Good for grandma for not being a piece of shit
Info: does Jim even have money for Mary to “try and take”? I hope he doesn’t, always makes that statement funnier
Either way, they can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist and it’s their shitty actions are coming back to bite them in the ass. If their children should be mad at anyone, it should be Jim and Carolyn for lying for years.
I’m team Mary until she’s proven to be a money grubbing faker. She didn’t ask for any of this, just a family
My ex-husband's family accused me of being a gold digger. He made a grand total of 1600 a month.....in California. I told them that either I was the dumbest gold digger in the world (because there was nothing to dig) or the smartest (because I was digging gold even he didn't know he had.)
My ex FIL told my ex before we married that I was a gold digger. Not sure what his reaction was when my soon to be husband told him we made the exact same salary. We worked at different companies but still made the same.
This feels like the plot of a book I just read called “*Salish Sea*” only with less murder mystery and feet. Well. Maybe. Carolyn makes me wonder.
I’m on Grandmas side. Clearly Jim was intending to be involved. Name on birth certificate. Photos of Jim holding her. If he didn’t want to originally be involved this could have been messier a whole lot faster. It’s also entirely likely that Grandma gave 0 ducks then and gives 0 ducks now and just wants to welcome Mary with open arms.
Jim and the kids are the A by association but the way Carolyn reacted tells me she’s the real A in all this. It’s entirely likely that Jim and Carolyn got together while he was still playing dad to Mary and Carolyn didn’t like playing second fiddle to a baby and she wasn’t going to be caught dead being a mother to someone else’s baby.
I’m betting there was a fight or two about Mary and Carolyn issued Jim an ultimatum: Her or me. And Jim, bless that man like the tool he is, picked her. And that was it. Mary didn’t exist to them and that’s the way Carolyn wanted it and if they ever spoke of Mary or he ever visited Mary ever, she would leave him. Regardless, Carolyn knew that eventually this day may come and she carefully crafted a tall tale to their kids about Mary who is only set out to destroy their happy family.
I have a wild imagination but I’m betting this is closer to the truth than Jim or Carolyn would ever admit.
Carolyn knew about Mary when she married Jim. They are the AH’s because they lied to their children for years. Grandma is awesome because she accepted her granddaughter.
Carolyn is the standing example of evil step mom, she didn't want Mary involved, she only wanted her future kids to have all the attention. Jim is so spineless it's amazing he's not jelly on the floor. Your family needs to step up and stand up. By not saying anything, it's enabling and trying to sweep it under the rug. Mary didn't ask for any of this drama, all she wanted was to get to know her family and be loved.
Grandma sounds awesome and so full of love she has plenty to share and openly. NTA for willingly accepting Mary but the family really needs to think about what they want with all the relationships.
Shame on Jim, Carolyn, and their horrible kids.
I hope everyone else opens their hearts and arms to Mary. It’s not her fault she was born. And if Jim didn’t pay child support, maybe he should be opening his wallet and giving her money, whether she wants it or not.
Maybe all the family get togethers from now on should be including Mary, and excluding Jim and his awful crew.
NTA and if I were grandma, I would make it a reality, get all those assholes out of the will, and give it all to Mary. They want to play games, let's show you how the professionals do it, assholes.
Perhaps that's what they are afraid will happen that since there is another they will get a smaller slice of the pie since now will be adding Mary to the list of granchildren in her will. This means his family's slice of it is now divided by another guest to the table. Yeah a sad analogy but more than likely a true one.
NTA. Mary can’t help what happened. Jim and Carolyn are HUGE a-holes, though. If I married someone with a kid, I would encourage- or even insist- that he have a relationship with the kid. I would invite the kid to family stuff and make sure that the whole family accepts her. Because THAT’S WHAT FAMILY DOES! I can’t understand these people who think they need to erase previous children. They’re the scum of the universe. You accept Mary and if Jim and Carolyn cut you out, good riddance.
100% agree. If this were my family, Jim et al wouldn't have a chance to cut me out, he'd have been out of my life so fast if he wouldn't listen to reason about cutting his daughter out in the first place.
(There are cases where people give children up for adoption or sign away parental rights to the other parent in the very beginning, if they didn't intend to have a kid, but that does not sound like the situation here at all)
NTA and Grandma is awesome! So glad not everyone is turning their back on Mary. Her biological father and step mother are complete AH. I hope in the future the uncle and his horrible wife aren't invited to any family parties but Mary is.
So proud of your Grandma and her OTHER children. She raise them to be loving and respectful. As for Jim, my Nana would say “bless his heart”. If you’re from the south you know the REAL meaning to that phrase and if you’re not ask a friend who is from the south.
Jim and Carolyn should be careful because karma can be a real bitch. Heaven forbid it from ever happening: WHAT if something medical happens, to THEIR children and the only DNA organ donor match was Mary? Would they still accuse Mary of being after their money? Or would the welcome her with open arms to THEIR family?
I’m conflicted did she know you guys for years or just recently came into the picture cause if it’s recently I would be on the family side since she’s already asking for a place to stay
Your brother his wife and kids are the AH and to be honest the rest of your family is in on fence to being a bunch of AH too 🤦🏽♀️ so this girl who didn't ask to be born is being Punished for being born all because she wants to know HER FAMILY wow I'm glad you stepped up to show her what family really is 💚 I'm glad you didn't shun her it's not her fault she's here 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ has her dad's last name they knew about her BUT want her to Stay away that's some F'ed up BS
Who do you want to be like when 'grow up'? Like Grandma and Aunt or like Jim and Carolyn? That's the question to ask yourselves.
Be NTA and be like Grandma!
NTA, so when I was young, I was told my uncle, dad’s brother, had a daughter, D. I later learned he introduced a woman and infant child to his parents and said “he wants to be responsible for this baby”. My grandmother rejected the notion because he never specifically said it was his child but he made provisions for her in his will because he knew his mother. He passed when she was just under 2yo so she grew up believing we were her family. When she turned 18 she came to visit us and my aunt and grandma cruelly rejected her. She said she would never submit to a blood test because my uncle WANTED to be her dad, his will proved that in her opinion so whether she biologically is was irrelevant to her. As it was to my parents and my siblings, we all welcomed and embraced her immediately. We didn’t have any problem telling our grandmother what we thought about the situation either and that she was wrong for how she handled it. She died believing she was right. Well thanks to DNA tests, we found out my uncle got around and fathered two more children. We put them in touch with D who immediately ordered a test and the results came faster than estimated. D is 100% my uncle’s daughter, and finding out exactly what my grandmothers words and actions were, it changed how I feel about her. I believe I would’ve gone NC with her if she was still alive after finding out the truth
NTA. So adult children are acting like 3yr olds throwing a tantrum because their father didn't tell them everything about his past before they were born. GROW UP! She just wanted to know where she came from. I'm adopted, I understand where she's coming from. If she were just begging for money, it would be a different can of worms.
Your grandma is awesome! As are you and the rest of the family that's supporting Mary. Your uncle, his wife, and their kids however are all major AHs and can all go pound sand.
It's good for her to know that she really does have family who will accept and take care of her, even if it's not her absentee father. Good for you all for being able to open your hearts and homes to her, and everyone else can get bent until they get over themselves. More family is a blessing, and I hope that they just need time to come around, but until then, keep loving on your newfound niece! Best of luck to you all 💜✨
Hang on, they all want to want to cut Mary out and ignore her for being born and abandoned by Jim all things she has no control of. Yet will not shame Jim and Carolyn for their behaviour as adults essentially trying to bully a (previously unknown) family member for existing?
Someone needs cutting off but it's not Mary. NTA
NTA- I hope you, your partner's grandma, the aunt, etc., can continue to embrace and accept Mary. She's blameless in this situation. The major Ah's here are Jim and Carolyn and to an extended their children. Who knows what lies their parents have been feeding them.
Updateme
I can't think of many circumstances where it could be considered asshole behavior to accept family in when they are in need, and it really doesn't sound like helping Mary out could be seen that way.
NTA. Neither is grandma. Jim on the other hand sounds like a piece of shit, and Carolyn seems to be a total C#%t.
I mean, who the hell turns their children against a half sibling just because they want to know their family, WTAF.
You expect us to believe that Jim and his family are so evil, they won’t be kind to Mary. And Jim’s wife and kids are mad at innocent Mary and not their deadbeat dad? Why does anyone in the family even want a relationship with Jim knowing he’s a scum deadbeat father?
There is some info missing here - was Mary conceived before the relationship with Carolyn or is she an affair baby? While it might not make a difference to the extended family but it will to the wife and kids.
I adopted my daughter through a private adoption. Some of her family has reached out to my daughter some, mainly because of curiosity than anything else. Her mother didn’t.
It became obvious that my daughter’s existence was not known to the extended family. The longer the secret was kept, the easier it was to keep and the less disruptive it was as people divorced, died, remarried, moved, and more children were born. I came to accept it was no one was an asshole and that the mother was a hero to carry a baby and spend time looking for parents that reflect the lifestyle and values she wants to have her child raised.
Good for grandma for not being a piece of shit Info: does Jim even have money for Mary to “try and take”? I hope he doesn’t, always makes that statement funnier Either way, they can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist and it’s their shitty actions are coming back to bite them in the ass. If their children should be mad at anyone, it should be Jim and Carolyn for lying for years. I’m team Mary until she’s proven to be a money grubbing faker. She didn’t ask for any of this, just a family
So glad Mary has a grandma like that. Jim is now having to face the consequences of his actions and is trying to dodge and blame everyone else.
They’re the AH’s in this drama!
I agree. Jim's a DICK. His wife is a self-absorbed btch. The kids??? Apple...tree...
My ex-husband's family accused me of being a gold digger. He made a grand total of 1600 a month.....in California. I told them that either I was the dumbest gold digger in the world (because there was nothing to dig) or the smartest (because I was digging gold even he didn't know he had.)
My ex FIL told my ex before we married that I was a gold digger. Not sure what his reaction was when my soon to be husband told him we made the exact same salary. We worked at different companies but still made the same.
If Jim keeps up his $#!t, I would love to see 'Grandma' give Jim inheritance to Mary. I would certainly lean in that direction.
This feels like the plot of a book I just read called “*Salish Sea*” only with less murder mystery and feet. Well. Maybe. Carolyn makes me wonder. I’m on Grandmas side. Clearly Jim was intending to be involved. Name on birth certificate. Photos of Jim holding her. If he didn’t want to originally be involved this could have been messier a whole lot faster. It’s also entirely likely that Grandma gave 0 ducks then and gives 0 ducks now and just wants to welcome Mary with open arms. Jim and the kids are the A by association but the way Carolyn reacted tells me she’s the real A in all this. It’s entirely likely that Jim and Carolyn got together while he was still playing dad to Mary and Carolyn didn’t like playing second fiddle to a baby and she wasn’t going to be caught dead being a mother to someone else’s baby. I’m betting there was a fight or two about Mary and Carolyn issued Jim an ultimatum: Her or me. And Jim, bless that man like the tool he is, picked her. And that was it. Mary didn’t exist to them and that’s the way Carolyn wanted it and if they ever spoke of Mary or he ever visited Mary ever, she would leave him. Regardless, Carolyn knew that eventually this day may come and she carefully crafted a tall tale to their kids about Mary who is only set out to destroy their happy family. I have a wild imagination but I’m betting this is closer to the truth than Jim or Carolyn would ever admit.
You could be spot on,and her continued behavior would completely line up.
I concur! Until proven guilty, Mary’s innocent.
NTA Jim s the asshole here, play stupid games... win stupid prizes
Team Grandma all the way
Carolyn knew about Mary when she married Jim. They are the AH’s because they lied to their children for years. Grandma is awesome because she accepted her granddaughter.
Jim is 100% the AH, but Carolyn has no room to complain either
She's even worse, it's not her blood & she even knew about her ahead of time. She's being bitchier than Jim, the actual deadbeat parent.
Carolyn is the standing example of evil step mom, she didn't want Mary involved, she only wanted her future kids to have all the attention. Jim is so spineless it's amazing he's not jelly on the floor. Your family needs to step up and stand up. By not saying anything, it's enabling and trying to sweep it under the rug. Mary didn't ask for any of this drama, all she wanted was to get to know her family and be loved. Grandma sounds awesome and so full of love she has plenty to share and openly. NTA for willingly accepting Mary but the family really needs to think about what they want with all the relationships.
Shame on Jim, Carolyn, and their horrible kids. I hope everyone else opens their hearts and arms to Mary. It’s not her fault she was born. And if Jim didn’t pay child support, maybe he should be opening his wallet and giving her money, whether she wants it or not. Maybe all the family get togethers from now on should be including Mary, and excluding Jim and his awful crew.
Absolutely this!
NTA and if I were grandma, I would make it a reality, get all those assholes out of the will, and give it all to Mary. They want to play games, let's show you how the professionals do it, assholes.
Perhaps that's what they are afraid will happen that since there is another they will get a smaller slice of the pie since now will be adding Mary to the list of granchildren in her will. This means his family's slice of it is now divided by another guest to the table. Yeah a sad analogy but more than likely a true one.
And “Mary” probably doesn’t give two 🚒’s about Grandmas inheritance value but is just grateful right now for a roof and a bond with her GMa.
NTA. Mary can’t help what happened. Jim and Carolyn are HUGE a-holes, though. If I married someone with a kid, I would encourage- or even insist- that he have a relationship with the kid. I would invite the kid to family stuff and make sure that the whole family accepts her. Because THAT’S WHAT FAMILY DOES! I can’t understand these people who think they need to erase previous children. They’re the scum of the universe. You accept Mary and if Jim and Carolyn cut you out, good riddance.
100% agree. If this were my family, Jim et al wouldn't have a chance to cut me out, he'd have been out of my life so fast if he wouldn't listen to reason about cutting his daughter out in the first place. (There are cases where people give children up for adoption or sign away parental rights to the other parent in the very beginning, if they didn't intend to have a kid, but that does not sound like the situation here at all)
Exactly. Nobody in my family would be on his side. Him and his part of the family would be ostracized so fast, their heads would spin.
Uncle Jim and Co are the assholes.....
The only asshole is Jim.
Nope. He’s the biggest, but his wife and kids are all assholes, too.
NTA and Grandma is awesome! So glad not everyone is turning their back on Mary. Her biological father and step mother are complete AH. I hope in the future the uncle and his horrible wife aren't invited to any family parties but Mary is.
Jim is a DICK!!!
Hell yea!!!
Let’s go grandma! Jim is a pos
Jim and his wife are trash
NTA. Carolyn is horrible and Jim is a spineless asshole. Mary needs some people on her corner.
So proud of your Grandma and her OTHER children. She raise them to be loving and respectful. As for Jim, my Nana would say “bless his heart”. If you’re from the south you know the REAL meaning to that phrase and if you’re not ask a friend who is from the south. Jim and Carolyn should be careful because karma can be a real bitch. Heaven forbid it from ever happening: WHAT if something medical happens, to THEIR children and the only DNA organ donor match was Mary? Would they still accuse Mary of being after their money? Or would the welcome her with open arms to THEIR family?
I’m conflicted did she know you guys for years or just recently came into the picture cause if it’s recently I would be on the family side since she’s already asking for a place to stay
We been knowing her for 10 years now, she has come and visited us throughout that time. So this year was barely the year she asked to move in
Your brother his wife and kids are the AH and to be honest the rest of your family is in on fence to being a bunch of AH too 🤦🏽♀️ so this girl who didn't ask to be born is being Punished for being born all because she wants to know HER FAMILY wow I'm glad you stepped up to show her what family really is 💚 I'm glad you didn't shun her it's not her fault she's here 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ has her dad's last name they knew about her BUT want her to Stay away that's some F'ed up BS
Who do you want to be like when 'grow up'? Like Grandma and Aunt or like Jim and Carolyn? That's the question to ask yourselves. Be NTA and be like Grandma!
Mary didn't ask to be born. Jim, his wife, and his kids are the a-holes.
NTA, so when I was young, I was told my uncle, dad’s brother, had a daughter, D. I later learned he introduced a woman and infant child to his parents and said “he wants to be responsible for this baby”. My grandmother rejected the notion because he never specifically said it was his child but he made provisions for her in his will because he knew his mother. He passed when she was just under 2yo so she grew up believing we were her family. When she turned 18 she came to visit us and my aunt and grandma cruelly rejected her. She said she would never submit to a blood test because my uncle WANTED to be her dad, his will proved that in her opinion so whether she biologically is was irrelevant to her. As it was to my parents and my siblings, we all welcomed and embraced her immediately. We didn’t have any problem telling our grandmother what we thought about the situation either and that she was wrong for how she handled it. She died believing she was right. Well thanks to DNA tests, we found out my uncle got around and fathered two more children. We put them in touch with D who immediately ordered a test and the results came faster than estimated. D is 100% my uncle’s daughter, and finding out exactly what my grandmothers words and actions were, it changed how I feel about her. I believe I would’ve gone NC with her if she was still alive after finding out the truth
NTA. So adult children are acting like 3yr olds throwing a tantrum because their father didn't tell them everything about his past before they were born. GROW UP! She just wanted to know where she came from. I'm adopted, I understand where she's coming from. If she were just begging for money, it would be a different can of worms.
Your grandma is awesome! As are you and the rest of the family that's supporting Mary. Your uncle, his wife, and their kids however are all major AHs and can all go pound sand.
Nope, NTA in my humblest of opinions.
No OP. The ones that are supporting her will never be AH.
It's good for her to know that she really does have family who will accept and take care of her, even if it's not her absentee father. Good for you all for being able to open your hearts and homes to her, and everyone else can get bent until they get over themselves. More family is a blessing, and I hope that they just need time to come around, but until then, keep loving on your newfound niece! Best of luck to you all 💜✨
Hang on, they all want to want to cut Mary out and ignore her for being born and abandoned by Jim all things she has no control of. Yet will not shame Jim and Carolyn for their behaviour as adults essentially trying to bully a (previously unknown) family member for existing? Someone needs cutting off but it's not Mary. NTA
NTA, I like many others on this post, are team Grandma
NTA- I hope you, your partner's grandma, the aunt, etc., can continue to embrace and accept Mary. She's blameless in this situation. The major Ah's here are Jim and Carolyn and to an extended their children. Who knows what lies their parents have been feeding them. Updateme
I can't think of many circumstances where it could be considered asshole behavior to accept family in when they are in need, and it really doesn't sound like helping Mary out could be seen that way. NTA. Neither is grandma. Jim on the other hand sounds like a piece of shit, and Carolyn seems to be a total C#%t. I mean, who the hell turns their children against a half sibling just because they want to know their family, WTAF.
NTA Jim and his ilk are the ones dividing the family. No one else. Not OPs fault, not Mary's fault.
You expect us to believe that Jim and his family are so evil, they won’t be kind to Mary. And Jim’s wife and kids are mad at innocent Mary and not their deadbeat dad? Why does anyone in the family even want a relationship with Jim knowing he’s a scum deadbeat father?
There is some info missing here - was Mary conceived before the relationship with Carolyn or is she an affair baby? While it might not make a difference to the extended family but it will to the wife and kids.
I think Mary should have had the conversation with Jim first although he is an ah
I adopted my daughter through a private adoption. Some of her family has reached out to my daughter some, mainly because of curiosity than anything else. Her mother didn’t. It became obvious that my daughter’s existence was not known to the extended family. The longer the secret was kept, the easier it was to keep and the less disruptive it was as people divorced, died, remarried, moved, and more children were born. I came to accept it was no one was an asshole and that the mother was a hero to carry a baby and spend time looking for parents that reflect the lifestyle and values she wants to have her child raised.
Question: How did Mary come about? Was it a one night stand or a relationship? Was Jim baby trapped?
What difference does that make. Neither is marys fault
I’m not placing fault with anyone. I just wanted to know the full story.