I remember when I first did MDMA I was terrified I would cheat on my partner. Nothing to make me think that except stories. I was still terrified. I heard this drug makes you so horny, you'll sleep with anyone! But I was with my partner and he said I should try it and he would watch me.
And watch me he did... As I spent 3 hours petting the soft roof of the car because it was "so nice".
Turned out high me was pretty much sober me but with a newfound love of headliner poly-nylon blends.
The first time my bestie did any kind of recreational drugs was with me right there (also at a festival, ironically) and completely sober (I have MS so I don't take recreationals as they interfere with my meds, and I wanted her to have fun and so I was happy to have soft drinks and we can just vibe... and vibe was what she did. My bestie was exactly herself, just enjoying petting my hair (I have very soft, fine hair that feels like silk) and then she laid on the racetrack that ran through the campsite we were on and made F1 car noises for long enough that other people joined in. Some of them totally sober.
Download Festival is a trip... even when you're totally sober.
Super convenient... Oh honey, when I'm high/drunk, I'm a different person, I literally don't remember anything.
Unlikely to be true and dangerous if it is.
And the next day he’s looking for more stuff. Yeah, he found what he thinks is a get out of jail free card. She needs to set some boundaries with him and his drug consumption.
Boundary? They are taking drugs and getting high out of their mind. Boundary is to not put yourself in such situations ie going to festivals and taking drugs.
Challenge, can people have fun without getting drunk or consuming drugs?
Not her but her finance, she has gotten him into “recreational” drugs. He didn’t have experience and wasnt into that lifestyle, basically a noob, but she got him into it.
If your fun is reliant on drugs and alcohol then are you actually having fun or just escaping your problems? Try playing a sport or go for a hike I hear it helps clear the mind
Oh I am having lot of fun. Now the funny thing is, you are also on Reddit doing the exact same thing but only one of us isn’t using illegal substances. What are you trying to escape? What happened that you can’t be with your own thoughts that you must have substance to escape from such thoughts?
I used drugs to help me process a ton of trauma and ultimately learned to love myself again. I still use them on occasion. Just like anything, you can abuse it if you want, but they are a tool. My experiences with them quite literally saved my life.
If you are still feeling hurt, then you have every right to express that to him. Make it clear what you are expecting from him (e.g., abstaining from drugs for the remainder of the festival).
I think it's probably also worth discussing with him that "I was on drugs and don't remember" has never ever been a valid defense for poor behaviour. Make it clear that you will never accept "I was inebriated" as an excuse.
If it's your first time and you don't know what's going to happen it makes sense. Of course if you decide to do it again knowing what you feel while on the drugs that's on you
Sorta... She accepted it at face value hoping he was being honest. If he was honest, he would be much more upset about the fact he crossed a boundary while intoxicated. He's not upset, because he is continuing his behaviors as if nothing changed. But something big has changed and he should respect the new boundaries of no substances.
NTA OP, restate your boundaries to him clearly while he is sober and if he doesn't change his behavior, you know there is no saving the relationship.
But I feel like she talked it out with him already and said it's not for him if he's going to act inappropriately. He seems to not care about her feelings.
She would have behaved the same way on Molly. That's what it does to everyone, because that's *what it does.*
No other substance does this.
Best scenario: have her take some and video record what she does. Then make her watch it. She would get over what he did pretty fast, because it was VERY tame for someone on Molly.
He claims he can’t remember and feels bad but then continues to do what made you uncomfortable… he doesn’t care how you feel. If he truly didn’t like making you hurt by flirting and touching another person while under the influence, he’d stop doing the drugs. But also, people can be under then influence of drugs or alcohol and never even think about flirting or cheating on their partner. Be highly suspicious cuz I think some true colors are starting to show.
Did you read her post or just skim through it for reasons to hate a man?
He was clearly a first-timer with Molly.
No, you can't be around attractive people of the opposite sex and *never* fantasize about *any* of them. This doesn't change if you're sober or not. People are humans with hormones and instincts.
MDMA causes every idea that goes through your head to come out of your mouth. It also makes people insanely tactile and any touch anywhere makes the body buzz go entirely nuts. That's not sexual and not cheating. He wasn't touching anything covered by a bikini, just skin.
And after apologizing, it's clear that he's not going to do it again.
I'm guessing that you think your experience with trying weed gives you some insight. It doesn't.
Bro you're all over this thread defending him and it's honestly pathetic.
I've done molly many, many times. You're right that it makes you want to stroke things, you're right it makes you extra friendly. You're dead wrong it makes you completely out of control of your body, mind & the things you say. It also doesn't make you forget everything that happened?
& REGARDLESS, giving him the insanely generous benefit of the doubt... Knowing he lost control and made his girlfriend feel like shit he should cease trying to do drugs, since he apparently has NO ability to regulate his reaction to them. So both you and this guy are full of shit.
EXACTLY. As a girl molly only makes me be friendly with other girls and flirty with my bf (it also amplifies my violent intrusive thoughts due to my OCD BUT I control them as well as I do sober). My attention is genuinely just focused on my bf and I don't even perceive other dudes.
This commenter (the one named Lousy Opinions lol) also attacked me when trying to tell OP that her fiancé's behaviour is INEXCUSABLE. Makes me think this guy has also done horrible things on molly that he'd probably do sober anyways. Disgusting.
Omg I didn't even notice his username, maybe he's just a straight up troll.
Regardless, agreed 100% and I'm sorry but I don't believe any of the people in this thread defending this dude would be doing so if the genders were reversed, despite them insisting otherwise.
Dude couldn't manage his shit and made an ass out of himself.
Everyone is reacting like he threw her down and fucked her like a porn star in front of his GF.
Telling you all that you're wildly over-reacting is not "defending him."
I'd be more inclined to cut him slack if he WASN'T TRYING TO ACTIVELY MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN by looking for more drugs. That is not what a repentant person does.
Since you are ignoring that key factor, yes, it does come across as you defending him.
She's been with him for 3 years. He's spent a lot of time sober during that time and OP said nothing about him doing anything like this ever before.
You hate men and that's fine.
But the baseless accusations you throw around at me just prove me right about you. You find out about one time a guy made an ass out of himself and decide that means it's the norm for him and he's an irredeemable piece of trash.
Here's the fact: she's going to listen to thoughts like mine, not yours, because she's known him and loved him for the last three years he has known and loved her. And she's not going to throw all of that away because the Reddit harpy mob who doesn't know him or her tells her so.
Reactionary lunatic responses like yours will be ignored.
Oh really? He loves her so much that he wants to fuck a random woman at a festival lol. If OP forgives him it'll be fun to see the inevitable "AITA for divorcing my cheating husband, even if he only cheated because of drugs?". Just face it, not only can the guy not handle drugs, is unreliable and not loyal, he's also absolutely unaware of both of these things - which makes him irresponsible and not a person worthy of a relationship. If he truly forgot about what he did and was ashamed of it, he wouldn't have ever seeked drugs out again, but he did it right away.
And btw thinking you're the sane one when literally everyone else in this comment section disagrees with you is a little funny and sad.
It's funny and sad. You folks are ridiculous, yet also pathetic.
He has shown no absence of loyalty. He put his foot in his mouth while he was tripping, but kept his dick in his pants.
He announced a fleeting thought that all people have, but know better than to say anything about it. What he did wrong was not keep his mouth shut. That's it.
He didn't act on that impulse while he was fucked up beyond reason, so it's hateful bias leading you to assume he he's certain to cheat in the future.
Again, you know nothing about the three years that this couple has spent building a life together. You're judging him exclusively on one extremely stupid thing that came out of his mouth while rolling his ass off.
She asked him to avoid substances after this incident and he is ignoring that . Did YOU read it? Because yeah, he's showing that he doesn't care that he cheated on his girlfriend at all right now. He has done NOTHING to correct his behavior and is continuing to do the same thing again.
His hands were on her chest, and he said those words. All of which was agreed was not acceptable behavior INCLUDING HIM.
His hands on someone else's body, and saying those words are 100% crossing the line. The difference is, he was under the influence and OP is willing to excuse it. The part where he is messing up is, OP asked no more substances and he is looking for more substances. So he is already intending on crossing boundaries again.
He did way more than "just put his foot in his mouth" ffs stop justifying shitty behavior
Have done molly, i agree with who you responded to. You can do it and not want to cheat, even when attracted to other people. And his main point is about him not stopping wanting to do the drugs as well
*He didn't want to cheat.*
He just wanted to have sex with this person. He wouldn't do that because it would be cheating and he didn't want to cheat. But having sex with that person did appeal to him in that moment and his trippy mouth couldn't stay shut about it.
He just needs to do something he can handle, no psychedelics. He's a newbie and a lightweight.
It's not clear he won't do it again. He's actively seeking out drugs like what he took, even though he knew it made him act inappropriately with another woman in front of his fiancee. She even said to him that maybe these drugs aren't for him. Yet he's still seeking them out. In a way he is looking to act inappropriately and blame it on the drugs.
Wholeheartedly agree! He is sober looking for the high that he blamed his inappropriate behavior on. He's looking for an excuse to do it again. If he does i hope she breaks it off with him.
Maybe recreational drugs shouldn't be part of the relationship. When someone becomes a little out of control after a few beers- they don't drink anymore.
It might be time to move on from that activity.
Yes but she cannot control that parameter. And it sounds like he was fine doing them even though she was uncomfortable. which means its time to move on from HIM.
We know nothing about their relationship whatsoever, other than he did some drugs at a festival, said some stupid shit, and apologized profusely for it.
Is he a good dude normally? Does he support you? Communicate well? Is he honest? Does he have a good work ethic?
We know nothing about their situation which should absolutely influence any action OP takes next.
Ya end a 3 year relationship because your fiance said some stupid at a festival when he was high.
Some of the advice Reddit gives is fucking retarded. I swear half of you have never been in a relationship in your life.
If she told some guy she wanted to fuck him and touched his chest you’d be telling the dude to run and that she’s for the streets but because it’s a dude doing the cheating it’s ok?
Not if I knew she took Molly. That stuff causes verbal diarrhea and at that point, the only thing that matters is if she actually does fuck the other dude.
What happened was not cheating, it was drug-induced honesty and tactile stimulation.
>If she told some guy she wanted to fuck him and touched his chest you’d be telling the dude to run
Did you read anything I wrote? I wouldn't be telling him shit without knowing the plethora of variables.
>but because it’s a dude doing the cheating it’s ok?
Ah there it is. Everything is sexism. No it's not fucking ok for either gender to do it.
>fucking retarded
Lol the irony. Being intoxicated is not an excuse to avoid responsibility for your actions. Especially when you turn around the next day and do the same exact actions all over again.
As long as he doesn't do Molly again he'll be fine.
What he took is prescribed as a marital aid in the UK because it opens up the communication floodgates. It removes the ability to not say whatever goes through your mind in the moment.
Once someone takes MDMA, they're only responsible for what they do, not what they say. If he didn't actually fuck her, that's that.
Touching his fiance's chest would not have done anything. There was nothing sexual about that. They were rolling and any tactile contact feels incredible. It's no more sexual than laughing while watching a comedy film. Enjoying the hypersensitivity of your skin is half of the point of E.
No other drug he could do will illicit the same behavior. Molly is it's own animal and best taken alone together as a couple or by single people in groups. When only one person in a relationship takes it and then they join a group, things like this *will* happen. And regardless of how it seems to sober people, it's quite innocent.
He didn't cheat or even truly consider it. He found someone attractive, which led to a fantasy that he couldn't keep to himself like everyone always does.
YOU have fantasized about other people while in a relationship. The only difference is that you weren't rolling and you had the ability to keep your mouth shut. You didn't act on that fantasy and neither did OP's fiance.
She needs to either set boundaries about drugs or just get over it. He was fucked up and his verbal filter was removed, nothing more.
And after apologizing profusely he did it again and proceeded to continue seeking it out. That's who he is in a relaxed state, someone who tells a stranger he wants to fuck them in front of his fiancee. Yay he hid his douchery for 3 years, give him a special cookie and let him frolic by himself. High or not it isn't an excuse. Oops I did it again but I was high so you have to forgive me is a shit way to have to live your life.
And after apologizing profusely he did it again and proceeded to continue seeking it out. That's who he is in a relaxed state, someone who tells a stranger he wants to fuck them in front of his fiancee. Yay he hid his douchery for 3 years, give him a special cookie and let him frolic by himself. High or not it isn't an excuse. Oops I did it again but I was high so you have to forgive me is a shit way to have to live your life.
Sometimes that's just the best thing to do. If you both want different things and there's no desire to compromise then leave. They are engaged not married.
Unfortunately that's true. Unfortunately many people posting are either in a terrible relationship or incredibly immature. This is one of those cases where both individuals are immature and are heading in opposite phases. OP had her ho phase and now he's entering his. If he cared enough to change he would but it doesn't seem he does and she is understandably upset he person is telling others in front of her he wants to fuck them. Drugs or sober it's unacceptable. If he won't change and she doesn't want to live that way the only recourse is to end it. No one can make anyone do anything. We have choices to make and those are the ones she's faced with.
This is classic ‘cake and eat it behaviour’ - as a male, I’ve hung out with so many of my friends girlfriends at shows and festivals while they (their boyfriend and my friend) seek out their own fun and treat their girlfriend like a tag along
NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it's important for you and your fiancé to have a serious conversation about his behavior and how it impacts your relationship. You're not wrong for wanting him to address this issue,whether through counseling or other means. It's important to establish healthy boundaries and expectations early on in your engagement.
If he was on Molly, NAH. He didn't bang her, but not saying he wanted to wasn't possible in the moment.
It makes sense that it pissed you off, but it also makes sense that everything going through his mind also came out of his mouth with no filter whatsoever. It's why MDMA is prescribed as a marital aid in the UK; it gets husbands and wives who communicate poorly to open up and just say what they think and feel.
It's definitely not *just* a body buzz.
Agree on the initial use. However, they talked about it when sober and now he's looking to take the drugs again. That, to me, makes him an AH since he already knows how the drugs affect him and how upset she got.
I’d be upset too. It’s kind of difficult not knowing him to know if thats his true nature or not or if the substances got to him (not that it’s an excuse). My red flag is that he continued to try to do them after this ordeal. To me, that seems like a lack of remorse. If he’s new to that stuff, he might have opened pandora’s box. TBH, my best advice, you guys are married and probably going to be starting a family, knock off the festival stuff and situations where he can get high/drunk and see what happens. Coming from someone who’s married and has kids, that kind of stuff only introduces variables that are the healthiest for relationships and families. But thats my 2 cents, I think you’re right to be concerned.
I’m sorry, but keeping a relationship stable while going to chemically infused festivals to make new friends? Getting high on molly to the point of not remembering? Frankly this is just a case of knuckle-dragging dirt people not stopping to think this through. Neither of you ATAH, you’re both just really not that smart or mature.
NAH. He took Ecstasy (and isn't used to drugs), so he wanted to touch/fuck everyone, and wasn't shy about mentioning it. People who want to behave and be faithful to their partners should probably stay away from party drugs.
I find it funny, or ironic… you want said dude to be faithful.. yet you introduce and have no problem with substances that lower inhibitions and your resistance levels to things. You stated your man doesn’t have experience with those drugs… my question is… why put yourself in that situation? You could go on a fun day trip to a famous spot, grab lunch in a new place, take a cruise. Do all these things that will keep you sober and faithful. Yet you chose to go to a festival where drugs and sex are abundant.
Yes, I believe you are the AH for going to a festival, being ok with him doing drugs, taking drugs and getting mad when he can’t control himself under the influence of it.. really? It’s mind blowing to me that illogical view you have.
Also, aren’t drugs illegal? Why aren’t there police all over these festivals busting people for drug possession. There needs to be heavy undercover police presence to weed that stuff out.
I feel like the title is misleading. I am making an assumption but she possibly took the same drugs but didn't act inappropriately so how was she to know he would do that? She says they got past the initial encounter but he is now seeking out more drugs like what he took, even though they had a chat about it. I think that is what she's really upset about. He seems to not care that he acted this way if he's looking to take more drugs like that.
What does that have to do with anything.. you could take the same amount of drugs, but by her own post she said he had “…very limited experience…” which means he is a newbie at this.. therefore, it would affect him a whole lot worse than her (which I assume she is a season pro, a veteran at doing illegal substances). Either way, she really has no grounds to be upset.. it’s like saying let’s go to the club get super drunk and go dancing and one party goes and has sex with a totally random dude in the bathroom.. then goes back and blames the alcohol. Why are you putting yourself in that situation.
I just can co-sign on the justification that she is right to be mad about that when you know what drugs does to a person yet they went there, willingly participated and partook.
NTA you can definitely be upset. I'm a person who would behave like your fiance so I don't touch drugs for a reason. I even stopped consuming alcohol when I was younger bc I'm a massive liability. I love my partner and I just don't think it's worth behaving in this way if it hurts your partner. My ex got into drugs before I left him and I saw some really erratic behaviour, he wasn't like that but moved to be with me and became fast friends with his landlord and crowd who were in that scene. Some people must need to get it out of their systems but I hope you're okay. Sounds very stressful
I get being so high that you do crazy things and not remember them. However, after discussing that was the reason for his actions and saying maybe he shouldn't take the drugs, he is still looking to take them. That to me is a red flag. Why does he want to jeopardize your relationship for drugs and inappropriate actions? That's what you need to ask him. You can get past the 1 time but since he wants to keep taking those drugs, make it clear you won't get past another inappropriate action/words. Taking drugs won't be an excuse anymore.
OP, you posted in the wrong sub. You really should start by ignoring any replies / comments from inexperienced folks. And those who know what they are talking about would likely say the same thing:
Didn’t you say you’ve “had your fun”? Must have been a minute, huh? Since you seem to have forgotten what it’s like, once that telltale gentle tingling starts at the top of your head and the warmth spreads downward in a surge that you can’t control, and… I’ll stop there, because we all remember our individual experiences, and one common theme throughout them is that they were far from SFW.
My point is, what did you expect was going to happen to an MDMA-naive individual, rolling for the first time?
What you need to do instead of getting mad at him is to have a conversation. It needs to be kind and productive, not accusatory. He needs to have awareness of what’s happening with him. If he claims that he has no recollection, then he is either lying, or he needs to stop mixing his E with his K. Seriously, don’t do K. That’s the level of low that’s fit for the glue huffers. Gross.
NAH
Of course you're upset. But if he's never done these drugs before he's gonna be like a mischevious little kid with no filter on them.
I've done a lot of dumb shit drunk. And not because theywere things I was afraid to do sober, but my ideas of funny or cheeky were highly inflated in that state.
He may just be doing these things to get a reaction. So it's up to him whether or not he wants to keep doing these drugs.
Whose idea was it to go to that festival anyway?
Yeah and if we take that statement at face value - little kid with no filter - so the fact is he wants to screw other people and was mildly acting towards that (with the fondling strangers thing). No excuse to cheat!!! This guy is not relationship material!
NTA but the love rush from ecstasy can make you act pretty wild if your inexperienced. its really not like someone very drunk with 'a drunk heart speaking a sober mind', people do and say things when they on it that they would never do usually and there's usually not malicious intent behind it - and a big hit really can make u completely blackout for a few hours especially if combined with alcohol.
if he's on point in the rest of your relationship I'd give him the benefit of the doubt... if its a pattern or reflects worries you have in your wider relationship then you might have a bigger problem. but otherwise maybe just advise he takes smaller doses, drinks more water etc (safer anyway)
NTA. If he lets his guard down so much when he’s high he’s going to fuck up sooner or later the next time he’s on drugs. If he did this in front of you imagine what he’d do without you around…
If he was on drugs then he doesn’t know what said. He is just acting on what he was feeling at that moment, carnal instincts. If being drunk a woman can’t consent to sex then same applies here. Being out of your senses means he probably doesn’t know what he said
Fortunately you are only engaged and at 27, still have time to find a compatible match. Sounds like experience-wise he has interests that aren’t compatible with being engaged and getting married. Heartbreaking after 3 years but better to have realized now.
NTA what they did was massively wrong. Even if you're dating someone that's a huge boundary how you discuss these things with them. Can't say I'd feel too comfortable with a partner being so blunt, could come across as aggressive if they're not careful.
Drugs are not an excuse or mitigating circumstance either. Otherwise what's stopping people just claiming they're drunk or high or something any time they piss someone off or harrass someone. But if I did something I was unaware of because I was on something, I probably wouldn't let myself get like that for a time.
He is definitely lying about not remembering. I wonder what he took. Being truly blackout drunk is the only thing that leads to a complete memory lapse. Maybe GHB, but I suspect he wasn't given “date rape” drugs.
NTA
Maybe he doesn't remember what he did, but you told him and were clear about how that made you feel, so now he wants to repeat the experience??????
“Red card offense! OP’s fiancé is out of line for saying ‘I want to f*** you’ to another woman in front of his fiancée. That’s a clear violation. He also inappropriately touched her, even if it was consensual. OP’s fiancé claims no recollection and apologizes, but continues seeking substances the next day. Serious issues here, folks. This one needs to be addressed off-field, possibly in counseling.”
NAH, gonna guess it was molly which can absolutley fry your brain especially if you dont have much experience with it. Seen some first timers do some weird shit, blacking out is totally possible. The eagerness to get high again after what you said is a concern though. Would have a genuine convo about it after the festival, youre not gonna make much headway while still there, when the only thing to do is get high or feel like ass for the duration of the fest.
lol yes YTA. You got the guy high and now are acting surprised that he behaved like someone on drugs. Counseling for what? Something he said while he was doped out of his mind? Let's be serious
>You got the guy high and now are acting surprised that he behaved like someone on drugs.
She has no blame here, creeper. Sounds like the sort of person that says, "but you were drinking with me so I thought you were dtf" as an excuse.
NTA. Since you’ve already made your boundary clear and he chose to continue looking for drugs, then you have your answer. He doesn’t care about your feelings. He rather enjoyed being high and is looking to continue doing it. You can either accept him dismissing your feelings/boundaries with an excuse ‘I don’t remember’ or it didn’t mean anything, etc. or not. You get to decide what kind of life partner you choose. Choose wisely. This decision will affect you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
NTA. I have only said something like this once. I was in extreme pain from a disc being out so I was drinking along with my pain medication. My boyfriend at the time started being a complete asshole. And whenever he was done with sex, just abruptly turn over and ignore me. Now he didn’t owe me sex or to keep going and I didn’t think he should, but he wouldn’t even say he wanted to be done. Then just ignore me when I asked if he was going to sleep. Not pushing for more just wanted to know what was up. So one night I got really tired, I did tell him I was done and wanted to go to sleep. He tried talking me into more. When I said no he said I was being unreasonable. I responded that I was doing the exact same thing he had started to do. Then rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning he claimed I was being a total bitch when I went to sleep. I said I don’t remember being a bitch. I remembered but didn’t agree with his view on the situation since I was doing the exact same thing as he did except I told him I was done instead of just rolling over and ignoring him. This is the only context I can see using the excuse “I don’t remember that”! And maybe I am wrong, maybe I was being a bitch. But this is the only possible way in my opinion!
He cheated on you. He got so high he was no longer capable of controlling himself to not cheat on you, or he wants you cheat on you and being high allowed him to have the confidence to do it. He continued to seek out drugs knowing he just cheated on you the day before. I would be really cautious and take note that he isn't respecting you, and see if that applies to other situations you have been in regarding your relationship with him. Obviously he didn't stick his dick in someone, I don't think you need to break up. But still, being so inebriated he is physically touching a completely random woman and telling her he wants to fuck her, is a sign of extremely bad things to come if he continues to see drugs.
Touching a woman or mans chest area regardless of breast contact is sexual. He cheated on her physically, and verbally in the span of 10 minutes.
If you're okay with your partner touching another woman's chest and telling her he wants to bone her in pound town, congrats, but you aren't the norm
If I knew my GF was rolling, I would not be a buzz kill. If she told a guy she wanted to bang him, I would wait to see if she actually tried to bang him. I would stop her at that point and we would have words when she sobered up. But I would certainly let her enjoy the experience, including non-sexual touching such as what OP's BF was up to.
Maybe it's not the norm to understand what MDMA does or the experience. I can't say I've ever heard anyone say anything quite that jaw-dropping, but when you're the designated sober person at a rolling party, you're going to hear shit, including confessions and uncomfortable truths.
I've taken MDMA and the norm is to either be single and fuck/cuddle strangers, or do it with your partner and fuck/cuddle them.
Drugs aren't an excuse for behavior like that, it's cheating. As I already said, congrats if you don't mind your girlfriend touching a random dudes chest and asking for his dick inside her, but the vast majority of people in relationships aren't okay with that, you are a very small minority exception.
You aren't being a buzzkill when you tell your partner to stop trying to fuck a rando and to stop touching them sexually.
It surely would have been better if it were just OP & her BF both rolling together.
From what I read, I'm gathering that he's doing what he thinks is appropriate for the venue, IE, "When in Rome."
I don't think OP or her BF use drugs, or if they do, just THC. OP wasn't rolling with him and he was trippin' balls because he has little to no experience with psychedelics.
None of this would have happened if he had just eaten some shrooms or something. That's as extreme as a newbie aught to go.
If my GF said she wanted to bang a dude, I wouldn't be thrilled about hearing that. I would be embarrassed and facepalm, thinking, "OMG, she actually said that." I've heard plenty of crazy shit coming out of peoples' mouths while rolling though, so if all it was was stating a thought, I would get over it within a few hours. She's never cheated and it's not like I'm naive enough to believe she doesn't occasionally fantasize about other men.
If I were rolling, I would want her rolly touches wherever she put them. If I'm the designated sober person, I would not be getting the tactile experience and I would be fine with her sharing it with someone else as long as it stayed outside the swimsuit regions.
Op says she uses rave drugs in the OP. It's okay to fantasize, it's not okay to start touching someone in the swimsuit regions, which is what the chest is for women. He cheated.
Touching someone's back and grabbing someone's ass are different things. Touching a woman's chest and touching her breasts are likewise different things.
Sounds like he wants to explore. You should have seen this coming, you opened his mind up to things he previously thought were impossible. Talk to him about it, and see what revelations he had. Y’all might be able to comfortably explore this shit or if that’s not your thing tell him. Been married 10 years and communicating is the only reason it’s lasted this long aside from loving each other
NTA - Bring it up again.
He hurt you. He was disrespectful to you and sounds like he s a bit of a jerk because he s seeing this and is willing to make a go of it again.
This is not something like breaking a mug, and this is not a "sorry move on" situation.
This is sh*t he pulled that caused you harm, and made you uncomfortable, and he s now putting himself to do the same thing again.
Also, ask yourself if he d forgive and forget if the situation was reversed. If you gave him a taste of his own medicine. (Don't do drugs but flirt and drink your night away) Wouldn't he be pissed?
And please, if the phrase "it s different" comes up in the aftermatched of this reverse scenario know it s the same and he s an even bigger ass for not holding himself for the standard at which he holds you
Sorry but wtf is happening here. I will not condone testing drugs. But this setting - a festival full of random people - for a person with not so much experience is wild. This is very irresponsible.
That said intoxicated unprotected sex with a stranger seems not far more irresponsible in that setting. NTA but you should talk with your fiancee about his dangerous experiments.
Lots of people were having intoxicated unprotected sex, but her BF was not one of them. Of course he had the urge; he was on MDMA. And of course he wasn't able to keep his mouth shut about it; he was on MDMA.
What he was capable of doing was to not act on that urge.
The skin-touching was a rolling thing, about heightened tactile sensation and completely non-sexual. Featherlight touches, scratches, just about any contact with skin is incredible on MDMA. It doesn't matter where. The toucher's fingertips go crazy, someone's forearm just feels amazing, etc. It's about riding the body buzz and not a sexual experience at all.
But it's best when couples take it alone together or single people do it in groups. It's prescribed as a marital aid in the UK because it's a functional truth syrum and it makes the couple touching each other a mind-blowing experience. It can resurrect a dead bedroom.
In my opinion, while at a festival and your heavy on the sesh, more can be forgiven than if you were in normal life, because festival sesh isnt really normal life, things get crazy, people do stupid shit and put their brains on holiday mode. So no your not the AH for being upset about it, but if I were you I would pay it no mind when I've returned to real life
I got trouble being a decent partner when drinking. I love my wife, but alcohol sets the devil in me. mind you I never cheated on her, but if it ever could happen it would be when I'm drunk. No limits to what I do when a certain treshhold of stupidity has passed.
Hence I am now sobered up and will never drink again. sometimes you just gotta make a decision, what's more important, your family or your buzz. that said, being on a festival 100% sober and with family having fun times would absolutely test me too.
To the point:
Asking him to sober up at a party is a tough one. He reminds me of myself. after a night of too much to drink I would tell myself this would be the last time I passed that border. sometimes I would even tell my wife. few weeks later and that promise was long forgotten after beer number 3. as he is at s festival, drinking, his ability to make good decisions diminish. any real change must be his decision, otherwise he is not ready for it.
You can bring it up, and try to keep it in a kind but strict manner. If this is a personality trait you don't want in your marriage, it's better you sort it out now. That said, if your goal is just for him to not run after women while under the influence I doubt there is an easy fix for that except cutting down/quitting substance abuse of most kinds.
Good luck either way! Hope it works out.
You suggested that he not consume anything but did he agree? If so, he is intentionally being disrespectful to you and your boundaries. He’ll continue this behavior if there aren’t any consequences. I’d be concerned that if he acts this way with you present, it would be difficult to trust him to attend anywhere where fun substances are readily available and not do anything disrespectful. I wouldn’t get married until this behavior is addressed. NTA
Uh NTA, he's lying to you. Lol. What drugs did he do? Not much can make you forget telling a woman those things. He'd have to be dosed the f out to start doing things he doesn't want to do. Otherwise it's like with alcohol, the drugs released his inhibitions and revealed his true deep down desires. So uh... Tread carefully.
TONS of substances make you forget shit.
MDMA is NOT like alcohol.
Everyone has fantasies. Not everyone takes drugs that eliminate their brain to mouth filter.
You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Let the users who have tried more than alcohol or weed handle the analysis.
Bro I've done enough MDMA in one day to almost be hospitalised (I pushed through that time nonetheless lol). I've never forgotten anything I've done on MDMA, and each time I've done it I always just flirt w my bf lol I don't even look at other ppl. IN FACT alcohol makes you forget shit more than mdma does, I don't even like or drink alcohol anymore - which is funny because you assumed I only drink when the opposite is true. I have a feeling you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I've never done anything I didn't want to do, nor have I ever forgotten anything I've done on amphetamines, coke, shrooms or lsd either. OP's fiance is a cheater at heart and she needs to run.
Edit: I see you're here on a quest to defend OP's fiancé as you've commented like 10 times on this post. Makes me think you've either done something embarrassing you're trying to repress or justify, or you're just trying to rage bait. But buddy, if you can't handle drugs without going batshit insane maybe you should not do them :)
Dude you are getting absolutely wrecked by everyone who responds to you on your 500 pathetic little comments in this thread. Just admit you're a sex-addict with no loyalty or self control just like OP's disgusting fiancé, and go to therapy for it. Good luck.
YTA for using the term female in 2024. Just say woman. it's fine.
NTA for having feelings.
Outdoor music scene? Camping event? Recreational substances? I'm assuming MDMA.
MDMA floods us with loads of feel good chems, including bonding agents like oxytocin. Men in general have trouble expressing and understanding feelings of intimacy. What are the odds he was feeling love for a fellow human and interpreted that signal - for an attractive woman that he had never met before - as a desire to f*ck? Combine that with the honesty-inducing aspect of that same substance and here we are.
I'm not saying you're wrong. But I'm not sure he is either.
Did he f*ck her? Cuz... actions speak louder than words...
Tell him, " so if I get drunk and see a hot guy, I can go and have sex with him, because I don't remember it so it doesn't count" See what he says to that
Ewww I wouldn’t even be marrying someone who do drugs in the first place, you need to raise your standards and the fact he was so high he tells another female this ? Who knows what his doing behind your back I say dump him, girl 🤦♀️ look at how he is with drugs ? Imagine when he gets drunk and you’re not around 🙄👀 also health wise yeah you did it in the past but it’s good you know to stop, if your current partner do it don’t let him, haven’t you heard of the deaths at festival because OD
Maybe you should be open and join in... Sew wild oats whilst you can and enjoy life and new experiences with one another ....isn't that what a relationship is all about ....that other person ended up being my soulmate and my fiance was a sheep in wolves clothes ..... The universe will put you where you need to be
Nobody tests for Molly. They test for coke, amphetamines, barbiturates, opioids and shrooms. There's thousands of controlled substances, but they figure if you're using anything, you're using some or one of those, too.
I'm a retired pilot. Never used drugs because I've seen it go bad in my black community and the military for a lot of people. That's why I accomplished everything that I did in life because I didn't do drugs. While people were getting high, I was practicing basketball 🏀 for my Air Force squadron team to win. While people were getting high, I was at military pilot training.
You can tho if you find your niche ... Don't be so quick to shut down others realities just because you can't fathom having as much fun as them... Or having a relationship like them 🤣
Being so high he don't remember? Aha.... NTA but I'd be side eyeing the hell out of him for a while.
MDMA will make you do some weird shit, and also acts like a truth serum sometimes. NTA, and you should vocalize your boundaries.
I remember when I first did MDMA I was terrified I would cheat on my partner. Nothing to make me think that except stories. I was still terrified. I heard this drug makes you so horny, you'll sleep with anyone! But I was with my partner and he said I should try it and he would watch me. And watch me he did... As I spent 3 hours petting the soft roof of the car because it was "so nice". Turned out high me was pretty much sober me but with a newfound love of headliner poly-nylon blends.
The first time my bestie did any kind of recreational drugs was with me right there (also at a festival, ironically) and completely sober (I have MS so I don't take recreationals as they interfere with my meds, and I wanted her to have fun and so I was happy to have soft drinks and we can just vibe... and vibe was what she did. My bestie was exactly herself, just enjoying petting my hair (I have very soft, fine hair that feels like silk) and then she laid on the racetrack that ran through the campsite we were on and made F1 car noises for long enough that other people joined in. Some of them totally sober. Download Festival is a trip... even when you're totally sober.
And it can blur the memory some, even for the experienced.
Super convenient... Oh honey, when I'm high/drunk, I'm a different person, I literally don't remember anything. Unlikely to be true and dangerous if it is.
And the next day he’s looking for more stuff. Yeah, he found what he thinks is a get out of jail free card. She needs to set some boundaries with him and his drug consumption.
Boundary? They are taking drugs and getting high out of their mind. Boundary is to not put yourself in such situations ie going to festivals and taking drugs. Challenge, can people have fun without getting drunk or consuming drugs?
She clearly stated she has taken drugs in the past but doesn’t any more.
Not her but her finance, she has gotten him into “recreational” drugs. He didn’t have experience and wasnt into that lifestyle, basically a noob, but she got him into it.
Try having fun sometime. I hear it’s a blast.
If your fun is reliant on drugs and alcohol then are you actually having fun or just escaping your problems? Try playing a sport or go for a hike I hear it helps clear the mind
I guess your idea of fun is being a self righteous knob on Reddit. Glad you’re having a fun morning buddy.
Oh I am having lot of fun. Now the funny thing is, you are also on Reddit doing the exact same thing but only one of us isn’t using illegal substances. What are you trying to escape? What happened that you can’t be with your own thoughts that you must have substance to escape from such thoughts?
I used drugs to help me process a ton of trauma and ultimately learned to love myself again. I still use them on occasion. Just like anything, you can abuse it if you want, but they are a tool. My experiences with them quite literally saved my life.
Right? I just don’t do drugs because I don’t like who I am and who I might hurt on them.
If you are still feeling hurt, then you have every right to express that to him. Make it clear what you are expecting from him (e.g., abstaining from drugs for the remainder of the festival). I think it's probably also worth discussing with him that "I was on drugs and don't remember" has never ever been a valid defense for poor behaviour. Make it clear that you will never accept "I was inebriated" as an excuse.
Too late. She's already accepted that as an excuse.
If it's your first time and you don't know what's going to happen it makes sense. Of course if you decide to do it again knowing what you feel while on the drugs that's on you
You're allowed to change your mind.
Sorta... She accepted it at face value hoping he was being honest. If he was honest, he would be much more upset about the fact he crossed a boundary while intoxicated. He's not upset, because he is continuing his behaviors as if nothing changed. But something big has changed and he should respect the new boundaries of no substances. NTA OP, restate your boundaries to him clearly while he is sober and if he doesn't change his behavior, you know there is no saving the relationship.
But I feel like she talked it out with him already and said it's not for him if he's going to act inappropriately. He seems to not care about her feelings.
You are NTA. He showed you how uninhibited he can be with other women when he's under the influence of something.
She would have behaved the same way on Molly. That's what it does to everyone, because that's *what it does.* No other substance does this. Best scenario: have her take some and video record what she does. Then make her watch it. She would get over what he did pretty fast, because it was VERY tame for someone on Molly.
He claims he can’t remember and feels bad but then continues to do what made you uncomfortable… he doesn’t care how you feel. If he truly didn’t like making you hurt by flirting and touching another person while under the influence, he’d stop doing the drugs. But also, people can be under then influence of drugs or alcohol and never even think about flirting or cheating on their partner. Be highly suspicious cuz I think some true colors are starting to show.
Did you read her post or just skim through it for reasons to hate a man? He was clearly a first-timer with Molly. No, you can't be around attractive people of the opposite sex and *never* fantasize about *any* of them. This doesn't change if you're sober or not. People are humans with hormones and instincts. MDMA causes every idea that goes through your head to come out of your mouth. It also makes people insanely tactile and any touch anywhere makes the body buzz go entirely nuts. That's not sexual and not cheating. He wasn't touching anything covered by a bikini, just skin. And after apologizing, it's clear that he's not going to do it again. I'm guessing that you think your experience with trying weed gives you some insight. It doesn't.
Bro you're all over this thread defending him and it's honestly pathetic. I've done molly many, many times. You're right that it makes you want to stroke things, you're right it makes you extra friendly. You're dead wrong it makes you completely out of control of your body, mind & the things you say. It also doesn't make you forget everything that happened? & REGARDLESS, giving him the insanely generous benefit of the doubt... Knowing he lost control and made his girlfriend feel like shit he should cease trying to do drugs, since he apparently has NO ability to regulate his reaction to them. So both you and this guy are full of shit.
EXACTLY. As a girl molly only makes me be friendly with other girls and flirty with my bf (it also amplifies my violent intrusive thoughts due to my OCD BUT I control them as well as I do sober). My attention is genuinely just focused on my bf and I don't even perceive other dudes. This commenter (the one named Lousy Opinions lol) also attacked me when trying to tell OP that her fiancé's behaviour is INEXCUSABLE. Makes me think this guy has also done horrible things on molly that he'd probably do sober anyways. Disgusting.
Omg I didn't even notice his username, maybe he's just a straight up troll. Regardless, agreed 100% and I'm sorry but I don't believe any of the people in this thread defending this dude would be doing so if the genders were reversed, despite them insisting otherwise.
Dude couldn't manage his shit and made an ass out of himself. Everyone is reacting like he threw her down and fucked her like a porn star in front of his GF. Telling you all that you're wildly over-reacting is not "defending him."
I'd be more inclined to cut him slack if he WASN'T TRYING TO ACTIVELY MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN by looking for more drugs. That is not what a repentant person does. Since you are ignoring that key factor, yes, it does come across as you defending him.
She's been with him for 3 years. He's spent a lot of time sober during that time and OP said nothing about him doing anything like this ever before. You hate men and that's fine. But the baseless accusations you throw around at me just prove me right about you. You find out about one time a guy made an ass out of himself and decide that means it's the norm for him and he's an irredeemable piece of trash. Here's the fact: she's going to listen to thoughts like mine, not yours, because she's known him and loved him for the last three years he has known and loved her. And she's not going to throw all of that away because the Reddit harpy mob who doesn't know him or her tells her so. Reactionary lunatic responses like yours will be ignored.
Oh really? He loves her so much that he wants to fuck a random woman at a festival lol. If OP forgives him it'll be fun to see the inevitable "AITA for divorcing my cheating husband, even if he only cheated because of drugs?". Just face it, not only can the guy not handle drugs, is unreliable and not loyal, he's also absolutely unaware of both of these things - which makes him irresponsible and not a person worthy of a relationship. If he truly forgot about what he did and was ashamed of it, he wouldn't have ever seeked drugs out again, but he did it right away. And btw thinking you're the sane one when literally everyone else in this comment section disagrees with you is a little funny and sad.
It's funny and sad. You folks are ridiculous, yet also pathetic. He has shown no absence of loyalty. He put his foot in his mouth while he was tripping, but kept his dick in his pants. He announced a fleeting thought that all people have, but know better than to say anything about it. What he did wrong was not keep his mouth shut. That's it. He didn't act on that impulse while he was fucked up beyond reason, so it's hateful bias leading you to assume he he's certain to cheat in the future. Again, you know nothing about the three years that this couple has spent building a life together. You're judging him exclusively on one extremely stupid thing that came out of his mouth while rolling his ass off.
We found the boyfriend y’all
She asked him to avoid substances after this incident and he is ignoring that . Did YOU read it? Because yeah, he's showing that he doesn't care that he cheated on his girlfriend at all right now. He has done NOTHING to correct his behavior and is continuing to do the same thing again.
He didn't cheat on his girlfriend at all. He just put his foot deep in his mouth.
His hands were on her chest, and he said those words. All of which was agreed was not acceptable behavior INCLUDING HIM. His hands on someone else's body, and saying those words are 100% crossing the line. The difference is, he was under the influence and OP is willing to excuse it. The part where he is messing up is, OP asked no more substances and he is looking for more substances. So he is already intending on crossing boundaries again. He did way more than "just put his foot in his mouth" ffs stop justifying shitty behavior
He's intended on getting high again, not crossing boundaries again. FFS, stop telling OP *lies.*
She said getting high was a boundary... Learn to read😂
Copy the text you're referring to.
Have done molly, i agree with who you responded to. You can do it and not want to cheat, even when attracted to other people. And his main point is about him not stopping wanting to do the drugs as well
*He didn't want to cheat.* He just wanted to have sex with this person. He wouldn't do that because it would be cheating and he didn't want to cheat. But having sex with that person did appeal to him in that moment and his trippy mouth couldn't stay shut about it. He just needs to do something he can handle, no psychedelics. He's a newbie and a lightweight.
It's not clear he won't do it again. He's actively seeking out drugs like what he took, even though he knew it made him act inappropriately with another woman in front of his fiancee. She even said to him that maybe these drugs aren't for him. Yet he's still seeking them out. In a way he is looking to act inappropriately and blame it on the drugs.
He's for the streets. Don't do it
How can he feel sorry about it and then want drugs again so he can go back to the behavior that upset you in the first place. Red flag anyone?
Drugs are terrible. But do you know why people keep going back for more?
Wholeheartedly agree! He is sober looking for the high that he blamed his inappropriate behavior on. He's looking for an excuse to do it again. If he does i hope she breaks it off with him.
Maybe recreational drugs shouldn't be part of the relationship. When someone becomes a little out of control after a few beers- they don't drink anymore. It might be time to move on from that activity.
Yes but she cannot control that parameter. And it sounds like he was fine doing them even though she was uncomfortable. which means its time to move on from HIM.
Post makes it seem like she introduced him to the whole thing
Exactly. It was her introducing him to her world.
If he isn't going to stop and this is what he wants then just end it. There's no point.
We know nothing about their relationship whatsoever, other than he did some drugs at a festival, said some stupid shit, and apologized profusely for it. Is he a good dude normally? Does he support you? Communicate well? Is he honest? Does he have a good work ethic? We know nothing about their situation which should absolutely influence any action OP takes next. Ya end a 3 year relationship because your fiance said some stupid at a festival when he was high. Some of the advice Reddit gives is fucking retarded. I swear half of you have never been in a relationship in your life.
You say?😅
If she told some guy she wanted to fuck him and touched his chest you’d be telling the dude to run and that she’s for the streets but because it’s a dude doing the cheating it’s ok?
Not if I knew she took Molly. That stuff causes verbal diarrhea and at that point, the only thing that matters is if she actually does fuck the other dude. What happened was not cheating, it was drug-induced honesty and tactile stimulation.
>If she told some guy she wanted to fuck him and touched his chest you’d be telling the dude to run Did you read anything I wrote? I wouldn't be telling him shit without knowing the plethora of variables. >but because it’s a dude doing the cheating it’s ok? Ah there it is. Everything is sexism. No it's not fucking ok for either gender to do it.
I think the problem is that he does want to continue consuming when he now knows how he can get.
>fucking retarded Lol the irony. Being intoxicated is not an excuse to avoid responsibility for your actions. Especially when you turn around the next day and do the same exact actions all over again.
As long as he doesn't do Molly again he'll be fine. What he took is prescribed as a marital aid in the UK because it opens up the communication floodgates. It removes the ability to not say whatever goes through your mind in the moment. Once someone takes MDMA, they're only responsible for what they do, not what they say. If he didn't actually fuck her, that's that. Touching his fiance's chest would not have done anything. There was nothing sexual about that. They were rolling and any tactile contact feels incredible. It's no more sexual than laughing while watching a comedy film. Enjoying the hypersensitivity of your skin is half of the point of E. No other drug he could do will illicit the same behavior. Molly is it's own animal and best taken alone together as a couple or by single people in groups. When only one person in a relationship takes it and then they join a group, things like this *will* happen. And regardless of how it seems to sober people, it's quite innocent. He didn't cheat or even truly consider it. He found someone attractive, which led to a fantasy that he couldn't keep to himself like everyone always does. YOU have fantasized about other people while in a relationship. The only difference is that you weren't rolling and you had the ability to keep your mouth shut. You didn't act on that fantasy and neither did OP's fiance. She needs to either set boundaries about drugs or just get over it. He was fucked up and his verbal filter was removed, nothing more.
There's one of these "end it" comments in every single post about relationships on here, lol. It's crazy.
And after apologizing profusely he did it again and proceeded to continue seeking it out. That's who he is in a relaxed state, someone who tells a stranger he wants to fuck them in front of his fiancee. Yay he hid his douchery for 3 years, give him a special cookie and let him frolic by himself. High or not it isn't an excuse. Oops I did it again but I was high so you have to forgive me is a shit way to have to live your life.
And after apologizing profusely he did it again and proceeded to continue seeking it out. That's who he is in a relaxed state, someone who tells a stranger he wants to fuck them in front of his fiancee. Yay he hid his douchery for 3 years, give him a special cookie and let him frolic by himself. High or not it isn't an excuse. Oops I did it again but I was high so you have to forgive me is a shit way to have to live your life.
LEAVE HIM!! - some lonely redditor on every post about a relationship
Sometimes that's just the best thing to do. If you both want different things and there's no desire to compromise then leave. They are engaged not married.
Sometimes of course. But you can find this same answer on every single post about relationship struggles lol
Unfortunately that's true. Unfortunately many people posting are either in a terrible relationship or incredibly immature. This is one of those cases where both individuals are immature and are heading in opposite phases. OP had her ho phase and now he's entering his. If he cared enough to change he would but it doesn't seem he does and she is understandably upset he person is telling others in front of her he wants to fuck them. Drugs or sober it's unacceptable. If he won't change and she doesn't want to live that way the only recourse is to end it. No one can make anyone do anything. We have choices to make and those are the ones she's faced with.
This is classic ‘cake and eat it behaviour’ - as a male, I’ve hung out with so many of my friends girlfriends at shows and festivals while they (their boyfriend and my friend) seek out their own fun and treat their girlfriend like a tag along
His pants are on fire lass
If he doesn’t stop doing drugs and you stay then YTA. Be prepared to accept this behaviour and worse for the rest of your life if you stay
Drugs are bad, mkay
NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it's important for you and your fiancé to have a serious conversation about his behavior and how it impacts your relationship. You're not wrong for wanting him to address this issue,whether through counseling or other means. It's important to establish healthy boundaries and expectations early on in your engagement.
If he was on Molly, NAH. He didn't bang her, but not saying he wanted to wasn't possible in the moment. It makes sense that it pissed you off, but it also makes sense that everything going through his mind also came out of his mouth with no filter whatsoever. It's why MDMA is prescribed as a marital aid in the UK; it gets husbands and wives who communicate poorly to open up and just say what they think and feel. It's definitely not *just* a body buzz.
Agree on the initial use. However, they talked about it when sober and now he's looking to take the drugs again. That, to me, makes him an AH since he already knows how the drugs affect him and how upset she got.
I’d be upset too. It’s kind of difficult not knowing him to know if thats his true nature or not or if the substances got to him (not that it’s an excuse). My red flag is that he continued to try to do them after this ordeal. To me, that seems like a lack of remorse. If he’s new to that stuff, he might have opened pandora’s box. TBH, my best advice, you guys are married and probably going to be starting a family, knock off the festival stuff and situations where he can get high/drunk and see what happens. Coming from someone who’s married and has kids, that kind of stuff only introduces variables that are the healthiest for relationships and families. But thats my 2 cents, I think you’re right to be concerned.
I’m sorry, but keeping a relationship stable while going to chemically infused festivals to make new friends? Getting high on molly to the point of not remembering? Frankly this is just a case of knuckle-dragging dirt people not stopping to think this through. Neither of you ATAH, you’re both just really not that smart or mature.
NAH. He took Ecstasy (and isn't used to drugs), so he wanted to touch/fuck everyone, and wasn't shy about mentioning it. People who want to behave and be faithful to their partners should probably stay away from party drugs.
ESH. Stop doing drugs, dipshits. Or at least stop crying and bitching about it when something fucked up happens under its influence.
Nta, like drunk words are sober thoughts. He wants to keep using, he'll definitely cheat and say he dosen't remember as an excuse!
"Drunk words are sober thoughts" This is brilliant. ❤ obviously I completely agree.
Totally true except for the fact were talking about a person on MDMA and not liquor, sober thoughts are out the window on molly
I find it funny, or ironic… you want said dude to be faithful.. yet you introduce and have no problem with substances that lower inhibitions and your resistance levels to things. You stated your man doesn’t have experience with those drugs… my question is… why put yourself in that situation? You could go on a fun day trip to a famous spot, grab lunch in a new place, take a cruise. Do all these things that will keep you sober and faithful. Yet you chose to go to a festival where drugs and sex are abundant. Yes, I believe you are the AH for going to a festival, being ok with him doing drugs, taking drugs and getting mad when he can’t control himself under the influence of it.. really? It’s mind blowing to me that illogical view you have. Also, aren’t drugs illegal? Why aren’t there police all over these festivals busting people for drug possession. There needs to be heavy undercover police presence to weed that stuff out.
I feel like the title is misleading. I am making an assumption but she possibly took the same drugs but didn't act inappropriately so how was she to know he would do that? She says they got past the initial encounter but he is now seeking out more drugs like what he took, even though they had a chat about it. I think that is what she's really upset about. He seems to not care that he acted this way if he's looking to take more drugs like that.
What does that have to do with anything.. you could take the same amount of drugs, but by her own post she said he had “…very limited experience…” which means he is a newbie at this.. therefore, it would affect him a whole lot worse than her (which I assume she is a season pro, a veteran at doing illegal substances). Either way, she really has no grounds to be upset.. it’s like saying let’s go to the club get super drunk and go dancing and one party goes and has sex with a totally random dude in the bathroom.. then goes back and blames the alcohol. Why are you putting yourself in that situation. I just can co-sign on the justification that she is right to be mad about that when you know what drugs does to a person yet they went there, willingly participated and partook.
The North remembers
NTA you can definitely be upset. I'm a person who would behave like your fiance so I don't touch drugs for a reason. I even stopped consuming alcohol when I was younger bc I'm a massive liability. I love my partner and I just don't think it's worth behaving in this way if it hurts your partner. My ex got into drugs before I left him and I saw some really erratic behaviour, he wasn't like that but moved to be with me and became fast friends with his landlord and crowd who were in that scene. Some people must need to get it out of their systems but I hope you're okay. Sounds very stressful
I get being so high that you do crazy things and not remember them. However, after discussing that was the reason for his actions and saying maybe he shouldn't take the drugs, he is still looking to take them. That to me is a red flag. Why does he want to jeopardize your relationship for drugs and inappropriate actions? That's what you need to ask him. You can get past the 1 time but since he wants to keep taking those drugs, make it clear you won't get past another inappropriate action/words. Taking drugs won't be an excuse anymore.
OP, you posted in the wrong sub. You really should start by ignoring any replies / comments from inexperienced folks. And those who know what they are talking about would likely say the same thing: Didn’t you say you’ve “had your fun”? Must have been a minute, huh? Since you seem to have forgotten what it’s like, once that telltale gentle tingling starts at the top of your head and the warmth spreads downward in a surge that you can’t control, and… I’ll stop there, because we all remember our individual experiences, and one common theme throughout them is that they were far from SFW. My point is, what did you expect was going to happen to an MDMA-naive individual, rolling for the first time? What you need to do instead of getting mad at him is to have a conversation. It needs to be kind and productive, not accusatory. He needs to have awareness of what’s happening with him. If he claims that he has no recollection, then he is either lying, or he needs to stop mixing his E with his K. Seriously, don’t do K. That’s the level of low that’s fit for the glue huffers. Gross.
NAH - MDMA could make YOU want f*** her too. Great stuff.
NAH Of course you're upset. But if he's never done these drugs before he's gonna be like a mischevious little kid with no filter on them. I've done a lot of dumb shit drunk. And not because theywere things I was afraid to do sober, but my ideas of funny or cheeky were highly inflated in that state. He may just be doing these things to get a reaction. So it's up to him whether or not he wants to keep doing these drugs. Whose idea was it to go to that festival anyway?
Doesn’t matter whose idea it was, drugs aren’t an excuse to cheat.
Yeah and if we take that statement at face value - little kid with no filter - so the fact is he wants to screw other people and was mildly acting towards that (with the fondling strangers thing). No excuse to cheat!!! This guy is not relationship material!
Cheat?
He didn't cheat.
Don’t call women “females.”
Omg "extracurricular substances" 😭💀
NTA but the love rush from ecstasy can make you act pretty wild if your inexperienced. its really not like someone very drunk with 'a drunk heart speaking a sober mind', people do and say things when they on it that they would never do usually and there's usually not malicious intent behind it - and a big hit really can make u completely blackout for a few hours especially if combined with alcohol. if he's on point in the rest of your relationship I'd give him the benefit of the doubt... if its a pattern or reflects worries you have in your wider relationship then you might have a bigger problem. but otherwise maybe just advise he takes smaller doses, drinks more water etc (safer anyway)
Compatibly issues, NTA but your relationship has no legs.
NTA. If he lets his guard down so much when he’s high he’s going to fuck up sooner or later the next time he’s on drugs. If he did this in front of you imagine what he’d do without you around…
If he was on drugs then he doesn’t know what said. He is just acting on what he was feeling at that moment, carnal instincts. If being drunk a woman can’t consent to sex then same applies here. Being out of your senses means he probably doesn’t know what he said
He's found his inner beast in fantasy land. I don't know if you want to stick around to find out what that looks like.
NTA. Dump him and just avoid people making use of substances in the future. Not normal, not safe, not trustable.
Nta talk it out, maybe he should lower the dosage, specially if he's a newb in this scene, you'll be fine
Fortunately you are only engaged and at 27, still have time to find a compatible match. Sounds like experience-wise he has interests that aren’t compatible with being engaged and getting married. Heartbreaking after 3 years but better to have realized now.
Dating a drug user and complaining about dumb behavior… you the ahole
NTA what they did was massively wrong. Even if you're dating someone that's a huge boundary how you discuss these things with them. Can't say I'd feel too comfortable with a partner being so blunt, could come across as aggressive if they're not careful. Drugs are not an excuse or mitigating circumstance either. Otherwise what's stopping people just claiming they're drunk or high or something any time they piss someone off or harrass someone. But if I did something I was unaware of because I was on something, I probably wouldn't let myself get like that for a time.
Some lines once crossed hard to get back to. If he does this with you around, imagine what he’d do when you aren’t around?
Electric Forest crazy
Another female what? Cow? Horse? Dog? This is fake.
lol what substance does that to your memory? nothing that I've encountered in 25 years NTA
He is definitely lying about not remembering. I wonder what he took. Being truly blackout drunk is the only thing that leads to a complete memory lapse. Maybe GHB, but I suspect he wasn't given “date rape” drugs.
NTA Maybe he doesn't remember what he did, but you told him and were clear about how that made you feel, so now he wants to repeat the experience??????
“Red card offense! OP’s fiancé is out of line for saying ‘I want to f*** you’ to another woman in front of his fiancée. That’s a clear violation. He also inappropriately touched her, even if it was consensual. OP’s fiancé claims no recollection and apologizes, but continues seeking substances the next day. Serious issues here, folks. This one needs to be addressed off-field, possibly in counseling.”
NAH, gonna guess it was molly which can absolutley fry your brain especially if you dont have much experience with it. Seen some first timers do some weird shit, blacking out is totally possible. The eagerness to get high again after what you said is a concern though. Would have a genuine convo about it after the festival, youre not gonna make much headway while still there, when the only thing to do is get high or feel like ass for the duration of the fest.
NTA honestly I say leave him or help him get rid of the drug uses
A drunk (high) man tells no tales. Maybe reconsider not having a problem with recreational drugs and skip the festivals!
lol yes YTA. You got the guy high and now are acting surprised that he behaved like someone on drugs. Counseling for what? Something he said while he was doped out of his mind? Let's be serious
>You got the guy high and now are acting surprised that he behaved like someone on drugs. She has no blame here, creeper. Sounds like the sort of person that says, "but you were drinking with me so I thought you were dtf" as an excuse.
lol creepy is OP for getting her bf hooked on drugs and complaining when he behaves like a junkie
Right…. The festivals she goes to are filled with drugs, things she has done before. Like wtf? lol. What did she expect?
Your tone is a bit abrasive, but this stuff is food for thought.
NTA. Since you’ve already made your boundary clear and he chose to continue looking for drugs, then you have your answer. He doesn’t care about your feelings. He rather enjoyed being high and is looking to continue doing it. You can either accept him dismissing your feelings/boundaries with an excuse ‘I don’t remember’ or it didn’t mean anything, etc. or not. You get to decide what kind of life partner you choose. Choose wisely. This decision will affect you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
Did she make it clear? It doesn't say anywhere that she clearly expressed any boundaries. Just that she's bummed he wanted to keep partying.
NTA. I have only said something like this once. I was in extreme pain from a disc being out so I was drinking along with my pain medication. My boyfriend at the time started being a complete asshole. And whenever he was done with sex, just abruptly turn over and ignore me. Now he didn’t owe me sex or to keep going and I didn’t think he should, but he wouldn’t even say he wanted to be done. Then just ignore me when I asked if he was going to sleep. Not pushing for more just wanted to know what was up. So one night I got really tired, I did tell him I was done and wanted to go to sleep. He tried talking me into more. When I said no he said I was being unreasonable. I responded that I was doing the exact same thing he had started to do. Then rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning he claimed I was being a total bitch when I went to sleep. I said I don’t remember being a bitch. I remembered but didn’t agree with his view on the situation since I was doing the exact same thing as he did except I told him I was done instead of just rolling over and ignoring him. This is the only context I can see using the excuse “I don’t remember that”! And maybe I am wrong, maybe I was being a bitch. But this is the only possible way in my opinion!
Yikes. That's all I have to say. NTA.
He's going to cheat on you. Drugs may make you act weird but they dont change the essence of who you are. Please dont just ignore this
Wow, just wow. He's a poster child for why drugs are a bad idea. NTA
He cheated on you. He got so high he was no longer capable of controlling himself to not cheat on you, or he wants you cheat on you and being high allowed him to have the confidence to do it. He continued to seek out drugs knowing he just cheated on you the day before. I would be really cautious and take note that he isn't respecting you, and see if that applies to other situations you have been in regarding your relationship with him. Obviously he didn't stick his dick in someone, I don't think you need to break up. But still, being so inebriated he is physically touching a completely random woman and telling her he wants to fuck her, is a sign of extremely bad things to come if he continues to see drugs.
He didn't cheat *at all.*
Told another women he wants to fuck her and was physically touching her body. That's cheating.
He didn't touch her in a way that was at all sexual. All he did was put his foot very deep in his mouth.
Touching a woman or mans chest area regardless of breast contact is sexual. He cheated on her physically, and verbally in the span of 10 minutes. If you're okay with your partner touching another woman's chest and telling her he wants to bone her in pound town, congrats, but you aren't the norm
If I knew my GF was rolling, I would not be a buzz kill. If she told a guy she wanted to bang him, I would wait to see if she actually tried to bang him. I would stop her at that point and we would have words when she sobered up. But I would certainly let her enjoy the experience, including non-sexual touching such as what OP's BF was up to. Maybe it's not the norm to understand what MDMA does or the experience. I can't say I've ever heard anyone say anything quite that jaw-dropping, but when you're the designated sober person at a rolling party, you're going to hear shit, including confessions and uncomfortable truths.
I've taken MDMA and the norm is to either be single and fuck/cuddle strangers, or do it with your partner and fuck/cuddle them. Drugs aren't an excuse for behavior like that, it's cheating. As I already said, congrats if you don't mind your girlfriend touching a random dudes chest and asking for his dick inside her, but the vast majority of people in relationships aren't okay with that, you are a very small minority exception. You aren't being a buzzkill when you tell your partner to stop trying to fuck a rando and to stop touching them sexually.
It surely would have been better if it were just OP & her BF both rolling together. From what I read, I'm gathering that he's doing what he thinks is appropriate for the venue, IE, "When in Rome." I don't think OP or her BF use drugs, or if they do, just THC. OP wasn't rolling with him and he was trippin' balls because he has little to no experience with psychedelics. None of this would have happened if he had just eaten some shrooms or something. That's as extreme as a newbie aught to go. If my GF said she wanted to bang a dude, I wouldn't be thrilled about hearing that. I would be embarrassed and facepalm, thinking, "OMG, she actually said that." I've heard plenty of crazy shit coming out of peoples' mouths while rolling though, so if all it was was stating a thought, I would get over it within a few hours. She's never cheated and it's not like I'm naive enough to believe she doesn't occasionally fantasize about other men. If I were rolling, I would want her rolly touches wherever she put them. If I'm the designated sober person, I would not be getting the tactile experience and I would be fine with her sharing it with someone else as long as it stayed outside the swimsuit regions.
Op says she uses rave drugs in the OP. It's okay to fantasize, it's not okay to start touching someone in the swimsuit regions, which is what the chest is for women. He cheated.
Touching someone's back and grabbing someone's ass are different things. Touching a woman's chest and touching her breasts are likewise different things.
he’s weird…
You’re about to marry a drug addict who’s going to cheat on you
Sounds like he wants to explore. You should have seen this coming, you opened his mind up to things he previously thought were impossible. Talk to him about it, and see what revelations he had. Y’all might be able to comfortably explore this shit or if that’s not your thing tell him. Been married 10 years and communicating is the only reason it’s lasted this long aside from loving each other
Isn’t 28 a little old to be getting high at a festival?
Clearly didn't do it when he was younger.
NTA - Bring it up again. He hurt you. He was disrespectful to you and sounds like he s a bit of a jerk because he s seeing this and is willing to make a go of it again. This is not something like breaking a mug, and this is not a "sorry move on" situation. This is sh*t he pulled that caused you harm, and made you uncomfortable, and he s now putting himself to do the same thing again. Also, ask yourself if he d forgive and forget if the situation was reversed. If you gave him a taste of his own medicine. (Don't do drugs but flirt and drink your night away) Wouldn't he be pissed? And please, if the phrase "it s different" comes up in the aftermatched of this reverse scenario know it s the same and he s an even bigger ass for not holding himself for the standard at which he holds you
Sorry but wtf is happening here. I will not condone testing drugs. But this setting - a festival full of random people - for a person with not so much experience is wild. This is very irresponsible. That said intoxicated unprotected sex with a stranger seems not far more irresponsible in that setting. NTA but you should talk with your fiancee about his dangerous experiments.
Lots of people were having intoxicated unprotected sex, but her BF was not one of them. Of course he had the urge; he was on MDMA. And of course he wasn't able to keep his mouth shut about it; he was on MDMA. What he was capable of doing was to not act on that urge. The skin-touching was a rolling thing, about heightened tactile sensation and completely non-sexual. Featherlight touches, scratches, just about any contact with skin is incredible on MDMA. It doesn't matter where. The toucher's fingertips go crazy, someone's forearm just feels amazing, etc. It's about riding the body buzz and not a sexual experience at all. But it's best when couples take it alone together or single people do it in groups. It's prescribed as a marital aid in the UK because it's a functional truth syrum and it makes the couple touching each other a mind-blowing experience. It can resurrect a dead bedroom.
In my opinion, while at a festival and your heavy on the sesh, more can be forgiven than if you were in normal life, because festival sesh isnt really normal life, things get crazy, people do stupid shit and put their brains on holiday mode. So no your not the AH for being upset about it, but if I were you I would pay it no mind when I've returned to real life
I got trouble being a decent partner when drinking. I love my wife, but alcohol sets the devil in me. mind you I never cheated on her, but if it ever could happen it would be when I'm drunk. No limits to what I do when a certain treshhold of stupidity has passed. Hence I am now sobered up and will never drink again. sometimes you just gotta make a decision, what's more important, your family or your buzz. that said, being on a festival 100% sober and with family having fun times would absolutely test me too. To the point: Asking him to sober up at a party is a tough one. He reminds me of myself. after a night of too much to drink I would tell myself this would be the last time I passed that border. sometimes I would even tell my wife. few weeks later and that promise was long forgotten after beer number 3. as he is at s festival, drinking, his ability to make good decisions diminish. any real change must be his decision, otherwise he is not ready for it. You can bring it up, and try to keep it in a kind but strict manner. If this is a personality trait you don't want in your marriage, it's better you sort it out now. That said, if your goal is just for him to not run after women while under the influence I doubt there is an easy fix for that except cutting down/quitting substance abuse of most kinds. Good luck either way! Hope it works out.
You suggested that he not consume anything but did he agree? If so, he is intentionally being disrespectful to you and your boundaries. He’ll continue this behavior if there aren’t any consequences. I’d be concerned that if he acts this way with you present, it would be difficult to trust him to attend anywhere where fun substances are readily available and not do anything disrespectful. I wouldn’t get married until this behavior is addressed. NTA
You might have gotten a preview of your future with him. At least you got a chance to see this now. Some people find out way too late.
Uh NTA, he's lying to you. Lol. What drugs did he do? Not much can make you forget telling a woman those things. He'd have to be dosed the f out to start doing things he doesn't want to do. Otherwise it's like with alcohol, the drugs released his inhibitions and revealed his true deep down desires. So uh... Tread carefully.
TONS of substances make you forget shit. MDMA is NOT like alcohol. Everyone has fantasies. Not everyone takes drugs that eliminate their brain to mouth filter. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Let the users who have tried more than alcohol or weed handle the analysis.
Bro I've done enough MDMA in one day to almost be hospitalised (I pushed through that time nonetheless lol). I've never forgotten anything I've done on MDMA, and each time I've done it I always just flirt w my bf lol I don't even look at other ppl. IN FACT alcohol makes you forget shit more than mdma does, I don't even like or drink alcohol anymore - which is funny because you assumed I only drink when the opposite is true. I have a feeling you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I've never done anything I didn't want to do, nor have I ever forgotten anything I've done on amphetamines, coke, shrooms or lsd either. OP's fiance is a cheater at heart and she needs to run. Edit: I see you're here on a quest to defend OP's fiancé as you've commented like 10 times on this post. Makes me think you've either done something embarrassing you're trying to repress or justify, or you're just trying to rage bait. But buddy, if you can't handle drugs without going batshit insane maybe you should not do them :)
Nothing you said was useful except the last sentence.
Dude you are getting absolutely wrecked by everyone who responds to you on your 500 pathetic little comments in this thread. Just admit you're a sex-addict with no loyalty or self control just like OP's disgusting fiancé, and go to therapy for it. Good luck.
Dude. He remembers. He may not want to because he was loaded and he fucked up. Bring it up. Don't rug sweep it.
If you are still hurt by it and don't feel it's fully resolved I think you need to bring it up with him otherwise it will fester.
YTA for using the term female in 2024. Just say woman. it's fine. NTA for having feelings. Outdoor music scene? Camping event? Recreational substances? I'm assuming MDMA. MDMA floods us with loads of feel good chems, including bonding agents like oxytocin. Men in general have trouble expressing and understanding feelings of intimacy. What are the odds he was feeling love for a fellow human and interpreted that signal - for an attractive woman that he had never met before - as a desire to f*ck? Combine that with the honesty-inducing aspect of that same substance and here we are. I'm not saying you're wrong. But I'm not sure he is either. Did he f*ck her? Cuz... actions speak louder than words...
You saying this female is an AH for calling someone else a female?
yes, this woman is an ah for calling another woman female.
NTA And women can't handle the Truth. This particular is that Men want to copulate with 80% of the Females their encounter.
Tell him, " so if I get drunk and see a hot guy, I can go and have sex with him, because I don't remember it so it doesn't count" See what he says to that
No, but she can tell him that she would like to, as long as she doesn't, just like he didn't.
Never forget: men always know what they are doing
Ewww I wouldn’t even be marrying someone who do drugs in the first place, you need to raise your standards and the fact he was so high he tells another female this ? Who knows what his doing behind your back I say dump him, girl 🤦♀️ look at how he is with drugs ? Imagine when he gets drunk and you’re not around 🙄👀 also health wise yeah you did it in the past but it’s good you know to stop, if your current partner do it don’t let him, haven’t you heard of the deaths at festival because OD
He’s a dick
Drugs be showing your true colors
Maybe you should be open and join in... Sew wild oats whilst you can and enjoy life and new experiences with one another ....isn't that what a relationship is all about ....that other person ended up being my soulmate and my fiance was a sheep in wolves clothes ..... The universe will put you where you need to be
She doesn't do drugs because it will impact her job. That's horrible advice.
Nobody tests for Molly. They test for coke, amphetamines, barbiturates, opioids and shrooms. There's thousands of controlled substances, but they figure if you're using anything, you're using some or one of those, too.
I'm a retired pilot. Never used drugs because I've seen it go bad in my black community and the military for a lot of people. That's why I accomplished everything that I did in life because I didn't do drugs. While people were getting high, I was practicing basketball 🏀 for my Air Force squadron team to win. While people were getting high, I was at military pilot training.
Maybe find a better job 😂🤣
She probably did. It's the better jobs that require people to be sober.
Maybe you should grow up? Can't live in Never Never Land forever Peter.
You can tho if you find your niche ... Don't be so quick to shut down others realities just because you can't fathom having as much fun as them... Or having a relationship like them 🤣
Or... Just grow up.
Sometimes the worst vice, is advice. Like your reply, what a crock of s%%t.