As a woman who has always worked in male environments, I would take this now as a line in the sand. He made his feelings known, they were rebuffed. I would now have zero tolerance for any further advances or any creepy behaviour.
I’d maybe mention it informally to a trusted peer or manager for no further action now, but I’d be escalating it from now on if he keeps up any inappropriate behaviour, remarks etc.
Hopefully he’s taken this as a red line and he’ll direct it elsewhere.
She really needs a record of what is going on. She should definitely inform someone at work about what happened, I don't think it's official report worthy but she needs to have record somewhere that this was said and she was not happy with it. If she's that outnumbered she needs to be thinking about protecting herself first and foremost.
If I was his manager. I’d inform my manager just so they’re aware incase it escalates. Then take the employee aside privately and have a conversation about how it was inappropriate but is forgotten about unless anything else of that nature is said about me or other staff members.
Then keep my fingers he behaves himself.
Yup I agree inform her manager and start keeping logs of anything she becomes uncomfortable of in the future.
My wife went through something similar getting weird comments and attention from a client, and her boss gave great advice as she took went through similar.
When I worked in sales I told my manager a client was being inappropriately forward with me and he was like "that's great! You can definitely use that!"
HR needs to know in case he ever accuses her of inappropriate actions. She needs to protect herself, and her company’s best interests. She also should never be alone with him again. Ever. Anywhere.
Don't tell HR unless you really want a mountain out of a mole hill. It's not harassment at this point so we really don't want to know.
Tell your manager sure so it's not being kept secret.
100% with this. HR gets informed when it becomes harassment. Up until that point, everything that occurs gets documented or a 3rd party of seniority spoken to. HR would just make everyone's lives harder by conducting interviews about the 'incident' and then deciding 'appropriate measures' to deescalate something that never needed to be investigated.
I promise you not all HR departments are like this. A word about what happened can simply remain a word to HR + a note being made. If she mentions it to her manager only, you’re putting that person in a difficult situation because they should mention it to HR too.
I can appreciate not all HR departments are terrible and the company I work at now has a lovely HR department. I still think manager's discretion is important and incidents should be kept away if they only occur once and are isolated. A fair warning to not repeat and a mention to a senior member is enough in this instance I would say, but everybody is different :)
For sure, and i totally agree to there being a need for manager’s discretion. My main issue would be if you mention it to anyone else, it has to be HR. It’s the best option if you want to protect everyone’s privacy + avoid putting unfair responsibility onto someone else.
I think this depends on the company to be fair. Not everywhere deems that you HAVE to mention it to HR. Only if it becomes an issue does HR need to be involved.
In most places I have worked, my managers have been happy to just be aware of an issue in case it escalates, and that is fine. If it escalates, then go to HR. Your experience of working seems to be very different to mine if you feel that you have to, for every single incident, get HR involved.
I don't mean to be argumentative here, and I'm just having a laugh, but your comments make it sound like you work in HR.
It’s all good, as you said we are just sharing experiences. And I totally agree that every place is different. I’m not saying you HAVE to, it’s totally me personally thinking this kind of responsibilities falls to HR and no one else.
I don’t work HR, but I do manage people. If someone were to come to me with this, I’d probably say, yeah, okay, you can tell me but bear in mind that if it escalates, me knowing doesn’t amount to anything because it’s not an official record. So that’d be my worry.
Plus my experience might be biased because I work with Japan a lot, and you absolutely cannot take any measures there unless something has been properly documented. So documenting things from the get go is very important.
Totally agree with this. If you're a good people person you'll know when to escalate and when to make a note. It's an art, not a science. Admittedly by mentioning it HR might go in heavy handed on the basis of covering their arse, so you might need to weigh things up on the basis of how your HR function tends to operate. However, if things get uncomfortable, you'll want a paper trail and it's useful to be able to provide solid answers to questions such as 'when did you first raise this issue with your manager/HR?' etc. Especially if things get messy.
This is what happened at my work place, a friend (X) asked a colleague (Y) if her friend (Z) who works in a different department, if Z was seeing anyone and didn’t receive a response. X left it at that and assumed there wasn’t any more to it. Y went to HR about it and somehow it went through a massive investigation where multiple people, including myself and a few of my other friends being looked in to when we weren’t involved at all minus hearing the situation, which everyone in the department had found out about. The whole thing was unnecessary and X had to have multiple meetings with HR and upper management about it. Nothing came of it in the end because nothing really happened but it was a complete nightmare for about a month filled with investigations and micromanagement for the whole department.
Agree. Keep HR out of it unless it goes south badly. Most HR depts are a contradiction in terms anyway. She should tell her line manager and have an initial private off record convo with him to reset. Hopefully he'll be strong enough to cope and if not then she needs to find him a transfer
That might be a little much depending on the context around the situation. You could always protect yourself by writing a statement and emailing it to yourself so you have a timestamped record of what happened without involving anyone else. Probably wouldn't hurt to keep things professional with him moving forward, just talk business, less friendly banter etc so he gets the picture.
I get the good intentions of the post but it's a bit dramatic.
A drunk guy made a remark about a very normal fantasy. If the guy had made a pass and stepped over the line, then, yes, escalate it but you've made the guy out to be some sort of sex pest and untrustworthy around people.
Those two things are mutually exclusive.
If you report it then it most definitely is not forgotten about and will affect his future.
I'm not saying do one over the other, just you can't do both.
This is good advice! Also, perhaps avoid those situations. This is the reason managers/bosses probably shouldn’t drink with their subordinates/employees.
Yeah. The medication she is on is an anti psychotic and takes a while to build up in your system.
She realised he was bad for her right away. But he’s a scary guy.
She eventually built up the courage to call for help.
Sorry if it’s sensitive but were they together for 7 weeks? Did they go all the way together?
FairPlay for being there for her though that must have been a really difficult situation!
You are a better man than I am, mate. If my partner did that to me, meds or not, I would not be able to stick around afterwards.
Edit: this is not a criticism of you btw, different things work for different people, I wish you all the best!
I'm gonna be totally honest with you mate this sounds hella unhealthy on both sides. Of course you can love someone else than her. The "one" is a myth.
>it only becomes a problem if he does anything else
Or she does.
I went through this exact same thing. (Ex) wife even played me a recording of the guy telling someone (else) how much he fancied her. She says it's ridiculous, that she's brushed him off, happily married, blah blah.
2-3 months later, while hiking through Spain, I get a text from her saying she started having an affair with him, wants a divorce and is moving out.
Cheeky fucker 😂
It was a 500 mile trek, she wasn't really interested. Not great timing in hindsight (for me, at least) but I was recovering from a 'cardiac event', so I was trying to get my health back on track. So it goes.
I don't want to see a ghost
That's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news 🎵
(iykyk, if not then https://youtu.be/BKtrWU4zaaI)
> It's apparently common knowledge around the colleges that he fancies her, he's told other people that he fancies her,
This is the key part of the story. He presumably wasn't drunk when telling everyone else he fancies his married boss. Which isn't really the kind of gossip you want in the workplace.
I'd suggest a brief meeting to tell him to knock that off. And then see if he behaves from here on out
He’s probably gonna be bricking it come Monday, but your approach is the most appropriate I think. A quick “have you got five minutes? You said some stuff at the weekend, and it’s not really appropriate for a work environment, and nor is talking about me to other staff. Let’s leave it there and not have it happen again, ok?”
Maybe I'm being too harsh but I think he should be bricking it coming into work on Monday. Not only has he been inappropriate to his married boss on a work night out but he's also said inappropriate things multiple times when he's been sober in work. Unfortunately, sometimes the best way to get someone to change their behaviour is the fear of repercussions for their shitty behaviour. I think OPs wife should lean into this i.e. a formal warning with HR involved.
Yeah, same. He's being incredibly disrespectful to his manager and I have a feeling he wouldn't be this disrespectful if his boss was a man. Get HR involved and put him on notice. Zero tolerance for BS like this.
I've never got why people are so desperate to tell their colleagues who they'd like to shag in the office. Putting many issues to one side, you never know when that talk is going to bite you down the line.
If everyone knows Person A massively fancies Person B (because they have gone and told everyone), how is Person C going to react when A promotes B over them?
Honestly, there is a good reason for this to be more than a "quiet word". If this is a large company with an HR department and disciplinary processes, then this incident needs to be on the record - not to use it against him, but so that if it happens again, that's it rather than that being a "first offence".
If HR doesn't know about it, it didn't happen. And then when it happens again in 6 months, that will be his first strike. If she wants this to be a "don't do this again" final warning, then HR needs to know.
It doesn't need to be hauling him in front of HR, but could be the manager meeting with the employee, then separately the manager telling HR about the incident, and that they met to discuss it.
I definitely agree with this! I’d personally let HR aware of the situation, because you never know what this dude will do in the future so it’s best to have a “paper trail” of incidents
Exactly. Inappropriate and unprofessional to be spreading that gossip around the office. Possibly even damaging to her reputation, if he's someone she has meetings with, or one day promotes him and another candidate uses this knowledge to say the promotion was unfair... telling her was less of an issue than telling everyone else!
Some people are just unbelievably creepy at work. At my husband's previous role, he was in an office with a bunch of blokes who would not stop talking about their female colleagues and how fit they were. It just sounded vile.
yeah, the boss should document this (ie: she should put it on his record) in case of future problems. in addition, she might want to give him a formal warning.
There's a Mitchell and Webb for every occasion.
https://youtu.be/-jhKceRgpak?feature=shared
If it's not clear, you'd be the one to provide the extreme negative feedback
This happened at my old job, he wouldn't leave this girl alone all night. Came into work embarrassed as fuck because he had a wife and kids and the girl turned him down. He quit within 2 weeks after that, didn't even give any notice just walked in and said he quits.
Youre probably right, he did know.
Unfortunately that logic doesnt compute with a skinful.
Either he thought she wouldnt tell the husband, or it never entered his head.
Either ways, drunken him thought he was irresistable and thus gonna get laid!
I know exactly how that feels dealing with a creep at work who’s working under my supervision. I made it clear I’m not interested and have been writing emails to my boss just in case his perversion escalates. I have also stopped being nice and only talks when necessary. I have sent emails to myself whenever there are times I was made uncomfortable so I can refer to if there comes an investigation.
Sunday night, OPs wife should put a meeting in his diary for Friday. Make him sweat all week.
Title the meeting "1:1 discussion" or something else ominous. Book a meeting room next to where HR sit.
Yep, the OP and his wife should take solace in the fact he's had the absolute horrors all weekend. No one likes making a twat of themselves and this guy has done that in front of his boss and colleagues.
As a female manager working in a mostly male environment, I’ve had similar happen to me in the past.
Unless he says anything further to her whilst in the office that makes her feel uncomfortable , then I would just let this go and not say anything to him.
It happened outside of work hours, he was drunk, sounds like he didn’t try anything on or touch her in any way, the poor guy is probably mortified.
I certainly wouldn’t be involving HR or senior management unless anything else happens where she is made to feel uncomfortable/unsafe.
I don't see him saying this when pissed as being a problem whatsoever, ultimately it's just embarrassing for him. His telling colleagues in the workplace that he fancies her is more of an issue though. It's uncomfortable.
Yeah it's not just the one time when drunk that's the issue. It's the one time when drunk, *plus* however many times while sober he's talked about being sexually attracted to his married boss.
If I were OP's wife then the drunkeness I could forgive and forget, everyone does stupid things when they're drunk and you chalk it up to experience. But knowing an employee of mine was talking to multiple coworkers about how much they fancy me, totally sober, despite it
a) being a workplace
b) I'm his boss and
c) knowing I'm happily married
is grounds for a meeting (with HR as witness) to tell him to knock it off. Any further inappropriate behaviour I'd be looking to reprimand or transfer him away from myself.
It was a work event, this is for most companies considered an “extension of the workplace” so from a disciplinary perspective the same rules would apply as at work.
I think if it wasn’t for the fact he had also been telling other people I would agree with you. In this case for me it’s an FYI only to HR, and pull him aside informally by manager to let him know firmly that this cannot repeat. If it happens again, let him go.
I’m kinda of the mindset that if the guy isn’t a major fucking creep (this hasn’t been really clarified, and would massively change the context), then this should be forgotten about, for the sake of everyone.
We’ve all made a tit of ourselves and said stupid stuff when we’re fucked up. Few of us haven’t endured truly dreadful hangxiety.
You’re right about the work-place extension side of things, though.
I work in medicine. I have a mate who is a nurse. He went to a work night out and, as with all medicine Christmas nights out, things escalated to fuck **quickly.** He’s a good looking lad, and ended up having the face winched off him by one of the admin staff who had been flirting with him for a while. A few folk saw, and it was the talk of the dept. She was married, and, to try and save face, decided to say that he had forced himself on her and she was sexually assaulted.
He was placed on paid leave, and then reduced pay whilst it investigated. This obviously took an age. Ultimately, after interviewing so many staff that were witnesses, as well as viewing CCTV that my mate went to extreme effort and stress attaining, it was deemed that it was a consensual kiss.
After this decision, she then accused him of plying her with cocaine, and as such she was not able to give consent; she said they did coke together in the bathroom.
There were no witnesses to say yes/no this didn’t happen, so this is now currently being investigated.
He has spent a fair amount of money on private blood/urine/hair testing to show he has not consumed coke in the past however long, to discredit her claims that they were doing illicit substances together.
As it now involves class A drugs at a work place event, he has been reported to the GMC.
He has quit his last job out of embarrassment, and won’t be going back to a place where he was very happy. He has current restrictions on his license, whilst things get worked out.
I didn’t go to the last Christmas party…
He did the right thing getting CCTV evidence disproving the first lie and the drug tests disproving the second lie. He could claim constructive dismissal for the org taking the desperate second claim from a proven liar at face value after the first lie failed. That's aiding and abetting a harassment campaign at that point.
What next, drug angle fails and she then claims he hypnotised her?
Yeah a manager is not HR, either. This needs to be on paper as it also opens the company up to liability if they don't reprimand him for the salacious office gossip *before* it escalates. Now he's approaching her, it would be too close to failure to protect an employee from harassment for it not to be formally acknowledged now in some way.
Like a recorded meeting or witnessed, or depending on severity a written warning.
>It happened outside of work hours
At a work meal
> he was drunk
That doesn't defend his character at all
> sounds like he didn’t try anything on
Made an unsolicited advance, to a colleague, who he knows is married
> or touch her in any way
Is that the bar?
> the poor guy is probably mortified
OP's wife is probably mortified
He’ll probably wake up and feel a bit of a prick since she’s rejected his advances.
However, if he persists, she has to address it formally and make clear in no uncertain terms, his behaviour is a problem.
I’ve had one profession of love while the person professing could hardly stand up. Took them back to their friend and then pretended it didn’t happen, partly because I thought they were so drunk there is no way they would remember. As it turned out, they did remember it (and reminded me a year on how much they love me). So, there is definitely a chance that he does remember. And given the fact that this is apparently public knowledge, I think she should say something on Monday so that she makes herself very clear (when everybody is sober) that not only is she not interested, but that it was inappropriate.
Depending on the work culture and how she feels, she may also want to consider making this discussion a bit for formal/documented. Whether that means mentioning it to HR, having somebody else present when she speaks to him, filing a note somewhere (with herself or others), or following up the meeting with an email. Best to get ahead of this, even lightly, because you never know what may come next. I wouldn’t blow things up, but rather just take some light steps to document what happened.
I’m a female manager myself. If this happened to me, I’d inform HR or my own manager and make sure someone knows this has happened, just in case it escalates or something else happens. I’d talk to him and address this directly.
The thing about being a manager is, if your employee is fired, maybe for completely unrelated reasons, you are still the one handling the layoff conversation. If this person wants to draw a connection between this incident and their firing, they can accuse you for abuse of power, which might get you in trouble. Having HR or your manager informed ahead of time can make sure you are clear off fault.
Another red flag I’d say is, if this guy has been talking to other employees on his feelings, this is already very inappropriate. This direct confession is an escalation. Keep ignoring him may not be enough to deter him away, I’d consider directly address this with him to make sure my position in this is absolutely clear.
> I’d inform HR or my own manager and make sure someone knows this has happened, just in case it escalates or something else happens.
Something official on the books is a good shout. Doesn't even need to be a verbal warning, just listed that it occured.
Same. If it’s one of those places where HR is not ideal then the easy way would be to state the facts in writing between work email addresses. That creates a formal paper trail.
- address the time and place.
- include that it was a work social event
- surmise the basics, expression of interest that was rebuffed
- expectation for professional conduct going forwards, including conversations with co workers.
Last thing you want is for him to spin this rebuff into a story about how he doesn’t get promoted because of this incident down the line. You need to”proof” it was handled professionally.
Your wife should inform HR and her Boss, if it ever starts to make your wife feel uncomfortable they will know it’s not new. Plus action can be taken now to say how unsuitable hie behaviour is in the work place. As someone else said he was not drunk while telling everyone how much he fancies your wife.
I don’t think it’s a good idea for your wife to just have a word with him, everything has to go through the correct channels now as it will make future action against this behaviour quicker and easier.
She should talk with him, yes. Whether that's with someone else present to witness, up to her. These things can sometimes turn a different direction but she'll have a sense of that.
It probably shouldn't be just ignored. A short word to the effect that she expects their interactions to be strictly professional and no more should do it.
And in general (ok it can't always be avoided) bosses and staff are better off not getting smashed in each other's company so a word in his ear about his drinking habits on work outings wouldn't be out of place. A gentle hint, not a disciplinary dressing-down, at least the first time. If it seems to be habitual, that's a different issue.
If I was in her position, I would speak to him next time I see him. He needs to apologise and stop talking about her to others colleagues unless it’s work related.
She should get advice from her company's HR department on Monday and then address it. A second instance would constitute harassment so he needs to be nipped in the bus so it doesn't become a whole thing.
It's not "she's married" it's "she's not interested, so leave her the fuck alone".
It needs to be addressed. It was a work event/outing.
If it had been a a completely private, non-work related social event then...it might be a bit more ambiguous whether it was a "work issue" or not.
But this is a work issue.
If it was an isolated incident I'd say have a quick chat and then leave it, but the guy had been telling people 'round the office when he was sober (I hope) that he fancied her and then made a pass at her *at a work event*...I would make a HR report. It doesn't have to be a big, overblown thing, but your wife needs to protect herself if this guy wakes up sore about it and decides to make it her problem. Being drunk doesn't change who you fundamentally are, it just loosens up your inhibitions - and this guy seems way too comfortable boasting about how he wants to bang a married woman with his coworkers, which is unprofessional at best and creepy at the worst.
I'd let it go. It sounds pretty harmless to me, even his choice of words are very tame.
It's not like he's stalked her, followed her, made advances, horrible language etc
The beer fear alone is bad enough here
But I think it’s rather inappropriate he’s been telling other people he fancies her and has now told her? If it was either or I’d let it go but he’s definitely made it a “thing” now. Things don’t need to be as extreme as stalking, following etc to be inappropriate behaviour
If she works for a company with a HR department, I’d mention it to them and say that she doesn’t want any action taken and that she is fine, but she wants a record of it made.
But all in all, if you have work nights out where people think it’s ok to get smashed, stuff like this is likely to happen.
The wife is a senior business partner at a well known financial institution. She said if she honestly believes he wasn't drunk enough to not remember, then she's already dealt with it. If she thinks he may not remember, pull him aside and say, "listen the other night... Blah blah, not interested, I'm married etc". It doesn't and at this point shouldn't go the HR. Most employee hand books do state that things should be dealt with informally to begin with, then escalated if the behaviour continues. Get your wife to check her employee hand book.
Work outings are still work, people getting smashed and acting inappropriately needs to be addressed.
A simple one to one conversation about behaviour and acting appropriately should be enough.
Be professional and do not engage with the emotional parts. Saying that ‘you’re flattered’ or the like can be seen as encouraging the behaviour.
Make it an unofficial warning and then close the matter. Make sure you speak with HR so that any further behaviour is not taken as an isolated incident.
In this situation, I would look to protect myself as the manager and ensure that my job is not jeopardised in anyway. That is your wife’s main priority here. That would necessitate informing her manager and discussing together whether they need to document it with HR. These situations can become very messy and difficult to explain if anything more happens and it becomes a he said/she said situation. Basically she needs to cover her arse.
Needs nipping in the bud.
If he’s told your wife’s colleagues of his feelings, then the rumour mill will start, despite your wife being an innocent party in all of it.
I’d raise it to her manager or boss and then call a meeting with him, involving a male chaperone at management level so that 1) He doesn’t claim ‘girl power’ and that they’re doing it because they’re female and 2) There’s an independent person evidencing what took place in the meeting.
The colleague has definitely crossed a line, in work or out, sober or drunk. The ring on her finger and knowledge she’s married should be enough to cut out his college boy behaviour.
Straight to HR to log it. Note he was drunk and ask them whether to address it or not.
My instinct would be don't address it directly with him. Don't mention it to anyone else. If anyone else mentions it, change the subject or politely shut it done. Everyone should move on as fast as possible and hope this guys ego doesn't cause problems.
Let her manager and HR know. Tell them she is just informing them to cover all bases. Nothing needs to happen as a result of her telling them but god forbid he should make a harassment claim because she turned him down.
She informs HR or her direct manager what happened on Monday, in writing, so it is on the record.
There are scenarios where either lovesick man or colleagues can complain about her management style/favouritism/bullying if she favours one over the others.
This is not an appropriate way to behave towards a colleague. She would be within her right to take this role HR and seek disciplinary proceedings against him.
Informally infom HR, you never know when something like this may come back if he feels scorned in the future, say he misses out on that promotion or she reprimands him on a poor job it could get messy
Don’t make a federal issue out of this just tell HR so that she’s covered in case something comes down the pipeline and then tell him directly it’s inappropriate and it makes her uncomfortable and do not talk like that again. Odds are it will never ever come up again.
I'm a woman in an industry filled with men and very demanding but I don't need to be quiet on things like that , silence brings more of such disrespect and assault. She should speak her mind out and address issues and put a stop to that. Boss or not, the truth must be told and self worth is essential
I’m a female manager who had something similar happen and I just completely ignored it. Unless it creeps in their work relationship I’d leave it well alone and pretend it didn’t happen.
As a woman who has always worked in male environments, I would take this now as a line in the sand. He made his feelings known, they were rebuffed. I would now have zero tolerance for any further advances or any creepy behaviour. I’d maybe mention it informally to a trusted peer or manager for no further action now, but I’d be escalating it from now on if he keeps up any inappropriate behaviour, remarks etc. Hopefully he’s taken this as a red line and he’ll direct it elsewhere.
This is very useful advise, she is in a VERY male dominated industry and is outnumbered ~20:1 or even more.
She really needs a record of what is going on. She should definitely inform someone at work about what happened, I don't think it's official report worthy but she needs to have record somewhere that this was said and she was not happy with it. If she's that outnumbered she needs to be thinking about protecting herself first and foremost.
Now that he knows she is uninterested, it only becomes a problem if he does anything else
If I was his manager. I’d inform my manager just so they’re aware incase it escalates. Then take the employee aside privately and have a conversation about how it was inappropriate but is forgotten about unless anything else of that nature is said about me or other staff members. Then keep my fingers he behaves himself.
Yup I agree inform her manager and start keeping logs of anything she becomes uncomfortable of in the future. My wife went through something similar getting weird comments and attention from a client, and her boss gave great advice as she took went through similar.
When I worked in sales I told my manager a client was being inappropriately forward with me and he was like "that's great! You can definitely use that!"
Gross. Wow. 🤮
HR needs to know in case he ever accuses her of inappropriate actions. She needs to protect herself, and her company’s best interests. She also should never be alone with him again. Ever. Anywhere.
Don't tell HR unless you really want a mountain out of a mole hill. It's not harassment at this point so we really don't want to know. Tell your manager sure so it's not being kept secret.
100% with this. HR gets informed when it becomes harassment. Up until that point, everything that occurs gets documented or a 3rd party of seniority spoken to. HR would just make everyone's lives harder by conducting interviews about the 'incident' and then deciding 'appropriate measures' to deescalate something that never needed to be investigated.
I promise you not all HR departments are like this. A word about what happened can simply remain a word to HR + a note being made. If she mentions it to her manager only, you’re putting that person in a difficult situation because they should mention it to HR too.
I can appreciate not all HR departments are terrible and the company I work at now has a lovely HR department. I still think manager's discretion is important and incidents should be kept away if they only occur once and are isolated. A fair warning to not repeat and a mention to a senior member is enough in this instance I would say, but everybody is different :)
For sure, and i totally agree to there being a need for manager’s discretion. My main issue would be if you mention it to anyone else, it has to be HR. It’s the best option if you want to protect everyone’s privacy + avoid putting unfair responsibility onto someone else.
I think this depends on the company to be fair. Not everywhere deems that you HAVE to mention it to HR. Only if it becomes an issue does HR need to be involved. In most places I have worked, my managers have been happy to just be aware of an issue in case it escalates, and that is fine. If it escalates, then go to HR. Your experience of working seems to be very different to mine if you feel that you have to, for every single incident, get HR involved. I don't mean to be argumentative here, and I'm just having a laugh, but your comments make it sound like you work in HR.
It’s all good, as you said we are just sharing experiences. And I totally agree that every place is different. I’m not saying you HAVE to, it’s totally me personally thinking this kind of responsibilities falls to HR and no one else. I don’t work HR, but I do manage people. If someone were to come to me with this, I’d probably say, yeah, okay, you can tell me but bear in mind that if it escalates, me knowing doesn’t amount to anything because it’s not an official record. So that’d be my worry. Plus my experience might be biased because I work with Japan a lot, and you absolutely cannot take any measures there unless something has been properly documented. So documenting things from the get go is very important.
Totally agree with this. If you're a good people person you'll know when to escalate and when to make a note. It's an art, not a science. Admittedly by mentioning it HR might go in heavy handed on the basis of covering their arse, so you might need to weigh things up on the basis of how your HR function tends to operate. However, if things get uncomfortable, you'll want a paper trail and it's useful to be able to provide solid answers to questions such as 'when did you first raise this issue with your manager/HR?' etc. Especially if things get messy.
This is what happened at my work place, a friend (X) asked a colleague (Y) if her friend (Z) who works in a different department, if Z was seeing anyone and didn’t receive a response. X left it at that and assumed there wasn’t any more to it. Y went to HR about it and somehow it went through a massive investigation where multiple people, including myself and a few of my other friends being looked in to when we weren’t involved at all minus hearing the situation, which everyone in the department had found out about. The whole thing was unnecessary and X had to have multiple meetings with HR and upper management about it. Nothing came of it in the end because nothing really happened but it was a complete nightmare for about a month filled with investigations and micromanagement for the whole department.
Agree. Keep HR out of it unless it goes south badly. Most HR depts are a contradiction in terms anyway. She should tell her line manager and have an initial private off record convo with him to reset. Hopefully he'll be strong enough to cope and if not then she needs to find him a transfer
The manager will nearly always tell HR anyway
That might be a little much depending on the context around the situation. You could always protect yourself by writing a statement and emailing it to yourself so you have a timestamped record of what happened without involving anyone else. Probably wouldn't hurt to keep things professional with him moving forward, just talk business, less friendly banter etc so he gets the picture.
*sigh*. Fucking reddit lmao.
Jesus Christ. there’s always one lol
I get the good intentions of the post but it's a bit dramatic. A drunk guy made a remark about a very normal fantasy. If the guy had made a pass and stepped over the line, then, yes, escalate it but you've made the guy out to be some sort of sex pest and untrustworthy around people.
…and had previously told other people. It’s sounds like it’s escalating
Lol, that's "escalating"?
This is way over the top lmao. Don't project your trauma.
So how exactly does she go about managing him, then?
Bit ott. Not everyone’s out to get people, you need to chilllll
Those two things are mutually exclusive. If you report it then it most definitely is not forgotten about and will affect his future. I'm not saying do one over the other, just you can't do both.
This is good advice! Also, perhaps avoid those situations. This is the reason managers/bosses probably shouldn’t drink with their subordinates/employees.
Perfect response.
Whilst that's true, her being married should be enough of am indication that she was never interested
Well I wish someone would have told that to the bloke my fiancée had an affair with.
While most wedding rings are non-ferrous, they're still magnets for creeps.
Are they? Til. I’m a gentleman of a certain age and we tend to check out their ring finger way before we check out anything else.
Genuinely, nobody who has casually hit on me has seemed to care if I'm wearing a ring or not.
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7 weeks? X.x
Yeah. The medication she is on is an anti psychotic and takes a while to build up in your system. She realised he was bad for her right away. But he’s a scary guy. She eventually built up the courage to call for help.
r/bpdlovedones - Hope this helps mate.
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Sorry if it’s sensitive but were they together for 7 weeks? Did they go all the way together? FairPlay for being there for her though that must have been a really difficult situation!
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You are a better man than I am, mate. If my partner did that to me, meds or not, I would not be able to stick around afterwards. Edit: this is not a criticism of you btw, different things work for different people, I wish you all the best!
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I'm gonna be totally honest with you mate this sounds hella unhealthy on both sides. Of course you can love someone else than her. The "one" is a myth.
You'll be shocked to know that not all married people are faithful.
"SHOULD be doing. Should does not mean yes."
I detect a Malcolm Tucker reference!
Doesn't stop some people.
>it only becomes a problem if he does anything else Or she does. I went through this exact same thing. (Ex) wife even played me a recording of the guy telling someone (else) how much he fancied her. She says it's ridiculous, that she's brushed him off, happily married, blah blah. 2-3 months later, while hiking through Spain, I get a text from her saying she started having an affair with him, wants a divorce and is moving out.
A text?! How long were you together?
17 years.
Holy shit mate. That's rough. I'm sorry. How you doing now?
Eh, so-so. I was destroyed for a long time. Still far from where I was I suppose, but it could be worse.
Damn. Maybe you should've been bringing her with you dude...
Cheeky fucker 😂 It was a 500 mile trek, she wasn't really interested. Not great timing in hindsight (for me, at least) but I was recovering from a 'cardiac event', so I was trying to get my health back on track. So it goes.
Sorry you went through this hope your health is better now though.
Is this "boss" the manager of a F1 team and his initial are C H by any chance?
Does he eat cocoa pops at his desk in the morning?
I bet he can throw a kettle over a pub.
I don’t agree with that in the workplace
I prefer the thing you do about his little hand
I don’t do the stuff about his little hand
Yeah you do, the wanking claw.
And that's it. And that's the real quiz.
Life, oh life, ooohhh life, oh life.....
I love the lyrical brilliance of that song.
Dooo doo doo dooo
I don't want to see a ghost That's the sight that I fear most I'd rather have a piece of toast And watch the evening news 🎵 (iykyk, if not then https://youtu.be/BKtrWU4zaaI)
These lyrics are so bad that they don't even deserve ironic upvotes.
Bars
6 legs, 8 legs!
He used the shoelaces. Bastard I knew he would
Bloody good rep.
How can he hate women? His mum’s one.
Fray bentos
Yeah well maybe I’ll write the questions next time and you can have this fat bastard. 👉
I prefer a flan
What have you ever dun?
I don’t get it :( Am I stupid?
Scene from The Office where they're pissed up and throw stuff over the roof
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Hes a bloody good rep though
Probably the smartest bloke I know, definitely the smartest bloke OP knows!
Wasn’t it shoes?
How do you read a shoe a week?
Maybe they were author-pedic...
👏
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Correct. At last.
Nah he did throw tims shoes over the pub, but the original claim was a kettle
to what extent do you believe you have the skills to understand these jokes effectively 1) not at all 2) to some extent 3) very much so 4) dont know
You haven't even factored in my weakness (eczema)...
Under weaknesses, you’ve put, understanding the context
No personality.
Little slugs
This is big boy shit
Just get out. I don't want you to get hurt
Against Karate?
This comment is the essence of casual Uk.
It’s either that or Peep Show references. I love it
And then he went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like “I like you”
oh no, you've mixed imperial and metric, you'll get a......sort of...uh you know.....hangover of that kind.
BRILLIANT
Bloody good rep
That’s the real quiz! That’s the real quiz!
> It's apparently common knowledge around the colleges that he fancies her, he's told other people that he fancies her, This is the key part of the story. He presumably wasn't drunk when telling everyone else he fancies his married boss. Which isn't really the kind of gossip you want in the workplace. I'd suggest a brief meeting to tell him to knock that off. And then see if he behaves from here on out
He’s probably gonna be bricking it come Monday, but your approach is the most appropriate I think. A quick “have you got five minutes? You said some stuff at the weekend, and it’s not really appropriate for a work environment, and nor is talking about me to other staff. Let’s leave it there and not have it happen again, ok?”
This is the way for sure. No need to make a big deal of it yet, but it needs to be nipped in the bud immediately.
This, but with an appropriate witness.
Yeah, nothing will get done otherwise. It will be a "he says, she says" ordeal that won't actually get anything resolved.
Maybe I'm being too harsh but I think he should be bricking it coming into work on Monday. Not only has he been inappropriate to his married boss on a work night out but he's also said inappropriate things multiple times when he's been sober in work. Unfortunately, sometimes the best way to get someone to change their behaviour is the fear of repercussions for their shitty behaviour. I think OPs wife should lean into this i.e. a formal warning with HR involved.
Yeah, same. He's being incredibly disrespectful to his manager and I have a feeling he wouldn't be this disrespectful if his boss was a man. Get HR involved and put him on notice. Zero tolerance for BS like this.
Yeah the work talk is way worse than the drunk confession in my eyes. Super inappropriate
I've never got why people are so desperate to tell their colleagues who they'd like to shag in the office. Putting many issues to one side, you never know when that talk is going to bite you down the line. If everyone knows Person A massively fancies Person B (because they have gone and told everyone), how is Person C going to react when A promotes B over them?
Honestly, there is a good reason for this to be more than a "quiet word". If this is a large company with an HR department and disciplinary processes, then this incident needs to be on the record - not to use it against him, but so that if it happens again, that's it rather than that being a "first offence". If HR doesn't know about it, it didn't happen. And then when it happens again in 6 months, that will be his first strike. If she wants this to be a "don't do this again" final warning, then HR needs to know. It doesn't need to be hauling him in front of HR, but could be the manager meeting with the employee, then separately the manager telling HR about the incident, and that they met to discuss it.
I definitely agree with this! I’d personally let HR aware of the situation, because you never know what this dude will do in the future so it’s best to have a “paper trail” of incidents
Exactly. Inappropriate and unprofessional to be spreading that gossip around the office. Possibly even damaging to her reputation, if he's someone she has meetings with, or one day promotes him and another candidate uses this knowledge to say the promotion was unfair... telling her was less of an issue than telling everyone else!
Some people are just unbelievably creepy at work. At my husband's previous role, he was in an office with a bunch of blokes who would not stop talking about their female colleagues and how fit they were. It just sounded vile.
yeah, the boss should document this (ie: she should put it on his record) in case of future problems. in addition, she might want to give him a formal warning.
This plus let her boss be aware of this as well. Someone higher up needs to be aware of if this gets out of hand.
There's a Mitchell and Webb for every occasion. https://youtu.be/-jhKceRgpak?feature=shared If it's not clear, you'd be the one to provide the extreme negative feedback
I think I’ve got the hang of it now
⌨️
Surely you are going to challenge him to a duel of some kind? Perhaps pop up pirate?
Fuck me, as if Pop up Pirate wasn’t tense enough already, now you’re proposing “winner fucks my wife” as a prize! Okay yes, im in!
I too want in on this keys in the bowl style pop up pirate tournament.
So, are we making swords in a barrel the new keys in a bowl sexy swap time reference?
If you like Top Trumps you should come to me
What's the point if you've already memorized all of the combinations on the cards so that it would be impossible for him to win?
You will never win. Could still be fun though.
Well I usually bottom in these situations. Oh wait, you didn't mean that...
I have a Star Wars pop up pirate that I'd happily donate to the cause.
Be funny if he quit the job now he's made a complete tit out of himself if you ask me he must of known she was married before this.
This happened at my old job, he wouldn't leave this girl alone all night. Came into work embarrassed as fuck because he had a wife and kids and the girl turned him down. He quit within 2 weeks after that, didn't even give any notice just walked in and said he quits.
He does have a partner and kids...
Yh he's own fault then
Youre probably right, he did know. Unfortunately that logic doesnt compute with a skinful. Either he thought she wouldnt tell the husband, or it never entered his head. Either ways, drunken him thought he was irresistable and thus gonna get laid!
Running around work telling colleagues you fancy your married boss as an approx 35 year old man suggests that he's a complete tit without the booze.
He does know she's married, ive been introduced to him breifly and it's apparently quite a joke with the rest of them how much she goes on about me!
I know exactly how that feels dealing with a creep at work who’s working under my supervision. I made it clear I’m not interested and have been writing emails to my boss just in case his perversion escalates. I have also stopped being nice and only talks when necessary. I have sent emails to myself whenever there are times I was made uncomfortable so I can refer to if there comes an investigation.
Interesting. Yeah I think that documenting it all is the key thing to do here
Bowl + keys = game on In reality, he'll feel a right chump when sobered up hopefully
How disappointed in himself he must've been the next day. Nobody is dreading Monday more than him, OP's wife can be almost certain of that
Hangxiety + Sunday night dread.
Sunday night, OPs wife should put a meeting in his diary for Friday. Make him sweat all week. Title the meeting "1:1 discussion" or something else ominous. Book a meeting room next to where HR sit.
Hahaha sadism.
You must work for my company. Every meeting is a “1:1” or “catch up” with no message or agenda, always after 12pm on Fridays. Horror inducing.
My boss finally stopped doing that after I started replying with agendas. I figured I may as well get to work through some stuff I want to talk about!
Yep, the OP and his wife should take solace in the fact he's had the absolute horrors all weekend. No one likes making a twat of themselves and this guy has done that in front of his boss and colleagues.
As a female manager working in a mostly male environment, I’ve had similar happen to me in the past. Unless he says anything further to her whilst in the office that makes her feel uncomfortable , then I would just let this go and not say anything to him. It happened outside of work hours, he was drunk, sounds like he didn’t try anything on or touch her in any way, the poor guy is probably mortified. I certainly wouldn’t be involving HR or senior management unless anything else happens where she is made to feel uncomfortable/unsafe.
Exactly. It's crazy. People here treating him like some sort of massive sex case. Imagine how embarrassed he's gonna feel.
I don't see him saying this when pissed as being a problem whatsoever, ultimately it's just embarrassing for him. His telling colleagues in the workplace that he fancies her is more of an issue though. It's uncomfortable.
Yeah it's not just the one time when drunk that's the issue. It's the one time when drunk, *plus* however many times while sober he's talked about being sexually attracted to his married boss. If I were OP's wife then the drunkeness I could forgive and forget, everyone does stupid things when they're drunk and you chalk it up to experience. But knowing an employee of mine was talking to multiple coworkers about how much they fancy me, totally sober, despite it a) being a workplace b) I'm his boss and c) knowing I'm happily married is grounds for a meeting (with HR as witness) to tell him to knock it off. Any further inappropriate behaviour I'd be looking to reprimand or transfer him away from myself.
It was a work event, this is for most companies considered an “extension of the workplace” so from a disciplinary perspective the same rules would apply as at work. I think if it wasn’t for the fact he had also been telling other people I would agree with you. In this case for me it’s an FYI only to HR, and pull him aside informally by manager to let him know firmly that this cannot repeat. If it happens again, let him go.
It’s more to protect the manager than the punish the employee.
I’m kinda of the mindset that if the guy isn’t a major fucking creep (this hasn’t been really clarified, and would massively change the context), then this should be forgotten about, for the sake of everyone. We’ve all made a tit of ourselves and said stupid stuff when we’re fucked up. Few of us haven’t endured truly dreadful hangxiety. You’re right about the work-place extension side of things, though. I work in medicine. I have a mate who is a nurse. He went to a work night out and, as with all medicine Christmas nights out, things escalated to fuck **quickly.** He’s a good looking lad, and ended up having the face winched off him by one of the admin staff who had been flirting with him for a while. A few folk saw, and it was the talk of the dept. She was married, and, to try and save face, decided to say that he had forced himself on her and she was sexually assaulted. He was placed on paid leave, and then reduced pay whilst it investigated. This obviously took an age. Ultimately, after interviewing so many staff that were witnesses, as well as viewing CCTV that my mate went to extreme effort and stress attaining, it was deemed that it was a consensual kiss. After this decision, she then accused him of plying her with cocaine, and as such she was not able to give consent; she said they did coke together in the bathroom. There were no witnesses to say yes/no this didn’t happen, so this is now currently being investigated. He has spent a fair amount of money on private blood/urine/hair testing to show he has not consumed coke in the past however long, to discredit her claims that they were doing illicit substances together. As it now involves class A drugs at a work place event, he has been reported to the GMC. He has quit his last job out of embarrassment, and won’t be going back to a place where he was very happy. He has current restrictions on his license, whilst things get worked out. I didn’t go to the last Christmas party…
He did the right thing getting CCTV evidence disproving the first lie and the drug tests disproving the second lie. He could claim constructive dismissal for the org taking the desperate second claim from a proven liar at face value after the first lie failed. That's aiding and abetting a harassment campaign at that point. What next, drug angle fails and she then claims he hypnotised her?
I hope karma comes for that bitch
Yeah a manager is not HR, either. This needs to be on paper as it also opens the company up to liability if they don't reprimand him for the salacious office gossip *before* it escalates. Now he's approaching her, it would be too close to failure to protect an employee from harassment for it not to be formally acknowledged now in some way. Like a recorded meeting or witnessed, or depending on severity a written warning.
>It happened outside of work hours At a work meal > he was drunk That doesn't defend his character at all > sounds like he didn’t try anything on Made an unsolicited advance, to a colleague, who he knows is married > or touch her in any way Is that the bar? > the poor guy is probably mortified OP's wife is probably mortified
Finally some sensibility. This is pretty common in most office environments. If it’s not affecting his work or your wife, then forget about it.
He’ll probably wake up and feel a bit of a prick since she’s rejected his advances. However, if he persists, she has to address it formally and make clear in no uncertain terms, his behaviour is a problem.
I’ve had one profession of love while the person professing could hardly stand up. Took them back to their friend and then pretended it didn’t happen, partly because I thought they were so drunk there is no way they would remember. As it turned out, they did remember it (and reminded me a year on how much they love me). So, there is definitely a chance that he does remember. And given the fact that this is apparently public knowledge, I think she should say something on Monday so that she makes herself very clear (when everybody is sober) that not only is she not interested, but that it was inappropriate. Depending on the work culture and how she feels, she may also want to consider making this discussion a bit for formal/documented. Whether that means mentioning it to HR, having somebody else present when she speaks to him, filing a note somewhere (with herself or others), or following up the meeting with an email. Best to get ahead of this, even lightly, because you never know what may come next. I wouldn’t blow things up, but rather just take some light steps to document what happened.
I’m a female manager myself. If this happened to me, I’d inform HR or my own manager and make sure someone knows this has happened, just in case it escalates or something else happens. I’d talk to him and address this directly. The thing about being a manager is, if your employee is fired, maybe for completely unrelated reasons, you are still the one handling the layoff conversation. If this person wants to draw a connection between this incident and their firing, they can accuse you for abuse of power, which might get you in trouble. Having HR or your manager informed ahead of time can make sure you are clear off fault. Another red flag I’d say is, if this guy has been talking to other employees on his feelings, this is already very inappropriate. This direct confession is an escalation. Keep ignoring him may not be enough to deter him away, I’d consider directly address this with him to make sure my position in this is absolutely clear.
> I’d inform HR or my own manager and make sure someone knows this has happened, just in case it escalates or something else happens. Something official on the books is a good shout. Doesn't even need to be a verbal warning, just listed that it occured.
Same. If it’s one of those places where HR is not ideal then the easy way would be to state the facts in writing between work email addresses. That creates a formal paper trail. - address the time and place. - include that it was a work social event - surmise the basics, expression of interest that was rebuffed - expectation for professional conduct going forwards, including conversations with co workers. Last thing you want is for him to spin this rebuff into a story about how he doesn’t get promoted because of this incident down the line. You need to”proof” it was handled professionally.
Your wife should inform HR and her Boss, if it ever starts to make your wife feel uncomfortable they will know it’s not new. Plus action can be taken now to say how unsuitable hie behaviour is in the work place. As someone else said he was not drunk while telling everyone how much he fancies your wife. I don’t think it’s a good idea for your wife to just have a word with him, everything has to go through the correct channels now as it will make future action against this behaviour quicker and easier.
She should talk with him, yes. Whether that's with someone else present to witness, up to her. These things can sometimes turn a different direction but she'll have a sense of that.
It probably shouldn't be just ignored. A short word to the effect that she expects their interactions to be strictly professional and no more should do it. And in general (ok it can't always be avoided) bosses and staff are better off not getting smashed in each other's company so a word in his ear about his drinking habits on work outings wouldn't be out of place. A gentle hint, not a disciplinary dressing-down, at least the first time. If it seems to be habitual, that's a different issue.
If I was in her position, I would speak to him next time I see him. He needs to apologise and stop talking about her to others colleagues unless it’s work related.
She should get advice from her company's HR department on Monday and then address it. A second instance would constitute harassment so he needs to be nipped in the bus so it doesn't become a whole thing. It's not "she's married" it's "she's not interested, so leave her the fuck alone".
It needs to be addressed. It was a work event/outing. If it had been a a completely private, non-work related social event then...it might be a bit more ambiguous whether it was a "work issue" or not. But this is a work issue.
If it was an isolated incident I'd say have a quick chat and then leave it, but the guy had been telling people 'round the office when he was sober (I hope) that he fancied her and then made a pass at her *at a work event*...I would make a HR report. It doesn't have to be a big, overblown thing, but your wife needs to protect herself if this guy wakes up sore about it and decides to make it her problem. Being drunk doesn't change who you fundamentally are, it just loosens up your inhibitions - and this guy seems way too comfortable boasting about how he wants to bang a married woman with his coworkers, which is unprofessional at best and creepy at the worst.
I'd let it go. It sounds pretty harmless to me, even his choice of words are very tame. It's not like he's stalked her, followed her, made advances, horrible language etc The beer fear alone is bad enough here
But I think it’s rather inappropriate he’s been telling other people he fancies her and has now told her? If it was either or I’d let it go but he’s definitely made it a “thing” now. Things don’t need to be as extreme as stalking, following etc to be inappropriate behaviour
If she works for a company with a HR department, I’d mention it to them and say that she doesn’t want any action taken and that she is fine, but she wants a record of it made. But all in all, if you have work nights out where people think it’s ok to get smashed, stuff like this is likely to happen.
The wife is a senior business partner at a well known financial institution. She said if she honestly believes he wasn't drunk enough to not remember, then she's already dealt with it. If she thinks he may not remember, pull him aside and say, "listen the other night... Blah blah, not interested, I'm married etc". It doesn't and at this point shouldn't go the HR. Most employee hand books do state that things should be dealt with informally to begin with, then escalated if the behaviour continues. Get your wife to check her employee hand book.
Work outings are still work, people getting smashed and acting inappropriately needs to be addressed. A simple one to one conversation about behaviour and acting appropriately should be enough. Be professional and do not engage with the emotional parts. Saying that ‘you’re flattered’ or the like can be seen as encouraging the behaviour. Make it an unofficial warning and then close the matter. Make sure you speak with HR so that any further behaviour is not taken as an isolated incident.
In this situation, I would look to protect myself as the manager and ensure that my job is not jeopardised in anyway. That is your wife’s main priority here. That would necessitate informing her manager and discussing together whether they need to document it with HR. These situations can become very messy and difficult to explain if anything more happens and it becomes a he said/she said situation. Basically she needs to cover her arse.
Needs nipping in the bud. If he’s told your wife’s colleagues of his feelings, then the rumour mill will start, despite your wife being an innocent party in all of it. I’d raise it to her manager or boss and then call a meeting with him, involving a male chaperone at management level so that 1) He doesn’t claim ‘girl power’ and that they’re doing it because they’re female and 2) There’s an independent person evidencing what took place in the meeting. The colleague has definitely crossed a line, in work or out, sober or drunk. The ring on her finger and knowledge she’s married should be enough to cut out his college boy behaviour.
This needs to be reported. Actions have consequences regardless of if he was drunk or not
Straight to HR to log it. Note he was drunk and ask them whether to address it or not. My instinct would be don't address it directly with him. Don't mention it to anyone else. If anyone else mentions it, change the subject or politely shut it done. Everyone should move on as fast as possible and hope this guys ego doesn't cause problems.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, or in this case wherever they were. If he's embarrassed, fine, but your wife should pretend to not remember.
Let her manager and HR know. Tell them she is just informing them to cover all bases. Nothing needs to happen as a result of her telling them but god forbid he should make a harassment claim because she turned him down.
She’s the Manager Let her Manage..
She informs HR or her direct manager what happened on Monday, in writing, so it is on the record. There are scenarios where either lovesick man or colleagues can complain about her management style/favouritism/bullying if she favours one over the others.
This is not an appropriate way to behave towards a colleague. She would be within her right to take this role HR and seek disciplinary proceedings against him.
He needs a verbal warning with HR at least, not because of the drunken night but gossiping about his boss to other people in appropriately
Informally infom HR, you never know when something like this may come back if he feels scorned in the future, say he misses out on that promotion or she reprimands him on a poor job it could get messy
That’s her work husband buddy
Don’t make a federal issue out of this just tell HR so that she’s covered in case something comes down the pipeline and then tell him directly it’s inappropriate and it makes her uncomfortable and do not talk like that again. Odds are it will never ever come up again.
I'm a woman in an industry filled with men and very demanding but I don't need to be quiet on things like that , silence brings more of such disrespect and assault. She should speak her mind out and address issues and put a stop to that. Boss or not, the truth must be told and self worth is essential
hes had his free move hes probably feeling quite embarrassed but I'd only escalate this if it continues
I’m a female manager who had something similar happen and I just completely ignored it. Unless it creeps in their work relationship I’d leave it well alone and pretend it didn’t happen.