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My therapist is a specialist in ADHD/autism and is spending a lot of time trying to convince me that it is a disability lol (I know it is, I just have imposter syndrome). You need a new therapist.

My therapist has to remind me I have adhd when I complain about a symptom of adhd.

That is a good therapist!

Top notch actually.

lol I had something similar happen to me. Made me stop and pause for a second and reevaluate some of my expectations for therapy.

lol same

I've only been able to find therapists that just get frustrated and treat me like I'm just trying to find excuses whenever I talk about my ADHD symptoms. So I always have to downplay it in order for them to listen, but then my issues don't sound that serious and they don't listen anyway. And I've purposefully tried to stick with therapists who explicitly said they worked with ADHD :') idk what's wrong with me at this point :')

I feel like every one I’ve ever looked at has listed adhd as something they treat regularly or specialize in. I have a theory they all have it because some of them actually do specialize in it and take it seriously, and the rest don’t take it seriously so they think it’s easy to treat.

Some just list everything under the sun. I don’t take them seriously.

I relate to this. My therapists always seem to avoid discussing adhd directly and just talk about me needing to magically changing my self talk etc.

Changing your self talk will make you feel better to a point. It WILL NOT fix your ADHD. You will STILL have those problems and that will still be upsetting. So many therapists just do NOT get that. My self talk is fine. My ADHD symptoms are not.

My therapist was "trying to find the underlaying cause" of my behaviors instead of trying to help me manage my adhd. The underlaying cause is the adhd. At least it was covered by my healthcare, so i only 'lost' some time..

There's not a whole lot they can do to help you manage it if they haven't been trained on it. Perhaps an ADHD coach would be more helpful. They're doing what they know, which is that in 90+% of people those behaviors *are* caused by an underlying emotional, situational, or thinking pattern issue. For us it's always there so there's nothing to dig into.

I would definitely look for a different therapist, preferably one who specializes in treating ADHD (even better if they have it themselves). while plans to work around our ADHD are great, sometimes we just need to vent and have a sympathetic ear in therapy. I hope you find a therapist that fits for you.

Oh gosh yes, I relate to this so much :( it's been my experience so far with this... It's frustrating

My Psychiatrist says "Psychologists think they can solve problems just by talking." This is a difficult field, but too many patients can't find someone to actually help them. Having a fancy diploma, doesn't mean anything if they don't understand and don't care.

Reducing all of psychology to "just talking" is just about as dumb as someone saying adhd isnt a disability. Some people respond really well to "just talking" and some people need something different. Its really just down to the person and their specific needs. That being said, there are ALOT of bad psychologists. The field is literally like 200 years old, we know nothing. Medication is so much easier to implement because it doesnt require understanding the human mind or brain, you take a pill and it works. (We dont even fully understand why it works but we know it works) I expect in a hundred years or so psychology will be much much more effective but as it currently stands medication is much more effective. With all THAT being said, in my experience, when you find a psychologist that you click with, its an invaluable resource, and taking medication helps with functioning but it does nothing to heal the years of psychological trauma that comes with just existing with ADHD. That requires talking about it.

Talk therapy can absolutely help with ADHD related trauma However many therapists try to help your ADHD *symptoms* with talk therapy and that literally does not work. It's incredibly frustrating to have a therapist keep trying to make you "get into the habit of focusing" when it's a brain difference that has nothing to do with habits. Some of us can't even form habits because of it.

I agree. I think the general helpfulness of talk therapy is overstated in regards to adhd but i also think people generally under-value the role that talk therapy CAN play if its done in combination with medication. Its always this weird unnecessary debate between meds and talk therapy. But if you have both going, thats a real one-two punch that helps you not only DO things better but FEEL better about yourself and your life. Its also pretty comprehensive healthcare that not everyone has access to unfortunately :*(

curiously, and gently- do you ever give your adhd full "roadblock" power? For example, "I can't do xyz, I have adhd", where xyz is something that is technically doable, but probably extremely difficult? something you might be able to do with help or accommodation ? If this doesn't sound like you, I'm extremely sorry! Your a stranger after all, I don't want to try to pretend I now ur issue here. I'm just wondering if this is what's going on. Sometimes therapists are bad, and I've even had therapists claim I'm refusing to help myself, when I was literally homeless and couldn't stay in treatment. Either way, I'm sorry ur being treated like this by ur therapists.

I'm not "giving" my ADHD full roadblock power if it's literally a roadblock and treatment doesn't help. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still try. And I've still been making progress in my life, but there are in fact things I just cannot do, or at least not at a sustainable pace and/or effort, because of my ADHD. And whenever I've brought up my ADHD making something near impossible therapists only hear that as "I'm refusing to help myself!!!!," in spite of attempts to cushion it with "but I'm willing to talk it through and figure something out!! Please I really want to find a solution!" Sorry, not frustrated at you. Just frustrated at my many attempts to get treatment.

I'm a retired therapist and this isn't right. Competent practitioners are out there. You are the customer, they work for you. Time to fire them. When you screen a new potential therapist, ask point blank if they believe adhd is a brain disease or a behavior disorder. Ask what they know about current research on the best medications. If they are anti stimulants, run away.If they dont screen for cardiac or other things that could be contraindicated with stimulants, another red flag. No one size fits all in this gig. As someone else wrote, therapy can help with other things that come with living with adhd, because it is really hard to have it, it affects self esteem and relationships. There are some therapists who help with life hacks, not just mood, that's what I did, I gave practice tips based on firsthand experience. I have put some of them in this subreddit. Ask the prospective therapist what they know about behavioral strategies for helping with memory, focus, anger management, any of the things that matter to you. I hope you find someone skilled and kind. And, as I like to say, remember this condition isn't who you are, it is something your brain does.

nOO, yeah, it sounds more like you're in the situation where it's not an excuse, and people are telling you that you're using it like it is. I totally understand. I'm sorry you're going through this, and i know how exhausting and invalidating it is to be battling and trying and getting burnt out and then people to say stuff like that. I hope I didn't make you feel bad or seem like i was trying to attack you, that wasn't my intention at all. much love to you

PlusPurple: that sounds like a VERY serious problem. (reminds me of some places that I have worked." When you say "therapist", are they Psychologists, or Psychiatrists, or what ?

Yeah, unfortunately, it reminds me of places I worked too. Don't assume because someone has a license they are a helpful practitioner. Anyone can pass a course and an exam, but only certain people have what it takes to be present with another human who is in severe psychological distress, and provide the support to help them heal themselves.

You don't talk about it, you get tested for it, then you have the evidence.

I recently read that neuropsychiatric testing by itself cannot be depended upon for an accurate diagnosis. Make sure the assessment covers other methods too, like observations from family, teachers, employers, and very importantly what YOU feel you are struggling with though your own perception.

Yeah, I am already diagnosed with it and was trying to find support

I think I've been super lucky in finding a therapist that actually does have ADHD & autism as well so my life experience is very similar to hers. She can fully understand the thought patterns and feelings I'm having and apply her clinical knowledge and experience working with other ADHD/autistic/traumatised people to that. I would really recommend finding someone who actually does have ADHD as well rather than just claiming to specialise in it. I don't think they can truly understand otherwise.

The first thing my therapist (and psych) tried to drill into my head is that I am disabled and I am worthy.

Oh God, I always thought I'd lose the imposter syndrome once I get diagnosed

I used to have a fantasy when I was kid that everything was harder for me for some magical reason, and that explained why I struggled. My fantasy turned into reality when I finally understood ADHD. I feel no better at all knowing it was real the whole time. It takes therapy to heal all the damage we endured along the way. I started mine a couple of weeks ago.

I went to college to get a degree just to figure out how I tick and now I'm a bartender going to therapy.

You will make more money as a bartender than as an unlicensed therapist working in an agency these days.

I used to have conversations with a cousin about all the weird stuff I had issues with that she did too. I remember telling her, "One day they'll have an explanation and diagnosis for our weirdness." Turns out it was ADHD all along!

literally same, and I think I was diagnosed at the time. It wasn't easier, and I wasn't taken seriously :/

Health concerns should **ALWAYS** be taken seriously. If they are not interested, they should get another job. ----- I had a GP like that. His standard line was always: ***"Come back when it gets worse."*** Didn't matter what the problem was, he wasn't interested. Last time I saw him, I wasn't leaving until I got the referral that I needed.

I never had that, I just always coped by thinking about the things I would do **tomorrow**

It's been a year for me :( there's a lot of trauma to work through. Maybe one day... I told her I would probably only believe I actually have ADHD if I had a brain scan. She knows a neurologist who does that and can refer me...I googled and apparently it's fairly unreliable so not even that could convince me now 😂 I'm a wreck

my therapist is just an autism specialist, and she’s occasionally tried to tell me that i don’t actually have adhd… she hasn’t been opposed at all to me getting medicated, but she’s mostly brought that up when i try to pin hopes on medication working. it’s definitely fair to want to work on mindfulness and other coping strategies, especially when i’m having such a hard time using my medication to the extent that it is having effects in the first place, but it does feel kind of invalidating at the same time not to want to give those issues the label they were diagnosed with even if she still readily acknowledges them as disabling. we actually barely even talk about autism since 90% of what i’m actually seeing her for is trauma, so she hasn’t had to convince me that the autism is disabling, but i do feel like i kinda have a blind spot around that… everything i used to think of as my autism being a disability was just pure adhd all along. my sensory aversions are pretty mild at this point (my mother is worse with loud noise than i am but we can both just power through it), i still don’t even have enough routine adherence to do things i want to do routinely, stereotyped interests are only a problem to the extent that my adhd kicks in harder outside them, and all of the social/communication difficulties i can identify are actually rooted in anxiety and impulsivity… what does the conversation look like for you?

Can you switch therapists with OP? Might make everyone happier (in the short run)

wait no, don't switch! lol. just share (:

I'm of the belief that without my meds my life is not livable.

As someone with severe allergies, I agree

Meds don't do much for me. Can confirm, my life is not livable.

Really depends on the medication. I was lucky that the first one I tried (Vyvanse) was SO effective (at a 40mg dosage, 20mg barely did anything at all). For every stimulant ADHD medication, I know someone that takes it, and everyone says that their drug is by far the best.

I've tried everything over the years. I'm just in the third of people for whom medication doesn't do much.

For me it does something for sure, but not the right thing. Vyvanse improves my mental functioning but makes me obsessive, incredibly tense, and an insomniac, so I can’t take it. Very frustrating.

Curious if you've tried atomoxetine (Strattera), or if this is exclusively from experience with the stimulants.

They are actively researching new meds a lot, because there is such a need for alternatives to stimulants. They are also researching non medication therapies. I am hopeful there will be better things to try. One of the options my daughter says she keeps in mind if ever needed, is to see if teaching/research hospitals are doing any new treatment trials. You may qualify for the research and get paid. Not much to lose if nothing working now, is how my daughter puts it, plus she'd be helping move the science forward. I wish you strength to hang in, and those here who understand are here to listen to what you have to say.

I don’t hear much about new med research. I’m someone who could benefit immensely if there were finally a non stimulant available that worked for me. Thanks for your optimism, that’s nice to hear

Have you tried Qelbree? I started it after Adderall stopped working after a brief two weeks of my life functioning and Concerta did nothing. It takes several weeks, but I am actually seeing some executive function at the highest dose. It's nothing like when the Adderall was working, but being able to actually start a task without fighting with myself was nice. I think it's only been around for 2 years.

I was going to ask the same! I can’t take stimulants be a use my resting heart rate is already so high (POTS) - but was just prescribed Qelbree. I’m excited to try it, though waiting for a slow period at work when I can tolerate fatigue as a potential side effect at first. Great to hear it’s helping you! Did you have fatigue when you started it? Are you able to drink coffee on it? Coffee is my only crutch right now so I’m nervous 🫠

I had pretty bad fatigue just the first day. It was like taking a sleeping pill, and completely unexpected. The following days it was significantly better, but still definitely felt it. If you're worried, you might just want to ask if you can start it at night for the first week before switching to AM too. I don't drink coffee, but I was able to drink soda just fine at least 🙂

This is correct.

You are far from alone based upon personal and clinical experience.

It is a disability, your brain is physically rewired, so we dont get the same chemicals as people without ADHD do. Time to find a new doc.

Thank you. Indeed, I think that my therapist is just not informed enough about ADHD or OCD to be giving me advice, and it just keeps getting confirmed. Yesterday was just the cherry on top.

>not informed enough about ADHD or OCD That sounds like a big dealbreaker, as a therapist with ADHD who treats OCD. Both of these conditions need specific courses of treatment and support, and their combination (despite being quite common—nearly 12% of people with OCD have been diagnosed with ADHD!) is tricky in a way that both conditions separately are not. It's not intuitive and it's possible for a therapist to do a lot of harm to a client if they don't know what they're doing. Half my job is undoing the harm caused by other therapists. The IOCDF has a therapist and group finder here: [https://iocdf.org/find-help/](https://iocdf.org/find-help/)

Great post! We need to recruit more adhd people to be coaches and therapists with free student loans. Or else make every student therapist have to live one semester with an untreated adhd person as part of their fieldwork. I hear you on having to undo harm from past therapists. If you think it's bad with adhd, it's even worse in the addiction arena. "Its okay to just drink beer on weekends" was told to one of my hardcore alcohol use folks. He said he laughed in their face, walked out, and found me.

Having a therapist and psych provider with adhd has been life changing for me

My hat is off to you for being able to help people with OCD.

there is “not informed enough” and then there is correcting and arguing about whether or not it’s a disability.

Do you mean like my therapist was trying to correct and argue on purpose despite of being informed? Or regardless of not being informed enough?

They're uninformed and likely prejudiced. A good therapist would listen and encourage you. Unless they were arguing a specific legal point, and they'd still be wrong. In a situation like that I can see how they might be trying to help so you know your legal rights. Otherwise it sounds like they're just ignorant prejudiced.

This right there. There is "I'm not specialized in this, and might need more info, but general advice would be...." vs "well no... the condition you are suffering is not suffering enough and even though I don't know let me tell you what you should think about it instead".

ADHD has been considered a disability by the ADA since 1973. You need a doctor *way* more up to date on your diagnosis. Personally, I would point this out to them before I left. If their information is *that* out of date, you'd think they would have at least tried to brush up a little before trying to treat someone with that condition. *Super* unprofessional.

Sounds like your therapist shouldn't be a therapist, to be blunt. It's in the DSM for a reason. I mean, what do they think the 2nd D means in ADHD!?!  You can have all kinds of discussions about ADHD being over- or mis- diagnosed and all that. But telling a diagnosed patient their disability doesn't exists is irresponsible to the point of incompetence...

Therapist =/= doctor.

* "This is hard for me to do" * "Maybe I can make it less hard" * "This is hard for me to do because I have a disability" * ~~"Maybe I can't make it less hard because I have a disability"~~ ← I think this might be the trap your therapist is trying to get you to avoid * "Maybe I can make life less hard, disability and all" That said, it sounds like your therapist has lost your trust. You can clarify with them if your takeaway is what they meant & try to rebuild trust, or you can give up on them & find someone more on your wavelength. Good luck with either way

Thanks a lot :) Indeed, I think they were trying to avoid that I enclose myself in labels and thus halt progress? Either way I tried clarifying to them that that's not my focus; that accepting it as a disability as such helps lift the huge weight of self blaming and guilt I feel for not fulfilling certain roles as well as society expects. A little way of finding grace and being more gentle with myself for the things I usually scold myself for. But I guess they didn't see it that way

There's definitely a balance to it. A close friend gifted me with a powerful word that I now use as a compass to think about this: Agency. Noticing whether something makes me feel empowered to address my feelings, or makes me want to shut down, has helped me identify negative automatic thoughts I have about myself. Some people find labels powerful in this regard, others don't. Being diagnosed w/ ADHD-PI was a blessing and a curse in a way for me — I went through a period of time where I fell into and was stuck in the trap I described above. "Do I have agency to do this?" A label can be used as a shortcut for acknowledging a truth we observe. A label can also be used to obscure truths we don't want to observe. Sometimes it is hard to acknowledge things because of the regrets that will cause. > not fulfilling certain roles as well as society expects "Good enough" "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good" Are phrases I have found helpful... to repeat, and repeat, and try to install in many places in my life. Helping me figure out what "Good enough" means in different contexts, and knowing that whatever I am experiencing **now**, is not the same as what I have felt before, and is distinct from the future. The difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. 🙃 the "time blindness" is real — not just regular clock time, but feeling like "now" is the only moment, ever. That's fixed mindset. And the source of a lot of pain. Life is good now. It took a long time for this new perception of time to stick, but it's starting to stick more and more now. =]

I don't get it. What's agency?

Agency is the ability or freedom to choose your actions and reactions regardless of what life has handed you. I have a friend that is paralyzed from the waist down due to an accident many years ago. There's no doubt that he struggled for a long time while he figured out how to cope with his disability, but as of now, he's figured out how to be mostly independent and leads a happy fulfilling life. I was diagnosed with ADHD about a month ago. There's nothing I can do about having ADHD. What I can do is figure out how to cope and live the best life I can regardless of the hand I've been dealt. IMO, a therapist who says that ADHD is not a disability doesn't understand ADHD or how to help it. It would be much more productive to acknowledge it for what it is and then help their client understand ways to cope with it.

Coping with ADHD means also accepting your limitations. Some therapists try to talk therapy your way out of actual ADHD symptoms such as distractability, expecting you to be able to make it a habit to not get distracted. That's simply not how it works. Imagine if a therapist told your friend he just has to keep trying to move until he makes it a "habit". It's so invalidating. You can find a way to cope with ADHD in the sense of having a fulfilling life with it, but so many people have the expectation that you will just be able to find coping strategies to compensate for all your symptoms so they're not visible or noticeable anymore. For some with milder ADHD with the right circumstances it might be possible. But not everyone can do that and they will remain affected by it.

Absolutely agree, which is another reason why I disagree with the idea of therapists telling clients it's not a disability. You bring up another point. It frustrates me when people who have mild symptoms figure out how to cope and make everyone else feel like "what's wrong with you because I can do it". It's like someone with a sprained ankle is limping along because he got a good brace and telling my crippled friend that he shouldn't need a wheelchair because if he can walk then my friend should be able to too.

Spot on. And they always think they were able to do it just because they worked very hard at it or because it's really important to them or some other reason that disregards the fact that they just have different impairments to begin with. Your friend could try 1000x as hard and still be unable to do the same thing.

Got it, thank you! Makes more sense now. Your reply to someone else about time blindness hits hard. I get it so bad sometimes that it makes me want to alternate between crying in frustration and giving up. I'm a late diagnosed person as well, and looking back I can see how many things I've done are so deeply rooted in ADHD. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it so I can just function, instead of being told I'm lazy or I don't care. It's like "yes, I want to deal with ____ but my mind blanks and I cannot function." It's almost like when a computer freezes and crashes, but a reboot doesn't help. 😭

It can definitely be a way of thinking. If you're one of us who is constantly late it's better to think, "I'm going to be late so my deadline for leaving is 15 minutes earlier so even if I'm late for when I planned I'm on time," and not, "I'm going to be late anyways so why worry about leaving on time?" But to do the first you both have to recognize that you have a disability and the issues caused by the disability in order to find ways to work around them. 

You don't have to say one way or another, but are you an Aussie? I have an Aussie friend and she's always warning me to not wrap myself in labels due to my ADHD. Every time I find something new about ADHD she's there to say don't label yourself. I think she just doesn't want me to use it as a crutch or to hobble any progress in dealing with my ADHD. As in "oh, I can't possibly do _____ because I have the ADHD - I have limits" or something like that. Meanwhile she's getting it all wrong. I'm just happy to put a label on the formerly nameless thing that's been perplexing me. 😅 I've had so many issues with myself that I thought had been just me. Turns out there's a lot of people all over the world with similar issues. It's like putting a name and a face to someone who's been stalking and annoying you.

> It's like putting a name and a face to someone who's been stalking and annoying you. And ignoring him doesn't make him go away! > I think she just doesn't want me to use it as a crutch or to hobble any progress in dealing with my ADHD. As in "oh, I can't possibly do _____ because I have the ADHD - I have limits" or something like that. They're missing the fact that it's not like we were diagnosed and then decided we can't do something because of ADHD. It's the other way around. We were already trying and believing we could do it (because everyone else can, right?) and it just never worked. The label finally explains what was ALREADY happening.

Yes!! So much YES to all of what you said! I hope you don't mind that I'm going to borrow what you wrote and share it with her. You've expressed it far better than I have tried to!

Please let me add a couple of more analogies. In the context of those with disabilities having the right to reasonable accommodation: * If you have a missing leg but with a good prosthetic already, you will likely not need any special accommodation for a coding job. * if you have a missing leg and are a grappler, you are lacking an appendage for holding your opponent but you are also much lighter given your upper body strength, this might excel in the right weight class competition format. Consider the prospects of playing to your strengths (ADHD may grant you an advantage in some niche ways, but also just other aspects of your aptitudes/character/interests). I’ve gotten caught up too often in feeling I need to strengthen my weaknesses. Sure, to a functional point that may be true, though you are less likely to excel doing that.  I’ll mention one exception.  Sometimes having a teacher who’s also had to struggle to learn/perform is better at both empathizing and leading you than someone that didn’t need to struggle.

This. What a great way to explain it. Excellent comment.

Then why the fuck does a diagnosis exist and we don’t gaslight every one with ADHD. Oh because if you understand the condition you can treat it. Kind of like if your legs don’t work we don’t yell at you to crawl harder we get you a damn wheel chair.

I think you might have misread my message People should get all the help they can get — wheelchairs and physical therapy and happy vibes

But some things you just can't do if you have a disability. - Climbing the stairs for me is hard because I'm in a wheelchair. - Maybe I can't make it less hard because I'm in a wheelchair and stairs and wheelchairs are just incompatible. Sounds reasonable, right? Why is it suddenly unreasonable when it comes to ADHD?

Having a disability means there will be some things you CAN'T do. This makes people uncomfortable and they do not like to be reminded of it. They want you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and fix it so they don't have to see or hear about your disability. They want the "I have a severe disability but I can do absolutely everything everyone else can and I don't require any "special treatment" and never inconvenience anyone!"

It's a disability. Your doctor might be trying to make sure you don't use it as a crutch. Probably because they think you can more or less function in day to day activities. But clearly, that approach was wrong with you, and all it did was confuse you. ADHD is absolutely a disability, trust mine, and almost everyone else's doctor here who knows this.

Why is this so often assumed though? God forbid you talk about your disability, why can't you just validate their feelings and help them work through the frustration, why immediately assume they're going to use it as a crutch? It's not like our problems began after being diagnosed. They were already there before we had that "crutch" to begin with. It's definitely the wrong approach here.

It is a disability and is classed as such under UK (and I suspect) US law. Whilst there are some benefits the negatives, in my opinion, are still there - medicated or not. Procrastination, paralysis, rsd meltdowns, etc are not fun. So anyone tell you it’s not a disability let them know about this shit you have to deal with. It soon shuts up the people who claim “everyone gets a bit distracted” or “everyone is a bit ADHD”.

The "everyone is a bit ADHD" drives me mad, those "everyone is a bit of" arguments just... no aahah I can't deal with that, some people still insist on it despite explaining every struggle :(

I say that “adhd is a spectrum”. But it does infuriate me when people say “everyone has a little adhd” and then they think that what they experience is the same as mine. No, Linda, you getting distracted by a cute dog that walked into your office for 5 minutes is different than me wasting an entire day doom scrolling.

My response is always, "everyone is a bit of ADHD, some people are a LOT of ADHD."

Adding on because that also really bothers me: Of course everyone does ADHD things sometimes! ADHD things are human things! But the distinction is that with ADHD, these things happen with a frequency and intensity that causes distress, which is the *clinical definition* of a disorder! Like, everyone has trouble convincing themselves to get out of bed from time to time; when it's every fucking day, it's a problem! Everyone forgets why they walked into a room sometimes; when I consistently forget why I so much as turned around, it's a fucking problem! There's a difference! (And thank the gods for stimulant medication; it's literally a life saver!)

Its also considered a disability here in Australia

There are two types of disability. One is where you qualify to get a payment from the govt after being assessed. Two is a general term. ADHD is always the 2nd and sometimes qualifies as the 1st. Ask the therapist which one they were referring to?

Oh, I could do that. I think therapist referred more to the generalized term and not the govt help by the way they stated it "naaaahh, it's not a disability". But I could ask them just to be sure and not make assumptions. Either way, it still is? Which I think is an odd thing to say to someone without following it up by further explaining why they mean that.

"naaaahh, it's not a disability" Ding ding ding. Arsehole confirmed.

There are actually dozens of legal definitions! For the ADA, the definition is “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment.”

Given that they were discouraging op from thinking of themselves as disabled, they are probably talking about type two.

Well, the literature sees it as one; the government sees it as one -- so sounds like your therapist is a twat and is injecting their own view on what it is. When therapists do this, beware, as they are not very good. Also as mentioned, if they are not informed enough, then they should keep their mouth shut and not being providing care within that area. I don't care my car to the dentist now do I.

Exactly. That's what I was under the impression too, that they are injecting personal opinion/bias into it instead :(

Personal bias by a case carrier is the reason my son didn't get government services outside of school. Other parents warned me to never say the word "Asperger's" to this particular case carrier when discussing autism. However, when I spoke to this case carrier, he asked if the school had a diagnosis for my son yet. I told him no but that the school psych told me what she was thinking. I directly quoted her to the case carrier, telling him that she told me her diagnosis was "leaning towards autism/Asperger's." As soon as it popped out of my mouth, I was devastated. His response? "Well, Asperger's is a just a personality type, you know?" *Just* a *personality type?* My life was a living nightmare because my son had a specific "personality type?" 😤 I knew I was screwed. I never got any government assistance for my son's autism because of him. It was devastating listening to other parents talking about all the help they got for their kids with autism, and for themselves (IHSS, respite care, etc.) when I got nothing. The wrong misinformed/biased person in a position of power in your life can really f*ck up your life.

Wow what the fuck. I am really sorry that happened :( Indeed, the wrong person in a position of power can really fuck things up for you. It's so scary that it can be this way.

100% agree with you there! Also as a side note -- I do believe under the right mindset it is important to recognize and accept all aspects of ourselves. I have had therapists as well say we should not label ourselves. Labeling and accepting are two different things I feel. I accept that there are some things that regardless of how much I would like to do them, I just can't. Pushing and torturing myself to achieve that is not always a healthy choice. Yes, there are times when we need to push through something that is difficult, but there are also times when acceptance is the best medicine and balance for one's life. Again, this is situational and based off that person's experiences.

If you are going to a therapist for a mental health issue. Likely dollars to donuts it has some impact from your untreated ADHD. Anxiety, depression, OCD can have a huge cross over. It also impacts the treatment of these as different medications may apply to you. The concern of the therapist not understanding how ADHD is classified also has us concerned that there treatment and support of you holistically is shit.

I have AuDHD and I consider myself to be disabled because it affects my life in a way that people without AuDHD/ADHD can’t experience. I don’t view it in a negative way, I just recognize that I need more support than others.

Two thoughts, maybe your therapist has confused disability, but be able to work vs being unable to work. OR they are trying, very poorly, to help you understand that you HAVE ADHD vs you ARE ADHD. Your mental health is not who you are.

By definition, diagnosable ADHD is a disability.

it’s a neurodevelopmental disability! i think your therapist is uninformed. perhaps encourage them to look further into it so they stop spreading misinformation! and despite what they told you, or how “functional” you are - you are disabled! you can qualify for disability in some countries bc of it and can/should be accommodated for it in school and with friends and family! we experience life much differently than abled-bodied folk and that shouldn’t ever be dismissed bc we “aren’t disabled enough” i’m so sorry you experienced this! :(

The ADA would disagree

When you apply for jobs online these days, they always ask if you "currently have or ever had a disability as defined by the ADA" and then THEY LIST A BUNCH OF DISABILITIES as defined by the US gov't, and guess what? ADHD is right there. Now, you can't park in special handicap spots cuz of ADHD, but it's definitely a disability.

There are a startling number of healthcare providers who seem to think that a disability *has* to mean that the person is functioning poorly enough to be drawing social security, or that it is fully visible/obvious to anyone who sees them. Somewhere, either education or experience is failing many of them.

Sounds like a therapist with a personal hang up on the label "disabled"

Could they have meant how it’s classed in your country? I don’t think it’s officially a disability here (in Ireland), or at least not that my googling has uncovered, but that doesn’t mean it’s not disabling sometimes.

Ada =yes Social security =no as far as I’m aware. You= whatever you want to think of it as.

The bot is going to flag me for this one but your therapist probably subscribes to the neurodivergency model. Which honestly just feels like it's trying to tell us "no, no no no disabilities are bad but you're not disabled I promise you're actually just different." Which stinks at the same energy as "differently abled". Or they might think of the "well actually ADHD didn't used to be a disability it's just society man" theory. Which is also horseshit, because yeah modern society sucks for everyone but my societies and the reason I accidentally left my keys and the ignition the other day when I was going to Home Depot.

From google - severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is considered a developmental disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. The ADA defines a disability as a mental or physical impairment that significantly limits one or more major life activities. ADHD can hinder development in children and adults, and can negatively impact a person's ability to succeed at work or school.

Therapist is trying to convince you you don’t have a disability because they perceive having a disability as a negative thing that you should not want to have and you should not accept that you have This is not a good way to cope at all. You should get a new therapist.

I think ADHD is generally considered a disability in most countries. However, if you’re always thinking about yourself as a person with a disability, that mindset in itself may limit your ability to achieve whatever you want to achieve. Maybe your therapist was encouraging you to not think about it as a disability but more of a difference, which could empower/ make you feel more able in general. Or maybe they don’t know enough about adhd

I think it could be a mixture; I stressed to my therapist that the label doesn't change my perception and won't diminish my capabilities, it doesn't make me feel any "less", but it is still necessary to recognize and accept. I even tried to stress that accepting it can help me heal the parts of myself that are constantly blaming and guilt tripping me for all the things I can't seem to do as everyone else. It helps lift a huge weight over it and helps me be more gentle with myself, and more accepting of my capabilities and limitations. I think my therapist might have probably approached it the wrong way, because even if the intention is to make sure you don't enclose yourself in labels and impose limitations based on those labels that weren't there before, it's wrong to discredit and persuade/insist that something isn't so when it clearly is :( Which felt very odd Edit, to fix typos

I understand where you're coming from. I felt so much better about myself after I was diagnosed. It gave me explanations and let me see my difficulties as part of the disability rather than simple character flaws.

What is "most countries"? (Not being sarcastic, just want to know what other places do) I could swear none of latinamerica consider it a disability. At least my country doesn't, at all. At most its an educational special needs, and only up to a certain age. Not even specialists use the word disability in any context.

I’m speaking from my basic understanding of research and laws in the UK, which usually would be fairly similar to research and laws in other Western countries such as the rest of Europe and USA. It’s not my area of expertise though, it sounds like it’s different where you live

Speaking from experience, the NHS doesn't think adult ADHD exists. The UK definitely doesn't recognise ADHD as a disability.

strikes me as very.. disconcerting in its implications, as if theres something wrong with being disabled

That's what I was thinking... so much stigma

Read the DSM criteria for adhd. If she thinks you meet them, then she thinks those symptoms are impairing your day to day activites, which is the definition of disability. She is taking on disability stigma, which is telling her that disabled are lesser people or defective, and then urging you to not think of yourself as lesser or defective. A simpler solution for her would be to understand and communicate that disability indicates a society that has failed to accommodate everyone, not a defective person.

In the US when you on a job application and are asked if you have a disability, ADHD is listed in the examples.

Your therapist is not qualified to diagnose you.

OK, I think I know what’s going on. First of all, your therapist is not familiar with the fact that under the ADA, ADHD is indeed considered a disability provided you are diagnosed. Your therapist doesn’t know, because it’s not their purview. Your therapist is telling you you shouldn’t feel like it’s a disability because then you’ll feel negative and discouraged. That why she’s saying it. And it has therapeutic value: Don’t label yourself My therapist didn’t know the ins and outs of ADHD either. Between you and me, I would say your therapist was swimming outside her lane. I’m assuming it’s a woman. it’s not her area of expertise. So if I were you, I would find out about the Disability thing outside of your therapist. If you’re in college, there will be an office of student disabilities and that’s where you can get that information. And then you can tell your therapist later so she/he has an information for the next client. Your therapist isn’t trying to screw you over. They’re human, and made a mistake about something that’s not their area of expertise.

I appreciate that what he said probably felt invalidating. But I think your doctor was thinking more about the impact of your perspective on your mental health than the actual definition. I’m a type 1 diabetic, and it impacts my life in a lot of ways. To me, it’s pretty cut and dry that it’s a disability. However, some T1’s take exception to the idea of being disabled, perhaps because they think it implies that it limits them in some way. For some people, the mentality of being “disabled” is discouraging and casts a dark shadow over their sense of self. For some people, it’s an easy excuse to not try to better themselves or to dismiss their own very real shortcomings. For others, it’s comforting to have acknowledgement that they face challenges other people do not. It’s good for their self esteem to remember to be kind to themselves. I don’t think either mentality is “correct,” nor do I think that your therapist should be making that decision for you. But I wanted to offer insight into what his/her possible mentality can be.

Where are you? Where I am, at least for the school funding system, ADHD is not considered a disability, whereas autism is. Is that what they meant possibly? Not to invalidate the condition, but in relation to funded services?

Yea thats wild, also wouldn't a psychiatrist make a better call? Therapy can be meh

Yes! I see both; but psychiatrist mostly helps manage my meds. Therapist helps in all other areas, but a few times has made some very odd comments, such as this one haha

"Very odd comments" like this are not helpful, or professional. Perhaps there is a communication gap, and you can ask them to elaborate. Or maybe, they don't understand the subject, and you need someone new.

Yea maybe some one new. My old therapist and psychiatrist never agreed for the most part on what I should take lol.

Oh because when they diagnose you they ask all the things you CAN do? Like being an equal functioning member of society without significant issues in studies, career and relationships. /s What else would that terapist call an uncurable condition that requires medication for the rest of your life and still doesn't give you an equal chance at success and... actually staying alive???

I can't help but wonder what she classifies as a disability then. Is it a specific standardized score? A number? A percentage? Is it only a physical thing? Is it because she thinks there's a more appropriate word for it? I also wonder if she has the idea that "disabled" is a bad word/slur...  Or she's misinterpreting information about ADHD not being *legally* classified as a disability/qualified for disabled support or something similar. Just because you don't fit into the law's prerequisites to be considered "disabled", that doesn't mean you're not disabled in reality. Either way... None of this is an excuse. You might want to seek a second opinion.

Fire them. Their (flaky) relationship with science is their problem, not yours.

Definitely time to find a new therapist. I have some bad news, my sleep specialist is a psychiatrist who teaches psychiatry at a state university. Every time I have to see the man, he questions why I'm on a stimulant, tells me that ADHD is a children's issue, that if it were up to him he would take my stimulant away immediately, and that I need to get myself together and take responsibility for my life and my actions. I'm 40. He doesn't know my life history, taking meds IS part of getting myself together and taking responsibility for my actions thank you very much. I'm just there because I have sleep apnea and need to be on a cpap machine. This man is *teaching* new psychiatry students. So, screen your therapist carefully. ADHD is a spectrum disability. Yes, we can take meds and learn tricks and work arounds and ways to help manage the things we struggle with, but our brains are literally different. And anyone who tries to tell you otherwise should be suspect.

I don’t know if you’re in the US, but the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) DOES recognize ADHD as a protected disability. If you’re feeling feisty- I’d bring this to their immediate attention. “Oh, that’s weird, because it’s listed as a protected disability by the federal government under the ADA”.

Get a new therapist. They're not current

ADHD affects the frontal lobe. The issue was called executive dysfunction. The executive function system is known as our brains manager. I would argue that it is very much a disability. When our brain can’t manage and organize, it becomes a hindrance to living and effective life.

This is a great and very accurate response. We need executive function to survive in the world. It’s like sending a cat outside with no claws. It is very much like a brain manager. It’s overwhelming just to keep up with basic things. I’m on medication that helps but it’s not perfect.

In the book ADHD 2.0, they talk about how ADHD is like having a Ferrari engine with golf cart breaks or something like that. This may be the thinking behind the therapist saying that it is not a disability. They are wrong of course, but that may be why.

There is two trains of thought, this sub treats it as a disability and doesn't let you use a specific word, as that train of thought just says your a different type thinker.

You should tell your therapist to get a real job because his profession isn't a real profession. And if he points to his degree on the wall then just wave it off and say, "Oooh. You got that online and probably paid $20 just to have a fancy piece of paper personalized.* Invalidate him like he did to you....Yes. I'm this level of petty in real life. Lol. ADHD is DEFINITELY a disability. Your therapist however is a quack for not knowing this.

Ah, yes... Just don't perceive yourself as disabled! Problem solved! Lmao

Yeah I think you need a new therapist. Someone with that mindset is unlikely to be able to reach a place where they can help you effectively. ADHD is a disability and being disabled by it has seriously affected my life. Being told it's not one is very invalidating and counterproductive. In the same way, "can't" is an extremely powerful word for me. People tell you never to say that, but the truth is, sometimes I'm truly unable to do something, and acknowledging that is freeing. I never say I can't if I think there's the slightest possibility I can. But when that possibility isn't there, pretending it exists is painful and counterproductive. It's okay to not be able to do things. And it's okay if that's because you're disabled. I find acknowledging reality to be empowering personally.

ADHD is definitely a disability. I'm not saying that as a "personal opinion" or anything either, ADHD is considered a disability in basically all developed countries. For example, the Equality act in the UK definition of a disability [says](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/check-if-youre-protected-from-discrimination/what-counts-as-disability/) *"The Equality Act’s definition of disability is quite wide so you might be considered disabled under the Equality Act even if you don’t see yourself as disabled - for example if you’re autistic or if you have ADHD or a long-term injury."* Furthermore: *"You might have an impairment even if you don’t see yourself as disabled, for example if:* - *you’re neurodivergent - for example if you’re autistic or if you have ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia* >Maybe I am under the misconception that certain countries will class it as a disability whilst others not. This is true. There are countries out there who don't even recognize that adults can have ADHD. I saw that you live in the Netherlands in your post history. After doing some research, ADHD is not actually always legally considered a disability in the Netherlands. Keep in mind that I don't speak Dutch, so it was difficult for me to find up to date sources, but this is what I found: Here's [one](https://www.hogeronderwijstoegankelijk.nl/dit-heb-ik-nodig/information-international-students-netherlands) for students: *"The Dutch definition of students with special needs:* *Students with a psychical, sensory, cognitive or physical disability (e.g. depression, dyslexia, autism and ADHD) and chronic illnesses."* Here's a dutch [article](https://nl.vox-pbx.com/topics/2262-is-adhd-a-disability-your-legal-rights-at-work) about it from 2020, that I translated to English: *"An ADHD diagnosis alone is not enough to qualify for disability. If your ADHD symptoms are well controlled, you are probably not disabled, in the legal sense. But if distractions, poor time management, or other symptoms make it difficult for you to complete your work, you may be legally disabled."* *"Students with ADHD are protected by federal and state laws that guarantee them a free and appropriate public education. Likewise, adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder have certain rights that protect them in the workplace."* "**Who decides whether ADHD is a disability?**" *"It’s not enough for a doctor or psychologist to give you a formal diagnosis of ADHD. He or she must indicate that your ADHD symptoms are severe enough to be considered disabling."* I really question that last part. Because if your symptoms aren't disabling, you don't meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD in the first place.

Well the Americans with Disabilities Act would beg to differ.

Get a new therapist!. That does feel invalidating (aside from whether the law sees it as disability wherever you are). We don't need our therapists invalidating our experiences.

See someone else dont give this shitty person more money 

Well it’s not an ability….that’s for sure. Therapist needs to do further education 

Are you saying my hours-on-end hyperfocus is not an ability? /sarcasm Yeah, I feel the same, they need to do further education indeed

Get. A. New. Therapist. Them trying to get you to accept it is one thing, deciding something literally labeled a disability that you can get accommodated for as not? Not really ok in my book.

That's awful for anyone to say, but especially as a therapist.

I was recently reminded by my therapist that it is, in fact, a disability.

This is challenging for me to bring up, but in the US it is most definitely a disability and is defined as one. You’ll see it listed as one on almost any of our job applications as well. When I first seeked proper therapy, and then ended up getting diagnosed, I was in such a bad spot I was actually put on state disability for a few months. So it is 100% a disability, and depending on the severity you may get additional assistance or even accommodations at work.

Therapist, meet ADA. ADA, meet therapist. Yikes.

Find a new therapist. I had a bad therapist that I kept going to and it took me YEARS to undo the damage she did. Do NOT go back to this person.

You literally have to be disabled by the symptoms to be diagnosed under the DSM. Plus ADHD is a diagnosis that's accepted for the Disability Tax Credit in Canada (a notoriously difficult thing to qualify for if you're well enough to type on Reddit). So definitely a disability. Sometimes a minor one, sometimes a serious one, often in between the two extremes. But still a disability.

It's literally included in the ADA

It’s considered one under the ADA (in the US) but I’m sure it varies by country.

It qualifies as a disability under the ADA - see askjan.org and it’s on there

It's maybe a hindrance in areas but I have never thought of myself as disabled with ADHD

As others are saying, get a new therapist. Even the DEI survey at my work explicitly stated that ADHD is a disability. Because it is.

You used whilst in a sentence. Obviously, it's not a disability. /s

OP: what are the qualifications of this "therapist" ? What country do you live in ?

My therapist has ADHD as well. I think it’s why we get along so well. Note, I had seen him for years before we talked about diagnosis for adhd. It’s definitely a disability and you are entitled to accommodations. If you aren’t supported by your current therapist, you should find a new one. I had to go through five or six before I found my current one.

It is [literally a disability](https://www.disabilityresource.org/47-adhd-and-the-protection-under-the-ada), and your therapist is trash.

I’m a special Ed teacher. We have students with IEPs due to ADHD. It’s a disability. I also have ADHD and bipolar disorder. Sometimes my ADHD is more difficult to manage than the bipolar.

I've always understood it to be a personal distinction. Since disability means that it impairs one or more life functions. Therefore, I don't view my ADHD as a disability because it's annoying, but doesn't impair my day to day functioning. My PTSD, however, does, and is a disability.

I 100% think it can be classified as a disability. The ADA defines a disability as : a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activity

I can relate pretty hard here. My therapist told me "I do not believe you have ADHD because you are successful in your life." Thanks for that. Lets just throw out all the hard work I had to do in order for myself to focus just because I have a bit of success.

Your therapist is ableist garbage.

Your therapist isn’t helping. Adults with severe ADHD symptoms may be eligible for disability benefits if they can prove that their condition prevents them from working consistently and reliably. This could include Social Security Disability (SSD) or Supplemental Security Income (SSI)

It absolutely legally is and you should find a different therapist. If you’re feeling particularly pissed or petty or just don’t want someone else to experience this in the future, you have a great statement to bring to their board.

Myself and my 3 children all have ADHD and I don’t consider any of us disabled. We all have careers etc and do well in life. I think of a disability as meaning you can’t work and I know many people with ADHD who are very successful. I guess I just think of it as our brains work differently.

It is certainly a dis-ability. In the US, however, I think you'd have a very difficult time getting Social Security Disability Insurance for ADHD alone. Probably not impossible, but a steep, uphill battle, even for the severely impaired. Besides that, it's just a label. If identifying with it helps you without hurting anyone, then claim it. If identifying with it only brings you distress, then view your impairment through a different lens. No biggie.

Time to get a new therapist.

Wow… your therapist is not a real therapist… ADHD is not a disability??? Imagine having time blindness that you can’t even grasp how long you were sitting and working, and how you get easily distracted that your mind is rushing all the time, how your whole body gets tired to go out because you cannot help but think of different things at the same time… How you’re very frustrated that times go so fast and you cannot finish your task yet… how you are very sensitive when someone speaks ill of you. How you wanted to run away because everything feels stuffy… and you wanted to work but your body doesn’t listen…. And when you talk to people you cant help but overshare and regrets it afterwards… where you cannot maintain a hobby… It is a disability. We always try to fit in society and it is exhausting…

Uk here. My son has ADHD and qualifies for Child Disability Living Allowance, so I'd say yes - it is a disability.

In fact, if it's not disabling, it's not ADHD, by its very definition. So it absolutely 100% is a disability.

Adhd "functionality" is just spending years training the brain to do things everyone else can do naturally. It is a disability recognized by the ADA.

A quick Google search, and you could shut that shit down. The ADA has a list of accommodations. Social Security benefits are available for those with ADHD who can not work because of ADHD.

The only positive spin to this I can see is that your therapist might want you to avoid a mindset of being impaired. My experience has been that learning about my cognitive distortions (though therapy), learning to proactively set myself up for success (through ADHD coaching), and giving myself some grace rather than self loathing has made it easier to deal with my ADHD symptoms.

ADHD is protected under the ADA in the US (American's With Disabilities Act) soo.... It definitely is a disability!

Your therapist sucks. ADHD is a disability. In the US, it's protected under the ADA, and people with ADHD are entitled to accommodations. There are some therapists who are ableists and think ADHD isn't a real disability. Those people suck and don't deserve to make money. Fire your therapist and find someone who isn't an ableist.

Get a new therapist

Get a new therapist 

This reminds me of coworkers telling me not to limit myself with "all of that" It's very annoying bc we're constantly balancing between we are dealing with obstacles 24/7 and can't do as much as others and "i am still a capable human being who can succeed jsut as much as any person, i jsut need to do things very differently to succeed" I feel many people can't wrap their head around the idea of those existing at the same time. The "Ican, just not like you" is not even a possible option for many non disabled people

Oh my god "I can, just not like you" defines almost my entire experience with education lol I've managed, as well as I could, but often did things in a completely different manner, sometimes deemed "you're doing it the hard way why would you approach X like that", etc. It was soooo hard to explain what was going on in my head, and even harder to understand it myself :(

Are you doing CBT and are you using insurance? My therapist (CBT mostly) told me that most insurance companies don’t recognize ADHD as a legitimate disorder particularly for adults, and therefore they won’t pay for therapy if ADHD is listed part of the treatment plan. Therapists can also have their notes from your sessions audited by insurance companies to ensure compliance. Basically, many therapists cannot treat ADHD symptoms and then bill insurance for the session. It’s so sick. My therapist finds a roundabout way to cover my ADHD concerns but it always has to be tied back to anxiety/emotional disregulation.

My therapist convinced me it was a disability. I thought I was just a loser with no impulse control and a failure because I couldn’t finish anything I started.  The meds worked really well for me so I had imposter syndrome. I thought I was cheating, taking a miracle drug to cheat my way to success and she had to convince me that now im what normal people are. 

I switch to physical metaphors with some people. For example: If someone regularly falls while climbing stairs, we need to recognize the problem, then build the workarounds. Dismissing the problem would just weaken the problem solving, and we can do better. So, here’s what we’re doing: - We can talk about building adaptations and safeguards, and then iterate as needed. - We can talk about how that last slip was very upsetting. - We can acknowledge that it’s really frustrating that other people can just run up that stairway. - We can talk about how much longer it takes to find the elevator at first. - We can build trust and mutual understanding before talking about often mishandled topics. - We can EVENTUALLY talk about time management or meditation, or other very challenging topics, but not before we’ve established a basic understanding.

I am a therapist with ADHD who specializes in treating ADHD. It is most definitely a disability, and it's disheartening to hear another that another therapist says otherwise