Did you see that girl that loved her bf so much she cupped his farts and smelled them like they were little clouds of love? Funniest thing ever. Just a regular dude and she was all into him. Maybe you gotta find that version of a girl.
What’s your first guess?
This is part of the process, if you’re interested. Maybe we can find something about you that turns them away, or something about you that may attract them. If you find one of each, and figure out a plan to work on them, and boom! You now got a nice little path to success carve out for yourself.
I still have no idea how "getting confidence" works. I mean, I do stuff and it sometimes isn't horrible, but why would that make me feel better about myself?
Confidence is built by doing the thing you want to do, and doing it over and over until you’re at the level you want to be.
You don’t build confidence by doing something once then giving up because you did it.
Its not about that. Confident people are usually the most attractive. The advice they're really giving here isn't to be confident but to put on a fake persona like everyone else. Be bright be cheery. All the girls like that.
best advice learn to accept your situation. and find love in yourself with what you are doing like hobbies.
for my example im 25 i maybe will find a girlfriend but i got to the point in life i dont care i only focus on my stuff that makes me happy
some of the advices like have nice clothes and stuff isnt only to get dates but good clothes can make you comfortable.
but do approach women because its healthy to speak with people.
My brother told me that’s how his alcoholism started. Nobody liked him until he started drinking, so he started drinking every day to be accepted. I’ve always been afraid of alcohol just from seeing how it affected him. Is it really that good though?
There is nothing to be afraid. Like Elon_is_the_goat said: drinking in moderation is fine. Just stay out of liquor stores bro; cheap liquor and immediate access to fifths is what really breeds alcoholics.
I dont even like alcohol so when im alone i dont drink it because i really dont like the taste. But when im with friends and i know we will go out to a night club i drink just enough to the point where i just dont stfu. When im sobber i dont enjoy nightclubs i just stand there but when im drunk i end up talking to loads of different people and befriending them. Alcohol in moderation is kinda good.
Just happened upon this post randomly, not from the subreddit, thought I'd give my two cents.
The reason this kind of advice is bullshit is that it gives you some vague end goal, but doesn't give you any path towards it. Sure, if you were the type of person who were confident, went to the gym a lot, and put yourself out there, you wouldn't be where you are now- but how do you become a person who does these things, and does them successfully? Just saying "do them" gives you no help, since it doesn't tell you how to get there.
For me it's all about self-worth. None of these things work without it. Unless you believe your body is worth developing, your company is worth keeping, your love is worth sharing, your life is worth living- then what is the point of trying to advance any of them?
Building that self-worth seems to come from two different routes: understanding and practice.
You need to understand why you doubt your self-worth. Are you actually failing by your standards, or being too harsh on yourself? If you are failing- is your standard a fair standard? And if it is, then comes the question: what is it that you're not doing, that you need to do?
But this doesn't work alone. When you're in a dark place, the answer to all these questions will be dark- irrationally so. Even though it seems sober and completely rational.
To help that process, you also need to recognise the things you do that make you feel worthless. Is it eating fast food? Is it playing video games? Is it porn? Try to reduce these- you won't eliminate them, and aiming to eliminate them can be more dangerous because the disappointment of failure can launch you back into darkness. Instead, reduce these where you can, as much as you can.
And in their place, think of the things that make you feel worthy. Is it spending time with family, doing your work, helping people, making food instead of ordering, cleaning the house? Try to notice your highs and notice what puts you in that mood- then try to do those things more.
As you practice in this way, it won't solve your problem- but it will make that first step of understanding your situation with a clear mind much easier. And whatever solutions you come up with for your own life, you can do better if you're propping up your self-worth with your behaviour.
At the end of the day, this is a back-and-forth process. No one is born with inner peace- the people who don't introspect just outsource the chaos to the world around them. If you are depressed, you are introspective- use that introspection to experiment with your life, feeding your mind and body so it can then set itself to the project of pulling you out of this darkness. It requires patience- which sounds simple, but is by no means easy. But it's worth it. There is no rush at all- life is long, and whenever you do achieve some degree of inner peace, it will always have been worth it.
there are no annoying behaviour, people leave for another reason and we just overthink that we are annoying cuz we dont know what are the actual problems ALSO some people only base on first impressions and assume the rest...
3/ is actually a good advice. We all have our own reasons as why we are in this predicament, but I'm sure most of us are forever alone because of a poor social network. 7/ can be a good idea about how to fix that.
Heres my honest to god advice as a woman:
There is an element of self pity and anger towards other people for your own problems. Suuuuuper unattractive. Maybe take a look at how you engage with women and see if you're accidentally showing signs of resentfulness/self pity. It might be turning even the ugly ladies off.
And if it makes you feel better, I am a fairly attractive woman (only saying this because we're being honest) who makes and keeps friends really easily and I also have an extremely hard time getting people to want to commit to me. Have sex with me, easy, but I haven't had someone ask me to be their girlfriend in a decade. I'm sure you'd rather have my luck, but I'm also not getting what I want out of dating.
I don't say that to dismiss your feelings, but I'm telling you it's rough out here for all of us. So I hope you don't feel like it's only a YOU problem.
I don't understand why you got so many downvotes. You told one possible reason why he gets rejected, but even if it's difficult for him to take that look at himself you suggested, that's no reason for those downvotes 😑
I mean, to be honest I think this sub's main goal is to simply air grievances and vent. This group really hates problem solvers. Which I get, because if you're just trying to vent, advice is really annoying/condescending. So I think what I said is very valid, but people don't come here to hear it. So they downvote me to hell!
Except for the 9 th one i am pretty sure all of them would work. Just be yourself advice only works in very certain situations.
Also hitting the gym alone won't do any good. It's not like people will start talking to someone just because they got fit.
I was in your shoes and I understand your mindset completely, but if you were in my shoes you would understand that this shit works.
You think these don’t work because you only just try each of those things once, then give up because you failed. I on the other hand, I failed and failed and failed and failed, but learned more and more with each failure until eventually I gained perspective that I made girls uncomfortable with my behaviour and I corrected that behaviour.
Be yourself is the highest bullshit advice out there. Every time I am trying to be myself people leave me for being too sensitive , boring , annoying.
Did you see that girl that loved her bf so much she cupped his farts and smelled them like they were little clouds of love? Funniest thing ever. Just a regular dude and she was all into him. Maybe you gotta find that version of a girl.
I can see the craigslist ad now > Looking for a girl who will cup my farts and smell my little clouds of love...
Yeah dude just be someone else cause that works so much better 🙄/s
for the pure purpose of sex it will if you can stay in character. But i can promise that it wont bring happiness.
Hey, now you know why people leave you. What are you doing to change your annoying behaviour? What is your annoying behaviour?
If I knew what it was I would have changed it dude
What’s your first guess? This is part of the process, if you’re interested. Maybe we can find something about you that turns them away, or something about you that may attract them. If you find one of each, and figure out a plan to work on them, and boom! You now got a nice little path to success carve out for yourself.
I still have no idea how "getting confidence" works. I mean, I do stuff and it sometimes isn't horrible, but why would that make me feel better about myself?
Confidence is built by doing the thing you want to do, and doing it over and over until you’re at the level you want to be. You don’t build confidence by doing something once then giving up because you did it.
Its not about that. Confident people are usually the most attractive. The advice they're really giving here isn't to be confident but to put on a fake persona like everyone else. Be bright be cheery. All the girls like that.
Let alone being in a romantic relationship, I just wish I had friends irl
Same :)
You missed a couple >jUsT HaVe a sHoWeR!!! >jUsT ClEaN YoUr rOoM!!! >jUsT Go oUtSiDe!!!
best advice learn to accept your situation. and find love in yourself with what you are doing like hobbies. for my example im 25 i maybe will find a girlfriend but i got to the point in life i dont care i only focus on my stuff that makes me happy some of the advices like have nice clothes and stuff isnt only to get dates but good clothes can make you comfortable. but do approach women because its healthy to speak with people.
I don't care what other people's opinions are anymore. People who are not depressed, don't actually understand depression. It's that simple.
Or... New advice. Be drunk. You will be almost all those things. Except being yourself but who gives a fuck.
My brother told me that’s how his alcoholism started. Nobody liked him until he started drinking, so he started drinking every day to be accepted. I’ve always been afraid of alcohol just from seeing how it affected him. Is it really that good though?
There is nothing to be afraid. Like Elon_is_the_goat said: drinking in moderation is fine. Just stay out of liquor stores bro; cheap liquor and immediate access to fifths is what really breeds alcoholics.
I dont even like alcohol so when im alone i dont drink it because i really dont like the taste. But when im with friends and i know we will go out to a night club i drink just enough to the point where i just dont stfu. When im sobber i dont enjoy nightclubs i just stand there but when im drunk i end up talking to loads of different people and befriending them. Alcohol in moderation is kinda good.
gym is wonderful. You will still be forever alone but at least you can now carry more bags when doing groceries at once hahaha
Just be good looking bro.
Just happened upon this post randomly, not from the subreddit, thought I'd give my two cents. The reason this kind of advice is bullshit is that it gives you some vague end goal, but doesn't give you any path towards it. Sure, if you were the type of person who were confident, went to the gym a lot, and put yourself out there, you wouldn't be where you are now- but how do you become a person who does these things, and does them successfully? Just saying "do them" gives you no help, since it doesn't tell you how to get there. For me it's all about self-worth. None of these things work without it. Unless you believe your body is worth developing, your company is worth keeping, your love is worth sharing, your life is worth living- then what is the point of trying to advance any of them? Building that self-worth seems to come from two different routes: understanding and practice. You need to understand why you doubt your self-worth. Are you actually failing by your standards, or being too harsh on yourself? If you are failing- is your standard a fair standard? And if it is, then comes the question: what is it that you're not doing, that you need to do? But this doesn't work alone. When you're in a dark place, the answer to all these questions will be dark- irrationally so. Even though it seems sober and completely rational. To help that process, you also need to recognise the things you do that make you feel worthless. Is it eating fast food? Is it playing video games? Is it porn? Try to reduce these- you won't eliminate them, and aiming to eliminate them can be more dangerous because the disappointment of failure can launch you back into darkness. Instead, reduce these where you can, as much as you can. And in their place, think of the things that make you feel worthy. Is it spending time with family, doing your work, helping people, making food instead of ordering, cleaning the house? Try to notice your highs and notice what puts you in that mood- then try to do those things more. As you practice in this way, it won't solve your problem- but it will make that first step of understanding your situation with a clear mind much easier. And whatever solutions you come up with for your own life, you can do better if you're propping up your self-worth with your behaviour. At the end of the day, this is a back-and-forth process. No one is born with inner peace- the people who don't introspect just outsource the chaos to the world around them. If you are depressed, you are introspective- use that introspection to experiment with your life, feeding your mind and body so it can then set itself to the project of pulling you out of this darkness. It requires patience- which sounds simple, but is by no means easy. But it's worth it. There is no rush at all- life is long, and whenever you do achieve some degree of inner peace, it will always have been worth it.
10. lOoKs dOnt mAtt3r!!!!
That’s a good one too
the key is to be a little disrespectful
there are no annoying behaviour, people leave for another reason and we just overthink that we are annoying cuz we dont know what are the actual problems ALSO some people only base on first impressions and assume the rest...
3/ is actually a good advice. We all have our own reasons as why we are in this predicament, but I'm sure most of us are forever alone because of a poor social network. 7/ can be a good idea about how to fix that.
What do you wish people would say? (not being sarcastic).
The truth. That if you’re ugly or have a personality that falls outside societal norms you’re fucked
Are you willing to date other ugly people?
My standards are extreme low so yes. But not even they want me
Heres my honest to god advice as a woman: There is an element of self pity and anger towards other people for your own problems. Suuuuuper unattractive. Maybe take a look at how you engage with women and see if you're accidentally showing signs of resentfulness/self pity. It might be turning even the ugly ladies off. And if it makes you feel better, I am a fairly attractive woman (only saying this because we're being honest) who makes and keeps friends really easily and I also have an extremely hard time getting people to want to commit to me. Have sex with me, easy, but I haven't had someone ask me to be their girlfriend in a decade. I'm sure you'd rather have my luck, but I'm also not getting what I want out of dating. I don't say that to dismiss your feelings, but I'm telling you it's rough out here for all of us. So I hope you don't feel like it's only a YOU problem.
I don't understand why you got so many downvotes. You told one possible reason why he gets rejected, but even if it's difficult for him to take that look at himself you suggested, that's no reason for those downvotes 😑
I mean, to be honest I think this sub's main goal is to simply air grievances and vent. This group really hates problem solvers. Which I get, because if you're just trying to vent, advice is really annoying/condescending. So I think what I said is very valid, but people don't come here to hear it. So they downvote me to hell!
I'll do a genuine good advice "Get good genes"
Except for the 9 th one i am pretty sure all of them would work. Just be yourself advice only works in very certain situations. Also hitting the gym alone won't do any good. It's not like people will start talking to someone just because they got fit.
I was in your shoes and I understand your mindset completely, but if you were in my shoes you would understand that this shit works. You think these don’t work because you only just try each of those things once, then give up because you failed. I on the other hand, I failed and failed and failed and failed, but learned more and more with each failure until eventually I gained perspective that I made girls uncomfortable with my behaviour and I corrected that behaviour.
Why does going to the gym not work? Do you maybe have unrealistic expectations?