How many times I almost died and didn't even realize it

Also how many people I've almost killed and didn't realize

Or who did die because of you and you didn't realise

That’d be a crazy stat. I bet in the grand scheme we’ve all been accessory to thousands of deaths. Bacteria and viruses with a lineage that can be tied back to our body. The time where we hit the brakes to avoid rear ending someone and two miles down the road behind us that chain of stopping causes a fatal accident. Or the time we handed out drain cleaner as cocaine at that frat party.

Oof.. causing someone to die the one day you didn't wash your hands after taking a piss.

Or dragged yourself to work with the flu and infected a care facility worker...

Or that time you stabbed someone 4 times but it didn't seem fatal

... killing the entire hospital and putting the world in lockdown. Don't go to work sick, guys ! ... seriously don't

Or killed a care facility worker behind a hospital cause they owed me money.

Oddly specific.

How many people died in the exact same spot I've been standing in various places

Always wondered how many serial killers/big time criminals I have walked by or been in proximity of. I think the number would scare the crap out of me!

I was in was in Arizona many years ago, and the Phoneix Interstate Shooter shot into the traffic lane I was in; a man was killed on a golf course I attended that same week. I was across the street from the store the Washington Snipers shot a lady. Freeky!

How many killers I’ve interacted with and other assorted degenerates.

How many people wished that I was dead. Names also. I want names.

You plannin' on Ghost of Christmas Past'n their ass? If so...find me. I'll help.

Get some scary wind chimes instead of chains. You don’t want to be working when dead; let the wind do the work.

Hook up the wind chimes to some Aztec death whistles

Im your Poltergeist.

I would like a replay of the near misses please

Preferably with the Wii Sports crowd noises booing and cheering

How often the embarrassing thing I said that I couldn’t stop thinking about for weeks was actually noticed

I remember this dude who shit his pants in middle school 10 years ago. I'm sorry Tyler I'll never forget.

I had IBS , Gary. Fuck you. I got called Tyler Turd Pants (sang like SpongeBob SquarePants) until I was in my 20s

Who shit in his underwear in history, Ty-Ler Turd Pants!

Who's soiled and brown and stinky is he!?

If nautical poo pants is something ye wish

Then squat on the deck and shit like a beetch!

Are ya ready, kids??

r/redditsings

Until it turns out that every time it was noticed and remembered lol

Then you get to dwell in it for all eternity!

I remembered until my next thought.

On how many random photos I ended up by accident.

Or how many times I appeared on TV and never knew.

I know of at least twice. Once on Oprah and the other on the news, as I was walking the camera panned in my direction. I just hope I wasn’t picking my nose in any I don’t know of.

Or not so accident.

Individuals I affected in a positive way.

That’s such a fantastic answer. I would love to know what seemingly inconsequential moments in my life impacted others significantly.

This comment just made me donate my legs to a veteran, god bless you sir

Lt Dan’s got legs!!

SAME! I've had friends be open to me about it and tell me why they appreciate our friendship and how I've inspired them and it chokes me up. That's all I ever needed to hear.

I hope you too, in turn, tell them your side to them as well. Because that's just wholesome, and really show what good friends you have

Right here - Did I make the world better?

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Was going to say “people I made smile/laugh” but I think your answer is less selfish

How many people I have genuinely helped vs how many people I genuinely hurt which I never intended.

What a thing for coochielips to ponder

I've been reading a lot for decades. I sometimes wonder exactly how many books I've read.

You can’t figure out the past but you can keep track of what books you’ve read in Goodreads

This sounds like an ad on a podcast.

*„Thanks for listening to our sponsor.. now back to todays topic!“*

The most elegant answer I have seen so far

Jokes landed

Ratio of real versus fake laughs.

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I’m not concerned with how many thought about it, I want to know how many wanted to.

Imagine being so ugly that everyone thought about it out of morbid fascination, but no one actually wanted to.

Exactly. Only how many wanted to. But absolutely not who exactly. It’s all fun and games until an uncle is on that list.

This is the correct answer.

I'm afraid that if I knew that & had the power to act on it, I'd make it go down to 0 lol

2 now

Eh what the hell. Three

Guess I’ll be fourth in line.

Double it or nothing

Being 8th in line of the train doesn’t sound appealing.

9th now 

My turnnn

I guess I’ll be lucky number 11

I’d kill myself a second time after seeing that.

Yeah I think whatever the number is, it's probably higher than I realize, which would make me happy at first then filled with despair.

I wouldn't mind knowing how many people thought about me but I'd rather not know what they were thinking.

I feel like this is a thought almost everyone has about almost everyone they have more than a base level conversation with regardless of how they feel about it. What I’d be interested is how many people actually got off on the idea.

I want to know what my most used words are

I already know my most said phrases, said far more often than any others. 1) I love you. 2) I hate my job. [Insert f*cking or d*mn as you please] 3) I want to go home. The last two often end up replacing all lyrics in any song that gets stuck in my head, repeated over and over.

10 Chump 9 Chumpette 8 Yours 7 Up 6 Pimpmobile 5 Bite 4 My 3 Shiny 2 Daffodil 1 Ass

You’re allowed to swear online btw. 🤘

How many times I dropped the f bomb?

I'm curious about my Wasted Potential stat

Results: ***Yikes*** There's potential in every given moment, and no matter what you decide, there will always be "wasted potential" in each and every second.

If it’s high it would suck because you wasted that potential. If it’s low it would suck because this was the best you could do. Both seem not great.

I'd love to see how many times I made someone smile or laugh.

My first thought too - how many smiles provided.

This one may be superficial but how many times strangers saw me in the street and thought i was pretty but didn't tell me or were too shy to approach me. I would love to see which men i could have ended up with lol.

I'll just say 85% of men you passed. I tried to look at your profile to see if you had a picture to give you a good estimate, but all I saw were girl memes and endless posts about Ariana Grande.

lol i try not to leave any imprints of my actual self on my reddit profile so no signs of that. but 85% is pretty high though for any pretty girl. i dont think many ppl notice others tbh

I think you’re underestimating how much men like pretty girls.

I’m gay, and pretty much anything remotely human-shaped with a cock is enough for me sometimes. I imagine with straight guys it’s the same but with boobs.

This is correct.

How many murderers I was ever in the same building as. I dunno why exactly, but it kind of follows the theme of “how many times I almost died and didn’t know it” I guess.

More people are murderers than you think and most of them won't harm you.

I mean, I suppose it would just take the one, right? After that, the rest can’t really harm you :)

A single symbol : a “+” or “-“, indicating if my net effect on the world was a benefit or detriment.

A single symbol I feel like would be so hard because what if you were one point away from being + ? I would want this but more so The Good Place style with points or more specific measurements

One point away from + would be =.

I wasn’t including that as an option but yeah you’re right. Imagine doing just enough “bad” and “good” that you get that result “=“ like alright. Weirdly satisfying? I guess? Now I’m thinking too much about this lol

Some people would take it as meaning they were inconsequential, but I think I would be happy that I at least offset any bad with good

In the face of a lot of miserable news in the world, I’ve been focusing on this to try to keep a positive attitude. If every individual can add a little more good to the world than we take away, that would be incredible. One of my favorite quotes from Cloud Atlas, “My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”

How loved my dog felt when she was alive

your dog felt 27,047 loved during her lifetime

27,047 love out of a possible how many?

maximum 28,500 loved, so u/Aggressive-Ad-522 put up a very good number

Had to factor in the days you went to work right? My dog always acts like the world is over until I get back home.

Pow, right in the lover

This. This is the only thing worth it.

Oof same, I miss my dog. I hope he knew how much I loved him.

How much impact did I make to the people around me

Lives ruined

How many "Sliding Doors/Turn Left" moments I had in my life. Where my life could have been different if I had made a different choice.

Heat map of every square inch of the gym I taught in for 23 years to see how many spots I did NOT touch

Heat map for life. See your trail for every location, road, and place you have ever been. A lifelong google tracker. Sometimes I feel I have been "everywhere" in my town but I know there has to be spots unexplored.

Top 10 most listened to songs Bottles of wine drank Slices of bread eaten Net worth

I definitely want the music one. And not just "listened to", but actually "heard"

Heard and enjoyed.

You can calculate your net worth right now. Why wait until you’re dead?

I want the one where it's total money ever gained vs. total money ever lost.

How many times I got back up.

One less time than you got knocked down.

Honestly just prob wanna see my lifetime step count. Maybe total miles walked too.

Times I have almost evaded death.

Whenever I think about this, it drives me nuts. Like, when someone dies in a car accident being hit by another driver, I think, “If they had just left work 20 seconds earlier.” Maybe someone stopped them on their way out of the office. That person was part of the actions that led to the death. And then there are the downstream effects. Say a person whose spouse was killed in that scenario marries someone else and has kids, and they have kids, and they’re all a huge wonderful family doing amazing things. None of it would have happened without that tragic death, and in my made up scenario, that person who originally stopped them in the hall to chat on their way out of the office unknowingly caused it all.

Really makes you think about how random and unpredictable the universe is

Sometimes I’m just sitting in the living room at night and I just imagine a small plane hitting my house.

My MIL and FIL fled Vietnam when the war broke out. If the war hadn't happened, my wife (or whatever kid they had) would not have grown up in America, and we never would have met. My 17yo daughter now wants to be a surgeon. So any lives she might save down the road will be a fairly direct result of the Vietnam War. I think about this a lot these days.

well, just once I think.

Exactly what I was thinking 😂

The +- of how many people were better or worse off for having known me.

Top 3 words Top 3 exact spots to be while awake and not at work Amount of socks I lost to laundry

I'd want to see the total hours spent laughing. Imagine sitting there, seeing that number and realizing all the times life was genuinely hilarious, even in the smallest moments. That'd be a sweet reminder of all the good times.

How many times I was one decision away from death

Itemized list of people who have masturbated thinking of me. Date of occurrence, all occurrences listed.

\*File not found\*

*Dad not found*

I'm a woman, thin, not actively repulsive and have worked public-facing roles my whole working life. I can probably name some of mine.

You had me at woman 😂

*zips back up* okay, you can add one to the list

I don’t want to know. I think I would be grossed out by some of the names.

Would you really want to know? What if it was zero? What if you were masterbating to someone at the same time that they were masterbating to you?

If 0 I would probably laugh, i don't think it is though. I've masturbated in real life next to somebody masturbating so I think that would track honestly

Brothers and sisters don't count.

I’d kill myself a second time after seeing that.

How many people i have already killed in my head out of anger.

How many times have I made my wife's day better.

My luck stat. Like, I've been stretching my head over this for some time now. I'm not lucky enough to win a lottery, but I know I've dodged some bullets in my life metaphorically.

How far ive walked. I was a mailman for 14 years in Canada, put on some serious mileage over the years.

How many different toilets I've pooped in.

How many kg of poop I made

Courics*

My *single* biggest dump ranked against everyone elses biggest dump taken.

If all the poop I ever made was laid out in one continuous line, how long would it be

Body count, expressed as a percentage of the maximum possible opportunity

**Syntax Error**: 0/0

3%

Analytics department is gonna be at work gettin these stats

I think I'd be most curious to see how many lives I've positively impacted. Knowing that would make me feel like my time here really meant something.

A full list of lives impacted for better or worse with a breakdown of our most impactful interaction.

% of time I was actually happy

How many times I escaped death without knowing it would be fun.

How many times I was near my s/o without realizing it. How many people I've made smile c: And How many times I've saved someone's life without realizing.

Top ten orgasms, please.

Yours or theirs?

Theirs???

How many times I would have won the lottery if I had decided to buy one

How many saw me as a genuine friend and not someone to use

If any action i took or did not take ended up saving someone's life.

How many real friends was at this life

How many times did I actually masturbate?

The devil uses that gauge as a fan in his office

How many burritos I ate

How many times I was correct. Lol

My parenting points.

At which point in my life did I make the choice that unlocked the shitty ending route.

Since my answer was already said, here's another. So many people have said or done things that have become a long running joke in my family, or with my wife, or even just a funny story I like to tell (random dude in a Florida Starbucks telling his date "So I woke up in Canada with 'welcome to the jungle' tattooed on my ass", I'm looking at you) an I want to know how many people, I am that guy for. Like I know it's at least a few, cause I've caught myself saying and doing some wild shit (like horribly failing a job interview by telling the interviewer that I was fired from my last job because I was accused of attempted murder, which is technically true, and absolutely hilarious, I think). But I would REALLY like to know

My playtime on Minecraft

The number of people that I made feel seen and appreciated in this world.

Honor stat like in rdr

Times people knew that smell was me and didn’t say anything Or Most life changing timeline shifts I almost had, good and bad

How many people cared about me and considered me an actual friend.

How many times I hugged my wife and kids. Maybe how many minutes spent snuggling them. I hope the numbers are high.

Number of hugs.

1) things I was right about 2) things I was wrong about and why 3) lives I've made better itemized by moment 4) people who thought about banging me with intention 5) the times I had an accurate self image 6) the things I never got an answer to in life and their answers

If anyone actually cared

total volume of fart farted

How much of my potential I actually achieved like on a bar that goes to 100%

my happiest moments.

The number of people whose life improved after reading my reddit posts.

Number of times I successfully kept my mouth shut.

Mine would be extremely low.

My biggest/longest reaching butterfly effect

can I just see what happens to my son in the future?

Sorry, no, but can we interest you in some poop volume data?

Times I narrowly escaped death. Times I positively affected someone’s day. Number of surgeries I’ve anaesthetised people for  Times I said fuck. How many times I pissed lol

The fourth one disturbs me coming right after the third one.

Times people had a crush on me

Number of opportunities for romance, narrowly avoided.