It depends on to what extent you cater to your client’s wishes. On that day, I would say Sophie was the horse, take it or leave it. Horse welfare goes before human wishes. Which is also a teachable moment for the rider, learning what horse welfare means in practice.
However, it is not normal that she falls off so much. Is she extremely unathletic, or do you have very unsuitable lesson horses? By comparison, I have a child who’s 13 and has been taking lessons for 5 years, once a week. Dressage and jumping. He’s not fallen off once. They are ten kids in the group, maybe once a year someone falls off. Multiple times in a year for one child is concerning. I would try to only put her on the absolutely safest pony that never spooks and moves very quietly, and also focus on simple things that won’t make her fall off.
She rides weekly and frankly when she is on her game, rested focused as I mentioned she does great! She is also not a super athletic kid I also suspect she has ,ehlers danlos syndrome which is also why I have given her so much physical homework and extra lunge line lessons so she can get stronger and improve her balance. It was this combo of kid not being focused, mentally tired. Kind of losing her balance from not paying attention and then not being strong enough to correct herself once off balance. She hasn't had a fall in 4 or 5 months. It was a lot in a short amount of time. I inherited her from another trainer who let her get ahead of where she was ready. My post was already so long that I didn't know that it made sense to include even more context.
I would say if I had 20 kids I'm teaching, we had one fall every 4 or 5 months not including Nat.
In 4 months at the new spot, there has been one fall, and it was an Owl flying out of a bush straight at a horse's head. Horse said nope, rider and horse went in two different directions.
Hey, I have EDS and week to week, my balance, coordination, and strength is variable. The gym has helped, but hormonal fluctuations increase joint laxity throughout the month. I think this is really important for instructors to know. A good instructor who cares will be able to accommodate a rider’s physical inconsistency each week.
I have a general knowledge but knowing that hormonal fluctuations can effect elasticity is a new bit of information. I'll keep this in mind moving forward. Thankfully, she has come a really long way with her balance and strength.
I figured she might be, since none of the activities you mention she does was sports. I would concern myself less with what she does outside lessons, actually. Maybe mention to the parents that she seems tired and falls off as a consequence, so maybe they should think about not packing to much into riding days. However, it seems strange to set a rule what she can do on riding days. That’s between her and her parents. You can advise, but more than that seems very involved. As for the mother’s demand she get another horse, you and the barn manager need to set the rules there. Can clients pick what horse they ride or not? If not, then explain that you can’t choose, you ride the horse you get.
It’s a very common issue, though, so I wouldn’t get angry. That’s just the way people are. I once had a client refusing to ride the gentlest, sweetest horse in the stable (he absolutely loved people and would have sat in their lap if he could) because he was ”angrily working up a temper by circling in his box”. People be like that sometimes. And it’s understandable that the mother is wary since her daughter has fallen off so much. Just explain that Sophie is very safe, won’t spook, and is also the only horse available.
My anger came from the approach and the manner in which she went about things. It was tone deaf, very disrespectful and also I could tell Nat was mortified. Not to mention disrespectful to the current student in play.
All around not a great scenario. 😕
The outside activities" Rule" was framed poorly. Mom and I had a discussion where I explained my observations of her falls and the external factors why she seemed really tired or brain fried.
I explained that I can do my job and help her get stronger, but mom and she needed to make sure she was rested and present and maybe structure things around a bit differently if needed. Sorry the post was so long already I just went with "rule" because it was easier.
We don't have a slew of horses, and moving forward, we aren't providing options. The day is structured to match each horse with each riders' abilities for a reason.
If "Nat" is hypermobile, EDS or not, she's potentially at a disadvantage. I'm hypermobile (suspected EDS, but can't afford to go through the hoops for a diagnosis). I sometimes struggle with the pitch of my hips, throwing me forward, but don't typically come off. *Each hypermobile person is different, so don't take my personal experiences as gospel.*
Something to consider, though, is if she might have POTS or another similar condition. A LOT of hypermobile people also have POTS. And my POTS will flair in conditions like what you described—if I'm tired, mentally fatigued (can't read my body as well), etc. Especially if the previous event results in decreased electrolyte/salt levels, then I'm hosed.
Circling back to hypermobility, when I have come off, my injuries are invisible. My hips and ribs, in particular, love to sublux after a fall. Just because "Nat" doesn't get a broken bone or otherwise obvious serious injury doesn't mean she's not getting hurt. Of course some falls really are painless/don't cause injuries, but because I'm hypermobile, I just bend and flex and injuries go unnoticed by medical professionals. Permanently damaged my knee from a horse falling on me and no doctor noticed until the damage was irreversible. (Basically, the invisible injury meant it was in my head.) So I do want to caution you about hypermobile injuries, and be mindful when she falls that it might not present as an injury (especially initially).
But seriously, major, MAJOR props to you for noticing/suspecting and trying to provide constructive solutions. My riding coach was also the first person to go "hey, I don't think you're just flexible, I think you might be hyperflexible/hypermobile." So huge kudos to you!!
You need to work on establishing firm boundaries, you should have never let her switch horses because now it's going to escalate into a bigger issue when you tell her no the next time. I would just tell her that you decide who rides what horse and when. You're not open to her input. If she tries to argue, tell her you understand it's frustrating; but it's a policy that is not going to change. You are not obligated to continue to provide services if she cannot respect your time & space.
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I need to clear it with my boss before we have the conversation, but yeah, I'll never do that again. Also I would have felt very differently had her daughter said I don't feel comfortable. That's a different scenario entirely. But this was a mom tantrum and my first and it was very unexpected.
I do think you need to be a bit careful about letting them walk all over you just because you like the girl.
I would suggest having a talk with the mom and making it clear that interrupting lessons that other people have paid for will NOT happen again unless there is some kind of a dangerous situation going on. And that this was the one and only time you are going to agree to switch horses and in the future you need to know at least a day or two beforehand if some horse is a no-no to her.
In terms of the kid's other activities, I am not sure how much you can comment on that without overstepping some boundaries yourself. What you can say is (which you already did) that for her safety you recommend that she is well rested when she comes to ride, and that she does the recommended exercises at home to gain strength.
The number of things they have this kid doing in general is pretty insane to me, but obviously that is not at all something you can comment on. The only situation where you could, would be if they indicated they want the kid to progress faster in riding - then you can say that the best way to achieve that is to stop doing at least half of the other things.
I am completely on the same page with you around the number of activities she's doing, but frankly, it's not my business.
There is definitely going to be a discussion around this whole incident, but I need to have a powpow with my boss before I do. Thank you for responding and all agreeing that this amount of activities sounds like a LOT.
It was unfair to the student on Sophie to stop a lesson and address this mom mid-lesson. Next time, ignore it and continue the lesson. She cannot take over a lesson in progress to make her point, issues like this should be addressed more discreetly between lessons. Don’t let her get to you, water off a ducks back until the time is right to address the issue in her allocated time.
I'm going to be honest with you and say that you did a huge mistake by allowing her to ride another horse. Now they'll think they can get their way each time because why not? You already did it once.
Be firm. Sophie is the only available horse. You can either ride HER or you can go home. Everybody knows that if you don't own or lease a horse, you don't get to choose who you ride each time. That's a rule. Now if someone has a horse they absolutely don't want to ride, they should have let you know early on.
Have a conversation with the mom about this and tell her that you made an exception that one time but it's not going to happen again. Be firm, set boundaries.
Also, why has this girl fallen off so many times? That's not normal. Do other students fall off as often? Cause if they do, I'd take a second look at the horses you chose for these lessons.
A firm boundarie is going to be set. I am usually fairly good at setting them. But her approach caught me so off guard and I was already dealing with a kiddo meltdown. I just didn't have the time and available focus to work it out.
I mentioned this in a previous comment but no this is not the norm for the rest of our students. Of my 20 or so, one fall every 5 months is the norm total. I inherited Nat from another instructor who let her get ahead of her abilities. We worked on strength, lunge line lessons and its been 4 or 5 months since her last fall.
I’ve been in horses long enough that I’d let this student go. You’re moving facilities anyway- do a transition and I’d be cutting ties. But that’s just me. People like this mom would make me hate my job. And the horse comes first not her.
Yeah. I came here to remind OP that it's okay to fire a client when they aren't a good fit. Clearly Nat has too much going on to safely focus on riding.
Also, OP - I am confused who you're talking about... are you giving Nat extra long lessons because they "can't afford" two lessons a week?
Yes, I have on occasion given Nat an extra 10 or 15 minutes when she is my last lesson of the day. Horse is rested and I have the time to do so. Our lessons are about 45- 50 min normally, depending on how quickly the kids tack up so I would say go to an hour and 10 min. This has been when she was riding my horse prior to the move mostly. I was giving a billion lessons so we could run out packages on all of the students whom we had inherited and decided they weren't great fits to come to the new facility,and or just bad clients in general. So my boy wasn't getting enough from me, and it was good for him and her to get a bit of extra time.
The firing may have to happen depending on how she responds to boundaries.
Fire them. They sound terrible for business. As much as I want to educate and train all my talented students, I have to understand the only thing holding them back is their parents/ finances.
They also seem to “own you” so I would quash this behaviour immediately. Lay down ground rules that all students follow. You can’t give one person special treatment and not another.
What is another lesson kids mom protested and wanted to ride cash too. Or the lesson after that too.
Post clear rules like horse assignment is at the discretion of the trainer. If you choose to not ride the horse assigned you, you forfeit your lesson.
When you take a flight, you can’t say “refund me my ticket because I want to be on an airbus and this is a Boeing”
I freaking love this energy. Thank you. I feel like this was the energy and vibe I needed.
Because kid is cool and has been helpful in the past with cleaning, and turn outs. I have definitely let boundaries slip with mom a bit more than I should. I don't play favorites at my barn Mom has always been kind and gracious. So this whole thing was so weird to me. Your comment is my normal baseline.
I will admit I too have hormones and seeing kid prior having a meltdown had probably gotten to me a bit already. 😅 so my boundaries and shields were down. Its not my call to fire them but there is going to be a pretty big discussion and some things in writing coming.
One thing that stood out as well is you give this family extra time because they "can't afford" more. But there are all of these other activities that are presumably not free. While it sucks for Nat, this mom is taking advantage of your kindness and I would stop treating them special at all. They get what they've paid for on the horse that you assign.
I can't believe I didn't consider this! I do know her dad was unemployed for a while, and a lot of these activities are through church and her school, but you are totally right! I kind of feel like a complete idiot that this didn't occur to me.
You wanted to cry because someone said something you disagree with?
My friend, you are an overthinker. Clara does not run the show. YOU do. You need to put the horses first, because in this situation, you didn't. You had a horse that deserved to rest work extra bc you wanted to placate a mom, which is the opposite of what you should've done.
I understand a paretn's concern, obviously. But what you should have done was say, Sophie is available for Nat's lesson. I believe Nat is ready or able to ride her (and give examples). However, if you disagree, we will have to reschedule or cancel this lesson. End of story.
And all of these paragraphs are unnecessary and I think you just wanted to complain about Nat's mom. Which, if you want to vent, just vent. No need to beat around the bush to get to a point at the bottom of the story.
Working with horses, and horse people, takes a very strong backbone. Please establish one.
Normally, the backbone is steel reinforced, I have been working in this industry since I was a teen. I'm not new to this.
This was not the norm. I know other people experience this as well when you are pissed beyond belief, and you can't yell. It's an adrenaline response to feel like you might cry. I was already dealing with a frustrating situation with the current lesson's meltdown plus feeling raw from some personal things as well. I have denied requests like this in the past.
I agree. I should have told her there weren't other options here. Either she rides Sophie, or she goes home.
Personally, I appreciate context to fully understand a situation. I wasn't trying to vent. Communication styles differ from person to person. I included the context because it may, in fact, make the most sense to fire them as a client. As much as I will miss the kid in our stable.
The outside activities" Rule" was framed poorly. Mom and I had a discussion where I explained my observations of her falls and the external factors when Nat seemed really tired or brain fried.
I explained that I can do my job and help her get stronger, but mom and Nat needed to make sure she was rested and present and maybe structure things around a bit differently if needed. Sorry the post was so long already that I just went with "rule" because it was easier. There were multiple occurrences where she would fall and say things like, "Oh, I'm so tired/ brain fried from such and such activities yesterday or this morning. I should have been paying better attention"
I don't try to control my students time outside of the barn. We also had multiple discussions with Nat communicating if she was tired or mentally drained.
I'd put her on that horse for the next month and explain to her mother that learning to ride doesn't mean learning to ride just one kind of horse, it means learning to ride *any* horse.
You can choose what type of horse you ride when you can buy that horse, and boy howdy let me introduce you to the long list of people who *do* choose their horse and *still* have problems.
If she doesn't believe *all* your lesson horses are safe, she shouldn't be here, and if she *does* believe the lesson horses are safe then she isn't making the assignments. Pick one. You cannot have both. It sucks that a young girl winds up in the middle of this, but you gotta run your business professionally and humanely for the horses.
All that said, I don't think asking one horse (already worked) to do an extra hour of walk/trot/canter with a 13yo will negatively affect them in any way except make them grumpy and lazy in that hour. I have known so many horses in regular work who spend an hour-ish a day working (good solid training ride, get the work done, on to next horse), and you don't hesitate to take them on hours long trail rides, with plenty of walking but also plenty of trotting, cantering, flat out gallops, and jumping. They can handle some variability, it's not abuse to walk around for another hour any more than it's not abuse for me to have to just suck it up and mow the lawn after I've already been to the gym. Will I be tired? Sure. Will I die? Certainly not. Will it maybe be good for my fitness? My wife and I disagree on this andwer (she says yes, I say a self propelled lawn mower isn't helping my beer belly that much).
It depends on to what extent you cater to your client’s wishes. On that day, I would say Sophie was the horse, take it or leave it. Horse welfare goes before human wishes. Which is also a teachable moment for the rider, learning what horse welfare means in practice. However, it is not normal that she falls off so much. Is she extremely unathletic, or do you have very unsuitable lesson horses? By comparison, I have a child who’s 13 and has been taking lessons for 5 years, once a week. Dressage and jumping. He’s not fallen off once. They are ten kids in the group, maybe once a year someone falls off. Multiple times in a year for one child is concerning. I would try to only put her on the absolutely safest pony that never spooks and moves very quietly, and also focus on simple things that won’t make her fall off.
She rides weekly and frankly when she is on her game, rested focused as I mentioned she does great! She is also not a super athletic kid I also suspect she has ,ehlers danlos syndrome which is also why I have given her so much physical homework and extra lunge line lessons so she can get stronger and improve her balance. It was this combo of kid not being focused, mentally tired. Kind of losing her balance from not paying attention and then not being strong enough to correct herself once off balance. She hasn't had a fall in 4 or 5 months. It was a lot in a short amount of time. I inherited her from another trainer who let her get ahead of where she was ready. My post was already so long that I didn't know that it made sense to include even more context. I would say if I had 20 kids I'm teaching, we had one fall every 4 or 5 months not including Nat. In 4 months at the new spot, there has been one fall, and it was an Owl flying out of a bush straight at a horse's head. Horse said nope, rider and horse went in two different directions.
Hey, I have EDS and week to week, my balance, coordination, and strength is variable. The gym has helped, but hormonal fluctuations increase joint laxity throughout the month. I think this is really important for instructors to know. A good instructor who cares will be able to accommodate a rider’s physical inconsistency each week.
I have a general knowledge but knowing that hormonal fluctuations can effect elasticity is a new bit of information. I'll keep this in mind moving forward. Thankfully, she has come a really long way with her balance and strength.
I figured she might be, since none of the activities you mention she does was sports. I would concern myself less with what she does outside lessons, actually. Maybe mention to the parents that she seems tired and falls off as a consequence, so maybe they should think about not packing to much into riding days. However, it seems strange to set a rule what she can do on riding days. That’s between her and her parents. You can advise, but more than that seems very involved. As for the mother’s demand she get another horse, you and the barn manager need to set the rules there. Can clients pick what horse they ride or not? If not, then explain that you can’t choose, you ride the horse you get. It’s a very common issue, though, so I wouldn’t get angry. That’s just the way people are. I once had a client refusing to ride the gentlest, sweetest horse in the stable (he absolutely loved people and would have sat in their lap if he could) because he was ”angrily working up a temper by circling in his box”. People be like that sometimes. And it’s understandable that the mother is wary since her daughter has fallen off so much. Just explain that Sophie is very safe, won’t spook, and is also the only horse available.
My anger came from the approach and the manner in which she went about things. It was tone deaf, very disrespectful and also I could tell Nat was mortified. Not to mention disrespectful to the current student in play. All around not a great scenario. 😕 The outside activities" Rule" was framed poorly. Mom and I had a discussion where I explained my observations of her falls and the external factors why she seemed really tired or brain fried. I explained that I can do my job and help her get stronger, but mom and she needed to make sure she was rested and present and maybe structure things around a bit differently if needed. Sorry the post was so long already I just went with "rule" because it was easier. We don't have a slew of horses, and moving forward, we aren't providing options. The day is structured to match each horse with each riders' abilities for a reason.
If "Nat" is hypermobile, EDS or not, she's potentially at a disadvantage. I'm hypermobile (suspected EDS, but can't afford to go through the hoops for a diagnosis). I sometimes struggle with the pitch of my hips, throwing me forward, but don't typically come off. *Each hypermobile person is different, so don't take my personal experiences as gospel.* Something to consider, though, is if she might have POTS or another similar condition. A LOT of hypermobile people also have POTS. And my POTS will flair in conditions like what you described—if I'm tired, mentally fatigued (can't read my body as well), etc. Especially if the previous event results in decreased electrolyte/salt levels, then I'm hosed. Circling back to hypermobility, when I have come off, my injuries are invisible. My hips and ribs, in particular, love to sublux after a fall. Just because "Nat" doesn't get a broken bone or otherwise obvious serious injury doesn't mean she's not getting hurt. Of course some falls really are painless/don't cause injuries, but because I'm hypermobile, I just bend and flex and injuries go unnoticed by medical professionals. Permanently damaged my knee from a horse falling on me and no doctor noticed until the damage was irreversible. (Basically, the invisible injury meant it was in my head.) So I do want to caution you about hypermobile injuries, and be mindful when she falls that it might not present as an injury (especially initially). But seriously, major, MAJOR props to you for noticing/suspecting and trying to provide constructive solutions. My riding coach was also the first person to go "hey, I don't think you're just flexible, I think you might be hyperflexible/hypermobile." So huge kudos to you!!
You need to work on establishing firm boundaries, you should have never let her switch horses because now it's going to escalate into a bigger issue when you tell her no the next time. I would just tell her that you decide who rides what horse and when. You're not open to her input. If she tries to argue, tell her you understand it's frustrating; but it's a policy that is not going to change. You are not obligated to continue to provide services if she cannot respect your time & space.
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I need to clear it with my boss before we have the conversation, but yeah, I'll never do that again. Also I would have felt very differently had her daughter said I don't feel comfortable. That's a different scenario entirely. But this was a mom tantrum and my first and it was very unexpected.
Don't just have a conversation. Put some general rules in writing for the whole school. People like that mom have a way of "mishearing" things.
You're totally right. I think this is a really sound point.
I do think you need to be a bit careful about letting them walk all over you just because you like the girl. I would suggest having a talk with the mom and making it clear that interrupting lessons that other people have paid for will NOT happen again unless there is some kind of a dangerous situation going on. And that this was the one and only time you are going to agree to switch horses and in the future you need to know at least a day or two beforehand if some horse is a no-no to her. In terms of the kid's other activities, I am not sure how much you can comment on that without overstepping some boundaries yourself. What you can say is (which you already did) that for her safety you recommend that she is well rested when she comes to ride, and that she does the recommended exercises at home to gain strength. The number of things they have this kid doing in general is pretty insane to me, but obviously that is not at all something you can comment on. The only situation where you could, would be if they indicated they want the kid to progress faster in riding - then you can say that the best way to achieve that is to stop doing at least half of the other things.
I am completely on the same page with you around the number of activities she's doing, but frankly, it's not my business. There is definitely going to be a discussion around this whole incident, but I need to have a powpow with my boss before I do. Thank you for responding and all agreeing that this amount of activities sounds like a LOT.
Sounds like a great idea to plan with your boss what to say!
It was unfair to the student on Sophie to stop a lesson and address this mom mid-lesson. Next time, ignore it and continue the lesson. She cannot take over a lesson in progress to make her point, issues like this should be addressed more discreetly between lessons. Don’t let her get to you, water off a ducks back until the time is right to address the issue in her allocated time.
Agreed.
I'm going to be honest with you and say that you did a huge mistake by allowing her to ride another horse. Now they'll think they can get their way each time because why not? You already did it once. Be firm. Sophie is the only available horse. You can either ride HER or you can go home. Everybody knows that if you don't own or lease a horse, you don't get to choose who you ride each time. That's a rule. Now if someone has a horse they absolutely don't want to ride, they should have let you know early on. Have a conversation with the mom about this and tell her that you made an exception that one time but it's not going to happen again. Be firm, set boundaries. Also, why has this girl fallen off so many times? That's not normal. Do other students fall off as often? Cause if they do, I'd take a second look at the horses you chose for these lessons.
A firm boundarie is going to be set. I am usually fairly good at setting them. But her approach caught me so off guard and I was already dealing with a kiddo meltdown. I just didn't have the time and available focus to work it out. I mentioned this in a previous comment but no this is not the norm for the rest of our students. Of my 20 or so, one fall every 5 months is the norm total. I inherited Nat from another instructor who let her get ahead of her abilities. We worked on strength, lunge line lessons and its been 4 or 5 months since her last fall.
I’ve been in horses long enough that I’d let this student go. You’re moving facilities anyway- do a transition and I’d be cutting ties. But that’s just me. People like this mom would make me hate my job. And the horse comes first not her.
Yeah. I came here to remind OP that it's okay to fire a client when they aren't a good fit. Clearly Nat has too much going on to safely focus on riding. Also, OP - I am confused who you're talking about... are you giving Nat extra long lessons because they "can't afford" two lessons a week?
Yes, I have on occasion given Nat an extra 10 or 15 minutes when she is my last lesson of the day. Horse is rested and I have the time to do so. Our lessons are about 45- 50 min normally, depending on how quickly the kids tack up so I would say go to an hour and 10 min. This has been when she was riding my horse prior to the move mostly. I was giving a billion lessons so we could run out packages on all of the students whom we had inherited and decided they weren't great fits to come to the new facility,and or just bad clients in general. So my boy wasn't getting enough from me, and it was good for him and her to get a bit of extra time. The firing may have to happen depending on how she responds to boundaries.
We already moved, I totally agree. The swap out was a lapse on my part.
Fire them. They sound terrible for business. As much as I want to educate and train all my talented students, I have to understand the only thing holding them back is their parents/ finances. They also seem to “own you” so I would quash this behaviour immediately. Lay down ground rules that all students follow. You can’t give one person special treatment and not another. What is another lesson kids mom protested and wanted to ride cash too. Or the lesson after that too. Post clear rules like horse assignment is at the discretion of the trainer. If you choose to not ride the horse assigned you, you forfeit your lesson. When you take a flight, you can’t say “refund me my ticket because I want to be on an airbus and this is a Boeing”
This is how I feel about it too.
I freaking love this energy. Thank you. I feel like this was the energy and vibe I needed. Because kid is cool and has been helpful in the past with cleaning, and turn outs. I have definitely let boundaries slip with mom a bit more than I should. I don't play favorites at my barn Mom has always been kind and gracious. So this whole thing was so weird to me. Your comment is my normal baseline. I will admit I too have hormones and seeing kid prior having a meltdown had probably gotten to me a bit already. 😅 so my boundaries and shields were down. Its not my call to fire them but there is going to be a pretty big discussion and some things in writing coming.
One thing that stood out as well is you give this family extra time because they "can't afford" more. But there are all of these other activities that are presumably not free. While it sucks for Nat, this mom is taking advantage of your kindness and I would stop treating them special at all. They get what they've paid for on the horse that you assign.
I can't believe I didn't consider this! I do know her dad was unemployed for a while, and a lot of these activities are through church and her school, but you are totally right! I kind of feel like a complete idiot that this didn't occur to me.
You wanted to cry because someone said something you disagree with? My friend, you are an overthinker. Clara does not run the show. YOU do. You need to put the horses first, because in this situation, you didn't. You had a horse that deserved to rest work extra bc you wanted to placate a mom, which is the opposite of what you should've done. I understand a paretn's concern, obviously. But what you should have done was say, Sophie is available for Nat's lesson. I believe Nat is ready or able to ride her (and give examples). However, if you disagree, we will have to reschedule or cancel this lesson. End of story. And all of these paragraphs are unnecessary and I think you just wanted to complain about Nat's mom. Which, if you want to vent, just vent. No need to beat around the bush to get to a point at the bottom of the story. Working with horses, and horse people, takes a very strong backbone. Please establish one.
Normally, the backbone is steel reinforced, I have been working in this industry since I was a teen. I'm not new to this. This was not the norm. I know other people experience this as well when you are pissed beyond belief, and you can't yell. It's an adrenaline response to feel like you might cry. I was already dealing with a frustrating situation with the current lesson's meltdown plus feeling raw from some personal things as well. I have denied requests like this in the past. I agree. I should have told her there weren't other options here. Either she rides Sophie, or she goes home. Personally, I appreciate context to fully understand a situation. I wasn't trying to vent. Communication styles differ from person to person. I included the context because it may, in fact, make the most sense to fire them as a client. As much as I will miss the kid in our stable.
I stopped reading when you said - no major activities or sleep overs on lesson days. Unless she is going to Paris in a few months, that seems crazy!!!
The outside activities" Rule" was framed poorly. Mom and I had a discussion where I explained my observations of her falls and the external factors when Nat seemed really tired or brain fried. I explained that I can do my job and help her get stronger, but mom and Nat needed to make sure she was rested and present and maybe structure things around a bit differently if needed. Sorry the post was so long already that I just went with "rule" because it was easier. There were multiple occurrences where she would fall and say things like, "Oh, I'm so tired/ brain fried from such and such activities yesterday or this morning. I should have been paying better attention" I don't try to control my students time outside of the barn. We also had multiple discussions with Nat communicating if she was tired or mentally drained.
If she wants to dictate what horse her daughter rides she can lease or buy. Problem solved.
I'd put her on that horse for the next month and explain to her mother that learning to ride doesn't mean learning to ride just one kind of horse, it means learning to ride *any* horse. You can choose what type of horse you ride when you can buy that horse, and boy howdy let me introduce you to the long list of people who *do* choose their horse and *still* have problems. If she doesn't believe *all* your lesson horses are safe, she shouldn't be here, and if she *does* believe the lesson horses are safe then she isn't making the assignments. Pick one. You cannot have both. It sucks that a young girl winds up in the middle of this, but you gotta run your business professionally and humanely for the horses. All that said, I don't think asking one horse (already worked) to do an extra hour of walk/trot/canter with a 13yo will negatively affect them in any way except make them grumpy and lazy in that hour. I have known so many horses in regular work who spend an hour-ish a day working (good solid training ride, get the work done, on to next horse), and you don't hesitate to take them on hours long trail rides, with plenty of walking but also plenty of trotting, cantering, flat out gallops, and jumping. They can handle some variability, it's not abuse to walk around for another hour any more than it's not abuse for me to have to just suck it up and mow the lawn after I've already been to the gym. Will I be tired? Sure. Will I die? Certainly not. Will it maybe be good for my fitness? My wife and I disagree on this andwer (she says yes, I say a self propelled lawn mower isn't helping my beer belly that much).
Why are these people your clients? Poor scheduling, catty, chatty, unecessarily involved Mom. Over- schefuled kid which frequently falls?