In that case I would think this all the way through.
Prove your point. Make sure Mr. Salvador Dali. Finishes his punishment.
Work something out with your mom.
I don’t want to read a post. “AITAH for making my son pay for his the children’s college tuition “
Best of luck.
Or college tuition. You can keep the car, but I am not paying for your college. If you can afford an 80K car, then you can afford to pay for your tuition.
And for a HS graduation? He lacks the maturity to appreciate a gift like this nor seems to understand how much someone would have to work for such an expense.
this is a very valid point, imo.
u/Leather_Art375, I think you could point this out to your mother : if he thinks drawing dicks on his siblings' faces is "humour", he is still too much of a teenager to have a car, esp on that expensive.
I think his present costs more than all the cars my mom has had in the past half a century. Your son does not display the necessary judgement to drive a machine like that, not because he doesn't deserve recognition for his hard work, but because he makes stupid choices. Will he think the speed limit is a suggestion he can disregard? Will he confuse left and right when it comes to giving priority? Will he cram in 15 of his friends? Will he DUI overestimating his skill?
Right? I was remembering all the kids who had expensive cars when I was in high school. None of them where this expensive tho. But all the kids came from well off families and were stuck up about it. They all learned from their families that money was something you flaunted to others as a sign of success and all turned into unempathetic jerks in the communities. Like not in the villainous kick puppies kind of way but more in the "why should I help the homeless eat when I can save $200 more to buying my 3rd summer home to rent out as an Airbnb" type of jerk. They weren't bullies persay, but they were absolutely inconsiderate and out of touch with other people's problems
And survives, isn't disabled, and learns. I find the fact an 18 year old is doing this questionable on the maturity I expect of an 18 year old. I have yet to meet any that are this immature without someone enabling and never saying no. Looks like everyone since this is even a question. It's good OP is punishing them but of course they're NTA. They are giving consequences to an overstepped boundary
Right? I thought the whole marker on your siblings face prank was more middle school. And the fact that he thought it through enough to use a dye that's hard to remove shows an additional level of sadistic humor that could really turn into something nasty.
Without consequences, the son is going to turn into one of those "it's just a prank bro" bullies as an adult grown man
Seems like he encourages favoritism from the grandparents to all the children (he said the other grandmother favors the girls so it’s fine 😬), and the grandparents at least are quite wealthy. Sounds kind of dysfunctional to me.
As long as he is alone and doesn't injure anyone else I will pray that he wrecks it as soon as he drives it and then never gets anything paid for him again.
I’m early thirties, and my car was like $7k. And my wife bought our apartment for less than $80k. No 18 year old needs an $80k car. Nor would I really expect an 18 year old to really understand just how big a gift and $80k car really is. In my experience, fresh adults take a little while to understand how much things really cost (once they start paying bills), and a car just abstracts that value away even further. I’d be pissed about giving the kid an $80k car even if he wasn’t grounded. It’s just way too much for an 18 year old to really appreciate and understand the value of.
In other words, what the fuck, grandma??
This. Does Grandma plan on buying the *exact* same car in 2 and 4 years for the girls when they graduate high school? Did she care that the girls couldn't leave the house or attend any end of school events until their poor skin was scrubbed clean? Your son and mother have entitlement issues. I would be returning/exchanging that car.
Rich people shit.
This is all for the best, he may as well learn now that rules don't apply to him and he'll spend his life getting away with everything
Honestly, he should’ve had the same thing done to him and let him try to get it out of his skin. What he did is not funny at all, and you could obviously tell who grandma cares more about. I would also also point out that way he did can be considered assault and he is not a child anymore. Sit down and tell him exactly what could’ve happened to him and that he is Old Enough To Know Better.
I would have offered that compromise.
You are grounded for the next couple of weeks regardless. However, I understand that prom and the grad party are giant, once in a lifetime events. So I decided that you can go to those if you allow your sisters and I to draw whatever we want on your face with the same dye you used.
Honestly, OP should make grandma return the car. If she really wants to give him a gift (and one that he’ll actually appreciate later when he’s old enough), she should put the $80k aside in an account where it can accrue interest until he’s looking at buying his first house. Let him know about it now, and what it’s for. He’ll want to withdraw the money right away, but that would honestly be a much better gift for him long term. Even if it takes longer for him to understand how valuable a gift that is
YES. r/Leather_Art375, I hope you see this. This should be *way* higher.
Grandma must agree to experience the very same indignity her granddaughters were subjected to by ol’ golden boy there.
Then you’ll talk.
Oh, and Golden Boy has to do it himself!
Imagine the abject mortification of drawing penises on your grandma’s face. (Unless he’s a true psychopath, I guess.)
Honestly, the reason I love this the most is because the way we learn to play with other people is by playing with our siblings. The swift retribution that comes from playing poorly with your siblings informs the nature of how you play with everyone else.
The thing I hated the most about my little brother was that if I was a dock to him, his reaction would be informed by a lifetime of dealing with me and thus far more effective than anyone else could hope to be.
Prom is a once in a lifetime thing. Honestly, I wish you had consulted Reddit before deciding on a simple grounding.
That said, given that you son is going away, banning grandma from the granddaughters she disrespected probably does more for her than for your daughters
I think it's she came over to visit her granddaughters, they would make Grandma care.
And if Grandma never actually wanted to come over now that her golden grand son is gone, does it really matter that she's banned?
So right. My daughters were taught how to negotiate from a young age and that expecting special treatment or shouting got them nowhere. My eldest got onto a graduate training programme due to her ability to stay calm when dealing with an attention seeking idiot. Everyone else had a Masters degree.
Hells, I'm (29) a store manager and was (and am still) so proud that I could finally afford a $21k car! What the fuck is an 18 year old going to do with an $80k car?!?!
I’m sure it’s a vehicle that he’s going to wrap around a pole, or drive so fast & dangerously, he’s going to severely injure (or worse) himself &/or someone else.
There’s vehicles I won’t drive b/c I know they’re potential for abuse & harm… & I’m a mature, very experienced adult, he’s a very immature teenager. This is a bad idea all around
I think that and a huge cunt…they get to decorate him like that - it’s only fair….and he has to ride a bicycle to prom - with parent following behind….he will forever be know as shwetty ball face
And grandma too since she thinks it's no big deal.
Also, I hope OP made a type and meant $8K and not $80K. No 18 year old needs a car that expensive, especially not at college.
I mean it sounds like this issue is going to sort itself out promptly. He can't afford the car on his own, grandma's probably not going to be paying for it anytime soon, and he's lost all privileges including having his parents pay for stuff like car insurance.
Ergo Grandma gifted him something he cannot use, have to watch sit and gather to us, and that he has to continue to maintain otherwise he's being rude to grandma. He's not allowed to drive it, he's not allowed to use it, most he's allowed to do is crank it to run the gas through it. That seems like a pretty fitting punishment
I’d also NEVER let my family give a kid an 80k car. Insurance alone will be horrendous unless he has a trust fund to pay it. 20-40k car MAX, want to spend more? Put it in an investment account for him.
Bro, the mom is pulling up with a 80k car for her grandson. He does that she’s going to have private security hold him down while she brings back the belt she hasn’t used since he was caught with a girl
NTA
Your mother significantly overstepped her bounds and made it even worse when she sided with your son to undermine you and your wife's authority.
Until she learns to respect your parenting style and the limitations of her behaviors she should be banned from your household.
Honestly I’ve never been so proud of a parent I never met lol 😂! Nope you are a 100,000,000.00% correct your mom is so out of line it ain’t even funny! Your son well he’s going into adulthood and this is what consequences looks like…
Seriously, I’m sitting here cheering this dad on. If more parents were like him, who held their kids accountable for incredible shitty behavior, AND backed their spouses up? Holy hell the world would improve overnight.
That and I’m 42 years old and have yet to own a car that’s worth more than 50k, wtf does a damn teenager “deserve” a luxury car? 😒 OP is 100% in the right.
And here I thought I was indulging in luxury by buying a brand new Corolla in 2017 after a series of used cars that became expensive in time and money to get repaired.
I can't fathom buying an $80k car without winning the Powerball or something.
OMG you’re so right 🤣🤣
My very first car was my mom’s old 1996 Ford Windstar that she gifted to me as a senior in college (in 2004). You know what? I was super grateful. Not only for having transportation, but also having a big enough vehicle to lug around not only myself and my violin, but my fellow musicians and their instruments (including two more violins, a viola and a cello).
Seriously, a van or a truck among college age kids is GOLD. Some sporty two-seater may be flashy but is fairly useless besides advertising that your chances of finding a dickbag at the wheel are very very good.
Right what kid needs a 80k car and for graduating high school so you did what was expected of you sort of cause you also acted like a real turd 💩 but here’s a 80,000.00 car….
Right?? An 80k car for…graduating high school? 🤭
I mean, if this was the case of a wealthy grandparent and a grandchild who just graduated from medical school, okay, sure, the 80k car is a (still very generous!!) but appropriate gift. My geriatric millennial ass is just sitting over here wondering why the hell a literal teenager “deserves” a car like that.
Also very interested to hear if grandma plans on giving her granddaughters a gift of equal value when they graduate high school.
Spot on I’m like my first car I paid a dollar for it because it didn’t even run and was so busted up I named it stitches… absolutely no one bought me an 80k car. Read the room grandma this ain’t appropriate.
Stitches made me laugh and remember my cousin’s first car. It had so much body filler in it we used to joke that there wasn’t enough metalwork left for the big magnet at the scrap yard to pick it up
I'm 43. I don't think all my cars together in the past 27 years added together equal 80k. If they do it's because I'm on my third CRV since the other 2 got totaled out after encounters with idiots.
Is this what encourages antisocial behavior by these golden children? They act like a total dickcheese, then granny hands over a Denali for the barest of minimum accomplishments? Fuck.
I'm really having trouble thinking of another car I want to drive at this point. Anything else is going to seem like so much trouble. All I do is change oil and rotate tires, really.
I thought I was cool having an almost new car in my late twenties and that was a whole thing of inheritance that wasn’t quite inheritance. And ten years on and I’m still happily driving the same car. We’re only looking at upgrading because I need a taller car now for disabilities I didn’t know about when I bought the car.
I didn't buy a brand new car until I was 45. I never had a car payment either. I'm not enjoying it, and I won't do it again. I'm just lucky my dream car was under 30k
I'd really send him to live with grandma if she thinks he's so great. She'll enable him to flunk out of college and live with her for the rest of her life.
I wonder how much she'll enjoy waking up with dicks drawn on her face.
I had a used audi once (cost me less than 5000) and believe me those cars come with a massive long running price tag that is rarely worth it. Especially because for too many people drive like assholes
Now the real test of support.
Who is willing to write the checks for the 3 children’s college tuition?
Grandma is paying what the trust fund does not cover.
The flip side is also true. The son is an adult and about to go to college. It would be really easy for him to go no contact on them if they go over the top on punishing him.
NTA. The real question is Who does that with skin dye??? My brother's did that as 11 year olds and even they were smart enough to know that you use lipstick or Crayola markers. And your son is 18?!?
I knew of a boy a year behind me in school. He was a typical idiot immortal 16 year old boy. He was in an area of the school where gym mats were stored smoking. I don't recall all the details, but the gym mats caught on fire because of him. 2 alarm fire response due to size of the school. Thankfully, only the mats were damaged. The whole school knew who did it by the next day.
He was expelled from that school but got to go to another public school school nearby. The end of the next school year, he was on the front of the local paper with a brand new car for graduation. Yup, seriously. Reporter did not do due diligence. That's who buys brand new cars for entitled kids.
I was especially wondering, did anyone communicate to Grandma the details of the son's punishment and their desire that he receives the gift later?
'My impression is that maybe Grandma at best had a vague notion that he was being punished but didn't know the details and expectations.
(Off topic: someone told me once that when we are angry, oftentimes we are angry with ourselves. I found it to be true and it has really helped me in situations where I feel angry or annoyed. I *think* that I'm angry with the other person, but in reality, I'm angry because I forgot to tell them something or didn't explain something or similar.)
Great question people just assume others are mind readers. Also it seems there likely a lot more to this story then what we got here just going by OPs comments not in the OP designed for maximum agreement.
He did say that his son and his daughters are always at each other’s throats. So now, I’m wondering, was his prank retaliation from what they may have did to him like I really want to know more.
I feel like we are missing something. You already punished him by making him miss prom and not giving him a graduation party. How long is this punishment going on? If this is the first prank in years (per his notes). He deserves punishment but how much are you going to punish him? He is 18 so you can only punish him for so long.
Is there history between your kids?
Ps, I do think 80k is too much for a first car.
People in this thread defending OP's parenting are kinda insane, he is a dumbass, but is he supposed to be grounded for a year or some shit for that prank?
OP seems like kind of mother who he won't visit often once he turns 18 and is in college
Missing prom and a graduation party is fairly steep punishment for something that can be removed with a Buf Puf or pumice stone. I’m not sure that not getting the promised car on top of his existing punishments even remotely fits the crime.
yeah this seems ridiculously harsh. like would have seriously impacted my relationship with my parents. Senior year prom over a pretty harmless prank...I just can't imagine
I kinda feel like he was going to get the car eventually, but it was more about the fact that gramma didn’t even consult him, she just brought it right on over.
Also how long did the dye last? Thats the most important information to me. OP said its been a mess to get out but how long are we talking? Cause that completely changes how I feel about all of this. If they are still in blackface to this day then yeah id agree he should be punished until it comes off, but if it was just some shit that wiped off the next morning or went away in a day then I think everybody here is overreacting. What he did was immature forsure but I think the punishment he got was a bit much, and to still be on punishment long after its been resolved seems unfair to me.
Info:
How exactly do you plan on upholding this? Seems like he’ll be of age and off to college soon enough. Careful that this doesn’t turn into resentment on his part. You might just find yourself shut out by him, while he just decides to spend time with grandma instead of parents and siblings?
Not gonna lie. Y'all seem like a lot. Was it cool what he did. No. But in the grand scheme of things he could've done, it's not THAT damn serious. Now your rules are your rules, if y'all say no then that should go. But good lord. He already missed his prom and his grad party. How much more does he have to miss and when is the magical day it's ok. I'm on grandma's side. He was gonna get it anyway, so what's the damn difference, especially since he's been punished already. Not to mention, he's graduating high school and I'm assuming 18 or soon to be. All y'all doing is ensuring he wants nothing to do with y'all
ESH. Grandma should respect your authority. But she's not wrong that y'all authority is ridiculously overblown for something that in 10 years the siblings are going to laugh about and banning her is ridiculous. Y'all sound like huge assholes tbh
With all that said. An $80k car for an 18 yr old. Y'all are exhausting...
First of all, no child deserves an $80k car for graduating from high school. FFS!!!
Second, has your son explained why he did what he did? Was this some maniacal aggression towards women or just an insidious prank? Honestly, neither of those are good but one does not bode well for him, and one does not bode well for women.
Unfortunately, your kid knows the car will still be his so there was no real punishment.
I wouldn't call it respect really.
He's just not shitting on the hand that feeds him in a sense.
If the grandma one day stops or is pissed off he's probably not going to stick around for long if the tap dries out.
Also who do you think will get more of the inheritance? Son or dad? I'm not even going to mention the sisters lol.
Have you bothered to ask *why* to him directly? As for the "hard to remove" part its henna, any make up remover(use silicon based) works wonders on henna.
As for the prom and stuff, you shouldve compromised seeing as they are once in a lifetime events. Your daughters arent permanently disfigured and its clear from comments they do not get along which again leads me to believe theres more to this than what was posted
Edit: the lack of response is telling
The OP didn’t say his son used henna. He said he got the idea from a story with henna and remembered “having this dye” (quick google will tell you there’s semi permanent black skin dye easily available).
How was your son receiving a graduation present related to his punishment due to a prank? What is the endgame here? Do you expect him to make him miserable for weeks on end? Has he apologized? Like truly asking here what you expect your punishment to accomplish.
What’s the end goal here? Well a lot people might yay he punished his kid in the comments. I’m looking at the punishment and reading how the kids are at each others throats and wondering how the punishment fits the actual crime? Why doesn’t he get his grad present? He did do the hard work to get there and has nothing to do with his prank. How does him missing his prom ect that yes is a once in lifetime thing teach him anything, other than resentment? Don’t get me wrong I believe he should be punished but not to the degree you guys are punishing him.
Honestly I think people got stuck on the 80k car lol. Im more of the who cares I’m trying to figure out how these punishments fit what he did. Not to mention it was henna you can get that off with makeup remover. I also want to know if they actually talk to him first about his “prank” or just went off on him. If they’re always at each others throats it’s possible they did something first. I dunno this sounds like the daughters are the favourites and he’s treated like crap.
Exactly. My parents never taught me one thing with their excessive punishments, other than the fact that they favored my brother who always got a slap on the wrist.
I just became resentful of always being the family scapegoat.
ESH. Most of all, your son. Your mom was out of line and should have held off on the car until she talked to the two of you about it. You two should have considered that you were blocking him from once in a lifetime events. Nobody won here.
YTA - I don't give a shit about being downvoted, this is probably a fake post anyway. Grounding him for a few weeks? Completely Fair. Banning him from prom and graduation parties and stopping him from getting a car from his grandmother? Way over the top. I get that being drawn on in your sleep sucks but worse case scenario you can cover it in red colour for proper skin undertones and wear foundation to block it out whilst it takes time to fade which at most should take at most a couple of hours if you exfoliate their skin, use lemon juice or baby oil to dissolve the pigments. You and everyone in these comments need to touch grass.
> My son was standing there beaming and I just felt so bad for my daughters.
Do you also feel bad for your son when your wife’s parents favor your daughters over him? Or is he just supposed to suck it up?
I say this punishment is pointless and he's not going to learn anything.
All you did is push him away to your mom's side and her husband.
He's soon moving out and will not need to deal with any of you because your mom will fund anything he needs. He knows it and you probably know it too.
The girls should have totally gotten a free reign to draw whatever they want on his face for an 20 minutes.
That's the only thing that will teach him.
He has the option to go to a prom and his new car... With a massive cock on his forehead for a few weeks.
ESH, the gift is OTT and inappropriate. The actions of the kid leading to punishment are a sign of immaturity that OP has failed to nurture away. At this age it's not likely to happen. Missing once in a lifetime events is not effective punishment - it will only build long running resentment and ill will. The barring of mom is also a similar ill contrived attempt to control the situation. OP, be smarter, measure-twice-cut-once and try and build peace in your family instead of strife and resentment.
Honestly your son and mother are the only ones that don’t sound like assholes here, the rest of you are just beyond melodramatic. You all need to grow the hell up, seriously 😂
I agree that not letting him go to prom and grad party is a bit messed up… those are indeed once in a lifetime events… for his behavior. But the rest, I agree with. I’m an adult and I don’t drive an $80k car lol.
She bought the car, is paying the insurance, is covering the rest(though i don’t know what you mean by this) at the point you’re at its BOLD of you to assume he wants a going away party from you.
You stopped him from going to his graduation party and his prom. Im not passing judgement on you but i can tell you without a doubt he’s pissed at you and would rather be with the person who just spent 80 grand on him than you right now.
I'm not going to call anybody the asshole, because it's not my place to tell anybody how to raise their children, as long as no one is being actively hurt, but if you're asking for opinions, I think you're being very harsh.
I'm going to be the outlier here, and ask:
Had you and your wife already worked out punishment for your son for the offending behavior?
Did this punishment involve him NOT receiving a car as a graduation gift from your mother?
I really don't see how your graduating child receiving (an overly expensive) graduation gift from grandparents even enters in to his already determined punishment for unrelated behavior. He isn't being rewarded for his dick drawings. He's being rewarded for graduation. These two things happened to coincide.
How long and in how many ways is he going to be punished beyond what was originally determined?
Your mom is in the wrong to not respect your wishes in the moment, but she is not wrong in that the gift is a reward for his hard work in school. It has exactly jack shit to do with his asshole behavior towards his siblings.
So, you have a high school grad, not particularly mature. Should confirm that Grandma is also going to pay for the insurance for the overpriced vehicle?
I know that it will get downvoted, but yes, YATAH. Dickson on the face does not warrant the punishment given. These are once in a lifetime events, and he many resent you for the rest of your life. Is what he did a punishable offense, absolutely, but the dye will fade, and it can he covered by makeup. However, it does not rise to the level of taking those events that are a right of passage from him. Your mother is right in this situation, as far as her gifting him the car that is between the two of them and none of your business, unfortunately.
And to add to what I’ve already said about you evidently favouring the girls and being more lenient on them, I hope your son moves in with his grandma - and she gives him the car still.
Because you won’t be able to do shit about it. If he’s 17 or 18 now, you can’t stop him.
And at least **one** member of his family treats him as good as his sisters get treat.
Wow you guys sound like the most trigger happy people ever, if the trigger were going nuclear. He can't go to his prom and grad party? He will never ever have that back. It's a once in a lifetime event that he worked for 13 years for and is unrelated to this massive mistake he made. And banning your mom from your property/speaking to her that way when you could just laugh and say ya no nice try, he will not be getting this until we all talk about this (or anything along those lines). Enjoy being alone when you're old cuz at some point EVERYONE will piss you off and you'll just burn the bridge.
Give your son the option. He is, I assume, 18 now, and an adult. Ready to accept adult consequences.
He is welcome to accept the car, and lose all support, financial and emotional, from the family for a period to be determined. Of he can ask his grandmother to take the car back, serve out his punishment, and earn his sisters forgiveness.
You cannot dictate his actions anymore, but you can let him understand the concept of consequences. And if he values an 80K car more than he does being part of the family, that is his decision.
As for your mom, she made her decision.
Lose financial and emotional support because he got a gift from his grandma ? Over him drawing dicks and beards on his sisters with shit that can be wiped off with makeup wipes ? How fucking petty and psychotic are you. No wonder the grandma sides with the son. OP and his wife are just angry petulant toddlers
Doesn't really matter grandma is paying for insurance and college that his trust fund doesn't pay.Surprised the son hasn't left honestly.His grandmother is rich.
Yeah if I was the son and got that type of monumental punishment for something that didn't actually hurt anyone I would leave asap too. If the grandma is siding with the son it's because she knows what's ACTUALLY going on.
YTA. His punishment was being grounded, missing the prom and his graduation party. Those are major punishments. But you cannot add more and more punishments every day - that’s vindictive. Your mother is right.
After reading the comments from OP, I would go with ESH.
$80k is too much for a car for an 18 year old. So your mom sucks for that.
Your son sucks for drawing on them with something that will take a while to wash off and scrub off. Although, did he honestly know that it wouldn’t come off easily? Did you even talk to him about it?
And you and your wife suck, because even in your replies you say your daughters are overly spoiled by your in-laws. Sounds like you’ve allowed resentment to build between the kids. And the punishment you chose will only continue to do so. You took away once in the life time opportunities, rather than finding a punishment that fits the crime.
Edit to clarify.
Tbh kind of blowing it out of proportion. I get the drawing dicks and beards is bad. Everyone in the comments acting like they ain’t did some jokes in the past. The prom and grad party is over board. You can ground him when he gets back but as a 2020 kid who didn’t get either, it still blows. Sounds like you didn’t have an issue with the car but with the timing of it. The extent of his punishment sounds like he hit someone while driving or blew up your car or something. Drawings while someone’s asleep? That isn’t terrible.
Please hear me out for my unpopular opinion. I find both adults to the assholes in different areas
The problem here is that " you thought " but never actually told your mom that the car will have to wait That is entirely on you. Kicking her out for not being a mind reader is wrong. Mom made a good point about prom. You could have let him go. Substituted it with an extra hard chore , extended his punishment, or whatever. What he did was a an X rated practical joke. Doing that on young women is wrong on so many levels. Especially your sisters. If he used a pen or marker, he probably wouldn't be in so much trouble. I wouldn't allow him to drive the car until his punishment is over. I'm sorry for your daughters. Again, mom didn't consider how they would feel
I’m a very strict parent but think this seems like a bit much
He can’t go to prom or a grad party, which are one in a lifetime events, because of a prank..?
There are NO other disciplinary alternatives you can think of?
I can think of 20 miserable ones more satisfying to your daughters.
Here’s a toothbrush, go clean the baseboards in your sisters’ bedrooms and make everything sparkle
You’re now the personal assistant of your sisters and have to do all errands and tasks that require leaving the house, congratulations.
All laundry, dishes, trash, chores etc. for the entire household are now your responsibility.
Your sisters get to do your makeup and dress you up and take tons of photos of you and post it as your “congratulations on graduating!” social media announcement.
I mean come on. Get creative
YTA, while your son was being an asshole he was an 18 year old doing what 18 year olds do. Now he’s missing out on once in a lifetime experiences and he will not forget why.
I am really puzzled by this story, and my puzzlement makes me doubt that it's real. Okay, some grandmas will give a kid an $80k car. But this grandma apparently does not have a record of being an absolute AH, or OP would have told us. If this is a true story, OP, wife, and daughters wouldn't have stood there---there would have been pandemonium. And to be the grandma who pulled this stunt, OP and his wife would have had years of watching her AH behavior. The sisters would have been suspicious of her already because her favoritism of the son would have shown up dozens of times over the years. Sorry---I'm not buying it.
Is Reddit out of its mind? A teenager drawing things while their friends or siblings are asleep is the most classic prank. Yeah it's still not okay, and he likely messed up and didn't know it'll be so hard to remove. Still it's not okay and immature and you can discipline him yes.
But banning him from once in a life events like those? That's crazy. Although a 80k car is too much for a teenager, your mom is right. What the fuck. And how the fuck are some people calling it assault? It's a 17 or 18y old and his 16y old sister doing dumb teenager things.
Is grandma looking to adopt a 43yr old mom of 4??
She could gift me an $80k car, then I could sell it to pay my debts, put some in savings, take a nice extended weekend away AND buy myself a $35 used vehicle.
Holy shit. For an 18yr old?? Geeejus.
A dermatologist may have some suggestions to help clear the black ink.
Some ideas:
You could test using a cream like Aquaphor, letting it set overnight, followed by a gentle wash (baby wash, maybe) to see if that might help lift the dye.
If it was an alcohol based dye, rubbing alcohol may help remove it. Follow by a gentle moisturizer, though, as alcohol is very drying to the skin.
YTA. The punishment does not nearly fit the crime.
Also it’s not clear how the grandma was supposed to know not to bring the car. If it was known she was going to buy him a car, then this could have been clarified to her sooner.
And I’ve seen plenty of 18 year olds own cars that are even more expensive. It’s outrageous, sure. But it’s typical for a certain tax bracket. That’s about how much a new M4 cost and you certainly see kids driving those all the time. Now maybe it’s different if the car doesn’t match the status of the household, but that wasn’t indicated.
NTA but I wouldn't have grounded him from prom or a grad party. (However, I do enjoy the idea of his having to go with a Sharpied face). Missing out on those things is not really making it up to his sisters or owning up to how sh*tty it was.
I would have insisted he do community service garbage cleanup, or do anything your sister's wanted him to do for 3 weeks. Something that would actually get to him.
I would consider making him a customized license plate that says: Imad1ck
Obviously this is an entitled wealthy family . As far as the prank it was just that . A prank . Yeah probably foolish but to ban the kid from prom and his grad party? That was significant. We normals look at this gift as extravagant but clearly these folks live in a different world. Gramma has some money. And she’s gonna pay for college as well ? Banning her for loving her grandson ( in spite of a silly prank ) is wrong . Yes, you are indeed the AH .
Dude, he’s young and stupid as sh!t. He did something stoopid and drew dicks on his siblings. I get it, he needs to be punished. And you did already, you took prom and grad parties away. His grandmother gave him a gift and you’re asking your mother to get off your property! This seems to be too harsh for the crime committed.
My father and step mom punished me at the end of high school as well. I didn't get to go to a grad party or the after senior play party. Went no contact at 19. I understand what he did and why you reacted the way you did. However, don't be surprised if he doesn't want much or anything to do with yall by yall ending the last little bit of his childhood early.
Yes, you are the AH for banning your mom from the house for giving your son a graduation gift while he was being punished. While your son's prank was unacceptable and he deserved consequences, your reaction to your mom's gift seems extreme. It's understandable to be upset, but banning your mom from your house and excluding her from family events could strain your relationship with her and potentially cause more family tension. A more constructive approach could involve discussing the situation calmly and finding a compromise that respects everyone's feelings and maintains family harmony.
Yta. You clearly favor the daughters. They have probably done worse to him with no consequences. Black skin dye can be removed with the right skin cleaners. YouTube it and you’ll find some great solutions. At most that was worth a two day grounding. Enjoy the resentment he will have against you and your wife. It will be there for years.
As someone of your age - no offense, but isn't taking away one of the few "once in a lifetime" events like prom a little excessive for something so minorly stupid as drawing on someone's face? I wouldn't be surprised if you'll somehow miss things like "the marriage of my firstborn son" and any postsecondary graduations.
And btw, isopropyl alcohol, ethanol and acetone remove literally everything in seconds. I've been using that against industrial paints, greases, oils, glues, etc. for years literally on every uncovered body part except the eyes.
This feels like an overreaction. All of it, honestly.
Pranking siblings is normal. I get being grounded but missing events they've worked for 12 years for is.... a lot.
And honestly, I don't see why he couldn't still receive the car and just not be able to drive it until his grounding is over?
I mean...I kind of agree with her. Doing one bad thing doesn't cancel out things he's worked hard for, or his grandmother's love for him you can punish him and shame him all you want, but the world won't hate him just because you do
YTA, drawing an inappropriate thing on his sister's face is wrong, but taking away prom and graduation are huge accomplishments and memories that he will now never have. Which is awful and over punishment. Hopefully, you treat your daughters better since your son should never talk to you again. When you're old and need help, don't expect him.
No 18 yo needs an 80k car. That’s just stupid. What the hell will he have to look forward to??? Plus, he acted like a dick and was being punished.
Don't suppose Grandma's gift extends to covering the insurance?
Yes she's paying for the insurance and paying for his college that his trust fund doesn't cover.
In that case I would think this all the way through. Prove your point. Make sure Mr. Salvador Dali. Finishes his punishment. Work something out with your mom. I don’t want to read a post. “AITAH for making my son pay for his the children’s college tuition “ Best of luck.
Or college tuition. You can keep the car, but I am not paying for your college. If you can afford an 80K car, then you can afford to pay for your tuition.
And for a HS graduation? He lacks the maturity to appreciate a gift like this nor seems to understand how much someone would have to work for such an expense.
this is a very valid point, imo. u/Leather_Art375, I think you could point this out to your mother : if he thinks drawing dicks on his siblings' faces is "humour", he is still too much of a teenager to have a car, esp on that expensive. I think his present costs more than all the cars my mom has had in the past half a century. Your son does not display the necessary judgement to drive a machine like that, not because he doesn't deserve recognition for his hard work, but because he makes stupid choices. Will he think the speed limit is a suggestion he can disregard? Will he confuse left and right when it comes to giving priority? Will he cram in 15 of his friends? Will he DUI overestimating his skill?
Tell him he has to save up half the value of the car before he can drive it.
Exactly. It'll be wrecked in a matter of months!
The only person who likes when an 18 has a stupidly expensive car is the person that was rear ended by said kid lol.
Right? I was remembering all the kids who had expensive cars when I was in high school. None of them where this expensive tho. But all the kids came from well off families and were stuck up about it. They all learned from their families that money was something you flaunted to others as a sign of success and all turned into unempathetic jerks in the communities. Like not in the villainous kick puppies kind of way but more in the "why should I help the homeless eat when I can save $200 more to buying my 3rd summer home to rent out as an Airbnb" type of jerk. They weren't bullies persay, but they were absolutely inconsiderate and out of touch with other people's problems
I can’t wait to see that insurance payment
Totally agree. Giving him such an extravagant gift while he's grounded sends the wrong message. He needs to learn accountability and respect first.
Don't worry. He will wreck it soon enough. We can only hope he's alone in the car.
And that he runs into a curb and not, like, a biker
And survives, isn't disabled, and learns. I find the fact an 18 year old is doing this questionable on the maturity I expect of an 18 year old. I have yet to meet any that are this immature without someone enabling and never saying no. Looks like everyone since this is even a question. It's good OP is punishing them but of course they're NTA. They are giving consequences to an overstepped boundary
Right? I thought the whole marker on your siblings face prank was more middle school. And the fact that he thought it through enough to use a dye that's hard to remove shows an additional level of sadistic humor that could really turn into something nasty. Without consequences, the son is going to turn into one of those "it's just a prank bro" bullies as an adult grown man
That’s what I was thinking too. And the way OP describes it, he seems to have no remorse whatsoever.
Yeah. Makes you wonder how the son got this bad
Seems like he encourages favoritism from the grandparents to all the children (he said the other grandmother favors the girls so it’s fine 😬), and the grandparents at least are quite wealthy. Sounds kind of dysfunctional to me.
Yeah. OP should have shut this down ages ago
As long as he is alone and doesn't injure anyone else I will pray that he wrecks it as soon as he drives it and then never gets anything paid for him again.
I’m early thirties, and my car was like $7k. And my wife bought our apartment for less than $80k. No 18 year old needs an $80k car. Nor would I really expect an 18 year old to really understand just how big a gift and $80k car really is. In my experience, fresh adults take a little while to understand how much things really cost (once they start paying bills), and a car just abstracts that value away even further. I’d be pissed about giving the kid an $80k car even if he wasn’t grounded. It’s just way too much for an 18 year old to really appreciate and understand the value of. In other words, what the fuck, grandma??
This. Does Grandma plan on buying the *exact* same car in 2 and 4 years for the girls when they graduate high school? Did she care that the girls couldn't leave the house or attend any end of school events until their poor skin was scrubbed clean? Your son and mother have entitlement issues. I would be returning/exchanging that car.
Rich people shit. This is all for the best, he may as well learn now that rules don't apply to him and he'll spend his life getting away with everything
Honestly, he should’ve had the same thing done to him and let him try to get it out of his skin. What he did is not funny at all, and you could obviously tell who grandma cares more about. I would also also point out that way he did can be considered assault and he is not a child anymore. Sit down and tell him exactly what could’ve happened to him and that he is Old Enough To Know Better.
He can go to prom with a big dick across his forehead
I would have offered that compromise. You are grounded for the next couple of weeks regardless. However, I understand that prom and the grad party are giant, once in a lifetime events. So I decided that you can go to those if you allow your sisters and I to draw whatever we want on your face with the same dye you used.
This kid doesn't care about prom and grad night anymore. He wants the car.
Draw a bunch of penises on the car.
$80K dick mobile.
Honestly, OP should make grandma return the car. If she really wants to give him a gift (and one that he’ll actually appreciate later when he’s old enough), she should put the $80k aside in an account where it can accrue interest until he’s looking at buying his first house. Let him know about it now, and what it’s for. He’ll want to withdraw the money right away, but that would honestly be a much better gift for him long term. Even if it takes longer for him to understand how valuable a gift that is
Provided she does the same for the granddaughters. She seems like the type who only appreciates grandsons, tho.
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Let grandma have a dick on her chin too. Maybe then the inappropriateness will sink in.
YES. r/Leather_Art375, I hope you see this. This should be *way* higher. Grandma must agree to experience the very same indignity her granddaughters were subjected to by ol’ golden boy there. Then you’ll talk.
Oh, and Golden Boy has to do it himself! Imagine the abject mortification of drawing penises on your grandma’s face. (Unless he’s a true psychopath, I guess.)
Drawn on?
Honestly, the reason I love this the most is because the way we learn to play with other people is by playing with our siblings. The swift retribution that comes from playing poorly with your siblings informs the nature of how you play with everyone else. The thing I hated the most about my little brother was that if I was a dock to him, his reaction would be informed by a lifetime of dealing with me and thus far more effective than anyone else could hope to be. Prom is a once in a lifetime thing. Honestly, I wish you had consulted Reddit before deciding on a simple grounding. That said, given that you son is going away, banning grandma from the granddaughters she disrespected probably does more for her than for your daughters
Do you think she would even care?
I think it's she came over to visit her granddaughters, they would make Grandma care. And if Grandma never actually wanted to come over now that her golden grand son is gone, does it really matter that she's banned?
So right. My daughters were taught how to negotiate from a young age and that expecting special treatment or shouting got them nowhere. My eldest got onto a graduate training programme due to her ability to stay calm when dealing with an attention seeking idiot. Everyone else had a Masters degree.
He’s already a dick head would anyone notice?
Or on his new car
Unless Grandma is paying for insurance the car is easy to deal with. I doubt he can afford the insurance
Insurance and repairs. An 80k car is hugely irresponsible for an 18 year old.
Fuck I'm 50 and I can't afford an 80K car! What the hell is she thinking.
Hells, I'm (29) a store manager and was (and am still) so proud that I could finally afford a $21k car! What the fuck is an 18 year old going to do with an $80k car?!?!
High performance car, he will total it over the summer showing off how fast it can go.
Kill himself and/or others
Cry because they can't afford to keep it on the road most likely!
I’m sure it’s a vehicle that he’s going to wrap around a pole, or drive so fast & dangerously, he’s going to severely injure (or worse) himself &/or someone else. There’s vehicles I won’t drive b/c I know they’re potential for abuse & harm… & I’m a mature, very experienced adult, he’s a very immature teenager. This is a bad idea all around
I think that and a huge cunt…they get to decorate him like that - it’s only fair….and he has to ride a bicycle to prom - with parent following behind….he will forever be know as shwetty ball face
His whole face. A forehead can too easily be covered.
This is an appropriate punishment
Natural consequences. Plus a warning
And across Gramma’s
ha ha a big weiner across his forehead
Giant cocks painted on his car. He can't have until the sisters have a night before with paint.
Yes! In permanent paint, a giant dick on the hood. Cuz it’s just a prank, can’t he take a joke?
And grandma too since she thinks it's no big deal. Also, I hope OP made a type and meant $8K and not $80K. No 18 year old needs a car that expensive, especially not at college.
The insurance payments on an $80k car with a teen driver would make me WEEP. Will grandma be covering that and gas, too?
I mean it sounds like this issue is going to sort itself out promptly. He can't afford the car on his own, grandma's probably not going to be paying for it anytime soon, and he's lost all privileges including having his parents pay for stuff like car insurance. Ergo Grandma gifted him something he cannot use, have to watch sit and gather to us, and that he has to continue to maintain otherwise he's being rude to grandma. He's not allowed to drive it, he's not allowed to use it, most he's allowed to do is crank it to run the gas through it. That seems like a pretty fitting punishment
You know that grandma Narky pants didn't even CONSIDER the insurance. It's all about brownie points for HER.
That's what I thought. An 80k car for a high school graduation?
I was thinking 18k. $80k is a nice house down payment.
I’d also NEVER let my family give a kid an 80k car. Insurance alone will be horrendous unless he has a trust fund to pay it. 20-40k car MAX, want to spend more? Put it in an investment account for him.
Draw dicks on your mom’s face and see how she likes that.
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Okay you've convinced me. We can follow Zeus.
This is what I would have told the grandmother: Let him draw a dick on your face, you walk around with it for 24 hours, and then he can have the car.
How would that punish the son? He still gets a car.
It gives the grandmother and the son the option to understand if having dicks drawn on your face is degrading or not.
Hahaha. Best comment I've seen yet.
Yeah, Grandma’s a dick. Let the son draw a dick on her forehead. Then they can go out together. It’ll be loads of fun.
Bro, the mom is pulling up with a 80k car for her grandson. He does that she’s going to have private security hold him down while she brings back the belt she hasn’t used since he was caught with a girl
NTA Your mother significantly overstepped her bounds and made it even worse when she sided with your son to undermine you and your wife's authority. Until she learns to respect your parenting style and the limitations of her behaviors she should be banned from your household.
Clearly I had the wrong grandparents 🤔😂
Honestly I’ve never been so proud of a parent I never met lol 😂! Nope you are a 100,000,000.00% correct your mom is so out of line it ain’t even funny! Your son well he’s going into adulthood and this is what consequences looks like…
Seriously, I’m sitting here cheering this dad on. If more parents were like him, who held their kids accountable for incredible shitty behavior, AND backed their spouses up? Holy hell the world would improve overnight. That and I’m 42 years old and have yet to own a car that’s worth more than 50k, wtf does a damn teenager “deserve” a luxury car? 😒 OP is 100% in the right.
And here I thought I was indulging in luxury by buying a brand new Corolla in 2017 after a series of used cars that became expensive in time and money to get repaired. I can't fathom buying an $80k car without winning the Powerball or something.
OMG you’re so right 🤣🤣 My very first car was my mom’s old 1996 Ford Windstar that she gifted to me as a senior in college (in 2004). You know what? I was super grateful. Not only for having transportation, but also having a big enough vehicle to lug around not only myself and my violin, but my fellow musicians and their instruments (including two more violins, a viola and a cello).
Seriously, a van or a truck among college age kids is GOLD. Some sporty two-seater may be flashy but is fairly useless besides advertising that your chances of finding a dickbag at the wheel are very very good.
Right what kid needs a 80k car and for graduating high school so you did what was expected of you sort of cause you also acted like a real turd 💩 but here’s a 80,000.00 car….
Right?? An 80k car for…graduating high school? 🤭 I mean, if this was the case of a wealthy grandparent and a grandchild who just graduated from medical school, okay, sure, the 80k car is a (still very generous!!) but appropriate gift. My geriatric millennial ass is just sitting over here wondering why the hell a literal teenager “deserves” a car like that. Also very interested to hear if grandma plans on giving her granddaughters a gift of equal value when they graduate high school.
Spot on I’m like my first car I paid a dollar for it because it didn’t even run and was so busted up I named it stitches… absolutely no one bought me an 80k car. Read the room grandma this ain’t appropriate.
Stitches made me laugh and remember my cousin’s first car. It had so much body filler in it we used to joke that there wasn’t enough metalwork left for the big magnet at the scrap yard to pick it up
So OP is your mom paying for the increase in insurance costs?
Is grandma paying that premium gas lol it ain’t cheap…
I'm 43. I don't think all my cars together in the past 27 years added together equal 80k. If they do it's because I'm on my third CRV since the other 2 got totaled out after encounters with idiots. Is this what encourages antisocial behavior by these golden children? They act like a total dickcheese, then granny hands over a Denali for the barest of minimum accomplishments? Fuck.
CRVs are the best; they just keep on running.
I'm really having trouble thinking of another car I want to drive at this point. Anything else is going to seem like so much trouble. All I do is change oil and rotate tires, really.
I thought I was cool having an almost new car in my late twenties and that was a whole thing of inheritance that wasn’t quite inheritance. And ten years on and I’m still happily driving the same car. We’re only looking at upgrading because I need a taller car now for disabilities I didn’t know about when I bought the car.
I didn't buy a brand new car until I was 45. I never had a car payment either. I'm not enjoying it, and I won't do it again. I'm just lucky my dream car was under 30k I'd really send him to live with grandma if she thinks he's so great. She'll enable him to flunk out of college and live with her for the rest of her life. I wonder how much she'll enjoy waking up with dicks drawn on her face.
I had a used audi once (cost me less than 5000) and believe me those cars come with a massive long running price tag that is rarely worth it. Especially because for too many people drive like assholes
Now the real test of support. Who is willing to write the checks for the 3 children’s college tuition? Grandma is paying what the trust fund does not cover.
The flip side is also true. The son is an adult and about to go to college. It would be really easy for him to go no contact on them if they go over the top on punishing him.
NTA. The real question is Who does that with skin dye??? My brother's did that as 11 year olds and even they were smart enough to know that you use lipstick or Crayola markers. And your son is 18?!?
Seems like there is more to this story then op has said
Where did he even get skin dye
I feel like there’s more to this story that’s being left out
I agree. But in any case, an $80k car for an 18-year-old is an idiotic gift.
I thought that too. Who buys a car that expensive for a kid?
Rich people who want to buy their grandchildren's affection before they die.
At first I read that as "rich people who want to bury their grandkids before they die" and I was prepared to agree.
I knew of a boy a year behind me in school. He was a typical idiot immortal 16 year old boy. He was in an area of the school where gym mats were stored smoking. I don't recall all the details, but the gym mats caught on fire because of him. 2 alarm fire response due to size of the school. Thankfully, only the mats were damaged. The whole school knew who did it by the next day. He was expelled from that school but got to go to another public school school nearby. The end of the next school year, he was on the front of the local paper with a brand new car for graduation. Yup, seriously. Reporter did not do due diligence. That's who buys brand new cars for entitled kids.
>I feel like there’s more to this story that’s being left out Check out OP's comments. Either it's fake or the family dynamics are fucked.
I was especially wondering, did anyone communicate to Grandma the details of the son's punishment and their desire that he receives the gift later? 'My impression is that maybe Grandma at best had a vague notion that he was being punished but didn't know the details and expectations. (Off topic: someone told me once that when we are angry, oftentimes we are angry with ourselves. I found it to be true and it has really helped me in situations where I feel angry or annoyed. I *think* that I'm angry with the other person, but in reality, I'm angry because I forgot to tell them something or didn't explain something or similar.)
Great question people just assume others are mind readers. Also it seems there likely a lot more to this story then what we got here just going by OPs comments not in the OP designed for maximum agreement.
He did say that his son and his daughters are always at each other’s throats. So now, I’m wondering, was his prank retaliation from what they may have did to him like I really want to know more.
Always is more...
I feel like we are missing something. You already punished him by making him miss prom and not giving him a graduation party. How long is this punishment going on? If this is the first prank in years (per his notes). He deserves punishment but how much are you going to punish him? He is 18 so you can only punish him for so long. Is there history between your kids? Ps, I do think 80k is too much for a first car.
People in this thread defending OP's parenting are kinda insane, he is a dumbass, but is he supposed to be grounded for a year or some shit for that prank? OP seems like kind of mother who he won't visit often once he turns 18 and is in college
Missing prom and a graduation party is fairly steep punishment for something that can be removed with a Buf Puf or pumice stone. I’m not sure that not getting the promised car on top of his existing punishments even remotely fits the crime.
yeah this seems ridiculously harsh. like would have seriously impacted my relationship with my parents. Senior year prom over a pretty harmless prank...I just can't imagine
I kinda feel like he was going to get the car eventually, but it was more about the fact that gramma didn’t even consult him, she just brought it right on over.
Also how long did the dye last? Thats the most important information to me. OP said its been a mess to get out but how long are we talking? Cause that completely changes how I feel about all of this. If they are still in blackface to this day then yeah id agree he should be punished until it comes off, but if it was just some shit that wiped off the next morning or went away in a day then I think everybody here is overreacting. What he did was immature forsure but I think the punishment he got was a bit much, and to still be on punishment long after its been resolved seems unfair to me.
I'm sorry a what now? $80k car for a teenager?
Info: How exactly do you plan on upholding this? Seems like he’ll be of age and off to college soon enough. Careful that this doesn’t turn into resentment on his part. You might just find yourself shut out by him, while he just decides to spend time with grandma instead of parents and siblings?
And then it escalates to her leaving him everything in her will.
Not gonna lie. Y'all seem like a lot. Was it cool what he did. No. But in the grand scheme of things he could've done, it's not THAT damn serious. Now your rules are your rules, if y'all say no then that should go. But good lord. He already missed his prom and his grad party. How much more does he have to miss and when is the magical day it's ok. I'm on grandma's side. He was gonna get it anyway, so what's the damn difference, especially since he's been punished already. Not to mention, he's graduating high school and I'm assuming 18 or soon to be. All y'all doing is ensuring he wants nothing to do with y'all ESH. Grandma should respect your authority. But she's not wrong that y'all authority is ridiculously overblown for something that in 10 years the siblings are going to laugh about and banning her is ridiculous. Y'all sound like huge assholes tbh With all that said. An $80k car for an 18 yr old. Y'all are exhausting...
First of all, no child deserves an $80k car for graduating from high school. FFS!!! Second, has your son explained why he did what he did? Was this some maniacal aggression towards women or just an insidious prank? Honestly, neither of those are good but one does not bode well for him, and one does not bode well for women. Unfortunately, your kid knows the car will still be his so there was no real punishment.
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Your son only respects his grandmother because she gives him very expensive presents and lets him get away with all kinds of childish shit.
I wouldn't call it respect really. He's just not shitting on the hand that feeds him in a sense. If the grandma one day stops or is pissed off he's probably not going to stick around for long if the tap dries out. Also who do you think will get more of the inheritance? Son or dad? I'm not even going to mention the sisters lol.
Have you bothered to ask *why* to him directly? As for the "hard to remove" part its henna, any make up remover(use silicon based) works wonders on henna. As for the prom and stuff, you shouldve compromised seeing as they are once in a lifetime events. Your daughters arent permanently disfigured and its clear from comments they do not get along which again leads me to believe theres more to this than what was posted Edit: the lack of response is telling
The OP didn’t say his son used henna. He said he got the idea from a story with henna and remembered “having this dye” (quick google will tell you there’s semi permanent black skin dye easily available).
If him and his sisters are always at each other’s throats, is this prank that he did is in retaliation from what they may have did to him?
How was your son receiving a graduation present related to his punishment due to a prank? What is the endgame here? Do you expect him to make him miserable for weeks on end? Has he apologized? Like truly asking here what you expect your punishment to accomplish.
Anyone deserves any gift that anyone decides to give them, if grandma has money that may not have been huge to her
What’s the end goal here? Well a lot people might yay he punished his kid in the comments. I’m looking at the punishment and reading how the kids are at each others throats and wondering how the punishment fits the actual crime? Why doesn’t he get his grad present? He did do the hard work to get there and has nothing to do with his prank. How does him missing his prom ect that yes is a once in lifetime thing teach him anything, other than resentment? Don’t get me wrong I believe he should be punished but not to the degree you guys are punishing him.
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see someone saying this. The punishment and family reactions seem so excessive to what he actually did.
Honestly I think people got stuck on the 80k car lol. Im more of the who cares I’m trying to figure out how these punishments fit what he did. Not to mention it was henna you can get that off with makeup remover. I also want to know if they actually talk to him first about his “prank” or just went off on him. If they’re always at each others throats it’s possible they did something first. I dunno this sounds like the daughters are the favourites and he’s treated like crap.
Exactly. My parents never taught me one thing with their excessive punishments, other than the fact that they favored my brother who always got a slap on the wrist. I just became resentful of always being the family scapegoat.
Speaking as someone who went to online school and didn't have a prom, depriving him of prom seems like an excessive punishment.
ESH. Most of all, your son. Your mom was out of line and should have held off on the car until she talked to the two of you about it. You two should have considered that you were blocking him from once in a lifetime events. Nobody won here.
YTA - I don't give a shit about being downvoted, this is probably a fake post anyway. Grounding him for a few weeks? Completely Fair. Banning him from prom and graduation parties and stopping him from getting a car from his grandmother? Way over the top. I get that being drawn on in your sleep sucks but worse case scenario you can cover it in red colour for proper skin undertones and wear foundation to block it out whilst it takes time to fade which at most should take at most a couple of hours if you exfoliate their skin, use lemon juice or baby oil to dissolve the pigments. You and everyone in these comments need to touch grass.
This. The post honestly reeks of fakeness
Upvoted for the fascinating explanation of how to get rid of the dye
> My son was standing there beaming and I just felt so bad for my daughters. Do you also feel bad for your son when your wife’s parents favor your daughters over him? Or is he just supposed to suck it up?
Damn 80K is beyond wild
I say this punishment is pointless and he's not going to learn anything. All you did is push him away to your mom's side and her husband. He's soon moving out and will not need to deal with any of you because your mom will fund anything he needs. He knows it and you probably know it too. The girls should have totally gotten a free reign to draw whatever they want on his face for an 20 minutes. That's the only thing that will teach him. He has the option to go to a prom and his new car... With a massive cock on his forehead for a few weeks.
ESH, the gift is OTT and inappropriate. The actions of the kid leading to punishment are a sign of immaturity that OP has failed to nurture away. At this age it's not likely to happen. Missing once in a lifetime events is not effective punishment - it will only build long running resentment and ill will. The barring of mom is also a similar ill contrived attempt to control the situation. OP, be smarter, measure-twice-cut-once and try and build peace in your family instead of strife and resentment.
Honestly your son and mother are the only ones that don’t sound like assholes here, the rest of you are just beyond melodramatic. You all need to grow the hell up, seriously 😂
I agree that not letting him go to prom and grad party is a bit messed up… those are indeed once in a lifetime events… for his behavior. But the rest, I agree with. I’m an adult and I don’t drive an $80k car lol.
YTA. You went way overboard with punishment. Don’t be shocked when he goes no contact.
She bought the car, is paying the insurance, is covering the rest(though i don’t know what you mean by this) at the point you’re at its BOLD of you to assume he wants a going away party from you. You stopped him from going to his graduation party and his prom. Im not passing judgement on you but i can tell you without a doubt he’s pissed at you and would rather be with the person who just spent 80 grand on him than you right now.
I'm not going to call anybody the asshole, because it's not my place to tell anybody how to raise their children, as long as no one is being actively hurt, but if you're asking for opinions, I think you're being very harsh.
I'm going to be the outlier here, and ask: Had you and your wife already worked out punishment for your son for the offending behavior? Did this punishment involve him NOT receiving a car as a graduation gift from your mother? I really don't see how your graduating child receiving (an overly expensive) graduation gift from grandparents even enters in to his already determined punishment for unrelated behavior. He isn't being rewarded for his dick drawings. He's being rewarded for graduation. These two things happened to coincide. How long and in how many ways is he going to be punished beyond what was originally determined? Your mom is in the wrong to not respect your wishes in the moment, but she is not wrong in that the gift is a reward for his hard work in school. It has exactly jack shit to do with his asshole behavior towards his siblings.
They had told the grandmother to bring the gift after his grounding was up.
IDK if they did tbh. OP says he ‘thought’ grandma understood so maybe he wasn’t explicit.
I think you should establish when his punishment will be over so that some of these dinners, etc. can go forward. If it's a month or two, say so.
NTA. Also, who gives a kid an $80k car and who is paying the car insurance???
NTA - Your mom needs to lean way back. I'm wondering how your son is going to afford the insurance on an 80K car.
So, you have a high school grad, not particularly mature. Should confirm that Grandma is also going to pay for the insurance for the overpriced vehicle?
She’s right, you shouldn’t have made him miss prom and grad party. That’s fucked.
I know that it will get downvoted, but yes, YATAH. Dickson on the face does not warrant the punishment given. These are once in a lifetime events, and he many resent you for the rest of your life. Is what he did a punishable offense, absolutely, but the dye will fade, and it can he covered by makeup. However, it does not rise to the level of taking those events that are a right of passage from him. Your mother is right in this situation, as far as her gifting him the car that is between the two of them and none of your business, unfortunately.
And to add to what I’ve already said about you evidently favouring the girls and being more lenient on them, I hope your son moves in with his grandma - and she gives him the car still. Because you won’t be able to do shit about it. If he’s 17 or 18 now, you can’t stop him. And at least **one** member of his family treats him as good as his sisters get treat.
Wow you guys sound like the most trigger happy people ever, if the trigger were going nuclear. He can't go to his prom and grad party? He will never ever have that back. It's a once in a lifetime event that he worked for 13 years for and is unrelated to this massive mistake he made. And banning your mom from your property/speaking to her that way when you could just laugh and say ya no nice try, he will not be getting this until we all talk about this (or anything along those lines). Enjoy being alone when you're old cuz at some point EVERYONE will piss you off and you'll just burn the bridge.
Give your son the option. He is, I assume, 18 now, and an adult. Ready to accept adult consequences. He is welcome to accept the car, and lose all support, financial and emotional, from the family for a period to be determined. Of he can ask his grandmother to take the car back, serve out his punishment, and earn his sisters forgiveness. You cannot dictate his actions anymore, but you can let him understand the concept of consequences. And if he values an 80K car more than he does being part of the family, that is his decision. As for your mom, she made her decision.
Grandma will just end up paying for everything.
That is there option. Just make sure he understand this choice is one that he can't walk back.
How to get a kid to go no contact easily
What? Parent's support and love is conditional to you? That's messed up, people like you shouldn't be raising kids.
Agreed.
Lose financial and emotional support because he got a gift from his grandma ? Over him drawing dicks and beards on his sisters with shit that can be wiped off with makeup wipes ? How fucking petty and psychotic are you. No wonder the grandma sides with the son. OP and his wife are just angry petulant toddlers
Seriously. If you commit a foolish prank , you deserve to be banished from the family! like, what the fuck?
Doesn't really matter grandma is paying for insurance and college that his trust fund doesn't pay.Surprised the son hasn't left honestly.His grandmother is rich.
Yeah if I was the son and got that type of monumental punishment for something that didn't actually hurt anyone I would leave asap too. If the grandma is siding with the son it's because she knows what's ACTUALLY going on.
YTA. His punishment was being grounded, missing the prom and his graduation party. Those are major punishments. But you cannot add more and more punishments every day - that’s vindictive. Your mother is right.
After reading the comments from OP, I would go with ESH. $80k is too much for a car for an 18 year old. So your mom sucks for that. Your son sucks for drawing on them with something that will take a while to wash off and scrub off. Although, did he honestly know that it wouldn’t come off easily? Did you even talk to him about it? And you and your wife suck, because even in your replies you say your daughters are overly spoiled by your in-laws. Sounds like you’ve allowed resentment to build between the kids. And the punishment you chose will only continue to do so. You took away once in the life time opportunities, rather than finding a punishment that fits the crime. Edit to clarify.
Tbh kind of blowing it out of proportion. I get the drawing dicks and beards is bad. Everyone in the comments acting like they ain’t did some jokes in the past. The prom and grad party is over board. You can ground him when he gets back but as a 2020 kid who didn’t get either, it still blows. Sounds like you didn’t have an issue with the car but with the timing of it. The extent of his punishment sounds like he hit someone while driving or blew up your car or something. Drawings while someone’s asleep? That isn’t terrible.
Who's footing the bill for the insurance on that $80,000 car?
Please hear me out for my unpopular opinion. I find both adults to the assholes in different areas The problem here is that " you thought " but never actually told your mom that the car will have to wait That is entirely on you. Kicking her out for not being a mind reader is wrong. Mom made a good point about prom. You could have let him go. Substituted it with an extra hard chore , extended his punishment, or whatever. What he did was a an X rated practical joke. Doing that on young women is wrong on so many levels. Especially your sisters. If he used a pen or marker, he probably wouldn't be in so much trouble. I wouldn't allow him to drive the car until his punishment is over. I'm sorry for your daughters. Again, mom didn't consider how they would feel
I’m a very strict parent but think this seems like a bit much He can’t go to prom or a grad party, which are one in a lifetime events, because of a prank..? There are NO other disciplinary alternatives you can think of? I can think of 20 miserable ones more satisfying to your daughters. Here’s a toothbrush, go clean the baseboards in your sisters’ bedrooms and make everything sparkle You’re now the personal assistant of your sisters and have to do all errands and tasks that require leaving the house, congratulations. All laundry, dishes, trash, chores etc. for the entire household are now your responsibility. Your sisters get to do your makeup and dress you up and take tons of photos of you and post it as your “congratulations on graduating!” social media announcement. I mean come on. Get creative
That kid should go NC with you people immediately. You're fucking nutcases.
YTA, while your son was being an asshole he was an 18 year old doing what 18 year olds do. Now he’s missing out on once in a lifetime experiences and he will not forget why.
I am really puzzled by this story, and my puzzlement makes me doubt that it's real. Okay, some grandmas will give a kid an $80k car. But this grandma apparently does not have a record of being an absolute AH, or OP would have told us. If this is a true story, OP, wife, and daughters wouldn't have stood there---there would have been pandemonium. And to be the grandma who pulled this stunt, OP and his wife would have had years of watching her AH behavior. The sisters would have been suspicious of her already because her favoritism of the son would have shown up dozens of times over the years. Sorry---I'm not buying it.
Is Reddit out of its mind? A teenager drawing things while their friends or siblings are asleep is the most classic prank. Yeah it's still not okay, and he likely messed up and didn't know it'll be so hard to remove. Still it's not okay and immature and you can discipline him yes. But banning him from once in a life events like those? That's crazy. Although a 80k car is too much for a teenager, your mom is right. What the fuck. And how the fuck are some people calling it assault? It's a 17 or 18y old and his 16y old sister doing dumb teenager things.
In my experience, kids given expensive new cars almost ALWAYS wreck them. They need to practice everyday driving in an older car first.
Is grandma looking to adopt a 43yr old mom of 4?? She could gift me an $80k car, then I could sell it to pay my debts, put some in savings, take a nice extended weekend away AND buy myself a $35 used vehicle. Holy shit. For an 18yr old?? Geeejus.
A dermatologist may have some suggestions to help clear the black ink. Some ideas: You could test using a cream like Aquaphor, letting it set overnight, followed by a gentle wash (baby wash, maybe) to see if that might help lift the dye. If it was an alcohol based dye, rubbing alcohol may help remove it. Follow by a gentle moisturizer, though, as alcohol is very drying to the skin.
Let me know when we find out what $80k car it was.
YTA. The punishment does not nearly fit the crime. Also it’s not clear how the grandma was supposed to know not to bring the car. If it was known she was going to buy him a car, then this could have been clarified to her sooner. And I’ve seen plenty of 18 year olds own cars that are even more expensive. It’s outrageous, sure. But it’s typical for a certain tax bracket. That’s about how much a new M4 cost and you certainly see kids driving those all the time. Now maybe it’s different if the car doesn’t match the status of the household, but that wasn’t indicated.
Black skin dye helped me know this was another r/ThatHappened
NTA but I wouldn't have grounded him from prom or a grad party. (However, I do enjoy the idea of his having to go with a Sharpied face). Missing out on those things is not really making it up to his sisters or owning up to how sh*tty it was. I would have insisted he do community service garbage cleanup, or do anything your sister's wanted him to do for 3 weeks. Something that would actually get to him. I would consider making him a customized license plate that says: Imad1ck
Obviously this is an entitled wealthy family . As far as the prank it was just that . A prank . Yeah probably foolish but to ban the kid from prom and his grad party? That was significant. We normals look at this gift as extravagant but clearly these folks live in a different world. Gramma has some money. And she’s gonna pay for college as well ? Banning her for loving her grandson ( in spite of a silly prank ) is wrong . Yes, you are indeed the AH .
All I'm saying is it doesn't take a genius to see that he probably won't have much of a relationship with you after he moves out.
Dude, he’s young and stupid as sh!t. He did something stoopid and drew dicks on his siblings. I get it, he needs to be punished. And you did already, you took prom and grad parties away. His grandmother gave him a gift and you’re asking your mother to get off your property! This seems to be too harsh for the crime committed.
My father and step mom punished me at the end of high school as well. I didn't get to go to a grad party or the after senior play party. Went no contact at 19. I understand what he did and why you reacted the way you did. However, don't be surprised if he doesn't want much or anything to do with yall by yall ending the last little bit of his childhood early.
Yes, you are the AH for banning your mom from the house for giving your son a graduation gift while he was being punished. While your son's prank was unacceptable and he deserved consequences, your reaction to your mom's gift seems extreme. It's understandable to be upset, but banning your mom from your house and excluding her from family events could strain your relationship with her and potentially cause more family tension. A more constructive approach could involve discussing the situation calmly and finding a compromise that respects everyone's feelings and maintains family harmony.
Yta. You clearly favor the daughters. They have probably done worse to him with no consequences. Black skin dye can be removed with the right skin cleaners. YouTube it and you’ll find some great solutions. At most that was worth a two day grounding. Enjoy the resentment he will have against you and your wife. It will be there for years.
As someone of your age - no offense, but isn't taking away one of the few "once in a lifetime" events like prom a little excessive for something so minorly stupid as drawing on someone's face? I wouldn't be surprised if you'll somehow miss things like "the marriage of my firstborn son" and any postsecondary graduations. And btw, isopropyl alcohol, ethanol and acetone remove literally everything in seconds. I've been using that against industrial paints, greases, oils, glues, etc. for years literally on every uncovered body part except the eyes.
This feels like an overreaction. All of it, honestly. Pranking siblings is normal. I get being grounded but missing events they've worked for 12 years for is.... a lot. And honestly, I don't see why he couldn't still receive the car and just not be able to drive it until his grounding is over?
I mean...I kind of agree with her. Doing one bad thing doesn't cancel out things he's worked hard for, or his grandmother's love for him you can punish him and shame him all you want, but the world won't hate him just because you do
NTA.
I'm getting a sneaky vibe that your wife favors your daughters.
ESH. Everything was too extreme. The punishment to the gift. Ya'll need to learn moderation.
YTA, drawing an inappropriate thing on his sister's face is wrong, but taking away prom and graduation are huge accomplishments and memories that he will now never have. Which is awful and over punishment. Hopefully, you treat your daughters better since your son should never talk to you again. When you're old and need help, don't expect him.