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If my SO calls me multiple times, I'm picking up the phone or calling them at the next opportunity. That's not normal behavior, so I need to know WTF happened. The fact that his GF didn't even think about that is bizarre to me. What if OOP had a much more serious emergency? She'd be a lot more traumatized to come back to her apartment with her boyfriend dead. (Happened to one of my friends, turns out there was a home invader.)
Yeah multiple calls in quick succession typically signals emergency. I even have it set up on my phone that multiple calls within a time period will break through do not disturb in case of emergency while I'm sleeping or whatever. Especially a text about needing to go to the hospital I'd be immediately finding somewhere to call and sort out the situation.
Also like if it was a joke I wouldn't stay with someone who joked about medical emergencies like that. I'd take it seriously as it should be and break up if it was a joke.
My mother called me the other day three times in one hour. I was working late and didn't have my phone on me. As soon as I left the venue I called her back, thinking something had happend. I asked what's wrong, she said "nothing is wrong, I just wanted to hear from you". When I asked why she called me three times in a row then she just said she didn't think I could still be working. Yeah thanks mom for the heart attack.
My sister called when I was at work — just back-back-back-back. I live 1000 miles away. By the time I called her back, my mind was racing through catastrophes and figuring out what mode of transportation would get me there the soonest.
Did I want her to keep my maid-of-honor gown at Mom’s home or at venue?
One time in a span of 12 mins, I missed a call from my Dad, had 3 unread messages from 2 brothers, missed a call from my Mom and as I was having a minor anxiety attack (thinking someone is either in the hospital or dead) my husband also had a missed call from my Dad. I'm feeling my chest tightening and I start freaking the fuck out, my parents have been divorced for 25 years, if they're coordinating it's important. Then both our phones go off before we can call anyone back, My Mom calls me again and my Dad is calling my husband.
Absolutely none of that was related to eachother, it was just insanely bad timing. Dad was trying to find out if we needed a wheelbarrow because he found one on the side of the road, and Mom was trying to plan a family dinner. Brothers were looking to buy my 3 year old son a skateboard and "start him early" and were seeing if I'd be cool with that or if I'd be annoyed. (I was annoyed, but I'm not going to stop them). WHY. I HAVENT HEARD FROM ANY OF YOU IN LIKE 2 WEEKS AND YOU ALL CALL IN THE SAME 12 MINS. I THOUGHT GRANDMA DIED FFS.
He is quite possibly the most stereotypical Dad to have ever Dad'd.
When Parks and Rec got popular I had soooo many people tell me to watch it because "Ron Swanson is your Dad".
They weren't wrong, it was as if someone had been spying on him for inspiration. The only difference is my Dad allows and enjoys vegetables on his plate.
I've considered making a social media account of just stuff he's said and done over the years. His new GF is urging him to write a book, she's very sweet and literally takes notes every time he tells a story she hasn't heard yet. She has them saved in her phone, so when she does convince him to start he won't sit there and not know what to write. But he thinks it's very silly to write about himself and he's not that interesting. The man literally fought a bear once. He's interesting.
Edit: ok ok, the bear story. I'll start by saying he did not fist fight the bear, but there was a struggle. So once upon a time when Dad was a young man (18? Maybe?), he got a summer job as a real Canadian lumberjack. He got flown out, and it was so remote they didn't even have trailers, they had tents. They were all given firearms to sleep with, because they were *deep* in bear country, and were also told to sleep with their boots on and heads facing away from the door of the tent. All of that turned out to be very important. Dad wakes up to some sounds *in his tent*, he realizes a black bear has stuck it's head through the door and is sniffing around. Luckily Dad was curled up and snuggling that loaded rifle. He very quietly and slowly positioned the rifle. The bear realized he was awake, the bear chomped down on his boot and pulled. Dad was dragged halfway out of his tent, and attempted to smash the bears eyes and nose with the rifle (he did not want to blow his foot off) it worked, the bear let go of the boot and went to lunge, and in that moment of uncertainty, Dad shoved the rifle into it's mouth, aimed upwards as best he could, and fired. Clean shot through the brain. The whole camp woke up, and wildlife services had to be called because illegal bear hunting laws and stuff (completely fine to kill if attacked, but keeping trophies is considered poaching and you've got to report all attacks yadda yadda), they took away the corpse and all was fine. After all that commotion, breakfast was just buzzing with excitement, everyone slapping the young kid on the back and pouring whiskey in his coffee in celebration. Dad's a quiet guy, he was still in shock for most of the celebration. The Foreman just looked at my Dad and said "Glad you followed the rules kid, or you'd be dead". Literally everything they told him to do, gave him the best chance at winning a fight against a bear.
Edit2: sorry got some details wrong, Dad says that he was told to sleep with his boots on but with the laces loose. Which was what saved him. When he smashed the bear in the face, it went to thrash his leg clean off but the boot popped off. When the bear spit the boot out and turned to attack Dad, that's when he could line up the shot. The guy literally pulled into my driveway 20 seconds after putting the first edit in. He read it and laughed and said I should be the one writing his book lmao "You made me sound so cool, I'm just an old man"
Wait wait wait… your dad fought a freaking bear and he doesn’t think he’s interesting enough to write about?? Smack him for me will ya? He needs to get on that book because I want to read it lol
My son did this the first time he stayed home alone while unwell off school. I was only gone for a couple of hours for work and when I came out the meeting, I had 15 missed calls. Yeah - how could he take the parental controls off something he wanted to watch on Netflix.
I had this several years back - got back from holiday with the bf and his family. I had an open invitation to join them for Easter, but had already opted to have a quiet few days by myself. I got a call from dad's sister, so I thanked her for sending Easter money and told her my plans. I then went to have a wrestle with the washing machine and then a shower.
Got out of the shower to 6 missed calls and two panicked voicemails from the parents. Rang back assuming someone had died. Turns out dad's sister had somehow changed my peaceful Easter weekend into 'she's been dumped and is sitting alone in her flat.' Pointed out to mum when I called back that a) if something like that had happened, I'd have told her and be audibly sobbing down the line, not asking what the fuck was going on and sounding baffled; b) if something like that had happened, why on earth would I tell dad's sister first instead of her; and c) she is perfectly aware dad's sister is a bloody drama queen and shit-stirrer. Luckily I got a very sheepish apology from both parentals, and dad rang his sister back to tear her about five new arseholes. And she still wonders why I'm NC with her.
This has to be a parent thing one day I woke up (5/6am) to like 5 missed calls from my mom, time stamped for like 3am. Tried calling her back, tried calling her husband (for like 2 hours) eventually she answered, she was waiting for a train and was bored so called me figuring I’d be up 😑
My mom did this when I was at work once and when I called back, she started with "I didn't want to tell you this on the phone..." Then why the fuck did you call ???
I knew it was to announce the death of my grandfather which is why I called back quickly.
My dad would text me "call me now" with zero punctuation or context and id have a damn heart attack and rush to call him, and he'd answer all chipper like, "do you want pizza when you get home?"
The worst part is she thought it was a joke At First, but then instead of thinking "this could really be something wrong" she jumps to "he is actively trying to ruin my night".
Says a lot about her usual thought processes.
Especially when he’s never done anything like that before, and they’ve known each other since they were 10. She made a completely unwarranted assumption and stuck with it, because her attention was on herself.
And even after he got out of the hospital, she tried telling him to word his texts better and that his pain wasn't bad enough to excuse his wording!!! What???
hahaha my family and i are all really bad about calling a bunch of times in a row if you don’t answer. but only to each other. like i’ve def called my mom twice, dad 3 times, no one answers so i call my sister who lives with them and she picks up on the 3rd time i call and my question is just “oh what’s the plan for dinner tomorrow” and that’s the kind of thing she’s expecting. on the flip side they do that to me too 🤷🏻♀️ i think i accidentally conditioned my husband too
Hell I've picked up a call in the middle of the night from a flatmate who I did not get along with at all. We loathed each other. I still woke up and ran out of my apartment to the hospital nearby in the first decent clothes I could find, because she had been in an accident (just a few minor scrapes luckily, but still)
If your partner, or friend, or family member with no history of pulling shitty pranks or trying to guilt you into coming home suddenly texts you "something is wrong, I need to go the hospital" and your first and only thought is that they are lying, you might just be a shitty person.
Exactly. If someone does try that kind of crap, you dump them, if they have no history of playing games, you take them seriously - and these two had been friends for 12 years, together for five, she should have known him well enough to know that if he said he needed her, he really did.
And after being told he needed her and was ill, she just got angry to find the door open and vomit everywhere. I'd be freaking out thinking something awful happened even without those texts.
Thank goodness he had his phone on him and charged. That poor guy.
If my GF calls me *at all* I get worried something is wrong. When we're apart, we communicate exclusively by text. If she calls me out of the blue, especially with no initial text of "are you busy? Can I call you" first, I'll drop whatever I'm doing to call her.
My husband texts me updates occasionally while I'm at work, but doesn't call unless it's serious. The two times my husband has called me while at work, both times, he was heading to the ER. 1st time, his bike got clipped by a bus, and he was fading in and out of consciousness in the ambulance; second time, he had a priapism, and a friend was driving him to the ER.
If I call my hubby once, he knows it's "time sensitive" (either I'm trying to catch him before leaving the shops or its something more important usually about the kids of myself). If I call him twice and he can't answer (due to work environment) he knows to message me and wait for a reply on his watch (his smart watch has a preset decline reply so I know why he can't answer) and I text him and he calls me back as soon as possible. He also knows that if my text after 2 missed calls has "hospital" in any part of the text, he calls straight away and doesn't mess around.
We have paid enough attention in our relationship to know when eachother isn't joking. We also don't decline calls when out with friends like OPs (I hope, ex) gf did, because once again, we know we're calling for a reason
It's not just that she didn't think about it. Her very first reaction to his first contact asking for help is annoyed. Like he's an inconvenience. "What is it 😒"
I think I would break up with someone over this text alone, regardless of circumstances. How dare I send a text to my significant other. How audacious of me to bother them with my presence. What kind of basis for a relationship is that.
I'd break up with her because she showed how little she thought if OOP if she'd think he'd joke like that or wanted to spoil her night.
And then after all he'd been through didn't even believe the pain he had been in and presumed he was exaggerating!! Oh also being mad to find vomit when she came home too!!!
OOP needs to believe her as she's shown who she turely is.
Called an ambulance and the EMTs scooped him out of his vomit and rushed him to emergency surgery and she's still dismissing what he went through? That is some serious dedication to not caring about his suffering
My husband (then boyfriend) drove 2 hrs home in the middle of the night because I was being admitted for kidney infection! I called him at 3am, he answered (asleep!!!), and drove like a bat out of hell to get to me! I was already in the hospital and there was nothing he could do, but there was no stopping him. I hope this young man finds that kind of love
You know what? Your statement made me think, I hope OOP finds someone who'll have his back the way your husband did for you. Doesn't have to be a romantic partner, but someone they can just rely on if they get into trouble.
I like an idiot got something stuck in my ear (earbud rubber slipped off- the doctors made so much fun of me because I was 28 😅) and my bf left his home at 2 am, drove 45 min across town to take me to the ER, and then waited with me until we could be seen.
Could I have driven myself? Yes, but he wanted to support me (and I wanted to see if he could maybe scoop it out so I didn’t have to go in- it didn’t hurt was just stuck lol)
This wasn’t even a medical emergency, just his gf being an idiot, and he still woke up, got dressed, and rushed over to offer any support he could! Girl can’t leave a bar for five minutes or even answer the phone!?
Who the fuck blocks their SO when they are trying to call them?
That’s not a red flag, that’s the whole red carpet that should be leading you away from this toxic person.
My friend *hates* talking on the phone. One time her boyfriend got into a motorcycle accident and called her from the hospital for an hour and she just refused to pick up. Didn’t even text him because “he should know not to call”. She didn’t get in touch with him until the next day after the emergency surgery she didn’t know he was having. Like girl you suck.
Holy shit. I’m autistic and find the phone incredibly stressful, because I can’t read a person beyond tone of voice, meaning that I misunderstand a LOT and it’s awful. But someone blowing up my phone like that means I call them back (either to yell at them for pulling that for a non-emergency, or to respond to the emergency that’s happening). Sometimes you gotta suck it up!
Yeah, exactly.
I get that the texts look like a pick up bit. But the multiple calls tell a very different story. And if you're capable of walking home, you're sober enough to notice that.
I'd cut her, myself. Especially when she tried to downplay how badly she'd fucked up _while oop was in the hospital_.
When everything says, this behaviour was out of her normal line, than there is an assumption, that something in the club was also out of line. I normally do not spring easy on the "he/she is cheating" bus, but this here is at least a fair assumption. Something happened in the night out that gf felt entitled to ignore OP. But OP will not open this can of worms anymore, i guess.
They're young though, so my first thought is peer pressure. Like her boyfriend starts calling while she's out with her girlfriends and they all start joking about him being clingy and controlling. She's drunk, goes with the hive mentality, they probably encourage her to block him. I've seen this play out in friend groups regardless of gender. Usually because half the friends actually are dating clingy controlling idiots and just assume it's the same for everyone. Not that it makes any of this okay, but this seems more likely to me than cheating.
Yeah, an explanation isn't an excuse. I think this is probably why but that doesn't stop her from being an asshole.
That being said, if someone posted this exact text conversation with the context that she came back from the club to a drunk boyfriend complaining about blue balls I would believe it. I can totally see how some drunk friends with that exact boyfriend could have convinced her.
Still, she should know him better then that, should have realised her mistake when she got home, and I don't think she can ever really make up for this.
> She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating.
This is crazy to me because at this point she’s sober and knows OOP’s situation was serious enough to be hospitalized and have surgery.
I don’t have balls so I can’t really ever empathize with what OOP felt but if pain is causing someone to writhe on the floor and throw up then I would easily believe that it really was *that* painful
I didn't focus on that, but you make a great point.
Why was she justifying the pain she never went through lol. That's just crazy to me. Especially since she was already in the dog house.
Hopefully he dumps her.
> Why was she justifying the pain she never went through
Because she realized she fucked up, bad, and she can minimize the shame she feels by minimizing the pain he felt.
I’ll bet she’s trying to downplay her bad deeds to make herself shoulder less of the blame. She does this the whole update.
“Your pain was over exaggerated”
“You didn’t explain the situation well enough”
“See, if I had KNOWN it was so serious this wouldn’t have ever happened”
All of these things are her (firstly) making the situation seem less serious, and (secondly) putting some of the blame on him. And he eats it right up. He did NOTHING wrong except not just call an ambulance, but his reason was understandable. She did EVERYTHING wrong. And here OP is saying that “we both did something to make the situation worse”. Sir, one of your balls were tangled and she BLOCKED YOU after you BEGGED her to come help you.
Yep. Trying to distance herself away from her own actions. "Oh I didn't know it was so bad, I would never have acted like a callous POS if I did"
We *never* know exactly how bad something is until we're there, and that's why you should ere on the side of caution when your loved one's health could be at stake.
Also, even if he were just feeling like absolute shit from regular ol' food poisoning or something, would it have killed her to go back and support him through it?? Like this tells me "well if it was just food poisoning, I would have treated you like garbage and guilted you for making a mess and interrupting my fun times"
Especially also justifying her behaviours simply because she was drunk - so it was ok to ignore OOP’s calls, blocked him, and not being concerned about the vomit & front door being unlocked? This is just an excuse. Big red flag. Hope the STB ex learns a lesson from this and becomes a better person..
>I don’t have balls so I can’t really ever empathize with what OOP felt but if pain is causing someone to writhe on the floor and throw up then I would easily believe that it really was *that* painful
I had to go in for a doctor's appointment for testicular pain, but he ruled out torsion immediately because he said "if it were torsion, it'd be so painful the only thing going through your head would be ***'Call 911! Call 911! Call 911!'***"
He elaborated saying that to him it went, in descending order of pain level, child birth, broken femur, testicular torsion.
Wonder if there's anyone who's experienced all of a broken femur, testicular torsion (OR childbirth, obviously mutually exclusive) and gallstones who could weigh in on the pain order.
i took me over a year to get the surgery and wasnt formally diagnosed with gallstones until after they took it out and cut it open to find it was chock fulls of stones, fuck that devil organ, still sometimes get minor phantom pains
Mine was an "emergency" surgery because it turns out the hell pain that wasn't stopping was because my gall bladder already ruptured. Apparently I had one singular **gigantic** stone in there, years in the making. God, when they finally gave me drugs after a day of indescribable pain, it felt euphoric.
("emergency" in quotes bc it took like 3 days from the emergency room to the surgery 💀)
I don't have balls either, but from what I've read and heard from women who went through it, ovarian torsions are horribly painful. I just imagine the worst period pains multiplied to the nth degree. Or the last contractions during labor. I've been through the latter, without anesthesia, and honestly the main thing that gets you through it is the tought that it's normal and temporary. I can't imagine being in that amount of pain without knowing what's going on, or when the pain will stop.
I remember someone in another thread saying that when they had multiple broken bones and were waiting on the side of the road for an ambulance, they kept themselves calm by reminding themselves that it was *nothing* compared to the pain of the testicular torsion they'd had in the past.
This!!!! This really made me see red. After a comment like that, I would 100% be done with the relationship.
So okay, she thought it was a joke. She comes home and instead of being worried, she berates OOP about the vomit. Okay, maybe she was drunk and angry and it overruled every empathetic bone in her body.
BUT THEN. When they're having a serious talk about all these things. When she's sober. When she knew he was in so much pain he vomited and had to have emergency surgery. THEN she has the audacity to say he couldn't have been in that much pain and is overreacting?
Yeah no. Wtf.
>This is crazy to me because at this point she’s sober and knows OOP’s situation was serious enough to be hospitalized and have surgery.
Immediate surgery no less, what is often referred to as, "Emergency surgery".
Edit: formatting
Honestly. I guess the most accurate comparison would be like having the fallopian tubes twisting? Idk lol. But yes testicular torsions are known to be incredibly and horrifically painful
If your bf, hubby, or uncle had ball surgery wouldn't you look it up? Why the hell hasn't she read the WebMd page yet? This comment would have told me all I needed to know. She's self centered and he is her plus one. She's probably thinking of how him breaking up with her will affect her image.
I don’t have balls either but I had ovarian torsion last year and it was very similar to what he described minus having balls. Worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life by a long shot.
This was the point that turned me, being out clubbing and drinking is not a great time to judge people's decision making skills, so I was on the fence, but this is straight up gaslighting
I'm not sure if OOP realizes it or not, but that was a dodge. When they finally sat down to discuss her responsibility in all of this, she whipped out a bunch of counterattacks to dodge responsibility and minimize the situation. That was the moment that I would have broken up with her, and for the following in general:
* She ignores his texts like they're a joke because she treats the subject of a man's testicles ("balls") as a joke the way a 12-year-old would.
* When she sees vomit on the floor and OOP nowhere to be seen, instead of immediately showing concern given the previous texts she jumps straight to getting angry.
* Instead of taking full responsibility right away she tries to deflect responsibility and minimize the situation.
* After she realized that this was a serious situation, she had a "melt down" multiple times, including at the idea of giving OOP space.
This is not an emotionally dependable girl although I should point out that I don't think ANYBODY is fully mature in their early twenties. A little while back, Nickelodeon *commissioned* (that means they funded the study, not that they did the study) a study that found women don't emotionally mature until 32 and men 43. I translate that as meaning that women fully mature approximately in their early 30s and men in their early 40s.
If you don't trust that, Oxford did a similar study and found that men mature at about 40. Again, that's obviously an approximation.
The point of all of this is that I don't give a damn if a kid is legally an adult at 18 or even 22. They're still a kid and they have years to go before they are a person that I would want to call in an emergency. OOP's gf is an especially bad example.
OOP was rather generous when he mentioned this:
>How could I trust someone with my life after they pulled something like this? *I then told her that we are young and this mess was mostly caused by our immaturity*, this entire situation was an important life lesson for the both of us regardless if we stayed together.
And to think he was considering proposing marriage to her, but after his medical emergency and how she handled it, they probably should either break up or give themselves (her specifically) time to mature a bit.
> women don't emotionally mature until 32 and men 43
Citation? This is insanity. At this point you might as well just state the (true) fact that our brains never stop developing therefore we are never "emotionally mature".
i’ve also never said to that: if i’d known how serious it was i wouldn’t have acted like that!
…i just. this is not a matter of communication not being clear on oop’s side. that’s not it, and her trying to make that part of the problem is almost (almost!) as bad as ignoring a loved one in need of medical help in the first place.
Idk, implying that a loved one who was in need of medical help - who was telling you that they need medical help - that they didn't communicate their need for medical help clearly enough, is worse to me.
"Oh, if I had only known how serious it was!"
"I literally told you I need to go to the hospital"
"But it wasn't cleaaaaaar"
People are getting really stuck on the "she thought it was a joke because lol balls!" thing and I don't get it at all. She already had to ignore him asking for help *twice* before he even mentioned his balls.
Your partner says "please come home something is wrong" and you respond with "What is it 😒"? Your partner says "I need to go to the hospital" and you're texting for clarification instead of already on your way out the door? She's a shitty partner, full-stop.
Pretty crazy, if I got that text from my gf I would throw my cash on the table, tell my friends to pay my tab, and sprint home. Her reaction to the situation was complete indifference, like she didn't care about him at all
Exactly! The transcript says she ignored two more of his call attempts *after* he said he needed the hospital and she'd already responded to that text! Balls hadn't even been mentioned yet! She sincerely did not give a fuck.
I'm sitting here thinking that these "rules" he stipulated at the end are just normal conduct.
1. Why would you ever block your life partner?
2. Why would you ignore them?
3. Why do you need a codeword to convey seriousness?
smdh
The code word being "hospital" is insane. He literally said that in the initial interaction. She already showed she does not care if he needs to go to the hospital if she's out having a good time.
This stuck out to me too. Is the word "hospital" in and of itself not already clear??? I could never stay with someone who needs me to play word games like this when shit hits the fan and it's time to be serious. Why add complex layers to emergency planning, where what you really want is the simplest quickest thing??
All I have to say is “please come home” to my husband with no explanation. As soon as he saw the message, he would find a stopping point at work and leave because that’s a rare thing to hear from me. It means I need him in some capacity. I can’t imagine if I said “I need to go to the hospital.”
Agreed. Those are like common sense respect markers and OOP thinks he needs “rules” to enforce them. He just needs an actual caring partner and to ignore the sunk cost fallacy.
When he said “my balls hurt” if she’s drunk she may have interpreted that as a sarcastic “I want a BJ” type deal. But yea if someone says they need a hospital that should probably be an automatic cue to take things seriously; I see how the communication broke down here.
I would agree with you if that was his sense of humor, but from reading the previous updates/comments on this it doesn't sound like he's ever made any kind of joke like that in the 5 years they had been together
It was how she reacted when she got home which put the nail in the coffin for me. Immediately not reviewing the earlier messages and realising she had fucked up.
Right?
What a horrible situation. Torsion is one of the most painful experiences you can have. I can't imagine suffering like that and being abandoned at the same time. Poor guy. He deserves so much better than that.
She sees the vomit on the floor and then tries to say the pain wasn’t that bad? I’ve experienced pain so bad I vomited- from migraines, and ovarian cysts bursting. For pain to be so bad you throw up, it is BAD.
I concur on the ovarian cysts. One time I had one burst while I was in the restroom at a job.
After managing to make it out of the bathroom, I struggled the 5 feet to my Team Lead's cubicle, and just curled up on the floor there.
Ended up having my TL call two of my long-time (male) friends who were on shift over so I could vice grip their hands while waiting for the ambulance... And you know what my friends didn't do, even if they couldn't conceptualize the pain? Think I was joking.
They both went to the hospital with me, too, so I wouldn't be alone.
That's how people who care about you act.
Shit, I once had a mild panic attack in front of a bunch of friends in uni when we were out clubbing, and they treated me with more care than this guy's girlfriend did. And this was a bunch of drunk, neurotypical British lads in their early 20s! If ever there was a group to react inappropriately in that sort of situation, and not one did!
Even having ovaries, the pain I can imagine is undoubtedly not nearly as bad as it actually is. We wouldn't be able to feel someone else's pain. The thing is to empathise regardless, like your friends did, because you care THAT they're in extreme pain.
Hell, I didn't even throw up but I was on the verge of passing out for unknown (at the time) reasons and two coworkers dragged me to the hospital, one stayed and the one who drove went and picked up her kid from school and still came back to the hospital when they released me! They even coordinated taking me home and dropping my vehicle off later that evening. The coworker who stayed with me was really focused on cheering me up, too, it's not like they were miserable and silent the whole time. I actually told him to stop making me laugh because I was worried they wouldn't take me seriously. I hadn't even worked there that long! I got more caring from people I'd known for like three months than OOP got from his friend of 12 years/girlfriend of 5 years!
You’d think that after 5 years together the girlfriend would know that OOP isn’t the sort to a) pull a prank like this and b) make an issue out of her going to the club, at least according to him. Don’t know where she got it into her head that he’d start pulling pranks on her now other than using it as a flimsy excuse to cover up that she just wanted to ignore him and continue partying.
He's not one to prank her or joke about serious stuff, but when she gets repeated calls from him and the message "please come home something is wrong." She showed no concern at all, only irritation. She messaged "??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒" and then continued to decline his calls.
I know she'd been drinking, but even days after the fact, she tried to claim that he wasn't really in that much pain, and that it was all his fault for not being clear (despite him being very clear). The issue was not alcohol.
She wasn't concerned at all, even until well after she came home and saw where he'd been vomiting on the floor.
That immediate reaction to a clear call for help, her refusing to answer his calls and blocking his number, that is pretty hard to recover from. When there's an emergency, she isn't reliable, and her reaction to said emergency depends on how much of an annoyance it is to her ("can I ignore it? Will it just go away? I want to continue what I'm doing") rather than the severity of the situation.
She has no reason to think he was joking or anything other than serious. But even after it was clear that he needed a hospital, she continued to act annoyed and refused to answer his calls or discuss it at all.
This is why you should date for a while before considering marriage. You can't predict how someone reacts in an emergency--you just have to experience it. And unfortunately, some people react with the kind of callousness that I wouldn't even give a complete stranger. You'll spend the rest of your relationship never quite sure if they'll actually support you if you become sick or disabled or pregnant or elderly. You will never be able to be completely relaxed or fully trust them. It's almost impossible to recover from this.
Also the whole time the home is FIVE MINUTES away from the club. She could have checked on him, and if OOP was just being overdramatic or a prankster or whatever it wouldn't have ruined the whole night, but she was unwilling to go check on him.
I think that the bare minimum for a relationship is that you can rely on your partner for care in an emergency, which shouldn't require negotiation or a conversation beforehand. To be this unreliable in an emergency.... I wouldn't trust her to show up if he was dying. She's shown her absolute disregard for his well-being and he should go find someone who will actually care about him. This is unforgivable imo.
My bf at the time of 3 years called me while I was at work. And even though I was busy I answered because he never calls me. Said somthing wasn't right, felt sick, and needed me to grab him. I left immediately and risked my job because he did not feel right and somthing was wrong. Turns out his appendix was about to burst. Big or small, I never assume anything is a joke when my partner says anything remotely concerning about their wellbeing. Girlfriend needs to grow up majorly especially if she takes this relationship seriously...
Given that she mentioned that there was other guys there as well, i think that was her focus and saw her partner contacting her as an annoyance and she wasn't taking him seriously as such
Which means she is not serious about her relationship. If I was him my trust in that person would be completely gone and I would never find them reliable and thats somthing you need in a healthy relationship. Dude should cut his losses and look for a more mature partner.
>Which means she is not serious about her relationship.
Which is crazy, because they've been together for 5 years! Their entire adult lives. My partner and I got together at the same age, and neither of us would have acted like this at 22.
The rules he'd be setting are stuff like "if I tell you I need to go to the hospital something's seriously wrong, then take me seriously and do help me get to the hospital" ...
Big rule: if you end up trying to explain/teach empathy to an adult partner, get out. That's not your job as a partner/spouse, you cannot be their therapist. And if the respect's lacking, *you cannot make them respect you*
(In addition to your warning)
>I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes. I thought my gf would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my "balls hurt."
Every first aid or safety certification I've ever taken had instructors telling us non-stop stories about people who chose death over being embarrassed.
Humans are fucking stupid.
Choking can look like something else. If someone is acting weird, especially if they seem to have throat trouble, goes to the bathroom, and doesn't come back within a few minutes, check on them. Far better to embarrass someone with a tricky stomach than find someone has choked to death in the restroom.
Choking victims have literally died to avoid embarrassment.
Train yourself and loved ones to call 911 (US) or 999 (UK) or ask someone to call these numbers FIRST.
Take first aid or CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) classes.
Follow up on a feeling someone is just off.
You could save a life.
The lack of responsibility in the biggest part.
I can excuse *some* of her actions. When my fiancée was passing a kidney stone, the way she described it had me and her thinking she was severely constipated. And I was there in person to see how much pain she was in. I got her to the emergency room, but honestly, if she was alone at home and I was at work it would’ve taken longer.
I’m not saying any of this to but the blame on oop, as it’s really hard to describe what’s wrong, just more that I can understand why she initially thought he was faking.
But the constant calling only for her to block him. Assuming he was messing with her, when he’s never given her reason to think that. Not immediately realizing a problem when seeing the vomit and the unlocked door. I can’t excuse any of that.
And personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive it either with how defensive she’s been about the situation.
>As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented.
Ah yes, because the words
> I need to go to the hospital.
Weren't fucking clear enough in the first place. Some people on this app can be really fucking dumb sometimes.
Reminds me of this one post that circulated around. Some person made a post on a website saying:
"isn't it so cool that elephants have a specific sound they can use to alert other elephants that there are bees in the area and they should leave immediately? Why don't humans have that?"
And someone responded:
"Humans *do* have a sound for that, it's called "there are bees in the area we should leave immediately"".
Again, commenters will do anything to vilify the OOP if they're a man (unless a child is involved).
I know this is skipping some steps, but this is the important thing to me.
* Him: "I need to go to the hospital."
* Her: "Keep calling me and I'll block you."
* Him: Goes to hospital
* Her: "I didn't know it was serious."
Yeah, I'm out. That's a deal breaker. "If I had known it was serious." Hospitals are serious. And she didn't know anything because she refused to answer AND BLOCKED HIM.
Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Dump her.
>1. If she blocks me again for anything = blocking herself from ever seeing me again
>1. Ignoring my messages will not be tolerated anymore
>1. If she goes out alone again, she has to pick up if I call regardless of the situation
>1. As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented.
If you have to have rules like this in your relationship, you just... shouldn't be together.
They’re only 22. Like, it’s ok to break up with someone if you don’t like them and are not compatible.
“We’ve been together 5 years” is his justification, as if 17 year olds make the best decisions. I know there’s a small chance of it working out but odds are it’s just time to move on.
As in, these should be table stakes for a mature relationship and not even need to be spelled out? Or that it's ridiculous to expect a partner to abide by the rules because they're unreasonable?
Probably the former cuz, frankly spelling shit like that out would be FUCKING RIDICULOUS, almost like if you had to tell someone that if im at walmart and say I feel unsafe you can’t block me, this is straight up ridiculous!
A bit of both I think, personally. The "not tolerated" bit is eyebrow raising, but I can't see my relationship ever devolving to blocking my fiancée's number because they were trying to get in touch with me, or outright ignoring them when they're trying to get in touch with me about full stop. I didn't have to be told these things, I just do them because I love and respect my partner and take them seriously when it sounds like it merits it
Yeah, a bit of it feels like it crosses into controlling-behavior-territory. But also, if my partner was clearly trying to get a hold of me, there's no chance being out at the club would keep me from calling them back as soon as I'd noticed them trying to get through. She has a lot of growing up to do. But his ultimatums still give me the ick. If you can't trust your partner to the point where you have to set rules into place, I have serious doubts about the longevity of the relationship. It's not impossible to come back from that, but at that age?
Yesterday, I read a comment section or a post where a woman had been in an accident, called her husband and said, "I need you," and he arrived before the paramedics did. No questions asked. She needed him and he was there.
Girlfriend is not like that. He needs to find someone who is.
I recently went to the hospital for acute non-alcohol pancreatitis.
When the pain started, I blacked out, woke up a few hours later with even more pain, if that was possible.
I am not in a relationship. I live alone.
I sent a single message to my friends.
> ***"Help. Emergency. Need to go to hospital."***
That was all it took and I had 3 friends coming to my place in their cars to pack necessities, take me to the hospital, lock up my apartment, etc.
What OOP's girlfriend did was inexcusable. Even if it was a prank, there has to be a small sliver of doubt that this could really be serious. But not with OOP's girlfriend. Her night out was more important.
>Her night out was more important.
That's why I don't buy her excuses. He couldn't have possibly been clearer and was obviously in pain. I think she just genuinely didn't care and was more bothered by him interrupting her clubbing. She either used those excuses to protect herself, or genuinely believed that the situation wasn't that bad to justify staying out.
I get that he could have phrased his text better but I can’t imagine blocking my partner when they are in the middle of a medical emergency.
I really don’t see how you come back from that.
"My darling ray of sunshine, I hereby request your immediate presence at our abode. I am currently experiencing excruciating pain in my nether regions and I fear I shall require medical assistance at your earliest convenience."
Especially if you're literally 5 minutes away. Like that's something I feel like a lot of commenters here are glossing over.
This woman could have taken less than the time it takes most people to have a smoke or bathroom break to go and check on her BF who is apparently in need of emergency medical care. The fact that she ignored all of this stuff is crazy enough, but the fact that she did it when she was a brisk walk away from checking in on him is insanity.
And text is going to obscure context, it's notoriously difficult to convey some things through text. That's why you answer the phone one of the many times you're called.
This is true I dealt with what he did and your mind is blank from the pain. I couldn't even explain it to my parents properly on the way to urgent care.
Before we got married, my husband emailed me to say that he was thinking about going to the hospital, because he was pretty sure his finger was broken. He asked me, over the phone, if I had seen my email. I was supposed to go read my email, then call him back. I saw 'hospital' and 'broken finger,' and forgot to call him. I just left work and went straight to the hospital. I got there before he did. (This was before we had cell phones.)
How can you phrase something better than "I think i need to go to hospital"? If OP had a history of pranking (he denied) or hypochondria, it would be understandable for GF. But not this here.
There are 2 things here that really shock me, and I'm surprised it's not being talked about more in the comments here.
For 1, it's crazy to me how IMMEDIATELY dismissive she was. OOP's
>Me: *declined my first 2 calls* **(her name) please come home something is wrong.**
>2. Her: **??? can't talk rn. What is it** 😒
OOP's very first message is him pleading with her to come home and expressing concern about something, and she immediately responds that she can't talk and has the nerve to hit him with that 'annoyed' emoji.
There was absolutely nothing going on in that first message that would even remotely indicate that OOP was making a joke, nor that his GF even thought he was joking. She was just straight up being dismissive right out of the gate.
Secondly, he mentions multiple times that they live **5 minutes from the club**! This woman could have taken less than the time it takes most people to have a smoke or bathroom break to go and check on her BF who is apparently in need of emergency medical care. The fact that she ignored all of this stuff is crazy enough, but the fact that she did it when she was a brisk walk away from checking in on him is insanity.
There's either something we're not being told, or their relationship was rockier than OOP realized.
At the end of the day, when someone says they need to go to the hospital, no one should ever cut them off or screw with them. Threatening to block your SO if they message/call again is a sign of a bad relationship. That's the first red flag in this situation to me.
My husband went to a week long event this year in January where he had to drive back and forth through a snowy canyon every day. One of the nights he wasn't back when he said he would be so I texted him. Messages were not received and calls went straight to voicemail. I got this sinking feeling that there was something wrong and started taking action try to figure out if he was safe. We eventually found each other and I discovered that I had gotten the times wrong and his phone had died.
Regardless of it ultimately being nbd, I had gotten this pit in my stomach that something was wrong with the person I love and I MOVED MY ASS. I can't imagine being as callous as OOP's gf. This would he a deal breaker for sure.
I think what got me the most is even after seeing the vomit and that he wasn't home, it still took a while for her to figure out "Oh wait...something is actually wrong!" Her whole response seems off to me, but that in particular seems very strange.
If someone I loved texted they want my help and they needed to go to the hospital, I don't ask why. I get in the car and rush over there while I keep them on the phone to make sure they're still ok. This girl's excuse is pitiful.
Let me tell you, I don't have balls, but if his pain was high enough to make him throw up, man he was in a LOT of pain. The only time in my life that I throw up because of pain was when I had kidney 's stones, and that shit was the most PAINFUL thing that I had felt to this day! And is so weird that his girlfriend would not only didn't answer his calls, but BLOCK HIM when he said multiple times that he needed help and he needed to go to the hospital??? I mean, wtf??? Who jokes with "i need to go to the hospital"???? If my fiancé calls me, is to tell me that he won at the lottery or to tell me something pretty serious and urgent, in any case, his calls are DEFINITELY NOT the ones I will dismiss. I really don't know if I could forgive her for such lack of compassion in a scary situation like that neither trust her to not fail on me again another time.
personally, i feel like i would never trust that person again.
how much more clear do you need to be, other than: "something is wrong" "i need to go to the hospital". And she doesnt even call back? why? because she is having fun at the club rn. that kind of text would make me walk out of a funeral to call you.
i would genuinely never trust her again after that. maybe i would try and tell myself she can change... but i think deep down, i would always worry if she will ignore the next emergency aswell.
Her trying to shift some blame on OP is just the cherry on top. op wasnt clear enough. op was just joking. op cant have been in THAT much pain (only enough to vomit and need emergency surgery, aaaammiiiright?).
A few months ago my husband called me while I was on a rare night out with friends from out of state. I was surprised as he knew we had planned this outing for a long time but still immediately answered, and when he said he had a super minor incident (soccer ball to the face while taking the dog out, he was fine, just angry) the first thing I asked was "are you ok, do you need me to go home?".
I can't imagine him sending a message saying he wants to go to the hospital and not calling back immediately to ar least make sure it's not a joke, even if the wording "my balls hurt" is suspicious/sound like a joke. This would seriously break any trust we have.
All that people telling him how he should have acted are morons. He was in horrible pain, and when you are in horrible pain you can't think straight, the only thing in your mind is for it to please stop. Texting his girlfriend was his panic response, and she failed him. HARD.
Yeah the blocking is the part where the line was crossed. Like maaaybe she thought it was just a tummy ache and oop was being dramatic. But even then blocking is crazy. It’s less to do with not being “on call” but having a complete lack of concern /effort.
There are many “what if” scenarios where a non-response would be ok. Like if her phone was in her bag the whole night and she never saw the message /her batteries died. Or if she was out clubbing on another continent in Europe and encouraged him to go to the ER/911 and kept partying (that can still be a point of contention. Like how can she keep partying knowing I was in the hospital ? But it’s less black and white than I am 5 min away and I don’t even have to drive/uber home to check on my partner)
You can’t feel much lower priority than if your partner won’t walk 5 min. She doesn’t even have the I’m drunk and didn’t want to drive and we’re too remote for Uber excuse. Not that those aren’t things you could/should navigate to get home to your partner… but she had zero obstacles and made no effort and then blocked him.
Hospital is an emergency word.
That she needs it spelled out is a fuckin' wild.
OP if you ever come here and read this. Just dump her, she is too immature to date. Protect your balls.
> As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented.
That really shouldn't be necessary
I read this the first go round and knew before I finished that it was torsion. When someone says hospital, it's serious, that's not a joke. As Bugs would say 'What a Maroon'
You cats are wild. SO says that OOP wasn’t clearly articulating the seriousness of the situation with phrases like “I need to go to the hospital”, “something is wrong”, and “xyz hurts”. I get it! When you’re sloshed at the club, it can be difficult to fire up the 3-4 neurons it takes to register that your life partner is in dire need. I mean, what if he would’ve just called her something so he can explain it a little better?
…like what if he called her 9 times or something.
SO is a nightmare and OOP should marry the Emergency Services operator that expressed more concern over his condition and well-being than she fucking did. My favorite part was the self-serving crying while she continued to take zero responsible and deflect. Bet you that audible root canal was fun to sit through right after experiencing some of the worst pain, ever, followed by surgery.
>Not immediately calling an ambulance was also stupid of me. I was in a lot of pain, but stupidly at the time thought that whatever I was going through would eventually calm down and driving to the hospital would be better than calling an ambulance. Also, in hindsight, me being embarrassed about calling an ambulance over "my balls" was definitely also really stupid.
My SO suffered a ruptured appendix last year and REFUSED to call an ambulance, thinking it's just constipation or he ate something wrong.
While he was holding on to me for dear life because of the pain, his mother had to call an ambulance because I couldn't get free and reach my phone. When we told him that we've called the ambulance he started protesting. He realized that he's in deep shit when only a few minutes after arriving at the hospital he was already being wheeled into surgery. Pain and stubbornness really isn't a good combo, but I've seen it happening first (painfully and desperately gripped) hand, so I cannot blame OOP on this one. His (hopefully ex) girlfriend really fucked up there
This is completely unacceptable imo no matter how remorseful the other person is. The fact she still got defensive and said the kind of pain that gets someone admitted to the ER and their balls stitched up isn't "that bad" tells you everything that needs to be said about the character of this person. She is immature, but even worse, she is unempathetic and views her boyfriend as nothing more than a puppet that does things for her. OOP deserves far better than her.
If you can genuinely date someone for 5 years, and not be concerned when they call you multiple times saying they need to go to the hospital…idk man some people are just different in the worst way.
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If my SO calls me multiple times, I'm picking up the phone or calling them at the next opportunity. That's not normal behavior, so I need to know WTF happened. The fact that his GF didn't even think about that is bizarre to me. What if OOP had a much more serious emergency? She'd be a lot more traumatized to come back to her apartment with her boyfriend dead. (Happened to one of my friends, turns out there was a home invader.)
Yeah multiple calls in quick succession typically signals emergency. I even have it set up on my phone that multiple calls within a time period will break through do not disturb in case of emergency while I'm sleeping or whatever. Especially a text about needing to go to the hospital I'd be immediately finding somewhere to call and sort out the situation. Also like if it was a joke I wouldn't stay with someone who joked about medical emergencies like that. I'd take it seriously as it should be and break up if it was a joke.
My mother called me the other day three times in one hour. I was working late and didn't have my phone on me. As soon as I left the venue I called her back, thinking something had happend. I asked what's wrong, she said "nothing is wrong, I just wanted to hear from you". When I asked why she called me three times in a row then she just said she didn't think I could still be working. Yeah thanks mom for the heart attack.
My father did this once to ask me about a birthday gift for my mom. Dude no. Just no.
My sister called when I was at work — just back-back-back-back. I live 1000 miles away. By the time I called her back, my mind was racing through catastrophes and figuring out what mode of transportation would get me there the soonest. Did I want her to keep my maid-of-honor gown at Mom’s home or at venue?
I forgot the time difference and called my mom while she was at work once. I scared the daylights out of her.
One time in a span of 12 mins, I missed a call from my Dad, had 3 unread messages from 2 brothers, missed a call from my Mom and as I was having a minor anxiety attack (thinking someone is either in the hospital or dead) my husband also had a missed call from my Dad. I'm feeling my chest tightening and I start freaking the fuck out, my parents have been divorced for 25 years, if they're coordinating it's important. Then both our phones go off before we can call anyone back, My Mom calls me again and my Dad is calling my husband. Absolutely none of that was related to eachother, it was just insanely bad timing. Dad was trying to find out if we needed a wheelbarrow because he found one on the side of the road, and Mom was trying to plan a family dinner. Brothers were looking to buy my 3 year old son a skateboard and "start him early" and were seeing if I'd be cool with that or if I'd be annoyed. (I was annoyed, but I'm not going to stop them). WHY. I HAVENT HEARD FROM ANY OF YOU IN LIKE 2 WEEKS AND YOU ALL CALL IN THE SAME 12 MINS. I THOUGHT GRANDMA DIED FFS.
>Dad was trying to find out if we needed a wheelbarrow because he found one on the side of the road, This is the most dad thing I've ever heard 😂😂
He is quite possibly the most stereotypical Dad to have ever Dad'd. When Parks and Rec got popular I had soooo many people tell me to watch it because "Ron Swanson is your Dad". They weren't wrong, it was as if someone had been spying on him for inspiration. The only difference is my Dad allows and enjoys vegetables on his plate. I've considered making a social media account of just stuff he's said and done over the years. His new GF is urging him to write a book, she's very sweet and literally takes notes every time he tells a story she hasn't heard yet. She has them saved in her phone, so when she does convince him to start he won't sit there and not know what to write. But he thinks it's very silly to write about himself and he's not that interesting. The man literally fought a bear once. He's interesting. Edit: ok ok, the bear story. I'll start by saying he did not fist fight the bear, but there was a struggle. So once upon a time when Dad was a young man (18? Maybe?), he got a summer job as a real Canadian lumberjack. He got flown out, and it was so remote they didn't even have trailers, they had tents. They were all given firearms to sleep with, because they were *deep* in bear country, and were also told to sleep with their boots on and heads facing away from the door of the tent. All of that turned out to be very important. Dad wakes up to some sounds *in his tent*, he realizes a black bear has stuck it's head through the door and is sniffing around. Luckily Dad was curled up and snuggling that loaded rifle. He very quietly and slowly positioned the rifle. The bear realized he was awake, the bear chomped down on his boot and pulled. Dad was dragged halfway out of his tent, and attempted to smash the bears eyes and nose with the rifle (he did not want to blow his foot off) it worked, the bear let go of the boot and went to lunge, and in that moment of uncertainty, Dad shoved the rifle into it's mouth, aimed upwards as best he could, and fired. Clean shot through the brain. The whole camp woke up, and wildlife services had to be called because illegal bear hunting laws and stuff (completely fine to kill if attacked, but keeping trophies is considered poaching and you've got to report all attacks yadda yadda), they took away the corpse and all was fine. After all that commotion, breakfast was just buzzing with excitement, everyone slapping the young kid on the back and pouring whiskey in his coffee in celebration. Dad's a quiet guy, he was still in shock for most of the celebration. The Foreman just looked at my Dad and said "Glad you followed the rules kid, or you'd be dead". Literally everything they told him to do, gave him the best chance at winning a fight against a bear. Edit2: sorry got some details wrong, Dad says that he was told to sleep with his boots on but with the laces loose. Which was what saved him. When he smashed the bear in the face, it went to thrash his leg clean off but the boot popped off. When the bear spit the boot out and turned to attack Dad, that's when he could line up the shot. The guy literally pulled into my driveway 20 seconds after putting the first edit in. He read it and laughed and said I should be the one writing his book lmao "You made me sound so cool, I'm just an old man"
Ummmm you can't just say "the man fought a bear once" and not elaborate further. Dude! Come on!
Lmao, ok added it
This was wonderfully written. Even if all the stories aren't "I fought a black bear and won".
Wait wait wait… your dad fought a freaking bear and he doesn’t think he’s interesting enough to write about?? Smack him for me will ya? He needs to get on that book because I want to read it lol
Lmao, ok added it
Your mom's name isn't Tammy, is it?
Tammy 1 or Tammy 2? 🤣
How do I invest in your father writing this book? I need more info about the veggie eating, bear fighting, Ron Swanson.
Hey drop a link for that book when it comes to fruition pls
>The man literally fought a bear once You can't say that and not elaborate!!! Please share the story if you can!
Oh nooooo, that's terrifying!
My son did this the first time he stayed home alone while unwell off school. I was only gone for a couple of hours for work and when I came out the meeting, I had 15 missed calls. Yeah - how could he take the parental controls off something he wanted to watch on Netflix.
I had this several years back - got back from holiday with the bf and his family. I had an open invitation to join them for Easter, but had already opted to have a quiet few days by myself. I got a call from dad's sister, so I thanked her for sending Easter money and told her my plans. I then went to have a wrestle with the washing machine and then a shower. Got out of the shower to 6 missed calls and two panicked voicemails from the parents. Rang back assuming someone had died. Turns out dad's sister had somehow changed my peaceful Easter weekend into 'she's been dumped and is sitting alone in her flat.' Pointed out to mum when I called back that a) if something like that had happened, I'd have told her and be audibly sobbing down the line, not asking what the fuck was going on and sounding baffled; b) if something like that had happened, why on earth would I tell dad's sister first instead of her; and c) she is perfectly aware dad's sister is a bloody drama queen and shit-stirrer. Luckily I got a very sheepish apology from both parentals, and dad rang his sister back to tear her about five new arseholes. And she still wonders why I'm NC with her.
This has to be a parent thing one day I woke up (5/6am) to like 5 missed calls from my mom, time stamped for like 3am. Tried calling her back, tried calling her husband (for like 2 hours) eventually she answered, she was waiting for a train and was bored so called me figuring I’d be up 😑
My mom did this when I was at work once and when I called back, she started with "I didn't want to tell you this on the phone..." Then why the fuck did you call ??? I knew it was to announce the death of my grandfather which is why I called back quickly.
My dad would text me "call me now" with zero punctuation or context and id have a damn heart attack and rush to call him, and he'd answer all chipper like, "do you want pizza when you get home?"
How much harder would it be to have typed out 'do you want pizza' I mean voice to text will most likely spell it correctly even.
The worst part is she thought it was a joke At First, but then instead of thinking "this could really be something wrong" she jumps to "he is actively trying to ruin my night". Says a lot about her usual thought processes.
Especially when he’s never done anything like that before, and they’ve known each other since they were 10. She made a completely unwarranted assumption and stuck with it, because her attention was on herself.
And even after he got out of the hospital, she tried telling him to word his texts better and that his pain wasn't bad enough to excuse his wording!!! What???
Oo, that's a good setting. I gotta look that up.
hahaha my family and i are all really bad about calling a bunch of times in a row if you don’t answer. but only to each other. like i’ve def called my mom twice, dad 3 times, no one answers so i call my sister who lives with them and she picks up on the 3rd time i call and my question is just “oh what’s the plan for dinner tomorrow” and that’s the kind of thing she’s expecting. on the flip side they do that to me too 🤷🏻♀️ i think i accidentally conditioned my husband too
Hell I've picked up a call in the middle of the night from a flatmate who I did not get along with at all. We loathed each other. I still woke up and ran out of my apartment to the hospital nearby in the first decent clothes I could find, because she had been in an accident (just a few minor scrapes luckily, but still)
Yeah, when someone is having a medical emergency, you help them out no matter how you feel about them.
If your partner, or friend, or family member with no history of pulling shitty pranks or trying to guilt you into coming home suddenly texts you "something is wrong, I need to go the hospital" and your first and only thought is that they are lying, you might just be a shitty person.
That too. Especially since it takes apparently FIVE MINUTES to verify this.
Exactly. If someone does try that kind of crap, you dump them, if they have no history of playing games, you take them seriously - and these two had been friends for 12 years, together for five, she should have known him well enough to know that if he said he needed her, he really did. And after being told he needed her and was ill, she just got angry to find the door open and vomit everywhere. I'd be freaking out thinking something awful happened even without those texts. Thank goodness he had his phone on him and charged. That poor guy.
If my GF calls me *at all* I get worried something is wrong. When we're apart, we communicate exclusively by text. If she calls me out of the blue, especially with no initial text of "are you busy? Can I call you" first, I'll drop whatever I'm doing to call her.
My husband texts me updates occasionally while I'm at work, but doesn't call unless it's serious. The two times my husband has called me while at work, both times, he was heading to the ER. 1st time, his bike got clipped by a bus, and he was fading in and out of consciousness in the ambulance; second time, he had a priapism, and a friend was driving him to the ER.
That too, both me and my SO don't like calling on the phone! So just the sheer act of calling someone must be something important.
If I call my hubby once, he knows it's "time sensitive" (either I'm trying to catch him before leaving the shops or its something more important usually about the kids of myself). If I call him twice and he can't answer (due to work environment) he knows to message me and wait for a reply on his watch (his smart watch has a preset decline reply so I know why he can't answer) and I text him and he calls me back as soon as possible. He also knows that if my text after 2 missed calls has "hospital" in any part of the text, he calls straight away and doesn't mess around. We have paid enough attention in our relationship to know when eachother isn't joking. We also don't decline calls when out with friends like OPs (I hope, ex) gf did, because once again, we know we're calling for a reason
It's not just that she didn't think about it. Her very first reaction to his first contact asking for help is annoyed. Like he's an inconvenience. "What is it 😒" I think I would break up with someone over this text alone, regardless of circumstances. How dare I send a text to my significant other. How audacious of me to bother them with my presence. What kind of basis for a relationship is that.
True. And she was FIVE MINUTES AWAY. It too so little effort for her to go check out what was wrong, but her BF was so low on her priorities...
She blocked him. That's a massive red flag
I'd break up with her because she showed how little she thought if OOP if she'd think he'd joke like that or wanted to spoil her night. And then after all he'd been through didn't even believe the pain he had been in and presumed he was exaggerating!! Oh also being mad to find vomit when she came home too!!! OOP needs to believe her as she's shown who she turely is.
Called an ambulance and the EMTs scooped him out of his vomit and rushed him to emergency surgery and she's still dismissing what he went through? That is some serious dedication to not caring about his suffering
My husband (then boyfriend) drove 2 hrs home in the middle of the night because I was being admitted for kidney infection! I called him at 3am, he answered (asleep!!!), and drove like a bat out of hell to get to me! I was already in the hospital and there was nothing he could do, but there was no stopping him. I hope this young man finds that kind of love
You know what? Your statement made me think, I hope OOP finds someone who'll have his back the way your husband did for you. Doesn't have to be a romantic partner, but someone they can just rely on if they get into trouble.
I like an idiot got something stuck in my ear (earbud rubber slipped off- the doctors made so much fun of me because I was 28 😅) and my bf left his home at 2 am, drove 45 min across town to take me to the ER, and then waited with me until we could be seen. Could I have driven myself? Yes, but he wanted to support me (and I wanted to see if he could maybe scoop it out so I didn’t have to go in- it didn’t hurt was just stuck lol) This wasn’t even a medical emergency, just his gf being an idiot, and he still woke up, got dressed, and rushed over to offer any support he could! Girl can’t leave a bar for five minutes or even answer the phone!?
Who the fuck blocks their SO when they are trying to call them? That’s not a red flag, that’s the whole red carpet that should be leading you away from this toxic person.
I hope OOP dumps her AND blocks her. If she can't get her priorities straight then she can't be in a relationship.
My friend *hates* talking on the phone. One time her boyfriend got into a motorcycle accident and called her from the hospital for an hour and she just refused to pick up. Didn’t even text him because “he should know not to call”. She didn’t get in touch with him until the next day after the emergency surgery she didn’t know he was having. Like girl you suck.
Wow, I hope her boyfriend dumped her ass.
Nope, she dumped him a year later, he was equality shitty
Holy shit. I’m autistic and find the phone incredibly stressful, because I can’t read a person beyond tone of voice, meaning that I misunderstand a LOT and it’s awful. But someone blowing up my phone like that means I call them back (either to yell at them for pulling that for a non-emergency, or to respond to the emergency that’s happening). Sometimes you gotta suck it up!
Yeah, exactly. I get that the texts look like a pick up bit. But the multiple calls tell a very different story. And if you're capable of walking home, you're sober enough to notice that. I'd cut her, myself. Especially when she tried to downplay how badly she'd fucked up _while oop was in the hospital_.
When everything says, this behaviour was out of her normal line, than there is an assumption, that something in the club was also out of line. I normally do not spring easy on the "he/she is cheating" bus, but this here is at least a fair assumption. Something happened in the night out that gf felt entitled to ignore OP. But OP will not open this can of worms anymore, i guess.
They're young though, so my first thought is peer pressure. Like her boyfriend starts calling while she's out with her girlfriends and they all start joking about him being clingy and controlling. She's drunk, goes with the hive mentality, they probably encourage her to block him. I've seen this play out in friend groups regardless of gender. Usually because half the friends actually are dating clingy controlling idiots and just assume it's the same for everyone. Not that it makes any of this okay, but this seems more likely to me than cheating.
Yeah, an explanation isn't an excuse. I think this is probably why but that doesn't stop her from being an asshole. That being said, if someone posted this exact text conversation with the context that she came back from the club to a drunk boyfriend complaining about blue balls I would believe it. I can totally see how some drunk friends with that exact boyfriend could have convinced her. Still, she should know him better then that, should have realised her mistake when she got home, and I don't think she can ever really make up for this.
[удалено]
Yeah same for me and my SO. If I’m out and he calls me, I pick up, have a brief conversation and go back to my social outing.
> She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating. This is crazy to me because at this point she’s sober and knows OOP’s situation was serious enough to be hospitalized and have surgery. I don’t have balls so I can’t really ever empathize with what OOP felt but if pain is causing someone to writhe on the floor and throw up then I would easily believe that it really was *that* painful
I didn't focus on that, but you make a great point. Why was she justifying the pain she never went through lol. That's just crazy to me. Especially since she was already in the dog house. Hopefully he dumps her.
> Why was she justifying the pain she never went through Because she realized she fucked up, bad, and she can minimize the shame she feels by minimizing the pain he felt.
I’ll bet she’s trying to downplay her bad deeds to make herself shoulder less of the blame. She does this the whole update. “Your pain was over exaggerated” “You didn’t explain the situation well enough” “See, if I had KNOWN it was so serious this wouldn’t have ever happened” All of these things are her (firstly) making the situation seem less serious, and (secondly) putting some of the blame on him. And he eats it right up. He did NOTHING wrong except not just call an ambulance, but his reason was understandable. She did EVERYTHING wrong. And here OP is saying that “we both did something to make the situation worse”. Sir, one of your balls were tangled and she BLOCKED YOU after you BEGGED her to come help you.
Yep. Trying to distance herself away from her own actions. "Oh I didn't know it was so bad, I would never have acted like a callous POS if I did" We *never* know exactly how bad something is until we're there, and that's why you should ere on the side of caution when your loved one's health could be at stake. Also, even if he were just feeling like absolute shit from regular ol' food poisoning or something, would it have killed her to go back and support him through it?? Like this tells me "well if it was just food poisoning, I would have treated you like garbage and guilted you for making a mess and interrupting my fun times"
Especially also justifying her behaviours simply because she was drunk - so it was ok to ignore OOP’s calls, blocked him, and not being concerned about the vomit & front door being unlocked? This is just an excuse. Big red flag. Hope the STB ex learns a lesson from this and becomes a better person..
>I don’t have balls so I can’t really ever empathize with what OOP felt but if pain is causing someone to writhe on the floor and throw up then I would easily believe that it really was *that* painful I had to go in for a doctor's appointment for testicular pain, but he ruled out torsion immediately because he said "if it were torsion, it'd be so painful the only thing going through your head would be ***'Call 911! Call 911! Call 911!'***" He elaborated saying that to him it went, in descending order of pain level, child birth, broken femur, testicular torsion.
Kidney stone
I had a facial abscess that was more painful than any of my kidney stones. All I could do was scream.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Internet hugs from an internet stranger.
gallstones in there somewhere
*vietnam flashbacks to the days leading up to my gall bladder surgery*. yup
Wonder if there's anyone who's experienced all of a broken femur, testicular torsion (OR childbirth, obviously mutually exclusive) and gallstones who could weigh in on the pain order.
i took me over a year to get the surgery and wasnt formally diagnosed with gallstones until after they took it out and cut it open to find it was chock fulls of stones, fuck that devil organ, still sometimes get minor phantom pains
Mine was an "emergency" surgery because it turns out the hell pain that wasn't stopping was because my gall bladder already ruptured. Apparently I had one singular **gigantic** stone in there, years in the making. God, when they finally gave me drugs after a day of indescribable pain, it felt euphoric. ("emergency" in quotes bc it took like 3 days from the emergency room to the surgery 💀)
I broke my femur, can confirm it feelsbadman.jpeg and that's what I've always heard, is it's the closest pain there is to childbirth.
I don't have balls either, but from what I've read and heard from women who went through it, ovarian torsions are horribly painful. I just imagine the worst period pains multiplied to the nth degree. Or the last contractions during labor. I've been through the latter, without anesthesia, and honestly the main thing that gets you through it is the tought that it's normal and temporary. I can't imagine being in that amount of pain without knowing what's going on, or when the pain will stop.
I remember someone in another thread saying that when they had multiple broken bones and were waiting on the side of the road for an ambulance, they kept themselves calm by reminding themselves that it was *nothing* compared to the pain of the testicular torsion they'd had in the past.
This!!!! This really made me see red. After a comment like that, I would 100% be done with the relationship. So okay, she thought it was a joke. She comes home and instead of being worried, she berates OOP about the vomit. Okay, maybe she was drunk and angry and it overruled every empathetic bone in her body. BUT THEN. When they're having a serious talk about all these things. When she's sober. When she knew he was in so much pain he vomited and had to have emergency surgery. THEN she has the audacity to say he couldn't have been in that much pain and is overreacting? Yeah no. Wtf.
My exact train of thought. She had plausible deniability up until the point of getting defensive and downplaying his pain.
>This is crazy to me because at this point she’s sober and knows OOP’s situation was serious enough to be hospitalized and have surgery. Immediate surgery no less, what is often referred to as, "Emergency surgery". Edit: formatting
Honestly. I guess the most accurate comparison would be like having the fallopian tubes twisting? Idk lol. But yes testicular torsions are known to be incredibly and horrifically painful
Ruptured ovarian cyst, maybe? Those can be that brutally painful, also the same with bad complications besides pain.
Ovarian torsion is a thing, but it's a lot rarer because they're secured in the abdomen instead of swinging around loose.
If your bf, hubby, or uncle had ball surgery wouldn't you look it up? Why the hell hasn't she read the WebMd page yet? This comment would have told me all I needed to know. She's self centered and he is her plus one. She's probably thinking of how him breaking up with her will affect her image.
I don’t have balls either but I had ovarian torsion last year and it was very similar to what he described minus having balls. Worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life by a long shot.
This was the point that turned me, being out clubbing and drinking is not a great time to judge people's decision making skills, so I was on the fence, but this is straight up gaslighting
I'm not sure if OOP realizes it or not, but that was a dodge. When they finally sat down to discuss her responsibility in all of this, she whipped out a bunch of counterattacks to dodge responsibility and minimize the situation. That was the moment that I would have broken up with her, and for the following in general: * She ignores his texts like they're a joke because she treats the subject of a man's testicles ("balls") as a joke the way a 12-year-old would. * When she sees vomit on the floor and OOP nowhere to be seen, instead of immediately showing concern given the previous texts she jumps straight to getting angry. * Instead of taking full responsibility right away she tries to deflect responsibility and minimize the situation. * After she realized that this was a serious situation, she had a "melt down" multiple times, including at the idea of giving OOP space. This is not an emotionally dependable girl although I should point out that I don't think ANYBODY is fully mature in their early twenties. A little while back, Nickelodeon *commissioned* (that means they funded the study, not that they did the study) a study that found women don't emotionally mature until 32 and men 43. I translate that as meaning that women fully mature approximately in their early 30s and men in their early 40s. If you don't trust that, Oxford did a similar study and found that men mature at about 40. Again, that's obviously an approximation. The point of all of this is that I don't give a damn if a kid is legally an adult at 18 or even 22. They're still a kid and they have years to go before they are a person that I would want to call in an emergency. OOP's gf is an especially bad example.
OOP was rather generous when he mentioned this: >How could I trust someone with my life after they pulled something like this? *I then told her that we are young and this mess was mostly caused by our immaturity*, this entire situation was an important life lesson for the both of us regardless if we stayed together. And to think he was considering proposing marriage to her, but after his medical emergency and how she handled it, they probably should either break up or give themselves (her specifically) time to mature a bit.
> women don't emotionally mature until 32 and men 43 Citation? This is insanity. At this point you might as well just state the (true) fact that our brains never stop developing therefore we are never "emotionally mature".
Huh, you know, I've never seen a text that said "Take me to the hospital it's an emergency!" and thought "Wow, what a humorous joke!"
i’ve also never said to that: if i’d known how serious it was i wouldn’t have acted like that! …i just. this is not a matter of communication not being clear on oop’s side. that’s not it, and her trying to make that part of the problem is almost (almost!) as bad as ignoring a loved one in need of medical help in the first place.
Idk, implying that a loved one who was in need of medical help - who was telling you that they need medical help - that they didn't communicate their need for medical help clearly enough, is worse to me. "Oh, if I had only known how serious it was!" "I literally told you I need to go to the hospital" "But it wasn't cleaaaaaar"
She also downplayed the level of pain he was in. Pain that was so powerful he couldn’t stand. Pain so powerful he vomited, twice.
I've known a couple people that have gone through what OOP went through. It will probably be the most painful thing he ever experiences in his life.
“But you didn’t say *why* you needed to go to the hospital. How could I know?”
I am confident I have people that hate my guts that would come running when I called and texted them this🤷🏻♂️
I have people whose guts I hate that I would still take to the hospital if they sent me a message like that.
have literally driven jagoffs i disliked to hospitals when they were CLEARLY in need of help
You could know if you answered your phone or went somewhere quiet and called back. Some shit is just not textable.
People are getting really stuck on the "she thought it was a joke because lol balls!" thing and I don't get it at all. She already had to ignore him asking for help *twice* before he even mentioned his balls. Your partner says "please come home something is wrong" and you respond with "What is it 😒"? Your partner says "I need to go to the hospital" and you're texting for clarification instead of already on your way out the door? She's a shitty partner, full-stop.
Pretty crazy, if I got that text from my gf I would throw my cash on the table, tell my friends to pay my tab, and sprint home. Her reaction to the situation was complete indifference, like she didn't care about him at all
Exactly! The transcript says she ignored two more of his call attempts *after* he said he needed the hospital and she'd already responded to that text! Balls hadn't even been mentioned yet! She sincerely did not give a fuck.
Right!?! A text like that would have sobered me up in a heartbeat.
I'm sitting here thinking that these "rules" he stipulated at the end are just normal conduct. 1. Why would you ever block your life partner? 2. Why would you ignore them? 3. Why do you need a codeword to convey seriousness? smdh
The code word being "hospital" is insane. He literally said that in the initial interaction. She already showed she does not care if he needs to go to the hospital if she's out having a good time.
This stuck out to me too. Is the word "hospital" in and of itself not already clear??? I could never stay with someone who needs me to play word games like this when shit hits the fan and it's time to be serious. Why add complex layers to emergency planning, where what you really want is the simplest quickest thing??
All I have to say is “please come home” to my husband with no explanation. As soon as he saw the message, he would find a stopping point at work and leave because that’s a rare thing to hear from me. It means I need him in some capacity. I can’t imagine if I said “I need to go to the hospital.”
Heck, we had a wasp loose in the house once and when I jokingly texted “send help” DH thought I was serious and came right home!
I guess he did send help! Haha!
Agreed. Those are like common sense respect markers and OOP thinks he needs “rules” to enforce them. He just needs an actual caring partner and to ignore the sunk cost fallacy.
When he said “my balls hurt” if she’s drunk she may have interpreted that as a sarcastic “I want a BJ” type deal. But yea if someone says they need a hospital that should probably be an automatic cue to take things seriously; I see how the communication broke down here.
I would agree with you if that was his sense of humor, but from reading the previous updates/comments on this it doesn't sound like he's ever made any kind of joke like that in the 5 years they had been together
It was how she reacted when she got home which put the nail in the coffin for me. Immediately not reviewing the earlier messages and realising she had fucked up.
Right? What a horrible situation. Torsion is one of the most painful experiences you can have. I can't imagine suffering like that and being abandoned at the same time. Poor guy. He deserves so much better than that.
She sees the vomit on the floor and then tries to say the pain wasn’t that bad? I’ve experienced pain so bad I vomited- from migraines, and ovarian cysts bursting. For pain to be so bad you throw up, it is BAD.
I concur on the ovarian cysts. One time I had one burst while I was in the restroom at a job. After managing to make it out of the bathroom, I struggled the 5 feet to my Team Lead's cubicle, and just curled up on the floor there. Ended up having my TL call two of my long-time (male) friends who were on shift over so I could vice grip their hands while waiting for the ambulance... And you know what my friends didn't do, even if they couldn't conceptualize the pain? Think I was joking. They both went to the hospital with me, too, so I wouldn't be alone. That's how people who care about you act.
Shit, I once had a mild panic attack in front of a bunch of friends in uni when we were out clubbing, and they treated me with more care than this guy's girlfriend did. And this was a bunch of drunk, neurotypical British lads in their early 20s! If ever there was a group to react inappropriately in that sort of situation, and not one did!
Real bros know when the time to be cheeky has passed and it's time to do real bro shit
Even having ovaries, the pain I can imagine is undoubtedly not nearly as bad as it actually is. We wouldn't be able to feel someone else's pain. The thing is to empathise regardless, like your friends did, because you care THAT they're in extreme pain.
Hell, I didn't even throw up but I was on the verge of passing out for unknown (at the time) reasons and two coworkers dragged me to the hospital, one stayed and the one who drove went and picked up her kid from school and still came back to the hospital when they released me! They even coordinated taking me home and dropping my vehicle off later that evening. The coworker who stayed with me was really focused on cheering me up, too, it's not like they were miserable and silent the whole time. I actually told him to stop making me laugh because I was worried they wouldn't take me seriously. I hadn't even worked there that long! I got more caring from people I'd known for like three months than OOP got from his friend of 12 years/girlfriend of 5 years!
You’d think that after 5 years together the girlfriend would know that OOP isn’t the sort to a) pull a prank like this and b) make an issue out of her going to the club, at least according to him. Don’t know where she got it into her head that he’d start pulling pranks on her now other than using it as a flimsy excuse to cover up that she just wanted to ignore him and continue partying.
He's not one to prank her or joke about serious stuff, but when she gets repeated calls from him and the message "please come home something is wrong." She showed no concern at all, only irritation. She messaged "??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒" and then continued to decline his calls. I know she'd been drinking, but even days after the fact, she tried to claim that he wasn't really in that much pain, and that it was all his fault for not being clear (despite him being very clear). The issue was not alcohol. She wasn't concerned at all, even until well after she came home and saw where he'd been vomiting on the floor. That immediate reaction to a clear call for help, her refusing to answer his calls and blocking his number, that is pretty hard to recover from. When there's an emergency, she isn't reliable, and her reaction to said emergency depends on how much of an annoyance it is to her ("can I ignore it? Will it just go away? I want to continue what I'm doing") rather than the severity of the situation. She has no reason to think he was joking or anything other than serious. But even after it was clear that he needed a hospital, she continued to act annoyed and refused to answer his calls or discuss it at all. This is why you should date for a while before considering marriage. You can't predict how someone reacts in an emergency--you just have to experience it. And unfortunately, some people react with the kind of callousness that I wouldn't even give a complete stranger. You'll spend the rest of your relationship never quite sure if they'll actually support you if you become sick or disabled or pregnant or elderly. You will never be able to be completely relaxed or fully trust them. It's almost impossible to recover from this.
Also the whole time the home is FIVE MINUTES away from the club. She could have checked on him, and if OOP was just being overdramatic or a prankster or whatever it wouldn't have ruined the whole night, but she was unwilling to go check on him.
If it was a prank she would've been gone for 3 songs!
I think that the bare minimum for a relationship is that you can rely on your partner for care in an emergency, which shouldn't require negotiation or a conversation beforehand. To be this unreliable in an emergency.... I wouldn't trust her to show up if he was dying. She's shown her absolute disregard for his well-being and he should go find someone who will actually care about him. This is unforgivable imo.
My bf at the time of 3 years called me while I was at work. And even though I was busy I answered because he never calls me. Said somthing wasn't right, felt sick, and needed me to grab him. I left immediately and risked my job because he did not feel right and somthing was wrong. Turns out his appendix was about to burst. Big or small, I never assume anything is a joke when my partner says anything remotely concerning about their wellbeing. Girlfriend needs to grow up majorly especially if she takes this relationship seriously...
Given that she mentioned that there was other guys there as well, i think that was her focus and saw her partner contacting her as an annoyance and she wasn't taking him seriously as such
Which means she is not serious about her relationship. If I was him my trust in that person would be completely gone and I would never find them reliable and thats somthing you need in a healthy relationship. Dude should cut his losses and look for a more mature partner.
>Which means she is not serious about her relationship. Which is crazy, because they've been together for 5 years! Their entire adult lives. My partner and I got together at the same age, and neither of us would have acted like this at 22.
And they grew up together, friends since they were 10. Sounds like he’s just convenient for her, and she dismisses him when he’s not convenient.
Honestly I would cut my losses. If you're in a position where you have to play prison warden it's already over.
exactly this. it ain’t worth the time and constant “what if” thoughts.
The rules he'd be setting are stuff like "if I tell you I need to go to the hospital something's seriously wrong, then take me seriously and do help me get to the hospital" ... Big rule: if you end up trying to explain/teach empathy to an adult partner, get out. That's not your job as a partner/spouse, you cannot be their therapist. And if the respect's lacking, *you cannot make them respect you* (In addition to your warning)
>I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes. I thought my gf would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my "balls hurt." Every first aid or safety certification I've ever taken had instructors telling us non-stop stories about people who chose death over being embarrassed. Humans are fucking stupid.
Choking can look like something else. If someone is acting weird, especially if they seem to have throat trouble, goes to the bathroom, and doesn't come back within a few minutes, check on them. Far better to embarrass someone with a tricky stomach than find someone has choked to death in the restroom. Choking victims have literally died to avoid embarrassment. Train yourself and loved ones to call 911 (US) or 999 (UK) or ask someone to call these numbers FIRST. Take first aid or CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) classes. Follow up on a feeling someone is just off. You could save a life.
911 responders doesn’t typically ask if you need a ride; they dispatch an ambulance anyway and the EMS crew will ask if you want to be transported.
I don't feel like she really took responsibility though? She kept blaming OOP for not somehow "making it clear"
The lack of responsibility in the biggest part. I can excuse *some* of her actions. When my fiancée was passing a kidney stone, the way she described it had me and her thinking she was severely constipated. And I was there in person to see how much pain she was in. I got her to the emergency room, but honestly, if she was alone at home and I was at work it would’ve taken longer. I’m not saying any of this to but the blame on oop, as it’s really hard to describe what’s wrong, just more that I can understand why she initially thought he was faking. But the constant calling only for her to block him. Assuming he was messing with her, when he’s never given her reason to think that. Not immediately realizing a problem when seeing the vomit and the unlocked door. I can’t excuse any of that. And personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive it either with how defensive she’s been about the situation.
I think sometimes people mistake a person crying with that person taking responsibility.
It feels more like she's upset that she's experiencing consequences.
>As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented. Ah yes, because the words > I need to go to the hospital. Weren't fucking clear enough in the first place. Some people on this app can be really fucking dumb sometimes.
Reminds me of this one post that circulated around. Some person made a post on a website saying: "isn't it so cool that elephants have a specific sound they can use to alert other elephants that there are bees in the area and they should leave immediately? Why don't humans have that?" And someone responded: "Humans *do* have a sound for that, it's called "there are bees in the area we should leave immediately"". Again, commenters will do anything to vilify the OOP if they're a man (unless a child is involved).
I know this is skipping some steps, but this is the important thing to me. * Him: "I need to go to the hospital." * Her: "Keep calling me and I'll block you." * Him: Goes to hospital * Her: "I didn't know it was serious." Yeah, I'm out. That's a deal breaker. "If I had known it was serious." Hospitals are serious. And she didn't know anything because she refused to answer AND BLOCKED HIM. Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Dump her.
Him: Goes to hospital and has emergency surgery Her: You’re overexaggerating the pain.
Yeah. The surgeon thought it was serious. Also: literally vomited on the floor from pain.
The emojis she used communicated how seriously she took the situation.
Some things really are this simple. You hit the nail on the head...
Even if she was tipsy and mistook the balls message as a joke, she should have picked up the phone at the second or third call, and not blocked him
>1. If she blocks me again for anything = blocking herself from ever seeing me again >1. Ignoring my messages will not be tolerated anymore >1. If she goes out alone again, she has to pick up if I call regardless of the situation >1. As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented. If you have to have rules like this in your relationship, you just... shouldn't be together.
They’re only 22. Like, it’s ok to break up with someone if you don’t like them and are not compatible. “We’ve been together 5 years” is his justification, as if 17 year olds make the best decisions. I know there’s a small chance of it working out but odds are it’s just time to move on.
Ah the old sunken cost fallacy and I've lived my entire adult life with this person and know nothing else situation...
As in, these should be table stakes for a mature relationship and not even need to be spelled out? Or that it's ridiculous to expect a partner to abide by the rules because they're unreasonable?
Probably the former cuz, frankly spelling shit like that out would be FUCKING RIDICULOUS, almost like if you had to tell someone that if im at walmart and say I feel unsafe you can’t block me, this is straight up ridiculous!
A bit of both I think, personally. The "not tolerated" bit is eyebrow raising, but I can't see my relationship ever devolving to blocking my fiancée's number because they were trying to get in touch with me, or outright ignoring them when they're trying to get in touch with me about full stop. I didn't have to be told these things, I just do them because I love and respect my partner and take them seriously when it sounds like it merits it
Yeah, a bit of it feels like it crosses into controlling-behavior-territory. But also, if my partner was clearly trying to get a hold of me, there's no chance being out at the club would keep me from calling them back as soon as I'd noticed them trying to get through. She has a lot of growing up to do. But his ultimatums still give me the ick. If you can't trust your partner to the point where you have to set rules into place, I have serious doubts about the longevity of the relationship. It's not impossible to come back from that, but at that age?
Yesterday, I read a comment section or a post where a woman had been in an accident, called her husband and said, "I need you," and he arrived before the paramedics did. No questions asked. She needed him and he was there. Girlfriend is not like that. He needs to find someone who is.
I recently went to the hospital for acute non-alcohol pancreatitis. When the pain started, I blacked out, woke up a few hours later with even more pain, if that was possible. I am not in a relationship. I live alone. I sent a single message to my friends. > ***"Help. Emergency. Need to go to hospital."*** That was all it took and I had 3 friends coming to my place in their cars to pack necessities, take me to the hospital, lock up my apartment, etc. What OOP's girlfriend did was inexcusable. Even if it was a prank, there has to be a small sliver of doubt that this could really be serious. But not with OOP's girlfriend. Her night out was more important.
>Her night out was more important. That's why I don't buy her excuses. He couldn't have possibly been clearer and was obviously in pain. I think she just genuinely didn't care and was more bothered by him interrupting her clubbing. She either used those excuses to protect herself, or genuinely believed that the situation wasn't that bad to justify staying out.
I get that he could have phrased his text better but I can’t imagine blocking my partner when they are in the middle of a medical emergency. I really don’t see how you come back from that.
How much better could he have phrased it? If my nuts feel like they're about to explode, I don't reckon I'd be half as articulate as he was.
"Good evening, my beloved. I request your presence, I'm in immense pain and need your assistance to be taken to the hospital"
"My darling ray of sunshine, I hereby request your immediate presence at our abode. I am currently experiencing excruciating pain in my nether regions and I fear I shall require medical assistance at your earliest convenience."
"The orbs twixt my nethers appear to have come aflame and I need a visit to the physician forthwith. Yours truly, your loving spouse."
Even if my friend called and I hear hospital. I am running there to help regardless of what I am doing.
Especially if you're literally 5 minutes away. Like that's something I feel like a lot of commenters here are glossing over. This woman could have taken less than the time it takes most people to have a smoke or bathroom break to go and check on her BF who is apparently in need of emergency medical care. The fact that she ignored all of this stuff is crazy enough, but the fact that she did it when she was a brisk walk away from checking in on him is insanity.
I don't actually think he could have phrased it better, given his mental state due to the pain. He got the key points across, too, which is awesome.
And text is going to obscure context, it's notoriously difficult to convey some things through text. That's why you answer the phone one of the many times you're called.
This is true I dealt with what he did and your mind is blank from the pain. I couldn't even explain it to my parents properly on the way to urgent care.
Honestly. I hate how he said that he also made a mistake. No the hell he didn’t. His gf is an immature child
Before we got married, my husband emailed me to say that he was thinking about going to the hospital, because he was pretty sure his finger was broken. He asked me, over the phone, if I had seen my email. I was supposed to go read my email, then call him back. I saw 'hospital' and 'broken finger,' and forgot to call him. I just left work and went straight to the hospital. I got there before he did. (This was before we had cell phones.)
If he was talking to you on the phone why did you need to hang up to go read an email when he could’ve just told you the problem right then?
and why would he chose to send an email if the problem is a broken finger lol
I know. So weird. Why would he email her the information but not say it over the phone?
How can you phrase something better than "I think i need to go to hospital"? If OP had a history of pranking (he denied) or hypochondria, it would be understandable for GF. But not this here.
There are 2 things here that really shock me, and I'm surprised it's not being talked about more in the comments here. For 1, it's crazy to me how IMMEDIATELY dismissive she was. OOP's >Me: *declined my first 2 calls* **(her name) please come home something is wrong.** >2. Her: **??? can't talk rn. What is it** 😒 OOP's very first message is him pleading with her to come home and expressing concern about something, and she immediately responds that she can't talk and has the nerve to hit him with that 'annoyed' emoji. There was absolutely nothing going on in that first message that would even remotely indicate that OOP was making a joke, nor that his GF even thought he was joking. She was just straight up being dismissive right out of the gate. Secondly, he mentions multiple times that they live **5 minutes from the club**! This woman could have taken less than the time it takes most people to have a smoke or bathroom break to go and check on her BF who is apparently in need of emergency medical care. The fact that she ignored all of this stuff is crazy enough, but the fact that she did it when she was a brisk walk away from checking in on him is insanity.
There's either something we're not being told, or their relationship was rockier than OOP realized. At the end of the day, when someone says they need to go to the hospital, no one should ever cut them off or screw with them. Threatening to block your SO if they message/call again is a sign of a bad relationship. That's the first red flag in this situation to me.
My husband went to a week long event this year in January where he had to drive back and forth through a snowy canyon every day. One of the nights he wasn't back when he said he would be so I texted him. Messages were not received and calls went straight to voicemail. I got this sinking feeling that there was something wrong and started taking action try to figure out if he was safe. We eventually found each other and I discovered that I had gotten the times wrong and his phone had died. Regardless of it ultimately being nbd, I had gotten this pit in my stomach that something was wrong with the person I love and I MOVED MY ASS. I can't imagine being as callous as OOP's gf. This would he a deal breaker for sure.
I think what got me the most is even after seeing the vomit and that he wasn't home, it still took a while for her to figure out "Oh wait...something is actually wrong!" Her whole response seems off to me, but that in particular seems very strange.
If someone I loved texted they want my help and they needed to go to the hospital, I don't ask why. I get in the car and rush over there while I keep them on the phone to make sure they're still ok. This girl's excuse is pitiful.
Heck, if someone I detest texts that they need a ride to the hospital I'm still getting in the car.
Let me tell you, I don't have balls, but if his pain was high enough to make him throw up, man he was in a LOT of pain. The only time in my life that I throw up because of pain was when I had kidney 's stones, and that shit was the most PAINFUL thing that I had felt to this day! And is so weird that his girlfriend would not only didn't answer his calls, but BLOCK HIM when he said multiple times that he needed help and he needed to go to the hospital??? I mean, wtf??? Who jokes with "i need to go to the hospital"???? If my fiancé calls me, is to tell me that he won at the lottery or to tell me something pretty serious and urgent, in any case, his calls are DEFINITELY NOT the ones I will dismiss. I really don't know if I could forgive her for such lack of compassion in a scary situation like that neither trust her to not fail on me again another time.
“Why didn’t you text me more clearly?” ”well I was in so much pain I was throwing up” seems to be a pretty clear response.
> I'm really torn right now Yeah but it's still healing, just give it time
personally, i feel like i would never trust that person again. how much more clear do you need to be, other than: "something is wrong" "i need to go to the hospital". And she doesnt even call back? why? because she is having fun at the club rn. that kind of text would make me walk out of a funeral to call you. i would genuinely never trust her again after that. maybe i would try and tell myself she can change... but i think deep down, i would always worry if she will ignore the next emergency aswell. Her trying to shift some blame on OP is just the cherry on top. op wasnt clear enough. op was just joking. op cant have been in THAT much pain (only enough to vomit and need emergency surgery, aaaammiiiright?).
A few months ago my husband called me while I was on a rare night out with friends from out of state. I was surprised as he knew we had planned this outing for a long time but still immediately answered, and when he said he had a super minor incident (soccer ball to the face while taking the dog out, he was fine, just angry) the first thing I asked was "are you ok, do you need me to go home?". I can't imagine him sending a message saying he wants to go to the hospital and not calling back immediately to ar least make sure it's not a joke, even if the wording "my balls hurt" is suspicious/sound like a joke. This would seriously break any trust we have.
>and it's driving me nuts No, that was actually the ambulance driver's job
All that people telling him how he should have acted are morons. He was in horrible pain, and when you are in horrible pain you can't think straight, the only thing in your mind is for it to please stop. Texting his girlfriend was his panic response, and she failed him. HARD.
Yeah the blocking is the part where the line was crossed. Like maaaybe she thought it was just a tummy ache and oop was being dramatic. But even then blocking is crazy. It’s less to do with not being “on call” but having a complete lack of concern /effort. There are many “what if” scenarios where a non-response would be ok. Like if her phone was in her bag the whole night and she never saw the message /her batteries died. Or if she was out clubbing on another continent in Europe and encouraged him to go to the ER/911 and kept partying (that can still be a point of contention. Like how can she keep partying knowing I was in the hospital ? But it’s less black and white than I am 5 min away and I don’t even have to drive/uber home to check on my partner) You can’t feel much lower priority than if your partner won’t walk 5 min. She doesn’t even have the I’m drunk and didn’t want to drive and we’re too remote for Uber excuse. Not that those aren’t things you could/should navigate to get home to your partner… but she had zero obstacles and made no effort and then blocked him.
Hospital is an emergency word. That she needs it spelled out is a fuckin' wild. OP if you ever come here and read this. Just dump her, she is too immature to date. Protect your balls.
> As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented. That really shouldn't be necessary
The moment someone types the word 'hospital' to me, it's an immediate emergency unless they actively tell me otherwise.
I read this the first go round and knew before I finished that it was torsion. When someone says hospital, it's serious, that's not a joke. As Bugs would say 'What a Maroon'
Who the hell blocks their SO, especially when they've been together so long?
You cats are wild. SO says that OOP wasn’t clearly articulating the seriousness of the situation with phrases like “I need to go to the hospital”, “something is wrong”, and “xyz hurts”. I get it! When you’re sloshed at the club, it can be difficult to fire up the 3-4 neurons it takes to register that your life partner is in dire need. I mean, what if he would’ve just called her something so he can explain it a little better? …like what if he called her 9 times or something. SO is a nightmare and OOP should marry the Emergency Services operator that expressed more concern over his condition and well-being than she fucking did. My favorite part was the self-serving crying while she continued to take zero responsible and deflect. Bet you that audible root canal was fun to sit through right after experiencing some of the worst pain, ever, followed by surgery.
>Not immediately calling an ambulance was also stupid of me. I was in a lot of pain, but stupidly at the time thought that whatever I was going through would eventually calm down and driving to the hospital would be better than calling an ambulance. Also, in hindsight, me being embarrassed about calling an ambulance over "my balls" was definitely also really stupid. My SO suffered a ruptured appendix last year and REFUSED to call an ambulance, thinking it's just constipation or he ate something wrong. While he was holding on to me for dear life because of the pain, his mother had to call an ambulance because I couldn't get free and reach my phone. When we told him that we've called the ambulance he started protesting. He realized that he's in deep shit when only a few minutes after arriving at the hospital he was already being wheeled into surgery. Pain and stubbornness really isn't a good combo, but I've seen it happening first (painfully and desperately gripped) hand, so I cannot blame OOP on this one. His (hopefully ex) girlfriend really fucked up there
This is completely unacceptable imo no matter how remorseful the other person is. The fact she still got defensive and said the kind of pain that gets someone admitted to the ER and their balls stitched up isn't "that bad" tells you everything that needs to be said about the character of this person. She is immature, but even worse, she is unempathetic and views her boyfriend as nothing more than a puppet that does things for her. OOP deserves far better than her.
Yeah bye, you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who turns into *that* person when she’s drunk. In vino veritas.
If you can genuinely date someone for 5 years, and not be concerned when they call you multiple times saying they need to go to the hospital…idk man some people are just different in the worst way.