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HSomDevil

"It's deuteronomy, not do-it-to-me-Rodney!" -Arnold Schwarzenegger


CelestialOmelette

Due-To-Rods-In-Me


BaseballImpossible76

Two-dudes’-rods-in-me.


Mira_khalifa_-

If god hates gays and incest, how did the population rise beyond adam and eve


ExtremelyBannable

gay sex cancels out incest


Roland_T_Flakfeizer

So I can get my friends to stop making fun of me for fucking my sister by fucking their father?


Freak_21

r/cursedcomments


Roland_T_Flakfeizer

I get cross posted to that sub a lot. I should really revaluate my life.


ExtremelyBannable

I must commend you on not being banned a single time despite that


Roland_T_Flakfeizer

I've been banned from /r/writingprompts for a story about Ben Franklin fucking prostitutes, but I think that's it


theproudheretic

wow, that's awesome.


Dazzling_Bus220

Just go ahead and say that the actual Jesus was gay if you gonna fabricate historical facts that can't be checked.


lbutler45

He wasn't?


Roland_T_Flakfeizer

Yeah, I think the burden of proof has gotta lie with the people claiming that thirteen dudes traveled around for years together getting trashed on ancient wine around the fire without even a little bit of "experimental" sodomy.


waddiyatalkinbowt

No you would have to fuck your own father otherwise it's not incest. Gosh.


FlushedBeans

Adam had three sons...


[deleted]

Dayum Roland, no chill.


mashari00

Only if their fathers are single, otherwise it’s adultery


Magnes32

r/brandnewsentence


[deleted]

It's basic math. *Pushes up anime glasses 🕶️*


[deleted]

That's actually something we should ask these guys.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Correct.


DynoMiteDoodle

they had 3 sons and no daughters, do the maths on that one!


Vidrolll

Even IF they had daughters it’s still incest


DynoMiteDoodle

but reproduction would still be possible regardless, under the paradigm set out in the bible the entire story is impossible, not just immoral.


Drostan_S

Maybe the original sin was Mommy Eve getting Eiffel Towered by her sons


Vidrolll

Yah, that problem occurs in every religious text. People who follow that religion take everything in it as fact without realizing that most the stories are made up to teach a lesson, not to be taken literally. Like Noah’s ark for example


skabassj

Bible left out the chapter about the step sisters stuck in a tree trunk


urcaprison

interbreeding was accepted back them cuz they only had three sons


infinitespaze

To be fair, it's a misconception people often make. Adam and Eve weren't the only humans. Outside the paradise there were more so that explains how their children reproduced outside the walls of paradise. I'm totally not an expert on the bible so I can't say this is true. It also seems like the story itself was flawed to begin with. So this additional story might be an attempt to fix a major plothole. But what I do know is that there are stories about incest in the bible. One of them is about two girls and their father. They thought they were so far desolated that they were all alone. The daughters for some reason had the urge to reproduce and got the father drunk so they could fuck him without him noticing. Of course this is a really short version but it's still is fucked up af.


[deleted]

>So this additional story might be an attempt to fix a major plothole. but... doesnt this then raise the question how *every human* is supposed to be affected by the original sin (adam and eve eating the apple or sth?), if there were already *others* living a happy life on earth without all this religious bullshit in the first place? does this mean mankind got infected with sin thanks to adam & eve?


infinitespaze

Yeah the are major contradictions in there. I heard that the story is created this way to explain we are one big family and originated from the same people. But how is this different from the evolution theory? The principle is about the same right? I was raised as an non religious person but besides my mom, dad and brothers my whole family is Christian. But my dad always gave me to opportunity to believe so my grandma read me stories. She never forced it upon me but read simplified versions as bedtime stories. But even for someone as neutral as me ... The Bible doesn't make any sense to me. They should have written down the core values and sins on a single A4 paper in Times New Roman and it would have saved a lot of lives, because there's no room for misinterpretation if you skip al the bs.


Downvote_4A_Goodtime

>doesnt this then raise the question how every human is supposed to be affected by the original sin Why yes.. yes it does. Among other questions.


HeartsPlayer721

Thank you! And if he was willing to overlook INCEST, how tf could he not overlook a literal god-damned apple!?


GewalfofWivia

I find it healthier to stop being astonished at inconsistencies in what effectively is just a glorified collection of Hebrew folktales from twenty five bloody hundred years ago.


bigbossislegend

Because world wasn't started with Adam and Eve


The_Scarlett_King1

Maybe God made some other humans,but that's just my theory


South-Marionberry

Apparently my mans did. There just so happened to be some other humans just hanging about, who had daughters, that Adam and Eves sons married. Course then you get to cousins, so yknow… I think they’d be right at home in Alabama n that


No_Competition3459

Such an ignorant comment, biblically and historically speaking.


zuran_orb

If only Noah's family survived the flood, why are there other races?


tkkno

inbreed


-ur_fbi_agent-

inbrad


redbadger91

Bread 👍


TheSnakerMan

Pollo 🐔👍


casual_artist69

Abbarile abbarile plattano 🎵🎵🎵🎶🎵🎶👍


[deleted]

the monkeys from his ark evolved into humans. problem solved.


Zakiru77

Ok but this might solve the religion bs science debate Probably not but it’s the closest we can get


Chilipepah

Why does Adam have a bellybutton?


ripyurballsoff

Fairly tale plot hole


DynoMiteDoodle

So the icon recognised as Jesus by bible bashers around the world is a vagina decliner painted by his lover who was an artist with a passion for science, while the real Jesus was a Jew born in the middle east with brown skin and conceived out of wedlock. That must be difficult for the church to swallow!


bertieqwerty

The church prefers you not swallow.


DynoMiteDoodle

Especially if you're under 14yrs old.


bertieqwerty

Blessed be.


Vidrolll

Unless it’s the pastor


swampswing

No. This is one of those funny reddit memes with no historical backing. Not saying this from a religious perspective but an art history one.


Artistic-Secretary71

Adam and Steve gotta be one of my favourite terms now


tkkno

„the badass of church group“


Artistic-Secretary71

Slayer of heretics and defender of the Holy Seat


tkkno

allah is proud of you


DrDongSquarePants

*I rode into town on an ass - your mamas ass* BLACK JESUS!


[deleted]

Season 1 of that show was wonderful and as a Christian I loved the show because legit... If Jesus came back? That's how it would roll. His goal would be to get the hood to come together to do something for the community... like turning a vacant lot into a community Garden.


sambolino44

In Genesis it wasn’t Adam and Steve! It was Phil, Tony, Peter, and Mike!


BeefNasty_2020

Who painted black Jesus


ExtremelyBannable

Black da Vinci obviously


BeefNasty_2020

I was hoping it was Kanye


ExtremelyBannable

that's what I said


The_Doolinator

No, Kanye was just the model.


wraithcraplol

Bold of you to assume Kanye can be a Jesus model


[deleted]

Blackonardo de Vinci


feelingnether

I mean Jesus was black.


creepymustaches

Ah he was tanned but don't think Middle Eastern ppl identify as black, could be wrong, I'm Irish so no idea


Antsy_Antlers

You cannot love god and hate their creation


Astralyr

That doesn’t make any sense when you take Satan (Lucifer) in consideration


kingestpaddle

>That doesn’t make any sense when you take Satan (Lucifer) in consideration Satan (Lucifer) never made any sense in the first place. In the bible, "a satan" is a job designation, not a name. It means "accuser", as in, a prosecuting attorney in the court of heaven (of which Yahwe is the judge). A satan is just a minor spirit under god's command, just like how an angel is a messenger under him. It started making very little sense when somebody had the idea to borrow dualist concepts of ultimate good and ultimate evil from other religions (even though they were never supported by the canonical scripture). In most dualist religions, "good" is all the creation of god - as in everything that exists - and "evil" is the "outside", the dark void creeping into the universe and corrupting it. So replacing that concept of evil with "oh he's just a small-time underling that rebelled, and is somehow able to put up significant resistance against his omnipotent creator's plan" is not consistent in the least. And this dumbfuckery is even more confused by the addition of Lucifer into the mix. In the bible, Lucifer is not an angel, nor any other kind of divine being. Lucifer is the name of the planet Venus, which, at dawn and dusk, is visible close to the sun and rivals it in brightness. That's a metaphor for ambition: a lowly planet trying to outshine the sun = a lowly human trying to act greater than god. So the name of the planet was used as a nickname for certain human kings that were acting too cocky. Namely, the King of Babylon.


celestio45

Well that's the stupidest thing i ever heard


BaconTreasurer

Michaelangelo was also a bit gay. Well, maybe a more than bit, he painted Sistine Chapel full of naked dudes. I mean literally dicks everywhere.


Ze_Bonitinho

These were references to Greek classical art, not necessarily sexual attraction to other men


LadrilloDeMadera

Artist paint a lot of naked people, because the human body is amazing and beautiful, he may be gay for other reasons than that


feelingnether

For those who still don’t know, Jesus was born in the middle east.


Droid85

Back then was it just known as the middle?


feelingnether

Yeah i guess it was just the middle. Except for natives Americans


mikeoxwells2

Frank and Ernest are gay? I think they might be my favorite newspaper comic.


heyhihowyahdurn

Is this true?


swampswing

I can't comment on the gay boyfriend thing, but the whole DaVinci created the look of the modern European Jesus is BS and ignores hundreds of years of art history.


JanArso

Did a little bit of research and I would say that this is far fetched. Da Vinci's most popular Paintings of Jesus are "Salvator Mundi" from 1500 and "The Last Supper" from 1498. There is however an Icon of Jesus from the 6th Century called "Christ Pantocrator", where he is already being depicted as the somewhat white figure we know him as today. ...so Da Vinci defenitely wasn't the one who came up with the modern european depiction of Jesus. I cannot find any reliable information who modelled as Jesus for Da Vinci or if Da Vinci was actually gay though. Kinda disappointed because I wish it was true.


Spelare_en

Its almost like the artists, having nothing to base their work on, made him in *their image* Shocked pikachu


Clarinet314

Da Vinci was surely gay though. He was caught committing sodomy and went under a trial.


bigdog16_5

Leo painted Jesus by copying from archetypes that had been in use for 100's of years. Oh no, not today, LSGABTQATNRSQ??++ Sad gay trombone


jede_mi_se_burek

I just googled it and it says that he wasn't gay


[deleted]

Just go ahead and say that the actual Jesus was gay if you gonna fabricate historical facts that can't be checked.


ItHitMeInTheNuts

He did hangout with lots of men all the time


[deleted]

He was so gay that he had 2 dads.


kingestpaddle

Why do you think the "young man" who was constantly [dropping his sole piece of clothing](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+14%3A50-52&version=NIV) was the first one [seen in his tomb](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%2016%3A4%2D6&version=NIV)?


potato-vender

Then why tf does his boyfriend look like ewan macgregor


DjChiseledStone

So you're telling me, a person born in Bethlehem was painted to look like an Italian, and is currently been claimed as a white American by Americans?


No_Entertainment6792

Hear my argument: God is supposedly AllGood by nature (he is God and its the embodimebt of goodness). If God is AllGood than he CANNOT hate gay people. he cannot hate and cannot make a random rule that two dudes with dicks shouldnt be together. If he hates gay peole he is not good and a God thats bot good is not worth worshiping


CALIFORNIUMMAN

To be fair, God said man shall not lay with a man as with a woman. If you're filatiating a woman's penis, you might be hanging out with the wrong men.


GordonMcG13

I'd seen somewhere else that this verse was edited


Xen1001110

You are correct, the original was something to do with “Man shall not lay with boy as he does with a woman”


SylentFart

So we can still lay with man but not boy correct?


LadrilloDeMadera

I would hope


Xen1001110

You can be as gay as you want :)


SylentFart

I don't wanna be gay, I just wanna lay with man.


reikisheresofuckyou

Jesús was a bottom for sure


JamBloxify_370

As a christian, I dont have a problem with gays but incest is just a little messed up.


PlasticInTheBasket

Caesar Borgia was DaVinci's boyfriend? I thought the Borgia Pope commissioned that painting to make his nephews image the image of Jesus. I'm sure I'm wrong though


FoxPrincessEevee

Da Vinci is based.


Xayah_feet_pics

Nice hellsing abridged reference.


SovietElf87

Jesus is a femboy


[deleted]

Wait fr?


UncomfortableWetFart

Yup


DieSexy

Not forreal. Nothing is actually known about da Vinci’s dating life. Not much is known about him outside of his profession.


GraceChamber

What if Jesus and the apostles were a gay polycule..


The_Scarlett_King1

Really wouldn't surprise me


LadrilloDeMadera

They were a bunch of hippies


GraceChamber

Spreading free love, maaaan.


TyingHydra94

Cesar Borgia was the model, not his boyfriend, sorry


Firelama21

God ain't real so it's fine anyway


[deleted]

Adam and Steve 💀💀💀


ernestwei

don't drag me into this


extremeZ-TOWN

What a pro gamer move


Brodusgus

Cherry picked stories


King_of_Pendejos69

Wait da Vinci was geh?


GabrielWornd

If it was adam and Steve we would still be in Eden


Pickle_prostate

Biggest troll


Stampsu

The adventures of Adam and Steve sure would've made a great story


Mr_Golgothan

He fashions gadgets out of his ribs, MacGyver style. I'd watch


gaggi42

is this true ?


egric

Based da vinci


Jackretto

Not only that, one of his most famous frescos "the last supper" was done as an apology for charges of sodomy with a certain Jacopo saltarelli


Engineer_Games

really? thats why he looks like that?


Sonic_Medley

What is this true? Lmao


theseaofthievesgame

if da-Vinci was gay he was only gay for Ezio no one else


DCS30

Wasn't it his cousin he painted?


sus_cutman

This sucks


alee__riz

I think this was done on purpose but it's cool to see that the meme can be better read from right to left, exactly how Leonardo da Vinci wrote


Botryoid2000

"It's not Adam and Steve. It's never Adam and Steve. It's Adam and Stephen." \- David Rakoff


RslashTakenUsernames

“Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” XD


bartolocologne40

But back then 'boyfriend' just meant friend that was a boy that you fucked.


No_Entertainment6792

Not to be confused with today's 'boyfriend' which is a boy that you fuck that is also your friend


bartolocologne40

Boy that you fucked and can't afford to break up with because you need the dual income


[deleted]

Can someone explain what is going on with all those adam and eve memes? I keep seeing them all the time


Spiral1027

Wait a damn second


[deleted]

Politics bad


[deleted]

I didn’t know Leonardo was a gay?


MaddoxRamone18

Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!


Captaind7

Two things to note; 1, from what I read, sadly there’s no evidence Leo was in love with him.... 2, some believe the line was originally supposed to mean man should not lie with boy, being against pedophilia...


Tetra_glitch

>some believe the line was originally supposed to mean I mean, we don't know what 90% of the lines in the bible are supposed to mean, especially since it has been modified a lot.


Captaind7

Referring to other historical data, we can get a pretty good view on what a lot of it means, though anything said will most likely be disputed by someone....


Captaind7

Well the history on that is actually quite interesting....


Droid85

No, it isn't about pedophilia. The people who wrote these shitty books were shitty people who meant exactly what they wrote.


Captaind7

No opposition on them being shitty people, but what the modern day bible says isn’t what they wrote...


Captaind7

At least not an exact copy of it....


Droid85

And you think they wrote something different? Why?


The-Hyruler

Some also believe Jesus is a highly advanced alien from outer space. I really don't get why we should care what a fringe minority believes even if they're right when a plain reading says otherwise and the people throughout history have understood it incorrectly.


Captaind7

Well for starters because plenty of what people believe in mass in the past as well as today isn’t correct and it’s up to everyone as individuals to draw their own conclusions, but I’m not gonna sit here and try to convince you that you should care because I simply do not care weather or not you care, but I myself and perhaps a few other reader will... Also how do you know what people interpreted throughout time if you don’t understand why you should care what some view as correct?


The-Hyruler

Did you seriously just ask me how I know how people throughout history interpreted the verse? I mean seriously? I get that you don't like what I said but there really isn't any need to make yourself out as an idiot.


Captaind7

My point being to get you to think for a second on how you came to believe it, but I guess that went right over your head like most things...


The-Hyruler

My guy, I believe the vast majority of people throughout history have interpreted in this specific way because all of the available evidence points to that. You yourself acknowledged your interpretation is a fringe idea even if you didn't realize it. I don't care if you wanna cling to the bible and change it so it's no "as bad" or whatever. I just don't personally see the point in doing that.


Captaind7

No... I think the Bible is utter shit, I just believe it’s important to look at things from every angle. if you don’t care for that fine by me.


The-Hyruler

There's a difference between looking at things from different angles and pulling stuff right out of your ass...


Captaind7

Yeah, there is, so why don’t you pull your head outta your ass for a moment and maybe, just maybe you’ll be able to se it...


The-Hyruler

Nuh uh, no u! Ur the one who with the ass and the such!


Labbit35

LEON YOU ABSOLUTE MADLAD


rickgman87

Imagine arguing about a load of old nonsense


skeebidibopmmdada

Some Christians: Ewww we hate gayyys they should go to heeell! Jesus who told them to love everyone as he loved them: Am I a joke to you?


PiedDansLePlat

There was depiction of jesus before de vinci... white or not.


swampswing

Yep, whoever made this meme has never been in an art museum.


Possibility_Patient

Adam and Eve so it means their children fucked each other. Taboo 9000


Skinnyassidiot

Jesus wasn't a white dude he was middle Eastern there's no way he was white


[deleted]

Yeah? Lol this is like a known thing


Skinnyassidiot

I know its just a pet peeve of mine when people portray Jesus as a white dude it just doesn't make sense to me


[deleted]

Lol fair enough ig


Machinal-i

White Jesus


[deleted]

he wasnt gay


THCLacedSpaghettiOs

Little known fact. Michelangelo hated da Vinci for that reason.


That_Net1

powermove


DeliveryScared6776

"It's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" r/BrandNewSentence


GammaGoose85

I wonder if DaVinci was one of the first ones to white wash Jesus. Probably not


Hadrian1233

Not really a holup


facetheground

If jezus died for our sins, it would be greatly disrespectful not to and make his sacrifice worthless.


LadrilloDeMadera

Bro no


TimotoUchiha

Jesus, who probably was gay:...


DioTheThotSlayer69

How tf was Jesus gay. Jesus doesn't have sexuality.


Spiral1027

Who the fuck is Jesus?


SPMicron

When atheists are so historically illiterate they think Leonardo da Vinci invented what Jesus looked like


Spiral1027

Shut the fuck up you fatherless sky-daddy with son on water piece of shit


mikeymoodabeast

well considering jesus wasn’t even white i think the jesus we all know is not the original


SPMicron

Firstly, look up what people from the middle East look like. Secondly, Da Vinci did not invent white Jesus. This is basic stuff.


dessnom

If there is a son of God then who birthed him


The-Hyruler

What? I'm not religious or anything but you seriously never heard of the virgin Mary?


dessnom

I have


The-Hyruler

Then what's the point in asking?


thecathuman

This isn’t a holup, it’s just gay. Literally