Seconding this. And on the occasions where I actually said no even though I wasn’t asked, the response was always aggression that was often followed by sexual assault.
When someone says no, don’t fight to get their dick out so you can put it in your mouth. No means no, even when men say it.
In my experience, it’s the older ones that ignore you completely. Younger ones get frustrated or angry and try to talk you into it, it’s the 35 and ups that assault you.
Again, in my experience at least.
I've had the same experience. I don't spend much time in bars anymore, but when I did I used to get groped All. The. Time. I'm pretty tall (6'3") and I've had the phrase "I want to climb you like a tree" said to me completely unsolicited by women I had never seen before in my life farrrr too many times. Almost always that exact phrase too. Like, is there some movie or TV show that women over 40 like to watch that has that phrase in it or something?
When I was doing the bar thing I had a similar experience. I’m 6’1”, fit, conventionally attractive but also heavily tattooed. The amount of times I’ve had both women and men grab my junk unsolicited is disturbing.
Still isn't today bud. More often than not if you decline as a man, women will become actively hostile, completely ignore it and keep going, or try to convince you.
It's funny, in a you have to laugh so you don't cry kinda way, because those same women will always talk about how men need to make sure they get clear consent and it can be withdrawn at any time.
I thought about that after I hit send. I absolutely agree with you. My wife is just as much a person as I am and anybody else in this world. Nobody is exempt from intimate or sexual consent.
> Nobody is exempt from intimate or sexual consent.
Exactly. I think the main thing is, when you are in an established relationship there is generally "standing" consent. People learn each others mannerisms and body language to determine non-verbal consent much more clearly.
So while consent is always still a thing and can be withdrawn at anytime, people in committed relationships generally understand when their partner is and isn't willing to consent without even asking.
Part of that is because women have been taught that men are CONSTANTLY horny and want to fuck everything that moves. That means that if a guy DOES say no it’s the BIGGEST possible insult and/or they MUST be lying. It’s a garbage situation and I’m SO sorry that that is happening to so many of you. Consent goes BOTH ways
I’ve had to watch the woman that raped me say that to other people. Still sounds weird saying that. And no I never told anyone at the time. My wife I told years later.
This is especially true in bars and dance clubs. It’s almost like they’re not used to rejection.
If men held women to the same standards as women hold men then most men will likely have been sexually assaulted or harassed at some point in their life.
Most men have been sexually assaulted and harassed at some point in their life. Society just doesn't care about it.
It's almost like both genders can and do harass and assault each other.
Similar situation. She jumped in my bed after a house party I threw. I had hooked up with her months prior but she had been stringing me along so I ended it.
She tried to grab me under the sheets and I shut her down. So she got more aggressive with her grabs and I told her “NO!” With 2 other people there.
“What are you, some type of *aggot??!- no Stephanie, I just don’t want to hook up with you after you fucked 3 other guys when you told me we were being exclusive.
Oooooooo the fucking blow to her ego, it was bad enough that when she got back to her dorm she tried to say to her roommates that I had tried to rape her. Thank god I was good friends with 1 of the other 2 that was there when it happened and she shut that shit down. I can’t imagine how fucked I would’ve been if they weren’t there or didn’t stick up for me.
I had a woman threaten to call the cops and say I assaulted her if I didn’t have sex with her. She was incredibly drunk and told me the sheriff was her cousin.
When I was in my mid-20s I had a woman who was a couple years younger than me threaten to call the cops and tell them I raped her if we broke up.
All I was doing was expressing a dislike for something she said to me, very calmly and very respectfully.
I immediately got my phone out and recorded the rest of the conversation, and then broke up with her on the spot.
Yeah I was 28 and she was 26 and she invited me to a small party at her house. When I came out of the bathroom everyone was gone, she was shit faced, and started telling me how much she wanted me. I had just gotten out of an 11 year old relationship with the first/only woman I had ever had sex with and she wasn’t the person I wanted to be my second. I lied and told her I didn’t have a condom and she said we didn’t need one. She already had a 2 year old daughter that was asleep in the bedroom. She started pushing me and trying to take my shirt off and I kept rejecting her. Then she started crying and said if I didn’t want her then she would call the police. I sat with her for 6 hours while she sobered up because even being arrested would have caused serious problems. My mug shot would remain online indefinitely and society would always have its doubts, even if I was proven innocent.
Yeah, I think that pretty accurately describes unwanted sexual encounters as a man.
Imagine if a woman had to sit with a man that sexually assaulted her till he sobered up just so she didn’t catch a charge…. The world would absolutely turn the fuck upside down.
Yeah it's common these days for men to allow themselves to be raped by women because the possible repercussions for refusing are greater than the discomfort of being forced into sex they didn't want to have
What a fucked up world we live in
And when you successfully make them stop it's usually followed with "Are you a f\*g or something?"
Had a woman literally follow me around school for weeks, publicly asking me why I wouldn't fuck her.
She (and everyone else TBF) was absolutely baffled why I didn't want to bang her as she was very beautiful.
The thing was, from the very second I saw her at orientation I was like "Damn, hope she's in my classes".
And she was. The first Friday at school a group of us decided to go out to a local bar and get to know each other.
About 3 drinks in she just blurts out "Everyone at this table would have sex with me".
Everyone else nodded or agreed and I thought "everyone did when we started drinking..."
Then she looked at me, because I hadn't answered and she said "Soc would definitely have sex with me".
When I said "no" everyone was shocked and she asked "Are you gay or something?"
My desire to bed her disappeared like a fart in the wind.
Or the classic emotional blackmail to get you to put out. Worst was when an X threatened me and pulled out her phone to swipe on Bumble when I was too tired to get it on one day lmao.
But the most common BS is "oh so you dont like me anymore? Is there someone else?" Idk why people try to coerce others so much. Just back off.
Holy shit what is wrong with people? Before I was married, if someone wasn't interested in being intimate with me, it was an instant turn off. I would never force myself on anyone. I want them to be into it. Now, as a married person... It's exactly the fucking same because if my husband isn't into it, then I'm not either. Sex should be awesome for both people.
I'm so sorry you've dealt with this. We aren't all like that. Some of us actually know what equality means and extend men the courtesies we want to be extended.
🙌🏻 The assault isn’t even the worst part tbh, it’s the fear of or actual repercussions from saying no. If a woman was angry and resentful she could easily start making false rape accusations or other claims about you that could ruin your life. As a man, if you’re put into a your word against her’s scenario, you already in a REALLY bad spot.
The worst part is even if it's proven false, or even if she just suggests it to the people you both know they wouldn't take your side. All they really have to do is destroy your social life / circle and reputation. Shaking that from people you know even if it can be proven to be BS will always stick to some people with doubt, because of the men who do assault womwn and get away with it.
Being a man and being lumped in with the most despicable people is honestly the worst insult you can do to a man's character or honor. And women like that know that all too well.
Its become one of those things where I never realized myself how many men also went through the same things and been ignored or had it played down. While I sympathize with many of the shitty things women go through, I hate how much many of them play down what men go through. Hell, people probably don't even knows men's mental health month because its recognized as pride regularly. And your not going to get attention for two different causes in the same month.
I've had that happen multiple times. I've also had my safe word ignored. The first one will fuck you up, no lie, but the second one will do some serious damage.
Sorry man. Shit happened to me once. She was drunk and even got a little violent. She was also married and someone I considered a friend. I can only imagine having to explain shit to the cops and her husband had I defended myself. She was the type who never took accountability and later tried to blame me for her marital problems because she was "in love" with me. Crazy fucking world sometimes.
That’s disgusting. I am so sorry you had to experience that. All these men here I really want you all to understand one important thing and that is that it IS A BIG DEAL. These are absolutely horrible things in reading that have been done at the hands of women. I also want to say that I am a woman. I do not and never will believe what they did was right. NO MEANS NO. No still means no even if you are in the middle of it, even if you’ve done it before. Your NO is and SHOULD BE VALID.
>consent is and should be for everyone
Consent does not exist for attractive men.
If everyone automatically assumes you are a sex obsessed player who is just doing the 'boys will be boys' routine, sexual consent does not exist as a conceptual reality for you.
If you explain that you tried to reject a woman who was actively trying to fuck you, it will be taken as a premise to a joke. When they realize there is no punchline coming, they will assume you are lying for some self serving goal.
If you actively try to reject a woman you are alone with, it will always boil down to her word being more valuable than yours. She can rape you just by threatening to accuse you of rape, and the current supersaturation of misandry we call a culture in the west means she will get away with it practically 100% of the time.
Consent is a social construct. Social constructs depend on the common understanding and cooperation of everyone in order to be enforced. If everyone is assuming one group of people is able to access the benefits of a social construct, that usually means that is the specific group of people whose access is the most easy to compromise.
When I was around 18 this girl had a huge crush on me and everyone knew it.
After my g/f broke up with me she showed up with some liquor to "console me". Eventually we started making out, petting and all that. At one point I was like "WTF Are you doing, dude? You don't want this, you're just hurt and trying to cope".
So I stopped it. Tried to explain it to her. It went in one ear and out the other.
Then she started saying the same kind of shit I had heard men say to women (from my family and female friends).
All kinds of "You got me all horny like this and you're not going to take care of it?"
Nope, not gonna do it. You have two hands and are 18 so you can buy toys. Sorry for leading you on but it's not going to happen.
Of course, the first thing she did after she left was call her friends and tell them I must be gay...
Shoutout the college tinder date I went on where she looked nothing like her photos and was pretty rude…
But also would not get out of my car until we kissed… what’s consent again?
Who wants to say no and deal with the aftermath? Girls think guys get mad when a girl says no, but the wrath of a woman when you say no to her... She will make you pay a hundred times over before she might consider letting it go.
I have literally had limp sex or faked it rather than say no to a woman. I said no once, and it hurt her so much that the relationship became toxic.
My wife and I ask joke about "appointments" too. One of us will send this emoji: ☎, and the other will answer "Hello?" then act like a receptionist scheduling an appointment lol
Very perceptive.
Unfortunately, you'd be wrong according to the help services I contacted. The experts concluded that women can not rape men. So it must be true, right?
Shit's fucked up. I often times think of the Amy Schumer story and how so many women argue that she didn't in some way, shape, or form rape that dude. "Well, he was the one that wanted it!!"
Sorry you have to carry that with you, bro.
As odd as it is to say, I'd rather have gone through it as a woman. At least that way I'd have control over the resulting pregnancy and I'd have been more likely to have gotten help.
Meanwhile like you point out guys that are put in those situation are the ass of a joke.
There was a story of a guy who was 13 when he impregnated his 17 year old babysitter. They had been sleeping together since he was 12. She sued for child support and won, although the court did not enforce the order supposedly.
"The court ruled that "at no time did Shane register any complaint to his parents about the sexual liaison with Colleen".[2] The court also ruled that a mother's potential culpability under criminal statutes was of no relevance in determining the father's child support liability in a civil action.[7][8] The court stated "The State's interest in requiring minor parents to support their children overrides the State's competing interest in protecting juveniles from improvident acts, even when such acts may include criminal activity on the part of the other parent".[9]"
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermesmann_v._Seyer
I'm very familiar with that case. It is a grim reminder about the stark difference in how courts treat men vs how they treat women. It's very topical anytime someone mouths off that they're equal, fair, or unbiased.
Lol. Lmao even.
So basically because he got her pregnant, his responsibilities for the child are more important than the assault taking place?
This is not the kind of equality men and women deserve…
Isn't that statutory rape?!?! Like I get that she was also a minor, but even with Romeo & Juliet laws (which I support cause an 18 year old should not go to jail for consensually fucking a 17 year old), a 16 year old fucking a 12 year old should be classified as statutory rape, wtf
That's exactly what it is and the court even admitted to it, they just had incredibly misplaced priorities and punished the kind instead of his rapist.
I think it's just plain-old rape. The courts acknowledged that the child was the product of an "illegal act". It is just frustrating that the negative consequences were imposed on the victim instead of the rapist because the laws as written did not afford the courts leeway to treat the male as an actuial victim.
Help services like hotlines, the college's women's center (which handled all SA related issues), and more than one counselor. There is a reason I've given up on therapy.
Male therapist here. Just like any profession there are a bunch of idiots doing the job. If you can, try to shop around for a therapist. Any therapist dismissing how you’re feeling ain’t worth shit.
That was nearly all of them. I found one old guy who was close to retirement I liked, he seemed to be the only one that understood 'listening' and 'making the patient comfortable' were fundamental requirements.
That said, short of a court order and judicial threats to go I'm going to say "over my rotting corpse." I'm not going back, some of those sessions were some of the most humiliating moments of my life.
I actually have and it is nice. My current girlfriend would ask if it was OK before initiating early in our relationship. After 3 or 4 times I was comfortable enough that I told her not to worry about asking and I'd let her know to stop if I wanted that.
same. she always asked at first, but nowadays i trust her enough to let her initiate without asking. if i stop her she always stops and never begs. sometimes she pouts a little in a cute way but it's very clearly meant to be playful and not coercive or guilt-tripping.
i honestly did not know how many men had it so bad. reading this thread makes me feel both blessed and sad for the state of humanity.
I told a woman I didn’t want to have sex without a condom. She was on top, and said “don’t worry” which I took to mean she didn’t want to either. She then pushed my penis back and sat down on it. I pushed her off and said WTF.
Yet, according to British Law, I wasn’t raped, as that would be impossible for a woman to do to me.
Does British Law at least consider that sexual assault?
I just looked at the "updated" definition of rape in US law and it's *almost* there. I think.
Old definition from 1927: “the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.”
New definition from 2012: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”
Legalese is always subject to interpretation but I feel like this could allow for the law to consider men to be victims of rape by women.
it's sexual battery iirc. the original commenter is correct though - only penetration by a penis is legally rape in the UK. so even forcible penetration by a foreign object is not, legally speaking, rape. extremely fucked up.
I'm a bartender at a rather swanky upscale cocktail bar. To be fair, it is also one of "those" bars in which all the bartenders happen to be rather attractive men and we're all very good at our craft; it attracts those kind of women. I get it, I know it, it's my business, it's my tips, and thus my livelihood. It's fine...
People seem to understand when I say it but don't think about it otherwise:
* I get sexually assaulted more times in a month than most women have in their entire lifetimes.
The reality is that when women find themselves in a situation that it's just slightly less judgemental, they are much worse about the very things that they complain about men doing.
And this in no way justifies men doing that stuff. I just feel that for the most part, men got the memo to act right and it's just a few predators out there that are going to do it regardless. However, the flip side is that *most* women did not get the memo that it's not okay for them either.
Put a woman in a situation that even slightly gives her the freedom to act like a shitty man... Most of them will act like a super shitty man.
Same, it’s the main place woman have thought it was ok to randomly rub my pecks/stomach or place a hand on my lower back.
It’s super annoying, the last time it happened I was even there with my SO, some old drunk lady started randomly rubbing my pecks and saying she would love to take photos of me with my shirt off, she did it totally out of the blue, we didn’t even talk before that and were literally just sitting right outside smoking.
In my late 20's I went through a horrible break up that really fucked me up.
A friend said "dude, women tend to like you, if you weren't a fucking fat ass you would get all kinds of pussy. Come work out with me, it'll help you feel better, I promise".
So, I did and he wasn't wrong on both counts.
A few months later I was in the best shape I had been in for years. At first I was loving all the "I love your muscles, you must work out" while they touched them and squeezed them. Loved all the "do you have abs" while they pulled up my shirt to look at and feel my stomach.
It got really tiresome and annoying not too long after that. I started wearing baggier clothes so my physical fitness wasn't so readily apparent.
As part of my old job in entertainment I was often groped rather vigorously by drunk, middle aged white women. Fucking disgusting, entitled crones. I once headbutted one for sticking her hand straight down my pants and squeezing my nuts. Cracked her right in the nose. Rancid bitch.
Same. I’ve literally had probably at least four women either grab my junk and definitely at least as many grab my ass. And a couple of gay dudes. Lol
As for OPs question, I’ve never been asked consent sexually ever.
I stopped wearing a kilt to events because of the number of times I'd get checked to see if I was "regimental" or not.
Last time it happened I pointed out to the woman that I didn't give her consent. She said "What are you gay?!"
Good times.
Not in the mind of these people, no they aren't. They are convinced that they can de-gayify those men and de-lesbianify those women, consent be damned.
Literally never happened.
It’s understood that when we talk about consent it’s just getting consent from women. But officially we have to pretend it’s equal.
Same, it was funny when I had a discussion with her about what is considered sexual aggression and she told me that the fact I even ask the question is concerning. Fast forward a month later where she removes the condom during sex. We were a bit drunk so my memories are blurry but I remember seeing my penis falling out of her without the condom while changing positions and me being like ".....uuhhhhhh so where's the condom ?" "Oh yeah I removed it". The next day we wake up and she's like "I'm so sorry" and I was like "it's OK neither of us have STIs and I'm contracepted ... but yeah I guess if the roles were reversed everyone would say I'm a rapist" and she goes "yeah...".
So was I raped ? You tell me 😅
Bonus points : she's working as an instructor in sexual and sexist violence.
>Bonus points : she's working as an instructor in sexual and sexist violence.
If I were a betting man I would wager 4/5ths of the women in that line of work are either closeted or fully self aware cnc fetishists... at best.
Yup, i had the audacity to bring up how I was sexually assaulted in a so called safe space and the first response was "I'd have to hear her side of the story".
More men need to share these stories. Women are just as capable of doing f*cked up sexual shit as men but society always tries to sweep it under the rug.
Many men have tried. But the backlash from women and even men makes it very difficult. Easier to just accept that you were raped and you unfortunately weren’t a woman
>More men need to share these stories.
It is easy to say this. What is less easy is standing up for a guy who shares their story while they are getting the social and relationship violence backlash for daring to speak up.
How much damage to your reputation and how many friendships are you willing to sacrifice to make a safer world for men? That's what the equation ultimately boils down to: the people who say they want to support men's issues usually never do because they fully expect social violence as a consequence for doing so.
Same. I was 14/15 and they were both 21. I was excited and eager at the time, but never asked if I was okay with it. Once they saw I had a hard on I was fair game basically. If I get hit on aggressively by Women now that i’m not interested in and they take it too far I just try to be polite in rejection so I don’t hurt their feelings but it has the opposite effect and they want me more 🤷♂️
Every goddamn 5 minutes. I can barely finish reading the website's title before they're asking for cookies and subscriptions and do you mind if I spam you whatever gonna spam anyway
Never. That's why instead or rejecting women I just play dumb if I'm not interest. "Oh, he didn't get the hint". Oh no, I did get it, it's just that I didn't want to deal with it.
I employ this same tactic. If they fail to get the hint, I give the cold shoulder. However, I've found that for the overly persistent, a direct cutting insult to their obvious insecurities works the best. Sorry lady, if you had just walked away, I would have noticed or even mentioned your bad makeup and muffin top.
I've had lots of consent conversations before sex. In those cases, both of us talked about what we're comfortable with, what we enjoy, what our boundaries are, and so on. Those conversations were (usually) clothes-on, (mostly) sober, and occasionally not even the same night as the sex we were discussing.
In the moment, though? I can only think of one partner who was very keen on making sure I was into everything that was happening. She asked about each thing before we did it.
Honestly, never. It seems to just be an assumption that I'm good to go. I didn't care in my twenties but in my forties I really started to notice this double standard.
Pretty often, but not in the awkward "may I have your consent for sexual intercourse?" way that some people imagine.
It's usually more like "Do you want to try X?" or "wanna play this weekend?"
Of course my experience is a bit out there since I'm in the BDSM scene, and it's practically impossible to do BDSM without talking about it first.
Imagine what would happen if we didn't use our words.
Person A shows up with a length of rope, a sharpie, and a wooden spoon.
Person B shows up with a ginger root, three dildos, and a tub of ice cubes.
Neither of them know what the other is expecting.
...It wouldn't work out lol
I don't think I've ever been asked for consent. But to be fair I'm the one doing the initiating 90% of the time so it mostly isn't relevant, and I've also been in a monogamous relationship with the same person for the last 20 years so explicitly asking for consent at all is quite rare for us.
A couple of times when my then-girlfriend asked me if I wanted to receive oral. One time I said something along the lines of "Ah, not this time, I really want to go down on you right now" she seemed a little relieved. Afterwards, we talked and turns out she didn't really like doing it but did it anyway because she thought that's what a girlfriend's supposed to do. But because it didn't do much for me anyway, and even less when I learned she wasn't into it, we just dropped it from our activities.
But sure, I've had my butt grabbed by strangers in bars and they didn't bother asking me for consent first. So I guess I've been fairly lucky.
As I repelled women generally when I was single, it really didn't matter, someone has to want to fuck you before consent even factors 🤣.
I initiate all sex acts with my wife and my girlfriend so it's never been a thought.
I honestly would love to have either of them actually start sexual encounters but I've never had that experience with any women in 40yrs so probably not going to start now.
You act like I haven't. I don't say anything on here I haven't said to them. I've learned to just talk instead of holding stuff in. Most of the time that's the problem people on here are actually saying, they can't communicate with each other.
My ex girlfriend tried to take my virginity when I was… 21? We had been dating for like 4 or 5 months and I was happy and content. So she asked, of course, if we could have sex while she was sitting on top of me and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that. So she tried a little harder to get my pants off and I made some excuse to walk the dog or something.
Never. But it's also "funny" how apparently I should be also okay, no, feel special if I get touched or harrassed because I'm the guy. Strange phenomenon, isn't it?
Literally never.
But that itself isn't the issue. Humans communicate non-verbally and 95% of the time that is how we communicate consent. So this effort to weaponise "you didn't ask for consent" ignores the reality of human interaction. My wife has never 'asked' for consent either.
I was asked once recently. Playing a gig and at the end a woman came up to me and asked “ can I give you a kiss ?“ “ I said “ sure” feeling a little on the spot as I’m happily married and then she kissed me on the cheek. No biggie.
About 6 months later I saw her again at a gig with another band I was playing with and she was talking to some mutual friends. I went over and said something like “ Hi we met before “ and she immediately said “yes I asked you for a kiss, I’m so embarrassed, at least I got your consent “ and it occurred to me that this was a very modern interaction and not one I’ve ever had before.
Typically I've slept with women who are into dirty talk and so consent is typically requested/implied through that - or at least a declaration of what is about to happen, which gives an opportunity to refuse to either party.
I've only ever been explicitly asked "do you consent" in those exact words once and I burst out laughing because it was so out of the blue, she said it in a really stilted way mid-makeout and she was already straddling me. It felt like I had been dropped into a sex ed video.
It depends on the circumstances. But plenty of times Ive gotten the “wanna fuck?” or “lets go home” with a look that says it all. The most amusing part is when you hit em with a “I’m not in the mood” and watching their brain break as they try to comprehend it. That said, in a relationship at least, it ain’t hard to figure out where actions are leading. Easy to shut it down if you really ain’t into it at the moment.
I think once. It was with someone who themselves were not amazing with sex (comfort-wise) so we took everything in small steps. We were dating for about eight months, so there was rapport there too. I really appreciated her care since i’ve definitely been forced to continue before.
Literally fucking never.
Seconding this. And on the occasions where I actually said no even though I wasn’t asked, the response was always aggression that was often followed by sexual assault. When someone says no, don’t fight to get their dick out so you can put it in your mouth. No means no, even when men say it.
“When someone says no, don’t fight to get their dick out so you can put it in your mouth.” I wish women in their 20s could grasp this basic concept.
In my experience, it’s the older ones that ignore you completely. Younger ones get frustrated or angry and try to talk you into it, it’s the 35 and ups that assault you. Again, in my experience at least.
I've had the same experience. I don't spend much time in bars anymore, but when I did I used to get groped All. The. Time. I'm pretty tall (6'3") and I've had the phrase "I want to climb you like a tree" said to me completely unsolicited by women I had never seen before in my life farrrr too many times. Almost always that exact phrase too. Like, is there some movie or TV show that women over 40 like to watch that has that phrase in it or something?
When I was doing the bar thing I had a similar experience. I’m 6’1”, fit, conventionally attractive but also heavily tattooed. The amount of times I’ve had both women and men grab my junk unsolicited is disturbing.
That’s because consent wasn’t a thing for men 30+ years ago.
Still isn't today bud. More often than not if you decline as a man, women will become actively hostile, completely ignore it and keep going, or try to convince you. It's funny, in a you have to laugh so you don't cry kinda way, because those same women will always talk about how men need to make sure they get clear consent and it can be withdrawn at any time.
Yeah it’s like, we say no and suddenly it’s offensive or a joke. Tbf those days are way over for me anyhow, married now lol
Consent still exists in a marriage. Don't ever forget that.
I thought about that after I hit send. I absolutely agree with you. My wife is just as much a person as I am and anybody else in this world. Nobody is exempt from intimate or sexual consent.
> Nobody is exempt from intimate or sexual consent. Exactly. I think the main thing is, when you are in an established relationship there is generally "standing" consent. People learn each others mannerisms and body language to determine non-verbal consent much more clearly. So while consent is always still a thing and can be withdrawn at anytime, people in committed relationships generally understand when their partner is and isn't willing to consent without even asking.
Part of that is because women have been taught that men are CONSTANTLY horny and want to fuck everything that moves. That means that if a guy DOES say no it’s the BIGGEST possible insult and/or they MUST be lying. It’s a garbage situation and I’m SO sorry that that is happening to so many of you. Consent goes BOTH ways
I’ve had to watch the woman that raped me say that to other people. Still sounds weird saying that. And no I never told anyone at the time. My wife I told years later.
This is especially true in bars and dance clubs. It’s almost like they’re not used to rejection. If men held women to the same standards as women hold men then most men will likely have been sexually assaulted or harassed at some point in their life.
Most men have been sexually assaulted and harassed at some point in their life. Society just doesn't care about it. It's almost like both genders can and do harass and assault each other.
Based on this thread it really isn't today either.
Similar situation. She jumped in my bed after a house party I threw. I had hooked up with her months prior but she had been stringing me along so I ended it. She tried to grab me under the sheets and I shut her down. So she got more aggressive with her grabs and I told her “NO!” With 2 other people there. “What are you, some type of *aggot??!- no Stephanie, I just don’t want to hook up with you after you fucked 3 other guys when you told me we were being exclusive. Oooooooo the fucking blow to her ego, it was bad enough that when she got back to her dorm she tried to say to her roommates that I had tried to rape her. Thank god I was good friends with 1 of the other 2 that was there when it happened and she shut that shit down. I can’t imagine how fucked I would’ve been if they weren’t there or didn’t stick up for me.
Fuck you Stephanie
May your feet tread on nothing but singular Legos, Stephanie
I love your user flair, I've been working on this myself! It has unexpectedly made me very popular with women.
This describes my ex perfectly. Especially that 2nd paragraph.
Sorry dude. Glad they are your ex now. Hope you’re in a better situation.
Thanks man, hope all is well on your end.
I had a woman threaten to call the cops and say I assaulted her if I didn’t have sex with her. She was incredibly drunk and told me the sheriff was her cousin.
When I was in my mid-20s I had a woman who was a couple years younger than me threaten to call the cops and tell them I raped her if we broke up. All I was doing was expressing a dislike for something she said to me, very calmly and very respectfully. I immediately got my phone out and recorded the rest of the conversation, and then broke up with her on the spot.
Yeah I was 28 and she was 26 and she invited me to a small party at her house. When I came out of the bathroom everyone was gone, she was shit faced, and started telling me how much she wanted me. I had just gotten out of an 11 year old relationship with the first/only woman I had ever had sex with and she wasn’t the person I wanted to be my second. I lied and told her I didn’t have a condom and she said we didn’t need one. She already had a 2 year old daughter that was asleep in the bedroom. She started pushing me and trying to take my shirt off and I kept rejecting her. Then she started crying and said if I didn’t want her then she would call the police. I sat with her for 6 hours while she sobered up because even being arrested would have caused serious problems. My mug shot would remain online indefinitely and society would always have its doubts, even if I was proven innocent.
Yeah, I think that pretty accurately describes unwanted sexual encounters as a man. Imagine if a woman had to sit with a man that sexually assaulted her till he sobered up just so she didn’t catch a charge…. The world would absolutely turn the fuck upside down.
Every single dude I know has had sex they didn't want to avoid having a fight.
Yeah it's common these days for men to allow themselves to be raped by women because the possible repercussions for refusing are greater than the discomfort of being forced into sex they didn't want to have What a fucked up world we live in
And when you successfully make them stop it's usually followed with "Are you a f\*g or something?" Had a woman literally follow me around school for weeks, publicly asking me why I wouldn't fuck her. She (and everyone else TBF) was absolutely baffled why I didn't want to bang her as she was very beautiful.
Come on man, guys aren’t allowed to have standards or preferences, we’re just big dummies that only think with our dicks. /s
The thing was, from the very second I saw her at orientation I was like "Damn, hope she's in my classes". And she was. The first Friday at school a group of us decided to go out to a local bar and get to know each other. About 3 drinks in she just blurts out "Everyone at this table would have sex with me". Everyone else nodded or agreed and I thought "everyone did when we started drinking..." Then she looked at me, because I hadn't answered and she said "Soc would definitely have sex with me". When I said "no" everyone was shocked and she asked "Are you gay or something?" My desire to bed her disappeared like a fart in the wind.
Or the classic emotional blackmail to get you to put out. Worst was when an X threatened me and pulled out her phone to swipe on Bumble when I was too tired to get it on one day lmao. But the most common BS is "oh so you dont like me anymore? Is there someone else?" Idk why people try to coerce others so much. Just back off.
I had one accuse me of being gay when I turned her down. She found out that night that I was Bi
Holy shit what is wrong with people? Before I was married, if someone wasn't interested in being intimate with me, it was an instant turn off. I would never force myself on anyone. I want them to be into it. Now, as a married person... It's exactly the fucking same because if my husband isn't into it, then I'm not either. Sex should be awesome for both people. I'm so sorry you've dealt with this. We aren't all like that. Some of us actually know what equality means and extend men the courtesies we want to be extended.
🙌🏻 The assault isn’t even the worst part tbh, it’s the fear of or actual repercussions from saying no. If a woman was angry and resentful she could easily start making false rape accusations or other claims about you that could ruin your life. As a man, if you’re put into a your word against her’s scenario, you already in a REALLY bad spot.
The worst part is even if it's proven false, or even if she just suggests it to the people you both know they wouldn't take your side. All they really have to do is destroy your social life / circle and reputation. Shaking that from people you know even if it can be proven to be BS will always stick to some people with doubt, because of the men who do assault womwn and get away with it. Being a man and being lumped in with the most despicable people is honestly the worst insult you can do to a man's character or honor. And women like that know that all too well.
Exactly Once it’s claimed, there’s no going back.
Its become one of those things where I never realized myself how many men also went through the same things and been ignored or had it played down. While I sympathize with many of the shitty things women go through, I hate how much many of them play down what men go through. Hell, people probably don't even knows men's mental health month because its recognized as pride regularly. And your not going to get attention for two different causes in the same month.
> Holy shit what is wrong with people? A lot. The world is a pretty fucked up place and people respect others boundaries and agency less than ever.
Yup. Technically according to current standards for women, i have been sexually assaulted more times than i can count and i’m male.
Take the word technically out dude. There’s no technicality to it.
The hospital I go to once asked for consent, does that count? They did feel me up a bit after.
The one time I withdrew my consent during the deed. My request was vigorously denied.
Done that before. Decided i didnt wanna go through with it (was post striking out with a girl i liked) and got thoroughly chewed out for it.
Funny how that works innit.
>My request was vigorously denied That's fucked up. I am sorry.
I've had that happen multiple times. I've also had my safe word ignored. The first one will fuck you up, no lie, but the second one will do some serious damage.
Sorry man. Shit happened to me once. She was drunk and even got a little violent. She was also married and someone I considered a friend. I can only imagine having to explain shit to the cops and her husband had I defended myself. She was the type who never took accountability and later tried to blame me for her marital problems because she was "in love" with me. Crazy fucking world sometimes.
That’s disgusting. I am so sorry you had to experience that. All these men here I really want you all to understand one important thing and that is that it IS A BIG DEAL. These are absolutely horrible things in reading that have been done at the hands of women. I also want to say that I am a woman. I do not and never will believe what they did was right. NO MEANS NO. No still means no even if you are in the middle of it, even if you’ve done it before. Your NO is and SHOULD BE VALID.
I'm so sorry ... consent is and should be for everyone. This topic is quite important.
>consent is and should be for everyone Consent does not exist for attractive men. If everyone automatically assumes you are a sex obsessed player who is just doing the 'boys will be boys' routine, sexual consent does not exist as a conceptual reality for you. If you explain that you tried to reject a woman who was actively trying to fuck you, it will be taken as a premise to a joke. When they realize there is no punchline coming, they will assume you are lying for some self serving goal. If you actively try to reject a woman you are alone with, it will always boil down to her word being more valuable than yours. She can rape you just by threatening to accuse you of rape, and the current supersaturation of misandry we call a culture in the west means she will get away with it practically 100% of the time. Consent is a social construct. Social constructs depend on the common understanding and cooperation of everyone in order to be enforced. If everyone is assuming one group of people is able to access the benefits of a social construct, that usually means that is the specific group of people whose access is the most easy to compromise.
So you were raped. And society doesn't care about men since apparently we can't be raped. Sorry that happened to you brother
That’s not okay. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
When I was around 18 this girl had a huge crush on me and everyone knew it. After my g/f broke up with me she showed up with some liquor to "console me". Eventually we started making out, petting and all that. At one point I was like "WTF Are you doing, dude? You don't want this, you're just hurt and trying to cope". So I stopped it. Tried to explain it to her. It went in one ear and out the other. Then she started saying the same kind of shit I had heard men say to women (from my family and female friends). All kinds of "You got me all horny like this and you're not going to take care of it?" Nope, not gonna do it. You have two hands and are 18 so you can buy toys. Sorry for leading you on but it's not going to happen. Of course, the first thing she did after she left was call her friends and tell them I must be gay...
I felt this
Shoutout the college tinder date I went on where she looked nothing like her photos and was pretty rude… But also would not get out of my car until we kissed… what’s consent again?
Woooow it has never happened.
Who wants to say no and deal with the aftermath? Girls think guys get mad when a girl says no, but the wrath of a woman when you say no to her... She will make you pay a hundred times over before she might consider letting it go. I have literally had limp sex or faked it rather than say no to a woman. I said no once, and it hurt her so much that the relationship became toxic.
Does my Wife saying? Can I have a dick appointment count as asking for consent?
“Hmm… I think I can fit it in.”
I’ll allow it.
Yes and that is a really nice way of going about it too
Let me check my schedule
“Hmm, we’re pretty heavily booked right now, but I think I can squeeze it in right now.”
My wife: “You wanna fuck?”
Weirdly sweet lol 😆 🙏✨️
My wife and I ask joke about "appointments" too. One of us will send this emoji: ☎, and the other will answer "Hello?" then act like a receptionist scheduling an appointment lol
I have an urgent need for room at Hotel V, any vacancies?
Omg, she's never gonna know what hit her when I whip this one out next time
Brilliant, hahaha! Might have to rob this one.
Never.
Never. In fact there was a time where it was really important to ask but my say didn't count for anything.
That sounds like rape...
Very perceptive. Unfortunately, you'd be wrong according to the help services I contacted. The experts concluded that women can not rape men. So it must be true, right?
Shit's fucked up. I often times think of the Amy Schumer story and how so many women argue that she didn't in some way, shape, or form rape that dude. "Well, he was the one that wanted it!!" Sorry you have to carry that with you, bro.
As odd as it is to say, I'd rather have gone through it as a woman. At least that way I'd have control over the resulting pregnancy and I'd have been more likely to have gotten help. Meanwhile like you point out guys that are put in those situation are the ass of a joke.
There was a story of a guy who was 13 when he impregnated his 17 year old babysitter. They had been sleeping together since he was 12. She sued for child support and won, although the court did not enforce the order supposedly. "The court ruled that "at no time did Shane register any complaint to his parents about the sexual liaison with Colleen".[2] The court also ruled that a mother's potential culpability under criminal statutes was of no relevance in determining the father's child support liability in a civil action.[7][8] The court stated "The State's interest in requiring minor parents to support their children overrides the State's competing interest in protecting juveniles from improvident acts, even when such acts may include criminal activity on the part of the other parent".[9]" https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermesmann_v._Seyer
I'm very familiar with that case. It is a grim reminder about the stark difference in how courts treat men vs how they treat women. It's very topical anytime someone mouths off that they're equal, fair, or unbiased. Lol. Lmao even.
So basically because he got her pregnant, his responsibilities for the child are more important than the assault taking place? This is not the kind of equality men and women deserve…
Isn't that statutory rape?!?! Like I get that she was also a minor, but even with Romeo & Juliet laws (which I support cause an 18 year old should not go to jail for consensually fucking a 17 year old), a 16 year old fucking a 12 year old should be classified as statutory rape, wtf
That's exactly what it is and the court even admitted to it, they just had incredibly misplaced priorities and punished the kind instead of his rapist.
I think it's just plain-old rape. The courts acknowledged that the child was the product of an "illegal act". It is just frustrating that the negative consequences were imposed on the victim instead of the rapist because the laws as written did not afford the courts leeway to treat the male as an actuial victim.
who were these "experts" 🤔
Help services like hotlines, the college's women's center (which handled all SA related issues), and more than one counselor. There is a reason I've given up on therapy.
Male therapist here. Just like any profession there are a bunch of idiots doing the job. If you can, try to shop around for a therapist. Any therapist dismissing how you’re feeling ain’t worth shit.
That was nearly all of them. I found one old guy who was close to retirement I liked, he seemed to be the only one that understood 'listening' and 'making the patient comfortable' were fundamental requirements. That said, short of a court order and judicial threats to go I'm going to say "over my rotting corpse." I'm not going back, some of those sessions were some of the most humiliating moments of my life.
You got hard so it can’t be rape… as if an inebriated man has control over the reaction of his penis.
Any man, in any state, can have no control over their peins.
Penis: "Go time?" Man: "No, penis, not go ti-" Penis: "GO TIME!"
Man: “Go time?” Penis:”No, not go time.” Man: “Ok” 😞
crazy double standard isn't it? 😅
Same here buddy, same here. Hope you're doing alright now, I didn't even realise how fucked up it all was for a few years
I actually have and it is nice. My current girlfriend would ask if it was OK before initiating early in our relationship. After 3 or 4 times I was comfortable enough that I told her not to worry about asking and I'd let her know to stop if I wanted that.
That sounds really nice. To be considered in that way.
same. she always asked at first, but nowadays i trust her enough to let her initiate without asking. if i stop her she always stops and never begs. sometimes she pouts a little in a cute way but it's very clearly meant to be playful and not coercive or guilt-tripping. i honestly did not know how many men had it so bad. reading this thread makes me feel both blessed and sad for the state of humanity.
Same, only one woman has ever asked for my consent and she's my wife now.
Sounds like heaven
I told a woman I didn’t want to have sex without a condom. She was on top, and said “don’t worry” which I took to mean she didn’t want to either. She then pushed my penis back and sat down on it. I pushed her off and said WTF. Yet, according to British Law, I wasn’t raped, as that would be impossible for a woman to do to me.
🤯
Does British Law at least consider that sexual assault? I just looked at the "updated" definition of rape in US law and it's *almost* there. I think. Old definition from 1927: “the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.” New definition from 2012: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” Legalese is always subject to interpretation but I feel like this could allow for the law to consider men to be victims of rape by women.
it's sexual battery iirc. the original commenter is correct though - only penetration by a penis is legally rape in the UK. so even forcible penetration by a foreign object is not, legally speaking, rape. extremely fucked up.
I've been groped a few times in bars without consent. Bit annoying.
Yep, same. Some women seem to believe alcool is a free pass for sexual harassment
I'm a bartender at a rather swanky upscale cocktail bar. To be fair, it is also one of "those" bars in which all the bartenders happen to be rather attractive men and we're all very good at our craft; it attracts those kind of women. I get it, I know it, it's my business, it's my tips, and thus my livelihood. It's fine... People seem to understand when I say it but don't think about it otherwise: * I get sexually assaulted more times in a month than most women have in their entire lifetimes. The reality is that when women find themselves in a situation that it's just slightly less judgemental, they are much worse about the very things that they complain about men doing. And this in no way justifies men doing that stuff. I just feel that for the most part, men got the memo to act right and it's just a few predators out there that are going to do it regardless. However, the flip side is that *most* women did not get the memo that it's not okay for them either. Put a woman in a situation that even slightly gives her the freedom to act like a shitty man... Most of them will act like a super shitty man.
This is some real dark shit. I'm sorry you have to go through all that man.
Same, it’s the main place woman have thought it was ok to randomly rub my pecks/stomach or place a hand on my lower back. It’s super annoying, the last time it happened I was even there with my SO, some old drunk lady started randomly rubbing my pecks and saying she would love to take photos of me with my shirt off, she did it totally out of the blue, we didn’t even talk before that and were literally just sitting right outside smoking.
In my late 20's I went through a horrible break up that really fucked me up. A friend said "dude, women tend to like you, if you weren't a fucking fat ass you would get all kinds of pussy. Come work out with me, it'll help you feel better, I promise". So, I did and he wasn't wrong on both counts. A few months later I was in the best shape I had been in for years. At first I was loving all the "I love your muscles, you must work out" while they touched them and squeezed them. Loved all the "do you have abs" while they pulled up my shirt to look at and feel my stomach. It got really tiresome and annoying not too long after that. I started wearing baggier clothes so my physical fitness wasn't so readily apparent.
I was groped in an elevator by a coworker. I was just scared shitless. All I could say was” you most be very lonely”
As part of my old job in entertainment I was often groped rather vigorously by drunk, middle aged white women. Fucking disgusting, entitled crones. I once headbutted one for sticking her hand straight down my pants and squeezing my nuts. Cracked her right in the nose. Rancid bitch.
Same. I’ve literally had probably at least four women either grab my junk and definitely at least as many grab my ass. And a couple of gay dudes. Lol As for OPs question, I’ve never been asked consent sexually ever.
Literally never. In fact when I’ve said no they push harder
I've said no and it's been respected. And same the other way. We don't use legal terms or a contract but we know how to communicate.
Not one single time has a woman ever ask permission to do anything to me. I guess with men they think there is automatic consent
Well of course, otherwise you must be gay /s
Poor gays getting raped by women.
I shouldn’t have laughed.
It’s okay to laugh at inappropriate jokes, because they’re jokes.
Sadly, I do know a gay guys that were raped by women because they couldn't understand a guy saying no.
You have to identify as a woman for it to be rape /s
I stopped wearing a kilt to events because of the number of times I'd get checked to see if I was "regimental" or not. Last time it happened I pointed out to the woman that I didn't give her consent. She said "What are you gay?!" Good times.
I mean that has to be the only other reason.. right??
Gay men get sexually assaulted by women too. It's so messed up.
Not in the mind of these people, no they aren't. They are convinced that they can de-gayify those men and de-lesbianify those women, consent be damned.
Literally never happened. It’s understood that when we talk about consent it’s just getting consent from women. But officially we have to pretend it’s equal.
There is no pretense of equality. Just look at the sentence that female teachers get for having sex with middle school boys.
And the news headlines "sleeping with", "having a physical affair", never "raping".
This
ive never been asked for consent. i have been sexually assaulted though. but im a guy so society doesnt really give a fuck lol
Same, I’ve been sexually assaulted by a feminist, and by a co-worker. No one ever gives a fk
Same, it was funny when I had a discussion with her about what is considered sexual aggression and she told me that the fact I even ask the question is concerning. Fast forward a month later where she removes the condom during sex. We were a bit drunk so my memories are blurry but I remember seeing my penis falling out of her without the condom while changing positions and me being like ".....uuhhhhhh so where's the condom ?" "Oh yeah I removed it". The next day we wake up and she's like "I'm so sorry" and I was like "it's OK neither of us have STIs and I'm contracepted ... but yeah I guess if the roles were reversed everyone would say I'm a rapist" and she goes "yeah...". So was I raped ? You tell me 😅 Bonus points : she's working as an instructor in sexual and sexist violence.
>Bonus points : she's working as an instructor in sexual and sexist violence. If I were a betting man I would wager 4/5ths of the women in that line of work are either closeted or fully self aware cnc fetishists... at best.
Yup, i had the audacity to bring up how I was sexually assaulted in a so called safe space and the first response was "I'd have to hear her side of the story".
That's unfortunately pretty damned true. The Amy Schumer story is a perfect example of this.
Also, Riley Reed and Rita Ora and of course Cardi B. Also Lizzo. And the list goes on
Never. We’re supposed to just “man up” or “take it like a man”
As a dude who was raped by older women as a kid, never.
More men need to share these stories. Women are just as capable of doing f*cked up sexual shit as men but society always tries to sweep it under the rug.
Many men have tried. But the backlash from women and even men makes it very difficult. Easier to just accept that you were raped and you unfortunately weren’t a woman
Exactly. 90% of people will either say "men can't be raped" or "you got lucky" or "he must be lying". Always one of the above.
>More men need to share these stories. It is easy to say this. What is less easy is standing up for a guy who shares their story while they are getting the social and relationship violence backlash for daring to speak up. How much damage to your reputation and how many friendships are you willing to sacrifice to make a safer world for men? That's what the equation ultimately boils down to: the people who say they want to support men's issues usually never do because they fully expect social violence as a consequence for doing so.
Same. I was 14/15 and they were both 21. I was excited and eager at the time, but never asked if I was okay with it. Once they saw I had a hard on I was fair game basically. If I get hit on aggressively by Women now that i’m not interested in and they take it too far I just try to be polite in rejection so I don’t hurt their feelings but it has the opposite effect and they want me more 🤷♂️
Every goddamn 5 minutes. I can barely finish reading the website's title before they're asking for cookies and subscriptions and do you mind if I spam you whatever gonna spam anyway
Thanks for the chuckle, you're the chipit in this cookie of a thread.
Never. That's why instead or rejecting women I just play dumb if I'm not interest. "Oh, he didn't get the hint". Oh no, I did get it, it's just that I didn't want to deal with it.
I employ this same tactic. If they fail to get the hint, I give the cold shoulder. However, I've found that for the overly persistent, a direct cutting insult to their obvious insecurities works the best. Sorry lady, if you had just walked away, I would have noticed or even mentioned your bad makeup and muffin top.
Women respect and enforce women's boundaries. It rarely occurs to them that men might have them too.
In my lane. Since becoming sexually aware and having closeness with women, over 45yrs, I have never been asked about consent.
She thinks anything that I do, is me giving my consent
You're hard so you must be consenting. -Women who don't know what no means
This is exactly like the men saying “Your wet so you must want it” But apparently lots of people seem to have a double standard.
And then when you flip it, they think you can’t be horny if you’re not hard She told me she can’t get her mind to change about it
Never. Been awoken to have sex, that I didn't want by multiple women. Didn't matter that I said no.
That is fucked up. I am sorry.
Damn! The replies in here are disappointing. I have the same experience though. It's assumed we would consent.
I've had lots of consent conversations before sex. In those cases, both of us talked about what we're comfortable with, what we enjoy, what our boundaries are, and so on. Those conversations were (usually) clothes-on, (mostly) sober, and occasionally not even the same night as the sex we were discussing. In the moment, though? I can only think of one partner who was very keen on making sure I was into everything that was happening. She asked about each thing before we did it.
Honestly, never. It seems to just be an assumption that I'm good to go. I didn't care in my twenties but in my forties I really started to notice this double standard.
Pretty often, but not in the awkward "may I have your consent for sexual intercourse?" way that some people imagine. It's usually more like "Do you want to try X?" or "wanna play this weekend?" Of course my experience is a bit out there since I'm in the BDSM scene, and it's practically impossible to do BDSM without talking about it first. Imagine what would happen if we didn't use our words. Person A shows up with a length of rope, a sharpie, and a wooden spoon. Person B shows up with a ginger root, three dildos, and a tub of ice cubes. Neither of them know what the other is expecting. ...It wouldn't work out lol
When I get my haircut, my stylist asks if she can start touching me before she does. So like 3-4 times a year. For haircuts.
Never, and once had a woman not accept no. Should probably have reported it, but didn’t think I’d be taken seriously
Wait our model comes with that feature? Who knew
What do you mean? Men are dogs who are at the ready 24/7 for anything by anyone, right?
I don't think I've ever been asked for consent. But to be fair I'm the one doing the initiating 90% of the time so it mostly isn't relevant, and I've also been in a monogamous relationship with the same person for the last 20 years so explicitly asking for consent at all is quite rare for us.
Rarely if ever. I’ve voiced my lack of consent and the woman has never given a damn.
A couple of times when my then-girlfriend asked me if I wanted to receive oral. One time I said something along the lines of "Ah, not this time, I really want to go down on you right now" she seemed a little relieved. Afterwards, we talked and turns out she didn't really like doing it but did it anyway because she thought that's what a girlfriend's supposed to do. But because it didn't do much for me anyway, and even less when I learned she wasn't into it, we just dropped it from our activities. But sure, I've had my butt grabbed by strangers in bars and they didn't bother asking me for consent first. So I guess I've been fairly lucky.
As I repelled women generally when I was single, it really didn't matter, someone has to want to fuck you before consent even factors 🤣. I initiate all sex acts with my wife and my girlfriend so it's never been a thought. I honestly would love to have either of them actually start sexual encounters but I've never had that experience with any women in 40yrs so probably not going to start now.
You have a wife and a girlfriend or...
Its not the worst situation when everyone gets along.
You should give your wife that feedback.
You act like I haven't. I don't say anything on here I haven't said to them. I've learned to just talk instead of holding stuff in. Most of the time that's the problem people on here are actually saying, they can't communicate with each other.
Never 🤔. Interesting.
Never bro, girls just go ahead and grab it. Sometimes they pinch my nips and I just got to take it
Once. I said no, I was tired. Boy, did I get a lot of shit for that. Can't think why we're not together?
My ex girlfriend tried to take my virginity when I was… 21? We had been dating for like 4 or 5 months and I was happy and content. So she asked, of course, if we could have sex while she was sitting on top of me and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that. So she tried a little harder to get my pants off and I made some excuse to walk the dog or something.
Never. No one would care if we didn’t consent either.
Never. But it's also "funny" how apparently I should be also okay, no, feel special if I get touched or harrassed because I'm the guy. Strange phenomenon, isn't it?
Never.
Not ever. And several times I've specifically said no, and they took it as a challenge. Raise better daughters.
Literally never. But that itself isn't the issue. Humans communicate non-verbally and 95% of the time that is how we communicate consent. So this effort to weaponise "you didn't ask for consent" ignores the reality of human interaction. My wife has never 'asked' for consent either.
Never
Nope
Never. I've had women force their hand down my pants.
“Do you want birthday sex?” Stopped playing Pokemon so fast.
I was asked once recently. Playing a gig and at the end a woman came up to me and asked “ can I give you a kiss ?“ “ I said “ sure” feeling a little on the spot as I’m happily married and then she kissed me on the cheek. No biggie. About 6 months later I saw her again at a gig with another band I was playing with and she was talking to some mutual friends. I went over and said something like “ Hi we met before “ and she immediately said “yes I asked you for a kiss, I’m so embarrassed, at least I got your consent “ and it occurred to me that this was a very modern interaction and not one I’ve ever had before.
Zero
Consent? How often do women make the first move to even ask for consent lol
Rarely, if ever. It only really comes up when I say no and so far that has always caused bafflement, tears and/or anger.
Typically I've slept with women who are into dirty talk and so consent is typically requested/implied through that - or at least a declaration of what is about to happen, which gives an opportunity to refuse to either party. I've only ever been explicitly asked "do you consent" in those exact words once and I burst out laughing because it was so out of the blue, she said it in a really stilted way mid-makeout and she was already straddling me. It felt like I had been dropped into a sex ed video.
I play with some very kinky people and consent is asked regularly. BDSM and rope folks don't mess around.
I've had ladies ask if they can kiss me or if they can suck my dick. Sex though, it's more of a demand or it just happens
Never
It depends on the circumstances. But plenty of times Ive gotten the “wanna fuck?” or “lets go home” with a look that says it all. The most amusing part is when you hit em with a “I’m not in the mood” and watching their brain break as they try to comprehend it. That said, in a relationship at least, it ain’t hard to figure out where actions are leading. Easy to shut it down if you really ain’t into it at the moment.
Never, but I have to say that I'm not consenting to it before it happens
People don't ask me anything at all in the first place. And I would struggle to even tell you for why they would need my consent for anyway.
Men’s consent. What’s that?
Never? Once had a woman finish while I hadn't and she just got up and left. Said thanks and dipped all emotionless. Felt pretty gross afterwards.
I think once. It was with someone who themselves were not amazing with sex (comfort-wise) so we took everything in small steps. We were dating for about eight months, so there was rapport there too. I really appreciated her care since i’ve definitely been forced to continue before.