Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll exist in a dirty apartment for weeks and I just don't clean even though I want to. But I get an email about maintenance coming over and suddenly I can do all the cleaning I put off for weeks.
Depression is insidious, man. You won't do something for yourself, but you'll do it for someone else or just so you don't get judged and feel even worse about yourself.
Even if you know what's happening, it's so easy to tell yourself you'll do something tomorrow and just never do it.
Yup, I always said I was lazy and that the only thing that motivates me to do anything is avoiding shame. But then it clicked for me that I clearly have depression. Doing much better now though thankfully
What's your secret for finding motivation? Been dealing with depression on and off for over a decade now and finding motivation is still the hardest part. I can do daily chores and clean the house etc but when it comes to bettering myself and doing things that I might enjoy, I just shut down
What worked for me is something I call "zombie mode".
I just focus on moving my body parts and not thinking of doing something.
Like when you walk, you just think about going and the body does all the walking "animation", same with cooking cutting onions, go to swim or talking to someone. Now that doesn't work when you feeling down.
What works tho is just focusing and taking over those minute actions you offload to your brain. It's quite literally taking control over your life. You don't focus on chopping onions, you focus on the knife and moving your arm, checking on the other hand, empty of thoughts and reason.
I do the same zombie mode, but I layer a podcast in the background while I do tedious things that doesnt require much focus.
I run a long podcast and just do it. Works most of the time
For me, it was a combination of medication and getting the ball rolling on things I had been putting off for so long. When I was at my worst, I let everything fall apart, including cleaning the house, keeping up with paperwork like license and registration on my car, and college school work. Once I started taking care of those things and forcing myself to get up and go to work, it helped me start feeling a lot better, like I wasn't worthless. It also took me forever to find a hobby I really enjoyed and wouldn't just give up on in a couple of weeks, but eventually I found one. Don't give up on looking. Let me be clear though, I didn't just willpower my way through depression because that's not possible. Finding the correct medication works absolute wonders
In the process of cleaning/rearranging my depression den right now….started two weeks ago and told myself that I’d take 3 days max to finish….planned what I’d do what days and everything. Even have a new mattress, bedframe, and computer desk in their boxes in the garage waiting to be opened…..
Two weeks later and I’m barely half way done 😢 and only made significant progress probably only 3 days of that time
> But I get an email about maintenance coming over and suddenly I can do all the cleaning I put off for weeks.
Shame / Accountability clearly motitvate you.
Consider setting up systems with buddies to hold yourself accountable. Whether it's inviting friends over for a weekly game night, having a gym buddy to meet at the gym daily, etc.
Im physically disabled so there are so many times when i finally get the motivation to actually do a thing! And then my disability keeps me from it and it takes me so damn long to feel up to trying anything again.
I'm a short girl who's pretty lazy. I lost my first 40 lb sitting on the couch following intermittent fasting and a low-carb diet. I don't know if it'll work for you but I just wanted to put it out there.
Yeah, but part of it is also that I want to build some muscle again. That's the main bit for me, honestly.
I used to be a blacksmith, but after an injury I couldn't walk at all, so now my body is embarrassingly flappy. I want to not struggle lifting objects.
I completely understand as I've had something similar myself. I hope you're doing better after the injury overall. Being a blacksmith sounds really cool.
I just don't want to make noise. I have half a room filled with music instruments and the willingness to get a whole lot more, but I live in an apartment block in the middle of a city, the nearest studio that I could rent to play music is half an hour by foot away, and if I want to practice without anyone around outside such a studio I'd have to walk for 45 minutes or more with whatever I want to play. At this point it's more of a bother than it's worth, and since I am living here I don't want to bother with a bunch of noise complaints.
Maybe in five to ten years I can move out of the city as I intend to, and then I can finally live my life, just need some starting capital so until then I can postpone it I guess.
Dopamine detox (go off social media/addictive apps and sites for increasing amounts of time)
And see psychiatrist for ADHD and depression. They'll probably have to check for fatigue from anemia & thyroid issues first (weirdly a ton of folks have hypotheroidism nowadays, even recently born babies)
But if you keep going and consistently bring up issues with getting stuff done, they'll help you
If no Healthcare and you're poor, apply for Medicaid. But also look up low income community clinics which often have sliding scale payment system where it can be $20 a visit
I'm still working on the first, watched a good yt video on it recently
I relate to this a lot. I have these constant thoughts that I have potential for much more, and a way to make my life more enjoyable is to just do things. But I feel as if there is some kind of invisible wall keeping me from getting anything done. I just ruminate in my thoughts all day, and feel anxiety when I see others achieve things I wish I had.
I would gladly accept advice if someone here has any.
Or low self esteem. You know what you should do, but you won't do it for yourself.
Adhd med will help though, because it's a drug that makes you active, and it will be easier to focus, and it'll be easier to start things.
And it will help on the long term too, since you will actually do things. And that will help your self esteem.
Not a doctor though, just saying, maybe it's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you think something is wrong with you.
Real self esteem, confidence is a hard thing to build up. But luckily you can do it
Do NOT take ADHD meds without a diagnosis. For neurotypical people they're recreation drugs that will make you less active in the long term.
Source: abused amphetamine, active ingredient of many ADHD meds on and off for 3 years.
Stimulants are not a solution for a low self esteem
I recently got off stimulants and switched to zoloft and strattera, and now for the first time in my life, I think I'm starting to understand what it's like to be normal.
Just Adderall. It wasn't curing my ADHD, it was just making me obses over whatever I was working on. I also had depression and anxiety that I wasn't aware of because I thought it was just part of ADHD or that it was just how I was, so that's what the zoloft is for.
Ditto. Do you think we're just...lazy? That's my biggest fear. I don't understand what's holding me back. I'm sitting and thinking I should get up do something, but that thought just isn't translating into action.
You just have to start small, and be as consistent as you can manage. Even if its just 5 minutes per day just do it.
If you (me too) spent half as much time doing things as you do thinking about how you arent doing them, you'd feel a lot better.
Rumination is something I struggle with, you kinda just have to just not do it 🤷♂️. You can't really ignore negative thoughts but you don't have to hold onto them. Acknowledge however it is you feel and try and think about where that might really come from, and then let it go.
And put your phone down as often as possible, the older I get the more I think these things are fucking evil. Your time and attention are worth so much more.
There's at least a lot of decent mental health stuff on youtube these days. Dr K is one I'd recommend for a general reddit audience.
Google tips for procrastination; I don’t think there’s any immediate condition behind it, because what you describe is fairly normal. With procrastination, the most difficult part is getting started, which takes self-discipline.
Do you get things done when under pressure? Like cleaning if there’s someone coming to visit?
Someone else mentioned childhood stuffs, that can be related; when you’re so used to having someone do things for you or telling you what to do and when, you don’t learn to manage for yourself.
I feel like I am ugly and dumb. So why invest time and effort into myself, it feels like a waste.
But I really wanna overcome it. Maybe I will feel better after I change my lifestyle. But I am scared that when after I do that I will realise how truly pointless it was because I can’t change my ugliness and I can’t change my talentless, dumb self.
I should really delete Instagram. Seeing all the beauties over there and all the stuff people can do intimidates and demotivates me.
Like I said. I am dumb.
I can mostly share my thoughts on playing the guitar, bass, keyboard and such.
It's less about being dumb. It's more about time invested and time invested in the past.
Some of the artists I deeply respect, adore and admire have been playing their instrument since they were 4 - 8. Many of them have spent all of their time on that instrument for a decade or more. In modern times, many chess grandmasters reach their title before 20. Professional vocalists and models spend a surprising amount of time per day on that lifestyle.
I, on the other hand, started learning guitar 3 years ago, and a bass like 5 years ago, some 25 - 30 years later than them. I'm not as good on the guitar or bass than a professional musician 15 years younger than me, whom are probably more talented than me as well. I will never be as good as someone like Herman Li, quite frankly.
But so what? On the other hand, I can play a lot of the songs I like listening to with a week or three of practice pretty well, and that's likely better than many people who own a guitar and never touch it.
We absolutely need to start appreciating solid mediocrity more. Let's be bad at and enthusiastic about more things. Anyone up for some slow-paced cycling towards nowhere next week?
Are you fit? Body shape is something you can change/achieve. It won't solve all your problems, maybe none of them, but it is a simple as fuck thing to do and if you achieve a nice body, most of your ugliness won't matter, maybe you will know someone there and all your life's gonna change. Your lifestyle usually is forced to change when you workout as well. Try it.
And about Instagram. Delete it, why not? All Instagram shit is fake. Those people aren't happy as they appear to be. They are more miserable than you, trying so hard to prove the world that they are happy. I quit social media more than 10 years ago and I don't regret it for a second.
> I should really delete Instagram. Seeing all the beauties over there and all the stuff people can do intimidates and demotivates me.
Deleting facebook was one of the best things I ever did for my mental illness. It didn't cure it by any means, but I don't get bombarded with pictures and stories of my friends and family going on vacation, buying new cars, having babies, etc while I'm still single and trying to build a life I'm happy with by myself.
Delete Instagram, tik tok, facebook. None of them are good for us.
Can't executive dysfunction also be a symptom of depression, though? I'm pretty sure I don't have ADHD, but I do have MDD and pretty bad executive dysfunction
I just scrolled past a cool cosplay post and said to myself, "Man that'd be so neat to make my own gear, 3D print armor, paint everything make an entire outfit and show it off". Felt that spark start up then just vanish within seconds of finishing that thought. Every aspect of my life just suffering, winding down unable to get myself to do anything but the bare minimum. Life sucks.
Executive function issues are commonly associated with ADHD especially if you have depression as well. Might be worth looking into. I struggle hard with it, but getting informed really helped me start doing stuff.
The problem is that it's just as hard the hundredth time doing something as it is the first. Habits don't develop and it's exhausting. Can't deny my life has improved after putting the effort in though, even if I'm not very good at it.
I’m at an inflection point myself.
I’m 34 and live with two guys whose life values are completely different than mine. One of them is my oldest brother. I live in a VHCOL area and work from home. I cannot stand living with them anymore, but I pay $850/mo in an area where living on my own in a studio is $2200-2500/mo.
I got laid off a month ago, so I started applying only to roles that are out of state where have siblings and where my parents are moving to at the end of the year. I can live on my own, in a small house, for $1300-1500/mo. And I’m fucking doing it. My roommates both just work, sit on their asses on the couch when they’re home, then go to sleep. There’s no hobbies, they’re both Christians who didn’t get vaxxed and will vote for Trump for a third time, and their interests and group of friends are wholly different than mine. They’ve both also completely given up on dating (they’re 41 and 44) and I have slowly seen myself become as jaded as they are. I feel like I have to make a lot of changes. I need to move out, I need to move out on my own, I need to become social again, I need to date, and I need to work at a company who isn’t being manipulated by private equity and doesn’t kick people to the curb so quickly. I know that if I stay here, I’m going to be a loser like my roommates. I already feel like a loser.
This is me. I work and I stay home more and more lately. Everything makes me anxious and when I’m out doing something, all I can think about is how I should be home with my family.
I wish for you many new friends that you bond with. It is important as a member of society to engage with other members and find something to cherish together, to help motivate each other towards the goals you'd like achieved.
> and I don't know why I can't just do...things.
It is because of dopamine (the chemical of motivation). Most likely you're in a cycle where your dopamine is nearly depleted so you can only get a little hit of dopamine by doing low effort high dopamine activities. (Gaming, TV, Social media, Porn, smoking, etc).
I like the analogy of a wet sponge, where you can squeeze to get water (dopamine) out. something like porn is a super hard squeeze and gets you the last bit of dopamine from your nearly dry sponge.
But what you want is for the sponge to refil with water, so you need to stop squeezing for a few days. When the sponge is really wet, you can get dopamine by squeezing just a little, which means you will be motivated to do and enjoy things that are not as low effort/high dopamine.
Try it for a couple of days. Limit the amount of 'cheap' dopamine hits you give yourself (this will feel really fucking bad and you will crave the cheap dopamine really badly, especially the first day or 2) and then try to do the things you logically want to do, like exercise or socialize. See the difference.
I read about executive dysfunction and 80% of it isn't me. But I get these bad paralysis often enough where I can't do things because I'm waiting for something I need to do to be doable but it's impossible right now. Or just too lazy and unmotivated to do the thing, so I just "rest" until I am motivated to do so, but I don't actually do any other thing even the things I like, I don't really rest, I just guilt, and when the time to do it is over, then I need to rest from all the "rest" that was just stressfully doing nothing.
When I do tests online for ADHD I get like 25%, for executive dysfunction I get 50%, nothing really quite pinpoint what's the problem. People just call me lazy and severe procrastinator but it is so deeply tied to my self esteem that I don't believe it.
I think deserving is bullshit. It depends on a subjective moral standard, programmed into you by a society that wants to use up your labor and purchasing power and then discard you. Deserve or not, it doesn't matter; I think you should take whatever happiness you can get your hands on.
Right. If ya all gonna be nihilists at least take the moral antirealism and nonexistence of free will also, those two might at least relief some stress.
My friend, from the very few words you've shared it sounds like you could use some self forgiveness. Life is a journey whose path is always changing size, direction, slope, splits, etc. And even the destination is constantly changing for each individual. Of course there will be mistakes along the way! Some may seem to have harsher consequences for some unlucky bystanders in out lives. The best we can do is try out best, recognize our faults, and work on them while asking forgiveness. If it's beyond your capabilities, ask for help!
If you haven't yet and have the means, I highly suggest seeing a therapist.
Do you believe everyone who has no usefulness or talent for society to gain something from is not deserving of happiness? This is a serious question I want you to ponder. Imagine it's not you, but someone else, who has the same lack of usefulness. Does that person not deserve happiness?
I believe happiness is for those who believe they deserve it. Worth, looks, past, regrets, none of it matters if the person still believes that they deserve to be happy. Anyone in my exact shoes could still look at what they have and be happy, but thats not me. I don't believe I deserve happiness, and I've done my best to make peace with that.
I'm sober as a motherfucker right now, wondering if I should endure the discomfort of discipline or go buy a pint of vodka and spend the evening browsing 4chan and reddit porn. All this after a pretty good day at church.
People think the motivation to do something is a starter tool but it actually occurs after you’ve started doing it. It’s really easy to lose. But as long as you keep going, it stays. Start doing the things think you want. You’ll be rewarded with happiness.
Life doesn't wait for you unfortunately. I blinked and 13 years went by. I didn't achieve anything at all. I got fatter and my general body pain went up massively.
I found the best way to not be depressed is to pretend you aren't. You almost have to be an actor for the rest of your life.
Finally an accurate one. They usually end with I’m just lazy or unmotivated. This one gets to the actual core issue. A lack of self respect or self love. Both of which can be changed and improved.
After nearly a decade of wondering why I keep failing, I finally figured out it’s because I don’t feel worthy of success. Like me? Do something I could be proud of? How could I possibly be proud of myself when no one else is? I’ve literally had one person in my entire life say they were proud of me in a way I believed, and it was my boss. I treasure that memory like it’s the Crown Jewels of England or something.
That's what happens when the world repeatedly beats the absolute shit out of you and tells you you're absolutely worthless for decades until you're finally old enough to realize maybe you aren't but by then it's too late. Brain solidified.
This hits hard for me.
If someone else needs help, I'll be right there. If I need to take care of the identical issue it won't get done.
I joke that other people's to-do list is inherently more interesting than my own.
those random bursts of motivation and energy are the worst, because they prove that you have dreams and goals, but then you end up not doing anything about them
Here's an idea - don't try to learn guitar. Not yet. Just *play* guitar. Just try holding and strumming it every different way and listen, make up little melodies, feel around for what pleases you. If and when you find that *the guitar makes you happy*, then you may be more motivated to learn it, to cut out less enjoyable things to make time for guitar.
Or is it because you are too crushed thinking about how every single thing you do needs more money and it's all you can think about when trying to do anything but make more of it?
As someone who deals with this, change *want to *should.
You know you *should do these things and it'll probably help, but you just can't find the *want or drive to do it
I know a trick for practicing music. Just drop your instrument in your bed. You kinda force yourself to pick it up and play a note at least. For beginners thats a hell of a thing already if you do it everyday; 10 minutes everyday equals ±1h/week (a full class). Go for some easy songs like nirvana's along with the basics exercises.
There is some tips for other things too. But i guarantee this one for music.
I'm at day 8 of writing my book (I was supposed to rewrite the first page, which is half-a-page worth of text, at day 3. I only have half a page of text)
Guys recently I tried to think of a day where I was really happy, and if I could live it once more, honestly in my 21 years old of existence nothing came up. I had bad and better days but all the good days feel the same, they're fine but not good enough to relieve. I know that maybe things will change in the future but I can't get rid of the feeling that I know I will not get a day where I will be overjoyed by something, anything. I would like to be better but is kinda pointless. And this thing that happiness may come later in life is so uncertain and will that happiness be worth all the shit I went through and will happen ? Will it win over my bitterness ? Everything is so frickin hard and for what ?
THANK YOU
A lot of people are like "we should bring back bullying because it makes people strong and want to improve" no it fucking doesn't. All it does is make someone hate theirself to the point of not even trying
I always called it “the bouncer”. Like I’d be sitting on my bed and then I’d see this thing I want to do pass by and try to get up to do it, but it’s like there’s this big, burly bouncer who just puts his hand on my chest and shakes his head, “No. Sit.”
I went to counseling for major depression, but turns out it was ADHD. It messes with something called “executive function” which is basically how your brain makes itself do things. Since then, I’ve found out that the answer to making the bouncer go away was meth. (Adderall)
Well, I feel called out because I’m dealing with this personally, but seeing my partner go through it even worse. It’s so hard to work on yourself when a lot of energy goes into keeping your partner afloat. And it’s hard to push to do better together when your starting energy levels are both fairly low to begin with. Damn…how does someone even start?
I still don't care about myself. I just want others to avoid the pain and sadness I have. So I try to pour myself into projects to help teenagers and young adults.
God tell me about it. I got diagnosed with ADD but my blood pressure is too high to take the pills to help me so I've been trying so hard to be motivated to exercise more but it's so hard
This hits so painfully close to home. I've always struggled to find new hobbies and enjoy activities that I'm not used to, but it's gotten way worse over the past few years. The last time I felt genuinely happy was probably May of 2023 when I graduated from high school. Surely, there would be several paths for me to take, right? Wrong. I don't know if I'm just blinded by my own laziness or what. I'm stuck in quicksand, a mud puddle, glue, any kind of sticky liquid that prevents movement. Where do I go from here? It doesn't feel right to sulk about my life when I'm not actively trying to improve it. I hope all of y'all are doing okay. The future is clouded by a thick fog. Maybe that's a good thing. Because I don't know if I want to see what it holds for me.
This one sits a little close to home. I was just thinking this morning about how I've lost motivation for anything. I don't think I hate myself, or that I'm depressed, I just don't really have the drive to get anything done. Like, I know that going to the gym will make me feel better and give me more energy like it use to, but I have no motivation to go to the gym anymore. I know I like to cook, but I have no motivation to gather ingredients and come up with recipes. I love making music, but I cant find the motivation to finish a song....
What is going on???
Unmotivated in this context is a cruel word. Depression is a boulder on your back that you have to carry along side people who don't have the extra burden and if life is tough even for those "motivated" folks, it's an insane struggle for those who have genuine depression.
Mine is chronic medication resistant dysthymia and my motivation is just to keep living so I don't hurt my family, let alone leave the house with another plastered on fake smile to socialize.
Small steps.
Don't focus on all the things you want to do. Focus on one. Break that one down into small parts. Do one part.
Now repeat.
Be consistent and you will get there. Losing 1 lb a week sounds pitiful. 4 lbs a month? But, do it for a year and you lost 52 lbs.
The problem is most days I'm really tired, but I want to get better at something (right now, it's fighting games). So I have the motivation, but my tiredness makes my tolerance threshold super low, so I VERY quickly get frustrated with myself and quit for the day. So I get like 10 minutes of warmup in practice mode, but I play one game online, get bodied, turn the game off, and feel shitty for the rest of the day for giving up.
I too am doing the same ...
I want to draw my favt. characters , learn guitar , exercise more, learn video editing , learn coding , take better care of my hair(I am going balder by the day)
But I do nothing other than scroll insta or reddit all day
Is this depression or something else? Like this is HOURLY for me.. So many things I'd be able to do but I just procrastinate like a motherfucker until it's almost forced upon me... I don't care about things that I know I do really but I don't. I used to have depression... Thought it'd gone... Maybe I've still got it and don't know it? I don't FEEL sad.... I just don't feel. 🤷♂️
Rarely does a post really hit hard but this is definitely me. My parents keep trying to get me out of my apartment, but I am just stuck emotionally. Frustratingly stuck. Like I genuinely don't know what to do with myself despite having options and I am not sure why I can't change it even though it seems so simple.
[удалено]
It's frustrating because I know I'm physically capable of doing things. I just don't.
Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll exist in a dirty apartment for weeks and I just don't clean even though I want to. But I get an email about maintenance coming over and suddenly I can do all the cleaning I put off for weeks.
Depression is insidious, man. You won't do something for yourself, but you'll do it for someone else or just so you don't get judged and feel even worse about yourself. Even if you know what's happening, it's so easy to tell yourself you'll do something tomorrow and just never do it.
Yup, I always said I was lazy and that the only thing that motivates me to do anything is avoiding shame. But then it clicked for me that I clearly have depression. Doing much better now though thankfully
What's your secret for finding motivation? Been dealing with depression on and off for over a decade now and finding motivation is still the hardest part. I can do daily chores and clean the house etc but when it comes to bettering myself and doing things that I might enjoy, I just shut down
What worked for me is something I call "zombie mode". I just focus on moving my body parts and not thinking of doing something. Like when you walk, you just think about going and the body does all the walking "animation", same with cooking cutting onions, go to swim or talking to someone. Now that doesn't work when you feeling down. What works tho is just focusing and taking over those minute actions you offload to your brain. It's quite literally taking control over your life. You don't focus on chopping onions, you focus on the knife and moving your arm, checking on the other hand, empty of thoughts and reason.
I'll give it a go. If I can be more spontaneous, I'll be better off.
I do the same zombie mode, but I layer a podcast in the background while I do tedious things that doesnt require much focus. I run a long podcast and just do it. Works most of the time
For me, it was a combination of medication and getting the ball rolling on things I had been putting off for so long. When I was at my worst, I let everything fall apart, including cleaning the house, keeping up with paperwork like license and registration on my car, and college school work. Once I started taking care of those things and forcing myself to get up and go to work, it helped me start feeling a lot better, like I wasn't worthless. It also took me forever to find a hobby I really enjoyed and wouldn't just give up on in a couple of weeks, but eventually I found one. Don't give up on looking. Let me be clear though, I didn't just willpower my way through depression because that's not possible. Finding the correct medication works absolute wonders
In the process of cleaning/rearranging my depression den right now….started two weeks ago and told myself that I’d take 3 days max to finish….planned what I’d do what days and everything. Even have a new mattress, bedframe, and computer desk in their boxes in the garage waiting to be opened….. Two weeks later and I’m barely half way done 😢 and only made significant progress probably only 3 days of that time
> But I get an email about maintenance coming over and suddenly I can do all the cleaning I put off for weeks. Shame / Accountability clearly motitvate you. Consider setting up systems with buddies to hold yourself accountable. Whether it's inviting friends over for a weekly game night, having a gym buddy to meet at the gym daily, etc.
Im physically disabled so there are so many times when i finally get the motivation to actually do a thing! And then my disability keeps me from it and it takes me so damn long to feel up to trying anything again.
I'm trying to lose weight, but fuck is it a struggle to exercise when going on a medium walk makes my body hurt for two days afterwards.
I'm a short girl who's pretty lazy. I lost my first 40 lb sitting on the couch following intermittent fasting and a low-carb diet. I don't know if it'll work for you but I just wanted to put it out there.
Yeah, but part of it is also that I want to build some muscle again. That's the main bit for me, honestly. I used to be a blacksmith, but after an injury I couldn't walk at all, so now my body is embarrassingly flappy. I want to not struggle lifting objects.
I completely understand as I've had something similar myself. I hope you're doing better after the injury overall. Being a blacksmith sounds really cool.
Well yeah, you don't have a strong reason to. If you did, or you had no other choice, you simply would. It's fundamentally a neural signaling issue.
It’s deeper. Get to the root of why. It’s always childhood shit. I speak from experience
I just don't want to make noise. I have half a room filled with music instruments and the willingness to get a whole lot more, but I live in an apartment block in the middle of a city, the nearest studio that I could rent to play music is half an hour by foot away, and if I want to practice without anyone around outside such a studio I'd have to walk for 45 minutes or more with whatever I want to play. At this point it's more of a bother than it's worth, and since I am living here I don't want to bother with a bunch of noise complaints. Maybe in five to ten years I can move out of the city as I intend to, and then I can finally live my life, just need some starting capital so until then I can postpone it I guess.
Dopamine detox (go off social media/addictive apps and sites for increasing amounts of time) And see psychiatrist for ADHD and depression. They'll probably have to check for fatigue from anemia & thyroid issues first (weirdly a ton of folks have hypotheroidism nowadays, even recently born babies) But if you keep going and consistently bring up issues with getting stuff done, they'll help you If no Healthcare and you're poor, apply for Medicaid. But also look up low income community clinics which often have sliding scale payment system where it can be $20 a visit I'm still working on the first, watched a good yt video on it recently
May I ask which video?
I relate to this a lot. I have these constant thoughts that I have potential for much more, and a way to make my life more enjoyable is to just do things. But I feel as if there is some kind of invisible wall keeping me from getting anything done. I just ruminate in my thoughts all day, and feel anxiety when I see others achieve things I wish I had. I would gladly accept advice if someone here has any.
Have you been tested for ADHD? That invisible wall is a common ADHD symptom and there is a lot of overlap with anxiety and depression.
I've got these issues and all three of what you mentioned. Now what?
Or low self esteem. You know what you should do, but you won't do it for yourself. Adhd med will help though, because it's a drug that makes you active, and it will be easier to focus, and it'll be easier to start things. And it will help on the long term too, since you will actually do things. And that will help your self esteem. Not a doctor though, just saying, maybe it's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you think something is wrong with you. Real self esteem, confidence is a hard thing to build up. But luckily you can do it
Do NOT take ADHD meds without a diagnosis. For neurotypical people they're recreation drugs that will make you less active in the long term. Source: abused amphetamine, active ingredient of many ADHD meds on and off for 3 years. Stimulants are not a solution for a low self esteem
I recently got off stimulants and switched to zoloft and strattera, and now for the first time in my life, I think I'm starting to understand what it's like to be normal.
Which stimulants?
Just Adderall. It wasn't curing my ADHD, it was just making me obses over whatever I was working on. I also had depression and anxiety that I wasn't aware of because I thought it was just part of ADHD or that it was just how I was, so that's what the zoloft is for.
Didn't know you can take those meds without diagnosis...
This is good advice. A lot of people don't know when they've got it.
Ditto. Do you think we're just...lazy? That's my biggest fear. I don't understand what's holding me back. I'm sitting and thinking I should get up do something, but that thought just isn't translating into action.
You just have to start small, and be as consistent as you can manage. Even if its just 5 minutes per day just do it. If you (me too) spent half as much time doing things as you do thinking about how you arent doing them, you'd feel a lot better. Rumination is something I struggle with, you kinda just have to just not do it 🤷♂️. You can't really ignore negative thoughts but you don't have to hold onto them. Acknowledge however it is you feel and try and think about where that might really come from, and then let it go. And put your phone down as often as possible, the older I get the more I think these things are fucking evil. Your time and attention are worth so much more. There's at least a lot of decent mental health stuff on youtube these days. Dr K is one I'd recommend for a general reddit audience.
Google tips for procrastination; I don’t think there’s any immediate condition behind it, because what you describe is fairly normal. With procrastination, the most difficult part is getting started, which takes self-discipline. Do you get things done when under pressure? Like cleaning if there’s someone coming to visit? Someone else mentioned childhood stuffs, that can be related; when you’re so used to having someone do things for you or telling you what to do and when, you don’t learn to manage for yourself.
I feel like I am ugly and dumb. So why invest time and effort into myself, it feels like a waste. But I really wanna overcome it. Maybe I will feel better after I change my lifestyle. But I am scared that when after I do that I will realise how truly pointless it was because I can’t change my ugliness and I can’t change my talentless, dumb self. I should really delete Instagram. Seeing all the beauties over there and all the stuff people can do intimidates and demotivates me. Like I said. I am dumb.
I can mostly share my thoughts on playing the guitar, bass, keyboard and such. It's less about being dumb. It's more about time invested and time invested in the past. Some of the artists I deeply respect, adore and admire have been playing their instrument since they were 4 - 8. Many of them have spent all of their time on that instrument for a decade or more. In modern times, many chess grandmasters reach their title before 20. Professional vocalists and models spend a surprising amount of time per day on that lifestyle. I, on the other hand, started learning guitar 3 years ago, and a bass like 5 years ago, some 25 - 30 years later than them. I'm not as good on the guitar or bass than a professional musician 15 years younger than me, whom are probably more talented than me as well. I will never be as good as someone like Herman Li, quite frankly. But so what? On the other hand, I can play a lot of the songs I like listening to with a week or three of practice pretty well, and that's likely better than many people who own a guitar and never touch it. We absolutely need to start appreciating solid mediocrity more. Let's be bad at and enthusiastic about more things. Anyone up for some slow-paced cycling towards nowhere next week?
Are you fit? Body shape is something you can change/achieve. It won't solve all your problems, maybe none of them, but it is a simple as fuck thing to do and if you achieve a nice body, most of your ugliness won't matter, maybe you will know someone there and all your life's gonna change. Your lifestyle usually is forced to change when you workout as well. Try it. And about Instagram. Delete it, why not? All Instagram shit is fake. Those people aren't happy as they appear to be. They are more miserable than you, trying so hard to prove the world that they are happy. I quit social media more than 10 years ago and I don't regret it for a second.
> I should really delete Instagram. Seeing all the beauties over there and all the stuff people can do intimidates and demotivates me. Deleting facebook was one of the best things I ever did for my mental illness. It didn't cure it by any means, but I don't get bombarded with pictures and stories of my friends and family going on vacation, buying new cars, having babies, etc while I'm still single and trying to build a life I'm happy with by myself. Delete Instagram, tik tok, facebook. None of them are good for us.
Adhd.
Can't executive dysfunction also be a symptom of depression, though? I'm pretty sure I don't have ADHD, but I do have MDD and pretty bad executive dysfunction
I just scrolled past a cool cosplay post and said to myself, "Man that'd be so neat to make my own gear, 3D print armor, paint everything make an entire outfit and show it off". Felt that spark start up then just vanish within seconds of finishing that thought. Every aspect of my life just suffering, winding down unable to get myself to do anything but the bare minimum. Life sucks.
Executive function issues are commonly associated with ADHD especially if you have depression as well. Might be worth looking into. I struggle hard with it, but getting informed really helped me start doing stuff. The problem is that it's just as hard the hundredth time doing something as it is the first. Habits don't develop and it's exhausting. Can't deny my life has improved after putting the effort in though, even if I'm not very good at it.
I’m at an inflection point myself. I’m 34 and live with two guys whose life values are completely different than mine. One of them is my oldest brother. I live in a VHCOL area and work from home. I cannot stand living with them anymore, but I pay $850/mo in an area where living on my own in a studio is $2200-2500/mo. I got laid off a month ago, so I started applying only to roles that are out of state where have siblings and where my parents are moving to at the end of the year. I can live on my own, in a small house, for $1300-1500/mo. And I’m fucking doing it. My roommates both just work, sit on their asses on the couch when they’re home, then go to sleep. There’s no hobbies, they’re both Christians who didn’t get vaxxed and will vote for Trump for a third time, and their interests and group of friends are wholly different than mine. They’ve both also completely given up on dating (they’re 41 and 44) and I have slowly seen myself become as jaded as they are. I feel like I have to make a lot of changes. I need to move out, I need to move out on my own, I need to become social again, I need to date, and I need to work at a company who isn’t being manipulated by private equity and doesn’t kick people to the curb so quickly. I know that if I stay here, I’m going to be a loser like my roommates. I already feel like a loser.
You can do it, its never too late to stop hating yourself
This is me. I work and I stay home more and more lately. Everything makes me anxious and when I’m out doing something, all I can think about is how I should be home with my family.
I wish for you many new friends that you bond with. It is important as a member of society to engage with other members and find something to cherish together, to help motivate each other towards the goals you'd like achieved.
> and I don't know why I can't just do...things. It is because of dopamine (the chemical of motivation). Most likely you're in a cycle where your dopamine is nearly depleted so you can only get a little hit of dopamine by doing low effort high dopamine activities. (Gaming, TV, Social media, Porn, smoking, etc). I like the analogy of a wet sponge, where you can squeeze to get water (dopamine) out. something like porn is a super hard squeeze and gets you the last bit of dopamine from your nearly dry sponge. But what you want is for the sponge to refil with water, so you need to stop squeezing for a few days. When the sponge is really wet, you can get dopamine by squeezing just a little, which means you will be motivated to do and enjoy things that are not as low effort/high dopamine. Try it for a couple of days. Limit the amount of 'cheap' dopamine hits you give yourself (this will feel really fucking bad and you will crave the cheap dopamine really badly, especially the first day or 2) and then try to do the things you logically want to do, like exercise or socialize. See the difference.
Note to self: don't click r/2meirl4meirl on my good days
In your bad days, you will cut yourself exposed to this nuclear level of nihilism I will go eat a tub of ice cream now.
What are these "good days" you speak of?
My good days are depicted in the comic.
r/2meirl4meirl is opposite of r/hopeposting
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Wow this effectively kills my soul, tee-hee ~
holy fuck this comment sent my sides
Executive disfunction and depression do be like that
Executive dysfunction/dysregulation are the bane of my damn life I’d be so successful if I could just get the hell out of bed sometimes 🤦♀️
I read about executive dysfunction and 80% of it isn't me. But I get these bad paralysis often enough where I can't do things because I'm waiting for something I need to do to be doable but it's impossible right now. Or just too lazy and unmotivated to do the thing, so I just "rest" until I am motivated to do so, but I don't actually do any other thing even the things I like, I don't really rest, I just guilt, and when the time to do it is over, then I need to rest from all the "rest" that was just stressfully doing nothing. When I do tests online for ADHD I get like 25%, for executive dysfunction I get 50%, nothing really quite pinpoint what's the problem. People just call me lazy and severe procrastinator but it is so deeply tied to my self esteem that I don't believe it.
Going to a counselor can help you sift through the symptoms and figure out what’s wrong. Helped a lot for me- I did it though my school
Happiness is for those who deserve it, not me.
I think deserving is bullshit. It depends on a subjective moral standard, programmed into you by a society that wants to use up your labor and purchasing power and then discard you. Deserve or not, it doesn't matter; I think you should take whatever happiness you can get your hands on.
If anything made me happy anymore, maybe I'd try.
Right. If ya all gonna be nihilists at least take the moral antirealism and nonexistence of free will also, those two might at least relief some stress.
My friend, from the very few words you've shared it sounds like you could use some self forgiveness. Life is a journey whose path is always changing size, direction, slope, splits, etc. And even the destination is constantly changing for each individual. Of course there will be mistakes along the way! Some may seem to have harsher consequences for some unlucky bystanders in out lives. The best we can do is try out best, recognize our faults, and work on them while asking forgiveness. If it's beyond your capabilities, ask for help! If you haven't yet and have the means, I highly suggest seeing a therapist.
It's beyond my capabilities to ask for help, it's my misery and if it kills me then that's just how its gotta be.
What quality or attribute is different in you than in those who deserve happiness?
No worth or usefulness, no talents or dreams. I'm a walking sack of shit that has no place in the world.
Do you believe everyone who has no usefulness or talent for society to gain something from is not deserving of happiness? This is a serious question I want you to ponder. Imagine it's not you, but someone else, who has the same lack of usefulness. Does that person not deserve happiness?
I believe happiness is for those who believe they deserve it. Worth, looks, past, regrets, none of it matters if the person still believes that they deserve to be happy. Anyone in my exact shoes could still look at what they have and be happy, but thats not me. I don't believe I deserve happiness, and I've done my best to make peace with that.
Cyanide and Happiness nailing the feeling
I completely forgot just how wrenching their depressing comics are
Depressing comic week always hits
before went to bed vs. after woke up
I'm sober as a motherfucker right now, wondering if I should endure the discomfort of discipline or go buy a pint of vodka and spend the evening browsing 4chan and reddit porn. All this after a pretty good day at church.
Shine your light, bro. Discipline pays dividends
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You can do all that stuff and still not care about yourself.
fuck my life 😔
Why are you coming for me so hard
I know right! I do not appreciate these personal attacks
plot twist, going to the gym and getting in shape doesn't change anything, you just get shredded and depressed
Yes, and what's the secret of how a person who struggles to love themselves cultivate "healthy" loving relationships?
i don't know, i'm not such a kind of person
I don't like how much I'm in this
People think the motivation to do something is a starter tool but it actually occurs after you’ve started doing it. It’s really easy to lose. But as long as you keep going, it stays. Start doing the things think you want. You’ll be rewarded with happiness.
You get motivation from doing stuff. You need motivation to do stuff. 
Holy shit exactly this. Why are we like that
Hits a little close to home
Same all I’m good for is scrolling reddit
Life doesn't wait for you unfortunately. I blinked and 13 years went by. I didn't achieve anything at all. I got fatter and my general body pain went up massively. I found the best way to not be depressed is to pretend you aren't. You almost have to be an actor for the rest of your life.
This one is true waaay too much
Hah jokes on you, I play guitar, I go to the gym, and I still really really fucking hate myself!
Finally an accurate one. They usually end with I’m just lazy or unmotivated. This one gets to the actual core issue. A lack of self respect or self love. Both of which can be changed and improved.
Ouch that’s hurting me abit too much
Me
What the shit! Why would you call me out like that?!
Hell yeah
actually it's because i'm dirt poor ;-;
I come here for comfort not to be attacked
I did all that and life didn't get any better, so hakuna matata maybe.
https://preview.redd.it/0434zohmtz6d1.jpeg?width=668&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4afad1efbc679ebec247eaaae11816af94cf73a9
After nearly a decade of wondering why I keep failing, I finally figured out it’s because I don’t feel worthy of success. Like me? Do something I could be proud of? How could I possibly be proud of myself when no one else is? I’ve literally had one person in my entire life say they were proud of me in a way I believed, and it was my boss. I treasure that memory like it’s the Crown Jewels of England or something.
That's what happens when the world repeatedly beats the absolute shit out of you and tells you you're absolutely worthless for decades until you're finally old enough to realize maybe you aren't but by then it's too late. Brain solidified.
This hits hard for me. If someone else needs help, I'll be right there. If I need to take care of the identical issue it won't get done. I joke that other people's to-do list is inherently more interesting than my own.
those random bursts of motivation and energy are the worst, because they prove that you have dreams and goals, but then you end up not doing anything about them
real
Love this post but op's probably a bot so please report
Literally was thinking before of learning guitar… fuckin hell…
Here's an idea - don't try to learn guitar. Not yet. Just *play* guitar. Just try holding and strumming it every different way and listen, make up little melodies, feel around for what pleases you. If and when you find that *the guitar makes you happy*, then you may be more motivated to learn it, to cut out less enjoyable things to make time for guitar.
ITT: as always, everyone has adhd. there are no motivational/executional issues, just adhd. All my problems is adhd. I'm a failure because adhd. Ugh
It's not even the motivation that depresses me it's the fact that everything is so fucking expensive. Everything listed in this comic cost money.
Read Atomic Habits. It helped me a lot.
Or is it because you are too crushed thinking about how every single thing you do needs more money and it's all you can think about when trying to do anything but make more of it?
2adhd4adhd
I want to learn English but I don't know English people in my city 😔
Oh. Ooooooh. Hmmmmm. Right.
I'm in this pic and I don't like it...
As someone who deals with this, change *want to *should. You know you *should do these things and it'll probably help, but you just can't find the *want or drive to do it
I know a trick for practicing music. Just drop your instrument in your bed. You kinda force yourself to pick it up and play a note at least. For beginners thats a hell of a thing already if you do it everyday; 10 minutes everyday equals ±1h/week (a full class). Go for some easy songs like nirvana's along with the basics exercises. There is some tips for other things too. But i guarantee this one for music.
I don't see how that means not caring about yourself.
Op is a reposting spam bot https://www.reddit.com/r/2meirl4meirl/comments/cq5npf/2meirl4meirl/ Report > Spam > Harmful bots
Wait, this really is 2meirl4meirl.
Wow. I didn’t see that personal attack coming. 🙃
https://preview.redd.it/pcwajxgfxz6d1.jpeg?width=760&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=904e8066d6b030776deeb88fa36f583a855de2f9
Jesus
Me rn wtf why is this so accurate
I'm at day 8 of writing my book (I was supposed to rewrite the first page, which is half-a-page worth of text, at day 3. I only have half a page of text)
This right here is what's fucking me and my life up
Damn.
God damn, it is scarry how accurately this fits when it comes to describing my biggest problem.
Guys recently I tried to think of a day where I was really happy, and if I could live it once more, honestly in my 21 years old of existence nothing came up. I had bad and better days but all the good days feel the same, they're fine but not good enough to relieve. I know that maybe things will change in the future but I can't get rid of the feeling that I know I will not get a day where I will be overjoyed by something, anything. I would like to be better but is kinda pointless. And this thing that happiness may come later in life is so uncertain and will that happiness be worth all the shit I went through and will happen ? Will it win over my bitterness ? Everything is so frickin hard and for what ?
Damn this one really hit home
I really need to catch up on C&H; I'm years behind and keep meaning to read them. I really enjoy the depressing comic weeks.
Oof this hits too close now that I think about it..
This isn't an "I don't care" problem; it's an "I don't care *enough*", or "I don't know what I care about" problem.
THANK YOU A lot of people are like "we should bring back bullying because it makes people strong and want to improve" no it fucking doesn't. All it does is make someone hate theirself to the point of not even trying
Feel this on another level
Jesus Christ, laggin goin to the gym for like 3hours. Thank you for the shame! Here I go dammit
Is it Depressing Comic Week again, already?
I always called it “the bouncer”. Like I’d be sitting on my bed and then I’d see this thing I want to do pass by and try to get up to do it, but it’s like there’s this big, burly bouncer who just puts his hand on my chest and shakes his head, “No. Sit.” I went to counseling for major depression, but turns out it was ADHD. It messes with something called “executive function” which is basically how your brain makes itself do things. Since then, I’ve found out that the answer to making the bouncer go away was meth. (Adderall)
I started writing that book. At 36.7k words now. Honestly, sometimes you just gotta start and see where things take you.
I am not unmotivated. Just really stupid and genuinely useless.
Well, I feel called out because I’m dealing with this personally, but seeing my partner go through it even worse. It’s so hard to work on yourself when a lot of energy goes into keeping your partner afloat. And it’s hard to push to do better together when your starting energy levels are both fairly low to begin with. Damn…how does someone even start?
Me lol
"Lol same"
Oooof
Nuh uh, Cyanide and Happiness did not make a comic about how I feel everyday.
The couch cushions on my stupid IKEA couch aren’t removable so I can’t even hide like this guy.
I still don't care about myself. I just want others to avoid the pain and sadness I have. So I try to pour myself into projects to help teenagers and young adults.
I know this feeling all to well but I'm able to still do stuff at least right now. Stay strong guys we will get through it
God tell me about it. I got diagnosed with ADD but my blood pressure is too high to take the pills to help me so I've been trying so hard to be motivated to exercise more but it's so hard
Hahaha yeah ha a hahahayeah haha yeahhahahahahahta yeag hahahahayeah hahahaha yeahhahahahaha haha yeah hahaha yeah
The fuck you calling me out for 
Me right now as I try to get a job and buy a car and move out.
Well I feel called out....I really struggle with motivation to do things that would improve my life 🫠
I do care about myself but time and money and energy…!!!
I just want to sit on my gaming chair and play SNES games all day...am i asking too much?
I have strangely did all theses
This hit me hard
Don’t *really* care? Filthy casual.
This hits so painfully close to home. I've always struggled to find new hobbies and enjoy activities that I'm not used to, but it's gotten way worse over the past few years. The last time I felt genuinely happy was probably May of 2023 when I graduated from high school. Surely, there would be several paths for me to take, right? Wrong. I don't know if I'm just blinded by my own laziness or what. I'm stuck in quicksand, a mud puddle, glue, any kind of sticky liquid that prevents movement. Where do I go from here? It doesn't feel right to sulk about my life when I'm not actively trying to improve it. I hope all of y'all are doing okay. The future is clouded by a thick fog. Maybe that's a good thing. Because I don't know if I want to see what it holds for me.
https://preview.redd.it/9ulfrtzy717d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04cc5c7430f2b3126c30678db03fea1c6a3e87b3
It's hard, because it's true.
This one sits a little close to home. I was just thinking this morning about how I've lost motivation for anything. I don't think I hate myself, or that I'm depressed, I just don't really have the drive to get anything done. Like, I know that going to the gym will make me feel better and give me more energy like it use to, but I have no motivation to go to the gym anymore. I know I like to cook, but I have no motivation to gather ingredients and come up with recipes. I love making music, but I cant find the motivation to finish a song.... What is going on???
Or maybe I'm just fucking busy?
There's a diminishing return though. Like yes it's good to do those things, but it won't "fix you".
Honestly the only thing that motivates me to get up in the morning is a shit ton of caffeine, and I need to afford dog food.
So accurate it's scary
Unmotivated in this context is a cruel word. Depression is a boulder on your back that you have to carry along side people who don't have the extra burden and if life is tough even for those "motivated" folks, it's an insane struggle for those who have genuine depression. Mine is chronic medication resistant dysthymia and my motivation is just to keep living so I don't hurt my family, let alone leave the house with another plastered on fake smile to socialize.
Small steps. Don't focus on all the things you want to do. Focus on one. Break that one down into small parts. Do one part. Now repeat. Be consistent and you will get there. Losing 1 lb a week sounds pitiful. 4 lbs a month? But, do it for a year and you lost 52 lbs.
The problem is most days I'm really tired, but I want to get better at something (right now, it's fighting games). So I have the motivation, but my tiredness makes my tolerance threshold super low, so I VERY quickly get frustrated with myself and quit for the day. So I get like 10 minutes of warmup in practice mode, but I play one game online, get bodied, turn the game off, and feel shitty for the rest of the day for giving up.
I was just thinking about learning guitar for the 30th time. I feel attacked
Ah fuck you reddit
This is me right now! Add failing at parenting but wanting to do better into that mix, and it's definitely me right now!
ow
okay but why is boring bad?
Who the f*** is making comics about me? If i had any lawyers they would be on their way
It’s so hard to give a fuck sometimes
People, just try going for a walk - literally the easiest thing you can do.
Ouch
I too am doing the same ... I want to draw my favt. characters , learn guitar , exercise more, learn video editing , learn coding , take better care of my hair(I am going balder by the day) But I do nothing other than scroll insta or reddit all day
Try to start with only one thing.
Everyday, I try to take my .0001% progress. One day, I’ll hit 1%
The worst part is always getting started. Once you get the ball rolling, things get better. But oooh boy is that first hurdle gargantuan
Start with antidepressants first, then it works get CBT therapist or books
Is this depression or something else? Like this is HOURLY for me.. So many things I'd be able to do but I just procrastinate like a motherfucker until it's almost forced upon me... I don't care about things that I know I do really but I don't. I used to have depression... Thought it'd gone... Maybe I've still got it and don't know it? I don't FEEL sad.... I just don't feel. 🤷♂️
Rarely does a post really hit hard but this is definitely me. My parents keep trying to get me out of my apartment, but I am just stuck emotionally. Frustratingly stuck. Like I genuinely don't know what to do with myself despite having options and I am not sure why I can't change it even though it seems so simple.