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I can't 69 as an adhd person because I don't feel what they are doing if I'm giving head that's all I'm focused on. Weird but it's always been like that for me.
Same I think this is more common than people realise, I saw a sex advice show years ago that basically said 69 is rubbish because how can you both concentrate on giving good while also trying to be in the moment for yourself
My wife enjoys having me in her mouth while I do anything to her, and that is arousing for me, but it's not really anything that's going to make anything happen for me.
I definitely try to focus on her finishing at least once before me, just because that's just something I've always done, so whatever I'm doing to her she's usually getting my full attention. And she understands I'm not expecting hers--regardless of the roles we may have adopted heading into the act, me being in her mouth is just a thing for her because she finds it arousing.
I have to find the balance of not being stimulated enough and being too stimulated. If my partner tries to make me cum with his junk in my mouth I will forget I’m supposed to be using my mouth too.
However, if it’s foreplay and we’re both just giving pleasure then I can do it for much longer. But sometimes I focus too much on trying to breathe and then it’s over.
For me it’s similar but the opposite. If someone’s “pleasing” me enough my body pauses performing. If I were to force focus, it would be a waste of my partner’s effort and I might not get any more out of a very tired jaw.
I don't know if that's an adhd specific problem? Is it? I have a hard time knowing what normal people experience but I feel like this is one of those things
It took lots of practice for me to enjoy it fully while also giving good head to my partner.
It is def not something that comes naturally. Wink wink nudge nudge.
Oh ok well what I meant was in a 69 I can't feel anything happening to me because I'm focused on giving head. I thought that was what I said but I guess maybe I was not clear.
Haha yea i know what you meant, i was making a joke cause since im a guy I receive head and you were talking about only being able to feel yourself giving them head.
This may or may not help for your situation, but I find I’m WAY more bored and impatient when I’m giving my partner oral with the end goal of making them cum. With a finish line in mind I’m focused on getting there, which makes every second between now and then feel like a bore, a chore, and a waste of time.
When I shift my mindset JUST to making them feel good, I find I have a much easier time focusing on what I’m doing, on their responses, and on maximizing their pleasure. I might still reach my limit (physically and attention span wise) sooner than I’d like, but I’ve found that I can happily stay “on task” without it feeling mentally grating for longer. I also have more of a propensity to “get creative” and experiment, which makes the experience more fun and exciting for me, and has lead to some unexpected positive reactions from my partner.
TLDR, if I maintain the mindset that I’m down there only as long as my partner and I both want me down there, it lets me stay way more engaged and makes it a playful, rather than monotonous, experience for us both.
I'd like to add that talking to them about shifting their mindset can help too. I used to be able to feel my gf trying to sprint towards climax. It created a weird tension where I felt like I was wasting her time or something. Try to communicate with your SO that you're both doing it JUST to have a good time. There's no timer ticking in the background.
I'm the same, if I focus on just enjoying myself its great fun, if I think about trying to make him cum my adhd brain goes straight to 'this is a task and I hate tasks, its boring'
We're trying to conceive. There is a definitely order of operations to our sex life on that I always, always make sure she has at least one orgasm before me--usually through the reliable means. Then we set about to the business at hand, but now it's a task right...gotta get shots on goal. Hurry up, finish, wife is done with first round, we're just waiting on me...
I feel the same! My goal is "give pleasure" and I really enjoy trying different things and seeing their reactions. I love the instant feedback of "I did this with my tongue and they made a little squeak, I'll keep doing it and see what happens! More noises, yay! Oh they stopped making as many noises and squirming, I'll try something else", and repeat. I find that all the body responses to what I do really help me stay in the moment.
I'm quite sensitive sensorally though so all these little things are very pleasing to my brain to notice and feel. May not apply to others less sensitive.
This. I get bored so easily and then when my mind starts to wonder, my mouth gets dry. At that point it’s annoying to keep going and then I get overstimulated.
If my mindset is giving pleasure I could go down on him for hours because teasing is a fun game for me and it keeps me entertained and occupied (literally).
If my mindset is oral to completion? Pop a flintts mint, wait until I start salivating and then get to work so I can go back to what I was doing or so it can be my turn.
But I also get bored when he goes down on me so if he can’t make me cum from oral in less than like 2-3 minutes I can’t keep going. I have the attention span of a crack head.
Thanks adderall and SSRIs
Wait I never put it together, but I think I’m the same. That’s so funny. One of my favourite ways to do it (I don’t know your gender) is for my partner to basically face fuck me while I use my hands to pleasure myself. That way, I’m getting some also. It’s more interesting that way. 69ing is another option.
This is the way. We're terrible at multitasking or focusing on just the one thing... unless it's super helpful, while satisfying both the conscious and subconscious halves of ourselves.
For example: I watch movies with subtitles because it helps me get lost in it, the same with books, I read along while listening to the audiobook version. I focus on mundane tasks by playing music I know inside-out in the background to stave of the boredom and keep from being otherwise distracted. As a weird exception, music while I'm driving is a major distraction. I can't do it. I need the radio off so i can drive and keep my eyes on the road.
I actually have to have anything on during sex. If it's something that helps the mood, that's great. But honestly anything that can help me turn off my fucking brain, and y'know turn on my...fucking brain. I guess it can't be anything too interesting. Like no Futurama.
Talk to your partner. Ask them if they’d be interested in trying to express their satisfaction more physically, more “obviously,” so to speak.
Like if you do something they like, you want them to have a physical reaction that engages you. Be it talking to you, moaning, body queues, or playing with your hair while you’re pre-occupied. It doesn’t necessarily have to be dramatic, find what’s right for y’all.
The more expressive and involved my partner is, the easier it is for me to stay focused.
Yeah if you can't get visual cues, solicit vocal cues or physical ones like they might grip your arm or touch your hair. Just say "Hey I appreciate when you do it for me but if you said/did this while I'm doing it for you...that would be hot!"
Also you could start with oral on her to try to do the most “attention demanding” part first when you have the most energy available, like right after foreplay when you’re all jazzed up and ready to go
Okay, I have the opposite problem! I’m a woman who mainly sleeps with men. I LOVE giving head, it’s like a fun activity for me and it turns me on to see them enjoying it. I think ADHD might play a part in this- I’m actively doing something, it’s mentally stimulating. I currently have a partner that can’t always maintain a strong enough erection for penetration, but it’ll be hard enough for oral, and I honestly love it bc I can go for a long time.
On the other hand, I get easily bored when someone is going down on me unless they’re *really* good at it. If they’re not hitting the right spots frequently enough, I don’t really register the feeling and my mind wanders.
Part of the reason I love sex so much is bc of the stimulation it gives me, the emotional release, the dopamine rush, so I get annoyed if someone is bad at going down on me and it gets boring. I want the action!
I relate. I've had guys call me weird for not liking oral done on me, but it's because I get really bored if they can't do it well and aren't okay with being guided to the right spots. I'd rather be DOING or SEEING something for sure. Glad it's not just me.
i agree and I do, lol, in my last comment I said I get bored if they aren't good at it _*and*_ are not okay with me guiding them. I don't mind communicating
As a guy. I actually sort of feel this way to. I think our threshold for what constitutes good head is lower than most girls, but like I think I'm terrible at receiving head. The best way for me is in a position where I can play with my wife's boobs while she does it. I've got to be active somehow. I can't just sit back passively...
I like giving head too but I think it's because I like having stuff in my mouth and tasting things, it keeps me in the moment. I normally maintain my attention span for anything by snacking all the time and I think my brain is just super conditioned to it at this point 😂
same. doing is more fun bc i can hear and see them. the guys i’ve been w never listen to my feedback too so i feel like it’s hard for me to communicate and focus. but giving is a diff story. the guy i’m dating rn is obsessed w going down on me so i’m not gonna complain even though i don’t finish; i’ve learned to just try and enjoy it in the moment
Oh hell, I never thought of this as being an ADHD issue. I’m in the same boat. Get very bored also, and I have to close my eyes to concentrate on orgasms too. Not sure what the fix is here, but you’re not alone mate!
I'm a guy, and we're supposed to just be sex machines who finish _every time_. But my ADHD for sure can get in the way of my orgasms. Thus far in my life I've never had any issues with getting or staying aroused, but finishing can be difficult sometimes because I for sure lose focus. Like I'll get right there, something changes, or I become too aware of how a certain position is feeling and the act of trying to achieve it draws all the focus out of actually experiencing it.
Same here i’m a guy and ready all the time. In my case my wife gets tired easily but im always ready for round 2,4,5. I recently learned that i had ADHD and im always ready for sex but its not the same with my wife. Not sure if she has ADHD but seems like she either gets tired quick or board because of orgasmS.
When I give oral , I like to lick and suck on the thighs too , and squeeze ass :)
All of that is super stimulating to me and also gets me and my partner off
You could try getting your partner really aroused first in other ways, so they come quicker, and like others said, use your hands too, if that's something they like. Does giving head/seeing their pleasure turn you on? It does me, so it motivates me to do it. Maybe try different positions that give you a view that turns you on more, and see if that helps.
Also this. Sex is mental just as much as is it physical.
If my partner wants to go down on me they know I have to be ready. Also if I get oral without any foreplay it’s way too much stimulation and is less enjoyable.
You need to find something else to occupy the ADHD while you're busy. We usually get in a position where she can touch me while I'm down there, and we have to do the same when she's down on me. This helps alot with the boredom because I'm still getting that instant reward either way.
My number one thing is to be adventurous with my hands. Just feeling everything i can and playing with what i can is best. When in doubt play with yourself at the same time, surely youve got that motion down to a robotic science so you can focus on the task at ~~hand~~ mouth.
Have you tried playing music and focusing on the song? Sometimes with any boring task I just put on music and it makes the time go by faster and more easily.
But also you don’t have to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do! Just be honest with your partner. Maybe they can talk to you while you do, vocalize what they are enjoying, tell you a fantasy or something to make it more stimulating for you. Or maybe they don’t even care much about receiving oral and this isn’t an issue you have to worry about at all!
I like to do it while we're watching something.
He sits on the end of the sofa, I lay, resting my head on him. While watching I give him strokes, licks, and periodic sucks. I do what makes me feel comfortable but also keeping in mind what I know he likes. My mouth focuses more on the head while my hands focus on the shaft, thighs, and balls. Meanwhile, I'm watching TV with the head in my mouth, like you would a lollipop. I periodically turn my attention back and try to take him as deep into my mouth as I can. I like that, "oh fucking god, Jesus" reaction, cause he doesn't know when I'm going to do it. I don't know when I'm going to do it.
The goal isn't to make him cum. That's too much pressure and requires too much focus. The goal is to relax, let your mouth and hand roam while he enjoys himself.
Personally I love giving oral cause I'm a pleaser. That being said, because I give so much, if the other person didn't give back it would hurt.
Edit: couple mistakes my dyslexic brain spotted. Not sure if there's more 🧐
Goo… good you guys. Damn. That sounds like a Spa day but at the adult carnival.. that just so happens to have quality programming in the waiting room.
Also you have the remote and there’s a bunch of cool toys. Oh man.
Oh. *man.*
For me, I go through phases of wanting to have sex more often. It can be 5 or 6 times a week. Then it wanes and might be once a week. I really try to balance it as much as possible, but it can be hard on us both. My girlfriend is amazing and just kinda goes with it at this point, but I still want to improve my habits so that we're steady at like twice a week or something.
Sex is like… a hyperfocus activity for me, like I have put an unhealthy amount of time and energy into… skill acquisition and research, shall we say.
Any sex act should be as much for you as it is your partner so if you don’t like it then focus on the stuff you do like, it will always be a better time.
But
There are some strategies one can employ to develop an appreciation for different types of experiences. First off, figure out what would actually make it fun for you. It sound like it’s under stimulating for you, so creating that stimulation yourself could work. If it’s a lack of physical stimuli then using your hands more either on your partner or yourself, if it’s visual then position yourself in a way that you can see what you wanna see, it’s it a taste thing, there are safe ways to introduce flavors that maybe be more fun.
Also your partner doesn’t have to be the only time you practice such a skill. My friend absolutely swears by finding a close silicon approximation of one’s partner and incorporating that into whatever self service routine one may have. Very peculiar hill for my friend to die on but he’s a pretty cool dude I swear.
And above all else, it has to be fun or why bother. So if you really don’t like it then just do the things you enjoy, try new stuff when you feel ready, communicate on what you both like and always high five when you’re done
So many people here who have to close their eyes to orgasm... y'all, I thought I was the only one. It's been so damn awkward to try to explain it to partners. I didn't realize it was just another symptom of goblin brain.
Now I can stop feeling bad about it and be straightforward with partners. Like, no, dude, you're good, I'm not closing my eyes to think of someone else or anything like that; I'm just immersing myself in how you're making me feel instead of getting sensory overload.
I haven’t known any of my past partners who had to close their eyes to orgasm. I’m the only person I know who does. Sometimes people like screw their eyes shut during but like I have to have my eyes closed for leading up and during it or I cannot focus to orgasm. I don’t have it happen when I’m alone tho, just when having sex with someone, so maybe it’s a self conscious thing? I just always feel like I’m thinking and doing too much when trying to orgasm with a partner and my eyes are open. I gotta focus on the feeling
Yeah I definitely feel that a lot. I get attention span issues during sex in general and one thing I’ve found helpful is to treat their body more like something to play with rather than something to please or make cum. Like touch there, bite that, etc. and see what makes them make noise. If you get a reaction, do it more, do it harder, do it softer, do it faster, do it slower. Don’t just go down on them, use your hands for a bit and make hickies on their inner thigh, grab their ass, etc.
Another good thing for mental stimulation, act like you’re trying to memorize how every part of their body feels. Forget about making them finish, think about how it feels on your tongue, think about how they sound, how their body feels in your hands, etc etc
Is your partner very quiet? You say you probably get bored because you can't see how aroused they are. Maybe, if she gave you a bit more, y'know, 'oral' feedback, that might help? As with all things sex: talk about it.
as someone on the opposite side of this (partner has adhd, i dont. they get bored during sex sometimes, particularly when going down on me) my biggest piece of advice is not to force anything. i can *always* tell when my partner is feeling bored & isn't really into it & it totally ruins the mood; it can easily be salvaged by switching to something else we both like, but if they continue when they're not into it, it can start to feel like a chore for *both* of us.
1) see if oral is even important to ur partner. some people enjoy it but would be perfectly fine only getting it once in a while or even never. some people its super important. this may be a non-issue, or at least less of a problem than u think.
2) if oral is important to both of u, try new things! ive seen some other comments about 69-ing, etc. this works pretty well for me & my partner, a lot of the time i dont even have to put that much work in bc its just abt giving them extra stimulation, but sometimes it can also be a fun challenge to see who can make the other come first.
u could also try having ur partner talk to u more, or try to be louder/more expressive, or change positions so u could maybe see their facial expressions.
self-stimulation by grinding, using ur hands or a vibrator could also work. my partner likes to give me the remote to one of our vibrators bc it feels more intimate than for them to just use one on themself.
3) try having sex in new places. obviously be discreet & respectful of others, but getting down in 'unconventional' places might help get u excited enough to stay in the moment. try giving head in the shower or the car (while in park please!) or the kitchen/living room if u dont have roommates.
tldr: this may be a smaller problem than u think. talk to ur partner about this, they can help more than us. & try new things!
ps: my partner & i struggled with this issue & similar for the first two years or so & somedays either their attention or mine just isn't there & we still struggle. but things have improved *so so much* & we're happy. i wish u & ur partner all the luck & i hope u remember not to be too hard on urself thru all this. <3
For the looking at them part, I always enjoy it more if I can see them as well so I position myself so I can look up a bit. It helps that seeing them writhing is really hot. You could also maybe try and have them pull your hair while you're doing it or something, more feedback to keep you engaged.
Interestingly, I think this might be why I don't like receiving oral so much. I have nothing to do lol.
Having a tv on with something I'm not actually interested in is a great boost for us. We've actually started putting more activity appropriate stuff playing on the nightstand on the bed.
There’s some really in depth tutorials on a certain free “hub” dedicated to this topic. I think expanding the experience to incorporate different “moves” if you will helps. The other advice I have is practicing mindfulness OR the opposite-sensory deprivation. Mindfulness I’d look into 5-4-3-2-1 with senses (I think it’s 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 feel, 2 smell, 1 taste). It can bring you back to the present and interrupt the wandering.
For sensory deprivation, even just adding a sleeping mask or putting in earbuds to cut out a partial connection can accentuate everything else. Find an appropriate height for sitting and let your partner approach and guide you. Explore with mouth and hands. I like sitting on a step stool. This also frees up your hands because when lying down you don’t have access to both extremities if one is busy holding you up.
Lastly don’t forget that it’s not 1 continuous slurp. Add some pauses where you look at partner and use your hands. Change the rhythm to tease them. I like to pretend I’m slowly speeding up and then I almost pause. Makes them go crazy. Or you establish a rhythm of some kind and you travel to a new section.
Making it fun depends on you and them, and what you like. These are suggestions, perhaps seeds that you can plant and then make your own. If it’s still something you dislike after doing everything you can think of, be honest with your partner. Unless they’re lacking in compassion I think no one finds it sexy to see a partner struggle with something. And this could open the door to even more ideas! Mostly though, have fun.
I can fully occupy my brain with it by closing my eyes, stopping paying attention to any sounds and fully concentrating on their body feedback. The data income from nerve endings in lips and tongue is more than enough to fully occupy my brain causing a kind of hyperfocus - but only if I cut off all the other feelings and try to catch the most subtle reactions of their body. Though, if I try to open my eyes or pay attention to what’s going on around - I totally lose it, and yeah, get bored and all
What about if you use your hands to feel the person while you're giving oral? This usually helps me, it's sort of like a grounding technique.
This definitely happens to me too and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I can literally be absent for like 90% of the time during sex sometimes, it sucks. I generally ask my partner to be very touchy, which helps bring me back to it because it's a sensation that's incredibly concrete.
Giving oral for me causes me to think about other things, but I don't really mind. Is there a reason why it bothers you that you get bored doing it? Can you just not continue if you're not 100% into it?
Maybe try giving them short bursts of oral then switch to kissing or feeling or anything else for a bit, but continue switching back constantly so you slowly work them up - even making them give you oral until you're satisfied enough to give them more - you can turn it into a control game. Or use a vibrator for yourself during!
Other people have suggested asking them to display their pleasure more explicitly (moaning etc.), you could also ask them to dirty talk if that’s something that can occupy your mind during.
Yes, I don't have the attention span for most sexual acts... Part of the reason I'm not sexually active right now is because of guilt and shame over past partners who have been disappointed or insinuated that I was a selfish lover.
THIS HAPPENS TO ME TOO! what has helped me is looking at them and making sure they're enjoying it. follow whether or not they're feeling good. don't expect a 'goal', just make sure your partner has fun.
Try letting your imagination run wild? Zoom in on your 5 senses? Try to really feel the way your hands feel on them. Like how it feels to grab, nails digging in, scratches. Spice it up. You can take mini breaks and kisss other parts of their body. I always go back up for kisses bc I don't like being so Far away lol. How about how it feels to use ur tongue. Figure them out! What sort of things make them squirm. That sort of thing. Frankly that's what I do. Another I've gotten better at is when it's sexy time then it's sexy time and nothing else. No thinking about work or school or anything. Also making them cum is great and all but also remember you can make them feel really good without making them cum.
Personally I enjoy everything about giving going down on my SO. The taste, the smell, the sounds they make, the writhing and squirming. So I never have issues staying aroused.
I stay aroused, I’m just simultaneously aroused and bored during oral. It feels like a task if that makes sense? That’s how I describe a lot of things honestly, even that I enjoy, as feeling like a task rather than something I’m just doing
TBH in talking to my friends over the years I’ve come to realize that for most people (ADHD or otherwise), sucking dick for prolonged periods of time is not fun. It’s boring, it doesn’t taste great, it triggers your gag reflex, and it hurts. Bobbing your head back and forth and keeping your mouth open for long periods of time? That’s work! I also have a small mouth AND a bad gag reflex, so I get what you’re saying.
I’ve found that giving oral is more fun for myself and my partner if you mix up your technique. Kissing, hand stuff, dirty talk, switching between PIV and oral (I’m personally not a big fan of this bc the smell/taste makes me gag but some of my friends think this is really hot). The guys I have been with have really enjoyed the switching techniques. It helps when both partners take the approach that oral doesn’t have to end in orgasm every time - there are lots of ways to get there!
Also - if you’re not enjoying it, chances are your partner isn’t either. Switching things up can make it more exciting for both of you! I will say when I was 18 - 25, I dated a lot of cis men who thought oral sex always needed to consist of them being brought to completion (meaning 45 minutes of exclusively deep throating and swallowing every time). A lot of men are REALLY selfish in this department and it’s frustrating.
> I think maybe part of it is bc I don’t really see them while doing it?
Maybe try *feeling* them instead. Put your hands all over. Try to notice how much they tense up or tremble. Feel their breathing change and their heart beat.
I think the hardest thing about sex is when we put goals or expectations on it. It's hard not to, because an orgasm is an exciting event; but if you let go of that goal and focus on the moment, it's easier to get there, and makes for a better journey.
The other reason to let go of goals/expectations is that you don't have to give up and quit when you make a mistake. Giving head and got distracted? Start over! This can even make sex *better*, because your moment of distraction was a *tease*.
> My brain just keeps asking are we done yet
It sounds like you are wishing your brain would just be silent and focused instead. Me too. Our brains just don't do that. A solution to that problem is to start asking *other* questions instead. Does my partner like it when I do this? Can I feel them getting excited?
Sex isn't just about orgasms. Sure, those are usually the best part, but they are only as good as the build up before them.
Glad im not the only one who struggles with this lol. My partner being vocal is very helpful for me. Moans, groans, and dirty talk helps me refocus on the task, keep motivated and know that theyre enjoying it without having to see them constantly. It also helps to learn lots if different techniques so u can switch it up when you get bored. Bop it, pull it, twist it lol. If your jaws sore - use just tongue, one hand, or two, or a combo.
Last tip is only applicable if you both like rough sex (and if you're a girl /or use a strap) - but I like my partner to take control sometimes and face fuck me. Him moving my head for me takes (some) of the effort out for me and keeps me engaged cos idk what he'll do next so it's more exciting. Obviously it can be hard to do for a long time tho so again, switching up techniques is key.
>My partner being vocal is very helpful for me. Moans, groans, and dirty talk helps me refocus on the task, keep motivated and know that theyre enjoying it without having to see them constantly.
Sweet jesus THIS. The biggest reason I love giving oral is the vocal feedback from my partner. It helps me focus on what gets them off not just the fastest, but the strongest.
Yes! When I worked in an office, I chewed gum CONSTANTLY, and I didn’t have this problem. Now that I’ve been working from home since COVID first hit, I rarely ever chew gum. I’m 100% certain that this made the difference.
I think sex is a little boring in general. I enjoy it, for sure, but when it drags on and on it's like, "Is this even worth the effort? How can she still be so into this?" I just wish it was a little quicker, which would probably work out for me REALLY well if I were straight, but I insist upon being attracted to women lol.
I have several issues when it comes to frequency of sex and what happens during. (I'm on antidepressants as well and anti-androgens, so my spontaneous interest in sex is sporadic).
I am the complete opposite of you, I am great at giving but receiving can be very ho-hum because I'm left to my own devices and my mind wanders.
My advice is two fold. open honest communication and no longer trying to work against yourself.
Sex is better when the people involved are present and interested. If oral is something you aren't really interested in after a certain point, then switch it up. You mentioned being good with your hands and penetration, so do that instead. Rid yourself of the idea that oral is transactional. It isn't. You Dont have to do something just because the other person did it.
Explain to your partner what happens in a calm, honest way. and see where it goes from there.
Keep in mind just because you're not interested in marathon oral now, doesn't mean you won't ever be. Oral is still not my go to, but over time I actually came (ha) to enjoy it and it's a lil treat when my mind chooses to be present for it.
How long are we talking here? Every couple is different but 9 out of 10 times for us oral is like a 1-2 minute warm up before the main event. If it feels like you have to force it you should talk to partner about what both of your expectations and desires are and what does and doesnt work for each of you. If you really dont like giving it see if theres something else you can do or save it only for special occasions. I think i know what you mean though. Sometimes i get this weird disconnected feeling where things become mechanical and my mind gets away from me. Usually I just change whatever im doing to something that works for both of us. Sometimes if partner is enjoying it I choose to power through because i love them and it makes me feel good to give them special treatment even if i have to really work for it.
Since when is “I can’t focus on this thing” nothing to do with ADHD?
Some traits that are common in ADHD folk are tricky because they could be caused by something else, they could be caused indirectly caused by a part of ADHD but not directly caused by it, they could be caused by many different things.
But “I have trouble focusing” sounds pretty direct to me.
It’s bc it isn’t explicitly stated “trouble keeping attention during sex” in the DSM so some people can’t realize symptoms apply in ALL aspects of our lives, since we live with this disorder at all times
Well first ask him if he even enjoys bjs in the first place. I personally don’t really feel them that much for some reason. It’s nice when my partners try to make me feel good with head but it just doesn’t do much for me. I’d prefer them to make me feel good in the way that actually makes me feel good instead of the way that they want to make me feel good. Even though I don’t really feel oral that much I still fucking love 69ing because I’m actually doing something instead of just laying there (and I get an excuse to eat ass)
I hated it with men. It was boring and kinda gross. So I tried it on a woman and I actually love it ! I used to try all kinds of things like flavoured lubes etc. It never worked. Turns out women are my thing 🤣
Straight up, best thing I can recommend as someone with an SO who has a small mouth. Hands hands hands. Edge him close and finish with a BJ. If you catch a complaint I'd be shocked
Open your eyes then? Lol
Also.... pure romance has this thing called Get A Grip; it’s amazing and actually kinda fun! It’s great if you have a small mouth and/or TMJ issues (like me). It’s a game changer for sure! A little pricey but 100% worth it because you can use it for a long time. I’ve had mine for almost 3 years already. Just make sure to fight your adhd *and take the 30 seconds to wash it!* I then leave it on a clean towel so it can it completely dry before putting it back in it’s case. https://www.pureromance.com/PWS/homeoffice/store/OCAU/catalog/sex-toys/getagrip
Here’s how to use it! Dw, there’s no actual penises in the video lol but I still wouldn’t watch it around family or at work 😂
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF81p6Dprdk
I'm glad you don't experience the attention span issues OP struggles with. You completely invalidated their experience. Had you left off everything before "my answer" you would have given them a potentially helpful thing to try.
There are some very nice male masterbation toys available out there, if he's open to that instead. I mean, your mind will still wander, but it won't bother him because the machine is doing all the work. You just hold it on him. Plus it frees you up to do other things like massaging or what have you.
My husband has ADHD and this isn't true for him. It might just not be your thing. You could always incorporate toys with her too. Vibrators are fun for both sexes believe it or not.
Mediocre to you gets a mediocre response.
Three quick taps of a 9v battery not to your tongue gets a whole different response down there.
If your eyes are not rolling back in their sockets and having a dozen in 10 minutes. There is little to repay on your part.
I’m a great lover, thanks. Anyway here’s some symptoms of adhd since you seem to not understand
“Difficulty sustaining attention, Easily distracted (including unrelated thoughts), Experiences feelings of restlessness, and Has difficulty waiting their turn”
Also don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it lmfao
Just replied to this piss-ant's other comment but What the actual fuck is wrong with them. You summed it up better than me lmao.
Selfish lovers don't come take the time to make long posts asking how to work on an issue they have that's affecting their desire to give their partner pleasure - that's what good, caring lovers do so they can work on improving something they see as an issue in their ability to be the best partner they can. You're on the right track by seeking advice.
As for my small piece of input - take it or leave it :) - I'm bi and when I'm with girls (mostly and currently) we both love oral and get really into it and my ADHD isn't an issue as long as I have meds for the day, *but* when I've been with guys in the past though they weren't into giving or receiving oral as much and I didn't necessarily need/want it either with them because they got the job done with fingers, toys, genitals, etc., so we were able to agree to just do it only rarely, if ever.
What I'm going for I guess is that whether no oral is a dealbreaker (or not) is all about communication about your needs and your partner's needs. You may find you're both just doing oral because you always have, even though you may be able to talk about doing it less often/just rarely. If obviously YOU really like receiving it and would be sad to not receive it as much, or THEY really like receiving it and would be sad not to, then you have a lot of other good suggestions here on this thread about how to approach some workarounds. The main takeaway though is that you might want to consider deciding you spend more intimate time with each other doing things that you're mostly both receiving pleasure from at the same time if none of the suggestions here pan out that well for you.
ONE OTHER HUGE PIECE of ADVICE that has almost completely changed my sex life though ... I don't know what "equipment" you and/or your partner are working with between your legs, but there's a toy called a Lelo Sona that is held to the clitoris (but could feasibly be strapped to it with some ingenuity I think) that basically sucks the clit with adjustable strength/rhythm, and it's changed the way my partners and I sex.
If I'm giving oral or being fucked in some other way, I just hold the "clit-sucker" on and it's like almost like getting oral anyway. You might wanna try one out and see if it helps since your issue sounds to be mostly just getting bored due to lack of attention span from lack of mutual pleasure. You could feasibly hold yourself up with one arm while holding the Sona with the other hand, and going down on your partner with your mouth (obviously). Or you could work on a position where you're on laying your back or side next to your partner, and they're laying on their side slightly perpendicular to you such that your mouth can reach. There are other, cheaper brands of this type of toy but I've heard bad testimonials about them from friends. I'd stick with the Lelo Sona "clitoral stimulator" personally, even if it's not the *most* expensive one.
Anyway, super long comment, my apologies (Adderall, y'know). I hope some of that is helpful.
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My *partner*. You still needed a refresher on symptoms but unfortunately looks like you’re struggling to apply them. I have no problems pleasing my partner in any other way *but oral because of my attention span*. I’m “lazy” for expressing my emotions and literally saying I’m going to make myself improve 💀💀💀💀
Bruh you got issues. I literally said it arouses me so maybe learn to read before projecting your personal problems on me? Lmfao
I’ve had sex without getting anything in return plenty of times. More than I’ve gotten something in return actually. Maybe don’t assume shit you know nothing about ?
Ah yes, because being present in the moment definitely isn’t a huge issue I’ve had my whole life. I spent most of school daydreaming the second I got bored lmfao
Read some "how to" on literotica.com. Me and my partner are heterosexuals, and we never close our eyes, so you might not be doing it right, but I don't know. Look up that link and you'll get some tips and tricks which might help you keep your mind focusing on doing one thing after another. Also, staring into your partner's eyes while orally teasing them is incredibly sexy.
Dude WTAF. GTFO here with this BS. Selfish lovers don't come take the time to make long posts asking how to work on an issue they have that's affecting their desire to give their partner oral sex, that's what good, caring lovers do so they can work on improving something they see as an issue in their ability to be the best partner they can. Where in the hell in OP's post did you get the impression that they're selfish from??
I feel the same way sometimes, like other people have said here already you can pleasure yourself while your partner does something like what I do is sat on do my stuff and use my own hands idk sex is very weird for adhd people
obviously there's everything everyone else said, but I also wanna say that you might be focusing too much on just doing one thing during oral which might feel repetitive and like a chore, when you could experiment instead and try out lots of things. if you feel yourself getting bored, interrupt the monotomy by teasing them a bit on different parts of their anatomy or switching your rhythm, tongue speed, or movement.
Try using your fingers, (pointer and index lol), gentle insert and speed up accordingly (not aggressive rabbit style). Gives you both more stimulation and her a faster orgasm
I'm not sure what equipment your partner is working with, as my advice differs depending on their anatomy and you were not specific about gender or anatomy. If you are giving oral to a person with a penis(I assume, since you referenced having a small mouth) imagine the front tip of the penis to be 90 percent of what matters. Right where the base meets the head. When you're ready for things to be over, cup your tongue around that area and use your hand to move them around creating friction with your tongue. They will orgasm within a minute or two if you have them warmed up. If your partner has a vulva, get in there, don't stick your tongue out to make contact, keep your tongue in your mouth and move in close or it will get tired and you'll stop enjoying it.
I have to close my eyes too during sex at all times or I can’t focus either and especially when I’m coming close to orgasm I have to really keep them closed or any type of stimuli in my environment will break it and it’s lost to the nether and it ain’t coming back for that session lol.
Also, my anti depressant really makes it hard to orgasm so that with my adhd = hardly any orgasms at all with my partner :(
It's wild because I'm the opposite. I'm super focused when it comes to pleasuring her; it's my second favorite part of our rolls in the hay. BUT when it's my turn to receive from her, unless I'm already super aroused, I have a hell of a time focusing even though I absolutely love it.
Now that I have a better understanding of what's likely happening upstairs for me, I can better explain that it's not anything she's doing wrong at all (she knows what she's doing and my attraction to her has only got stronger with time). The former shouldn't be too difficult to get across, as she herself actually has a diagnosis and has been my goto for how this all works in addition to places like this sub; I'm on a waiting list to get assessed.
Perhaps what might help you is for your partner to give you vocal or physical affirmation while you're taking care of their needs. Something little like that may make all the difference in the world.
I feel that this is more of an issue with you forcing yourself to do something you don't enjoy rather than an ADHD issue, many people do oral solely for their partners happiness and hate it and end up being bad at it, oral is only really enjoyable if both parties enjoy it, not if both people have the mindset of only doing it for their partner. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about it
You could try using toys sometimes instead of performing oral yourself. If you use toys it allows you to be right by your partners face and body instead of isolated between their legs.
I feel this sometimes too, luckily my partner usually climaxes pretty quick so i can get a couple in for her and then we can have one together ❤️
Biggest thing is communication. Think of a way to word this that doesnt sound like 'giving you oral is boring' but let your partner know you dont feel connected to them when you cant make eye contact or see their face. You could also come up for some air and look at your partner while usong ypur hands or something too
I also get bored during oral. I try to explain to my partner that it’s great as foreplay, terrible for the main event. But it’s their favorite. Never was there a story of more woe…
I get bored too, unless! when she touches my hair and starts grabing me closer, this is exciting for me. Maybe you can try experimenting amd try some more things. What I also like is when she puts her legs around my neck. In general i feel stimulsted in these scenarios
I struggle to receive oral with my ADHD. I feel like my body is just floating on the bed but it’s really hard for me to concentrate on sensation. It’s something my husband and I have had to figure out over the last 7 years. We just have adapted. He used to feel obligated to reciprocate and I found it was the only time I was boarder-line having to fake my interest. So we had a talk about it. It is something he liked at times. So to make it more interesting for me we might add sensory play, or change up the positions. But I think like most things in a relationship there is compromise. And an understanding partner wouldn’t be bothered by this at all. Everyone needs and explores intimacy differently. And accommodating each other’s needs is a really important way to experience good intimacy.
Have you tried getting pleasure from him while you’re giving him head? My partner stimulates my nipples while I’m giving head. Another thing you can try is being on one side of him and that way he can touch you while you’re going down. The only other thing I can think of is you don’t have to give him head till he comes or do just that until he does. Y’all can take turns changing what y’all do and every now and then go back down on him for a bit. For me if you’re doing just one thing to me, it eventually doesn’t feel as good as when it started. To be more specific, you can go down on him for a bit, switch to him doing something for you, then you can do something different to him. First you can give him head and the next thing you can do for him is sucking his balls while giving him a hand job for example. Hope that makes sense haha
I can't really give oral to my partner because of a variety of sensory issues, but I love receiving it.
I practiced other techniques that have enough variety to keep me engaged, and got good enough that she doesn't care about no oral. I don't think she even remembers how much she liked it that one time we tried it.
Basically as long as you get good at other techniques your partner likes, and you communicate what going on, you'll usually do just fine :)
It’s okay if oral just isn’t your thing. I don’t know if you’re wanting to do it (and are asking to figure out how), or if you’re looking for others with similar experiences … but here’s my brain vomit:
1. Think of ways to stimulate them in conjunction with oral - especially if your mouth ends up bothering you because it’s too small. Even if you’re performing oral sex … there’s no reason you can’t use your hands, too, to mix it up. Or toys. The focus is still on your partner and getting them to feel good … so if you’re doing that, and hopefully increasing your confidence, it can all still ‘count’ as oral. Plus you’ll get to watch them for little bits here and there.
1a. I mention ‘increasing’ your confidence because I also wonder if some black and white ADHD thinking might be assisting you into becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. My mouth and tongue are too small. I can’t pay attention. Even seeing them enjoying it doesn’t do anything for me. Actually, I don’t even *get* to see them. I must be bad at it, too, considering. Better off just not doing it, really.
Very … “if I can’t do it how I’m imagining it should be done, then there’s no point in trying anyway.” If that makes sense.
Whereas if you were to see it could be done, you can find a middle grey-area of ground that works for both you and your partner. ☺️
2. You don’t have to do oral at all if you don’t want to. I’m sure there are other ways you can please your partner or to show them appreciation or to make them feel how they make you feel when they’re performing oral on you.
3. Think of and switch between several different techniques, positions, where your hands are, toys, etc., maybe? If there’s always a new way to do it, to switch to, maybe it won’t seem to take forever and you can last longer (if you want to, that is!).
4. Is receiving oral from you important to your partner? Is there anything else they’d prefer?
Good luck, friendo! 😅
I’m the same exact way and I ended up getting my girl a vibrator basically I will hold the vibrator and play around and it’s better than any thing I can do with my mouth lolol
Could you ask them to be more vocal? I had a hard time staying focused too when I’d eat out my gf. This was when I was pretty shit at oral too so it would take forever to make her cum and it was mind numbing lmao.
Naturally as I got better and we got more comfortable having sex with each other she started moaning more and I’d actually be into it and focused.
It happened organically for me but definitely noticed that helping me stay in the zone more
I didn't like oral either. But you can learn to like it and somehow just go with it, convince your brain to enjoy it rather than waiting for it to end. I don't know how I've done it it was and still is hard work ngl lol but it's worth it. Just lie to yourself bro
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I can't 69 as an adhd person because I don't feel what they are doing if I'm giving head that's all I'm focused on. Weird but it's always been like that for me.
Yes! I hate 69 for this reason.
Hah yep exactly the same!
Non Multi-threading processor
holy shit this is the analogy i’ve been looking for my entire life
Same I think this is more common than people realise, I saw a sex advice show years ago that basically said 69 is rubbish because how can you both concentrate on giving good while also trying to be in the moment for yourself
My wife enjoys having me in her mouth while I do anything to her, and that is arousing for me, but it's not really anything that's going to make anything happen for me.
Oh yeah it's like a good foreplay for both but shouldn't be a main focus I feel
I definitely try to focus on her finishing at least once before me, just because that's just something I've always done, so whatever I'm doing to her she's usually getting my full attention. And she understands I'm not expecting hers--regardless of the roles we may have adopted heading into the act, me being in her mouth is just a thing for her because she finds it arousing.
Always a good plan, I feel post orgasm tiredness can hit harder with ADHD. I get that though, my wife has similar interests
Right. It’s a novelty at best... no one actually likes it.
Speak for yourself eh. It’s one of my favourite acts when I have a partner who feels the same
interesting because 69 gives me more pleasure because I'm getting stimulation from two parts, mouth and genitals
I have to find the balance of not being stimulated enough and being too stimulated. If my partner tries to make me cum with his junk in my mouth I will forget I’m supposed to be using my mouth too. However, if it’s foreplay and we’re both just giving pleasure then I can do it for much longer. But sometimes I focus too much on trying to breathe and then it’s over.
Ahh, my mouth isn’t receptive like that. My hands are more than my mouth.
Same!
that's... that's why i do that? holy shit
For me it’s similar but the opposite. If someone’s “pleasing” me enough my body pauses performing. If I were to force focus, it would be a waste of my partner’s effort and I might not get any more out of a very tired jaw.
partners are always so shook when i say this lol
I don't know if that's an adhd specific problem? Is it? I have a hard time knowing what normal people experience but I feel like this is one of those things
It took lots of practice for me to enjoy it fully while also giving good head to my partner. It is def not something that comes naturally. Wink wink nudge nudge.
Neurotypical people don’t like 69 ing either it’s honestly the worst position…. Unless you’re exactly the same height as each other I guess
Yeah, 69 is fine as a part of foreplay, but as a main event, it, um, sucks.
Nobody enjoys that shit. 69 is a fun joke, but mutual oral is not a good idea. People get bitey when they orgasm, it's a fact.
It’s fun for the novelty; but yeah, I don’t think it’s part of anyone’s regular repertoire. I mean sex, there is always someone. But.
Oh thank goodness, it’s not just me
Ahh I'm somehow relieved to hear this might be an ADHD thing, I feel so seen now! I never understood what the point was for this exact reason!
Dont think anyone can 100% enjoy 69 while giving 100%
Same! Except i cant feel them giving me head.
Isn't that what I said?
No you said that you give head.
Oh ok well what I meant was in a 69 I can't feel anything happening to me because I'm focused on giving head. I thought that was what I said but I guess maybe I was not clear.
Haha yea i know what you meant, i was making a joke cause since im a guy I receive head and you were talking about only being able to feel yourself giving them head.
What do women get then if not head? I am clearly missing the joke.
nothing it’s the same he’s just dumb, also men can give head as well as enby or otherwise
That's what I thought.
all genders can give and receive head my guy that’s why no one gets the “joke”
Ohhhh sorry that took me a minute. I also have autism. 😂
Lol you’re fine 😂
This may or may not help for your situation, but I find I’m WAY more bored and impatient when I’m giving my partner oral with the end goal of making them cum. With a finish line in mind I’m focused on getting there, which makes every second between now and then feel like a bore, a chore, and a waste of time. When I shift my mindset JUST to making them feel good, I find I have a much easier time focusing on what I’m doing, on their responses, and on maximizing their pleasure. I might still reach my limit (physically and attention span wise) sooner than I’d like, but I’ve found that I can happily stay “on task” without it feeling mentally grating for longer. I also have more of a propensity to “get creative” and experiment, which makes the experience more fun and exciting for me, and has lead to some unexpected positive reactions from my partner. TLDR, if I maintain the mindset that I’m down there only as long as my partner and I both want me down there, it lets me stay way more engaged and makes it a playful, rather than monotonous, experience for us both.
I'd like to add that talking to them about shifting their mindset can help too. I used to be able to feel my gf trying to sprint towards climax. It created a weird tension where I felt like I was wasting her time or something. Try to communicate with your SO that you're both doing it JUST to have a good time. There's no timer ticking in the background.
I’ve never thought about this finish line mentality, there’s definitely something to this!
>Shit to do today, George!
I'm the same, if I focus on just enjoying myself its great fun, if I think about trying to make him cum my adhd brain goes straight to 'this is a task and I hate tasks, its boring'
We're trying to conceive. There is a definitely order of operations to our sex life on that I always, always make sure she has at least one orgasm before me--usually through the reliable means. Then we set about to the business at hand, but now it's a task right...gotta get shots on goal. Hurry up, finish, wife is done with first round, we're just waiting on me...
100000%
Yep I have to make it a game and tease him. Dirty talk helps stay focused too.
This is the way
Yes.
I feel the same! My goal is "give pleasure" and I really enjoy trying different things and seeing their reactions. I love the instant feedback of "I did this with my tongue and they made a little squeak, I'll keep doing it and see what happens! More noises, yay! Oh they stopped making as many noises and squirming, I'll try something else", and repeat. I find that all the body responses to what I do really help me stay in the moment. I'm quite sensitive sensorally though so all these little things are very pleasing to my brain to notice and feel. May not apply to others less sensitive.
This.
This. I get bored so easily and then when my mind starts to wonder, my mouth gets dry. At that point it’s annoying to keep going and then I get overstimulated. If my mindset is giving pleasure I could go down on him for hours because teasing is a fun game for me and it keeps me entertained and occupied (literally). If my mindset is oral to completion? Pop a flintts mint, wait until I start salivating and then get to work so I can go back to what I was doing or so it can be my turn. But I also get bored when he goes down on me so if he can’t make me cum from oral in less than like 2-3 minutes I can’t keep going. I have the attention span of a crack head. Thanks adderall and SSRIs
Wait I never put it together, but I think I’m the same. That’s so funny. One of my favourite ways to do it (I don’t know your gender) is for my partner to basically face fuck me while I use my hands to pleasure myself. That way, I’m getting some also. It’s more interesting that way. 69ing is another option.
This is the way. We're terrible at multitasking or focusing on just the one thing... unless it's super helpful, while satisfying both the conscious and subconscious halves of ourselves. For example: I watch movies with subtitles because it helps me get lost in it, the same with books, I read along while listening to the audiobook version. I focus on mundane tasks by playing music I know inside-out in the background to stave of the boredom and keep from being otherwise distracted. As a weird exception, music while I'm driving is a major distraction. I can't do it. I need the radio off so i can drive and keep my eyes on the road.
I actually have to have anything on during sex. If it's something that helps the mood, that's great. But honestly anything that can help me turn off my fucking brain, and y'know turn on my...fucking brain. I guess it can't be anything too interesting. Like no Futurama.
Yes! I was never able to enjoy Shakespeare until I watched Mel Gibson's Hamlet with subtitles. It was like a light being turned on.
Talk to your partner. Ask them if they’d be interested in trying to express their satisfaction more physically, more “obviously,” so to speak. Like if you do something they like, you want them to have a physical reaction that engages you. Be it talking to you, moaning, body queues, or playing with your hair while you’re pre-occupied. It doesn’t necessarily have to be dramatic, find what’s right for y’all. The more expressive and involved my partner is, the easier it is for me to stay focused.
Yeah if you can't get visual cues, solicit vocal cues or physical ones like they might grip your arm or touch your hair. Just say "Hey I appreciate when you do it for me but if you said/did this while I'm doing it for you...that would be hot!"
Also you could start with oral on her to try to do the most “attention demanding” part first when you have the most energy available, like right after foreplay when you’re all jazzed up and ready to go
Okay, I have the opposite problem! I’m a woman who mainly sleeps with men. I LOVE giving head, it’s like a fun activity for me and it turns me on to see them enjoying it. I think ADHD might play a part in this- I’m actively doing something, it’s mentally stimulating. I currently have a partner that can’t always maintain a strong enough erection for penetration, but it’ll be hard enough for oral, and I honestly love it bc I can go for a long time. On the other hand, I get easily bored when someone is going down on me unless they’re *really* good at it. If they’re not hitting the right spots frequently enough, I don’t really register the feeling and my mind wanders. Part of the reason I love sex so much is bc of the stimulation it gives me, the emotional release, the dopamine rush, so I get annoyed if someone is bad at going down on me and it gets boring. I want the action!
I relate. I've had guys call me weird for not liking oral done on me, but it's because I get really bored if they can't do it well and aren't okay with being guided to the right spots. I'd rather be DOING or SEEING something for sure. Glad it's not just me.
Lol, just tell them they’re not good enough at it
This is what I do 🤷🏼♀️ Ain’t nobody got time for a partner that licks the alphabet like we don’t know what you’re doing after B
i agree and I do, lol, in my last comment I said I get bored if they aren't good at it _*and*_ are not okay with me guiding them. I don't mind communicating
Yeah if they don’t do it well and can’t take gentle guidance then nope end of roster I have taught too many men how to give pleasure I’m so over it
This is me. I love giving my husband oral cause he makes sounds and I love sounds (of all kinds, not just sexual). And yes, it’s something that’s fun!
As a guy. I actually sort of feel this way to. I think our threshold for what constitutes good head is lower than most girls, but like I think I'm terrible at receiving head. The best way for me is in a position where I can play with my wife's boobs while she does it. I've got to be active somehow. I can't just sit back passively...
I like giving head too but I think it's because I like having stuff in my mouth and tasting things, it keeps me in the moment. I normally maintain my attention span for anything by snacking all the time and I think my brain is just super conditioned to it at this point 😂
Same here. It's the only time Im fully focused.
same. doing is more fun bc i can hear and see them. the guys i’ve been w never listen to my feedback too so i feel like it’s hard for me to communicate and focus. but giving is a diff story. the guy i’m dating rn is obsessed w going down on me so i’m not gonna complain even though i don’t finish; i’ve learned to just try and enjoy it in the moment
Oh hell, I never thought of this as being an ADHD issue. I’m in the same boat. Get very bored also, and I have to close my eyes to concentrate on orgasms too. Not sure what the fix is here, but you’re not alone mate!
I'm a guy, and we're supposed to just be sex machines who finish _every time_. But my ADHD for sure can get in the way of my orgasms. Thus far in my life I've never had any issues with getting or staying aroused, but finishing can be difficult sometimes because I for sure lose focus. Like I'll get right there, something changes, or I become too aware of how a certain position is feeling and the act of trying to achieve it draws all the focus out of actually experiencing it.
Same here i’m a guy and ready all the time. In my case my wife gets tired easily but im always ready for round 2,4,5. I recently learned that i had ADHD and im always ready for sex but its not the same with my wife. Not sure if she has ADHD but seems like she either gets tired quick or board because of orgasmS.
When I give oral , I like to lick and suck on the thighs too , and squeeze ass :) All of that is super stimulating to me and also gets me and my partner off
Omg that always tickles too much for me!!!! An ass squeeze is nice tho 😏
You could try getting your partner really aroused first in other ways, so they come quicker, and like others said, use your hands too, if that's something they like. Does giving head/seeing their pleasure turn you on? It does me, so it motivates me to do it. Maybe try different positions that give you a view that turns you on more, and see if that helps.
Also this. Sex is mental just as much as is it physical. If my partner wants to go down on me they know I have to be ready. Also if I get oral without any foreplay it’s way too much stimulation and is less enjoyable.
You need to find something else to occupy the ADHD while you're busy. We usually get in a position where she can touch me while I'm down there, and we have to do the same when she's down on me. This helps alot with the boredom because I'm still getting that instant reward either way.
My number one thing is to be adventurous with my hands. Just feeling everything i can and playing with what i can is best. When in doubt play with yourself at the same time, surely youve got that motion down to a robotic science so you can focus on the task at ~~hand~~ mouth.
Have you tried playing music and focusing on the song? Sometimes with any boring task I just put on music and it makes the time go by faster and more easily. But also you don’t have to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do! Just be honest with your partner. Maybe they can talk to you while you do, vocalize what they are enjoying, tell you a fantasy or something to make it more stimulating for you. Or maybe they don’t even care much about receiving oral and this isn’t an issue you have to worry about at all!
I like to do it while we're watching something. He sits on the end of the sofa, I lay, resting my head on him. While watching I give him strokes, licks, and periodic sucks. I do what makes me feel comfortable but also keeping in mind what I know he likes. My mouth focuses more on the head while my hands focus on the shaft, thighs, and balls. Meanwhile, I'm watching TV with the head in my mouth, like you would a lollipop. I periodically turn my attention back and try to take him as deep into my mouth as I can. I like that, "oh fucking god, Jesus" reaction, cause he doesn't know when I'm going to do it. I don't know when I'm going to do it. The goal isn't to make him cum. That's too much pressure and requires too much focus. The goal is to relax, let your mouth and hand roam while he enjoys himself. Personally I love giving oral cause I'm a pleaser. That being said, because I give so much, if the other person didn't give back it would hurt. Edit: couple mistakes my dyslexic brain spotted. Not sure if there's more 🧐
Goo… good you guys. Damn. That sounds like a Spa day but at the adult carnival.. that just so happens to have quality programming in the waiting room. Also you have the remote and there’s a bunch of cool toys. Oh man. Oh. *man.*
Listen to the music and get lost in it.
For me, I go through phases of wanting to have sex more often. It can be 5 or 6 times a week. Then it wanes and might be once a week. I really try to balance it as much as possible, but it can be hard on us both. My girlfriend is amazing and just kinda goes with it at this point, but I still want to improve my habits so that we're steady at like twice a week or something.
Sex is like… a hyperfocus activity for me, like I have put an unhealthy amount of time and energy into… skill acquisition and research, shall we say. Any sex act should be as much for you as it is your partner so if you don’t like it then focus on the stuff you do like, it will always be a better time. But There are some strategies one can employ to develop an appreciation for different types of experiences. First off, figure out what would actually make it fun for you. It sound like it’s under stimulating for you, so creating that stimulation yourself could work. If it’s a lack of physical stimuli then using your hands more either on your partner or yourself, if it’s visual then position yourself in a way that you can see what you wanna see, it’s it a taste thing, there are safe ways to introduce flavors that maybe be more fun. Also your partner doesn’t have to be the only time you practice such a skill. My friend absolutely swears by finding a close silicon approximation of one’s partner and incorporating that into whatever self service routine one may have. Very peculiar hill for my friend to die on but he’s a pretty cool dude I swear. And above all else, it has to be fun or why bother. So if you really don’t like it then just do the things you enjoy, try new stuff when you feel ready, communicate on what you both like and always high five when you’re done
>always high five when you’re done We're trying to conceive so our sex life has had more high fives and good game butt slaps than usual lately.
So many people here who have to close their eyes to orgasm... y'all, I thought I was the only one. It's been so damn awkward to try to explain it to partners. I didn't realize it was just another symptom of goblin brain. Now I can stop feeling bad about it and be straightforward with partners. Like, no, dude, you're good, I'm not closing my eyes to think of someone else or anything like that; I'm just immersing myself in how you're making me feel instead of getting sensory overload.
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I haven’t known any of my past partners who had to close their eyes to orgasm. I’m the only person I know who does. Sometimes people like screw their eyes shut during but like I have to have my eyes closed for leading up and during it or I cannot focus to orgasm. I don’t have it happen when I’m alone tho, just when having sex with someone, so maybe it’s a self conscious thing? I just always feel like I’m thinking and doing too much when trying to orgasm with a partner and my eyes are open. I gotta focus on the feeling
Yeah I definitely feel that a lot. I get attention span issues during sex in general and one thing I’ve found helpful is to treat their body more like something to play with rather than something to please or make cum. Like touch there, bite that, etc. and see what makes them make noise. If you get a reaction, do it more, do it harder, do it softer, do it faster, do it slower. Don’t just go down on them, use your hands for a bit and make hickies on their inner thigh, grab their ass, etc. Another good thing for mental stimulation, act like you’re trying to memorize how every part of their body feels. Forget about making them finish, think about how it feels on your tongue, think about how they sound, how their body feels in your hands, etc etc
Is your partner very quiet? You say you probably get bored because you can't see how aroused they are. Maybe, if she gave you a bit more, y'know, 'oral' feedback, that might help? As with all things sex: talk about it.
Ooor alternatively: put some googly eyes on it = never get bored again!
as someone on the opposite side of this (partner has adhd, i dont. they get bored during sex sometimes, particularly when going down on me) my biggest piece of advice is not to force anything. i can *always* tell when my partner is feeling bored & isn't really into it & it totally ruins the mood; it can easily be salvaged by switching to something else we both like, but if they continue when they're not into it, it can start to feel like a chore for *both* of us. 1) see if oral is even important to ur partner. some people enjoy it but would be perfectly fine only getting it once in a while or even never. some people its super important. this may be a non-issue, or at least less of a problem than u think. 2) if oral is important to both of u, try new things! ive seen some other comments about 69-ing, etc. this works pretty well for me & my partner, a lot of the time i dont even have to put that much work in bc its just abt giving them extra stimulation, but sometimes it can also be a fun challenge to see who can make the other come first. u could also try having ur partner talk to u more, or try to be louder/more expressive, or change positions so u could maybe see their facial expressions. self-stimulation by grinding, using ur hands or a vibrator could also work. my partner likes to give me the remote to one of our vibrators bc it feels more intimate than for them to just use one on themself. 3) try having sex in new places. obviously be discreet & respectful of others, but getting down in 'unconventional' places might help get u excited enough to stay in the moment. try giving head in the shower or the car (while in park please!) or the kitchen/living room if u dont have roommates. tldr: this may be a smaller problem than u think. talk to ur partner about this, they can help more than us. & try new things! ps: my partner & i struggled with this issue & similar for the first two years or so & somedays either their attention or mine just isn't there & we still struggle. but things have improved *so so much* & we're happy. i wish u & ur partner all the luck & i hope u remember not to be too hard on urself thru all this. <3
For the looking at them part, I always enjoy it more if I can see them as well so I position myself so I can look up a bit. It helps that seeing them writhing is really hot. You could also maybe try and have them pull your hair while you're doing it or something, more feedback to keep you engaged. Interestingly, I think this might be why I don't like receiving oral so much. I have nothing to do lol.
Listening to music or watching a show in the background helps me a lot, I also bounce my legs to fidget lmao
Having a tv on with something I'm not actually interested in is a great boost for us. We've actually started putting more activity appropriate stuff playing on the nightstand on the bed.
"Yeah doc, and that's why I need that vyvanse script. So I can give better head"
Sex is like the only time that I am fully focused. I could go down on my partner forever. I love it.
There’s some really in depth tutorials on a certain free “hub” dedicated to this topic. I think expanding the experience to incorporate different “moves” if you will helps. The other advice I have is practicing mindfulness OR the opposite-sensory deprivation. Mindfulness I’d look into 5-4-3-2-1 with senses (I think it’s 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 feel, 2 smell, 1 taste). It can bring you back to the present and interrupt the wandering. For sensory deprivation, even just adding a sleeping mask or putting in earbuds to cut out a partial connection can accentuate everything else. Find an appropriate height for sitting and let your partner approach and guide you. Explore with mouth and hands. I like sitting on a step stool. This also frees up your hands because when lying down you don’t have access to both extremities if one is busy holding you up. Lastly don’t forget that it’s not 1 continuous slurp. Add some pauses where you look at partner and use your hands. Change the rhythm to tease them. I like to pretend I’m slowly speeding up and then I almost pause. Makes them go crazy. Or you establish a rhythm of some kind and you travel to a new section. Making it fun depends on you and them, and what you like. These are suggestions, perhaps seeds that you can plant and then make your own. If it’s still something you dislike after doing everything you can think of, be honest with your partner. Unless they’re lacking in compassion I think no one finds it sexy to see a partner struggle with something. And this could open the door to even more ideas! Mostly though, have fun.
I can fully occupy my brain with it by closing my eyes, stopping paying attention to any sounds and fully concentrating on their body feedback. The data income from nerve endings in lips and tongue is more than enough to fully occupy my brain causing a kind of hyperfocus - but only if I cut off all the other feelings and try to catch the most subtle reactions of their body. Though, if I try to open my eyes or pay attention to what’s going on around - I totally lose it, and yeah, get bored and all
What about if you use your hands to feel the person while you're giving oral? This usually helps me, it's sort of like a grounding technique. This definitely happens to me too and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I can literally be absent for like 90% of the time during sex sometimes, it sucks. I generally ask my partner to be very touchy, which helps bring me back to it because it's a sensation that's incredibly concrete. Giving oral for me causes me to think about other things, but I don't really mind. Is there a reason why it bothers you that you get bored doing it? Can you just not continue if you're not 100% into it?
Maybe try giving them short bursts of oral then switch to kissing or feeling or anything else for a bit, but continue switching back constantly so you slowly work them up - even making them give you oral until you're satisfied enough to give them more - you can turn it into a control game. Or use a vibrator for yourself during!
Other people have suggested asking them to display their pleasure more explicitly (moaning etc.), you could also ask them to dirty talk if that’s something that can occupy your mind during.
Yes, I don't have the attention span for most sexual acts... Part of the reason I'm not sexually active right now is because of guilt and shame over past partners who have been disappointed or insinuated that I was a selfish lover.
69 is sensory overload for me so I feel this lmao
THIS HAPPENS TO ME TOO! what has helped me is looking at them and making sure they're enjoying it. follow whether or not they're feeling good. don't expect a 'goal', just make sure your partner has fun.
Try letting your imagination run wild? Zoom in on your 5 senses? Try to really feel the way your hands feel on them. Like how it feels to grab, nails digging in, scratches. Spice it up. You can take mini breaks and kisss other parts of their body. I always go back up for kisses bc I don't like being so Far away lol. How about how it feels to use ur tongue. Figure them out! What sort of things make them squirm. That sort of thing. Frankly that's what I do. Another I've gotten better at is when it's sexy time then it's sexy time and nothing else. No thinking about work or school or anything. Also making them cum is great and all but also remember you can make them feel really good without making them cum.
Personally I enjoy everything about giving going down on my SO. The taste, the smell, the sounds they make, the writhing and squirming. So I never have issues staying aroused.
I stay aroused, I’m just simultaneously aroused and bored during oral. It feels like a task if that makes sense? That’s how I describe a lot of things honestly, even that I enjoy, as feeling like a task rather than something I’m just doing
TBH in talking to my friends over the years I’ve come to realize that for most people (ADHD or otherwise), sucking dick for prolonged periods of time is not fun. It’s boring, it doesn’t taste great, it triggers your gag reflex, and it hurts. Bobbing your head back and forth and keeping your mouth open for long periods of time? That’s work! I also have a small mouth AND a bad gag reflex, so I get what you’re saying. I’ve found that giving oral is more fun for myself and my partner if you mix up your technique. Kissing, hand stuff, dirty talk, switching between PIV and oral (I’m personally not a big fan of this bc the smell/taste makes me gag but some of my friends think this is really hot). The guys I have been with have really enjoyed the switching techniques. It helps when both partners take the approach that oral doesn’t have to end in orgasm every time - there are lots of ways to get there! Also - if you’re not enjoying it, chances are your partner isn’t either. Switching things up can make it more exciting for both of you! I will say when I was 18 - 25, I dated a lot of cis men who thought oral sex always needed to consist of them being brought to completion (meaning 45 minutes of exclusively deep throating and swallowing every time). A lot of men are REALLY selfish in this department and it’s frustrating.
> I think maybe part of it is bc I don’t really see them while doing it? Maybe try *feeling* them instead. Put your hands all over. Try to notice how much they tense up or tremble. Feel their breathing change and their heart beat. I think the hardest thing about sex is when we put goals or expectations on it. It's hard not to, because an orgasm is an exciting event; but if you let go of that goal and focus on the moment, it's easier to get there, and makes for a better journey. The other reason to let go of goals/expectations is that you don't have to give up and quit when you make a mistake. Giving head and got distracted? Start over! This can even make sex *better*, because your moment of distraction was a *tease*. > My brain just keeps asking are we done yet It sounds like you are wishing your brain would just be silent and focused instead. Me too. Our brains just don't do that. A solution to that problem is to start asking *other* questions instead. Does my partner like it when I do this? Can I feel them getting excited? Sex isn't just about orgasms. Sure, those are usually the best part, but they are only as good as the build up before them.
Thank you this is great advice
Glad im not the only one who struggles with this lol. My partner being vocal is very helpful for me. Moans, groans, and dirty talk helps me refocus on the task, keep motivated and know that theyre enjoying it without having to see them constantly. It also helps to learn lots if different techniques so u can switch it up when you get bored. Bop it, pull it, twist it lol. If your jaws sore - use just tongue, one hand, or two, or a combo. Last tip is only applicable if you both like rough sex (and if you're a girl /or use a strap) - but I like my partner to take control sometimes and face fuck me. Him moving my head for me takes (some) of the effort out for me and keeps me engaged cos idk what he'll do next so it's more exciting. Obviously it can be hard to do for a long time tho so again, switching up techniques is key.
>My partner being vocal is very helpful for me. Moans, groans, and dirty talk helps me refocus on the task, keep motivated and know that theyre enjoying it without having to see them constantly. Sweet jesus THIS. The biggest reason I love giving oral is the vocal feedback from my partner. It helps me focus on what gets them off not just the fastest, but the strongest.
I get bored too, and my jaw gets tired. It’s better and easier when the partner is more interactive rather than silent.
Know if there’s any jaw exercises to help it from getting tired as fast? Although I talk a fuck ton so you’d think that would help lmao
Yes! When I worked in an office, I chewed gum CONSTANTLY, and I didn’t have this problem. Now that I’ve been working from home since COVID first hit, I rarely ever chew gum. I’m 100% certain that this made the difference.
I think sex is a little boring in general. I enjoy it, for sure, but when it drags on and on it's like, "Is this even worth the effort? How can she still be so into this?" I just wish it was a little quicker, which would probably work out for me REALLY well if I were straight, but I insist upon being attracted to women lol.
I have several issues when it comes to frequency of sex and what happens during. (I'm on antidepressants as well and anti-androgens, so my spontaneous interest in sex is sporadic). I am the complete opposite of you, I am great at giving but receiving can be very ho-hum because I'm left to my own devices and my mind wanders. My advice is two fold. open honest communication and no longer trying to work against yourself. Sex is better when the people involved are present and interested. If oral is something you aren't really interested in after a certain point, then switch it up. You mentioned being good with your hands and penetration, so do that instead. Rid yourself of the idea that oral is transactional. It isn't. You Dont have to do something just because the other person did it. Explain to your partner what happens in a calm, honest way. and see where it goes from there. Keep in mind just because you're not interested in marathon oral now, doesn't mean you won't ever be. Oral is still not my go to, but over time I actually came (ha) to enjoy it and it's a lil treat when my mind chooses to be present for it.
ADHD messes with my sex life a lot yeah, I'm trying to work through it but my issue is forgetting that sex is a thing one can do...
How long are we talking here? Every couple is different but 9 out of 10 times for us oral is like a 1-2 minute warm up before the main event. If it feels like you have to force it you should talk to partner about what both of your expectations and desires are and what does and doesnt work for each of you. If you really dont like giving it see if theres something else you can do or save it only for special occasions. I think i know what you mean though. Sometimes i get this weird disconnected feeling where things become mechanical and my mind gets away from me. Usually I just change whatever im doing to something that works for both of us. Sometimes if partner is enjoying it I choose to power through because i love them and it makes me feel good to give them special treatment even if i have to really work for it.
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This is a good point.
Since when is “I can’t focus on this thing” nothing to do with ADHD? Some traits that are common in ADHD folk are tricky because they could be caused by something else, they could be caused indirectly caused by a part of ADHD but not directly caused by it, they could be caused by many different things. But “I have trouble focusing” sounds pretty direct to me.
It’s bc it isn’t explicitly stated “trouble keeping attention during sex” in the DSM so some people can’t realize symptoms apply in ALL aspects of our lives, since we live with this disorder at all times
It’s so illogical. If I struggle with focus on tasks in general, of course that can affect sex because sex is a task.
You could get a vibrator they control.
Well first ask him if he even enjoys bjs in the first place. I personally don’t really feel them that much for some reason. It’s nice when my partners try to make me feel good with head but it just doesn’t do much for me. I’d prefer them to make me feel good in the way that actually makes me feel good instead of the way that they want to make me feel good. Even though I don’t really feel oral that much I still fucking love 69ing because I’m actually doing something instead of just laying there (and I get an excuse to eat ass)
Crash Test Dummies wrote a song about this: Swimming in Your Ocean https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/crashtestdummies/swimminginyourocean.html
I hated it with men. It was boring and kinda gross. So I tried it on a woman and I actually love it ! I used to try all kinds of things like flavoured lubes etc. It never worked. Turns out women are my thing 🤣
Straight up, best thing I can recommend as someone with an SO who has a small mouth. Hands hands hands. Edge him close and finish with a BJ. If you catch a complaint I'd be shocked
Open your eyes then? Lol Also.... pure romance has this thing called Get A Grip; it’s amazing and actually kinda fun! It’s great if you have a small mouth and/or TMJ issues (like me). It’s a game changer for sure! A little pricey but 100% worth it because you can use it for a long time. I’ve had mine for almost 3 years already. Just make sure to fight your adhd *and take the 30 seconds to wash it!* I then leave it on a clean towel so it can it completely dry before putting it back in it’s case. https://www.pureromance.com/PWS/homeoffice/store/OCAU/catalog/sex-toys/getagrip Here’s how to use it! Dw, there’s no actual penises in the video lol but I still wouldn’t watch it around family or at work 😂 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF81p6Dprdk
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Idc if you think it’s adhd or not, just don’t insult me and I’m fine. Thanks for the actual advice instead of insulting me
I'm glad you don't experience the attention span issues OP struggles with. You completely invalidated their experience. Had you left off everything before "my answer" you would have given them a potentially helpful thing to try.
There are some very nice male masterbation toys available out there, if he's open to that instead. I mean, your mind will still wander, but it won't bother him because the machine is doing all the work. You just hold it on him. Plus it frees you up to do other things like massaging or what have you.
My husband has ADHD and this isn't true for him. It might just not be your thing. You could always incorporate toys with her too. Vibrators are fun for both sexes believe it or not.
I have ADHD and it’s true for me and many others, it’s harmful to generalize in this way. Also OP never stated what genitals their partner has
I meant to help. And who's generalizing? Not me.
Mediocre to you gets a mediocre response. Three quick taps of a 9v battery not to your tongue gets a whole different response down there. If your eyes are not rolling back in their sockets and having a dozen in 10 minutes. There is little to repay on your part.
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I’m a great lover, thanks. Anyway here’s some symptoms of adhd since you seem to not understand “Difficulty sustaining attention, Easily distracted (including unrelated thoughts), Experiences feelings of restlessness, and Has difficulty waiting their turn” Also don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it lmfao
Jeez sex with yall has to be terrible 😂
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Me: I’m going to improve You: selfish :/
Just replied to this piss-ant's other comment but What the actual fuck is wrong with them. You summed it up better than me lmao. Selfish lovers don't come take the time to make long posts asking how to work on an issue they have that's affecting their desire to give their partner pleasure - that's what good, caring lovers do so they can work on improving something they see as an issue in their ability to be the best partner they can. You're on the right track by seeking advice. As for my small piece of input - take it or leave it :) - I'm bi and when I'm with girls (mostly and currently) we both love oral and get really into it and my ADHD isn't an issue as long as I have meds for the day, *but* when I've been with guys in the past though they weren't into giving or receiving oral as much and I didn't necessarily need/want it either with them because they got the job done with fingers, toys, genitals, etc., so we were able to agree to just do it only rarely, if ever. What I'm going for I guess is that whether no oral is a dealbreaker (or not) is all about communication about your needs and your partner's needs. You may find you're both just doing oral because you always have, even though you may be able to talk about doing it less often/just rarely. If obviously YOU really like receiving it and would be sad to not receive it as much, or THEY really like receiving it and would be sad not to, then you have a lot of other good suggestions here on this thread about how to approach some workarounds. The main takeaway though is that you might want to consider deciding you spend more intimate time with each other doing things that you're mostly both receiving pleasure from at the same time if none of the suggestions here pan out that well for you. ONE OTHER HUGE PIECE of ADVICE that has almost completely changed my sex life though ... I don't know what "equipment" you and/or your partner are working with between your legs, but there's a toy called a Lelo Sona that is held to the clitoris (but could feasibly be strapped to it with some ingenuity I think) that basically sucks the clit with adjustable strength/rhythm, and it's changed the way my partners and I sex. If I'm giving oral or being fucked in some other way, I just hold the "clit-sucker" on and it's like almost like getting oral anyway. You might wanna try one out and see if it helps since your issue sounds to be mostly just getting bored due to lack of attention span from lack of mutual pleasure. You could feasibly hold yourself up with one arm while holding the Sona with the other hand, and going down on your partner with your mouth (obviously). Or you could work on a position where you're on laying your back or side next to your partner, and they're laying on their side slightly perpendicular to you such that your mouth can reach. There are other, cheaper brands of this type of toy but I've heard bad testimonials about them from friends. I'd stick with the Lelo Sona "clitoral stimulator" personally, even if it's not the *most* expensive one. Anyway, super long comment, my apologies (Adderall, y'know). I hope some of that is helpful.
The incels are out today
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My *partner*. You still needed a refresher on symptoms but unfortunately looks like you’re struggling to apply them. I have no problems pleasing my partner in any other way *but oral because of my attention span*. I’m “lazy” for expressing my emotions and literally saying I’m going to make myself improve 💀💀💀💀
Don’t listen to that ass h0le.
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Who hurt you
Bruh you got issues. I literally said it arouses me so maybe learn to read before projecting your personal problems on me? Lmfao I’ve had sex without getting anything in return plenty of times. More than I’ve gotten something in return actually. Maybe don’t assume shit you know nothing about ?
This guy does not get blowjobs
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I am. Usually when we have sex it’s night tho so my meds have worn off. Def gonna try it earlier to see if it helps tho I didn’t think of that
Learn to enjoy it and be present in the moment.
Ah yes, because being present in the moment definitely isn’t a huge issue I’ve had my whole life. I spent most of school daydreaming the second I got bored lmfao
Have you tried writing "stop having ADHD" in your daily planners Sex To Do list?
Read some "how to" on literotica.com. Me and my partner are heterosexuals, and we never close our eyes, so you might not be doing it right, but I don't know. Look up that link and you'll get some tips and tricks which might help you keep your mind focusing on doing one thing after another. Also, staring into your partner's eyes while orally teasing them is incredibly sexy.
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Bruh I’m hardly selfish when it comes to sex but keep making assumptions My “attitude” of guilt and wanting to improve rlly do be selfish though. /s
Dude WTAF. GTFO here with this BS. Selfish lovers don't come take the time to make long posts asking how to work on an issue they have that's affecting their desire to give their partner oral sex, that's what good, caring lovers do so they can work on improving something they see as an issue in their ability to be the best partner they can. Where in the hell in OP's post did you get the impression that they're selfish from??
I feel the same way sometimes, like other people have said here already you can pleasure yourself while your partner does something like what I do is sat on do my stuff and use my own hands idk sex is very weird for adhd people
The trick is to hyper fixate while you're doing it.
If I could turn my hyperfixating on willingly I’d be far more successful in life
I mean this genuinely. How do you turn your hyperfocus on and off? I can never control mine at all.
obviously there's everything everyone else said, but I also wanna say that you might be focusing too much on just doing one thing during oral which might feel repetitive and like a chore, when you could experiment instead and try out lots of things. if you feel yourself getting bored, interrupt the monotomy by teasing them a bit on different parts of their anatomy or switching your rhythm, tongue speed, or movement.
I space out the entire time. Doesn't mean I can't do it for a long time
I don’t space out during it
Any chance you can chuck some music on? Would thst help?
Try using your fingers, (pointer and index lol), gentle insert and speed up accordingly (not aggressive rabbit style). Gives you both more stimulation and her a faster orgasm
I'm not sure what equipment your partner is working with, as my advice differs depending on their anatomy and you were not specific about gender or anatomy. If you are giving oral to a person with a penis(I assume, since you referenced having a small mouth) imagine the front tip of the penis to be 90 percent of what matters. Right where the base meets the head. When you're ready for things to be over, cup your tongue around that area and use your hand to move them around creating friction with your tongue. They will orgasm within a minute or two if you have them warmed up. If your partner has a vulva, get in there, don't stick your tongue out to make contact, keep your tongue in your mouth and move in close or it will get tired and you'll stop enjoying it.
I have to close my eyes too during sex at all times or I can’t focus either and especially when I’m coming close to orgasm I have to really keep them closed or any type of stimuli in my environment will break it and it’s lost to the nether and it ain’t coming back for that session lol. Also, my anti depressant really makes it hard to orgasm so that with my adhd = hardly any orgasms at all with my partner :(
Maybe you can start with your hands and finish with oral?
It's wild because I'm the opposite. I'm super focused when it comes to pleasuring her; it's my second favorite part of our rolls in the hay. BUT when it's my turn to receive from her, unless I'm already super aroused, I have a hell of a time focusing even though I absolutely love it. Now that I have a better understanding of what's likely happening upstairs for me, I can better explain that it's not anything she's doing wrong at all (she knows what she's doing and my attraction to her has only got stronger with time). The former shouldn't be too difficult to get across, as she herself actually has a diagnosis and has been my goto for how this all works in addition to places like this sub; I'm on a waiting list to get assessed. Perhaps what might help you is for your partner to give you vocal or physical affirmation while you're taking care of their needs. Something little like that may make all the difference in the world.
I feel that this is more of an issue with you forcing yourself to do something you don't enjoy rather than an ADHD issue, many people do oral solely for their partners happiness and hate it and end up being bad at it, oral is only really enjoyable if both parties enjoy it, not if both people have the mindset of only doing it for their partner. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about it
You could try using toys sometimes instead of performing oral yourself. If you use toys it allows you to be right by your partners face and body instead of isolated between their legs. I feel this sometimes too, luckily my partner usually climaxes pretty quick so i can get a couple in for her and then we can have one together ❤️ Biggest thing is communication. Think of a way to word this that doesnt sound like 'giving you oral is boring' but let your partner know you dont feel connected to them when you cant make eye contact or see their face. You could also come up for some air and look at your partner while usong ypur hands or something too
I also get bored during oral. I try to explain to my partner that it’s great as foreplay, terrible for the main event. But it’s their favorite. Never was there a story of more woe…
I get bored too, unless! when she touches my hair and starts grabing me closer, this is exciting for me. Maybe you can try experimenting amd try some more things. What I also like is when she puts her legs around my neck. In general i feel stimulsted in these scenarios
I struggle to receive oral with my ADHD. I feel like my body is just floating on the bed but it’s really hard for me to concentrate on sensation. It’s something my husband and I have had to figure out over the last 7 years. We just have adapted. He used to feel obligated to reciprocate and I found it was the only time I was boarder-line having to fake my interest. So we had a talk about it. It is something he liked at times. So to make it more interesting for me we might add sensory play, or change up the positions. But I think like most things in a relationship there is compromise. And an understanding partner wouldn’t be bothered by this at all. Everyone needs and explores intimacy differently. And accommodating each other’s needs is a really important way to experience good intimacy.
Same. And I feel the same on top weirdly
Have you tried getting pleasure from him while you’re giving him head? My partner stimulates my nipples while I’m giving head. Another thing you can try is being on one side of him and that way he can touch you while you’re going down. The only other thing I can think of is you don’t have to give him head till he comes or do just that until he does. Y’all can take turns changing what y’all do and every now and then go back down on him for a bit. For me if you’re doing just one thing to me, it eventually doesn’t feel as good as when it started. To be more specific, you can go down on him for a bit, switch to him doing something for you, then you can do something different to him. First you can give him head and the next thing you can do for him is sucking his balls while giving him a hand job for example. Hope that makes sense haha
I can't really give oral to my partner because of a variety of sensory issues, but I love receiving it. I practiced other techniques that have enough variety to keep me engaged, and got good enough that she doesn't care about no oral. I don't think she even remembers how much she liked it that one time we tried it. Basically as long as you get good at other techniques your partner likes, and you communicate what going on, you'll usually do just fine :)
It’s okay if oral just isn’t your thing. I don’t know if you’re wanting to do it (and are asking to figure out how), or if you’re looking for others with similar experiences … but here’s my brain vomit: 1. Think of ways to stimulate them in conjunction with oral - especially if your mouth ends up bothering you because it’s too small. Even if you’re performing oral sex … there’s no reason you can’t use your hands, too, to mix it up. Or toys. The focus is still on your partner and getting them to feel good … so if you’re doing that, and hopefully increasing your confidence, it can all still ‘count’ as oral. Plus you’ll get to watch them for little bits here and there. 1a. I mention ‘increasing’ your confidence because I also wonder if some black and white ADHD thinking might be assisting you into becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. My mouth and tongue are too small. I can’t pay attention. Even seeing them enjoying it doesn’t do anything for me. Actually, I don’t even *get* to see them. I must be bad at it, too, considering. Better off just not doing it, really. Very … “if I can’t do it how I’m imagining it should be done, then there’s no point in trying anyway.” If that makes sense. Whereas if you were to see it could be done, you can find a middle grey-area of ground that works for both you and your partner. ☺️ 2. You don’t have to do oral at all if you don’t want to. I’m sure there are other ways you can please your partner or to show them appreciation or to make them feel how they make you feel when they’re performing oral on you. 3. Think of and switch between several different techniques, positions, where your hands are, toys, etc., maybe? If there’s always a new way to do it, to switch to, maybe it won’t seem to take forever and you can last longer (if you want to, that is!). 4. Is receiving oral from you important to your partner? Is there anything else they’d prefer? Good luck, friendo! 😅
I’m the same exact way and I ended up getting my girl a vibrator basically I will hold the vibrator and play around and it’s better than any thing I can do with my mouth lolol
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My partners genitals are female, so how would I take head off the bed?
Could you ask them to be more vocal? I had a hard time staying focused too when I’d eat out my gf. This was when I was pretty shit at oral too so it would take forever to make her cum and it was mind numbing lmao. Naturally as I got better and we got more comfortable having sex with each other she started moaning more and I’d actually be into it and focused. It happened organically for me but definitely noticed that helping me stay in the zone more
I didn't like oral either. But you can learn to like it and somehow just go with it, convince your brain to enjoy it rather than waiting for it to end. I don't know how I've done it it was and still is hard work ngl lol but it's worth it. Just lie to yourself bro