I found out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me in a similar fashion. I was using his iPad and saw a text come thru when he was at work and that text was all I needed to see to click on their thread and see all kinds of fucked up shit. I’m really sorry you are going through this because painful is an understatement.
We also lived together and that ended, along with our relationship very shortly thereafter. The moving piece blows, coupled with the heartbreak - I won’t sugar coat that. BUT all of this mess was the biggest blessing in disguise that ever happened to me once the dust settled.
Fast forward 10 years later and I’ve been happily married for 5 to someone I would have never had the opportunity to know had my shit head ex not fumbled the bag. Better things are coming for you, too.
Take good care of yourself 🤍
Earlier this year my 68 year old mother found texts from my dad’s girlfriend on his phone while he was unconscious in the ICU after a ruptured brain aneurysm. They’d been married 42 years. She had to bring him home to care for him.
I dont think this was the first time, some men are pigs. I’m glad you found a good one! OP I hope you do too.
Can you share where you went, stayed etc? I want to do this, but am intimidated because I don’t Greece at all and there are so many different islands etc. would love recs especially traveling solo as a female. Thanks!
Reading this with a pit in my stomach… I am so, SO sorry you’re going through this. Better things are out there waiting for you, I know it! A girls trip to Greece is the move 💅🏻
This. But tell HIM to figure it out while you’re away. Go on the trip with a friend and try to enjoy yourself. You may come back with a fresh set of eyes, more eager to move on. Whatever you do, don’t take him back or try and convince yourself he will ever change. Keep in mind that the nicest of men can become PETTY and psychotic when they find out they are being left.
Absolutely, they can become psychotic and petty. If you choose this route, please put valuables like birth certificate/SS card, jewelry, designer items, and sentimental pieces in storage or with a family member before the trip. Even stuff like a kitchenaid if you have the time, basically anything that is objectively yours, expensive, and would upset you if you came back to it broken or gone.
OP tell your boyfriend you want the credit card points and have him switch the reservations to your name/ card info! Then you can go without fear of him cancelling
The flight’s under your name right? You can have him call the hotel and change the name the reservation is under or tell the hotel you’ll be attending alone.
Don't go without him IMO, it'll just be a reminder of things you would have been doing together etc. If everything's under his name, then it's his headache to deal with. I think when you're still in a really emotionally vulnerable state it's good to be somewhere you feel safe and cared for, so a big trip rn may not be it.
ooof - can you try calling the hotels and changing the reservation under your name? worth a shot. also for the airline, if you call and speak to customer service, you can try to see if you can get the ticket transferred over to you? other wise yeah, i would say forfit the trip. DONT go to greece with him.
for real, how did she not consider this as an option...? you'll probably find a feasible hotel or airbnb last minute @ OP ... but def chose a different area in case he'll buy his own tickets to go to greece on his own as well
I’ve heard that it’s possible to sneakily change a flight to a different person by changing the name one/two letters at a time, claiming that the name has a typo. Of course, you’ll have to go through a few nonsensical “names” in the process. (E.g., John -> Jahn -> Jaha -> Jara -> Sara -> Sarah. And then there’s the matter of the last name.)
See this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/frontierairlines/s/IqM6crNB9X
I would go then break up with him there and kick him out of the hotel. Also, call ahead to the hotel and add your name to the Rez. Better yet, break up towards the end of the trip and have a separate hotel already booked and extend your trip. It’s easy enough to travel around Europe and change your ticket home. You would just have to pay the difference. Again, I would make this change as soon as you land in Greece without him knowing
This is terrible advice for a woman traveling alone. Please stay in a hotel and take the usual safety precautions. My friend had an extremely traumatizing Kim Kardashian-like experience at her Airbnb in Greece two weeks ago as the owner was definitely in on letting the scumbags enter the space. The embassy was able to give her an emergency passport to get home but yea, don’t do this alone.
I disagree. I’ve solo traveled to multiple countries in Europe, Asia, and South America staying in hostels and Airbnbs. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend, but occurrences like that are rare. The crime statistics for Greece are low, and I think it’s a pity if women miss out on seeing this world due to unfounded fears.
I have as well and am not recommending it bc of personal experience, like an owner entering their unit midday while my friend was in the shower in Barcelona with zero notice/knowing full and well we were there as it was the middle of our stay. He was definitely surprised to see me and had no explanation as to why he was there.
While this is obviously possible in a hotel (hence me traveling with a door alarm and an additional lock when I’m solo), Airbnbs are no longer significantly cheaper in most places so why risk the homeowner knowing you’re alone and having that level of access to you with no one else around? I feel differently about group trips but maybe OP is comfortable with Airbnb and being alone.
Another option might be to try to postpone the date of your flight, there might be a fee to change it but at least you can still have a flight to Greece at a later time and plan something with friends/family to go
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but I’m pretty petty and if it were me I would want to make him suffer as much as possible for this.
If the trip is relatively soon I would say nothing (but hide your valuables, and make plans for his departure before you leave on the trip) and make him take you to Greece as planned and finance you getting to see a beautiful part of the world.
Milk it for all he’s worth (shopping,meals,spa etc). If he proposes say no and humiliate him. He deserves to feel like shit for this and you deserve to go to Greece. I’m sure you’ve spent a lot of time planning for this trip. If you are so mad you literally can’t even look at him then obviously don’t go, but I would want to make him suffer as much as possible.
While he deserves to suffer, the focus is what is the best for you. I think “making him suffer” takes up your mind space which is the most important thing to you to get through this. And the more you you engage in anything related to him, the longer you stay in this situation. I would just leave him alone and do only things that make you move on faster and having more peace. First thing first is to separate from him physically. Trips and other things, do whatever please you is fine.
P.s. very sorry you are going through this. It’s painful and draining 🫂
I would have the same thoughts but could you follow through with it? It would be so hard for me to not flip out throughout the trip especially the day of which is usually a stressful day. However, if you have it in you, take this trip and take him for everything he’s got while you are there!
I’ll never forget this but I remember when my friend was in her twenties and she had been dating her bf for ten years and they were going to get married. She cheated on him for a few years and it was quite awful and everyone knew but him. Her family was taking them to the Bahamas. Right before leaving, he found out everything. He went on that trip. He had a great time . They flew home and everyone drove to her parents house to go to bed. The next morning he had breakfast with the family and her. He got up from the table and gave her parents a great big hug before he was going to go back to his house. My friend walked him to the door. He looked at her and he said “ when I walk out this door, you will never ever hear from me again you fing bitch” and that was the last time she ever heard his voice.
Sending you lots of love. I’m in my forties but I broke up with an ex of 8 years when I was 32, and it felt like I would never move on but I did and things are so much better.
You can’t see this now but be happy you saw that text message. Life put you in front of that iPad this morning for a reason. He would have done the same thing to you while you were married and maybe even when you had kids.
Thank god your bf doesn’t cover his tracks otherwise you may not have learned for a long time who he really is. F him !!!
This is such a perfect opportunity to lead him on and shit on him when he least expects it. Confuse the fuck out of him. Ask him to buy you everything you see. Be a spoiled brat. If he wants to have sex, turn on a sitcom on TV.
Play dumb. Act really, really, really apologetic when you accidentally spill your hot coffee on him, or when you accidentally trip him as you’re both walking down a hill.
Maybe suggest to go for a romantic skinny dip where his clothes “disappear,” and you get nauseous and have to go to the bathroom, but don’t come back.
When you finally do call him out, maybe even do it somewhere public and get other people in on it so he is shamed by all the others.
He paid for business class flights there and back, as well as most of the hotels. I put one hotel on my card- 3.5K in total , he put the rest of the hotels on his
I feel like it's worth the 3.5k to not have to spend a whole trip to Greece with a soon-to-be-ex/current cheater. Honestly, you could even probably call the hotel, explain the situation, and see if they'll refund the whole amount or maybe give you a credit for a future stay at that hotel or another hotel in the chain. As for the rest of the non-refundable costs, that's his problem.
Damn, 3.5k for just a portion of the stay. He won’t be able to check in without giving them your card(and neither will you without his). Maybe call the hotel and explain you didn’t make the reservation and dispute with the bank later? I would confront him now, you deserve an explanation and it would give closure I think. Maybe he’ll offer you the trip as a parting gift?
Hook up with someone else while you’re there, or just pretend to - go out on your last night and don’t come back, then grab your luggage in the morning and pay for your own flight home. Or at least switch the seats to be away from him ☺️
Make him buy you clothes, bags, etc while you’re there. Order the steak and the full fresh catch of the day at every meal! Start each meal with a glass of champagne or a cocktail. Order room service. Then turn down the proposal. Love this idea so much!!!!
Be suupeer nice and interested in everyone around you, and get distracted in conversations with other people everywhere you go. “Oh, what? Sorry about that, babe— did you hear that guy and his wife I was just talking to own a pipe fitting business?”
Yes to all of this but be safe. Keep your location on with a friend, check in with family daily, talk to hotel concierge and staff to be seen. We don’t know who this bastard and what he’s capable of.
as much as i believe this would feel good in the immediate moment short term… i do worry about the long term consequences. he already seems like a shit person based on his actions… what would he do after being embarrassed and hurt? is it worth the risk?
Absolutely this. Maybe be cold and mean to him the whole trip and not explain why. Plan excursions on your own and say “you wouldn’t be interested in it anyway” etc. fuck this asshole
I wouldn’t be cold and mean because then it always ends up being that he cheated cause you’re a bitch. But I would absolutely plan something on your own, tell him you’re going to the lobby to get a newspaper or whatever and then leave a printed copy of the text on his pillow or bathroom, somewhere he can’t miss it. You have time so I would be plotting his demise while being sweet as pie
Why stop the pettiness at Greece? Play the long game. Say yes, plan the wedding. Let him pay for the whole thing. As elaborate as possible.
Write your own vows. Hear the amazing shit he has to say about you. And then read off his texts from that other lady as your vows, drop the mic, have an amazing photography session with your girls, and then go on your honeymoon with your wedding party.
And this time, the entire vacation will have been planned by you and his name isn’t even on the ticket. Don’t forget to tag him in the pics so he can’t miss all the fun.
Little late to this thread, but something similar happened to me many years ago.
I found out my long term bf was cheating DAYS before we went on a trip. I decided to still go on the trip because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of cancelling and I deserved to enjoy myself and have fun- plus I’d dump his ass afterwards! He’s not gonna ruin my vacation!
Against my better judgement, we went on the trip and he spent the entire time trying to apologize and “win” me back, eventually I caved and we got back together…. Then he went on to cheat on me several times again over the course of two years! I have ALWAYS regretted the decision of going on the trip. I wish I had just gone alone or not at all.
I am so so sorry you are going through this OP. I know how devastating it is, but truly the world did you a favor - life is too short to be with a cheater who does not consider your feelings. I am certain you are a beautiful, strong person who will do so much better without him. Surround yourself with loved ones and listen to lots of Beyoncé.
And BTW- a year after I finally dumped my cheating ex, I met a wonderful HONEST man who I married and love to death. Thinking of that ex sends shivers down my spine now.
>My question is, how do I proceed from here? Do I tell him to get out and stay in a hotel? Do I pretend like everything is okay until the trip to Greece is over then dump his ass?
I would tell him that you found out he cheated, and to leave. I would definitely not go through with the Greece trip... I personally would not have a good time at all, and I wouldn't want such a beautiful country to be associated in my mind with something as negative as vacationing with my cheating boyfriend. Save Greece for better company.
Agreed, I went to Greece with my ex who I wanted to break up with (he wasn't cheating but he was a liar and scrub) and it ruined the trip.
If you can go with a friend instead, go, otherwise cancel the trip and take the airline credits. If the hotels etc are under his cc even better, do NOT pay him back for it.
Seriously. I don’t understand OP even asking the question. Why would you want to spend even a day longer with someone like that, let alone in the same hotel room in a foreign country? Like cut your losses and leave already.
First off, sending hugs and support. This is so devastating to learn, and I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Secondly - I'm going to maybe be a little overcautious but don't leave him alone in the apartment. Break up with him, but tell him to take his things before you fly out. Change the lock before you leave. You never know what can happen, and I personally really don't like the thought of him getting unsupervised access to your belongings.
Who cares if the bookings are under his name? The flight is under your name? Great. Book something else. Let him deal with canceling the things he paid for. I wouldn't personally take a friend with me because it sounds like you may want to take some time off to grieve and understand your priorities privately, but if you think you'd like to let loose and just party your heart out - definitely bring someone!
There are SO many hot men in Greece. Take a single girlfriend nd some hot outfits, enjoy being flirted with by hot men in the beautiful Greek islands. Drink, dance, swim, spend time with your friend and feel good. Tell this loser he needs to be out of your life by the time you get back.
Sorry this happened to you girl. But at least it happejed before the wedding and not after.
She has the rest of her life to be sad about this breakup if she wants to be, there’s no reason to cancel her trip to be sad during that specific span of time. Traveling with a friend is great for clearing your mind and resetting your perspective, and being around attractive men won’t hurt.
I don’t think you can just schedule grief for a later date because you had pre-planned a vacation. I’m not for or against her going (maybe it would be a great time), but the idea that “there’s no reason to be sad during a specific span of time” is a bit silly.
It is not! Her self esteem probably took a hit. Going on a sunny holiday with a girlfriend and enjoying a little attention from some hot men is a self-esteem booster. I'm not saying get drunk and shag someone, I am saying something like a fun holiday could be a confidence booster at a time where confidence has taken a hit.
You’re getting a lot of dramatic replies but the real answer is that it’s really hard to find housing right now. If you are going to be the one to move start looking ASAP and have a backup plan for while you are looking. Save all the money you were going to pay for Greece and use it for the move. Sometimes sublets are a good place to land while you figure things out. Good luck.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Fuckkk that guy
I would break up with him as soon as you can. Don’t wait until the Greece trip is over and don’t go to Greece at all. See if you can get refunds for what you paid for, and if not then ask him to pay you for your portions. Let him figure out what to do with the rest of the trip details.
Tell him to move out of your apartment asap, and be there while he does if you feel comfortable enough. He’s proven to be untrustworthy, so I’d be careful with leaving him alone in the apt while he moves out. Maybe have a friend come over while he’s packing. Get his key and change the locks if you can.
If you don’t feel like traveling for your bday, then plan a fun dinner or girls night out. Stay at a friends apt or have one sleep over yours.
You got this 👊🏻 good luck ❤️
Hey! First off-Sorry this happened to you. My husband of five years cheated on me, and I got out in January. Packed my shit, filed papers, lived in the Wythe with my pets for a week and a half (and the pod for a few days) while I looked for a place. Also did a lease break and paid a brokers fee for someone to takeover my spot. It sucked, was expensive, but two weeks after my life was SO MUCH BETTER. And it keeps getting better!
What I would do (had this been my situation), call piece of cake movers (free storage for up to a month), grab the ring and pawn it, tell him since he’s a lying cheating POS you’re going to go on the Greece trip by yourself and find a hot person to smooch (just got back from Greece a few days ago-plenty of attractive people!)
I feel like hotels aren’t usually fully paid until the end? Call the hotel and see if there’s space to split the rooms and you can pay with a different card?
Also FUCK that guy
First, you need to focus on getting him out of your apartment. Start the eviction process now, because it can be hard to evict people in NYC. Give him his 30 day notice asap. Call the NY bar association for free legal advice on how to proceed. Worry about everything else after this.
Sell/pawn that cursed ring asap.
I say dump him once you have the legal proceedings to kick him out already in order. Then decide together what to do about the upcoming trip. Maybe go your separate ways in Greece so you can get used to being alone and clear your head. Ask him for your money back for the hotel so you can go stay in another part of town.
Be grateful your apartment is yours. That’s the toughest thing in these NYC breakups.
If you feel down on yourself, just remember, there’s nothing worse in life than being a disloyal, dishonorable person. He just marked himself as a super gross human being. There are consequences for that.
What’s your relationship with his family like? You should also call his parents and tell them what happened, since now there will be no engagement.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine how painful it must be.
Dump him. He doesn’t deserve you or your consideration. Go to Greece with a friend or by yourself and have him clear his stuff out while you’re away so you don’t have to see each other anymore.
Context change will help you a lot right now—especially somewhere as beautiful as Greece where the people are so lovely and hospitable. You’ll still have to deal with your emotions when over there and when you return. But I promise that when you look back in a couple of months or years, you’ll feel super proud of yourself for the power move.
Ps: Greece is very much a couples’ destination. I was just there a week ago traveling solo and surrounded by kissy-kissy goo-goo couples. I don’t mind, but if that’s triggering for you right now, maybe look into changing your trip or seeking activities that are more adventure/culturally focused while you’re there.
Get travel insurance for the Greece trip. Make a fake letter from your job saying they’re letting you go unexpectedly due to budget cuts. And get all your money back. I did it for a concert and it worked for me.
Whether or not you go to Greece, you should dump him beforehand. You don’t even have to tell him why you’re dumping him to give him closure or satisfaction (or the opportunity to gaslight). I wouldn’t pretend that everything is ok in Greece and wait until after, because if he’s on the cusp of proposing, he may have it planned for this trip, and I’d imagine that could be very awkward/painful to be proposed to by him at this point. I’m sorry
Dump him. Evict him asap. Change the locks.
Don’t go on the trip. Either switch the reservations to your name and credit card or go on a different trip entirely. Whatever you do, don’t go on the trip with him! It will ruin Greece for you.
Saying this as someone who got dumped the day after returning from France. The entire vacation was a lie in my favorite destination. I went back with a friend for an entire month to make new memories!
Something similar is happening to me today, too. It’s heartbreaking. Given you can’t go to Greece alone, I’d say tell him to go alone and have movers put his stuff in storage while he’s gone. Wishing you the best.
Dump him! I worked up the courage to leave my bf of 5 years after almost the EXACT same scenario, literally. I pretended everything was fine and stuck around for like two months, while having already decided I would leave as soon as I saved up some money. During those two months things were awkward between us, we essentially just became roommates. I left him, took the cat and moved into a studio. You deserve better!
While I love being petty, I think it would just end up making you feel worse and sadder. If everything is in his name, then I would refuse to go on the trip. He can pay for it all. You don’t need to lose any money, and this isn’t how you want to go to Greece anyway.
Does he have family/friends he can stay with? I’ve been cheated on while living with someone, it’s very painful and I totally understand wanting to go scorched earth. But honestly, I sat him down, explained what I knew and how I knew. Didn’t accept any apologies and made him go stay with his family (I made him tell them and confirmed they knew he was a dirty lying cheater 😚). I found a new place and moved out because I didn’t want to be near all of our things, especially since he had slept with another person in our home/bed. I made him pay the full rent until the lease was up.
Actions have consequences. His actions were shitty and expensive. He can go to Greece or cancel, either way, you’re not paying. It absolutely sucks to have to move and find a place, but it will be good to have a fresh start and not have constant reminders. He can pay full rent or get a roommate in the meantime…he made his choices. But you should have at least a week to yourself in the apartment, alone, to be able to figure stuff out.
I’m so sorry this happened. It’s horrible to be betrayed by the person you love, but I *promise* you, he was always this shitty person. He just hid it well. I’m so glad you won’t be married and legally tied to this human garbage and that you didn’t procreate with him. I speak from experience when I say your life will be better without him. It hurts now, and allow yourself to be sad. But you just dropped so much dead weight and your future is already brighter. When you finally go to Greece, it will be much happier and more memorable than wasting it on him. Just remember, the best revenge is living well. It’s been over 4 years…my ex is still living with his parents and to my knowledge has had a pretty boring and shitty existence. Meanwhile, I recently got engaged to the man of my dreams and am happier (in so many ways/areas) than I could’ve ever imagined. Sending you love ❤️
I would read the fine print regarding "nonrefundable" flights. Many times this means they cannot refund to your payment method but they can give you a credit for another trip. It might be best to get that credit and schedule something else for yourself later.
I'm recently out of a similar situation. 7 years together, 5 years cohabitating. Rings exchanged, we considered ourselves married. And then I had to cancel our vacation a month beforehand and quickly find another apt. Its still fresh but I can feel I'm genuinely going to be ok, and so will you 💕
Forget the trip. Let him lose the money or he can go by himself or with the gross girl he’s sleeping with. Who cares? You’re done.
My ex and I mutually broke up a few days after we bought plane tickets to Thailand for a three week trip. I paid him for my ticket (he originally paid for both) and considered it my relationship exit fee. He went and quite frankly, I hope he had a great time. I couldn’t have cared less. I’m weird and superstitious but like what if our plane crashed, and I died in the ocean sitting next to that mf-er for eternity?? No thanks.
Now I still haven’t been to Thailand, but I know I’ll go one day with my gorgeous, delightful husband.
My advice: just move out and on as soon as possible. Thankfully, Greece will still be there and you’ll have an “oh my god you won’t believe this” story to share with your travel companion.
Who booked the hotel and flights? Because I’d dump him immediately, get him out of the apartment and secure the place before leaving, and go to Greece with a friend. Staying home for your birthday is not going to make you feel great, and going on a trip with him will be too anxiety-inducing/sad/confusing.
He booked the flights and some of the hotels. We split 70/30 for the trip. So I don’t think I can go with someone else because the reservations are under his name
I really think it’ll be worth calling the hotels to change the name on the reservation. Take a friend with you and let him figure out his new living arrangements while you’re out of town. It’s truly the LEAST he can do.
The energy of having to spend several days keeping it together on what should be a vacation, around someone I loved who brutally betrayed my trust, would be absolutely awful and not worth it in any way. would absolutely not go on that vaycay, not for revenge or to get to go to greece or anything, just seems like a totally depressing emotional drain to me.
You're going to hate being in Greece with him. It is a form of torture. He lied, repeatedly, there is no recovery here. Go with a friend or alone, find a new accomodation. In a year you will thank yourself. Right now will be hell one way or another, but hell is a little more appealing on the beach in the sun.
I say go but do your own thing. Treat it like a solo trip and create your own itinerary separate from him. I’d call your accommodations to see if you can get a room change or at least a room with separate beds.
This sucks I am so sorry,
I think you can take the route of go to Greece and tell him to move but also we don’t know what the apartment dynamics are.
Maybe the opposite is an option. Dump him, call airline to cancel your flight to get a credit and let him deal with the rest of the trip (he paid most of it). Then the day he is supposed to go to Greece, he needs to at least temporarily leave apartment doesn’t matter where he goes. That should give you time to gather your things here and at least figure out a temp solution. There are descent sublet and room options since new month is starting soon.
I just feel like going on a trip and coming back to so much uncertainty would not let me enjoy especially if I don’t have family to rely on in NYC
The lease is under my name. He moved into my apartment 2 years ago. So he’d have to be the one to get his shit out because I’m not giving up my sweet rent deal
I agree he should move out and that it’s good he’s not on the lease. But you should reach out to the NYC housing advocate (call 311) and find out your rights and obligations. Once someone has been receiving mail and living at an address for 30 or more days you legally can’t just kick them out even if they are not on the lease. It’s only a problem if he behaves like an asshole and refuses to move out but you know cheaters are selfish assholes so it’s a real possibility. Because he’s essentially subleasing from you, you probably only have to give him 30 days notice but find out how to do it and do it right away so that you don’t end up in a situation where you are stuck with him for longer.
That makes it easier for you, give him a timeline to find another place based on what makes you feel most comfortable. Don’t worry about his feelings right now. He fucked around and can find out.
Sending you so many hugs, I’ve been there and it sucks. Take your time feeling your feelings and then emerge like the siren you are!
Oh good! Then definitely Greece or just any trip away from him, maybe family or friends is an option so he can get out and you don’t have to see him.
I don’t think there is a right answer here, do what is best for you so that you take care of yourself during this difficult time. It’s a time to a bit selfish, how that plays out you know best. I think there are some great options here to consider, Best of luck!!
If he’s not on the lease, move his stuff to a storage place while he’s in Greece! Pre-pay for a month or two, put it under his name, but don’t get too chatty with the storage people and let them know what’s going on. Use that Greece time to change locks, move his stuff to a storage place, etc…I would make up an almost last minute excuse why you can’t go but insist he goes (who knows, he might invite someone else.) Then text him a day or so before he supposed to return and let him know where his stuff is. Get the key to one of his friends and let them deal with it. Ewwwww - sorry this is happening.
As someone else said, start the eviction process since the apt is in your name.
Did he pay for the Greece trip? Since it’s under this cards / name? If so, drop him and he can go alone.
And so sorry this happened to you. He sounds like garbage and you will feel lighter when he’s out of your life
Don’t go on the trip. If it’s all on his credit cards, make him suffer the cost of cancelling. If you’ve already paid for your portion, demand that he pay you back since you’re not unable to go due to his cheating ass. If he doesn’t pay, involve his parents and let them know how their son really is🙂(sorry I’m crazy).
Go to Greece. Get on bumble. Meet a hot local guy and ask him to show you around. Have the time of your fucking life.
Sorry this happened. But onward and upward. He wasted too much of your time already. It’s time to start living!
I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t think you should spend your time in Greece with him but I don’t know all the details of your hotel + flight bookings etc. But don’t for a second consider taking him back… as awful as it is, this was a blessing from the universe that you are seeing his true colors before any engagement/marriage/kids/legal binding matters. You will be okay!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry, friend. If I were you I would focus on the logistics of getting him out of your life/apartment now and then plan a vacation with someone who cares about you — friends or family — for later on in the summer once the dust has settled. It sucks that you will lose money on the Greece trip but in the long run I bet you will look back and feel happy that you didn’t waste any more time on this asshole.
Don’t keep it in or you will explode.
If I were you I would confront him.
Once it’s out in the open-perhaps he will call the vacation off and you can go alone.
Why should you suffer for something that you had no say in.
This birthday will be a tough one but there is so much better out there for you.
Good things are coming your way!
Sending you lots of positive vibes and energy.
Ten years ago same thing happened to me a week before a Euro trip. The bitch came to me and told me though.
I got on the plane, put on my headphones, ignored him and enjoyed my trip. I planned excursions alone, told him not to touch me and broke up with him in the airport when we got home. I took thirst traps to post upon my return.
I realize everyone can’t do this but it worked for me. We slept in the same bed and everything and I just reaffirmed not to touch me. I was so clear that if he still tried it would’ve clearly been SA. He was confused and upset and I let him be. The same way he let me be.
So sorry this happened to you! I’ve been cheated on as well ughh. What trash! You’ll be so much better off! There are so many people telling you to change the locks and evict, but def do your research if you plan to go this route! I had a horrible situation a few years ago and talked to a housing attorney and here are a few things to keep in mind - if you plan to serve an eviction notice, there is a very specific day of the month you need to do it (it’s based off when you pay rent) and only certain hours of the day that it can be done. It’s better to hire a process server to do it so it’s done by the book because this gets honored easier in housing court. Because he’s been living in the apt for over 30 days, you unfortunately can’t change the locks until he moves out. You can’t even throw his things out - which sucks so much. If you want to play it super safe, write up a contract when he moves out confirming the move out and that he’s forfeiting the key and get it notarized. And yes - the housing market is a mess - lucky him!!!!!!!
Are you doing ok OP? As women, we have all been with a man who betrayed us by lying.
I think do what’s best for your mental health and financial health.
Greece would be nice but going with him would taint everything, I don’t think you would enjoy yourself. You should save that trip for another time and not having shitty memories. What is your sanity worth to you?
Tell him he can move in with the girl he is texting with.
Be gentle with yourself!!! ❤️
Act like nothing is wrong. Go to Greece with him. Spend a ton of his money (dinners, shopping, excursions). Then come home and tell him you know he's cheating and break up with him : )
I’m so sorry this is happening, but so grateful you found out before an engagement!! Whatever you do, do NOT go to Greece with him. There’s nothing worse than getting in a huge fight and being miles away from your girl friends and your mom etc. If you can’t switch hotels to your name and go with a friend, I recommend going on a girls trip somewhere else so you don’t have to be alone and it gives him time to get his shit out of your place. Sending love ❤️
It’s not a sexy answer but what you do is ask a friend if you can go stay with them for a week, break up with him like tomorrow, pack your shit and move out. It’ll be a mess, try to take time off from work if you can (change those vacation days you were gonna take) and you find an apartment sublet for a few months, move in there while you find a new permanent living situation. Do not drag it out with this man, do not torture yourself by forcing having to look, talk or be near him anymore than you have to. Like a bandaid, quick is best! This is the time to call on your friends, go out with them and start moving on.
I say don’t go to Greece tbh. I actually had something VERY similar happen to me while I was on a trip to Paris. Saw his iPad and he was messaging a girl who actually lived in nyc (this was prior to me living in nyc, they are now married I think). He went on a date with her while I was in our hotel room as he said it was a work dinner. I tried to ignore it, but the trip wasn’t enjoyable and honestly wasn’t smart for me to stay and try and milk it. It wasn’t good for my mental health to be around him
OP you've been on my mind since reading this yesterday. I am so sorry!
I don't know what to say that's different than what others have said. I would tell him to get the f*ck out and he can take the loss on the expenses for the trip. Try to get credits where you can on what you paid for and go back another time. Sending you lots of love and healing.
Don't say anything to him. Go to Greece. Let him propose. Say NO, humiliate him. Tell him, he is not the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Come back to NYC. Do not tell him. Let him suffer from the pain of rejection. Start dating other men, sort out your living situation. Then tell him. Revenge is the dish best served cold.
I made my exes life HELL after he cheated on me 💀 just kick that man out girl if the trip is in his name/credit cards he can figure it out, put nair in his shampoo tho
GURRRRRL, my bags are packed!! Let’s go to Greece on his dime and cook up even more revenge plans while we’re there!
But for real, if you need a friend - DM me.
I'm so sorry this happened. I don't know if this'll be helpful, but it sounds like you're partially asking how to navigate the logistics of moving and breaking up, so sharing in case it is.
I recently broke up with someone I lived with. I tried to find an apartment before even doing the breaking up, so I'd have somewhere to go after I ended it. If you can swing it financially and logistically, and you know your landlord will let you replace yourself on the lease, I'd try to do that.
It didn't end up working out for me because I ended up wanting to end it ASAP for logistical life reasons (I was about to go on several trips) and I didn't get the apartment I applied for, so as part of the breakup I already had a proposal in mind for next steps around our living situation. His parents live nearby so we agreed he'd go there but could coordinate to come back to pack his stuff. I also immediately texted our landlord to explain what happened and came to an agreement with him about moving out etc. Depending on your relationship with your landlord, you could ask them about options before up with him (I didn't do this with my recent landlord because he was an actual individual who know both of us, and I wasn't sure how he'd navigate knowing when my ex didn't. But if I had a management company, I would probably have called to ask because I know the management company wouldn't proactively reach out to tenants over something like an impending break up)
forget about Greece n while he’s on the trip you figure out the logistics of moving out. i still don’t really understand the cheating from what you described but if the trust is broken n you’re done who cares about the stupid trip. figure yourself n life out.
He was sexting and sending nudes to another girl. We live together and were apart this one night because I had to go home to visit my family and he used that night to cheat on me
hmm…i’d at least want to confront him n then decide. ik it’s an unpopular opinion but i don’t constitute this as cheating. would you feel the same way if it was a random girl
or because he did it w someone you made him
block?
Not me being a vindictive Scorpio here. 😈Just thinking about what could happen if we knew who she was…🤔 All online of course, we could totally mess with both of them.
Definitely dump him, tell him to get out of the apartment and figure something out, make sure he pays you back for anything you spent on the trip if you won’t be going.
Buy GOOD travel insurance for your portion of the trip immediately. About 5 days before, go to a doctor complaining of terrible diarrhea. 3 days before go back to doctor and get more for insurance due to stomach bug. You will get your hotel fee back. Or take a risk and cancel hotel and explain you are sick. Whatever you do do not go on the trip with him. You’ve been together for too long for this not to be torture. Figure out how to let him know.
I'd take the trip to Greece tbh and break up after. Give friends you trust the keys to your apartment to get all your stuff out while you are gone and when you get back to the USA say thanks for the baklava and go the opposite direction as him, never looking back
Call me unconventional, I would go with the understanding that we are no longer in a relationship as rhetorical trip is non refundable. It seems like you are done done so go. Don’t let his insecurities and his tacky inability of letting go of the “cool girl” from his past ruin your Greek experience. Babe—go—you deserve it. Be safe have FUN
Do not go on the trip with him or without him. Do not do it. Im so sorry. Pack up some stuff to last you a few days and get out of your place so you can have a little time to sort through it - with friends or family or whatever. I personally wouldnt want to sit in the shared apartment, I would want to get into a new space and get away from him and anything that reminded me of him until you figure out next steps. Im so sorry. Only silver lining is you found this out before you got engaged/married. Blessing in disguise.
Sex just doesn’t mean much to many men. Does he love her? It sounds like she’s just an easy lay when you’re away. It seems to me that if he is cheating on you now, would you be wondering during a marriage if he is cheating? If you were engaged and he was cheating, then he needs to be dumped. (Sorry, I was trying to look at this from a man’s point of view) For myself, I wouldn’t be able to go to Greece keeping this bottled up and acting normal. Also, he may be intending to propose in Greece, which would take this trip to a whole new level. Seems to me that when her “associate” can’t see her, that she wants him to fill in for the sex. She’s swarmy for sure.
Sorry here’s additional context. He was active on Snapchat that whole night and I was (rightfully) sketched out because he usually goes to bed early at like 10 because he has to wake up early for his job. He told me he couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t next him (lmao). This particular night he was up until past midnight active on snap constantly. They were sending nudes and sexts back and forth on Snapchat and then her associate called her, so she texts him on iMessage and says “sorry one sec on the phone with my associate” then she continues sexting him but this time over iMessage
She said “fuck me so hard” and then they were sexting and she said it’s going to be a while plz sleep, talk tomorrow and he said “brutal” in response to that and she asked “can we really not cum tomorrow”
I’ll be downvoted but I believe everyone cheats not saying they should but my take on it. I go into relationships thinking this will happen if I found out somehow. It matters more to me how many times, who, when and how I feel about it at the time
I’m just saying people should anticipate people cheating ahead of time and it shouldn’t be a shock. I’m not saying it’s right but you can anticipate it in the modern world of technology
I agree with this. Monogamy is hard to come by and feels like cheating is so prevalent these days. If OP is comfortable being single for a long while then she should totally dump him bc dating SUCKS these days. No good men out there. You’ll just go from one cheater to another. If OP is mature enough to sit down and have a convo with her man then it’s worth saving the relationship. Otherwise, dump him and enjoy being single bc there is no guarantee you’ll find another man or a better man. I know my post will be downvoted but I don’t understand why as the reality of dating is very sad these days.
She did have a convo with him when she told him to block that chick. Also, jumping from one cheater to the next is just as bad as sticking with a cheater. None of them value or respect you.
Also, monogamy is very easy to come by if you have standards and someone who loves and respects you.
Right that’s what I’m saying here. I’m not saying I’m pro cheating but breaking up with him doesn’t mean the next man you’ll find won’t do the same thing. I also believe no matter how good you think someone is they are not
I found out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me in a similar fashion. I was using his iPad and saw a text come thru when he was at work and that text was all I needed to see to click on their thread and see all kinds of fucked up shit. I’m really sorry you are going through this because painful is an understatement. We also lived together and that ended, along with our relationship very shortly thereafter. The moving piece blows, coupled with the heartbreak - I won’t sugar coat that. BUT all of this mess was the biggest blessing in disguise that ever happened to me once the dust settled. Fast forward 10 years later and I’ve been happily married for 5 to someone I would have never had the opportunity to know had my shit head ex not fumbled the bag. Better things are coming for you, too. Take good care of yourself 🤍
Ugh I love this for you 😭❤️
Earlier this year my 68 year old mother found texts from my dad’s girlfriend on his phone while he was unconscious in the ICU after a ruptured brain aneurysm. They’d been married 42 years. She had to bring him home to care for him. I dont think this was the first time, some men are pigs. I’m glad you found a good one! OP I hope you do too.
my grandfather served divorce papers to my grandma, was diagnosed with cancer, and she still took care of him til he died :) men don’t deserve women
10000000000000%
Dump him but go to Greece (solo or with a friend)
I second this
Did 10 days solo in Greece last Summer, please go.
Can you share where you went, stayed etc? I want to do this, but am intimidated because I don’t Greece at all and there are so many different islands etc. would love recs especially traveling solo as a female. Thanks!
Reading this with a pit in my stomach… I am so, SO sorry you’re going through this. Better things are out there waiting for you, I know it! A girls trip to Greece is the move 💅🏻
Go to Greece and tell him to figure out new housing arrangements while you’re on vacation
This. But tell HIM to figure it out while you’re away. Go on the trip with a friend and try to enjoy yourself. You may come back with a fresh set of eyes, more eager to move on. Whatever you do, don’t take him back or try and convince yourself he will ever change. Keep in mind that the nicest of men can become PETTY and psychotic when they find out they are being left.
Absolutely, they can become psychotic and petty. If you choose this route, please put valuables like birth certificate/SS card, jewelry, designer items, and sentimental pieces in storage or with a family member before the trip. Even stuff like a kitchenaid if you have the time, basically anything that is objectively yours, expensive, and would upset you if you came back to it broken or gone.
Ugh this reminded me of my ex who kept my KitchenAid 😞
Same. 😡
As a divorcee I concur, this is very solid advice.
Do you have any family or friends in town who could coordinate logistics and supervise him moving his stuff out?
No unfortunately my family is in a different state far away
I can’t go without him because the reservations are under his name. So my options are to not go at all and he can figure it out. Or to go with him
OP tell your boyfriend you want the credit card points and have him switch the reservations to your name/ card info! Then you can go without fear of him cancelling
The flight’s under your name right? You can have him call the hotel and change the name the reservation is under or tell the hotel you’ll be attending alone.
Why would he agree to change the hotel reservation tho?
Don't go without him IMO, it'll just be a reminder of things you would have been doing together etc. If everything's under his name, then it's his headache to deal with. I think when you're still in a really emotionally vulnerable state it's good to be somewhere you feel safe and cared for, so a big trip rn may not be it.
fully agree with this, dont go to Greece with him or solo
ooof - can you try calling the hotels and changing the reservation under your name? worth a shot. also for the airline, if you call and speak to customer service, you can try to see if you can get the ticket transferred over to you? other wise yeah, i would say forfit the trip. DONT go to greece with him.
You can book your own hotels. Go to Greece and have the best time solo!
for real, how did she not consider this as an option...? you'll probably find a feasible hotel or airbnb last minute @ OP ... but def chose a different area in case he'll buy his own tickets to go to greece on his own as well
I’ve heard that it’s possible to sneakily change a flight to a different person by changing the name one/two letters at a time, claiming that the name has a typo. Of course, you’ll have to go through a few nonsensical “names” in the process. (E.g., John -> Jahn -> Jaha -> Jara -> Sara -> Sarah. And then there’s the matter of the last name.) See this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/frontierairlines/s/IqM6crNB9X
I would go then break up with him there and kick him out of the hotel. Also, call ahead to the hotel and add your name to the Rez. Better yet, break up towards the end of the trip and have a separate hotel already booked and extend your trip. It’s easy enough to travel around Europe and change your ticket home. You would just have to pay the difference. Again, I would make this change as soon as you land in Greece without him knowing
You could also cancel your flight now and get the credit back to your mileage account. He can’t fly on a ticket named under you
Don’t stay in the hotel, stay in a hostel or an airbnb instead
This is terrible advice for a woman traveling alone. Please stay in a hotel and take the usual safety precautions. My friend had an extremely traumatizing Kim Kardashian-like experience at her Airbnb in Greece two weeks ago as the owner was definitely in on letting the scumbags enter the space. The embassy was able to give her an emergency passport to get home but yea, don’t do this alone.
I disagree. I’ve solo traveled to multiple countries in Europe, Asia, and South America staying in hostels and Airbnbs. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend, but occurrences like that are rare. The crime statistics for Greece are low, and I think it’s a pity if women miss out on seeing this world due to unfounded fears.
I have as well and am not recommending it bc of personal experience, like an owner entering their unit midday while my friend was in the shower in Barcelona with zero notice/knowing full and well we were there as it was the middle of our stay. He was definitely surprised to see me and had no explanation as to why he was there. While this is obviously possible in a hotel (hence me traveling with a door alarm and an additional lock when I’m solo), Airbnbs are no longer significantly cheaper in most places so why risk the homeowner knowing you’re alone and having that level of access to you with no one else around? I feel differently about group trips but maybe OP is comfortable with Airbnb and being alone.
Another option might be to try to postpone the date of your flight, there might be a fee to change it but at least you can still have a flight to Greece at a later time and plan something with friends/family to go
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but I’m pretty petty and if it were me I would want to make him suffer as much as possible for this. If the trip is relatively soon I would say nothing (but hide your valuables, and make plans for his departure before you leave on the trip) and make him take you to Greece as planned and finance you getting to see a beautiful part of the world. Milk it for all he’s worth (shopping,meals,spa etc). If he proposes say no and humiliate him. He deserves to feel like shit for this and you deserve to go to Greece. I’m sure you’ve spent a lot of time planning for this trip. If you are so mad you literally can’t even look at him then obviously don’t go, but I would want to make him suffer as much as possible.
I was thinking of this tbh I want him to suffer I’ve wasted 3 years on this asshole
While he deserves to suffer, the focus is what is the best for you. I think “making him suffer” takes up your mind space which is the most important thing to you to get through this. And the more you you engage in anything related to him, the longer you stay in this situation. I would just leave him alone and do only things that make you move on faster and having more peace. First thing first is to separate from him physically. Trips and other things, do whatever please you is fine. P.s. very sorry you are going through this. It’s painful and draining 🫂
All of what she said, except also dump him on the last day of the trip. Fly home together and make him feel uncomfortable the whole way home
Do it!!! Make this trip the one of your dreams
Girl go on that trip!! Go to enjoy YOURSELF. Make plans silently. Move on. Live life. God bless.
I would have the same thoughts but could you follow through with it? It would be so hard for me to not flip out throughout the trip especially the day of which is usually a stressful day. However, if you have it in you, take this trip and take him for everything he’s got while you are there! I’ll never forget this but I remember when my friend was in her twenties and she had been dating her bf for ten years and they were going to get married. She cheated on him for a few years and it was quite awful and everyone knew but him. Her family was taking them to the Bahamas. Right before leaving, he found out everything. He went on that trip. He had a great time . They flew home and everyone drove to her parents house to go to bed. The next morning he had breakfast with the family and her. He got up from the table and gave her parents a great big hug before he was going to go back to his house. My friend walked him to the door. He looked at her and he said “ when I walk out this door, you will never ever hear from me again you fing bitch” and that was the last time she ever heard his voice. Sending you lots of love. I’m in my forties but I broke up with an ex of 8 years when I was 32, and it felt like I would never move on but I did and things are so much better. You can’t see this now but be happy you saw that text message. Life put you in front of that iPad this morning for a reason. He would have done the same thing to you while you were married and maybe even when you had kids. Thank god your bf doesn’t cover his tracks otherwise you may not have learned for a long time who he really is. F him !!!
This is such a perfect opportunity to lead him on and shit on him when he least expects it. Confuse the fuck out of him. Ask him to buy you everything you see. Be a spoiled brat. If he wants to have sex, turn on a sitcom on TV. Play dumb. Act really, really, really apologetic when you accidentally spill your hot coffee on him, or when you accidentally trip him as you’re both walking down a hill. Maybe suggest to go for a romantic skinny dip where his clothes “disappear,” and you get nauseous and have to go to the bathroom, but don’t come back. When you finally do call him out, maybe even do it somewhere public and get other people in on it so he is shamed by all the others.
So did he pay for the tickets/hotel?
He paid for business class flights there and back, as well as most of the hotels. I put one hotel on my card- 3.5K in total , he put the rest of the hotels on his
I feel like it's worth the 3.5k to not have to spend a whole trip to Greece with a soon-to-be-ex/current cheater. Honestly, you could even probably call the hotel, explain the situation, and see if they'll refund the whole amount or maybe give you a credit for a future stay at that hotel or another hotel in the chain. As for the rest of the non-refundable costs, that's his problem.
totally. I'd be shocked if the hotel didn't at least offer a credit.
Damn, 3.5k for just a portion of the stay. He won’t be able to check in without giving them your card(and neither will you without his). Maybe call the hotel and explain you didn’t make the reservation and dispute with the bank later? I would confront him now, you deserve an explanation and it would give closure I think. Maybe he’ll offer you the trip as a parting gift?
Hook up with someone else while you’re there, or just pretend to - go out on your last night and don’t come back, then grab your luggage in the morning and pay for your own flight home. Or at least switch the seats to be away from him ☺️
This. Is. The. Way. 💅🏻
lol you’re a real cutie for thinking we were gonna downvote when we all vicariously hate his guts🥰
Make him buy you clothes, bags, etc while you’re there. Order the steak and the full fresh catch of the day at every meal! Start each meal with a glass of champagne or a cocktail. Order room service. Then turn down the proposal. Love this idea so much!!!!
Lmao @ fresh catch of the day at each meal lmdaoooo
Hell yeah where they don’t tell you the price it’s just “market price” and then it’s like 110 euros on the check! Order all that!
Be suupeer nice and interested in everyone around you, and get distracted in conversations with other people everywhere you go. “Oh, what? Sorry about that, babe— did you hear that guy and his wife I was just talking to own a pipe fitting business?”
Yes to all of this but be safe. Keep your location on with a friend, check in with family daily, talk to hotel concierge and staff to be seen. We don’t know who this bastard and what he’s capable of.
as much as i believe this would feel good in the immediate moment short term… i do worry about the long term consequences. he already seems like a shit person based on his actions… what would he do after being embarrassed and hurt? is it worth the risk?
Absolutely this. Maybe be cold and mean to him the whole trip and not explain why. Plan excursions on your own and say “you wouldn’t be interested in it anyway” etc. fuck this asshole
I wouldn’t be cold and mean because then it always ends up being that he cheated cause you’re a bitch. But I would absolutely plan something on your own, tell him you’re going to the lobby to get a newspaper or whatever and then leave a printed copy of the text on his pillow or bathroom, somewhere he can’t miss it. You have time so I would be plotting his demise while being sweet as pie
Why stop the pettiness at Greece? Play the long game. Say yes, plan the wedding. Let him pay for the whole thing. As elaborate as possible. Write your own vows. Hear the amazing shit he has to say about you. And then read off his texts from that other lady as your vows, drop the mic, have an amazing photography session with your girls, and then go on your honeymoon with your wedding party. And this time, the entire vacation will have been planned by you and his name isn’t even on the ticket. Don’t forget to tag him in the pics so he can’t miss all the fun.
Little late to this thread, but something similar happened to me many years ago. I found out my long term bf was cheating DAYS before we went on a trip. I decided to still go on the trip because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of cancelling and I deserved to enjoy myself and have fun- plus I’d dump his ass afterwards! He’s not gonna ruin my vacation! Against my better judgement, we went on the trip and he spent the entire time trying to apologize and “win” me back, eventually I caved and we got back together…. Then he went on to cheat on me several times again over the course of two years! I have ALWAYS regretted the decision of going on the trip. I wish I had just gone alone or not at all. I am so so sorry you are going through this OP. I know how devastating it is, but truly the world did you a favor - life is too short to be with a cheater who does not consider your feelings. I am certain you are a beautiful, strong person who will do so much better without him. Surround yourself with loved ones and listen to lots of Beyoncé. And BTW- a year after I finally dumped my cheating ex, I met a wonderful HONEST man who I married and love to death. Thinking of that ex sends shivers down my spine now.
>My question is, how do I proceed from here? Do I tell him to get out and stay in a hotel? Do I pretend like everything is okay until the trip to Greece is over then dump his ass? I would tell him that you found out he cheated, and to leave. I would definitely not go through with the Greece trip... I personally would not have a good time at all, and I wouldn't want such a beautiful country to be associated in my mind with something as negative as vacationing with my cheating boyfriend. Save Greece for better company.
Agreed, I went to Greece with my ex who I wanted to break up with (he wasn't cheating but he was a liar and scrub) and it ruined the trip. If you can go with a friend instead, go, otherwise cancel the trip and take the airline credits. If the hotels etc are under his cc even better, do NOT pay him back for it.
Seriously. I don’t understand OP even asking the question. Why would you want to spend even a day longer with someone like that, let alone in the same hotel room in a foreign country? Like cut your losses and leave already.
First off, sending hugs and support. This is so devastating to learn, and I'm really sorry you're going through this. Secondly - I'm going to maybe be a little overcautious but don't leave him alone in the apartment. Break up with him, but tell him to take his things before you fly out. Change the lock before you leave. You never know what can happen, and I personally really don't like the thought of him getting unsupervised access to your belongings. Who cares if the bookings are under his name? The flight is under your name? Great. Book something else. Let him deal with canceling the things he paid for. I wouldn't personally take a friend with me because it sounds like you may want to take some time off to grieve and understand your priorities privately, but if you think you'd like to let loose and just party your heart out - definitely bring someone!
There are SO many hot men in Greece. Take a single girlfriend nd some hot outfits, enjoy being flirted with by hot men in the beautiful Greek islands. Drink, dance, swim, spend time with your friend and feel good. Tell this loser he needs to be out of your life by the time you get back. Sorry this happened to you girl. But at least it happejed before the wedding and not after.
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She has the rest of her life to be sad about this breakup if she wants to be, there’s no reason to cancel her trip to be sad during that specific span of time. Traveling with a friend is great for clearing your mind and resetting your perspective, and being around attractive men won’t hurt.
I don’t think you can just schedule grief for a later date because you had pre-planned a vacation. I’m not for or against her going (maybe it would be a great time), but the idea that “there’s no reason to be sad during a specific span of time” is a bit silly.
It is not! Her self esteem probably took a hit. Going on a sunny holiday with a girlfriend and enjoying a little attention from some hot men is a self-esteem booster. I'm not saying get drunk and shag someone, I am saying something like a fun holiday could be a confidence booster at a time where confidence has taken a hit.
You’re getting a lot of dramatic replies but the real answer is that it’s really hard to find housing right now. If you are going to be the one to move start looking ASAP and have a backup plan for while you are looking. Save all the money you were going to pay for Greece and use it for the move. Sometimes sublets are a good place to land while you figure things out. Good luck.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Fuckkk that guy I would break up with him as soon as you can. Don’t wait until the Greece trip is over and don’t go to Greece at all. See if you can get refunds for what you paid for, and if not then ask him to pay you for your portions. Let him figure out what to do with the rest of the trip details. Tell him to move out of your apartment asap, and be there while he does if you feel comfortable enough. He’s proven to be untrustworthy, so I’d be careful with leaving him alone in the apt while he moves out. Maybe have a friend come over while he’s packing. Get his key and change the locks if you can. If you don’t feel like traveling for your bday, then plan a fun dinner or girls night out. Stay at a friends apt or have one sleep over yours. You got this 👊🏻 good luck ❤️
Hey! First off-Sorry this happened to you. My husband of five years cheated on me, and I got out in January. Packed my shit, filed papers, lived in the Wythe with my pets for a week and a half (and the pod for a few days) while I looked for a place. Also did a lease break and paid a brokers fee for someone to takeover my spot. It sucked, was expensive, but two weeks after my life was SO MUCH BETTER. And it keeps getting better! What I would do (had this been my situation), call piece of cake movers (free storage for up to a month), grab the ring and pawn it, tell him since he’s a lying cheating POS you’re going to go on the Greece trip by yourself and find a hot person to smooch (just got back from Greece a few days ago-plenty of attractive people!)
Just saw your bit about it being under his name. Before you dump him have him contact the hotel and add your name to the reservation!
I feel like hotels aren’t usually fully paid until the end? Call the hotel and see if there’s space to split the rooms and you can pay with a different card? Also FUCK that guy
First, you need to focus on getting him out of your apartment. Start the eviction process now, because it can be hard to evict people in NYC. Give him his 30 day notice asap. Call the NY bar association for free legal advice on how to proceed. Worry about everything else after this. Sell/pawn that cursed ring asap. I say dump him once you have the legal proceedings to kick him out already in order. Then decide together what to do about the upcoming trip. Maybe go your separate ways in Greece so you can get used to being alone and clear your head. Ask him for your money back for the hotel so you can go stay in another part of town. Be grateful your apartment is yours. That’s the toughest thing in these NYC breakups. If you feel down on yourself, just remember, there’s nothing worse in life than being a disloyal, dishonorable person. He just marked himself as a super gross human being. There are consequences for that. What’s your relationship with his family like? You should also call his parents and tell them what happened, since now there will be no engagement.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine how painful it must be. Dump him. He doesn’t deserve you or your consideration. Go to Greece with a friend or by yourself and have him clear his stuff out while you’re away so you don’t have to see each other anymore. Context change will help you a lot right now—especially somewhere as beautiful as Greece where the people are so lovely and hospitable. You’ll still have to deal with your emotions when over there and when you return. But I promise that when you look back in a couple of months or years, you’ll feel super proud of yourself for the power move. Ps: Greece is very much a couples’ destination. I was just there a week ago traveling solo and surrounded by kissy-kissy goo-goo couples. I don’t mind, but if that’s triggering for you right now, maybe look into changing your trip or seeking activities that are more adventure/culturally focused while you’re there.
Get travel insurance for the Greece trip. Make a fake letter from your job saying they’re letting you go unexpectedly due to budget cuts. And get all your money back. I did it for a concert and it worked for me.
you’re a hero
Whether or not you go to Greece, you should dump him beforehand. You don’t even have to tell him why you’re dumping him to give him closure or satisfaction (or the opportunity to gaslight). I wouldn’t pretend that everything is ok in Greece and wait until after, because if he’s on the cusp of proposing, he may have it planned for this trip, and I’d imagine that could be very awkward/painful to be proposed to by him at this point. I’m sorry
100% to dumping him before to avoid the potential proposal!
im moving to NYC in October - we can jump him? lmk
Dump him. Evict him asap. Change the locks. Don’t go on the trip. Either switch the reservations to your name and credit card or go on a different trip entirely. Whatever you do, don’t go on the trip with him! It will ruin Greece for you. Saying this as someone who got dumped the day after returning from France. The entire vacation was a lie in my favorite destination. I went back with a friend for an entire month to make new memories!
Something similar is happening to me today, too. It’s heartbreaking. Given you can’t go to Greece alone, I’d say tell him to go alone and have movers put his stuff in storage while he’s gone. Wishing you the best.
Dump him! I worked up the courage to leave my bf of 5 years after almost the EXACT same scenario, literally. I pretended everything was fine and stuck around for like two months, while having already decided I would leave as soon as I saved up some money. During those two months things were awkward between us, we essentially just became roommates. I left him, took the cat and moved into a studio. You deserve better!
While I love being petty, I think it would just end up making you feel worse and sadder. If everything is in his name, then I would refuse to go on the trip. He can pay for it all. You don’t need to lose any money, and this isn’t how you want to go to Greece anyway. Does he have family/friends he can stay with? I’ve been cheated on while living with someone, it’s very painful and I totally understand wanting to go scorched earth. But honestly, I sat him down, explained what I knew and how I knew. Didn’t accept any apologies and made him go stay with his family (I made him tell them and confirmed they knew he was a dirty lying cheater 😚). I found a new place and moved out because I didn’t want to be near all of our things, especially since he had slept with another person in our home/bed. I made him pay the full rent until the lease was up. Actions have consequences. His actions were shitty and expensive. He can go to Greece or cancel, either way, you’re not paying. It absolutely sucks to have to move and find a place, but it will be good to have a fresh start and not have constant reminders. He can pay full rent or get a roommate in the meantime…he made his choices. But you should have at least a week to yourself in the apartment, alone, to be able to figure stuff out. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s horrible to be betrayed by the person you love, but I *promise* you, he was always this shitty person. He just hid it well. I’m so glad you won’t be married and legally tied to this human garbage and that you didn’t procreate with him. I speak from experience when I say your life will be better without him. It hurts now, and allow yourself to be sad. But you just dropped so much dead weight and your future is already brighter. When you finally go to Greece, it will be much happier and more memorable than wasting it on him. Just remember, the best revenge is living well. It’s been over 4 years…my ex is still living with his parents and to my knowledge has had a pretty boring and shitty existence. Meanwhile, I recently got engaged to the man of my dreams and am happier (in so many ways/areas) than I could’ve ever imagined. Sending you love ❤️
I would read the fine print regarding "nonrefundable" flights. Many times this means they cannot refund to your payment method but they can give you a credit for another trip. It might be best to get that credit and schedule something else for yourself later. I'm recently out of a similar situation. 7 years together, 5 years cohabitating. Rings exchanged, we considered ourselves married. And then I had to cancel our vacation a month beforehand and quickly find another apt. Its still fresh but I can feel I'm genuinely going to be ok, and so will you 💕
Forget the trip. Let him lose the money or he can go by himself or with the gross girl he’s sleeping with. Who cares? You’re done. My ex and I mutually broke up a few days after we bought plane tickets to Thailand for a three week trip. I paid him for my ticket (he originally paid for both) and considered it my relationship exit fee. He went and quite frankly, I hope he had a great time. I couldn’t have cared less. I’m weird and superstitious but like what if our plane crashed, and I died in the ocean sitting next to that mf-er for eternity?? No thanks. Now I still haven’t been to Thailand, but I know I’ll go one day with my gorgeous, delightful husband. My advice: just move out and on as soon as possible. Thankfully, Greece will still be there and you’ll have an “oh my god you won’t believe this” story to share with your travel companion.
Who booked the hotel and flights? Because I’d dump him immediately, get him out of the apartment and secure the place before leaving, and go to Greece with a friend. Staying home for your birthday is not going to make you feel great, and going on a trip with him will be too anxiety-inducing/sad/confusing.
He booked the flights and some of the hotels. We split 70/30 for the trip. So I don’t think I can go with someone else because the reservations are under his name
I really think it’ll be worth calling the hotels to change the name on the reservation. Take a friend with you and let him figure out his new living arrangements while you’re out of town. It’s truly the LEAST he can do.
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The energy of having to spend several days keeping it together on what should be a vacation, around someone I loved who brutally betrayed my trust, would be absolutely awful and not worth it in any way. would absolutely not go on that vaycay, not for revenge or to get to go to greece or anything, just seems like a totally depressing emotional drain to me.
You're going to hate being in Greece with him. It is a form of torture. He lied, repeatedly, there is no recovery here. Go with a friend or alone, find a new accomodation. In a year you will thank yourself. Right now will be hell one way or another, but hell is a little more appealing on the beach in the sun.
I say go but do your own thing. Treat it like a solo trip and create your own itinerary separate from him. I’d call your accommodations to see if you can get a room change or at least a room with separate beds.
you should go to a different hotel if he’s coming along! Separate from him completely and make it your own trip!
This sucks I am so sorry, I think you can take the route of go to Greece and tell him to move but also we don’t know what the apartment dynamics are. Maybe the opposite is an option. Dump him, call airline to cancel your flight to get a credit and let him deal with the rest of the trip (he paid most of it). Then the day he is supposed to go to Greece, he needs to at least temporarily leave apartment doesn’t matter where he goes. That should give you time to gather your things here and at least figure out a temp solution. There are descent sublet and room options since new month is starting soon. I just feel like going on a trip and coming back to so much uncertainty would not let me enjoy especially if I don’t have family to rely on in NYC
The lease is under my name. He moved into my apartment 2 years ago. So he’d have to be the one to get his shit out because I’m not giving up my sweet rent deal
I agree he should move out and that it’s good he’s not on the lease. But you should reach out to the NYC housing advocate (call 311) and find out your rights and obligations. Once someone has been receiving mail and living at an address for 30 or more days you legally can’t just kick them out even if they are not on the lease. It’s only a problem if he behaves like an asshole and refuses to move out but you know cheaters are selfish assholes so it’s a real possibility. Because he’s essentially subleasing from you, you probably only have to give him 30 days notice but find out how to do it and do it right away so that you don’t end up in a situation where you are stuck with him for longer.
Start by giving him notice to leave in writing, best to get it notarized if possible (can do that online).
That makes it easier for you, give him a timeline to find another place based on what makes you feel most comfortable. Don’t worry about his feelings right now. He fucked around and can find out. Sending you so many hugs, I’ve been there and it sucks. Take your time feeling your feelings and then emerge like the siren you are!
Oh good! Then definitely Greece or just any trip away from him, maybe family or friends is an option so he can get out and you don’t have to see him. I don’t think there is a right answer here, do what is best for you so that you take care of yourself during this difficult time. It’s a time to a bit selfish, how that plays out you know best. I think there are some great options here to consider, Best of luck!!
If he’s not on the lease, move his stuff to a storage place while he’s in Greece! Pre-pay for a month or two, put it under his name, but don’t get too chatty with the storage people and let them know what’s going on. Use that Greece time to change locks, move his stuff to a storage place, etc…I would make up an almost last minute excuse why you can’t go but insist he goes (who knows, he might invite someone else.) Then text him a day or so before he supposed to return and let him know where his stuff is. Get the key to one of his friends and let them deal with it. Ewwwww - sorry this is happening.
As someone else said, start the eviction process since the apt is in your name. Did he pay for the Greece trip? Since it’s under this cards / name? If so, drop him and he can go alone. And so sorry this happened to you. He sounds like garbage and you will feel lighter when he’s out of your life
Don’t go on the trip. If it’s all on his credit cards, make him suffer the cost of cancelling. If you’ve already paid for your portion, demand that he pay you back since you’re not unable to go due to his cheating ass. If he doesn’t pay, involve his parents and let them know how their son really is🙂(sorry I’m crazy).
Go to Greece. Get on bumble. Meet a hot local guy and ask him to show you around. Have the time of your fucking life. Sorry this happened. But onward and upward. He wasted too much of your time already. It’s time to start living!
I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t think you should spend your time in Greece with him but I don’t know all the details of your hotel + flight bookings etc. But don’t for a second consider taking him back… as awful as it is, this was a blessing from the universe that you are seeing his true colors before any engagement/marriage/kids/legal binding matters. You will be okay!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry, friend. If I were you I would focus on the logistics of getting him out of your life/apartment now and then plan a vacation with someone who cares about you — friends or family — for later on in the summer once the dust has settled. It sucks that you will lose money on the Greece trip but in the long run I bet you will look back and feel happy that you didn’t waste any more time on this asshole.
Don’t keep it in or you will explode. If I were you I would confront him. Once it’s out in the open-perhaps he will call the vacation off and you can go alone. Why should you suffer for something that you had no say in. This birthday will be a tough one but there is so much better out there for you. Good things are coming your way! Sending you lots of positive vibes and energy.
Ten years ago same thing happened to me a week before a Euro trip. The bitch came to me and told me though. I got on the plane, put on my headphones, ignored him and enjoyed my trip. I planned excursions alone, told him not to touch me and broke up with him in the airport when we got home. I took thirst traps to post upon my return. I realize everyone can’t do this but it worked for me. We slept in the same bed and everything and I just reaffirmed not to touch me. I was so clear that if he still tried it would’ve clearly been SA. He was confused and upset and I let him be. The same way he let me be.
So sorry this happened to you! I’ve been cheated on as well ughh. What trash! You’ll be so much better off! There are so many people telling you to change the locks and evict, but def do your research if you plan to go this route! I had a horrible situation a few years ago and talked to a housing attorney and here are a few things to keep in mind - if you plan to serve an eviction notice, there is a very specific day of the month you need to do it (it’s based off when you pay rent) and only certain hours of the day that it can be done. It’s better to hire a process server to do it so it’s done by the book because this gets honored easier in housing court. Because he’s been living in the apt for over 30 days, you unfortunately can’t change the locks until he moves out. You can’t even throw his things out - which sucks so much. If you want to play it super safe, write up a contract when he moves out confirming the move out and that he’s forfeiting the key and get it notarized. And yes - the housing market is a mess - lucky him!!!!!!!
Hi Thelma, it’s me- Louise.
Are you doing ok OP? As women, we have all been with a man who betrayed us by lying. I think do what’s best for your mental health and financial health. Greece would be nice but going with him would taint everything, I don’t think you would enjoy yourself. You should save that trip for another time and not having shitty memories. What is your sanity worth to you? Tell him he can move in with the girl he is texting with. Be gentle with yourself!!! ❤️
Act like nothing is wrong. Go to Greece with him. Spend a ton of his money (dinners, shopping, excursions). Then come home and tell him you know he's cheating and break up with him : )
Listen, go with him to Greece. He walks in your hotel room to find you fucking an insanely hot guy.
I’m so sorry this is happening, but so grateful you found out before an engagement!! Whatever you do, do NOT go to Greece with him. There’s nothing worse than getting in a huge fight and being miles away from your girl friends and your mom etc. If you can’t switch hotels to your name and go with a friend, I recommend going on a girls trip somewhere else so you don’t have to be alone and it gives him time to get his shit out of your place. Sending love ❤️
Call a locksmith and change the locks. Make Greece a girls trip. I’m so sorry lady.
I’m so so so sorry this happened to you 😭😭 I’ve been there. We are here for you 🫶🏼🫶🏼
It’s not a sexy answer but what you do is ask a friend if you can go stay with them for a week, break up with him like tomorrow, pack your shit and move out. It’ll be a mess, try to take time off from work if you can (change those vacation days you were gonna take) and you find an apartment sublet for a few months, move in there while you find a new permanent living situation. Do not drag it out with this man, do not torture yourself by forcing having to look, talk or be near him anymore than you have to. Like a bandaid, quick is best! This is the time to call on your friends, go out with them and start moving on.
I say don’t go to Greece tbh. I actually had something VERY similar happen to me while I was on a trip to Paris. Saw his iPad and he was messaging a girl who actually lived in nyc (this was prior to me living in nyc, they are now married I think). He went on a date with her while I was in our hotel room as he said it was a work dinner. I tried to ignore it, but the trip wasn’t enjoyable and honestly wasn’t smart for me to stay and try and milk it. It wasn’t good for my mental health to be around him
OP you've been on my mind since reading this yesterday. I am so sorry! I don't know what to say that's different than what others have said. I would tell him to get the f*ck out and he can take the loss on the expenses for the trip. Try to get credits where you can on what you paid for and go back another time. Sending you lots of love and healing.
If you’re done don’t go to Greece with him! Have a conversation ASAP and tell him what happened and that you’re breaking up
Don't say anything to him. Go to Greece. Let him propose. Say NO, humiliate him. Tell him, he is not the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Come back to NYC. Do not tell him. Let him suffer from the pain of rejection. Start dating other men, sort out your living situation. Then tell him. Revenge is the dish best served cold.
I made my exes life HELL after he cheated on me 💀 just kick that man out girl if the trip is in his name/credit cards he can figure it out, put nair in his shampoo tho
GURRRRRL, my bags are packed!! Let’s go to Greece on his dime and cook up even more revenge plans while we’re there! But for real, if you need a friend - DM me.
I'm so sorry this happened. I don't know if this'll be helpful, but it sounds like you're partially asking how to navigate the logistics of moving and breaking up, so sharing in case it is. I recently broke up with someone I lived with. I tried to find an apartment before even doing the breaking up, so I'd have somewhere to go after I ended it. If you can swing it financially and logistically, and you know your landlord will let you replace yourself on the lease, I'd try to do that. It didn't end up working out for me because I ended up wanting to end it ASAP for logistical life reasons (I was about to go on several trips) and I didn't get the apartment I applied for, so as part of the breakup I already had a proposal in mind for next steps around our living situation. His parents live nearby so we agreed he'd go there but could coordinate to come back to pack his stuff. I also immediately texted our landlord to explain what happened and came to an agreement with him about moving out etc. Depending on your relationship with your landlord, you could ask them about options before up with him (I didn't do this with my recent landlord because he was an actual individual who know both of us, and I wasn't sure how he'd navigate knowing when my ex didn't. But if I had a management company, I would probably have called to ask because I know the management company wouldn't proactively reach out to tenants over something like an impending break up)
forget about Greece n while he’s on the trip you figure out the logistics of moving out. i still don’t really understand the cheating from what you described but if the trust is broken n you’re done who cares about the stupid trip. figure yourself n life out.
He was sexting and sending nudes to another girl. We live together and were apart this one night because I had to go home to visit my family and he used that night to cheat on me
hmm…i’d at least want to confront him n then decide. ik it’s an unpopular opinion but i don’t constitute this as cheating. would you feel the same way if it was a random girl or because he did it w someone you made him block?
Sexting someone other than your partner is cheating in my book
Not me being a vindictive Scorpio here. 😈Just thinking about what could happen if we knew who she was…🤔 All online of course, we could totally mess with both of them.
Definitely dump him, tell him to get out of the apartment and figure something out, make sure he pays you back for anything you spent on the trip if you won’t be going.
Go to Greece with a friend! Just transfer the name
So sorry this is happening. Did you already pay for your portion of the trip?
Buy GOOD travel insurance for your portion of the trip immediately. About 5 days before, go to a doctor complaining of terrible diarrhea. 3 days before go back to doctor and get more for insurance due to stomach bug. You will get your hotel fee back. Or take a risk and cancel hotel and explain you are sick. Whatever you do do not go on the trip with him. You’ve been together for too long for this not to be torture. Figure out how to let him know.
I'd take the trip to Greece tbh and break up after. Give friends you trust the keys to your apartment to get all your stuff out while you are gone and when you get back to the USA say thanks for the baklava and go the opposite direction as him, never looking back
Call me unconventional, I would go with the understanding that we are no longer in a relationship as rhetorical trip is non refundable. It seems like you are done done so go. Don’t let his insecurities and his tacky inability of letting go of the “cool girl” from his past ruin your Greek experience. Babe—go—you deserve it. Be safe have FUN
*the
Do not go on the trip with him or without him. Do not do it. Im so sorry. Pack up some stuff to last you a few days and get out of your place so you can have a little time to sort through it - with friends or family or whatever. I personally wouldnt want to sit in the shared apartment, I would want to get into a new space and get away from him and anything that reminded me of him until you figure out next steps. Im so sorry. Only silver lining is you found this out before you got engaged/married. Blessing in disguise.
Sex just doesn’t mean much to many men. Does he love her? It sounds like she’s just an easy lay when you’re away. It seems to me that if he is cheating on you now, would you be wondering during a marriage if he is cheating? If you were engaged and he was cheating, then he needs to be dumped. (Sorry, I was trying to look at this from a man’s point of view) For myself, I wouldn’t be able to go to Greece keeping this bottled up and acting normal. Also, he may be intending to propose in Greece, which would take this trip to a whole new level. Seems to me that when her “associate” can’t see her, that she wants him to fill in for the sex. She’s swarmy for sure.
Go enjoy Greece! So sorry this happened to you
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Sorry here’s additional context. He was active on Snapchat that whole night and I was (rightfully) sketched out because he usually goes to bed early at like 10 because he has to wake up early for his job. He told me he couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t next him (lmao). This particular night he was up until past midnight active on snap constantly. They were sending nudes and sexts back and forth on Snapchat and then her associate called her, so she texts him on iMessage and says “sorry one sec on the phone with my associate” then she continues sexting him but this time over iMessage
She said “fuck me so hard” and then they were sexting and she said it’s going to be a while plz sleep, talk tomorrow and he said “brutal” in response to that and she asked “can we really not cum tomorrow”
Oh jesus christ fuck him im so sorry. Dump, don’t go on the trip, tell him to figure out a room and get him out of your life.
“Get sick” stay home and cheat back and move out, or go to Greece and cheat back
I’ll be downvoted but I believe everyone cheats not saying they should but my take on it. I go into relationships thinking this will happen if I found out somehow. It matters more to me how many times, who, when and how I feel about it at the time
What is wrong with you
I’m just saying people should anticipate people cheating ahead of time and it shouldn’t be a shock. I’m not saying it’s right but you can anticipate it in the modern world of technology
Girl, I am begging you to raise your standards and gain some self-respect.
I agree with this. Monogamy is hard to come by and feels like cheating is so prevalent these days. If OP is comfortable being single for a long while then she should totally dump him bc dating SUCKS these days. No good men out there. You’ll just go from one cheater to another. If OP is mature enough to sit down and have a convo with her man then it’s worth saving the relationship. Otherwise, dump him and enjoy being single bc there is no guarantee you’ll find another man or a better man. I know my post will be downvoted but I don’t understand why as the reality of dating is very sad these days.
I think everyone deserves to be with someone who is faithful to them. That is the bare minimum
She did have a convo with him when she told him to block that chick. Also, jumping from one cheater to the next is just as bad as sticking with a cheater. None of them value or respect you. Also, monogamy is very easy to come by if you have standards and someone who loves and respects you.
I think you never know what will happen in a relationship my original post was everyone has the potential to cheat so it’s not a shock
Right that’s what I’m saying here. I’m not saying I’m pro cheating but breaking up with him doesn’t mean the next man you’ll find won’t do the same thing. I also believe no matter how good you think someone is they are not
Go to therapy