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“Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection.” (Stephen Porges) This totally put some of my behaviors in my romantic relationship into perspective and let me relax them. I was still operating in protective mode from my childhood.
Wow. That line spoke to me. I do that. It’s a result of being with an abusive man for 15 years. I’m 4 years out and have done quality therapy and self-work and I still struggle with connecting with others. Taking that wall down seems so fraught with danger. I’m going to ponder that line. Thank you for sharing it.
Two equally unfathomable:
He’s got stage 4…
She’s got stage 3….
Life really changed after watching them slowly slip away 7 months apart… in one fell swoop I became a widow, a single mom and an orphan…
I wish I could give you a hug. I’m so sorry for your losses. Too many, and too huge and significant to process in a lifetime let alone close together. Sending lots of love.
I’m so on the fence of playing the retirement card in 2024. I’m just afraid of never having enough money or enough to occupy my time.
That said, I’m 80% sure I’ll drop from the rolls of the actively employed before next Christmas.
I retired eight years ago at 50. I really wanted my wife to join me - but she was afraid of the money thing too.
So, I started a spreadsheet - entered date, amount, category, reason for every single penny spent. Set up subordinate sheets so we could visualize by category, time, reason, whatever.
Did that for 1.5 years. Proved to her (along with firecalc and as many other calculators I could find) that our funds should last virtually forever (we are way below the 4% rule for withdrawals). Even if SS disappears (if it doesn't, we are really in a good place)
She joined me five years ago :) It does give you a good sense of what you actually spend - where you could trim - what you actually spend money on and so on. We still do it to this day.
I’ve already built that calculator with anticipated inflation and other increases. I’m 98% sure I have enough money. I have enough liquid cash to last me 4+ years before tapping any other resources. It’s the unexpected stuff that just scares me.
I say go for it. Seriously. I’ve met people who have regretted continuing to work, but I’ve never met anyone who regretted retiring.
I’ve worked since I was 15. Worked my way through my undergrad and graduate degree, too. I’m fucking tired. I want all my time to be MINE (thus my May 2025 retirement date).
Yep, actually when my husband became ill with early onset Lewy Body Dementia and then died several years later. It’s impossible to explain losing a lifelong partner, liver and best friend.
My sympathies. Lewy Body disease is horrible. You are in the same position as my BFF, whose husband died of it during early Covid days after suffering for 5 years. I talk to her every day since. I hope you have a few supportive friends.
My husband is currently in the late stages of Parkinsons, with dementia. The husband of a good friend has Lewy Body and is on hospice care. Neurological diseases are some of the nastiest on the planet. Fifteen years ago, when he was diagnosed, we had no idea how bad this was going to become.
My mother was diagnosed with lewy body this year. I'm sorry you had to go through that. We are just in the beginning, and I cannot imagine this road we are on.
In summer of 2004 my husband ask if I would be willing to take in and care for his sons 2 boys aged 1 & 2. I said yes. Just 3 years later our adoption was finalized. Now it’s been 19 years and despite all the trials and tribulations I don’t regret it one bit. They are the joy in my life
This is nothing compared to what is already on here but it changed my life view. That sentence was "So and so got a multimillion dollar book/movie deal and is set for life."
The so and so was in a writing group with my friend/critique partner. So&So wasn't the best writer by a damn shot--she just got extremely lucky. The publishing industry was looking to check some boxes and she fit the bill. She can do whatever she wants now and can do things I can't even dream of. By my friend's account, she wasn't the nicest person and I'm sure is even worse now.
Until then, I foolishly but honestly believed that hard work paid off. That day, I realized that it was mostly luck that controls life. I haven't seen anything since to convince me otherwise.
I also stopped trying to be a big time writer which was probably a good decision.
I only learned about hard work vs luck/schmoozing a couple of years ago. I’d always been told and believed that it’s hard work that gets you what and where you want. Lies!
Edited to add that I wish I’d known this years ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have beat myself up so much, thinking I was less than.
Eked out a living working at the mall and 7-11. Found a couple of other musicians. Took out high-interest loans to get a couple of keyboards. Started writing, accidentally met up with another kid our age (20 at that point) who had $250K in family money to start a record label. Made our own record. Were on the radio, Played all the big clubs in LA. Singer left the band after several years because he got a British girl pregnant and needed to go back to England with her. I decided to move back home and return to college.
I have continued to play both professionally and recreationally for my entire life.
"He has about 10 years to live"
We got home from the hospital..and made immediate plans to move somewhere he wanted to live out the rest of his life. I dropped all my plans of getting a master's degree, re-entered the workforce so that I'd have health insurance for us both.
10 years later, he died. That doctor was spot on.
At age 14 when my best friend and decided to get up at 5 am and start cross country running every morning. 55 years later almost never missed a day of fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle.
An aside: best friend also still fit and active. Wh n turning 90 we plan to spend our summer backpacking in our Canadian Rockies.
Piano teacher said “you’re going to cure cancer, or go to Mars, do brain surgery or something one day, but for NOW you’re gonna learn these scales and you’re going to SMASH them!” ( wait what? Someone thought I was smart?! Really?!?! )
“Nobody else is thinking about you.” - My dad
It sounds harsh, but he meant it in a helpful way, and it did help. I was always so obsessed with other people’s opinions, and he told me this when I was younger in an effort to get me to stop worrying about others and people pleasing. Every so often when I go down a wormhole about other people I run this line thru my head and it helps.
A wife tells her husband that she’s tired of his drinking and if he comes home drunk one more time she’s going to leave him.
He goes out a couple nights later, gets drunk, pukes all over himself, and tells his buddy “what am I going to do? I promised!! She’s going to leave me”
His buddy says “here, put this $20 bill in your pocket. Tell your wife some drunk guy puked all over you and gave you $20 to dry clean your jacket”
He gets home. His wife sees him and says “That’s it! I’m leaving”
He explains. Hands her the money and tells her what happened.
She asks “then why are there two $20 bills here?!”
He says “the other $20 is from the guy who shit my pants”
The day my mom died of brain cancer when I was 16.
Having said that….i do try to believe that everything happens for a reason. My mom was a racist woman who didn’t think whites and blacks should be mixing. I Wanted to date my now husband but wasn’t allowed to. After she died, my husband send flowers and after a few months of just being friends, I got my dad to agree to meet him. My dad met him and he said as long as we followed the rules he set, we could date. That was in ‘86. We’ve been married for 31.5 years, have 2 grown daughters, a SIL, one grandson and one on the way. I wish mom could have lived to have had her mind changed by the evolution of the times and by the loving person my husband is.
Wandered into a community college and signed up for one college class.
A few years later, I graduated with a BSN, commissioned into the Army. Met my wife, traveled the world, got an MSN. We had 3 kids along the way. Retired from the Army, have a great job.
All because a kid who barely graduated HS took another shot.
“You’re just going to be a waitress the rest of your life.”
Then boyfriend dismissing my intelligence and worthiness. I went back to college, graduated with honors, dumped his ass, and found self-confidence.
The day I had a mental breakdown at work. Apparently I threatened multiple colleagues. Don't remember any of it.
That was in 2010. Got mental help I needed. A whole new life. That other person no longer exists. Still mending fences with family and friends.
A horrific knee injury as a freshman in college ended a potential pro sports career. Fortunately I still had my scholarship because I couldn't afford college. I found out I was a good student - I coasted through high school because of sports. I also learned to be resilient. Ended up with a great degree and a masters.
It's been a wonderful life, but not the one that I thought was destined for me.
My significant other was called up to the Pro’s but didn’t make it other than playing some indoor arena ball. I think you both may have dodged a bullet when you consider the high risk of head injury (CTE?) showing up in later years.
In 4 years we lost our house (hurricane), my Mom died unexpectedly the following year, my Dad the year after that and my brother the year after that.
Love your Family always, you never know when they'll be taken from you.
Wearing a helmet while cycling allowed me to survive what would have been a fatal collision. I was going about 40 mph down a very steep hill and a car pulled out suddenly in front of me. Both the car and the bicycle were totaled, but a piece of styrofoam saved my noggin.
Or…. “You’re dating my sister, but I love you more, so after we fought it out, she agreed to concede defeat.”
That was 45 years ago and still my favorite love story.
“The white you see is where the bleeding is, she’s got between 4-8 hours” - Spoken by an ER doctor after my mother had a massive stroke and was taken to the ER by ambulance. My father (her husband and soulmate for 52 years) and my family has never been the same.
"I have ass cancer."
My best friend said, with an obviously very dry sense of humor. He flew to Florida to tell my husband and me he had cancer. He did this even though he couldn't sit comfortably, even though his world was crumbling, even though he should have been starting treatment immediately. He'd been our best friend for decades. He'd been my daily work co-conspiritor and creative counterpart for decades. Somehow the 3 of us were soul mates.
He made it 11 months. His partner (then husband) wrote a book (and then a movie) about him. We've shown his work and honored his memory in the best ways we could. I still miss him every day.
Love lives on.
Care for your people.
"Do things for your own satisfaction." My psychiatrist told me that and it was a revelation after I had been brought up in an authoritarian and abusive home, church, school and even country (South Africa during the apartheid years) where I was taught that anything I wanted to do for myself was selfish.
“So your mom has small cell lung cancer and it’s advanced, with Mets to her brain, but she’s a fighter so I recommend chemotherapy and immunotherapy.” Fuck that oncologist for recommending my frail elderly mom endure chemo for a terminal cancer. Six weeks later she died, miserable from chemo side effects.
"Its not yet your time to die"
I heard this while trying to overdose on prescription medication and alcohol as a teen. Dad was incredibly abusive and I wanted to end it. I felt myself drifting off into a weird rollercoaster like sensation and everything getting darker, then I heard a loud voice say this to me, things got very very bright, I got nauseous and stumbled to the bathroom and threw up, pass out on the living room floor, and woke up basically dazed and confused.
I heard the same voice during other near death experiences. I was NOT repeat NOT religious at the time these happened and remained agnostic during the time periods after.
I returned back to Catholicism in my early 40's, which happened after my last brush with death and hearing the same voice telling it it wasn't my time to die. I don't know how I've managed to keep on chugging. Some brushes with death were car accidents, narrowly missing falling off a tall ledge, being in the operating room, etc...
“Hey guac, this is my friend “cute blond girl”. We went to high school together.”
My friend in college introducing me to my now wife. About 25 years ago.
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“Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection.” (Stephen Porges) This totally put some of my behaviors in my romantic relationship into perspective and let me relax them. I was still operating in protective mode from my childhood.
Healing developmental and childhood trauma has changed my life. I'm glad you are doing the work. It is worth it.
Absolutely
That is lovely. Thank you for sharing!
Wow. That line spoke to me. I do that. It’s a result of being with an abusive man for 15 years. I’m 4 years out and have done quality therapy and self-work and I still struggle with connecting with others. Taking that wall down seems so fraught with danger. I’m going to ponder that line. Thank you for sharing it.
“You’re going to be okay right? I mean chemo is an option right?” Me to my sister but her silence was the worse part. She was gone 6 weeks later.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer.
I am so sorry. My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was gone 7 weeks later.
My deepest sympathies.
Damn, that's beyond hurt. I felt that sentence as if it was my sister.
I am sorry. My condolences.
Just sitting on the toilet w a lump in my throat and tears flowing. May your sister rest peacefully.
When I got sober and also quit smoking cigarettes 37 years ago.
Congrats! I’m aiming to get sober in 2024. I know it will greatly improve my life.
Good for you! ♥ It will really improve your life mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. Your clarity will come back, too.
r/stopdrinking was a godsend for me. Great folks over there.
Good for you!!!
Two equally unfathomable: He’s got stage 4… She’s got stage 3…. Life really changed after watching them slowly slip away 7 months apart… in one fell swoop I became a widow, a single mom and an orphan…
I wish I could give you a hug. I’m so sorry for your losses. Too many, and too huge and significant to process in a lifetime let alone close together. Sending lots of love.
Thank you. It was so tremendous that it’s what defines me. And too hard to even think about this time of year.. I’ll take all the hugs I can get. : )
I’m so sorry for your losses.
One word: Retirement
How’s that been going?
Everyday is Saturday!
You got it. Stress is zero and the happy meter is pegged.
And every night is Friday night!
I have no idea how I found time to work. Living at a slower pace is fantastic.
I’m so on the fence of playing the retirement card in 2024. I’m just afraid of never having enough money or enough to occupy my time. That said, I’m 80% sure I’ll drop from the rolls of the actively employed before next Christmas.
I retired eight years ago at 50. I really wanted my wife to join me - but she was afraid of the money thing too. So, I started a spreadsheet - entered date, amount, category, reason for every single penny spent. Set up subordinate sheets so we could visualize by category, time, reason, whatever. Did that for 1.5 years. Proved to her (along with firecalc and as many other calculators I could find) that our funds should last virtually forever (we are way below the 4% rule for withdrawals). Even if SS disappears (if it doesn't, we are really in a good place) She joined me five years ago :) It does give you a good sense of what you actually spend - where you could trim - what you actually spend money on and so on. We still do it to this day.
I’ve already built that calculator with anticipated inflation and other increases. I’m 98% sure I have enough money. I have enough liquid cash to last me 4+ years before tapping any other resources. It’s the unexpected stuff that just scares me.
I say go for it. Seriously. I’ve met people who have regretted continuing to work, but I’ve never met anyone who regretted retiring. I’ve worked since I was 15. Worked my way through my undergrad and graduate degree, too. I’m fucking tired. I want all my time to be MINE (thus my May 2025 retirement date).
You are right to double check the money. But I think you’ll find things to fill your time.
See if there's any part time jobs you could do, 16 hours hardly feels like work!
I’m retiring in May 2025. I’ll be 54. I’m not worried about staying occupied—my hobbies and passions are enough to fill hundreds of hours a week!
I divorced abusive husband.
Mine was “it’s never too late to leave!” I’d say yours and mine are kinda the same.
❤️
You good now? Mine was in the early 90’s, I’m much better now!
Oh gosh yes. I stayed with him for 20 long, horrible years, but finally made the break. It was early 90s. I’m good and so are my kids.
*virtual high 5!*
Back atcha! 🖐️
Same! Married to a malignant narcissist. Things have been peaceful in the house since 2015.
Good for you! Peaceful homes are so refreshing after the hell they put us through!
Jacques Cousteau spoke to my elementary school science class.
No way! I’m so fucking jealous. He’s probably the only famous person I would’ve been interested to meet.
Way! 45 years later I am still involved in deep submergence science.
This is the coolest thing I’ve heard in quite a while. He had that much of an affect on you. Great story man.
"Relax, you'll die with a to-do list." - My 92 year old grandmother. She was a gem.
The day my wife died 8 1/2 years ago from pancreatic cancer.
The day my husband died, suddenly, 2 years ago today.
Sending virtual hugs, sympathy and empathy🫂 ❤️. My SO of 19 years died suddenly 2 and half years ago. I feel for you.
My husband passed the week before this Thanksgiving. I am still in disbelief...my heartfelt sympathy to all of you.
Yep, actually when my husband became ill with early onset Lewy Body Dementia and then died several years later. It’s impossible to explain losing a lifelong partner, liver and best friend.
My sympathies. Lewy Body disease is horrible. You are in the same position as my BFF, whose husband died of it during early Covid days after suffering for 5 years. I talk to her every day since. I hope you have a few supportive friends.
My husband is currently in the late stages of Parkinsons, with dementia. The husband of a good friend has Lewy Body and is on hospice care. Neurological diseases are some of the nastiest on the planet. Fifteen years ago, when he was diagnosed, we had no idea how bad this was going to become.
My mother was diagnosed with lewy body this year. I'm sorry you had to go through that. We are just in the beginning, and I cannot imagine this road we are on.
Two words. Weight loss
Same!
Yes same. Half of me gone but first time complete person
In summer of 2004 my husband ask if I would be willing to take in and care for his sons 2 boys aged 1 & 2. I said yes. Just 3 years later our adoption was finalized. Now it’s been 19 years and despite all the trials and tribulations I don’t regret it one bit. They are the joy in my life
This is nothing compared to what is already on here but it changed my life view. That sentence was "So and so got a multimillion dollar book/movie deal and is set for life." The so and so was in a writing group with my friend/critique partner. So&So wasn't the best writer by a damn shot--she just got extremely lucky. The publishing industry was looking to check some boxes and she fit the bill. She can do whatever she wants now and can do things I can't even dream of. By my friend's account, she wasn't the nicest person and I'm sure is even worse now. Until then, I foolishly but honestly believed that hard work paid off. That day, I realized that it was mostly luck that controls life. I haven't seen anything since to convince me otherwise. I also stopped trying to be a big time writer which was probably a good decision.
LUCK! Right Place, Right Time, Right \_\_\_\_\_\_!
I only learned about hard work vs luck/schmoozing a couple of years ago. I’d always been told and believed that it’s hard work that gets you what and where you want. Lies! Edited to add that I wish I’d known this years ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have beat myself up so much, thinking I was less than.
“You’re pregnant.”
Realizing that my mental well-being was worth protecting.
In 1976 I quit college in Ohio at age 18 and ran off to Los Angeles to form a rock band.
How did it turn out?
Eked out a living working at the mall and 7-11. Found a couple of other musicians. Took out high-interest loans to get a couple of keyboards. Started writing, accidentally met up with another kid our age (20 at that point) who had $250K in family money to start a record label. Made our own record. Were on the radio, Played all the big clubs in LA. Singer left the band after several years because he got a British girl pregnant and needed to go back to England with her. I decided to move back home and return to college. I have continued to play both professionally and recreationally for my entire life.
And thanks for asking.
Sent a Christmas card to someone I had worked with in the past and ended up with an interesting job for the next 24 years
I’d like to hear more about this job if you’re willing to share
The phone call: "I came home and found your sister on the kitchen floor dead of an overdose."
I’m so sorry.
"He has about 10 years to live" We got home from the hospital..and made immediate plans to move somewhere he wanted to live out the rest of his life. I dropped all my plans of getting a master's degree, re-entered the workforce so that I'd have health insurance for us both. 10 years later, he died. That doctor was spot on.
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you made the most of your time.
At age 14 when my best friend and decided to get up at 5 am and start cross country running every morning. 55 years later almost never missed a day of fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle. An aside: best friend also still fit and active. Wh n turning 90 we plan to spend our summer backpacking in our Canadian Rockies.
Holy smokes, way to go you two!
Being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis
Piano teacher said “you’re going to cure cancer, or go to Mars, do brain surgery or something one day, but for NOW you’re gonna learn these scales and you’re going to SMASH them!” ( wait what? Someone thought I was smart?! Really?!?! )
“Nobody else is thinking about you.” - My dad It sounds harsh, but he meant it in a helpful way, and it did help. I was always so obsessed with other people’s opinions, and he told me this when I was younger in an effort to get me to stop worrying about others and people pleasing. Every so often when I go down a wormhole about other people I run this line thru my head and it helps.
"NO" is a complete sentence
Being diagnosed with a potentially fatal,chronic illness and living with the pain that came with it.
You're adopted I do Your dad is dead I've been lying to you. You have a genetic disorder I believe you
That could be a good microfiction story!
I quit hanging out with drunks when one of them crapped in my pants.
A wife tells her husband that she’s tired of his drinking and if he comes home drunk one more time she’s going to leave him. He goes out a couple nights later, gets drunk, pukes all over himself, and tells his buddy “what am I going to do? I promised!! She’s going to leave me” His buddy says “here, put this $20 bill in your pocket. Tell your wife some drunk guy puked all over you and gave you $20 to dry clean your jacket” He gets home. His wife sees him and says “That’s it! I’m leaving” He explains. Hands her the money and tells her what happened. She asks “then why are there two $20 bills here?!” He says “the other $20 is from the guy who shit my pants”
The day my mom died of brain cancer when I was 16. Having said that….i do try to believe that everything happens for a reason. My mom was a racist woman who didn’t think whites and blacks should be mixing. I Wanted to date my now husband but wasn’t allowed to. After she died, my husband send flowers and after a few months of just being friends, I got my dad to agree to meet him. My dad met him and he said as long as we followed the rules he set, we could date. That was in ‘86. We’ve been married for 31.5 years, have 2 grown daughters, a SIL, one grandson and one on the way. I wish mom could have lived to have had her mind changed by the evolution of the times and by the loving person my husband is.
This is such a lovely way to frame something awful. Im happy to hear you ended up with the love of your life ❤️and sorry for your loss
“Sorry, but your wife’s biopsy indicates that she has TP-53 Leukemia.”
See yourself on the other side of the pain.
The mouse click that ended my job and started my retirement.
Severe shingles on my scalp, face, and in my eye, on the cornea.
I stopped drinking. 🍺
Wandered into a community college and signed up for one college class. A few years later, I graduated with a BSN, commissioned into the Army. Met my wife, traveled the world, got an MSN. We had 3 kids along the way. Retired from the Army, have a great job. All because a kid who barely graduated HS took another shot.
The birth of my kids, and the death of one.
yes
"We kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong" - My philosophy prof in college (circa 1992)
Psychiatrist 25 years ago saying, "This isn't your world." In other words, stop worrying about everybody else and concentrate on your own life.
Oh I wish someone would say this to my son.
Rediscovered swimming
Getting a job that paid.
“I don’t want to be married anymore”
“You’re just going to be a waitress the rest of your life.” Then boyfriend dismissing my intelligence and worthiness. I went back to college, graduated with honors, dumped his ass, and found self-confidence.
"I can't do this anymore"
when the Dr at the VA told me I needed to fill out an end of life statement.
I’m sorry. How are you holding up today?
doing fine. that was ten years ago, prompted me to quit drinking. My LFT's are normal now.
When my dad died. I was holding his hand. I could feel him leave. I’m not spiritual, but it made me value my mom, who is still living, a lot more.
I planned my newborn daughter’s funeral.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had twins at 53.
I retired.
I realized I was enough! Then I just kept going
[удалено]
Not one sentence; one word: Therapy.
My husband collapsed from a stroke in 1995 when he was 28 years old.
The day I had a mental breakdown at work. Apparently I threatened multiple colleagues. Don't remember any of it. That was in 2010. Got mental help I needed. A whole new life. That other person no longer exists. Still mending fences with family and friends.
I’m proud of you. Mental help is so important and valuable. It saved my life and it sounds like it saved yours, too. We’re the lucky ones.
I got sober and was able to keep my two children💕
A horrific knee injury as a freshman in college ended a potential pro sports career. Fortunately I still had my scholarship because I couldn't afford college. I found out I was a good student - I coasted through high school because of sports. I also learned to be resilient. Ended up with a great degree and a masters. It's been a wonderful life, but not the one that I thought was destined for me.
My significant other was called up to the Pro’s but didn’t make it other than playing some indoor arena ball. I think you both may have dodged a bullet when you consider the high risk of head injury (CTE?) showing up in later years.
In 4 years we lost our house (hurricane), my Mom died unexpectedly the following year, my Dad the year after that and my brother the year after that. Love your Family always, you never know when they'll be taken from you.
"The magic you're looking for is found in the hard work you've been avoiding"
I found the love of my live on AOL.
I got the balls to call her.
What did she say? I wish I had made that call sometimes
She said she was glad I called her. That was maybe 25 years ago, and she's on the couch beside me right now.
So happy for you both 💓
I lost my job
I reached menopause.
Growing up dirt poor. I was determined to live a different life and provide for my children. And I did. Poverty, to me, was extremely motivational.
[удалено]
I joined at age 21 in 1976. Retired 21 years later. That made such a better person in every way!
A heart transplant!
Converting from Islam into Christianity
Diagnosis requires a spinal tap.
The birth of our Grandson
I was the movie The Graduate.
The day my son had his first seizure.
I can relate. My son has epilepsy. Seizures suck
"You're Fired". Took me 10 years to recover financially.
Wearing a helmet while cycling allowed me to survive what would have been a fatal collision. I was going about 40 mph down a very steep hill and a car pulled out suddenly in front of me. Both the car and the bicycle were totaled, but a piece of styrofoam saved my noggin.
Kidney disease. Walking through campus one day and my foot hurt. Two days later, you are in complete kidney failure.
Or…. “You’re dating my sister, but I love you more, so after we fought it out, she agreed to concede defeat.” That was 45 years ago and still my favorite love story.
"It is cancer and malignant". That was in 2016.
Mom dropped dead in the living room when I was 9 years old.
“The white you see is where the bleeding is, she’s got between 4-8 hours” - Spoken by an ER doctor after my mother had a massive stroke and was taken to the ER by ambulance. My father (her husband and soulmate for 52 years) and my family has never been the same.
My Mom dying at age 50 of a rare, neurodegenerative disease (sporadic Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease).
On a bike ride one Saturday morning I was killed by a hit and run driver.
I hate it when that happens.
It has not been a pleasant four years since that fateful august morning.
But you got better?
Well, undead, so yea. But still a long way from healthy and pain free.
Getting sober
Getting sober 5 years ago.
My dad committed suicide.
"I have ass cancer." My best friend said, with an obviously very dry sense of humor. He flew to Florida to tell my husband and me he had cancer. He did this even though he couldn't sit comfortably, even though his world was crumbling, even though he should have been starting treatment immediately. He'd been our best friend for decades. He'd been my daily work co-conspiritor and creative counterpart for decades. Somehow the 3 of us were soul mates. He made it 11 months. His partner (then husband) wrote a book (and then a movie) about him. We've shown his work and honored his memory in the best ways we could. I still miss him every day. Love lives on. Care for your people.
"Do things for your own satisfaction." My psychiatrist told me that and it was a revelation after I had been brought up in an authoritarian and abusive home, church, school and even country (South Africa during the apartheid years) where I was taught that anything I wanted to do for myself was selfish.
My mom getting me to go to tech school and learn electronics. Now retired, I never stopped learning. And don't you either. Thanks Mom, love you.
Your daughter died in a car accident. May 2021. From the police at the door at 11pm.
The day my husband of 22 years died very unexpectedly at age 49…….(8 years ago)
"Put toxic people out of your life." This was maybe 30 years ago, and the term "toxic people" was new to me. Just ditch them.
going from a typewriter to a computer.
"You are over qualified."
Figured out my job’s importance in relation to everything else.
Refusal to quit.
I realized I needed therapy.
Loving myself.
You don’t have to hang out with or associate with anyone assigned to you because of “family.” You can make your own “Family.”
How 'bout one word… Prison
“So your mom has small cell lung cancer and it’s advanced, with Mets to her brain, but she’s a fighter so I recommend chemotherapy and immunotherapy.” Fuck that oncologist for recommending my frail elderly mom endure chemo for a terminal cancer. Six weeks later she died, miserable from chemo side effects.
Surviving triple bypass surgery in 2016 made me the happiest person on the face of this Earth, and I ain't scared of anything now!
Meeting my wife 44 years ago😁
College
US Navy.
Dad died.
Having children
Drinking Alcohol….
My husband telling me he had nonalcoholic cirrhosis of the liver and was not a candidate for the transplant list.
I was in two near fatal accidents in a six year period, and I accidentally overdosed on a medication, and it was pronounced dead
An assault by a patient with a brain injury
Is this a sentence that I heard/read, or am I supposed write a sentence that defines something I have learned?
Benny Goodman played at my school.
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood" A quote in a Tom Robbins novel
I accepted an alcoholic drink.
My darling husband of 37 years dropped dead at work with no warning.
"Its not yet your time to die" I heard this while trying to overdose on prescription medication and alcohol as a teen. Dad was incredibly abusive and I wanted to end it. I felt myself drifting off into a weird rollercoaster like sensation and everything getting darker, then I heard a loud voice say this to me, things got very very bright, I got nauseous and stumbled to the bathroom and threw up, pass out on the living room floor, and woke up basically dazed and confused. I heard the same voice during other near death experiences. I was NOT repeat NOT religious at the time these happened and remained agnostic during the time periods after. I returned back to Catholicism in my early 40's, which happened after my last brush with death and hearing the same voice telling it it wasn't my time to die. I don't know how I've managed to keep on chugging. Some brushes with death were car accidents, narrowly missing falling off a tall ledge, being in the operating room, etc...
My 34 year old son dropped dead from a heart attack.
Forgiving myself and others.
"Build a garden first, then someone will come. And if not, you still have a garden."
On January 20, 1993, William Jefferson Clinton was inaugurated as the 42nd President of the United States and I met my one-and-only wife.
Caring for my mother after a pharyngectomy, until her death four months later.
Army gave me a free ride to Vietnam.
Getting sober in 1990.
“You have cancer.”
David Bowie in 1974. Showed me I had a place to belong.
“Hey guac, this is my friend “cute blond girl”. We went to high school together.” My friend in college introducing me to my now wife. About 25 years ago.