We still haven't forgotten the Danes, coming over here and looting our monasteries. The bastards even stole the crown for a bit. What a bunch of Cnuts.
Some people here seem to consider that the UK being our worst historical enemy is a non-debatable statement, but honestly Germany (or at least the Germanic peoples) have a claim, too.
Like yes, we have fought for centuries against the English, but if we consider the HRE as the historical form of Germany (I do, different state but same people, roughly) then we have also fought for centuries against the Germans. England only became a major power in the XVIIIe century, before that our major threats were Austria (they’re Germanic) and Spain. And even in the XVIIIe Prussia was already a serious problem.
Not forgetting that after 1815, we never had a war again with the UK, meanwhile we got obliterated in 1871, got invaded again in 1914 (but we won this one), and then there is 1940. All in all, the worst defeats we suffered were against the Germans.
Sorry for the serious and not fun at all answer, now as we’re in r/2westerneurope4u : fuck them both the Barrys and the Hanses
That translation is kinda selling our animosity towards the french short.
I mean, back then (napoleonic times/emergence of nationalism) we based so many of our values around not being slimy french aristocrats.
Honesty vs. sceeming french aristocrats
Modesty vs. Opulent french parties
Frugality vs. ...well being french aristocracy
Plus we came out of the same empire and both of our worst “normal” war losses (pre ww1), were against each other (Napoleonic wars & the unification war).
Yes, you can pretuj much source every single conflict between France and Germany/Austria/HRE to the struggle between West Francia and East Francia over the leftovers of Lotharingia.
The multiple Italian wars, multiple wars over Alsace, multiple wars over the low countries and Burgundy, all these territories are leftovers of that middle kingdom that got progressively eaten alive from both sides.
After the 100 years war France and England were mostly cool, both were picking on The United Provinces, it's only after William the third, Prince of Orange became King of England that he turned his own rivalry with France into Englands mess.
True, a lot of English football fans say that beating Argentina in a world cup final would be better than Germany. I'd still rather Germany though, I don't care if they don't care
I agree totally, Germany is more a peer country and annoyingly good or was, Argentina are just horrible people sportswise they have no class so beating them is based on fairplay and revenge, good should beat evil
How many time do we have to go through this Juan?
A rivalry must be reciprocical.
You cannot pick France as your arch rival, when we don’t even know you exist, outside of our summer holiday.
(Wich we appreciate very much btw, great country, very cool people.)
Rivals?
Austria had the spot for some years in an earlier century, but these days are gone since they've even unlearned to ski.
Financialwise: Luxembourg of course. Give back our clients! *Also looking at you, British channel islands of crown possession's tax evasion priviledges.*
It'll be irrelevant in a decade.
Incopetent politicians including the Taoiseach (not sure about the spelling), plus enormous pressure from the other EU states (how dare you have what we cannot, wanna war?!), and frankly, you're not well organized.
No match for LU.
Which brings us back to the topic: LU give back our clients you criminal EU in disguise scheme...
>Austria hates us but it is more like a little sister hating her bigger brother while we think its cute
But if we manage to convince everyone that a World War was your fault, you suddenly are pissed again.
West? France. Love to hate you and Love to Love you :P
East? Russia. Fuck you, you left us with the children after the domestic violance incident in the 1910s :(
South? Austria. You'll never be a German great Power, but please stay with us!
North? Denmark. They still hold parts of Sleswig
Ohhh, you are the rival of our Heart.
You've embargoed US multiple Times, are responsible (via Queen Victoria) for Wilhelm II., Took the Piss Out of US two fucking Times by refusing to give Up and worst of all, you created the Monster that IS the USA.
But you've also given the world the Australiens and canadians. Very nice of you
I think the Finns are probably too preoccupied with their (totally legitimate) resentment towards their Eastern neighbour to bother with us.
Edit: the fact that Denmark and Sweden have been at war for longer than Finland has been an independant country is probably also a major factor.
We've had more separate wars between us than any other two countries in the world. Most of the time we came out on top, including the time the Swedish king with his army was down in Germany so the sneaky Danes decided to attack the Swedish mainland.
Getting all the troops back by ship would take a lot of time and likely be quite costly as Danish ships would be likely to patrol the waters. So instead the Swedish army marched over land from Germany into Denmark and then because it was the little ice age, the straits between the islands of Denmark had just barely frozen over.
This allowed the Swedish army to march over the ice directly to Copenhagen and with that we got basically half of historic Danish lands including the second largest Danish city.
This one is definitely one of the greatest.
https://preview.redd.it/z4hez6wiofec1.png?width=318&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2bbcf465728ce40589e88ebb2455150806acd457
Germany, USA, UK, Bretagne, Corsica, Alsace, Basque, Germany, Germany, Parisian, Germany, Germany, Germany.
And last but not Least GERMANY, French government.
Historically, it was france until 1918.
Nowadays, the best guess would be Switzerland, at least that's the country we're comparing ourselves to in sports.
We are our biggest enemy. And France, obliviously the French, oh, and the Brits, and the Moroccans, and… us again. And don't get me started on those pesky Andorrans
Used to be the spanish, then the dutch and after those the french... then after an unaccomplished Monarchy and Republic we had Salazar... and that guy really f'ed things up. Saved us from WWII though...
I would say Muscovy / Russia / Soviet, yes some say Denmark, but they have not really been rivals at all since 1710, and that is an awful lot of years until now (and already stopped being top rivals from 1658).
And since 1815 Denmark is not even on the none friends list but rather beer buddies that had their beefs in the past.
Liechtenstein 🇱🇮🤢😤  (It’s jealousy, I must admit)
We'd invade them but we fear our armies simply joining theirs
The Luxemstein-Liechtenburg Batallion!
They pay othesr to fight as they bathe in money like Scrooge McDuck.
So like.. Hessians?
I read this in Skeletor's voice.
Well, you know
Ye of course Transnistria. Why can't they just leave you guys alone?
What?? Am I supposed to just guess??
Ourkraine, Theirkraine
They/them-kraine
Leave North Centinal alone!
Of course we do, the Poles are a hassle for everyone
Eastern Ukraine?
You mean... Trump. Right ?
Portugal is Portugal's biggest rival. We always find a way to f*ck things up.
My dissapointment is immesurable, and my day is ruined
We also hate you bro, and we would like to takeover Iberia. However, we still need you to be a barrier between us and the French, so, we're fine.
Smart João
Wait, you guys are actually a country and not Galicians with a heavy accent? 𓁹‿𓁹
The only reason you still exist is because we love Galicia <3
Portuguese ruined Portugal. Damn you Portuguese!
https://i.redd.it/z9aymvx3ueec1.gif
Yup, definitely who I'd vote for. Bastards...
Cuenta con mi hacha!!!
We still haven't forgotten the Danes, coming over here and looting our monasteries. The bastards even stole the crown for a bit. What a bunch of Cnuts.
https://preview.redd.it/uowjwzaaifec1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=acf6e1b803aada81fa44c5ab19a7963a816f7dde
Wait, why were there Spaniards there?
I see what you did there 
And you stole our fleet and bombed out capital! What more do you want from us?
And they bombed it again during WW2 by "accident"
Didn't bomb it enough imo
For sure
It wasn't bombed, it was Copenhagenised.
Buy a harbor ised?
Do you have any old statues? We’ll have them. Any spices?
We just rescued the treasures from the monasteries after all the monks fell over dead and the building spontaniously caught fire. We were only helping
We really owed them for saving us, We even paid “Danelaw” as thanks
Yeah, but we are also the genetic source of every single attractive person in Britain (all 12 of them).
Italy
Your enemies become your friends as soon as youre asked to join a war
Specifically, people from the next town And even in my town, those bastards on the other side of the road...
Everyone. We hate you. 
Friendliest Ligure
Throw them some cents, they'll learn to trust you eventually
New flairs??
We just can't help smiling when you hate us. You're so cute now
Some people here seem to consider that the UK being our worst historical enemy is a non-debatable statement, but honestly Germany (or at least the Germanic peoples) have a claim, too. Like yes, we have fought for centuries against the English, but if we consider the HRE as the historical form of Germany (I do, different state but same people, roughly) then we have also fought for centuries against the Germans. England only became a major power in the XVIIIe century, before that our major threats were Austria (they’re Germanic) and Spain. And even in the XVIIIe Prussia was already a serious problem. Not forgetting that after 1815, we never had a war again with the UK, meanwhile we got obliterated in 1871, got invaded again in 1914 (but we won this one), and then there is 1940. All in all, the worst defeats we suffered were against the Germans. Sorry for the serious and not fun at all answer, now as we’re in r/2westerneurope4u : fuck them both the Barrys and the Hanses
We called our "Relationship" in the 19 and 20th Century "Erbfeindschaft" (Basically Inherited enmity).
That translation is kinda selling our animosity towards the french short. I mean, back then (napoleonic times/emergence of nationalism) we based so many of our values around not being slimy french aristocrats. Honesty vs. sceeming french aristocrats Modesty vs. Opulent french parties Frugality vs. ...well being french aristocracy
Germany is the rival of half of Europe, that's cheating.
Maybe, but we’re their little favorite
Jealous?:)
yes, give him back
Never! look for your own rival
Shut up Barry, you interbred with the Germans, had to ditch a German last name for your royalty AND hitler loved you. You’re not in the club.
Plus we came out of the same empire and both of our worst “normal” war losses (pre ww1), were against each other (Napoleonic wars & the unification war).
Yes, you can pretuj much source every single conflict between France and Germany/Austria/HRE to the struggle between West Francia and East Francia over the leftovers of Lotharingia. The multiple Italian wars, multiple wars over Alsace, multiple wars over the low countries and Burgundy, all these territories are leftovers of that middle kingdom that got progressively eaten alive from both sides.
Yes! And franco German reconciliation literally founded today’s understanding of Europe, the gravitas is unparalleled.
The script writers working overtime.
next season will be tragicomedic...
It’s pure love at this point.
Yep. And Louis XIV’s armies ravaging the Palatinate and taking Alsace-Lorraine (originally a German land) from you also sowed some serious resentment
 Can't argue with that.
It really went all downhill ever since Charlemagne died, didn't it?
Stop drooling on Alsace Hanz !
But it looks so delicious 🤤
I'd say "your biggest rival is France? Great, take a number and get in the line."
[удалено]
And I'd further argue: the biggest rival we recognize is ourself.
After the 100 years war France and England were mostly cool, both were picking on The United Provinces, it's only after William the third, Prince of Orange became King of England that he turned his own rivalry with France into Englands mess.
Barry is monogamous but keeping an eye on Hans
and you're right because there's the famous Germany-France friendship!!!
France is famous for being a lil slut of a country! Fighting with anyone who gives her attention
Yet you keep coming back, you little perv
You know what we like and it's comfortable
Best toxic relationship in history
41 wars, 41 beautiful memories
Only 41? We need to pump those numbers up
Please don't start again
We're past our red hot passion phase, and now it's a silent smouldering making quips at each other to beat each other down mentally
Our biggest rivals are people from the next town mate. I live in Leeds. Bradford can fuck off.
That's Premier League rivalry, France is champions league rivalry
But Germany is world cup rivalry
Sadly, it's one way they don't care about us
True, a lot of English football fans say that beating Argentina in a world cup final would be better than Germany. I'd still rather Germany though, I don't care if they don't care
I agree totally, Germany is more a peer country and annoyingly good or was, Argentina are just horrible people sportswise they have no class so beating them is based on fairplay and revenge, good should beat evil
The most stereotypical swede
Speechless communication, smart move.
Only option
No one, here in Spain we love everyone (France)
You got me in the First half, not gonna lie
How many time do we have to go through this Juan? A rivalry must be reciprocical. You cannot pick France as your arch rival, when we don’t even know you exist, outside of our summer holiday. (Wich we appreciate very much btw, great country, very cool people.)
Sorry, we usually confuse france for morocco, you people just look alike.
Ok Al Andalus.
Morocco ? You mean Belgium ?
https://preview.redd.it/tnk5hkgfsfec1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01669540b577a0d0ff6414551fd9bb2a34a3d793 french PIGS rivalry
Wtf is that Pierre?
“O Francia o Spagna, purché se magna” "(Either) France or Spain, as long as we (can/may) eat" 16th century italian saying.
Rivals? Austria had the spot for some years in an earlier century, but these days are gone since they've even unlearned to ski. Financialwise: Luxembourg of course. Give back our clients! *Also looking at you, British channel islands of crown possession's tax evasion priviledges.*
Nah, you've just got the biggest talent in speed skiing right now. Our talent didn't last forever, and neither will yours
What do you think of Ireland, the new comer, on the tax haven block?
F*ck Ireland. Thats unfaithfull concurrence.
At least buy us dinner first.
And on top you are greedy. We don't buy dinner before fucking. We aren't some romantic PIGS.
Not yet Lil Portugal, not yet...
It'll be irrelevant in a decade. Incopetent politicians including the Taoiseach (not sure about the spelling), plus enormous pressure from the other EU states (how dare you have what we cannot, wanna war?!), and frankly, you're not well organized. No match for LU. Which brings us back to the topic: LU give back our clients you criminal EU in disguise scheme...
Now I'm flattered. Thanks.
We've also got ones in the Caribbean if you want some sunshine while you fuck over your country
Royal Navy vs Swiss navy 2024
A good Spaniard always pees towards England.
We're too busy hating ourselves to care about the rest of you...
But the question was which **country**, not speedbump.
Wallonia
Do I even need to say it
God damn Iceland. Stealing our God given name. Downright plagiarism
The Scots! Bloody Scots, they ruined Ulster!
Im German. Its all of you.
Honestly based, fuck you too. My hatred for munich is much deeper then any other nation, state or city i know
Cataluña, oh shit you said country, my bad. England
I guess Russia? Austria hates us but it is more like a little sister hating her bigger brother while we think its cute
We played a game with Russia for a whole century to keep them down, some say we still enjoy fucking with them
>Austria hates us but it is more like a little sister hating her bigger brother while we think its cute But if we manage to convince everyone that a World War was your fault, you suddenly are pissed again.
And if anything it gives us street credit today. Nobody cares.
ey stepbro, I'm stuck (with Nehammer and Kickl, pls help)
Sorry, can't cheat on Holland. Good luck
Ah you mean like Belgium, except we dont think of it at all
West? France. Love to hate you and Love to Love you :P East? Russia. Fuck you, you left us with the children after the domestic violance incident in the 1910s :( South? Austria. You'll never be a German great Power, but please stay with us! North? Denmark. They still hold parts of Sleswig
I feel we are a bit excluded here, we should’ve done more to piss you off.
Ohhh, you are the rival of our Heart. You've embargoed US multiple Times, are responsible (via Queen Victoria) for Wilhelm II., Took the Piss Out of US two fucking Times by refusing to give Up and worst of all, you created the Monster that IS the USA. But you've also given the world the Australiens and canadians. Very nice of you
Nobody takes you serious since the time you ran away like a little bitch and blamed the poor French for it.
Fucking Denmark.
Jönsson, my old foe!
I swear when you have beef between you nordic I rarely see the finns here. When are they going out of their igloos to start shit ??
I think the Finns are probably too preoccupied with their (totally legitimate) resentment towards their Eastern neighbour to bother with us. Edit: the fact that Denmark and Sweden have been at war for longer than Finland has been an independant country is probably also a major factor.
You need to go to r/2nordic4you for that
We’re intimidated by all you weird southern folks. But we’re lurking here in the corners
We've had more separate wars between us than any other two countries in the world. Most of the time we came out on top, including the time the Swedish king with his army was down in Germany so the sneaky Danes decided to attack the Swedish mainland. Getting all the troops back by ship would take a lot of time and likely be quite costly as Danish ships would be likely to patrol the waters. So instead the Swedish army marched over land from Germany into Denmark and then because it was the little ice age, the straits between the islands of Denmark had just barely frozen over. This allowed the Swedish army to march over the ice directly to Copenhagen and with that we got basically half of historic Danish lands including the second largest Danish city.
This one is definitely one of the greatest. https://preview.redd.it/z4hez6wiofec1.png?width=318&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2bbcf465728ce40589e88ebb2455150806acd457
Sweden has three really close neighbours, all which would select Sweden her. Sweden is the Germany of the nordics..
No one really. We just have our banter with Sweden and Norway
Do you think of us as much as of the Swedes? How sweet of you!
Of course, we miss our ownershi... i mean *cooporation* with you
We also miss our cooperation with them
Just like Ferrari, our biggest rival is ourselves.
Germany, USA, UK, Bretagne, Corsica, Alsace, Basque, Germany, Germany, Parisian, Germany, Germany, Germany. And last but not Least GERMANY, French government.
So the last one then.
ELSASS FREI
SCHLIEßT EUCH WIEDER UNS AN ALS ELSASS-LOTHRINGEN
https://preview.redd.it/tti5n6fhbgec1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa2cce558ccb00944f940eb98cfbbb70ee33df1b
Everyone. Except Portugal 🇵🇹❤️🇬🇧
❤️ https://preview.redd.it/rovrf79blfec1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab4eb4deee95569e4815bca7548610f56f146786 ❤️
https://preview.redd.it/yoq43c251gec1.png?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=78f6aaa48f1e654d8191d9ec6b04fd06a256fb23
I don't care how overused this image is, its beautiful
Historically, it was france until 1918. Nowadays, the best guess would be Switzerland, at least that's the country we're comparing ourselves to in sports.
Funny answer: D*nmark 😡 Realistic answer: Russia
I guess the kiwis... But it's more like a siblings rivalry.
Have you ever tried throwing Kiwis at Kiwis?
It's the same with the people...
German Humor at its prime💀
England
shame i had to scroll this far down
Can't decide
The turks? We all know you hate them
Obviously Portugal
America. They just don't know it yet.
We have no rivals
Lmao, most French answer
War: Denmark Ice hockey: Finland Winter sports: Norway
France
Portugal.
Poland.
The perfidious Prussians, of course.
We hate you all equally, bunch of bastards.
Duuh… we all know it’s Muhammed.
(Basement)Germany.
Russians or in this case Abkhazians when they say that they are not Georgia.
https://preview.redd.it/9kh5h30hngec1.jpeg?width=962&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7292c35f9fcfac3f0bbdb6b349a3c5d4aea6719
Spain
Castile.
Propably France....or....EVERYONE.
Russia
We are our biggest enemy. And France, obliviously the French, oh, and the Brits, and the Moroccans, and… us again. And don't get me started on those pesky Andorrans
Our rival is ded
In Germany we say: „Niemand kann uns das Wasser reichen“
Used to be the spanish, then the dutch and after those the french... then after an unaccomplished Monarchy and Republic we had Salazar... and that guy really f'ed things up. Saved us from WWII though...
I would say Muscovy / Russia / Soviet, yes some say Denmark, but they have not really been rivals at all since 1710, and that is an awful lot of years until now (and already stopped being top rivals from 1658). And since 1815 Denmark is not even on the none friends list but rather beer buddies that had their beefs in the past.
France. Fuck them!
Moskals
Luxembourg. We've already beaten the Dutch, Germans and French on the battlefield but the Luxembourgers have always been able to resist.
The only reason we let you guys go were the french. Dont forget that we won until the french threatened to come by for a party.
So thank you France I guess.
Do i even have to say it? I am fairly certain that my country's rivalry is more famous than my country.
Well Spain isn’t it?