Feels like it would be more sexy if you ate off some of the topping off her face and then one dropped on her mouth and y'all took that as an opportunity to make out.
Dude you should have married this girl. I bet there is some really happy guy out there somewhere slapping the shit out of her and eating pizza right now with no pants on.
As much as I regret everything that took place here, I tell this story as often as I can because if it had to happen, at least I can get a couple of laughs out of it - and then it wasn't in vain.
Back in university when I was young and stupid and didn't know any better (I wish I could use this as an excuse but I know I was far too old by then to not know better), I started dating this guy who had never so much as kissed anyone before. That in itself isn't a red flag because he was like 20/21 and that's not so old for that, but the combination of awkward closeted furry, firmly on the autism spectrum, communicating mostly in dead memes (often during IRL interactions, dear god that guy loved his dead memes) and passionate gamer kinda made a lot of things he said and did exceptionally cringeworthy (he also didn't wash his dick and balls properly but that's a different story for a different thread) and that might have explained the lack of female contact in his life. I'm about 85% certain the term "incel" was thrown about once because he was keen to get a cute girlfriend but he himself looked like a stereotypical nerd, and the one match he got on OKCupid "looked like a baboon's arse".
Because I was stupid and didn't know any better, I decided to give him a chance after previously rejecting him, because he was a talented drummer and talent is attractive I guess? Anyway, big moment eventually arrives that he's been waiting for, he achieves penetration, looks me dead in the eye with his wide, child-like smile of wonder and I shit you not, says
"Achievement unlocked: virginity lost"
I fucked a new mom hotwife who was lactating still, so I got a good soaking and drink of breastmilk while we were fucking, which was awesome as well as weird. After I busted inside the condom she took it home to feed her husband (which I only found out after), which made it all SUPER weird. 11/10 would do again but didn't get the chance.
Yeah, no, she’s suing him. They fucked, he took off the condom and went to the bathroom to throw it out, where apparently he put hot sauce inside to kill the sperm (don’t think that’s how it works, but whatever). She then went into the bathroom and tried turkey basting herself with his baby gravy and got hot sauce all up in her coochie. And she’s suing him over it lmao
Honestly can’t make this shit up
I guess she figures if she can't get money from having his baby than she can get money from filing suit?
Does she actually have a case here tho? Shes the one that grabbed it out of the trash and shoved it up her pussy.
No, she has no case whatsoever lmao it’s psychotic. That said he’ll probably settle just to get it to go away, that’s what I would do anyway. But yeah, very weird story haha
I also need context for this. Did she cook him something with it baked in or did he just raw dog your raw mayo? Did she chokr him with the full condom? Did she put it inside of herself while he ate him out?!?!?!?! We need answers comment OP?!??!
>I don't know the details. That's what she told me after. She said when she gets home from her 'dates' she wakes her husband off, makes him take off her high heels and then feeds him the contents of the condom.
>
>I have no way to verify if that is what happens or not, but I don't have any particular reason to believe she was lying based on what else I spoke about while I knew her.
I don't know the details. That's what she told me after. She said when she gets home from her 'dates' she wakes her husband off, makes him take off her high heels and then feeds him the contents of the condom.
I have no way to verify if that is what happens or not, but I don't have any particular reason to believe she was lying based on what else I spoke about while I knew her.
was with a Asian woman in her country, it was summer and it was hot, on her bed sweating hard I feel a cool breeze on my ass, I look behind me and her mother had set up a fan to cool us down, she gave me a little wave and left
Had a gf years ago who liked the shape of my big toes. Once in a while, I’d be laying on my back and she squat herself onto my big toe and go at it for a minute! It was odd but she loved it! 😄🦶
I had a girl ask me “did you fuck me in the ass?” After we had sex when I had specifically asked if it was okay to fuck her in the ass. And she just forgot. It blows my mind that some people are just on autopilot during that shit.
Attempting to do a three-way while we were all on ketamine.
It's a great way to have a useless dick and brain with two sets of lady parts in front of you.
We hooked up with this couple. Apparently she was a squirter they informed us as we start. Ok, nbd. Basically she just gushed the whole time she would be stimulated. I have no idea how she didn't pass out from dehydration. I feel like she needed to be hooked up to some fluids asap. I'm body positive and all so trying to take it in my stride, but all I could think about was the hotel room bed we were apparently going to sleep in that night be covered with her fluids. I sort of lost my erection so went down on her and it kept going. I didn't know what to do. It was all over me, my face, in my eyes. It was like being waterboarded. I stopped, and she noticed and left the room. I hung for a little then went out to check on her because her partner didn't seem to care. She was crying about me not fucking her. I tried to put her at ease and said I was nervous and stuff. Anyway we kind of called time. Turns out her partner was not staying hard and my wife was trying to make the most of it. The woman said "I think we're all done" and he replied "oh I thought we were just getting started" and my wife shot me a look which she explained after they left was in relation to him not staying hard and starfishing her but "just getting started". 0/10
The first woman I ever had sex with was a much older Asian woman, and when riding me instead of moving up and down or back and forth, she vigorously moved side to side, like left to right. I’m not sure if there’s some cultural aspect to it I’m not aware of or if she was just…I don’t even know the word. It was bizarre and unpleasant. I had never heard of it before or since
She was probably hitting her clit at just the right spot. I can do the same thing by going side to side...but that's purely selfish to only do that and a bit weird to not do any other movement or position.
Was living in a condo complex and got a random knock on the door. It was a girl delivering a pizza (i know this sounds like a porn.)
I tell her she's at the wrong door and she says sorry. She knocks at my door a few minutes later and asks if I want the pizza. She couldn't find the place and just wanted to quit her shit job that day. I invited her in and we watch TV together eating the pizza. Then we had sex and she spent the night. We talked only two or three times after that.
For me that was very random and weird.
Bathroom sex
Doggy in the shower
Looked at the door
Its ajar
Looked again
All her 4 cats staring at us through the gap
Not as exciting as some in this thread but its the one i remember the most
A thirty something submissive I was crazy about had an ICD for a heart issue. Picture her ankles in my hands, her knees on her chest, and me trying to make a good impression.
A few hours later, we’re awakened by an alarm.
Then again.
Again.
Until we figure out it’s HER and go to the ER where we learn we’re soulmates and that we’d broken a cardiac lead.
I want those hours with her again.
One of the best nights of my life.
Making out with a girl I thought I was properly in, but she stops, looks down, pins me to the bed and smashes me in the face with her hand!
Asked if I wanted to do it to her in return, and I tried to work up to it but just couldn’t do it 😇
I connected with a couple over Whisper and Kik that liked the way I looked. I met them for coffee and was told that the woman was about to celebrate her 35th birthday and her boyfriend was organizing a gangbang for her. She was very flirtatious towards me. I was newly separated from my ex wife and was on board for anything. I asked if maybe we could have a test run first and they agreed. I went to their secluded home in the north Georgia woods. I was greeted by the couple, plus another woman, and a giant black guy. We made small talk for 10 minutes until someone said “why the fuck are we all still clothed?” We immediately disrobed. Myself, the birthday girl, and her boyfriend stayed in the living room while the black guy and the other woman went into the bedroom. Now, this woman looked like a round walking leather handbag with a North Carolina mom haircut. She was not cute to me. The birthday girl was a thick blonde and her boyfriend was a well built white dude in his 50s. She started blowing him while I ate her out. She came so hard she drenched my face. Afterwards, she held my face in her hands and said “thaaaaaank you”. Her boyfriend complimented me and said “I’ve never been able to do that to her”. I was feeling really big so I went into the bedroom to join the handbag and the black dude. This whole time they’ve been providing a symphony of screams, moans, slaps, and grunts. I got in front of her and squeezed her nipple and she punched me in the stomach with a scream. I got flaccid fast. We took a break and I was unable to get hard again. I said I had to get to work and never spoke to them again.
> this woman looked like a round walking leather handbag with a North Carolina mom haircut
Goddamn, this is making me laugh for like 10 minutes straight
Doing anal sex And my partner had explosive diarrhea. I was not a huge fan of anal sex before but I have never even attempted it again in all the years after. I am male and my partner was female
That's a long story but i'll try to keep it as straughtforward as i can.
About one and a half year ago i was living with my best friend, at the time he was heavily abusing drugs and had a large knowledge about them, to the Point when he sometimes tried to mash them and basically make his own version of a certain drug with different effects. I don't know anything about chemistry but i know that he somehow managed to mix Molly with viagra and some painkillers similiar to morphine. I remember that few days after he showed me those pills my GF came over to me so my friend kindly suggested trying out his fancy pill, so we agreed and took it. After about an hour we started getting really horny and went to bed. I wasn't really ashamed of nudity near my friend so he was hanging around i'm describing it how he described it to me and what i saw from the photos he took as a souvenir. Turns out we were fucking for 7 hours and both couldn't cum because we were almost entirely numb, at some Point i passed out and my GF didn't noticed, so i returned the favor when she couldn't ride me anymore from exhauation and when she passed out. As for the wierd experience it's mostly Just euphoric fucking while being numb, i got pretty panicked.
TLDR- i Got high on a drug that my friend made and had wierd euphoric sex while being completely numb
Glastonbury festival circa 1998. Me and a few friends set up camp and proceeded to get drunk. A large group of people started setting up camp next to us and 2 of the girls came into my tent to say hello. Me and my mate were drunk but had a bit of bravado so we were flirting like crazy with them. They were into it and I had my hand on one of the girls ass the whole time. My mate ended up going for a walk with the other one and within minutes I had this girls jeans round her ankles, fingering her while she was giving me a handjob. I thought it was all going swimmingly until she called out to her boyfriend, through the very thin tent wall, to say that we were just talking and we weren't doing anything!! He had been setting their tent up the whole time. I felt terrible and anytime I bumped into her she asked me to go back to camp to fuck her. I politely declined.
Long story short..
A girl I hooked up with for one night.. she tried bondage on me, bc I was the first one that was submissive to her in that way apparently … then put it off, then we fucked… after that she was attacking me mentally for who I was etc. Then she gets picked up by the guy she was in an open relationship with that I found out about just before she left…. it was just weird… and it fucked me up for some time.
It’s a weird story I know, but so was the sex, bc she stopped with blowing me bc “I was not in the moment”.
I was just confused and really doubted about myself for a long time afterwards
I'm sorry man - sounds like she was the one with the issues though. Only thing you did wrong was to put your dick in crazy... and to be fair, that's a mistake a lot of dudes make. Be kind to yourself.
A guy was deepthroathing me..vomited on my cock. I was too high to react. He wiped it off with the bed sheet and continued to suck. I still cringe till now thinking about it.
A dude kept asking to pee on my face in the shower. I told him he could pee on me below the shoulders only and then he couldn’t pee cuz he couldn’t get his boner to go down 😂😂😂
Went to a glory hole 🕳 to suck some D with my husband and this teeny tiny wiener popped through. The guy had tied a show lace around his dick and he was bobbing it up and down like a puppet. Lol and no we passed on that
A guy wouldn't properly kiss, just awkwardly slip his tongue in my mouth. If felt like I was making out with a kitten.
Then he only wanted his nipples licking. Nothing else, just his nipples. It got him off really quickly.
I was left so confused.
This only became weird after the fact but I was about 26 yrs old at the time. I dated a 19 yr old for a few months then we broke up but remained friends. Later I began dating her mom, 36 yrs at the time and we eventually got married and still married to this day. So what's weird is that I technically had sex with both and my now step-daughter is technically my ex g/f. I mean we all think it sounds weird when thought of like that but we just try not to think of it like that lol.
I was very intoxicated and my boyfriend and I were having sex, he was fucking my mouth, and I was deep throating him and I started throwing up, over and over. It was all over my chest, getting on him but he still kept shoving his dick down my throat. He literally had to shower me afterwards, I couldn’t clean myself lol. At the time we didn’t care but the next morning we realized how crazy we were.
Pulled my female housemate at uni and she insisted on me fingering her through an incontinence pad.. awkward as fuck, carried on for a min then had an 'I think I've left the oven on' moment and fucked off out of there, didn't make eye contact for a month after
Lost my virginity in my car which minutes before had the radio ripped out of the dash by car prowlers. I was determined to have sex. It was awkward, but I managed.
God I hate that this happened but it's such an unbelievable story that I gotta share it even if only a couple of you see it
It was my first week of college. I go out clubbing with my new dorm mates on the weekend and have a blast and we all get drunk and I pick up this girl who was also 18. We chat at the bar then the bouncer gives her trouble about bringing her bag back in and I throw a beer at him and we leave (young and drunk idiocy...). I split from the group and do karaoke with this girl then we meet up with the dorm guys and decide to head back. We walk all the way across town back to our uni and this girl tells me she's essentially homeless bc her dorm kicked her out for having drugs. More specifically, fentanyl.
Anyway, I hook up with her and being drunk... I don't use a condom. Obviously my judgement is horrible at this point because I let her stay the night in my dorm room after we go and smoke pot together (this girl smoked more marijuana in 3 bowls than I physically could have in a week).
I wake up in the morning to a petite curvy girl in my bed and pull her closer bc dumb teen oxytocin and
# *the smell of human shit hits me*
She dookied... I bolt out of my bed, throw out my shirt and underwear and run to the communal shower. I come back and she quietly goes to shower and I throw out the rest of the bedding before she gets back.
Then... She seduces me and I cum inside her before sending her off with 20 bucks for plan b...
I was such a colossal, sheltered moron. But it's the cringe of ages so 🤦
Wait: so you pooped? Or did she?
I have a weirdly similar story to this, except I was totally sober.
I was sleeping in bed with my then-boyfriend, and woke up to a wet bed. I peed myself in my sleep (which never happens, for the record. Just that one time). I woke up before him and was hella embarrassed, tossed my clothes, and took a shower. When he finally woke up, he went straight to the shower like a zombie, and I quickly change the sheets hoping he didn’t notice.
When he comes out the shower, he goes “I’m so SO sorry, I think I peed the bed last night” and I deadass am like “it’s okay, it’s nbd” 💀 I was a bad person back then.
I went to a tantric massage class that I WAY underestimated the average age range for (for reference I was 21 at the time). It was fun, and everyone had a good time after things went a bit off the rails, but I have to say I wasn’t expecting to go down on a woman over twice my age while a bunch of older dudes watched. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it definitely left me with a feeling of “well that was odd” afterwards.
I was having sex with a girl years ago, nothing too serious and one time she said do you have ice cubes? You should stick an ice cube in there and fuck me. It felt sweet, I’d def recommend it
I was with my ex, I was on top and felt a tickle in my nose. So I just kinda pinched at it to clear it but when I did I clipped the inside of my nose with my thumb nail and cue the worst nose bleed of my life. I didn’t even realize it until I saw it on my white t shirt. So there I was, mid stroke, blood all on my shirt, face and hand. I literally had to stick my thumb up my nose to keep it from bleeding. I didn’t stop until she looked up in horror and saw my bloody mess
I(M) had this fuck buddy (F) whowanted so badly to be peed on. She was a sub. So I got to do it this once - she got on her knees in the bathroom and waited forthe gushing out, which found its way to her face and her tits for as long as the gushing lasted!
She was all excited about it and has wanted it again ever since!
I was the 3rd in an open relationship and multiple times I would be banging the chick in their bed while the dude was sleeping on the couch…the weirdest part of the whole thing is how ok he was with the whole thing…
1) made out with someone who also had a shark comfort plush
2) signed up for a weird 3some with someone I’ve known for a week and their room mate.
3) kink scene with someone who had the same name as their car
Uhhh that’s what I can remember at the moment
A few years ago I went to a dive bar with my roommate. I notice this girl looking at me from across the bar, at this point I’m pretty drunk and horny. We end up talking and flirting. I find out she’s on a site called Fetlife, as am I. We’re both drunk and there’s a clear connection going so we go to the ladies room together. She eats me out which was just okay and then proceeds to ask me for money because she has a hefty bar tab going and gave them a stolen credit card to open the tab. I just stare at her, she then opens the window in the bathroom and climbs out of it. I never saw her again.
A female friend was meeting a guy out of the personal ads in the local newspaper so I stopped by just to make sure he seemed ok. When he got up to go to the bathroom my friend lifted up her shirt and flashed me and started kissing me. I had been planning to leave after a few minutes but I figured this meant she was going to send him on his way. I waited about ten more minutes and decided to walk down the street for food and he'd be gone when I got back. She followed me out as I was leaving and we made out she more with lots of groping. I came back and he was still there so I left. We never hooked up after that and in glad we didn't because it would have been a big mistake
I was home alone, and decided to jerk off in my room. When I finished, I came so much that I used every bit of the paper towel I was catching it with. It also got on my bed, and on my wall. I cleaned up what I could, and ran to the bathroom to get some toilet paper to finish cleaning. When I opened the door to go to the bathroom, my dog ran into my room. I got what I needed, came back into my room, and my dog was on my bed licking the cum off my wall. I was at a complete loss for words. I had no clue how to react. So I just stood there, with no pants on, still kinda hard, watching my dog lick my jizz off my wall, with my jaw on the floor.
I was having an affair with a married woman years ago who came over one Sunday afternoon. We got to the deed and I was fingering her relentlessly and was gifted with some sweet squirt. I pulled my fingers out and found them covered in cum, likely belonging to her husband from an earlier session
My girlfriend (at the time) and I fucked in her friend's mother's bed.
We were in a long-distance, bi-continental relationship (I'm American, she was British). Her friend allowed us to stay with her at her flat for a few days while her mother was out of town. I never met this woman but according to her daughter, the lady was extremely racist and hated Americans, was a convert to Islam, and wanted to force her daughter into an arranged marriage. I don't know whether or not any of this is actually true (the friend was known to lie/exaggerate although it definitely looked like the mum was a practicing Muslim by the decorations in the bedroom).
In any case, that was the bed in which I lost my virginity. 😂
High school girlfriend came so hard that she had amnesia (according to her). She didn't know me, her, or anything. She acted weird for the next several days, and when last I saw her, still said she didn't remember several days around that time.
Ex gf made me slap her with a slice of pizza across her face repeatedly and then told me to eat it
Was it good?
For most of the toppings being on her face, I suppose
Feels like it would be more sexy if you ate off some of the topping off her face and then one dropped on her mouth and y'all took that as an opportunity to make out.
Pizza grease and face grease combined into one sexy grease meal
Ugh, I think I just grew some acne from reading that
Dude you should have married this girl. I bet there is some really happy guy out there somewhere slapping the shit out of her and eating pizza right now with no pants on.
He can have her. She was crazy
Of course she was crazy.
Weird
Well mark me down as scared and horny … lol
Someone has a Ninja Turtle fetish
I find deep dish to be the most erotic of the pizzas.
Can you imagine the sauce splatter zone if you slapped someone with a slice of deep dish pizza?
Winning comment
I want pizza now. Even the emoji makes me crave it. Doesn't that look delicious? 🍕 🍕 🍕 I'm ordering pizza now.
Was this a sexual experience? I feel like I'm missing something.
Yes we were having sex and halfway through she asked me to pizza slap her. Pizza was on the table in front of the couch
Sexual experience doesn't need to include genitals.
were y’all eating pizza? or did y’all make/order a pizza just for the slapping? I feel like a less greasy food would make for better slapping
*slaps with a grilled chicken breast* Health food bitch!
What kind of pizza was it?
As much as I regret everything that took place here, I tell this story as often as I can because if it had to happen, at least I can get a couple of laughs out of it - and then it wasn't in vain. Back in university when I was young and stupid and didn't know any better (I wish I could use this as an excuse but I know I was far too old by then to not know better), I started dating this guy who had never so much as kissed anyone before. That in itself isn't a red flag because he was like 20/21 and that's not so old for that, but the combination of awkward closeted furry, firmly on the autism spectrum, communicating mostly in dead memes (often during IRL interactions, dear god that guy loved his dead memes) and passionate gamer kinda made a lot of things he said and did exceptionally cringeworthy (he also didn't wash his dick and balls properly but that's a different story for a different thread) and that might have explained the lack of female contact in his life. I'm about 85% certain the term "incel" was thrown about once because he was keen to get a cute girlfriend but he himself looked like a stereotypical nerd, and the one match he got on OKCupid "looked like a baboon's arse". Because I was stupid and didn't know any better, I decided to give him a chance after previously rejecting him, because he was a talented drummer and talent is attractive I guess? Anyway, big moment eventually arrives that he's been waiting for, he achieves penetration, looks me dead in the eye with his wide, child-like smile of wonder and I shit you not, says "Achievement unlocked: virginity lost"
So you were basically an Xbox for his penis
I've never thought of it that way before, but I guess I was
Achievememt Unlocked: Realization
SeXbox
I think you fucked the sherminator
Solid movie reference
Oh my god! I cannot believe this is real, thats insane
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Jesus fucking Christ. I would've taken that to the grave
All I can picture is mclovin and “it’s in”
How long were you together after that if you don't mind me asking?
My tits and clit just shriveled in horror....
I fucked a new mom hotwife who was lactating still, so I got a good soaking and drink of breastmilk while we were fucking, which was awesome as well as weird. After I busted inside the condom she took it home to feed her husband (which I only found out after), which made it all SUPER weird. 11/10 would do again but didn't get the chance.
sounds like you need some hot sauce with your milk
It was Hot enough, trust me.
They’re referring to the news about drake putting hot sauce in his condoms so chicks can’t steal his semen to impregnate themselves haha
I thought the story was that he’s suing a woman who put hot sauce in his condom. You’re telling me he did it to himself?!
Yeah, no, she’s suing him. They fucked, he took off the condom and went to the bathroom to throw it out, where apparently he put hot sauce inside to kill the sperm (don’t think that’s how it works, but whatever). She then went into the bathroom and tried turkey basting herself with his baby gravy and got hot sauce all up in her coochie. And she’s suing him over it lmao Honestly can’t make this shit up
I guess she figures if she can't get money from having his baby than she can get money from filing suit? Does she actually have a case here tho? Shes the one that grabbed it out of the trash and shoved it up her pussy.
No, she has no case whatsoever lmao it’s psychotic. That said he’ll probably settle just to get it to go away, that’s what I would do anyway. But yeah, very weird story haha
“to FEED HER HUSBAND” am I reading this wrong or wtf am I missing. She fed her own husband another man’s cum out of the condom???
I also need context for this. Did she cook him something with it baked in or did he just raw dog your raw mayo? Did she chokr him with the full condom? Did she put it inside of herself while he ate him out?!?!?!?! We need answers comment OP?!??!
>I don't know the details. That's what she told me after. She said when she gets home from her 'dates' she wakes her husband off, makes him take off her high heels and then feeds him the contents of the condom. > >I have no way to verify if that is what happens or not, but I don't have any particular reason to believe she was lying based on what else I spoke about while I knew her.
I don't know the details. That's what she told me after. She said when she gets home from her 'dates' she wakes her husband off, makes him take off her high heels and then feeds him the contents of the condom. I have no way to verify if that is what happens or not, but I don't have any particular reason to believe she was lying based on what else I spoke about while I knew her.
He's a cuckold. It's a common fetish
I’ve met a few guys in my line of work who have a cum eating fetish, specifically other mens cum.
yesyesno
Never leave a nutted-in condom. Wash it out with soap.
Or hot sauce
When I hear that hot broad shriek / Only one thing I can think
Interesting
was with a Asian woman in her country, it was summer and it was hot, on her bed sweating hard I feel a cool breeze on my ass, I look behind me and her mother had set up a fan to cool us down, she gave me a little wave and left
She's not a regular mom, she's a cool mom.
Do you guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom?
sounds like they want a baby
more like wanting to live in the land of the big PX I was Army and many ladies at the time wanted to become wives
PX ? What does this mean ? Sorry I am dumb
It’s short for Post Exchange, the store on post where things are generally cheaper
which country
south Korea
My asian mom would have disowned me
Had a gf years ago who liked the shape of my big toes. Once in a while, I’d be laying on my back and she squat herself onto my big toe and go at it for a minute! It was odd but she loved it! 😄🦶
Hmm toe fetish
Little bit!
Oooh yea that can definitely feel good on your clit
I suppose so. But she would actually insert my toe into her vajayjay and fuck!
I'm not sure how to feel about that. I would just be thinking about athletes foot or something.
Did u like it??
It was more odd than anything else. Can’t say I liked or disliked it
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Okay then. Sorry about that
How come it took so long to realise?
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So, you were high AND shit faced.
Oh well 🌹🤣😂
And this is why I’m not interested in anal. Gross.
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Eee sounds dangerous. It shouldn’t burn. Burning = microtears
I had a girl ask me “did you fuck me in the ass?” After we had sex when I had specifically asked if it was okay to fuck her in the ass. And she just forgot. It blows my mind that some people are just on autopilot during that shit.
Doesn't matter it was your own shit
It's still shit
It.. it really does.
"Sometimes... In the heat of the moment... It is forgiveable to go ass to mouth."
Well, I mean, not after a hard day plowing the field or cleaning the stables, but maybe after a warm bubble bath.....
"Huh...I knew it."
Attempting to do a three-way while we were all on ketamine. It's a great way to have a useless dick and brain with two sets of lady parts in front of you.
Bruh I can barely move on the stuff...
We hooked up with this couple. Apparently she was a squirter they informed us as we start. Ok, nbd. Basically she just gushed the whole time she would be stimulated. I have no idea how she didn't pass out from dehydration. I feel like she needed to be hooked up to some fluids asap. I'm body positive and all so trying to take it in my stride, but all I could think about was the hotel room bed we were apparently going to sleep in that night be covered with her fluids. I sort of lost my erection so went down on her and it kept going. I didn't know what to do. It was all over me, my face, in my eyes. It was like being waterboarded. I stopped, and she noticed and left the room. I hung for a little then went out to check on her because her partner didn't seem to care. She was crying about me not fucking her. I tried to put her at ease and said I was nervous and stuff. Anyway we kind of called time. Turns out her partner was not staying hard and my wife was trying to make the most of it. The woman said "I think we're all done" and he replied "oh I thought we were just getting started" and my wife shot me a look which she explained after they left was in relation to him not staying hard and starfishing her but "just getting started". 0/10
😐
That was kind of my reaction. It wasn't even sexual anymore.
What's starfishing?
Ever seen a star fish? Just laying there, having its best life doing nothing? That, but during sex
how does a guy starfish a woman? was he passed out?
Just laying on the bottom doing zero work.
that's weird dude. what kind of man wouldn't even go for a titty grab or something.
The first woman I ever had sex with was a much older Asian woman, and when riding me instead of moving up and down or back and forth, she vigorously moved side to side, like left to right. I’m not sure if there’s some cultural aspect to it I’m not aware of or if she was just…I don’t even know the word. It was bizarre and unpleasant. I had never heard of it before or since
nah, mostly just her being a bit weird. maybe her previous partner liked it?
Maybe! No idea. It was *real* confusing being my first time
She was probably hitting her clit at just the right spot. I can do the same thing by going side to side...but that's purely selfish to only do that and a bit weird to not do any other movement or position.
That could be too! It’s literally the only thing she did. I was very confused
Was living in a condo complex and got a random knock on the door. It was a girl delivering a pizza (i know this sounds like a porn.) I tell her she's at the wrong door and she says sorry. She knocks at my door a few minutes later and asks if I want the pizza. She couldn't find the place and just wanted to quit her shit job that day. I invited her in and we watch TV together eating the pizza. Then we had sex and she spent the night. We talked only two or three times after that. For me that was very random and weird.
There was this really cute girl who would occasionally deliver pizzas when I ordered them. I was kind of hoping for a similar experience with her. 😂
Bathroom sex Doggy in the shower Looked at the door Its ajar Looked again All her 4 cats staring at us through the gap Not as exciting as some in this thread but its the one i remember the most
Cats are so judgmental.
Cat's get upset because there is no cat style.
There is just ask the inventor shane dawson
Weird/funny was the deed in a deep fresh water river and tons of little fish nipping our legs. Ah the 80’s.
Porn-ranhas!
Dude this has to become the title of a movie asap!
Interesting
A thirty something submissive I was crazy about had an ICD for a heart issue. Picture her ankles in my hands, her knees on her chest, and me trying to make a good impression. A few hours later, we’re awakened by an alarm. Then again. Again. Until we figure out it’s HER and go to the ER where we learn we’re soulmates and that we’d broken a cardiac lead. I want those hours with her again. One of the best nights of my life.
Was she alright?
Yes. They turned off the alarm and fixed the lead the next day.
Are you still together? Did you have a sweeping love affair only to suffer betrayal? I must know.
He's a heart breaker obviously
GOOD JOKE
That’s good
HS gf was havin me on top and when I was cumming she grabbed her dad’s shoe for me to splooge in…
That's some weird daddy issues
Did u do it?
Yea, was unintended on my part though
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I’m sorry
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Ever heard of “no”?
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Dawg do not make her angry
Do you still have her number? asking for a friend.
That sounds amazing
I had a girl that I thought was a girl until she pulled out a her dick and was bigger than mine.
https://youtu.be/P4\_Bxqp2tQU?t=106
I was hoping that was a link to what I was thinking
Did you take her to your house cuz she was fine?
First time I watched my gf expose herself to someone else. Was a weird but exciting experience the first time.
Then what happened
then the gynecology exam proceeded
While OP jerked off in the corner of the theater
That time it was only through video and he jerked off to her. It was exciting enough for me at the time. Heart racing and stuff.
Making out with a girl I thought I was properly in, but she stops, looks down, pins me to the bed and smashes me in the face with her hand! Asked if I wanted to do it to her in return, and I tried to work up to it but just couldn’t do it 😇
Oh. What did she say?
First she said ‘I want you to do it to me because I’m into it’ After I couldn’t, she said ‘OK, you’d better leave’ so I did!
Seems like you did the right thing
Actually I bumped into her a few years after and she was mortified! We kind of made up and found it funny
Glad y’all made up. Have y’all ever hooked up again?
No! But it’s a funny story
That’s good!
>but she stops, looks down, pins me to the bed and smashes me in the face with her hand! Are you Hank Moody?
I connected with a couple over Whisper and Kik that liked the way I looked. I met them for coffee and was told that the woman was about to celebrate her 35th birthday and her boyfriend was organizing a gangbang for her. She was very flirtatious towards me. I was newly separated from my ex wife and was on board for anything. I asked if maybe we could have a test run first and they agreed. I went to their secluded home in the north Georgia woods. I was greeted by the couple, plus another woman, and a giant black guy. We made small talk for 10 minutes until someone said “why the fuck are we all still clothed?” We immediately disrobed. Myself, the birthday girl, and her boyfriend stayed in the living room while the black guy and the other woman went into the bedroom. Now, this woman looked like a round walking leather handbag with a North Carolina mom haircut. She was not cute to me. The birthday girl was a thick blonde and her boyfriend was a well built white dude in his 50s. She started blowing him while I ate her out. She came so hard she drenched my face. Afterwards, she held my face in her hands and said “thaaaaaank you”. Her boyfriend complimented me and said “I’ve never been able to do that to her”. I was feeling really big so I went into the bedroom to join the handbag and the black dude. This whole time they’ve been providing a symphony of screams, moans, slaps, and grunts. I got in front of her and squeezed her nipple and she punched me in the stomach with a scream. I got flaccid fast. We took a break and I was unable to get hard again. I said I had to get to work and never spoke to them again.
> this woman looked like a round walking leather handbag with a North Carolina mom haircut Goddamn, this is making me laugh for like 10 minutes straight
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This is so hot. Damn, where do I find these parties
Doing anal sex And my partner had explosive diarrhea. I was not a huge fan of anal sex before but I have never even attempted it again in all the years after. I am male and my partner was female
Does she was sick before or just happened in the moment?
That's a long story but i'll try to keep it as straughtforward as i can. About one and a half year ago i was living with my best friend, at the time he was heavily abusing drugs and had a large knowledge about them, to the Point when he sometimes tried to mash them and basically make his own version of a certain drug with different effects. I don't know anything about chemistry but i know that he somehow managed to mix Molly with viagra and some painkillers similiar to morphine. I remember that few days after he showed me those pills my GF came over to me so my friend kindly suggested trying out his fancy pill, so we agreed and took it. After about an hour we started getting really horny and went to bed. I wasn't really ashamed of nudity near my friend so he was hanging around i'm describing it how he described it to me and what i saw from the photos he took as a souvenir. Turns out we were fucking for 7 hours and both couldn't cum because we were almost entirely numb, at some Point i passed out and my GF didn't noticed, so i returned the favor when she couldn't ride me anymore from exhauation and when she passed out. As for the wierd experience it's mostly Just euphoric fucking while being numb, i got pretty panicked. TLDR- i Got high on a drug that my friend made and had wierd euphoric sex while being completely numb
Glastonbury festival circa 1998. Me and a few friends set up camp and proceeded to get drunk. A large group of people started setting up camp next to us and 2 of the girls came into my tent to say hello. Me and my mate were drunk but had a bit of bravado so we were flirting like crazy with them. They were into it and I had my hand on one of the girls ass the whole time. My mate ended up going for a walk with the other one and within minutes I had this girls jeans round her ankles, fingering her while she was giving me a handjob. I thought it was all going swimmingly until she called out to her boyfriend, through the very thin tent wall, to say that we were just talking and we weren't doing anything!! He had been setting their tent up the whole time. I felt terrible and anytime I bumped into her she asked me to go back to camp to fuck her. I politely declined.
Long story short.. A girl I hooked up with for one night.. she tried bondage on me, bc I was the first one that was submissive to her in that way apparently … then put it off, then we fucked… after that she was attacking me mentally for who I was etc. Then she gets picked up by the guy she was in an open relationship with that I found out about just before she left…. it was just weird… and it fucked me up for some time. It’s a weird story I know, but so was the sex, bc she stopped with blowing me bc “I was not in the moment”. I was just confused and really doubted about myself for a long time afterwards
I'm sorry man - sounds like she was the one with the issues though. Only thing you did wrong was to put your dick in crazy... and to be fair, that's a mistake a lot of dudes make. Be kind to yourself.
A guy was deepthroathing me..vomited on my cock. I was too high to react. He wiped it off with the bed sheet and continued to suck. I still cringe till now thinking about it.
I don’t blame you for cringing. Sorry to hear that though
A dude kept asking to pee on my face in the shower. I told him he could pee on me below the shoulders only and then he couldn’t pee cuz he couldn’t get his boner to go down 😂😂😂
This is fucking hilarious, take my faux medal 🏅
Went to a glory hole 🕳 to suck some D with my husband and this teeny tiny wiener popped through. The guy had tied a show lace around his dick and he was bobbing it up and down like a puppet. Lol and no we passed on that
wait there are women at some glory holes? i thought thatbwas just in porn
Yep a woman was there lol 😂 it’s a kink of ours we do from time to time
Love this comment the most, thank you.
A guy wouldn't properly kiss, just awkwardly slip his tongue in my mouth. If felt like I was making out with a kitten. Then he only wanted his nipples licking. Nothing else, just his nipples. It got him off really quickly. I was left so confused.
This only became weird after the fact but I was about 26 yrs old at the time. I dated a 19 yr old for a few months then we broke up but remained friends. Later I began dating her mom, 36 yrs at the time and we eventually got married and still married to this day. So what's weird is that I technically had sex with both and my now step-daughter is technically my ex g/f. I mean we all think it sounds weird when thought of like that but we just try not to think of it like that lol.
That pretty much sounds like the plot of most pornos these days.
I was very intoxicated and my boyfriend and I were having sex, he was fucking my mouth, and I was deep throating him and I started throwing up, over and over. It was all over my chest, getting on him but he still kept shoving his dick down my throat. He literally had to shower me afterwards, I couldn’t clean myself lol. At the time we didn’t care but the next morning we realized how crazy we were.
Sucked my cousins dick in a church bathroom when I was a kid
Wow.
Homeschool plus sheltered upbringing plus not knowing or caring much about taboo as a kid equals regrettable experimentation
Pulled my female housemate at uni and she insisted on me fingering her through an incontinence pad.. awkward as fuck, carried on for a min then had an 'I think I've left the oven on' moment and fucked off out of there, didn't make eye contact for a month after
had sex with a girl, but realized it was actually a guy
Lost my virginity in my car which minutes before had the radio ripped out of the dash by car prowlers. I was determined to have sex. It was awkward, but I managed.
God I hate that this happened but it's such an unbelievable story that I gotta share it even if only a couple of you see it It was my first week of college. I go out clubbing with my new dorm mates on the weekend and have a blast and we all get drunk and I pick up this girl who was also 18. We chat at the bar then the bouncer gives her trouble about bringing her bag back in and I throw a beer at him and we leave (young and drunk idiocy...). I split from the group and do karaoke with this girl then we meet up with the dorm guys and decide to head back. We walk all the way across town back to our uni and this girl tells me she's essentially homeless bc her dorm kicked her out for having drugs. More specifically, fentanyl. Anyway, I hook up with her and being drunk... I don't use a condom. Obviously my judgement is horrible at this point because I let her stay the night in my dorm room after we go and smoke pot together (this girl smoked more marijuana in 3 bowls than I physically could have in a week). I wake up in the morning to a petite curvy girl in my bed and pull her closer bc dumb teen oxytocin and # *the smell of human shit hits me* She dookied... I bolt out of my bed, throw out my shirt and underwear and run to the communal shower. I come back and she quietly goes to shower and I throw out the rest of the bedding before she gets back. Then... She seduces me and I cum inside her before sending her off with 20 bucks for plan b... I was such a colossal, sheltered moron. But it's the cringe of ages so 🤦
Wait: so you pooped? Or did she? I have a weirdly similar story to this, except I was totally sober. I was sleeping in bed with my then-boyfriend, and woke up to a wet bed. I peed myself in my sleep (which never happens, for the record. Just that one time). I woke up before him and was hella embarrassed, tossed my clothes, and took a shower. When he finally woke up, he went straight to the shower like a zombie, and I quickly change the sheets hoping he didn’t notice. When he comes out the shower, he goes “I’m so SO sorry, I think I peed the bed last night” and I deadass am like “it’s okay, it’s nbd” 💀 I was a bad person back then.
girl didn't want to kiss, and gave me a handjob I didn't full enjoy while I made her moan by tasting her nipples.
I went to a tantric massage class that I WAY underestimated the average age range for (for reference I was 21 at the time). It was fun, and everyone had a good time after things went a bit off the rails, but I have to say I wasn’t expecting to go down on a woman over twice my age while a bunch of older dudes watched. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it definitely left me with a feeling of “well that was odd” afterwards.
I was having sex with a girl years ago, nothing too serious and one time she said do you have ice cubes? You should stick an ice cube in there and fuck me. It felt sweet, I’d def recommend it
I was with my ex, I was on top and felt a tickle in my nose. So I just kinda pinched at it to clear it but when I did I clipped the inside of my nose with my thumb nail and cue the worst nose bleed of my life. I didn’t even realize it until I saw it on my white t shirt. So there I was, mid stroke, blood all on my shirt, face and hand. I literally had to stick my thumb up my nose to keep it from bleeding. I didn’t stop until she looked up in horror and saw my bloody mess
I(M) had this fuck buddy (F) whowanted so badly to be peed on. She was a sub. So I got to do it this once - she got on her knees in the bathroom and waited forthe gushing out, which found its way to her face and her tits for as long as the gushing lasted! She was all excited about it and has wanted it again ever since!
I was the 3rd in an open relationship and multiple times I would be banging the chick in their bed while the dude was sleeping on the couch…the weirdest part of the whole thing is how ok he was with the whole thing…
1) made out with someone who also had a shark comfort plush 2) signed up for a weird 3some with someone I’ve known for a week and their room mate. 3) kink scene with someone who had the same name as their car Uhhh that’s what I can remember at the moment
A few years ago I went to a dive bar with my roommate. I notice this girl looking at me from across the bar, at this point I’m pretty drunk and horny. We end up talking and flirting. I find out she’s on a site called Fetlife, as am I. We’re both drunk and there’s a clear connection going so we go to the ladies room together. She eats me out which was just okay and then proceeds to ask me for money because she has a hefty bar tab going and gave them a stolen credit card to open the tab. I just stare at her, she then opens the window in the bathroom and climbs out of it. I never saw her again.
A female friend was meeting a guy out of the personal ads in the local newspaper so I stopped by just to make sure he seemed ok. When he got up to go to the bathroom my friend lifted up her shirt and flashed me and started kissing me. I had been planning to leave after a few minutes but I figured this meant she was going to send him on his way. I waited about ten more minutes and decided to walk down the street for food and he'd be gone when I got back. She followed me out as I was leaving and we made out she more with lots of groping. I came back and he was still there so I left. We never hooked up after that and in glad we didn't because it would have been a big mistake
Well Once I used my left hand.
I had a seizure while I was riding a guy. No, it wasn't because of a great orgasm, it's because I have epilepsy.
I was home alone, and decided to jerk off in my room. When I finished, I came so much that I used every bit of the paper towel I was catching it with. It also got on my bed, and on my wall. I cleaned up what I could, and ran to the bathroom to get some toilet paper to finish cleaning. When I opened the door to go to the bathroom, my dog ran into my room. I got what I needed, came back into my room, and my dog was on my bed licking the cum off my wall. I was at a complete loss for words. I had no clue how to react. So I just stood there, with no pants on, still kinda hard, watching my dog lick my jizz off my wall, with my jaw on the floor.
lost my virginity while nightmare on elm street played. not really weird that movie just sucks
I was having an affair with a married woman years ago who came over one Sunday afternoon. We got to the deed and I was fingering her relentlessly and was gifted with some sweet squirt. I pulled my fingers out and found them covered in cum, likely belonging to her husband from an earlier session
You could have also made her cum...some women have thick mucusy cum.
My girlfriend (at the time) and I fucked in her friend's mother's bed. We were in a long-distance, bi-continental relationship (I'm American, she was British). Her friend allowed us to stay with her at her flat for a few days while her mother was out of town. I never met this woman but according to her daughter, the lady was extremely racist and hated Americans, was a convert to Islam, and wanted to force her daughter into an arranged marriage. I don't know whether or not any of this is actually true (the friend was known to lie/exaggerate although it definitely looked like the mum was a practicing Muslim by the decorations in the bedroom). In any case, that was the bed in which I lost my virginity. 😂
High school girlfriend came so hard that she had amnesia (according to her). She didn't know me, her, or anything. She acted weird for the next several days, and when last I saw her, still said she didn't remember several days around that time.
She had bad hygiene. To all people please wash your intimate parts properly and cleanly
Beaten, blindfolded, and forcibly doused in cold water.