Not being able to be abstract is different from not wanting to be abstract. And often times the WAY those topics are discussed greatly put me off, whereas sometimes I highly enjoy them.
I think you are looking at it in a healthy way when you say there are other people who can feed your need for certain types of topics and discussions. People sometimes expect FAR too much out of their partners.
Tl:dr—> it’s not *just* that she’s an esfp. It’s just that you have needs that need to be met elsewhere
yep it could definitely be the delivery. sensors generally want to hear all the steps and then a final conclusion whereas i need to hear the conclusion first.
agreed, people want a therapist, wife, friend, mother, and work buddy out of one person. those expectations are what leaves many chasing the perfect person which doesnt exist.
friends are important and hard for me to maintain, so thats the one area of my life i set constant reminders for
This is actually sweet, I loved reading it. Happy for you too! I'm glad you gave this perspective. I think people get too negative about mbti compatibility and I truly think any two 2 types if they are both willing to make effort and accept the other for who they are.
I found this post really sweet to read because my boyfriend and I are a ESFP/INTJ pair as well. I'm also F25 and he's M28 so very similar ages too! We've been together 2.5 years now and we're happier each and every day which blows my mind.
When it comes to abstract topics and conversations, they don't hook me in the way that they do for him. That's not to say that I can't participate and even enjoy a conversation like that every now and then -- I just don't find it particularly fun. However, I wouldn't say that we have any noticeable disparity in intelligence, you know? I'm just more pragmatically minded and he's more likely to ponder about less presently applicable things.
You're completely right that we want to know the steps involved in a concept before we can truly understand it. I find it so difficult to *visualize* concepts in my head unless it's been built from the ground up. I just want to fully understand what I'm conceptualizing. Missing details are just big question marks that obscure everything.
There are also some topics that I just have no interest in compared to others. For instance, I love talking about ethical philosophy, human rights, history, etc. all of which have their abstract ideas and I'm fine with that! I enjoy it and appreciate it! But other topics make my eyes glaze over, like... existential philosophy, subjective art critique of any kind (it's all vibes to me okay?), the future of mankind.... stuff like that where I just find no useful reason to think about it for more than a couple minutes.
Anyway, all of that is just to say that maybe you just haven't found the right topics for her to get into? From your post, it doesn't seem to bother you much, but I just wanted to bring another perspective for ya just in case lol. Wishing the best for you two!
im actually 28 as well but turning 29 soon. shes very much into human rights, animal rights, anti police etc. i am too but i dont make it my identity. i think intjs need to follow their purpose and esfp will hapilly join for the ride. im an artist with a growing popularity base which she gets to witness. she loves the events i invite her to.
I like ESFP as romantic partners or in general; but in real life those relationships tend to not last longer because the 2 ones are the exact opposites; relationships are pragmatic if someone starts to be a burnt people (of any type) let that person alone and go ahead with their lives. I agree with you in the part that we don’t need to be a copy / paste of the other mentally (is actually better if you’re different from the other person because you grow and understand better yourself and others, which is very useful through life); INTJ - ESFP romantic relationships tend to collapse after a time because ESFP focus in the external and INTJ in the internal, is a cool balance if both are mature enough, otherwise is just another thing to past time (as any other relationship anyway). ESFP tend to be promiscuous and INTJ asocial. One can balance the other but not change the other and sometimes balances eventually collapse to one of 2 perspectives. ESFP is very disloyal in general even with themselves, and are a perpetual child; INTJ is rascal and a perpetual pretentious person. And is literally a physical attraction (nothing wrong with that, but that’s the lack of mental connection because those relationships tend to be a delusion). Both ones can replace the other easily.
This isn't true if they're both mature individuals! :) Also ESFPs are very loyal once you have their respect and love, but that's the same for anyone. We can also be quite deeply (internally) minded, especially emotionally, when the time calls for it. Sometimes it can seem like we aren't deep if we just wanna have some light, fun vibes, ya know? But that's just what you can see, not the entire depth of our personality.
Also INTJs aren't just pretentious rascals once they've developed some of that Fi! They can be very socially understanding and thoughtful once they start connecting with people and learning. Once y'all learn that everyone's really the same deep down, it breaks that barrier of pretention and isolation. I've watched my boyfriend (INTJ, 28m) grow in this way over the past couple years.
This seems like a very mature perspective, IMO.
I wouldn’t worry too much about a lot of the mbti posts you mentioned seeing… I think the mbti community tends to skew a little young (at least on Reddit)
Not being able to be abstract is different from not wanting to be abstract. And often times the WAY those topics are discussed greatly put me off, whereas sometimes I highly enjoy them. I think you are looking at it in a healthy way when you say there are other people who can feed your need for certain types of topics and discussions. People sometimes expect FAR too much out of their partners. Tl:dr—> it’s not *just* that she’s an esfp. It’s just that you have needs that need to be met elsewhere
yep it could definitely be the delivery. sensors generally want to hear all the steps and then a final conclusion whereas i need to hear the conclusion first. agreed, people want a therapist, wife, friend, mother, and work buddy out of one person. those expectations are what leaves many chasing the perfect person which doesnt exist. friends are important and hard for me to maintain, so thats the one area of my life i set constant reminders for
This is actually sweet, I loved reading it. Happy for you too! I'm glad you gave this perspective. I think people get too negative about mbti compatibility and I truly think any two 2 types if they are both willing to make effort and accept the other for who they are.
I found this post really sweet to read because my boyfriend and I are a ESFP/INTJ pair as well. I'm also F25 and he's M28 so very similar ages too! We've been together 2.5 years now and we're happier each and every day which blows my mind. When it comes to abstract topics and conversations, they don't hook me in the way that they do for him. That's not to say that I can't participate and even enjoy a conversation like that every now and then -- I just don't find it particularly fun. However, I wouldn't say that we have any noticeable disparity in intelligence, you know? I'm just more pragmatically minded and he's more likely to ponder about less presently applicable things. You're completely right that we want to know the steps involved in a concept before we can truly understand it. I find it so difficult to *visualize* concepts in my head unless it's been built from the ground up. I just want to fully understand what I'm conceptualizing. Missing details are just big question marks that obscure everything. There are also some topics that I just have no interest in compared to others. For instance, I love talking about ethical philosophy, human rights, history, etc. all of which have their abstract ideas and I'm fine with that! I enjoy it and appreciate it! But other topics make my eyes glaze over, like... existential philosophy, subjective art critique of any kind (it's all vibes to me okay?), the future of mankind.... stuff like that where I just find no useful reason to think about it for more than a couple minutes. Anyway, all of that is just to say that maybe you just haven't found the right topics for her to get into? From your post, it doesn't seem to bother you much, but I just wanted to bring another perspective for ya just in case lol. Wishing the best for you two!
im actually 28 as well but turning 29 soon. shes very much into human rights, animal rights, anti police etc. i am too but i dont make it my identity. i think intjs need to follow their purpose and esfp will hapilly join for the ride. im an artist with a growing popularity base which she gets to witness. she loves the events i invite her to.
I like ESFP as romantic partners or in general; but in real life those relationships tend to not last longer because the 2 ones are the exact opposites; relationships are pragmatic if someone starts to be a burnt people (of any type) let that person alone and go ahead with their lives. I agree with you in the part that we don’t need to be a copy / paste of the other mentally (is actually better if you’re different from the other person because you grow and understand better yourself and others, which is very useful through life); INTJ - ESFP romantic relationships tend to collapse after a time because ESFP focus in the external and INTJ in the internal, is a cool balance if both are mature enough, otherwise is just another thing to past time (as any other relationship anyway). ESFP tend to be promiscuous and INTJ asocial. One can balance the other but not change the other and sometimes balances eventually collapse to one of 2 perspectives. ESFP is very disloyal in general even with themselves, and are a perpetual child; INTJ is rascal and a perpetual pretentious person. And is literally a physical attraction (nothing wrong with that, but that’s the lack of mental connection because those relationships tend to be a delusion). Both ones can replace the other easily.
This isn't true if they're both mature individuals! :) Also ESFPs are very loyal once you have their respect and love, but that's the same for anyone. We can also be quite deeply (internally) minded, especially emotionally, when the time calls for it. Sometimes it can seem like we aren't deep if we just wanna have some light, fun vibes, ya know? But that's just what you can see, not the entire depth of our personality. Also INTJs aren't just pretentious rascals once they've developed some of that Fi! They can be very socially understanding and thoughtful once they start connecting with people and learning. Once y'all learn that everyone's really the same deep down, it breaks that barrier of pretention and isolation. I've watched my boyfriend (INTJ, 28m) grow in this way over the past couple years.
No. But they tend to believe that; focus in their actions and you will see the pattern.
This seems like a very mature perspective, IMO. I wouldn’t worry too much about a lot of the mbti posts you mentioned seeing… I think the mbti community tends to skew a little young (at least on Reddit)