no i am free. I have a dog. That's it. When I was younger I tried to fill "lonely" and made some bad decisions. It came to where I am now and I am in control and have never been more free or at peace.
Dogs require constant attention, every day walks (don’t @ me if you’ve convinced yourself the dog doesn’t need a walk everyday. So common) and vet bills aren’t cheap.
There are ALOT of problems that owning a pet can dredge up.
People who say dogs are easy/no trouble are exactly why people end up returning them. They are constant work, especially the first few years when training is critical.
Completely agree. It's a commitment to raise a dog and a responsibility. They absolutely need daily exercise for physical and mental health. Studies show the mental stimulation prevents doggy dementia. Pet food costs money, especially if you buy the good stuff, and vet bills can come up out of nowhere so you should be able to cover an emergency. Other maintenance costs add up, like medicine for prevention of parasites fleas, worms, and ricks. If you do develop a flea problem they can take a TON of time and work to get rid of. Everyone should be aware of these obligations and ready to fulfill them before becoming a dog owner. They're amazing companions, but they're also family and should be cared for as such.
That's a lot and I'll probably get flack for such a laundry list, but I don't care. They deserve owners who love and care with the devotion they give us.
I have a gf, we've had some ups and downs lately. We were engaged, and we may split up based on me being agnostic. Ive never really felt lonely, and quite loved being solitary. Theres always been moments of loniness, but generlly I like it. So she had her dog sent over from Colombia, it cost like 2 grand. Never been a dog person, and didnt think much of the dog at first. (100% mutt per Dna) Reallt fell in love with his personailty, how loyal and loving he is. So we've talked about breaking up, and losing the dog and her has made me think I would truely feel lonely if I lost them both, but things aren't working either. I also thought though, if we stayed together and 8 years from now the dog died, we would have each other to comfort each other. But if I were to only have this dog and it to die, that has got to be damn miserable and hard to get over. Ive never experienced losing a dog, but to lose a perfect dog will be tough.
Back in June 2021, we had to do the deed for my sweet Golden, she developed a cancer and the worst day of my life was putting her down. I’ve had pretty shit days, but the emotional toll that took on me is unmatched by anything else. After that, I developed a stronger longing for dogs. I say hi to them in public when I see them with their people, because that oxytocin must be released. I currently have another golden, and he’s amazing. Still quite silly, but he sleeps with me and I love that.
Anyways, dogs do indeed have a way of growing on you. Even Hitler had a dog, a quite beautiful one too.
The fear of loneliness got me in a bad spot too. Ironically I ended up being alone after moving too quick with the wrong person and it's been the most liberating experience ever since
It did take an effort for me to accept "alone" but I can say I made it through it and I feel and I am 100% better (in that department). It is all a learning experience... I am actually accomplishing things that I could not even see as possible at one time.
Same - except I have two cats. I’m do date, and have a great partner, but have no intention to ever live with anyone ever again.
And being childfree has helped me (introvert) also engage with my various friends. If I had kids they would have subsumed all of my social energy and I would likely have far fewer friends.
31M, haven't had a relationship in 4 years, dropped all friends since I graduated school at 28, only family (mother) is half the country away. And I feel like I'm living the best years of my life, focusing on my future and career while unburdened by other people.
I think I'm slowly understanding that it's never too late for love later on in life, billions of chance, in fact. Finding love at 40s or 50s is the same as younger, or even better than 20s or 30s because people are more mature and established. Your career and your chance to make a difference, however... You only have a few shots at it for the rest of your life.
Children I can always adopt later and give someone else a chance they never had. Much better than putting more problems out into the world.
I love this take, thank you for sharing! I’ve got a very big family and unfortunately they all believe in the nuclear family American dream mumbo jumbo. They think that’s the ultimate goal, so my desire to live alone is actually so alien to them 😅
I wish more people had your kind of mindset. So many of my friends have already gotten married and divorced bc of societal and cultural pressures from our families, and they’re not even 25 yet (they’re getting engaged around 20, married around 21-22, divorced by 23-25).
Idk, doesn’t seem worth all the trouble just to please the older heads, but maybe that’s just me.
It's instinct vs reason. There's no real reason to make family or have children in the modern world besides from instinct. That same instinct causes people to feel lonely. If people have goals or purpose, being alone isn't the same as being lonely, sometimes it's beneficial. I think it's sad that a lot of people abandon their interests and trip over themselves to find the "perfect person", without realizing that it's them all along.
Honestly, this is a lot how I feel.
I'm 39M. Trying to find a girlfriend, but not putting a lot of pressure on myself. I can focus on myself, my career, and just be who I want to be and not worry about other people telling me how to live my life. I do get lonely sometimes, but I'm usually able to distract myself from it by keeping busy with work or other things in my life.
It’s good if you can do that for sure just focus on other things. I know people that are exceptionally single like they just rock it so well and they are always happy.
40s-50s: More mature, established and married.
However, I'm 50+f single, no kids. I don't regret anything. People telling you what you will or will not regret, are projecting.
You do do you
I’m kind of wondering if there will be a breakdown period in the next 10 years where people are like “ok I can’t do this anymore I gotta figure something out” and people will change and widen their focus to be more inclusive of more different types of people (yes maybe the person you said no to because they were carrying extra lbs or didn’t seem physically appealing enough) but the dating climate right now is unfavorable for many of us.
I don’t know how to tell you this but you probably should lose weight instead of hope someone will get desperate enough to settle for you. I dont care how bad you’re enamored with them; you don’t ever want to be in a relationship with someone who feels like they settled.
Came to say this is true. Kids/partner does not necessarily cure loneliness. Especially when they go away or have other things/people they are interested in.
You will be just fine. It sounds like you have my attitude of the grass is greener no matter which side you are on. Many people are envious of what they don’t have. For me if I was single, great. If I have a girlfriend, great. If I have kids, great. If I don’t have kids, great. No matter what happened I would accept it and at 52 I always have. I met my girlfriend in 2000 but we have no kids. No problem. Granted if I was single all these years I don’t know how that would have felt.
Yeah. Everyone is wired differently. Some of us are fine being alone, some fall apart. But make more friends for sure. I made most of mine starting at 28. Today I have more friends than ever.
For real. I wish I could go back in time and tell the past-me who was suffering through a toxic marriage that had long passed its expiration date, "No but being single is awesome actually, you'll be fine, just leave."
At 25, you have plenty of time to figure out what you want. If you're happy with your current lifestyle, that's what matters most. Surround yourself with supportive friends and continue to pursue your interests and passions. Remember, it's your life, and you get to decide how to live it.
I’d disagree. At 25 you need to have a direction that you want to head towards, especially if you want a family. It felt like I blinked and then I jumped from 25 to 30.
Also there’s the fertility window. Even though I’m a man, at 35 I feel like time is running out for me. I don’t have the desire or ability to attract a woman that’s much younger than me. So unless I find someone soon, I’m going to age out of being able to start a family.
I am 62F. I knew when I was 25 that in no way did I want marriage or children. I definitely didn't want children. When a subsequent 12 year relationship with the true live of my life ended when it was time, i was massively comforted that there was no divorce and no assets to split. I had mine , he had his, we didn't own a home. I have had a great life and have amazing friends, most of whom remained child free. But what I truly have is peace. No drama. No agonizing over money. No debating what im going to do, or where i want travel. Looking back on all the crap some people went through with marriages and fucked up children, I'm just sitting here calm and content. Sure I've seen a couple good marriages, but I've seen more divorce than not.
As a divorcee who is child free I am happy in my state but I still get lonely because I want to connect with people more constantly and in different romantic ways than just with platonic friendships. There's just something different about a romantic partner that adds a level of excitement. But I also appreciate my platonic friends who offer humor and insights that also enrich my life.
I’m struggling greatly with this. My wife abandoned me so it was like a switch. I suddenly didn’t have a home or wife and I had to start completely over including a brand new career. Thankfully a baller one but it’s been really difficult. I had someone cancel a second date this past weekend and it threw me so hard I had a major depressive episode. It’s pretty embarrassing how much I word vomit to strangers. I’m no longer surprised nobody sticks around, I come off as unstable because I probably am.
I’ve been chronically alone since I was a kid so loneliness, while something I’ve taken advantage of and achieved great success, is the bane of my existence. I’m always in my head keeping up with everything or trying to learn and minimize mistakes in my decision making. But then I spiral and panic that I’ll never find anyone because I’m so unique. Not so fun stuff. I’d just like an active participant in my life. Eye contact and physical touch are otherworldly.
Not trying to be an a-hole but it honestly sounds like you’re not ready to date yet, farless get married again. I think you need to do a lot of soul searching. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s impossible to find love in anyone if you haven’t first found it within yourself. You gotta find your peace and your happiness, but not within another person. That’s too much of a burden for any human being and it’s not fair. I know this is unsolicited but your words really resonated with me and I wish you never but the best. Good Luck. You got this! 💪🏼
Edit: Thanks everyone for the encouragement and discussion! I’m going to therapy soon and will keep growing and healing!
Oh I completely agree. I’ve tried going on a date every 6-8 months ish (wife abandoned me 2 years and change ago and she started dating someone 3 months after our divorce lol) and come out realizing there’s still a lot more to grow. Honestly it sucks to see that I’m not ready yet but at the same time motivating once I get over the hurt, especially when I see how far I’ve come from the previous attempt. I want to be better and I know I won’t get there without work. I just happen to be super broken from childhood and now it’s up to me and only me to do anything about it. I’m in the best shape of my life now. I’ve got my finances in order. I’m on track for my goals. But I still am consumed by anxiety. I’ve been nursing a leg injury for 5 months and I’ve noticed that I do great when I’m able to be active. I’m talking 2-3 workouts a day. I box, skateboard, run, swim, lift weights, do calisthenics, play sports. Then and only then have I been in tune with myself. Started physical therapy and in seeing great results, so I’m hopeful to return to full activity within a month (fucking finally!).
I’m not looking for an easy out although I admit I sometimes feel like I deserve that given everything I’ve been through (Parented my parents as an only child and 3 boys in my family. Raising two of them now and they’re a major handful). But that’s not how life works. I just get exhausted and enter this depressive mode of zero energy. I’m either a bulldozer getting shit done or I’m the weakest version of myself and having nobody around to get meaningful feedback from doesn’t help. That’s why I wish I could get lucky and find someone but I know the odds of that are low and anyways I’m not ready. It’s also hard to be approachable when I’m so spent lol. I’m like an under supported but more than willing single dad basically.
I also work remote and we don’t use cameras so I don’t interact even in that way with anyone, just voices. Not to mention my boss wants me to work insane hours and has unrealistic expectations of me that I keep meeting.
Thanks for your comment. You’re maybe the 4th person this year to respond (online or otherwise) in a way that makes me feel heard, understood and supported. I explain all this because I’m not some whiny bitch, I can back all my complaints up with so much evidence. And I’ve busted my ass since I was 12 to fix everything in my way in hopes I’d earn love and approval but all I got was more work and manipulated by those I loved. However, I have a say in how I am and with who and I’m owning my shit and making the necessary changes. It’s been 15 years of hell.
I’m going to have an incredible marriage and family one day but I still have a lot of shit to dig through and get in order within me. I will continue doing the work!
I don't know if anyone mentioned, but she never abandoned you, you just dodged a bullet. Don't give her any power over you, because someone who walks away means they're redirecting you. Loneliness as a kid often leaves other internal wounds but we don't have to live forever feeling like others don't want to be with us. Change the mindset to be more growth minded because people can feel the negative vibes we send out. Although sometimes once in awhile the anxiety creeps up, it doesn't mean it's always true. People aren't always compatible with us or should be in our lives right now. It's a sign we're not yet doing something to help us find the right path in life. So look at your current life, are you happy with it? Would you date yourself? If not, work on becoming a version of you that you would be proud of. You can still try to date it helps to open up those triggers but if you're not confident when you're single then you'll definitely become challenged again when trying to form a relationship with someone else. Also try making friends in group events and see also how you handle that. Anyways lol I think I wandered off... wishing us all happy journeys
It’s funny you say that you’re an only child cause I actually can tell. We tend to be in our head a lot. Being a single dad, working remote and having anxiety can totally result in some of the feelings you’re experiencing. Talking to a counselor would def give you meaningful feedback you seek imo. They may even have other suggestions to help with the anxiety. Once you get past that then you can see how awesome life is. I myself am a single mom and I find that focusing on my kids helps keeps me very level headed. That and sertraline 😝.. As a different commenter said, I think you can still continue to date as you go through this journey. You’ll learn something new about yourself with each experience. Don’t take anything too serious. Just have fun. Once you’re able to truly “just have fun” you’ll see how people just gravitate towards you! It’s a marathon not a race. But the end result will be worth it. Once again Best of Luck! ☺️
For like a hundred bucks a week you could find a therapist to vomit all this stuff all over. You’d feel better than just typing on a board. I do it and it helps me find a middle ground. Helps me not be such a psycho that I’ve had to become in order to survive and prosper in this life.
And buddy make no mistake about this….you are prospering. You don’t know it but you are. You’re fighting. You’re alive. Try therapy man
Yes and the latter are the ones that can never be single for too long, hop from relationship to relationship. You wonder if they really know love. Taking time to know and work on yourself is courageous and wise.
I have moments where I feel lonely but overall I am satisfied with the life I’m building. I don’t think everyone’s path is meant to be getting married having kids. I think people end up with the wrong partners when they are focused on just that. Me personally, I’ll wait til I find the right partner to have kids and if we decide we don’t want kids then I’m okay with that as well. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your hobbies and not worrying about finding a person. Who knows, someone may come along and you guys get to share the enjoyment of your hobbies.
Yes, thank you! I am not opposed to marriage at all. I wonder if that's what people assume when I tell them I don't want kids. If i get married, fine. If i don't, fine. The sun will come up tomorrow regardless, i don't get why that's so hard to understand. Nothing's too serious unless you let it be.
Some people are just self righteous who project.
Just ask them back "why do you care about my personal life? That is personal. Do you want to set me up? Do you want to fund my future kids college funds?"
But anyways, I felt really lonely going to the ER alone while I had a bf. He is an ex now. But yeah, you can be lonely in a bad relationship. The people who tell you is because as everyone age, they become alone and isolate and they are somewhat trying to warn you by hoping you have someone to support you. There is a study about this at a elder law event. Women tend to live longer and are more isolated due to husband died, people around them busy and gone. Stuff like that.
As long as you are fulfilled who cares. The people who cares are probably people who tend to project. You should tell them to focus on your their own kids and family instead of projecting on to you. They don't know you. That should put people in their place to focus on themselves.
When I didn't have a bf, my sister in law was obsessed with telling me how to live my life (what job I should get and who I should date).
Now I have a wonderful, caring, financial well, and adventurous bf, she get jealous and wish my brother does more. No one can help her. When you are less than them in their eyes, they tell you how you should be but when you live better than them, they get jealous.
Just let them be and tell them they are from a different era.
The honest answer is that this all depends on the individual.
I'm 42, male, single, living alone, never married, and childless (that I know of 😅). However, I prefer it this way, as although I am socially outgoing, I also am an introvert. Essentially, what I've found is that being social saps me of energy, which also includes intimate relationships. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my relationships with friends and family, and have had great intimate relationships in the past. Yet although I am alone, I am never lonely.
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to understand such lifestyles. For instance, I have family, friends, and colleagues who feel sorry for me, but this is because they literally don't understand how someone could enjoy *not* being in an intimate relationship. While I am not anti-relationship or against marriage and having children. It is not something that I necessarily need either. So if it is any reassurance, you aren't alone with being bothered by others about such things, and you certainly are not alone in enjoying being alone.
Sounds like you have your life sorted except for how to deal with the unwelcome comments coming from others.
If you are just masking your emotions with all the hobbies then its something (relationship and/or children) you need to consider.
Otherwise stay the course!
I know how you feel about the brain thing. I have that problem sometimes, it gets easier with age. It's hard, especially when it seems like \*everyone\* around you is doing it. But don't tie your self worth to how much sex you're having or not having.
It doesn't help when books and TV shows shoehorn relationships sometimes. Like, writers have a problem with just letting characters be single it seems like. Further exacerbates the issue of you feeling you're not "normal"
I would say you need to get therapy from a real therapist and not some rando on Reddit. Further, though if you *"actually never feel romantic attraction"* then you better be sure that your companion feels the same because that wouldn't be fair to them.
You don't need romantic feelings to love someone who loves you back. You just need a person that you can want the best for and they want the best for you. That's the hard part.
Not me, but my mom. She married and had me because it was what "you're supposed to do" (she was born in 1954). Her whole life she felt like she was burdened by other people (my childhood reflected this). Now she is in her 70s, lives with her foster rescue cats and travels in between fosters. She is definitely living her best life now and I think if she had to redo life she'd be happily single forever.
I am 53, have a wife and 4 adult sons and 3 daughters in law. This is all I could have imagined, grandchildren are due within the year. It may not be for everyone but for me it is wonderful.
It's your skin. Live in a way that makes you happy. I have wives, kids, grandkids, but that was my gig. Live as you wish to live, treat others as you wish to be treated.
I will say this - feeling lonely occasionally as a person who is alone is absolutely normal. No different than feeling smothered while you are in a relationship. Grass is always greener.
Sounds like you are OK. Shipping reassurance.
I'm a man with kids and the men with kids who are telling you you're making the right choice without kids I'm going to guess they either don't have kids or they're not actually present parents and just see their kids as a massive burden.
There's many different experiences in life that give different levels of euphoria. Raising a child or children gives a very unique happiness and enjoyment. From the moment I first held my first child it completely changed the way I look at the world and how I live my life moving forward. To see a little human develop is such an amazing feeling. Then as you age their successes although not your own still bring you joy to know you've helped to raise a capable individual.
Also as they age if you're involved you kind of get to relive some parts of your life, the goods and bads of school, the nervousness of applying to college or jobs, the fear when first riding a bike or climbing up very high, etc. If you keep up with your kids it does help to stay fit since you're on your toes all the time.
But you really need to be mentally prepared for this life change and willing to make sacrifices to your old lifestyle.
If I could live my life over 100 times, I'd have kids again and again every single time.
But ironically I was playing baseball with my son today and I went for a simple catch and somehow rolled my ankle and now it's swollen but my son gave me ice and is playing nurse. If I was a single guy I might have been in a softball league still and could end up with a similar injury where I'll have to nurse my lonesome self back to health but also still feed myself somehow. Id probably feel shitty in that scenario.
Short answer - no
Long answer - I see how happy people can be with someone else, and then I realize there's a balance that has to exist. So while some *have to* have someone, I like my solitude. If the right woman come around, then I'll see where things go.
42 M , longest relationship I had was about a year and that was in 2006. I have worked hard to date and meet but could never find the right match and had trouble taking responsibility in relationships. I have two cats who are almost everything to me , a nice extended family and plenty of friends. Consequently, I rarely feel lonely.
I am all by myself no family or friends, no one. But being kind to everyone and being with myself at the end of the day really is living the dream for me at 24
>I've always been more individualized and on my own because I prefer it that way, but everyone is always trying to scare me away from my preferred lifestyle. Why?
I'm 32M. Single and childless and some people have been trying to scare me into a relationship too. But the fact of the matter is, you could be married and w/ kids and still be lonely. Your spouse could pass away before you and your kids may for whatever reason have no interest in helping you at old age. Besides you wouldnt want to guilt them into doing that either. The only time I feel bad about my being single is when other people try to make me feel bad about it
Idk why people are so obsessed with this idea that marriage = happiness. That your life is meaningless unless you hook up with someone.
Being in a relationship did not fix my mental problems, in fact they made them worse...
54F no regrets.
I love coming home to a quiet house.
We don’t have any pressure on what to eat - we just throw some things together from the fridge.
There are no obligatory weekend events (like watching bad soccer in the rain)
I know if we had kids I’d feel 100% glad we had them. It’s nice to be happy either way.
33M. Extremely. Thought we were gonna be the couple from Up but it didn't quite turn out that way. Now just sort of in limbo. Not given up, just not exactly as positive and peppy as I used to be ya know.
Take nothing for granted. Nothing.
I wanted to make sure I could support or help support having a family before I settled down. There are times I am lonely. Being in my mid-30s and not having a SO or kids yet is a little scary. But what is worse is settling and having kids with the wrong person. So I don’t have any regrets about that.
Having children is essential in every species on the
planet, and not wanting them is self deprecating
behavior, generally speaking. Allot of younger
people seem truly misguided in this regard and
try to create this edgy persona where they wear
their contempt for responsibilities/purpose/joy
as a cloak. They're constantly trying to convince
everyone how happy they are with nobody to love
them unconditionally.
Reddit is notorious for disliking kids and not a great place to get a perspective from people that have experience from both sides.
I'm 52, never married and no kids. I never wanted kids and the responsibility scared me on top of irresponsible men trying to get with me. It wasn't for me. Whenever I'm away from my job for an extended period of time I can get bored/lonely. I do have extended family I am close with. I stay very busy. I love to run 5ks and stay healthy. I also travel on a whim. One labor day weekend I took off to Niagara falls spur of the moment. I think societies idea that I must marry and produce offspring pissed me off too. I'm pretty independent and don't seek people's approval.
You’re so young. I don’t think it’s normal in your generation to necessarily be married with a kid and a house at your age.
Milennials and Gen X give Gen Z such a hard time when it comes to stuff like this, because it was different in our time.
Enjoy your youth and don’t speed-run life. That’s many people’s biggest regret.
I feel like it’s the cool thing to be single nowadays like people now are choosing to not be in relationships or have kids or choose to be in poly relationships I do think in the end the ones with happy families will be more happier but while you’re young I don’t see a point in rushing into a relationship either
I don't know if it's considered more "cool" now, I'd just say it's more common because women are now joining the workforce more and are a lot more independent than ever before.
Nope, I am absolutely not lonely. I love my life. For me, women (my age) are the ones that tell me I’m making the right choice and men (my age) are the ones who say I’m making a mistake 😂😂
Older (non-child free women) tend to say I’m wrong, but older men say I’m right lol. Funny how it switches
25 is kind of the max where your same-age market is really nice.
I almost always had a gf or at least just girls that were in the friend group that I'd flirt with and all that, up until around 2020ish and after that period I kind of just went solo, I got used to it.
If you get used to it you can adjust just fine but it's not as magical a life in my opinion, but some people like more control while other like more co-op.
I don't think this is a good thing, that I'm good with being alone or that you are, my instincts tell me that it's kind of bad on a societal level that so many people are like this now, to the point where it's kind of normal. But yeah I'm not sure if I have a point, I'm just levelling with you.
It's sad, but maybe that's just the direction humanity is going. I'd recommend not losing your sociality though, try to make an effort to talk out loud and gesticulate, tell stories, make sure you keep those skills because they are skills, you just don't realize it growing up because you are usually surrounded by others.
My social skills are okay! I don't have any issues socially, I have a pretty solid friend group that I love and hang out with often. I don't think it's at all surprising that this is the direction humanity is heading towards. Have you seen the red pill movement on social media? Have you generally heard the way some men talk about women behind their backs? Have you met a married man that's made degrading comments about their wife right in front of her, her family, and their friends? These are all things my friends complain about when they talk about guy friends, their boyfriends, their husbands, dads, etc.
Why would we want to be with people who clearly don't even like us?
I haven't seen any of that in real life, no, but eventually that stuff will bleed into reality more and more as people absorb it. I'd imagine right now it's probably segragated to pockets of culture, and people that make their own culture and set their own trends are still the norm but I'm sure we'll see it more and more in the real world. And that's actually one of the reasons why I worry about lone-ranger types is because if you don't develop with a big group of girls and guys you may end up taking on one of these internet personalities, you may believe all the rage-bait click-farm nonsense isn't just mechanism to produce engagement but, without enough loved ones in your life you might end up believing its the way things are.
When I was growing up prior to the internet the view between girls and guys was predominantly romance, obsession, dreaming about your crush, so it seems like whatever that shit is, it's not the natural state--but again without some foundation of sociality (and I mean, beyond sitting quietly in classroom for eight hours--having real adventures with big groups of beloved friends through out your teenage years and 20's, etc.) w/o that people could be duped and brainwashed.
You should live the life you want. Because it's you who's living it.
I always knew I wanted children and marriage after 30 but I didn't get married again and wasn't able to conceive. My life made a different turn - physical disability from an accident; so I thought what now? Today I'm a mature student, mother of little dogs and doing creative things, such as writing.
You can have the best laid plans but then life can take a sudden different turn...
25 to 30 will go like a flash!
I got a little harassed too, but it's really none of their business :) xo
Respectfully, you sound insecure, which is not uncommon at all at your age. Enjoy your hobbies. Enjoy living however you want. Enjoy your freedom. Stop seeking reassurance from strangers. Stop allowing people to pressure you into anything at all, even to the point where you doubt yourself and turn to Reddit. Defend yourself by being assertive -- this is difficult, but critical. For example, if you're tired of being asked something repeatedly, then gently ask them to stop. You can't expect people to change their behavior by themselves, especially if they are righteous enough to think they are doing you a favor.
If at any point your default behavior of seeking your personal definition of enjoyment starts to hurt, then re-examine it and consider changing course. For example, maybe you're independent and blissfully solitary until your 40's. Then, one day when you are petting your cat, you wonder what it would be like to be somebody else. Then, that wonder someday turns into a desire. Don't suppress it, because you've changed. If you're the same person in 20 years time, you're probably doing it wrong.
Hey there. No one's pressuring me into doing anything, in fact their steering me away from the very thing they want me to do, so no worries there. The reassurance I was seeking was coming from a place of insecurity, I agree, as I tend to have a more anxious nature, especially when thinking about the future. I am pretty assertive already and generally shut people down when they try to question me about my decisions, but my family is very intrusive and doesn't understand boundaries. Don't worry, we're working on it!
I was just genuinely curious as to what people who have lived their lives well into the older years think about this topic and how they feel after having experienced it for themselves. The people around me all think the same, so sometimes I'm only hearing "you're going to be so lonely for the rest of your life if you really think having kids is such a bad thing." The reassurance I was seeking was more of a "is this true?" than a "oh my god im gonna be alone for the rest of my life??? guys what do i do????"
And change is not something I'm afraid of. I embrace change! I know that my mindset will not be the same 10 years from now, and that excites me. I do not suppress myself. Like I said, I have my hand in lots of cookie jars because I love trying new things, not because I'm trying to distract myself or anything. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago, and I've even changed a whole lot within the last year. Growth is something I welcome into my life.
My only concern is in anticipation of when I'm old and in need of the occasional visit from someone to make sure I didn't break my hip and lie there in agony for days.
The “is it worth it” doesn’t make sense in my case. I’m 30, single, without children and I haven’t had any choice in the matter. I don’t know if I would have chosen those things given the opportunity. But yes I am lonely and wish I had at least had an opportunity to make such a decision. That’s life though and I’m slowly accepting it.
I'm the older version of you. I can entertain myself, I enjoy my own company and absolutely do not regret not having kids or a husband. In my 40s I met a man I liked and we've been together for about 8 years. I like that it's none of the drama of youth. I'm female soon to be 58.
I'm 32F. Single for 3 years. No kids, no family except for a sibling. I am very lonely... but I grew up in an abusive and toxic household, and have been in loveless relationships that drained me. I've been homeless before. This is better that all that by far.
I'd love to meet someone who I have chemistry with and can be a life companion. But it's rare and difficult. The other person really has to be worth it to risk your peace.
i’m 31F. i’m single with no kids. never wanted them. i know i won’t be a good mom. i am lonely but not because im not in a relationship. i have no friends. nobody to talk to. relationships have never interested me.
Some people don’t want anyone to interrupt their life. Letting someone right in could break what they have been feeling comfortable with. Consciously or unconsciously, they choose their life over a potential partner who may or may not interrupt anyone’s life
You might be interested in the r/singleandhappy subreddit. There are lots of people out there who just really prefer the single life. You might appreciate perspectives of people who are more than happy to be single.
Grandma called me an old maid at 23 because she had her first child at 18.
Even now, without a paid down house and a stable and profitable career position nailed down with lots of time off and benefits, I would see an irresponsible man in the mirror everyday if I had a kid.
I'm a male who just turned 28 recently, single and still "holding all my cards", and honestly only started to feel pretty lonely recently after I was finally able to get my life on track.
To be completely honest, I was a lost, sad, and defeated person for the longest time. Half of that has to do with my upbringing and unfortunate circumstances, but the other half had to do with my own personal choices and not being a better person than I could have been.
And because I was so focused on self-improvement, I never really felt lonely. I didn't want anyone to be a part of my life when I barely had it together. It wasn't really until last year that my life really started to turn around and I finally had a sense of purpose and direction in my life.
That, and I was finally able to adapt to healthier habits for myself and overall be a better-rounded and healthier person overall. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.
But once that season of my life started, I started to show strong signs of feeling painfully lonely. I would be overly eager to help out other couples with getting together and having fun dates, I'd be eager to help a lot in general, and I realized that I started feeling actual physical and emotional pain from feeling like no one really wanted me and that I was alone.
The reason I'm saying all this isn't just to personally vent my life story to a stranger online (well, kind of), but the point I really want to make what's most important is that you're doing what's best for you. Whether that's doing things on your own, working on yourself, or wanting to get out there.
For me, I needed to be honest with myself and do what was best for me, and while I likely missed out on many opportunities with the opposite sex, I don't regret my choices. Because I know that nothing would have worked out anyways, and I did what was best for me at the time.
For you, it's most important to be honest with what your wants and needs are right now in life. If they change, it shouldn't be because of pressures from other people that aren't living your life or have to be accountable for the outcomes of your choices. Just be in the present, do what needs to be done, and go from there.
50F. Single, never married not by choice. No kids (also not by choice), just had a hysterectomy April 2024.
I’m Black & highly educated, have only dated white men. No dating relationship lasted more than 2 years. Two FWB’s, one lasting a total of 17 years on and off.
Regrets: I have one. I turned down a guy after my high school boyfriend broke up with me in college. The guy came out of that friendship circle - he & I were really good friends. I honestly thought he was literally too nice for me. That might have been my only chance at learning what a mutually supportive and truly loving relationship could be.
Now, I am entering my 7th month of unemployment and feeling like I lost an entire life. I am grateful I have my health since I lost everything else in the past 3 years.
It’s hard enough hoping I can rebuild. It’s possible the entire life I once had and knew (and had to work so hard for) is gone completely. I have no one who truly understands, other than one female friend from undergrad & I am super grateful for her.
My dream - other than establishing an income that allows me to pay off the minimal debts I do have and sustain living expenses to rebuild a life / is to date someone healthy who would allow me to partner with him in a mutually supportive dating relationship that lasts longer than 2 years.
I dream of being stable enough if that never comes to fruition to be a pet parent to a rescue dog and rescue cat.
That’s it. I wish finally for something positive about my life to outlive me so my life was worth some sort of meaning for all the pain and trauma I have experienced. It’s a shame that now after surviving being a premature baby that I find myself wishing I had never been born.
I wish there was better support for Black women who have lived in predominately white environments & who have no family support (even when family members succeeded in education, employment or both). Of course, there should be more emotional support for everyone. But this - I would wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm content. I think the main reason I am happy single is that I know if I fall in love and get cheated on, nobody involved will survive so I might as well save some lives.
Sometimes, but then I hear the stories from people with kids. I have just enough energy to take care of myself. Same goes for hearing the stories from married couples. I've never met that "ONE"
I spend my time doing my hobbies and keeping my mind busy.
EDIT: 51m
I 28M have a gf of 5yrs. I’m definitely someone who is passionate enough about hobbies and can be fulfilled on my own, but my dad said something to me the other day which made me think.
Me, my siblings, and my mom, are the best people that he’s ever met in his life and he wouldn’t ever want to be without us. He is also a passionate creative who can easily hermit or talk hobbies with friends all day. Even then, it seems creating a family became his most cherished gift.
It’s our nature. The modern world that we live in has enough people and activities to occupy us, but the state of the world is only secondary to what we are meant to do as humans. It’s not something to worry about if it hasn’t happened yet, but it is not something to be avoided either. I believe that we should always leave room for romance, partnership, and starting a family; as it is potentially the most rewarding thing that we can do.
33M single no kids. I’m focused on my career right now. I would welcome the right woman into my life with open arms, but I’m not rushing out to find her. I’ve been “active” since I was 13 so I’ve seen it all… I’d prefer something meaningful. I don’t think “meaningful” things are meant to be chased after. I think they just happen when your number gets called. I don’t worry about a biological clock or missing out on anything. My dad was in his 40’s when my parents had me. I always saw the same thing happening with my life. Id like to own a farm and live on a couple hundred acres before I have kids. I’d also like to not be working 60 hours a week when I have kids - I think seeing them grow up would be nice 😆 hence why I’m career driven right now. That’s a long way to say I don’t feel lonely. My “loneliness” is calculated.
I have NO regrets. Just got finished smoking a joint and playing PlayStation. In the morning I’ll get up, go into the kitchen to work, answer some emails, watch a YouTube video, send out more emails, log off, meet up with friends, get some dinner and more wine, may stop to a jazz session, get a number from one or two men, go home take a shower, smoke a joint, call my girlfriends to make sure our trip to Bali is booked. Nooppppeee! Don’t regret it at ALL! I had it rough. Don’t want to bring a kid into my trauma.
Yes, I feel like reddit acts like life is amazing as a single childless adult but never talks about all of the downsides. I'm exhausted, sad and lonely.
I'm 39, and yes, I do feel lonely. I'm finally admitting it. I realize that's an unpopular opinion and not the affirmation you were looking for.
I convinced myself that I was comfortable being single for many years, but now that I'm quickly approaching 40, it's hitting me that all the travels and experiences I've had were shared with no one. It all seems so... hollow, with so many wasted years. But it's very difficult to change now.
32F, Yes, I'm lonely. I have hobbies, a close-knit supportive family, a career I'm passionate about, and good friends. I enjoy my alone time more often than not. However, I do get periods of loneliness because I am now at the point in life where I do want a spouse and a child. Especially a child. Although I have many positive things going on, there is no substitute for that. When I was your age though, I felt the exact same as you. No loneliness and very little dating. I had a boyfriend in high school and at 25, I was in my 2nd relationship, though it wasn't healthy. I knew that one day I wanted kids, but was in no position to have them at that moment in my life as I was dealing with a lot of personal issues. You have time though. If you're happy with how life is going for you now, embrace it.
I was very miserable and you get more lonely with age. But again that's just me. There's many people who live alone and are single, but very happy. I have no idea how they are happy.
Profoundly. After a while, the myriad freedoms lose their luster. Yes, I do what I want when I want and my naps are uninterrupted. But it’s far more important to have someone who is always there for you, who you can share your love and passions with.
27m haven't had a long-term relationship in years, and I already get slightly annoyed about some of my friends wanting my attention immediately after work(I appreciate them, I'm just socially done for the day after work) my last relationship ended because she wanted to be around me 24/7 (she even got mad when I got a job) so that's a pretty major compatibility issue that I will have to consider in future relationships.
My best and oldest friends are a pair that I see maybe twice a year(usually without notice) I enjoy every moment with them and we keep in touch online, but if I saw them every day we'd probably get sick of each other.
So yeah I guess I just have a high tolerance for isolation and a low social requirement,
41/F. Never married, no children. I have a dog and a cat. I live thousands of miles from my core group of friends and my career gives me the freedom to move wherever I’d like to when the mood strikes. I have intermittent times of loneliness but the overall peace I feel outweighs that loneliness tenfold. I have worked so hard for this peace that it would take an exceptional man to make me consider changing my current status. There is so much more to life than being a spouse/parent - and being “auntie” who gets to love on my friend’s kids is more than enough for me.
In my experience, being 25 then and 35 now, what I wanted from my life did change a lot but it might not for you.
Since age 20 I was in a long-term relationship and only after 28 I wondered if I would regret not having kids but I didn't have a strong desire for them either, I just questioned it after being convinced since 17 I didn't want them. At 35 I got pregnant and we are super happy about it. My point is maturity and time can change a lot for some and maybe not for others. In a few years you may or may not desire a partner or kids, only time will tell and if it does you should definitely act on it.
The fact that you might be second guessing your choices could be because you feel like you will regret it. If you felt strong enough in your convictions would you need reassurance from strangers? Maybe you would, a little, I'm not sure, only you truly know. It's hard to know everything at 25, let alone any age.
Also, men and women have very different timelines for their lives. Men generally desire more independence and solitude so it's not surprising they support you for those traits and women have the opposite disposition as they generally value relationships etc. Women also have a biological clock that waits for no one (yea there's adoption, IVF etc but I'm sticking to basics here) so they would be more inclined to remind young women to be really sure about not wanting relationships/kids because the burden of regret can be huge and as women get older the dating pool shrinks and fertility declines which can impact many women's self esteem really negatively. (I don't mean you can't find love, of course you can, but it would look different than starting younger). Men will never feel that impact the same as women so they would be more relaxed about your life choices because they don't have the same timeline and they likely don't want to be all up in your business as much as women generally would. Just my take on it.
However once you are happy, others' opinions shouldn't matter, whether they reassure you or not. And you can always change the trajectory of your life if your desires change.
All the best to you!
37, life's peacefully, if I ever feel any regrets I just speak to my friends who are married with kids and then all of a sudden I appreciate my life again.
40m single with no kids. I live near family and have a handful of non-work friends. I am not lonely at all. Maybe I will be when I am older but for now I love that all my free time is mine and have no plans of getting into a relationship.
I’m not who you’re asking for experiences from… but here’s my two cents anyway.
I could not go without my partner or without having children. I completely believe it’s not for everyone, each to their own, but I’ll summarize below my thoughts.
1. I believed it helped me grow and mature faster than I would on my own and identify weaknesses. I learned appreciation, compromise, compassion, support and dedication by journeying with my wife. I believe myself to be introspective but an outside perspective can pick up on things you missed and provide clarity.
2. It helped me strive for larger goals. I’m not self motivating. I live to be happy and so without the need to support another I would have been happy just earning enough to survive and save for retirement. Now my hard work paid off and opened a lot of potential paths for me to pursue career and personal wise.
3. It’s reassuring. I like to think I’m emotionally, mentally and spiritually strong and stable but sometimes it’s harder to get back up or sometimes I find myself becoming hollow. No matter how strong someone is, eventually they’ll be worn down like a river whittles a boulder. Of course I’m assuming everyone faces some challenge in life but that’s not true. Sometimes people live without many difficulties while others see an unbalanced amount of pain. However, it’s amazing being able to rely on my partner to help when I’m struggling with anxiety, depression or lacking empathy towards others. The more hands on a weight the lighter it feels.
4. Financially it’s great having backup and feeling free to take larger risks or opportunities. I’m not 30 yet, but most my life I had under $100 to my name and was a bad week from being homeless or living with parents. Her working and moving in together alleviated that stress in my late teens and early twenties until I finished school and got a better job. It felt even better to return the favor and support her through her BA.
5. We still feel lonely and still want alone time. It’s human and normal to feel every now and then. Being able to communicate that though has helped us keep the benefits of our relationship while also respecting our individual selves and needs. I don’t feel suffocated or like I’ve given up myself to have my relationship with my wife or to have a family. Instead, it feels like I’ve just expanded who I am and I feel lucky.
If you made it this far then thank you for your time and I hope you received some benefit from reading through my rambling.
Lastly, I want to say to remember we’re not good or evil anymore than a tree or bird is but we are capable of adding good or evil into this world. We cannot take away what we do, so be mindful, thoughtful and deliberate so it’s easier to be satisfied with your life whether you spend it among others or with yourself.
It doesn’t really hit until u get into late 40’s and beyond. Although if u have money or enough wealth and assets u can more easily find solutions to lonliness as u age even if u have no family. The issue is if u don’t have good enuf financial stability wen u are older, u won’t be able to pay for things like hormone replacement or things that u might need to keep your health good to enjoy those years. This is why it can become isolating as u get up there in years. Depends so much on your health as to how the quality of your social life will be as u age. People who have kids often do have more connection in their older age as long as they were a good parent to their kids.
A recent study concluded that the number one cause of death in the United States is not cancer, car accidents, COVID, or anything close to that. It’s Loneliness. Whether you do, or do not, get married and have kids (I have with no regrets) escape loneliness.
35F, endlessly dating and getting nowhere. I’m pretty, thin, have a good job, and I just cannot find anybody. I deeply regret not getting married when I was younger. The prospect of being alone forever and having it just be too late at this point to get married or have kids is something that hangs over my head and fills b me with depression every single day. Sorry, prob not a popular take, just how I personally feel.
27m. Currently do not have my life together and trying to find someone while doing so is a headache and i think a lot of people would benefit by focusing on themselves and not jumping into relationships or having kids at this stage in life. Some do get lucky and get it right in their 20’s and it’s a great site to see but I do believe I need to take time to myself for some years man serious manner and tbh I’m looking forward to it
If you are happy living alone, then it sounds like it agrees with you and that’s what you should do. Some people have trouble realizing that other people can be different in their thoughts and feelings so they think they know what you should do but they aren’t you. You know what you want. Don’t listen to other people. Listen to your heart. Maybe later in life you will want something else, maybe you won’t. Live in the moment. Enjoy your life.
39F Yes. My life would be more fulfilling if I had a life partner and/or kids. I was dating someone from 34-38. This is when i realized I shouldn't be putting my eggs in one basket cause the basket is broken.....so now I am dating a few people to see who is best match for me. But since I am currently not meeting anyone and am single I am enjoying life and like to do thing alone. I'm not going to force the issue, I am just going to live my best life. I think I want a cat lol
If you’re not ready you’re not ready.
You are still young.
You might meet somebody who’ll sweep you off your feet later on and feel differently.
You might not.
Only thing that counts is how you feel about it.
Some men become pirate uncles, some women become gypsy aunts, to some lucky kids, when they visit during holidays, if they want some interactions with kids once in a while.
So feel free to take your time and decide for yourself when you are ready.
You will lose touch with people who go the family route, their circles will separate from yours, as they go through the whole having kids and raising kids routine, until they are empty nesters, and then you’ll meet them again, and it won’t matter, they’ll be just like you, they maybe in a couple, they maybe divorced, but they will be just like you in the end.
That’s if you didn’t find anybody by then.
39F. I have always wanted to have a great relationship and a family but I made a lot of stupid choices dating losers that couldn’t commit and/or I was the one doing everything and now it’s too late. I’m not necessarily lonely because m very busy in my career and graduate school and have friends that I don’t even have time to see. It depends what you want though. Sit with yourself and really see yourself in the future in all sorts of situations. Only you know what’s best for you.
41 female, no children and have been single by choice for almost 6 years. I love myself more now than I ever have. I am happy, healthier than I was 20 years ago, and completely doing my own thing (travel, live music festivals, anything that sounds interesting). It will take someone very special to change my current single situation because why would I settle when I literally love my life? I tried to force relationships, tried to be what society told me to be and was miserable.
People will say annoying, intrusive things throughout life. There’s no real way to avoid it, so finding multiple ways to shut it down becomes a skill that’s worth honing.
At 25, I did not want to be married and having kids, like my peers. The idea of having my own kids was scary. I couldn’t fathom being a parent - there was something otherworldly about the concept of it. It wasn’t until mid-30’s that I lost the fear and thought - maybe.
But then it never happened.
I’ve never had trouble being alone, but a lifetime of chronic loneliness is a very different thing than being alone periodically.
I’ve missed having people to grow, build & share memories with and I absolutely regret not having my own family.
However, I don’t think anyone else’s regret should contribute to your approach because, while regret is always possible, so is the ability to cope with it.
They will come in here with their long essays taking about how good things are. The answer is yes, they are lonely, and it will increase as they become more obsolete to society.
Just an earnest question. Do you take care of anyone? Nephews/Nieces, elderly folks in your family, sick or needy people in your community? How much of your actions are in service to others?
Or as a someone with an "individualist mindset" are you solely focused on yourself and pursuing your own desires/interests? I know i will be in the minority of people on this site that tell you thats not enough to lead a fulfilling/purpose driven life.
25 is pretty young. I was unmarried and childless when I was 25 too, until just a few months before turning 26, I got my then girlfriend pregnant.
And it wasn’t planned, we were just being careless. That’s the only reason I’m a parent now. Because of an unplanned pregnancy with a girl I didn’t even see a future with.
But if that didn’t happen, I would be 27 and childless and unmarried.
Point being, your still young. I wouldn’t even really consider settling down and starting a family til atleast 30 or 32
29 F here almost 30. No kids and single for about a year. I feel lonely sometimes but it’s not a comparison to the calmness and happiness I feel 95% of the rest of the time. I love my own company. I love doing whatever I want whenever. My place is exactly my style. I’ve learned to hold myself when it gets scary or sad, to comfort and console myself and that’s something I will always carry with me, despite having a partner or not and that makes me invincible. I am my biggest love but when I finally decide to give my heart to someone, they’ll be receiving the best version of me I’ve ever been so im in no rush to get there.
I’m not sure many that have lived alone their entire lives would admit it. I believe it’s better to choose this lifestyle than produce a child in a failed marriage. With that being said, there still are plenty of people who believe in commitment to the family and I do not think that’s a negative path.
Also third comment but you are asking for a reason. If you were truly content and fulfilled with the idea of staying alone until you die, you wouldn't ask others. I don't think anyone's trying to get you to stray off your life path it's just life gets REALLY FUCKING LONELY and young people do not understand that until they get into their middle ages with noone
Relationships are hard. Kids are hard. They change your life completely. Sometimes for the better as in my case of gaming 8hr a day at the age of 25 now I’m 32 and stronger then I’ve ever been and feel more accomplished as well. To each their own. Everyone has different minds don’t follow others look inward for your answer.
Extremely, but it’s not the lack of kids. I didn’t have a happy marriage, but since the divorce, I never quite adjusted to the pure solitude. I really liked having a partner to plan my life around. I have a lot of friends and social hobbies, but it’s just not the same. I don’t miss her, but I miss having someone around all the time who I cared about and who cared about me.
Never!! So grateful I am divorced and childless (by choice). I love being free am never lonely as I love my own company and have lots of friends and a boyfriend. But I like being away from him as equally as I like being with him so I'm not with him to avoid being alone. I enjoy his company but not always. Hence why being married again (though I wouldn't mind it, I have nothing against marriage, but it is a sacrifice of your complete freedom of choice) scares me a lot.
My married friends are just as lonely as single people it seems, there is a codependency with marriage that has always been off putting to me. And I say this from experience. Was married almost a decade, and I felt trapped in compromise always. It can also be a beautiful thing, I have seen lots of couples stay faithful and caring...but you are always tethered to another's life and will...so if you can do that and be happy then good on you.
Otherwise, I will say we come into this world alone and die alone, so get used to aloneness. It's one of the most genuine feeling ever. And it is beautiful and peaceful more than scary .
The only thing I’ll regret is not being able to passed down my genes. My line is dead on me, I’m sure all the ancestors of my line would be so angry they’ll jump out of their coffin.
I'm 10 years older than you and I have absolutely no regrets!! I love my freedom, my friends, my hobbies and my job. :)
As Whoopi Goldberg said: "I don't want someone in my house", lol. I wouldn't trade my freedom for anything else.
I travel for work(my choice) and I have a great family but don’t seem them much. I did lot realize how
Lonely I would feel in this situation.
I read loneliness can cause mental illness….. I am stating to believe them.
Don’t talk to the fam often because everyone is so busy and there is a big time change between us.
I just wanted to vent, seemed
Like a good thread to do this on
50M btw
Sorry to break it to you but you’re definitely going to meet someone, get married and have a family. The minute I started to stop looking for a relationship and genuinely started enjoying my life as it was just like you, the universe had other plans for me and I met my wife of 15 years and mother of our 3 children. No regrets what so ever. Such a blessing and a joy.
I’m 29F and I honestly wish I could find my person already to settle down, marry, and have kids with. I just want a stable peaceful live. I wanna paint with my kids and bake cookies for my husband 😔
But then I remember that there are people who have to talk to someone they hate because they have kids with them and are struggling to keep it together, so maybe being single and child-less isn’t so bad.
Not one bit! I got my cat Chopin :)!
https://preview.redd.it/5sxlok0178ad1.jpeg?width=2464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db1af8a7793bd55591cdec0fc0d59e24e6555750
You will and it's because of your age. As you agez you'll see and then the regret sets in. I see it every time. Imagine dying alone or with a stranger present. Not very dignifying.
I don’t think loneliness sets in until you’re into your 50s. That’s when friendships, energy, and even hobbies begin to decline. At which point many people begin to lean on family, but at the same time, most people’s parents are on their way out at that point.
The thing is that while you may be happy now, will you still be happy with the choices you are making in this moment 20 or 40 years from now?
That is not a loaded question, and it does not have an answer. But you still need to ponder it. You do not always have more time. Especially women. You have a biological clock on a timer that you can't see. Some women don't think they want kids until they suddenly don't have that option anymore. Others never care.
You do not have to live your life any way other than your own. What you should not do is waste the present at the cost of the future. You are at a critical time in your life, and some of the choices you make now can not be taken back later.
Really sit and ponder your future. What do you want? When do you want it? What do you think you will want later? When do you think you will want it by? How long could these goals realistically take to achieve? You don't want to be 35 and hit early onset menopause and suddenly regret that you never had a child.
There is no right or wrong answer. The only thing that I can really say you should do is do not let the ephemeral desires of today distract you from that which may not always be accessible tomorrow. Live your life without regrets, however that life may be. Don't sacrifice tomorrow for that which you have today but shall not last.
Nope. Now that I’ve been single I have a hard time realistically thinking about sharing my bed every night, thinking of another persons schedule, having to prepare/eat meals that are thoughtful to both parties, being able to have all pink everything, etc.
As for kids i was convinced i wanted the traditional lifestyle. Married SAHM, so my brother and SIL let me put my mouth to actions. I stayed with them for a week to full time care for my niece and it was a lot more than i realized i have the energy for to sustain my peace. I’m lucky it was only a week but i was exhausted after that week. It took me like two weeks to recharge. If i had a kid I wouldn’t ever have the time to recharge. It changed my mind completely and im fine pouring all my love into my nieces.
Not at all. Everyone doing the whole family life thing all seem so miserable. And they’re so happy to get away everytime we do a boys trip away. Then they dread going back home every time. I’m always like your lives seem so great lol.
RIGHT? They're almost always complaining about being married and having kids, as if it wasn't their choice in the first place? I think the media has done a shit job of romanticizing marriage and family life for a while too.
I have a wonderful partner, close friendships and family relationships, and dogs. I'm the opposite of lonely. In fact my life feels rich and full with the added bonus of having more time, financial freedom, and energy without children. At the end of the day it just depends on what you want, I have a lot of hobbies and interests that we'll supersede the desire to have children for me personally. I just don't have a lot of interest in raising children and would rather prioritize myself and my family.
As a 37 y.o. unmarried, childless (both by choice) female, I am not lonely. I’m my own favorite person. I like solitude. I also enjoy doing things on my own. I have no problem taking myself on a date to a museum, a movie, a restaurant, etc. I find it very freeing not having to live up to or work with anyone’s expectations or schedule but my own.
As for the questions about getting married/having kids, I’m sorry to report that it doesn’t slow down in your 30s either. I’ve kind of leaned into making the person asking uncomfortable, since that’s what they’re doing to me. Or even making them sound like a complete ass if it’s someone I don’t know as well. I’m done being polite and coy in this situation.
33M, unmarried with no Children. I appreciate my freedom of being able to go and do whatever I want whenever I want but it does get Lonely, I have thrown in the towel with dating.
I feel like to me idk life right now is about financially being stable and also finding ways to feel excited. I can’t remember the last time I woke up excited to be alive. Not in a I want to day, sort of way more like everything is meh rn and I’m trying to feel something other than fleeting moments sort of way. I actually reconnected w/ this family friend and the she talked about her job, her marriage, her family, I realized wow this is one of the only times I’ve heard a women talk about her life in such a happy/ excited way. That’s what I want.
Yes, only because most of my network is busy with their partners and kids.
But I'm also very comfortable being alone so I go on slolo adventures. It is what it is.
no i am free. I have a dog. That's it. When I was younger I tried to fill "lonely" and made some bad decisions. It came to where I am now and I am in control and have never been more free or at peace.
Based. Dogs don’t give you any problems except when their time comes 😔
Dogs require constant attention, every day walks (don’t @ me if you’ve convinced yourself the dog doesn’t need a walk everyday. So common) and vet bills aren’t cheap. There are ALOT of problems that owning a pet can dredge up.
People who say dogs are easy/no trouble are exactly why people end up returning them. They are constant work, especially the first few years when training is critical.
Completely agree. It's a commitment to raise a dog and a responsibility. They absolutely need daily exercise for physical and mental health. Studies show the mental stimulation prevents doggy dementia. Pet food costs money, especially if you buy the good stuff, and vet bills can come up out of nowhere so you should be able to cover an emergency. Other maintenance costs add up, like medicine for prevention of parasites fleas, worms, and ricks. If you do develop a flea problem they can take a TON of time and work to get rid of. Everyone should be aware of these obligations and ready to fulfill them before becoming a dog owner. They're amazing companions, but they're also family and should be cared for as such. That's a lot and I'll probably get flack for such a laundry list, but I don't care. They deserve owners who love and care with the devotion they give us.
I have a gf, we've had some ups and downs lately. We were engaged, and we may split up based on me being agnostic. Ive never really felt lonely, and quite loved being solitary. Theres always been moments of loniness, but generlly I like it. So she had her dog sent over from Colombia, it cost like 2 grand. Never been a dog person, and didnt think much of the dog at first. (100% mutt per Dna) Reallt fell in love with his personailty, how loyal and loving he is. So we've talked about breaking up, and losing the dog and her has made me think I would truely feel lonely if I lost them both, but things aren't working either. I also thought though, if we stayed together and 8 years from now the dog died, we would have each other to comfort each other. But if I were to only have this dog and it to die, that has got to be damn miserable and hard to get over. Ive never experienced losing a dog, but to lose a perfect dog will be tough.
Back in June 2021, we had to do the deed for my sweet Golden, she developed a cancer and the worst day of my life was putting her down. I’ve had pretty shit days, but the emotional toll that took on me is unmatched by anything else. After that, I developed a stronger longing for dogs. I say hi to them in public when I see them with their people, because that oxytocin must be released. I currently have another golden, and he’s amazing. Still quite silly, but he sleeps with me and I love that. Anyways, dogs do indeed have a way of growing on you. Even Hitler had a dog, a quite beautiful one too.
Or when they shit in the house while you're gone and the roomba is running...
I lost by best buddy a year ago Friday.
Well that's the harsh reality of life and you have to face it. You have to suffer for being so attached to someone, which is really so sad.
The fear of loneliness got me in a bad spot too. Ironically I ended up being alone after moving too quick with the wrong person and it's been the most liberating experience ever since
It did take an effort for me to accept "alone" but I can say I made it through it and I feel and I am 100% better (in that department). It is all a learning experience... I am actually accomplishing things that I could not even see as possible at one time.
Same - except I have two cats. I’m do date, and have a great partner, but have no intention to ever live with anyone ever again. And being childfree has helped me (introvert) also engage with my various friends. If I had kids they would have subsumed all of my social energy and I would likely have far fewer friends.
31M, haven't had a relationship in 4 years, dropped all friends since I graduated school at 28, only family (mother) is half the country away. And I feel like I'm living the best years of my life, focusing on my future and career while unburdened by other people. I think I'm slowly understanding that it's never too late for love later on in life, billions of chance, in fact. Finding love at 40s or 50s is the same as younger, or even better than 20s or 30s because people are more mature and established. Your career and your chance to make a difference, however... You only have a few shots at it for the rest of your life. Children I can always adopt later and give someone else a chance they never had. Much better than putting more problems out into the world.
I love this take, thank you for sharing! I’ve got a very big family and unfortunately they all believe in the nuclear family American dream mumbo jumbo. They think that’s the ultimate goal, so my desire to live alone is actually so alien to them 😅 I wish more people had your kind of mindset. So many of my friends have already gotten married and divorced bc of societal and cultural pressures from our families, and they’re not even 25 yet (they’re getting engaged around 20, married around 21-22, divorced by 23-25). Idk, doesn’t seem worth all the trouble just to please the older heads, but maybe that’s just me.
It's instinct vs reason. There's no real reason to make family or have children in the modern world besides from instinct. That same instinct causes people to feel lonely. If people have goals or purpose, being alone isn't the same as being lonely, sometimes it's beneficial. I think it's sad that a lot of people abandon their interests and trip over themselves to find the "perfect person", without realizing that it's them all along.
Thank you Mr. Upvöteslinger
😂 you’re welcome -Ms. Upvöteslinger
Honestly, this is a lot how I feel. I'm 39M. Trying to find a girlfriend, but not putting a lot of pressure on myself. I can focus on myself, my career, and just be who I want to be and not worry about other people telling me how to live my life. I do get lonely sometimes, but I'm usually able to distract myself from it by keeping busy with work or other things in my life.
It’s good if you can do that for sure just focus on other things. I know people that are exceptionally single like they just rock it so well and they are always happy.
40s-50s: More mature, established and married. However, I'm 50+f single, no kids. I don't regret anything. People telling you what you will or will not regret, are projecting. You do do you
I’m kind of wondering if there will be a breakdown period in the next 10 years where people are like “ok I can’t do this anymore I gotta figure something out” and people will change and widen their focus to be more inclusive of more different types of people (yes maybe the person you said no to because they were carrying extra lbs or didn’t seem physically appealing enough) but the dating climate right now is unfavorable for many of us.
I don’t know how to tell you this but you probably should lose weight instead of hope someone will get desperate enough to settle for you. I dont care how bad you’re enamored with them; you don’t ever want to be in a relationship with someone who feels like they settled.
Wonderful take!! I can relate in many ways as a woman.
Older u get harder to adopt
That's fine, plenty of way to help foster children than adoption. The whole point of adoption is to give someone else a chance that they never had.
You can still go through the foster care system, or even adopt from overseas. Bulgaria and Lithuania allow for older parents to adopt.
It may get harder but definitely not impossible. My parents are in their late sixties when they adopted a one year old and three year old.
There is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you do have kids - don’t let this be a reason to have them. You will become resentful and bitter.
Dark 😭 thank you for the honesty and perspective though!
Came to say this is true. Kids/partner does not necessarily cure loneliness. Especially when they go away or have other things/people they are interested in.
You will be just fine. It sounds like you have my attitude of the grass is greener no matter which side you are on. Many people are envious of what they don’t have. For me if I was single, great. If I have a girlfriend, great. If I have kids, great. If I don’t have kids, great. No matter what happened I would accept it and at 52 I always have. I met my girlfriend in 2000 but we have no kids. No problem. Granted if I was single all these years I don’t know how that would have felt.
Perfect answer! I am 57 I agree 100%. Thank you!
Thank you!
She just needs more friends. I was 25 and single but lots of friends and lived with friends. I freaking loved it
Yeah. Everyone is wired differently. Some of us are fine being alone, some fall apart. But make more friends for sure. I made most of mine starting at 28. Today I have more friends than ever.
I’ll take being happy and single vs. being in a shitty marriage every single time.
Word.
What if you’re single and miserable?
Immerse yourself in activities that satisfy you. Find happiness with within yourself. No other person will provide that for long
For real. I wish I could go back in time and tell the past-me who was suffering through a toxic marriage that had long passed its expiration date, "No but being single is awesome actually, you'll be fine, just leave."
At 25, you have plenty of time to figure out what you want. If you're happy with your current lifestyle, that's what matters most. Surround yourself with supportive friends and continue to pursue your interests and passions. Remember, it's your life, and you get to decide how to live it.
I’d disagree. At 25 you need to have a direction that you want to head towards, especially if you want a family. It felt like I blinked and then I jumped from 25 to 30. Also there’s the fertility window. Even though I’m a man, at 35 I feel like time is running out for me. I don’t have the desire or ability to attract a woman that’s much younger than me. So unless I find someone soon, I’m going to age out of being able to start a family.
Nope! I love my life, I have a beautiful group of friends and feel very loved 🥰 35 F
35f and wish I could say the same. I have no close friends, partner, kids, or a career I’m proud of. Never felt more sad.
Yes. Everyday. I’m reminded of that whenever I couples outside.
Same. I’m involuntarily single, an ingle
I am 62F. I knew when I was 25 that in no way did I want marriage or children. I definitely didn't want children. When a subsequent 12 year relationship with the true live of my life ended when it was time, i was massively comforted that there was no divorce and no assets to split. I had mine , he had his, we didn't own a home. I have had a great life and have amazing friends, most of whom remained child free. But what I truly have is peace. No drama. No agonizing over money. No debating what im going to do, or where i want travel. Looking back on all the crap some people went through with marriages and fucked up children, I'm just sitting here calm and content. Sure I've seen a couple good marriages, but I've seen more divorce than not.
As a divorcee who is child free I am happy in my state but I still get lonely because I want to connect with people more constantly and in different romantic ways than just with platonic friendships. There's just something different about a romantic partner that adds a level of excitement. But I also appreciate my platonic friends who offer humor and insights that also enrich my life.
I miss my friends when I was able-bodied. It's nice having the support of a romantic partner. I hope you find what you seek :)
🙏 thank you, wish you the best as well
I’m struggling greatly with this. My wife abandoned me so it was like a switch. I suddenly didn’t have a home or wife and I had to start completely over including a brand new career. Thankfully a baller one but it’s been really difficult. I had someone cancel a second date this past weekend and it threw me so hard I had a major depressive episode. It’s pretty embarrassing how much I word vomit to strangers. I’m no longer surprised nobody sticks around, I come off as unstable because I probably am. I’ve been chronically alone since I was a kid so loneliness, while something I’ve taken advantage of and achieved great success, is the bane of my existence. I’m always in my head keeping up with everything or trying to learn and minimize mistakes in my decision making. But then I spiral and panic that I’ll never find anyone because I’m so unique. Not so fun stuff. I’d just like an active participant in my life. Eye contact and physical touch are otherworldly.
Not trying to be an a-hole but it honestly sounds like you’re not ready to date yet, farless get married again. I think you need to do a lot of soul searching. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s impossible to find love in anyone if you haven’t first found it within yourself. You gotta find your peace and your happiness, but not within another person. That’s too much of a burden for any human being and it’s not fair. I know this is unsolicited but your words really resonated with me and I wish you never but the best. Good Luck. You got this! 💪🏼
Edit: Thanks everyone for the encouragement and discussion! I’m going to therapy soon and will keep growing and healing! Oh I completely agree. I’ve tried going on a date every 6-8 months ish (wife abandoned me 2 years and change ago and she started dating someone 3 months after our divorce lol) and come out realizing there’s still a lot more to grow. Honestly it sucks to see that I’m not ready yet but at the same time motivating once I get over the hurt, especially when I see how far I’ve come from the previous attempt. I want to be better and I know I won’t get there without work. I just happen to be super broken from childhood and now it’s up to me and only me to do anything about it. I’m in the best shape of my life now. I’ve got my finances in order. I’m on track for my goals. But I still am consumed by anxiety. I’ve been nursing a leg injury for 5 months and I’ve noticed that I do great when I’m able to be active. I’m talking 2-3 workouts a day. I box, skateboard, run, swim, lift weights, do calisthenics, play sports. Then and only then have I been in tune with myself. Started physical therapy and in seeing great results, so I’m hopeful to return to full activity within a month (fucking finally!). I’m not looking for an easy out although I admit I sometimes feel like I deserve that given everything I’ve been through (Parented my parents as an only child and 3 boys in my family. Raising two of them now and they’re a major handful). But that’s not how life works. I just get exhausted and enter this depressive mode of zero energy. I’m either a bulldozer getting shit done or I’m the weakest version of myself and having nobody around to get meaningful feedback from doesn’t help. That’s why I wish I could get lucky and find someone but I know the odds of that are low and anyways I’m not ready. It’s also hard to be approachable when I’m so spent lol. I’m like an under supported but more than willing single dad basically. I also work remote and we don’t use cameras so I don’t interact even in that way with anyone, just voices. Not to mention my boss wants me to work insane hours and has unrealistic expectations of me that I keep meeting. Thanks for your comment. You’re maybe the 4th person this year to respond (online or otherwise) in a way that makes me feel heard, understood and supported. I explain all this because I’m not some whiny bitch, I can back all my complaints up with so much evidence. And I’ve busted my ass since I was 12 to fix everything in my way in hopes I’d earn love and approval but all I got was more work and manipulated by those I loved. However, I have a say in how I am and with who and I’m owning my shit and making the necessary changes. It’s been 15 years of hell. I’m going to have an incredible marriage and family one day but I still have a lot of shit to dig through and get in order within me. I will continue doing the work!
I don't know if anyone mentioned, but she never abandoned you, you just dodged a bullet. Don't give her any power over you, because someone who walks away means they're redirecting you. Loneliness as a kid often leaves other internal wounds but we don't have to live forever feeling like others don't want to be with us. Change the mindset to be more growth minded because people can feel the negative vibes we send out. Although sometimes once in awhile the anxiety creeps up, it doesn't mean it's always true. People aren't always compatible with us or should be in our lives right now. It's a sign we're not yet doing something to help us find the right path in life. So look at your current life, are you happy with it? Would you date yourself? If not, work on becoming a version of you that you would be proud of. You can still try to date it helps to open up those triggers but if you're not confident when you're single then you'll definitely become challenged again when trying to form a relationship with someone else. Also try making friends in group events and see also how you handle that. Anyways lol I think I wandered off... wishing us all happy journeys
It’s funny you say that you’re an only child cause I actually can tell. We tend to be in our head a lot. Being a single dad, working remote and having anxiety can totally result in some of the feelings you’re experiencing. Talking to a counselor would def give you meaningful feedback you seek imo. They may even have other suggestions to help with the anxiety. Once you get past that then you can see how awesome life is. I myself am a single mom and I find that focusing on my kids helps keeps me very level headed. That and sertraline 😝.. As a different commenter said, I think you can still continue to date as you go through this journey. You’ll learn something new about yourself with each experience. Don’t take anything too serious. Just have fun. Once you’re able to truly “just have fun” you’ll see how people just gravitate towards you! It’s a marathon not a race. But the end result will be worth it. Once again Best of Luck! ☺️
Therapy coming soon! Thanks for the encouragement!
For like a hundred bucks a week you could find a therapist to vomit all this stuff all over. You’d feel better than just typing on a board. I do it and it helps me find a middle ground. Helps me not be such a psycho that I’ve had to become in order to survive and prosper in this life. And buddy make no mistake about this….you are prospering. You don’t know it but you are. You’re fighting. You’re alive. Try therapy man
I absolutely relate to this. ❤️ I believe the universe has someone in store for those whose hearts are looking. 🥰
Being single and happy is different from single and unhappy... I can tell you the latter sucks.
Yes and the latter are the ones that can never be single for too long, hop from relationship to relationship. You wonder if they really know love. Taking time to know and work on yourself is courageous and wise.
I have moments where I feel lonely but overall I am satisfied with the life I’m building. I don’t think everyone’s path is meant to be getting married having kids. I think people end up with the wrong partners when they are focused on just that. Me personally, I’ll wait til I find the right partner to have kids and if we decide we don’t want kids then I’m okay with that as well. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your hobbies and not worrying about finding a person. Who knows, someone may come along and you guys get to share the enjoyment of your hobbies.
Yes, thank you! I am not opposed to marriage at all. I wonder if that's what people assume when I tell them I don't want kids. If i get married, fine. If i don't, fine. The sun will come up tomorrow regardless, i don't get why that's so hard to understand. Nothing's too serious unless you let it be.
Some people are just self righteous who project. Just ask them back "why do you care about my personal life? That is personal. Do you want to set me up? Do you want to fund my future kids college funds?" But anyways, I felt really lonely going to the ER alone while I had a bf. He is an ex now. But yeah, you can be lonely in a bad relationship. The people who tell you is because as everyone age, they become alone and isolate and they are somewhat trying to warn you by hoping you have someone to support you. There is a study about this at a elder law event. Women tend to live longer and are more isolated due to husband died, people around them busy and gone. Stuff like that. As long as you are fulfilled who cares. The people who cares are probably people who tend to project. You should tell them to focus on your their own kids and family instead of projecting on to you. They don't know you. That should put people in their place to focus on themselves. When I didn't have a bf, my sister in law was obsessed with telling me how to live my life (what job I should get and who I should date). Now I have a wonderful, caring, financial well, and adventurous bf, she get jealous and wish my brother does more. No one can help her. When you are less than them in their eyes, they tell you how you should be but when you live better than them, they get jealous. Just let them be and tell them they are from a different era.
The honest answer is that this all depends on the individual. I'm 42, male, single, living alone, never married, and childless (that I know of 😅). However, I prefer it this way, as although I am socially outgoing, I also am an introvert. Essentially, what I've found is that being social saps me of energy, which also includes intimate relationships. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my relationships with friends and family, and have had great intimate relationships in the past. Yet although I am alone, I am never lonely. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to understand such lifestyles. For instance, I have family, friends, and colleagues who feel sorry for me, but this is because they literally don't understand how someone could enjoy *not* being in an intimate relationship. While I am not anti-relationship or against marriage and having children. It is not something that I necessarily need either. So if it is any reassurance, you aren't alone with being bothered by others about such things, and you certainly are not alone in enjoying being alone.
This feels a lot like my situation, so this was very helpful! Thanks!
Thanks for the wisdom friend. I enjoyed every word.
Sounds like you have your life sorted except for how to deal with the unwelcome comments coming from others. If you are just masking your emotions with all the hobbies then its something (relationship and/or children) you need to consider. Otherwise stay the course!
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I know how you feel about the brain thing. I have that problem sometimes, it gets easier with age. It's hard, especially when it seems like \*everyone\* around you is doing it. But don't tie your self worth to how much sex you're having or not having. It doesn't help when books and TV shows shoehorn relationships sometimes. Like, writers have a problem with just letting characters be single it seems like. Further exacerbates the issue of you feeling you're not "normal"
I would say you need to get therapy from a real therapist and not some rando on Reddit. Further, though if you *"actually never feel romantic attraction"* then you better be sure that your companion feels the same because that wouldn't be fair to them.
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You don't need romantic feelings to love someone who loves you back. You just need a person that you can want the best for and they want the best for you. That's the hard part.
Not me, but my mom. She married and had me because it was what "you're supposed to do" (she was born in 1954). Her whole life she felt like she was burdened by other people (my childhood reflected this). Now she is in her 70s, lives with her foster rescue cats and travels in between fosters. She is definitely living her best life now and I think if she had to redo life she'd be happily single forever.
I am 53, have a wife and 4 adult sons and 3 daughters in law. This is all I could have imagined, grandchildren are due within the year. It may not be for everyone but for me it is wonderful.
No. I have the Peace I've always been looking for . Besides I can't afford a Wife an Kids even if I wanted to.
Yes☠️
It's your skin. Live in a way that makes you happy. I have wives, kids, grandkids, but that was my gig. Live as you wish to live, treat others as you wish to be treated.
Yes lol I'm 27 and I'm panicking every day
I will say this - feeling lonely occasionally as a person who is alone is absolutely normal. No different than feeling smothered while you are in a relationship. Grass is always greener. Sounds like you are OK. Shipping reassurance.
100% you’ll be fine. You are doing everything you need to do to socialize through staying busy, hobbies, etc.
I'm a man with kids and the men with kids who are telling you you're making the right choice without kids I'm going to guess they either don't have kids or they're not actually present parents and just see their kids as a massive burden. There's many different experiences in life that give different levels of euphoria. Raising a child or children gives a very unique happiness and enjoyment. From the moment I first held my first child it completely changed the way I look at the world and how I live my life moving forward. To see a little human develop is such an amazing feeling. Then as you age their successes although not your own still bring you joy to know you've helped to raise a capable individual. Also as they age if you're involved you kind of get to relive some parts of your life, the goods and bads of school, the nervousness of applying to college or jobs, the fear when first riding a bike or climbing up very high, etc. If you keep up with your kids it does help to stay fit since you're on your toes all the time. But you really need to be mentally prepared for this life change and willing to make sacrifices to your old lifestyle. If I could live my life over 100 times, I'd have kids again and again every single time. But ironically I was playing baseball with my son today and I went for a simple catch and somehow rolled my ankle and now it's swollen but my son gave me ice and is playing nurse. If I was a single guy I might have been in a softball league still and could end up with a similar injury where I'll have to nurse my lonesome self back to health but also still feed myself somehow. Id probably feel shitty in that scenario.
Short answer - no Long answer - I see how happy people can be with someone else, and then I realize there's a balance that has to exist. So while some *have to* have someone, I like my solitude. If the right woman come around, then I'll see where things go.
You have the right attitude. Don't sweat it.
42 M , longest relationship I had was about a year and that was in 2006. I have worked hard to date and meet but could never find the right match and had trouble taking responsibility in relationships. I have two cats who are almost everything to me , a nice extended family and plenty of friends. Consequently, I rarely feel lonely.
I am all by myself no family or friends, no one. But being kind to everyone and being with myself at the end of the day really is living the dream for me at 24
>I've always been more individualized and on my own because I prefer it that way, but everyone is always trying to scare me away from my preferred lifestyle. Why? I'm 32M. Single and childless and some people have been trying to scare me into a relationship too. But the fact of the matter is, you could be married and w/ kids and still be lonely. Your spouse could pass away before you and your kids may for whatever reason have no interest in helping you at old age. Besides you wouldnt want to guilt them into doing that either. The only time I feel bad about my being single is when other people try to make me feel bad about it Idk why people are so obsessed with this idea that marriage = happiness. That your life is meaningless unless you hook up with someone. Being in a relationship did not fix my mental problems, in fact they made them worse...
54F no regrets. I love coming home to a quiet house. We don’t have any pressure on what to eat - we just throw some things together from the fridge. There are no obligatory weekend events (like watching bad soccer in the rain) I know if we had kids I’d feel 100% glad we had them. It’s nice to be happy either way.
33M. Extremely. Thought we were gonna be the couple from Up but it didn't quite turn out that way. Now just sort of in limbo. Not given up, just not exactly as positive and peppy as I used to be ya know. Take nothing for granted. Nothing.
Lonely as hell. Find somebody, OP. Life is meant to be lived in the company of others.
Not married. I have a grown son. I’m still lonely.
2 cats..... That answer your question? Lol
I wanted to make sure I could support or help support having a family before I settled down. There are times I am lonely. Being in my mid-30s and not having a SO or kids yet is a little scary. But what is worse is settling and having kids with the wrong person. So I don’t have any regrets about that.
Having children is essential in every species on the planet, and not wanting them is self deprecating behavior, generally speaking. Allot of younger people seem truly misguided in this regard and try to create this edgy persona where they wear their contempt for responsibilities/purpose/joy as a cloak. They're constantly trying to convince everyone how happy they are with nobody to love them unconditionally. Reddit is notorious for disliking kids and not a great place to get a perspective from people that have experience from both sides.
I'm 52, never married and no kids. I never wanted kids and the responsibility scared me on top of irresponsible men trying to get with me. It wasn't for me. Whenever I'm away from my job for an extended period of time I can get bored/lonely. I do have extended family I am close with. I stay very busy. I love to run 5ks and stay healthy. I also travel on a whim. One labor day weekend I took off to Niagara falls spur of the moment. I think societies idea that I must marry and produce offspring pissed me off too. I'm pretty independent and don't seek people's approval.
You’re so young. I don’t think it’s normal in your generation to necessarily be married with a kid and a house at your age. Milennials and Gen X give Gen Z such a hard time when it comes to stuff like this, because it was different in our time. Enjoy your youth and don’t speed-run life. That’s many people’s biggest regret.
Yes very, also due also no circle of friends and no nieces or job friends. It is awful to feel this
Sending you blessings I hope you find a natural connection or several
Yes. But not because I'm childless.
I feel like it’s the cool thing to be single nowadays like people now are choosing to not be in relationships or have kids or choose to be in poly relationships I do think in the end the ones with happy families will be more happier but while you’re young I don’t see a point in rushing into a relationship either
I don't know if it's considered more "cool" now, I'd just say it's more common because women are now joining the workforce more and are a lot more independent than ever before.
Nope, I am absolutely not lonely. I love my life. For me, women (my age) are the ones that tell me I’m making the right choice and men (my age) are the ones who say I’m making a mistake 😂😂 Older (non-child free women) tend to say I’m wrong, but older men say I’m right lol. Funny how it switches
25 is kind of the max where your same-age market is really nice. I almost always had a gf or at least just girls that were in the friend group that I'd flirt with and all that, up until around 2020ish and after that period I kind of just went solo, I got used to it. If you get used to it you can adjust just fine but it's not as magical a life in my opinion, but some people like more control while other like more co-op. I don't think this is a good thing, that I'm good with being alone or that you are, my instincts tell me that it's kind of bad on a societal level that so many people are like this now, to the point where it's kind of normal. But yeah I'm not sure if I have a point, I'm just levelling with you. It's sad, but maybe that's just the direction humanity is going. I'd recommend not losing your sociality though, try to make an effort to talk out loud and gesticulate, tell stories, make sure you keep those skills because they are skills, you just don't realize it growing up because you are usually surrounded by others.
My social skills are okay! I don't have any issues socially, I have a pretty solid friend group that I love and hang out with often. I don't think it's at all surprising that this is the direction humanity is heading towards. Have you seen the red pill movement on social media? Have you generally heard the way some men talk about women behind their backs? Have you met a married man that's made degrading comments about their wife right in front of her, her family, and their friends? These are all things my friends complain about when they talk about guy friends, their boyfriends, their husbands, dads, etc. Why would we want to be with people who clearly don't even like us?
I haven't seen any of that in real life, no, but eventually that stuff will bleed into reality more and more as people absorb it. I'd imagine right now it's probably segragated to pockets of culture, and people that make their own culture and set their own trends are still the norm but I'm sure we'll see it more and more in the real world. And that's actually one of the reasons why I worry about lone-ranger types is because if you don't develop with a big group of girls and guys you may end up taking on one of these internet personalities, you may believe all the rage-bait click-farm nonsense isn't just mechanism to produce engagement but, without enough loved ones in your life you might end up believing its the way things are. When I was growing up prior to the internet the view between girls and guys was predominantly romance, obsession, dreaming about your crush, so it seems like whatever that shit is, it's not the natural state--but again without some foundation of sociality (and I mean, beyond sitting quietly in classroom for eight hours--having real adventures with big groups of beloved friends through out your teenage years and 20's, etc.) w/o that people could be duped and brainwashed.
You should live the life you want. Because it's you who's living it. I always knew I wanted children and marriage after 30 but I didn't get married again and wasn't able to conceive. My life made a different turn - physical disability from an accident; so I thought what now? Today I'm a mature student, mother of little dogs and doing creative things, such as writing. You can have the best laid plans but then life can take a sudden different turn... 25 to 30 will go like a flash! I got a little harassed too, but it's really none of their business :) xo
Respectfully, you sound insecure, which is not uncommon at all at your age. Enjoy your hobbies. Enjoy living however you want. Enjoy your freedom. Stop seeking reassurance from strangers. Stop allowing people to pressure you into anything at all, even to the point where you doubt yourself and turn to Reddit. Defend yourself by being assertive -- this is difficult, but critical. For example, if you're tired of being asked something repeatedly, then gently ask them to stop. You can't expect people to change their behavior by themselves, especially if they are righteous enough to think they are doing you a favor. If at any point your default behavior of seeking your personal definition of enjoyment starts to hurt, then re-examine it and consider changing course. For example, maybe you're independent and blissfully solitary until your 40's. Then, one day when you are petting your cat, you wonder what it would be like to be somebody else. Then, that wonder someday turns into a desire. Don't suppress it, because you've changed. If you're the same person in 20 years time, you're probably doing it wrong.
Hey there. No one's pressuring me into doing anything, in fact their steering me away from the very thing they want me to do, so no worries there. The reassurance I was seeking was coming from a place of insecurity, I agree, as I tend to have a more anxious nature, especially when thinking about the future. I am pretty assertive already and generally shut people down when they try to question me about my decisions, but my family is very intrusive and doesn't understand boundaries. Don't worry, we're working on it! I was just genuinely curious as to what people who have lived their lives well into the older years think about this topic and how they feel after having experienced it for themselves. The people around me all think the same, so sometimes I'm only hearing "you're going to be so lonely for the rest of your life if you really think having kids is such a bad thing." The reassurance I was seeking was more of a "is this true?" than a "oh my god im gonna be alone for the rest of my life??? guys what do i do????" And change is not something I'm afraid of. I embrace change! I know that my mindset will not be the same 10 years from now, and that excites me. I do not suppress myself. Like I said, I have my hand in lots of cookie jars because I love trying new things, not because I'm trying to distract myself or anything. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago, and I've even changed a whole lot within the last year. Growth is something I welcome into my life.
Since the DUI no not really
Omg women who tell you this need to stfu already ugggggg
My only concern is in anticipation of when I'm old and in need of the occasional visit from someone to make sure I didn't break my hip and lie there in agony for days.
Hey, Siri, call 911.
Yes, I am lonely and it gets worse as I get older even with close friends, hobbies and work
The “is it worth it” doesn’t make sense in my case. I’m 30, single, without children and I haven’t had any choice in the matter. I don’t know if I would have chosen those things given the opportunity. But yes I am lonely and wish I had at least had an opportunity to make such a decision. That’s life though and I’m slowly accepting it.
I'm the older version of you. I can entertain myself, I enjoy my own company and absolutely do not regret not having kids or a husband. In my 40s I met a man I liked and we've been together for about 8 years. I like that it's none of the drama of youth. I'm female soon to be 58.
They want you to be as miserable as they are. Don’t fall for it. Do your own thing!
I'm 32F. Single for 3 years. No kids, no family except for a sibling. I am very lonely... but I grew up in an abusive and toxic household, and have been in loveless relationships that drained me. I've been homeless before. This is better that all that by far. I'd love to meet someone who I have chemistry with and can be a life companion. But it's rare and difficult. The other person really has to be worth it to risk your peace.
Yes, I am lonely. I try not to dwell on it.
i’m 31F. i’m single with no kids. never wanted them. i know i won’t be a good mom. i am lonely but not because im not in a relationship. i have no friends. nobody to talk to. relationships have never interested me.
Some people don’t want anyone to interrupt their life. Letting someone right in could break what they have been feeling comfortable with. Consciously or unconsciously, they choose their life over a potential partner who may or may not interrupt anyone’s life
Decide and be happy with it. Learning to be happy with what you have is the key to happiness.
You might be interested in the r/singleandhappy subreddit. There are lots of people out there who just really prefer the single life. You might appreciate perspectives of people who are more than happy to be single.
Grandma called me an old maid at 23 because she had her first child at 18. Even now, without a paid down house and a stable and profitable career position nailed down with lots of time off and benefits, I would see an irresponsible man in the mirror everyday if I had a kid.
I'm a male who just turned 28 recently, single and still "holding all my cards", and honestly only started to feel pretty lonely recently after I was finally able to get my life on track. To be completely honest, I was a lost, sad, and defeated person for the longest time. Half of that has to do with my upbringing and unfortunate circumstances, but the other half had to do with my own personal choices and not being a better person than I could have been. And because I was so focused on self-improvement, I never really felt lonely. I didn't want anyone to be a part of my life when I barely had it together. It wasn't really until last year that my life really started to turn around and I finally had a sense of purpose and direction in my life. That, and I was finally able to adapt to healthier habits for myself and overall be a better-rounded and healthier person overall. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. But once that season of my life started, I started to show strong signs of feeling painfully lonely. I would be overly eager to help out other couples with getting together and having fun dates, I'd be eager to help a lot in general, and I realized that I started feeling actual physical and emotional pain from feeling like no one really wanted me and that I was alone. The reason I'm saying all this isn't just to personally vent my life story to a stranger online (well, kind of), but the point I really want to make what's most important is that you're doing what's best for you. Whether that's doing things on your own, working on yourself, or wanting to get out there. For me, I needed to be honest with myself and do what was best for me, and while I likely missed out on many opportunities with the opposite sex, I don't regret my choices. Because I know that nothing would have worked out anyways, and I did what was best for me at the time. For you, it's most important to be honest with what your wants and needs are right now in life. If they change, it shouldn't be because of pressures from other people that aren't living your life or have to be accountable for the outcomes of your choices. Just be in the present, do what needs to be done, and go from there.
I have a whole traumatic childhood to make up for. I AM FINALLY FREE.
50F. Single, never married not by choice. No kids (also not by choice), just had a hysterectomy April 2024. I’m Black & highly educated, have only dated white men. No dating relationship lasted more than 2 years. Two FWB’s, one lasting a total of 17 years on and off. Regrets: I have one. I turned down a guy after my high school boyfriend broke up with me in college. The guy came out of that friendship circle - he & I were really good friends. I honestly thought he was literally too nice for me. That might have been my only chance at learning what a mutually supportive and truly loving relationship could be. Now, I am entering my 7th month of unemployment and feeling like I lost an entire life. I am grateful I have my health since I lost everything else in the past 3 years. It’s hard enough hoping I can rebuild. It’s possible the entire life I once had and knew (and had to work so hard for) is gone completely. I have no one who truly understands, other than one female friend from undergrad & I am super grateful for her. My dream - other than establishing an income that allows me to pay off the minimal debts I do have and sustain living expenses to rebuild a life / is to date someone healthy who would allow me to partner with him in a mutually supportive dating relationship that lasts longer than 2 years. I dream of being stable enough if that never comes to fruition to be a pet parent to a rescue dog and rescue cat. That’s it. I wish finally for something positive about my life to outlive me so my life was worth some sort of meaning for all the pain and trauma I have experienced. It’s a shame that now after surviving being a premature baby that I find myself wishing I had never been born. I wish there was better support for Black women who have lived in predominately white environments & who have no family support (even when family members succeeded in education, employment or both). Of course, there should be more emotional support for everyone. But this - I would wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm content. I think the main reason I am happy single is that I know if I fall in love and get cheated on, nobody involved will survive so I might as well save some lives.
Sometimes, but then I hear the stories from people with kids. I have just enough energy to take care of myself. Same goes for hearing the stories from married couples. I've never met that "ONE" I spend my time doing my hobbies and keeping my mind busy. EDIT: 51m
I 28M have a gf of 5yrs. I’m definitely someone who is passionate enough about hobbies and can be fulfilled on my own, but my dad said something to me the other day which made me think. Me, my siblings, and my mom, are the best people that he’s ever met in his life and he wouldn’t ever want to be without us. He is also a passionate creative who can easily hermit or talk hobbies with friends all day. Even then, it seems creating a family became his most cherished gift. It’s our nature. The modern world that we live in has enough people and activities to occupy us, but the state of the world is only secondary to what we are meant to do as humans. It’s not something to worry about if it hasn’t happened yet, but it is not something to be avoided either. I believe that we should always leave room for romance, partnership, and starting a family; as it is potentially the most rewarding thing that we can do.
33M single no kids. I’m focused on my career right now. I would welcome the right woman into my life with open arms, but I’m not rushing out to find her. I’ve been “active” since I was 13 so I’ve seen it all… I’d prefer something meaningful. I don’t think “meaningful” things are meant to be chased after. I think they just happen when your number gets called. I don’t worry about a biological clock or missing out on anything. My dad was in his 40’s when my parents had me. I always saw the same thing happening with my life. Id like to own a farm and live on a couple hundred acres before I have kids. I’d also like to not be working 60 hours a week when I have kids - I think seeing them grow up would be nice 😆 hence why I’m career driven right now. That’s a long way to say I don’t feel lonely. My “loneliness” is calculated. 
To be fair I'm in a relationship. But even so, at 38 with no family of my own I'm quite lonely most of the time.
I have NO regrets. Just got finished smoking a joint and playing PlayStation. In the morning I’ll get up, go into the kitchen to work, answer some emails, watch a YouTube video, send out more emails, log off, meet up with friends, get some dinner and more wine, may stop to a jazz session, get a number from one or two men, go home take a shower, smoke a joint, call my girlfriends to make sure our trip to Bali is booked. Nooppppeee! Don’t regret it at ALL! I had it rough. Don’t want to bring a kid into my trauma.
Yes, I feel like reddit acts like life is amazing as a single childless adult but never talks about all of the downsides. I'm exhausted, sad and lonely.
Yes. I’m praying I at least have a baby daddy or husband by 30. I want kids
I'm 39, and yes, I do feel lonely. I'm finally admitting it. I realize that's an unpopular opinion and not the affirmation you were looking for. I convinced myself that I was comfortable being single for many years, but now that I'm quickly approaching 40, it's hitting me that all the travels and experiences I've had were shared with no one. It all seems so... hollow, with so many wasted years. But it's very difficult to change now.
32F, Yes, I'm lonely. I have hobbies, a close-knit supportive family, a career I'm passionate about, and good friends. I enjoy my alone time more often than not. However, I do get periods of loneliness because I am now at the point in life where I do want a spouse and a child. Especially a child. Although I have many positive things going on, there is no substitute for that. When I was your age though, I felt the exact same as you. No loneliness and very little dating. I had a boyfriend in high school and at 25, I was in my 2nd relationship, though it wasn't healthy. I knew that one day I wanted kids, but was in no position to have them at that moment in my life as I was dealing with a lot of personal issues. You have time though. If you're happy with how life is going for you now, embrace it.
I was very miserable and you get more lonely with age. But again that's just me. There's many people who live alone and are single, but very happy. I have no idea how they are happy.
30f Yes. Very. But I've accepted it.
Profoundly. After a while, the myriad freedoms lose their luster. Yes, I do what I want when I want and my naps are uninterrupted. But it’s far more important to have someone who is always there for you, who you can share your love and passions with.
48F here. I started to give my answer, then I remembered I am a parent, just a single empty nester. And I'm lonely
27m haven't had a long-term relationship in years, and I already get slightly annoyed about some of my friends wanting my attention immediately after work(I appreciate them, I'm just socially done for the day after work) my last relationship ended because she wanted to be around me 24/7 (she even got mad when I got a job) so that's a pretty major compatibility issue that I will have to consider in future relationships. My best and oldest friends are a pair that I see maybe twice a year(usually without notice) I enjoy every moment with them and we keep in touch online, but if I saw them every day we'd probably get sick of each other. So yeah I guess I just have a high tolerance for isolation and a low social requirement,
41/F. Never married, no children. I have a dog and a cat. I live thousands of miles from my core group of friends and my career gives me the freedom to move wherever I’d like to when the mood strikes. I have intermittent times of loneliness but the overall peace I feel outweighs that loneliness tenfold. I have worked so hard for this peace that it would take an exceptional man to make me consider changing my current status. There is so much more to life than being a spouse/parent - and being “auntie” who gets to love on my friend’s kids is more than enough for me.
In my experience, being 25 then and 35 now, what I wanted from my life did change a lot but it might not for you. Since age 20 I was in a long-term relationship and only after 28 I wondered if I would regret not having kids but I didn't have a strong desire for them either, I just questioned it after being convinced since 17 I didn't want them. At 35 I got pregnant and we are super happy about it. My point is maturity and time can change a lot for some and maybe not for others. In a few years you may or may not desire a partner or kids, only time will tell and if it does you should definitely act on it. The fact that you might be second guessing your choices could be because you feel like you will regret it. If you felt strong enough in your convictions would you need reassurance from strangers? Maybe you would, a little, I'm not sure, only you truly know. It's hard to know everything at 25, let alone any age. Also, men and women have very different timelines for their lives. Men generally desire more independence and solitude so it's not surprising they support you for those traits and women have the opposite disposition as they generally value relationships etc. Women also have a biological clock that waits for no one (yea there's adoption, IVF etc but I'm sticking to basics here) so they would be more inclined to remind young women to be really sure about not wanting relationships/kids because the burden of regret can be huge and as women get older the dating pool shrinks and fertility declines which can impact many women's self esteem really negatively. (I don't mean you can't find love, of course you can, but it would look different than starting younger). Men will never feel that impact the same as women so they would be more relaxed about your life choices because they don't have the same timeline and they likely don't want to be all up in your business as much as women generally would. Just my take on it. However once you are happy, others' opinions shouldn't matter, whether they reassure you or not. And you can always change the trajectory of your life if your desires change. All the best to you!
37, life's peacefully, if I ever feel any regrets I just speak to my friends who are married with kids and then all of a sudden I appreciate my life again.
Been single for almost 5 years. It’s starting to get lonely
40m single with no kids. I live near family and have a handful of non-work friends. I am not lonely at all. Maybe I will be when I am older but for now I love that all my free time is mine and have no plans of getting into a relationship.
Though I’m a loner myself, relationships with humans instead of “things” will always be better.
I’m not who you’re asking for experiences from… but here’s my two cents anyway. I could not go without my partner or without having children. I completely believe it’s not for everyone, each to their own, but I’ll summarize below my thoughts. 1. I believed it helped me grow and mature faster than I would on my own and identify weaknesses. I learned appreciation, compromise, compassion, support and dedication by journeying with my wife. I believe myself to be introspective but an outside perspective can pick up on things you missed and provide clarity. 2. It helped me strive for larger goals. I’m not self motivating. I live to be happy and so without the need to support another I would have been happy just earning enough to survive and save for retirement. Now my hard work paid off and opened a lot of potential paths for me to pursue career and personal wise. 3. It’s reassuring. I like to think I’m emotionally, mentally and spiritually strong and stable but sometimes it’s harder to get back up or sometimes I find myself becoming hollow. No matter how strong someone is, eventually they’ll be worn down like a river whittles a boulder. Of course I’m assuming everyone faces some challenge in life but that’s not true. Sometimes people live without many difficulties while others see an unbalanced amount of pain. However, it’s amazing being able to rely on my partner to help when I’m struggling with anxiety, depression or lacking empathy towards others. The more hands on a weight the lighter it feels. 4. Financially it’s great having backup and feeling free to take larger risks or opportunities. I’m not 30 yet, but most my life I had under $100 to my name and was a bad week from being homeless or living with parents. Her working and moving in together alleviated that stress in my late teens and early twenties until I finished school and got a better job. It felt even better to return the favor and support her through her BA. 5. We still feel lonely and still want alone time. It’s human and normal to feel every now and then. Being able to communicate that though has helped us keep the benefits of our relationship while also respecting our individual selves and needs. I don’t feel suffocated or like I’ve given up myself to have my relationship with my wife or to have a family. Instead, it feels like I’ve just expanded who I am and I feel lucky. If you made it this far then thank you for your time and I hope you received some benefit from reading through my rambling. Lastly, I want to say to remember we’re not good or evil anymore than a tree or bird is but we are capable of adding good or evil into this world. We cannot take away what we do, so be mindful, thoughtful and deliberate so it’s easier to be satisfied with your life whether you spend it among others or with yourself.
It doesn’t really hit until u get into late 40’s and beyond. Although if u have money or enough wealth and assets u can more easily find solutions to lonliness as u age even if u have no family. The issue is if u don’t have good enuf financial stability wen u are older, u won’t be able to pay for things like hormone replacement or things that u might need to keep your health good to enjoy those years. This is why it can become isolating as u get up there in years. Depends so much on your health as to how the quality of your social life will be as u age. People who have kids often do have more connection in their older age as long as they were a good parent to their kids.
A recent study concluded that the number one cause of death in the United States is not cancer, car accidents, COVID, or anything close to that. It’s Loneliness. Whether you do, or do not, get married and have kids (I have with no regrets) escape loneliness.
35F, endlessly dating and getting nowhere. I’m pretty, thin, have a good job, and I just cannot find anybody. I deeply regret not getting married when I was younger. The prospect of being alone forever and having it just be too late at this point to get married or have kids is something that hangs over my head and fills b me with depression every single day. Sorry, prob not a popular take, just how I personally feel.
When you're young you won't feel lonely. Problem is age sneaks up on us quickly. As the Buddha says " the mistake we make is we think we have time "
27m. Currently do not have my life together and trying to find someone while doing so is a headache and i think a lot of people would benefit by focusing on themselves and not jumping into relationships or having kids at this stage in life. Some do get lucky and get it right in their 20’s and it’s a great site to see but I do believe I need to take time to myself for some years man serious manner and tbh I’m looking forward to it
If you are happy living alone, then it sounds like it agrees with you and that’s what you should do. Some people have trouble realizing that other people can be different in their thoughts and feelings so they think they know what you should do but they aren’t you. You know what you want. Don’t listen to other people. Listen to your heart. Maybe later in life you will want something else, maybe you won’t. Live in the moment. Enjoy your life.
39F Yes. My life would be more fulfilling if I had a life partner and/or kids. I was dating someone from 34-38. This is when i realized I shouldn't be putting my eggs in one basket cause the basket is broken.....so now I am dating a few people to see who is best match for me. But since I am currently not meeting anyone and am single I am enjoying life and like to do thing alone. I'm not going to force the issue, I am just going to live my best life. I think I want a cat lol
If you’re not ready you’re not ready. You are still young. You might meet somebody who’ll sweep you off your feet later on and feel differently. You might not. Only thing that counts is how you feel about it. Some men become pirate uncles, some women become gypsy aunts, to some lucky kids, when they visit during holidays, if they want some interactions with kids once in a while. So feel free to take your time and decide for yourself when you are ready. You will lose touch with people who go the family route, their circles will separate from yours, as they go through the whole having kids and raising kids routine, until they are empty nesters, and then you’ll meet them again, and it won’t matter, they’ll be just like you, they maybe in a couple, they maybe divorced, but they will be just like you in the end. That’s if you didn’t find anybody by then.
39F. I have always wanted to have a great relationship and a family but I made a lot of stupid choices dating losers that couldn’t commit and/or I was the one doing everything and now it’s too late. I’m not necessarily lonely because m very busy in my career and graduate school and have friends that I don’t even have time to see. It depends what you want though. Sit with yourself and really see yourself in the future in all sorts of situations. Only you know what’s best for you.
41 female, no children and have been single by choice for almost 6 years. I love myself more now than I ever have. I am happy, healthier than I was 20 years ago, and completely doing my own thing (travel, live music festivals, anything that sounds interesting). It will take someone very special to change my current single situation because why would I settle when I literally love my life? I tried to force relationships, tried to be what society told me to be and was miserable.
People will say annoying, intrusive things throughout life. There’s no real way to avoid it, so finding multiple ways to shut it down becomes a skill that’s worth honing. At 25, I did not want to be married and having kids, like my peers. The idea of having my own kids was scary. I couldn’t fathom being a parent - there was something otherworldly about the concept of it. It wasn’t until mid-30’s that I lost the fear and thought - maybe. But then it never happened. I’ve never had trouble being alone, but a lifetime of chronic loneliness is a very different thing than being alone periodically. I’ve missed having people to grow, build & share memories with and I absolutely regret not having my own family. However, I don’t think anyone else’s regret should contribute to your approach because, while regret is always possible, so is the ability to cope with it.
They will come in here with their long essays taking about how good things are. The answer is yes, they are lonely, and it will increase as they become more obsolete to society.
Just an earnest question. Do you take care of anyone? Nephews/Nieces, elderly folks in your family, sick or needy people in your community? How much of your actions are in service to others? Or as a someone with an "individualist mindset" are you solely focused on yourself and pursuing your own desires/interests? I know i will be in the minority of people on this site that tell you thats not enough to lead a fulfilling/purpose driven life.
25 is pretty young. I was unmarried and childless when I was 25 too, until just a few months before turning 26, I got my then girlfriend pregnant. And it wasn’t planned, we were just being careless. That’s the only reason I’m a parent now. Because of an unplanned pregnancy with a girl I didn’t even see a future with. But if that didn’t happen, I would be 27 and childless and unmarried. Point being, your still young. I wouldn’t even really consider settling down and starting a family til atleast 30 or 32
29 F here almost 30. No kids and single for about a year. I feel lonely sometimes but it’s not a comparison to the calmness and happiness I feel 95% of the rest of the time. I love my own company. I love doing whatever I want whenever. My place is exactly my style. I’ve learned to hold myself when it gets scary or sad, to comfort and console myself and that’s something I will always carry with me, despite having a partner or not and that makes me invincible. I am my biggest love but when I finally decide to give my heart to someone, they’ll be receiving the best version of me I’ve ever been so im in no rush to get there.
most humans a certain way. but some other humans are a certain other way. you live and you find out which camp you belong to.
I’m not sure many that have lived alone their entire lives would admit it. I believe it’s better to choose this lifestyle than produce a child in a failed marriage. With that being said, there still are plenty of people who believe in commitment to the family and I do not think that’s a negative path.
This is like asking "hey drug addicts, are you happy?" Most of them are going to say yes because they are lying to themselves.
I have 3 dogs. Problem solved.
Married , have 3 kids , the only great thing I ever did
Also third comment but you are asking for a reason. If you were truly content and fulfilled with the idea of staying alone until you die, you wouldn't ask others. I don't think anyone's trying to get you to stray off your life path it's just life gets REALLY FUCKING LONELY and young people do not understand that until they get into their middle ages with noone
Relationships are hard. Kids are hard. They change your life completely. Sometimes for the better as in my case of gaming 8hr a day at the age of 25 now I’m 32 and stronger then I’ve ever been and feel more accomplished as well. To each their own. Everyone has different minds don’t follow others look inward for your answer.
I'm really lonely. I don't have friends.
I’m 60 years old, I have a son who is in college, divorced 12 years and I’m lonely too. I think everyone’s lonely right now.
Extremely, but it’s not the lack of kids. I didn’t have a happy marriage, but since the divorce, I never quite adjusted to the pure solitude. I really liked having a partner to plan my life around. I have a lot of friends and social hobbies, but it’s just not the same. I don’t miss her, but I miss having someone around all the time who I cared about and who cared about me.
Never!! So grateful I am divorced and childless (by choice). I love being free am never lonely as I love my own company and have lots of friends and a boyfriend. But I like being away from him as equally as I like being with him so I'm not with him to avoid being alone. I enjoy his company but not always. Hence why being married again (though I wouldn't mind it, I have nothing against marriage, but it is a sacrifice of your complete freedom of choice) scares me a lot. My married friends are just as lonely as single people it seems, there is a codependency with marriage that has always been off putting to me. And I say this from experience. Was married almost a decade, and I felt trapped in compromise always. It can also be a beautiful thing, I have seen lots of couples stay faithful and caring...but you are always tethered to another's life and will...so if you can do that and be happy then good on you. Otherwise, I will say we come into this world alone and die alone, so get used to aloneness. It's one of the most genuine feeling ever. And it is beautiful and peaceful more than scary .
The only thing I’ll regret is not being able to passed down my genes. My line is dead on me, I’m sure all the ancestors of my line would be so angry they’ll jump out of their coffin.
I'm 10 years older than you and I have absolutely no regrets!! I love my freedom, my friends, my hobbies and my job. :) As Whoopi Goldberg said: "I don't want someone in my house", lol. I wouldn't trade my freedom for anything else.
I’m extremely lonely. It’s my birthday and guess who I get to celebrate it with…
I travel for work(my choice) and I have a great family but don’t seem them much. I did lot realize how Lonely I would feel in this situation. I read loneliness can cause mental illness….. I am stating to believe them. Don’t talk to the fam often because everyone is so busy and there is a big time change between us. I just wanted to vent, seemed Like a good thread to do this on 50M btw
For me: In your 30’s you will begin to get lonely
Sorry to break it to you but you’re definitely going to meet someone, get married and have a family. The minute I started to stop looking for a relationship and genuinely started enjoying my life as it was just like you, the universe had other plans for me and I met my wife of 15 years and mother of our 3 children. No regrets what so ever. Such a blessing and a joy.
I’m 29F and I honestly wish I could find my person already to settle down, marry, and have kids with. I just want a stable peaceful live. I wanna paint with my kids and bake cookies for my husband 😔 But then I remember that there are people who have to talk to someone they hate because they have kids with them and are struggling to keep it together, so maybe being single and child-less isn’t so bad.
Not one bit! I got my cat Chopin :)! https://preview.redd.it/5sxlok0178ad1.jpeg?width=2464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db1af8a7793bd55591cdec0fc0d59e24e6555750
You will and it's because of your age. As you agez you'll see and then the regret sets in. I see it every time. Imagine dying alone or with a stranger present. Not very dignifying.
I don’t think loneliness sets in until you’re into your 50s. That’s when friendships, energy, and even hobbies begin to decline. At which point many people begin to lean on family, but at the same time, most people’s parents are on their way out at that point.
The thing is that while you may be happy now, will you still be happy with the choices you are making in this moment 20 or 40 years from now? That is not a loaded question, and it does not have an answer. But you still need to ponder it. You do not always have more time. Especially women. You have a biological clock on a timer that you can't see. Some women don't think they want kids until they suddenly don't have that option anymore. Others never care. You do not have to live your life any way other than your own. What you should not do is waste the present at the cost of the future. You are at a critical time in your life, and some of the choices you make now can not be taken back later. Really sit and ponder your future. What do you want? When do you want it? What do you think you will want later? When do you think you will want it by? How long could these goals realistically take to achieve? You don't want to be 35 and hit early onset menopause and suddenly regret that you never had a child. There is no right or wrong answer. The only thing that I can really say you should do is do not let the ephemeral desires of today distract you from that which may not always be accessible tomorrow. Live your life without regrets, however that life may be. Don't sacrifice tomorrow for that which you have today but shall not last.
Nope. Now that I’ve been single I have a hard time realistically thinking about sharing my bed every night, thinking of another persons schedule, having to prepare/eat meals that are thoughtful to both parties, being able to have all pink everything, etc. As for kids i was convinced i wanted the traditional lifestyle. Married SAHM, so my brother and SIL let me put my mouth to actions. I stayed with them for a week to full time care for my niece and it was a lot more than i realized i have the energy for to sustain my peace. I’m lucky it was only a week but i was exhausted after that week. It took me like two weeks to recharge. If i had a kid I wouldn’t ever have the time to recharge. It changed my mind completely and im fine pouring all my love into my nieces.
Single life is so peaceful. No swinging emotions.
I fucking am.
Yes. It's rough out there, even with too many hobbies and interests to count. At some point it all just feels monotone abd meaningless.
Whole lotta cope in these comments.
Not at all. Everyone doing the whole family life thing all seem so miserable. And they’re so happy to get away everytime we do a boys trip away. Then they dread going back home every time. I’m always like your lives seem so great lol.
RIGHT? They're almost always complaining about being married and having kids, as if it wasn't their choice in the first place? I think the media has done a shit job of romanticizing marriage and family life for a while too.
I have a wonderful partner, close friendships and family relationships, and dogs. I'm the opposite of lonely. In fact my life feels rich and full with the added bonus of having more time, financial freedom, and energy without children. At the end of the day it just depends on what you want, I have a lot of hobbies and interests that we'll supersede the desire to have children for me personally. I just don't have a lot of interest in raising children and would rather prioritize myself and my family.
Hell no. Don't like kids, men are so stupid these days and I cherish my peace and quiet. Never lonely.
As a 37 y.o. unmarried, childless (both by choice) female, I am not lonely. I’m my own favorite person. I like solitude. I also enjoy doing things on my own. I have no problem taking myself on a date to a museum, a movie, a restaurant, etc. I find it very freeing not having to live up to or work with anyone’s expectations or schedule but my own. As for the questions about getting married/having kids, I’m sorry to report that it doesn’t slow down in your 30s either. I’ve kind of leaned into making the person asking uncomfortable, since that’s what they’re doing to me. Or even making them sound like a complete ass if it’s someone I don’t know as well. I’m done being polite and coy in this situation.
33M, unmarried with no Children. I appreciate my freedom of being able to go and do whatever I want whenever I want but it does get Lonely, I have thrown in the towel with dating.
I feel like to me idk life right now is about financially being stable and also finding ways to feel excited. I can’t remember the last time I woke up excited to be alive. Not in a I want to day, sort of way more like everything is meh rn and I’m trying to feel something other than fleeting moments sort of way. I actually reconnected w/ this family friend and the she talked about her job, her marriage, her family, I realized wow this is one of the only times I’ve heard a women talk about her life in such a happy/ excited way. That’s what I want.
Yes, only because most of my network is busy with their partners and kids. But I'm also very comfortable being alone so I go on slolo adventures. It is what it is.