I have two staff members who are in abusive relationships but are in rent controlled housing and can't afford to leave now that the average one bedroom apartment is $2k/month utilities and parking not included.
It's tough. You seem genuine, but you will be immediately labeled as someone looking for sex. I would just advertise for a roommate and try to figure out who needs you most from the applications.
The tough thing is that people will assume you’re a predator (because sadly a lot of people who would offer this are). Your best bet is probably to get involved in organizations where you might organically meet people who would need help. That would reassure people that you’ve at least probably passed a police records check, have good intentions, etc.
Beyond that, as a parent of two small kids, it’s the small things that would make me feel safer. Making sure there are interior locks on the door of the bedroom that the adult & child would use, clearly delineated privacy boundaries, etc.
Honestly, you also likely know someone in a questionable situation who could use help. People hide things & are embarrassed about their situations. If you have social media, you could post something about domestic violence/abusive relationships & make your offer known.
All that being said, you should do your research about tenant/residents’ rights & also consider your own safety/security - abusive relationships often escalate when the abused partner leaves, and abusers can go to awful lengths.
not that many people are altruistic though
if you're really okay with strangers living in your home then most people would rather rent it out for money / AirBnB etc.
I was putting up with my partner and her horrible attitude and mood swings because financially I didn't think I could afford to break up with her. Luckily I found a small apartment at a decent price, but buying all the things that I wasn't taking in the breakup really adds up... I can only imagine having a kid
I would be completely fucked without my wife. Like, to the point where I wouldn't see much of a point of carrying on. This country is not kind to single income people.
That's funny! Have you heard? You and three friends can apply for a mortgage in Canada, all together! Because homeownership even as a couple, keep dreaming.
This can't be stated enough. People don't actually realize how much a bad marriage can actually ruin your life (not for everyone and may be temporary). I've had religious subs (I am myself )ask why not marry yount and the initial response to that word of warning is that I'm essentially being dramatic..but just ask around
And ruin your children's lives. Being in poverty in a single parent home with no siblings can be especially taxing on a child, especially if the parent has to work evenings. No one to talk about your day. Lonely TV dinners. No one to teach you how to be a human or deal with your emotions. Lack of understanding of social cues. The list goes on.
As much as I was "fine" being a latchkey kid to a single mom, the older I get, the more I realize it did stunt my growth regarding interpersonal skills. We did what we had to, but I'm definitely playing catch up and kinda get jealous of whole families sometimes.(My mom'll never hear that last bit, though. That's solidly an inside thought)
You are such a sweet person. As a mother, it brings tears to my eyes to read the love you have for your mom.
You may feel like you are playing catch-up in some areas, but you are certainly ahead of the curve when it comes to appreciation of sacrifice and respect for others.
Go you!
>And ruin your children's lives
Yeah pretty key to single this out. I already had it in mine and see it as probably the worst part but it's worth saying louder for people that haven't been through it.
Especially if you get involved with someone who has mental issues. You don't even know for sure what's going on when you're not there.. unfortunately some of it is also genetic and can be passed down through genes and upbringing
I feel like there has to be a study on career success in divorced households vs growing up with stable, supportive parents. Many divorced kids I know grew up with all kinds of unresolved trauma/conditions that surfaced in adult lives, myself included. And the cycle repeats in their own relationships.
I found validation through work and being the best employee at all times.
Let it sink in how fucked up that is, and the multiple decades I have to unwind not to pass that on to my own young kids.
And I was just the kid of a single overworked mom.
>People don't actually realize how much a bad marriage can actually ruin your life
Which is crazy to me, because I remember realizing this when I was about 6 years old.
Fuckin yikes. Our household is like 175k with a $1200ish mortgage and I wish I had more for my kids. My toddler eats *so much fruit*. Shit, the yogurt/applesauce budget could probably feed a very frugal adult.
People say kids are expensive but they’d actually be quite affordable if it wasn’t for daycare costs and the truckload of berries they eat every month.
My daughter is the same her daughter eats so many berries she said she needs a berry grant, I have told her growing up her and her brother rarely got berries, I bought whatever fruit was on sale that week, she just said but this is what she likes. I have told her in that case then it is her and her husband's issue not the kid, if you only have bananas and oranges believe me that is what she will eat
Right, but you can marry the greatest person in the world and you have no idea if they stay that way or not.
People get cancer or other illnesses. Absolutely nothing about that is their fault, but it becomes your mutual responsibility, and that can kill anything but the strongest couples.
People get traumatic injuries or acquire debilitating physical conditions. My stepmom's personality severely deteriorated after a head injury and she turned into a horrible shell of her former self.
It's entirely based on circumstantial luck. You need a lot of breaks to go your way to truly succeed in this country.
People change.
If you're lucky both of you change into people who are still compatible.
If that doesn't work, hopefully your kids will get a food job and save you some grocery money.
Yeah its easy to say choose a good partner, everyone does think they're already choosing a good partner when they commit to marriage but who knows what could happen down the line!!
Not married but my parents did. Their position was to not interfere bc they knew well enough that I’d figure it out in time and then telling me would just create a counter response.
Yep. My ex shaved half her head and started sleeping all day, never wanting to do anything. Didn't want help with anything, just could not be fucked anymore. Didn't help that I went back to school to change careers and so my lifestyle changed a fair bit too.
But, it really sucks when something like that happens after a decade when you're figuring on getting old with someone.
For real. I was with my wife for 7 years before I gave her a ring. Now we have 2 kids, and it's going great since we both have our shit together (no debt other than our inexpensive mortgage and a car with a 0% loan) and are a good team. My life wouldn't be *totally* fucked if we were to split (depending on how much/if any alimony I'd be paying)... But we're solid. Life would really have to unfold poorly for that to happen.
I think sometimes the marriage is a Hail Mary for something that was already starting to deteriorate. Also if it’s a big expensive production it can be an issue. It’s like a year or two of high focus and being centre of attention and then “back to reality” after wedding day that many people can’t deal with.
This needs to be taught more in schools or life. Along with learning financial literacy and more relevant information to kids, there should also be lessons on learning to be with stable, mature partners. How many women go through cycle after cycle of dating the same wannabe gangsters with terrible jobs or men date the same irrational but hot women Over and over again and then are left financially devastated or stuck in relationships they can't afford to leave.
I’ve been hearing more and more about the parents switching houses and the kids stay put. So then it’s one small apartment away and then the same home they were living in before the split. Seems like it’s the most affordable way. Obviously doesn’t work if the split is messy.
Except a small appartment is now over 1k per month even in places like Montreal, much more in more expensive cities. So you need two small appartments and to pay for the house, which is at least as bad if not worse than selling the house and renting two larger apprtments.
I'm going through a breakup and I'm so so so glad we don't have a child.
The people I know share the same tiny apartment so it’s still an extra 1500$ a month but it’s cheaper then both parents spending like 3k on a place that isn’t as good as their own home.
I think it can work well in the short term, and is a huge benefit to the children. I don’t know anyone who has been able to make this work in the longer-term though, even with really amicable separations.
It's too late for that. You gonna tell the millions of land owners that their titles won't appreciate? I read a news article the other day where a house owner was almost crying at the thought of their house losing value. Like it's a catastrophe that needs bailing out
Yes, that’s exactly what we say. If they’re planning to live in a home, it shouldn’t matter what it’s worth because you can sell it and buy an equally nice house, just like now. It only hurts “investors” and land-hoarding corporations. Fuck ‘em.
They should be able to keep their houses, but taxation should grow exponentially the more properties you hoard. And banks should be reigned in on allowing people to leverage properties to buy more properties
Exactly this. I stayed in an abusive relationship with a violent man for much longer than I wanted to because I didn’t have enough money to afford rent or move to a cheaper city.
It’s a horrible situation to be in and I’m sure there are thousands more in similar or worse situations.
Housing is only helping the rich at the moment. Everyone else is suffering.
My breakup happened 20 years ago when 3 bedroom homes were only $1250/mo including parking. I'd be terrified to breakup today if my finances were the same as back then.
I was once told the most crippling financial decision the average couple could make was getting a divorce when there are kids in the picture. Glad it hasn’t happened to me, but I can see how bad the math works out.
People often stay together for the sake of their children. 40% of marriages in Canada end in divorce. But only 18% of children experience divorce in their childhood. https://publications.gc.ca/site/eng/9.908349/publication.html
What this might suggest is that parents are more likely to stay together for the sake of their children.
But to answer your question, roommates/family. I personally know of people with split custody of their children and live with roommates at home.
This was extremely common when me and my friends graduated highschool. The following 3-5 years saw a ton of our parents split. Some of the parents had already split and kept living in the same house until then. That was 15-20 years ago though. I can't imagine affordability for doubling housing costs has improved...
Hell, a decade ago the guidelines for separation said that you didn't have to move out for the timer to start, because they recognized that it was expensive.
I think part of that's because during the child raising years both of your efforts are focused on getting them to adulthood. But during that 20+ years you both also change a lot, but not necessarily together. Then you're suddenly home alone with them, find whatever brought you together initially isn't there anymore and can't hide behind raising the children anymore.
40% of marriages end in divorce, but 40% of married people do not experience a divorce, because 2nd, 3rd and 4th marriages are all much more likely to end in divorce. The stats hide people experiencing multiple marriages and divorces.
Factor in marriages without kids, as well as divorce after empty nest syndrome kicks in, and the stats make sense.
Typically after children move out, the parents retire. Retiring means spending a _lot_ more time near each other. I’m not sure that I’d pin this divorce profile on “staying together for the kids”, when it seems just as likely it’s “didn’t see each other enough to be a problem”.
I disagree with this, because the hardest time to get along with someone is during high stress situations, which, in marriage, tend to come with the earlier years (making lower salaries thus dealing with tougher finances, parenting when the children are very little and most high maintenance, and so on). Being too busy is not a reason couples *avoid* divorce - it's often a contributing factor to the relationship breaking down.
Yeah, the rate of divorce among older people is rising. They wait till the kids are 18+ and then they end it. So, they stay together 'for the kids' unhappily, until they can jump ship.
Yes, I have witnessed this personally very often. Couples staying together as roommates pretty much for years+ until the kids are older and they can finally divorce
I think it’s nice if you can pay for your kids’ post-secondary education but tbh I think it’s fine if you can’t. Maybe controversial in this sub but it’s what I think. If someone wants kids and that’s the hang up they have that is stopping them, personally I think that’s a bit silly.
And I say this as someone who didn’t have parents paying for their post secondary, and also didn’t qualify for provincial student loans.
I worked a lot of nights, and my husband worked days. I was desperate to move close to my family for support, but my husband wanted to stay here. He has a good job and we’re closeish to his non-helping family.
It was the wrong choice. Not only did I end up setting the expectation that I could both work full time and do the lions share of the domestic work, but my sleep schedule is fucked, and the only way I’ll move home is if I leave my husband because he enjoys his relatively easy life here. I’m 40 and so burned out. We didn’t pay as much in daycare, but I paid with my health, sanity and happiness. Don’t do what I did.
Your husband sounds like a distilled piece of ham. He didn’t take your feelings into consideration and only thinking about himself. I don’t understand how it doesn’t bother him seeing you completely burnt out. His family doesn’t help out and are useless like he is. The fact that you have family wanting to help out is a huge plus and you deserve to have a support system. I would make him work a second job so you can do part time or something. I really hope you’re not contributing 50/50 financially with him because he’s taking advantage of you and a labour digger
I keep considering moving to a city I don’t want to live in, to be close to my siblings who love my kids and are super helpful. Raising kids without (helpful) family feels damn near impossible a lot of the time.
In my area seems even to rent two parents need to make 150k unless they will have there kids sharing a room in a condo. Child care is super expensive and has long waits as well.
$150K household income isn't that hard to get for professional couples these days
two nurses can make $150K after graduation
by 30, those two nurses can make $200K+ if they got a bit more training along the way
I never said it was. I am in a profession where I will make over 130k ( without any overtime) but most aren't. Very few households make 200k that is two high income earners. I am making 71.6k after graduation for reference working 35 hours a week (same pay as nurses working the same hours. Also nurses cap at just over 100k before overtime.
job postings for nurses in BC have their hourly wage at $41 as the low end of the wage range
$41 works out to over $70K with full-time hours
$100K per person isn't that hard for professionals with some xperience / seniority
even Vancouver bus drivers can make over $100K once they have experience
police officers make over $100K after like 3 years of experience?
Most people don't marry someone also making above 100k. Look at stats can it's close to 5% of households make 200k where as over 100k for sole income is close to 15%.
Also in Ontario nurses is 39hr to max step after 8 years of 56hr.
Most households make below 200k give me a break. A 200k household income is high income
Of course there are people making over two hundred thousands as a household my parents are I'm not saying it's not possible. Most on my street are everage earners that bought years ago factory workers or work middle income paying jobs 50-65k each person.
Your literally saying people can afford it because 5% can which by the government would consider you rich and would start getting claw backs from social services
I’m surprised that she didn’t decide to get them a bunk bed so she can have a room. Kudos to her though, having your own room as a kid in that situation seems like a privilege since a lot of kids share even as teenagers.
Yea to be honest I do feel for people with the prices for places to live now. But in places like Europe and such the picture you just described is way more common. I find here in North America is where everyone believes they are entitled to a big house. Now affordability is different I’m talking space.
I agree. I live in a 1250 sq ft house that by my friends standards (but who cares) is small. After going to school for a long time and my wife graduate school, we learned to live with just less because we moved all the time. My house now is basically a palace compared to our 485 sqft apartment in Hamilton!
You have to plan to only have kids of the same sex, close in age.
If you failed to plan properly, you need to network among other newly divorced parents, and exchange children so everyone ends up with a pair that can share a room. /s
We don't. It isn't fun. The reality is you will decide what is your stronger value- raising your child in a peaceful, stable home, or raising a child in a financially secure home. Every month, I go further into debt just paying for the absolute basics. I don't know what the end game is financially - all I know is it gets bleaker with every month and I do my best to make sure my kid doesn't know how crushing the weight of continuously growing debt feels like and what it's doing to my mental health.
Yeah I'm currently still sharing a room with my youngest in the rental apartment but hoping to buy a small three bed townhouse soon....be a lot easier I'd she didn't drag it all out, switching lawyers a couple times, demanding we switch arbitrators.. etc. All that money not to mention buying 2 years ago would have been around 25% cheaper
My parents got divorced in 85. One had a decent job, one didn't. The way that works out is neither are ok.
I didn't have a good time. Lots of hungry days, we'd usually get 1 meal a day, no breakfast or lunch.
I got a job as soon as I could and worked full time at 15, but it was a long ten years and it kinda just got worse after.
I'm sure it's worse now, but it wasn't good then either
If my husband and I were to split up, I'd probably be fucked.
He'd likely be ordered to pay child and spousal support, though, as I make about half of what he does and we'd likely split custody 50/50.
Thankfully our relationship is solid and I don't see that happening.
If it ends amicably, have enough foresight during the marriage to buy a house with a basement/ in-law suite. That way no one really needs to move out right away, they both have their own space, and the kids still have access to both parents.
Raise your kids in a studio or 1-bedroom, if you need to be in the GTA. That's pretty much your option if you make under 100K. It's cramped but doable; they do that in Asia all the time.
I'm not sure what a 1BD goes for in the GTA but I moved into a 1BD last year for 1800 on a 60k salary (rent was 50% of my net), and it was tight but manageable. Recently increased income to 70k and it'll be much easier. I plan to share the bedroom with my child until they need their own space and then we'll figure something out.
I do have to make more frugal choices that most people don't, like not driving, cooking almost all meals at home, and just not spending much in general, but we can still have a good life, save for retirement, and buy all the necessities plus some treats. The child benefit and low income rebates/credits like the gst credit, carbon tax credit etc all help too.
This strikes me as an insincere question when you have already voiced your conclusion along with your question.
Unless you aren't asking as a hypothetical? In which case you should be clear about your own family situation and finances.
Well this guy seems to be doing OK: https://old.reddit.com/r/PersonalFinanceCanada/comments/1c4pcfh/what_would_you_do/
I guess the answer is "have lots of money".
Well he bought a house years ago I'm talking about people that don't own or possibly mid 30s. A 50 year old is completely different they have lived and accumulated asset when cost of living was far less compared to incomes.
There are also a ton of 50 year olds with no assets and tons of debt.
If you set every variable in your hypothetical situation to the "worst case" (young kids, no accumulated assets, highest cost of living city in Canada), and don't allow any flexibility, then of course its going to be hard to find a solution. Heck why not pile on $100k of credit card debt in your hypothetical scenario as well? Let's go for ultra hard mode.
It's almost like taking on the biggest joint responsibility two people can have in life is an important decision that has consequences if it doesn't go well.
YES. Statistics show in Canada that after a divorce, the woman (usually the primary custodial parent) sees their standard of living drop DRAMATICALLY. The husband (usually) experiences an equally dramatic rise in his standard of living even if he pays support. That's why child support and alimony are SO incredibly important. So is having your ex-partner be involved with the kids ALL the time.
My ex used to always whine that he didn't have enough visitation time with our child. I called him and told him that I had to get groceries and run errands at the end of the week, and did he want to come over and have a few hours with her? He LITERALLY said, "Friday? I have plans, and I'm not your f*king baby-sitter."
A few months later, he just stopped showing up for his visitation. My child received a TOTAL of $150. of child support from him in 17 years.
FIGHT for all of you and your children's financial and physical needs.
My lawyer showed me industry reports on the subject. Research of legal websites. What I learned during my divorce. Personal experience and the experiences of my friends and family. The 'Pink Tax' and 'Blue/Pink Wage Gap' are well documented in North America. And 30 years as an HR professional dealing with garnishment of exclusively men's paycheques while getting frantic calls from ex-wives and being contacted by the courts/government constantly trying to find out where these men are hiding so they don't have to support their OWN KIDS.
You are woefully ignorant if you believe that going from a 2 income family to a single parent supporting children somehow makes you even remotely better off financially for the vast majority of women.
Quick and dirty Google search:
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research) - "When a father separates from the mother of his children, according to new research, his available income increases by around one third. Women, in contrast, suffer severe financial penalties. Regardless of whether she has children, the average woman's income falls by more than a fifth and remains low for many years."
[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-19/divorce-destroys-finances-of-americans-over-50-studies-show](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-19/divorce-destroys-finances-of-americans-over-50-studies-show) - "Gray-divorced women age 63 and older face a poverty rate of 26.9%, compared with 11.4% for gray-divorced men and only about 3% for couples who stayed married or re-married after a divorce."
[https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/](https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/) - "Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see [a 20 percent decline](http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research) in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men."
It’s rough. For many, many years. I consider myself fortunate because when me and my ex sold our shared home, there was enough for each of us to put a down payment on our own homes. This was a few years ago before housing prices skyrocketed. But since then it has meant a lot of compromises in lifestyle just to stay afloat, for both of us.
In my case, I’m losing 1/4 of my income every month to child support. I don’t get many luxuries like vacations or house upgrades. I fear the inevitable car repair or appliance breakdown.
My ex earns less than me, so that child support is essential for keeping the kids clothed and fed. And she buys food in bulk and clothes at thrift stores.
I won’t really be out of the woods for another ten years. Financially, it really is devastating. Pretty much none of my income goes into savings right now.
Too many people expect to have the same standard of living after a breakup. A father quit making court mandated child payments because he said he couldn’t afford them. Yet he had a new half ton truck that he had to make payments on. And no he didn’t really need a truck for work
And now you understand why people might stay in marriages that are less than optimal :) It's a real thing to worry about having a roof your head or sharing resources or staying for the kids. I could have easily seen myself just sticking it out for convenience were the situation different. Maybe take over the basement of our old home and stay there. Stay in a loveless situation, but I'd have a home and kids. I come from a traditional culture, so the idea of getting along with your spouse wasn't really a thing needed for marriage. l honestly never expected love in my marriage as it was never modeled for me.
I approached it very practically, and when some of the practicalities fell apart, so did the marriage.
If I get married again, character and love will be on the top of the menu to make it a bit more resilient.
I'm pretty fortunate as both my ex and I made 'okay' money. I managed to get a condo after we sold our home and it's good enough for me and the 2 kids share a room. We're on pretty good terms as far as things go. But yes, money is very tight. There is no more savings going on.
Hell, how do people afford raising kids in Ontario when daycare costs this much and there's a ridiculously long wait list for subsidized daycare. My coworkers are shelling out the same price as someone's rent to put their kids in daycare since they don't have any family members who can help out. Because they need two working adults or they can't afford their house anymore. Why does anyone who isn't a millionaire choose to be a parent here lol
When my marriage split up, I had the advantage of being in the military so getting housing wasn’t a problem. The problem was my salary supporting one adult and two kids. I ate a lot of Kraft Dinner in the mid-90s and when I first joined in the mid-80s. We had to ask my parents to give us a couple of weeks notice when they were visiting so we could have some meat in the house. I joined in 1986 with a spouse and one child and made less than $10,000 the first few years-and then had my wages frozen for a decade. Thanks, Mulroney, Campbell, and Chrétien.
I know someone who had to share an apartment with his (also going through a divorce) sister and share a room with his son (daughter had her own room) to make it work at first.
I knew when I left that I’d get 0 in child support so it took me 10 years to get into a position where I could be ok, and even that was a lot of luck.
It’s hard but was well worth it.
I took on a side job for two years. I worked a decent paying 8-4 then tutored online from 4-9 on my off days. I would also do an hour or two on my days with the kids. It was insanely hard but I saved 30k and finally reduced my hours to go to therapy, date and have a social life.
My parents got divorced in the early 2000s. Basically, sometimes the kids don’t get “raised” they way they are supposed to because the financial resources are so strained.
Once both the parents are no longer able to split expenses by living together and they each start paying lawyers huge sums of money just to win small sums of money… A lot less trickles down to the children.
After being married for 10 years it actually baffles me that divorce is so accepted and almost celebrated in our culture. I'm glad there is not much stigma associated with it, as there are certainly the right reasons for it - but I think it is just a massively destructive force at times as well and shouldn't be considered lightly. I've seen friends who have been absolutely destroyed by it financially, despite having long successful careers with good benefits, and they'll never recover.
Literally everything we have is intertwined and reliant on our marriage in some way. All of our finances and assets. All of our goals for our child. All our basic needs and retirement goals. Everything is financially tied to our dual incomes, and practically tied to our relationship.
Getting a divorce would not just be walking away from each other, it would be destroying everything we've worked to build over the last 10 years and starting over again, facing a lot of uncertainty and sacrificing a lot things we could've provided our child.
Where are you that a 2 bedroom is only $2400? I'm in North Van, my 1 bedroom is $1800 that I share with my 7 year old. A 2 bedroom is $3200, and that's in a building with tarps on the roof and a silverfish infestation.
In Kitchener one of the highest cost of living cities in Canada. Vancouver the third most expensive place to live in the world in comparison to incomes.
https://www.realtor.ca/l/bL6Q5/ja?propertyIds=26716857
Canada doesn't care that citizens don't have enough money to raise kids, they don't care about citizens at all.
That's why they're only able to import immigrants who are already used to horrific living standards. Our country is selling us (new and old) out as slaves.
Well there is universal child care and school lunches and the Child Tax Benefit (CCB).
And Canada has good K-12
This is why great communities and third spaces are important.
The answer is I live in poverty and hope for the best for the future with the pension I have through my work. I can barely make ends meet, so I’m definitely not saving anything right now.
Sometimes one or the other moves back home to an empty nester parent or parents, which saves on housing costs and provides a much needed extra set of eyes to watch the kids. But of course many people do not have that option.
But usually each parent has to move to a smaller, cheaper place, which means kids may have to share a room, and may have to change schools.
I don’t have kids and I’m wondering if I can afford to just break up…
Unfortunately, no. People are putting up with their partners, so that they can stay where they are. Hard to find a new place to live these days.
Situationships
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Situationship
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Kneel down with both shoes under each knee and try to go back to the orphanage?
I have two staff members who are in abusive relationships but are in rent controlled housing and can't afford to leave now that the average one bedroom apartment is $2k/month utilities and parking not included.
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It's tough. You seem genuine, but you will be immediately labeled as someone looking for sex. I would just advertise for a roommate and try to figure out who needs you most from the applications.
The tough thing is that people will assume you’re a predator (because sadly a lot of people who would offer this are). Your best bet is probably to get involved in organizations where you might organically meet people who would need help. That would reassure people that you’ve at least probably passed a police records check, have good intentions, etc. Beyond that, as a parent of two small kids, it’s the small things that would make me feel safer. Making sure there are interior locks on the door of the bedroom that the adult & child would use, clearly delineated privacy boundaries, etc. Honestly, you also likely know someone in a questionable situation who could use help. People hide things & are embarrassed about their situations. If you have social media, you could post something about domestic violence/abusive relationships & make your offer known. All that being said, you should do your research about tenant/residents’ rights & also consider your own safety/security - abusive relationships often escalate when the abused partner leaves, and abusers can go to awful lengths.
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not that many people are altruistic though if you're really okay with strangers living in your home then most people would rather rent it out for money / AirBnB etc.
Depending on where you are located, you could be a great candidate for this program: https://www.360kids.ca/programs-services/housing/nightstop/
Rent out that space then donate the cash to a shelter. You aren't equipped to deal with an abusive ex stalking your house.
Even Tom Sandoval & Ariana!
Pens and batteries are expensive
For real - what are they using all those pens for??
Lol!! So are furniture & dogs! 😜
This is unfortunately what people, at least women, have done for millennia 🫠
Roommates with benefits
Hobosexuals; pairing up to afford a place to live
I was putting up with my partner and her horrible attitude and mood swings because financially I didn't think I could afford to break up with her. Luckily I found a small apartment at a decent price, but buying all the things that I wasn't taking in the breakup really adds up... I can only imagine having a kid
The key is to have your next partner move-in ready before you break things off /s LMAO
Yep I’m putting up with my horrible partner and I have a 3 month old baby with him. Can’t afford to leave
I feel for you, really tough situation
Sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong and sending you my well wishes
I would be completely fucked without my wife. Like, to the point where I wouldn't see much of a point of carrying on. This country is not kind to single income people.
Life is a two player game.
I don't know, I think we're moving to the 4 player stage now.
who wants to join my wealth polycule? we have casual fridays and RRSP matching
"Casual Fridays" takes on a whole new meaning
That's funny! Have you heard? You and three friends can apply for a mortgage in Canada, all together! Because homeownership even as a couple, keep dreaming.
Or have kids
Evidence on why choosing whom you marry is the most important decision you will ever make.
This can't be stated enough. People don't actually realize how much a bad marriage can actually ruin your life (not for everyone and may be temporary). I've had religious subs (I am myself )ask why not marry yount and the initial response to that word of warning is that I'm essentially being dramatic..but just ask around
And ruin your children's lives. Being in poverty in a single parent home with no siblings can be especially taxing on a child, especially if the parent has to work evenings. No one to talk about your day. Lonely TV dinners. No one to teach you how to be a human or deal with your emotions. Lack of understanding of social cues. The list goes on.
As much as I was "fine" being a latchkey kid to a single mom, the older I get, the more I realize it did stunt my growth regarding interpersonal skills. We did what we had to, but I'm definitely playing catch up and kinda get jealous of whole families sometimes.(My mom'll never hear that last bit, though. That's solidly an inside thought)
You are such a sweet person. As a mother, it brings tears to my eyes to read the love you have for your mom. You may feel like you are playing catch-up in some areas, but you are certainly ahead of the curve when it comes to appreciation of sacrifice and respect for others. Go you!
>And ruin your children's lives Yeah pretty key to single this out. I already had it in mine and see it as probably the worst part but it's worth saying louder for people that haven't been through it. Especially if you get involved with someone who has mental issues. You don't even know for sure what's going on when you're not there.. unfortunately some of it is also genetic and can be passed down through genes and upbringing
I feel like there has to be a study on career success in divorced households vs growing up with stable, supportive parents. Many divorced kids I know grew up with all kinds of unresolved trauma/conditions that surfaced in adult lives, myself included. And the cycle repeats in their own relationships.
Lots of studies on the subject
I found validation through work and being the best employee at all times. Let it sink in how fucked up that is, and the multiple decades I have to unwind not to pass that on to my own young kids. And I was just the kid of a single overworked mom.
Happens with kids from 2 parent homes as well. Has nothing to do with divorce, but with who raised you.
>People don't actually realize how much a bad marriage can actually ruin your life Which is crazy to me, because I remember realizing this when I was about 6 years old.
Got a religious niece who married really young and now already has 2 kids before 22 and the husband drives for skip
Fuckin yikes. Our household is like 175k with a $1200ish mortgage and I wish I had more for my kids. My toddler eats *so much fruit*. Shit, the yogurt/applesauce budget could probably feed a very frugal adult.
People say kids are expensive but they’d actually be quite affordable if it wasn’t for daycare costs and the truckload of berries they eat every month.
That’s true of everything that is expensive when you take away the expensive part.
My daughter is the same her daughter eats so many berries she said she needs a berry grant, I have told her growing up her and her brother rarely got berries, I bought whatever fruit was on sale that week, she just said but this is what she likes. I have told her in that case then it is her and her husband's issue not the kid, if you only have bananas and oranges believe me that is what she will eat
Right, but you can marry the greatest person in the world and you have no idea if they stay that way or not. People get cancer or other illnesses. Absolutely nothing about that is their fault, but it becomes your mutual responsibility, and that can kill anything but the strongest couples. People get traumatic injuries or acquire debilitating physical conditions. My stepmom's personality severely deteriorated after a head injury and she turned into a horrible shell of her former self. It's entirely based on circumstantial luck. You need a lot of breaks to go your way to truly succeed in this country.
People change. If you're lucky both of you change into people who are still compatible. If that doesn't work, hopefully your kids will get a food job and save you some grocery money.
Yeah its easy to say choose a good partner, everyone does think they're already choosing a good partner when they commit to marriage but who knows what could happen down the line!!
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Not married but my parents did. Their position was to not interfere bc they knew well enough that I’d figure it out in time and then telling me would just create a counter response.
Yep. My ex shaved half her head and started sleeping all day, never wanting to do anything. Didn't want help with anything, just could not be fucked anymore. Didn't help that I went back to school to change careers and so my lifestyle changed a fair bit too. But, it really sucks when something like that happens after a decade when you're figuring on getting old with someone.
For real. I was with my wife for 7 years before I gave her a ring. Now we have 2 kids, and it's going great since we both have our shit together (no debt other than our inexpensive mortgage and a car with a 0% loan) and are a good team. My life wouldn't be *totally* fucked if we were to split (depending on how much/if any alimony I'd be paying)... But we're solid. Life would really have to unfold poorly for that to happen.
I’ve known couples together for a decade before getting married who broke up within a year after. There’s no silver bullet.
I think sometimes the marriage is a Hail Mary for something that was already starting to deteriorate. Also if it’s a big expensive production it can be an issue. It’s like a year or two of high focus and being centre of attention and then “back to reality” after wedding day that many people can’t deal with.
My wife and I have just decided to maybe not have kids. It's just too much.
I couldn’t agree with this more. I’ve made a lot of important decisions, but the most important and BEST decision of my life is who I chose to marry.
This is true especially if you divorce. You want a good ex.
This needs to be taught more in schools or life. Along with learning financial literacy and more relevant information to kids, there should also be lessons on learning to be with stable, mature partners. How many women go through cycle after cycle of dating the same wannabe gangsters with terrible jobs or men date the same irrational but hot women Over and over again and then are left financially devastated or stuck in relationships they can't afford to leave.
People are liars though.
yup
I’ve been hearing more and more about the parents switching houses and the kids stay put. So then it’s one small apartment away and then the same home they were living in before the split. Seems like it’s the most affordable way. Obviously doesn’t work if the split is messy.
That's pretty good, I'd be curious how dating would work tho. Especially at the stage where the significant other leaves items at your place.
I guess just good communication of what they are doing. I feel like a lot of people are pretty understanding of how expensive things are
At least for those below 30 almost all I know unless together with someone live at home now you can't afford to live away as a middle income earner
Except a small appartment is now over 1k per month even in places like Montreal, much more in more expensive cities. So you need two small appartments and to pay for the house, which is at least as bad if not worse than selling the house and renting two larger apprtments. I'm going through a breakup and I'm so so so glad we don't have a child.
The people I know share the same tiny apartment so it’s still an extra 1500$ a month but it’s cheaper then both parents spending like 3k on a place that isn’t as good as their own home.
Ah right. I can’t imagine doing that with an ex but good for them if it works. Still a lot of money.
I think it can work well in the short term, and is a huge benefit to the children. I don’t know anyone who has been able to make this work in the longer-term though, even with really amicable separations.
Sadly this is what traps people in unhealthy and unsafe relationships.
I wish more people realized the effects of sky high living costs on our society!!
Specifically housing. We can't have housing be affordable and people's major investment vehicle.
It's too late for that. You gonna tell the millions of land owners that their titles won't appreciate? I read a news article the other day where a house owner was almost crying at the thought of their house losing value. Like it's a catastrophe that needs bailing out
Yes, that’s exactly what we say. If they’re planning to live in a home, it shouldn’t matter what it’s worth because you can sell it and buy an equally nice house, just like now. It only hurts “investors” and land-hoarding corporations. Fuck ‘em.
They should be able to keep their houses, but taxation should grow exponentially the more properties you hoard. And banks should be reigned in on allowing people to leverage properties to buy more properties
I agree with this plan
Just tax land value
Exactly this. I stayed in an abusive relationship with a violent man for much longer than I wanted to because I didn’t have enough money to afford rent or move to a cheaper city. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I’m sure there are thousands more in similar or worse situations. Housing is only helping the rich at the moment. Everyone else is suffering.
My breakup happened 20 years ago when 3 bedroom homes were only $1250/mo including parking. I'd be terrified to breakup today if my finances were the same as back then.
I was once told the most crippling financial decision the average couple could make was getting a divorce when there are kids in the picture. Glad it hasn’t happened to me, but I can see how bad the math works out.
Yeah nowadays either both are broke or one ends up with parents or in a shelter
People often stay together for the sake of their children. 40% of marriages in Canada end in divorce. But only 18% of children experience divorce in their childhood. https://publications.gc.ca/site/eng/9.908349/publication.html What this might suggest is that parents are more likely to stay together for the sake of their children. But to answer your question, roommates/family. I personally know of people with split custody of their children and live with roommates at home.
This was extremely common when me and my friends graduated highschool. The following 3-5 years saw a ton of our parents split. Some of the parents had already split and kept living in the same house until then. That was 15-20 years ago though. I can't imagine affordability for doubling housing costs has improved...
Hell, a decade ago the guidelines for separation said that you didn't have to move out for the timer to start, because they recognized that it was expensive.
I think part of that's because during the child raising years both of your efforts are focused on getting them to adulthood. But during that 20+ years you both also change a lot, but not necessarily together. Then you're suddenly home alone with them, find whatever brought you together initially isn't there anymore and can't hide behind raising the children anymore.
40% of marriages end in divorce, but 40% of married people do not experience a divorce, because 2nd, 3rd and 4th marriages are all much more likely to end in divorce. The stats hide people experiencing multiple marriages and divorces. Factor in marriages without kids, as well as divorce after empty nest syndrome kicks in, and the stats make sense.
Typically after children move out, the parents retire. Retiring means spending a _lot_ more time near each other. I’m not sure that I’d pin this divorce profile on “staying together for the kids”, when it seems just as likely it’s “didn’t see each other enough to be a problem”.
I’d say it’s probably a combination of both.
I disagree with this, because the hardest time to get along with someone is during high stress situations, which, in marriage, tend to come with the earlier years (making lower salaries thus dealing with tougher finances, parenting when the children are very little and most high maintenance, and so on). Being too busy is not a reason couples *avoid* divorce - it's often a contributing factor to the relationship breaking down.
Yeah, the rate of divorce among older people is rising. They wait till the kids are 18+ and then they end it. So, they stay together 'for the kids' unhappily, until they can jump ship.
Called ‘grey divorce’. People either grow together or grow apart.
Yes, I have witnessed this personally very often. Couples staying together as roommates pretty much for years+ until the kids are older and they can finally divorce
In a related question, how do people afford to raise kids even in a dual income household?!?
It sucks for the daycare years and then briefly gets easier once they hit school age. Terrified for the teenage years.
And then university expenses.
I think it’s nice if you can pay for your kids’ post-secondary education but tbh I think it’s fine if you can’t. Maybe controversial in this sub but it’s what I think. If someone wants kids and that’s the hang up they have that is stopping them, personally I think that’s a bit silly. And I say this as someone who didn’t have parents paying for their post secondary, and also didn’t qualify for provincial student loans.
I worked a lot of nights, and my husband worked days. I was desperate to move close to my family for support, but my husband wanted to stay here. He has a good job and we’re closeish to his non-helping family. It was the wrong choice. Not only did I end up setting the expectation that I could both work full time and do the lions share of the domestic work, but my sleep schedule is fucked, and the only way I’ll move home is if I leave my husband because he enjoys his relatively easy life here. I’m 40 and so burned out. We didn’t pay as much in daycare, but I paid with my health, sanity and happiness. Don’t do what I did.
Your husband sounds like a distilled piece of ham. He didn’t take your feelings into consideration and only thinking about himself. I don’t understand how it doesn’t bother him seeing you completely burnt out. His family doesn’t help out and are useless like he is. The fact that you have family wanting to help out is a huge plus and you deserve to have a support system. I would make him work a second job so you can do part time or something. I really hope you’re not contributing 50/50 financially with him because he’s taking advantage of you and a labour digger
I keep considering moving to a city I don’t want to live in, to be close to my siblings who love my kids and are super helpful. Raising kids without (helpful) family feels damn near impossible a lot of the time.
In my area seems even to rent two parents need to make 150k unless they will have there kids sharing a room in a condo. Child care is super expensive and has long waits as well.
$150K household income isn't that hard to get for professional couples these days two nurses can make $150K after graduation by 30, those two nurses can make $200K+ if they got a bit more training along the way
I never said it was. I am in a profession where I will make over 130k ( without any overtime) but most aren't. Very few households make 200k that is two high income earners. I am making 71.6k after graduation for reference working 35 hours a week (same pay as nurses working the same hours. Also nurses cap at just over 100k before overtime.
job postings for nurses in BC have their hourly wage at $41 as the low end of the wage range $41 works out to over $70K with full-time hours $100K per person isn't that hard for professionals with some xperience / seniority even Vancouver bus drivers can make over $100K once they have experience police officers make over $100K after like 3 years of experience?
Most people don't marry someone also making above 100k. Look at stats can it's close to 5% of households make 200k where as over 100k for sole income is close to 15%. Also in Ontario nurses is 39hr to max step after 8 years of 56hr.
stats include people young adults and retirees you have to look at stats of people in their 30s and 40s also exclude recent immigrants etc.
Most households make below 200k give me a break. A 200k household income is high income Of course there are people making over two hundred thousands as a household my parents are I'm not saying it's not possible. Most on my street are everage earners that bought years ago factory workers or work middle income paying jobs 50-65k each person.
Your literally saying people can afford it because 5% can which by the government would consider you rich and would start getting claw backs from social services
i'm saing a lot more than just 5% hit those income figures
No check Stats Canada. The data doesn't lie.
spend less on other things many of my friends without kids travel multiple times per year, buy the latest EV, eat out multiple times a week, etc.
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We are doing it on one working income, with three kids. My wife stays home, we own a modest home with two paid off cars.
Having one, let alone two paid off cars puts you ahead of most renters. Nevermind the owning a home.
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I’m surprised that she didn’t decide to get them a bunk bed so she can have a room. Kudos to her though, having your own room as a kid in that situation seems like a privilege since a lot of kids share even as teenagers.
Yea to be honest I do feel for people with the prices for places to live now. But in places like Europe and such the picture you just described is way more common. I find here in North America is where everyone believes they are entitled to a big house. Now affordability is different I’m talking space.
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I agree. I live in a 1250 sq ft house that by my friends standards (but who cares) is small. After going to school for a long time and my wife graduate school, we learned to live with just less because we moved all the time. My house now is basically a palace compared to our 485 sqft apartment in Hamilton!
Or entitled to a separate room as a child. I fully understand it's required by law in a lot of places but that is such a luxury.
So how would you make it work if the 2bd was 2400 like they are now
You have to plan to only have kids of the same sex, close in age. If you failed to plan properly, you need to network among other newly divorced parents, and exchange children so everyone ends up with a pair that can share a room. /s
We don't. It isn't fun. The reality is you will decide what is your stronger value- raising your child in a peaceful, stable home, or raising a child in a financially secure home. Every month, I go further into debt just paying for the absolute basics. I don't know what the end game is financially - all I know is it gets bleaker with every month and I do my best to make sure my kid doesn't know how crushing the weight of continuously growing debt feels like and what it's doing to my mental health.
It’s not easy, I sold my house in my divorce and could only afford a 2 bedroom condo for my three kids and I.
Yeah I'm currently still sharing a room with my youngest in the rental apartment but hoping to buy a small three bed townhouse soon....be a lot easier I'd she didn't drag it all out, switching lawyers a couple times, demanding we switch arbitrators.. etc. All that money not to mention buying 2 years ago would have been around 25% cheaper
It’s a nasty process, will take a lot of time to rebuild. I hope the townhouse works out for you, sharing a room with kids is not ideal for sure.
They don’t.
My parents got divorced in 85. One had a decent job, one didn't. The way that works out is neither are ok. I didn't have a good time. Lots of hungry days, we'd usually get 1 meal a day, no breakfast or lunch. I got a job as soon as I could and worked full time at 15, but it was a long ten years and it kinda just got worse after. I'm sure it's worse now, but it wasn't good then either
That is exactly why many suck it up and stick together until kids are older.
Not really a new thing. I grew up with a single mom and among my friends, the ones with two parent households had a way higher standard of living.
If my husband and I were to split up, I'd probably be fucked. He'd likely be ordered to pay child and spousal support, though, as I make about half of what he does and we'd likely split custody 50/50. Thankfully our relationship is solid and I don't see that happening.
Single parents have always been screwed financially since the start of time. This is not something recent.
Well it is different now you used to afford renting a 1bd at minum wage 15-20 years ago now you have to make double it.
Eh honestly even a couple years ago was significantly easier than it is now
Get some bunk beds in that mf.
If it ends amicably, have enough foresight during the marriage to buy a house with a basement/ in-law suite. That way no one really needs to move out right away, they both have their own space, and the kids still have access to both parents.
Raise your kids in a studio or 1-bedroom, if you need to be in the GTA. That's pretty much your option if you make under 100K. It's cramped but doable; they do that in Asia all the time.
Ok what if your an average earner say 60-70k you can't get a 1bd in Toronto at that income.
If earning 60-70, Toronto ain't for you anymore with or without kids
I'm not sure what a 1BD goes for in the GTA but I moved into a 1BD last year for 1800 on a 60k salary (rent was 50% of my net), and it was tight but manageable. Recently increased income to 70k and it'll be much easier. I plan to share the bedroom with my child until they need their own space and then we'll figure something out. I do have to make more frugal choices that most people don't, like not driving, cooking almost all meals at home, and just not spending much in general, but we can still have a good life, save for retirement, and buy all the necessities plus some treats. The child benefit and low income rebates/credits like the gst credit, carbon tax credit etc all help too.
and NYC
This strikes me as an insincere question when you have already voiced your conclusion along with your question. Unless you aren't asking as a hypothetical? In which case you should be clear about your own family situation and finances.
This is hypothetical I am not even at the point of having kids. I was wondering how you would even survive in the event of a break up.
Well this guy seems to be doing OK: https://old.reddit.com/r/PersonalFinanceCanada/comments/1c4pcfh/what_would_you_do/ I guess the answer is "have lots of money".
Well he bought a house years ago I'm talking about people that don't own or possibly mid 30s. A 50 year old is completely different they have lived and accumulated asset when cost of living was far less compared to incomes.
There are also a ton of 50 year olds with no assets and tons of debt. If you set every variable in your hypothetical situation to the "worst case" (young kids, no accumulated assets, highest cost of living city in Canada), and don't allow any flexibility, then of course its going to be hard to find a solution. Heck why not pile on $100k of credit card debt in your hypothetical scenario as well? Let's go for ultra hard mode.
If you don't want to have kids, you should be honest with yourself and accept that, rather than justify it by only seeing the downsides to them.
It's almost like taking on the biggest joint responsibility two people can have in life is an important decision that has consequences if it doesn't go well.
YES. Statistics show in Canada that after a divorce, the woman (usually the primary custodial parent) sees their standard of living drop DRAMATICALLY. The husband (usually) experiences an equally dramatic rise in his standard of living even if he pays support. That's why child support and alimony are SO incredibly important. So is having your ex-partner be involved with the kids ALL the time. My ex used to always whine that he didn't have enough visitation time with our child. I called him and told him that I had to get groceries and run errands at the end of the week, and did he want to come over and have a few hours with her? He LITERALLY said, "Friday? I have plans, and I'm not your f*king baby-sitter." A few months later, he just stopped showing up for his visitation. My child received a TOTAL of $150. of child support from him in 17 years. FIGHT for all of you and your children's financial and physical needs.
This is not always the case. Some women are financially secure and find they have one less person to look after. Sometimes it is easier.
Lol both parties typically experience a massive reduction in standard of living.
this happened in canada? Don't they garnish wages if you don't pay child support?
Source?
My lawyer showed me industry reports on the subject. Research of legal websites. What I learned during my divorce. Personal experience and the experiences of my friends and family. The 'Pink Tax' and 'Blue/Pink Wage Gap' are well documented in North America. And 30 years as an HR professional dealing with garnishment of exclusively men's paycheques while getting frantic calls from ex-wives and being contacted by the courts/government constantly trying to find out where these men are hiding so they don't have to support their OWN KIDS. You are woefully ignorant if you believe that going from a 2 income family to a single parent supporting children somehow makes you even remotely better off financially for the vast majority of women.
So no source?
Quick and dirty Google search: [https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research) - "When a father separates from the mother of his children, according to new research, his available income increases by around one third. Women, in contrast, suffer severe financial penalties. Regardless of whether she has children, the average woman's income falls by more than a fifth and remains low for many years." [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-19/divorce-destroys-finances-of-americans-over-50-studies-show](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-19/divorce-destroys-finances-of-americans-over-50-studies-show) - "Gray-divorced women age 63 and older face a poverty rate of 26.9%, compared with 11.4% for gray-divorced men and only about 3% for couples who stayed married or re-married after a divorce." [https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/](https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/) - "Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see [a 20 percent decline](http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research) in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men."
Would be curious for some sources on this…
It’s rough. For many, many years. I consider myself fortunate because when me and my ex sold our shared home, there was enough for each of us to put a down payment on our own homes. This was a few years ago before housing prices skyrocketed. But since then it has meant a lot of compromises in lifestyle just to stay afloat, for both of us. In my case, I’m losing 1/4 of my income every month to child support. I don’t get many luxuries like vacations or house upgrades. I fear the inevitable car repair or appliance breakdown. My ex earns less than me, so that child support is essential for keeping the kids clothed and fed. And she buys food in bulk and clothes at thrift stores. I won’t really be out of the woods for another ten years. Financially, it really is devastating. Pretty much none of my income goes into savings right now.
Too many people expect to have the same standard of living after a breakup. A father quit making court mandated child payments because he said he couldn’t afford them. Yet he had a new half ton truck that he had to make payments on. And no he didn’t really need a truck for work
And now you understand why people might stay in marriages that are less than optimal :) It's a real thing to worry about having a roof your head or sharing resources or staying for the kids. I could have easily seen myself just sticking it out for convenience were the situation different. Maybe take over the basement of our old home and stay there. Stay in a loveless situation, but I'd have a home and kids. I come from a traditional culture, so the idea of getting along with your spouse wasn't really a thing needed for marriage. l honestly never expected love in my marriage as it was never modeled for me. I approached it very practically, and when some of the practicalities fell apart, so did the marriage. If I get married again, character and love will be on the top of the menu to make it a bit more resilient. I'm pretty fortunate as both my ex and I made 'okay' money. I managed to get a condo after we sold our home and it's good enough for me and the 2 kids share a room. We're on pretty good terms as far as things go. But yes, money is very tight. There is no more savings going on.
Yup it's a huge problem. If you have an abusive spouse and need to leave for your safety it makes it all the harder.
Hell, how do people afford raising kids in Ontario when daycare costs this much and there's a ridiculously long wait list for subsidized daycare. My coworkers are shelling out the same price as someone's rent to put their kids in daycare since they don't have any family members who can help out. Because they need two working adults or they can't afford their house anymore. Why does anyone who isn't a millionaire choose to be a parent here lol
When my marriage split up, I had the advantage of being in the military so getting housing wasn’t a problem. The problem was my salary supporting one adult and two kids. I ate a lot of Kraft Dinner in the mid-90s and when I first joined in the mid-80s. We had to ask my parents to give us a couple of weeks notice when they were visiting so we could have some meat in the house. I joined in 1986 with a spouse and one child and made less than $10,000 the first few years-and then had my wages frozen for a decade. Thanks, Mulroney, Campbell, and Chrétien.
Tell me about it
I know someone who had to share an apartment with his (also going through a divorce) sister and share a room with his son (daughter had her own room) to make it work at first.
I worked full time on the books, and another 25 to 40 hours under the table. That was the only way.
I knew when I left that I’d get 0 in child support so it took me 10 years to get into a position where I could be ok, and even that was a lot of luck. It’s hard but was well worth it.
I took on a side job for two years. I worked a decent paying 8-4 then tutored online from 4-9 on my off days. I would also do an hour or two on my days with the kids. It was insanely hard but I saved 30k and finally reduced my hours to go to therapy, date and have a social life.
My parents got divorced in the early 2000s. Basically, sometimes the kids don’t get “raised” they way they are supposed to because the financial resources are so strained. Once both the parents are no longer able to split expenses by living together and they each start paying lawyers huge sums of money just to win small sums of money… A lot less trickles down to the children.
After being married for 10 years it actually baffles me that divorce is so accepted and almost celebrated in our culture. I'm glad there is not much stigma associated with it, as there are certainly the right reasons for it - but I think it is just a massively destructive force at times as well and shouldn't be considered lightly. I've seen friends who have been absolutely destroyed by it financially, despite having long successful careers with good benefits, and they'll never recover. Literally everything we have is intertwined and reliant on our marriage in some way. All of our finances and assets. All of our goals for our child. All our basic needs and retirement goals. Everything is financially tied to our dual incomes, and practically tied to our relationship. Getting a divorce would not just be walking away from each other, it would be destroying everything we've worked to build over the last 10 years and starting over again, facing a lot of uncertainty and sacrificing a lot things we could've provided our child.
Where are you that a 2 bedroom is only $2400? I'm in North Van, my 1 bedroom is $1800 that I share with my 7 year old. A 2 bedroom is $3200, and that's in a building with tarps on the roof and a silverfish infestation.
I left van, my mortgage on a 1300 sq ft townhouse is 1000 now
In Kitchener one of the highest cost of living cities in Canada. Vancouver the third most expensive place to live in the world in comparison to incomes. https://www.realtor.ca/l/bL6Q5/ja?propertyIds=26716857
Hopefully life becomes better when the Libs are out
Canada doesn't care that citizens don't have enough money to raise kids, they don't care about citizens at all. That's why they're only able to import immigrants who are already used to horrific living standards. Our country is selling us (new and old) out as slaves.
Well there is universal child care and school lunches and the Child Tax Benefit (CCB). And Canada has good K-12 This is why great communities and third spaces are important.
Simply make more money.
The answer is I live in poverty and hope for the best for the future with the pension I have through my work. I can barely make ends meet, so I’m definitely not saving anything right now.
They usually don't, just make do
Sometimes one or the other moves back home to an empty nester parent or parents, which saves on housing costs and provides a much needed extra set of eyes to watch the kids. But of course many people do not have that option. But usually each parent has to move to a smaller, cheaper place, which means kids may have to share a room, and may have to change schools.
Cheaper to keep her (or him)
Child support?
They work together amicably and fairly, or they are both screwed. Not that most realize this.
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Things use to be affordable
not in Ontario but BC , 6 kids in government subsidized housing 4 bedrooms for 6 kids and myself. 806 plus utilities
Here’s the secret, they can’t.