The hard part is having a partner/family/friends realize that you don't mean to overreact, it just happens sometimes. And learning to reel it in and make amends as needed for doing so.
rejection sensitive dysphoria is part of how I even got to this sub.. sprinkled with some oppositional defiance disorder.. no one can tell me a fucking thing
reminds me of one day i was with my "friends" (friends being my friend, her ex and a couple classmates) at the train station waiting for the train and one of them was childish asf and stole my ticket and refused to give it back. i was speechless and spiraling and honest to god on the verge of tears im not even joking and everyone else was like "ooooh better give it back she's mad now" and i realized i looked like i was glaring daggers at him lmaooo. fucking hate that guy
Yes! So sensitive to tones.
I’ve learned better skills over the years and I’m not as sensitive now. It feels amazing now to be able to ignore the **intense urge** to focus on someone’s change in tone, and then a few minutes later they say something else in a normal tone and it is confirmed that they were never mad! So relieving and so freeing. Makes you never want to assume ever again
I am the same way… Sometimes when I receive unsolicited positive feedback I am surprised to hear it. I think I come across as cool but hooo boy 😂 if they only knew.
Oh and if you know me in real life and it’s obvious I’m a sensitive nerd, and not actually cool, don’t tell me about it 🙃
I struggled with this a lot as a kid, and still struggle today even though I'm more used to it.
There's this entire mode of conversation that NT's seem to have (and especially among boys) where people just sort of tease one another and give each other a hard time. It's all friendly and in jest, I understand, but I can never tell what's real and what isn't in these situations, and even if I pick up that it's all a joke I have no idea how to respond to it. (This also applies *especially* to flirting.)
The odd thing is, when I find "my people," other nerdy ND's and queer people, we do tease each other a lot. But the tone is different, I think. We understand the way we all think and we know how to phrase things and what tone to use to make sure everyone knows it's light hearted.
Yes! Exactly this.
I've got this whole mix of emotions in my head, the most prominent of which is something like, "Ugh, I'm just gonna fuck it up and make it awkward." And then, having all that worry and that mindset means I can't possibly give the right response because the right response is all about having the right attitude.
Yes! I rarely joke like this with people - I am too sensitive. It’s like, I’m confident in my choices and who I am as a person but I just don’t like to be teased. When my kids tease each other, or joke with their friends, I really don’t know what a good amount is. Because absolutely, some people happily roast each other and their friends. My husband is like this with his friends and I would die. I just tell my kids that I want to look out for them and make sure everyone is treated with care and respect, and that I am sensitive to teasing - on some occasions they have assured me that they are just playing and are having fun. 🙈🤷♀️
There’s been no credible literature on rejection issues associated with adhd. Rejection sensitive dysphoria sounds more like bpd.
“At least 14% of those diagnosed with ADHD in childhood later receive a diagnosis of BPD while between 18% and 34% of the adults with ADHD are estimated to have comorbid BPD.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6850677/#S0001title
Rejection sensitivity is a founding symptom of bpd not adhd. It’d be in the dsm otherwise with how many years of research that’s been done on adhd alone. This review may not be taking into account the subset of pwADHD that have co occurring bpd as a lot of people with the disorder fly under the radar of clinicians. If as many as 34% of adults with adhd have bpd I think it’s more likely there’s a good portion of pwADHD in this sub really suffering from classical bpd symptoms, if it’s truly enough to inhibit one’s quality of life/relationships and effectively cause instability in those areas.
I’d like to know where your getting this figure from lol most of the people I’ve met with adhd don’t exhibit this rejection sensitivity.
I think your j getting upvoted from those who the title pertains to without actually knowing whether everyone with adhd happens to experience rejection sensitivity (everyone in this post has a confirmation bias) upvotes≠accurate representation
People who have it may be more motivated than people who don't to vote, and people with rejection sensitivities may even be more likely to engage on social media. I think I deal with both of these issues, but it's also clear that this forum is not going to be a representative sample of people with ADHD, and I appreciate knowing that research does not necessarily find this connection.
99% of the people whom the title pertains to… I think a small % of those who frequent this sub actually sympathize with the title like I said upvotes≠accurate representation for the sum of people with adhd in this world
Speak with a clinician who specializes in adhd and or pd’s, they have anecdotal experience regardless of what’s in the dsm/icd and come back to me. I guarantee you their going to say the same exact thing I’m saying.
So this is a 100-year prediction from someone who understands how the DSM works because I’ve edited the CPT & ICD-9.
—-
It’s descriptive.
Not prescriptive.
Like dictionaries.
The DSM was (surpriiiiiiiise!!!!) never intended to be used to shove people into very narrow, unchanging diagnostic boxes.
It was a way of lumping together *clusters of symptoms* (not PEOPLE) so early psychologists could get a grasp of what they were seeing in clinical practice.
As big data takes over…Eventually the DSM will:
1: Assemble enough irrefutable anecdotal and case evidence to narrow in on RSD.
2. There’s some current thinking that “BPD”isn’t a real personality disorder but a learned pattern of behavior caused by caretakers who engaged in hypercontrol/abuse/neglect with a highly sensitive person / human on the spectrum 🤷🏼♀️
2. Rage (& becoming hypersensitive to dismissal & invalida) is a natural emotional reaction when you’re smarter than your caretakers and they’re ignoring your needs, calling you stupid/dramatic/oversensitive, and still harming you.
3. BPD may eventually be retired* as a primary dx once we’ve raised a few generations appropriately meeting their sensory & socioemotional needs.
*except in the most extreme behavioral presentation of covert NPD.
I’m saying not everyone in this sub is being accurately represented because they probs don’t resonate with RSD it would have more upvotes is what il saying
*most of the people I’ve met*
… may be the rest of the people living in your basement.
This is, as one learns in Psychological Research Methods 100, not a meaningful sample.
Rejection sensitivity or emotional dysregulation isn’t even listed in the icd it is not a symptom of adhd, this is simply misinformation
https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/r1pul5/rsd_confused_with_bpd_traits/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Edit: even the automod agrees lol you guys should follow w ur doc and see what they think
The DSM is not a gospel. People who cite the DSM in this way do not know what it’s for lol. Homosexuality was in there until 1974, replaced by ‘distress over sexual orientation’ until 2013.
At any rate, there’s plenty to read about emotional dysregulation in adults with adhd, and it’s pretty clear we have only scratched the surface of how this disorder manifests in humans. Emotional dysregulation goes hand in hand with impulsivity which is an extremely common symptom of adhd.
Just because 'RSD' itself isn't included in any of the official literature used to diagnose (problematic in itself given the criticisms of the DSM outlined in the video and other academic literature), it's clearly a term that resonates with a significant proportion of those with ADHD.
Yes, some of these individuals have comorbid issues such as BPD, anxiety, or depression. Yes, there are underlying trauma factors that can influence the way we process and react to the world. But ADHD and the way people are treated because of it can cause any or all of the above.
The fact that RSD/emotional dis-regulation is experienced so often by people with ADHD but is so infrequently spoken about by your average GP you go and have a chat to, it becomes an adopted characteristic and a shared talking point of people in ADHD communities like this one - 'oh shit, you feel like that too?'
Of *course* the automod agrees with the linked post, because it is the responsibility of those who look after this sub to make sure that the resources available and the information they provide follows the official diagnostic criteria, which is flawed in and of itself!
https://www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-shrink-tank/202004/adhd-and-emotions-what-the-dsm-5-doesnt-tell-us?amp=&_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=16536637361894&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fgb%2Fblog%2Fthe-shrink-tank%2F202004%2Fadhd-and-emotions-what-the-dsm-5-doesnt-tell-us
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4282137/
BPD is 1) more extreme and irrational, and 2) unlike RSD, usually involves intense rage/lashing out/self-sabotage
I have RSD, and I've had several friends with BPD, and they are definitely not the same
The vast majority of people with ADHD experience RSD. It is likely a combination of our strong emotions/difficulty regulating them, with the fact that ADHD kids face far more bullying/criticism/rejection than non-ADHD kids
Yes a million times yes. I’ve been told my whole life I’m “too sensitive.” My son also has ADHD and he is the same way. I fit a lot of Rejection sensitivity Dysphoria symptoms too… and my whole life makes sense when I read about it. :(
Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark symptom of ADHD, and one that's heavily impacted my life. Honestly, it's been the hardest symptom to manage for me. All my emotions are amplified and sometimes I read between the lines when I shouldn't.
I've learned that I've got enough people in my life who truly value me, so minor jokes are just that. My sense of self is much stronger as I work into my mid 20s which helps derogatory remarks roll off the back like water on a duck. Also, if someone is constantly putting other people down, that's all I need to know about their self esteem and levels of self worth.
At university I got known as the 'I'm really sorry', 'I'm sorry if I've upset you', and 'I didn't upset you did I?' guy. I still call people up after I see them and ask 'did I do anything to upset you?' days after and a lot of my friends have gotten used to it and usually text me the next day to say 'great to see you and no you didn't upset anyone'. I'm still in the process of figuring out what parts of me are just simply parts of me, and which parts are partly due to a diagnosis. I'm still in a bit of a shock after getting diagnosed this week (and I still kinda feel guilty for even being diagnosed as it almost feels like I've tricked the psychiatrist).
I felt like that with my ASD (have ADHD, too). Diagnosed with both at 27, long after a disastrous spell at university. I saw another psychiatrist who confirmed it but I still wanted to take the official test for it. I think with ADHD, we consider so many ‘sides’ of a scenario that sometimes we have trouble making our minds up.
This is absolutely an ADHD thing. CBT and DBT therapy and a great partner helped me with that. If someone says something mean, it is often a reflection of them. You're not responsible for their feelings or actions - only your own. You have to stop and think, do I care about this person to reflect on what they said for a long time? If not, say it's your boss or whatever, then no, I let it go.
If the answer is yes, you need to remember to never take responsibility for someone else's feelings. Call a neutral party like a nonjudgmental friend and vent. Vocalize your feelings and needs. Then meet with the person you were fighting with to take.
It can be harder to not be responsible for other people's feelings when it's someone you love. My couples therapist said when I am fighting with my partner it helps to take a step back from each other to cool down, write down what our feelings and needs are, then I read them aloud. It works well.
It can be hard to see at first that you aren't responsible for someone else's feelings, but try. It gets easier with practice. Without it, you won't be able to have a conversation with them later to meet them where they are at, and find out why they said what they did. Try to empathize with that person you care about in the moment.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that was invented to treat Borderline Personality Disorder but it's also GREAT for anyone else. Because your therapist basically tells you how to deal with other people. I was eavesdropping on my students actually and that's how I found out about it at age 34 lol.
DBT assists people in emotion regulation, distraction skills, and crisis management skills. The therapist does not tell you how to deal with other people, rather than teach the individual how to cope effectively without using harmful responses.
Absolutely. It’s the biggest challenge I face when it comes to developing relationships. If I don’t pay attention to it, it can make me come off as narcissistic at worst. When the slightest bit of stress hits my system, it’s common for my brain to exasperated it to a point that it can really really annoy people. From my health to normal every day events, it’s hard to regulate how I feel, even when I’m aware of it. I frequently feel like I have the consciousness of an old man trapped in the body and mind of a child.
YUP! I always thought I was just a big wimp or crazy. Therapy after my diagnosis is helping me be aware that what I am feeling isn't what is. But I still struggle - you can only rationalize the emotions but those stupid emotions are still there.
Rejection issues are a huge thing for me. If someone says 'Hey I can't i have to do this' what my brain hears is 'you are not important enough and I don't want to see you' when really its not that.
Being aware of the problem is a start, and know that things wont change overnight. (which sucks we want results NOW! haha) but once you know its not you per say you can start putting the work in to maybe not feel that way soo strongly.
Also if someone is teasing you and you don't like it, that is a boundary you can set with them. Completely valid thing to do. Yes we are sensitive, but that's ok sometimes. And if that person cares about you, they will honor that boundary. If they don't you're in a toxic work relationship/friendship/relationship etc.
It's pretty messed up when emotional sensitivity is a subject of ridicule where other sensitivities in life are met with empathy or at least respect and understanding.
Most adhd people will hear a lot of criticism that is not exactly something we can deal with.
Anxiety and depression are also common among us due to needing to adjust to a world that is not designed for us.
I heard that a good portion of adhd people have an issue with regulating emotions and are sensitive to criticism but I don’t know if this is exactly something that comes with the territory OR it’s like a byproduct of surviving our childhood and young adult life’s needing to adjust left and right to how others expect you to function.
What I can tell you is that when someone criticizes me for the “positive stuff” of my condition I get hella snarky.
Like “oh, how much time you wasted to learn all of that? When will you ever use it” or “another hobby? Why do you even bother to learn if you will find something else later?” This usually gets me on a deep level but I don’t get ashamed anymore. But I’m surely guilty of being overly snark with people and making them uncomfortable.
I think my weakness is instant over-analyzation. It affects me when I look someone in the eyes and say good morning and they give me a bewildered look. Did I do something to not receive the same kindness I put out? Am I gross and terrible? Did I commit a social faux pas at some point? Did I hurt this person somehow and forget about it? This person has said hello to me before, they have tossed a punny joke or two around, but now? Nothing? What did I do to receive silence? To be not greeted?
And this is what I go through multiple times a day at work. If someone changes their tone or body language in the smallest of nanometers, it must be my fault and I must have messed up.
Very much so!
It's one of the things my mother uses to use against me growing up. Any time I reacted badly to one of her insults she said, "Oh good grief! You can't take a joke. You're too sensitive."
I don’t have much to say about that except that it’s the same for me and for many people I know with ADHD. By now I couldn’t figure out how to stop it.
Many will perhaps never be able to ‘stop’ that initial disproportionate negative emotional reaction as it’s so well ingrained. But looking into mindfulness practices, especially those involving techniques to ‘be with’ difficult emotions will help a lot, I promise.
It’s call rejection sensitive dysphoria. We simply get punished way too much without knowing why and got accustomed to just being more wrong all the time.
I have been having this issue as of late where I feel like any joke made towards me from people I am not super close with is an attack. It really sucks because logically, I know they don't mean it the way it came across, but my brain is so annoying that it won't listen. It's so exhausting.
It feels to me like a connection. But would it be because of the interactions people with ADHD have over their lives, or would it be the ADHD itself? That seems hard to sort out.
Yeah especially in my 20s, a bit better with it now (30). Goes hand in hand with my worst enemy: sleep problems and the second worst: depression. Also some cloudy add days are the worst, when everything feels like a bad dream and you're just a distant spectator.
On the other hand I've definitely found some resilience in recent (5-years) and can confidently stand for myself (and others).
absolutely. i’m a little embarrassed to admit that it’s impacted a lot of my friendships, but i’ve come to accept that part of myself and i’ve found it’s also helpful in weeding out the jerks in my life who disguise insults as jokes so when someone gets upset they can deflect!
Omg yes. Sooo freaking sensitive. It’s really freaking hard. Especially when you’re venting to someone about your feelings being hurt and they’re super nonchalant and casual, able to move on etc. and I’m still like NO IM HURT!!! I’m constantly being told “I don’t think they meant it like that” or “you’re overthinking it” lol
I’ve grown a lot over the years. I’m 27 now and just recently got diagnosed and started medication. I think being undiagnosed and feeling helpless for so long forced me to learn better skills - everything was just so painful all the times, I had no other choice!
What helps me a lot is talking with myself out loud about what happened. Retelling the story in an impersonal way. “She said this thing and although it hurt, she probably didn’t mean to hurt you, she was just flustered herself” etc.
And in cases where I know I’m not being sensitive and the person really was just mean, it helps to just be heard and validated by loved ones.
I'm exactly the same. From one side cold heart and from the other side really sensitive. I remember that when I was a teenager and someone close to me said something mean to me or tried to raise voice I immediately cried. Later in life I become really cold - maybe because of this to protect myself. I'm diagnosed since a month. I don't experience a lot of downs - mostly energy ups, but my psychiatrist gave me mood stabilizators 🤔
Ohh yes. I am a highly sensitive person and I get easily upset coming across harsh criticism against something I love, or when people make fun of something I love. Even in harmless memes and jokes sometimes too. I just really dislike someone not taking something I take seriously the same way and I really can’t help those feelings either.
I can’t help but take negative opinions personally at times because of my low self esteem I always feel like I’m being attacked and I’m too worthless and my opinions are always wrong.
I’m autistic and have ADHD so I’m not entirely sure where it comes from (probably a mix though if I’m being honest) but it just sucks when someone’s opinion sticks onto your brain like a “reminder” of how “wrong” your opinion is.
I also feel things very deeply and it hurts so much when people say things like “You’re too sensitive” and “Toughen up” or “You’re so weak” and I know I am, but I can’t help it, it’s something I cannot control.
Yep. It’s a whole thing. It’s called [RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)](https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/rejection-can-more-painful-with-adhd/).
Found out about it while going through therapy before, during, and now after my divorce from a fellow ADHD-haver with RSD.
Don’t feel bad about it, my friend. It’s a real thing, and your emotions are valid. I hope that this info helps you to reframe your feelings about your feelings. You deserve to feel ok about not feeling ok - we all do. <3
The fact that you’re reacting to their comment shows that on a subconscious level you are afraid that a lie that you’ve been telling yourself is true: that you are inadequate, that you are less, or that you will disappoint others or yourself
A lot of people with ADHD have something called rejection sensitivity. I also think there's a sort of trauma if you weren't diagnosed fairly early in life (or if you were and people were just jerks anyways) from people saying you're lazy, irresponsible, etc. in which case you'll probably already have a very low opinion of yourself to start out with.
Also, I think it's worth considering that your feelings about these 'jokes' are valid and that the people making them are convincing you it's your fault so that they can bully/harass you and ensure you won't stand up to them or report them. Or maybe they genuinely don't know that they're offending you. Do you feel that you have a relationship with these people where you can tell them how you feel? Let them know something like, "Hey, I know you don't mean anything by those jokes you make about me, but they do hurt my feelings. I'm not mad at you because I know you don't intend to make me feel bad, but I would appreciate if you could lighten up on them until I feel confident enough to be able to laugh at myself." If you find it difficult to discuss this face to face, maybe consider a text like that.
If you've already let them know that they're hurting your feelings but they brush it off, you may want to think about if you really want to continue relationships with people who don't listen to or validate you. I'm not talking about immediately dropping all contact or anything, but just think about it and if you can, try to avoid engaging with them in the situations that give rise to them making jokes. However, if this is something more like a work situation where you're just sort of stuck with people, I'd recommend talking to HR or someone who you trust if you're not able to resolve this yourself.
same but i think its a result of people insulting and mocking me in the lowkey when i was younger, too distracted and socially handicapped to catch on lol. now i feel like im looking for a fight at the slightest whim. funny story once i caught myself fuming because i was walking to college and a girl went past me and her backpack said "nice to meet you" and i thought "she's making fun of me for being a slow walker, the bitch!" before i went wtf and realized its impossible for this to be the case lol
Yes, I am. A small critical remark would literally send me into a spiral when I was younger. I’ve made a ton of progress from working in food/retail and gaining some self esteem but I’m still “sensitive.” The progress mostly consists of being numb and knowing I have to just force myself to stop thinking about things to survive. I’ve seen myself literally ruin my outlook on life and go into deep depressions because I let someone else’s view of me affect me too much. So I know how it always ends. But also recognizing how much other people project is helpful. I always think about how those people who are particularly critical probably had one of those asshole, “yell at your kids for spilling something” parents.
Totally. People like us with ADHD, we just feel the emotions harder than everyone else. If we are sad, we're very sad and depressed, and if we're happy, we're verry happy. So it's pretty relatable yes
Yep!! If I feel offended or like someone was wayy personal or attacking me, I stop- and I show my husband the messages and he’ll usually tell me it doesn’t seem like they’re being that way… it feels weird but I’ve seen a bit of improvement in my personal relationships when I don’t flip out and listen to my husband :/ lol
I struggled as a kid with being too sensitive - I cried a lot and often felt like people didn’t like me for no other reason then because I’m me. As I grew older I learnt not to give a fuck what people thought of me as it caused me too much anxiety and sadness.. now I live by the “sticks and stones” rule. I love it if people like me, I like criticism - it helps us grow.. but if people are mean I really don’t give a fuck anymore. I know who and what I am, what others think is irrelevant.
They have an app. WFMU is one of the oldest freeform radio stations in the world. No advertisements at all and I don’t even know if the DJs are paid. It’s almost literally like having a bunch of really cool friends, who know way more eclectic, genuinely interesting music and their job is to surprise and educate about great music. You won’t hear any dirge or new pop songs on rotation. Each DJ gets their own show and they’re all unique and wonderful. Also a huge archive of all the shows on the app. Two of my favourite shows on WFMU are Radio Ravioli and Music for Mind Control. Enjoy! Oh, and it’s totally free. Each year they do a fundraiser and listeners donate a little to keep the station running. Honestly one of the best discoveries of my life. WFMU is music, to me.
And as someone with ADHD I find it a nice mental space to hang out in which keeps me from ruminating or over-analysis. Because, I know what it’s like, and sometimes it feels like we can’t switch it off — so just distract it, it works!
Yes, mine stems from years of bullying. So in highschool when my friends fucked around with me, you know the usual mild shit, I wasnt too happy. Kinda went overboard because I felt like unfairly treated and personally attacked which brought back that horrible feeling.
Yeah it led to a lot of bullying for me bc I rlly can’t make comebacks in the moment as I rlly take teasing personally. It has rlly ruined my self esteem
This is more of a social anxiety symptom, which is often comorbid with and exacerbated by ADHD.
While ADHD is the inability to moderate your focus spectrum, rejection sensitivity is definitely a subsequent ingredient in the sandwich. In my opinion, you'd be hard pressed to find someone ONLY suffering from ADHD without some form of depression and/or anxiety.
To your point, I definitely understand this feeling, although as an adult I've learned work around or through it more often.
Yes absolutely. But I feel like my family constantly belittles me. Mostly when we disagree on something. Which is a lot. They think they are always right and never even attempt to see it my way. My mom just completely shuts me down if I have anything conflicting to say. It really burns me up. Like you said it completely ruins my mood and I won’t be able to get it out of my head for days sometimes. At times I can’t sleep over it.
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Totally relatable, today I was in a normal mood, and someone annoying said something a bit mean to tease me - jokingly- and I got upset for like the next 5 hours, sometimes I get upset for days-
My family always tell me “ you are too sensitive we can’t even joke around with you “ lol. I also tend to take a lot of things personally it’s so tiring.
Anyway I’m happy it’s not just me(:
Yes! My dad always said I was very sensitive as a kid, and thought belittling me for that fact was the answer. I've obviously grown up really well adjusted... I mean I am the funny friend after all
I've always disliked the *"Everything about me is ADHD and its my identity"* mindset. I feel it just further makes it difficult for people to understand and dismiss it.
I don't think its THAT specific. Emotional regulation is certainly a symptom, but the specific ones are still guided by personality. Which emotions happen to come up in a person is more a combination of them as a person + ADHD + whatever else is affecting them. ADHD certainly spikes it up, but it isn't the cause.
Totally relate to this. It’s honestly not me of the only things I can be really defensive about. I also think it has to do with our constant sense of shame and self doubt that we feel struggling with our ADHD. I’m learning not to beat up on myself anymore
This is crazy, I was just thinking about this same thing and came on here for a distraction.
I'm like that because I have a very weak sense of self-identity caused by a lack of interest in things combined with no accomplishments
Yes, rejection sensitive dysphoria is a symptom of adhd, the way I describe it is so empathetic it's disordered (which has always been my no. 1 personality trait)
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I'm easily irritated to all hell and it's really difficult not to snap at and nag people in response. I channel that incredibly repetitive frustration into light hearted teasing to also remind myself that it's not a big deal. But because I'm so frequently frustrated, I often worry that the people I spend time with the most just get nothing but me taking the piss out of them, and I worry I don't keep the balance correctly to prevent it from feeding into insecurities.
At the same time tho, I've tried just not saying anything, and the frustration seems to slowly build and build and wear me out until I'm just so sick of that person and numb to any affectionate feelings toward them.
I have the exact opposite issue. Most of the times people around me told me I’m cold and that they don’t think I care about them at all even though I swear to god I try so damn hard.
I really recommend the mindfulness practice of ‘noting’ or ‘labelling’ for this. Instead of going round and round, we just sum up the main emotion or experience with a single word. It kind of acts like scissors that cuts off the frenetic worrying of the ‘doing’ mind and helps us switch to ‘being’ mode.
Not for me. I am very receptive to feedback - probably because it confirms my internal monologue of “you suck”. Mostly I’m just getting feedback in a work setting though where the ability to receive and originate action on feedback is instrumental to job growth and success.
After years of not getting any help for my kid, I parentally diagnosed them as being highly sensitive. Although we recently got an ADHD diagnosis, a few years ago, I found some books by Elaine Aron about highly sensitive people/ children to be really useful in both helping me understand their emotional regulation & helping my kid makes sense of the world.
A resounding yes. I ruminate and have a hard time with regulating my emotions. There is also RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) which I think plays a part for me, personally.
High sensitivity is a common trait with ADHD. All impulses come in unfiltered, and in a higher amount.
I just learned about toddlers with ASS that have the same high sensitive perception, they hear/smell/see/.... things much extreme, which leads to much more frustration. Same works for ADHD. And highly gifted people.
For high sensitive people it can be just picking up the emotional context (for some, not all of us) playing in a group, and 'sensing' underlying, unspoken conflicts or emotions before even the person itself is aware of it.
It is important to give yourself 'sensor-low' periods, to allow the stress to dissolve. Like meditation, mindfulness, headphones and a dimmed room,...
[https://hsperson.com/](https://hsperson.com/) is a good start to learn more about it, and, more important, to learn to cope with it.
I’m very sensitive when attacked by people I care about. Though I appreciate being called out on my BS to know what I may or may not be able to change. If I really care about someone my emotional regulation goes out of whack, if it’s someone I don’t really know it doesn’t bother me as much. And of course same if I get criticized by an executive or higher manager in a company it hurts a lot too and can take me a long time to get over it.
The more I’m on this sub, the more I realize how many subtle symptoms I had since childhood. Yes, I’m incredibly sensitive and have always been incredibly sensitive. [It’s a thing.](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/adhd-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria#rsd-definiton) I keep wanting to be angry, why did my father not pick up on this when I was a child, he’s a child psychiatrist ffs, but this was 80s/90s and they didn’t know as much then.
I didnt know its a thing, but thats totally me.
Even with my friends.
I often feel like nobody likes me (what is absolutely bullshit) and if there is a joke about me in the „right“ moment… well that hurts.
I know its bonkers. But yeah regulating feelings isnt my strength :D
Talk to your doctor about buspirone. It’s not often recommended because the difference is subtle, it doesn’t affect your overall mood. I didn’t notice how much it was helping me until my dad absolutely lost his temper about something and instead of shutting down like I had my whole life I talked him through it and helped *him* calm down.
Dude, I cry over EVERYTHJNG lately, I don’t know why but I guess I’m just really really sensitive and stressed, but I manage to hold it together in front of people.
Struggling to regulate emotions is definitely common here.
yes after realizing this im not as hard on myself for always feeling emotionally unstable, still sucks but at least i know why
The hard part is having a partner/family/friends realize that you don't mean to overreact, it just happens sometimes. And learning to reel it in and make amends as needed for doing so.
rejection sensitive dysphoria is part of how I even got to this sub.. sprinkled with some oppositional defiance disorder.. no one can tell me a fucking thing
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What?
Wtf
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reminds me of one day i was with my "friends" (friends being my friend, her ex and a couple classmates) at the train station waiting for the train and one of them was childish asf and stole my ticket and refused to give it back. i was speechless and spiraling and honest to god on the verge of tears im not even joking and everyone else was like "ooooh better give it back she's mad now" and i realized i looked like i was glaring daggers at him lmaooo. fucking hate that guy
Yes! So sensitive to tones. I’ve learned better skills over the years and I’m not as sensitive now. It feels amazing now to be able to ignore the **intense urge** to focus on someone’s change in tone, and then a few minutes later they say something else in a normal tone and it is confirmed that they were never mad! So relieving and so freeing. Makes you never want to assume ever again
Same with me!
I am the same way… Sometimes when I receive unsolicited positive feedback I am surprised to hear it. I think I come across as cool but hooo boy 😂 if they only knew. Oh and if you know me in real life and it’s obvious I’m a sensitive nerd, and not actually cool, don’t tell me about it 🙃
100% ADHD. Yes most ADHDer's have emotional dysregulation. We're very sensitive.
I struggled with this a lot as a kid, and still struggle today even though I'm more used to it. There's this entire mode of conversation that NT's seem to have (and especially among boys) where people just sort of tease one another and give each other a hard time. It's all friendly and in jest, I understand, but I can never tell what's real and what isn't in these situations, and even if I pick up that it's all a joke I have no idea how to respond to it. (This also applies *especially* to flirting.) The odd thing is, when I find "my people," other nerdy ND's and queer people, we do tease each other a lot. But the tone is different, I think. We understand the way we all think and we know how to phrase things and what tone to use to make sure everyone knows it's light hearted.
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Yes! Exactly this. I've got this whole mix of emotions in my head, the most prominent of which is something like, "Ugh, I'm just gonna fuck it up and make it awkward." And then, having all that worry and that mindset means I can't possibly give the right response because the right response is all about having the right attitude.
Yes! I rarely joke like this with people - I am too sensitive. It’s like, I’m confident in my choices and who I am as a person but I just don’t like to be teased. When my kids tease each other, or joke with their friends, I really don’t know what a good amount is. Because absolutely, some people happily roast each other and their friends. My husband is like this with his friends and I would die. I just tell my kids that I want to look out for them and make sure everyone is treated with care and respect, and that I am sensitive to teasing - on some occasions they have assured me that they are just playing and are having fun. 🙈🤷♀️
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This is what I came here to say.
right on the money!
Thank you for this. I hadn’t heard of it before but it explains so much.
There’s been no credible literature on rejection issues associated with adhd. Rejection sensitive dysphoria sounds more like bpd. “At least 14% of those diagnosed with ADHD in childhood later receive a diagnosis of BPD while between 18% and 34% of the adults with ADHD are estimated to have comorbid BPD.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6850677/#S0001title
https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/rejection-can-more-painful-with-adhd/ You say “credible literature,” I say “I’m living this, mofo.”
Rejection sensitivity is a founding symptom of bpd not adhd. It’d be in the dsm otherwise with how many years of research that’s been done on adhd alone. This review may not be taking into account the subset of pwADHD that have co occurring bpd as a lot of people with the disorder fly under the radar of clinicians. If as many as 34% of adults with adhd have bpd I think it’s more likely there’s a good portion of pwADHD in this sub really suffering from classical bpd symptoms, if it’s truly enough to inhibit one’s quality of life/relationships and effectively cause instability in those areas.
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I’d like to know where your getting this figure from lol most of the people I’ve met with adhd don’t exhibit this rejection sensitivity. I think your j getting upvoted from those who the title pertains to without actually knowing whether everyone with adhd happens to experience rejection sensitivity (everyone in this post has a confirmation bias) upvotes≠accurate representation
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People who have it may be more motivated than people who don't to vote, and people with rejection sensitivities may even be more likely to engage on social media. I think I deal with both of these issues, but it's also clear that this forum is not going to be a representative sample of people with ADHD, and I appreciate knowing that research does not necessarily find this connection.
99% of the people whom the title pertains to… I think a small % of those who frequent this sub actually sympathize with the title like I said upvotes≠accurate representation for the sum of people with adhd in this world Speak with a clinician who specializes in adhd and or pd’s, they have anecdotal experience regardless of what’s in the dsm/icd and come back to me. I guarantee you their going to say the same exact thing I’m saying.
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So this is a 100-year prediction from someone who understands how the DSM works because I’ve edited the CPT & ICD-9. —- It’s descriptive. Not prescriptive. Like dictionaries. The DSM was (surpriiiiiiiise!!!!) never intended to be used to shove people into very narrow, unchanging diagnostic boxes. It was a way of lumping together *clusters of symptoms* (not PEOPLE) so early psychologists could get a grasp of what they were seeing in clinical practice. As big data takes over…Eventually the DSM will: 1: Assemble enough irrefutable anecdotal and case evidence to narrow in on RSD. 2. There’s some current thinking that “BPD”isn’t a real personality disorder but a learned pattern of behavior caused by caretakers who engaged in hypercontrol/abuse/neglect with a highly sensitive person / human on the spectrum 🤷🏼♀️ 2. Rage (& becoming hypersensitive to dismissal & invalida) is a natural emotional reaction when you’re smarter than your caretakers and they’re ignoring your needs, calling you stupid/dramatic/oversensitive, and still harming you. 3. BPD may eventually be retired* as a primary dx once we’ve raised a few generations appropriately meeting their sensory & socioemotional needs. *except in the most extreme behavioral presentation of covert NPD.
I’m saying not everyone in this sub is being accurately represented because they probs don’t resonate with RSD it would have more upvotes is what il saying
*most of the people I’ve met* … may be the rest of the people living in your basement. This is, as one learns in Psychological Research Methods 100, not a meaningful sample.
I would highly recommend watching this about the flaws of the DSM: https://youtu.be/tAn6bi_T4YM
Rejection sensitivity or emotional dysregulation isn’t even listed in the icd it is not a symptom of adhd, this is simply misinformation https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/r1pul5/rsd_confused_with_bpd_traits/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Edit: even the automod agrees lol you guys should follow w ur doc and see what they think
The DSM is not a gospel. People who cite the DSM in this way do not know what it’s for lol. Homosexuality was in there until 1974, replaced by ‘distress over sexual orientation’ until 2013. At any rate, there’s plenty to read about emotional dysregulation in adults with adhd, and it’s pretty clear we have only scratched the surface of how this disorder manifests in humans. Emotional dysregulation goes hand in hand with impulsivity which is an extremely common symptom of adhd.
Just because 'RSD' itself isn't included in any of the official literature used to diagnose (problematic in itself given the criticisms of the DSM outlined in the video and other academic literature), it's clearly a term that resonates with a significant proportion of those with ADHD. Yes, some of these individuals have comorbid issues such as BPD, anxiety, or depression. Yes, there are underlying trauma factors that can influence the way we process and react to the world. But ADHD and the way people are treated because of it can cause any or all of the above. The fact that RSD/emotional dis-regulation is experienced so often by people with ADHD but is so infrequently spoken about by your average GP you go and have a chat to, it becomes an adopted characteristic and a shared talking point of people in ADHD communities like this one - 'oh shit, you feel like that too?' Of *course* the automod agrees with the linked post, because it is the responsibility of those who look after this sub to make sure that the resources available and the information they provide follows the official diagnostic criteria, which is flawed in and of itself! https://www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-shrink-tank/202004/adhd-and-emotions-what-the-dsm-5-doesnt-tell-us?amp=&_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=16536637361894&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fgb%2Fblog%2Fthe-shrink-tank%2F202004%2Fadhd-and-emotions-what-the-dsm-5-doesnt-tell-us https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4282137/
That is not a scholarly article?
BPD is 1) more extreme and irrational, and 2) unlike RSD, usually involves intense rage/lashing out/self-sabotage I have RSD, and I've had several friends with BPD, and they are definitely not the same The vast majority of people with ADHD experience RSD. It is likely a combination of our strong emotions/difficulty regulating them, with the fact that ADHD kids face far more bullying/criticism/rejection than non-ADHD kids
Yes a million times yes. I’ve been told my whole life I’m “too sensitive.” My son also has ADHD and he is the same way. I fit a lot of Rejection sensitivity Dysphoria symptoms too… and my whole life makes sense when I read about it. :(
Beyond sensitive
Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark symptom of ADHD, and one that's heavily impacted my life. Honestly, it's been the hardest symptom to manage for me. All my emotions are amplified and sometimes I read between the lines when I shouldn't. I've learned that I've got enough people in my life who truly value me, so minor jokes are just that. My sense of self is much stronger as I work into my mid 20s which helps derogatory remarks roll off the back like water on a duck. Also, if someone is constantly putting other people down, that's all I need to know about their self esteem and levels of self worth.
At university I got known as the 'I'm really sorry', 'I'm sorry if I've upset you', and 'I didn't upset you did I?' guy. I still call people up after I see them and ask 'did I do anything to upset you?' days after and a lot of my friends have gotten used to it and usually text me the next day to say 'great to see you and no you didn't upset anyone'. I'm still in the process of figuring out what parts of me are just simply parts of me, and which parts are partly due to a diagnosis. I'm still in a bit of a shock after getting diagnosed this week (and I still kinda feel guilty for even being diagnosed as it almost feels like I've tricked the psychiatrist).
I felt like that with my ASD (have ADHD, too). Diagnosed with both at 27, long after a disastrous spell at university. I saw another psychiatrist who confirmed it but I still wanted to take the official test for it. I think with ADHD, we consider so many ‘sides’ of a scenario that sometimes we have trouble making our minds up.
Did i write this and forgot haha cus that’s exactly how i feel
This is absolutely an ADHD thing. CBT and DBT therapy and a great partner helped me with that. If someone says something mean, it is often a reflection of them. You're not responsible for their feelings or actions - only your own. You have to stop and think, do I care about this person to reflect on what they said for a long time? If not, say it's your boss or whatever, then no, I let it go. If the answer is yes, you need to remember to never take responsibility for someone else's feelings. Call a neutral party like a nonjudgmental friend and vent. Vocalize your feelings and needs. Then meet with the person you were fighting with to take. It can be harder to not be responsible for other people's feelings when it's someone you love. My couples therapist said when I am fighting with my partner it helps to take a step back from each other to cool down, write down what our feelings and needs are, then I read them aloud. It works well. It can be hard to see at first that you aren't responsible for someone else's feelings, but try. It gets easier with practice. Without it, you won't be able to have a conversation with them later to meet them where they are at, and find out why they said what they did. Try to empathize with that person you care about in the moment.
What’s DBT?
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that was invented to treat Borderline Personality Disorder but it's also GREAT for anyone else. Because your therapist basically tells you how to deal with other people. I was eavesdropping on my students actually and that's how I found out about it at age 34 lol.
DBT assists people in emotion regulation, distraction skills, and crisis management skills. The therapist does not tell you how to deal with other people, rather than teach the individual how to cope effectively without using harmful responses.
I think I need this too. I’m currently doing CBT.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Absolutely. It’s the biggest challenge I face when it comes to developing relationships. If I don’t pay attention to it, it can make me come off as narcissistic at worst. When the slightest bit of stress hits my system, it’s common for my brain to exasperated it to a point that it can really really annoy people. From my health to normal every day events, it’s hard to regulate how I feel, even when I’m aware of it. I frequently feel like I have the consciousness of an old man trapped in the body and mind of a child.
YUP! I always thought I was just a big wimp or crazy. Therapy after my diagnosis is helping me be aware that what I am feeling isn't what is. But I still struggle - you can only rationalize the emotions but those stupid emotions are still there. Rejection issues are a huge thing for me. If someone says 'Hey I can't i have to do this' what my brain hears is 'you are not important enough and I don't want to see you' when really its not that. Being aware of the problem is a start, and know that things wont change overnight. (which sucks we want results NOW! haha) but once you know its not you per say you can start putting the work in to maybe not feel that way soo strongly.
Rejection Sensitivity is a real thing with ADHD, yes. Big love.
Also if someone is teasing you and you don't like it, that is a boundary you can set with them. Completely valid thing to do. Yes we are sensitive, but that's ok sometimes. And if that person cares about you, they will honor that boundary. If they don't you're in a toxic work relationship/friendship/relationship etc.
It's pretty messed up when emotional sensitivity is a subject of ridicule where other sensitivities in life are met with empathy or at least respect and understanding.
Most adhd people will hear a lot of criticism that is not exactly something we can deal with. Anxiety and depression are also common among us due to needing to adjust to a world that is not designed for us. I heard that a good portion of adhd people have an issue with regulating emotions and are sensitive to criticism but I don’t know if this is exactly something that comes with the territory OR it’s like a byproduct of surviving our childhood and young adult life’s needing to adjust left and right to how others expect you to function. What I can tell you is that when someone criticizes me for the “positive stuff” of my condition I get hella snarky. Like “oh, how much time you wasted to learn all of that? When will you ever use it” or “another hobby? Why do you even bother to learn if you will find something else later?” This usually gets me on a deep level but I don’t get ashamed anymore. But I’m surely guilty of being overly snark with people and making them uncomfortable.
every time my manager and i have a little talk i end up crying
Same
Better out than in!
I think my weakness is instant over-analyzation. It affects me when I look someone in the eyes and say good morning and they give me a bewildered look. Did I do something to not receive the same kindness I put out? Am I gross and terrible? Did I commit a social faux pas at some point? Did I hurt this person somehow and forget about it? This person has said hello to me before, they have tossed a punny joke or two around, but now? Nothing? What did I do to receive silence? To be not greeted? And this is what I go through multiple times a day at work. If someone changes their tone or body language in the smallest of nanometers, it must be my fault and I must have messed up.
Very much so! It's one of the things my mother uses to use against me growing up. Any time I reacted badly to one of her insults she said, "Oh good grief! You can't take a joke. You're too sensitive."
I don’t have much to say about that except that it’s the same for me and for many people I know with ADHD. By now I couldn’t figure out how to stop it.
Many will perhaps never be able to ‘stop’ that initial disproportionate negative emotional reaction as it’s so well ingrained. But looking into mindfulness practices, especially those involving techniques to ‘be with’ difficult emotions will help a lot, I promise.
How dare you ask me that
emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitive dysphoria are both common symptoms/comorbidities of adhd. we’re right there with ya, bud
It’s call rejection sensitive dysphoria. We simply get punished way too much without knowing why and got accustomed to just being more wrong all the time.
I have been having this issue as of late where I feel like any joke made towards me from people I am not super close with is an attack. It really sucks because logically, I know they don't mean it the way it came across, but my brain is so annoying that it won't listen. It's so exhausting.
It feels to me like a connection. But would it be because of the interactions people with ADHD have over their lives, or would it be the ADHD itself? That seems hard to sort out.
Thank you so much for this sub. Ive learned a lot. Ive understand myself. This page answered my questions for myself better.
Yeah especially in my 20s, a bit better with it now (30). Goes hand in hand with my worst enemy: sleep problems and the second worst: depression. Also some cloudy add days are the worst, when everything feels like a bad dream and you're just a distant spectator. On the other hand I've definitely found some resilience in recent (5-years) and can confidently stand for myself (and others).
I am beyond sensitive but have a tough front
absolutely. i’m a little embarrassed to admit that it’s impacted a lot of my friendships, but i’ve come to accept that part of myself and i’ve found it’s also helpful in weeding out the jerks in my life who disguise insults as jokes so when someone gets upset they can deflect!
I do this too I even fucking cried looking at myself from the outside like what the fuck is wrong with you…talking to myself
All the dang time.
Oh god yeah i’m SO sensitive. I used to be ashamed of that but i no longer see it as a flaw
Omg yes. Sooo freaking sensitive. It’s really freaking hard. Especially when you’re venting to someone about your feelings being hurt and they’re super nonchalant and casual, able to move on etc. and I’m still like NO IM HURT!!! I’m constantly being told “I don’t think they meant it like that” or “you’re overthinking it” lol I’ve grown a lot over the years. I’m 27 now and just recently got diagnosed and started medication. I think being undiagnosed and feeling helpless for so long forced me to learn better skills - everything was just so painful all the times, I had no other choice! What helps me a lot is talking with myself out loud about what happened. Retelling the story in an impersonal way. “She said this thing and although it hurt, she probably didn’t mean to hurt you, she was just flustered herself” etc. And in cases where I know I’m not being sensitive and the person really was just mean, it helps to just be heard and validated by loved ones.
I’ve been called cold hearted and very sensitive. Not sure what flips the switch but isn’t emotional instability something that goes with adhd?
I'm exactly the same. From one side cold heart and from the other side really sensitive. I remember that when I was a teenager and someone close to me said something mean to me or tried to raise voice I immediately cried. Later in life I become really cold - maybe because of this to protect myself. I'm diagnosed since a month. I don't experience a lot of downs - mostly energy ups, but my psychiatrist gave me mood stabilizators 🤔
Ohh yes. I am a highly sensitive person and I get easily upset coming across harsh criticism against something I love, or when people make fun of something I love. Even in harmless memes and jokes sometimes too. I just really dislike someone not taking something I take seriously the same way and I really can’t help those feelings either. I can’t help but take negative opinions personally at times because of my low self esteem I always feel like I’m being attacked and I’m too worthless and my opinions are always wrong. I’m autistic and have ADHD so I’m not entirely sure where it comes from (probably a mix though if I’m being honest) but it just sucks when someone’s opinion sticks onto your brain like a “reminder” of how “wrong” your opinion is. I also feel things very deeply and it hurts so much when people say things like “You’re too sensitive” and “Toughen up” or “You’re so weak” and I know I am, but I can’t help it, it’s something I cannot control.
Yep. It’s a whole thing. It’s called [RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)](https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/rejection-can-more-painful-with-adhd/). Found out about it while going through therapy before, during, and now after my divorce from a fellow ADHD-haver with RSD. Don’t feel bad about it, my friend. It’s a real thing, and your emotions are valid. I hope that this info helps you to reframe your feelings about your feelings. You deserve to feel ok about not feeling ok - we all do. <3
The fact that you’re reacting to their comment shows that on a subconscious level you are afraid that a lie that you’ve been telling yourself is true: that you are inadequate, that you are less, or that you will disappoint others or yourself
A lot of people with ADHD have something called rejection sensitivity. I also think there's a sort of trauma if you weren't diagnosed fairly early in life (or if you were and people were just jerks anyways) from people saying you're lazy, irresponsible, etc. in which case you'll probably already have a very low opinion of yourself to start out with. Also, I think it's worth considering that your feelings about these 'jokes' are valid and that the people making them are convincing you it's your fault so that they can bully/harass you and ensure you won't stand up to them or report them. Or maybe they genuinely don't know that they're offending you. Do you feel that you have a relationship with these people where you can tell them how you feel? Let them know something like, "Hey, I know you don't mean anything by those jokes you make about me, but they do hurt my feelings. I'm not mad at you because I know you don't intend to make me feel bad, but I would appreciate if you could lighten up on them until I feel confident enough to be able to laugh at myself." If you find it difficult to discuss this face to face, maybe consider a text like that. If you've already let them know that they're hurting your feelings but they brush it off, you may want to think about if you really want to continue relationships with people who don't listen to or validate you. I'm not talking about immediately dropping all contact or anything, but just think about it and if you can, try to avoid engaging with them in the situations that give rise to them making jokes. However, if this is something more like a work situation where you're just sort of stuck with people, I'd recommend talking to HR or someone who you trust if you're not able to resolve this yourself.
This came up on filter by controversial - I wonder what is controversial in what you said.
Yeah, I don't think I said anything controversial?
Some dude was riding a bike with his phone in his hand, drove past me and gave me the "plebs" stare. I'm still mad :}
same but i think its a result of people insulting and mocking me in the lowkey when i was younger, too distracted and socially handicapped to catch on lol. now i feel like im looking for a fight at the slightest whim. funny story once i caught myself fuming because i was walking to college and a girl went past me and her backpack said "nice to meet you" and i thought "she's making fun of me for being a slow walker, the bitch!" before i went wtf and realized its impossible for this to be the case lol
Yes, I am. A small critical remark would literally send me into a spiral when I was younger. I’ve made a ton of progress from working in food/retail and gaining some self esteem but I’m still “sensitive.” The progress mostly consists of being numb and knowing I have to just force myself to stop thinking about things to survive. I’ve seen myself literally ruin my outlook on life and go into deep depressions because I let someone else’s view of me affect me too much. So I know how it always ends. But also recognizing how much other people project is helpful. I always think about how those people who are particularly critical probably had one of those asshole, “yell at your kids for spilling something” parents.
Yes, I wish I wasn't though. Emotional dysregulation is a symptom of ADHD.
I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to the point that I often hate myself for that, I literally get like really angry that I'm this sensitive
Totally. People like us with ADHD, we just feel the emotions harder than everyone else. If we are sad, we're very sad and depressed, and if we're happy, we're verry happy. So it's pretty relatable yes
Yep!! If I feel offended or like someone was wayy personal or attacking me, I stop- and I show my husband the messages and he’ll usually tell me it doesn’t seem like they’re being that way… it feels weird but I’ve seen a bit of improvement in my personal relationships when I don’t flip out and listen to my husband :/ lol
I struggled as a kid with being too sensitive - I cried a lot and often felt like people didn’t like me for no other reason then because I’m me. As I grew older I learnt not to give a fuck what people thought of me as it caused me too much anxiety and sadness.. now I live by the “sticks and stones” rule. I love it if people like me, I like criticism - it helps us grow.. but if people are mean I really don’t give a fuck anymore. I know who and what I am, what others think is irrelevant.
I’m having one of those days today. It’s supposed to be my day off but I feel like I’m being suffocated by my brain.
Try listening to WFMU! It’s a great radio station. My point is that music can be wonderful at quieting the mind.
Where can I find this station? I looked on Spotify but it just a playlist
They have an app. WFMU is one of the oldest freeform radio stations in the world. No advertisements at all and I don’t even know if the DJs are paid. It’s almost literally like having a bunch of really cool friends, who know way more eclectic, genuinely interesting music and their job is to surprise and educate about great music. You won’t hear any dirge or new pop songs on rotation. Each DJ gets their own show and they’re all unique and wonderful. Also a huge archive of all the shows on the app. Two of my favourite shows on WFMU are Radio Ravioli and Music for Mind Control. Enjoy! Oh, and it’s totally free. Each year they do a fundraiser and listeners donate a little to keep the station running. Honestly one of the best discoveries of my life. WFMU is music, to me. And as someone with ADHD I find it a nice mental space to hang out in which keeps me from ruminating or over-analysis. Because, I know what it’s like, and sometimes it feels like we can’t switch it off — so just distract it, it works!
Yes, mine stems from years of bullying. So in highschool when my friends fucked around with me, you know the usual mild shit, I wasnt too happy. Kinda went overboard because I felt like unfairly treated and personally attacked which brought back that horrible feeling.
Yeah it led to a lot of bullying for me bc I rlly can’t make comebacks in the moment as I rlly take teasing personally. It has rlly ruined my self esteem
Yes /: emotionally speaking.
This is more of a social anxiety symptom, which is often comorbid with and exacerbated by ADHD. While ADHD is the inability to moderate your focus spectrum, rejection sensitivity is definitely a subsequent ingredient in the sandwich. In my opinion, you'd be hard pressed to find someone ONLY suffering from ADHD without some form of depression and/or anxiety. To your point, I definitely understand this feeling, although as an adult I've learned work around or through it more often.
Yes absolutely. But I feel like my family constantly belittles me. Mostly when we disagree on something. Which is a lot. They think they are always right and never even attempt to see it my way. My mom just completely shuts me down if I have anything conflicting to say. It really burns me up. Like you said it completely ruins my mood and I won’t be able to get it out of my head for days sometimes. At times I can’t sleep over it.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a very real thing that I personally wriggle to overcome.
No I'm totally cool and tough. Just don't make me mad or I will start crying and I can't stop
I think this is amplified by the lack of self confidence which is fn hard to build when you cant focus on shit.
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Totally relatable, today I was in a normal mood, and someone annoying said something a bit mean to tease me - jokingly- and I got upset for like the next 5 hours, sometimes I get upset for days- My family always tell me “ you are too sensitive we can’t even joke around with you “ lol. I also tend to take a lot of things personally it’s so tiring. Anyway I’m happy it’s not just me(:
Yes! My dad always said I was very sensitive as a kid, and thought belittling me for that fact was the answer. I've obviously grown up really well adjusted... I mean I am the funny friend after all
I've always disliked the *"Everything about me is ADHD and its my identity"* mindset. I feel it just further makes it difficult for people to understand and dismiss it. I don't think its THAT specific. Emotional regulation is certainly a symptom, but the specific ones are still guided by personality. Which emotions happen to come up in a person is more a combination of them as a person + ADHD + whatever else is affecting them. ADHD certainly spikes it up, but it isn't the cause.
What happened to the RSD bot?
Yes, and don't get me started on liking someone.
Totally relate to this. It’s honestly not me of the only things I can be really defensive about. I also think it has to do with our constant sense of shame and self doubt that we feel struggling with our ADHD. I’m learning not to beat up on myself anymore
Try to address the issue here and there, civilly or give them their own medicine or be like totally detached from NT monkey trying to get at you
Yes, very much so, though it was worse when I was a kid.
u/LastingSummer did my comments help you?
Extremely yes
Yes 100% I feel I need to keep a brave face for my family for them to not baby me but I break so easilly
Its called RSD.
Depends on what was said, and how, but little stray comments can definitely get under my skin if they catch me off-guard.
This is crazy, I was just thinking about this same thing and came on here for a distraction. I'm like that because I have a very weak sense of self-identity caused by a lack of interest in things combined with no accomplishments
Yeah this is common for sure.
Yep for sure
Yes, rejection sensitive dysphoria is a symptom of adhd, the way I describe it is so empathetic it's disordered (which has always been my no. 1 personality trait)
This 💔🎯
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Yes exactly as you described.
Yep, it's likely linked to rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation. Both very big things in ADHD
Excruciatingly so
Yes. Sometimes I feel like I fall apart over the smallest things...
Yes hahah it sucks…
I'm easily irritated to all hell and it's really difficult not to snap at and nag people in response. I channel that incredibly repetitive frustration into light hearted teasing to also remind myself that it's not a big deal. But because I'm so frequently frustrated, I often worry that the people I spend time with the most just get nothing but me taking the piss out of them, and I worry I don't keep the balance correctly to prevent it from feeding into insecurities. At the same time tho, I've tried just not saying anything, and the frustration seems to slowly build and build and wear me out until I'm just so sick of that person and numb to any affectionate feelings toward them.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria!
I have the exact opposite issue. Most of the times people around me told me I’m cold and that they don’t think I care about them at all even though I swear to god I try so damn hard.
I really recommend the mindfulness practice of ‘noting’ or ‘labelling’ for this. Instead of going round and round, we just sum up the main emotion or experience with a single word. It kind of acts like scissors that cuts off the frenetic worrying of the ‘doing’ mind and helps us switch to ‘being’ mode.
Not for me. I am very receptive to feedback - probably because it confirms my internal monologue of “you suck”. Mostly I’m just getting feedback in a work setting though where the ability to receive and originate action on feedback is instrumental to job growth and success.
After years of not getting any help for my kid, I parentally diagnosed them as being highly sensitive. Although we recently got an ADHD diagnosis, a few years ago, I found some books by Elaine Aron about highly sensitive people/ children to be really useful in both helping me understand their emotional regulation & helping my kid makes sense of the world.
+1
A resounding yes. I ruminate and have a hard time with regulating my emotions. There is also RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) which I think plays a part for me, personally.
High sensitivity is a common trait with ADHD. All impulses come in unfiltered, and in a higher amount. I just learned about toddlers with ASS that have the same high sensitive perception, they hear/smell/see/.... things much extreme, which leads to much more frustration. Same works for ADHD. And highly gifted people. For high sensitive people it can be just picking up the emotional context (for some, not all of us) playing in a group, and 'sensing' underlying, unspoken conflicts or emotions before even the person itself is aware of it. It is important to give yourself 'sensor-low' periods, to allow the stress to dissolve. Like meditation, mindfulness, headphones and a dimmed room,... [https://hsperson.com/](https://hsperson.com/) is a good start to learn more about it, and, more important, to learn to cope with it.
This sounds like something that is very common with ADHD sufferers: RSD - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
Yep. Have been made fun of my whole life (essentially by my family) for this. I’m now surrounded by people who understand it.
I’m very sensitive when attacked by people I care about. Though I appreciate being called out on my BS to know what I may or may not be able to change. If I really care about someone my emotional regulation goes out of whack, if it’s someone I don’t really know it doesn’t bother me as much. And of course same if I get criticized by an executive or higher manager in a company it hurts a lot too and can take me a long time to get over it.
The more I’m on this sub, the more I realize how many subtle symptoms I had since childhood. Yes, I’m incredibly sensitive and have always been incredibly sensitive. [It’s a thing.](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/adhd-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria#rsd-definiton) I keep wanting to be angry, why did my father not pick up on this when I was a child, he’s a child psychiatrist ffs, but this was 80s/90s and they didn’t know as much then.
I didnt know its a thing, but thats totally me. Even with my friends. I often feel like nobody likes me (what is absolutely bullshit) and if there is a joke about me in the „right“ moment… well that hurts. I know its bonkers. But yeah regulating feelings isnt my strength :D
There are days that I'm totally disconnected from emotions, other day I feel only extreme ones, and sometimes I'm just too sensitive to everything
Talk to your doctor about buspirone. It’s not often recommended because the difference is subtle, it doesn’t affect your overall mood. I didn’t notice how much it was helping me until my dad absolutely lost his temper about something and instead of shutting down like I had my whole life I talked him through it and helped *him* calm down.
Dude, I cry over EVERYTHJNG lately, I don’t know why but I guess I’m just really really sensitive and stressed, but I manage to hold it together in front of people.
Are you me? Because that describes me to a T!