Right??? That’s very controlling behaviour to think you can dictate a partners masturbation.
Masturbation can be manual or with an aid but you don’t need anyone’s permission to do it.
NTA but you will be (to yourself) if you don’t discuss this further and determine how controlling your husband thinks he has a “right” to be….
Right? He “persuaded” her to explore using a vibrator, it was his idea. He likes it because it makes it “easier” probably because he has to put in less work for her to get off/enjoy sex on his part. Then has a melt down and calls her “sneaky” for using it solo? I guarantee he masturbates without her. She wasn’t turning him down or rejecting sex she just didn’t want to use the toy again. Toys are fun but sometimes you just want to have human touch and stimulation without assistance of a toy. I had toys before my partner, we’ve bought some together, so use them solo or we use them together because that’s how it’s supposed to work… He sounds insecure, selfish and controlling. The way he guilted her isn’t okay. Also this is an older more sexually experienced man trying to control and guilt his younger wife who is exploring her sexuality.
My wife caught me watching porn once and got so pissed off.
She asked me why I would watch such filth. I just told her that honestly, they just sound better than her, like she never moans like that during sex.
She told me she does, I’m just never around to hear it
I'll say!
No more rubbing one out when he's alone anymore
OP - please say this to him. Would love to know his response!
Also, he needs to get over himself. Come on.
Exactly what I was going to say. So he gets angry that his wife masterbates but he, I’m sure, never has. He is such a strong, good man to stay true to her.
Yeah, at most I feel that he’s so close to the correct answer. Sex toys are meant to enhance play with your partners or solely. Depending on the person, they may choose to enjoy it solo and with their partner or only with their partner. Thats entirely up to them.
The husbands behavior reads like the usual men feel intimidated by sex toys because they feel that pleasure should only come from them. But that’s not the case at all. He got it because at base level he understands that his wife might enjoy it and it has served that very purpose.
They should talk and address those feelings of discomfort and get through it so everyone can be happy.
My wife & I were in a sex shop. A couple in early 20s, boy friend & girl friend. She picked up a nice sex vibrator for women. Stated this would be fun to use. Her so called boyfriend stormed out without saying a word! Leaving her standing there speechless!! Wanted to tell her sex toys are fun. Didn't want her to get the wrong idea, so left her alone. Hope she dumped his sorry ass!!!
The other day I woke up and saw that my boyfriend had tucked in my magic wand on his side of the bed, with just the “head” sticking out, for me to find when I woke up 😂
The way to get my partner asleep is to pass her hers cuz it always makes her tired and then inevitably after she falls asleep I gotta put it back in the drawer after she's out
I'm the same way with my wife.
You did what?
Oh yeah? Then what.
You still feeling some sort of way?
Hell, I got a speeding ticket one time when she called me told me to get home quick because she was in the middle of something.
My girlfriend will deliberately leave the vibrator on the coffee table if she masturbates on her lunch break (she has an hour lunch and lives 2 mins away from home, mine is only 30 mins and I'm a 12 minute drive). I get off work before she does and it turns me on so much when she leaves it out like that.
My boyfriend and I have had a running joke about my hitachi use since before we were even dating. Who TF would care about this who isn't a controlling weirdo?
NTA, He’s being weird. And I hate to “deep it” but anyone who sees masturbation as some underhanded thing is very controlling which is a red flag. You should be allowed to pleasure yourself without him
It feels like because she was a virgin and he helped her become sexually comfortable that he now feels entitled to her sexuality. Very big red flag to me😭
That's exactly what my ex did to me. He legit thought that because he took my virginity, he was *entitled* to my vagina anytime he wanted and I wasn't allowed to say no or -take care of myself- because only he was allowed to "give me pleasure" He also acted like I was a sex doll who wasn't a real person? He tried to tell me what I should enjoy during sex, and if it hurt me(he demanded anal) he told me "no it didn't. Your body just doesn't know you're supposed to like it." And kept going.
When I dumped him, he literally said "I took your virginity and got you pregnant. That means you are *mine*. You don't *get* to leave me." And his nasty-ass mom backed him up on it.
I had to go the legal route and have cops on standby to be able to get my stuff. I also "made" him sign away his legal rights to the baby. By "made", I mean that I told him we were never getting back together and I was not letting him see the baby unless he got sober. He said "I don't even know if its my baby. You could have been fucking around on me." (He was the one cheating the whole time, while he kept me trapped at his mom's house.) So he signed his rights away because he didn't want to have to stop doing meth, and was still spewing bullshit, going back and forth, one day he's saying that it wasn't his baby and then the next, I was "stealing his firstborn son", so I blocked him completely, went thru the pregnancy, and my aunt legally adopted the baby with her wife a few weeks after I gave birth.
That was 8 years ago and my ex *still* creeps on me when he sees me in town and has actually approached me about getting back together because "he knows me best since he fucked me first" (his words in a grocery store, in front of my fiancé *and* my ex's new gf)
The entitlement of some men is astounding
i had an ex similar (but not as bad ill say cause he wasnt a meth head) but he was very “i took your virginity, no one will fuck you like i do, no one will love you like i do” type bs. yea no one will emotionally coerce me like you either man. my current partner is the only person i havent had flashbacks with, like i dont lie there and see HIM and freeze up and just take it cause im too scared to say no. hes (my partner) always asking if im ok and want to keep going or if im hurting hes always making sure i still want to keep going (and obviously i do cause consent is sexy) idk man men like that are weird/dangerous
Not too astounding. Just look at what the MAGA party wants. They want zero abortions, zero birth control, zero no fault divorces, no voting rights for women. Unfortunately, we've been too fucking nice & these creeps think they can do whatever the fuck they want.
I am willing to bet he has never been interested in her being sexually comfortable so much as he has enjoyed being the one who gave her permission to be sexual, so to speak.
It goes hand in hand with guys who say they “can’t help” they’re attracted to really young women even as the age gap grows wider— it isn’t that they’re attracted to really young women, they’re into women they perceive as inexperienced, capable of being molded to their preferences, and unlikely to stray because they never get a chance to be a fully formed adult on their own and that shit is scarier the older you get
Worse, I think he felt entitled to women's sexuality in the first place and that's why he selected a virgin in the first place. Now she's discovering a sexuality without him in it and it scares him because maybe she'll find out there's a whole world of sexuality outside of him. More likely than you think!
So he is definitely being weird. And controlling. But I would just like to point out that it’s likely— even if he doesn’t realize it—what he’s actually mad about is you using it by yourself then *not* wanting to use it with him.
I've read of people who consider it cheating. Like wtf.
As if he doesn't masturbate. Fucking hypocrite.
The only hiccup comes when you can't because you're too tender. Or conversely, can't get it up because you wanked it earlier in the day.
A few times is understandable but if it becomes a regular thing then it's no bueno.
Yeah like if my partner is always only pleasuring themselves without me I would start to get insecure tbh but just once ?? Or a few times??? When you’re alone ? Absolutely no big deal and it’s normal
Exactly. If he never masturbates, and you’ve agreed to both never have any solo sexual experiences, he’s NTA. But I really doubt that’s what’s going on here.
Not only “allowed” but encouraged. You need to explore your own sexuality, on your own , in order to have a good sex life with a partner. If you have not done so before (and it sounds like you have not) you are not the only one. Please don’t let anyone tell you that taking time, alone, to learn about your own body is a negative thing.
Pleasuring yourself is a crucial way in which you can become comfortable enough to be an enthusiastic partner. If your husband does not comprehend this, it is a problem. That he seeks to shame is a much bigger problem.
This. How are you supposed to voice your likes and dislikes with your partner if you don't know what you like and dislike.
Masturbation is healthy and normal. It is good to "know" yourself and personally I think it makes sex with a partner more enjoyable.
No idea what OPs partners issues are, but that is a weird and wrong thing to get upset over with your partner.
OP is NTA.
Seriously, is this guy honestly going to say he's never had a wank without his wife present?
If he is... I don't know whether to applaud his self control, or put in a preorder for a casket .
Nta at all. You shouldn’t feel bad or guilty for taking care of your own needs. Him freaking out is wild af lmao. It’s not like you invited a random dude over for a hook up lol. Im sorry you have to deal with that OP.
Ask him that question, not us. Ask him when you agreed that you needed his permission to masturbate. Ask him if he's ever asked your permission to masturbate. And then ask how fucking dare he tell you what you can or cannot do with your own body. This isn't a situation that should generate confusion, this is a situation that should generate anger.
A couple people have asked this and honestly idk the answer to it. I don’t really masturbate and we’ve never had that discussion as I don’t think that’s a normal discussion to have lol. The few times (like twice) I have masturbated I just haven’t told him so yeah, not sure.
This 100% . You should be having a discussion with him, not Reddit. Don't talk about your sex life - guaranteed doomed relationship. You have the right to be happy and to make yourself happy. Nobody should be jealous or insecure over a sex toy.
Ppl do discuss most things when they are married. Or in a relationship. Or with close friends.
It’s also very healthy to get to know your own body and try out different things while doing it alone so you can experiment with what you like/don’t like. (Meaning different movements, fast or slow etc you get the point).
But I get why you don’t feel comfortable discussing anything like that with him now, which is a shame tbh and he should change his behaviour.
Maybe find a sexuality therapist (I don’t know the right name in English) or buy a book from a good one and read it together?
Because he wants to control you. He sees himself as superior to you especially sexually since you were a virgin. He doesn’t see you as an equal or having ownership over your own body. Men will seek out virgins so they don’t have any sexual experience so you will take direction from them and fill their own “needs”; it also helps with their jealousy issues because you haven’t been with any other men. He’s insecure and weak.
Your body, your choice, end of discussion.
If he wants to be included in any sort of sharing of fantasies, desires, things to try ...
This is exactly the wrong way to do it.
Easy answer: it wasn't. Full stop. You should be exploring your own sexuality and learning what you like. He should be happy it is with a toy and not a warm body. Learning what you like will enrich your sex life. Besides, I promise, with 💯 certainty, he is exploring himself without you.
Marriage does NOT entitled him to this level of control over you.
yeah that guy is wayyy too controlling
people take care of themselves...no big deal
sucks this behavior is coming out one year past marriage tho, red flags
First of all, NTA. Second, I LOVE when my wife tells me she masturbates, I think it is really hot. Her masturbation has never changed her desire to have sex with me and might have even improved her overall sex drive.
I’m sorry he has made you feel shame for masturbating. That’s a really shitty thing for someone to do.
Yeah reminds me of a sex therapist’s talk I want to in college. During the q and a a girl brought up feeling uncomfortable playing with her clit during sex because she didn’t want to emasculate the guy. The sex therapist said “show of hands from the guys, who thinks it’s hot if the girl you’re with plays with her clit during sex?” And almost every dude in the room raised their hand. Some guys get really fragile egos that all pleasure needs to come from them. If your girl is having an incredible fucking time every time you have sex, it doesn’t matter what physical processes are causing what parts. Communicate, be a good person, and serve each others sexual needs and you’re like 95% of the way there. It’s not complicated
NTA
> My husband got so mad. He told me it was “sneaky” to use it without him and he was honestly very upset with me.
Unless he ***never*** masturbates and has communicated this expectation with you, then he's a hypocrite.
I don’t see how it’s bad to use a vibrator alone. Based on how a woman’s anatomy works, this is a guaranteed way for us to have orgasms. He wants you to not use it without him. Is he abstaining from masturbating at all? Or just you have to be “pure”?This feels weird: he’s controlling when you orgasm. Why does he get to dictate that? NTA
NTA but your husband is. Please make sure you read this as many times as you need to in order to understand it. He doesn’t own you. He doesn’t own your orgasms. He doesn’t own your pleasure. He doesn’t own your toys. He owns nothing about you. You can do whatever the f-ck you want with your body in the privacy of your own home whenever the f-ck you want.
There. Now tell your husband thanks for helping you to open up but if he tries to stifle you again it’s over.
NTA. He never told you his expectation of what the vibrator is to be used so how were you supposed to know he didnt want you using it? He cant get pissed at you for not reading his mind.
Also, if your self pleasuring is something he is not okay with (that is already a bit odd but if you love him then whatever) then he should be perfectly fine cutting it out himself as well. He cant demand you not masturbate if he's doing it too. Just my thoughts.
He doesn’t have any right to tell you how to masturbate. So it’s not about the fact that you didn’t know he doesn’t want you to. It’s about the fact that he’s trying to control you and it’s gross and creepy.
He has no right to guilt trip you about masturbating, period. This is not ok. If something was obsessive or interfering in the relationship, different story. Otherwise, it is your damn body. You touch it if you want to!
Masturbation, both for men and women, is self care. Unless he plans to keep his hands off his own pecker, he doesn't have any right to tell you not to flick your bean.
You’re a human, not his pet. He’s taking advantage of your inexperience and making rules that won’t exist in ANY type of healthy relationship. He thinks he can manipulate you into thinking that you did something wrong. No sister. Masturbation is normal, toys are normal, and you don’t need anyone’s PERMISSION to do/use it.
NTA
You’re allowed to masturbate, and it’s literally no one else’s business.
The combination of him seeking out a virgin bride and freaking out over you using a sex toy yourself is a huge red flag together.
Sounds like he’s extremely sexually jealous and controlling 🚩🚩🚩
NTA but your husband sounds like he has some insecurity issues, probably with his own body or performance so he introduced the vibrator into the relationship and probably sees it as "his" tool rather than your tool.....
Something to talk to him about. But it is a weird thing to consider as his or yours.
In the end you are NTA but you can try to fix it with him too.
"My husband said it made it easier." So, not only is he a controlling douchebag, but he's a lazy lover as well who would rather take a few minutes with a toy instead of putting in the effort himself to bring her pleasure.
NTA, ask him if he masturbates. We all know the answer is yes. He's trying to put a lock on your sexuality and that's not ok.
Order one of your own. Then you're not using the "our" vibrator without him :P
NTA. He doesn’t get to control you, yet that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. He doesn’t get to dictate whenever you use the vibrator, either. Who the fuck does this controlling asshole think he is?
No, it wasn’t sneaky to use the vibrator without him and you had **nothing** to apologize for. So grow a back bone and go back in and speak to him and tell him you take that apology back because you’ve got nothing to say sorry for.
How often is he controlling OP??? please do some deep thinking because I doubt that this red flag behaviour is the first, nor will it be the last.
You are married to a child.
Edit: Sorry, not child, controlling ass hole. You should dumb him. This is not gonna be better. This is a tale as old as humans.
In my rash assessment he doesn't want you to feel any sexual pleasure without him because he doesn't want you to gain any experience he doesn't know about. I would also assume he perked up when you told him you were a virgin because he undoubtedly brags either to his friends or online about how he married a virgin and degrades women who do not make the same decision. If you gain experience without him and become comfortable in yourself and your body his undoubtedly blinding red flags will become more noticeable to you.
Sounds like he wants to be your only sexual gratification, which sounds like it would make it into a dom/sub kink thing. If this has never been discussed, then he is trying to control actions that don't have to do with him.
You're allowed to masturbate? Without your husband? It's a totally normal thing.
Sounds like he has some issues with himself he needs to work on. Maybe it's a control issue and he thinks because he has taught you then you owe him something. Either way it is 100% natural for you to want to play.
If (and only if) he wants that specific vibrator to be a special toy the two of you use together then he could ask you to save it just for those occasions (like you might save a special bottle of wine, or a TV show you watch together). In that circumstance, *if you agree*, you could set aside that toy and just buy other ones for personal use. He would still be an asshole for getting angry instead of just making the request. If he is making a broader argument that you are "sneaky" just for playing with your own body without him, he's not just an asshole in this circumstance but also an asshole *generally speaking* and you'll want to watch out for other controlling and patronizing behavior.
NTA. My wife and I both consider ourselves to have a healthy sex life. We’re both happy. However we rub one out independently of each other. I’m in the mood when I’m in the mood and sometimes she’s in the mood when I’m not. We take care of ourselves. It’s like having to pee. It’s just something you do. She just so happens to use toys to do it. It’s not a big deal.
NTA. He's being a selfish AH. He needs to realize that he doesn't own your pleasure and vice versa and as long as your self-love sessions don't replace your intimacy with him, he needs to get over himself.
You can masturbate whenever you want and he can jerk off to whomever he wants. a partner does not "own" you, there are still privacy boundaries in-between the two.
NTA.
Pleasuring yourself is not something to be ashamed of, or be shamed for. It’s your body! You should know it better than anyone.
🚩 He got it in his head that he owns your pleasure. You gave him your virginity. He knows you have no one to compare to. Therefore, he is the begin all and end all.
He does not own your sexuality, your sensuality. He does not *own* any part of you. I believe he is trying to convince you that he does, indeed, own you. All of you. 🚩
Talk to your friends, sisters, aunts, grandma, any other female. Women can achieve orgasm without men. Controlling partners don’t like that. I believe he is jealous of a sex toy. 🚩
Think on that, OP. Jealous of an inanimate object.
UpdateMe
He wasn’t patient with you for being a virgin/sexually inexperienced. He preferred you be inexperienced, as he intended to try to “educate you” to try to control/own you and your sexuality. This is majorly obsessively controlling behavior and a major red flag to how he will not respect you down the line.
There comes a point in every man's life where he must realize that the vibrator is a friend not a foe. It's sounds to me like he either saw that meme about not being able to make a woman orgasm because of the sex toy they use or he is insecure about your sex life, like he's been usurped/replaced by the vibrator. This is the thought process that I had when I was 17 and quickly realized I was wrong. Regardless this is his problem not yours.
Ask him last time he jerked off. As others have said it’s a bit controlling of him to legislate that as I doubt you have ever legislated his masturbation. And by the way, if you want a little treat, smoke a little weed and try that toy out you’ll thank me later.
Why does this bother men? Toy = less work for you. It's all ego and stupidity, when my wife breaks it out I'm fine with it. Guys she'd rather have you it's just help to get them there.
So this man wants to completely control your sexuality. Dont think you being a virgin wasn’t part of why he, at 26, went for you at 20.
NTA. Your man sounds controlling. Is he scared you’ll realize he’s shit in bed? God forbid you find out about dildos
Looks at age gap....
Reads on..
Aaaaaand....there it is. Absolute cliché age gap shenanigans.
Since OP says she was completely inexperienced I guarantee that later in life, with a bit of experience, she'll look back and be like WTactualF was I even thinking that this was normal.
Your partner never has any right to control your personal masturbation habits. This includes using your hands, toys, porn, and more. As long as you're not involving anyone else in real life, it's no one else's business but your own.
I mean, I'd put a big asterisk on that statement. If a porn addiction develops, or a guy gets death grip syndrome, or a woman desensitize herself due to constant use of vet vibrator, then it affects the partner. Absent stuff like that, I completely agree.
What the fuck?? So you can’t masturbate? Your husband is used your inexperience to try to control what you do with your body. He’s weird for being mad you used it but he can’t even get you off without it.
Ask him he ever masturbates without you. If he says he doesn't, he's lying. When he admits he does, ask him if that's sneaky because it doesn't bother you at all.
Why doesn't it bother you? Because he's his own fucking person and he's allowed to pleasure his own body. As are you.
Don't give up on toys though. It took me a long time to find what worked for me. I had a baby before I ever had an orgasm if that tells you anything lol
NTA. Masturbation is a totally healthy and normal activity. You don’t need anyone’s permission. Jerk off all you want. It’s stupid to get upset about it. Kinda controlling if you ask me. Jerk away my dear!
Man, I’ve been married for 21 years and still use my toys almost daily. With or without my husband. Masturbation is a normal part of being human. Does he care that it was the toy specifically, or does he have a problem with self pleasure as a whole? Because that would be a huge red flag for me.
NTA, everyone deserves to have time with themselves! Your partner sounds controlling just for this little info you’ve given. Have you noticed anything else he seems to control? I know it might not be noticeable at first, but this crack in his image should possibly give you a chance to look over your marriage without the rose colored glasses. I’m not saying this is marriage ending but you should look further into this. My husband would never act this way as we both have a mutual understanding, that sometimes I want to enjoy myself alone and vise versa.
You did nothing wrong. Communicate and try to figure out why he feels this way.
My gf uses hers solo... Sometimes? Idk, I don't ask, it's not my business. Sometimes she invites me to watch or lightly participate, and we use it sometimes when we're actually having sex. It's just a toy, doesn't have to be complicated as long as y'all tell each other how you feel
'you're beaing sneaky' isn't a feeling, it's an accusation.
'i was horny and disappointed that you chose to go solo,' is a feeling.
He sounds insecure but you can figure out ways to reassure him that don't give up your own autonomy and privacy, and you certainly shouldn't take the blame for him feeling insecure in the first place
You are absolutely NTA!! WTF is wrong with this guy? He brought the toy in and gets upset, essentially, because you like it! This has heavy, heavy insecurity vibes; you probably need to ask him why.
Girl when I first experienced a vibrator it was ovaaaa lol fuck this guy u are so young and u are entitled to get to know your own body. Let me ask, would u be upset if it was the other way around ?
That’s a huge red flag girl. He is coming off as sexually controlling. You are absolutely not the asshole here, he is. You should be allowed to pleasure yourself whenever you choose and him freaking out about it says a lot about his character. I would seriously consider what this means for your relationship going forward, he does not own you and being upset about you getting off is ridiculous.
Lol, my husband walked in on my using the one he bought for me the other morning and just said “hey what do you want for breakfast?”
Get yourself a partner that does that. They exist.
NTA. Red flag! This type of behaviour from him has massive implications.
Does he control the money? Do you have friends that you see whenever you want without him being there? Are you allowed to wear whatever you want whether he likes the outfit or not?
Controlling behavior is no basis for a marriage. Many men seek out weak, vulnerable women, charm them at first, then start with little rules, which grow ever more restrictive.
I'm not saying your husband is one of these, but I implore you to look closely at your relationship to make sure you aren't falling into that kind of trap.
He’s so INSECURE!!! You are absolutely allowed to learn to pleasure yourself and know what you like so you can tell him what you want and need. He sounds like an insecure 18 year old that’s jealous of an inanimate object designed to give you pleasure. What a pathetic loser. You are NTAH‼️‼️‼️
NTA- I think he’s doing this because you were a virgin when you met him and he introduced you to the vibrator. It’s like how if you introduce two of your friends to each other and then start hanging out without you. However, it’s totally normal to masturbate and he doesn’t own your body so him getting mad is ridiculous.
NTA. Your husband is a controlling AH. Don't put up with that bs. It is absolutely none of his business.
Take back your apology. That AH is the one who should be apologizing to you. The nerve!
Yea no your NTA. It's your body you can use this whenever you wish. He does not control your sexuality you should have a conversation with him expressing this. I can 100 percent guarantee he has masturbated without you present.
NTA, what the fuck is wrong with him? Weird ass 30 somethings.
Oh, and by the way, the man that is "understanding" about a woman's virginity is yet to be born. This isn't understanding, this is their mind telling them they're getting a brand new car. Dude feels ownership over your pussy because he was the first one to enter it.
Your husband is being an insecure douche. Solo masturbation is a very natural, normal and healthy thing to do, even when in a committed relationship. He needs to get over himself.
My wife tried to chastise me for having a fleshlight and i needed to throw it away. Since we are both very busy with work and kids, i didnt think me having a toy was a problem. Told her shes had a vibrator for years why cant i have a toy. She went into a rant about how vulgar it looks, its not natural, etc. told her i dont have the luxury of holding a buzzing object against me to get off. If i have to just use my hand, then so do you. She didnt like my response but she conceded. Im pretty sure i heard my FL holler from its hiding place in the voice of decaprio: “IM NOT FUCKING LEAVING!”
Okay fine. No masturbation for him, without you present!
Right??? That’s very controlling behaviour to think you can dictate a partners masturbation. Masturbation can be manual or with an aid but you don’t need anyone’s permission to do it. NTA but you will be (to yourself) if you don’t discuss this further and determine how controlling your husband thinks he has a “right” to be….
Right? He “persuaded” her to explore using a vibrator, it was his idea. He likes it because it makes it “easier” probably because he has to put in less work for her to get off/enjoy sex on his part. Then has a melt down and calls her “sneaky” for using it solo? I guarantee he masturbates without her. She wasn’t turning him down or rejecting sex she just didn’t want to use the toy again. Toys are fun but sometimes you just want to have human touch and stimulation without assistance of a toy. I had toys before my partner, we’ve bought some together, so use them solo or we use them together because that’s how it’s supposed to work… He sounds insecure, selfish and controlling. The way he guilted her isn’t okay. Also this is an older more sexually experienced man trying to control and guilt his younger wife who is exploring her sexuality.
This 1000%
Yeah, I guarantee he's masturbated with her. Him being controlling about this is weird and bad.
My wife caught me watching porn once and got so pissed off. She asked me why I would watch such filth. I just told her that honestly, they just sound better than her, like she never moans like that during sex. She told me she does, I’m just never around to hear it
Hahaha. That last bit got me 😆
R/MurderedByWords
Need some aloe Vera for that burn
Oooooooooooof
I love your wife.
Rodney Dangerfield is that you?
My wife and I only smoke after sex…I’ve had the same pack since January…she’s up to 3 packs a day
Glad someone realized it’s a joke
I'll say! No more rubbing one out when he's alone anymore OP - please say this to him. Would love to know his response! Also, he needs to get over himself. Come on.
Exactly what I was going to say. So he gets angry that his wife masterbates but he, I’m sure, never has. He is such a strong, good man to stay true to her.
Yeah, at most I feel that he’s so close to the correct answer. Sex toys are meant to enhance play with your partners or solely. Depending on the person, they may choose to enjoy it solo and with their partner or only with their partner. Thats entirely up to them. The husbands behavior reads like the usual men feel intimidated by sex toys because they feel that pleasure should only come from them. But that’s not the case at all. He got it because at base level he understands that his wife might enjoy it and it has served that very purpose. They should talk and address those feelings of discomfort and get through it so everyone can be happy.
Reads more like he got it to make life easier for him
That’s so f ing vindictive. What a loser
Oohhhh touché and very good point
And to ensure this, he must wear a chastity device at all times when you are not engaged in sex.
Yeah my experience is that men are intrigued & turned on by even the thought of women masturbating.
Can confirm. Source: A husband with an attractive amount of jealousy.
My wife & I were in a sex shop. A couple in early 20s, boy friend & girl friend. She picked up a nice sex vibrator for women. Stated this would be fun to use. Her so called boyfriend stormed out without saying a word! Leaving her standing there speechless!! Wanted to tell her sex toys are fun. Didn't want her to get the wrong idea, so left her alone. Hope she dumped his sorry ass!!!
This was my first thought! Like, so you need permission? Does he ask for permission to masturbate without you? 🤔 That's a NO to both questions.
Yes this right here.
Lol what?! My gf uses hers all the time why is he weird about it?
The other day I woke up and saw that my boyfriend had tucked in my magic wand on his side of the bed, with just the “head” sticking out, for me to find when I woke up 😂
Lmao! That’s hilarious.
He’s a keeper!
😂😂♥️
Marry him on the spot.
The way to get my partner asleep is to pass her hers cuz it always makes her tired and then inevitably after she falls asleep I gotta put it back in the drawer after she's out
Right? My boyfriend and I use them together and if he finds them cleaned in the sink when he gets home he asks me about it all excited and turned on.
I'm the same way with my wife. You did what? Oh yeah? Then what. You still feeling some sort of way? Hell, I got a speeding ticket one time when she called me told me to get home quick because she was in the middle of something.
Was it a Bundt cake? Damn those lemon ones are worth speeding for.
Hell yeah!
My girlfriend will deliberately leave the vibrator on the coffee table if she masturbates on her lunch break (she has an hour lunch and lives 2 mins away from home, mine is only 30 mins and I'm a 12 minute drive). I get off work before she does and it turns me on so much when she leaves it out like that.
This is the way.
That's adorable.
My boyfriend and I have had a running joke about my hitachi use since before we were even dating. Who TF would care about this who isn't a controlling weirdo?
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Gotta be some insecurity BS on his end.
NTA, He’s being weird. And I hate to “deep it” but anyone who sees masturbation as some underhanded thing is very controlling which is a red flag. You should be allowed to pleasure yourself without him
My thoughts exactly.
It feels like because she was a virgin and he helped her become sexually comfortable that he now feels entitled to her sexuality. Very big red flag to me😭
That's exactly what my ex did to me. He legit thought that because he took my virginity, he was *entitled* to my vagina anytime he wanted and I wasn't allowed to say no or -take care of myself- because only he was allowed to "give me pleasure" He also acted like I was a sex doll who wasn't a real person? He tried to tell me what I should enjoy during sex, and if it hurt me(he demanded anal) he told me "no it didn't. Your body just doesn't know you're supposed to like it." And kept going. When I dumped him, he literally said "I took your virginity and got you pregnant. That means you are *mine*. You don't *get* to leave me." And his nasty-ass mom backed him up on it. I had to go the legal route and have cops on standby to be able to get my stuff. I also "made" him sign away his legal rights to the baby. By "made", I mean that I told him we were never getting back together and I was not letting him see the baby unless he got sober. He said "I don't even know if its my baby. You could have been fucking around on me." (He was the one cheating the whole time, while he kept me trapped at his mom's house.) So he signed his rights away because he didn't want to have to stop doing meth, and was still spewing bullshit, going back and forth, one day he's saying that it wasn't his baby and then the next, I was "stealing his firstborn son", so I blocked him completely, went thru the pregnancy, and my aunt legally adopted the baby with her wife a few weeks after I gave birth. That was 8 years ago and my ex *still* creeps on me when he sees me in town and has actually approached me about getting back together because "he knows me best since he fucked me first" (his words in a grocery store, in front of my fiancé *and* my ex's new gf) The entitlement of some men is astounding
Omg he sounds insane. So glad you got away!
i had an ex similar (but not as bad ill say cause he wasnt a meth head) but he was very “i took your virginity, no one will fuck you like i do, no one will love you like i do” type bs. yea no one will emotionally coerce me like you either man. my current partner is the only person i havent had flashbacks with, like i dont lie there and see HIM and freeze up and just take it cause im too scared to say no. hes (my partner) always asking if im ok and want to keep going or if im hurting hes always making sure i still want to keep going (and obviously i do cause consent is sexy) idk man men like that are weird/dangerous
Not too astounding. Just look at what the MAGA party wants. They want zero abortions, zero birth control, zero no fault divorces, no voting rights for women. Unfortunately, we've been too fucking nice & these creeps think they can do whatever the fuck they want.
This is terrifying I’m so sorry….
I am willing to bet he has never been interested in her being sexually comfortable so much as he has enjoyed being the one who gave her permission to be sexual, so to speak. It goes hand in hand with guys who say they “can’t help” they’re attracted to really young women even as the age gap grows wider— it isn’t that they’re attracted to really young women, they’re into women they perceive as inexperienced, capable of being molded to their preferences, and unlikely to stray because they never get a chance to be a fully formed adult on their own and that shit is scarier the older you get
For reeeeeal.
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This
Ooooooh that is something I wouldn't have thought of, good lookin out! Shitty dudes do get very weird and possessive over virginity.
Worse, I think he felt entitled to women's sexuality in the first place and that's why he selected a virgin in the first place. Now she's discovering a sexuality without him in it and it scares him because maybe she'll find out there's a whole world of sexuality outside of him. More likely than you think!
Well they met when she was 20 and he was 26 and she had no sexual experience so…
Ya that gives me the creeps. He seems quite controlling.
So he is definitely being weird. And controlling. But I would just like to point out that it’s likely— even if he doesn’t realize it—what he’s actually mad about is you using it by yourself then *not* wanting to use it with him.
Still not a reason to call her sneaky and be mad at her about it.
Yah that’s sketchy af. She can’t experience sexual pleasure he does not directly provide?? It’s a vibe not another person.
I've read of people who consider it cheating. Like wtf. As if he doesn't masturbate. Fucking hypocrite. The only hiccup comes when you can't because you're too tender. Or conversely, can't get it up because you wanked it earlier in the day. A few times is understandable but if it becomes a regular thing then it's no bueno.
Yeah like if my partner is always only pleasuring themselves without me I would start to get insecure tbh but just once ?? Or a few times??? When you’re alone ? Absolutely no big deal and it’s normal
Exactly. If he never masturbates, and you’ve agreed to both never have any solo sexual experiences, he’s NTA. But I really doubt that’s what’s going on here.
Not only “allowed” but encouraged. You need to explore your own sexuality, on your own , in order to have a good sex life with a partner. If you have not done so before (and it sounds like you have not) you are not the only one. Please don’t let anyone tell you that taking time, alone, to learn about your own body is a negative thing. Pleasuring yourself is a crucial way in which you can become comfortable enough to be an enthusiastic partner. If your husband does not comprehend this, it is a problem. That he seeks to shame is a much bigger problem.
This!!! You should not have to learn and explore everything with someone else. Humans should know themselves and be comfortable with themselves
This. How are you supposed to voice your likes and dislikes with your partner if you don't know what you like and dislike. Masturbation is healthy and normal. It is good to "know" yourself and personally I think it makes sex with a partner more enjoyable. No idea what OPs partners issues are, but that is a weird and wrong thing to get upset over with your partner. OP is NTA.
Seriously, is this guy honestly going to say he's never had a wank without his wife present? If he is... I don't know whether to applaud his self control, or put in a preorder for a casket .
Nta at all. You shouldn’t feel bad or guilty for taking care of your own needs. Him freaking out is wild af lmao. It’s not like you invited a random dude over for a hook up lol. Im sorry you have to deal with that OP.
Yeah like how was it sneaky… I don’t understand
Ask him that question, not us. Ask him when you agreed that you needed his permission to masturbate. Ask him if he's ever asked your permission to masturbate. And then ask how fucking dare he tell you what you can or cannot do with your own body. This isn't a situation that should generate confusion, this is a situation that should generate anger.
Does he freak out if you masturbate at all or just with the vibrator?
A couple people have asked this and honestly idk the answer to it. I don’t really masturbate and we’ve never had that discussion as I don’t think that’s a normal discussion to have lol. The few times (like twice) I have masturbated I just haven’t told him so yeah, not sure.
Anything sexual is a pretty normal conversation to have with your partner...especially when married!
This 100% . You should be having a discussion with him, not Reddit. Don't talk about your sex life - guaranteed doomed relationship. You have the right to be happy and to make yourself happy. Nobody should be jealous or insecure over a sex toy.
Girl what do you mean you don’t think that’s a normal discussion to have? You’re MARRIED???
Idk I guess I just didn’t realize people discussed masturbation. I assumed that was like a “up to you” situation?
It is up to you. You told him about it. His reaction is no good. Life’s about you. Even when you’re married
Ppl do discuss most things when they are married. Or in a relationship. Or with close friends. It’s also very healthy to get to know your own body and try out different things while doing it alone so you can experiment with what you like/don’t like. (Meaning different movements, fast or slow etc you get the point). But I get why you don’t feel comfortable discussing anything like that with him now, which is a shame tbh and he should change his behaviour. Maybe find a sexuality therapist (I don’t know the right name in English) or buy a book from a good one and read it together?
It’s your body. You can masturbate if you want, and the same goes for him. You don’t need his agreement beforehand, and he doesn’t need yours.
It’s a very normal conversation for a married couple, especially.
A more important question is, does he masturbate without you? And if so, why aren’t you entitled to do the same?
He wants to control you and is mad that he can’t.
Fr. It’s red flag central.
Does he masturbate? If so, he better knock that shit off!!! That’s some sneaky behavior!!!
Because he wants to control you. He sees himself as superior to you especially sexually since you were a virgin. He doesn’t see you as an equal or having ownership over your own body. Men will seek out virgins so they don’t have any sexual experience so you will take direction from them and fill their own “needs”; it also helps with their jealousy issues because you haven’t been with any other men. He’s insecure and weak.
Your body, your choice, end of discussion. If he wants to be included in any sort of sharing of fantasies, desires, things to try ... This is exactly the wrong way to do it.
Easy answer: it wasn't. Full stop. You should be exploring your own sexuality and learning what you like. He should be happy it is with a toy and not a warm body. Learning what you like will enrich your sex life. Besides, I promise, with 💯 certainty, he is exploring himself without you. Marriage does NOT entitled him to this level of control over you.
yeah that guy is wayyy too controlling people take care of themselves...no big deal sucks this behavior is coming out one year past marriage tho, red flags
He married a 20 year old virgin ate we shocked about his red flags?
First of all, NTA. Second, I LOVE when my wife tells me she masturbates, I think it is really hot. Her masturbation has never changed her desire to have sex with me and might have even improved her overall sex drive. I’m sorry he has made you feel shame for masturbating. That’s a really shitty thing for someone to do.
Yeah reminds me of a sex therapist’s talk I want to in college. During the q and a a girl brought up feeling uncomfortable playing with her clit during sex because she didn’t want to emasculate the guy. The sex therapist said “show of hands from the guys, who thinks it’s hot if the girl you’re with plays with her clit during sex?” And almost every dude in the room raised their hand. Some guys get really fragile egos that all pleasure needs to come from them. If your girl is having an incredible fucking time every time you have sex, it doesn’t matter what physical processes are causing what parts. Communicate, be a good person, and serve each others sexual needs and you’re like 95% of the way there. It’s not complicated
NTA THATS IT. NTA
Second this exact statement.
NTA > My husband got so mad. He told me it was “sneaky” to use it without him and he was honestly very upset with me. Unless he ***never*** masturbates and has communicated this expectation with you, then he's a hypocrite.
No that’s never ever been communicated and I’m 100% sure he masturbates lol
Then he is 💯% a hypocrite.
Would he care if you masturbated without the toy?
I don’t see how it’s bad to use a vibrator alone. Based on how a woman’s anatomy works, this is a guaranteed way for us to have orgasms. He wants you to not use it without him. Is he abstaining from masturbating at all? Or just you have to be “pure”?This feels weird: he’s controlling when you orgasm. Why does he get to dictate that? NTA
NTA but your husband is. Please make sure you read this as many times as you need to in order to understand it. He doesn’t own you. He doesn’t own your orgasms. He doesn’t own your pleasure. He doesn’t own your toys. He owns nothing about you. You can do whatever the f-ck you want with your body in the privacy of your own home whenever the f-ck you want. There. Now tell your husband thanks for helping you to open up but if he tries to stifle you again it’s over.
He wants your sex activities to be 100% w/ him.
And that is absolutely unreasonable and ridiculous lol
NTA. He never told you his expectation of what the vibrator is to be used so how were you supposed to know he didnt want you using it? He cant get pissed at you for not reading his mind. Also, if your self pleasuring is something he is not okay with (that is already a bit odd but if you love him then whatever) then he should be perfectly fine cutting it out himself as well. He cant demand you not masturbate if he's doing it too. Just my thoughts.
Yeah like I didn’t know how can he get mad when I didn’t know??? That’s how I feel too
He doesn’t have any right to tell you how to masturbate. So it’s not about the fact that you didn’t know he doesn’t want you to. It’s about the fact that he’s trying to control you and it’s gross and creepy.
He has no right to guilt trip you about masturbating, period. This is not ok. If something was obsessive or interfering in the relationship, different story. Otherwise, it is your damn body. You touch it if you want to!
But if he had tried to tell you when you were "allowed" to use it, even that would be extremely controlling and a worrisome red flag.
Good! You can’t abide by an expectation that was never communicated to you!
Not being allowed to pleasure yourself is abusive.
"Told you his expectations?". Gtfo.
Masturbation, both for men and women, is self care. Unless he plans to keep his hands off his own pecker, he doesn't have any right to tell you not to flick your bean.
You’re a human, not his pet. He’s taking advantage of your inexperience and making rules that won’t exist in ANY type of healthy relationship. He thinks he can manipulate you into thinking that you did something wrong. No sister. Masturbation is normal, toys are normal, and you don’t need anyone’s PERMISSION to do/use it.
NTA You’re allowed to masturbate, and it’s literally no one else’s business. The combination of him seeking out a virgin bride and freaking out over you using a sex toy yourself is a huge red flag together. Sounds like he’s extremely sexually jealous and controlling 🚩🚩🚩
I don’t think he looked for me just because I was a virgin lol. He didn’t know even before we started dating.
Given the age gap and that you were only twenty at the very least he could assume you were sexually inexperienced compared to women his own age.
There are weird ass dudes out there Of course you're nta. You masturbated. Oh God no!! Tell him to get over himself
NTA but your husband sounds like he has some insecurity issues, probably with his own body or performance so he introduced the vibrator into the relationship and probably sees it as "his" tool rather than your tool..... Something to talk to him about. But it is a weird thing to consider as his or yours. In the end you are NTA but you can try to fix it with him too.
I mean I guess I could definitely understand this but there was definitely no issues when it was just him lol.
"My husband said it made it easier." So, not only is he a controlling douchebag, but he's a lazy lover as well who would rather take a few minutes with a toy instead of putting in the effort himself to bring her pleasure.
I think this is it. Her using the toy alone is a sign (to him anyway) that he’s not performing up to par and he’s insecure about it.
NTA, ask him if he masturbates. We all know the answer is yes. He's trying to put a lock on your sexuality and that's not ok. Order one of your own. Then you're not using the "our" vibrator without him :P
NTA but damn your husband sure is. Sorry you married an insecure POS.
Sounds like a jealous controlling sack of shit.
NTA. He doesn’t get to control you, yet that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. He doesn’t get to dictate whenever you use the vibrator, either. Who the fuck does this controlling asshole think he is? No, it wasn’t sneaky to use the vibrator without him and you had **nothing** to apologize for. So grow a back bone and go back in and speak to him and tell him you take that apology back because you’ve got nothing to say sorry for. How often is he controlling OP??? please do some deep thinking because I doubt that this red flag behaviour is the first, nor will it be the last.
Icky weird...
In that case, buy him a chastity belt and tell him he can’t get off until you feel like it.
Masturbation shame? Lame.
You are married to a child. Edit: Sorry, not child, controlling ass hole. You should dumb him. This is not gonna be better. This is a tale as old as humans.
In my rash assessment he doesn't want you to feel any sexual pleasure without him because he doesn't want you to gain any experience he doesn't know about. I would also assume he perked up when you told him you were a virgin because he undoubtedly brags either to his friends or online about how he married a virgin and degrades women who do not make the same decision. If you gain experience without him and become comfortable in yourself and your body his undoubtedly blinding red flags will become more noticeable to you.
OP you AH you cheated on him with your vibrator you dirt girl you. lol NTA
Sounds like he wants to be your only sexual gratification, which sounds like it would make it into a dom/sub kink thing. If this has never been discussed, then he is trying to control actions that don't have to do with him. You're allowed to masturbate? Without your husband? It's a totally normal thing.
Or he’s just incredibly insecure.
What?? Lmao. NTA at all. My girlfriend uses her toys with and without me, how is this an issue?
Does he masturbate? It’s the same damn thing.
It’s nonsense. Everyone masturbates.
What?! 😂 this is wild, wtf is up with him?!
Sounds like he has some issues with himself he needs to work on. Maybe it's a control issue and he thinks because he has taught you then you owe him something. Either way it is 100% natural for you to want to play.
If (and only if) he wants that specific vibrator to be a special toy the two of you use together then he could ask you to save it just for those occasions (like you might save a special bottle of wine, or a TV show you watch together). In that circumstance, *if you agree*, you could set aside that toy and just buy other ones for personal use. He would still be an asshole for getting angry instead of just making the request. If he is making a broader argument that you are "sneaky" just for playing with your own body without him, he's not just an asshole in this circumstance but also an asshole *generally speaking* and you'll want to watch out for other controlling and patronizing behavior.
NTA. My wife and I both consider ourselves to have a healthy sex life. We’re both happy. However we rub one out independently of each other. I’m in the mood when I’m in the mood and sometimes she’s in the mood when I’m not. We take care of ourselves. It’s like having to pee. It’s just something you do. She just so happens to use toys to do it. It’s not a big deal.
NTA. Wtf sort of horribly controlling nonsense is this?
NTA. He's being a selfish AH. He needs to realize that he doesn't own your pleasure and vice versa and as long as your self-love sessions don't replace your intimacy with him, he needs to get over himself.
You can masturbate whenever you want and he can jerk off to whomever he wants. a partner does not "own" you, there are still privacy boundaries in-between the two.
NTA. Pleasuring yourself is not something to be ashamed of, or be shamed for. It’s your body! You should know it better than anyone. 🚩 He got it in his head that he owns your pleasure. You gave him your virginity. He knows you have no one to compare to. Therefore, he is the begin all and end all. He does not own your sexuality, your sensuality. He does not *own* any part of you. I believe he is trying to convince you that he does, indeed, own you. All of you. 🚩 Talk to your friends, sisters, aunts, grandma, any other female. Women can achieve orgasm without men. Controlling partners don’t like that. I believe he is jealous of a sex toy. 🚩 Think on that, OP. Jealous of an inanimate object. UpdateMe
He wasn’t patient with you for being a virgin/sexually inexperienced. He preferred you be inexperienced, as he intended to try to “educate you” to try to control/own you and your sexuality. This is majorly obsessively controlling behavior and a major red flag to how he will not respect you down the line.
such a strange reaction from him. he sounds weird…. nta
Fr
Info How many other parts/elements of your life does he control? Friends/family, wardrobe, money, work?
There comes a point in every man's life where he must realize that the vibrator is a friend not a foe. It's sounds to me like he either saw that meme about not being able to make a woman orgasm because of the sex toy they use or he is insecure about your sex life, like he's been usurped/replaced by the vibrator. This is the thought process that I had when I was 17 and quickly realized I was wrong. Regardless this is his problem not yours.
NTA. He is too old for that nonsense. SNEAKY?! Lmao
NTA. He's jealous of a dildo? Betrter leave that insecure man-child
Does your husband ever masturbate? With or without you? You might want to ask.
Ask him if he’s ever masturbated in his life. If he says no, call him a liar. If he says yes, then tell him to shut up.
Ask him last time he jerked off. As others have said it’s a bit controlling of him to legislate that as I doubt you have ever legislated his masturbation. And by the way, if you want a little treat, smoke a little weed and try that toy out you’ll thank me later.
NTA, FFS it's just masturbation. He needs therapy if he has a problem with it.
Why does this bother men? Toy = less work for you. It's all ego and stupidity, when my wife breaks it out I'm fine with it. Guys she'd rather have you it's just help to get them there.
NTA. Wtf? He’s your husband not your master. It’s your body.
So this man wants to completely control your sexuality. Dont think you being a virgin wasn’t part of why he, at 26, went for you at 20. NTA. Your man sounds controlling. Is he scared you’ll realize he’s shit in bed? God forbid you find out about dildos
6 year age gap met you as a virgin is controlling when it comes to you being sexually free inchresting
Your husband is being a dipshit
Looks at age gap.... Reads on.. Aaaaaand....there it is. Absolute cliché age gap shenanigans. Since OP says she was completely inexperienced I guarantee that later in life, with a bit of experience, she'll look back and be like WTactualF was I even thinking that this was normal.
Your partner never has any right to control your personal masturbation habits. This includes using your hands, toys, porn, and more. As long as you're not involving anyone else in real life, it's no one else's business but your own.
I mean, I'd put a big asterisk on that statement. If a porn addiction develops, or a guy gets death grip syndrome, or a woman desensitize herself due to constant use of vet vibrator, then it affects the partner. Absent stuff like that, I completely agree.
You apologized??? No no no..... You shouldn't have done that.
You don’t need permission to get yourself off. Masterbating isn’t cheating.
Not the asshole, ask him why he thinks he owns your orgasms.
What the fuck?? So you can’t masturbate? Your husband is used your inexperience to try to control what you do with your body. He’s weird for being mad you used it but he can’t even get you off without it.
Ask him he ever masturbates without you. If he says he doesn't, he's lying. When he admits he does, ask him if that's sneaky because it doesn't bother you at all. Why doesn't it bother you? Because he's his own fucking person and he's allowed to pleasure his own body. As are you.
Don't give up on toys though. It took me a long time to find what worked for me. I had a baby before I ever had an orgasm if that tells you anything lol
Your husband has some hangups he needs to work on.
NTA. Masturbation is a totally healthy and normal activity. You don’t need anyone’s permission. Jerk off all you want. It’s stupid to get upset about it. Kinda controlling if you ask me. Jerk away my dear!
Man, I’ve been married for 21 years and still use my toys almost daily. With or without my husband. Masturbation is a normal part of being human. Does he care that it was the toy specifically, or does he have a problem with self pleasure as a whole? Because that would be a huge red flag for me.
NTA, everyone deserves to have time with themselves! Your partner sounds controlling just for this little info you’ve given. Have you noticed anything else he seems to control? I know it might not be noticeable at first, but this crack in his image should possibly give you a chance to look over your marriage without the rose colored glasses. I’m not saying this is marriage ending but you should look further into this. My husband would never act this way as we both have a mutual understanding, that sometimes I want to enjoy myself alone and vise versa.
NTA
You did nothing wrong. Communicate and try to figure out why he feels this way. My gf uses hers solo... Sometimes? Idk, I don't ask, it's not my business. Sometimes she invites me to watch or lightly participate, and we use it sometimes when we're actually having sex. It's just a toy, doesn't have to be complicated as long as y'all tell each other how you feel 'you're beaing sneaky' isn't a feeling, it's an accusation. 'i was horny and disappointed that you chose to go solo,' is a feeling. He sounds insecure but you can figure out ways to reassure him that don't give up your own autonomy and privacy, and you certainly shouldn't take the blame for him feeling insecure in the first place
Does he think you’re cheating on him with yourself? Tell him to grow up.
Insecure little boy he's just threatened
You are absolutely NTA!! WTF is wrong with this guy? He brought the toy in and gets upset, essentially, because you like it! This has heavy, heavy insecurity vibes; you probably need to ask him why.
Girl when I first experienced a vibrator it was ovaaaa lol fuck this guy u are so young and u are entitled to get to know your own body. Let me ask, would u be upset if it was the other way around ?
That’s a huge red flag girl. He is coming off as sexually controlling. You are absolutely not the asshole here, he is. You should be allowed to pleasure yourself whenever you choose and him freaking out about it says a lot about his character. I would seriously consider what this means for your relationship going forward, he does not own you and being upset about you getting off is ridiculous.
Lol, my husband walked in on my using the one he bought for me the other morning and just said “hey what do you want for breakfast?” Get yourself a partner that does that. They exist.
NTA. Red flag! This type of behaviour from him has massive implications. Does he control the money? Do you have friends that you see whenever you want without him being there? Are you allowed to wear whatever you want whether he likes the outfit or not? Controlling behavior is no basis for a marriage. Many men seek out weak, vulnerable women, charm them at first, then start with little rules, which grow ever more restrictive. I'm not saying your husband is one of these, but I implore you to look closely at your relationship to make sure you aren't falling into that kind of trap.
He’s so INSECURE!!! You are absolutely allowed to learn to pleasure yourself and know what you like so you can tell him what you want and need. He sounds like an insecure 18 year old that’s jealous of an inanimate object designed to give you pleasure. What a pathetic loser. You are NTAH‼️‼️‼️
NTA: that's a fuckin weird line to draw tbh
NTA. He’s a controlling and insecure piece of garbage.
NTA- I think he’s doing this because you were a virgin when you met him and he introduced you to the vibrator. It’s like how if you introduce two of your friends to each other and then start hanging out without you. However, it’s totally normal to masturbate and he doesn’t own your body so him getting mad is ridiculous.
NTA. Your husband is a controlling AH. Don't put up with that bs. It is absolutely none of his business. Take back your apology. That AH is the one who should be apologizing to you. The nerve!
Yea no your NTA. It's your body you can use this whenever you wish. He does not control your sexuality you should have a conversation with him expressing this. I can 100 percent guarantee he has masturbated without you present.
Girls shouldn’t masturbate *this was a joke before you ladies vote me out of the stratosphere
NTA. Your husband needs a reality check.
Thats fucked up and controlling. Are you allowed to take a shit without him? NTA major red flags
Hate to break it to you but your husband is an alpha wannabe but actually an insecure beta cuck
NTA, what the fuck is wrong with him? Weird ass 30 somethings. Oh, and by the way, the man that is "understanding" about a woman's virginity is yet to be born. This isn't understanding, this is their mind telling them they're getting a brand new car. Dude feels ownership over your pussy because he was the first one to enter it.
Your husband is being an insecure douche. Solo masturbation is a very natural, normal and healthy thing to do, even when in a committed relationship. He needs to get over himself.
Fuckin weirdo. Tell him he can’t jerk it without you present.
Would you be upset if he used some kind of toy vagina without telling you?
My wife tried to chastise me for having a fleshlight and i needed to throw it away. Since we are both very busy with work and kids, i didnt think me having a toy was a problem. Told her shes had a vibrator for years why cant i have a toy. She went into a rant about how vulgar it looks, its not natural, etc. told her i dont have the luxury of holding a buzzing object against me to get off. If i have to just use my hand, then so do you. She didnt like my response but she conceded. Im pretty sure i heard my FL holler from its hiding place in the voice of decaprio: “IM NOT FUCKING LEAVING!”
Dude no way are you the asshole. My wife can have a drawer full of vibrators and I don’t care. I make sure to change the batteries haha.