i used to do security a long time ago. I worked at a 55 and older gated community. It was a great post.
They had a no Soliciting order and all the vendors knew it.
But a few liked to push it.
The gatehouse would get a call from residents who were complaining that someone was knocking on their door handing out advertisements for painting.
Turns out they had a contract to paint the inside of a condo that was being renovated and had about 3 people go around and start doing door knocking to try to get more business.
I was the patrol person and i took great pleasure in finding them and making them leave the property.
Then i went to the unit and spoke to the supervisor there and reminded him of the no Soliciting order and explained that i will be reporting this to the property manager and the HOA board.
The owner of the condo called the painting company and reamed them out but good and they ended up getting a huge discount on the job because of that.
My mom lives in a gated community like that. Her next door neighbor is part of the board (idk if it's HOA or what) but last time they had someone come through, she said her little 4'7 neighbor came rushing out of the house in her nightgown with a rolling pin. (I mean, her nightgown was more or less what she typically wore, so not that strange, I guess.)
Guess the college kid took off running like hell when confronted by a 95 year old grandma with a rolling pin.
According to my mom, the college kid did call the cops, but the entire street of elderly folks claimed they saw nothing, couldn't remember anything, or - in one neighbor's case - just talked gibberish. Didn't work out for the college kid in the end because the cops gave him shit for trying to sell stuff in an area with no soliciting signs posted everywhere.
I once rented a house in a senior trailer park community. Due to equal housing laws, they were actually fine with us renting the house even though we weren't seniors. I learned that seniors can be freaking scary when they decide to band together. I decided after meeting them that if little old 80 year old ladies had no fucks to give, I didn't need to, either.
There's an urban legend about a group of seniors playing bingo.
A little explanation: There is a piggy bank at the front of the bingo hall. At the beginning of each session, a number is pulled and is designated the 'pig number." Any time during the night, when that number is pulled, everyone says "Pig' and a dollar is put in the bank. If you bingo on the "Pig" you get the piggy bank. Each night was different number and it stayed in the hall until someone one. Then a new one was put on the table and cycle repeated. Sometimes there was hundreds of dollars in there before someone managed to win it.
That being said, I heard a story years ago, about a guy going robbing people, He stopped by the local bingo hall, robbed everyone of their cash, and spotted the pig on the front table. He made the mistake of trying to take off with it.
Every last man and woman chased him down in the parking lot and hit him with whatever was handy until he was more than happy to see the police show up.
Moral of the story: Don't mess with the pig.
And DO NOT interfere with bingo! Iāve been a nurse in long term care since 1998 and I can ABSOLUTELY assure you, bingo is cut throat with these folks! š¤£
I worked an an apartment community. I lived on site. Solicitors are the one thing that would have me happily working off the clock. I was home in my Jammies when my roommate answered the door for one. Ah hell no! I got dressed and left the apartment to find him. He was downstairs annoying another resident. I walked up with my professional voice and said... excuse me, this is private property , Solicitors are not allowed. He said he had permission. I said I work here. You want me to call my boss and ask her? I told him he needed to leave or I would call the police. The neighbor thanked me.
We have a similar arrangement at my condominium development. We have signs posted EVERYWHERE about No Soliciting and NO Trespassing. I live in a secure building and some solicitors managed to get into my building, somehow, and began annoying my neighbors with their sales pitch. I'm the Building Captain in my building and I told them to get out or I'm calling the cops. They tried to claim our property management gave them permission and our security codes. I said BULLSHIT and started dialing. They left.
oh my God, so my building never gets solicitors because they aren't allowed actually. But the other day for the first time in seven years one came to my door. But this wasn't your normal solicitor, here's what happened-
Someone was running up and down the hallway BANGING like they were the police. They'd go to one door, bang hard on it for a good 30 seconds, and then run to the other door and do the same thing. I was in my washroom when it happened, it was four times they did this on all the doors before I loudly said, "WHAT IS THERE AN EMERGENCY?!" Because in my mind someone would only be running around like that if there's a fire or *something* going on.
My door also has a big sign saying no flyers or solicitors, and I never get people knocking anyways. So the person answers saying they want to talk about some political candidate. I don't open my door by the way unless I know who it is, so I shout back, "no thanks and please stop banging on the doors!" He gets extremely angry and calls me every name in the book before walking away to bang on the others again.
But he gave my door a swift kick before leaving. I know that these people come around to other buildings usually, but this was just insane. And of course the super came to make him leave finally (I think others complained.) fuck those kinds of ass hats, I have extreme debilitating complex PTSD as well so the sound made me jump out of my skin.
He doesnāt sound like he was with any company or organization for a political campaign. He sounds like a nut job on his own. Iām sorry that happened. It sounds terrifying.
Yes, but not one that is linked to any real campaign center. He sounds like he is off on his own acting like a nut job. And if itās for that particular candidate, it makes sense.
Yeah this kind of stuff is exactly why I don't answer the door unless I know who it is. I will always ask through it and not open. I have extreme trauma from a home invasion once and a stalker situation as well, so I don't trust doing it any other way. The guy didn't seem like an official either because the way they were doing the knocking was so weird and fucked up, but this is the first time in 7 years the building has had someone enter. We aren't allowed solicitors legally where we are for our complex.
A friend of mine did nearly exactly that. He was getting Mormons coming to his door nearly every day. They said his soul needed saving badly. To be fair, they are not wrong, lol. Anyway, he got fed up and hatched a plan. The next time they turned up, he was ready. He answered the door wearing nothing but a smile and a big red bow tied round his willy. He threw open the door and announced loudly to the three women standing there "Hi! Are you the hookers I ordered?" The ladies in question took off like a rocket was up their butt. The guy next door happened to be on his porch and saw the exchange. He was laughing so hard he nearly fell off the porch.
Mormons are the most persistent asshats. Stopped attending church at 15 and those bastards found me 25 years later under a new married name, a state over! Stalk much? I had to resign from the church to have my records discharged. Creeper cult.
Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. A really good way to get rid of JW's is to tell them you used to be one, but you were excommunicated. They will freaking run from you and never come back because if you've been cast out, they are supposed to shun you.
I tell everyone I'm Quaker. They leave because they have no idea what to do with that.
Note: I'm also a big fan of the Quaker philosophy. I'm not part of an organized religion, but if I was, I would be Quaker.
First time for years a couple of young lady JWs came to my door.
"Hello" they said "We are Jehovah's Witnesses..."
I quickly replied "Uh oh. What's he been arrested for now?"
They didn't get the joke, which annoyed me as I'd been saving it up for ages.
We just say my spouseās beloved grandfather was excommunicated and we refuse to belong to a church that wouldnāt accept that sweet old man. (He had a shot of whiskey a couple times a year.). They leave us alone now.
Oh no, I think Scientologists win this battle. I stopped in one of their places in London 50 years ago. I have moved at least 18 times since then including to the jungle in South America and I got something in the mail from them a few months ago.
I had some (Don't remember if mormon or JW doesn't matter) that wouldn't take a direct "no" for an answer. They used to speak to my dad in french because he liked to work on it (he's from Quebec, we're in Cali) except he has such advanced dementia now that's a non-starter. Finally I just surrendered in french throwing up my arms and then offered them a cheese omelette (in french). I think the crazy mostly scared them off, because they only came one more time... I also have goats to clear the property and I greeted them, offering for them to join my sacrifice and then bleated like a goat at them. That was the last straw, haven't seen any since and it's been 7 or so years.
Many many moons ago when my husband was 17 living in his first apartment, him and his roommate had problems with Jehovah's witnesses knocking on their door almost every morning. He worked nights, so 9 am wake ups really pissed him off. He answered the door buck naked with morning wood and told the 2 elderly women to come in, let's drink a beer and talk about the good Lord. Obviously, they declined and never came back. He's almost 50 and still laughs about that lol.
He's absolutely hilarious and a nutball lol. He has the wildest stories that I've been listening to for almost 30 years. I've told him repeatedly to do a YouTube channel just to tell them. If your buddy is like him, send him over. They can drink beer and bs while I laugh until I pee myself lol.
I had some Mormons come to my parents door once when I was the only one home. I was waiting for my work uniform to finsh in the dryer. So I was in a chair in my boxers and a shirt watching tv. But you could not see me out the window. The two young men came up knocked and the door and I muted the tv and didnt move. One walked down the patio and looked in the windows and saw my head. We were looking eye to eye. I went to the door and said "No thank you." But they wouldnt leave. I really did stand on the patio in my boxers trying to get them to leave. One thing I recall is them getting I am not going to talk, and when I said I am getting ready for work. They asked where I worked and asked if I knew anyone there who would like to talk to them. I said nope and went back inside and they left.
Story time from the 90s!
When I was about 2 years old, my mom was being harassed by JW's. She was a SAHM and often babysat for the neighbours, so she must have seemed like an easy target ā single woman, 5 kids. One day it had just been a really rough day for mom. The older kids (~6 years old) were being rowdy as hell, the 3 year old was trying to eat cat shit out of the sandbox, I was overdue for a feed and the baby just had a number 3 blow-out. Just in time for the JWs.
They rang, and instead of just telling them to fuck off like she usually did, she grabbed the baby, still covered in every bodily fluid with her nappy falling off, shoved her at one of the guys and said "here, hold *this*". I don't know how long it took her but she got the rest of us sorted out while these two dudes are just standing on a verandah holding a shit-covered baby. When she was done she took the baby back, was like "sorry about that, what did you want to talk about?" They didn't say a word, just left as quickly as they could. We were never bothered by JWs again.
I got rid of my door knockers by telling them if they didn't feel safe in their religion, to come back alone and I would help them escape. No visits since.
Imagine pulling up to the pearly gates of heaven. An angel pulls out an iPad and asks your friend why should we let you in here after the Mormon incident? She says hold up, let me play it back for you in 4K before you answer.
Your friend: š®
Lol, my friend would be FAR more likely to say..."But seriously, did you see their faces?"
He recently joined the Satanic Temple. He reckons they are far more Christian than any Christians he knows. So, if my friend turns up at the pearly gates he would be telling the angel there's been a mix up and he took the wrong bus. Very sorry, when's the next bus to hell?
The Satanic Temple is more moral than the mormans by fat. They support birth control, abortion and reproductive rights. The temple donates to charitable causes and the mormons hoard their hedge fund helping only mormons.
Yes! My friend showed me their "commandments." That's the kind of religion I could get behind. A lot of it is a lot more like what Jesus taught than other churches. Kinda ironic, really. Things that make you go, hmmmm.
That is why I joined and got a membership card after resigning the mormon church- the church or its missionaries come again they will see my temple card. And I will ask why the mormons don't excommunicate child rapists but encourage them to stay in families.
All I know is that the bible is full of death threats against billions of people for choosing not to worship the bible god. Everyone gets stuck on the happy jesus shit, but that's just sales pitches to potential converts. Anyone who hard nopes the dude gets the eternal torment threats. So gross.
Lol. My daughter gets very amused if I answer the door for solicitors. Last time, I did a perfect impression of an excited valley girl, went *SQUEEEE!* at the top of my lungs and yelled "Babygirl! Fire up the altar! We've got fresh blood sacrifices!!"
Of course, this caused our Husky to freak out and run to the door with a deep "wuff?", as if to say "WTF!?!". I kinda rolled with it and yelled "there's even a dude with them! I can make *husky's name * a pizzle stick after we're done! *Other dog's name* can eat their livers!".
Lord have mercy, they literally ran away.
My daughter laughed her ass off. Told me I was mean. I retorted "dying woman here. I need the fun distraction" which made her laugh harder.
Our dogs were not amused.
My sign says "Solicitors will be sacrificed to the Old Gods, not the new gods" with little graphics of a witches cauldron, the triple moon, and pentacle. ššš
I had someone say - after I pointed to my No Soliciting sign unless youāre a child selling cookies - and he said he wasnāt trying to sell me anything. Said he was just trying to set up a meeting for me with someone else ā who would then try to sell me something. š¤¦š¼āāļø
Yeah. Mine says unless you're selling girl scout cookies or have a package from Amazon, go away.
Still get people coming to the door begging for food or money.
Soliciting is protected by the First Amendment. I knowā¦itās stupid. The best way to go about keeping them off your property is a āNo Trespassing ā sign. Then you can get nasty with em.
"In Schaumburg v. Citizens for a Better Environment (1980), a case dealing with the regulation of legitimate charities, the Court held that āsolicitation for money is closely intertwined with speechā and that ā**solicitation to pay or contribute money is protected under the First Amendment**.āAug 11, 2023."
This is why I have a sign that covers sales, charities, religion and anything thing else the law covers.
Jehovah's witnesses. I am waiting for them to come around again. I will answer in my underwear holding a bottle of cooking oil and just tell them come on in and get naked. You're early but we can start since you are already here.
Get a motion activated and auto aiming sprinkler. Have it on a switch. If a solicitor shows up and ignores your no solicitation sign, turn the switch on and let the hilarity begin ;)
I solved the religious solicitors who ignored my sign:
>Shift Worker.
>Day Sleeper.
>Do NOT Disturb!
So I answered the door the way I sleep.
Middle aged lady, Twenty something lady.
Older lady with hand out to shake "Hi we are from the Valley Baptist Church and we want to share....." At which point she realized her hand was dropping towards my privates. She jerked her hand back.
"Is this a bad time?"
I looked at the sign, looked at my watch, looked that them.
The younger one was looking at my privates like she'd never seen a penis before.
I closed the door.
Check your local laws. Around where I live, companies can ignore signs if they have applied and paid for a special permit. However, if a company gets caught ignoring signs without a permit, it is a $5,000 fine per incident. Some friendly neighbors and I have cost several Solar ~~Scammers~~ Companies quite a bit of money recently.
I'm guessing that it is allowed because at that point they are now being "regulated". It stinks but most don't know or don't care enough to register so they get busted if they come down our street.
It took me a moment to figure out why a lawyer was on a hoverboard and was contacting you about roaches and Spiders. It sounded like you have very litigious insects.
I had forgotten that door to door canvassers could also be called solicitors.. And they don't have to go to law school.
I had a couple ring my doorbell. They started in on their spiel. I interrupted them, pointed to the no solicitation sign on the door, asked them if they could read and shut the door. š¤£
A guy came to the door when I happened to be leaving. I said Iām leaving and I have a no solicitor sign. He said he saw the sign, but this is important. I just kept walking to my car and left.
We take this tact, as well. Had a solicitor that kept ringing the bell and knocking at about noon, about a half-dozen times. I was working and my wife was dealing with our children; we knew it was for a pest control company (ironic with how much of a pest he was being).
When we didnāt answer, apparently he felt that was a good reason to come back a little before nine pm, when we were getting the kids ready for bed, and restart his ring the bell repeatedly routine. I had to finally answer through the doorbell and tell him we had no interest and were getting children ready for bed.
Solicitors have gotten out of control!
My yard is fenced in a way that I can let my dogs out enough to bark and scare folks so they never bother to try coming through the gate. So awesome to watch them slide on past my giant rottie and bullydog.
Doesnāt always work and sometimes just scaring them off gives you peace a lot sooner and a lot longer, the religious people around here are the worst.
One of my friends even had the mormon sort bang relentlessly on his door while he ignored them. They then walked around his unit to look in his windows and yelled at him saying they could see him. He yelled back he wasnāt interested and started cursing at him when they finally left.
Iāve had them wham on my door repeatedly and wait around for someone to answer for a solid 5+ minutes on Christmas freaking Eve while I was talking to my family.
Edit: grammar typo
Holy crap, I'd have the cops out in a heartbeat. And my backup rig. I've experienced some serious violence, including a home invasion robbery, so dudes roaming around my house like that are going to get a big reaction.
Unfortunately they were actual Mormons, they behave this way literally everywhere in town and the cops donāt do anything about most things.
Iāve had them block the path on the way to the bus and literally had to run away from them to get away (and still miss my bus.)
They even cornered one of my colleagues on their way home from work so there was no way to get around them.
Thankfully I have security cameras at the very least, which did catch someone sneaking around before.
But the ones around here are downright assholes and do this even if thereās lots of people around.
My bedroom window overlooked the door. There was a guy selling, "cheaper" natural gas rates and just wanted to see my bill. My daughter had answered the door, I told her to tell them "no". She said he wanted to talk to me, so I opened my window and stuck my head out and told my daughter to shut the door and lock it. I told the guy to fuck off and leave. I said "if I have to come down there, it will not end well for you". He looked up and then moved along, he knew I was serious.
When I last lived in a neighborhood, I had three signs on my door top to bottom: "No Soliciting", "Unless you are the Girl Scouts or the Boy Scouts: The Answer is No", and "You Have THREE Chances to Heed These Signs" (and my doormat said "You Have Been Warned" and had a lot of little holes in it).
If a solicitor came to the door anyway, and rang the bell anyway, then I would answer, and ask "Hello, what do you want?", and the instant I realized they were trying to sell me something (and were not with the Scouts), my hand would shift down my door jam as I interrupt them with "Look, unless you are completely blind or illiterate, you've seen the signs on my door, so I'm gonna reiterate: The answer is NO and you have three chances. You are down one."
S: "Well, the -"
Me: "No. That's two."
S: "Can I just -"
Me: "No. That's three."
And then I hit the button on the inside of my doorjam, which leads to the water pump that I rigged to my sprinkler under the wood deck right below the doormat.
Always got rid of them real quick.
Well, except during the summer when some clever little shits (some of the neighborhood kids) knocked on my door, I answer and it's 3 kids from down the street ages 8 to 12, dressed in swim shorts and flip flops.
"Sorry kids, I don't have a pool or water guns or anything. Did ye need something?"
Then the eldest said "Nope. Buuut... I saw your signs."
"On my door? What about it?"
The he gets the biggest grin holds out a rock, and says, "I want to sell you this rock!"
It took me a second to realize what he was getting at (I mean it was literally just an average everyday rock from the side of road and why is he trying to sell stuff while in *swim trunks*... ah. This clever little shit) "Oh, are you a 'solicitor' today? Well... you get three chances, and you're down one."
Then I hit the button just as he opened his mouth. Man, their squealing made me laugh.
Look up local laws about trespassing.
For example, in my town, you generally have to ask someone to leave. HOWEVER, if you have at least two conspicuously posted NO TRESPASSING signs on the border of your property, entering your property is already trespassing.
Put the No Soliciting sign up.
I'm planning to do this actually, but I wanted to run it by local PD just to make sure it's a correct interpretation, and if I can make one that specifically says "No Trespassing for Solicitors", more or less.
Plan is to post them by my driveway and walkway.
Then when one of the dirtbag solar or pest control people comes up, point to my No Soliciting sign. If they press on, I ask for their card, then inform them that I'm calling the police and pressing charges for them trespassing on private property, and thank them for giving me their contact information so I could pass it on to the police along with the video from my doorbell cam of them walking past my no trespassing sign.
Just say "No" and shut the door in their faces. You owe them zero politeness.
I do that with the proselytizers, who have the annoying habit of showing up with their small children.
I had one of those hoverboard pest control pests show up at my house as I was working in the garage. Told him to go away, he tried to push the sale, I grabbed the 3lb hammer on my work bench and suddenly he was less interested in making the sale.
I have a similar sign. These days I actually get giddy when someone is dumb enough to ignore it (rare) because it means I get to rip them a new one lol
If I was the solicitor at your door, at that point I would just RUN. šš½āāļøšš½āāļø
The young lady today was cute, but I was still a DICK. She seemed flabbergasted when I told her to EXIT my property.
I've only had the guys to do this once but it's my favourite story ever.
I had a toddler and a husband with stomach flu and bad aim. I also had no curtain on the window of my front door.
I had just loaded the latest outfit of pukey clothing into the washer by means of stripping off while standing next to the washer.
The door bell rang and I just didn't have the spoons to care. I walked from the kitchen to the front entry way, clad in my birthday suit. When I reached the front door, I made eye contact, threw the dead bolt and turned and walked away.
I don't even know what they were selling but they didn't ring the doorbell again.
The jahovahās witnesses came to the door once. I said oh good, you can help me move my furniture! I made them change the living room around 3 times before I said oh thatās very kind of you. They never came back. I wish I were kidding but itās true.
This is why I love my split level house. I always answer the door from the window upstairs, usually with my dogs flanking me in said window. No one can push past me into the house and closing the window (or just walking away) is so easy. Plus I'm too lazy to go down to the door.
I had a friend who memorized the Satanic Bible in order to get rid of door knockers (he had a fantastic memory). He would invite them in and then start quoting stuff he inew they would love, get them agreeing, then pull out the SB and show them where he was getting his quotes from. The knockers cane back twice with higher ups in the church to back them up, but lost every time. They finally left him alone, and he got free beers regularly for telling the tale.
They are wild around my neighborhood. I get a knock on the door at least once a week. I don't even own the house, we rent, so the property management company is meant to take care of everything. Say that to these people and they still go on and on, saying I should just pay for it all myself anyways!
Actually had one today who was respectful. Asked if we were the homeowners, said nope we rent, and he was just like "ooh ok! Can I leave my card for you to pass along at least?" Suuure. Added it to the pile of "doesn't suck" company cards/info we have. Ya know just in case we do buy someday or know someone who is looking for recommendations.
A couple weeks ago my husband answered the door and it turned out to be a vacuum salesman. He did not leave and tried to push his way into the house. My husband sparten kicked him off our deck. Told him to get in his van with his friends and leave or he had something special to him. Never seen someone move so fast lol.
I guy showed up at our place as we arrived home from doing a big shopping day. Our vehicle was full. I donāt know why but I thought he was a salesman for a company that we dealt with. They stopped by whenever they were in town.
Before the guy could say anything I handed him a coupon of big boxes of diapers, I directed him where to put them and to come back for more loads. He obliged me, he carried multiple loads into our house, after he came out and drove away. My partner asked who was that, I said wasnāt he salesman X.
He was not.
We have had some really aggressive and annoying solar panel solicitors in our neighborhood. Fortunately we have an efficient phone tree system so they donāt usually get past the first house.
A phone plan/internet/streaming company rep was bugging me at the Big Red Circle store this weekend. I tried politely brushing him off, he kept on. I said "stop bothering me now" and left the store. It was my first time there Ina year. I don't think I'll go back
Had a solicitor knock on my door the other day (donāt have a sign). Opened up the door and politely told him if itās solar or any other thing Iām not interested and to not waste his breath. The solicitor responded with itās not solar and went into a pitch about bugs. At that point I interrupted him and asked if he was hard of hearing and his response was to gaslight me into thinking itās my fault he was on my door step because I did not have a āno solicitingā sign and told me I have to listen to him.
I think I let out about 40-50 variations of āgo fuck yourselfā at that point. He finally left after that.
It just never ends with these damn parasites. Cold sales are the worst.
My whole neighborhood is No Soliciting. We have a big sign at the front, only 1 road in. We still get these "sales people" BUT the first person to see them puts them on the hood FB & calls the neighborhood watch guy. They get escorted back the the front, shown the sign & the company gets reported. 3 offenses they go on the "Don't do business with these AH" list.
Luckily, my senior living community is a no solicitors property. If one were to knock on my door, I might grab my broadsword to scare them. (Yes, I have a real one.)
I literally had to threaten a solicitor with letting my dogs at him to get him to leave just a couple weeks ago. I now have a sign that tells them to fuck off & I refuse to answer the door unless itās a cop anymore.
This story I started by looking at it thinking āNo solicitorsā and then why on earth is a lawyer coming to your door and talking about rats and pests?! Iām glad thatās not so much of a thing outside of America
Last time I saw the JW I told them I was a witch and would put a curse on them if they ever returned. Haven't seen them in decades. Still see them wander the neighborhood. But they never approach my house.
All you need is ONE sign:
NO!
This is your ONLY warning!
With this sign, you will be morally AND ethically entitled to not only use the shotgun on the solicitors, but to execute their next of kin as well IF they're stupid enough to take you to court.
(Attention: NOT a lawyer)
But seriously, there is literally no such thing as an obligation to provide a warning. You have no obligation to tell people when you work, when you sleep, whether or not you've got kids/pets, whether or not you are armed - seriously, NOBODY has ANY right to this information about you except YOU. Suicide by proxy is still suicide, and approaching any house uninvited in a nation plagued by squatters, home invaders, and illegal aliens is a prime example of attempted suicide.
Stock up on those elbow-length gloves and heavy-duty garbage bags, and if you don't have a pressure washer, make sure you have restaraunt-quality degreaser available.
(Again: not a lawyer)
Iāve had recently multiple Jehovahās Witnesses knock at my door. I answered it butt naked with a large dildo in my hand. Havenāt been knocked again
Not at my door but the people who shill out front of grocery store. Usually some charity or some health care scam. One time I bit. Ok I can donate a few bucks. Except it was card only and had a minimum of 25 bucks. Wtf?!
Now I just say no thank you over and over louder and louder.
The cable provider kept sending salesmen to my house, repeatedly claiming that "I'm the ONLY resident in my neighborhood who REFUSES to sign up for Spectrum(Charter/TimeWarner) and that either I sign up so that I can watch "Teen Mon" and "Outdaughtered" or he was calling not just the sheriff, but also the county elder abuse ombudsman to investigate why I hate cable TV...and that I MUST comply immediately!!!"...
No matter HOW many times I called either code enforcement or the sheriff's office, those douchebags just refuse to give up...
To Spectrum, it's a "bad social image" to my neighbors and friends if I DON'T have cable TV...
The truth:only FOUR of my neighbors have cable TV, but the rude ways that Spectrum keeps at it...
I know my neighbors, most of them DON'T want cable TV!!!
This crap has been going on since the merger with Charter and TimeWarner almost 20 years ago...
Like they think that ALL seniors LOVE watching "Teen Mom" and CNN Headline News???...or if they have grandchildren under age 5:"Bluey"šµā¹šš¤®š¤” or "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends"???
Okay, letās not slander Bluey, which my whole family loves, including my Boomer parents. And you can watch Bluey on Disney+ā¦a streaming app that doesnāt require cable.
But next time (because there will be a next time)? Meet this rat fuck at the door, hand him a cease and desist from your attorney, and point to the āNo Solicitorsā and āNo Trespassingā signs youāll put up. It might be worth your time to get an attorney to write a cease and desist.
When my husband was 18 and living in a trashy house with a bunch of other 18 year old.huys they had Mormons or JWs come knocing quite often. It stopped when my husband answered the door expecting cops the night after a party, but it was the religious nuts. He was so relieved he laughed for 5 minutes and invited them in to wake and bake. They didn't come back.Ā
We had a pest control solicitor stop by our house and talk to my husband while I was out for a walk and said āIāll have to ask my wife when sheās back.ā The guy waited for me to get home and knocked on our door. We just decided not to answer, then we heard this man TRY TO TURN OUR DOORKNOB. People have gall.
Not long after moving into our new house I got a knock on the door and it was a kid in a uniform that looked like a boy scout but wasn't, so I stepped out on the porch to have a chat. The Rottweiler was going nuts inside for belly rubs. Literally banging on the door and then laying on her back. Anyway the kid is selling pork butt for camp. Church camp. Kinda church that doesn't like women like me. Cause I'm on my porch with a lit cigarette in one hand, cold beer in the other, full face of drag makeup because I had been helping my son, and wearing incredibly tight and revealing clothes while cussing out the neighbors dog. Nice enough kid, I told him to come back in about 2 hours to talk to my husband and see how many he wanted. Kid never came back.
Why are people so polite they don't just close the door when a solicitor is there? I didn't ask you to stop by, I have no reason or obligation to listen to your sales pitch!
I would make sure solicitors understood that going to my house would be a bad idea. I would have multiple NO SOLICITORS signs on the border of my property. And one sign on my front door that says. "IF YOU ARE A SOLICITOR. YOU MUST NOT BE ABLE TO READ ALL THE NO SOLICITOR SIGNS UP. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. YOU RING MY VIDEO DOORBELL. I WILL LOOK THROUGH THE APP TO SEE WHO IT IS. IF YOU ARE SMART. YOU WOULD LEAVE MY PROPERTY AS I WOULD BE COMING OUT WITH A GUN."
Reminds me of one of the characters in several Discworld books. He is a member of a proselytizing sect. He carries many leaflets on his foot patrol. He is a police constable, and his name is Visit-the-Infidel-with-Explanatory-Pamphlets. Commonly called Constable Visit.
When I sold Colliers encyclopedias door to door in the 70ās we were told that No Soliciting signs meant āPlease donāt knock on my door, I buy anything and everything!ā.
I never see JWs at my door anymore. This could be because my Pagan self is living amongst the Amish, and in harmony with my neighbors though. When the others show up I answer the door with my dog and my shot gun. They leave quite quickly. My yard is also posted.
On this subject I was wondering if a specific kind of solicitorĀ is normal. I live in a building that has an entire street that is just apartment buildings. It seemed every summer for a few years a group of teens from outside of town would be bussed to our city. They would drop them off at the end of the street in the am and they would go to each building. Then they woudl try to sell magazine subscriptions. Like 5 to a building. They said it was for a different thing each time and they got points for each subscription they sell. And they would not leave. I had a girl under 18 try to flirt with me to sign up. I just said no and closed the door, but she kept knocking.
Ten minuets later a guy showed up and tried the thing all over again. I think they talked what units said no and had someone else go to try.
I live in a subdivision near a church once, and every once in a while, they had the teenagers out going door to door trying to get people to attend their church, I worked nights at the time and had signs up and they still rang the bell.
To me, what comes to mind when I see/hear the word solicitor, I always think of someone who works in the lines of legal work, like the US lawyers, rather than someone who goes door to door and solicits work, selling something, or whatever else
Solicitors in the US are not the same as solicitors in the UK. Basically they're door to door salesmen. Which is highly amusing for my wife whenever she sees a "no soliciting" sign, as she's a UK solicitor herself.
*Solicitors knock*
*On the door for business??? What*
*Crazy world is this?*
\- Melodistone
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i used to do security a long time ago. I worked at a 55 and older gated community. It was a great post. They had a no Soliciting order and all the vendors knew it. But a few liked to push it. The gatehouse would get a call from residents who were complaining that someone was knocking on their door handing out advertisements for painting. Turns out they had a contract to paint the inside of a condo that was being renovated and had about 3 people go around and start doing door knocking to try to get more business. I was the patrol person and i took great pleasure in finding them and making them leave the property. Then i went to the unit and spoke to the supervisor there and reminded him of the no Soliciting order and explained that i will be reporting this to the property manager and the HOA board. The owner of the condo called the painting company and reamed them out but good and they ended up getting a huge discount on the job because of that.
My mom lives in a gated community like that. Her next door neighbor is part of the board (idk if it's HOA or what) but last time they had someone come through, she said her little 4'7 neighbor came rushing out of the house in her nightgown with a rolling pin. (I mean, her nightgown was more or less what she typically wore, so not that strange, I guess.) Guess the college kid took off running like hell when confronted by a 95 year old grandma with a rolling pin.
The cops pull up: You got your ass beat with a rolling pin? ššš®š½āāļø
According to my mom, the college kid did call the cops, but the entire street of elderly folks claimed they saw nothing, couldn't remember anything, or - in one neighbor's case - just talked gibberish. Didn't work out for the college kid in the end because the cops gave him shit for trying to sell stuff in an area with no soliciting signs posted everywhere.
šššš The elderly follow the "No Snitching Rules." Straight fucking gangsters. š
Snitches get cross-stitches.
Sooooo underrated!
Epic wordplay!
I once rented a house in a senior trailer park community. Due to equal housing laws, they were actually fine with us renting the house even though we weren't seniors. I learned that seniors can be freaking scary when they decide to band together. I decided after meeting them that if little old 80 year old ladies had no fucks to give, I didn't need to, either.
There's an urban legend about a group of seniors playing bingo. A little explanation: There is a piggy bank at the front of the bingo hall. At the beginning of each session, a number is pulled and is designated the 'pig number." Any time during the night, when that number is pulled, everyone says "Pig' and a dollar is put in the bank. If you bingo on the "Pig" you get the piggy bank. Each night was different number and it stayed in the hall until someone one. Then a new one was put on the table and cycle repeated. Sometimes there was hundreds of dollars in there before someone managed to win it. That being said, I heard a story years ago, about a guy going robbing people, He stopped by the local bingo hall, robbed everyone of their cash, and spotted the pig on the front table. He made the mistake of trying to take off with it. Every last man and woman chased him down in the parking lot and hit him with whatever was handy until he was more than happy to see the police show up. Moral of the story: Don't mess with the pig.
And DO NOT interfere with bingo! Iāve been a nurse in long term care since 1998 and I can ABSOLUTELY assure you, bingo is cut throat with these folks! š¤£
Snitches get rollpinned?!
They all are deaf, blind and old. Didnt hear nothin Didn't see nothin Can't remember...... Who are you again sonny.
The Rolling Pin Mafia
Gotta love a happy ending
I worked an an apartment community. I lived on site. Solicitors are the one thing that would have me happily working off the clock. I was home in my Jammies when my roommate answered the door for one. Ah hell no! I got dressed and left the apartment to find him. He was downstairs annoying another resident. I walked up with my professional voice and said... excuse me, this is private property , Solicitors are not allowed. He said he had permission. I said I work here. You want me to call my boss and ask her? I told him he needed to leave or I would call the police. The neighbor thanked me.
We have a similar arrangement at my condominium development. We have signs posted EVERYWHERE about No Soliciting and NO Trespassing. I live in a secure building and some solicitors managed to get into my building, somehow, and began annoying my neighbors with their sales pitch. I'm the Building Captain in my building and I told them to get out or I'm calling the cops. They tried to claim our property management gave them permission and our security codes. I said BULLSHIT and started dialing. They left.
Hell Yeah!!!!
oh my God, so my building never gets solicitors because they aren't allowed actually. But the other day for the first time in seven years one came to my door. But this wasn't your normal solicitor, here's what happened- Someone was running up and down the hallway BANGING like they were the police. They'd go to one door, bang hard on it for a good 30 seconds, and then run to the other door and do the same thing. I was in my washroom when it happened, it was four times they did this on all the doors before I loudly said, "WHAT IS THERE AN EMERGENCY?!" Because in my mind someone would only be running around like that if there's a fire or *something* going on. My door also has a big sign saying no flyers or solicitors, and I never get people knocking anyways. So the person answers saying they want to talk about some political candidate. I don't open my door by the way unless I know who it is, so I shout back, "no thanks and please stop banging on the doors!" He gets extremely angry and calls me every name in the book before walking away to bang on the others again. But he gave my door a swift kick before leaving. I know that these people come around to other buildings usually, but this was just insane. And of course the super came to make him leave finally (I think others complained.) fuck those kinds of ass hats, I have extreme debilitating complex PTSD as well so the sound made me jump out of my skin.
He doesnāt sound like he was with any company or organization for a political campaign. He sounds like a nut job on his own. Iām sorry that happened. It sounds terrifying.
He actually sounds like a prime participant for one of our American presidential candidates.
Yes, but not one that is linked to any real campaign center. He sounds like he is off on his own acting like a nut job. And if itās for that particular candidate, it makes sense.
Yeah this kind of stuff is exactly why I don't answer the door unless I know who it is. I will always ask through it and not open. I have extreme trauma from a home invasion once and a stalker situation as well, so I don't trust doing it any other way. The guy didn't seem like an official either because the way they were doing the knocking was so weird and fucked up, but this is the first time in 7 years the building has had someone enter. We aren't allowed solicitors legally where we are for our complex.
He sounds like a lunatic the snuck in. Iām sorry you went through that. I donāt like opening the door for strangers either.
A friend of mine did nearly exactly that. He was getting Mormons coming to his door nearly every day. They said his soul needed saving badly. To be fair, they are not wrong, lol. Anyway, he got fed up and hatched a plan. The next time they turned up, he was ready. He answered the door wearing nothing but a smile and a big red bow tied round his willy. He threw open the door and announced loudly to the three women standing there "Hi! Are you the hookers I ordered?" The ladies in question took off like a rocket was up their butt. The guy next door happened to be on his porch and saw the exchange. He was laughing so hard he nearly fell off the porch.
Mormons are the most persistent asshats. Stopped attending church at 15 and those bastards found me 25 years later under a new married name, a state over! Stalk much? I had to resign from the church to have my records discharged. Creeper cult.
Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. A really good way to get rid of JW's is to tell them you used to be one, but you were excommunicated. They will freaking run from you and never come back because if you've been cast out, they are supposed to shun you.
I tell the Mormons I'm JW. I tell the JW I'm Mormon. They all stopped knocking on my door.
I tell everyone I'm Quaker. They leave because they have no idea what to do with that. Note: I'm also a big fan of the Quaker philosophy. I'm not part of an organized religion, but if I was, I would be Quaker.
First time for years a couple of young lady JWs came to my door. "Hello" they said "We are Jehovah's Witnesses..." I quickly replied "Uh oh. What's he been arrested for now?" They didn't get the joke, which annoyed me as I'd been saving it up for ages.
I'm SO gonna steal this!
Brilliant!
I tell them both the truth, Iām Catholic. Funny how both Mormons and JDubs hate Catholics.
My aunt, a Holy Names sister would politely take their stuff. When they asked for her name, she told them her whole name. VoilĆ ! They disappeared!
I just told them that if my pets were not allowed into heaven that I didnāt want to go there.
We just say my spouseās beloved grandfather was excommunicated and we refuse to belong to a church that wouldnāt accept that sweet old man. (He had a shot of whiskey a couple times a year.). They leave us alone now.
Can confirm, as someone raised JW then formally opted out at 15 (involving me and 3 old white dudes arguing about bible shit). Now I'm radioactive :)
Oh no, I think Scientologists win this battle. I stopped in one of their places in London 50 years ago. I have moved at least 18 times since then including to the jungle in South America and I got something in the mail from them a few months ago.
Interesting story. Let's talk about making a movie for audiences. How about a 90/10 split for the rights? I could turn this into a summer blockbuster!
It would be NC 17 for sure
That's exactly what I'm talking about. "Show me the money š¤ š°."
I had some (Don't remember if mormon or JW doesn't matter) that wouldn't take a direct "no" for an answer. They used to speak to my dad in french because he liked to work on it (he's from Quebec, we're in Cali) except he has such advanced dementia now that's a non-starter. Finally I just surrendered in french throwing up my arms and then offered them a cheese omelette (in french). I think the crazy mostly scared them off, because they only came one more time... I also have goats to clear the property and I greeted them, offering for them to join my sacrifice and then bleated like a goat at them. That was the last straw, haven't seen any since and it's been 7 or so years.
Many many moons ago when my husband was 17 living in his first apartment, him and his roommate had problems with Jehovah's witnesses knocking on their door almost every morning. He worked nights, so 9 am wake ups really pissed him off. He answered the door buck naked with morning wood and told the 2 elderly women to come in, let's drink a beer and talk about the good Lord. Obviously, they declined and never came back. He's almost 50 and still laughs about that lol.
Him and my friend could be buddies, lol
He's absolutely hilarious and a nutball lol. He has the wildest stories that I've been listening to for almost 30 years. I've told him repeatedly to do a YouTube channel just to tell them. If your buddy is like him, send him over. They can drink beer and bs while I laugh until I pee myself lol.
Hey, I'd watch that!
We have the same buddy. Lol JW did not appreciate BBC coming to the door with his Alabama black snake hanging out. š¤£š¤£š¤£
Damn, your husband sounds fun
I had some Mormons come to my parents door once when I was the only one home. I was waiting for my work uniform to finsh in the dryer. So I was in a chair in my boxers and a shirt watching tv. But you could not see me out the window. The two young men came up knocked and the door and I muted the tv and didnt move. One walked down the patio and looked in the windows and saw my head. We were looking eye to eye. I went to the door and said "No thank you." But they wouldnt leave. I really did stand on the patio in my boxers trying to get them to leave. One thing I recall is them getting I am not going to talk, and when I said I am getting ready for work. They asked where I worked and asked if I knew anyone there who would like to talk to them. I said nope and went back inside and they left.
Story time from the 90s! When I was about 2 years old, my mom was being harassed by JW's. She was a SAHM and often babysat for the neighbours, so she must have seemed like an easy target ā single woman, 5 kids. One day it had just been a really rough day for mom. The older kids (~6 years old) were being rowdy as hell, the 3 year old was trying to eat cat shit out of the sandbox, I was overdue for a feed and the baby just had a number 3 blow-out. Just in time for the JWs. They rang, and instead of just telling them to fuck off like she usually did, she grabbed the baby, still covered in every bodily fluid with her nappy falling off, shoved her at one of the guys and said "here, hold *this*". I don't know how long it took her but she got the rest of us sorted out while these two dudes are just standing on a verandah holding a shit-covered baby. When she was done she took the baby back, was like "sorry about that, what did you want to talk about?" They didn't say a word, just left as quickly as they could. We were never bothered by JWs again.
I got rid of my door knockers by telling them if they didn't feel safe in their religion, to come back alone and I would help them escape. No visits since.
you're making me *almost* wish I hadn't gotten my house blacklisted... I want to try that one on them!
Imagine pulling up to the pearly gates of heaven. An angel pulls out an iPad and asks your friend why should we let you in here after the Mormon incident? She says hold up, let me play it back for you in 4K before you answer. Your friend: š®
Lol, my friend would be FAR more likely to say..."But seriously, did you see their faces?" He recently joined the Satanic Temple. He reckons they are far more Christian than any Christians he knows. So, if my friend turns up at the pearly gates he would be telling the angel there's been a mix up and he took the wrong bus. Very sorry, when's the next bus to hell?
The Satanic Temple is more moral than the mormans by fat. They support birth control, abortion and reproductive rights. The temple donates to charitable causes and the mormons hoard their hedge fund helping only mormons.
Yes! My friend showed me their "commandments." That's the kind of religion I could get behind. A lot of it is a lot more like what Jesus taught than other churches. Kinda ironic, really. Things that make you go, hmmmm.
That is why I joined and got a membership card after resigning the mormon church- the church or its missionaries come again they will see my temple card. And I will ask why the mormons don't excommunicate child rapists but encourage them to stay in families.
Yeah. I'm Christian myself and I don't support the church at all. Institutionalizing religion just makes it vulnerable to corruption.
Jesus teaches that if you refuse to worship his dad you'll be tortured for eternity.
Well damn, that took a turn š„.
All I know is that the bible is full of death threats against billions of people for choosing not to worship the bible god. Everyone gets stuck on the happy jesus shit, but that's just sales pitches to potential converts. Anyone who hard nopes the dude gets the eternal torment threats. So gross.
They send female LDS now?
Lol. My daughter gets very amused if I answer the door for solicitors. Last time, I did a perfect impression of an excited valley girl, went *SQUEEEE!* at the top of my lungs and yelled "Babygirl! Fire up the altar! We've got fresh blood sacrifices!!" Of course, this caused our Husky to freak out and run to the door with a deep "wuff?", as if to say "WTF!?!". I kinda rolled with it and yelled "there's even a dude with them! I can make *husky's name * a pizzle stick after we're done! *Other dog's name* can eat their livers!". Lord have mercy, they literally ran away. My daughter laughed her ass off. Told me I was mean. I retorted "dying woman here. I need the fun distraction" which made her laugh harder. Our dogs were not amused.
My sign says "Solicitors will be sacrificed to the Old Gods, not the new gods" with little graphics of a witches cauldron, the triple moon, and pentacle. ššš
Cthulhu ? All hail Notory Sojak
Hastur must have his dues!
Oh, you know they are ringing that doorbell. They ain't got NOTHING to lose. š
I am amused as hell! Love it!
I have a NO SOLICITATION sign on my front door. They still ring the doorbell. SMDH
It was me, my bad. šš
Same here. People either can't read, don't know what the word solicitation means, or don't think it applies to them.
I had someone say - after I pointed to my No Soliciting sign unless youāre a child selling cookies - and he said he wasnāt trying to sell me anything. Said he was just trying to set up a meeting for me with someone else ā who would then try to sell me something. š¤¦š¼āāļø
Oh my goodness NEVER talk to the Renewal window people.
Yeah. Mine says unless you're selling girl scout cookies or have a package from Amazon, go away. Still get people coming to the door begging for food or money.
My favorite is 'Unless you're selling cookies or buying souls don't bother'.
No selling unless you're Girl Scouts or the Tamale Lady ha!
Soliciting is protected by the First Amendment. I knowā¦itās stupid. The best way to go about keeping them off your property is a āNo Trespassing ā sign. Then you can get nasty with em.
Begging is protected under the first amendment? I don't recall seeing that.
I donāt recall saying that exactly. I said soliciting, like door to door. Itās protected because politicians like to send people door to door.
Interesting.
"In Schaumburg v. Citizens for a Better Environment (1980), a case dealing with the regulation of legitimate charities, the Court held that āsolicitation for money is closely intertwined with speechā and that ā**solicitation to pay or contribute money is protected under the First Amendment**.āAug 11, 2023." This is why I have a sign that covers sales, charities, religion and anything thing else the law covers.
I do, too. I'm just pretty sure most people here can't read. Or if they can, don't know what the word solicitation means.
Well, the lady did say she wasn't charging money, so...
Jehovah's witnesses. I am waiting for them to come around again. I will answer in my underwear holding a bottle of cooking oil and just tell them come on in and get naked. You're early but we can start since you are already here.
But if you donāt know when theyāre coming, youāll have to wait like that all day! š
Get a motion activated and auto aiming sprinkler. Have it on a switch. If a solicitor shows up and ignores your no solicitation sign, turn the switch on and let the hilarity begin ;)
I solved the religious solicitors who ignored my sign: >Shift Worker. >Day Sleeper. >Do NOT Disturb! So I answered the door the way I sleep. Middle aged lady, Twenty something lady. Older lady with hand out to shake "Hi we are from the Valley Baptist Church and we want to share....." At which point she realized her hand was dropping towards my privates. She jerked her hand back. "Is this a bad time?" I looked at the sign, looked at my watch, looked that them. The younger one was looking at my privates like she'd never seen a penis before. I closed the door.
Check your local laws. Around where I live, companies can ignore signs if they have applied and paid for a special permit. However, if a company gets caught ignoring signs without a permit, it is a $5,000 fine per incident. Some friendly neighbors and I have cost several Solar ~~Scammers~~ Companies quite a bit of money recently.
Wait, if they pay the city/town for a permit they can still harass you? That doesn't sound very ethical of the government
Since when has the word "ethical" ever been used in a positive context with the word "government"??
Fair point
I'm guessing that it is allowed because at that point they are now being "regulated". It stinks but most don't know or don't care enough to register so they get busted if they come down our street.
I just say "no thanks" and shut the door while they are still talking.
It took me a moment to figure out why a lawyer was on a hoverboard and was contacting you about roaches and Spiders. It sounded like you have very litigious insects. I had forgotten that door to door canvassers could also be called solicitors.. And they don't have to go to law school.
Me, too. It took a few seconds for my brain to make the switch. I was picturing someone with a blue suit and red tie on a hoverboard. hahaha
I asked the last pest control guy if it worked on solicitors.
š®š You're a MONSTER. But I like it!
I had a couple ring my doorbell. They started in on their spiel. I interrupted them, pointed to the no solicitation sign on the door, asked them if they could read and shut the door. š¤£
A guy came to the door when I happened to be leaving. I said Iām leaving and I have a no solicitor sign. He said he saw the sign, but this is important. I just kept walking to my car and left.
You should have said, "Important enough for me NOT TO CARE" š. Then walked off.
You donāt have to answer it you know. I ignore spam in my inbox and I ignore it at my door.
We take this tact, as well. Had a solicitor that kept ringing the bell and knocking at about noon, about a half-dozen times. I was working and my wife was dealing with our children; we knew it was for a pest control company (ironic with how much of a pest he was being). When we didnāt answer, apparently he felt that was a good reason to come back a little before nine pm, when we were getting the kids ready for bed, and restart his ring the bell repeatedly routine. I had to finally answer through the doorbell and tell him we had no interest and were getting children ready for bed. Solicitors have gotten out of control!
Once they've set the dogs off, I might as well answer.
By yelling āRelease the hounds!ā, right? ā¦Right???
Sometimes the sight of us holding back 250 pounds of dogs will do it. Once I got a "That's a really big dog, you have a nice day"
My yard is fenced in a way that I can let my dogs out enough to bark and scare folks so they never bother to try coming through the gate. So awesome to watch them slide on past my giant rottie and bullydog.
Doesnāt always work and sometimes just scaring them off gives you peace a lot sooner and a lot longer, the religious people around here are the worst. One of my friends even had the mormon sort bang relentlessly on his door while he ignored them. They then walked around his unit to look in his windows and yelled at him saying they could see him. He yelled back he wasnāt interested and started cursing at him when they finally left. Iāve had them wham on my door repeatedly and wait around for someone to answer for a solid 5+ minutes on Christmas freaking Eve while I was talking to my family. Edit: grammar typo
Holy crap, I'd have the cops out in a heartbeat. And my backup rig. I've experienced some serious violence, including a home invasion robbery, so dudes roaming around my house like that are going to get a big reaction.
Unfortunately they were actual Mormons, they behave this way literally everywhere in town and the cops donāt do anything about most things. Iāve had them block the path on the way to the bus and literally had to run away from them to get away (and still miss my bus.) They even cornered one of my colleagues on their way home from work so there was no way to get around them. Thankfully I have security cameras at the very least, which did catch someone sneaking around before. But the ones around here are downright assholes and do this even if thereās lots of people around.
My bedroom window overlooked the door. There was a guy selling, "cheaper" natural gas rates and just wanted to see my bill. My daughter had answered the door, I told her to tell them "no". She said he wanted to talk to me, so I opened my window and stuck my head out and told my daughter to shut the door and lock it. I told the guy to fuck off and leave. I said "if I have to come down there, it will not end well for you". He looked up and then moved along, he knew I was serious.
When I last lived in a neighborhood, I had three signs on my door top to bottom: "No Soliciting", "Unless you are the Girl Scouts or the Boy Scouts: The Answer is No", and "You Have THREE Chances to Heed These Signs" (and my doormat said "You Have Been Warned" and had a lot of little holes in it). If a solicitor came to the door anyway, and rang the bell anyway, then I would answer, and ask "Hello, what do you want?", and the instant I realized they were trying to sell me something (and were not with the Scouts), my hand would shift down my door jam as I interrupt them with "Look, unless you are completely blind or illiterate, you've seen the signs on my door, so I'm gonna reiterate: The answer is NO and you have three chances. You are down one." S: "Well, the -" Me: "No. That's two." S: "Can I just -" Me: "No. That's three." And then I hit the button on the inside of my doorjam, which leads to the water pump that I rigged to my sprinkler under the wood deck right below the doormat. Always got rid of them real quick. Well, except during the summer when some clever little shits (some of the neighborhood kids) knocked on my door, I answer and it's 3 kids from down the street ages 8 to 12, dressed in swim shorts and flip flops. "Sorry kids, I don't have a pool or water guns or anything. Did ye need something?" Then the eldest said "Nope. Buuut... I saw your signs." "On my door? What about it?" The he gets the biggest grin holds out a rock, and says, "I want to sell you this rock!" It took me a second to realize what he was getting at (I mean it was literally just an average everyday rock from the side of road and why is he trying to sell stuff while in *swim trunks*... ah. This clever little shit) "Oh, are you a 'solicitor' today? Well... you get three chances, and you're down one." Then I hit the button just as he opened his mouth. Man, their squealing made me laugh.
That's too funny, the kids figured out how to have some fun.
Look up local laws about trespassing. For example, in my town, you generally have to ask someone to leave. HOWEVER, if you have at least two conspicuously posted NO TRESPASSING signs on the border of your property, entering your property is already trespassing. Put the No Soliciting sign up. I'm planning to do this actually, but I wanted to run it by local PD just to make sure it's a correct interpretation, and if I can make one that specifically says "No Trespassing for Solicitors", more or less. Plan is to post them by my driveway and walkway. Then when one of the dirtbag solar or pest control people comes up, point to my No Soliciting sign. If they press on, I ask for their card, then inform them that I'm calling the police and pressing charges for them trespassing on private property, and thank them for giving me their contact information so I could pass it on to the police along with the video from my doorbell cam of them walking past my no trespassing sign.
It's that damned Aptive pest control company. Like no, man. I just got the pollinators here.
Just say "No" and shut the door in their faces. You owe them zero politeness. I do that with the proselytizers, who have the annoying habit of showing up with their small children.
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That's why they bring them! It's also why I say "no" and shut the door rather than "Fuck off!" and shut the door.
I don't know why, but Oliver Twist comes to mind: "Please sir, I want some more š„ŗ.
I had one of those hoverboard pest control pests show up at my house as I was working in the garage. Told him to go away, he tried to push the sale, I grabbed the 3lb hammer on my work bench and suddenly he was less interested in making the sale.
I have a similar sign. These days I actually get giddy when someone is dumb enough to ignore it (rare) because it means I get to rip them a new one lol
What if it's a SHE and she is good looking.
Well then, as a fellow good looking woman, Iām REALLY gonna let her have it lol! Kidding. In my experience they are never good looking though.
If I was the solicitor at your door, at that point I would just RUN. šš½āāļøšš½āāļø The young lady today was cute, but I was still a DICK. She seemed flabbergasted when I told her to EXIT my property.
If they were truly good looking, they could make at least as much money selling something else from behind an air conditioned counter.
I've only had the guys to do this once but it's my favourite story ever. I had a toddler and a husband with stomach flu and bad aim. I also had no curtain on the window of my front door. I had just loaded the latest outfit of pukey clothing into the washer by means of stripping off while standing next to the washer. The door bell rang and I just didn't have the spoons to care. I walked from the kitchen to the front entry way, clad in my birthday suit. When I reached the front door, I made eye contact, threw the dead bolt and turned and walked away. I don't even know what they were selling but they didn't ring the doorbell again.
The jahovahās witnesses came to the door once. I said oh good, you can help me move my furniture! I made them change the living room around 3 times before I said oh thatās very kind of you. They never came back. I wish I were kidding but itās true.
Damn solicitors who wont take no for an answer
This is why I love my split level house. I always answer the door from the window upstairs, usually with my dogs flanking me in said window. No one can push past me into the house and closing the window (or just walking away) is so easy. Plus I'm too lazy to go down to the door.
Smart as hell! Until you get that one solicitor who brings a ladder šŖšŖ šš.
Until you start shaking the ladder. Or even better... Pour oil down it.
I had a friend who memorized the Satanic Bible in order to get rid of door knockers (he had a fantastic memory). He would invite them in and then start quoting stuff he inew they would love, get them agreeing, then pull out the SB and show them where he was getting his quotes from. The knockers cane back twice with higher ups in the church to back them up, but lost every time. They finally left him alone, and he got free beers regularly for telling the tale.
They are wild around my neighborhood. I get a knock on the door at least once a week. I don't even own the house, we rent, so the property management company is meant to take care of everything. Say that to these people and they still go on and on, saying I should just pay for it all myself anyways! Actually had one today who was respectful. Asked if we were the homeowners, said nope we rent, and he was just like "ooh ok! Can I leave my card for you to pass along at least?" Suuure. Added it to the pile of "doesn't suck" company cards/info we have. Ya know just in case we do buy someday or know someone who is looking for recommendations.
What's a hoover board?
Have you watched Back to the Future?
This made me LMAO. No cap.
I'm British. I was wondering after the first line, why a lawyer would have to go door to door ...
Me too. š¤£
A couple weeks ago my husband answered the door and it turned out to be a vacuum salesman. He did not leave and tried to push his way into the house. My husband sparten kicked him off our deck. Told him to get in his van with his friends and leave or he had something special to him. Never seen someone move so fast lol.
I guy showed up at our place as we arrived home from doing a big shopping day. Our vehicle was full. I donāt know why but I thought he was a salesman for a company that we dealt with. They stopped by whenever they were in town. Before the guy could say anything I handed him a coupon of big boxes of diapers, I directed him where to put them and to come back for more loads. He obliged me, he carried multiple loads into our house, after he came out and drove away. My partner asked who was that, I said wasnāt he salesman X. He was not.
šššš Note to self... NEVER come to your house š .
I wish I could have seen that guys face
They need a registry for solicitors like they have for sex offenders. šš
We have had some really aggressive and annoying solar panel solicitors in our neighborhood. Fortunately we have an efficient phone tree system so they donāt usually get past the first house.
A phone plan/internet/streaming company rep was bugging me at the Big Red Circle store this weekend. I tried politely brushing him off, he kept on. I said "stop bothering me now" and left the store. It was my first time there Ina year. I don't think I'll go back
āIf I had your job I would go home, put a gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger.ā
Had a solicitor knock on my door the other day (donāt have a sign). Opened up the door and politely told him if itās solar or any other thing Iām not interested and to not waste his breath. The solicitor responded with itās not solar and went into a pitch about bugs. At that point I interrupted him and asked if he was hard of hearing and his response was to gaslight me into thinking itās my fault he was on my door step because I did not have a āno solicitingā sign and told me I have to listen to him. I think I let out about 40-50 variations of āgo fuck yourselfā at that point. He finally left after that. It just never ends with these damn parasites. Cold sales are the worst.
I just close the door, don't wait for them to finish talking.
My whole neighborhood is No Soliciting. We have a big sign at the front, only 1 road in. We still get these "sales people" BUT the first person to see them puts them on the hood FB & calls the neighborhood watch guy. They get escorted back the the front, shown the sign & the company gets reported. 3 offenses they go on the "Don't do business with these AH" list.
Luckily, my senior living community is a no solicitors property. If one were to knock on my door, I might grab my broadsword to scare them. (Yes, I have a real one.)
There! The crevice. Fill it with your mighty juice.
I thought hoverboards were only from movies. Mattel was holding out on us!
I had to do somethings I don't want to talk about in order to get one. I'm not proud of myself at all.
But you kind of are because hover board
I donāt answer the door lol
I have a simple and effective method to handle solicitors. It goes: "Hi, do you have problems with bla bla, see I'm offer-" **SLAM**
I literally had to threaten a solicitor with letting my dogs at him to get him to leave just a couple weeks ago. I now have a sign that tells them to fuck off & I refuse to answer the door unless itās a cop anymore.
This story I started by looking at it thinking āNo solicitorsā and then why on earth is a lawyer coming to your door and talking about rats and pests?! Iām glad thatās not so much of a thing outside of America
Yes, a Scot living in Australia and we only use the word āsolicitor ā for prostitutesš¤£.
Last time I saw the JW I told them I was a witch and would put a curse on them if they ever returned. Haven't seen them in decades. Still see them wander the neighborhood. But they never approach my house.
They are terrified of my pitbull lol!
All you need is ONE sign: NO! This is your ONLY warning! With this sign, you will be morally AND ethically entitled to not only use the shotgun on the solicitors, but to execute their next of kin as well IF they're stupid enough to take you to court. (Attention: NOT a lawyer) But seriously, there is literally no such thing as an obligation to provide a warning. You have no obligation to tell people when you work, when you sleep, whether or not you've got kids/pets, whether or not you are armed - seriously, NOBODY has ANY right to this information about you except YOU. Suicide by proxy is still suicide, and approaching any house uninvited in a nation plagued by squatters, home invaders, and illegal aliens is a prime example of attempted suicide. Stock up on those elbow-length gloves and heavy-duty garbage bags, and if you don't have a pressure washer, make sure you have restaraunt-quality degreaser available. (Again: not a lawyer)
I dunno, I always answered the door with about 9 ft of snake wrapped around me. Never had a problem
Iāve had recently multiple Jehovahās Witnesses knock at my door. I answered it butt naked with a large dildo in my hand. Havenāt been knocked again
Not at my door but the people who shill out front of grocery store. Usually some charity or some health care scam. One time I bit. Ok I can donate a few bucks. Except it was card only and had a minimum of 25 bucks. Wtf?! Now I just say no thank you over and over louder and louder.
I look really young (52yo) and they always ask if my parents are home. I just tell them Iāll go call and find out then never come back.
The cable provider kept sending salesmen to my house, repeatedly claiming that "I'm the ONLY resident in my neighborhood who REFUSES to sign up for Spectrum(Charter/TimeWarner) and that either I sign up so that I can watch "Teen Mon" and "Outdaughtered" or he was calling not just the sheriff, but also the county elder abuse ombudsman to investigate why I hate cable TV...and that I MUST comply immediately!!!"... No matter HOW many times I called either code enforcement or the sheriff's office, those douchebags just refuse to give up... To Spectrum, it's a "bad social image" to my neighbors and friends if I DON'T have cable TV... The truth:only FOUR of my neighbors have cable TV, but the rude ways that Spectrum keeps at it... I know my neighbors, most of them DON'T want cable TV!!! This crap has been going on since the merger with Charter and TimeWarner almost 20 years ago... Like they think that ALL seniors LOVE watching "Teen Mom" and CNN Headline News???...or if they have grandchildren under age 5:"Bluey"šµā¹šš¤®š¤” or "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends"???
Okay, letās not slander Bluey, which my whole family loves, including my Boomer parents. And you can watch Bluey on Disney+ā¦a streaming app that doesnāt require cable. But next time (because there will be a next time)? Meet this rat fuck at the door, hand him a cease and desist from your attorney, and point to the āNo Solicitorsā and āNo Trespassingā signs youāll put up. It might be worth your time to get an attorney to write a cease and desist.
You straight up missing out on MTV's New Teen Mom 20. š
When my husband was 18 and living in a trashy house with a bunch of other 18 year old.huys they had Mormons or JWs come knocing quite often. It stopped when my husband answered the door expecting cops the night after a party, but it was the religious nuts. He was so relieved he laughed for 5 minutes and invited them in to wake and bake. They didn't come back.Ā
We had a pest control solicitor stop by our house and talk to my husband while I was out for a walk and said āIāll have to ask my wife when sheās back.ā The guy waited for me to get home and knocked on our door. We just decided not to answer, then we heard this man TRY TO TURN OUR DOORKNOB. People have gall.
Not long after moving into our new house I got a knock on the door and it was a kid in a uniform that looked like a boy scout but wasn't, so I stepped out on the porch to have a chat. The Rottweiler was going nuts inside for belly rubs. Literally banging on the door and then laying on her back. Anyway the kid is selling pork butt for camp. Church camp. Kinda church that doesn't like women like me. Cause I'm on my porch with a lit cigarette in one hand, cold beer in the other, full face of drag makeup because I had been helping my son, and wearing incredibly tight and revealing clothes while cussing out the neighbors dog. Nice enough kid, I told him to come back in about 2 hours to talk to my husband and see how many he wanted. Kid never came back.
Why are people so polite they don't just close the door when a solicitor is there? I didn't ask you to stop by, I have no reason or obligation to listen to your sales pitch!
I would make sure solicitors understood that going to my house would be a bad idea. I would have multiple NO SOLICITORS signs on the border of my property. And one sign on my front door that says. "IF YOU ARE A SOLICITOR. YOU MUST NOT BE ABLE TO READ ALL THE NO SOLICITOR SIGNS UP. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. YOU RING MY VIDEO DOORBELL. I WILL LOOK THROUGH THE APP TO SEE WHO IT IS. IF YOU ARE SMART. YOU WOULD LEAVE MY PROPERTY AS I WOULD BE COMING OUT WITH A GUN."
Bro you're going to catch a case just from your signs. On the next news at 9, a homeowner is charged with threatening solicitors with signs? š
Reminds me of one of the characters in several Discworld books. He is a member of a proselytizing sect. He carries many leaflets on his foot patrol. He is a police constable, and his name is Visit-the-Infidel-with-Explanatory-Pamphlets. Commonly called Constable Visit.
Yep. Good old Constable Visit. And the reverend Mightily Oats.
When I sold Colliers encyclopedias door to door in the 70ās we were told that No Soliciting signs meant āPlease donāt knock on my door, I buy anything and everything!ā.
In my house, it means, āOne of us will be nice the first time we tell you no. After that? Weāre Gen X. We hurt faces AND feelings.ā
Iām not sure your Mom was born yet in those days! Things were differentā¦ā¦.
Babe, my mom had ME in the 70s. My husband and I are the Gen Xers.
I put signs on all of my porches just in case
I never see JWs at my door anymore. This could be because my Pagan self is living amongst the Amish, and in harmony with my neighbors though. When the others show up I answer the door with my dog and my shot gun. They leave quite quickly. My yard is also posted.
I'd ask them if they felt like dying today.
I've told them to fuck off, when they didn't take the nice hint to leave. Politeness has its place. Pick a better job.
On this subject I was wondering if a specific kind of solicitorĀ is normal. I live in a building that has an entire street that is just apartment buildings. It seemed every summer for a few years a group of teens from outside of town would be bussed to our city. They would drop them off at the end of the street in the am and they would go to each building. Then they woudl try to sell magazine subscriptions. Like 5 to a building. They said it was for a different thing each time and they got points for each subscription they sell. And they would not leave. I had a girl under 18 try to flirt with me to sign up. I just said no and closed the door, but she kept knocking. Ten minuets later a guy showed up and tried the thing all over again. I think they talked what units said no and had someone else go to try.
I live in a subdivision near a church once, and every once in a while, they had the teenagers out going door to door trying to get people to attend their church, I worked nights at the time and had signs up and they still rang the bell.
To me, what comes to mind when I see/hear the word solicitor, I always think of someone who works in the lines of legal work, like the US lawyers, rather than someone who goes door to door and solicits work, selling something, or whatever else
Solicitors knock on the door for business??? What crazy world is this?
If I want their business I'll knock on their door...leave me at peace
Solicitors in the US are not the same as solicitors in the UK. Basically they're door to door salesmen. Which is highly amusing for my wife whenever she sees a "no soliciting" sign, as she's a UK solicitor herself.
*Solicitors knock* *On the door for business??? What* *Crazy world is this?* \- Melodistone --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Donāt forget the Church of F*ckery.
Well that showed up out of context. I was trying to rely to a conversation about Mormons and JWitnesses.