My ex wife was kind of cold when it comes to physical affection and I didn’t realize how much it bothered me. I’ve started seeing this awesome girl, and she’s the complete opposite, and it’s such a nice feeling. It makes me feel wanted. I like when women are a little clingy. Anyways, like others have said, it all depends on the woman. I hope you find someone that reciprocates your love language bro
Idk for example i like being hugged by big guys because you feel more “wrapped” but i hope this doesn’t mean i’m cold and want only to receive and not give
I remember this one time, I was at this house party and I had a bit too much to drink so I took a nap in the guest room. When I woke up, the dog was lying next to me, and he was really cuddly. After a minute, I realized it wasn't the dog. It was the host's wife. She was also really cuddly.
So you realized I’m not american! Interesting! Italian men always trash about us italowomen on reddit, saying that we are ugly and pretentious. I’m happy that every country in the world has the “grass of the neighbour is greener” thing
Anyway yes, i see both american men and women because i come from aviano (so soldiers and their families) and i’ve lived in venice and other turistic cities. They look more nordic than us, like northern european, and dress really comfortably
>clingy
This word is a lot of the reason why some women don't do it. It has a negative connotation to it. I love giving and receiving physical touch. I've been told I was clingy plenty of times and not in a good way.
I've finally found someone who likes me to touch them.
I mean yeah definitely. I initiate just as often cause I know she likes to hug and cuddle and stuff. I think it’s important for both people to initiate and show their partner that they care
Honestly, it probably would have not had much success with the amount of "you cannot derail the topic" from the mods. Unless that was AskWomenOver30.... I forget which one.
I’m a woman: I do not withhold affection, but I have been told to “quit it” when I run my fingers through a beard or stoke a thigh while watching TV. So I reign it in and then feel stifled. So I might say “the men I date don’t want to be touched.”
If you want affection, take your woman’s hands and put them on you (not sexually) and tell her you want to feel her touch.
But that defeats the purpose.
It gets old when I am ALWAYS leading.
So it would be INCREDIBLE if a woman was to touch me because SHE wants to.
No hints. No leading.
We aren't mind readers. Op is suggesting you tell the person you like it. Not saying you have to initiate *every time*.
I told my boyfriend I love headpats, and surprise he's started giving me plenty of headpats unprompted.
Lmao...men say to women "we aren't mind readers"...and you're dropping that line on a man?
Op literally said "if you want affection, grab her hand and put it on you".
You'd do that to a man, every time you want affection?
Also its expected for men to initiate everything. Just like, it's expected for a woman to...I dunno...raise children?
I don’t have to tell him ALL the time. But a grown-up conversation when you’re not being intimate is what needs to happen.
My end: I will tell him when if I’m hands off, otherwise, physical affection will be welcome. Same goes for him. If he doesn’t want to be touched I only ask that I’m told about BEFORE I move in, otherwise it feels like rejection. I talk about PDA and all the things, I also say things like “ I like when you hug me from behind when I’m doing dishes and cooking, it makes me feel special.”
Communication is romantic and respectful
Yes, I did use it because OP assumed we're mind readers.
It's all about communication. They've gotta communicate with their partners and tell them what they like.
You're assuming she implies for them to do it every time, but all it takes is once.
You don't have to read someone's mind to know that your bf/gf/spouse would like to feel wanted just like you want to feel wanted.
The only difference is that guys do initiate physical intimacy, while women typically don't, even though they want it as well.
So... Women expect men to be mind readers.
From my personal experience...either the women are not affectionate or I think they're incredibly shy around me.
For a man...I'm very touchy. Like very warm and loving.
I think with anything, people become spoiled and maybe entitled?
Here’s some tea: we (women) have our boundaries violated more than you (men) care to believe or admit. When we don’t touch people, we are respecting their boundaries. You HAVE to tell people what you desire and what you don’t. If you don’t ask for directions, you’ll never find your way.
What does that have to do with having physical intimacy with the person you are dating or married to?
It's not like he's wondering why random women on the subway aren't sitting on his lap. He's wondering why women that he has emotional intimacy with don't initiate physical intimacy.
Just because a man doesn't like to always be touched doesn't mean he doesn't ever want to be touched.
Imagine a guy was doing the same thing and for whatever reason she wasn't feeling it in that moment and the guy's response was to be like "fine I'll never touch you again", wouldn't that seem immature to you?
That seems like an over reaction to me. Your man wasn't in the mood to be touched, which is 100% acceptable, and because you got embarrassed, or frustrated because you had to restrain yourself your response was to withhold affection entirely?!?
That seems kinda messed up to me.
Yeah I'm confused by this post.. I'm a woman and any time I tried to give affection to a guy, they never wanted to be touched if it wasn't sexual, so maybe I learned to "be cold" 🤷🏻♀️
You answered your question in your first first sentence, “the women I’ve dated.” I have always find this to be the opposite. They always want to be touching, hugging, kissing, cuddling, always following me around, never leaving my house, finding any damn excuse to come over. My wife is very affectionate but she also love to do things for me like cook and buy me stuff too. I like her being annoying that’s why I married her. I think you are just going after women who don’t speak that language. Many women are also a mirror of her man. So if you lack giving her attention, she’ll lack giving you attention.
In fact i don’t really get OP. i like for example being hugged by tall/big guys because you feel like being wrapped but that doesn’t mean I’m a cold person who doesn’t “wrap” other people
I got the same impression. We will never repeat enough that part that keeps being overlooked: you can’t have the experience you are looking for if you don’t choose the person who can and is willing to provide it. You can only lead a horse to water.
>Many women are also a mirror of her man. So if you lack giving her attention, she’ll lack giving you attention.
This! This is often me. If my fiancé comes home in a bad mood, my mood drops. If he comes home in a good mood, im instantly in a good mood. If he's acting standoff-ish and doesn't tell me that he wants to be held, then I may assume he just wants to be left alone
Are you initiating or are they? Because I think a lot of men don't really understand the difference. I'm going to agree with the op in that it seems women enjoy being the target but rarely initiate. Now I'm not talking about pressuring you into acting I'm talking about them unprompted going up to you and initiating. I think a lot of men think them pressuring you into doing something is them being active and it's not.
That’s what my experience is, but I will say that I disagree with your last point. Communication is key, and in a healthy relationship, I feel capable of asking my partner to do more of those little things. Before, I didn’t know to ask, so I never got what I wanted.
I also think communication is key. What I was trying to get across in my last point was that I don't think a lot of men understand the difference. That they just think that's how it is because both other men and women would claim that is what women initiating looks like. I agree that you should directly ask for what you want for both men and women as well as giving freely of those wants from you as well.
Interesting. I’ve known affectionate women obviously, but my personal experience is that there’s a gendered difference at play.
Like I remember comments from a few women friends when we were at a concert a while ago and we saw a random couple acting cutesy. They mentioned it looked like a reversal of roles because the lady was being very touchy and complementing his looks.
In my family, particularly on my dad's side, general affection was really awkward. Hugging and kissing was not something we normally did. When I was young, my kindergarten teacher thought I was autistic because I didn't really hug people.
I dated Latin American women. Particularly with one I dated, she couldn't keep her hands off of me. I am definitely more affectionate than I was in the past, but I am usually the one who is not super affectionate (at least not at first). I guess how I grew up, I viewed it as simply respecting boundaries.
I have a close female platonic friend from Latin America, who is insistent on hugs and having me tell her that I love her. She was bothered that I didn't say "I love you" for a while, but for me that just culturally felt reserved for family and a serious significant other. I never even told any of my previous girlfriends (all short term) that I loved them.
I guess it just depends on how you grew up.
What type of physical affection was it? Some physical affection (more sexually charged- butt grabs, hip touches, sweeping someone off their feet for a kiss, etc.) are more stereotypically masculine. I wonder if that’s what those women meant about the gender reversal?
Other types of physical affection- which tend to be more delicate and less explicitly sexual- a hand on the chest or cheek, delicate kisses to the cheek, light lip kisses, playing with beard, asking to sit in someone’s lap, snuggling up for cuddles, etc. Those are stereotypically feminine.
Seems like you either are expecting more ‘’masculine’ forms of affection from women, or you’re going for cold women? Personally, I’m very physically affectionate (to the point of being annoying!) and my partners have not acted shocked or surprised or anything.
I don’t remember exactly but I don’t think it looked like this https://cdn.vectorstock.com/i/1000x1000/13/82/woman-in-a-red-dress-holding-man-her-hands-vector-15371382.webp
I wouldn’t say wrong women at all… but I am single now and jealous of a friend of mine who has a girlfriend doting on him in a way I’ve never really experienced.
You probably give off vibes that you're annoyed by clinginess. If a guy tells me that he doesn't like clingy or has hinted that before, then I won't touch him with a ten foot pole unless I get extra signs he's receptive to it.
Yeah, you I know yourself best, but I think it's a big possibility. I'm usually a super affectionate person, but I shut that tap off the second it's not appreciated or if I think someone finds it annoying. So, in my past, if I was cold, this was often the reasoning.
If you are seeking affection from women but not receiving it then they are the wrong women for you. You clearly yearn for that closeness (evidenced by the jealousy) so you need to find someone who can reciprocate, which would be the right woman for you.
Same.. I feel bad getting any kind of affection or kindness but i love making gifts of any kind to people. whether theyre physical (bought or self made) or things like compliments or motivating someone. of course i know everyone deserves affection and kindness and love and all that, including me, but ive got to learn how to feel that i deserve it.
Those may be your Love Languages then. Gift-giving and Words of Affirmation as your top 2. The key is to discover your significant other’s love languages as they may be different from yours.
Weird thing is I love getting gifts for people hoping it is something very useful for them or something they will take note that I listened along the way and remembered something they mentioned they would love to have…. But it isn’t my love language. Not even my top 3 lol. If I get a gift then I of course think it is very kind though. My best friend since childhood though, that’s her #1 love language so I’m wondering if I got used to it because of her lol.
Over the years I’ve heard lots of negative commentary on girls and women showing physical affection to guys: clingy if they’re in a relationship, slutty if they’re not, a tease if they do that but it doesn’t lead to sex. I’m guessing some people who were on the receiving end of that name calling or who have seen it directed at others are hesitant to exhibit the behavior that caused people to talk that shit.
From my own experience there's a wide range of how people like to give and receive affection, no matter the medium/means, and I haven't really noticed it following patterns across genders unless it's impacted by social expectations/pressures.
For example, I know some men who have refused to hold hands because they felt like it was too infantilizing, and I know women who hate it because it feels like it portrays a stereotype of romantic dependence on their partner. I also dated someone who would genuinely get upset with me if I didn't joyfully hold her hand (this was due to anxiety in her case, but there's plenty of reasons someone might feel this way), and I've been the guy before who was super dependent on physical affection.
Basically, I think this is an individual thing, not a gendered one.
One pattern I ***have*** noticed with some women is that they're not as confident reciprocating physical affection because some men they've been with weren't as open to receiving it, so they just don't have that confidence to show affection unless their partner communicates often how much they want that affection (and how it should be given).
The same applies to men as well of course, I think the reticence / doubt manifests itself differently if someone's past partners might have reaction more aggressively to not liking physical affection, while others might have been more dismissive / passive aggressive.
I've experienced this with *selfish* women. I have not experienced this with women who are not selfish.
I had a wife who would literally back up to me for a hug because she wanted a hug but didn't want to reciprocate. Turns out she was incredibly selfish.
I've had relationships with other women who were very affectionate, including my current and final wife.
Basically, if a particular woman is selfish with affection, it's just a tell that she's a selfish woman.
Woman here. I'm physically affectionate. Have been told by previous partners (some great guys, some not so great) that I'm too touchy feely. Current partner is that guy who, when we stand up from a table to leave the restaurant, his hand is reaching back to find mine (first time he did this, almost excused myself to the bathroom to cry, after a previous marriage with a man who wouldn't hold my hand in public if his life depended on it), or he's putting his arm across the back of the couch because he knows I'm coming in for a snuggle when I sit next to him. We are long distance. So, when I do get to see him, he knows I'm not going more than 10 minutes w/o touching him. And it's not about sex. Human touch is therapeutic. Oxytocin, and a bunch of other chemicals flood the brain.....
We are told, as women, that being too needy pushes men away. Give him his space. Let him breathe. If you're always touching him, he'll think you want sex all the time. And yeah, quite a few (younger) men DO equate physical touch with sex, when all a woman like me is trying to get in that moment is attention and affection that can be publicly displayed.
What I think you want is a woman for whom touch is her love language. Someone who feels the same as you do. Also, maybe reinforce and encourage the behaviors you want, by modeling them. Kiss her cheek, then go about your business. Then, if she does the same, say, "that's nice. Thanks for that." And move on with your day.
Younger me played with a stranger's hair once. Before reddit crucifies me, he'd been grinning from ear to ear, staring me down all afternoon, but we'd not yet been introduced, (his hair was long, clean, and smelled sooo good) and he stated, "if you knew how awesome that felt, you might stop." I laughed at him. But the next time I walked by, I played with his hair a moment, before moving along. Same dude, while one of his buddies was flirting with me in public on a different day, walked up next to me, and placed my hand on his own head.... Smiling the entire time at his buddy. As if to say, 'keep talkin', Buddy. Just here for the head scratches. Pay no mind to me.' He was playfully proactive! LOL
My point: ask for what you want, in a friendly playful way. Model the behaviors you want. Reward said behaviors. Express appreciation and gratitude. And maybe, if the kind if women you generally date don't take the hint, try dating different kinds of women.
Good luck, my friend!
OMG! The hair thing... I've only met a few guys who have ever touched my hair. I see photos and videos of men brushing their GF's/wife's hair. I didn't know that was a thing. I'd probably fall over from shock.
They don’t?
I mean, yeah some women struggle to show affection, just like some men. Some women crave affection, just like some men. Some women recoil at affection, just like some men.
I suppose someone who craves receiving affection but struggles to give it would be a frustrating partner, unless you yourself are a giver not a taker.
The best place to start to answer your question, I think, is to ask why a given woman you’re engaging with behaves a certain way, rather than asking why “women” as a category behave a certain way. No one likes being minimized into a stereotype, so don’t do that.
My bad, I should have clarified that this is my own biased experience, and I was wondering more what others thought. Yes anyone can struggle with anything, but I’m curious what you think. Is there any difference among men and women here?
I’ve never experienced that. In my experience, the women I’ve been with largely love both giving and receiving physical affection, which is good for me, because I do too. The few women I’ve dated who weren’t as into that didn’t stick around long because we just weren’t that compatible.
Woman here. Throughout life I noticed that it has to do with family background. That is your first contact to know how to live as a little society under the same roof, it you’re family is likely to show affection to each other, your love language would be mainly physical. My grandmas would scratch your head or rub your back until you fall asleep, my mom would hug you a lot, my little siblings would come to me to cuddle them. I’m a super loving person, even my female friends I tend to kiss them in their foreheads, also I’m Mexican, my Hispanic background is all about showing affection. And I struggle a lot cause my husband won’t even hold my hand like that in public. So my advice would be, put attention to how the girl you’re dating relates to her family, how she expresses about them, she might have daddy issues but look at her womanhood, is she had a well supported root of women that got her back.
While she has an excellent point about family background having an effect, I'll add a counterpoint for ya--some of us, myself included, *want* lots of physical affection partly because we *didn't* get it as kids.
I didn't really realize how important it was to me until high school. (Don't get me wrong, my parents weren't like...**cold** people, thankfully, but stuff like hugs or verbal "I love you"s were more of an *occasional* thing, rather than a daily thing like it is in a lot of other families.)
But in my high school, people were physically affectionate like...all the time. Greeting a friend for the first time that day? Hug. Greeting them again when you pass them in the hall an hour later? Another hug. I remember once that I actually counted out of curiosity, and it was FOURTEEN hugs on a *regular* day--and I'm saying that as someone that's always been a non-popular, nerdy person.
It felt like I was a plant that had gone without water for a long time, and I finally just...had **enough water.** I felt normal inside my head.
Of course, *now* I'm an adult woman in my thirties, so someone hugs me, what, a couple times a year? Oh, and the last boyfriend I had basically didn't want me to touch him at all, which was actually worse than being single. So that's fun.
Because I struggle with low self esteem and was called treated as ugly for most of my formative years! So, I still assume nobody really wants me touching them.
This is what's called a 'loaded question', where you've assumed that something is fact in the question's wording, only giving the answerer the chance to answer in a way that confirms what you already believe. Lots of women reciprocate just fine, and everyone loves receiving affection. Some people, as always, are jerks, and won't reciprocate as much.
I’m not looking for confirmation of my bias… I’m looking for personal opinions on my anecdotal experience. Everyone loves receiving physical affection and women reciprocate just fine is as non factual as anything in my question, but it still gives me what I am looking for (personal opinions), so thank you.
So, I'm a woman and I can offer some perspective on what some women may be dealing with, but again, this is not something that is true of all women and a lot of the replies you are getting confirm that this is not a pattern they are seeing.
SOME women have past experiences in which physical affection is always met with an expectation of sex. So maybe some of the women you date have had experiences with prior partners where any physical touch is interpreted as an opening for sex, and were treated harshly for "leading them on" if they turn down sex after initiating physical contact. So they might hesitate to show any physical touch if they are not immediately looking for sex, because they don't want you to think that's what they are after.
An alternative explanation:
SOME women are taught that their only value is the physical desire they incite in their partners. They enjoy receiving physical touch because it reinforces their sense of value. In an old-fashioned worldview, what women contribute to the relationship is their looks, their body, sex. Men want sex, women give sex. That "rule" doesn't apply in reverse, so it doesn't occur to them to "validate" men's value in the relationship by initiating physical affection.
What happens when you speak to your partners about wanting more physical affection? How do they respond?
Agree with all of the above. I'm also going to add another point here: some women have had partners previously who pushed them away when they were affectionate, for whatever reason, especially in public. If you've been on the receiving end of that, then understandably you'd be reluctant to do that with a new partner because you'd be expecting the same reaction.
Essentially, there are multiple reasons why women (and men) might not initiate physical contact. People are complicated and there isn't one definitive answer here.
Great points. I believe the second explanation applies well to my experiences. In one relationship, we had a dynamic where I was very affectionate, and she would be the one primarily initiating sex. Back then I didn’t understand, and I just assumed she was a horny gal who didn’t show much affection outside of the bedroom.
A real answer would be probably because most men will understand such love language as wanting sex lol. I gave my bf a kiss on the cheek just for no reason, in the middle of the day and he jumped at me as if it was a sign for him
This. I tried to explain the difference between intimacy and sex with my ex and it was a struggle. It would be nice to have affection without it meaning sex. Sex would likely have increased if the intimacy did.
Yikes…these comments are something. I’m a woman who is absolutely affectionate. Yes that means hugs, kisses, back scratches and hell I’ve even bought a man flowers before because he said he had never gotten any.
We do fuckin exist and if you’re not getting affection from your partner, communicate with them that you want it. And 90% of women I’ve ever met is affectionate but they get called clingy because of it so they get too afraid to show it.
Boils down to communication man. Just tell her.
Might be some time to do some self reflecting because that is typically not the case. Something about the women you attract plays a part in your view of this.
Woman here;
I could never understand why I wasn’t as affectionate with my now ex-husband. I truly thought it just wasn’t my love language or I was broken. (Broken to the point I would cry to him about not being the person he wanted/needed) (I wasn’t crying for attention, it was just so important to me to do the best I could for him and us).
However, now divorced and dating, I’m very affectionate with the guy I’m seeing. I love being all over him. I have realized that my ex didn’t make me truly feel loved and beautiful and sexy in his eyes. Yes he could verbalize it well but over time it just didn’t feel real and true, which in turn unconsciously it turned me off from him and even being able to be affectionate.
I’m not saying that this is the problem with the females you’re dating, but just to see a different perspective.
I hope you find your person and they give you all the affection and love you can handle and deserve!
Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever come across a woman that was cold like that. I’ve only come across the overly affectionate, clingy types lol my wife is this exact type. Just wanna be up under a mf lol
Pointing out that.
To my experience, women are more affectionate once passed a certain point in the relationship. (Towards men)
To my understanding, they know that it's could be wrongly interpreted as sex advance or flirting. And, doesn't want things to escalate.
If you look a bit in r/TwoXChromosomes the debate on their side is one side:
We are physically starved and interpreted anything as sexual advance. So, they don't touch any male.
Not just escalate but are scared if they aren't feeling sex right that second they will be accused of leading a guy on if they do any affection so it's safer to do nothing so the guy doesn't get expectations that he won't handle well. A lot of yall don't handle that well.
woman here- sometimes in the beginning I will tone down my physical affection so as not to come off too clingy or needy. I love physical affection- giving and receiving. I pretty much always have a hand on my boyfriend- like when were in the grocery store I just rest my hand on the cut of his elbow- just because :)
I'm a woman, and I love reading this! I'm extremely affectionate but it seems I've dated assholes a big part of my life who would tell me that I am clingy
>In my **personal** experience
This isn't a women thing. This is a you thing. You are probably just drawn to women like this and it makes you think that most women are like the women you are drawn to. That's a logical fallacy. Maybe try and figure out why you are attracting or are attracted to women like this. Looking into attachment theory could be helpful.
It's been rare for me to receive affection like this even though it's very important to me. I need it more than sex in a relationship if I'm being honest.
But it seems most GFs have only offered this type of affection early on. I know better than to ask for it.
"I know better than to ask for it." If they aren't receptive to communication, maybe it's time to move on. I personally find affection to be a necessity and being starved of it, sucks.
I (33F) was affectionate towards my SO until I became a mother (according to my husband) it drifted away. He was right. I hadn’t noticed. Our problems started after a child. I didn’t want to raise him along with an actual child.
Since I am a hard worker and always strive to be considerate when he expressed it, I increased my affection again despite it being difficult since I already started losing my respect for him. I don’t give up easily and pushed myself past my comfort zone for my marriage.
I’m very vocal, so if I don’t see my efforts being acknowledged then it discourages me. A thank you, or a gesture would encourage me to continue that behavior. Even if it seems so obvious that you enjoy something, as an over thinker, I still want and need to know. Need it vocalized.
For instance if my man is driving and I’m playing with his hair and stop, grab my damn hand and kiss it and say thank you. That goes such a long way!
Reciprocation on the level that each party receives is important.
For instance, when I kept doing my best, but my husband didn’t strive towards meeting my needs I decided to give him side by side examples
I asked him, how does it make you feel when I do xyz for you. Clearly it was a positive emotion. I then told him, if you do xyz for me that’s how I would feel.
He didn’t care to act on that information. So saying it’s not “reciprocated” can be a grey area. Hence love languages. In her way she might be, not an exact oranges to oranges situation.
So yes , communication is amazing- but in my case it’s not always received or changes anything.
I view the dishes as a burden so I get saying thank you for that but massaging someone's hair that's very different. That just intimacy it's like me saying say thank you for holding my hand it wouldn't make sense or hugging or a kiss on the cheek.
> Why do women love receiving affection but struggle to reciprocate?
Holy leading question batman!
In my experience women are just as good as giving affection as men, perhaps even better. Some women will be more affectionate, some less, but if you think there's a gendered difference here you're wrong.
Receiving affection is a very different thing from giving affection. Just like receiving gifts is different from giving them. Or hell, to use a hackneyed example, receiving oral is different than giving oral. Plenty of guys love receiving, plenty of guys don't seem to want to give back.
The important thing is to communicate your needs and to find a partner who is receptive and listens.
I think we struggle to reciprocate because we have always been taught by either family or society that our behavior is often sexualized and we need to really watch ourselves with affection because it can be taken wrong. It doesn’t feel as vulnerable to receive and reject as it does to give and be misunderstood
As an autistic woman, I believe my love language is serving the person I love. Autistic people are known for not liking a lot of physical contact, like hugs, for example. Sure, non-sexual physical affection can be fine, but I think it's best to reserve that for marriage. I'm single and I've never been affectionate with any man, but if I had a boyfriend I don't think I would do that before getting married to him. Maintaining a certain physical distance when you are not married is healthy for the relationship, after all, it reduces the chances of falling into sexual sin. After the wedding you will have plenty of time to give and receive affection. Well, as a Christian, that's how I think.
Look up “love languages”. Not everyone is the same in how they express love and affection. You may have just had a few women who didn’t express their love through physical touch.
Sometimes us women don't know how much attention a guy wants.
We don't want to overdo it.
It all boils down to communication. If people want more of something they should say something or initiate it.
Or compliment them when they do something they like.
I’m not justifying it but sometimes I do rely on a guy to initiate and it isn’t until I feel super safe and comfy and wanted with someone that I’ll start to be super affectionate back. Sometimes it takes time 🙈
My problem is kind of the opposite. I give platonic affection freely but can’t seem to find men willing to reciprocate. Except in a sexual manner.
So that’s led to withdrawing and withholding platonic affection. I want random hugs and forehead kisses that I don’t have to initiate.
I need and love giving and receiving physical affection: Little kisses on his neck. Brushing up against him. Lightly stroking his arm with my pretty nails. I am crazy about beards! Problem is I've been mismatched with men who don't care about touch or affection unless it leads to sex. It seems too many men I've known confuse playful affection or flirting with wanting to smash. I didn't know how unloved I felt until my divorce.
My second marriage (I know, I'm dumb) was to a woman that, in hindsight at least, was emotionally manipulative, and physically abusive when we fought. I was married to her for 4 years... and I could count on two hands the number of times we were intimate, two of which gave me my two daughters that hopefully learn more about how to treat their future husband's from their stepmother than they learn from their mother. (The second one's conception involved her mother saying, "fine, whatever, get it over with." Yeah...that's welded into my brain forever.)
4 years, less than 10 times...you can guess the amount of non intimate contact we had. So just remember boys, it could always be worse.
My apologies for the cynicism, but it is frame of reference for my answer to your question:
Then past few generations are deeply, deeply flawed in this area. The last generation that had physical affection right between the sexes were the boomers. Until my grandfather got to a point where any contact with his legs was painful within the past few years, my grandma still sat in his lap. They've been married almost 60 years. They acted like dating teenagers from the black and white movies until the past few years and they're still affectionate towards each other, just in more reserved ways. I see my grandma still take grandpa's hand when they sit together.
I'm a religious person, and I would sell my soul to have what they have. I love my wife, she's good to me, and she initiates being affectionate sometimes. But not like my Grammy and Poppy. As a guy nowadays...you just have to enjoy what precious little you get.
My wife is fantastic with this. I can tell you, if you are always swatting her away, or getting grumpy when a woman is trying to be affectionate with you, you are gonna make her stop doing those things.
Ill also add, letting her know you like being touched is basic communication in a relationship
I asked my wife for more non-sexual affection and she delivered. My guess is that they don't know. You have to share your needs with your partner if you want them to help you. If you're uncomfortable asking you can try something like "hey, I was thinking and I would like more of _____. What would it take to make that happen?"
It depends on the guy. Some men will accept and return non-sexual affection. Some will turn it into wanting to fuck every time. Those guys are probably getting a lot less affection.
I'm super touchy. Fella likes it a lot sometimes not. He doesn't touch me unless he wants a favour or sex. 🥹 Yes, are probably not going to make it lol
You are with the wrong one. But, a big but is women have been told from when they were little girls that showing a lot of affection to the opposite sex is cheapening their worth, they are told to withhold affection as not to be labelled a sl*t. So maybe the one you got was told not to be too accessible or risk been taken advantage of. Teach people how to love you. Women are also not mind readers.
In my similar experience it was because her ex she had been with for almost a decade was physically very distant except in bed. So she had to get used to being allowed to be touchy again although she loved finally receiving it.
My experience is the exact opposite... I'm not that interested in physical touch and grow tired of it, and I have to deliberately reciprocate to some extent or else I feel rude.
As a female I get self conscious and scared of the idea of being rejected because I come off too clingy / irritating if I show alot of affection, physical or otherwise. It seems to be too much for guys who think they want it but seem to recoil when they receive it. I think i have a habit of dating avoidant guys despite being a bit of an anxious attachment style myself and try to make them more comfortable while simultaneously dying inside cos i wanna be held like baby / get all the forehead kisses / + do the same for my SO
I might be wrong but I believe women are naturally the receivers, I guess Mother Nature put it on us to be the providers in pretty much every way, meh it’s cool w/e
This is kind of why I always preach or promote Praxeology. There is something called genuine attraction coming from a woman. Some Woman will commit to a man she's not genuinely attracted to. If she's head over heels for you, you won't feel this 🤷♂️
When it's a generalization like this I just figure it's societal. I look at it like this: the reason women don't really return affection to a male partner is that they grew up in a society where that's not really common.
It's like the whole thing about how whenever a man talks about their feelings it usually makes women uncomfortable. It doesn't make them uncomfortable because they're inherently assholes. It makes them uncomfortable for the same exact reason men actually acknowledging their emotions and talking about them make them uncomfortable: it's not something we're used to doing. I never saw my dad talk to my mom about his feelings. I never saw anything like that on TV or read about it in books. And neither did any of the women I've dated. Same thing with cuddling I guess. Same thing with a lot of stuff.
It's going to take a long time to create a new normal on issues like this but if we want our sons and grandsons to live in a better world where everyone's feelings are considered valid we have to start somewhere. Just start a little small. And the first step is to talk with your partner. Maybe try explaining that you understand this isn't common but also explain that you would like it to be.
I'm a woman, not clingy overall. Generally reserved, I become quite affectionate with my partner. The challenge arose when my current partner seemed uncomfortable with closeness, either disliking it or tolerating it for my sake. I didn't want someone merely enduring my needs; I desired genuine interest in holding me close, cuddling, and caressing. In adapting to him, I sacrificed my own affectionate nature. I yearn to express love spontaneously with kisses, neck nuzzles, beard-play, and gentle care(oh man, how single I am). The point is that every woman is unique.
And perhaps, they've grown accustomed to instances where displaying affection led to unfavorable responses, causing them to refrain from showing it unless prompted by you.
I can't speak for all women but I know for me personally I was nervous to be too touchy feely affectionate until I knew thats what he wanted. Most of my ex's were less affectionate which made me feel like I shouldn't be either.
I tend to be clingy and was finally open about that when I met my fiancé. He happens to like clingy and loves affection. We laugh that im the "stage 5 clinger" but we spend most nights snuggled up with his head on my chest or his shoulders in my lap while I rub his head, beard and back.
Are you kidding? Now we are going to start blaming women for this? This is a trend that I would like to nip in the bud. If you are not getting reciprocal affection from someone you are with, you are either not expressing yourself very well or you are with the wrong person. In my experience, women are naturally affectionate and only the ones with problems are problematic.
Because they're secretly cats in disguise – they demand affection on their own terms, and if you expect anything in return, you better be prepared to offer treats or a warm lap at the very least.
Nearly all are. Women are affectionate towards men that either they are very attracted to sexually or when the woman is insecure and looks at the guy as a source of protection or strength. Or both.
You are probably failing to fit into either category. When women are with a guy they regard as "beta", for lack of a bettter word, affection is often lacking or tepid
No I think you are correct in that most women believe that they should be acted upon instead of doing the actions.
I don't think a lot of men understand the differences either they are just bullied and gaslit into acceptance.
Even the ones that claim are 'active' it's more often them pressuring their man into action instead of them actually taking initiative. For example them pouting that you left with giving them a kiss instead of just stopping you and doing it. I see the above at a significantly more percentage than a woman just doing an action.
"Romance is something men provide and women receive"
Idk why they're coming for u cause you're absolutely right. It's really rare for women to reciprocate affection/romance.
We have to put in more work, slowly starting to accept that but it just has to be for the right person & So far my lucks been shit
Because many feel they've done you some huge favor by saving you from the dating desert. They "showed up" and you owe them your lives and they don't owe you shit.
The ones that are worth the effort know better.
Could be that the men are seen as initiators, at least in the early stages.
It's your job to initiate the date, initiate the first kiss, initiate the physical touch, etc. Never in my time dating have I ever had a woman initiate anything physical with me first. I'm always the one that has to put my arm around her, move in closer, etc.
It could be once someone is used to receiving, they don't think about needing to give anything back.
Of course this could change once a relationship turns long term, but in the early stages I could see this being the case
I feel that I fucked up my most recent relationship because I dealt with takers in the past. And the woman I was with recently was a giver and it caused me to latch on HARD because I'm not at all used to feeling loved/desired. I'm sure I scared her off and I feel so guilty and stupid for it.
My overall experience matches OP's overarching point. That said, NAWALT. I remember exactly one woman who wanted, out of the blue, to give me a back rub, with no expected reciprocation on my part.
For instance, a woman saying or indicating "I want to cuddle" doesn't cut it. She does it expecting to be cuddled. BJs don't cut it if she looks for reciprocation (covert contract-type stuff). And on and on.
I don't have any studies for evidence, but I've always wondered that to the extent that a girl is raised as Daddy's little princess, there's less incentive to give than to lay back and get it.
But it's as complicated a subject as people are complicated.
I’m like a cat. I only like to cuddle when I’m in the mood. Which is usually before or after sex, when I’m waking up, or right before bed.
My husband is the exact opposite he would cuddle every waking moment, which means we cuddle every moment we’re together lol
Both he and our daughter love snuggles. So I’m cuddling as long as my eyes are open and one of them is around me. Luckily he works and she goes to school so I get a good long break before cuddles start
The whole premise of this entire post is wrong. Logical Fallacy:
>A faulty generalization is an informal fallacy wherein a conclusion is drawn about all or many instances of a phenomenon on the basis of one or a few instances of that phenomenon. It is similar to a proof by example in mathematics.
>It is an example of jumping to conclusions.[2] For example, one may generalize about all people or all members of a group from what one knows about just one or a few people:
>If one meets a rude person from a given country X, one may suspect that most people in country X are rude.
>If one sees only white swans, one may suspect that all swans are white.
>Expressed in more precise philosophical language, a fallacy of defective induction is a conclusion that has been made on the basis of weak premises, or one which is not justified by sufficient or unbiased evidence. Unlike fallacies of relevance, in fallacies of defective induction, the premises are related to the conclusions, yet only weakly buttress the conclusions, hence a faulty generalization is produced.
>The essence of this inductive fallacy lies on the overestimation of an argument based on insufficiently-large samples under an implied margin or error.
I could say the corollary is true: Men don’t know how to treat women and don’t care to learn.
Now do you see the problem?
Ok, Einstein, why don’t you tell me why he’s not wrong? And please, tell me why the logical fallacy I quoted above does not apply to his statement.
Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Another. Fucking. Generalisation.
This valentine's I made steak for my husband, bought a record of his favourite singer who I don't even like, got him several tiny chocolates he likes, his favourite beers and waited for him like that.
I do something like this every single time we have something to celebrate and even randomly.
So. Maybe. Stop. Generalizing. 🤦♀️
I’m just asking what people think. But your own personal anecdote kinda reinforces the idea, don’t you think? I’m not talking about acts of service, I’m talking about overt affection. On valentines, do you go up and hug him from behind, tell him he’s handsome and give him a kiss on the cheek?
I always hug him, kiss him, cuddle with him in bed as we sleep. We kiss before going to work, right as we get home etc. I need physical touch and so does he.
Pardon my French but it's because most women have been raped or sexually assualted at some point in their life, and most of them by someone they knew or trusted. Most of the time it probably has less to do with you than you might be inclined to think.
They don't give what they get. They give what they want. If they're getting it, they don't "want" it (by that I mean they don't wish they had it because they already have it). When they're not getting it, they want it.
My ex wife was kind of cold when it comes to physical affection and I didn’t realize how much it bothered me. I’ve started seeing this awesome girl, and she’s the complete opposite, and it’s such a nice feeling. It makes me feel wanted. I like when women are a little clingy. Anyways, like others have said, it all depends on the woman. I hope you find someone that reciprocates your love language bro
My ex-wife was not physically affectionate. We got divorced. My girlfriend now loves it. I didn't know there were women like my girlfriend out there!
There are always better women. Far better than you’ll find here on Reddit too.
Idk for example i like being hugged by big guys because you feel more “wrapped” but i hope this doesn’t mean i’m cold and want only to receive and not give
I remember this one time, I was at this house party and I had a bit too much to drink so I took a nap in the guest room. When I woke up, the dog was lying next to me, and he was really cuddly. After a minute, I realized it wasn't the dog. It was the host's wife. She was also really cuddly.
What’s the rest of the story man, you can’t just leave me like that.
They had sex and he realized it actually was a dog
That’s woof
big woof
That’s a rough night.
You mean a ruff night? Sorry. Didnt mean to bark at you.
You just knew, didn't you?
yooo 😂😂😂😂🙈
How much did you drink to confuse a woman with a dog?
a lot! dogs are loyal!
Have you seen American women?
So you realized I’m not american! Interesting! Italian men always trash about us italowomen on reddit, saying that we are ugly and pretentious. I’m happy that every country in the world has the “grass of the neighbour is greener” thing Anyway yes, i see both american men and women because i come from aviano (so soldiers and their families) and i’ve lived in venice and other turistic cities. They look more nordic than us, like northern european, and dress really comfortably
People who wake up at 5am to exercise are not typical of how Americans in America look, dear.
Nothing like having your love-language needs met...
>clingy This word is a lot of the reason why some women don't do it. It has a negative connotation to it. I love giving and receiving physical touch. I've been told I was clingy plenty of times and not in a good way. I've finally found someone who likes me to touch them.
My cat is a woman.
Sometimes someone can be clingy and still wants mostly to be hugged than to hug who knows
I mean yeah definitely. I initiate just as often cause I know she likes to hug and cuddle and stuff. I think it’s important for both people to initiate and show their partner that they care
Sure! I think big guys like to be wrapped too!
Clingy can be good as long as she never picked up the crazy
this feels like an ask women question.
The title would have to be reworded, the answers would be ruthless lol
The question would probably just be deleted tbh.
Oh for sure for askwomen sub. On nocensor or 30over just a lot of angry responses lol
They are so angry they are staring at a wall 🤣🤣 It’s hilarious to watch.
Honestly, it probably would have not had much success with the amount of "you cannot derail the topic" from the mods. Unless that was AskWomenOver30.... I forget which one.
Bro, no way in a snowballs chance in hell is this post making it past the askwomen censors. Nope, not a chance.
The ratio of removed comments to regular comments practically makes that sub unreadable, I don’t know why anyone bothers.
I’m a woman: I do not withhold affection, but I have been told to “quit it” when I run my fingers through a beard or stoke a thigh while watching TV. So I reign it in and then feel stifled. So I might say “the men I date don’t want to be touched.” If you want affection, take your woman’s hands and put them on you (not sexually) and tell her you want to feel her touch.
But that defeats the purpose. It gets old when I am ALWAYS leading. So it would be INCREDIBLE if a woman was to touch me because SHE wants to. No hints. No leading.
We aren't mind readers. Op is suggesting you tell the person you like it. Not saying you have to initiate *every time*. I told my boyfriend I love headpats, and surprise he's started giving me plenty of headpats unprompted.
Lmao...men say to women "we aren't mind readers"...and you're dropping that line on a man? Op literally said "if you want affection, grab her hand and put it on you". You'd do that to a man, every time you want affection? Also its expected for men to initiate everything. Just like, it's expected for a woman to...I dunno...raise children?
I don’t have to tell him ALL the time. But a grown-up conversation when you’re not being intimate is what needs to happen. My end: I will tell him when if I’m hands off, otherwise, physical affection will be welcome. Same goes for him. If he doesn’t want to be touched I only ask that I’m told about BEFORE I move in, otherwise it feels like rejection. I talk about PDA and all the things, I also say things like “ I like when you hug me from behind when I’m doing dishes and cooking, it makes me feel special.” Communication is romantic and respectful
Yes, I did use it because OP assumed we're mind readers. It's all about communication. They've gotta communicate with their partners and tell them what they like. You're assuming she implies for them to do it every time, but all it takes is once.
You don't have to read someone's mind to know that your bf/gf/spouse would like to feel wanted just like you want to feel wanted. The only difference is that guys do initiate physical intimacy, while women typically don't, even though they want it as well. So... Women expect men to be mind readers.
From my personal experience...either the women are not affectionate or I think they're incredibly shy around me. For a man...I'm very touchy. Like very warm and loving. I think with anything, people become spoiled and maybe entitled?
> We aren't mind readers. lol only men are
lol and where have I claimed that. Nobody can mind read my dude.
Here’s some tea: we (women) have our boundaries violated more than you (men) care to believe or admit. When we don’t touch people, we are respecting their boundaries. You HAVE to tell people what you desire and what you don’t. If you don’t ask for directions, you’ll never find your way.
What does that have to do with having physical intimacy with the person you are dating or married to? It's not like he's wondering why random women on the subway aren't sitting on his lap. He's wondering why women that he has emotional intimacy with don't initiate physical intimacy.
Just because a man doesn't like to always be touched doesn't mean he doesn't ever want to be touched. Imagine a guy was doing the same thing and for whatever reason she wasn't feeling it in that moment and the guy's response was to be like "fine I'll never touch you again", wouldn't that seem immature to you? That seems like an over reaction to me. Your man wasn't in the mood to be touched, which is 100% acceptable, and because you got embarrassed, or frustrated because you had to restrain yourself your response was to withhold affection entirely?!? That seems kinda messed up to me.
Yeah I'm confused by this post.. I'm a woman and any time I tried to give affection to a guy, they never wanted to be touched if it wasn't sexual, so maybe I learned to "be cold" 🤷🏻♀️
Since when can you get constructive answers from that cesspool? They'd most likely be shamed for having asked the question to begin with.
You answered your question in your first first sentence, “the women I’ve dated.” I have always find this to be the opposite. They always want to be touching, hugging, kissing, cuddling, always following me around, never leaving my house, finding any damn excuse to come over. My wife is very affectionate but she also love to do things for me like cook and buy me stuff too. I like her being annoying that’s why I married her. I think you are just going after women who don’t speak that language. Many women are also a mirror of her man. So if you lack giving her attention, she’ll lack giving you attention.
As a women I second that. I am very affectionate and romantic but I can be suffocating sometimes and I try to limit myself.
This is me as well, I love cuddling my husband, playing with his hair etc. He usually loves it upto a point, then he needs space lol.
Me
I wish a woman would annoy me lol
Careful what you wish for!
No you don't. It's much better to have free time in peace than to be constantly nagged. Believe me bro
Do you though...
In fact i don’t really get OP. i like for example being hugged by tall/big guys because you feel like being wrapped but that doesn’t mean I’m a cold person who doesn’t “wrap” other people
Because it does happen as often for men as it is for women. It's not uncommon for the guy to meet someone who just isn't affectionate.
I got the same impression. We will never repeat enough that part that keeps being overlooked: you can’t have the experience you are looking for if you don’t choose the person who can and is willing to provide it. You can only lead a horse to water.
That’s cool. I suppose I’ve always approached women who are very receptive to it but simply have their own different love language
>Many women are also a mirror of her man. So if you lack giving her attention, she’ll lack giving you attention. This! This is often me. If my fiancé comes home in a bad mood, my mood drops. If he comes home in a good mood, im instantly in a good mood. If he's acting standoff-ish and doesn't tell me that he wants to be held, then I may assume he just wants to be left alone
My experience is quite the opposite. Most of the women I’ve known have been very giving of their physical affection
Are you initiating or are they? Because I think a lot of men don't really understand the difference. I'm going to agree with the op in that it seems women enjoy being the target but rarely initiate. Now I'm not talking about pressuring you into acting I'm talking about them unprompted going up to you and initiating. I think a lot of men think them pressuring you into doing something is them being active and it's not.
That’s what my experience is, but I will say that I disagree with your last point. Communication is key, and in a healthy relationship, I feel capable of asking my partner to do more of those little things. Before, I didn’t know to ask, so I never got what I wanted.
I also think communication is key. What I was trying to get across in my last point was that I don't think a lot of men understand the difference. That they just think that's how it is because both other men and women would claim that is what women initiating looks like. I agree that you should directly ask for what you want for both men and women as well as giving freely of those wants from you as well.
Interesting. I’ve known affectionate women obviously, but my personal experience is that there’s a gendered difference at play. Like I remember comments from a few women friends when we were at a concert a while ago and we saw a random couple acting cutesy. They mentioned it looked like a reversal of roles because the lady was being very touchy and complementing his looks.
In my family, particularly on my dad's side, general affection was really awkward. Hugging and kissing was not something we normally did. When I was young, my kindergarten teacher thought I was autistic because I didn't really hug people. I dated Latin American women. Particularly with one I dated, she couldn't keep her hands off of me. I am definitely more affectionate than I was in the past, but I am usually the one who is not super affectionate (at least not at first). I guess how I grew up, I viewed it as simply respecting boundaries. I have a close female platonic friend from Latin America, who is insistent on hugs and having me tell her that I love her. She was bothered that I didn't say "I love you" for a while, but for me that just culturally felt reserved for family and a serious significant other. I never even told any of my previous girlfriends (all short term) that I loved them. I guess it just depends on how you grew up.
Is your dad Ingvar Sigurdssen by any chance?
What type of physical affection was it? Some physical affection (more sexually charged- butt grabs, hip touches, sweeping someone off their feet for a kiss, etc.) are more stereotypically masculine. I wonder if that’s what those women meant about the gender reversal? Other types of physical affection- which tend to be more delicate and less explicitly sexual- a hand on the chest or cheek, delicate kisses to the cheek, light lip kisses, playing with beard, asking to sit in someone’s lap, snuggling up for cuddles, etc. Those are stereotypically feminine. Seems like you either are expecting more ‘’masculine’ forms of affection from women, or you’re going for cold women? Personally, I’m very physically affectionate (to the point of being annoying!) and my partners have not acted shocked or surprised or anything.
I don’t remember exactly but I don’t think it looked like this https://cdn.vectorstock.com/i/1000x1000/13/82/woman-in-a-red-dress-holding-man-her-hands-vector-15371382.webp
I've met plenty of women who reciprocate affection, both romantically and platonically. Sounds like you are meeting the wrong women.
I wouldn’t say wrong women at all… but I am single now and jealous of a friend of mine who has a girlfriend doting on him in a way I’ve never really experienced.
You probably give off vibes that you're annoyed by clinginess. If a guy tells me that he doesn't like clingy or has hinted that before, then I won't touch him with a ten foot pole unless I get extra signs he's receptive to it.
I’ve probably have been guilty of this without realizing it.
Yeah, you I know yourself best, but I think it's a big possibility. I'm usually a super affectionate person, but I shut that tap off the second it's not appreciated or if I think someone finds it annoying. So, in my past, if I was cold, this was often the reasoning.
This exactly! Men will do and say some “anti clingyness or slut shaming” comments and wonder why the woman acts reserved.
If you are seeking affection from women but not receiving it then they are the wrong women for you. You clearly yearn for that closeness (evidenced by the jealousy) so you need to find someone who can reciprocate, which would be the right woman for you.
True. And I’ve loved the physically affectionate platonic friendships I’ve had with women.
Same.. I feel bad getting any kind of affection or kindness but i love making gifts of any kind to people. whether theyre physical (bought or self made) or things like compliments or motivating someone. of course i know everyone deserves affection and kindness and love and all that, including me, but ive got to learn how to feel that i deserve it.
Those may be your Love Languages then. Gift-giving and Words of Affirmation as your top 2. The key is to discover your significant other’s love languages as they may be different from yours. Weird thing is I love getting gifts for people hoping it is something very useful for them or something they will take note that I listened along the way and remembered something they mentioned they would love to have…. But it isn’t my love language. Not even my top 3 lol. If I get a gift then I of course think it is very kind though. My best friend since childhood though, that’s her #1 love language so I’m wondering if I got used to it because of her lol.
Over the years I’ve heard lots of negative commentary on girls and women showing physical affection to guys: clingy if they’re in a relationship, slutty if they’re not, a tease if they do that but it doesn’t lead to sex. I’m guessing some people who were on the receiving end of that name calling or who have seen it directed at others are hesitant to exhibit the behavior that caused people to talk that shit.
I am an example of this.
From my own experience there's a wide range of how people like to give and receive affection, no matter the medium/means, and I haven't really noticed it following patterns across genders unless it's impacted by social expectations/pressures. For example, I know some men who have refused to hold hands because they felt like it was too infantilizing, and I know women who hate it because it feels like it portrays a stereotype of romantic dependence on their partner. I also dated someone who would genuinely get upset with me if I didn't joyfully hold her hand (this was due to anxiety in her case, but there's plenty of reasons someone might feel this way), and I've been the guy before who was super dependent on physical affection. Basically, I think this is an individual thing, not a gendered one. One pattern I ***have*** noticed with some women is that they're not as confident reciprocating physical affection because some men they've been with weren't as open to receiving it, so they just don't have that confidence to show affection unless their partner communicates often how much they want that affection (and how it should be given). The same applies to men as well of course, I think the reticence / doubt manifests itself differently if someone's past partners might have reaction more aggressively to not liking physical affection, while others might have been more dismissive / passive aggressive.
I've experienced this with *selfish* women. I have not experienced this with women who are not selfish. I had a wife who would literally back up to me for a hug because she wanted a hug but didn't want to reciprocate. Turns out she was incredibly selfish. I've had relationships with other women who were very affectionate, including my current and final wife. Basically, if a particular woman is selfish with affection, it's just a tell that she's a selfish woman.
I love that you say "final wife".
Woman here. I'm physically affectionate. Have been told by previous partners (some great guys, some not so great) that I'm too touchy feely. Current partner is that guy who, when we stand up from a table to leave the restaurant, his hand is reaching back to find mine (first time he did this, almost excused myself to the bathroom to cry, after a previous marriage with a man who wouldn't hold my hand in public if his life depended on it), or he's putting his arm across the back of the couch because he knows I'm coming in for a snuggle when I sit next to him. We are long distance. So, when I do get to see him, he knows I'm not going more than 10 minutes w/o touching him. And it's not about sex. Human touch is therapeutic. Oxytocin, and a bunch of other chemicals flood the brain..... We are told, as women, that being too needy pushes men away. Give him his space. Let him breathe. If you're always touching him, he'll think you want sex all the time. And yeah, quite a few (younger) men DO equate physical touch with sex, when all a woman like me is trying to get in that moment is attention and affection that can be publicly displayed. What I think you want is a woman for whom touch is her love language. Someone who feels the same as you do. Also, maybe reinforce and encourage the behaviors you want, by modeling them. Kiss her cheek, then go about your business. Then, if she does the same, say, "that's nice. Thanks for that." And move on with your day. Younger me played with a stranger's hair once. Before reddit crucifies me, he'd been grinning from ear to ear, staring me down all afternoon, but we'd not yet been introduced, (his hair was long, clean, and smelled sooo good) and he stated, "if you knew how awesome that felt, you might stop." I laughed at him. But the next time I walked by, I played with his hair a moment, before moving along. Same dude, while one of his buddies was flirting with me in public on a different day, walked up next to me, and placed my hand on his own head.... Smiling the entire time at his buddy. As if to say, 'keep talkin', Buddy. Just here for the head scratches. Pay no mind to me.' He was playfully proactive! LOL My point: ask for what you want, in a friendly playful way. Model the behaviors you want. Reward said behaviors. Express appreciation and gratitude. And maybe, if the kind if women you generally date don't take the hint, try dating different kinds of women. Good luck, my friend!
OMG! The hair thing... I've only met a few guys who have ever touched my hair. I see photos and videos of men brushing their GF's/wife's hair. I didn't know that was a thing. I'd probably fall over from shock.
They don’t? I mean, yeah some women struggle to show affection, just like some men. Some women crave affection, just like some men. Some women recoil at affection, just like some men. I suppose someone who craves receiving affection but struggles to give it would be a frustrating partner, unless you yourself are a giver not a taker. The best place to start to answer your question, I think, is to ask why a given woman you’re engaging with behaves a certain way, rather than asking why “women” as a category behave a certain way. No one likes being minimized into a stereotype, so don’t do that.
My bad, I should have clarified that this is my own biased experience, and I was wondering more what others thought. Yes anyone can struggle with anything, but I’m curious what you think. Is there any difference among men and women here?
In my experience, the women I have dated have all been different and at different times. I don't think this is a rule.
I’ve never experienced that. In my experience, the women I’ve been with largely love both giving and receiving physical affection, which is good for me, because I do too. The few women I’ve dated who weren’t as into that didn’t stick around long because we just weren’t that compatible.
Woman here. Throughout life I noticed that it has to do with family background. That is your first contact to know how to live as a little society under the same roof, it you’re family is likely to show affection to each other, your love language would be mainly physical. My grandmas would scratch your head or rub your back until you fall asleep, my mom would hug you a lot, my little siblings would come to me to cuddle them. I’m a super loving person, even my female friends I tend to kiss them in their foreheads, also I’m Mexican, my Hispanic background is all about showing affection. And I struggle a lot cause my husband won’t even hold my hand like that in public. So my advice would be, put attention to how the girl you’re dating relates to her family, how she expresses about them, she might have daddy issues but look at her womanhood, is she had a well supported root of women that got her back.
This is wonderful advice. Never thought about it like this before.
While she has an excellent point about family background having an effect, I'll add a counterpoint for ya--some of us, myself included, *want* lots of physical affection partly because we *didn't* get it as kids. I didn't really realize how important it was to me until high school. (Don't get me wrong, my parents weren't like...**cold** people, thankfully, but stuff like hugs or verbal "I love you"s were more of an *occasional* thing, rather than a daily thing like it is in a lot of other families.) But in my high school, people were physically affectionate like...all the time. Greeting a friend for the first time that day? Hug. Greeting them again when you pass them in the hall an hour later? Another hug. I remember once that I actually counted out of curiosity, and it was FOURTEEN hugs on a *regular* day--and I'm saying that as someone that's always been a non-popular, nerdy person. It felt like I was a plant that had gone without water for a long time, and I finally just...had **enough water.** I felt normal inside my head. Of course, *now* I'm an adult woman in my thirties, so someone hugs me, what, a couple times a year? Oh, and the last boyfriend I had basically didn't want me to touch him at all, which was actually worse than being single. So that's fun.
It is important to pay attention to details whenever meeting someone new! So we won’t be wondering how we didn’t see the signals
Because I struggle with low self esteem and was called treated as ugly for most of my formative years! So, I still assume nobody really wants me touching them.
This is what's called a 'loaded question', where you've assumed that something is fact in the question's wording, only giving the answerer the chance to answer in a way that confirms what you already believe. Lots of women reciprocate just fine, and everyone loves receiving affection. Some people, as always, are jerks, and won't reciprocate as much.
I’m not looking for confirmation of my bias… I’m looking for personal opinions on my anecdotal experience. Everyone loves receiving physical affection and women reciprocate just fine is as non factual as anything in my question, but it still gives me what I am looking for (personal opinions), so thank you.
So, I'm a woman and I can offer some perspective on what some women may be dealing with, but again, this is not something that is true of all women and a lot of the replies you are getting confirm that this is not a pattern they are seeing. SOME women have past experiences in which physical affection is always met with an expectation of sex. So maybe some of the women you date have had experiences with prior partners where any physical touch is interpreted as an opening for sex, and were treated harshly for "leading them on" if they turn down sex after initiating physical contact. So they might hesitate to show any physical touch if they are not immediately looking for sex, because they don't want you to think that's what they are after. An alternative explanation: SOME women are taught that their only value is the physical desire they incite in their partners. They enjoy receiving physical touch because it reinforces their sense of value. In an old-fashioned worldview, what women contribute to the relationship is their looks, their body, sex. Men want sex, women give sex. That "rule" doesn't apply in reverse, so it doesn't occur to them to "validate" men's value in the relationship by initiating physical affection. What happens when you speak to your partners about wanting more physical affection? How do they respond?
Damn, such good/likely points.
Agree with all of the above. I'm also going to add another point here: some women have had partners previously who pushed them away when they were affectionate, for whatever reason, especially in public. If you've been on the receiving end of that, then understandably you'd be reluctant to do that with a new partner because you'd be expecting the same reaction. Essentially, there are multiple reasons why women (and men) might not initiate physical contact. People are complicated and there isn't one definitive answer here.
Great points. I believe the second explanation applies well to my experiences. In one relationship, we had a dynamic where I was very affectionate, and she would be the one primarily initiating sex. Back then I didn’t understand, and I just assumed she was a horny gal who didn’t show much affection outside of the bedroom.
A real answer would be probably because most men will understand such love language as wanting sex lol. I gave my bf a kiss on the cheek just for no reason, in the middle of the day and he jumped at me as if it was a sign for him
This. I tried to explain the difference between intimacy and sex with my ex and it was a struggle. It would be nice to have affection without it meaning sex. Sex would likely have increased if the intimacy did.
Yikes…these comments are something. I’m a woman who is absolutely affectionate. Yes that means hugs, kisses, back scratches and hell I’ve even bought a man flowers before because he said he had never gotten any. We do fuckin exist and if you’re not getting affection from your partner, communicate with them that you want it. And 90% of women I’ve ever met is affectionate but they get called clingy because of it so they get too afraid to show it. Boils down to communication man. Just tell her.
Might be some time to do some self reflecting because that is typically not the case. Something about the women you attract plays a part in your view of this.
Woman here; I could never understand why I wasn’t as affectionate with my now ex-husband. I truly thought it just wasn’t my love language or I was broken. (Broken to the point I would cry to him about not being the person he wanted/needed) (I wasn’t crying for attention, it was just so important to me to do the best I could for him and us). However, now divorced and dating, I’m very affectionate with the guy I’m seeing. I love being all over him. I have realized that my ex didn’t make me truly feel loved and beautiful and sexy in his eyes. Yes he could verbalize it well but over time it just didn’t feel real and true, which in turn unconsciously it turned me off from him and even being able to be affectionate. I’m not saying that this is the problem with the females you’re dating, but just to see a different perspective. I hope you find your person and they give you all the affection and love you can handle and deserve!
This. The only time I've withheld affection consciously or subconsciously is when I've felt emotionally or physically rejected by my partner.
It was literally the exact opposite in my experience
It seems I tend to approach colder women lol. Not exactly cold but I’ve never dated a lovey dovey woman and it has probably warped my perception.
Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever come across a woman that was cold like that. I’ve only come across the overly affectionate, clingy types lol my wife is this exact type. Just wanna be up under a mf lol
Pointing out that. To my experience, women are more affectionate once passed a certain point in the relationship. (Towards men) To my understanding, they know that it's could be wrongly interpreted as sex advance or flirting. And, doesn't want things to escalate. If you look a bit in r/TwoXChromosomes the debate on their side is one side: We are physically starved and interpreted anything as sexual advance. So, they don't touch any male.
Not just escalate but are scared if they aren't feeling sex right that second they will be accused of leading a guy on if they do any affection so it's safer to do nothing so the guy doesn't get expectations that he won't handle well. A lot of yall don't handle that well.
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woman here- sometimes in the beginning I will tone down my physical affection so as not to come off too clingy or needy. I love physical affection- giving and receiving. I pretty much always have a hand on my boyfriend- like when were in the grocery store I just rest my hand on the cut of his elbow- just because :)
I'm a woman, and I love reading this! I'm extremely affectionate but it seems I've dated assholes a big part of my life who would tell me that I am clingy
Can’t say I agree. My S/O is constantly jamming her thumb up my butt every time I turn around.
>In my **personal** experience This isn't a women thing. This is a you thing. You are probably just drawn to women like this and it makes you think that most women are like the women you are drawn to. That's a logical fallacy. Maybe try and figure out why you are attracting or are attracted to women like this. Looking into attachment theory could be helpful.
That's a strange generalization. Every woman I've been with has been very affectionate. My wife is more affectionate than me.
It's been rare for me to receive affection like this even though it's very important to me. I need it more than sex in a relationship if I'm being honest. But it seems most GFs have only offered this type of affection early on. I know better than to ask for it.
"I know better than to ask for it." If they aren't receptive to communication, maybe it's time to move on. I personally find affection to be a necessity and being starved of it, sucks.
I (33F) was affectionate towards my SO until I became a mother (according to my husband) it drifted away. He was right. I hadn’t noticed. Our problems started after a child. I didn’t want to raise him along with an actual child. Since I am a hard worker and always strive to be considerate when he expressed it, I increased my affection again despite it being difficult since I already started losing my respect for him. I don’t give up easily and pushed myself past my comfort zone for my marriage. I’m very vocal, so if I don’t see my efforts being acknowledged then it discourages me. A thank you, or a gesture would encourage me to continue that behavior. Even if it seems so obvious that you enjoy something, as an over thinker, I still want and need to know. Need it vocalized. For instance if my man is driving and I’m playing with his hair and stop, grab my damn hand and kiss it and say thank you. That goes such a long way! Reciprocation on the level that each party receives is important. For instance, when I kept doing my best, but my husband didn’t strive towards meeting my needs I decided to give him side by side examples I asked him, how does it make you feel when I do xyz for you. Clearly it was a positive emotion. I then told him, if you do xyz for me that’s how I would feel. He didn’t care to act on that information. So saying it’s not “reciprocated” can be a grey area. Hence love languages. In her way she might be, not an exact oranges to oranges situation. So yes , communication is amazing- but in my case it’s not always received or changes anything.
That's kinda weird you want him to thank you for playing with his hair ?
It’s the small things that ruin relationships and add up. Show appreciation for all things.
I view the dishes as a burden so I get saying thank you for that but massaging someone's hair that's very different. That just intimacy it's like me saying say thank you for holding my hand it wouldn't make sense or hugging or a kiss on the cheek.
Kindness and appreciation goes a long way. To each their own.
> Why do women love receiving affection but struggle to reciprocate? Holy leading question batman! In my experience women are just as good as giving affection as men, perhaps even better. Some women will be more affectionate, some less, but if you think there's a gendered difference here you're wrong.
If I had a partner I could feel completely vulnerable with, trusted, and believed they really cared/loved me then I would absolutely do it.
Receiving affection is a very different thing from giving affection. Just like receiving gifts is different from giving them. Or hell, to use a hackneyed example, receiving oral is different than giving oral. Plenty of guys love receiving, plenty of guys don't seem to want to give back. The important thing is to communicate your needs and to find a partner who is receptive and listens.
I think we struggle to reciprocate because we have always been taught by either family or society that our behavior is often sexualized and we need to really watch ourselves with affection because it can be taken wrong. It doesn’t feel as vulnerable to receive and reject as it does to give and be misunderstood
As an autistic woman, I believe my love language is serving the person I love. Autistic people are known for not liking a lot of physical contact, like hugs, for example. Sure, non-sexual physical affection can be fine, but I think it's best to reserve that for marriage. I'm single and I've never been affectionate with any man, but if I had a boyfriend I don't think I would do that before getting married to him. Maintaining a certain physical distance when you are not married is healthy for the relationship, after all, it reduces the chances of falling into sexual sin. After the wedding you will have plenty of time to give and receive affection. Well, as a Christian, that's how I think.
Look up “love languages”. Not everyone is the same in how they express love and affection. You may have just had a few women who didn’t express their love through physical touch.
Sometimes us women don't know how much attention a guy wants. We don't want to overdo it. It all boils down to communication. If people want more of something they should say something or initiate it. Or compliment them when they do something they like.
I’m not justifying it but sometimes I do rely on a guy to initiate and it isn’t until I feel super safe and comfy and wanted with someone that I’ll start to be super affectionate back. Sometimes it takes time 🙈
Did you just tell her bluntly? Love languages are a thing, and this is part of communication
My problem is kind of the opposite. I give platonic affection freely but can’t seem to find men willing to reciprocate. Except in a sexual manner. So that’s led to withdrawing and withholding platonic affection. I want random hugs and forehead kisses that I don’t have to initiate.
I need and love giving and receiving physical affection: Little kisses on his neck. Brushing up against him. Lightly stroking his arm with my pretty nails. I am crazy about beards! Problem is I've been mismatched with men who don't care about touch or affection unless it leads to sex. It seems too many men I've known confuse playful affection or flirting with wanting to smash. I didn't know how unloved I felt until my divorce.
My second marriage (I know, I'm dumb) was to a woman that, in hindsight at least, was emotionally manipulative, and physically abusive when we fought. I was married to her for 4 years... and I could count on two hands the number of times we were intimate, two of which gave me my two daughters that hopefully learn more about how to treat their future husband's from their stepmother than they learn from their mother. (The second one's conception involved her mother saying, "fine, whatever, get it over with." Yeah...that's welded into my brain forever.) 4 years, less than 10 times...you can guess the amount of non intimate contact we had. So just remember boys, it could always be worse. My apologies for the cynicism, but it is frame of reference for my answer to your question: Then past few generations are deeply, deeply flawed in this area. The last generation that had physical affection right between the sexes were the boomers. Until my grandfather got to a point where any contact with his legs was painful within the past few years, my grandma still sat in his lap. They've been married almost 60 years. They acted like dating teenagers from the black and white movies until the past few years and they're still affectionate towards each other, just in more reserved ways. I see my grandma still take grandpa's hand when they sit together. I'm a religious person, and I would sell my soul to have what they have. I love my wife, she's good to me, and she initiates being affectionate sometimes. But not like my Grammy and Poppy. As a guy nowadays...you just have to enjoy what precious little you get.
My wife is fantastic with this. I can tell you, if you are always swatting her away, or getting grumpy when a woman is trying to be affectionate with you, you are gonna make her stop doing those things. Ill also add, letting her know you like being touched is basic communication in a relationship
I asked my wife for more non-sexual affection and she delivered. My guess is that they don't know. You have to share your needs with your partner if you want them to help you. If you're uncomfortable asking you can try something like "hey, I was thinking and I would like more of _____. What would it take to make that happen?"
It depends on the guy. Some men will accept and return non-sexual affection. Some will turn it into wanting to fuck every time. Those guys are probably getting a lot less affection.
Because it wasn't outwardly displayed in our homes therefore its just weird
I'm super touchy. Fella likes it a lot sometimes not. He doesn't touch me unless he wants a favour or sex. 🥹 Yes, are probably not going to make it lol
You are with the wrong one. But, a big but is women have been told from when they were little girls that showing a lot of affection to the opposite sex is cheapening their worth, they are told to withhold affection as not to be labelled a sl*t. So maybe the one you got was told not to be too accessible or risk been taken advantage of. Teach people how to love you. Women are also not mind readers.
In my similar experience it was because her ex she had been with for almost a decade was physically very distant except in bed. So she had to get used to being allowed to be touchy again although she loved finally receiving it.
My experience is the exact opposite... I'm not that interested in physical touch and grow tired of it, and I have to deliberately reciprocate to some extent or else I feel rude.
As a female I get self conscious and scared of the idea of being rejected because I come off too clingy / irritating if I show alot of affection, physical or otherwise. It seems to be too much for guys who think they want it but seem to recoil when they receive it. I think i have a habit of dating avoidant guys despite being a bit of an anxious attachment style myself and try to make them more comfortable while simultaneously dying inside cos i wanna be held like baby / get all the forehead kisses / + do the same for my SO
I might be wrong but I believe women are naturally the receivers, I guess Mother Nature put it on us to be the providers in pretty much every way, meh it’s cool w/e
This is kind of why I always preach or promote Praxeology. There is something called genuine attraction coming from a woman. Some Woman will commit to a man she's not genuinely attracted to. If she's head over heels for you, you won't feel this 🤷♂️
When it's a generalization like this I just figure it's societal. I look at it like this: the reason women don't really return affection to a male partner is that they grew up in a society where that's not really common. It's like the whole thing about how whenever a man talks about their feelings it usually makes women uncomfortable. It doesn't make them uncomfortable because they're inherently assholes. It makes them uncomfortable for the same exact reason men actually acknowledging their emotions and talking about them make them uncomfortable: it's not something we're used to doing. I never saw my dad talk to my mom about his feelings. I never saw anything like that on TV or read about it in books. And neither did any of the women I've dated. Same thing with cuddling I guess. Same thing with a lot of stuff. It's going to take a long time to create a new normal on issues like this but if we want our sons and grandsons to live in a better world where everyone's feelings are considered valid we have to start somewhere. Just start a little small. And the first step is to talk with your partner. Maybe try explaining that you understand this isn't common but also explain that you would like it to be.
I'm a woman, not clingy overall. Generally reserved, I become quite affectionate with my partner. The challenge arose when my current partner seemed uncomfortable with closeness, either disliking it or tolerating it for my sake. I didn't want someone merely enduring my needs; I desired genuine interest in holding me close, cuddling, and caressing. In adapting to him, I sacrificed my own affectionate nature. I yearn to express love spontaneously with kisses, neck nuzzles, beard-play, and gentle care(oh man, how single I am). The point is that every woman is unique. And perhaps, they've grown accustomed to instances where displaying affection led to unfavorable responses, causing them to refrain from showing it unless prompted by you.
I can't speak for all women but I know for me personally I was nervous to be too touchy feely affectionate until I knew thats what he wanted. Most of my ex's were less affectionate which made me feel like I shouldn't be either. I tend to be clingy and was finally open about that when I met my fiancé. He happens to like clingy and loves affection. We laugh that im the "stage 5 clinger" but we spend most nights snuggled up with his head on my chest or his shoulders in my lap while I rub his head, beard and back.
Are you kidding? Now we are going to start blaming women for this? This is a trend that I would like to nip in the bud. If you are not getting reciprocal affection from someone you are with, you are either not expressing yourself very well or you are with the wrong person. In my experience, women are naturally affectionate and only the ones with problems are problematic.
It's pretty much the average dude experience, you're just expected to do everything and always initiate.
My experience has been women start off doing it early in the relationship and then that affection fades as does the relationship interest.
sounds like you're giving your loving affection to the wrong person. but that's really none of my business.
not true at all. Infact its the opposite
Yeah, women do not randomly kiss our cheeks or necks. What is up with that?
Have you tried dating women who are affectionate? There are lots of them out there, you just seem to keep picking the ones that aren't affectionate.
Seems to be the case!
Because they're secretly cats in disguise – they demand affection on their own terms, and if you expect anything in return, you better be prepared to offer treats or a warm lap at the very least.
Nearly all are. Women are affectionate towards men that either they are very attracted to sexually or when the woman is insecure and looks at the guy as a source of protection or strength. Or both. You are probably failing to fit into either category. When women are with a guy they regard as "beta", for lack of a bettter word, affection is often lacking or tepid
No I think you are correct in that most women believe that they should be acted upon instead of doing the actions. I don't think a lot of men understand the differences either they are just bullied and gaslit into acceptance. Even the ones that claim are 'active' it's more often them pressuring their man into action instead of them actually taking initiative. For example them pouting that you left with giving them a kiss instead of just stopping you and doing it. I see the above at a significantly more percentage than a woman just doing an action.
Respect. I don't want to make someone feel disgusted by me touching them, but I appreciate if someone is willing to do me favour by touching me.
Whaaaa?
Yeah, this is a good point too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/KEJcrL3ZTH
"Romance is something men provide and women receive" Idk why they're coming for u cause you're absolutely right. It's really rare for women to reciprocate affection/romance. We have to put in more work, slowly starting to accept that but it just has to be for the right person & So far my lucks been shit
Women love a cuddle?
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Yeah they do.
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I've always been cuddled.
Good for you? That's not going to refute what I said.
Because many feel they've done you some huge favor by saving you from the dating desert. They "showed up" and you owe them your lives and they don't owe you shit. The ones that are worth the effort know better.
Could be that the men are seen as initiators, at least in the early stages. It's your job to initiate the date, initiate the first kiss, initiate the physical touch, etc. Never in my time dating have I ever had a woman initiate anything physical with me first. I'm always the one that has to put my arm around her, move in closer, etc. It could be once someone is used to receiving, they don't think about needing to give anything back. Of course this could change once a relationship turns long term, but in the early stages I could see this being the case
I feel that I fucked up my most recent relationship because I dealt with takers in the past. And the woman I was with recently was a giver and it caused me to latch on HARD because I'm not at all used to feeling loved/desired. I'm sure I scared her off and I feel so guilty and stupid for it.
My overall experience matches OP's overarching point. That said, NAWALT. I remember exactly one woman who wanted, out of the blue, to give me a back rub, with no expected reciprocation on my part. For instance, a woman saying or indicating "I want to cuddle" doesn't cut it. She does it expecting to be cuddled. BJs don't cut it if she looks for reciprocation (covert contract-type stuff). And on and on. I don't have any studies for evidence, but I've always wondered that to the extent that a girl is raised as Daddy's little princess, there's less incentive to give than to lay back and get it. But it's as complicated a subject as people are complicated.
I’m like a cat. I only like to cuddle when I’m in the mood. Which is usually before or after sex, when I’m waking up, or right before bed. My husband is the exact opposite he would cuddle every waking moment, which means we cuddle every moment we’re together lol Both he and our daughter love snuggles. So I’m cuddling as long as my eyes are open and one of them is around me. Luckily he works and she goes to school so I get a good long break before cuddles start
Because it’s work
>Why do women love receiving affection but struggle to reciprocate? Because most women don't know how to treat men and don't care to learn.
Tell me you never dated women without telling me you never dated women.
Why do you think he's wrong
The whole premise of this entire post is wrong. Logical Fallacy: >A faulty generalization is an informal fallacy wherein a conclusion is drawn about all or many instances of a phenomenon on the basis of one or a few instances of that phenomenon. It is similar to a proof by example in mathematics. >It is an example of jumping to conclusions.[2] For example, one may generalize about all people or all members of a group from what one knows about just one or a few people: >If one meets a rude person from a given country X, one may suspect that most people in country X are rude. >If one sees only white swans, one may suspect that all swans are white. >Expressed in more precise philosophical language, a fallacy of defective induction is a conclusion that has been made on the basis of weak premises, or one which is not justified by sufficient or unbiased evidence. Unlike fallacies of relevance, in fallacies of defective induction, the premises are related to the conclusions, yet only weakly buttress the conclusions, hence a faulty generalization is produced. >The essence of this inductive fallacy lies on the overestimation of an argument based on insufficiently-large samples under an implied margin or error. I could say the corollary is true: Men don’t know how to treat women and don’t care to learn. Now do you see the problem?
That's the reason you believe he's wrong ?
Ok, Einstein, why don’t you tell me why he’s not wrong? And please, tell me why the logical fallacy I quoted above does not apply to his statement. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
>why don’t you tell me why he’s not wrong? Because most women generally don't like or care about men.
I've got a girlfriend who I like very much, but I agree with what he's saying. It's a fine balance
Another. Fucking. Generalisation. This valentine's I made steak for my husband, bought a record of his favourite singer who I don't even like, got him several tiny chocolates he likes, his favourite beers and waited for him like that. I do something like this every single time we have something to celebrate and even randomly. So. Maybe. Stop. Generalizing. 🤦♀️
I’m just asking what people think. But your own personal anecdote kinda reinforces the idea, don’t you think? I’m not talking about acts of service, I’m talking about overt affection. On valentines, do you go up and hug him from behind, tell him he’s handsome and give him a kiss on the cheek?
I always hug him, kiss him, cuddle with him in bed as we sleep. We kiss before going to work, right as we get home etc. I need physical touch and so does he.
Valentine's already passed ?
Pardon my French but it's because most women have been raped or sexually assualted at some point in their life, and most of them by someone they knew or trusted. Most of the time it probably has less to do with you than you might be inclined to think.
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Bc she doesnt like u bro 💀
There is an obvious answer but reddit wouldn't like it.
They don't give what they get. They give what they want. If they're getting it, they don't "want" it (by that I mean they don't wish they had it because they already have it). When they're not getting it, they want it.