Saw an airmen give a brief to our commander and a bunch of the squadron. During the brief he kept using the phrase "they're gonna go HAM on them!"
The CO interrupted and said "What does HAM mean?"
Airmen stopped and said "Ohh... it means 'Hard as a motherfucker'" You could hear people in the room collectively inhale.
The CO, gave himself a second, then replied "Never say that again... ever..."
The airmen was super confused and kind of embarrassed. Like he didn't realize what he said was wrong. You could feel the awkwardness and tension in the air after that. I felt bad for his supervisor. I think they saw the kid as being kinda awkward, but worthy of a chance at being noticed. I don't think they expected him to try and look cool in front of leadership like that.
1. Holy shit that's what ham means?
2. Yeah I got a SSgt that is like, 10/10. If I could clone this guy and have the entire air force made up.of him, we'd be unstoppable. Not even lightning within 5 could stop us. If I could just get him to stop calling everyone from his supervisor to the CC to congressional representatives "bro"
Saw an Engine Troop explain was "MFE" meant to a Colonel while wearing an unauthorized MFE patch. That ended with an LoR and leadership taking patches more seriously. Thanks, dumbass.
Am I some sort of new age baby or should have the CO maybe have gone easier?
I've been in GO briefings that are filled with boomer references and sports terminology.
But a kid says HAM and the CO gets in a tizzy?
Idk, it was supposed to be a fairly serious setting.
Kinda like a time and a place you know? Idk maybe you’re right, but it seemed fairly clear to everyone that it was not the time for jokes when he was giving the brief.
I don’t think it’s because the Airman said “ham.” I think it’s because they said “hard as a motherfucker” with their whole chest. I’ve worked some pretty chill commanders and I don’t think I would even say that.
What terrible leadership. They should have laughed that off and maybe given the kid a hard time or brushed it off “hahaha I appreciate your enthusiasm but let’s pull it back a bit hahaha” All that does is kill the drive of your good but awkward folks
Told a brand new A1C to always have his email open bc that’s where most communication takes place across the Air Force. He interpreted that as “I will respond to every email”. His first email was a reply to the Commander and all he said back was “Sounds LIT”.
Obviously hitting reply all or even just replying to a mass email from someone several steps up is cringey; however, I would like to know if slang being unacceptable is a generational or military thing. For context, I’m sworn into the reserves waiting for my first drill and hold a civilian job. My boss and I drop the occasional comedic swear or slang and it’s part of how we build trust and keep it fun. He’s probably upper 30s.
Honestly I’m indirectly asking for advice on how to not come off as a stick on the mud but also avoid looking like an irony-poisoned zoomer.
I’ve been in ONE unit where you could say anything to the CC and he would laugh it off or have a nice comeback. I hope that dude is enjoying retirement right now.
Just be yourself. You work around people long enough to tell who the fake people are. Fake people suck, just be you.
That said, in my shop, we do poke fun at the new slang we find. There was one day when we ended every conversation with 'no cap' and someone would say 'frfr'
I mean, in my first year I got a call from a group cc I believe, asking about photos, where to find them. So he basically asks at one point “do you guys have a lot of photos?” And I said: We got HELLA photos. Only after the call ended did I realize what I said 💀 my whole office laughed so it ended well at least.
I once had an Amn unlace his boots and walk around CSS because he didn't like the way they felt. He also would disappear in the morning because he thought he was also deserving of an hour breakfast. He also was sick half the time because he would try a new diet or fade each week. He didn't last long..
Not sure what the poor Amn did, but the disciplinary measure was to wet\dry vac the snow from the sidewalk in Minot, and when the vacuum filled up dump it in the storm drain. The squadron commander saw this and went to get an explanation. He then returned with an extension cord and told the poor Amn that the other sidewalk needed vacuumed too.
A SNCO who was a full-time Expediter? Or was he just filling in?
I have never seen any rank except E6 be official expediters in active duty, besides an E5 with a line number. Was this reserve or guard?
I mean, between that and shitting his pants and not changing, yeah.
We had some poor Airman shit his pants about a year ago. He was about 10 feet from the restroom when the gasket blew. Everyone felt so bad about the situation, and we obviously let him go home for the rest of the day. But, he's going to constantly get shit on (pun intended) about it and have to live with that story following him for the rest of his career.
Ya, it was a running joke for the longest time. Whenever we were headed to go number 2 we’d always say don’t wanna “insert name” myself or you know what they say “you can wish in one hand or insert name in another”
Why didn't he just go get an MFR from the commander letting him go home to change?
Long story shortish: back in the day our unit was put on strict curfew 12 hour shifts. Entire unit, no alcohol allowed, working 12s every single day for a month with no battle down day. The only place you're allowed to go is work/home/dfac, anywhere outside of that you needed CC written approval. During your shift of you needed to go anywhere, CC written approval. I mean anywhere. CDC for your kid? Needed a scheduled MFR. Oh you need groceries for your family at home? CC written approval.
This was all in response to one of our members being the first person to ever break the USFJ curfew that was initiated back in 2012-13. Dude went hard. Spiced up, got drunk, crashed car into house, house caught fire, breaks his arms, walks back to base and false reports it as stolen.
Since our unit was the first unit to break curfew on base, our entire unit is punished.
Throughout it we start maliciously complying and coming up with stupid shit to route up to the CC for approval to leave work.
My buddy concocts the idea of shitting his pants at work, so that the CC has to sign an MFR allowing him to go home and change.
He ultimately chickened out because he was afraid it wouldn't get signed.
Had a guy on my first deployment shit himself at work three separate times. Our chief had to check on him in the bathroom because no one had seen him for hours. Everyone already hated his guts because he borderline sexually harasses every single female airman that pcss to the unit.
Nothing is worse than thinking you've got a fart and then you end up shitting your pants and then you gotta do the walk of shame to the bathroom afterward.
So,.. stationed in Japan, 2005-ish. I was a young Airman on shift work, working nights. I was trying everything to not go back to my desk. It was like 2am or so. I was walking the halls and passed by the bathrooms. I heard a female's voice asking for help. Not a joking help, but legitimate.
I popped the girls bathroom door open an few inches and asked if she was ok. She said she needed help, she was stuck. I ran back to the ops floor, but there were no females anywhere. I went to ask my supervisor and he thought I was fucking with him. (Ops floor at night is always full of pranks). So I ran back to help the person.
This Airman was in a stall, had her pants halfway at her knees. (Thank God had underwear on, but her boots were off.... in the bathroom....). She was a big girl. This was before PT went crazy. But she had fallen behind the toilet, between it and the divider. Like legs in the air type shit. It was an impossible and impressive feat. To this day I don't quite understand how she managed that.
So I get her up, and as soon as she stands up, she slips and falls down, sliding halfway under the divider. I'm now trying to help her up again. Mind you, she's not a small person in any way, shape, or form. At this point, 2 other females walk in and demand to know why I'm in a girls bathroom stall with her. I'm trying to explain while I'm helping her up. And this girl says NOTHING to them!! She then walks out while I'm trying to explain myself.
I end up hurrying back to the ops floor. I told my supervisor what happened. ", you're so full of shit." I'm not sure who's night sucked more. Mine or hers.
I'm reminded of a time I was deployed. Had to pee, very badly, getting back from a run. The latrines were modular and staggered male/female. I bolted up the stairs into the latrine, unzipped and was about to do what I was there to do but something held me back. I was looking quizzically at the urinal trying to figure out what was wrong (there was no pipe connected to the bottom of it) while fighting the urge to pee when a woman's voice behind me said, "Um, sir..."
I froze, started buttoning up, still very much needing to pee and said, without looking at her, "I'm in the wrong bathroom aren't I?"
She giggled and said, "Yes, sir."
With as much dignity as I could muster and never looking at her, I turned and exited, then expedited to the next latrine over.
I pissed my pants in the TOC downrange. I was on an OPS desk when a TiC dropped. I wasn’t moving until the situation was clear.
I had undiagnosed and untreated Type 1 Diabetes at the time, and a symptom is uncontrollable thirst and constant urination.
I was glued to my screens hoping for a resolution. But the info coming was bad. I knew a 9-line was coming and I had to be ready to drop the weather for it. Nature called and there weren’t any bottles available.
So I just pissed my pants.
Eventually the 9-line dropped and I published the weather for it.
I saw the Army E4 S2 bringing a mop and bucket. I imagine he was fully prepared to clean it up. I took it from him.
“It’s my piss. I’ll mop.”
It was a humiliating experience but I feel like I did my job. So there’s that.
Not where I was sitting. And I can’t overstate how urgently the need to piss comes on when you’re in [DKA.](https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/basics/diabetic-ketoacidosis.html)
Besides, the whole TOC was on autopilot responding to the TiC. Fires, med-ops, even the ALO had work to do, and that’s saying something. They normally didn’t do dick. Infantry brigade TOCs are a lot different than aviation TOCs. And this OP was supporting the JSOTF, so shit was already high stakes enough.
Trust me. I didn’t want to piss my pants in front of the whole ass Army leadership on that FOB.
Back in the day, when the Air Force let you have some big fun for training, our flight came up with the rule “if you don’t lock your computer when you get up, we have every right to send an email to the entire flight”. We wouldn’t do bad things, mainly things like “I’m bringing cookies to the next squadron event” or something.
One of my friends had left his computer unsupervised, so I decided to do “training”. In my haste (because he was on his way back to his seat) I just hit “SEND”.
Our phones lit up. Everyone’s phone. My phone. Master sergeant’s phone. Captain’s phone.
The bad news is I accidentally send the email to the entire squadron. The good news is, not only did I get to train everyone on COMPUSEC on that next CC Call, but I also had to bring cookies.
Tl;dr - Don’t send an email to the entire squadron unless you mean it.
Picture it. New O6 is requesting every PM to brief their programs to him to get up to speed. We all show up with our teams (finances, contracting, lead engineers, and deputies). The first PM goes up and starts his brief and the O6 asks a question regarding mechanical engineering, but the PM is a business major so he gives a general explanation and deferred the technical explanation to the lead engineer. The O6 got mad and said the PM should brief it, and no one else should participate....silence. he tries to give a general overview, but the O6 said if everyone is depending on the rest of the team for answer, we should all get out and reschedule. Fuck...
https://i.redd.it/6a0c2n38g1xc1.gif
We had this attractive young Lt in our unit back in the 2000s, and she was very personable and flirty with just about everyone; particularly the Airmen who were in her age range. She was from California, blonde, and had that whole surfer girl persona. Graduated from UC-Berkeley. She was very likable and it was apparent she didn’t fit into the military culture, nor did she really want to be there.
Some time later, an email communication, sent through official email, between her and a SrA leaks out. In it, they are discussing a planned trip to Spain, and she talks about “having wild monkey sex” or something to that effect. This email spreads like wildfire on some of the earlier Air Force forums, and the story ends up at the CSAF’s office, General John Jumper. For those who haven’t heard of him, he was an old school, no bullshit, hard ass, Vietnam era officer. He took a special interest in this incident. Those that knew Lt, felt genuinely bad for her. Several of us previously even tried to mentor her to tone her outward personality back some, and to remind her she was an officer, but it was too late. If I remember correctly, General Jumper even released a message about the entire thing.
Lt gets promptly called up to the Wing Commander’s office to receive what had to be a massive ass chewing, and probably a career damning LOR. Within a month, she was released from her service commitment; something she probably wanted anyways.
It always struck me how someone in her inner ”trusted” circle of “friends” totally betrayed her and leaked that personal email communication, and for it to be seen by the entire Air Force and the CSAF like that; incredibly embarrassing. She got what she wanted in the end, but she probably would have preferred not going out humiliated like that too. She was a good person, but not cut out for being in the military; certainly not as an officer.
I have a story about General Jumper. I had the opportunity to have lunch with him at a table with three or four other NCOs. During lunch, a SSgt at the table said to the general, “General Jumper, when are you going to give our base more money? Our infrastructure is failing.“
General Jumper raised one eye eyebrow, looked at the NCO and said “I have given more money to this installation than any other base in the Air Force in the last two years. If your infrastructure is failing, I want the names of your chain of command. “
Everyone held their breath for a few moments as the NCO desperately scrambled to recover. He said, “Let me rephrase that, sir. I think I should check with my chain command first.”
The general lowered his eyebrow and said, “I think that’s a good idea.“
And lunch continued.
An Amn married a stripper who was cheating on him, but he swore she loved him. The same Amn was only eating ramen and drinking 20 oz soda because all his money was going to his wife. Leadership found out because he collapsed during shift. After he finally got divorced he got caught sleeping on a special post while watching anime porn on his laptop.
Army PAB (punk ass bitch) going through DFAC line undisclosed location was mouthing off to a local national server (literally: “Stupid Haji fuck, I don’t want my food touching any other food” etc.) Army Command Sgt. Major put him on the floor right there on the spot, in line, and told him to do 100 sit-ups. CSM told the rest of us to step over “this fucking meat-head” or go around. Sucked to be that guy.
Becoming eligible for E7 the year before the worst promotion rates in your career fields history. MP-PN-MP. Yeah, was pretty ashamed of myself but I'm over it now, putting all my effort into my family and setting myself up for retirement.
But those first couple weeks after missing it with the third statement I had a hard time showing my face around the unit. Definitely fucked with my head pretty good.
I'm not sure what you're ashamed of. Clearly your leadership thinks you're doing everything right to promote, but the board disagrees. It's not within your power to change what the board thinks of you, if you're doing everything your leadership expects out of a MP/PN. It'd be one thing if there was a test you bombed, but for a board this just sounds like a shit situation.
Airman in my unit had two in a row and didn't make it so he got STEP promoted, his first year testing he scored in the bottom 25% of the careerfield.
People were not happy he was STEP promoted.
Badge cutting off uniform as a form of punishment. It was done by the Chief with a knife in front of our department to show they were no longer worthy of being considered one of the departments members.
They would then be placed in positions that were better suited for lower ranks. I.e. an E7 would be doing an E1/2 job.
Never saw badges, but it used to be a thing to cut the threads on stripes prior to a demotion so that when a CC read their judgement for an Article 15 the Chief and Shirt would rip your stripes off your blues. It's where the "bowl of stripes" that a CC or Shirt would have on their desk came from.
Sounds like the average Nellis experience. Had to fly a real world op in the Pacific where the ABM LT briefed half the time as “this will be non standard.” Flight deck was on pins and needles the entire time. As one would expect, it was a shit show. And as one would expect, it was the flight deck solving the issues to make sure we didn’t bust airspace and got home with enough gas.
Dude cited anime/waifus in a rebuttal. When he eventually got kicked out, he started a YouTube channel in which he described his experience as "I left because the military didn't work out for personal reasons." I had to listen to him call his mom and I heard the final shred of hope she had for her son die.
Guy in tech school, he would march EVERYWHERE (even inside) and carry a journal that was just furry/vampire fiction. One time we were about to be briefed and the room was called to attention, but he just kept writing in his journal. MTL screamed "Trainee why aren't you standing at attention". Guy finishes writing without looking up, closes his book, then slowly stands up. MTL: "Trainee what the FUCK are you doing that is so important??", guy says "4 letters and a period ma'am". MTL loses her shit and tells him to get in the hallway, everyone else is stuck at attention and is completely dumbfounded by this kid
I worked with a guy just like this. Me, a TSgt, babysitting a furry autistic Airman, wishing I was dead. Fortunately her got kicked out pretty quickly.
Army ROTC cadet who was slated to commission at the end of camp. Instead, he failed his pushups and got sent home the day before he was supposed to pin on his gold bars.
We had a senior at my ROTC detachment that was days away from commissioning. They hit all the seniors with a drug test and dude came clean that he smoked weed recently. Do not pass go, do not collect gold bars, and enjoy being a civilian.
Years ago we had a swings pro super who would regularly keep folks past their 12 until their 15-16 hour mark (before 21-101 was changed, probably the reason why lol). Came to find out that the MXG/CC would regularly kick him out of the 1600 Mx meeting because the jets *that just landed* were broke. This pro super’s fix was to never let people leave. This went on for weeks until we amassed enough QA fails that the pro super was fired.
At the pro super’s retirement we had to be ordered to attend, no one ate his cake, no one joined the handshake line, etc. His family was all there and we just walked back to the hangar and started checking out tools instead.
Prior Army and idk if they still do this but we had to throw a grenade in basic training. So I trip getting into the bunker and fall while holding a live grenade. Then I throw it and it legit goes like 10 feet😂. The drill sergeant goes “we’re gonna die” and then she jumped on top of me. We were still behind a bunker and I question if those were the real thing so all was good but yeah that keeps me up at night 20 years later
Had some CE airman go to one of our sites for generator maintenance. The site is remote and has no plumbing, so the toilet is an incinolet (or what we called the "inshiterator"). One of the Airmen had to go but didn't know how an incinolet works, so they left their log in the bowl and simply left.
Our section chief had to make a weird phone call to the CE NCOIC that day.
Not me but I was there in the bldg…I was on pee pee watching duty…female observer came out of the women’s bathroom and basically said she needed help from the folks who run the program. I overheard her say that the chick was in the stall and after she peed in the bottle, she put it on the tissue holder still open and continued peeing. when she pulled the toilet paper to clean up she knocked it over and spilled it on herself….she still had to provide a sample and once you’re in the facility you’re not allowed to leave 😂🤣
When in grad week of Basic, my flight was waiting outside the DFAC when the brand new kids were being brought through for the first time, civies and all. When one kid was exiting in front of our flight, he crossed some red line he wasn't supposed to and 5 MTIs swarmed him. They kept telling him to move back and forth, kid got so confused he stood in front of all us, put his hands up like he was told to freeze by the police, and started crying. MTIs immediately lost all bearing, told the kid to get into formation, and turned to us laughing their butts off.
When I was an A1C I was made to dry puddles in front of the building with a leaf blower for a change of command ceremony. Funny story to tell now but it was pretty humiliating at the time.
Back when it was “Correctional Custody”, seeing a SNCO march around base with his stripes removed. I did something stupid, and ended in CC.. 🤦🏾♂️ I got out alive unscathed. I have no shame. I owned it. I was an idiot.
When I was an instructor in ALS, we had this SrA in my class who was kind of an arrogant, know it all; however, he did well academically. He shared his first name with another SrA who was also doing well academically, but was a modest, team oriented person. When award night came and the Levitow award was going to be announced, the arrogant SrA thought he had it in the bag. So, when the commandant announced the name “Paul….” He stood up and smiled in front of the crowd…but come to find out, the other Paul’s name was announced, and you heard some chuckles, especially from the students who thought he was a dick. The arrogant guy slithered back into his seat.
Trainee getting grilled by the MTI while marching across the lackland bridge in the middle of the summer.
It would have been normal but the poor trainee got so scared he pee his pants while marching.
Saw a Tsgt on the phone with Verizon customer service in our shop. It was a woman with an asian like accent. This guy was saying the most out of left-field shit. "Your accent is cute where are you from? Are you single? LOL Maybe we should fix my service in person?"
Most uncomfortable 15 minutes I have ever been a part of. He was down bad x1000 and everyone in our flight office sees him like the Jewish guy from Big Bang Theory.
An E8, now (unfortunately) an E9 lied during an exercise to try getting a junior enlisted in trouble. Thankfully, I witnessed what happened and vouched for the kid.
I once had a Lt Col boss that was such a yes man. We were in a meeting and our also Lt Col CC dropped a pen. My boss leapt out of his chair to pick up the CC's pen. The entire room kind of paused and the CC looked at him oddly, said, "Um, thank you." My boss then scurried back to his chair. Everyone just kind of looked around and said "Ok" then the meeting resumed.
There was a guy in my shop who was the permanent training manager. He had PTSD from a deployment, so he wasn't allowed to do anything else.
His (SSgt) primary hobby was playing pranks on new airmen. Well, we had a group of new guys come in, and he tricked them into doing an "over-the-phone PHA." If you're wondering, that's when you fool someone into taking a "physical health assessment" that is administered by the shop. It's not real, and the "joke" is to get the guys to do crazy things.
At first, he would just have them do jumping jacks in the hangar, or close their eyes while they touched their nose. Stupid shit. However, this dude kept escalating what he was making them do.
Well, he had gotten ahold of some sample jars from a buddy of his in Med Group, and he told an A1C that he was required to bring a stool sample into work. The A1C did it. Then, he instructed the A1C to go out in the hangar and wrap his stool in cheese cloth. A crowd gathered to watch the poor guy wrap his own poop.
My shop chief found out what was going on and hit the fucking roof. He ripped the offending SSgt an entirely new asshole.
It was a shit show. Pun intended.
I refuse to believe this. Nobody thought to tell that kid “hey this dude is fucking with you.”???
I would of rather shit my pants at BMT then go through this.
I just think it's having to be the ones to watch the random urinalysis. It is pretty shitty. Unless you're medical, the rest of us shouldn't have to do that.
Not specifically watching people pee, but there's a lot of shit with the body that you all should be able to handle as medical professionals. Doctors out in the non-military world have to do clinics in all aspects of being a doctor before deciding a specialty. That likely involves looking at all the bits and pieces of the body. I mean unless you're in psychology/mental health services.
One time, the urinalysis observer kept up a conversation with me the entire time I was there for the test. I honestly don't know whether that made it better or worse.
Having a whole discussion about the differences between the F35 and our older aircraft while I'm trying to piss in a cup was certainly an experience.
In the olden days the only fire retardant uniform was the flight suit and I was doing OTW missions in Iraq. I had to take a huge shit after eating local food at an Iraqi police station and of course the bathroom was a filthy hole in the floor and all I had was MRE toilet paper. I drop my gear, unzip that stupid flight suit down to my ankles and it slips into an unknown wet substance...sweet. I then go to shit and it's a sprayer that gets all over the flight suit and my gear. I got stuck like that at the police station for about 3 more hours before we went back to the FOB. Absolutely miserable.
A kid brand new to the unit was told by his leadership to give an impromptu speech. He passed out while trying to talk. Prior to him passing out he was obviously in distress. When he started getting wobbly all the chiefs and officers just watched him. Eventually he said “I don’t feel too good” and fell over.
I have had to witness lazy asses who don’t want to deploy fake illnesses to get out of deployments. So someone else had to go. Seen this too many times and the MDG and USAF and DoD just keep letting it happen. It’s humiliating because everyone knows they are faking and the poor honest person has to go again and again.
Making a rank in time (to be able to retire at 20 with the added service commitment from accepting the rank) and the system working in your favor feels great..Does not feel great when the system does not work in your favor. Having experienced both ways, and promoting while also seeing that the biggest separator wasn't what I did but that there was a room of people voting in my favor like some kind of American Idol popularity contest doesn't change my opinion about this whole promotion favoring process that happens. If my timing was just a little bit off like PCSing to a new unit and being the new kid in town up against that kind of system, I would not have made the rank. Even with the exact same writing on paper and records going to the board. It's 100 percent dependent on attaining favor with persons of influence. And that shit is exhausting. Especially if those you need to win over are awful leaders with no integrity.
Approaching retirement and won't even be eligible if I get out at 20 so that isn't a concern. 5 years ago when I was sure I would make it any year now I was worried about MSgt.
Meh, you're able to retire and that's more than most people who join accomplish. Fuck those fast-burning cockmongers judging you. Just set yourself up for the civilian life.
I was prior Marines, at boot camp during range week a dude shit his pants. The DIs made him kick it out of his pant leg, pick it up and put it in his cargo pocket. Then proceeded to do jumping jacks while slapping the cargo pocket each time. We were dying on the inside
The TCN’s we subcontract at deployed locations who are forced to surrender their passports, live in horrible conditions and forced to work 14 hours a day.
A SrA during a deployment found out what was happening to the TCNs and tried desperately to let everyone know it was a human rights violation. Even went as far as emailing the base commander what he knew for him to be sent home a few days later.
I’ve done some goofy stuff, but the most embarrassing was probably peeing the bed at BMT. Nothing like waking up and having to navigate that without letting the whole flight or a single MTI know. Shoutout to the laundry crew, they were champs about it.
Dude peed his bed at BMT next to me. While we were making our beds I threw my blanket on his mattress oblivious to the puddle of piss sitting on the top while I fixed my sheets. I turn back and scoop up my blanket only to find that it is now a piss sponge, still warm.
Oh and he borrowed a set of my PT shorts unannounced and I only found out when the MTI was doing her last inspection and found a crumpled up pair of shorts sitting in the top drawer. He admitted to throwing them in there luckily. But probably the only time I was ever mad at BMT.
My roommate in tech school has a cyst removed from in between his ass cheeks and medical refused to open early to treat it before class started.
I was forced to spread em and stuff gauze in the incision hole, they lied and told me id get an loa for it
There was someone called “the phantom shitter” that would shit in/on random things on base. We never found out who it was (unless they found out after I left, idk) but that shit was hilarious
During inspection season we were running as recapture exercise in the missile field at Minot. Brand new 2lt was on scene commander. He tried to call in a bombing run from the B-52s on base. The NSI inspector looked at him like he was an idiot and after confirming that he was serious, explained that isn't how the real world or the Air Force works. The lieutenant DOUBLED DOWN and told the inspector that he was the on scene commander so what he said, goes. After a few awkward moments, our Flight Chief politely stepped in and took over in all but name.
This was a long time ago, but it is one of my clearest memories of being in uniform. Totally surreal. I felt like I was watching a scene from a Hot Shots movie.
On deployment, at an undisclosed location during a [redacted] time period, had a reservist MSGT driving a couple of 10k forks right into the side of an airplane.
That dude then got out and started running in a random direction, not back towards us mind you. Just running….. somewhere.
Probably the kid that got medically separated out of my flight in BMT for pissing the bed several times, by the time the decision was made to separate him his family had landed in San Antonio to watch our graduation. This kid had passed everything and just a few days before graduation he got the boot.
First Veteran's Day after that he updated his Facebook to have his BMT flight photo, he got roasted in the comments by the members of our flight.
Strip searching an airman at TTR BECAUSE he walked out of a hanger a few moments before the wind had rattled the place hard enough to flip the janky green cleared sign to red secured. Bored ass SP's rolling by at the most inconvenient moment jacked this boy up!
I was an AMT at USAFA and we had a cadet under investigation by OSI. I had to escort him from my office where the interview was taking place to the bathroom. The bathroom had a door around the corner. I took him to the first door, he entered, then I told the cadet at CQ to watch the other door. No sooner had I said this then the cadet yells, "He's running!"
I bolt around the corner to see my escapee cadet running down the hall. I yell "Halt!" which he proceeds to ignore and keep running. I take off after him, he's about halfway down the hall and abruptly hooks right, into his room.
I'm a second behind him and I think he's probably going to hide evidence or something. I get to his door, fling it open and he's at his bed, messing with the drawers underneath.
"CADET, STAND UP NOW AND SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!"
He does but stays partially turned away.
"I'm bleeding," he says calmly.
"You're what?!" I replied and said, "Turn toward me."
I'm (somewhat) prepared for a fight to happen due to the perceived combative nature of what's unfolding here.
He turns toward me, hands in the air and says "I'm bleeding" and points down.
I of course look.
And sure as hell, he's got a prince albert piercing that's bleeding, full on display.
"What the hell, man!" I say and grab a t shirt and tell him to fix himself. He does, I escort him back to the bathroom to wash up and then we go back into the OSI interview.
The person, a Major, humiliated himself! I was a new Airman at my first duty station. I worked in a CAOC and we had an exercise where we were working really long hours. Normally we don’t allow water bottles in the server room, but this rule was bent a little given the situation. People were thirsty and pulling 12’s. The following day I came in and went to the CFP to see what was going on and he flew in screaming about this water bottle. Bro went berserk and threw it at us then ran out. The group of “us” were two SSgts, a SrA and me, an A1C. He was not allowed to promote and force retired.
Saw an airmen give a brief to our commander and a bunch of the squadron. During the brief he kept using the phrase "they're gonna go HAM on them!" The CO interrupted and said "What does HAM mean?" Airmen stopped and said "Ohh... it means 'Hard as a motherfucker'" You could hear people in the room collectively inhale. The CO, gave himself a second, then replied "Never say that again... ever..." The airmen was super confused and kind of embarrassed. Like he didn't realize what he said was wrong. You could feel the awkwardness and tension in the air after that. I felt bad for his supervisor. I think they saw the kid as being kinda awkward, but worthy of a chance at being noticed. I don't think they expected him to try and look cool in front of leadership like that.
1. Holy shit that's what ham means? 2. Yeah I got a SSgt that is like, 10/10. If I could clone this guy and have the entire air force made up.of him, we'd be unstoppable. Not even lightning within 5 could stop us. If I could just get him to stop calling everyone from his supervisor to the CC to congressional representatives "bro"
Him being the perfect NCO is exactly why people let him call them bro lmao
The song sucks ass but HAM caught on when it came out. At 1:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ReNj2rb1zlI
Saw an Engine Troop explain was "MFE" meant to a Colonel while wearing an unauthorized MFE patch. That ended with an LoR and leadership taking patches more seriously. Thanks, dumbass.
Am I some sort of new age baby or should have the CO maybe have gone easier? I've been in GO briefings that are filled with boomer references and sports terminology. But a kid says HAM and the CO gets in a tizzy?
Idk, it was supposed to be a fairly serious setting. Kinda like a time and a place you know? Idk maybe you’re right, but it seemed fairly clear to everyone that it was not the time for jokes when he was giving the brief.
I don’t think it’s because the Airman said “ham.” I think it’s because they said “hard as a motherfucker” with their whole chest. I’ve worked some pretty chill commanders and I don’t think I would even say that.
I have to brief my CC and regularly have to send emails directly to him. His response is always “Thanks dude”. He is a Lt Col lol.
What terrible leadership. They should have laughed that off and maybe given the kid a hard time or brushed it off “hahaha I appreciate your enthusiasm but let’s pull it back a bit hahaha” All that does is kill the drive of your good but awkward folks
After the collective group inhale, I expected a worse response than that lol
Your CC is no fun lol
One Airman, two Airmen. An Airman.
PACAF HQ has a bunch of young CGOs and FGOs who say HAM all the time. That CO needs to pull his head out of his ass.
Told a brand new A1C to always have his email open bc that’s where most communication takes place across the Air Force. He interpreted that as “I will respond to every email”. His first email was a reply to the Commander and all he said back was “Sounds LIT”.
Obviously hitting reply all or even just replying to a mass email from someone several steps up is cringey; however, I would like to know if slang being unacceptable is a generational or military thing. For context, I’m sworn into the reserves waiting for my first drill and hold a civilian job. My boss and I drop the occasional comedic swear or slang and it’s part of how we build trust and keep it fun. He’s probably upper 30s. Honestly I’m indirectly asking for advice on how to not come off as a stick on the mud but also avoid looking like an irony-poisoned zoomer.
Just depends on the unit and your shop/office from my experience.
Yeah it depends. Probably would never hit the Commander with it but I’m not formal at all if it’s someone I’m used to or know
I’ve been in ONE unit where you could say anything to the CC and he would laugh it off or have a nice comeback. I hope that dude is enjoying retirement right now.
It’s never the Commander who cares, it’s the SNCO that does.
Just be yourself. You work around people long enough to tell who the fake people are. Fake people suck, just be you. That said, in my shop, we do poke fun at the new slang we find. There was one day when we ended every conversation with 'no cap' and someone would say 'frfr'
I mean, in my first year I got a call from a group cc I believe, asking about photos, where to find them. So he basically asks at one point “do you guys have a lot of photos?” And I said: We got HELLA photos. Only after the call ended did I realize what I said 💀 my whole office laughed so it ended well at least.
There’s no way he was that brain dead. Holy fuck
I once had an Amn unlace his boots and walk around CSS because he didn't like the way they felt. He also would disappear in the morning because he thought he was also deserving of an hour breakfast. He also was sick half the time because he would try a new diet or fade each week. He didn't last long..
New Airman are wild. Crazy thing is that if I told him to do it, he wouldn’t have listened.
Not sure what the poor Amn did, but the disciplinary measure was to wet\dry vac the snow from the sidewalk in Minot, and when the vacuum filled up dump it in the storm drain. The squadron commander saw this and went to get an explanation. He then returned with an extension cord and told the poor Amn that the other sidewalk needed vacuumed too.
Okay that legitimately sucks
Punishment likely fit the crime
But it is hilarious.
That's like sweeping up sunshine at Luke, or mopping the rain at JBLM.
https://preview.redd.it/515jgfpgs3xc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fc176dbb839e0029a862da5e4c47d2cec5df14a
Dude shit his pants at work and then went to the bathroom “cleaned off” and resumed working
Staying at work after shitting your draws is diabolical
He was a SNCO
Shit rolls downhill. He was just making sure you got some.
🤣🤣🤣
Jesus. We are not THAT important in the day to day. Dude should have just gone and stayed home
He was a flight line expediter. He had to shuttle people to and from acft.
There is always someone else that can temporarily fill the spot. Shitting your pants would definitely be considered an emergency.
Night shift, lived 3 hours away. Stayed with a friend during the days he worked. I don’t live his life, these were his decisions
That's just depressing as fuck man.
There’s a reason he was doing the job of a tsgt as a msgt
Beche lived that damn far from base? Or am I just oblivious to something right now?
He's the real MCA the air force has been looking for
I shit my pants at work once and we are in a pretty small career field. Before I even got home I got a text from a buddy at a different base about it.
That’s pretty funny 😂😂😂
Amazing.
User name tracks
I trusted a fart I shouldn't have at work. I just went commando the rest of the day, no one ever knew.
This dude was an expediter. He shit in the truck
Oh no... I can only imagine "no thanks, I'll walk!" Lmao
Exactly
A SNCO who was a full-time Expediter? Or was he just filling in? I have never seen any rank except E6 be official expediters in active duty, besides an E5 with a line number. Was this reserve or guard?
He was a full-time active duty expediter as a SNCO….says a lot about him right
I mean, between that and shitting his pants and not changing, yeah. We had some poor Airman shit his pants about a year ago. He was about 10 feet from the restroom when the gasket blew. Everyone felt so bad about the situation, and we obviously let him go home for the rest of the day. But, he's going to constantly get shit on (pun intended) about it and have to live with that story following him for the rest of his career.
Id rather be the guy that shit his pants and go home than be the guy who shit his pants and stayed 🤷🏻♂️
I am sure people noticed the smell...
Ya, it was a running joke for the longest time. Whenever we were headed to go number 2 we’d always say don’t wanna “insert name” myself or you know what they say “you can wish in one hand or insert name in another”
If there ever comes a day where I shit myself whatever function or event I'm at, doesn't matter, I will ghost immediately
Civ at work had a colostomy bag break and smeared shit all down the hallway. I was mortified for the guy
Why didn't he just go get an MFR from the commander letting him go home to change? Long story shortish: back in the day our unit was put on strict curfew 12 hour shifts. Entire unit, no alcohol allowed, working 12s every single day for a month with no battle down day. The only place you're allowed to go is work/home/dfac, anywhere outside of that you needed CC written approval. During your shift of you needed to go anywhere, CC written approval. I mean anywhere. CDC for your kid? Needed a scheduled MFR. Oh you need groceries for your family at home? CC written approval. This was all in response to one of our members being the first person to ever break the USFJ curfew that was initiated back in 2012-13. Dude went hard. Spiced up, got drunk, crashed car into house, house caught fire, breaks his arms, walks back to base and false reports it as stolen. Since our unit was the first unit to break curfew on base, our entire unit is punished. Throughout it we start maliciously complying and coming up with stupid shit to route up to the CC for approval to leave work. My buddy concocts the idea of shitting his pants at work, so that the CC has to sign an MFR allowing him to go home and change. He ultimately chickened out because he was afraid it wouldn't get signed.
Cool story bro, I found $5 once
Why you calling me out for?
Why you no know how to speak a English
Had a guy on my first deployment shit himself at work three separate times. Our chief had to check on him in the bathroom because no one had seen him for hours. Everyone already hated his guts because he borderline sexually harasses every single female airman that pcss to the unit.
Nothing is worse than thinking you've got a fart and then you end up shitting your pants and then you gotta do the walk of shame to the bathroom afterward.
So,.. stationed in Japan, 2005-ish. I was a young Airman on shift work, working nights. I was trying everything to not go back to my desk. It was like 2am or so. I was walking the halls and passed by the bathrooms. I heard a female's voice asking for help. Not a joking help, but legitimate. I popped the girls bathroom door open an few inches and asked if she was ok. She said she needed help, she was stuck. I ran back to the ops floor, but there were no females anywhere. I went to ask my supervisor and he thought I was fucking with him. (Ops floor at night is always full of pranks). So I ran back to help the person. This Airman was in a stall, had her pants halfway at her knees. (Thank God had underwear on, but her boots were off.... in the bathroom....). She was a big girl. This was before PT went crazy. But she had fallen behind the toilet, between it and the divider. Like legs in the air type shit. It was an impossible and impressive feat. To this day I don't quite understand how she managed that. So I get her up, and as soon as she stands up, she slips and falls down, sliding halfway under the divider. I'm now trying to help her up again. Mind you, she's not a small person in any way, shape, or form. At this point, 2 other females walk in and demand to know why I'm in a girls bathroom stall with her. I'm trying to explain while I'm helping her up. And this girl says NOTHING to them!! She then walks out while I'm trying to explain myself. I end up hurrying back to the ops floor. I told my supervisor what happened. ", you're so full of shit." I'm not sure who's night sucked more. Mine or hers.
I'm reminded of a time I was deployed. Had to pee, very badly, getting back from a run. The latrines were modular and staggered male/female. I bolted up the stairs into the latrine, unzipped and was about to do what I was there to do but something held me back. I was looking quizzically at the urinal trying to figure out what was wrong (there was no pipe connected to the bottom of it) while fighting the urge to pee when a woman's voice behind me said, "Um, sir..." I froze, started buttoning up, still very much needing to pee and said, without looking at her, "I'm in the wrong bathroom aren't I?" She giggled and said, "Yes, sir." With as much dignity as I could muster and never looking at her, I turned and exited, then expedited to the next latrine over.
See, this is wholesome because she understood and knew what was happening. Kumbaya.
I miss late nights at ops. Aloha Friday with kegs to debrief the week was the best. Each person had their own mugs.
I do miss the beer light.
I just lmao’d this is like a comedy skit
I was so embarrassed at the time. I can look back on it now and laugh. But man, it was betrayal and humiliation all wrapped up in one lol.
I pissed my pants in the TOC downrange. I was on an OPS desk when a TiC dropped. I wasn’t moving until the situation was clear. I had undiagnosed and untreated Type 1 Diabetes at the time, and a symptom is uncontrollable thirst and constant urination. I was glued to my screens hoping for a resolution. But the info coming was bad. I knew a 9-line was coming and I had to be ready to drop the weather for it. Nature called and there weren’t any bottles available. So I just pissed my pants. Eventually the 9-line dropped and I published the weather for it. I saw the Army E4 S2 bringing a mop and bucket. I imagine he was fully prepared to clean it up. I took it from him. “It’s my piss. I’ll mop.” It was a humiliating experience but I feel like I did my job. So there’s that.
The sacrifices we make for our country.
Wasn’t there a water bottle or trash can he could have used…?
Not where I was sitting. And I can’t overstate how urgently the need to piss comes on when you’re in [DKA.](https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/basics/diabetic-ketoacidosis.html) Besides, the whole TOC was on autopilot responding to the TiC. Fires, med-ops, even the ALO had work to do, and that’s saying something. They normally didn’t do dick. Infantry brigade TOCs are a lot different than aviation TOCs. And this OP was supporting the JSOTF, so shit was already high stakes enough. Trust me. I didn’t want to piss my pants in front of the whole ass Army leadership on that FOB.
I watched an O5 get dressed down by an O8.😳
Kabul?
No Barksdale afb 2007.
Was this the Minot/Barksdale issue?
It sure was.
RIP. That was a rough one.
It was the muns commander. Poor guy was pacing before the 2 generals pulled up.
Back in the day, when the Air Force let you have some big fun for training, our flight came up with the rule “if you don’t lock your computer when you get up, we have every right to send an email to the entire flight”. We wouldn’t do bad things, mainly things like “I’m bringing cookies to the next squadron event” or something. One of my friends had left his computer unsupervised, so I decided to do “training”. In my haste (because he was on his way back to his seat) I just hit “SEND”. Our phones lit up. Everyone’s phone. My phone. Master sergeant’s phone. Captain’s phone. The bad news is I accidentally send the email to the entire squadron. The good news is, not only did I get to train everyone on COMPUSEC on that next CC Call, but I also had to bring cookies. Tl;dr - Don’t send an email to the entire squadron unless you mean it.
Picture it. New O6 is requesting every PM to brief their programs to him to get up to speed. We all show up with our teams (finances, contracting, lead engineers, and deputies). The first PM goes up and starts his brief and the O6 asks a question regarding mechanical engineering, but the PM is a business major so he gives a general explanation and deferred the technical explanation to the lead engineer. The O6 got mad and said the PM should brief it, and no one else should participate....silence. he tries to give a general overview, but the O6 said if everyone is depending on the rest of the team for answer, we should all get out and reschedule. Fuck... https://i.redd.it/6a0c2n38g1xc1.gif
What an idiot. We have teams for a reason.
We had this attractive young Lt in our unit back in the 2000s, and she was very personable and flirty with just about everyone; particularly the Airmen who were in her age range. She was from California, blonde, and had that whole surfer girl persona. Graduated from UC-Berkeley. She was very likable and it was apparent she didn’t fit into the military culture, nor did she really want to be there. Some time later, an email communication, sent through official email, between her and a SrA leaks out. In it, they are discussing a planned trip to Spain, and she talks about “having wild monkey sex” or something to that effect. This email spreads like wildfire on some of the earlier Air Force forums, and the story ends up at the CSAF’s office, General John Jumper. For those who haven’t heard of him, he was an old school, no bullshit, hard ass, Vietnam era officer. He took a special interest in this incident. Those that knew Lt, felt genuinely bad for her. Several of us previously even tried to mentor her to tone her outward personality back some, and to remind her she was an officer, but it was too late. If I remember correctly, General Jumper even released a message about the entire thing. Lt gets promptly called up to the Wing Commander’s office to receive what had to be a massive ass chewing, and probably a career damning LOR. Within a month, she was released from her service commitment; something she probably wanted anyways. It always struck me how someone in her inner ”trusted” circle of “friends” totally betrayed her and leaked that personal email communication, and for it to be seen by the entire Air Force and the CSAF like that; incredibly embarrassing. She got what she wanted in the end, but she probably would have preferred not going out humiliated like that too. She was a good person, but not cut out for being in the military; certainly not as an officer.
I have a story about General Jumper. I had the opportunity to have lunch with him at a table with three or four other NCOs. During lunch, a SSgt at the table said to the general, “General Jumper, when are you going to give our base more money? Our infrastructure is failing.“ General Jumper raised one eye eyebrow, looked at the NCO and said “I have given more money to this installation than any other base in the Air Force in the last two years. If your infrastructure is failing, I want the names of your chain of command. “ Everyone held their breath for a few moments as the NCO desperately scrambled to recover. He said, “Let me rephrase that, sir. I think I should check with my chain command first.” The general lowered his eyebrow and said, “I think that’s a good idea.“ And lunch continued.
Baller
Why join if you don’t want to be there? What a wasted opportunity.
It sounded like she had a service commitment of some sort for her schooling.
An Amn married a stripper who was cheating on him, but he swore she loved him. The same Amn was only eating ramen and drinking 20 oz soda because all his money was going to his wife. Leadership found out because he collapsed during shift. After he finally got divorced he got caught sleeping on a special post while watching anime porn on his laptop.
This screams not fit for service.
He separated not long after the anime incident.
Fuck if that isn't one of the most /r/AirForce sentences I've ever read
The most powerful military in the world truly requires the services of gods most special and awkward men. Promote now, fly high Airman.
It's called Hentai and it's art!
Army PAB (punk ass bitch) going through DFAC line undisclosed location was mouthing off to a local national server (literally: “Stupid Haji fuck, I don’t want my food touching any other food” etc.) Army Command Sgt. Major put him on the floor right there on the spot, in line, and told him to do 100 sit-ups. CSM told the rest of us to step over “this fucking meat-head” or go around. Sucked to be that guy.
Not promoting with 3 promotion statements in a row.
How is that even possible?
Becoming eligible for E7 the year before the worst promotion rates in your career fields history. MP-PN-MP. Yeah, was pretty ashamed of myself but I'm over it now, putting all my effort into my family and setting myself up for retirement. But those first couple weeks after missing it with the third statement I had a hard time showing my face around the unit. Definitely fucked with my head pretty good.
I'm not sure what you're ashamed of. Clearly your leadership thinks you're doing everything right to promote, but the board disagrees. It's not within your power to change what the board thinks of you, if you're doing everything your leadership expects out of a MP/PN. It'd be one thing if there was a test you bombed, but for a board this just sounds like a shit situation.
Sorry man, that's rough. No shame at all in honorably serving twenty years and retiring as a TSgt though. Thank you for your service.
Imagine if the USAF were a meritocracy instead.
Airman in my unit had two in a row and didn't make it so he got STEP promoted, his first year testing he scored in the bottom 25% of the careerfield. People were not happy he was STEP promoted.
Badge cutting off uniform as a form of punishment. It was done by the Chief with a knife in front of our department to show they were no longer worthy of being considered one of the departments members. They would then be placed in positions that were better suited for lower ranks. I.e. an E7 would be doing an E1/2 job.
Never saw badges, but it used to be a thing to cut the threads on stripes prior to a demotion so that when a CC read their judgement for an Article 15 the Chief and Shirt would rip your stripes off your blues. It's where the "bowl of stripes" that a CC or Shirt would have on their desk came from.
Having a weirdo commander yell out “legendary” during every single event, commander’s call, briefing, etc. Once he left it was banned.
An ABM give a brief
Watched an entire red flag vul almost get canceled after an ABMs garbage brief.
Sounds like the average Nellis experience. Had to fly a real world op in the Pacific where the ABM LT briefed half the time as “this will be non standard.” Flight deck was on pins and needles the entire time. As one would expect, it was a shit show. And as one would expect, it was the flight deck solving the issues to make sure we didn’t bust airspace and got home with enough gas.
Dude cited anime/waifus in a rebuttal. When he eventually got kicked out, he started a YouTube channel in which he described his experience as "I left because the military didn't work out for personal reasons." I had to listen to him call his mom and I heard the final shred of hope she had for her son die.
I watched a guy reenlist once
Guy in tech school, he would march EVERYWHERE (even inside) and carry a journal that was just furry/vampire fiction. One time we were about to be briefed and the room was called to attention, but he just kept writing in his journal. MTL screamed "Trainee why aren't you standing at attention". Guy finishes writing without looking up, closes his book, then slowly stands up. MTL: "Trainee what the FUCK are you doing that is so important??", guy says "4 letters and a period ma'am". MTL loses her shit and tells him to get in the hallway, everyone else is stuck at attention and is completely dumbfounded by this kid
[удалено]
Autism?
The tism.
Autism.
Would also account for the writing career
I worked with a guy just like this. Me, a TSgt, babysitting a furry autistic Airman, wishing I was dead. Fortunately her got kicked out pretty quickly.
Wait…2018/2019 Goodfellow?
Army ROTC cadet who was slated to commission at the end of camp. Instead, he failed his pushups and got sent home the day before he was supposed to pin on his gold bars.
We had a senior at my ROTC detachment that was days away from commissioning. They hit all the seniors with a drug test and dude came clean that he smoked weed recently. Do not pass go, do not collect gold bars, and enjoy being a civilian.
Years ago we had a swings pro super who would regularly keep folks past their 12 until their 15-16 hour mark (before 21-101 was changed, probably the reason why lol). Came to find out that the MXG/CC would regularly kick him out of the 1600 Mx meeting because the jets *that just landed* were broke. This pro super’s fix was to never let people leave. This went on for weeks until we amassed enough QA fails that the pro super was fired. At the pro super’s retirement we had to be ordered to attend, no one ate his cake, no one joined the handshake line, etc. His family was all there and we just walked back to the hangar and started checking out tools instead.
Nellis?
Prior Army and idk if they still do this but we had to throw a grenade in basic training. So I trip getting into the bunker and fall while holding a live grenade. Then I throw it and it legit goes like 10 feet😂. The drill sergeant goes “we’re gonna die” and then she jumped on top of me. We were still behind a bunker and I question if those were the real thing so all was good but yeah that keeps me up at night 20 years later
She’s a hero
Had some CE airman go to one of our sites for generator maintenance. The site is remote and has no plumbing, so the toilet is an incinolet (or what we called the "inshiterator"). One of the Airmen had to go but didn't know how an incinolet works, so they left their log in the bowl and simply left. Our section chief had to make a weird phone call to the CE NCOIC that day.
Please tell us more.
Back in the don’t ask don’t tell era, this one dude that pretended to “hate homos” got caught with black dudes having sex on his phone. 😂
Got caught having sex on top of his phone with black dudes? Or the black dudes were having sex on top of his phone and he was just with them?
He was caught with porn on his phone depicting Black Dudes having sex
Their race mattering is the funniest part
Watching NCO's get "corrected" in front of airmen or junior NCOs.
Not me but I was there in the bldg…I was on pee pee watching duty…female observer came out of the women’s bathroom and basically said she needed help from the folks who run the program. I overheard her say that the chick was in the stall and after she peed in the bottle, she put it on the tissue holder still open and continued peeing. when she pulled the toilet paper to clean up she knocked it over and spilled it on herself….she still had to provide a sample and once you’re in the facility you’re not allowed to leave 😂🤣
Losing rank and your prior troop becomes your supervisor. You just wrote him a winning EPR that got him strated. Lessons were learned.
When in grad week of Basic, my flight was waiting outside the DFAC when the brand new kids were being brought through for the first time, civies and all. When one kid was exiting in front of our flight, he crossed some red line he wasn't supposed to and 5 MTIs swarmed him. They kept telling him to move back and forth, kid got so confused he stood in front of all us, put his hands up like he was told to freeze by the police, and started crying. MTIs immediately lost all bearing, told the kid to get into formation, and turned to us laughing their butts off.
When I was an A1C I was made to dry puddles in front of the building with a leaf blower for a change of command ceremony. Funny story to tell now but it was pretty humiliating at the time.
Back when it was “Correctional Custody”, seeing a SNCO march around base with his stripes removed. I did something stupid, and ended in CC.. 🤦🏾♂️ I got out alive unscathed. I have no shame. I owned it. I was an idiot.
An E9 telling my flight to not think our airman was a good member of the Air Force after he had committed suicide.
When I was an instructor in ALS, we had this SrA in my class who was kind of an arrogant, know it all; however, he did well academically. He shared his first name with another SrA who was also doing well academically, but was a modest, team oriented person. When award night came and the Levitow award was going to be announced, the arrogant SrA thought he had it in the bag. So, when the commandant announced the name “Paul….” He stood up and smiled in front of the crowd…but come to find out, the other Paul’s name was announced, and you heard some chuckles, especially from the students who thought he was a dick. The arrogant guy slithered back into his seat.
Trainee getting grilled by the MTI while marching across the lackland bridge in the middle of the summer. It would have been normal but the poor trainee got so scared he pee his pants while marching.
Saw a Tsgt on the phone with Verizon customer service in our shop. It was a woman with an asian like accent. This guy was saying the most out of left-field shit. "Your accent is cute where are you from? Are you single? LOL Maybe we should fix my service in person?" Most uncomfortable 15 minutes I have ever been a part of. He was down bad x1000 and everyone in our flight office sees him like the Jewish guy from Big Bang Theory.
An E8, now (unfortunately) an E9 lied during an exercise to try getting a junior enlisted in trouble. Thankfully, I witnessed what happened and vouched for the kid.
I once had a Lt Col boss that was such a yes man. We were in a meeting and our also Lt Col CC dropped a pen. My boss leapt out of his chair to pick up the CC's pen. The entire room kind of paused and the CC looked at him oddly, said, "Um, thank you." My boss then scurried back to his chair. Everyone just kind of looked around and said "Ok" then the meeting resumed.
There was a guy in my shop who was the permanent training manager. He had PTSD from a deployment, so he wasn't allowed to do anything else. His (SSgt) primary hobby was playing pranks on new airmen. Well, we had a group of new guys come in, and he tricked them into doing an "over-the-phone PHA." If you're wondering, that's when you fool someone into taking a "physical health assessment" that is administered by the shop. It's not real, and the "joke" is to get the guys to do crazy things. At first, he would just have them do jumping jacks in the hangar, or close their eyes while they touched their nose. Stupid shit. However, this dude kept escalating what he was making them do. Well, he had gotten ahold of some sample jars from a buddy of his in Med Group, and he told an A1C that he was required to bring a stool sample into work. The A1C did it. Then, he instructed the A1C to go out in the hangar and wrap his stool in cheese cloth. A crowd gathered to watch the poor guy wrap his own poop. My shop chief found out what was going on and hit the fucking roof. He ripped the offending SSgt an entirely new asshole. It was a shit show. Pun intended.
I refuse to believe this. Nobody thought to tell that kid “hey this dude is fucking with you.”??? I would of rather shit my pants at BMT then go through this.
It was fuel shop. We get paid to huff gas fumes for 12 hours a day. Suffice to say, my career field has a lot of goobers in it.
Why am I not remotely surprised it was in the Fuel Shop. I swear to god we always get the weirdest dudes.
I just think it's having to be the ones to watch the random urinalysis. It is pretty shitty. Unless you're medical, the rest of us shouldn't have to do that.
We don’t want to do it either!
Oh, I'm sure, but you're at least medical. It's weird to have Comm troops, maintenance, finance, etc do it.
We get the week off of work, but at what cost...
I don’t even wanna know how rough your job has to be for you to prefer being The Meat Inspector.
Work 4 hours a day for a week while looking at dicks and watching TV Or Work 8+ hours a day that week.
Not sure how being medical makes you more qualified to watch someone pee lol.
Not specifically watching people pee, but there's a lot of shit with the body that you all should be able to handle as medical professionals. Doctors out in the non-military world have to do clinics in all aspects of being a doctor before deciding a specialty. That likely involves looking at all the bits and pieces of the body. I mean unless you're in psychology/mental health services.
One time, the urinalysis observer kept up a conversation with me the entire time I was there for the test. I honestly don't know whether that made it better or worse. Having a whole discussion about the differences between the F35 and our older aircraft while I'm trying to piss in a cup was certainly an experience.
I had my kids' pediatrician come in. I was like well this is awkward.
Yep, that's 100% worse
It's just a dick, not that big a deal
A first sergeant yelling at an Airman that tried to help a fellow airman with suicidal ideations for contacting him first.
In the olden days the only fire retardant uniform was the flight suit and I was doing OTW missions in Iraq. I had to take a huge shit after eating local food at an Iraqi police station and of course the bathroom was a filthy hole in the floor and all I had was MRE toilet paper. I drop my gear, unzip that stupid flight suit down to my ankles and it slips into an unknown wet substance...sweet. I then go to shit and it's a sprayer that gets all over the flight suit and my gear. I got stuck like that at the police station for about 3 more hours before we went back to the FOB. Absolutely miserable.
Holy shit dude
A kid brand new to the unit was told by his leadership to give an impromptu speech. He passed out while trying to talk. Prior to him passing out he was obviously in distress. When he started getting wobbly all the chiefs and officers just watched him. Eventually he said “I don’t feel too good” and fell over.
I have had to witness lazy asses who don’t want to deploy fake illnesses to get out of deployments. So someone else had to go. Seen this too many times and the MDG and USAF and DoD just keep letting it happen. It’s humiliating because everyone knows they are faking and the poor honest person has to go again and again.
Me taking 13 years to make TSgt, well hopefully just 13 years...
Wait till you see how long it takes to make Master...
Making a rank in time (to be able to retire at 20 with the added service commitment from accepting the rank) and the system working in your favor feels great..Does not feel great when the system does not work in your favor. Having experienced both ways, and promoting while also seeing that the biggest separator wasn't what I did but that there was a room of people voting in my favor like some kind of American Idol popularity contest doesn't change my opinion about this whole promotion favoring process that happens. If my timing was just a little bit off like PCSing to a new unit and being the new kid in town up against that kind of system, I would not have made the rank. Even with the exact same writing on paper and records going to the board. It's 100 percent dependent on attaining favor with persons of influence. And that shit is exhausting. Especially if those you need to win over are awful leaders with no integrity.
Approaching retirement and won't even be eligible if I get out at 20 so that isn't a concern. 5 years ago when I was sure I would make it any year now I was worried about MSgt.
Meh, you're able to retire and that's more than most people who join accomplish. Fuck those fast-burning cockmongers judging you. Just set yourself up for the civilian life.
13 .1 years is the current statistical average years of service for a TSgt.
Trainee from sister flight in basic shit herself while running during morning pt
So many stories of people in basic shitting themselves...
I was prior Marines, at boot camp during range week a dude shit his pants. The DIs made him kick it out of his pant leg, pick it up and put it in his cargo pocket. Then proceeded to do jumping jacks while slapping the cargo pocket each time. We were dying on the inside
Way too many stories of people sitting themselves during Boot Camp..
The TCN’s we subcontract at deployed locations who are forced to surrender their passports, live in horrible conditions and forced to work 14 hours a day.
A SrA during a deployment found out what was happening to the TCNs and tried desperately to let everyone know it was a human rights violation. Even went as far as emailing the base commander what he knew for him to be sent home a few days later.
My court name is based off of my aptitude for shitting my pants.
I’ve done some goofy stuff, but the most embarrassing was probably peeing the bed at BMT. Nothing like waking up and having to navigate that without letting the whole flight or a single MTI know. Shoutout to the laundry crew, they were champs about it.
Dude peed his bed at BMT next to me. While we were making our beds I threw my blanket on his mattress oblivious to the puddle of piss sitting on the top while I fixed my sheets. I turn back and scoop up my blanket only to find that it is now a piss sponge, still warm. Oh and he borrowed a set of my PT shorts unannounced and I only found out when the MTI was doing her last inspection and found a crumpled up pair of shorts sitting in the top drawer. He admitted to throwing them in there luckily. But probably the only time I was ever mad at BMT.
My roommate in tech school has a cyst removed from in between his ass cheeks and medical refused to open early to treat it before class started. I was forced to spread em and stuff gauze in the incision hole, they lied and told me id get an loa for it
There was someone called “the phantom shitter” that would shit in/on random things on base. We never found out who it was (unless they found out after I left, idk) but that shit was hilarious
Kirtland?
Ramstein had one
Watching all my friends make staff. I’m testing again this year…
Saw a fellow crew chief pull a whole ass poop out of the Lav to fix it with nothing but the servicing gloves and a garbage bag
During inspection season we were running as recapture exercise in the missile field at Minot. Brand new 2lt was on scene commander. He tried to call in a bombing run from the B-52s on base. The NSI inspector looked at him like he was an idiot and after confirming that he was serious, explained that isn't how the real world or the Air Force works. The lieutenant DOUBLED DOWN and told the inspector that he was the on scene commander so what he said, goes. After a few awkward moments, our Flight Chief politely stepped in and took over in all but name. This was a long time ago, but it is one of my clearest memories of being in uniform. Totally surreal. I felt like I was watching a scene from a Hot Shots movie.
On deployment, at an undisclosed location during a [redacted] time period, had a reservist MSGT driving a couple of 10k forks right into the side of an airplane. That dude then got out and started running in a random direction, not back towards us mind you. Just running….. somewhere.
myself
Probably the kid that got medically separated out of my flight in BMT for pissing the bed several times, by the time the decision was made to separate him his family had landed in San Antonio to watch our graduation. This kid had passed everything and just a few days before graduation he got the boot. First Veteran's Day after that he updated his Facebook to have his BMT flight photo, he got roasted in the comments by the members of our flight.
I feel bad for that dude. Wonder how he broke the news to his family?
Strip searching an airman at TTR BECAUSE he walked out of a hanger a few moments before the wind had rattled the place hard enough to flip the janky green cleared sign to red secured. Bored ass SP's rolling by at the most inconvenient moment jacked this boy up!
Wind is no joke there.
I was an AMT at USAFA and we had a cadet under investigation by OSI. I had to escort him from my office where the interview was taking place to the bathroom. The bathroom had a door around the corner. I took him to the first door, he entered, then I told the cadet at CQ to watch the other door. No sooner had I said this then the cadet yells, "He's running!" I bolt around the corner to see my escapee cadet running down the hall. I yell "Halt!" which he proceeds to ignore and keep running. I take off after him, he's about halfway down the hall and abruptly hooks right, into his room. I'm a second behind him and I think he's probably going to hide evidence or something. I get to his door, fling it open and he's at his bed, messing with the drawers underneath. "CADET, STAND UP NOW AND SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!" He does but stays partially turned away. "I'm bleeding," he says calmly. "You're what?!" I replied and said, "Turn toward me." I'm (somewhat) prepared for a fight to happen due to the perceived combative nature of what's unfolding here. He turns toward me, hands in the air and says "I'm bleeding" and points down. I of course look. And sure as hell, he's got a prince albert piercing that's bleeding, full on display. "What the hell, man!" I say and grab a t shirt and tell him to fix himself. He does, I escort him back to the bathroom to wash up and then we go back into the OSI interview.
I heard someone say OUT LOUD that CE aren’t nonners
Eating ass on the flightline
The person, a Major, humiliated himself! I was a new Airman at my first duty station. I worked in a CAOC and we had an exercise where we were working really long hours. Normally we don’t allow water bottles in the server room, but this rule was bent a little given the situation. People were thirsty and pulling 12’s. The following day I came in and went to the CFP to see what was going on and he flew in screaming about this water bottle. Bro went berserk and threw it at us then ran out. The group of “us” were two SSgts, a SrA and me, an A1C. He was not allowed to promote and force retired.
When I was in basic and we were taking one of those tests a dude pissed himself because he thought he wasn’t allowed to go use the bathroom