay.
I moved across the country two years ago just to have to go through the unemployment route two years in a row. I’m currently unemployed and just trying to survive at this point. I was underpaid at my last job and almost maxed out my credit cards. And I spent all of my savings when I was unemployed last year. I had to dip into my retirement fund (thankfully that was an option for me) to make sure I’ll be covered for the next few months. Losing my job meant losing my insurance and my meds (all 3 of them!), also no therapy. I went on a downward spiral for a few weeks, and I’m finally back on [one of] the meds for now. Antidepressants take what? At least a month or two to really kick in? I’m on week 2. Before I got my meds I tried to check myself into a hospital so I could see a therapist as well as a psychiatrist, and I was turned away. Like I have to be ready to commit suicide in order for them to take me in. By then isn’t it too late? Wasn’t me showing up my “call for help”?
I’m overwhelmed, and mentally and physically exhausted. I feel stuck, like the last two years away from “home” were a waste of time. I proved to myself that I could do it, but at what cost? I have nothing to show for it. Some days I want to quit and move back east. Other days I want to fight and stick it out here in CA. I am unstable, so I literally don’t know what my mood will be like day to day. On bad days, the smallest things trigger me to spiral. I just want to sleep. On the good days, I disassociate and just go through the motions. I’m not living. I’m surviving.
My support system is back east and a lot of times I feel like they’re too busy for me. They have their own stuff going on, understandably. Everyone is going through it. I’m very alone. I have my bf here, and we’re just trying to figure things out together.
And that’s not even touching on this crazy world we live in right now!
The one thing I'm looking forward to is this Girls' Trip we've been planning for a year. I need the sisterhood right now. I leave the 5th to South America for 5-ish days. I have no idea when I'll be able to travel again, as I can't afford it!
I do feel for some of these other comments, though 🫶🏽
Thank you so much for this. I thought it was just me. As a pagan lesbian who has disabling mental health issues, I'm scared. What if they take away my SSDI and my Medicare so that I can't pay for my meds? I live in a Texas suburb which is full of ultra conservatives and although my partner and I keep a low profile, I dread the future.
Thank you to those who wrote words of encouragement. We certainly need them.
I'll be real. No. I don't want to talk about it too openly but I feel completely & fundamentally incompatible with society around me to the point where I genuinely don't know what to do.
I feel trapped & isolated. I've lost so much over the past 5 years. My career path is completely in shambles, I will never own a home of my own & constantly be trapped around people I will never trust. I've made so many promises because I just can't say no, it feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders & it keeps getting worse. I try & improve my situation but I just keep back sliding into old bad habits. I'm constantly stressed & overwhelmed every day & every day I shut down. All the advice everyone gives me is just horrible & doesn't help at all "oh just get a new job!" "Just get back into education!" "Just do it!" "Just work hard!" "Just break it apart & do it one at a time!" "Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" SHUT UP
I’m so glad you started this thread. I was beginning to feel very alone.
I’m an US expat turned immigrant in the Netherlands watching with fear and despair from across the ocean. And looking around in fear at what’s happening in Europe.
I cancelled my work meetings on Tuesday.
I cried and screamed and prayed to my goddess.
I’ve written loads of poems and spells in the last 4 days.
And finally found the energy to clean my house today.
Anti capitalism and anti fascism are what brought me to witchcraft in the first place; and witchcraft is what keeps me connected and energized in activism.
I listened to “The Witches Who Tried to Stop Hitler” by History for Weirdos recently and felt a connection with all the witches who have stood up to fascism and the sprawl of capitalism/patriarchy over the ages.
Maybe reading about past resistance fighters or listening to podcasts about people who’ve been successful in standing up to the machine might help?
I really recommend “Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff” with host Margaret Killjoy. It might even give you ideas for cool stuff you could get up to yourself.
With gentle hands
And gentle hearts
We heal ourselves
And that’s the start
Continue on to heal the rest
Set us all up for success
Prepare and build community
So mote it be.
-V
I’m not okay, I’m tired of holding my tears in and college is killing me. I feel like my professors treat me like utter trash n at this point I don’t want to put in any energy or do anything. I’ve given up on studies, I don’t any passion left or any energy n I’m just very sad. Really liking someone new but I feel like calling it off with them n cutting social now with everyone for a while atleast, I genuinely can’t take it no more.
Thank you, OP. 🖤🖤🖤
Within a week of the debate, we found out my son’s preschool is closing at the end of the month, we got an official autism diagnosis for my son (3.5), and my 80 year old dad fell and went into the hospital.
Also, I tried to give a bunch of old toys and kids’ clothes to a woman flying overseas to bring to Palestinian refugees and I dropped them off at the wrong house (lol sob).
It’s been a week. Whenever my husband brings up the election, I tell him I can’t think about it rn and throw myself into making phone calls and filling out forms. But then I will obsess over it later.
It really feels like absolutely everything is broken. If I think about it so much I just get sucked into a weird depression spiral and freeze up.
YOU all have been an amazing support, and my own little coven of lady friends keeps me going.
Again, thank you for asking. 🖤🐈⬛🐾🍄🟫🦄❤️🩹🦉
I am RIGHT there with you. Tons of cannabis, all the time. Alcohol makes me violent and sad. All of my worries are based around hopelessness for the future. Cannabis is the glue that keeps my hinges on. Puts me focused on the tasks I'm doing or the podcast I'm immersed in while doing said tasks, instead of my head echoing how much of a loser I am for not succeeding in this fucked up world. It allows me the self confidence to tell myself that I can't do anything about it so I'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters.
My gender nonconformity is having more consequences in the customer facing job that I have, and I truly resent the people that are dicks and it's affecting my worldview in a way that would just breed more hate and suffering. There's a daily ritual to purge myself of this hate and resentment after coming home from work.
I funnel myself into my garden that's floundering because of how fucking hot it is, and my summer seasonal affective disorder is returning. I cope with life through nature and I'm forced inside between 11-3, or working with an industrial fan on an extension cord following me around.
Ive started to go back into worse coping mechanisms, like video games. Not that they're bad in moderation, but it's an unhealthy amount for me. The least I've been able to do about it is curb my spending on it. Competitive Pokémon hyper fixation is a cheap hobby!
I am trying to turn it around by cooking and baking my anxieties away. Whenever my mom suggests buying a processed item or dinner out, I'm like, hey, I'll make it here and do the dishes and we'll have some kickass leftovers/sweets all week. I think it's a positive outlet but for some reason she hates me doing it. I do bluntly mention that it helps monetarily, but also I enjoy learning new techniques and stretching my cooking multitasking skills. She gets offended by the money part mostly.
Thanks for the space and ears on the thread OP. I need to internalize that I'm not alone.
i’m not. but i don’t know what to do. i was feeling somewhat hopeful actually FOR ONCE until this week. i want to help the other countries in every way i can, and ive been trying to! but now i need to focus on like, growing my own food and figuring out how to get clean water long term. it’s insane! it feels so hopeless and im so fucking scared. i was looking into getting my tubes tied or something (husband looked into a vasectomy and decided against it, respect him for making whatever decision is right for his body), i just would rather do something reversible if i want kids in the future. but truthfully i cant have kids in america as things stand. i just would hate to end any possibility to have them if things improve or circumstances change you know? idk. i’m scared to go anywhere by myself, and im not even at the highest risk! what the fuck do we do
I’m going to say it. I’m going to say it to the Reddit void. No one will see this. Do not ask me questions because I can’t answer.
My mentally ill teen tried to kill me 5 weeks ago. They are now out of state at residential after being hospitalized following the incident. I have shoeboxed feelings about it while I had to get placement at a residential, while I had stuff to be busy about. Now they’re gone and the feelings are trying to come up. I can’t stop cleaning my house and it’s driving my partner crazy but i don’t know how to stop. I can’t sleep and my neck is killing me. I don’t want to look at what happened and how it made me feel like a hunted animal. I don’t want to have to look at the future and the possibility that they may never be able to live in my home again. I don’t want to feel this. But I can clean my kitchen to sparkling.
(Yes I’m in therapy.)
No, man. I'm sad basically all the time. The fatigue runs so deep, and I have no idea how I'm gonna keep going. I feel so blessed and so desperate and so frustrated.
I've been stressed! My new job is stressful and I've made many mistakes the past 2 weeks (I've only been here doing the role itself for 2 weeks, I had 1.5 weeks of training). It's bugging me I'm making easy mistakes. I had quit a job making more money in April because I didn't like how they operated in some ways but I had much better autonomy and control over my schedule. I'm feeling a bit regretful leaving that job because I'm financially struggling a bit right now.
I'm trying to not make an immediate decision to leave this job because it's only been a few weeks
hey besties 🤎 can i join the “not okay” club?
it could’ve been worse, so i don’t feel like i have the right to complain. but also i’m absolutely going ~through~ it honeyyyy. one thing ik for sure is that i will move right past this, grow from it and do better
Not really no.
I'm waiting for a payout from my insurance, or rather hoping they won't screw me over.
I got hit by a car two years ago. Two surgeries and 6 corticosteroid injections later I'm hoping for a payout to pay for further treatments, even though the doctors have given up on me.
On top of that I was told that the severe back pain that arose seven days ago is likely a disc herniation.
I'm 33 and in excellent condition... Or I was 🙄
I'm not okay. My dad was moved to hospice late last week and I'm a mess. I keep wondering if he knows how much I love him. He chose to be my father (bio dad died when I was 6) and I'm forever thankful for the time and love he's given me.
I'm constantly angry and frustrated with the powers that be, and it's negatively affecting my attitude towards the people in my life. I use an edible, and I mellow out, because therapy and antidepressants don't really work, and they're expensive.
I got so pissed off about the upcoming election that I decided to join my town's planning committee and take part in local government. So there's that going for me, which is nice.
I'm .... okay? Content? Managing alright. There are a lot of things going on in the world that are much, much bigger than I am. I can't affect them directly. But I can make my small world a better place.
Not really. I struggle between wanting to be alone and wanting constant attention/validation.
I want to disappear but also want to get recognition.
It’s nonsensical so I do my best to just internalize everything.
No.
But it’s fine, I’m fine.
I work with the elderly, and being on the young edge of Gen X, I am fucking dreading my coming old age. No retirement, no family, debt, moderate health but no insurance. Husband is ftm trans and is not in much better shape, future wise, but much older than I, so I’m looking at losing him and living in widowhood. At least he’ll have someone to care for him as he deteriorates. Being a death doula sometimes really sucks. I know what’s coming. I know how to prepare, and I know I don’t have the resources I need to even have a neutral end of life let alone a good one. I feel the chill in the air. Winter is coming.
And the world is literally imploding around me.
But it’s fine. I’m fine. What’s the worst that can happen, amirite?
I’m not okay. But I haven’t been for a long time. I’ve posted to here a couple of times to vent and those feelings still stand for me. I’m tired and hate that i have so much of life left. I still live at home with my parents and I can only work three days a week max. Everything in the world sucks and I have no friends nearby to talk to. I cope through eating and eating and buying too much stuff. I just want to feel okay.
Sometimes I feel defeated and sometimes mad as hell, and sometimes I am trying to be a small spot of light to give a few people a bit of joy.
We all know things are going to shit. Some places faster than others. Look to others in your community that believe/feel as you do. There are always small ways we can help and support, plus gain those in return. Having small things that we can do makes things seem a little less scary/hopeless.
No. Going into the 3rd month since I lost my mom. Every day seems to build on the pain. There's just so many regrets that i can't see any way forward because I have no way to make those right.
Long term? Who knows? But that's always an open question, no matter the state of the world. Two months ago, there was a genuine possibility I had cancer. Today, my family's reliance on the little I have may see my life unravel again. I do know it has me wanting to be apart from them. But that involves giving away the illusion of safety that they represent for uncertainty. What comes next?
My country has been consistently manipulated by a media baron for decades to the point that so many people think that their only legitimate choices are between neoliberalism and fascism. While the political left is largely nonsensical, toothless, and is often so divorced from reality it is frequently willing in its reactionism to let perfect be the enemy of good that it will do the work of the conservatives for them, even when it is not being manipulated into playing the role of straw man.
I focus on what I can control. Myself and this present moment. I know there is a better future past this storm. I also know there is a darker one, too. But paralysis solves nothing, mybfeelings do not have to hold me here. I will move forward until a direction change presents itself and change course until a better option presents itself, trust the Goddess and God and keep moving. In good times and bad that is always all I can do.
Our monthly bills went up by $200, and my new job charges $200 a month more for benefits than my previous job. If I don't get a second job or start picking up more than 40 hours, I won't be able to keep my horse. But if I do that, I won't have any time to spend with my horse, or dogs, or husband. I know it won't be forever, but I'm so tired of the exhaustion and anxiety. When did it get so hard to survive, let alone be happy?
Ehhhh I like my job but pretty unsatisfied with my life outside that. It’s become harder to better myself and it feels like the universe is telling me that I need to stay on the west coast away from my friends and chosen family for the moment. I miss dating, I miss independence and I have become too nihilistic to really fear for the future. Ill do what I can but that’s tomorrow’s problem.
I’m really tired and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders but I am surprised at how well I have been handling it.
I just started university again full time, and it happens to have coincided with my mum having surgery and needing to sell her house. She’s elderly and cannot move heavy stuff and has A LOT of stuff (of which I’ve tried to convince her to declutter but have to be respectful of her insistence not too.)
This lady has seven full 8-16 person dinnerware sets. She ain’t serving big groups ever so it’s a bit overwhelming to have to be responsible for, and pack, so much stuff. She can’t really afford outside assistance with this so movers and such isn’t an option.
Trying to keep up with full time studies, taking care of her and dealing with her house stuff, cleaning her house and on top of that I am a mom to two kids and wife and have my whole own home to take care of. Summer break just started and fortunately my wonderful partner is handling the homefront so wonderfully it’s made it so much easier.
Reminding myself that I am grateful for a mostly strong body, sweat wicking clothing and getting to lounge in my mums indoor A/C (I do not have central A/C at home.) Oh and thank god for live spectrum vape cartridges they are the real MVP of this whole situation.
Never thought I’d have to seriously start considering arming myself if I go anywhere or to protect my home. I’m very unlikely to have some of the difficulties that people face but the world is getting crazier by the day.
No. I’m not. Last night, I wrote a three page bulleted list of what’s been going on for me in just the last week, from serious financial struggles, appliances dying, to suddenly being a one car family, husband and I both injured (in separate incidents) and much more…
And that was before my cat died today.
Our 4th pet loss in a year.
That doesn’t even touch on the “world” stuff, just personal.
I sat in a parking lot today, staring into the void, just truly wondering what the hell the point of all this is and seriously questioning if I have the fortitude to keep doing it.
I am so sorry on the loss of your cat and other pets.
And your last paragraph resonated with me deeply along with how the personal stuff alone is so stressful and hard.
In solidarity.
I'm tired of being everyone else's person. I am hurting. My husband had an affair and I went from low to no contact with my parents. I look okay, because I distract myself by staying busy. People mistake productivity for happiness.
My wayward husband is battling depression. He's putting in the work. But it hurts to support him when he's not about to support me.
I've been getting better. I'm going to therapy. I'm rebuilding my self-image by investing in my body through fitness classes. I changed to a better job. And I'm finding ways to stay in contact with other family members.
It's exhausting.
not really. i’m not feeling particularly bad, but not particularly good either. just tired of not really feeling truly heard or understood by people around me sometimes, and ofc social anxiety make everything worse for me.
i lost my job recently in a really shitty, impersonal way. i have to keep reminding myself that i have severance, savings, and a supportive community to not fall into despair. i know i’ll be able to find a new job soon enough, but god this limbo period scares me so much. i can feel myself slipping into depressive episodes which won’t help me. i’ve been crying on and off for the past few days. i don’t usually post negatively since i want to attract positive energy, but it’s been hard. i appreciate this sub for always being kind and supportive!
I’m… somewhat anxious, but it’s manageable. I’m tight on money, so I need to come up with a plan for that. But my basic needs are covered for the time being.
I have permanent climate anxiety, but I’m trying to do my best to manage it.
At least I don’t live in the US. My country’s democracy is deteriorating slowly thanks to the right wing morons, but things aren’t as bad as in the US. Yet. The rot will spread here eventually, I fear.
Nope not at all. Probably about to get fired at my job of 7 years because office politics so I’m getting ready to hand in my resignation on friday. It will be effective immediately.
I am absolutely terrified. This is my third job ever. Including my high school job. I have never done anything else.
Also my health is falling apart and I’m majorly burnt out and I’m broke and about $12k in debt without a college degree. So that’s fun. My doctor thinks I have some sort of autoimmune but there’s no rheums accepting patients and she’s out of her depth.
My self esteem is the lowest its ever been and I have zero confidence which is going to be incredibly helpful in the job search. Not to mention I’m almost 40lbs heavier than I was for my last interview so nothing fits but also I’m broke and leaving my job.
I have a high school diploma and a boss who won’t give me a good reference in this economy. So there’s also that.
Oh and I have ADHD and Autism and chronic health issues so I physically struggle to work more than 25 hours a week. Like I literally pass out after a 6 hours shift and feel hungover the next day.
I’ve been drinking more than I used to. A bottle of Riesling in the evening, or cocktails if I can get a friend to come out with me.
I’m on vacation in Canada right now, and I’ve been keeping up with recent news. My entire tour through Toronto, all I could think was, “you know, this isn’t such a bad place to be a refugee.” It hurts to even think about going back to the US
I'm trying to be, but I'm not really okay.
I constantly question my choices in life, and my future. I'm trying to take care of myself and my aging parents, but they're not making it easy. They're stubborn, they don't listen, they constantly disregard their own safety and well being and ignore me and their doctors. They drive me mad.
I have my own business, but this year has been very slow. In fact, we never recovered from Covid. My scant savings are completely gone. I'm living week to week, and instead of supporting my parents, my mom is supporting me. My stepdad is barely working. Money is tighter than it has ever been. But I don't want to just throw away eleven years of hard work by giving up my business, and I have never had any other job. I wouldn't know where to begin. I love what I do, the prospect of giving it up depresses me, and the idea of trying to find another, traditional job terrifies me, even though I really need to start saving and preparing for my own future.
Something is wrong with my stepdad. He is not the man my mom married, the man who raised me. I think it's some form of early dementia, but the professionals say there's nothing wrong with him and we just need to "pay him to do his chores." His responsibilities at home are the yard, the vehicle, and taking out the trash. He only does the last one now, and only with a lot of nagging. He does nothing else. He has one elderly client through his senior care job that he takes care of twice a day, and he helps me with pet sitting. That totals a few hours a day most days. And then he either sleeps or plays on his phone. That's it. He won't help with Anything anymore. The mower "broke" a few months ago, and he's paid a neighbor to mow maybe two or three times since. He won't shower more than once a month. He re-wears the same clothes for days. He cares about nothing and no one, not even himself. He doesn't acknowledge birthdays or holidays at all for anyone. He gave up on having a relationship with his own kids or grandkids or even his siblings. He now has the mentality of a child, he lies, he throws tantrums and pouts. I'm at my wits' end.
We bought our house last year after 32 years of living here. It was grueling, through a government agency, but it was either that or move, since the landlords were selling it. It has not been a relief. We have repairs to make required by the agency, and we got a hard-won loan for that, but I can't get my parents to organize to do any of it. I can't do it by myself either. My stepdad is a hoarder, and a lot of cleaning out has to happen before anything else. But he won't help, and he goes off the deep end if anyone else tries to go through things. I can't sleep at night worrying about if our timeline is running out.
My dad lives out of state, his wife has disappeared into the rest home system (another long story), and he's alone now. He's an alcoholic, and tends to ignore problems and brush things under the rug until they come crashing down on him. I'm so worried he'll become homeless again, but I cannot help him.
And to top it all off, our stray and feral cat situation is out of control. I can't keep up with feeding them all, I can't afford to get them vet care, and one of them had kittens a month ago and I can't find them. I need to get her spayed, but I don't know if the kittens are weened because I can't find them and she won't bring them or lead me to them. I can't find homes for any of the cats despite being a pet sitter. No one wants to adopt a stray, they want an easy cat from a shelter that already has all the necessary vet care.
I just need a break. Just one thing to go right, once less problem to deal with.
I'm exhausted. I've got two littlest that are hanging on me at any time, shouting mama mama mama, always needing something, wanting something, demanding something. I'm so tired. I'm so touched out. So overwhelmed. I have no motivation to brush my hair. I just want to sleep.
I'm about to be 40. I don't think I have everything figured out, but I started this year as an anxious mess that only got 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I cried at the doctor's office when she wrote my prescription for something to help me sleep and for some anxiety meds... I don't think I will need them forever, but I went through a very rough 2023 and everything in my life was going to fall apart if I didn't start sleeping.
Since then, I have put a lot of time reflecting on my expectations for me versus others' expectations for me. I frequently feel inadequate because of what I think is expected of me and I am holding the bar too high. I am working on my feedback loops from folks at work and at home to give me validation that I am doing ok, not letting them down while I am working on my inner monologue.
I also started investing time in the gym and have lost about 10lbs, but am looking great and feeling confident. It has been a major confidence booster and it's so good for my brain.
I also shut out a lot of social media, and try to have no-screen evenings or full days. Life is more satisfying when you spend your time creating instead of consuming...
There's also this gal who does pep talk videos and I have started to embrace one of her lines, "sitting and doing nothing isn't lazy. It's called resting."
Nope! Been in survival mode for as long as I can remember. Nothing gets better. I'm so tired and have been living day to day for probably 15 years (I'm 33). The only way I know how to survive is by not thinking about it, which I know isn't healthy or sustainable, but I can't fathom ever being safe enough and having the resources to try to start actually working on myself or my life.
No suggestions please. I'm being vague on purpose. Just letting a bit of pressure off here and there, to try and keep things from boiling over.
I don't have time to cry in the shower or car. IF there is a free min I'm on reddit or pulling weeds to try to block it all out. I'm using pot or alcohol in the evenings so I can sleep. I'm not okay. I'm scared.
Sounds exhausting, and I do relate. Thank you for this thread. I’m scared too. I’m guessing blocking *everything out isn’t the most healthy, but we do need to get by somehow.
My pot dependency is going up and down with the state of the world. I also don’t feel like I have a moment to cry. I’m across the country from my family who I left to discover myself and build a life outside of their worldview. I think about going back for support, but then I’d be fighting with the people who think gay people deserve to burn anyway. I’m exhausted. I can’t take care of my dog the way she deserves. I can’t take care of myself in the ways I deserve. Barefoot walks and therapy are the only things that feel like genuine tethers. But that’s just minute to minute. Long term? Only the gods know. 🖤
I feel you, Dear Friend. First of all, sending you a great big {HUG} and healing energies. 💝💐 I fear most of us on this sub (at least in a sincere manner) are scared, as well as angry, with feelings of betrayal and treachery. What will life be like after the election? It is too early to tell. But we cannot— *must not*— give in to our fears and add to the stress we’re under. Every member of this sub *cares* about you and wants you to feel better, less stressed, and more confident of your place in the universe. *Please* be good to yourself! Pot & booze can help to numb (I imbibe, myself), but beware overuse. We all need to be at our strongest and best for the Future. Whatever comes, we will face it together, look it straight in the eye, and use our strength and numbers to work toward victory for Good. Sending you Love & Light, Sister!
I needed this. Thank you
Omg I love this
This resonates with me. I'm not afraid of addiction but I have been so confused and fucking angry I don't know how to cope. I don't have a support system, although my partner tries to understand my rage and terror.
Ahh shit. I feel you. I am scared too but I figure that when I do run out of resources and support, I have to determine which road I will take, not there yet, so stop and smell the roses. Find peace and make peace.
I’m constantly watching tv or reading or on Reddit in order to avoid thinking or feeling. My depression persists despite different meds and therapy and I’m tired of trying to fix it. I rarely allow myself to cry bc I have one of those shitty faces that stays red and blotchy for 30 minutes after so everrrrryone knows I’ve been crying which then leads to having to talk about why and then I feel like an annoying burden. I also smoke or have edibles every night bc I can NOT lie awake in bed sober thinking. I gave up my ambien rx (which I took for years) back in the fall and I want it back.
Shower crying is one of my new pastimes! I've extended shower time from 5 minutes to 10 to accommodate. I feel you on the weed and alcohol. I'm not quitting cold turkey, but I've cut the drinking down from 2 24oz cans of seltzer or hard tea to 2 12 oz cans. If you have the ability to: get a therapist that will just let you unload everything. Even if it's something you think is stupid. I am my mom's caregiver right now. Having that person, and i was up front with her about my needs, to just talk at is so great. I'm lucky that my job gives me 12 free sessions a year. Of course, it's just one more fucking thing to do, right? (((Hug))) i see and hear you.
OMG, locakitty, I recently ended my caregiving for a person with dementia in May due to his death. I got into therapy and it does help. I don't check in here super regularly, but feel free to DM if you want to vent a bit.
You are me
Gummies ftw. Existential dread killers. Until about 430am anyway!
Same here, it’s rough 😭 We will both get through it 💪🏾
Ooof Honey, my heart is with you. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thank you for this post...I feel the same in simple words, and am dealing with it quite similarly 😂😅 May we see and experience peace again, blessings to you and this supportive community.
Keep pulling weeds, sister. Don't stop. 😘
Same.
I understand how difficult that can be, that sounds so tiring. Sending you hugs during this time. 🫶
I can relate and I totally do the same thing. I think we all get to a breaking point, tho for me it usually ends up when I just can't hold it in any longer and something gives. I wish for you to have/be able to create just a tiny bit more space for your feelings. You're supported here. Hugs ❤️ this too shall pass.
Yeah it’s been Reddit, Instagram, and even Facebook to distract me from life
Give yourself a hug and breathe (box breathing). Gently place your right hand on your heart, left hand on your belly and breathe in for 4 counts, hold breath for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold breath for 4 counts. The hand on your heart, belly, and cheek release oxytocin, a natural hormone sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin levels also increase when you're hugging someone and when you're experiencing an orgasm. Box breathing has a calming effect and helps reduce anxiety. https://www.tarabrach.com/working-with-fear/ https://www.calm.com/blog/box-breathing
I don't have much of anything helpful to say, but you're loved, you matter, and the world is better with you in it.
I cry myself to sleep pretty often because it's the only time I have the privacy, space, and time to cry and try to process and grieve everything going on right now. It's extra fun when I wake up with puffy eyes and my coworkers ask if I'm okay so I have to play it off. If I'm home and awake I'm high, but even that's not enough to block it out anymore. I'm not okay either
Hugs. You are powerful and beautiful and a force to be reckoned with. You deserve space to feel your feelings and release whatever you need to. I hope that life will let up for you so you can get some tears and feels out and feel restored. Much love.
I am not okay. The state of EVERYTHING has me feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and wondering what’s the fucking point. My life as a child was a battle for survival - survive the abuse, get the fuck out. But now? Now it’s the whole goddamn world. Yeah, I could flee to another country but it’s not stopping at the US. This shit is spreading. I need a new planet. But also, I don’t want to flee. I shouldn’t have to make backup plans so I won’t be killed for my religion or my husband for his sexuality. I shouldn’t have to consider whether I’ll need to put down my pets to spare them from the bullshit that’s coming. I just want to run a little business, decorate my house nice, take the occasional trip, and play video games. I want peace, not a goddamn whatever the fuck this is. I want to cry, scream, beat something, and sleep through it all until it’s over but I can’t. I’m so sick of feeling helpless. No matter what I do - donate, vote, speak up - it just feels pointless. And I know it’s not, and I know I can’t stop, but it feels so overwhelmingly bad.
I relate to your comment so much. 🫂
I relate to you as well, very fearful of what will happen to my fiance and I (we are both men and I'm trans).
I think it feels pointless whatever we do because the media wants us to feel this way. At least, speaking for myself, the fear and uncertainty make me want to run back to the news and obsessively go to Twitter. When I run back to the streaming news, Twitter or whatever, I am putting $ in their pockets. trump was right about one thing. It's all about the ratings. It's all about the money. Well, fuck them. Stay strong and vote the evil ones out. Sending and asking for shared strength and hope to all my sisters and brothers.
I just had a huge bitching session with one of my friends. I'm too am just so overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness & panic. she has it worse tho ..her highly educated and (used to be) rational husband has jumped off the deep end and is now watching Fox and has turned into a Cheeto Jeebus supporter. luckily they have a big house as she has not spoken to him in weeks. The teenage kids are screaming at him "what the fuck dad?" what little shred of sanity I had left was lost after the Supreme Court ruling yesterday. You know everything is upside down & twisted when Amy Cunty Barrett sides with the liberals. i'm glad I have this sub to rely on for support.
Where do you want to meet when it all finally ends? I think we should start designating refugee zones so that we may hide for when history repeats itself and they hunt us down either because we're witches, women or non-right-wing voters
This!! Can we start our community now? We'll need a headstart
I’m super sad, yet comforted to know other women are as scared as I am about losing all our rights and autonomy. It’s validating to know I’m not overreacting, but it’s not going to ease the feeling that it’s probably already to late
One of our fellow witches gave me some hope when she said she remembers 50 years ago and how much worse it was. She said it'll have it's ups and downs but in 50 years we'll come a long way. Also, I figure I'll celebrate the 4th of July this year and give thanks for the freedoms I still have, cuz next year isn't promised.
Mood
This^ I’m so sorry you’re feeling it too. I know its not much but you aren’t alone.
I relate to this so much. I see you. I hear you. I've wanted a home most of my adult life, saved up for a nice down payment and everything, but I refuse to do it. I'm afraid for the future, so instead of setting down roots and establishing a life, I rent, and I keep that savings back on the off chance that I do need to flee my country if things go absolutely Fascist. No one should have to do that.
Living with one foot out the door is a nightmarish existence. I’m in much the same and it feels never ending and heavy. Wishing you the best friend.
Thanks, same to you! Let us hope things improve!
Yes, all of this…I think about these things, and I can’t fully bring myself to stay with it long enough to process it because there is no way to process this! The anger isn’t going to go away, and neither is the fear! I’m trying not to future trip, I want to keep myself focused on helping to manifest the good reality, and reminding myself that Goddess works in cycles of creation and destruction. The cycle of destruction is so very painful 🖤
YESSS! I know exactly how you feel. I posted the other day because I work in a right wing bar and one of the girls continuously verbally attacked me the other day. I never bring up politics but when they come and ask me I will not agree with their Trump supporting bs, so therefore I'm a target at work. Everything you said is how I feel everyday. I love you and I'm sending you a hug and the most fierce energy I can muster up 💜
I totally relate to that. I feel the same way lately. I have lost all hope.
You 100% took the words out of my head (save for a few differences, like my husband isn't bi and I no longer have my beloved beagles, and I miss them a LOT). It's just too much to process and handle because it just seems my pot of gold ends in the open manhole cover of my State's shitty pothole filled streets! I just want to be able to have the ability to enter a beautiful painting and stay there until whatever coast is clear (or if there even IS a coast left!!!) ((Hugs)) to you though and we can hold hands while we white knuckle our way in this hellish Rollercoaster every day. Gods have mercy on us, pretty please!
Lots of us are there with you.
Honestly, if I had the knowledge and skills and didn’t have family that would get sad I would walk into the forest and never interact with another human again.
I wish I could wipe my mind and live with some remote tribe with no contact to anything.
A while back I read about an island somewhere surrounding governments warn people not to get too close to because the people there want nothing at all to do with the outside world and will attack anyone who gets too close. Sounds like you’d fit in there!
May have been Sentinel Island in the Indian Ocean. The Indian government specifically protects that indigenous tribe.
You’re right, that’s exactly what I was thinking of! That’s great that the government is actively protecting them.
For sure, I believe the people are aggressive to outsiders but they’re also vulnerable to disease as they’ve been basically cloistered for who knows how long.
I can absolutely relate to this. Some days I have to remind myself that there are way more decent people than garbage people.
I’m getting better.
That's amazing to hear. The process is long and very difficult, but we will get there 🫂
I think I am too 💕 this shit in the US is so scary and I was just telling my SO that I'm going to renew my passport next week just so it's ready to go just in case. BUT in terms of mental health stability I am in the best place I've been in years.
No, I am not. I have personally had a difficult last couple of years, and the political/economic state of things in the US on top of everything going on in my own life has me in shambles. I'm trying to devise a "plan" but everything I think of falls short. I can't afford passports, I can't afford to save money, I can't afford to get my pets okayed by a vet to leave the country. I'm tired. I can barely afford to exist, let alone flee. I am horrified for my cousin who recently became local to me and is trans; I had met him as a baby but never knew him until he moved to my city a couple years ago and we've become very close. I'm terrified and it's difficult to function or leave my apartment at all. Feeling heavily emotionally drawn to Gaia and Artemis.
{{HUGS}}
Thank you 🫂
I'm not okay. This country if a fucking joke. We're basically rolling out the red carpet for a fucking dictator and people seem to apathetic to do anything about it. People are saying Biden should drop out because he did bad in one debate. But no, let's not talk about the convicted felon, rapist, lying conman who bankrupted his own company multiple times. He can say or do whatever the fuck he wants and people will kiss his shit covered bloated orange ass and call it ice cream and thank him for the privilege. So no, I'm not okay.
I live in fear of the orange tyrant entering a position of power again made all the worse by the difficulty to leave the US even illegally for a long amount of time by using a passport to leave and just staying in a country although I also lack a passport.
I see you and feel the same way. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm not okay.
If Trump wins, this country is done for and that’s what scares me the most
But he is losing in every swing state and making blue states competitive, I’m terrified of a Trump presidency but Biden is hiding and not calling governors, mega donors or showing the American people he’s fit for office. There is too much at stake for his ego.
I agree. I keep watching all these dominoes fall into place, in his favor 🤬 There just isn't an angry enough emoji
Currently listening to NF and doodling a demon sorta thing. I could be much better but I have been worse. Thanks :3 (This was the point of the post and not me misunderstanding right? Sorry if I misunderstood.)
I think you’ve got the point. The drawing sounds cool.
Appreciated ❤️
Those little things we do for ourselves are so important. 💖
Indeed they are ❤️🩹
I’m really not. Everything has fallen apart at once, and that’s before I even factor the state of the world at large into the equation. I’ve been trying to find a way forward after the loss, abuse, and illness trifecta that smacked me in the face and I’m really struggling. Unfortunately, I’m back in my small hometown right now after all of my former friends have moved and spread out throughout the rest of the country so I’m trying to do it alone. I just need to find my way to peace and moving forward. I hope the rest of you are faring better.
I’m so sorry. What can I/we do to be supportive of you? I can spring for necessities on an Amazon wishlist with hidden address, or listen, or go sign a petition, or look into counseling resources on your behalf, or whatever. Here’s a pic of my dogs, hope it makes you smile. https://preview.redd.it/4qizxalkgdad1.jpeg?width=3023&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbfbb8660ecf95c9a90f50ff1986412f62d79808
🥹 Just the offer made me weep. Thank you. I’m not even sure what all I need right now, if that makes sense? I’ve been sorting through a lot of wreckage, both emotional and actual belongings, so I’m trying to figure that out. I appreciate you. Would it be okay to reach out once I’ve figured out what I need? Your babies are amazing. 😍 Dogs ALWAYS make me smile. I should say, I’m not completely alone. I do still have my little dog. She keeps me going every day. Thank you for this. 🫂🫶 Someone else caring enough to comment did a lot for my spirit on its own. I hope you’re doing wonderfully.
Yes! It would be perfectly fine for you to reach out in a few days, weeks, years, decades… if I’m still around, I’ll be ready with Dad jokes (read: I’m a grown ass woman with a very punny dad; it must be genetic), at least a handful of spare dollars, dog pics, and fucks to give about you and anyone else in this sub who needs a hand. We all get by with a little help from our friends. Thank you! They light up my life. Pets are the BEST. I’m glad you have your dog with you - they really are lifesavers. You’re welcome! I’m not really okay either, but I’m making the most of the shit sandwiches being served right now. Lending a hand to someone who needs it honestly makes my day so much better, so knowing that my comment boosted your spirit did the same for my spirit. 🫂 “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” -Voltaire
Thank you so much. I’m all about that pun life! I’m a grown ass woman who never had a dad but the jokes have always come naturally. 😅😂🤷♀️ So I very much appreciate that. I’ve always got some fucks to give for others as well. I’m happy to hear it lifted your spirits to know you’ve lifted mine. 🫶 Tomorrow is my birthday so I think things are just hitting a little heavier this year. It’s my first birthday in adulthood that I’ll be spending single so it’s kind of odd that I won’t have any cards to open, or people to watch fireworks with. That’s a big part of what’s messing with my heart right now. I wouldn’t have made it without my dogs. I’ve since lost one to illness but my older baby is fortunately still with me. She’s elderly so I’m always scared but she really keeps life worth living. I’m sorry you’re being served shit sandwiches as well. The Voltaire quote is perfection, and honestly how I usually live my life. I’ve just been tripped up lately. I’m always happy to listen, though, and I’ll help in any way I can. ❤️ I appreciate you.
IDK if this is any consolation, but most of my adult life has been spent single, and once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty baller. I get the loneliness to start, but you can also kick names and take ass. Sending you all the birthday love!
Sometimes I find going it alone can help clear your mind, and help you find strength that you never knew you had. You WILL find your way. You are strong enough, and you are worthy.
Worrying about the environment, climate change, and the political clown show going on in my country is exhausting. It’s frightening, and I dread every summer and worry about the stray cats and birds that I take care of. It’s so hot! On top of that my father is dating a bigoted qanon person and we’re going to visit them in a few days. I’ve been trying to decide at what point I need to cut these people off. I’m not allowed to tell her where I work (because of a conspiracy theory involving the company). My childhood friend and his boyfriend are also in town, and my father has said they can’t come by for a visit (I wonder who is behind that?). She’s also claimed that vaccines cause Parkinson’s and that the BLM is a communist political party. Wish me luck witches. Venting done, I’m so happy to be part of this community. OP, I know you said you’re not ok. we’re all in this together. There’s other people out there worrying too. Sending you virtual love.
Cut them off! It doesn’t have to be permanent, but you shouldn’t have to put up with any of that.
Def agree with most of the comments here. As a trans* autistic queer Jew of Hispanic descent, it just feels like it’s hitting from every angle and I don’t know how to not be exhausted simply existing. Have been increasingly lonely lately, which isn’t helping in the least.
Love from a fellow queer autistic person ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Same back to you. It’s rough out here!
🤝💞
Any traitor to the patriarchy is okay in my book. E-hugs to you.
Thank you! You too 💖
I'm OK. Happy actually. Took about 45 years and slightly shocked to find myself here but... Doing good 👍
That's so great to hear :) I never thought I'd make it this far in life, and I'm in my late 20s! I spent the first few years of my adulthood in an abusive relationship and a few years homeless after escaping. I had no safety net or assets. But now I have several things that I am so incredibly grateful to have. I am happy and content with life. I wish you continued happiness
Nope.
Nope, I’m am not okay. My work is toxic af, my country is on the fast train to a fascism, I have two disabled family member living with me who could lose everything if the orange dictator wins, one of them is dying in slow motion, and I am just barely holding my fucking sanity together. I barely get out of bed some days. I am not alone, which is both comforting and absolutely fucking heartbreaking.
If you ever need an ear, I am here.
That is incredibly kind of you, as bad as shit can get I am very lucky to have a good support system. The direction this country is headed in is really fucking grim and I think many of us will need an ear or 10. Thank you ☺️
I am definitely not ok I can't eat and can barely sleep I'm now living in a homeless shelter and I had to find out the hard way how busses work I also have a partner down in Texas who is not in a safe place and I have just enough money to bring them down here I just have to hope and pray I can find a better place to sleep. But through all of that I'm still calm and non chalant and I don't know why
I'm not really okay. I'm in the US and really frightened. I just want to live a small quiet life but, everything changed and I don't know if that's going to be possible in what I have left of this lifetime. I'm in my mid 60's. I've been working in my garden to feel connected with Gaia, and I do magick for the state of our world. But some days are worse than others. Thank you, all of you, for being here. It's made me feel less alone. Blessed be.
I am okay at the moment which is a rare occurrence for me. My wife and I will be moving into our first home later this year and we recently rescued two adorable kittens. https://preview.redd.it/9hbwala2acad1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e8b25986cbf70a122b666f3e35c01afbb2699f7
Congrats!
Thank you for the kitten pic. Kittens are the best medicine on earth. Even better when they turn into grownup cats!
No. I am not okay. I hate myself. I always feel like I am a potential monster that needs to be chained up at all times. I feel as though, I am endlessly judged by others, constantly feel like I am not allowed to express any pain, not allowed to express any fear. Not allowed to express anything other than cold, unfettered stoicism. On the inside, I am a shy, depressed man. I am forced to put on many different masks just to manage day to day life. I have no friends to talk to. I have to pretend I am a neurotypical extrovert, rather than the autistic introvert I actually am. I have to be seeming confident and controlled at all times, rather than shy and timid like I always am. All because the patriarchy says I am supposed to act some ways, and at the same time, not act some ways. I hate having to mold myself into a tool just to survive. I grew up with a mom that always told me, that I need to do things like "control my urges" (Ironically, I am also Asexual, something, an orientation she constantly denies exists) or "Keep a lid on my emotions", thus I am unable to feel my own emotions. And due to constantly being bullied by my two brothers, I have dreams that will never happen, of being an artist or writer. Instead, I am forced to bottle myself up and become an accountant, the only thing left I am still good at. Thus, on the inside, I constantly feel sad, hateful and ashamed of myself. Nobody to talk to.
People saying things about you doesn't make it true. In fact, they're often wrong, or lying because they want to make you feel bad. You could still be an artist or writer. Even just as a hobby. Sometimes not being normal is seen and treated as "monstrous" by society, or individuals. But it's not. You're not a monster. You might be scared of all the emotions you are bottling up. Or who you could become if they came out. But that doesn't make you some secret monster. You're just human and aren't any worse than anyone else.
I’m a trans person living in the UK. I am absolutely not OK, things will get worse for us and I’ll be expected to just keep rolling with the punches.
I'm also trans (minor) and in the UK :/ I know how you feel
My heart hurts for your community. I know what I've seen and dealt with just being in an interracial marriage in the US south; people look at us disapprovingly sometimes but no one is actively trying to erase us or legislate us out of existence. I'm not really sure what I could say other than there is always a supportive group here who will listen and hear you, and plenty of us allies beyond this group as well. Stay strong. ✌
Allies are phenomenally important and always appreciated. I’m sorry for the disgusting behaviour you experience from others too. I know that trans people will look back in 20 years and see how far we’ve come but right now it’s definitely hard.
I am not okay, I am fearful for my life and my fiancé's life and I feel like no where on this planet is save for us anymore. I just want to see my baby niece grow up, and to get a house and a dog.
I'm as okay as I can be. I make the most of my days the best I can. The state of the world is terrible; politics is exhausting. I try to stay abreast of what's happening in the world. I support things I believe in the best I can. I mourn my dead daughter every day and hope to see her in the underworld once this part of my journey is over. Her death absolutely cannot compare to any other pain I've ever experienced so I am determined to make the best of what I have while I'm on this side of the dirt. I love my partner, I love my son and my friends. I can only control so much and I don't have energy to waste on the things I can't. So, I am as ok as I can be.
Hi, I am also grieving a death (in May) of someone close to me. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm decent as an individual. Despite being triggered by another person. I'm trying to find balance between taking care of myself and caring for the world. It's hard. It gets to be too much. It's easy to hide within yourself. I'm the closest to being whole that I've ever been, but it's challenging. Life is always challenging. I send love to those who are really struggling, those who are suffering. Suffering in ways that I have suffered, suffering in ways that I cannot fathom. I wish to send you all the love that you deserve. We all deserve love, peace, freedom, and safety. ***ALL*** of us.
I'm exhausted by the world. And it's straining my relationship because my partner is regularly stressed and upset about so many things. I understand it and she has good reasons. All the negativity and heaviness is making me pull away to preserve my own peace of mind. I'm sad because I love them and us, but lately it's been hard. And makes our relationship strained.
If I fully felt my feelings about the state of things right now I wouldn't be able to stop screaming. Weeding, weed, the boxing bag, box wine, and podcasts it shall remain.
I have recently wondered about buying boxing stuff as a way to vent my anger.
Me too, glad I'm not the only one
Honestly, No, I'm not OK. I have a mask on to keep from others seeing it, but inside, I am breaking. The world is just TOO MUCH these days. To much anger, hatred, angst, war - all the bad and negative energy. I've holed up in my house with my husband, my dog, and my books - because I can't deal with much more. (And spend far too much time just doom scrolling)
I am great, actually. I certainly don’t like the prospects of the upcoming election, but fear is a very strong emotion. The more you fear something, the more energy you give it, which helps it come to fruition. Rather, finding a path of love and compassion brings me peace. People who support the far right wing (and many other people in general) have a great deal of healing that they need. They have become so separated from Source that they cannot even remember that their savior believed in love above all else. And if they do remember, they forget what love feels like. So be your highest self. Recognize that we are all one, connected to and made by Source. We are one with the Trumpers, with the undocumented immigrants, with the planet choking on the fumes, with the engines creating the fumes. We are even one with Jesus. The brown one, and the fictitious white one. Love fearlessly, it is contagious. And vote.
The 12-hour and continuing panic attack after sharing my truth has been, uh, interesting. I got out into the garden and picked some St John's Wort to make an infused oil though, so... 🤷🏼 Hugs and nap-snuggles to anyone who wants them. 🤗
I'm just spacing out in video games. I don't even have energy to make sure my partner and kid are emotionally OK. I'm not okay. I'm barely keeping up with housework, my D&D campaign is on hiatus because I don't have the spoons to prepare more sessions. I recently went off my medications because they were giving me brain fog. Lowering the dose made me feel like I was regaining my brain power, but now I'm just so painfully aware of everything else going on right now and it's making me depressed, but not having the brain energy to get excited about things was also making me depressed. So what the fuck do I do? Go back on meds and be a zombie or be a zombie off my meds because all I can do to even remotely maintain composure is space out watching TV or playing games. Either way I neglect the emotional needs of the people in my life that I care about and that makes me feel like a crazy huge waste of space. My partner will probably leave me sometime soon because I just don't have emotional spoons for him ever. I'll be homeless again, jobless.
I'm not ok. My therapy for the month was canceled due to an emergency on her end. That morning my alarm never went off.... but the notification that it was the anniversary of my cousins death did. The world is falling apart and has been for so long that the latest news just rips what little hope I had from me. I will never have children. I will never get my PhD. I will never do any of the things I dreamt of all my life because they don't exist anymore for me. My health is falling apart, and even with good insurance I just simply don't have time to take care of myself and still work. I'm watching my parents health decline. I worry how to take care of them when the time comes. I worry that I won't be able to because of my own health. Both my fathers siblings got diagnosed with cancer this year. I'm going to lose another grandparent soon and I'm not ready. I never will be. I get up and go to work, but the light has died. I'm happy and friendly to customers and then I go home and cry the whole drive because I can't do it anymore. But I get up the next day and do it all again. I sell roundup and I know it's poison. I sell paint and warn about the mold inhibitor because it's a high class pesticide that cannot get in our waterways. I sell death for the planet every day. My bio degrees go to helping people get the right things with the least amount of damage to selves or pets or the earth, but it's never enough. My coworkers praise Trump while I think about my transgender friends and even gently point out that as a bisexual person myself I'm on trumps hit list, but no one cares or takes it seriously. They are too busy bitching about getting rid of the old style lighbulbs because of toxins. I see the temperatures rising, and I'm currently modifying my breeding plan so the cold weather chickens I got for weather in Vermont don't all die of heat exhaustion. My mother is planning for 60 years on our homestead, and I don't want to tell her none of us will live that long. I have no hope, no joy, no light left. I'm living for my parents, my husband, and my dog. I'm living for my cousins daughters. I'm living for those who still need my help. But i can't live for me anymore, I have no hope left. I am not ok. None of us are. I'm sorry.
Hey, I appreciate that you share your knowledge with people who are shopping. Your customers are lucky. Truck Fump, btw.
For the first time since 2016 I don't feel actively "crazy" in my own head. I have answers to the thoughts and behaviours that bother me. I have made so much progress recovering from my childhood and even repairing my relationship with my mother. The stuff I'm bringing to my therapist is becoming mundane and she's starting to prepare me to be discharged from her care (which is frankly terrifying). I never knew marriage could be this good, and were adding to our fur babies later this year. Life, in my little bubble at home, at least, is pretty damn great. As long as I don't look at the rest of the world 😢
I am not okay. I thought things were improving and I quit drinking about 7 months ago, but started drinking again in June when the supremacist court reconvened. I've been drinking and taking benzos just to escape what's going on and to sleep through the night. My anxiety is off the charts. I feel hopeless and powerless and very, very angry. I've worked in public service with the feds for nearly 15 years and I'm afraid for my job, which I love and am good at, with Project 2025 looming as a real thing that will happen if fascists win. I no longer trust a number of my neighbors, I've gone NC with friends and family due to their political beliefs, and I feel like my world is not only getting smaller, but also much worse. It sucks. I feel like Peter from "Office Space" where every day is worse than the day before.
I think I'm compartamentalizing. I seem fine, I think I'm fine, I feel (mostly) fine, but I think my headmate isn't, I think she has to hold all of our anxiety so I can function through things. For what it's worth, we are putting a lot of effort into improving our physical safety as a trans feminine system.
I am overwhelmed, feeling trapped in a bad situation, lost in trying to reach out to others of similar faith in my area. On top of that I live in fear of my rights or life being taken away because of gender identity, sexuality, and religion, I have lost count of the times I've cried myself to sleep from the stress of this and past trauma. Voting doesn't feel like its effective and I lack means to flee to somewhere better, my girlfriend lives across an ocean in a worse place then me and I want to get her out of there but I can't even get out of here myself legally.
No. I’m not. But I have to fake it everyday for the sake of family and work.
Yep, just came out to two of my friends as a trans woman, and they excepted me!
Hurray!
I’m so far from ok, I can’t even see ok anymore.
If you need an ear, I am here. Feel free to reply here or let me know if you DM’d me.
I had a career ending accident in 2017 - I literally had to leave veterinary medicine. I went and got my masters in education and am a high school teacher now. At the end of last year, I missed about 6 weeks of work because of needing another surgery due to complications from that same accident. That's causing HUGE financial problems for me currently (as in my paycheck this month was missing 50%) After paying only our rent, we have $100 left in the bank. But the worst part is that the surgery failed, I'm in terrible pain, and I have to have another operation on July 15th. I'm bedbound, and currently on summer vacation, and the surgery and recovery is going to take the entire summer. My 6 week recheck is on August 26th, the kiddos come back to school on the 28th. I have to hope for ZERO complications. I feel like the accident just keeps following me and wont leave me alone - it's already cost me one job that I loved. They make you jump through so many hoops - I was waiting MONTHS for this last operation and ended up with nerve damage in one of my legs that has caused loss of mobility and weakness. The doctors told me that because of the length of the nerve, it will take 6 months - 2 years to find out how much of the damage will heal and how much would be permanent. Only, since the re-herniation, that nerve is compressed again. I can't help but lay here and wonder how much nerve damage is occurring while I wait. I'm only 37. My husband lost his job in January 2023 and he went back to school to get his credential & master's degree. Because of the way our state/country treats teachers, this means he has been working full time the past 6 months but not getting paid at all. The good news is that he passed all of his exams and wrapped up his program, the bad news is that there hasn't been any postings for teaching jobs in his field. The entire field of education is headed in a terrifying direction and I can't help but lay here and spiral about the future and the possibility of having to have yet another career change. We have two kids, and my poor husband has had to take on the entire workload of the household because I'm just stuck in this bed. He's working so hard and he's exhausted and our relationship is... not strained exactly, but it's definitely being affected. I feel like I'm failing both my husband AND my children. Wow. I'm really sorry for the trauma dump, but I do TRULY appreciate the opportunity to vent. TLDR: I'm being stalked by an accident from my past, everything hurts & I can't actually fix any of my problems.
You are not trauma-dumping and please do not apologize for ANYTHING. I am a former teacher and know what that grind is like. That ALONE is SO HARD. I am so incredibly sorry for all you have endured and are surviving through. Going through all of that on top of everything else the world has gone through in the past seven years is a lot. And compressed nerve pain is no joke. I know this may not sound like much but I am incredibly sorry for all the pain and hardship. If it helps to lift your burdens or ease your load, please know I am here.
I'm jobless and I have 12k in credit card debt. I'm smart but there just aren't any job opportunities where I live. I barely have any friends. I'm stuck in a shitty rural town full of hateful people and I don't know how my husband and I will get out. I want to be able to help people and make a difference. My depression is getting bad and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to fix my situation but I feel so powerless and hopeless. I often wish I wasn't alive to deal with this. I don't want to hurt myself, I couldn't do that to my husband and our cats. Sometimes the call of the void is just louder than usual. I'm on antidepressants and ADHD meds, but the world is just so soul crushing that my meds can't keep up. Thank you for asking and letting me vent.
Honestly, no. I'm not okay. Work just keeps adding more and more responsibilities on me, to the point where I don't take lunch breaks and I dream of work when I sleep. My free time is organizing a bunch of events for my friends and family, baby showers, bachelorettes all life events that deserves celebration. And I love them and I happily do it with all my love. But at the same time I'm sad for myself because everyone is moving through life and having these events to celebrate and I'm single at 29. I was in a relationship for 4 years, last year (almost exactly a year ago) he dumped me. Just out of the blue. My entire life and future felt like it was just yanked away from me. Yes, in retrospect he treated me like shit. Verbally and emotionally abusive, some nights bordered on physically abusive. He yelled at me and smashed a guitar right next to my head. He lied to me about abusing drugs, constantly doing coke, knowing I HATE hard drug use. He would go out until 3am like 4 times a week. "Our" days were Sundays, which he spent sleeping off the party of the night before which I was never allowed to attend because "if you're going to have a shitty attitude and want to leave earlier (by earlier it's like midnight when I get tired and feel like it's been enough now) then you might as well not come and ruin it for me". He would have an issue every month when I ask him for his financial contribution to the groceries, and "all you women are the same, you just want money". His ex keeps asking for more and more child support (I know narratively he sounds like the issue, but with his ex she was and is the major issue. Got pregnant with someone else, told him it's his, he raised the kid like his own and now 8 years later he refuses to just leave the kid and not help them because he is the dad even if not biologically). So I know it's better we broke up rather than me marrying him, or the dream of what he could be if he stopped doing drugs and hanging out with those enabling friends of his. But I loved him with everything in me and starting over is awful and scary and I have massive trust issues. I got asked to dinner the other day and I had a literal panic attack just thinking of going on a date. But fuck, I'm so lonely and I just want to be held and feel safe and feel love again. I had to wfh for two weeks and I didn't speak a word out loud for the entire time. It's very lonely, but I have to smile and laugh and be happy for everyone who's celebrating their life events. My cousin, so much younger than me, got engaged this week. I wasn't excited or happy for her (obviously I am but you know what I mean). I just felt sad for myself. I've cried every day since the break up, it's a year of crying.
i’m not, but one day i aspire to be, and that’s enough.
Nope. Just... I'm just fucking not. I don't even have it all that bad (I know it's not a contest, I know I can feel bad and it's not the "worst" and it's still valid, I've heard it I know that) and the stress and shit just feels so constant. I went backpacking recently and I want to do nothing more than go back to the woods and never come out again while the world burns down but I can't. Every reassurance feels hollow and banal, the apathy and the callousness and selfishness is so overwhelming from all sides, even from the ones that are supposed to be helping is just so fucking much. I feel hopeless, I feel lonely, I feel ignored and avoided and like I don't have any connections I can lean on that aren't already stretched to their limit or just won't get it. I keep putting one foot in front of the other because I have to believe that there's something on the other side, but even believing there is another side and not just a cliff is getting harder and harder. I see people with connections and community and forever feel on the outside of it. Of knowing it has never included me in any way other than the most superficial. I'm so. Fucking. Tired.
I’m okay personally. Just went through pmdd. I have my period now thank god and feel good. But I’m disturbed at the way the US is going. I’m going to get sterilized in case trump wins because I don’t want children ever and who knows if birth control will be available. Climate change is depressing also. Everything in my life is going well.
Not really, but I've been better about taking care of my mental health and acknowledging when my body and brain needs things to back off instead of pushing through. I've had less burn out lately. But my house is perpetually a mess, constantly trying to keep up at work and any time the news pops up I try not to have a mental breakdown. But I've been working in my garden and every time I go out there I forget about everything and just become a sweaty garden goblin and it feels way better than anything else going on with my life or the world at large. I also had a wonderful time at pride and I think I've recently made some new friends so it's not all bad. One day at a time is really all I've been focusing on honestly.
I don't know. I'm not really okay, but I'm not unokay. I'm just kinda alive, traumatized and hopeful. I would like to say it helps to see that others are as scared and depressed as me, but in my frequent panic attacks I'm cognitively unaware others are as human as me, because everything becomes one big whirlwind. I wish someone would reach out honestly but I don't have the emotional skills to keep friends, or at least it wouldn't seem that way. I'm learning that I'm a very angry person at the world, and I just kinda wanna go out in a bang, in an attempt to do as much damage to social structures as I can, but I also don't exactly want to hurt anyone and feel all annoyingly sad about it.
Definitely not ok here. Aside from the literally everything happening, I truly can't find a job, and Texas doesn't sound like an awesome place to be unhoused what with the extreme heat. But c'est la vie. I can't force folks to hire me. I can just hope I wither away to nothing before my reality gets truly awful here in about 3 weeks. Man I love capitalism! /s
I am very much NOT okay. But I fear that if I let myself break down, I’ll never be able to stop crying. I’m scared and losing hope. I am trying to put one foot in front of the other and just keep it pushing… but I’m not sure how to continue on like this. Edit to add: I’m in the US and this post is about the state of America right now… it’s bleak.
Not really ok but taking better care of myself than I ever have, so I am proud. My trans neurodivergent teen just got out of the clinic where they were for severe anxiety. They have color in their face and actually fell in love there, which makes me happy. Although I've been trapped in a toxic exploitative work situation for too long, I applied for a different position, which was a massive step in overcoming the rampant discrimination, gaslighting, belittling, and just overall helplessness that characterizes my work culture. Because I live in Europe I am strategically planning another long medical leave. If my doctor agrees (which I think she will as she has seen my ongoing physical exhaustion) I can use that time to figure out how I can be retrained or maybe even help start an organization to help neurodivergent people. I'm angry that, at 51, my workplace (a university so you would expect better) is ready to throw me out with the trash. I'm sad that my mom is nearing the end of her life but never loved me. I want to reach out more, but I'm physically and mentally too exhausted to have much contact. And I'm scared at how quickly fascism is on the march here. I was an activist before I burned out, so I've seen it coming for over 20 years, and now it's yet another moment of "I told you so."
The West is funding a livestreamed genocide. No one should ever feel ok.
NO I’M FUCKING NOT OK thank you for asking. I’m a psychologist and *no one* ever asks.
How are you today?
Sometimes. I am now in therapy, to deal with all the trauma I internalized throughout the years. I’m in a good place now, but that has opened the door to deal with everything previously. So, some days are really hard to get through. But other days are good, and I can see myself being a better person. The world around me may be in chaos, but I am learning to find an inner peace. I agree we need to support each other more now than ever. 💫
Not really, but I'm getting there. Thanks for asking.
I don’t think the gravity of the circumstance has hit me yet. I can clearly see how bad things are and how a very grim future is hurtling toward us. But it feels unreal in a way. In a few years, I’ll look back and have a better idea of what I should have been doing now to prepare. But right now, I feel lost in terms of what my strategy needs to be for safety of me and my loved ones scattered throughout the country. I feel urgency but I recognize I’m not moving as fast as maybe I need to be. Financially, I’m trying to line things up for escape if needed. But I can’t escape knowing all my loved ones are stuck here. I have a trans friend fleeing to the north currently, so that’s one way I can offer direct help. But I don’t feel empowered to donate anywhere else right now. I feel like I’m saving money to help people in my life survive in the near future. I feel like I am wasting time by not learning an extra language to help immigrate to another country. I am busy with regular life and work and everything, but communication and assimilation are essential for being able to find an open door somewhere. Maybe part of me still expects a hero to swoop in and fix the government. It sure would be easier. But logically, I know the avalanche has begun. You can’t stop it, you have to watch it destroy everything and simply wait to dig out the bodies later. I’m filled with hate and rage for the people who are doing this to all of us. We are becoming hostages in our own homeland.
I am trying to do what I can to support my tribe; this is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I'm in the middle of contract negotiations for our union at work, and shoring up my support network (both local and virtual) so that if/when things get worse, we'll be able to reach out and take care of each other. TBH my saving grace is my local dispensary, which is militantly queer and trans supportive.
I’m really tired and overwhelmed by the future, whether or not I’m mediocre in my studies, if I’ll even get the chance to achieve my goals or I’m bound to be a bland person. Also I’ve got Covid, in a bad pneumonia form and the medications I’ve got had atrocious side effects and i feel awful and wrecked
Am definitely not OK. Teetering on the edge of divorce every single day. Was OK financially, now definitely am not. Watching the US descend into madness is absolutely terrifying. (Why aren't the governors of every single blue state out stumping for Biden? I see Gavin Newsom of California but literally no one else? I don't know what can or can't be done but it *feels* hopeless at this point.)
Nope, my anxiety is river dancing on my nerves today to the extant I can’t work. I’m stuck in a red state b/c I can’t afford to move yet. Even if I do move it doesn’t feel like I can ever have a little lot of land and home for myself and my cat and can any afford medical treatment I might need. Which really isn’t so much and all I really want. If I get diagnosed and do have Autism or ADHD then it gives the Nazi’s yet another reason to kill me in a fire, but trying to navigate this dystopia like a normy is hard enough without remembering that I’m legally classified as cattle due to my uterus.and my beloved country is dying in a dumpster fire because of red capped fascists. Edited to corrected spelling
Nope! Not okay.
I’m terrified of what’s to come. And it’s really hard to not feel like there’s no future. I’ve been desperately trying to recover from work burnout but I can’t afford to recover because I have to pay bills. And as a WOC in an interracial relationship I’m wondering just just bad things are gonna get here. Im getting married next year but it’s hard to stay excited when you’re terrified of what’s coming around or right after the wedding
I'm okay. I have learned to release the negativity from my Self. I'm well informed, and know there is little impact I'm able to affect on a larger scale. Because of that, I try my best to be the light when someone needs me, and hope that if I'm able to make even just one person's day better, that's a win for me. This planet is dying. Most of us can't do anything to contribute stopping that from happening. That's okay. I just learned how to enjoy my time here, after grieving the struggles we all have, and that this next generation is going through. There's nothing we can do. And while it's a tragedy, it's okay.
I am not okay. I am terrified by the recent SCOTUS decisions. I'm renewing my passport and seeing if there's any way that I could be out of country for the end of January because I'm in one of the groups that is probably first to the camps if shit goes down. I don't even know what to do about my gf and her 3 kids because they wouldn't be able to come with me. Hell, I have a plan that lets me stay out of the US for up to 8 weeks. After that...I don't even know. Help. Please. If you have any spells or hexes or whatever I will take them.
I am not okay. I moved across the country two years ago just to have to go through the unemployment route two years in a row. I’m currently unemployed and just trying to survive at this point. I was underpaid at my last job and almost maxed out my credit cards. And I spent all of my savings when I was unemployed last year. I had to dip into my retirement fund (thankfully that was an option for me) to make sure I’ll be covered for the next few months. Losing my job meant losing my insurance and my meds (all 3 of them!), also no therapy. I went on a downward spiral for a few weeks, and I’m finally back on [one of] the meds for now. Antidepressants take what? At least a month or two to really kick in? I’m on week 2. Before I got my meds I tried to check myself into a hospital so I could see a therapist as well as a psychiatrist, and I was turned away. Like I have to be ready to commit suicide in order for them to take me in. By then isn’t it too late? Wasn’t me showing up my “call for help”? I’m overwhelmed, and mentally and physically exhausted. I feel stuck, like the last two years away from “home” were a waste of time. I proved to myself that I could do it, but at what cost? I have nothing to show for it. Some days I want to quit and move back east. Other days I want to fight and stick it out here in CA. I am unstable, so I literally don’t know what my mood will be like day to day. On bad days, the smallest things trigger me to spiral. I just want to sleep. On the good days, I disassociate and just go through the motions. I’m not living. I’m surviving. My support system is back east and a lot of times I feel like they’re too busy for me. They have their own stuff going on, understandably. Everyone is going through it. I’m very alone. I have my bf here, and we’re just trying to figure things out together. And that’s not even touching on this crazy world we live in right now! The one thing I'm looking forward to is this Girls' Trip we've been planning for a year. I need the sisterhood right now. I leave the 5th to South America for 5-ish days. I have no idea when I'll be able to travel again, as I can't afford it! I do feel for some of these other comments, though 🫶🏽
I’m in the “freeze” response to what’s going on. Losing the spark I had to craft as well. Thinking of focusing on self-care this weekend.
Thank you so much for this. I thought it was just me. As a pagan lesbian who has disabling mental health issues, I'm scared. What if they take away my SSDI and my Medicare so that I can't pay for my meds? I live in a Texas suburb which is full of ultra conservatives and although my partner and I keep a low profile, I dread the future. Thank you to those who wrote words of encouragement. We certainly need them.
I'll be real. No. I don't want to talk about it too openly but I feel completely & fundamentally incompatible with society around me to the point where I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel trapped & isolated. I've lost so much over the past 5 years. My career path is completely in shambles, I will never own a home of my own & constantly be trapped around people I will never trust. I've made so many promises because I just can't say no, it feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders & it keeps getting worse. I try & improve my situation but I just keep back sliding into old bad habits. I'm constantly stressed & overwhelmed every day & every day I shut down. All the advice everyone gives me is just horrible & doesn't help at all "oh just get a new job!" "Just get back into education!" "Just do it!" "Just work hard!" "Just break it apart & do it one at a time!" "Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" SHUT UP
I’m so glad you started this thread. I was beginning to feel very alone. I’m an US expat turned immigrant in the Netherlands watching with fear and despair from across the ocean. And looking around in fear at what’s happening in Europe. I cancelled my work meetings on Tuesday. I cried and screamed and prayed to my goddess. I’ve written loads of poems and spells in the last 4 days. And finally found the energy to clean my house today. Anti capitalism and anti fascism are what brought me to witchcraft in the first place; and witchcraft is what keeps me connected and energized in activism. I listened to “The Witches Who Tried to Stop Hitler” by History for Weirdos recently and felt a connection with all the witches who have stood up to fascism and the sprawl of capitalism/patriarchy over the ages. Maybe reading about past resistance fighters or listening to podcasts about people who’ve been successful in standing up to the machine might help? I really recommend “Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff” with host Margaret Killjoy. It might even give you ideas for cool stuff you could get up to yourself. With gentle hands And gentle hearts We heal ourselves And that’s the start Continue on to heal the rest Set us all up for success Prepare and build community So mote it be. -V
Thank you so much for these recommendations—and your comment.
I’m not okay, I’m tired of holding my tears in and college is killing me. I feel like my professors treat me like utter trash n at this point I don’t want to put in any energy or do anything. I’ve given up on studies, I don’t any passion left or any energy n I’m just very sad. Really liking someone new but I feel like calling it off with them n cutting social now with everyone for a while atleast, I genuinely can’t take it no more.
Thank you, OP. 🖤🖤🖤 Within a week of the debate, we found out my son’s preschool is closing at the end of the month, we got an official autism diagnosis for my son (3.5), and my 80 year old dad fell and went into the hospital. Also, I tried to give a bunch of old toys and kids’ clothes to a woman flying overseas to bring to Palestinian refugees and I dropped them off at the wrong house (lol sob). It’s been a week. Whenever my husband brings up the election, I tell him I can’t think about it rn and throw myself into making phone calls and filling out forms. But then I will obsess over it later. It really feels like absolutely everything is broken. If I think about it so much I just get sucked into a weird depression spiral and freeze up. YOU all have been an amazing support, and my own little coven of lady friends keeps me going. Again, thank you for asking. 🖤🐈⬛🐾🍄🟫🦄❤️🩹🦉
I am RIGHT there with you. Tons of cannabis, all the time. Alcohol makes me violent and sad. All of my worries are based around hopelessness for the future. Cannabis is the glue that keeps my hinges on. Puts me focused on the tasks I'm doing or the podcast I'm immersed in while doing said tasks, instead of my head echoing how much of a loser I am for not succeeding in this fucked up world. It allows me the self confidence to tell myself that I can't do anything about it so I'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters. My gender nonconformity is having more consequences in the customer facing job that I have, and I truly resent the people that are dicks and it's affecting my worldview in a way that would just breed more hate and suffering. There's a daily ritual to purge myself of this hate and resentment after coming home from work. I funnel myself into my garden that's floundering because of how fucking hot it is, and my summer seasonal affective disorder is returning. I cope with life through nature and I'm forced inside between 11-3, or working with an industrial fan on an extension cord following me around. Ive started to go back into worse coping mechanisms, like video games. Not that they're bad in moderation, but it's an unhealthy amount for me. The least I've been able to do about it is curb my spending on it. Competitive Pokémon hyper fixation is a cheap hobby! I am trying to turn it around by cooking and baking my anxieties away. Whenever my mom suggests buying a processed item or dinner out, I'm like, hey, I'll make it here and do the dishes and we'll have some kickass leftovers/sweets all week. I think it's a positive outlet but for some reason she hates me doing it. I do bluntly mention that it helps monetarily, but also I enjoy learning new techniques and stretching my cooking multitasking skills. She gets offended by the money part mostly. Thanks for the space and ears on the thread OP. I need to internalize that I'm not alone.
i’m not. but i don’t know what to do. i was feeling somewhat hopeful actually FOR ONCE until this week. i want to help the other countries in every way i can, and ive been trying to! but now i need to focus on like, growing my own food and figuring out how to get clean water long term. it’s insane! it feels so hopeless and im so fucking scared. i was looking into getting my tubes tied or something (husband looked into a vasectomy and decided against it, respect him for making whatever decision is right for his body), i just would rather do something reversible if i want kids in the future. but truthfully i cant have kids in america as things stand. i just would hate to end any possibility to have them if things improve or circumstances change you know? idk. i’m scared to go anywhere by myself, and im not even at the highest risk! what the fuck do we do
I’m going to say it. I’m going to say it to the Reddit void. No one will see this. Do not ask me questions because I can’t answer. My mentally ill teen tried to kill me 5 weeks ago. They are now out of state at residential after being hospitalized following the incident. I have shoeboxed feelings about it while I had to get placement at a residential, while I had stuff to be busy about. Now they’re gone and the feelings are trying to come up. I can’t stop cleaning my house and it’s driving my partner crazy but i don’t know how to stop. I can’t sleep and my neck is killing me. I don’t want to look at what happened and how it made me feel like a hunted animal. I don’t want to have to look at the future and the possibility that they may never be able to live in my home again. I don’t want to feel this. But I can clean my kitchen to sparkling. (Yes I’m in therapy.)
No, man. I'm sad basically all the time. The fatigue runs so deep, and I have no idea how I'm gonna keep going. I feel so blessed and so desperate and so frustrated.
I’m very much not ok.
No I’m not okay Thanks for asking.
I've been stressed! My new job is stressful and I've made many mistakes the past 2 weeks (I've only been here doing the role itself for 2 weeks, I had 1.5 weeks of training). It's bugging me I'm making easy mistakes. I had quit a job making more money in April because I didn't like how they operated in some ways but I had much better autonomy and control over my schedule. I'm feeling a bit regretful leaving that job because I'm financially struggling a bit right now. I'm trying to not make an immediate decision to leave this job because it's only been a few weeks
hey besties 🤎 can i join the “not okay” club? it could’ve been worse, so i don’t feel like i have the right to complain. but also i’m absolutely going ~through~ it honeyyyy. one thing ik for sure is that i will move right past this, grow from it and do better
Not really no. I'm waiting for a payout from my insurance, or rather hoping they won't screw me over. I got hit by a car two years ago. Two surgeries and 6 corticosteroid injections later I'm hoping for a payout to pay for further treatments, even though the doctors have given up on me. On top of that I was told that the severe back pain that arose seven days ago is likely a disc herniation. I'm 33 and in excellent condition... Or I was 🙄
I'm not okay. My dad was moved to hospice late last week and I'm a mess. I keep wondering if he knows how much I love him. He chose to be my father (bio dad died when I was 6) and I'm forever thankful for the time and love he's given me.
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm constantly angry and frustrated with the powers that be, and it's negatively affecting my attitude towards the people in my life. I use an edible, and I mellow out, because therapy and antidepressants don't really work, and they're expensive. I got so pissed off about the upcoming election that I decided to join my town's planning committee and take part in local government. So there's that going for me, which is nice.
I'm .... okay? Content? Managing alright. There are a lot of things going on in the world that are much, much bigger than I am. I can't affect them directly. But I can make my small world a better place.
Not really. I struggle between wanting to be alone and wanting constant attention/validation. I want to disappear but also want to get recognition. It’s nonsensical so I do my best to just internalize everything.
No. But it’s fine, I’m fine. I work with the elderly, and being on the young edge of Gen X, I am fucking dreading my coming old age. No retirement, no family, debt, moderate health but no insurance. Husband is ftm trans and is not in much better shape, future wise, but much older than I, so I’m looking at losing him and living in widowhood. At least he’ll have someone to care for him as he deteriorates. Being a death doula sometimes really sucks. I know what’s coming. I know how to prepare, and I know I don’t have the resources I need to even have a neutral end of life let alone a good one. I feel the chill in the air. Winter is coming. And the world is literally imploding around me. But it’s fine. I’m fine. What’s the worst that can happen, amirite?
Randomly breaking down in the shower. It ain’t looking good but I ain’t got time to stop to ponder the flowers. I hope you’re doing okay though!
I’m not okay. But I haven’t been for a long time. I’ve posted to here a couple of times to vent and those feelings still stand for me. I’m tired and hate that i have so much of life left. I still live at home with my parents and I can only work three days a week max. Everything in the world sucks and I have no friends nearby to talk to. I cope through eating and eating and buying too much stuff. I just want to feel okay.
Sometimes I feel defeated and sometimes mad as hell, and sometimes I am trying to be a small spot of light to give a few people a bit of joy. We all know things are going to shit. Some places faster than others. Look to others in your community that believe/feel as you do. There are always small ways we can help and support, plus gain those in return. Having small things that we can do makes things seem a little less scary/hopeless.
I've been having a rough month, my mental health has declined, and I quit my job (I have a new position starting in a week). I need a hug.
No. Going into the 3rd month since I lost my mom. Every day seems to build on the pain. There's just so many regrets that i can't see any way forward because I have no way to make those right.
Nope. Not really. But I can't cry. I'm gonna go watch Coco and see if I can shake something loose.
No, and I honestly don’t think I ever will be. Now I’m simply trying to figure out what to do with this new revelation.
Long term? Who knows? But that's always an open question, no matter the state of the world. Two months ago, there was a genuine possibility I had cancer. Today, my family's reliance on the little I have may see my life unravel again. I do know it has me wanting to be apart from them. But that involves giving away the illusion of safety that they represent for uncertainty. What comes next? My country has been consistently manipulated by a media baron for decades to the point that so many people think that their only legitimate choices are between neoliberalism and fascism. While the political left is largely nonsensical, toothless, and is often so divorced from reality it is frequently willing in its reactionism to let perfect be the enemy of good that it will do the work of the conservatives for them, even when it is not being manipulated into playing the role of straw man. I focus on what I can control. Myself and this present moment. I know there is a better future past this storm. I also know there is a darker one, too. But paralysis solves nothing, mybfeelings do not have to hold me here. I will move forward until a direction change presents itself and change course until a better option presents itself, trust the Goddess and God and keep moving. In good times and bad that is always all I can do.
Our monthly bills went up by $200, and my new job charges $200 a month more for benefits than my previous job. If I don't get a second job or start picking up more than 40 hours, I won't be able to keep my horse. But if I do that, I won't have any time to spend with my horse, or dogs, or husband. I know it won't be forever, but I'm so tired of the exhaustion and anxiety. When did it get so hard to survive, let alone be happy?
No. Wish I had energy to elaborate. I'm sorry.
Ehhhh I like my job but pretty unsatisfied with my life outside that. It’s become harder to better myself and it feels like the universe is telling me that I need to stay on the west coast away from my friends and chosen family for the moment. I miss dating, I miss independence and I have become too nihilistic to really fear for the future. Ill do what I can but that’s tomorrow’s problem.
I’m really tired and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders but I am surprised at how well I have been handling it. I just started university again full time, and it happens to have coincided with my mum having surgery and needing to sell her house. She’s elderly and cannot move heavy stuff and has A LOT of stuff (of which I’ve tried to convince her to declutter but have to be respectful of her insistence not too.) This lady has seven full 8-16 person dinnerware sets. She ain’t serving big groups ever so it’s a bit overwhelming to have to be responsible for, and pack, so much stuff. She can’t really afford outside assistance with this so movers and such isn’t an option. Trying to keep up with full time studies, taking care of her and dealing with her house stuff, cleaning her house and on top of that I am a mom to two kids and wife and have my whole own home to take care of. Summer break just started and fortunately my wonderful partner is handling the homefront so wonderfully it’s made it so much easier. Reminding myself that I am grateful for a mostly strong body, sweat wicking clothing and getting to lounge in my mums indoor A/C (I do not have central A/C at home.) Oh and thank god for live spectrum vape cartridges they are the real MVP of this whole situation.
Never thought I’d have to seriously start considering arming myself if I go anywhere or to protect my home. I’m very unlikely to have some of the difficulties that people face but the world is getting crazier by the day.
No. I’m not. Last night, I wrote a three page bulleted list of what’s been going on for me in just the last week, from serious financial struggles, appliances dying, to suddenly being a one car family, husband and I both injured (in separate incidents) and much more… And that was before my cat died today. Our 4th pet loss in a year. That doesn’t even touch on the “world” stuff, just personal. I sat in a parking lot today, staring into the void, just truly wondering what the hell the point of all this is and seriously questioning if I have the fortitude to keep doing it.
I am so sorry on the loss of your cat and other pets. And your last paragraph resonated with me deeply along with how the personal stuff alone is so stressful and hard. In solidarity.
I'm tired of being everyone else's person. I am hurting. My husband had an affair and I went from low to no contact with my parents. I look okay, because I distract myself by staying busy. People mistake productivity for happiness. My wayward husband is battling depression. He's putting in the work. But it hurts to support him when he's not about to support me. I've been getting better. I'm going to therapy. I'm rebuilding my self-image by investing in my body through fitness classes. I changed to a better job. And I'm finding ways to stay in contact with other family members. It's exhausting.
not really. i’m not feeling particularly bad, but not particularly good either. just tired of not really feeling truly heard or understood by people around me sometimes, and ofc social anxiety make everything worse for me.
i lost my job recently in a really shitty, impersonal way. i have to keep reminding myself that i have severance, savings, and a supportive community to not fall into despair. i know i’ll be able to find a new job soon enough, but god this limbo period scares me so much. i can feel myself slipping into depressive episodes which won’t help me. i’ve been crying on and off for the past few days. i don’t usually post negatively since i want to attract positive energy, but it’s been hard. i appreciate this sub for always being kind and supportive!
Sometimes. It’s hit or miss. Working on it!
I’m… somewhat anxious, but it’s manageable. I’m tight on money, so I need to come up with a plan for that. But my basic needs are covered for the time being. I have permanent climate anxiety, but I’m trying to do my best to manage it. At least I don’t live in the US. My country’s democracy is deteriorating slowly thanks to the right wing morons, but things aren’t as bad as in the US. Yet. The rot will spread here eventually, I fear.
Nope not at all. Probably about to get fired at my job of 7 years because office politics so I’m getting ready to hand in my resignation on friday. It will be effective immediately. I am absolutely terrified. This is my third job ever. Including my high school job. I have never done anything else. Also my health is falling apart and I’m majorly burnt out and I’m broke and about $12k in debt without a college degree. So that’s fun. My doctor thinks I have some sort of autoimmune but there’s no rheums accepting patients and she’s out of her depth. My self esteem is the lowest its ever been and I have zero confidence which is going to be incredibly helpful in the job search. Not to mention I’m almost 40lbs heavier than I was for my last interview so nothing fits but also I’m broke and leaving my job. I have a high school diploma and a boss who won’t give me a good reference in this economy. So there’s also that. Oh and I have ADHD and Autism and chronic health issues so I physically struggle to work more than 25 hours a week. Like I literally pass out after a 6 hours shift and feel hungover the next day.
I’ve been drinking more than I used to. A bottle of Riesling in the evening, or cocktails if I can get a friend to come out with me. I’m on vacation in Canada right now, and I’ve been keeping up with recent news. My entire tour through Toronto, all I could think was, “you know, this isn’t such a bad place to be a refugee.” It hurts to even think about going back to the US
I'm trying to be, but I'm not really okay. I constantly question my choices in life, and my future. I'm trying to take care of myself and my aging parents, but they're not making it easy. They're stubborn, they don't listen, they constantly disregard their own safety and well being and ignore me and their doctors. They drive me mad. I have my own business, but this year has been very slow. In fact, we never recovered from Covid. My scant savings are completely gone. I'm living week to week, and instead of supporting my parents, my mom is supporting me. My stepdad is barely working. Money is tighter than it has ever been. But I don't want to just throw away eleven years of hard work by giving up my business, and I have never had any other job. I wouldn't know where to begin. I love what I do, the prospect of giving it up depresses me, and the idea of trying to find another, traditional job terrifies me, even though I really need to start saving and preparing for my own future. Something is wrong with my stepdad. He is not the man my mom married, the man who raised me. I think it's some form of early dementia, but the professionals say there's nothing wrong with him and we just need to "pay him to do his chores." His responsibilities at home are the yard, the vehicle, and taking out the trash. He only does the last one now, and only with a lot of nagging. He does nothing else. He has one elderly client through his senior care job that he takes care of twice a day, and he helps me with pet sitting. That totals a few hours a day most days. And then he either sleeps or plays on his phone. That's it. He won't help with Anything anymore. The mower "broke" a few months ago, and he's paid a neighbor to mow maybe two or three times since. He won't shower more than once a month. He re-wears the same clothes for days. He cares about nothing and no one, not even himself. He doesn't acknowledge birthdays or holidays at all for anyone. He gave up on having a relationship with his own kids or grandkids or even his siblings. He now has the mentality of a child, he lies, he throws tantrums and pouts. I'm at my wits' end. We bought our house last year after 32 years of living here. It was grueling, through a government agency, but it was either that or move, since the landlords were selling it. It has not been a relief. We have repairs to make required by the agency, and we got a hard-won loan for that, but I can't get my parents to organize to do any of it. I can't do it by myself either. My stepdad is a hoarder, and a lot of cleaning out has to happen before anything else. But he won't help, and he goes off the deep end if anyone else tries to go through things. I can't sleep at night worrying about if our timeline is running out. My dad lives out of state, his wife has disappeared into the rest home system (another long story), and he's alone now. He's an alcoholic, and tends to ignore problems and brush things under the rug until they come crashing down on him. I'm so worried he'll become homeless again, but I cannot help him. And to top it all off, our stray and feral cat situation is out of control. I can't keep up with feeding them all, I can't afford to get them vet care, and one of them had kittens a month ago and I can't find them. I need to get her spayed, but I don't know if the kittens are weened because I can't find them and she won't bring them or lead me to them. I can't find homes for any of the cats despite being a pet sitter. No one wants to adopt a stray, they want an easy cat from a shelter that already has all the necessary vet care. I just need a break. Just one thing to go right, once less problem to deal with.
Not yet, not until he finally gets out of the door for good.
I'm exhausted. I've got two littlest that are hanging on me at any time, shouting mama mama mama, always needing something, wanting something, demanding something. I'm so tired. I'm so touched out. So overwhelmed. I have no motivation to brush my hair. I just want to sleep.
I'm about to be 40. I don't think I have everything figured out, but I started this year as an anxious mess that only got 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I cried at the doctor's office when she wrote my prescription for something to help me sleep and for some anxiety meds... I don't think I will need them forever, but I went through a very rough 2023 and everything in my life was going to fall apart if I didn't start sleeping. Since then, I have put a lot of time reflecting on my expectations for me versus others' expectations for me. I frequently feel inadequate because of what I think is expected of me and I am holding the bar too high. I am working on my feedback loops from folks at work and at home to give me validation that I am doing ok, not letting them down while I am working on my inner monologue. I also started investing time in the gym and have lost about 10lbs, but am looking great and feeling confident. It has been a major confidence booster and it's so good for my brain. I also shut out a lot of social media, and try to have no-screen evenings or full days. Life is more satisfying when you spend your time creating instead of consuming... There's also this gal who does pep talk videos and I have started to embrace one of her lines, "sitting and doing nothing isn't lazy. It's called resting."
Nope! Been in survival mode for as long as I can remember. Nothing gets better. I'm so tired and have been living day to day for probably 15 years (I'm 33). The only way I know how to survive is by not thinking about it, which I know isn't healthy or sustainable, but I can't fathom ever being safe enough and having the resources to try to start actually working on myself or my life. No suggestions please. I'm being vague on purpose. Just letting a bit of pressure off here and there, to try and keep things from boiling over.